Category Archives: Ascension

by

All is Well

Had some dreams of note. In one I was at a computer screen and sent completed files to this guy. He said, “You forgot to merge the files.” I looked at him and said, “Okay. That shouldn’t take more than an hour, right?” He smiled, laughed and said,”More like four or more hours.” I smiled and took his hand in mine and looked at him. In this instance dream time seemed to slow way down. I can’t remember his face now but I remember thinking that it was okay if it took a long time because that meant more time with him. There was a nice warm feeling in my heart and I woke up still feeling it.

After waking the significance of “merged documents” was not lost on me. I knew it was referencing Wholeness – or becoming One with All. I understood that I didn’t mind waiting because it gave me the chance to be with the man. If we merged I wouldย becomeย the man – which is not the same.

A few nights ago I remember being in the in-between talking about how much I missed a soul family connection. As I cried and my heart hurt, I was being reminded of why I was here. There was a feeling of knowing that the Oneness I so desire is my natural state in Spirit and that I come into human form to experience myself separate from that, which is what I am doing. The separateness is only temporary and with that I should try and enjoy it and learn from it while I can.

The two experiences stayed with me. Then, I had a dream last night in which I was making love to myself while looking into a mirror at my own face. As I looked deep into my own eyes I felt the significance of the experience. Someone interrupted, taking my bedroom door off of its hinges. I got up to put it back on and saw that the bolt that kept the hinges in place was missing. The door was to never be secure. It was just an illusion of security. I saw this, too, and accepted it.

As I woke I began thinking about these messages. If we are merged, One, then how can we experience ourselves outside of ourselves except to be separate from ourselves? I saw this life in human form as that experience. How can I hold my own hand except but to allow myself to be as a man and a woman, separate with separate experiences, reaching out to each other? I saw my husband, my children, my mom, my family, friends, everyone as the opportunity to do this, to reach out to touch myself, see and experience myself and to remember I am not alone because I am ALL.

With all this something extraordinary has been happening to me. Slowly. I almost didn’t notice it, it occurred so slowly, but I have noticed. I think it all comes down to something simple: choice. I don’t consciously do it most of the time. It just happens automatically.

This all stems from a decision I made a long while ago. I decided that some things were just not worth my time and energy. Mostly negative things, things that did not bring me joy or that made me feel a certain way – that anxious pit in my stomach feeling or that unwell spiritual-energetic dissonance feeling. They are feelings that are hard to describe but when I feel them I know them. When I feel those “off” feelings I simply switch off the thoughts that cause them and turn on other thoughts or observe my environment and breathe it in. I do this so frequent it has turned into a habit. Yay!

As a result of this new habit I am much more peaceful throughout my day. I am much calmer and more centered. It is this new Beingness that helped me to notice how much I have changed for the better.

I find much more joy in simple things than I use to. I smile at things that normally I would have not noticed. I enjoy moments more and as often as I can.

I would like to hope that this is progress, at least on some level and all my hard work is beginning to pay off. Or maybe I am just finally entering into a stage, one that comes with getting older, and this is just part of a process everyone eventually goes through? ๐Ÿ™‚ Whatever the case, I am feeling so much more solid in this body and life and it is well with my soul.

Something that came to me the other day on a walk (I take two a day now), is about the chakras. I remember thinking, “The lower chakras say, ‘live long and prosper’ and the upper chakras say, ‘but remember who you are’.” lol The lower chakras are all about the biological organism – reproduce, survive, live, die. The upper chakras are the tether that connects our human and physical forms. They work to remind us that we are much, much more than these bodies – eternal/infinite. The two, when streamlined, allow us to be both human (finite) and Spirit (infinite) in balance; merging physical and spiritual.

I can feel when I am streamlined like this and when I am not. I don’t know how I lived my life up until now not noticing the difference! Perhaps the self (little self, Ego) and the Self (Higher Self) are cooperating like intended? ๐Ÿ™‚ Like in my dreams where I am in a car, but both the driver and the passenger? The driver being the Self and the passenger being the self. The self can be a HUGE back seat driver but she stays in that passenger seat where she belongs a hell of a whole lot more than she use to. hahaha

It is ironic that with all the panic and ridiculous amounts of fear in the world right now, I am feeling quite the opposite. I hope you are, too.

 

by

Updates

This post will mostly consist of updates and musings.

Updates

My sister is still in the hospital. I haven’t been able to visit her again because my husband is out of town for work and I am playing single parent to our three children. Thankfully, nothing major has occurred with her condition. She is stable, though she has had some minor complications. A few days ago she had to have fluid removed from her right leg which had swollen and grown very painful. She also continues to have a fever despite the antibiotics they have been giving her. She had a picture taken of her heart valve, but I haven’t heard the results of that test yet. The doctors believe her valve is failing and she will need it removed and replaced. At this point I think a heart valve replacement is inevitable. We all knew it would happen one day, it was just a question of when.

As for my health, I had a physical over a month ago, the first in about four years. My blood work came back normal and I am still awaiting the results of my first ever mammogram. I don’t expect any bad results from the mammogram, either.

I have concluded that the heart speed-up incident last August was the result of a mixture of conditions – stress, spiritual healing/shift and eating too little for my activity level. First, when I told the doctor of the incident she agreed that it sounded very much like a hypoglycemic “attack” rather than a heart attack or heart related issue. Second, I had a series of very stressful incidents around that time, one of which was my dog, Monty, being horribly attacked by a loose dog in our neighborhood as we took our daily walk. I had also been going through some major spiritual shifting specifically in my second and third chakras which brought about debilitating panic attacks. Finally, I had been eating way too few calories – around 1500/day – for my activity level. I am active 6-7 days a week, meaning I do some kind of exercise every day and most days it is moderate to high intensity for 45+ minutes. So, I recently changed my calorie intake to closer to 1850 and am about to increase it to 2000/day. I’m not sure how I got stuck at such a low daily caloric intake. I know better than that!

I continue to work on flexibility and have already noticed a difference in how I feel. The tightness in my hips and shoulders seems to be decreasing. I can do reverse plank and bridge without feeling like my shoulders are going to break off. lol My calves are still a major sticking point for my deep squat and I still have discomfort at my hip crease when I squat deep. These will take time to resolve – maybe years – but I have accepted that and am just focusing on increasing my flexibility.

As I suspected would happen as I worked on my physical body, my spiritual body is responding in kind. Slowly, but surely, some issues are rising to the surface for inspection. For example, I have been having dreams related to issues and events in my past. I haven’t written much about them because they are deeply personal and revealing. The dreams bring back emotions that I would rather not feel and self-defeating thoughts tend to follow.

I have also recognized once again my tendency to hold onto or fixate on certain things. Finances tend to be one of those sticking points. My goals financially are to have no credit card debt and to have a substantial amount of money in savings. I reached goal #1 recently and am working hard to reach #2. Unfortunately, it looks like goal #1 is not going to last as our downstairs heater stopped working and we had to have the whole unit replaced. Similarly, a debt to a friend of my husband is coming due, one I didn’t know existed until just recently.

On a positive note, financially we have the ability to handle these situations and to continue put aside money. My job continues to be perfect for me and I am so very grateful to have the freedom, lack of stress and financial security it brings.

Spiritual Update

I’ve been in a period of integration, which feels like stagnation, for some time now and I do not see that changing anytime soon. As is my struggle with periods like this, I tend to get extremely bored and listless. Physical life is just not very interesting, especially in comparison to that types of spiritual experiences I am use to. I do not desire to do most things that others would find enjoyable. I still do not like being out in crowds of people even though I no longer experience anxiety or panic when I do.

Lately, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about what is important in life. This was brought on by my sister’s sudden illness and her continued teeter-totter on the tightrope between life and death. My dreams suggest she is at a life turning point where she can choose to stay or go. When considering my feelings about this I felt okay if she opted to leave but recognized that there would be an obvious hole in my life left by her absence. The feeling is hard to describe but is similar to having a piece missing. Those who have lost loved ones would understand this feeling well, but I experience it differently. I do not struggle with the physical death of a loved one very much as I know they continue to live on just in another form. What I struggle with is feeling alone. I manage this feeling daily but when a family member dies it becomes all the more obvious and I envy them. I honestly can’t wait until my visit to Earth ends and I can rejoin my family in Spirit.

I’ve also begun to feel a bit guilty about how little I have done to help my sister in her life struggles. As I contemplated the potential loss of her I thought to myself how spiteful I have been and the conditions I have set on the love I have for my sister. My actions say, “I love you conditionally” and that is NOT what I want my sister to take with her from this life. Because in the end love is really all there is and human love and all that it lacks is so degraded compared to the Divine love we all are. When I take away the conditions, the love I have for my sister causes me to want to give her whatever I can to ease her suffering. I still struggle with that voice that says, “But…..”. At least I am viewing my relationship with her in a new way.

Another feeling I’m having is loneliness. It is more acute than usual, anyway. I feel a lack but cannot put my finger on what exactly it is except to say I feel alone and isolated. I realize I isolate myself from others purposefully and when I inspect that action I don’t feel it is the source of my loneliness. I desire deep, meaningful connections, not superficial ones. Most everyone who surrounds me in my daily life (except my close family) will only provide superficial connections. I’m tired of being an actress, playing the role others want me to play. Yet I struggle to be my True Self. She is illusive or maybe she just doesn’t feel safe? All of this is just a part of the period of integration asking me to confront physical reality, really inspect it and my response to it. Perhaps there is something I’m not seeing or maybe I am doing what I do in other areas of my life, resisting reality?

I have been reminded in my dreams that we choose to enter this physical life and body to challenge ourselves. We travel this path “alone” on purpose. Alone = separate from the Oneness; individualized and sequestered. Those special few (soul family) who remind us of our true nature and purpose come and go. Sometimes – rarely- they stick around and we create lasting physical life memories with them. Other times, and more frequently, our paths diverge. Heart sickness results when this happens but the heart heals and we are stronger in the end, though it may take some time to realize that.

 

by

On to 2020

I know I’ve been quiet and not posting much these days. This doesn’t mean nothing is going on just that I’ve been focused on other things. I hope you are all fairing well in 2020 so far.

The energy and shifts have been quite intense and promise to remain so. I don’t know if this will continue throughout the year but if it does I am ready and willing to ride whatever storm(s) of change it brings. I have already been given glimpses of my own year to come and the sense is that action rather than passive observation will be on the agenda as the year unfolds. My husband even mentioned to me last week that he felt 2020 would be similar to 2014, which for us was all about massive change. We witnessed a marriage, a death, two births (one our own), the sale of our house, and a move to another city. I changed jobs twice and began to experience intense Kundalini dreams, prophetic visions/messages and just a sense that it was time to seriously step into my role in helping with the ascension here on Earth.

I have already jumped into my “work” and am being reminded to take it one step at a time so as to not overwhelm myself. The first item on my list was to edit my Light Code Oracle deck guidebook, which I completed yesterday. ๐Ÿ™‚ The guidebook was far too large to fit into the bag alongside the cards and had some minor grammatical and formatting errors I wanted to fix. I had wanted to create a box for the cards to go in but decided against it since I rarely see people who use tarot and oracle cards use the box. The little black velvet, drawstring bag works much better in my opinion.

At some point I want to get my artwork professionally scanned so I can sell prints but currently this is not financially viable. I am exploring other options such as taking high definition photos and creating the digital files on my own.

Right now I am exploring how to gradually begin offering readings and other services out of my home. I never stopped offering them really but I stopped advertising and going to metaphysical fairs back in 2007. So far I have found some places to advertise but looking at the metaphysical fair option has me feeling uncertain. I don’t feel like jumping right back in will work out well. I have to build back up to my previous confidence level first. I’m also not sure what services to offer this time around. The services I use to offer don’t feel right to me now for some reason – those being psychic and mediumship readings specifically.

I may decide to focus on selling my Light Code Oracle deck. Right now I utilize the GameCrafter website who produces and sells the decks as they are ordered. I don’t do much advertising. As a result I haven’t sold many decks. I have the option to bulk order the decks and sell and ship them myself, which I could do in person and via Amazon. If I do this it means I must dedicate myself, my time and resources and so I am still thinking about whether I want to go in that direction.

As far as regular, mundane life choices, I come up for a raise and promotion at work in February. If I receive the compensation I have requested, I will continue on in the position which allows me to work from home up to four days a week. If not, I will resign and focus on more spiritually motivated work.

That same month my husband and his brother will be signing a contract that give them each 20% stock in the company officially making him and his brother co-owners. This in itself will be a huge shift. It also means I will likely get my promotion without issue.

I recently signed up for medical insurance which begins this month. After the heart speed-up incident I had last August, I felt I should at least get checked out. I have an appointment in two weeks for a full, well-woman exam and physical. I don’t know if bloodwork will be part of it or not but it is at least a step toward monitoring my health. My last physical was in 2014 and I have not been to a doctor for any medical issues since that time. Since I haven’t had any other strange heart incidents my guess is that it had a spiritual source rather than a physical one. We’ll see.

Finally, I have been intuitively sensing some major issues up-coming for my sister and my mom. Whether these issues will blow up into full-blown change is up to them but yesterday morning I woke up very concerned and worried over what I was sensing. I had to remind myself to be the passive observer rather than jump into judgment and criticism. The injustices I perceived are likely a result of my own unhealed issues rather than the reality of the situation.

For those of you reading this, what do you intuitively perceive for 2020? Will it be like 2014? Will it really be a year of “clarity” and “vision” like I have heard so many others predict? I would love your thoughts.

 

 

 

by

Time vs. No-Time

12-12-12 has come and gone without anything major happening. By major I mean that I had no Kundalini surges, OBEs or otherwise amazing spiritual experiences. Instead, I experienced something much more subtle yet just as powerful.

Firstly, I had a dream that connected the dots of other similar dreams I’ve had throughout the month. Without going into detail (too personal), the dreams continued a theme of “what if?” in which I looked at timelines that may have come into existence had I made different choices in this life. Basically I saw very clearly how I narrowly escaped a particularly difficult path wrought with major disappointment and confusion. In the end I recognized that the choices I made, mostly on a subconscious level, were the result of knowing myself much better than I could have ever realized. And the feelings and “gut” reactions (intuition) that led me along through the dark, winding path were accurate despite me not really understanding them and often fighting them.

Ultimately, the end result of my recognition of all of the above (plus much, much more) has left me feeling a sense of completion. It is subtle but most definitely present and for this I am grateful. It is like my soul is exhaling after holding its breath for several years.

Time vs No-Time

This morning when I awoke I was a bit disappointed to not have gotten to travel OOB or experience a profound spiritual event. So I was thinking of how nice it would be to leave this body and physical world and return Home to spirit. I then realized that once I left the limits of time and space behind me, all those things I wished to escape here in the physical, all the “problems”, struggles and not-knowing, would disappear instantly as I entered no-time.

With these thoughts I suddenly had a visual of a wavelength in motion. I knew instantly that the difference between time and no-time was the distance between the crests (highest points) of the waves.

The shorter the wavelength the more Knowing one has. The longer the wavelength the less knowing. The distance between crests is the amount of time it takes to go from un-Knowing to Knowing. The beginning of the descent into the trough (bottom of the wavelength) is the “question” and the next crest is the resolution or Knowing. The trough is the unknowing – all the time it takes to move through the process, or transform, into Knowing.

This process happens all the time without end. We Remember, we Forget, and then we Remember again. We have a problem, we proceed through time to get to a solution. Rinse and repeat. The physical universe, which is much lower in vibration than when we are in Spirit, creates more distance/time between Knowing and Not-Knowing.

When in Spirit the problems and upsets we have in physical life become unimportant. Why? Because the time between Knowing and Not-Knowing is reduced substantially. All that exists in no-time is the question followed by immediate Knowing. Thus, the relief we all seek so eagerly. Yet we come back into time over and over, purposefully, to experience not-Knowing. Why? To experience the process (time and distance) of not-Knowing to Knowing. We slow down to relish the process. We extract all the sweet juices from it.

What I understood was that when in Spirit there is Knowing in abundance because we are resonating at a very high frequency. Ultimately, at Source, there is All-Knowing/omnipotence, no distance between crests on a wavelength.

Ascension and Knowing

As we raise our vibration (ascend), the distance between wavelengths in our energy decreases. So, we begin to Know quicker, learn quicker and manifest much quicker than we use to. The distance is still there, just less of it. We still have to go through the process of transforming not-knowing into Knowing. We still experience time. We just move faster.

As a result we manifest at a quicker rate. Our thoughts become reality quicker. The time-lag is reduced. As we ascend, our vibration increases thus the wavelength of our energy decreases.

Some call this living in 5D but I prefer to think of it as living more in line with the Divine Self.

For those interested in learning more about vibration and manifestation, I came across this article this morning: The Law of Vibration and How to Manipulate It.

 

by

Protect, Cleanse, Detoxify

I can’t believe it’s been over a week since my last post. Life has just been busy here and the energy shifts have not helped. Up, down, shake-up, toss and pull yourself up by your bootstraps kinda energy. lol

For example, I was so dead tired Saturday that I was beginning to think I was getting sick only to wake up today feeling normal again. And throughout the week my sleep has been odd. I either sleep so deeply I can’t recall my dreams or I wake up too early and have really strange dreams (like helping hatch a baby quail whose parents are as big as a person).

The veil seems to be really, really thin right now, too. My guess is it might have to do with it being Samhain (November 1st), when it is said that Spirit and the Gods are made more visible to mankind. I also sense that those Spirits trapped here on Earth (unconscious earthbounds/ghosts) are “waking up” and seeking the Light in droves, like a “clearing” out of the lower astral realms and those previously unable to recognize their own death. It feels like a flushing out of the shadowy depths of the unknown and unseen. Most wouldn’t even notice, but I do. I feel them. One made me smell and taste onion the other day and another was praying in Spanish as I awoke a couple of mornings ago.

I’ve been in major protection mode lately as a result. I don’t need any hitchhikers nor do I want any invasive thoughts that do not belong to me. I’ve had enough of that and I prefer the quiet of my mind to the paranoia and panic that ensues when I let my guard down. Violet Flame and white light of protection, smudging and incense, Light Language, candles and crystals – I’m using them all right now!

I’ve determined it is especially important to take care of myself right now, not only spiritually but emotionally and physically as well. I’ve recently done a ton of research into two topics specifically: Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) and Ayurveda for the purpose of cleansing and balancing the body and hormones.

HSP’s

If you are an empath then you are an HSP. They are one in the same. If you are a perfectionist you are probably an HSP as well, though the two are not mutually exclusive. If you happen to be a perfectionist and an HSP, then I feel for you as it is really tough.

The root issue for HSP’s who are perfectionists is they never feel good enough. They work hard to be the best but never seem to feel good enough. It is all because they make their work about them which perpetuates the self-worth wound. If your self-talk is “you” focused such as “I’m not good enough” or “I’m nothing”, then you are you-focused in your work and life. Being “other” focused will shift it all and pull you out of the cycle.

You have to shift the paradigm of worthiness and the only way to do that is to take the focus off of yourself.

Maybe that is why I always feel so much happier when I am working a job that puts me in service of others – teacher, counselor, psychic, medium?

There is also the fear of the spotlight and of succeeding. Ouch! The only way out of that is to step into that fear, put yourself out there and succeed despite yourself.

Tools for managing your highly sensitive nature:

  1. Identify and understand YOUR needs. What brings your soul comfort? DO IT! What things calm you down, bring you joy, give you a sense of peace? Find them, do them frequently or whenever you feel overwhelmed, anxious, scattered, or ungrounded.
  2. Regularly have bodywork sessions – massage, acupuncture, sauna, physical activity (running, walking). HSPs tend to try and escape their body. HSPs tend toward being ungrounded, so anything that brings you back into your body – DO IT!
  3. Take care of your spiritual body – crystals, Reiki, meditation, qui-gong, yoga. Black crystals are best for grounding and protection such as smokey quartz, obsidian and onyx.

Ayurvedaย 

I have been drawn to Ayurveda for a while, specifically to help with fluctuating hormones and adrenal fatigue.

Notes from a recent online class I took:

Vata and Pitta are the areas to focus on when it comes to symptoms of peri-menopause and menopause.

For Hot Flashes – 1tsp Ghee and 1tsp Cardamon in hot water every morning. Drink coconut water throughout the day (cooling). Cut out sugar, alcohol, white flours, fried and processed foods. Take Omega-3 and Omega-6 (Evening Primrose Oil) supplement. Sugar is directly linked to hot flashes!! The higher the sugar intake, the more frequent and severe the hot flashes.

Routine is important – wake and sleep at the same time, eat the same foods, do the same practices (yoga, exercise, meditation, etc). Don’t change just because it is the weekend.

For anxiety – vata/pitta imbalance, do small detox sessions. Detox of mung soup and veggies all day for 1 full day. No sugar, no dairy, no gluten, no refined oils. Completely vegetarian, lots of water with ginger, and teas. Cook your veggies (nothing fried). You can make a smoothie in the morning with fresh greens and fruit.

Liver is very important in estrogen dominance!

If you wake between 1-3am with or without hot flashes this is sign that your liver needs to be detoxed (it’s the liver meridian).

Estrogen dominance symptoms – Hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain, heavy periods, cramping, changes in PMS, fibroids, cysts, fibrous breasts all caused by zeno estrogens.

Toxic estrogens, or zeno estrogens come from chemicals or toxins in the environment such as parabens, phthalates, and plastics or synthetic hormones (birth control). These build up if the liver is not at 100%. Liver cleanse will help get liver to 100%.

Ways to cleans liver naturally:

  • Movement, keep the blood moving, exercise every day 15 minutes or more at moderate intensity
  • Eat avocado, asparagus, onions, garlic
  • Work on improving gut health – no sugar, refined foods, take probiotics, eat fermented foods.
  • Eat lots of cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage, brussel sprouts (4 servings a day)
  • Supplements – black pepper, broccoli seed extract, calcium, DIM, methalated B-vitamins and folic acid, glutathione
  • Dandelion root tea or greens, any bitter greens, radishes, increase fiber intake

For 1 week liver cleanse:

Eat: Fruits, veggies (mung soup), flax seed, drink teas with dandelion root. Juicing your veggies is okay but cooked veggies are preferred.
Take 4-5 charcoal capsules during the day and then take magnesium supplement at night. Visit a sauna daily or take Epsom salt baths daily. If you are really symptomatic you can do coffee enema.

For adrenal fatigue: Eat adaptogens such as – rhodiola, licorice root (not if you have high BP), Siberian Gensing, Ashwaganda, holy basil. Eat frequently, stress lowers blood sugar! Slow down and calm down as often as you can. Meditate. Magnesium supplement in tea every night.

For low progesterone – take borage oil, evening primrose oil, and black current seed oil. Take Vitex/Chasteberry supplement or use progesterone creams (plant based). No synthetic progesterones (birth control).

The Ayurvedic one-day cleanse (can be done more than one day):

Donโ€™t eat: โ€ข All sources of gluten such as wheat, spelt, rye, kamut, couscous, bulgur โ€ข Re๏ฌned sugar (avoid pastries, fast food, soft drinks, fruit juice) โ€ข Red meat, poultry, ๏ฌsh and sausages โ€ข Animal byproducts such as dairy and eggs โ€ข Fried foods high in saturated fats โ€ข Tomatoes โ€ข Re๏ฌned oils โ€ข Preservatives

Do eat: โ€ข Fresh, organic foods (ideally prepared at home). โ€ข Mostly vegetables (go for green) โ€ข Fruitย โ€ข Foods rich in antioxidants, minerals, vitamins, ๏ฌbre โ€ข Lots of Mung beans in any form – they do balance and detox and work miracles on your hormones

EAT LOTS OF: Zucchini Broccoli Spinach Witloof Kale Cabbage/ Chinese cabbage Chard Fennel Artichokes Radish bok choi Asparagus Celery Brussel sprouts Bell peppers

Magical mung soup recipe for harmonizing and detoxing body and mind.

Soak one cup of green organic mung beans and soak them overnight. The next day wash the mung beans and then put them with 4 cups of water and some Himalayan salt in a pressure cooker until the beans are soft. It takes around 25 minutes until the beans are soft. If you donโ€™t have a pressure cooker it will take 40-45 minutes until they are cooked.

Take another vessel and add 1 tablespoon of Ghee, 1/2 tsp of turmeric 1/2 tsp of mustard seeds 1 tsp of cumin powder 1 tsp of coriander powder 2 tsp of fresh ginger, chopped Garlic if desired 1-2 pinches of Asafoetida ( Hing) Salt per taste Heat the Ghee and put ๏ฌrst the mustard seeds in the hot ghee and wait until they pop, then add the remaining herbs and allow them to get brown.

Then add the mung beans and mix it all together and allow the beans to cook for another 5 minutes. Finally add some fresh chopped coriander leaves and some ghee on top and ENJOY!

Source:ย Theheartswisdom.com

 

 

 

 

by

Messages: You are Resilient. Invoke the Violet Flame.

The last few days the energy seems to have evened out somewhat. There was a shift a couple of days ago and ever since the theme for me has been healing, cleansing and purification.

Message: You Are Resilient

Yesterday morning I awoke at around 5am and then lingered in the in-between for quite some time.

I remember feeling vibrations deep within my core. They were very slight but noticeable and I felt them slowly moving upward chakra by chakra. When they got to my solar plexus I looked closer and saw what looked like a slug or leech. I remember surrounding it with Light and imagining it extinguished and it disappeared. Then the vibrations moved up and before I knew it they were in my head. Very subtle but there.

The whole time I was talking with someone, a guide I guess, and he was telling me how resilient I am. He said, “You are resilient. I love you for your resilience.” The day before, out of the blue, I felt this love and had a visual of my face being caressed and looking so peaceful and relaxed. A message came through that I was loved and everything would be alright. The sender of both messages felt to be the same.

Then there is memory of a young man with dark hair and a very energetic spirit. He approached me, called me Becca and told me his name was Jeremy. I remember recognizing his energy and becoming alarmed because I had not expected to run into this specific person again. I also wondered why he was so young and why he was calling me by another name.

The young man was showing me all the ways he loved me. I saw four pages as if from a book but they were spread out like the four directions, floating mid-air with writing on them. He told me, “How do I love you? Let me count the ways.” I remember feeling love for him, too, a romantic soul deep love.

What he was saying to me came from a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise,
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints -I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! -and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Message: Invoke the Violet Flame

I had a dream that seemed to span the entire night. In the beginning of the dream I was waiting for a coworker – another teacher – to be ready to move forward with something we were going to do together. This coworker kept changing their mind and I remember feeling like they were holding me back. I think, also, that someone told me, “Don’t let them hold you back.”

There is an entire scene where I get tired of waiting and fly off the balcony over a busy highway, but only one side of the highway is busy (the side going right), the other is clear (the side going left). I know the cause of the traffic is an accident. I enter into a car where another person is waiting for me and we drive away in the opposite direction of the traffic.

Then I was being led through a very special school located “South”. The layout was unconventional with each classroom being separate from the others and courtyards connecting them all. The courtyards had gardens, pools, trees and wide open spaces. I remember talking to the principal who introduced me to many of the teachers. I went into classrooms to observe and recall discussing how special the place was. Everyone I spoke to seemed to want me to stay there, to work alongside them helping the children. I knew it was a healing place.

I lingered in one classroom and spoke to a teacher there for a while. Each student worked at their own pace and had so much more freedom than the conventional student. One of the students in particular was discussed – how she took longer on assignments than the other students but how it didn’t matter because they all worked at their own paces. All students were treated the same. It was made clear to me that I was wanted there, that I would be an asset. I was asked at least three times to come work there. I felt a call to stay. I felt needed but I also felt drawn to be there, like I belonged. And I wanted to help them – the students. Each of them was precious to me. I loved them all.

A teacher approached me, asking me if I would like to stay. I told her I couldn’t. In my mind I saw my family and obligations to them and knew I couldn’t stay there. The woman opened her arms and pulled me close to her. I felt she was like me and that she intended to heal me. She said, “Invoke the Violet Flame.” Instantly I could feel this energy wrap around me like a blanket. The feeling made me cry.

At one point it began to rain (purification) and I watched a student jump head first into a swimming pool. I reached in and pulled something out – like a heavy weight (burdens of life) – and she floated to the top, unharmed.

As I got closer to the end of the dream I was being led down a hallway by a woman. I remember wanting to stay but knowing I had to leave. The hallway led away from the school and was very long and bright gold in color. I could not see what was at the end.

As we walked we passed by a woman who was standing in front of a stroller with two babies – twins – in it. They appeared alive at first but then seemed to be doll-like and unreal. The woman was crying and very upset, wailing about how they had not come for them yet. She kept repeating, “Why have they not come for them yet?” When I spoke to her she said her twins had died in an accident and “they just left them here”. I turned around and hugged her close saying to her, “Don’t worry. You will have your chance to grieve.” My heart was overflowing with sympathy for this woman and her grief became my own. I burst into tears and woke up.

Considerations

When I woke from the second dream it felt as if I had been given a choice – I could choose to stay in that healing place, teaching and helping the children there, or I could return to my life and my family and obligations on Earth. I am fairly certain that I was taken to the Other Side, to be shown my “work” when I am not on Earth. The draw to stay was strong but my duties here on Earth were stronger.

The healing from the woman was distinct as was her message about the Violet Flame. I intend to use it more frequently now.

The woman who was waiting for her twins to be taken and the grief she felt seemed to mirror my own grief. I told her not to worry, that she would get a chance to grieve. It makes me wonder if that message was meant for me.

In other dreams and OBEs I have been drawn to working with the children and babies. In one OBE, I was taken to a “hub” where people who had died were standing in line to be sent off to their next destination. I recall being distracted by a section that was full of children and babies and their caretakers. It had a playground and everything. I went over to one of the caretakers who was holding an infant in her arms and felt immense joy at the thought of working with the children.

by

Immersion

I’ve been taking it easy and giving myself time to recover, heal and relax. While the week started out high-anxiety, I am finishing it feeling much more like my old self – well actually better because my anxiety level is lower than prior to the major panic attack in August.

I stopped drinking my half-caffeine cup of coffee in the morning four days ago. I suffered a bad headache that was not relieve by Ibuprofin the first day (caffeine withdrawal). By the second day my headache was pretty much gone and yesterday it was non-existent. This morning I am happily drinking a cup of decaf.

I’ve also added yoga again to my nightly routine. I stopped temporarily and never got back into it because of everything that was going on. This time I am doing Clubbell Yoga again, without the clubbell for now. I also continued my walks with Monty and upped the pace yesterday with some short periods of jogging here and there without incident. All the while I am tracking my heart rate to make sure it is recovering properly. At first my heart rate was spiking and then taking much too long to recover but it has been improving. I’m not where I was previously just yet but I think as I get a handle on my anxiety that it will get back to normal.

Yesterday I took some time to treat myself to a haircut and another visit to the nail salon. Getting out the door of my house was a bit nerve wrecking because I had thoughts of being hit with panic while driving and being away from home. The farther I drove from home the higher my anxiety went but I got a grip on it and by the time I walked into the hair salon all anxiety had vanished. My main thoughts were, “If I don’t drive, I never will. If I don’t go out on my own, I never will. If I give into the anxiety, it wins.” For me, the worst possible outcome of this anxiety lesson is the potential for me to withdraw further and further into myself and become completely disable by it.

With my background in counseling and personal experiences with anxiety, I am definitely a proponent of immersion therapy – confront it (fear, anxiety, panic) and it will lessen and eventually go away or become manageable. It works every time. If I know the anxiety is triggered by exercise then I keep exercising. If it is triggered by driving, then I keep driving. Yeah, that’s why I keep running and lifting weights, in case you were saying to yourself, “What the hell is she thinking!?” lol

Sometimes the only way I can confront the fear and panic is to get to the point where I can accept the worst case scenario. My inner dialogue is something like this, “If I have a panic attack in the store and end up collapsing, so be it. If I am driving and it happens and it feels like I am going to pass out, I will just pull over. If I end up in hysterics around random strangers, so what?” For me, the fear of being vulnerable and weak and out of control are the worst. I have to accept that asking for help is OK and there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable and/or weak.

The more conscious I am of my anxiety, the more I aware I am becoming of just how tense I am. My anxiety level is almost always at a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. The only time it is lower is if I am at home (or in a “safe” place) doing relaxing things like taking a bath, watching TV, mediating or….sleeping. lol Recently, I recognized that I tend to relax at the hair and nail salon, thus the frequent trip to get manicures (not my thing usually). When I get my nails done I get so relaxed that I start to get sleepy or I get this release response where I just want to cry in relief. Weird because the nail salon is usually very busy but they play calming music and there is something very calming about Asian women I think, too.

Overall, it feels like this sudden spurt of anxiety is a blessing in disguise. It is teaching me to pay attention to my body and to take care of my emotional and spiritual health by doing things that are relaxing and soothing. It is showing me my irrational side, the fearful inner child aspect, and just how important it is to her/me to feel safe and loved. I have become more cognizant of my thoughts and self-dialogue, especially those that can act to trigger panic. Instead of shutting the thoughts down I respond to them with love and acceptance, reminding myself that life is unpredictable and bad things will happen, but so will good things, and if I/we worry all the time about the bad things then we will miss the good ones. And I find myself living more in the present, which I think is the biggest help of all.

The more clear I get on this whole panic/anxiety crap, the more obvious it is to me that this is a MAJOR clearing, initiated by the Kundalini. She can be so brutal!! Resolution will only come with surrender and acceptance. I have to allow it to happen, even if it feels like it is going to kill me (which it literally does!).

Dream: Matchmaker

Shifting to another topic now. ๐Ÿ™‚ I have to include this odd dream.

The dream began at a gathering. My husband was with me. There was a lady leading a group of people and assigning each person to another. It was soon obvious that it was a kind of matchmaking (choice to be made) group.

I was matched with this foreign (new, unfamiliar situation) man with dark hair and an accent. There I was standing with my husband looking at this man I was assigned to and thinking how weird it was. I balked, of course, and my husband began to nag me about it, insisting that I go along with the process.

The man and I spoke for a while. For some odd reason I presented him with a present. A small orange tree (good news). I asked him if it would do well in the area he lived. In my mind I saw Italy (romance, enjoyment of life). He assured me that it would do well, even thrive, and took my gift without hesitation. We talked a bit about the climate and I recall seeing a scene in my mind of where he was from. Then it was time to go and he left. I was given a slip of paper with instructions. The lady facilitator told me, “If you like him then you log into this forum at 11pm and continue to get to know each other. If not, then don’t.”

I put away the slip of paper. I did not intend to log in.

Then I was inside a Wal-Mart (a bargain) but sitting at a table as if in a restaurant. Three people came to join me. A couple and the man who I had just been assigned to previously. I felt very uncomfortable through the whole encounter. I remember being asked if I had to choose between two men, who would I choose. I told them the darker haired man would be my choice. There was a strange feeling present that is barely memorable now and hard to describe. It is kinda like a nervous apprehension.

We all left together and I lagged behind the group until I could no longer see them ahead of me. I walked and walked and ended up in an unfamiliar place. I realized I had kept walking when my car was parked right outside the Wal-Mart. I decided to look up the address on my phone, found the location and then started walking back. I knew to walk toward a large cathedral (spirituality), so I did.

As I walked I realized I had left my backpack (decisions and responsibilities that hinder me)behind. I worried at first but then realized I had everything I needed with me. Then I saw that I was only wearing my underwear (private self). I looked around and no one seemed to notice and I thought, “It must look like I am wearing a bathing suit (confronting uncertainty).”

 

 

 

by

OBE: Bear

Yesterday was another rough day anxiety-wise. I felt pretty decent most of the morning. After my morning walk and a nice, high carb lunch, I decided to do my workout. Half-way through I began to feel panicky and had to stop. My heart rate stayed high but not too high and I just felt “off”. It is like my entire stomach fills with this dis-ease and that feeling moves to my chest where it feels like it begins to catch fire, but only barely, a subtle pressure in the center of my chest.

I ended up calling my husband and he came home for lunch and helped me calm down but I remained in a low-grade panicked state for several hours after that (like right on the edge and barely holding myself together). It wasn’t until around 8pm after a nice talk with a female acquaintance that I finally began to feel normal again.

By bedtime I was exhausted but I continued to feel a little too energetic so it took me a while to fall asleep. I ended up having an interesting night.

Dream – Too Old for School

Had a dream where I was getting ready to go to school with my kids but we were in my Mom’s house. Iย  spent a long time trying to find the right clothes (how others perceive me, outward appearance/personality). I could not find anything with short sleeves. Some of the clothing was quite dated, too.

I remember the closet was a mess with my son’s clothes strewn about mixed in with my daughter’s clothes. I eventually selected an outfit with jeans and a very fancy top, high heels and over sized glasses (not at all my style lol). When I came out my mom said I was a bit too dressed up and looked like a teacher. I saw myself then, as if I flew outside of myself to take a look. I had small lines around my eyes and mouth and looked old and tired. That’s when I realized I was too old to go to school. So I stayed and put on another outfit. This one looked like a balloon skirt and was bright aqua-blue. It made me look quite obese.

Other Experiences

In the midst of a dream I can’t recall now, I found myself enveloped in a golden light laying on my side. I remember being separated into four sections. I continued to feel whole but there were four parts of me lined up and separated. The feeling I had was pure relaxation and peace. It was like tiny sprinkles of golden energy were falling down over me. When I realized where I was a male voice said, “Don’t worry” but it was too late. I was too alert and woke up.

Another time when I woke it was from a sharp pain in my chest. It was very short-lived but enough to wake me and worry me.

OBE – Bear

I rolled over and entered a semi-lucid dream where I was sitting on a sofa and kept sneezing (getting rid of unwanted things in my life). My SIL was standing near me and asked me how long I had been sick. I told her I wasn’t sick. It was just allergies. She asked how long it had been going on and I told her since the end of August. I remember sneezing a lot and she just sat there wiping her face as if I was sneezing directly on her but I was nowhere near her.

Then I was talking to my husband. He was behind a window (new perspective) with his arms folded over it. He said his brother thought I had been trying to hack into his computer. I told him I hadn’t.

Then I was walking to his brother’s house. I walked down a sidewalk and saw a blue cell phone (communication) on the ground along with some other things. I remember thinking my BILs kids must have left it there. I almost picked it up but then opted to just leave it knowing they would come out and get it.

As I was walking I felt light and floaty. I suspected I was OOB so began to test it out by jumping into the air and trying to fly. When I didn’t hit the ground fast but instead floated a bit I launched into the air. My vision went black but I didn’t care. I stayed up in the air, happy and feeling free. Even though I knew I was OOB I had a distinctly distant feeling from the whole experience and I was able to perceive my sleeping body the entire time.

I began to spin really fast, imagining the Earth spinning on its axis. I began see bits and pieces of color as I spun. Then the whole scene lit up and I saw ahead of me a red brick building. To my right was bright green grass and a sidewalk with tall hedges. I floated up and moved over the building, enjoying the feeling of flying. There was a brief concern about my sleeping body. Would it cause my heart rate to increase? Would it be harmful? But the thought passed as quickly as it came.

When I looked down I noticed a big, black bear (strength, power, independence) nudging its way into the door of the house/apt. I yelled at him, “Hey! What do you think you are doing? You can’t go in there!” I flew over and above the bear’s head. He stopped and looked up. I lightly touched the tip of his nose, laughed and launched myself higher into the air. He followed me from below, curious, and I kept just out of his reach. The whole time I was talking to him but can’t recall my words now.

I came back into my body and my heart was pounding.

More Anxiety

My heart rate remained elevated long enough to bother me so that eventually I got out of bed. I felt the weird anxious feeling most of the day today on and off. I opted to go into the office rather than stay home because I wanted to stay close to my husband and others just in case I started to feel overwhelmed again. Thankfully, I felt pretty good at the office. Only problem was I got a splitting headache (still have it) from not drinking any coffee this morning. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

I had my husband drop me home after lunch so I could be home when the kids got home from school. My headache got really bad and so I got into bed to rest. I ended up taking an hour long nap! Not like me! I feel somewhat better now but the headache is still there. Oh well.

It is funny to me how wonderful I feel when the anxiety dissipates. I suddenly feel a burst of energy and relief, as if I am freed from chains. When the anxiety is high I feel trapped by it, unable to go places or do things I would normally do for fear that I will freak out, pass out or burst into tears. Where I am normally a person who likes my alone time, when my anxiety is high I actively seek out others, especially my family. My husband has been very patient and sympathetic, coming whenever I call, driving me places and trying to distract me.

The anxiety makes me feel like a scared little girl and the entire world is suddenly full of things that could hurt me. It is so weird! I have to really work hard not to get caught up in “what if” thoughts – what if the panic never goes away? What if I can’t drive anymore? What if I can’t function anymore? Then it just vanishes and I am free and feeling I can do anything and everything again. And then the switch flips and it starts all over again.

I hope my dreams are indicative of how this all will end – that it will end. To anyone who suffers from generalized anxiety disorder, I FEEL YA!

 

by

Full Moon Skunk Encounter

I’ve been meaning to write but just haven’t followed through. I was waiting for something to shift, for my monkey mind to quiet down a bit more and for my body to feel less “off”. Yesterday all these things were beginning to line up and this morning it seems to be holding steady…..so far anyway.

Full Moon Skunk Encounter

But before I get ahead of myself, let’s go back to the 12th. I took Monty on a walk in the evening, just as the sun was setting. I saw the full moon in the distance so walked into an open field to get a better look. I stopped and marveled at its beauty, took a couple of photos and turned around to leave. That’s when I saw it. A skunk, walking toward me, nose down and completely unaware of me and my dog. Shocked, I stood and watched, knowing this was a message and to pay attention. The skunk lumbered toward me and Monty, happily feasting on grubs and oblivious to our presence. I took some photos and stuck around a while because I have never been that close to a skunk. I’ve seen them from my car but never without something between me and the skunk.

IMG_5752.jpg

Photo of skunk in low light so quite blurry but you get the idea. ๐Ÿ˜‰ย 

The full moon itself marks the peak of a cycle. It brings illumination and clarity. It heightens awareness and intensifies dream activity. It brings insight into past patterns and assist us in using that knowledge to better prepare for the future.

The skunk’s main message is “do no harm”. It reminds us that there are times when we must defend ourselves, yes, but to remember to do so in a way that does not hurt or damage others.

In times where threats are not imminent, the skunk reminds us to be patient, prudent and silent. Like Mr. Skunk showed me in that field, sometimes it is best to mind our own business, to be self-assured and confident in our own path while allowing others to follow theirs. Mr. Skunk may have known all along that me and Monty were there observing him but he went his merry way to the point of coming directly toward us, tail in the air as if to say, “I see you but I am not afraid.”

Overall, seeing Mr. Skunk brought me great joy and I carried that with me all the way home, sharing the pictures and video with my family. My children were especially fascinated because to them a skunk was just an unpleasant smell. Now they know they are quite cute and almost….cuddly. lol

More Panic

Friday and Saturday brought more uneasiness and anxiety, unfortunately. I just felt overly aware of everything that was going on with my body. My heart space felt odd and that would lead to my focusing on the feeling and it increasing to the point that I would become nervous about it. My heart rate would increase and an overall ill feeling would come over me.

Saturday I asked my husband to go on a walk with me because the feeling was making it very hard for me to function. Thankfully the walk seemed to tone it down and all odd heart sensations vanished. They returned the end of the day on yet another walk but I was able to manage it, but I felt like a failure since I know it is my thoughts that is fueling the incidences.

Sunday I woke feeling much better. So much so that I opted to do a workout and see if I could avoid another exercise induced panic attack. I started with a walk. Sadly, the panic began to set in but this time I opted to sing a song to myself as a distraction. I chose a song my grandmother use to sing on her many walks – One Day at a Time. As soon as I started to sing a huge bubble of emotion formed in my chest and went up into my throat. I began to cry and the pressure in my throat released. I continued to sing, allowing the emotion to flow and suddenly it felt as if I were floating rather than walking down the sidewalk. I had the strangest sense that I was OOB and the world around me a dream.

I made it home and took a short break before continuing with my weight lifting routine, one I hadn’t done in over a week. The first part was rough, though, because every time my heart rate went up I began to panic a little. I kept having to talk myself down and take breaks. Eventually, though, something clicked. I remember the song One Day at a Time and the strange release I had during my walk. I went down stairs briefly and when I returned it was like I did a 180. I felt revived with zero fear and completed my workout with gusto. When it was all over I felt wonderful, as if I had slayed the anxiety dragon.

This morning it was so nice outside that I decided to do a short run-walk interval (about 20 minutes). I stayed close to the house and did the intervals without ending up in panic mode. However, when I checked my heart rate later when reviewing my run it had gotten pretty high toward the end, much higher than it should have been. Just seeing that my heart rate went so high with so little exertion worried me and so then I had to work through some rising pangs of panic. Thankfully nothing major. Obviously I have some issues relating to fear of death coming up that need to be sorted. The last thing I want to do is avoid future issues by completely ceasing all exercise. I just have to take it a bit slower and easier than I am use to and be kind and loving to myself.

Messages

Interestingly, my dreams over the weekend indicated some deep healing work was taking place, specifically on my heart. My guidance indicated that the work was nearly complete and to allow and thoroughly feel the emotions that were being released. There was incidences prior to sleep where I tuned into my heart space and got brief glimpses into the blockage there. When the emotion came up, it came up in spurts that lasted only moments. With each rise of emotion came tears, a feeling of pressure in my throat and a sense of release, as if my body was throwing off a heavy burden.

In those brief moments of release I made sure I paid attention to how the energy moved and how my body responded. The energy would rise from my core in waves, traveling up the sides of my body and converging in my throat where they would form a knot of energy. It seemed the only way to release the knot was to make noise – a sigh, a gasp, anything worked.

When the episodes passed I found myself longing for them to return. Not because I enjoyed the emotion but because I was fascinated by the process.

That same night I was asked by my guidance if perhaps it was time to “turn over a new leaf” and “start a new chapter” in my life. I am not exactly sure what this may be in reference to but message noted.

Realization

I recognized that the heart sensations I had been feeling were nothing unusual. I have felt them in the past. Heart chakra pressure and pulling indicating a blockage being released. I had felt them numerous times in the past. Yet for some odd reason this time around I associated the feeling with a physical body issue. Probably because the panic episode I had at the end of August felt so very much like I was dying.

I have been paying more attention to how the panic episodes make me feel. The feelings leading up to the attacks are generally a feeling of uneasiness, a kind of light-headedness, and then strange tingly feelings up and down my arms. Sometimes my head hurts and I feel tired or shaky, but this seems only to happen when my blood sugar is low. For example, the headache will come out of the blue accompanied by shakiness and if I don’t stop right then and eat something then I will end up with a pounding heart which causes the panic. Generally the panic attacks last no more than a 5 minutes unless low blood sugar is involved, then they can last much longer.

The full-blown panic attacks that make me feel like I am dying cause my heart to pound to the point of breathlessness and my chest to feel weird. The first one of those I had dates all the way back to 2003 (during meditation no less)! It makes me certain I will pass out and die. It is hard to shut down those kinds of thoughts but it is possible. Unfortunately, the whole experience leaves me exhausted and dreading it happening again.

I’ve had my most recent panic issues on and off for a while now (since 2016) – when running, when in public places, when drinking alcohol – but the panic attacks began to escalate after September last year. Since then I have been having more and more incidences of panic and they have been increasingly more alarming. My best guess is that a massive clearing began at some point last year and has been in process ever since. It feels like yet another layer of crap being released. I can only hope that what my guidance has been telling me – that it will be over soon – is true.

 

by

Dream: Watch

Feeling more like myself now. Whatever shift in energy was occurring seems to be abating. This is wonderful considering how upsetting last weekend was. I do not wish for a repeat of that!

Today has me somewhat reflective. Specifically, on my relationship with those of the water element astrologically. I want to ask a question of those of you whose astrological charts are primarily water – If you tend to take your time to communicate, either by going silent or just disappearing for a while – what is it you are going through during those times? What is going internally? What are you thinking and feeling?

The reason I ask this question is because when this has happened to me, meaning a water sign just disappeared or stopped communicating without any explanation or warning, it has seemed as if they are quite unemotional and distant. I wonder if they have any emotion at all. In fact, I’ve had thoughts that they must be especially cruel and mean to behave in such a way, especially if prior to this they were expressing how much they loved and cared about me. I often (usually) conclude that they are liars, and must have never cared about me to begin with. Thus, my relationships with water signs (male usually but sometimes female) have not lasted long. My father was a double Scorpio (sun/moon) and I have to say that was the longest relationship I’ve ever had with a water sign and it was only because I had to since he was my father. lol

My guess is that I am all wrong and that the water signs who have done this are retreating into a safe space, avoiding communication in order to avoid conflict and further upset. I understand that my tendency to be overly blunt and insensitive causes this response to me. I get it. But the lack of communication – the silent treatment – that is nearly unbearable! It’s not like I need an in-depth explanation of the inner workings of your soul. I just need some closure or something that tells me what I did. And I especially would like an opening to apologize. And I would like to think of you (water signs) as a someone who has feelings like me, rather than wooden and uncaring.

With all of that said, I am realizing that there is nothing at all wrong with me being like I am. I do not apologize for being intense and conflicted at times. I am proud that I can express my feelings, though I admit I can be rather blunt and overbearing. I am working on expressing myself in ways that do not intimidate or hurt the sensitive. Most times it is not intentional but when it is, I feel completely awful afterward.

Dream: Watch

I had an interesting dream this morning that, sadly, was interrupted by my son. I would have liked it to continue!

The dream began with me standing with two others and our boss. Me and a female coworker were being told the company was having to lay off the male who was standing behind us in the background. I protested saying, “Oh don’t do that! Can’t he take on some of my work? I would be happy to share hours with him. He is smart enough to do what I do, right?” My boss nodded her head and said, “You started at $10/hour, right?” and inferred that he would take a pay cut but she would allow him to take some of my duties. She got out some sticky notes and placed quite a few on paper. They were all blank and represented duties that were to be passed to this man.

Then I was guided into a crowded cave like structure. It could have been a basement or underground structure like a shelter of some sort. There were tons of people squished inside and all huddled up against the back. I remember walking in to join them and knowing they were all teachers like me. Everyone was in good spirits, discussing classes and regular school activities. It felt like we were going somewhere together, like on a trip. I recall talking to a few fellow teachers about items brought in. A watch was discussed and I saw a wrist watch floating mid-air in front of the person asking me about whether I remembered to bring it.

Around that same time the end of the cave-like structure lit up and a image was visible. It was as if I was flying over the image. A field came into view as did a road that was encircling it. The road moved from the middle to the edge of the field. There was another road on the right that led to a double fenced entrance with a small building at the entry point. I remember seeing the scene moving and exclaiming, “I know this place!” I then thought to myself, “It’s Montana and that road leads to Butte.”

I continued to fly but realized soon that I was not alone. The entire room was with me! I turned and saw that we were all gazing up at the screen, eyes fixed on the image. I saw a metal railing in front of me and grabbed on tight. As the screen moved I ducked under the railing and looked up at it. It pulled me in and I felt my entire body moving as if on a roller coaster.

Then I went with the group into a vehicle. It was as if we were being loaded onto a massive cargo plane or something but the scene showed a regular car. We were facing backwards, looking at the road behind us as we traveled forward into the unknown. The sensations continued as if on a roller coaster and I remember the anticipation as the speed increased and we seemed to angle upward.

The movement backward (or forward) increased and I recall seeing the road to “Butte” again and knowing where we were going. The shifting sensation intensified and then the car broke through soil and I was floating in front of it viewing the headlights as they poked through the dirt. The front of the car was beaten and battered as if it had been wrecked.

I noticed movement to my left and saw a bedraggled raccoon scurrying away. His hair was matted and stringy as if he had been through a flood and gotten soaked. I pointed at it and said, “There he is again!”

My son came in yelling, “Mommy!” and I woke with a start.

When I woke the song, “Afterlife” was going through my head.

Interpretation

It seems to me this dream represents a shift in consciousness and how it will relate to those of us who came here to help raise the vibration of Earth (starseeds). The beginning of the dream indicates that I am sharing a portion of my work with another. The job duties have yet to be assigned.

The entrance into the cave indicates a dark period. It could be that we have all been delving into some very deep, dark spaces. It is hard to say but the feeling was positive, as if we were all gathering to embark on a journey.

The “watch” portion seems to me to mean not only that I need to pay attention and watch the screen, but also Time as in a wrist watch. Upon recounting the dream it felt like we may be on a “watch”, as in waiting for something to happen.

Montana is symbolic for a spiritual destination or path. The fact that I saw fields rather than mountains is good and Butte is in the part of Montana that is not very mountainous (though there are some in the distance). It is also close to the Great Divide.

I find the most significant part of the dream being how we get on a truck (work) and seem to go backwards because we are looking behind us. Perhaps we have been doing a lot of that lately? Or maybe it is working on the past? In the end I see the headlights of a beaten up car breaking through the soil. This seems to me to be that we are about to break the surface. Into what exactly? It is hard to say but whatever work we have been doing is about to be behind us. The raccoon symbolizes a warning of treachery and deception. In the dream he is bedraggled and running away. My best guess is that we are about to view things as they are, taking off our masks and being truthful when in the past we may have been lying to ourselves (or been misled).

I say “our” because the dream seemed to be about a group more than me. It could have just been about me, though.

Other Things of Note

Two evenings ago after I had just settled into sleep and was dreaming happily, I had two odd incidences. Both times a young, thin, black man would “pop” into the dream as if trying to startled me. His face was always in a huge grin and he would have both arms and legs spread like a frog jumping across my line of sight. Both times I woke startled. The last time I mentally said, “That’s enough.” lol It stopped after that but not before I wondered WTF?

The other morning I woke up and saw the word, “Starseed” in big letters in my vision. It came with the message, “Don’t forget.”

I’ve been seeing 1111 and 111 quite a bit lately as well both in dreams and waking reality.