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Hold On

Yesterday I went to get my hair cut. I wanted to cut it all off again, like I did in 2014, but my daughter talked me out of it. While I was getting my hair cut, a song came on the radio station they were playing in the salon. Right as it came on I heard my guidance say, “Pay attention to the song.” So I did and smiled when I recognized the song. It was a song I use to listen to my senior year in high school. The song was Hold On, by Wilson Philips.

The song happened to be one that I was listening to around the time when I was having conversations with myself about my future. I was feeling isolated and alone and finally prayed to God to send me someone to love. Though I was not aware of having guides at that time, I did receive answers. I thought I was talking to myself and left it at that. My answer at the time was that it would be a very long time before I would meet “the One”. It wouldn’t be until my 30’s (to a 17 year old this is a looooong time). I remember crying about waiting so long and that is when I prayed to find someone sooner.

At the time, the song Hold On, was not in the forefront of my mind. I didn’t look for signs or synchronicities at that time. I didn’t even know what a synchronicity was then. But when I came home from the salon and read the lyrics to the song my heart flipped-flopped in my chest. I laughed at my Team thinking,”Oh wow. Are you kidding me?”

Dream: The Little Engine that Could

It was a sunny and warm day. The sun was bright overhead and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. I waited near a railroad track with others of my own age group. We were all probably 10-12 years old. One member of my group laid down on the track. I remember thinking it looked comfy. I warned him that the train would run over him if he stayed there. Then we heard the whistle of the train, he got up and we boarded it. The train was only the engine part, though. There were not any train cars attached to it. It was one of those steam engines and reminded me of the story The Little Engine that Could.

peacock.jpg

Dream: Going to Prison

From the train dream I shifted into another dream where I was entering into an enclosure with a handful of other women. It was a low security prison with low fences and appeared more like a home than an institution.

We went through processing where we were each given blue shirts and pants. Then we met our prison guards, both women, and were taken into our living quarters where we were shown the kitchen. It was explained that because we were in the 4-5 group that we would have our food prepared for us each day. Once we got into the upper level groups we would have to prepare our own food.

After some time passed I received news that my sister from Alaska had requested a transfer to my prison. I was excited and shared the news with everyone but the guards were suspicious. When I met her, she looked just like me.

My sister seemed to disappear from the dream at that point and then I was learning that the guards who normally watched my group would be gone. As we waited for a breakfast of pancakes, my attention went to the back fence. In the distance I saw a beautiful white peacock flying down from the sky, its wings and tail spread. As I watched, it crossed over the prison fence and landed. When it landed it morphed into a woman wearing a jacket and a skirt that resembled a folded up peacock tail. The skirt was not white, though, it was tan.

The woman approached me and I saw her clearly. She had blonde hair but her hair was long on one side and super short on the other. In her hand she held a handgun. One guard saw her and alerted the other guard but the peacock women seemed almost to have magical abilities because she instantly immobilized the guard that came toward her. The male guard in the tower shouted something at her but did not advance.

Then the woman spoke to me. I don’t recall all the words spoken but I do recall seeing in front of me images representing our conversation. In the image was a young man with dark hair who I identified as my friend/boyfriend. He was standing a short distance away and seemed to be glowing in yellow light. The information passed on to me was that he would be away for three days. I kept thinking he was in Alaska but in the discussion I mentioned that his time zone was a hour ahead of mine and so the time for him would pass faster. I saw the time as 11:00 and knew he was ahead of me. I kept focusing on the three days and it seemed like an eternity to me. The woman said to me, “Just hold on for one more day.” Hearing this peaked my lucidity and I became emotional. I began to cry and woke up in tears.

I was able to recover from my upset fairly quickly. The song Hold On was going through my mind.

Interpretation

The first dream is giving encouragement, saying, “You can do this” via the story of the Little Engine that Could.

The second dream represents how I am feeling: Imprisoned in my life situation. It is a low security prison, which to me symbolizes that I am not feeling overly restricted. The sister from Alaska is representative of the me from that time in my life. That time in my life was similar to this time in many ways. The peacock symbolizes Spring, birth, new growth, longevity and love. The peacock turns into a woman. Her hair stands out to me here and I see her as being representative of an integrated or Whole version of myself. She is carrying a gun and helping me to break out of the prison. Her message is a significant one – one of hope and perseverance.

 

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Dreams

It’s been a very active week for dreams. Most are from one night and I awoke feeling very positive. The last one is from this morning and I woke feeling very pessimistic, probably because I woke up like every 2 hours throughout the night and didn’t sleep very well.

Dream 11-8-16: Preparing for Dinner 

I was with my family (soul family) at a beautiful retreat with rolling hills and a crystal clear creek running through the middle. We were preparing to meet for dinner. I recall that part of this preparation was to clean the grounds, meaning get any debris cleared away. I was scanning the area and saw a clump of leaves caught up in a bush. I cleared them away. There was quite a bit of time spent at this point looking for leaves.

Then, I went toward the main house which I never saw in the dream. I remember walking through the crystal clear, cool water. It was up to my waist and quite refreshing and enjoyable. There was interaction with others at this time but I cannot recall anyone except my dog Trooper, who was jumping and frolicking in the water and running up and down the hill barking. I remember shooing him away a few times because he was doing what he did as a puppy and nipping at my ankles. At one point he swam in the water with me. He loved to swim.

The next thing I knew I was inside the house with a few others. The main one I remember interacting with was a woman who I thought of as a mother figure. There was also a man who stood behind me the whole time I was there. The woman showed me a tray with five Cornish game hens all prepped for cooking. In recalling how they looked, they were super tiny and already appeared cooked. I remember doing the math and reminding her that she was short one, referring to my child. She told me that he could share with me. As she put them into the oven I saw the time was 2pm and asked her how long it would take to cook them. She said, “Just about an hour.” I realized this meant they would be done at 3pm and way too early. I said, “But then they will be ready too soon. Dinner is at 5.” She didn’t seem to care, though.

When I woke up from this dream it was 4am and I felt rested and wide awake. I actually felt very calm and happy.

Dream 11-8-16: Fishing Down Under 

I traveled to an island which we referred to as “Australia” but I recognized right away that it was symbolic of the subconscious mind. Me and two companions, a man and woman, traveled out on the ocean in a very small, fragile boat. The man and woman had fishing rods and were casting their lines into the ocean. I watched and did not fish. There was fear here of accidentally catching something too big and then not knowing how to handle that without sinking the boat.

The woman’s line went taunt and I grabbed it to help guide in the fish. I saw beneath the ocean the silhouette of a killer whale and held my breath. How was she going to get him on the tiny boat? We would surely sink!

Then the man was helping me guide the huge whale onto the beach. We must have successfully reeled it in. The woman was gone. The killer whale did not look like a killer whale, though. Instead he was brown and it appeared as if his lungs had been pulled from the inside out to where his face would have been. It was grotesque. We decided to throw it back before it died. My main feeling here was, “Now that we’ve got it, what do we do with it??”

Dream 11-8-16: Our Song 

I spent the entirety of this dream with a dark haired man who I was very in love with. I never left his side. We stayed close and enjoyed one another’s company like two love birds. There was a special song I was singing to him throughout the dream. I can’t remember it now, but in the dream I was playing a game with him using the song. The game was that when I sang the song we got to show each other how much we loved each other. The main issue here was that when I would sing the song and we would get close, my daughter would interrupt and we would have to stop. It wasn’t annoying and we laughed about it, but it happened throughout the dream more times than I could count. We never got to show each other how much we loved each other because of her interruptions.

Dream 11-9-16: Match

I was invited to participate in a match game. Similar to the Bachelor except that both men and women were choosing partners. When I got there people were already paired off and I had no one. This didn’t bother me much. I talked with some of the people, a woman especially who had paired with a man. Both of them were much larger/fatter than I was and had dark hair. I had no one there and so just made the best of it. I remember telling the woman that I was just going to focus on being healthy and start back on my diet to lose some weight.

Then we were all asked to clock in. We were given tickets we had to punch and stood in line. I punched my ticket and then it ripped. I was told I would have to punch my card again but I never did.

As we were leaving we all went our separate ways. I began to head one way saying where I was from and a man said, “Then you need to go that way.” I said, “Oh, okay” and went in the direction he was pointing. I walked down the street and noticed someone was following me. It was a dark hair man. He had two small dolls in his hands. One was female and the other male. The male doll was all blue and muscular and looked like an action figure. I remember wondering why the man was following me and not being sure I wanted him to and was a bit annoyed. The man dropped the dolls on accident and picked them up. For some reason I kept thinking they had no heads but when I looked, they did.

 

 

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Shoe Troubles

Something really weird happened at work today. I was given the job of crossing guard as soon as I arrived to work. So, I set off to my assigned location. On the way, my foot felt strange. I looked down and saw that one side of my shoe was flaring out. When I got to my location, I inspected it closer and saw that the entire sole had broken off and part of the toe was exposed. The shoe was falling apart! I didn’t have a walkie or my phone with me so I had to play crossing guard for 20 minutes with a shoe that was barely staying together. Then, halfway through, the other shoe started to do the same thing! By the time I hobbled back into the office both shoes were nearly in shreds. I had to take them off and go to my first class lesson in my socks! Thankfully, it was with kindergartners and they didn’t notice. No one did really. My husband, bless him, brought me another pair of shoes without hesitation despite it making him late for work. 🙂

The strange thing is, these shoes were practically brand new. I rarely wore them and they were a good quality shoe. When I looked at them closer I noticed that the sole was literally disintegrating! It was so brittle that pieces of it crumbled in my hands as I inspected the shoes. So very odd!

When this happened to me I immediately thought, “If this was a dream, what would it mean?” So I looked and found that shoes in general represent a person’s outlook on life. If a shoe falls apart like mine did it indicates that situations and/or people in your life which you feel you can rely upon are in danger of failing. The suggestion is to look around and find things that may be broken and in need of fixing. lol Well, I can see a lot of that…. But when I thought about what it could mean while it was happening I was thinking, “This is not a good sign. My life is about to fall apart.”

Here are pictures of my lovely shoes after they failed me and broke into pieces. It is just mind blowing to me how quickly they fell apart.

Overall, it was not a bad experience just a surprising one. I had a good day and enjoyed myself with the kids and successfully taught my first guidance lesson to kindergartners. It was really fun. 🙂 Tomorrow I get to do it again. Hopefully, this time, with shoes in tact. 😉

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OBE: Lights Inside

Eventful night last night. I was awakened at 3am from a series of dreams. There was so much Knowing that it took me a while to fall back to sleep.

OBE: Lights Inside

I knew there was a possibility of projecting but didn’t care one way or the other. I ended up in dream set in a shopping market. I had a load of groceries I just checked out and then the lights went out – power outage. I went toward the exit and it was really dark. A woman approached me to make sure I had paid. I showed her my receipt. It was for $66.

I went home and watched a movie which morphed into my dream. I watched a man swimming through thin air. This triggered my lucidity and I knew I was dreaming. I took the opportunity to exit my body. When I sat up I was very heavy and it took a while for me to get OOB. I saw the place where I had been sitting – my old sofa in the living area of my house. I knew I had to move away quickly and headed for the front door. The entire time I was talking aloud to myself. As I reached the front door I heard myself say, “I want to be more IN my body.” This caught me off guard and I changed it to “OOB”.

When I opened the door and went outside it was dark. I made sure to close the door behind me, pulling hard on it and listening for it to shut solidly. Then I flew out across the street, still talking to myself. I was saying, “I am going to see the truth” and “I will do this.” I am not sure what I was referring to at the time but now I think I was looking for answers to my life’s issues. At the time I could tell I was very lucid and was struggling to control my energy and stay stable enough to explore the area.

Across the street I saw a very bright light. When I looked closer, I noticed it was inside a house that was completely covered with lush, green, twisty vines. In that moment I knew the house. In my memory I saw it – it was a one-story house that was abandoned. It’s exterior all gray and crumbling. When I looked at the house in front of me, though, it was obvious someone lived in it. Not only was there a brilliantly bright yellow light on the left side but the rest of it was lit up as well. Curious, I went toward it to investigate.

But I stopped short, hearing my inner guidance suggesting there was something I needed to see here and pay attention. I knew I was way too lucid at this point and felt the energy swirling around my astral body indicating re-entry. I did not resist it.

Reflection

In considering this OBE and the dreams preceding it, I am entering into a period of clearing a very deep and previously untouched/avoided area of my subconscious. There is a fear here of the unknown but also a curiosity.

lemonadeIn-Between

I lingered in the in-between for some time after returning to my body. I like feeling the energy shifting. There is something comforting about it. Plus, I get to hear my guidance more clearly and receive messages from them.

It didn’t take long for the messages to arrive. The first was a very clear 11:11. Then my vision flashed and I saw a digital clock which read 3:11. I blinked and the time changed to 13:11.

Then I was standing in front of two, glowing yellow circles. The one to my left was my circle and inside it was my energy and that of my counterpart. I felt to be IN that circle but also outside of it observing. Then, to the right, was another circle. At the base of it I saw faces upon faces of children and other people I did not recognize. There were perhaps a dozen crowded in the base of the circle and their faces were very clear, though now I have no idea who they were. Above the crowd of people and in the center of the circle was a Styrofoam cup filled halfway with lemonade. There was a white straw poking out of the top. Then I saw blue writing on the cup. It said, “THIS IS YOU”. This brought me out of my reverie quickly and I knew the circle with the lemonade was representative of: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Very funny, Team! I didn’t get mad at them at least. They are right. Doing the best I have with what I got right now.

I got many other messages but being I am up so early in the morning and am gone most of the day now, I just don’t have time to write them all down. It was hard enough to write this OBE down. Where did all my time go??? Thankfully, I was able to scribble down some of what I remember from this morning while at work. Maybe eventually I will get a chance to make a post out of it.

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Play

I had a really good day today. Why? Because half of my job is playing. Yep. lol I get to play with little ones and listen to them jabber about their life problems. Something about playing makes problems seem so much smaller. Ever noticed that? I have.

Then there was the not so fun part of my day, but even that was quite entertaining. I got to play teacher for two class periods today. The 5th graders were perfect students. The 2nd graders, not so perfect and quite a bit hyper. lol But since half my time with them was reading a book by Weird Al Yankovic (yeah him! lol) we all had a good time.

I came home full of energy despite being awake since 4am (again) and did a short workout. Last week I skipped working out all week so as to help myself adjust. I actually think that was a mistake, though, because I always feel so much better after a workout. 🙂

But anyway, work is proving quite surprising and I am having fun having fun. lol Nothing better than getting paid to play and watch kids be kids. They are so entertaining and funny. Especially the kindergartners. Hahahah I had one ask me how old I was, which I then told him. He said to me, “My mom is so much older than you. She’s 19!!” He was so sure that 19 was bigger than the number I gave him. Too cute!

And today I made several new 2nd grader friends even though the classes I taught were (in my opinion) out of control. One girl told me about her class, “We’re always like that.” lol Then others of her class gave me hugs. I must have made an impression. And I really, really love little people hugs now.

Then still now when I go to get a student “friend” I have two or three others ask me, “Are you taking me??” When I tell them, “Not today”, the look on their sad little faces melts my heart. I’ve never been so loved and wanted in my life.

All of this has transformed my relationship with my own children. I find myself less serious with them and more goofy – making funny faces and telling jokes. I don’t normally do that! I hug them when I get home, ask them about their days and give them kisses. Not that I wasn’t happy to see them before, but now I see them through new eyes. The eyes of a mommy elementary school counselor. Pretty cool combo to be blessed with.

I’m excited tonight because I get to practice on my kids with two books I will be using in counseling lessons. I teach two kindergarten classes tomorrow on the topic of respecting other people’s property. We are reading Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Then Wednesday I get to read a book about tattle-tails called Bad Case of Tattle Tongue. That one’s gonna be fun! Can’t wait to see the kids reactions. 🙂

My experience thus far has me re-evaluating my career plans….again. I am even considering revisited my LPC. I only have three classes and an internship left. Whether I will do it, I don’t know yet, but working playing with little ones all the time is very appealing right now.

 

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Discouraging Dreams

It was a rough night for me.

Dream: Harvesting the Field

I was with another person walking alongside a field of grass that had been cut low. They were talking about the harvest and how a new crop of shrimp had just come in. I looked and sure enough there were very tiny shrimp laying in a grid pattern all across the field. The shrimp looked as if it had already been cooked. Tiny, popcorn shrimp. I was shocked and asked where the shrimp had come from. I was told it had popped up through the surface, as if the field was really an ocean.

I wandered into the field. The ground was firm, so no ocean underneath. Still a bit confused, I walked the rows of shrimp. They soon turned into other things and I stopped and looked at my feet noticing the shrimp had morphed into something else. Looking closely, I saw what resembled an eel and I mentioned this to my friend. I bent down and touched it. It was slimy but firm, similar to a slug and resembling a slug. Yet I continued to think of it as an eel. It was dark colored and I could not distinguish the head from the tail. My friend was very encouraged by this development.

The garden soon turned into a store with isles of miscellaneous items. I walked the isles and saw that most of the items were partially used or damaged. I was told I could take whatever I wanted so I investigated, looking for anything I might want. The isle I found myself on had oral hygiene items like toothpaste and mouthwash. I picked up some Listerine that was half full and then grabbed another bottle of a different kind of mouthwash and combined the two to make it a full bottle.

I ran into a friend I use to go to high school with and we talked for some time about her marriage to one of our classmates. They had married right out of high school and started a family only to separate sometime later. I listened as she told me her story and was surprised to hear their marriage had failed.

eel-1Dream: 3 Years

Still inside the store, I wandered down an isle and ran into a couple who wanted to talk to me. They were standing next to a bicycle. They wanted to talk to me about a relationship issue and potential outcomes. The news was not good, at least I didn’t take it as good. There was an entire recalling of a past relationship I had with a man soon after my spiritual awakening. I had struggled with our separation and the topic of discussion centered on how I handled that particular difficulty. I re-experienced that period in my life and got very upset at the prospects of something like that happening again because I had been miserable for several months. Never before nor since has a breakup resulted in that much agony for me.

There was mention of what I would do if this particular person came back into my life. I recall seeing him years later and much older and discussing how very unlikely it would be that I would ever hear from him again. There was a phone in this discussion and I remember not knowing how he would even know my number. I had memory of how nasty I had been to him the last time we talked and knew I would not welcome communication from him. The purpose of all of this was to help me recognize my tendency to get angry and cut off communication when I am hurt. But it was also to show me how resilient I am because I had thought that breakup would surely kill me, but it didn’t. I survived. Though I may see anger as a negative emotion, it actually gave me the strength to get past the impasse I faced at that particular time in my life.

I found myself standing there with the couple feeling extremely dissuaded, though from what course of action I am not sure. I looked at the bicycle and noticed it had turned to ash. It was still standing but had I touched it, it would have disintegrated before my eyes.

The discussion continued and I was told to expect my current situation to continue for sometime. I got 3 years as the very longest period it could span. This caused me much upset. I felt as if all of the life had drained out of me. Three years seemed an eternity to me.

I woke up feeling discouraged and apathetic with tears in my eyes. I found it difficult to shake the apathetic feeling I had. I remember thinking, “This is surely going to kill me.” My guidance said to me,”What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” To make it clear, I repeated to him, “This is going to kill me. I won’t make it. This is too much.”

It has taken me some time to get past the feeling I woke with. I am not feeling especially encouraged about moving forward with life right now. Whatever the dream discussion brought up has me feeling completely hopeless.

Symbolism

First dream: 

Field – going through a period of personal growth
Shrimp – feeling overpowered and/or insignificant
Slug – progressing through life very slowly, almost painfully slow
Eel – trouble with commitment; one who escapes responsibility or culpability
Store – emotionally/physically drained, searching for solutions
Mouthwash – think before you speak (totally my problem all.the.time)

Considerations about this dream: I am being asked to step up and take responsibility for my life/choices. Avoiding things will not help but only lead to more of the same. Need to confront issues head on and stop pushing off making a decision. I need to be careful of what I say so as to not end up regretting it.

Second dream:

Store – still searching for solutions
Bicycle – need to devote more time to myself; more leisurely pursuits needed
Ash – feeling the good times are over and nothing of value is left in my life; can also represent the end of a relationship, the dashing of all hopes, bitter change and life disruption.

Considerations about this dream: When I woke up I was in agony over the prospect of never feeling Alive again. I felt as if my heart had been torn from my chest and stomped upon. I felt alone and isolated from my soul family. I felt cheated. The feeling of loss was such that I did not feel I would recover from it. Thus, my statement about it killing me. It did not help that I had spent much of this dream discussing a past relationship breakup that had been devastating to me. The idea was that whatever I am going through/will continue to go through, will be much more devastating and last much longer than the past one. It is not easy to swallow such news.

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Revelations from a Conversation

Today has been interesting and it’s not even over yet. Whew! There are some energies swirling and I can’t quite get a grip on how to describe them. One minute I am UP and the next I feel like I’ve been hit over the head….literally. I blame this massive sinus headache I’ve had pretty much non-stop since Thursday. It could be the weather doing it but I have not had a sinus headache like this from the weather since around 1999.

I had a long conversation with my husband today about some of the changes I’ve been going through recently. Note: In editing this I see how much content there is here but I am going to leave it as is. So if it seems a little disorganized, I apologize.

We talked about how staying in the present moment – the NOW – does miraculous things for a person. For one, being in the NOW shifts you into your heart automatically. The mind is there doing it’s thing as usual but the heart takes the driver’s seat and indicator lights flash and are not missed. I gave him an example I will share with you all.

Yesterday, there was a shortage of staff and I was asked to go up front to help answer the phones. I am NOT a phone person and definitely not comfortable putting people on hold and transferring calls. Been there, done that, don’t want the t-shirt. lol Resistance came first and then I sought out a hiding place and began to think of excuses I would give for my no-show. lol Mid-thought I was interrupted with a reminder that resistance is an indicator light telling me that I needed to take advantage of an opportunity to stretch myself beyond my comfort zone. To learn. To grow. Because this is when the REAL growth occurs. The instant it came to me I headed to the front and jumped right in without hesitation. I didn’t think about it for even a moment. And I never had to answer phones. lol I ended up helping in another way.

Similar events to this have been happening every.single.day. My mind chatter is mostly off and if it does come on it is interrupted by my guidance. It’s pretty awesome actually.

So back to the conversation…..we also talked about how when you are in the present moment expectation is pretty much extinguished and intuition is turned up to the highest setting. Pretty amazing stuff!

Then, I tried to explain what it means to Trust and my experiences with it thus far. I explained how following the heart works for me, specifically why I am back working and how I got there. He kept asking me what my “plan” was. I told him it is to follow my heart. I explained that I had to drop all my ideas and beliefs about what I thought I needed or what I thought would bring me happiness and leave it to the universe. We even talked examples, some he would understand. How he thinks this or that will make him happy, so he fixes his attention on getting that and then when he gets it finds it doesn’t make him happy. I explained that the mind tries to logically figure it all out but it sucks at knowing what is best for us. We gotta get out of the mind and let our hearts guide us. That if we let it, our heart will show us everything our minds failed to and MORE. And we talked about how hard it is to follow the heart, to Trust. How it takes massive amounts of courage. I told him I have no idea where my heart is taking me, but I am betting it is better than where I have been. In saying this, I realized I was OK with not knowing where I would end up. I AM okay and I trust that I will be exactly where I am meant to be. He definitely isn’t OK with everything we discussed, but then at least now he understands that I am.

We also discussed being emotionally objective. He had complained that I did not react how he wanted/expected me to, to certain things he told me. He felt I was being uncaring and unloving. I told him it was because I chose not to react. I chose to acknowledge the feeling but I didn’t focus on a specific feeling so as to not let it direct my actions. I explained that at first, when I was doing this, I thought something was wrong with me. Why did I not feel anything?? I was beating myself up for being emotionally “numb”. But as the weeks have gone by I have realized that is not it at all. I DO feel I just don’t react or let my emotions take over. And the more we discussed it, the more I realized the emotional objectivity was purposeful so that he could go through whatever it was he needed to go through and get to a point where I could communicate with him without the interference of his heightened emotions. Pretty cool!

We even discussed karma and the seemingly endless cycles we play out lifetime after lifetime. We discussed how being “asleep” perpetuated these cycles and that now, in this lifetime, we are being given the opportunity to stop cycles, rewrite them, abolish them, edit them, etc. The more conscious (awake) we are, the more cycles we can affect.

And we discussed the interaction of multiple individuals who each have multiple, interactive “contracts” and how, if we listen to our heart/intuition, we will know when these contracts have resolved for each individual involved and when we can make adjustments to our portion of the contract(s). This was so incredibly clear to me in that moment I was in awe, but I am not sure he saw it like I did. But that’s okay. I saw it. Clearly.

The entire discussion only lasted maybe an hour, but in that short time I recognized just how much I have changed in the last month. October was truly about change – metamorphosis.

Pretty crazy amazing! Makes me excited to see what surprises await me tomorrow……

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Taking Your Place

This is it ya’ll. It’s time to get in position and make our mark. You ready?

I’m having a good day today. I feel solid. Balanced. Work is spectacular. I’m setting in. I’m making an impact. I’m getting hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. Don’t you love hugs?

Today for the first time I actually looked forward to work. This is a GOOD sign. Whew! I was worried for a bit because the first few days were so bumpy with me shifting all over the place and not feeling like I belonged.

I’m getting recognized and acknowledged by others. I’m getting appreciation. It’s nice to be appreciated.

I can see why I was placed in this assignment and I accept that I will be given another assignment after. I’m okay with wherever that might be. I understand that I am picking up pieces of experience, a tool-kit of sorts, to use later. “Pay attention.” “Learn.” “Listen.” These are messages that come through all day long. I can feel the importance of my location even if I don’t quite understand it yet.

I am told we are being given our assignments. These aren’t little assignments either. These are not “lessons” or “preparation” tasks, though they do have these components. We are being placed in locations to practice what we have learned. It is practicum time. Internship. Whatever you want to call it. These placements put our skills to use in 3D where we shine our Light in our own special way. Some of us have already been doing this. Me, I’m a little “slow”. I liked my cave too much I guess.

When we have completed our missions, we will be sent elsewhere to continue our work. These are not necessarily locations we would expect. Our expectations go out the window with this. Funny enough, I am accepting and living day by day, moment to moment. And you know what? It is happening without me getting in the way of myself. I have no anxiety or stress (except for the traffic but that’s another story). I am not overthinking or looking too far ahead. And I am learning to like surprises instead of dread them.

I had thought that returning to work meant I would lose my spiritual experiences and connection. Not true. At all. In fact, I am probably more tuned in to my guidance than I was. The energetic experiences (Kundalini) are even back. Who’d have thought? Ha!

Perhaps we needed to be tried and tested to get to this point. I know I did. I had to lose control, or at least feel like I did, to get back to myself. Where I am assigned (and that IS what it is) is perfect for me. I will be challenged but it is all stuff I can do and have done – I have just been resisting it. With this challenge comes growth but also satisfaction and appreciation for all the hard work that led me to this point.

Now it’s time to take 5D TO 3D. But don’t worry about HOW that is done. Just DO it. That is what you came here for. 🙂 Yay!

 

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OBE: Snowy Landscape

Extremely tired! I couldn’t fall asleep last night and probably didn’t get to sleep until midnight. This is a normal sleep pattern for me when I am working. 😦

Woke up at 4am with several visuals left over from a dream I can’t remember. The first visual was a scene of being in a room with a wedding dress and being told I couldn’t put it on or wear it yet. The other was a visual of a white infinity sign. It was very large and then got smaller until it was about the size of my hand. It was pulsating and seemed alive. When I woke up I knew the Union or Kundalini rising had been delayed for a while. I was receiving a “break” as indicated in a recent dream.

OBE: Snowy Landscape

I must have fallen to sleep but do not remember. I remember being in a hotel room looking at a clock and talking with someone. The next thing I knew I went OOB and out the window of the hotel room. It was dark and I lifted very quickly into the air. The speed was such I thought I would be lifted into space so I yelled, “Stop! Stop!” I stopped and hovered very high up. I then flew as fast as I could across the sky looking down at a snow covered landscape below. I dipped down and saw a couple of young boys on a snow covered hillside. There was a blizzard coming and it began snowing. I threw snowballs at the boys. It seems I was in the “Child” persona. I went down to the oldest of the boys and kissed him on the lips. He seemed to freeze and then ran off taking his brother with him. The last thing I recall is looking at the scene and thinking it rather cold and dreary.

False Awakening

I felt myself re-enter my body. The energy swirled and shifted and then I was in bed. I did not fully awaken, though, and was back in the hotel room. I kept looking at the clock and tried to turn on the lamp so I had light to write down my experiences. The lamp wouldn’t work and the clock was stuck on 7:00am. When I went to investigate the clock was unplugged and the lamp was plugged in. The lamp still didn’t work.

The scene shifted and then I was talking to a man about the OBE and the meaning of the visions. Somehow we ended up inside a gym and I saw this man as very muscular and blonde. I remember talking to him about us going into the bathroom to make-out. I believe I was trying to get the K to rise, to remember any of it that I could. It was not meant to be.

When I woke up the number 313 was given to me. I was confused initially, thinking I had actually woken up and written down my experiences. It took me a while to fully realize it had been a dream. I rarely have OBEs when I have to wake early for work!

Since I don’t have time to write my considerations, I will save those for later. Just wanted to document these experiences for the time being. Off to work now.

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It’s Time

Major changes taking place in my life at this time. I have been feeling overwhelmed and a bit lost. I have been drinking a glass of wine every night. Last night I had two. It worked. I felt extremely happy and optimistic when I went to bed. Then I couldn’t sleep despite feeling the wonderful heavy feeling from the wine. My guidance was exceptionally clear, which surprised me. I had exceptional clarity, too. I was told, “Pay attention to your dreams tonight. They will answer your questions.”

Dream: Old Crone and Present from a Friend

I recall vaguely what led up to this dream. I had deleted a playlist of music. This was done purposefully. It was a joint playlist of me and my husband. My husband was there and agreeable. We were looking at music to create a new playlist and I remember saying, “Too bad we didn’t save some of the old music. There were some good songs on there.” There were computer glitches at this time. The screen kept flickering.

The scene shifted and I was walking along a road in the mountains. It was cool and there was moisture in the air and on the ground as if it had just rained. These mountains were very lush and tropical-like with rugged outcroppings of volcanic rock. They reminded me Hawaii, though I have never been there.

I was with a female friend and had a car, though I do not recall being inside of it. We were just cresting the top of the mountain when a very old woman crossed our path. This old woman was nearly naked, with a huge stomach, very wrinkled skin, and breasts that hung so low they poked out the bottom of her dress. I remember thinking she was pregnant but then just realized she very old and ugly but I didn’t judge her for it. It was obvious she had been around a long time. I respected her for that.

She walked very slow, shuffling along on bare feet. I followed behind. Eventually she stopped and said to us, “I need to turn around.” This indicated to me that I needed to back up and allow her to do that. So I backed the car into a side street that was paved with stone. I walked along the stone and it poked my feet. When I looked down I saw the white rocks were pointy but not sharp. It was very uncomfortable to walk on.

When I turned I saw the old woman pulling one of her legs out of a very deep mud hole. I heard my friend say, “Be careful, don’t get stuck in the mud.” The mud was a yellowish-brown color and quite thick. I remember being grateful that I had not gotten stuck in it.

The scene shifted and I was walking inside of what appeared to be an art gallery. The art was made of wood and my female friend showed me one. It was curved and resembled the skeleton of a boat. I held it in my hand and saw that it was very similar to a light language symbol. The woman said, “It’s a gift. She made it for you.” She pointed and I looked and saw my friend Yvonne.

I went over to Yvonne and hugged her. I started to cry in deep, heaving sobs. Yvonne said to me, “You need a break.” As I hugged her and cried I heard, “You’re not alone.”

I woke up still crying and could not get the tears to let up. For some reason I felt I needed to look at the clock. The time was 1:11am. The song Litost was going through my head again. The part, “I’ll never be whole again” but also the part, “Bury your burdens, baby. Make them all disappear.” It took me a while to return to sleep.

Dream: Burning Forest

In this dream I was sitting in the middle of a clearing in a forest. I dropped a lit match and watched it catch fire to the fallen pine needles. It slowly spread to the underbrush and trees. I just sat there as if waiting for something. The fire began to blaze out of control. Over the top of my head and all around me I could see and hear the roaring fire. Yet I just sat there.

Then a masculine voice said to me, “You can’t stay here. You have to go now.” I saw the tops of the trees falling in flames around me. It was so close I could feel the heat of the fire. The message got through and I got up and walked out of the center of the fire.

I ended up standing outside of a building. It was like I was transported to another place in an instant. It was very dark. I couldn’t see anything. It worried me because I didn’t know where I was or what I would do to survive in this new, unknown place. I felt completely and utterly alone and that was by far the worst part.

The voice said to me, “You are safe. You are not alone.” There was conversation here about where I was; what this dark, unknown place represented. I was very lucid by this time and listening carefully to what was being relayed to me. While I listened, I heard a familiar song – Imagine Dragons, It’s Time, “This house doesn’t burn down slowly. To ashes. To ashes.”

When I woke up I had tears in my eyes again.

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Changes

I start my job tomorrow. Part of me is looking forward to it and another part isn’t. I am assured by my guidance that it will be a good experience. We will see. At least the money is good.

The emotional outbursts I am experiencing are very strange to me. I had them when I was in Tennessee, too. One time hugging my friend Yvonne just like in the dream. I don’t do that kind of thing! lol I am a hide-in-my-room-and-cry person. I don’t understand, really. It is like I am grieving but at the same time as if I am exploding in an overwhelming amount of love. It feels like my heart can’t contain it and so it just floods out of me. Honestly, it reminds me of when I was pregnant. Ugh! I was a mess when I was pregnant. Always crying at the drop of a dime. I HATED it. I feel weak and pathetic when I cry and can’t stop. It is upsetting to me and so then I cry more (eyeroll). And no, not pregnant. lol

There are changes coming, some already underway. These changes (the ones I know of) do not trigger the emotional outbursts. In fact, I feel nearly emotionless regarding them. This is why the crazy crying episodes are so odd. WTF is happening to me? Who the hell knows. I am just glad I have been able to keep it together in front of people so far. Last thing I want is to go to work and someone give me a look of sympathy and then lose it right then and there. Please God don’t let that happen. lol

Pray my first day goes well. It will be an early one.