Got almost no sleep last night. I made the mistake of checking the election progress and then was hit with an energy I can only describe as anticipatory. Who can sleep when they are feeling like that? It was like the energy of the entire US was filling up my chest area. My heart was literally buzzing and warm, my body full of energy. Ugh!
I have NEVER had trouble sleeping on election night.
At around 3am I just gave up. I sat propped up in my bed and started deep breathing. 4 count inhale, 4 count exhale. I tried to tell my body to relax, to sleep. I kept my mind on the counting. I asked my guidance to help me sleep.
The next thing I know I am in that space where I can exit my body.
OBE: What Did I DO Wrong?
The instant I knew I could exit, I did. Out of my body, clear and free, I flew downstairs. I mentally announced to the Universe my intent. I said, “What did I do wrong?” I’m not sure why I asked this question. It was not planned. The part of the question not stated was that I wanted to know where I messed up in life. It implies that I feel I have somehow gone off-track.
I saw my husband asleep in front of the TV. I went up to him and touched him to see if he would feel me. He moved a bit but didn’t wake.
I went out the back door, still intent on my question.
When I went through the door I was transported to another place. In front of me were two houses standing side-by-side. They resembled houses from a Dr. Seuss book. I flew inside one of the house’s windows. There were no rooms really. The space just opened up into stairs and ramps going up. I followed them through a very narrow passage for many floors and then exited out another window. Looking back the house looked to be balanced on a very tiny foundation. It was like the house was made of blocks from the game Jenga. Remove one and the whole thing would fall. Yet at the same time it was extremely stable.
For some reason I became very, very lucid all at once. It pulled me back toward my physical body where I lingered for a while. My heart was doing odd things and felt weird. I worried a little about it and knew I had to get fully back into my body to stabilize my heartrate. Once I did, I stayed in my body a bit but soon shifted OOB again. This time I exited straight out of my chest.
Once OOB I felt/Knew I should return to my body. Something wasn’t quite right. My heart wasn’t handling my exit well. I tried to get further away, knowing the closer I was the more my body would pull me back and the more I would notice the irregular heart rhythm, but felt it was ill advised. All I wanted was to be free of my body, but the answer was, “NO”. So, back I went.
Fear or Courage?
I had some odd dreams after that but woke frequently and didn’t get much sleep overall. The first thing I Knew upon waking was that part of the reason I am feeling so anticipatory about this election is because the results will be a big indicator of the future. Will the future path we choose as a nation be paved with fear or courage/strength? I, personally, am not afraid. I prefer to confront uncertainty and the unknown head-on. Unfortunately, many, many Americans are living, mostly unconsciously, in a perpetual fear-state. Decisions made out of fear lead to uncomfortable and often painful lessons. The very least of which results in a deep-seated feeling of dis-ease.
Happy Halloween and full moon! Seems that lately the only way I go OOB is when there is a full moon.
Lucid to OBE: Numb
I woke at 5:30am wide awake. I didn’t want to get up so I attempted to return to sleep, but found it difficult.
The next thing I remember is talking to someone in the in-between. I assume is was a male guide. I can’t recall what we were talking about. I believe we were discussing issues I am having in life.
I became lucid when I felt arms wrap around me from behind. I replied, “That’s wonderful. You did it.” With this I am acutely aware of where I am and all my perceptions turn on. As I talk to this man who has now appeared behind me I survey the scene. I am laying on a sofa in a very nice home with vaulted ceilings and mahogany trim. To my left is a modern kitchen and to my right is a staircase leading to the upper floor.
The man is snuggling up behind me on the sofa talking. He is mostly excited that he was able to be there with me saying things like, “I can’t believe it. I did it!” When I turned to look at him I didn’t recognize him. He was quite nerdy looking but not ugly, just unique. The thoughts I had about his appearance were ignored because he felt so very familiar to me his. His energy said I could trust him and that he was a close, beloved friend.
I remember attempting to kiss and cuddle him but he would freak out, worried he would ruin the experience (go back to his body). I understood his concerns as they were valid. He encouraged me to give him a sensual massage. I traced my hand down the back of his thigh down to his calf. When I was done I tried to hugged him close and he again resisted, fear in his eyes. The whole thing was so very real that for a moment I forgot I was dreaming.
We talked quite a bit but what I remember most is thinking of the time and how it was almost 11am. I felt guilty for sleeping in so long and wasting the day. It felt like I needed to get up and get my day going but I don’t recall having anything in particular to do.
Then, I could sense that our time together was coming to an end. I looked at him, studying his face as I explained I could feel he would be leaving soon. His appearance was still very strange to me. He had light hair and a very pronounced mouth area with deep smile lines, almost like his face was carved. Again I dismissed my judgements and just enjoyed the time I had with him.
Not long after he was just gone and I felt myself shifting back to my body. I pulled myself back to the scene, got up from the sofa and walked into the kitchen.
What I first noticed was that someone had left food out from breakfast – 3 open jars of jam (feeling stuck in a situation) with lids scattered about. I grabbed the lids to put them back on the jars but I thought I heard someone talking. I listened hard and heard it again. I said, “Is someone there?” I noticed a tiny radio (awareness needed) on the counter but it was not turned on.
Rather than clean up, I just left the mess there.
My thought at the time was that I needed to write down what I had just experienced. So I headed upstairs to find my laptop.
As I climbed the stairs I got a strange feeling. It was like I was dying or like all my energy was being sucked out of me. I couldn’t feel my body, my legs, nothing.
I barely made it to the top and when I did I looked toward the bedroom on the left which I knew I shared with my husband, but I didn’t want to be in a shared space. So I headed toward my bedroom at the end of the hallway. I stopped, though, when I saw a visual in my mind of the bed in that room covered in books, papers and other materials. I knew my husband had taken over my space.
In that moment I fell to my knees, all my energy gone. The feeling is hard to describe but it was as if I were about to pass out and die. I began to try and crawl toward the bedroom but my thoughts took over and I collapsed. I looked around at the amazing house I was in. So grand! It was familiar. I knew it. Yet something was very wrong. I was thinking how the house must be haunted, either that or I must be going insane. I am losing my mind I thought. At the time the memory of where I was seemed overlaid with memory of my current lifetime. I felt to be torn between the two. Who was I? Where was I? Why did I feel so confused?
Then I felt to be dematerializing back to my sleeping body. When I woke a song was going through my head:
I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there Become so tired, so much more aware I’m becoming this, all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you
Considerations
My best guess is that I somehow shifted into another reality, one where I had a different life and remembered that life to some degree. The problem was that my current life seeped into my memory of the other one and so created disruptions that I perceived and knew were wrong in some way.
Or it could have been that my problems in my current life seeped into my OBE in order to show themselves. My husband had completely taken over my bedroom – my private space, the space where I could be myself without hiding or pretending. The feeling that I had no space of my own was prominent as was the feeling of being completely exhausted and near energetic death. Mentally I was unable to make sense of anything because of my depleted state.
As I write this, I am reminded of something. I drew one of my Light Code Oracle cards last week. It was the Grief card, reversed. This is the card’s message:
Failure and loss bring strength that can move mountains. Reversed – New hope. An end to a period of grief is approaching or has already begun. Your tears are drying or have long dried up. Your view of the world is becoming lighter with every passing day. Possibility abounds. Complementary cards – Rebirth, Remembering, Death.
I knew today would mark the beginning of a period of understanding. The fog is lifting.
Not sure why that came to mind but I will go with it. 🙂
I wrote an entire post and was ready to publish when WP froze on me. When I attempted to recover the post all that remained were the first two lines (above). 😦 So here I go again.
After yesterday’s message to “speak my truth”, I had a memory come to me out of the blue while I was preparing my breakfast. I recalled an incident from August, 2014. Without going into detail, the result of the experience left me recognizing that a part of my life was not in line with my Truth. Though I took no major action at the time, a decision was made on a subconscious level. That decision was to rid my life of those things which were not in line with my Truth and replace them with things that did.
Prior to bed last night I was thinking of all the experiences I’ve had in the past six years and asking my guidance once again, “Why? Why did all these things happen?” It felt like it had all been for nothing.
Today, after this morning’s experience, I see that my question was answered. Everything that transpired after August, 2014, has been in line with that subconscious decision to rid myself of that which did not resonate with who I am.
Kundalini Dream: The Universal
I with two others inside a small home that was very welcoming. Inside were two small rooms, one in the front and one in the back. Between the two was a small ramp. I knew the house was located in Alaska (the last frontier).
Within this dream occurred another dream. In it I was speaking to a man. He was very muscular, tall and completely bald. It seemed like we were getting to know one another. All I remember of our conversation is that he referred to me as “the Mother” and also as, “The Universal”. Note: Upon waking I recalled the man and thought of Mr. Clean, thus the featured image.
Then I was back in the tiny house observing myself as a young girl running into the back room via the ramp.
When I arrived in the back room I was again my older self. I sat down at a picnic table (solidarity and harmony). The man sat next to me on my right. In front of us was a woman, though I can’t recall what she looked like. The back room felt like a screened in porch (feeling carefree) and there was a sense of a garden around us, though I never saw it.
The woman spoke to us about our connection but mostly I recall visuals at this time. I saw a large, 2D, circular image of the Earth. At the top was a spot or circle. At the bottom was another one. There was a line running from the top circle to the bottom. From the two sides were lines of energy coming toward the center.
I recognized the top circle as The Father and the bottom as The Mother. Together they were known as The Universal. When I saw the image I recalled the conversation I had with the man. I turned to him and said, “You called me The Mother and also The Universal!”
The woman began to explain some other things but again, all I recall is a visual. I saw pillars falling in upon one another. The feeling was chaos and destruction. There was also a sense that the two – The Father and The Mother – were causing this chaos and destruction. For a moment it all seemed surreal, like watching a superhero movie play out. Our job was to save the world from utter destruction. If we did not work together we would destroy each other.
Understanding the woman was indicating that the man and me were to come together, I said, “We have nothing in common, though!” I turned to the man as if asking for his opinion. He said, “We both like to work out….” A visual of a gym came to mind and I realized he was correct. I smiled and said, “And we both like to sing.” Something about knowing this made me hopeful.
And then I began to feel the man’s energy. It was magnetic and intoxicating, a very familiar feeling.
At this moment in the dream the man scooted closer to me, putting his left arm around me and pulling me towards him. In that instant the visuals of the pillars falling came on vividly. They were all I could see. Complete devastation. Yet at the same time it was perfection. Organized destruction.
Alongside the visuals I felt the man’s energy coming in from my right, merging with my own. My entire midsection from my throat to my root came alive with energy. The energy in my heart was amazing. Oh how I’ve missed it! It was complete ecstasy.
I started to cry and woke up. I immediately asked to return, but could not.
Messages
I went in and out of the in-between for a little while after. During this time I received two messages.
The first was, “6 months”. The feeling was this message related to an ending. I recalled a previous Knowing that in February/March something would change.
The other message was, “You can start a new life, but not yet.”
So my daughter tells me her dreams every once in a while. She says that for a while now they have been upsetting, even violent. I told her I have heard others say the same thing. Most recently she says her dreams are about our family being in danger – our home was on fire, someone broke in, hostage situations, etc.
She has also told me she thinks she died in 9/11 when the World Trade Centers were bombed. She told me this several years ago but then again after the anniversary this year. I asked her why she thought this and she described a dream she has in which she was running for her life in the streets of a large city. The buildings towered over her, the sky was dark and debris was falling from it. There were hundreds of others running with her. I asked how she died. She said, “I was hit in the head by something that fell from the sky.” I asked her why she thought she died in 9/11 and she said, “The dreams are just so real. It feels like it really happened to me.”
My daughter has also described numerous experiences where she feels she cannot move but is wide awake (sleep paralysis) as well as obviously lucid dream states that she wakes herself up from.
When my daughter was young (2-4 years old) she would tell me about Spirit she saw. She pointed to someone once, describing what she saw. It was my recently deceased grandfather. She also saw our recently deceased neighbor outside her bedroom window, calling him “a one-armed man”. He had lost his arm in an accident when he was young but she had never seen him in real life to know that.
I find it interesting that my daughter is experiencing this now when for years she experienced nothing. I’ve been feeling strongly that this year is more than an upsetting, eye-opening year because of the events taking place around the world. I keep hearing/Knowing that this year is a pivotal one for those who are Spiritual Warriors. It is time to step into that role fully.
Up until now I can’t say I’ve had any violent or upsetting dreams. However, I tend to not be upset by dreams in general. After my daughter told me about her dreams I, of course, had a dream in which our home was being broken into and items stolen. I woke, hearing a loud “bang!” and went downstairs to check. I felt shaky but otherwise unconcerned.
Then, last night, I had another strange dream. It felt like I was witnessing an actual event. The event may have been in this timeline’s past or on another timeline altogether, or could be a future event. Then again it may not be an actual event at all. Yet it reminded me of when I was a child and how I would receive vivid images of events when they were told to me. Later in life I discovered these vivid images were me witnessing the event through the eyes/mind of the experiencer.
Below is the dream I had this morning. Prior to this I had woken briefly and before I fell back to sleep I heard a voice say, “Do not be afraid.”
Dream: Dawson Mass Murder
I was floating down a country road in an unfamiliar area. Someone was with me, giving me a tour of the area and describing the events that occurred there.
What I saw was a vast field of tall, dead grass. To the left of the field was a grove of deciduous trees. The road near the field was small and might have been made of dirt, but I am uncertain. The area felt to be located somewhere in the Northeastern US, but I was not informed of the “where”.
Then I was observing a scene unfold. A group of people were standing in the field. Someone was barking orders at them, but I can’t remember what they were being told to do. Whatever it was, the people were not doing it. I could hear one woman’s thoughts. She was adamant that no matter what she would stand her ground. She was responding to the threat of death by fire and repeating to herself, “I like fire. It feels good.” It was as if she was trying to convince herself that death by fire was pleasant and as a result she believed it.
Then there was a commotion and a rise in fear among the people gathered there. Out of nowhere a gush of fire was shot at each of them as if someone was using a blow torch. They each caught on fire and began to burn alive. The entire time the woman was smiling, enjoying the feeling until she collapsed on the ground next to her companions.
The scene shifted. I was still at the field but there was now a fence to the left and the area seemed groomed and less wild. In the exact location where the group had died stood a circle of tall, thin trees. I knew there was a tree for each of the victims. I noticed a person could walk into the circle and inside were places to sit. It felt like it was placed there to honor the fallen.
As I woke, I wondered what I had just witnessed. I heard, “Dawson” and felt like I had been witness to either a mass murder or suicide event.
Strange Sync
Upon waking I went downstairs to get my morning coffee. My husband is prone to play music loudly in the mornings (he is a morning person) and for some reason he had awakened with a particular song in his head. He asked me, “Have you ever seen the movie, Young Guns? My brother said it was his favorite when he was growing up.” I said, “Yes. I think that movie was lots of peoples’ favorite. It was very popular at the time.”
Before he was able to play a song I knew what song he was going to play. The lyrics, “down in a blaze of glory” came to mind along with a memory of my dream, the people all on fire standing together, dying together. Then the song was playing and I said to him, “It’s very interesting that you are playing that song this morning. I just had a dream….” I described the dream but my husband was upstairs in the shower, so never heard me.
After hearing the song, I can’t help but think that it is part of a bigger message – to “go down in a blaze of glory”, to stand firm in my truth no matter the threat to my own survival – or to be more specific, the Ego’s survival. And going “down” does not mean the end. It is transformation by fire, something I am already very familiar with; The Phoenix. Rebirth.
Considerations
A friend of mine recently relayed to me that she felt a breakthrough was on the horizon. I responded with, “I think we are all anticipating something right now. It is ‘in the air'”.
Though I am not having great spiritual breakthrough experiences like I’ve had in the past, there are still messages coming through. These messages indicate, like I said above, that the time we have been preparing for is here – NOW. The preparation has been thorough. We have now the tools needed to step into our role, whatever that role may be.
My question has been, “What is my role? Who am I?” The answer is coming in bits and pieces but I have now received the same message enough times to know that that role is well known by me (my HS) and the timing of it is crucial and pre-planned.
Yesterday I wrote of an opportunity to go to Costa Rica where I can effectively unburden myself, opening up a space within that can then be filled with the New. Upon further research I discovered that though Costa Rica is open to visitors from the US, the state of Texas is not permitted entry. Our Covid numbers are just too high.
I wasn’t really disappointed to discover this fact. I had an inkling that the opportunity was more symbolic of what it is I need to do right now.
As if to affirm my suspicions, I came across a blog post and video that basically reiterated my Knowing. The video stated that the time is Now, that the present and future are coming together and that “we have to completely redefine who we are” (@23:45).
The video title is, Set the Mother Free and the Soul comes Home. Now if that isn’t a sync, I don’t know what is! To state the obvious – I am being guided to unburden myself. The burden I feel is as a mother in this time on Earth.
Now the question is, “How do I do that?” I have no doubt that the answer will be provided to me. If not to go to Costa Rica for three months, then something else.
At 30:51 she asks, “What do I have to do to set you free?” The answer: “Speak the truth always. Shatter the spell, this pretending that she doesn’t exist and the soul isn’t important. Each and every one of you has the Mother imprisoned within you and that is your spark, that is your Divine spark that Spirit is asking you to discover, to rediscover again and to bring forth.”
So it starts with speaking the truth, even if it is painful, and then to allow that truth to guide you forward. I know, though, that this is not easy.
Slept a little better last night. This morning after I woke early I was disappointed to once again have no memory of dreamtime. It is difficult enough to have nothing going on during the day that is spiritual or interesting but then to have dreamtime snuffed out, too? Frustrating!
Dreams
A mixture of dreams came after my request. I recall being inside a home that had a very cluttered back yard (subconscious). I was attempting to clean it up. A large, odd looking fence (barrier) had partially fallen down. The fence reminded me upon waking of a yellow (solar plexus) snake (kundalini) because it curved and was rounded and fat. Anyway, I went to prop it back up and the entire fence collapsed. Some people came to help but I decided to just leave the fence down because of the hassle of it. The people brought up potted plants and set them on various tables. The yard was more presentable after that.
Then I got news that my MIL had sent hundreds of bags of salt (rubbing salt into a wound) to her son, my husband. They were trying to put them outside and I would not allow it. I took them inside and found a room that looked to be unfinished but there were metal shelves in it. I pointed and said, “Put them there.” When I looked around the area I saw it was a large room with smaller rooms around the perimeter, all of them under construction (something in-process, unfinished).
Then I was in another house that was spiritually themed. There were tapestries, paintings, pictures, rugs, etc. Some of the picture frames (adjustments to a situation) had no pictures in them (situations unknown), though, which was odd. The home belonged to my friend, Angela. She was having a party or gathering of some kind. I recall seeing her husband there, too.
The dream specifics are blurry now, though. What I remember was that I was being encouraged to stay and Angela was helping me in some way to deal with some issues. I remember walking around half-aware of my surroundings while people milled about. The energy was high and positive and it felt like part of Angela’s work.
Then I remember Angela informing me that her husband was not “part” of her work. She was focused on the feminine and all the people there were women. I realized that without the masculine my healing work would be more difficult and I suddenly was not interested in being there.
This is when another woman entered and invited me to come receive healing. The woman had long, dark hair and her energy was very wise. At first she was telling me how Angela’s issues were in her heart and I knew this and said “heart” at the same time she did. However, then she was talking to me directly and it was as if Angela and I were the same person, or at least very similar. She again mentioned my heart and I can’t recall what she did after (healing maybe?), but I remember feeling emotional. It seemed like the woman was giving me a reading, explaining why I was struggling so much. After there is memory of a time frame being mentioned – thousands of years – as if the issues with my heart spanned many, many lifetimes.
At the end the woman handed me a piece of paper. I glanced at it and there were about a dozen men’s names all at the bottom of the sheet of paper. I think the names were of men who could help me. I thanked her and asked her who she was. I saw in my mind a word that started with an “I” and had an oversized “V” in the middle. Though I can’t recall the rest of the word when I woke I thought of “Invictus” which means “unconquered”.
Odd Vision
When I woke again I tried to remember the details of the dream but fell into the in-between where I saw a peculiar visual. I was peeling off my own skin. It was in huge, thick, layers and felt really good. It felt like picking off a scab that was ready to fall off. The layer of “skin” was about two inches thick, though! The area I was peeling if off of was the front of my calf, just above the ankle. I started at the knee and peeled it all the way down to the ankle. Weird!!
I think the skin peeling may be representative of me relieving myself of something I have “worn” for a long time like pretense, or perhaps my past mistakes and how they molded me into who I am or appear to be to others. The peeling off of the skin is likely healing and the process of removing the old to reveal the new.
Costa Rica – Clear It to Fill It?
Perhaps the dreams and vision are result of my considerations about staying in Costa Rica for a while?
After my SIL invited me to live in a two bedroom house near the one she is renting I have been contemplating the idea of a retreat for a while. Though I am not thrilled about the idea of not having a particular goal in mind, the thought of leaving behind the burdens and responsibilities of my life for a short time is appealing. I would essentially unburden myself for a while and the time may give me the opportunity to decide what I want to fill the resulting “space” with.
I can stay up to 3 months for $400/mo which would pay for a furnished home and all utilities. I would only have to pay transportation and food/supplies. My husband already told me I can work remotely while there, too, and my pay would be more than enough to cover any expenses I have. My SIL does equine therapy for kids in the area, following her soul purpose (following her heart). She is easy to get along with and I like her (more than any of my husband’s family members). If I don’t want to be around my SIL, the two houses are far enough apart that I could easily avoid any unwanted interaction.
The cons to going are that neither of us speaks much Spanish and there are few English speakers in the area. The nearest town requires a cab ride to get there and they require masks be worn in any shops/stores. The country requires anyone coming in to get insurance while they stay there. I wouldn’t know anyone but my SIL. I have no idea what I would do in my free time, no plans, no drive to do anything specific. My usual workout regime would have to end, replaced with cardio and bodyweight exercises if I wanted to continue to stay in shape. I wouldn’t see my children and phone service is limited (have to Facetime mostly).
I have considered perhaps doing an Ayahuasca ceremony while there, but am not sure it is needed or a good idea. My SIL says there are many spiritual seekers who frequent the area, so a ceremony would be easy to find.
In considering what is holding me back my main concerns are what I would do with my time while there. It would definitely be an unburdening of myself – of the burdens I carry here at home – which would result in a space within that I would need to fill. So my main worry is that I would not know who I am when all the burdens – distractions – are removed.
I have been sitting on the idea, trying to let my heart give me a thumbs up or down, but have yet to get an answer or feeling in response. At the moment my husband is preparing to leave and will likely be gone a month, so I have some time to decide.
For a while now I’ve been redecorating our house in order to make the inside (and out) match me a bit more. With my kids older now, I am able to put back some things I took out long ago when they were babies and toddlers – lamps, plants, breakable items, nice accents, etc. Just a couple of weeks ago I replaced the living room TV stand that we’ve had for almost 12 years with a new console table and end table. I also got two matching lamps, new pillows for the sofa and a matching throw. I cleared and decorated the fireplace mantel with candles and some nicer items. In the sitting room I bought a new rug and added a lamp, pictures and a plant.
In October we are having our kitchen cabinets resurfaced and extended. That same month we are putting in a large Arizona stone patio and hardscape in the back yard. In the summer we had our front yard landscaped, so when it is all done the outside of our home will be transformed.
Believe it or not, these changes are not that expensive if one takes into account how the change makes everyone in the house feel. I added yellows, golds and creams in the colors in the living room which brightened the space up quite a bit. The new cabinets will be in a light gray and also brighten things up. To me the cost is worth it and I also get to be creative, which helps my overall mood. Once the patio is in I may even buy a hot tub for the family as a Christmas gift. We’ll see…
I am really enjoying creating change in my home, decorating it creating an atmosphere of calm. Prior to having children I always had a nice home with nice things. Nothing extravagant, just comfortable. I didn’t realize how much I missed feeling at ease in my own home until now. Wow! What a difference and I’m not even finished yet.
Similarly, I continue to focus on what I want to manifest for myself in other areas. At night I am allowing myself to re-experience the connection feeling to the best of my ability. All-over energy hugs are a common side-effect and I am not complaining! I hope to recreate the feeling 100% eventually but for now, baby steps.
Dream: Escape the Bus!
My memory of the dream is fading quickly. I haven’t been sleeping as well or as long as I want because school is back in session and the boys need to be on the bus before 7am. Plus my nose is clogging at night again. 😦
I remember sitting on a school bus (following the crowd) that was completely full. The bus was white (doing what is good or right) and the people were all wearing light colored clothing, like robes. The bus wasn’t moving. It was like it was waiting in traffic, but I don’t remember seeing anything outside the bus to confirm. My feeling was of being stuck on the bus and “following the crowd” (this is what a school bus symbolizes, too!).
Then I was talking to some others and the bus background faded. I am not sure where we were but we all had the idea to stop waiting around and exit the bus. In my mind I was thinking about leaving and returning home. I remember telling them my decision – “I’m just going to run.” I was ill prepared for this because I was wearing sandals with straps, shorts and a t-shirt, but I figured I could do it. The distance was about 15 miles but I had run nearly as far in the past so knew I could do it. A woman with dark hair wearing a tank top and shorts had the same idea and I watched her take off down the road. She got pretty far before I, too, began to run.
In this dream, like another I had recently, my stride was off. It felt like my legs wouldn’t do what I wanted them do. Despite this, I kept going, forcing myself to move even if it meant I crawled or moved without grace, which I did for a bit as the others watched. Eventually, I was able to get both legs to work and I made progress. The interesting thing is how I perceived my legs. They felt like jello, all wobbly and soft.
The entire time my group was with me. I recall seeing a man with dark hair who was familiar to me. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, trying to figure out how I knew him. He seemed not to notice me, though.
We got to a hub (preparation for travel or movement) that resembled a mix between the inside of a hotel lobby and an airport waiting area. There were clusters of chairs in circular areas here and there with people waiting to leave through a door. Large floor to ceiling windows separated the circular waiting areas and outside I could see water for miles. Some people were in lines awaiting departure, others were seated in chairs.
I remember looking for a map of our destination, finding one and looking at it. The young man was next to me, also looking. The map is hazy in my memory but there was water and marking on it resembling instructions for planes and/or boats. I mentioned the name of the place we were going and it sounded like a hotel or resort name. In fact, I remember now that the people waiting there were all going to various resorts that were located on islands.
Someone asked if I needed help and I asked for directions to my “hotel” (transition). The man told me how to get there and I knew it was not via one of the hubs. I could get there on foot. I remember seeing in my mind the path. It was a dark (unknown or hidden) path along trails through trees and shrubs.
I sat for a while discussing the path ahead with the group. Interestingly, I sat next to the dark haired man and lay my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me and pulled me close. I looked up him and he looked down at me lovingly. I felt safe and loved. It was as if I had known him a long time but I couldn’t remember who he was. It was only the feeling that was familiar.
Sadly, before I could focus more on the feeling between us, I woke up. The last thing I recall is knowing I would not travel alone.
Memory
As I typed out this dream I recalled an OBE I had in March, 2015, where I visited a spiritual processing hub. In the OBE people were lined up waiting to get on planes to various locations. It felt as if they were traveling off planet. There was a sense that I had been there before and knew some of the people there but the Knowing was energetic. What I recall the most of this OBE is knowing I would get to go Home.
I also recalled a dream I had in 2014 where I was going to a reunion in Tennessee. Again, I was waiting in a lobby, this time an airport lobby. I recall being in the arms of a man who felt like family to me. He put his arms around me, hugged me and I felt safe. Again, I was excited about getting to go Home.
The previous OBE and dream were at different times in my life but both were prior to experiencing a heart connection in December, 2015. What I noticed about both dreams is I had a strong feeling of Home or going Home. In this morning’s dream I was leaving the bus to return home/Home.
Here is the dream from 2014:
I was with some friends, though I can’t remember them now. There was a distinct feeling that I was considering doing something “wrong”. The feeling hung around and seemed to grow throughout the dream. I felt horribly guilty.
As the dream progressed it became obvious what I was feeling guilty about. I had been ignoring the advances of a man for some time but felt a magnetic attraction for him and eventually I gave in. Then we were a “couple” though it was not sexual. I remember also that someone said “He pursued you” and that we were going on trip to Tennessee. However, I had lied to my husband and did not tell him that I planned to continue on from Tennessee to another, more northerly state after we got to Tennessee. Nor did I tell him about the man I would secretly go away with.
When we arrived at the airport, I sat and waited with this man. I felt at peace with him and I experienced such a strong love feeling in my heart that it extended down through to my root chakra. I did experience the sexual energy of the root chakra but it was different – it was elation mixed with a spiritual passion that is hard to describe. Had I been lucid in this dream it would have caused me to cry with joy. All I wanted to do was snuggle into this man’s arms. It was as if his energy calmed and soothed me and I felt like I was reunited with a piece of me that had been missing.
As we waited at the airport a large group of people came toward us – more people than I can count. I knew them all. They had come to welcome us. I was immediately aware that my husband was among them and I saw him come through the middle, smiling. I felt so much shame at what I had done that it was overwhelming but the man I was with soothed me and I felt the wonderful flood of peace/joy flood through me. He smiled and I asked him, “I get to go Home?” and he said, “Yes”.
That is when I woke up. The feelings lingered as I woke and I was horrified because I suspected that the dream was a premonition – that I would meet someone and leave my husband. And I knew, if the man I met made me feel like I felt in the dream that I would not be able to resist. The thought of that scared me and made me feel horribly unworthy and like a traitor without having done anything!
Considerations
I am now noticing something from the dream from 2014 that I didn’t before. In the dream my husband is smiling and happy that I am with the man who I have such a deep love for. I have recalled this particular dream many times because it did in fact foretell the future. For one, I met the man I had so much love for and the meeting happened because I drove to Tennessee. I did feel horribly guilty, as if I were doing something very wrong. Yet I never understood why my husband seemed to be giving me his blessing in the dream. In the past year, however, with the changes I see in my husband, it makes sense. He has now given me his blessing. Ha! And here I am having a dream with a similar dark haired man, at another “airport”, heading off to an unknown destination that feels like Home.
Rather than try and look too deeply into the meaning of this dream and the previous dream memories it evoked, I will just let it be. I will say that I have had a really good day today. I woke from the dream with feelings of hope and awe. Reviewing my past dreams was a good reminder that one can never really know what is in store for them in the future but you can bet it will be filled with some magnificent surprises, twists and turns! 🙂
I woke at 4am and couldn’t return to sleep. Thoughts were on a recent repetitive message – “2 years” – and a dream where I stated that the end of the world would come on Sept 28, 2025. I was feeling depressed about my life, the lack of meaningful forward movement and had a feeling that time is running out.
OBE: Black Humvee
Somehow I entered into an OBE. I knew instantly I was OOB. I was inside my grandparent’s underground (subconscious) home in the kitchen (seeking spiritual nourishment), a place I often find myself when OOB. I was facing the front door and decided to go outside. There was interaction taking place with someone but I don’t know who. It was like I was two people – the dreamer and the conscious explorer.
As I approached the door I thought about how to become more lucid and so I was. When I went outside I tested my dream legs to see if I could fly. There was a strong pull down like gravity and I accepted this as the rules for the experience.
Just outside the fence was parked a large, black (unknown, hidden) Humvee (hard work). I climbed inside via the passenger side and crawled to the driver’s seat. I knew it was owned by a man who was very strong and intimidating. My intent was to drive it so that this man knew. I was feeling mischievous. I turned the key to the ignition and it roared to life. Looking through the front windshield I saw how high up I was. I thought about driving over everything in front of me but changed my mind. The truck was way to big and I didn’t want to wreck it. I climbed out and went to explore.
Looking to the right of the house everything looked as it did in my memory except there were many young people milling about. Some were hovering in the air. This is when I realized I, too, was hovering and flying about.
I observed the people. Some were in larger groups and others in pairs – couples.
I flew past the people toward where the barn should be but instead found a construction site (work in progress). The fences had been remade into wood and were taller. Where the barn was stood a large house. I remember thinking how it would be nice to live there and wondering if I could buy the acre and home from my mother.
Then my mother was there and she took me into the home. She asked me how I liked the church (spiritual healing, connection) they were building. I was surprised it was a church and knew then I couldn’t buy it as it was meant for many people, not just me and my family.
Inside the church was made completely of wood that shown that yellowish color of new pine. It also smelled of pine (longevity, recovery). There were stairs and ramps heading up to a platform and behind that another area that my mother told me was where people would be baptized. The ceiling was very tall and the space quite big. I recall feeling peaceful.
Lucid Dream: Erika and Darius
I came back to my body briefly and then returned but not to the church. Instead I was inside a garage (something is “parked”, lack of movement). My husband and MIL were near and I found a fabric grocery bag full of things on a shelf. It had opened, stale potato chips (loss of health, neglect of physical state) inside and I knew it was my MIL’s. Rather than toss the contents I took it to my husband and told him it was his mother’s and that I didn’t want to throw anything away because of how upset it would make her. The bag smelled of rotting food (decline), though.
My husband was tending to his mom and she was acting frantic and worried, which is normal for her. He was asking me if I would go with them somewhere, me driving a truck and him driving a car. I told him I wouldn’t – couldn’t – and he knew it. He didn’t argue with me, instead saying he would take the Prius (MIL’s car – soul journey) because his mother always kept it full of gas. There was discussion about how the car was having lots of issues and they were becoming more and more severe. The car would not last much longer. I was glad the car would be gone soon as it had been a major headache for me.
My husband handed his mom the grocery bag and she sifted through the contents, pulling out baby food (new nourishment) and exclaiming as if she was opening a present. She was super happy to have the baby food, pulling each container out and showing it to her son. That is when I saw the baby girl and knew the baby food was for this baby. I called the baby “Erika” and I recognized her. I had many feelings at this time. Mostly I felt upset that this baby was coming into the world to be the daughter of my SIL and BIL. I felt a connection to the girl. I didn’t like that I had worked so hard to make her the person she was only to have her come into a new life and forget me and everything we had accomplished together. I also didn’t like that she wouldn’t know me and would instead cling to her new family.
Similarly, I saw how my MIL was being helped by this baby. She would have renewed purpose, which her life has been lacking for some time. My husband, too, would have purpose but in helping his mother who would struggle more and more with old age (the Prius represents MIL).
Something about the scene took me back to my grandparent’s land (ancestry) and the young people gathered in groups and pairs. I floated there and watched them and a name came to mind – Darius. I went directly to him, then, shifting immediately into a new scene where I hovered in front of a 10 month old baby. He was chubby, black and super cute. When I saw him I was sad again. I knew him. He was family. There was Knowing that many were incarnating now and it upset me to think of so many loved ones purposefully coming to Earth now, at a very difficult time. There was a part of me that understood and accepted this and my connection to these new Beings but at the same time I was outraged at the injustice of it. It wasn’t fair that they would go through so much pain and hardship. I remember thinking of what was to come and shuddered.
I began to cry and purposefully pulled myself out of the dream scene and back to my body. The transition was smooth and without the typical bumpiness.
Considerations
It feels like this lucid/OBE experience was meant to show me some things about myself and why I am responding to life the way I am now. There was a strong sense of being two people – the dreamer, or unconscious, version and the conscious version. I was able to see that the memory and Knowing I have as the conscious version is being interpreted and processed by the less conscious version. Thus, my responses in the dream were a mixture of calm, acceptance and outrage.
The Humvee is an interesting dream symbol. Trucks = work, so a Humvee would have a similar meaning but more in terms of the Collective and “war” since Humvees are traditionally used by the military. Black indicates the hidden or unknown, the subconscious or unconscious. So something about this work is unknown and maybe even a bit scary to me. There is a masculine feel to the Humvee as well, which I see as symbolic of what drives this “war” – the masculine and all it represents.
This is the second time now that I have associated my mother with a church. Perhaps I am reminding myself that the feminine should be honored at this time. I retreat to the feeling that comes with being inside the church. It brings me peace. And even though the church is “under construction” it already serves a purpose, indicating that once complete it will have much more of an impact on everyone.
Other Thoughts
Lately my mind has been on the future quite a bit. I can’t seem to shake the premonitions I had so many years ago when I first awakened and was flooded with visions and Knowing. One such vivid vision was of the White House on fire – bombed. I still see it so vividly. Also very vivid in my mind is seeing Fort Hood, Texas as a rubble field, also bombed.
I know that the future is not set in stone and for a long while I pushed aside my early visions as just a “potential” future, denying they could ever happen in my lifetime. Now I am not so sure. I keep having flashes of “what if’s”, which are not necessarily premonitions, but instead a mixture of what could be and my own fears or dread of them happening.
For example, I feel (and fear) that no matter who becomes President, the US economy is headed for a complete collapse. If this happens so many possibilities exist. The divide between the haves and have not’s is already widening. If it continues Civil War could result. Yet I have had previous visions also of the US being attacked by an outside force. What that force is – another country, a terrorist group, or just forces of Darkness in general, is unknown.
Despite all these worries, at my core I am exceptionally calm about it all. I have always been told by my guidance that I will be safe and need not worry about myself and my family. There is also a deep understanding I cannot put words to that indicate every.single.thing that is and will happen has a higher purpose.
About a month ago I actually wrote a post that I never posted about how everyone on Earth right now is being polarized. I opted not to post it because I know that it likely won’t make a difference in how people are reacting to what is transpiring in this world right now. And that is OK. The only person I have any control over is myself and I choose to NOT react, but to observe.
How do you not react to everything? React doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings or thoughts. Let yourself feel. Let yourself have an opinion. It is OK. You are only human. I have an internal dialogue that I let play out when I get overwhelmed and upset over things. I just don’t verbalize it or share it with anyone because it won’t help matters. In fact, it will serve only to further polarize things. In the end, the dialogue always shifts away from the upset and back to my Knowing and acceptance of what is.
Hopefully, my honesty about my previous premonitions and fears doesn’t trigger anyone. If it does, I am sorry as that was/is not my intent. I hope my sharing assists in a better understanding of how I perceive this unique time in human history and that is all.
Had a dream this morning that was unusual. In it was mentioned the book of Leviticus. Specifically, it was said to me, “The stages can be found in Leviticus.”
Dream: Leviticus
I was in a home (soul journey). There were many people gathered. I recognized some of them. One was a FB online friend, one was my sister and the other was Bonnie Greenwell (Kundalini author).
I stood talking to the FB friend for some time. He was telling me about his progress in the program and what stage he was on. While we talked I prepared one of my protein smoothies (seeking nourishment). I spent a long time listening to this friend and did not say much. He seemed engrossed in what he was saying and I did not want to interrupt him.
Then Bonnie came and stood next to me. We stood there together watching the group. I recognized then that I was at an AA meeting. I offered Bonnie some of my drink and she accepted. I remember pouring her some while discussing the group. Though I don’t recall most of what was said in the dream, I do remember what she said to me. I had just told her about my FB friend and was also talking about my sister and her struggles. That is when Bonnie said, “The stages can be found in Leviticus.”
Bonnie then thanked me for the drink saying, “That was good! Thank you. Was there much peanut butter (self-indulgence) in it? I can’t normally take much peanut butter but this was perfect.” I told her, “Only 1 tablespoon. I don’t add more than that or else I would make the whole thing peanut butter.” We laughed.
I spotted my sister in the room and went to her. She was uncomfortable and I knew it was her first meeting. At this point I realized we were in a parking lot (lack or movement, “parked” in life) and not in the room. I introduced my sister to my FB friend but little was said. I even suggested she date him but she was not interested. That is when a car pulled up and my sister excused herself. She told me she had to go take a dose of something. I knew it was Methadone.
When my sister came back she was concerned others had seen her. I told her not to worry, that everyone understood and she was not alone. She relaxed some but then wanted to leave. I knew the Methadone kept her from experiencing the effects of any drugs. I was happy to know she could not get high anymore but she seemed depressed about it.
She then drove me home. I commented on how surprised I was that she could drive so soon after her surgery. She had on each hand a dinner plate with designs. One was Cardinals (good omen, message from loved one, rebuilt relationship) on a Tree of Life and the other was also a Tree of Life. I said, “Where did you find that?” as I pointed to the Cardinal one. She said it was our mother’s.
When we got home our mom coddled my sister, taking her to the bathroom and tending to her every need. I went to my old bedroom because I was going to stay the night. It was full of chairs placed in a circle (life cycles). My mom came in and I commented on the change. I knew I would have to sleep on a cot in the middle of the circle (being the observer).
Then my dog Monty jumped up on me and was super excited to see me. I petted him and hugged him. My sister said, “Look at his eyes! They look like he is smiling.” I looked close and indeed his eyes were smiling.
Message
When I woke I was thinking, “What stages?” I thought maybe the stages had to do with AA and the 12 Steps, since I was attending an AA Meeting in the dream. So I did a search but couldn’t find much about stages or even steps.
When I was about to give up, I found this and knew it was the answer I was seeking. I don’t know much about the book of Leviticus but this sermon, written in 1964, really spoke to me, specifically that “holiness” equates to “wholeness”. In the end, I understood the message in my dream was that the stages were about how to become Whole again, something we all strive for.
This word [holy] is derived from the same root from which a very attractive English word comes. This word is wholeness. So holiness means wholeness, being complete. And if you read wholeness in place of holiness everywhere you find it in the Bible, you will be much closer to what the writers meant. We all know what wholeness is. It is to have together all the parts which were intended to be there, and to have them functioning as they were intended to function.
The dream itself seemed to indicate that there is still hope for my sister. That is what I felt upon waking, at least. There is also a deeper meaning, I am sure, which is indicated by the sermon I found online. And there is a message for me – and you – as well.
What I got most out of the sermon is how God is patient with us, so we should also be patient with ourselves. God does not force us to change. He gives us a choice. We always have a choice.
The stages were indeed mentioned in this sermon.
The first is giving up the old for the new. We cannot hang onto the old life anymore.
The second is practicing love; living from the heart.
The third is knowing God. I interpret this as knowing The One, or that part of our self that Remembers that we are all One – our Higher Self. And in knowing God/Self, we better know ourselves.
The fourth is that we need to make a choice. We can choose to keep things the same – to live in our misery – or we can choose to change. As the article says, “a decision is expected of us.”
God never says, “I’m going to make you leave your misery.” Rather, he says, “If you prefer being broken and don’t want to be healed, you can stay right where you are. But if you want life, then this is what is ahead.” God never forces his will upon us. But he sets the choice before us, makes it very clear, and then expects a response on the basis that he has given.
Update
I think the main reason for the above dream and message came as a result of a phone call. I finally called my mom to check in. Turns out she was in the car with my sister and nephew and the entire call was on speaker phone.
I had been avoiding calling my mom. I didn’t want to hear anything negative. I didn’t want to confirm what I knew – that my sister went home to her rundown RV to recover rather than stay with my mom. And that is exactly what happened, too, except that the RV roof sprung a leak so my sister and nephew had been staying with my mom all week while it was being fixed.
I knew my sister likely shared her pain meds with her husband and that they may have even sold some. I didn’t mentioned this of course and I don’t plan to. It is what it is. My sister has to decide if she wants to recover or relapse. It is her choice and her choice alone.
Then there is my own struggles with life that I believe the message was related to. Without going into detail, I will say that like my sister, I also have a choice. Though it isn’t related to drug relapse, it isn’t that far off.
Life is composed of habits, some good and some bad, some outright destructive. We tolerate so much that we should not. We tolerate the undesirable out of fear of change and the unknown, out of complacency, and out of the belief that we must place others’ happiness above our own.
The part of the above sermon that really hit home for me was this: “If you prefer being broken and don’t want to be healed, you can stay right where you are. But if you want life, then this is what is ahead.”
I want healing. I want life. Don’t you? Yet I have chosen to remain broken.
I am experiencing a slight uptick in dream recall and guide visits lately. Messages are more frequent and last night I experienced Kundalini energy in my dream.
Message: Strength, Change, Communication
A week ago now I received a message via FB. That morning I had been somewhat down and in need of reassurance. The first post I came across was one of those word finds where you write down the first three words you see. The words I found were “strength, change, communication”. At the time I thought nothing of it but later in the day the words seemed to be whispered to me over and over. I finally wrote them down. When I did, the word “bravery” came to mind also.
Dream and Message: Bliss….Bravery
In the dream, I was with an Indian man who was showing me how to market his successful product as my own but I don’t know why. His product looked like dynamite or fireworks – tubes of red paper rolled very tightly. I was told they were not fireworks or dynamite but rather fire starters. I watched as he put one in a fire, lit it and it slowly ignited, orange flames taking over. Understanding, I looked at a box of six, which was how they were sold, still thinking they looked like dynamite or fireworks.
When I woke I saw a vision of a food package, I think for a drink but am unsure. At the top was writing. It said, “Bliss”. Then at the bottom I read, “Bravery”. It felt like I was being asked to drink it but I woke up because the message was so unique and obvious.
Message: You Will be Called
I have been watching a show called Manifest. It is about a plane that goes missing for five years only to suddenly reappear. The people on board do not experience time passing as 5 years but only hours. Many experience psychic abilities where they receive visions of the future. They refer to the visions as “the callings”.
It occurred to me that “the callings” were similar to what I have felt in my lifetime. I haven’t had them often, though. I receive strong Knowing that sometimes bring me to tears but always feel “big” and include a sense of being compelled toward a certain action. I refer to these experiences as “being Called”.
I realized the show, like others I have watched, contained a message that I will be Called again. Not only that but I have been told by my guidance to expect it.
The show’s name also feels significant. Manifest. Yep.
Message: Morning Star
This morning I had a very long Kundalini dream. The energy was muted but memorable. In the dream I was with a dark haired, dark eyed and very familiar man. His eyes are what is most memorable but I spent a portion of the dream tying to memorize his features (unsuccessfully). He reminded me of the man I use to see off and on in Kundalini dreams from 2014-2016.
Only broken pieces of the story line remain. Mostly I remember the man asking me questions and me answering them. When I answered him we were transported to scenes which appeared to be representations of what I was telling him.
In one scene I was outside a house with a man. At first he stood beside me and then he seemed to lose his footing and fall. I held the man in my arms as he grew old, turned to bones and then dust, crumbling in my hands. The dark haired man had asked me about the man, something like, “What about….?. My answer was ,”I was told to [be with him]”.
Another question he asked me was, “Where did you come from?” Hearing his question, I was transported to outer space where I floated past planets and stars. Then I burst through a “crack” in space and found myself on the other side of it staring at a long, golden cluster of stars that sparkled and had bursts of purple and white colors throughout. I said to him, “I Remember now….I’m from the stars.”
The next thing I remember is holding this man’s hand and getting into a large bed with him. I lay close to him and felt immensely happy and content. It was pure bliss. My entire body was warm with energy, especially my heart. I remember wanting it to last forever. I am surprised I didn’t start crying.
Then we heard the man being called (felt like we were in his home and his bed and his family was calling him) and he got out of bed to leave. I reminded him that he had no pants on and he turned back toward the bed to retrieve his shorts. I watched him, trying still to memorize him, wanting to remember as much of him as possible. He was wearing a plaid, button down shirt. The shirt came down just enough to cover his rear.
I woke, my entire body still warm with energy, especially my heart. Asking to go back, I fell into the in-between where I stood facing a starry night sky. It was early dawn. I looked up at the moon and saw a small star above it. I heard, “Morning star”. I remember asking, “Isn’t that Venus?” and received confirmation.
Meaning of Morning Star
The morning star is the planet Venus (Aphrodite, Goddess of love). It can also be Sirius and less likely to be the planet Mercury. It is also a symbol of hope and is another name for Jesus, who “shows the way” (I think Wayshower).
Morning star, most commonly used as a name for the planet Venus when it appears in the east before sunrise
Morning star, a name for the star Sirius, which appears in the sky just before sunrise during the Dog Days
Morning star, a (less common) name for the planet Mercury when it appears in the east before sunrise Source Wikipedia
“The Morning Star’s appearance indicates the dawn of light that ends a dark night. As such, Jesus Christ as a savior, source of hope and happiness is identified as The Morning Star.” Source
I know I’ve not been posting much lately, and I apologize. An update is overdue. Right now, however, I am finding no motivation whatsoever to write publicly. For one, I feel like putting attention on certain things is counterproductive. I also want to be more balanced and centered when I post, and this state comes and goes lately and does not seem to remain stable for long. This is part of the energetic state of the world right now and my adjustment to that energy shifts as that energy shifts (which is frequent!).
Very quickly I will update on my sister and then move on from there because, for me, lingering on the topic doesn’t fill me with happy-happy-joy-joy vibes. lol
My sister had a successful surgery on the 7th of August, spent some time in ICU, was moved to a regular room and then discharged (maybe a week ago now? I can’t remember the exact date). I have not been reaching out to her or my family to stay informed. There are some posts on FB but I do not react or respond to them. I am remaining as withdrawn as I can, stepping back and letting everything play out.
Sadly I know that my sister and my Mom’s futures are intertwined, and not in a positive way. There are some deep-rooted karmic lessons being played out. My job is to step back, observe and to try and not get emotionally involved. The last big emotion I felt was frustration and anger because I could see what was coming, but then I let it all go. If I could, I would move as far away from my family as possible. If it were not for my Mom, I would have disconnected long ago. My half-brother is the only sibling I prefer to have contact with, and even he has distanced himself from the drama (smart man!).
Interestingly enough, my guidance suggested I review past journal and blog entries. I did this by chance yesterday (posted the result) and this morning did another quick search. Just so happens I found this post from July, 2013:
Long ago, when the family issues began getting to me, I was given advice by Steven. He said, “Step back”. I understood this as “mind my own business”. I also got the message to “let them learn their lessons” and “stay out of it”……. I have successfully stayed out of it. I am proud of myself for being able to do so. It is hard seeing family do stupid things and then have to face the consequences of it, especially my Mom. I want to protect her……That is not my job, though.
Apparently the “bumpy ride” message I got from my guide John applies to family drama. I am not looking forward to it. It bothers me to know that my Mom is being unfairly treated; to know that my sister would take advantage of not only her but anyone else who allows themselves to become a victim. I feel like my sister is lost to me. I don’t understand her or know her anymore. I love her, but I don’t like her at all. I would never hang out or be friends with someone like her. That kind of dishonestly and selfishness is toxic.
All of this family drama is part of my lesson here. I was very curious what lesson my sister could be learning. I was told it had to do with controlling human emotion and physical desires. From what I can tell, she is failing miserably at it……..I also know the only way for her to overcome her problem is to get past her physical emotions and bodily urges and listen.
OBEs
I haven’t been sleeping well again. I wake around 4:30-5am and cannot return to sleep, usually because my nose is clogged. Two nights ago when this happened I had to walk around to get my nose to clear and the fell asleep. I ended up having a string of OBEs. They were hard to recall because I fell back into dreaming afterward. I do know there were five and I was being guided through them, working on raising my vibration. In one I sang to raise my vibration and flew around with a guide. In another I was carrying a small girl on my back.
Dreams
Lots and lots of odd dreams lately. This morning I woke early also and my nose was clogged again (grrr!). This time I did some gentle yoga to pass the time. I mulled over the dream I had prior to waking through the poses because when I woke from it I had been crying.
Dream: Winning the Race
I watched a woman running a marathon. Toward the end she got a burst of energy and sprinted to the finish. The woman then received her trophy and won the honor of becoming “queen”. Rather than accept the honor, the woman took the trophy to the rightful queen who had been locked in a fancy, castle for a very long time.
The queen was blonde, pale and beautiful. She accepted the trophy crown but it was gold, long and rectangular and did not look like a crown.
Then I was the winner of the race, only it was a half-marathon. I knew I had decided to finish early, rather than run the entire marathon. Exhausted, I went to my apartment to pack up and leave rather than rest. I decided to take off my sweaty clothing beforehand. I also needed to pee really bad. As I sat on the toilet, relieving myself, I was thinking of the things I needed to pack, which were few. The peeing, which seemed to go on forever, woke me up. My face was wet from tears. I was baffled by my emotional response to the dream.
Interpretation – My gut tells me this was a dream about the journey I am on. The queen is me, in both instances – one running a race, the other locked up and then freed. The dream feeling is that I took an opportunity to finish early. The end, where I am leaving my apartment, felt like me leaving a situation and never looking back. Apartments are emotional situations. I also take off all my clothing (outward appearance) and urinate (relief, letting out something I had been holding onto). The tears were tears of relief but they left me with conflicted emotions.
image source Wikipedia
Dream: Slow Loris
In one I was with a woman who was looking for a guy and his girlfriend. I felt like I was hovering, observing. She was shown the room the man was in and he was in the bathtub naked with his girlfriend. lol I recall the girlfriend tossing her clothing – a black, spaghetti strap top. Then they were gone and two woman were talking to me about an upcoming “event”. They were discussing it as if it were “secret” and I told them not to bother inviting me for some reason. It felt like it was an event I wouldn’t want to attend alongside others. The one woman said, “We knew you would say that which is why we are creating an event just for you.” She handed me a brooch as an invitation. It was beautiful! Made of gold or some metal. It looped around and at the end of the loops were jewels. I remember taking it, somehow knowing the event was in November and saying, “I don’t know if I will be able to go. Something might come up.” In my mind I was thinking of my sister and other things that might happen.
Then I was outside in the back of a small home. There was a road that ran along the back and there were items tossed here and there. I spotted a kid’s toy – a gun of some sort that looked like a Nerf gun or water gun. I went to pick it up and a boy rushed up to me. I hadn’t seen him there. I turned and asked, “Is this yours?” He snatched the gun and I said, “Cool gun! How does it work?” He showed me some lights and such and kept walking. I followed, stopping to look at some bikes that had been left on the side of the road. One was a toddler bike, for a 3yr old but the training wheels were broken off.
A man approached and asked if I wanted the bike. He asked his son, the boy, to show me it still worked. The boy got on the bike. I told the man my boys were too old for it and turned to leave because the man had a strange energy.
As I turned and walked back toward the home the man came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He then ran forward with me, lifting me off the ground. We flew swiftly forward and he then set me down. I wasn’t afraid, somehow knowing he meant me no harm. When he put me down he asked me, “How was that?” I said something back acknowledging his ability. He stood facing me, smiling, and seemed to want more. I didn’t recognize him. He had light hair and was tall and skinny. He pushed me to the ground and leaned over me like he was exerting his dominance. I didn’t resist, still knowing he didn’t intend me harm. He let me get up and I walked back toward the house.
On my way back I began to fly, hovering close to the ground, looking at the scenery. There were these beautiful shrubs near the house. They had red tips and were quite overgrown. I floated over them, touching them and watching as the red tips came off and flew around me like flower petals.
Then I spotted something on the ground near the white porch beam. It was a peculiar feather. I picked it up and asked aloud what kind of bird had such a feather. I carried it with me as I talked to someone and this person motioned the feather saying it was some creature I had never heard of. I remember thinking, “sloth” and “slow loris” and as I looked down the feather turned into a fluffy white animal of some sort. It had the face of a cat but without legs. The body was just a long fluffy tube.
I held the cat thing for a while noticing its behavior. It seemed quiet and like it wanted to hide. The person was telling me about it but I can’t recall what they said. I just remember putting the cat thing on my shoulder and hearing little cat noises and feeling claws gripping my shoulder even though it had no feet.
At one point the cat thing withdrew into a tube, shrinking down like an eel would do. The outer fluffy part slid away and became separate. I knew to keep the cat creature with the fluffy tube and set it free.
Somehow I ended up in the house at a kitchen table feeding the cat thing. It was eating pats of butter. When I put my hand too close it accidentally chomped down on my finger but it didn’t hurt. I remember saying I shouldn’t have done that as it was eating and it thought my finger was the butter.
Interpretation – The dream about “November” stood out. It seems to indicate some “event” will take place. Maybe it has to do with the brooch? Hard to say but it resembled a LL symbol. A brooch means moving forward, important choices and can be an award for one’s efforts. The cat creature could represent the Kundalini. I think it significant that I took the cat creature into my grandmother’s kitchen. This is the location I use to go to for K events and other significant OBEs. Butter symbolizes richness and flavor. It can mean the end of hard times and the need for more love and affection.
Messages
From this morning:
“Full disclosure” is coming. “Don’t worry, you will be clear enough when it does.”
“Give yourself the opportunity to hold space-time. These will not be there when you leave.”
Vision: Saw the tar pits in California. Remembered how when I visited the tar pits the guide told us how many animals fell in and suffocated, trapped forever. I thought the only way to avoid getting trapped was to be a bird and stay on the edges. With this thought I saw a small, white bird fly down to the edge and dip one toe in. Woke up knowing, “Earth is the tar pit of the Universe.”
Vision: I am sitting next to a man (he’s on my left) at a round table. Across from us sits another man, watching us. He feels important and motions to the plates in front of us. Eagerly, I reach down and pick up a juicy hamburger and take a bite. The man does this, too. It tastes wonderful. I feel guilty, thinking, “I’m eating meat.” I look down and the meat is gone. The burger no longer looks like a burger but still has a round shape. I come out of my reverie suddenly.
My thoughts: Whatever “full disclosure” is, I will be ready for it. As for “holding space-time” I am not sure what it means but I remember saying back to my guide, “You are right”. It feels like “holding space-time” means living in the physical and mastering the experience. The Tar Pit vision is self-explanatory. I think I am trying to be, or am, the bird. The hamburger vision was very real – touch and taste specifically. Hamburgers = wholeness.
Living Life in Between 