Category Archives: Ascension

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Releasing Guilt and Shame

Slept about 10 hours last night. I needed it! I haven’t been sleeping well for over a month. It was still hard to get out of bed. I wanted to sleep a 1,000 years.

Dreams were many and interesting. I am only going to post the one that I feel is most significant, though.

Dream: Forgotten Friend

In one I remember driving to my Mom’s house. When I arrived at her driveway there was a tall, white, tower (overcoming obstacles) and behind that a church steeple (spiritual nourishment, healing) that was also shimmering white. As I drove in the tower looked to be under construction and was no longer white but almost completely glass (seeing everything, nothing hidden). A crane was there and somehow I knew the windows were being fixed and replaced. I remember thinking how now my mom’s home was very obvious and no longer hidden. The area cleared out where there use to be lots of trees.

Inside my mom had guests. I went into the bedroom and lay down in my old bed which was facing the wall (looking inward) instead of the window like in real life. As I lay down I began to think of an ex-friend and lover. I had dream memories of him being in the back seat of a car I was in alongside other friends. I remember wondering, “How did I not see him there? I should have talked to him, asked him how he was doing. Did he get a job like he wanted?” I realized he had been in the car the whole time and I just ignored him, didn’t care to ask how he was or anything. I had been an awful friend and felt bad because I did care how he was doing. How could I have forgotten him like that? 

I felt extremely sleepy laying there in the bed while thinking of the past. Eventually, though, I got up and went out into the living area where I saw young people and their parents with my mom. She had given them food to eat and said, “Now here is someone you will want to see!” She motioned to me like I should know the people. I assumed they must be distant family I had forgotten I had. I was polite and listened in. She was saying they were going to all go on a picnic (nourishment of body, mind, spirit) together. One girl had in front of her a bowl with a plastic seal on top. My mom asked if she was going to eat it and gave the dish a name. It was Korean or something. I laughed at the name and the girl opened up the top and pulled out some noodles. 

Realization and Healing

As I lingered in bed, still very tired and wanting to sleep, my thoughts were on the dream where I suddenly remembered my ex-lover and friend. I realized that the dream reflected how I treated him in life. I realized that even way back then I struggled with following my heart. My head was very adamant that I get what I wanted at the time, which was the picture perfect family. He just didn’t fit that picture in my mind.  

When we met online I was drawn to his energy as he was to mine. We had great plans on how we could work together, him a hypnotherapist and me a psychic/medium. We would marry so he could move to the US and stay as partners, no strings attached really except that we did have a sexual relationship. That sexual relationship was a mistake and created complications. He fell in love with me but I did not fall in love with him in that way. I loved him, but not in a romantic, life-partner way.  

Unable to take back the sexual part, I tried to force myself to love him like he loved me. This backfired, of course, as my plans for the future did not match what he could offer me – looks or otherwise. He was much older than me, shorter than me, and physically not attractive to me. My expectations soiled our connection completely as I could not avoid his expectations of me. He saw me as a dream come true. A young, attractive, spiritually-minded and gifted partner who could help him immigrate to the US and start his business. 

Like in the dream, I “forgot” about him. I didn’t ask him how he was doing or care about how he fared after I met my current husband. When I met my husband I just cut off communication and moved on with my life. It infuriated him, which it should have. We had plans and I just abandoned them and him. I realized to him I had “cheated” on him, which I see now. That is pretty much true except that for me, he and I were not a couple, or at least that is how I justified my actions. To anyone viewing those events from the outside it would appear I was a horrible person, a cheater and a liar because we were “engaged”. He definitely believed this because just prior to my meeting my husband he had sold off everything he owned in the UK and was planning his flight to the US where he would start his new life with me. When I put an end to our plans he was left with few possessions, a lease that had ended leaving him nowhere to live, and all that he dreamed of destroyed in an instant. 

Ouch. 

I suck. What I did was awful. Period.

I admit that during that time I was almost always confused. I couldn’t understand why I felt so resistant to the whole deal of marriage and helping him. I wanted to help him! Yet when I tried it backfired. The more I tried to help him and go with the expectations he had of us, the more negative I began to feel. I started to see him as “ugly” and couldn’t kiss him without becoming grossed out. Yet I kept trying because I thought if I kept acting like it was what I wanted, it would be. Go through the motions and it will be, right? WRONG.

I also remember that I convinced myself he was “the One” based upon what my guidance had told me, psychics had told me, astrologists had told me. I was told I would marry someone with a foreign name. His was foreign. I was told “4 years” would pass. It had been that long, right? I felt the call to help him, so it must meant I should be with him romantically, right? WRONG.

I did end up marrying someone with a foreign name. And it was almost exactly 4 years after my divorce. And when I saw him, “I knew”. But that someone was not my ex-friend. 

In the dream I felt horrible for what I did to him. It was like I was another person when I acted the way I did. My heart was right. We were friends, soul family. There was love there but it was tainted by my Ego, by what my mind saw as “ideal” because I had been programmed by this world and that programming went against what was happening. 

My ex-friend was not faultless in this, though. He had expectations of his own. He had been told by his psychic friends to be wary of me. One even told him I was “evil” and to avoid me, end it, get away from me. She was right, though I can’t say my intentions were to hurt him. Had they been, then yes, I would have been evil. I actually never meant to hurt him like that. I was so confused. So very confused. 

Not long ago, after pleading with my guidance for help, I was told the reason I wasn’t progressing was because of guilt. Maybe the “guilt” my guidance was telling me about is being revealed to me now, via my dreams? I did ask for help. I do feel horrible. I remember thinking to myself this morning after the dream, “I don’t deserve happiness.” 

How does one who has done what I have done allow themselves to move on, to be happy? How does one forgive themselves? Maybe that is what I have to do?

It is interesting to me that guilt is held in the sacral chakra. So I Googled it and found this article. 

“Our Sacral Chakra deals with relationships and pleasure and is blocked by Guilt which closes down our “right to feel”. Dealing with guilt requires that we examine what we think we did wrong, face it and evaluate it as objectively as possible. For example, what did you expect of yourself that you did not live up to? Were your expectations unrealistic? If they were, then you need to let go of them. Since you did all that you were capable of doing at the time, there simply is no basis for your guilt, and you need to let go of that as well. 

To answer the above questions:

What did you expect of yourself that you did not live up to? – I expected to help him, to be his friend, to do what was right.

Were your expectations unrealistic? – Yes, I think so. I knew his expectations did not match my own and ignored the warning signs in hopes of “helping”. I thought helping meant giving him what he wanted regardless of what I wanted (I do this quite a bit in life!). I was not honest with myself. What I wanted was not in alignment with the situation. I expected that I could force myself to be and want what he wanted. No one can make themselves love another person in a romantic way. I ignored my heart and what it was telling me. Love him and love myself. To love him meant being honest with him and to love myself meant being honest with myself. I was neither. 

My guidance has told me often that sometimes “helping” a person is not necessarily “positive”. If a person needs to learn a lesson and you are selected to help them learn it, and lessons often are best learned through negative experiences, then often we end up the “bad guy” when really what we did was give the other person a gift. We are also given a gift. Whether we accept the gift is up to us. 

I did a meditation to release my guilt. This is what came up.

I hold the guilt in my sacral, solar plexus and heart but I felt it most strongly in my solar plexus. It felt like a knot, heavy and solid. The color associated with it is blue, meaning my throat chakra is also involved. I believe it was too open, thus I said things without thinking and without feeling. The thought came to me, “I couldn’t be what he wanted me to be.” I was disappointed with myself for not being able to be that person, thus projected that disappointment onto him in various ways. 

Just because I did a meditation doesn’t mean I am free of guilt. This is just one instance of many I need to release in order to be open to the abundance of love, emotion and happiness available to me.

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Message: Morning Star

I am experiencing a slight uptick in dream recall and guide visits lately. Messages are more frequent and last night I experienced Kundalini energy in my dream.

Message: Strength, Change, Communication

A week ago now I received a message via FB. That morning I had been somewhat down and in need of reassurance. The first post I came across was one of those word finds where you write down the first three words you see. The words I found were “strength, change, communication”. At the time I thought nothing of it but later in the day the words seemed to be whispered to me over and over. I finally wrote them down. When I did, the word “bravery” came to mind also.

Dream and Message: Bliss….Bravery

In the dream, I was with an Indian man who was showing me how to market his successful product as my own but I don’t know why. His product looked like dynamite or fireworks – tubes of red paper rolled very tightly. I was told they were not fireworks or dynamite but rather fire starters. I watched as he put one in a fire, lit it and it slowly ignited, orange flames taking over. Understanding, I looked at a box of six, which was how they were sold, still thinking they looked like dynamite or fireworks.

When I woke I saw a vision of a food package, I think for a drink but am unsure. At the top was writing. It said, “Bliss”. Then at the bottom I read, “Bravery”. It felt like I was being asked to drink it but I woke up because the message was so unique and obvious.

Message: You Will be Called

I have been watching a show called Manifest. It is about a plane that goes missing for five years only to suddenly reappear. The people on board do not experience time passing as 5 years but only hours. Many experience psychic abilities where they receive visions of the future. They refer to the visions as “the callings”.

It occurred to me that “the callings” were similar to what I have felt in my lifetime. I haven’t had them often, though. I receive strong Knowing that sometimes bring me to tears but always feel “big” and include a sense of being compelled toward a certain action. I refer to these experiences as “being Called”.

I realized the show, like others I have watched, contained a message that I will be Called again. Not only that but I have been told by my guidance to expect it.

The show’s name also feels significant. Manifest. Yep.

Message: Morning Star

This morning I had a very long Kundalini dream. The energy was muted but memorable. In the dream I was with a dark haired, dark eyed and very familiar man. His eyes are what is most memorable but I spent a portion of the dream tying to memorize his features (unsuccessfully). He reminded me of the man I use to see off and on in Kundalini dreams from 2014-2016.

Only broken pieces of the story line remain. Mostly I remember the man asking me questions and me answering them. When I answered him we were transported to scenes which appeared to be representations of what I was telling him.

In one scene I was outside a house with a man. At first he stood beside me and then he seemed to lose his footing and fall. I held the man in my arms as he grew old, turned to bones and then dust, crumbling in my hands. The dark haired man had asked me about the man, something like, “What about….?. My answer was ,”I was told to [be with him]”.

Another question he asked me was, “Where did you come from?” Hearing his question, I was transported to outer space where I floated past planets and stars. Then I burst through a “crack” in space and found myself on the other side of it staring at a long, golden cluster of stars that sparkled and had bursts of purple and white colors throughout. I said to him, “I Remember now….I’m from the stars.”

The next thing I remember is holding this man’s hand and getting into a large bed with him. I lay close to him and felt immensely happy and content. It was pure bliss. My entire body was warm with energy, especially my heart. I remember wanting it to last forever. I am surprised I didn’t start crying.

Then we heard the man being called (felt like we were in his home and his bed and his family was calling him) and he got out of bed to leave. I reminded him that he had no pants on and he turned back toward the bed to retrieve his shorts. I watched him, trying still to memorize him, wanting to remember as much of him as possible. He was wearing a plaid, button down shirt. The shirt came down just enough to cover his rear.

I woke, my entire body still warm with energy, especially my heart. Asking to go back, I fell into the in-between where I stood facing a starry night sky. It was early dawn. I looked up at the moon and saw a small star above it. I heard, “Morning star”. I remember asking, “Isn’t that Venus?” and received confirmation.

Meaning of Morning Star

The morning star is the planet Venus (Aphrodite, Goddess of love). It can also be Sirius and less likely to be the planet Mercury. It is also a symbol of hope and is another name for Jesus, who “shows the way” (I think Wayshower).

  • Morning star, most commonly used as a name for the planet Venus when it appears in the east before sunrise
  • Morning star, a name for the star Sirius, which appears in the sky just before sunrise during the Dog Days
  • Morning star, a (less common) name for the planet Mercury when it appears in the east before sunrise
    Source Wikipedia

“The Morning Star’s appearance indicates the dawn of light that ends a dark night. As such, Jesus Christ as a savior, source of hope and happiness is identified as The Morning Star.” Source

Music Message

I woke up hearing this song:

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Dreams and Message: Full Disclosure

I know I’ve not been posting much lately, and I apologize. An update is overdue. Right now, however, I am finding no motivation whatsoever to write publicly. For one, I feel like putting attention on certain things is counterproductive. I also want to be more balanced and centered when I post, and this state comes and goes lately and does not seem to remain stable for long. This is part of the energetic state of the world right now and my adjustment to that energy shifts as that energy shifts (which is frequent!).

Very quickly I will update on my sister and then move on from there because, for me, lingering on the topic doesn’t fill me with happy-happy-joy-joy vibes. lol

My sister had a successful surgery on the 7th of August, spent some time in ICU, was moved to a regular room and then discharged (maybe a week ago now? I can’t remember the exact date). I have not been reaching out to her or my family to stay informed. There are some posts on FB but I do not react or respond to them. I am remaining as withdrawn as I can, stepping back and letting everything play out.

Sadly I know that my sister and my Mom’s futures are intertwined, and not in a positive way. There are some deep-rooted karmic lessons being played out. My job is to step back, observe and to try and not get emotionally involved. The last big emotion I felt was frustration and anger because I could see what was coming, but then I let it all go. If I could, I would move as far away from my family as possible. If it were not for my Mom, I would have disconnected long ago. My half-brother is the only sibling I prefer to have contact with, and even he has distanced himself from the drama (smart man!).

Interestingly enough, my guidance suggested I review past journal and blog entries. I did this by chance yesterday (posted the result) and this morning did another quick search. Just so happens I found this post from July, 2013:

Long ago, when the family issues began getting to me, I was given advice by Steven. He said, “Step back”. I understood this as “mind my own business”. I also got the message to “let them learn their lessons” and “stay out of it”……. I have successfully stayed out of it. I am proud of myself for being able to do so. It is hard seeing family do stupid things and then have to face the consequences of it, especially my Mom. I want to protect her……That is not my job, though.

Apparently the “bumpy ride” message I got from my guide John applies to family drama. I am not looking forward to it. It bothers me to know that my Mom is being unfairly treated; to know that my sister would take advantage of not only her but anyone else who allows themselves to become a victim. I feel like my sister is lost to me. I don’t understand her or know her anymore. I love her, but I don’t like her at all. I would never hang out or be friends with someone like her. That kind of dishonestly and selfishness is toxic.

All of this family drama is part of my lesson here. I was very curious what lesson my sister could be learning. I was told it had to do with controlling human emotion and physical desires. From what I can tell, she is failing miserably at it……..I also know the only way for her to overcome her problem is to get past her physical emotions and bodily urges and listen.

OBEs

I haven’t been sleeping well again. I wake around 4:30-5am and cannot return to sleep, usually because my nose is clogged. Two nights ago when this happened I had to walk around to get my nose to clear and the fell asleep. I ended up having a string of OBEs. They were hard to recall because I fell back into dreaming afterward. I do know there were five and I was being guided through them, working on raising my vibration. In one I sang to raise my vibration and flew around with a guide. In another I was carrying a small girl on my back.

Dreams

Lots and lots of odd dreams lately. This morning I woke early also and my nose was clogged again (grrr!). This time I did some gentle yoga to pass the time. I mulled over the dream I had prior to waking through the poses because when I woke from it I had been crying.

Dream: Winning the Race

I watched a woman running a marathon. Toward the end she got a burst of energy and sprinted to the finish. The woman then received her trophy and won the honor of becoming “queen”. Rather than accept the honor, the woman took the trophy to the rightful queen who had been locked in a fancy, castle for a very long time.

The queen was blonde, pale and beautiful. She accepted the trophy crown but it was gold, long and rectangular and did not look like a crown.

Then I was the winner of the race, only it was a half-marathon. I knew I had decided to finish early, rather than run the entire marathon. Exhausted, I went to my apartment to pack up and leave rather than rest. I decided to take off my sweaty clothing beforehand. I also needed to pee really bad. As I sat on the toilet, relieving myself, I was thinking of the things I needed to pack, which were few. The peeing, which seemed to go on forever, woke me up. My face was wet from tears. I was baffled by my emotional response to the dream.

Interpretation – My gut tells me this was a dream about the journey I am on. The queen is me, in both instances – one running a race, the other locked up and then freed. The dream feeling is that I took an opportunity to finish early. The end, where I am leaving my apartment, felt like me leaving a situation and never looking back. Apartments are emotional situations. I also take off all my clothing (outward appearance) and urinate (relief, letting out something I had been holding onto). The tears were tears of relief but they left me with conflicted emotions.

image source Wikipedia

Dream: Slow Loris

In one I was with a woman who was looking for a guy and his girlfriend. I felt like I was hovering, observing. She was shown the room the man was in and he was in the bathtub naked with his girlfriend. lol I recall the girlfriend tossing her clothing – a black, spaghetti strap top. Then they were gone and two woman were talking to me about an upcoming “event”. They were discussing it as if it were “secret” and I told them not to bother inviting me for some reason. It felt like it was an event I wouldn’t want to attend alongside others. The one woman said, “We knew you would say that which is why we are creating an event just for you.” She handed me a brooch as an invitation. It was beautiful! Made of gold or some metal. It looped around and at the end of the loops were jewels. I remember taking it, somehow knowing the event was in November and saying, “I don’t know if I will be able to go. Something might come up.” In my mind I was thinking of my sister and other things that might happen. 

Then I was outside in the back of a small home. There was a road that ran along the back and there were items tossed here and there. I spotted a kid’s toy – a gun of some sort that looked like a Nerf gun or water gun. I went to pick it up and a boy rushed up to me. I hadn’t seen him there. I turned and asked, “Is this yours?” He snatched the gun and I said, “Cool gun! How does it work?” He showed me some lights and such and kept walking. I followed, stopping to look at some bikes that had been left on the side of the road. One was a toddler bike, for a 3yr old but the training wheels were broken off.

A man approached and asked if I wanted the bike. He asked his son, the boy, to show me it still worked. The boy got on the bike. I told the man my boys were too old for it and turned to leave because the man had a strange energy.

As I turned and walked back toward the home the man came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He then ran forward with me, lifting me off the ground. We flew swiftly forward and he then set me down. I wasn’t afraid, somehow knowing he meant me no harm. When he put me down he asked me, “How was that?” I said something back acknowledging his ability. He stood facing me, smiling, and seemed to want more. I didn’t recognize him. He had light hair and was tall and skinny. He pushed me to the ground and leaned over me like he was exerting his dominance. I didn’t resist, still knowing he didn’t intend me harm. He let me get up and I walked back toward the house. 

On my way back I began to fly, hovering close to the ground, looking at the scenery. There were these beautiful shrubs near the house. They had red tips and were quite overgrown. I floated over them, touching them and watching as the red tips came off and flew around me like flower petals.

Then I spotted something on the ground near the white porch beam. It was a peculiar feather. I picked it up and asked aloud what kind of bird had such a feather. I carried it with me as I talked to someone and this person motioned the feather saying it was some creature I had never heard of. I remember thinking, “sloth” and “slow loris” and as I looked down the feather turned into a fluffy white animal of some sort. It had the face of a cat but without legs. The body was just a long fluffy tube. 

I held the cat thing for a while noticing its behavior. It seemed quiet and like it wanted to hide. The person was telling me about it but I can’t recall what they said. I just remember putting the cat thing on my shoulder and hearing little cat noises and feeling claws gripping my shoulder even though it had no feet. 

At one point the cat thing withdrew into a tube, shrinking down like an eel would do. The outer fluffy part slid away and became separate. I knew to keep the cat creature with the fluffy tube and set it free.

Somehow I ended up in the house at a kitchen table feeding the cat thing. It was eating pats of butter. When I put my hand too close it accidentally chomped down on my finger but it didn’t hurt. I remember saying I shouldn’t have done that as it was eating and it thought my finger was the butter.

Interpretation – The dream about “November” stood out. It seems to indicate some “event” will take place. Maybe it has to do with the brooch? Hard to say but it resembled a LL symbol. A brooch means moving forward, important choices and can be an award for one’s efforts. The cat creature could represent the Kundalini. I think it significant that I took the cat creature into my grandmother’s kitchen. This is the location I use to go to for K events and other significant OBEs. Butter symbolizes richness and flavor. It can mean the end of hard times and the need for more love and affection. 

Messages

From this morning:

“Full disclosure” is coming. “Don’t worry, you will be clear enough when it does.”

“Give yourself the opportunity to hold space-time. These will not be there when you leave.”

Vision: Saw the tar pits in California. Remembered how when I visited the tar pits the guide told us how many animals fell in and suffocated, trapped forever. I thought the only way to avoid getting trapped was to be a bird and stay on the edges. With this thought I saw a small, white bird fly down to the edge and dip one toe in. Woke up knowing, “Earth is the tar pit of the Universe.”

Vision: I am sitting next to a man (he’s on my left) at a round table. Across from us sits another man, watching us. He feels important and motions to the plates in front of us. Eagerly, I reach down and pick up a juicy hamburger and take a bite. The man does this, too. It tastes wonderful. I feel guilty, thinking, “I’m eating meat.” I look down and the meat is gone. The burger no longer looks like a burger but still has a round shape. I come out of my reverie suddenly.

My thoughts: Whatever “full disclosure” is, I will be ready for it. As for “holding space-time” I am not sure what it means but I remember saying back to my guide, “You are right”. It feels like “holding space-time” means living in the physical and mastering the experience. The Tar Pit vision is self-explanatory. I think I am trying to be, or am, the bird. The hamburger vision was very real – touch and taste specifically. Hamburgers = wholeness.

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Dream: Wasted

Had some upsetting dreams this morning.

Dream: Wasted

I woke around 6am and went back to sleep asking to go OOB or to have a K dream or anything substantial because it has been so long since I’ve had any experiences that motivated or inspired me. I ended up having a teary dream instead.

The part of the dream I recall the most is being at this house I didn’t recognize. I was outside standing in the yard noticing my surroundings. There was a narrow sidewalk (step outside your comfort zone and accept change) with flowers and flowering shrubs on both sides. The flowers were growing very well, so much so that they would hit a person’s legs as they walked on the sidewalk. 

My husband was with our neighbor outside talking. It appeared they were adding a stone landing in front of the back porch. I called out to him to tell him about the overgrown sidewalk but he seemed to not hear me. I walked up and saw the stones placed equal distance apart. I stood on the porch (viewpoint from outside of some situation) looking down at them and said, “This looks good. Great job!” Again, he seemed not to hear but by this time it felt like he was just ignoring me because of his conversation with the neighbor.

I decided I would have to clear the path on my own and turned back toward it. When I looked, though, someone had already cleared it. I thought, “Of course.” I was irritated that someone had already done it. Not sure why. Perhaps I was feeling as if the purpose I thought I had – of clearing the pathway – was never my purpose to begin with? Or maybe it was from feeling I was wrong?

I walked down the sidewalk inspecting the work done. It was neat and well done. On one side, the right side, were chairs set up facing the sidewalk, as if an audience frequented the space. The seats reminded me of movie theater seats (viewing path from perspective of observer). One sole flower was still close to the sidewalk. I pushed it toward the chair and it easily slid in place, roots and all. The flower was white and reminded me of a lily (relief from worries of life).

I turned to the other side, the left side, where there had been a field of flowering plants, all white lilies, but they had vanished. Instead there was a room without a roof and I found myself at the front of a house looking at a ceiling height wardrobe. At first I opened the door and saw clothing but shut it. I recall thinking I wanted to see something else. Then I slid the same door open and the clothes were gone. In their place were CDs (change, transition, possibility), hundreds of them all in slots and organized. 

I recognized the CDs to be the music collection of my ex-husband. He loved country music. Something about seeing all the CDs upset me. I saw two large sections of CDs and recognized one to be his CDs and the other to be mine from when we were married. I recalled that I also had country music in my collection. All the songs and artists I had in my collection came to mind vividly to the point I had recollections of singing to them while driving along the country roads in Montana.

Upset and feeling very down and depressed about life, specifically thinking that my lifetime has been for nothing, I picked up the first collection of CDs, my ex’s. It was large and heavy, about a three by three feet cube filled with CDs. I placed them on top of me like a blanket (seeking security, protection) and pulled my own box of CDs on top of me as well. I curled up in the fetal position and lay there with the CDs on top of me. They did not feel heavy at all. I wept slow, sad tears and perceived myself both as the person crying and from the perspective of an observer above, watching myself crying while surrounded by lilies.

Some of what I was feeling was related to feeling ignored by my husband. He ignored me, preferring to talk to the neighbor. My husband loves to talk to others and is most happy when he is in conversations with others. He loves meeting new people and getting to know about them. He will talk to the neighbors and strangers and anyone when he is in the mood to talk. The dream brought up my consideration about this trait of his. His talking often feels hollow. It is as if he does it out of habit or maybe as a coping mechanism. Sometimes having to listen hurts me, like eats at my own energy in an almost painful way. I feel this with others who talk as if out of habit, too. Their words have no substance behind them. I sometimes feel like their talking is to fill up the space of the moment so that the speaker can pass the time without really feeling the moment. I think, “Do they ever shut up? Can they just be quiet and sit comfortably in the silence?” 

I recalled my heart connection was this way, too. He talked and talked as if trying to fill up the space between us in order to avoid something. The love? The connection? Who knows. I remember wishing he would just be quiet for a moment, to just stop and feel. 

Some of what I was feeling was related to the past, also, to all the things I did to try to connect to my ex. The music was just one example of how I changed myself to try to connect to him. I hated country music when I met him but since he liked it, I began to like it, too, to the point that I began to adopt it into my own music collection. When we parted ways, I brought my music with me but rarely listened to it after. Why? Because in reality that music was not my preference. It wasn’t truly me. 

The feeling here about that time was it was a “lifetime” wasted. The feeling about my current “lifetime” was the same: wasted. 

Considerations

My tears woke me up and I lay there feeling sad for a while. 

I remember a song was in my head as I woke. “Cause all of me, loves all of you…….You’re my end and my beginning….” I’m not sure why it was in my head but it continued to play despite my thoughts and discussion with my guidance, as if a reminder of something.

Memories of other dreams were present but in bits and pieces. I recall seeing visuals indicating delay and postponement. The feeling was/is that no movement is to be made for a while – it felt like years and years.

My first thought to my guide was, “We were discussing that weren’t we?” “That” here is referring to me considering exiting life and why. My guidance nodded confirmation and reminded me of how far I had come but the feeling that it has been for nothing was strong. In fact, the feeling dominated. I saw this life and all my lifetimes to be like those empty words that hurt to hear. That all my time has been to fill up the space of existence but has been without substance. Hollow. 

I remember thinking that if I had to do this life all over again I would omit ALL the spiritual experiences. My guidance was intrigued by this. Why? Because those experiences are why I feel so disconnected from the physical, from the world, from the sleeping populace. 

I began to begrudge our “creators”, that alien species who created humans and then abandoned us abruptly. They left us (humans) after centuries of playing our “Gods”. They taught us nothing of our true nature. They allowed us to worship them, to look to them for all the answers. Then, when they left, we didn’t know what to do. So in desperation we created our own Gods and those who saw the opportunity took power from the rest of the population who so desperately longed to be “guided” by their creators. But with those creators gone, the only guidance they had came from within but they did not know how to follow that guidance, choosing instead to follow other humans who claimed to have been chosen to lead them. But in reality, those “leaders” knew no more than anyone else. 

My disappointment in humanity was – IS – strong. It feels so hopeless. I remember talking to my guidance about how we humans are “children”. Our “parents” (creators) left us to fend for ourselves. The reality is that no matter how much they taught us, we would not truly know until we were on our own, left to fall and pick ourselves back up over and over again. They watch from afar, waiting to see if/when we will finally “grow up”. 

It seems the core of my sadness and desire to depart this reality is based upon how truly impossible the task of waking up humanity feels to be. I wish our creators would come back and give humans a good ass whooping.

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Kundalini Dreams, Symbols and Music Message: I Know I’d Go Back to You

Before I get into this post, I wanted to update on my sister. The last I heard she was signed out of the hospital to go home and wait for her upcoming surgery. She has to inject herself with antibiotics daily using a port they put in her arm. The last time I chatted with her online she told me she had been feeling ill again, with a fever and had called for an ambulance. She did not end up going to the hospital that day but she said she thinks it will happen. However, there has been no news that she is back in the hospital.

The insurance change was approved and surgery is set for August 7th.

Kundalini Dreams

I don’t get many of these lately.

Woke around 4am from a dream. In the dream I was going out my front door headed out on my daily walk. A man approached me, startling me. He had on a helmet and was sitting on a bike. He smiled and asked me if me and my kids wanted to join him and his kids on a bike ride. When I saw him I recognized him. I believe I had seen him in a previous dream. My first thought was that if I let myself I would be drawn into his energy and it could culminate in a K connection. I experienced brief panic. Why was he at my front door? Why was he at my house? I woke up concerned and a bit panicked.

I don’t recall what the man looked like now except that he was middle aged and seemed somewhat fit, though not muscular. He was most definitely not overweight. In the dream the fact that he was at my house bothered me. I suspect this is symbolic of my spiritual openness to this man, whoever he is – guide or otherwise. I am allowing him near my Home (Soul).

When I woke from the dream a male guide was close by asking me questions and encouraging a discussion. He was asking me about the male physique and my considerations that it is not beautiful like the female body. I replied that some men are attractive to me, specifically those who take care of their bodies and keep in shape. I think the male form looks best with some muscle, though not big and bulky. I do not like male bodies that have fat in the stomach and thighs like a woman. The “man bod” is very unattractive to me and the pot belly/beer belly body actually grosses me out. A thin male body with little muscle is acceptable but not a turn on. 

Similarly, women who let their bodies go are also not attractive to me, though women who gain fat in the right places (hourglass) can maintain their good looks even at 30% or more body fat at times.

I’m not sure why we were discussing the attractiveness of bodies to me except that my guide was trying to get me to look past physical appearance. I recall him pointing out how much I work on my body – weight training and cardio to achieve a certain look. He suggested I stop for a while and see what happens. I said I feel better when I am active. He suggested yoga. I said it is boring. lol I do know if I stop working out as often that I will maintain my appearance because I’ve done it before many times. If I had to stop for whatever reason it would not upset me and I could easily stay in shape with less time spent on such endeavors. I prefer, however, to continue to reach for my goal which is to sculpt my body so that I have more muscle and less fat. I’m looking to maintain a youthful, strong and healthy body. I want to feel proud of how I look and I do.

K Dream: Decorating Cupcakes

After this brief discussion with my guide (lasted maybe ten minutes), I fell back to sleep. 

Then I am standing in a kitchen next to a man. The man is decorating cupcakes (to satisfy simple desires, love) and I am watching, fascinated with how good he is at it. The frosting on some cupcakes looked like cascading water. I commented on his artwork, complimenting him. He turned and asked me about my own cupcakes. Why didn’t I add more differing types of ingredients like chocolate or peanut butter cups? I replied that I preferred simple decorations and ingredients. Then I watched as he added a newly finished cupcake to a tall tower of cupcakes that were balanced one on top of the other. I told him to be careful because it was so tall and could topple. He wasn’t concerned and I heard a chuckle escape his lips. Overall, I seemed to amuse him.

I recall feeling a connection to this man. It was as if he was inviting me in to share in his energy. Briefly I connected with his energy and could feel my chakras tingle with the K energy. It moved through me reminding me of previous encounters and I could not help but fall into the feeling.

I turned away, looking down at my hands. In each hand I held a cupcake only they were blueberry muffins (change or situation that is beneficial), not cupcakes. They had no frosting but I knew they were no different than cupcakes, just intended for breakfast. It seemed the man was encouraging me to decorate my cupcakes/muffins, to create a masterpiece like the ones he created. 

The K energy continued to circulate and it woke me. Thankfully it was mild in comparison with other incidences but there was a strong magnetic pull from within me. Being the energy was quite calm I was able to feel into what my core was telling me and recognized once again that my entire purpose for being in this body, in this life, in this time period on Earth, was that feeling – or the result of the movement of that energy, Divine Union. All of my Being desires nothing more than to achieve that Union with Self and even more to have that while in this physical body and experience. It is embodiment, it is ascension, it is power and that power is Me. 

Music Message

As the energy moved through me a song was going through my head. Specifically the lyrics – “I know I’d go back to you.” 

The song seemed to mirror my feeling of longing, as if to say, “You know you want to”. At first I denied this and grew resistant but that didn’t last long. How can I ignore that Knowing? How can I deny what I feel? Do I really want a plain old muffin? Or do I want a full blown cupcake with lots of decadent frosting? lol

Astral Sight

I fell into the in-between while enjoying the K-bliss. My body felt so relaxed. I floated there in bliss. 

The next thing I recall is a sense of remote viewing of the bedroom and spaces beyond. I saw my room and some of the things in it in great detail. It was as if I had on special binoculars that allowed me to see through my closed eyelids and zoom in on objects. 

One would think I would become more lucid with such an experience but I seemed to just want to float in it rather than take over the experience. I could have flown off to explore, but I didn’t. I just allowed and looked around. Sometimes I would come back to my body but it was easy to send my vision out and away, as if accessing a portal or some window into the astral. 

Signs and Symbols

I’ve been trying to take notice of what the Universe is showing me. Focusing on my feelings and intuition whenever possible. This can be difficult with all that is going on right now in the world and with my family, but I persevere.

Broken Eggshells

I’ve seen bird eggshells here and there. Most of them are dove eggs but the other day I saw a turquoise one with brown spots. I even picked it up and inspected it, finding it pretty. Overall, I noticed the eggshells but didn’t think much. It is that time of year. The birds in Texas have babies all summer long.

Then a few days ago, while on a walk, I heard a noise just behind me, so close to my head that it made a significant amount of noise. What was that? I turned and there, mid-fall, was – yep, an eggshell. lol Mama bird decided to discard it right over my head.

So what does an eggshell mean? Well, eggs represent new life, rebirth and transformation. Being the egg is broken and I am only seeing the shell, perhaps it is a message that something has been born – something that has yet to be recognized. Since once almost dropped right on my head, well, I can’t help but think I am being asked to “pay attention”. lol

Dead Blue Jay

On a walk this week I came across a beautiful male Blue Jay, only he was dead. It looked as if he had just lay down on the side of the road and died. I tried to look closer but I had my dog Monty with me so I couldn’t get as close as I wanted. Monty wanted to eat him.

Blue Jay’s symbolize faithfulness, longevity and strength. If one encounters a dead one it symbolizes coming problems. The problem(s) most likely will come through someone you know and love, perhaps even a partner or a family member you are close to. In general, though, dead birds can be good omens symbolizing rebirth and new beginnings. So perhaps the Blue Jay is saying, “Hey, there are some issues coming up, but don’t worry, they are helping to pave the way to something new”?

Feathers Everywhere

I am also seeing feathers pretty much every day, sometimes more than once a day. They are in perfect shape and usually something about them draws my eye and attention. I typically have the urge to pick them up, but I never do. Why? They are just songbird feathers, nothing unique for this time of year. None has hit me in the head yet, either. lol

Feathers symbolize a strong celestial connection to the Heavenly realms, as well as love, truth, protection, new beginnings and rebirth. 

1111

Yes, I am seeing this number again as well. Not much to be said about this except that I am use to seeing it and it’s counterpart 111.

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Some Things to Remember

It is easy to Forget who we Are in times like these. So much distraction. So much conflict, fear, upset, and worry to put our overactive minds into overdrive if we so allow it. Below are some simple reminders to help pull you out of your mind and back into your heart and Self.

Life is but a game and we are all actors playing our roles in it. The role you play is one you agreed to play but this lifetime’s personality is but a drop in the ocean of what comprises You.

Every person you meet is a reflection of You (meaning that You that is much bigger than the tiny portion that is your personality and character in this lifetime).

Belief is key. What you believe becomes your reality. Or to put it another way – your beliefs limit and shape your reality and experiences. Shared beliefs create shared realities. We gravitate towards those who share our beliefs and thus have similar realities to our own.

Doubt destroys conviction, limits ones power and reinforces Forgetfulness. Doubt is a byproduct of fear.

Fear is not native to Spirit (US). Fear exists in the finite and is a byproduct of duality (good/bad, life/death).

What you resist, persists.

You are not alone.

You are Love(d).

This, too, shall pass.

The only constant is change.

To err is human. Be kind to yourself. Forgiveness is key.

Experience is a teacher. Learn from it.

There are no mistakes, only choices.

Follow the 8 Winds.  “Worthy persons deserve to be called so because they are not carried away by the eight winds: prosperity, decline, disgrace, honor, praise, censure, suffering, and pleasure. They are neither elated by prosperity nor grieved by decline.”

That which we most fear is our greatest lesson.

There are so many more but these are the ones that comes to me now. Please feel free to add any you can think of in the comments. Namaste.

 

 

 

 

 

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Mother’s Day Musings

It’s Mother’s Day and I am feeling affected but not sure exactly how. I am in a somber mood but also a pensive one. I’m not sad but I’m not happy. I’m contemplative but zoned out.

This morning I recalled how the other day, when not in present time, my mind wandering to other things – most of which were me feeling angry about the unfairness of certain things in the world, things I cannot change or effect directly – I spilled scalding hot water all over my hand. Brought immediately to present time by the event, I made sure to hold the cup until I could place it on a solid surface despite the automatic impulse to drop it and tend to the horrific burning sensation that was quickly spreading across my arm. Putting the cup down, I did not immediately tend to my burns but instead continued making my cup of tea. Once I completed the task at hand I put my hand under cool water and surveyed the damage. While my hand and arm seemed okay, the burning sensation had not abated despite the cold water.

After many minutes of feeling the burning sensation come and go in waves I recognized the pain was something I needed not avoid. In fact, the avoidance of the pain extended and even intensified it. So I sat motionless and focused on the pain, allowing it to exist and knowing it would pass and had something to teach me. Yes it was uncomfortable but in focusing on the pain I noticed it was not as bad as it seemed. I became curious about it even, noting the unique way my body registered the pain – the prickling hot sensation, the spreading and then abating as if my nerves were trying to decide whether a threat existed.

As expected the pain eventually subsided and I was left only with a sensitive area on my hand that felt similar to a sunburn. I rubbed some aloe on it and was able to fall asleep but not before recalling how my mom once told me of her own boiling hot water incident when she was pregnant. She had been making spaghetti and somehow tipped the entire pot of boiling water all over herself. In her case, she had not just burned her hand like me but a very large portion of her body. She had to lay in a tub of cold water just to bear the pain of it.

I wonder now if I had been the child inside her tummy at that time? Why did the memory of my mother’s story come to me so vividly when I had heard the story so very long ago, when I myself was still a child? Could this be a reminder that we are all connected? That one person’s experience can be recalled by another – re-experienced even – and sympathized with?

But this morning as I recall my own experience and tie it into my own’s mother’s, I am grateful for what it taught me. Pain is not something to avoid. Pain teaches. In fact, it is our greatest teacher if only we would stop and listen to it rather than pushing it away, denying and avoiding it.

Similarly, the pain of the world is also our teacher. When our hearts ache in response to the atrocities that exist in this world we should embrace the ache, hug it close to use even, as it is a reminder of our humanity as well as our deep connection to one another. It is not our purpose in these bodies to eliminate pain. On the contrary, it is to embrace it and let it teach us what we otherwise would not know. We come here, hearts completely open, knowing the pain we will encounter, willing to experience it so it can transform us. We do not come here to vanquish pain or those who appear to be the source of it. No. Our job is to transmute the pain into the Love that we are. For Love knows not the difference between “bad” and “good”, it is acceptance regardless of intent.

I am reminded of how how my own heart, open so wide as to let in the entirety of human existence in a moment, was so overpowering that I fell to my knees and pleaded for God to take it all away. Tears spontaneously poured from my eyes from the beauty and my heart ached from the simultaneous pain. How could I be both happy and grieving at the same time? How could so many contradictory emotions exist altogether as if one and the same?

And a silent voice inside me answers – Because they are One.

Happy Mother’s Day. May you embrace the Love that you are.

 

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Dream: Saturn Meets Pluto

Interesting dreams lately, one in particular I think I should recount.

Dream: Saturn Meets [Conjunct] Pluto

The dream location was in space amidst the stars and planets. I was traveling with a companion feeling very interested in what we were doing, which was writing/creating a story based upon the stars. I could change location with a thought and did this every so often to explore the story line.

There are many details lost to me now but some are very prominent in my memory. I remember flying up to a planet and saying to my companion, “….when Saturn meets Pluto”. As I said this, I saw the planet Pluto moving toward me and watched as the entire solar system of planets was shifting around to where the planets closest to the sun were now farthest and the planets farthest were now closest.

Pluto was my focus most of the dream and I actually shifted my position and ended up on the surface of the planet for a time. While on the planet I was talking to many others as if we were children creating an interactive story. In the story, Pluto was a planet where people were sent for a time, like a prison, and the word “prison” was actually used here. The planet looked much like pictures I have seen – a barren, gray rock.

I watched as a person was given their ration of food. It was in a cup and they took a drink but what was inside wasn’t a liquid but instead looked like metal rods. The rods looked like tiny splinters – sharp and silver and most definitely not something a person should eat! The person did not drink the metal and as I watched I shifted positions and took the perspective of the person holding the cup and not drinking.

I vaguely remember discussing Jupiter conjunct Pluto, also, as well as other planets. It was like I was getting a lesson on astrology.

Dream Message and Symbolism

In that instant most of the dream fades from my memory and I struggle even as I type this to fill in the gaps. Parts will surface only to vanish when I try to contact the memory. My best guess is that I am not meant to remember the details and am suppose to focus on the feeling of the message the dream was meant to relay.

The feeling I had here was that I was being told of a circumstance or event where the entire solar system will be flipped or turned upside down. I don’t think this is literal but more an analogy of what is happening or will happen. The solar system is likely symbolic of the Collective and what is happening here on Earth.

The other part of the message is about the planets. There is most definitely an astrological message here, which I explored the minute I woke up. This message revolves around Saturn and Jupiter conjunct Pluto.

Being I am not an astrologer, I have to rely on the internet to decipher what these conjunctions even mean. What I read, though, makes a whole lot of sense and goes perfect with the dream content.

Saturn-Pluto relates to the established power structures and ruling elite versus the common people, nuclear events and restriction on many levels. Source

In 2020, Jupiter and Pluto will form conjunctions in Capricorn as follows:

  • April 5th: Jupiter 24 Capricorn conjunct Pluto 24 Capricorn
  • June 30th: Jupiter 24 Capricorn conjunct Pluto 24 Capricorn
  • November 12th Jupiter 22 Capricorn conjunct Pluto 22 Capricorn

These unusual patterns spell opportunity and change. They also spell the downfall, very specifically, of any person, group or organisation which had total control before, or was abusing power. Source

Unfortunately, I don’t have much time to really delve into the astrological significance of these conjunctions at this time. So I must rely on my feelings about my dream and the message it relays.

My gut feeling says that this year – 2020 – is a year of extreme changes that span multiple areas of life, both personal and collective. We have already seen this with the Corona Virus but the feeling is that the virus is just the tip of the ice burg. The changes going on under the surface are and will breed significant changes in the weeks and months to come, all of which you can bet will push us as individuals and as a world population to our limits, forcing us to rethink and alter the systems, beliefs and patterns that have ruled our lives up until this point.

The part of the dream where Pluto is the a prison planet and the person is about to drink razor blades feels significant to me, also.

Pluto is the great revealer, but often there’s a dark night before the rebirth. Pluto brings to mind purging, exorcising, and releasing buried power or core truths. It’s the planet of creative destruction, and transits can feel like extended ordeals. Source

To me, the fact that I become the person holding the destructive drink and do not drink relays the message that awareness is ultimately attained and destruction is avoided. This could be a personal message for just me, or more likely a message about the Collective.

The planet being a prison is evidence of Pluto’s significance here. We create our own prisons in life. Truthfully, everything we experience is of our creation, even the worst, most traumatic ordeals. So it seems that 2020 is acting as a Dark Night of the Soul for the entire world right now, especially those who have remained asleep (as in versus “awake”, “aware”).

Reflection 

What I find most interesting is that when I awoke this morning I had a realization about my sister.

She is currently in the hospital again after being sent home only to return a couple of days later with shortness of breath and high blood pressure. Turns out she had water around her heart. The doctors fixed his but the medications caused kidney dysfunction and so they have been holding her at the hospital until her kidney function improves. Once that happens they will release her to continue to take antibiotics because the infection on her heart valves still has not cleared.

My mom, who is 71 years old, had agreed to let my sister live with her while she recuperates under the condition that her husband doesn’t visit. This is not only to keep my sister from getting her hands on more meth, but also to avoid her husband exposing my mom and step-dad to the Corona virus. Until yesterday, this was plan, but sadly my sister’s husband came to the house and picked up their son. My mom told both of them that my nephew cannot come back to stay with her until the virus is not a threat. That same day my sister told my mom she wanted to go home and stay with her husband in their RV for a few days once she is released. My mom told her if she does that she will not be allowed to come stay with her and my step-dad.

The most likely scenario is that my sister will go home and then beg my mom to give her a second chance because conditions at her RV are deplorable. My mom is set against the idea and I don’t see her giving in. So, my sister will probably return to meth with the help of her husband and their son, well, God help him.

The realization I had this morning involved an understanding of the dynamics of my sister’s co-dependent relationship with her husband. What popped into my mind was this:

Munchausen syndrome by proxy: A parenting disorder in which the parent either fabricates an illness or induces an illness in their child.

From this I made a connection. My BIL, who has struggled his entire life with self-esteem issues, has been keeping my sister dependent upon him so that he can continue to remain in his caregiver role. This makes perfect sense because he has never been able to find purpose in his life and has long struggled with low self-esteem and self-destructive behavior. Then my sister comes along and he feels he finally has found his purpose – take care of her, be her knight in shining armor. The only problem is that when she is not dependent upon drugs she doesn’t need him and is very independent. So, he enables her to keep her dependent upon him. It is not technically Munchausen syndrome, but it is close.

I am not saying my sister is innocent, but she is like a child in this case. She wants to be taken care of and thrives off of the attention (and the drugs) she gets. She would likely shower her husband with love and affection when he provides her with her drugs and reinforce her need of him. My sister benefits by not having to work or take responsibility for her life. She is allowed to do what she pleases and her husband gets to feel needed.

Though the situation is sad, I was relieved to finally see it more clearly. Whether this has anything to do with my dream, IDK. Perhaps it is a part of it, one of the many stories the Collective is running through at this time. Whatever the case, I hope that the path they choose is the one that leads to healing, wholeness and recovery.

 

 

 

 

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Message: Transfiguration

A couple of days ago I awoke hearing a voice whisper: “Transfiguration”. At first I thought I heard “trans-configuration” and maybe I did, but in Googling it I struggled to find an actual definition except for one used in organic chemistry. Being I woke up thinking about the Corona Virus and it’s potentially devastating effects on the future, I believe the message is in reference to what lies ahead. A date, perhaps? Or a warning?

First, the organic chemistry definition of trans-configuration.

trans configuration. [-kənfig′yərā′shən] Etymology: L, trans + configurare, to form from. 1 an arrangement in which the dominant allele of one pair of genes and the recessive allele of another pair are on the same chromosome. Source

If this is part of the message, I have no idea what to make of it, mostly because I am not familiar with organic chemistry. It could be referencing the virus or human DNA or both.

As for the definition of transfiguration, it is typically a Christian term used to describe an event in the Bible. Even though I was raised as a Christian, my specific background did not celebrate the Transfiguration so I had little knowledge of the event and its significance.

You can read more about the Transfiguration in a Google search of your own if you do not know much about it. Or you can read this articleto get a general idea of it.

The Transfiguration was a special event in which God allowed certain apostles to have a privileged spiritual experience that was meant to strengthen their faith for the challenges they would later endure. But it was only a temporary event. It was not meant to be permanent.

In the same way, at certain times in this life, God may give certain members of the faithful (not all of the faithful, all the time), special experiences of his grace that strengthen their faith.

We should welcome these experiences for the graces they are, but we should not expect them to continue indefinitely, nor should we be afraid or resentful when they cease.

They may have been meant only as momentary glimpses of the joy of heaven to sustain us as we face the challenges of this life, to help strengthen us on the road that will–ultimately–bring us into the infinite and endless joy of heaven.

So, the message may only be for me, or it may be for us all, or both. I will take from it what I need, regardless. I have been blessed to experience such glimpses in my life and I have been guilty of expecting more glimpses of “grace” and resentful when they do not come. So, for me, the message is clear, but is there more to it? Something more all-encompassing?

I did a search on when the Transfiguration is celebrated. Typically around August 6th, two days after my birthday. So this message could be referring to a date – but I won’t be chomping at the bit for that date to come around, anticipating something “profound”.

It could also be referencing the actual time the Transfiguration was said to occur, which would be around February or March. The best timing of this would be Lent, which this year goes from February 26 to April 11th.

Lent is a time that offers us an opportunity to come to terms with the human condition we may spend the rest of the year running from and it brings our need for a Savior to the forefront. Like Advent, Lent is a time to open the doors of our hearts a little wider and understand our Lord a little deeper…. Source 

I find it interesting that the time period of Lent almost perfectly coincides with the Corona Virus outbreak and all that followed. Many were sent home with nothing left to do but be alone with their thoughts which may have turned into a kind of forced introspection for some, which may or may not have been welcomed and accepted.

So all in all, this message seems to be a positive one, even with the organic chemistry term included. Maybe, if we just take the time to be silent and listen, we will find God’s grace within this darkness?

I forgot to add that the message of “transfiguration” was nearly forgotten except that my husband played a song and the message suddenly popped into my head with a feeling of near urgency behind it. This is the song he was playing:

The song makes me emotional. Not only that, but I can’t help but acknowledge the message sync here – Rise Up – the death and resurrection of Jesus – the death and resurrection of Self – the Transfiguration.

And with that I am reminded that I was also told early one morning, “You are not alone.” Remember, even in our darkest moments, in Earth’s darkest times, there is Light – Us – and we are NOT alone.

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Keep Calm: The Earth is Purging

The Earth is purging. It has been for a long time now.

Years ago when I had my first precognition visions (unwanted at that) I was shown natural disasters (fires, floods, viruses, drought, migration) to the point of crippling the population and economy, leading to wars, riots, destruction. Massive population movement (displacement) all over the world because of the changes in climate. Water levels rising and flooding populations close to the coastlines, rising up the Mississippi river and other large rives, flooding beyond record levels. That was in 2002 and covered “the next 50 years”. We aren’t even halfway through yet.

I was shown back in 2002 to stay put, location-wise, for a reason. No flooding here. No earthquakes. Climate change would be more positive, in that it would be wetter – similar to the sub-tropics. The Equator will shift as the poles shift, moving the tropics and sub-tropics from the positions they are in now, shifting that weather north in some areas and south in others. I happen to be in the north side of it.

When the fires hit the US I kept hearing from my guides, “Purge by fire”. When the flooding was happening in the US, it was, “Purge by water.” I heard the same with various other natural disasters as they happened happened around the world.

The Corona virus is no different, it’s just “Purge by disease.”

The Earth can only take so much. There are too many people and that number is rising. We are taking more than we need, using up Earth’s bounty, sucking her dry.

When animal populations rise too much, the Earth naturally fixes the problem. Either food becomes scarce, disease spreads quickly or some other method or combinations of methods is used to slow the population rise and maintain balance. Yet humans think we are somehow immune from this. We believe we are “superior”. So we develop ways to avoid the natural process and our population swells to numbers far beyond Earth’s ability to cope. The tipping point is here, though, and if we are smart we will listen to the Earth’s cries.

If a virus doesn’t kill off millions, something else will. The Earth is purging and will continue to.

Resisting the changes won’t help. Remaining calm and centered will. The herd mentality creates more problems, leads to panic and people acting illogically. Quarantining people in their homes for weeks won’t make it go away, it only slows it down. Other virus’ exist, some we don’t even know about, some we do. Are we going to be in quarantine forever? Contact with other humans is inevitable – needed.

I find it interesting also that I just finished watching the show 12 Monkeys which is about a virus that wipes out almost all of the world population. Ha! Not a sync I missed.

I saw a post yesterday that speaks so much about this virus situation. It resonated with me completely.

IMG_6290.jpg

When I observe people both online and in my day-to-day living, I see evidence of these three groups, have for a long while now.

The 4D group is very active on FB and other social media. This person or that is a “pedophile”, the virus is a “hoax”, “Team Dark” is trying to destroy the Light, the elite are using us a pawns, etc. It is not that they are “wrong”. It is very likely such hidden agendas are in the works (probably, actually). But becoming enmeshed in such things acts only to distract them, distancing them further from the inner work that needs to be done.

The fear mongers are frantic. They are the ones I avoid when I go out in public because their fear is broadcast in their energy and makes me feel generally icky. The amount of fear varies, of course, from severe paranoia to mere anxiety, but they are all being controlled by it, not listening to their inner Knowing but instead seeking out the most recent news and then spreading the fear to others in various ways.

The 5D individuals are less openly obvious. They are the quiet ones for the most part. Observing, allowing – centered in their hearts and in their Knowing. They stand centered in Self, watching the world around them without judgement but with compassion.

I feel I am more in line with the 5D group. I struggle with remaining neutral, though. When I see the conspiracy posts on FB or other social media I want to write something to try and show them how distracted they are, but I stay silent. It is the same with those consumed by fear. It will do no good to try and force them to see things the way I do. They are going through their own process, as we all are, and no one path is alike.

So I remain quiet more than not. When I go out in public I smile, I remain calm, I am friendly. Just yesterday when I was out shopping, an employee of the store was also shopping and approached me, smiling and friendly. When he got too close he backed up suddenly and apologized, saying he should not get too close with the virus so near. I smiled, laughed and reassured him that I had no fear whatsoever of becoming infected. He looked positively relieved and began to relax, smiling and continuing to share his story and thoughts. I listened and allowed him to release some of his pent up emotion and fear.

Yet in the same trip as I was checking out I must have gotten too close and the man in front of me stiffened as if he were going to catch fire or drop dead. I backed off, smiled and remained pleasant.

I will leave you all with a positive sign I received two days ago on a trip to see my Mom, who lives about 40 minutes away in the country. It was a pleasant visit and toward the end we were blessed with visit by a Polyphemus moth. My step-father gently picked it up and held it and after a while it flew off into the distance. We were all in awe of its beauty and presence.

moth.jpg

The symbolism of the moth was not lost on me. I knew it was a message. Here is the message of the moth:

moth symbolism