Category Archives: Dreams

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Theme: Cockleburs

I continue to have difficulty falling asleep and getting a good sleep overall. This has been on-going since before Covid-19 hit mid-March. Some days I will get sleep that is good and solid, but mostly not.

Last night I felt a distinct shift in the energy. When for weeks I have had little to no communication from my guidance, last night I did. It came in the form of energy hugs and messages without words and I knew I would get a good sleep.

Dreams

I had many dreams and woke once in tears.

The first dream I recall was set outside on a rocky slope. I was with my daughter and we were walking along a dirt path to a bus stop (temporary setback in life). I was wearing sandals (life path) and felt like I use to as a child – hopeful and looking forward. Recognizing I may need better shoes, I went back to get my tennis shoes and then carried them a bit before placing them on the side of the path. As we walked we talked and I was in high spirits. As the time for the bus to arrive grew near I remembered I needed my tennis shoes and realized I would not be able to get them in time. So, we walked a ways to the bus stop, down the hill and a bit further, past where the bus normally stopped. When we got to a certain point it was like we triggered a switch and a small hill covered in shrubs to our right burst into flame (passion, intensity). There was a distinct pause here as I recognized the “switch” being triggered (perhaps a fire will be triggered). Each plant became a burning bush. One began to char. I was unconcerned and let them burn.

In another dream I was in a stadium full of people looking for a place to sit. I soon realized no one had on shoes and for some reason I was very put off by the bare feet (others’ path, following another path) all around me. I shifted and tried to avoid contact with people and even asked some to move over. Someone asked me why I was so bothered by bare feet. I mentioned they were gross, smelly and just dirty. As I talked about my upset I began to cry and burst into tears over the prospect of so many bare feet.

Then I was in another time period and place. It was like a scene from a wild west movie. I was with a young boy (masculine aspect) who desperately needed new clothes (ones outward appearance). At this time there was something about arranging four cocklebur plants (annoyances) in an area and planting them. This caused me to become emotional but did not wake me. Eventually I helped the young man, taking him to a shop to get fitted for new clothing which consisted of knickers, a shirt and a leather satchel. I remember thinking it was quite expensive and hoping he did not want me to buy him a whole wardrobe.

The scene shifted and I was in a strange house sitting on the floor beneath a dresser or cabinet. It felt like something was crawling on me so I looked up and saw the biggest millipede (unwilling to confront something) I had ever seen. I withdrew in fear until I realized it was dead and mummified. I then noticed the front door to my house was open and went in to investigate. I yelled to the intruder to get out but then realized the house was being cleaned (healing). I was asked to help pull a sock (major life disappointments) out of a vacuum and the lady took it to clean.

Messages

When I woke a song was in my head:

The song quickly turned into another song and with it came a memory of the movie it went with – Into the Wild. I thought of the story line and what happened in the end, how the poor man must have felt as he lay dying all alone. I didn’t know why memory of this movie came to me but now see it fits in with a bigger message.

Then I saw this memory on my FB feed. Something I posted in 2013:

First I was dying to finish high school and start college.
And then I was dying to finish college and start working.
And then I was dying to marry and have children.
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough
so I could get back to my career.
And then I was dying to retire.
And now I am dying…
and suddenly realize that I forgot to live.”
– Author unknown

See the message now?

Cockleburs

It may seem odd, but cockleburs have been a message for a while now. I had a dream a while ago, maybe a week or more now – you can read the post here. Almost daily since posting that dream I have seen memes and other references to cockleburs online. If you don’t know what a cocklebur is, it is a very annoying, large sticker that gets easily embedded in things. They are almost impossible to get out.

In one of the above dreams, seeing the cocklebur plants causes me to burst into tears. The feeling I had when I woke from this dream was of hopelessness and overwhelm. The message this symbol brings is that I am dealing with issues that are annoying and they are not easily resolved. Nothing I do seems to make them go away so I tend to just live with the issues/annoyances. The fact that this symbol continues to reappear indicates just how upset I am by these issues in my life.

In this time frame I have been having quite a bit of stress related to life foundations and my stability. This has mostly passed but the physical side-effects have been eczema, which I tend to get when I have high stress. Similarly, loss of sleep tends to accompany stressful periods in my life.

I will leave you with a flash of a vision I had of myself just now: I saw myself walking on a path wearing tan colored clothing that was full of cockleburs. Ha!

 

 

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Dreams: Master, Graduate

Got tired at 9pm. Went to sleep. Slept until 7:30am. Happy. 🙂

Dream: Master

The first thing I recall is being in a kitchen that reminded me of my Mom’s kitchen at first. I was watching a woman via a video call who was showing me how to make a dish. I followed her instructions but then she asked me to use another pan and do several more steps that began to make the recipe quite complex. It was only suppose to use one pan but I went ahead and tried it. I was able to make a semblance of it but not without noticing how messy the kitchen was. Dishes piled high. The last step involved bread and turns out I was suppose to make tiny sandwiches. I just put them in with the rest of the dish which I didn’t recognize and told the woman I wasn’t going to bother making sandwiches.

Then I was in my old bedroom trying to get school clothing on Elek. I went into a walk-in closest that isn’t there in real life and it was full of my daughter’s old sweaters and clothing. I remember yelling at her to get out and being frustrated because I couldn’t find any of Elek’s clothes. Then someone came into the room and dumped a whole load of folded clothing on the floor. It looked like clothes from years ago – my old clothes and others from the house – but not Elek’s

I ended up back in the main living/kitchen area and had a vacuum. I began to vacuum the floor and the vacuum was very strong to the point I was worried it would pull the carpet into it but it never did.

As I vacuumed I went into my Mom’s master bedroom but when I went into the closet it opened up into a bedroom I had never seen before. The entry floor was paved in red brick and the rest was carpet. The bed seemed to be in the floor, carpet right up against it but some areas had ripped. I vacuumed and picked up all kinds of dirt and debris and soon realized there were sticks and twigs, leaves and other outdoor debris in the room. I saw the room was lined with tall trees that were colored in Fall foliage and losing leaves. I continued to vacuum up as much as I could but realized it was a losing battle.

My Mom was there and I suggested she let my sister live in the room. I remember asking her why she never used the room, why she never told us it was there, and how nice it could be to fix it up and use it again. There were a couple of doors leading out of the room so I went up to one and asked what was inside. My Mom said it was a bathroom and I was shocked and thrilled. She asked, “Haven’t you been here before?” I said, “No! I didn’t know this was here.” I opened the door and saw it led into a darkly lit corridor. I was thrilled and went in but the corridor went back to the room I was familiar with and the attached bathroom. The corridor had a mirror in it and some nice furnishings but it was quite dimly lit and hard to see. The whole room turned dim like that during this part of the dream.

I turned back and began to leave the bedroom. A man was there but I can’t recall his face or who he was, though I seemed to know him. I recall looking at the red bricks as I exited. The main thought with me as I left was, “Master Bedroom”, specifically, ” This is the Master”.

Dream: Graduate 

The next thing I recall is being inside a tiny car. It was not a normal car but more like a suit I wore around me that provided me with swift speed and was controlled with my mind. I remember it as a clear, see-through bubble with wheels that wrapped around me snugly and provided a soft protective cover that was also very strong like steel.

I was traveling very slowly with others along a path that paralleled a parking lot. As I looked at the parking lot I remembered being there before but the lot was covered in snow and the road was icy and difficult to traverse. The parking lot had painted X’s on it around the barricades. In my memory I had traveled the same path but the snow had obscured the lines on the lot.

I then came to a narrow opening with a flight of stairs that headed down a corridor. As I entered it was very tight inside as I floated down the corridor. I looked around at who was with me and they were strangers most of which were wearing bubbles around their faces like masks. They appeared nervous to be close and were in a hurry to get out of the corridor.

At the bottom the room opened up into a lobby type area and the people with me scooted off quickly. One woman had a proboscis type straw coming out of the mask she wore and pushed past me to get to the coffee provided to guests. The lobby was encased in glass or plastic as if a decontamination zone but people could come and go freely. I watched as the woman and her friend went to a table to select coffee and saw the various bags and types available. I didn’t want coffee, though, as I seemed to be headed (I somehow knew my destination) to a registration booth.

At the booth I saw a woman hand over a form she had just signed and the woman at the booth gave her instructions on the schedule. She congratulated her and then looked in my direction pushing the lined paper to me to sign my name. I paused for a bit, forgetting my name, and then wrote my last name and then first name. She read my name back to me, welcoming me, as I finished writing it and began to explain the schedule when we were interrupted by a couple of men. She turned and grabbed a very large object made of precious metals and gems and handed it to the man. She congratulated him for becoming a “Master”. I thought he must have graduated with a Master’s degree and she was giving him a ring but it looked more like a sheath for his entire left arm. She then handed one to another man who I spoke to briefly but I can’t remember what he told me. I think I was jealous of his accomplishment and he told me it was no big deal as he thanked me.

After the men left the registrar gave me the schedule, once again congratulating me but this time calling me a “graduate”. She then said, “Don’t be surprised if they imposed some fees” but for what I can’t recall. I remember knowing the fees would be minimal, like $8. I also knew the location of this dream was Montana.

Interpretation

When I woke up a song was on my mind – “Don’t stop me now…..200 degrees that’s why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit. I’m traveling at the speed of light.” At the same time the fact that “Master” was part of both dreams was not lost to me. I realize that the house I built on family land had almost the same layout as my Mom’s house which is likely not a coincidence. Thankfully my current house is nothing like either.

The first dreams seem to be a modge podge of subconscious reflection. The preparation of food has to do with sustenance or how I feed myself – Ego, Spirit, both? I follow the directions but find it tedious and much longer than I anticipated so in the end I opted to not make the sandwiches so I reject some stressful situation that “sandwiches” me or makes me feel stuck. The dirty dishes are the things that are bothering me – messes that need cleaning up.

The clothing dream is an anxiety type dream having to do with my children who are a part of me, an aspect, and how these aspects look to others. Clothing is one’s outward appearance. I can’t find clothes. The closet is full of my daughter’s old sweaters (protection) and I get angry at her for it and tell her to get out (aspect of self getting in the way?). I end up with a pile of old, folded clothing from years past on the floor of my bedroom (private self). The overall feeling here is frustration. All I wanted was pants and a shirt for my son (masculine aspect that is still growing up).

The vacuum dream is about finally deciding to deal with issues/problems. I end up in a Master bedroom I didn’t know existed – so probably a hidden aspect of self that has been hidden from me. The red brick floor has to do with passion, inner fire and romance. Since it is as the entrance it may be symbolic of having to go through such emotions to get deeper. The room itself has a bed sunk into the floor with torn carpet. Carpet is my rejection of those things that are unpleasant. Since it is around the bed it may indicate these emotions are very private, maybe forgotten. There is debris being sucked up so I am attempting to clean but it never gets clear. There are trees losing leaves. The Fall colors indicate something going dormant or could relate to a time of year. The leaves are disappointments, failures and sorrow.

Curious about the room I find doors that lead to known master bedroom and not a bathroom like I had hoped. So this indicates that cleansing and healing are connected to the room I am aware of but also to the one I am not. The lights dimming indicate a loss of conscious awareness but not completely. My suggesting my sister live in the room indicates that she, too, has a connection to this lost private aspect. So maybe something from my youth?

The graduate dream takes me back to a place I have been before in other dreams. In the past the road (path) and parking lot (delays) was covered in snow, so dormant and with little to no emotion and very slow movement. The bubble was protection and feeling safe on the route. The stairs and corridor are movement to another level. The coffee is awareness. The registration for graduation is my recognition of completing a level but not mastering something yet. The Master receives a ornate arm sleeve for the left arm so perhaps this is regarding the masculine and I have yet to master the masculine? Montana is spirituality or a spiritual journey. I want to be a Master and am told it is no big deal. The strange masks and such are likely to do with the Corona Virus. Maybe it was one test of many relating to this graduation? I have graduated many times in my dreams and tests and preparation are very much part of the process. The “fees” are that graduating comes at a cost, but not a big one.

I feel really good this morning and am so grateful for the much needed sleep which I haven’t had much of for weeks now. I will leave you with the song that was on my mind as I woke. Maybe it will make you smile like it did me.

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Message: Quality Over Quantity

For over a week I have had trouble sleeping. Mostly I struggle to fall asleep but I also tend to wake frequently which decreases the quality of sleep by quite a bit. As a result, I am not recalling my dreams and those dreams I do recall are odd and don’t make much sense. There are a few, however, that seem to be indicators of what is going on under the surface, deep in my subconscious.

Dream – May 16th

I was sitting inside a truck (hard work) as if waiting to leave when a guy showed up and stood by the truck. He insisted that I get into a car instead. I felt irritated by the man’s pushy behavior but did what he asked. Before I could get into the car (life path) it began to drive on its own (feeling not in control of life). It sped up and crushed the man underneath, ripping his skin off in places. The man was yelling in pain as the car rolled forward and backward over top of him. When the car stopped, the man was pinned underneath yelling in pain. Suddenly, a random dog (protection, fidelity) came around and began to pull aggressively on his toes, ripping into his flesh. I yelled at the dog to stop but it wouldn’t. The sight of the whole thing was gruesome – the car sitting on top of the man, ripped flesh with blood oozing out and a dog trying to eat the man’s foot all while he was still alive and suffering.

The dream was very short and horrific enough to wake me up. I suspect it symbolically represents my feelings and fears in regards to how I react to being pressured to do things. It also seems to refer to the masculine as something I resent and want to destroy.

Dream: May 20th

I had odd dreams and some I recall. In one I was visiting a house in Montana that looked like where my ex in-laws use to live. I remember mostly asking a man if he would consider splitting the cost of the house with me so I could live there in the summers.

There was a longer dream I remember. I was in my Mom’s kitchen talking with someone. A short, blonde man was visiting and he asked whether I had ever been a runner and if I would consider going on a run with him. I told him that I once ran a half marathon, so yes I could run with him, but the run would have to be short. I also told him I ran slow. I

Then I was inside another house with many other people. When I arrived the place felt foreign and I knew no one there. My bed was the top bunk of a bunk bed and I had to climb some flimsy netting stuff to get to it, eventually using the side of the bunk that was against the wall to climb into the top because the sides were too narrow to crawl through. When I climbed into the bed the navy blanket had large spiky burrs on it that had spines like prickly pears do. I began to try and pull them out but there were so many that I mentioned it to the people below. Even the pillows had burrs on them. So I tossed the pillows to the foot of the bed and moved the blanket so that I would not be stuck by the burrs. Then a black cat came up onto the bed and began to try and rub up against me. It, too, had the burrs on it so I shooed it away.

The last thing I remember about the dream is looking at the wall as I lay there feeling very alone and missing my husband. I was thinking how nice it would be to have him around to help me feel more at ease and at home where I was. This is when I heard someone say to me the words “quality” and “quantity”. I remember it as “Quantity over Quality” but it could have been the opposite, not sure.

When I woke the song, “Send me an angel….right now” was going through my head along with the concept of choosing quantity over quality.

I understand the message to be about my choices in this life. I recall that after my divorce I missed the security marriage provided and I missed the companionship and friendship of my ex. I didn’t want to be married to him again nor did I miss him as a lover or have heartache over the loss of him, I just missed the convenience of it – having plenty of money, being able to relax and not have to work or feel that dread of working and working just to survive, and the convenience of having someone to do things with and with whom I could be myself.

I don’t know what to think of the dream really. Symbolically the bunk bed means I have trouble expressing my needs and desires within a romantic relationship. The burrs represent minor annoyances and irritations that I choose to overlook. Because they are on the bed spread they indicate annoyances that I am trying to hide or cover up. I forgot to mention that the entire bunk bed scene was very dark and it was hard to see which means I am not able to see or recognize something in waking life. It could also be I am trying not to see and avoiding something. The black cat is my intuition. It also has burrs which indicate something annoying or uncomfortable about my intuition. I push it away meaning I am not wanting to listen to my intuition.

Quality over Quantity

The message about choosing quality over quantity stuck with me and I pondered it for a while. I analyzed my choices in life. When did I choose quality and when did I choose quantity? What does “quality” mean to me?

Immediately I knew that in regards to career I had chosen quality over quantity. I left teaching and counseling which provided security in the form of a good paycheck in favor of a job that paid much less but was low stress and gave me the ability to work from home.

Also, with my previous marriage, I had held on for a long while because of the “quantity” of things if offered me (convenience, security, money)  but the “quality” of my existence began to suffer so much that I ultimately chose to – had to – leave for my own sanity.

In another memory I went back to middle school when the desire to fit in often led me to difficult lessons. I had won the friendship of the most popular girl, which was a big win for me. However, the girl desired me only because she thought my family “rich” (lol we weren’t) and was constantly trying to get me to buy things for her, which I did. She also used me for my “brains” and often asked me for the answers to questions on assignments and tests. At some point I recognized that the cost of being her friend was my own self-respect and that, in the end, the quality of her friendship was very poor and not worth the sacrifice. Sure I gained her friendship and the following of all her “minions” (quantity) but it was not worth it. So, one day when she was asking me to provide her with answers to a test, I loudly called her out in front of the whole class, effectively severing my friendship with her and creating a long-term enemy in the process. I do not regret the decision, however, and would do it again in a heartbeat.

Ultimately, “quality” to me tends to win out even though I often take a long while to make the choice.

Not long after this dream there was a post on FB that caught my attention:

“Why has it become so important to us to prolong life, over HOW we are living, and to postpone death rather than ask how we are dying.”

—Charles Eisenstein

There was an entire discussion below the quote and in one comment someone mentioned “Quality over quantity” and I thought, “Ah – there is it again!” In this instance the message was about quality of life over quantity (in years) of life and how so many people cling to life, fearing death, but do not live a quality life because fear stops them in their tracks. This specific post was about Covid-19, but my take on it was that I was being asked by my guidance to consider the quality of the life I now live.

Headless Bird

An interesting symbol presented itself early in the week. I found an adolescent bird – a dove – dead in my front yard. When I went to inspect it I saw that it had no head but was otherwise in perfect shape. It stood out to me as a symbol but of what I wasn’t sure.

Then this morning a friend posted on FB that she found two headless birds in her yard. I remembered my own experience and again thought, “There it is”, but what does it even mean?

Birds in general equal freedom, possibility and transition. In this case, the bird was a dove. Doves are typical symbols of love, peace and partnership while also acting as messengers. To find the dove dead and headless seems to indicate that I am effectively chopping the head off of the messenger, a messenger who brings peace, love and possibility.

In the Dark

Despite all the above messages, when I look inward all is quiet and the answers are not forthcoming. I feel cut off from my guidance and without significant dream activity I am left wondering if the answers will be forthcoming. All is pointing to me not wanting to “see”, but when I attempt to see I find myself “blind” and cut off from mySelf.

The past continues to return to me, asking me to look back on where I’ve been. When I visit this past it feels not to be me, but some other version who is no more. For example, I watched a video taken after the birth of my first child. In seeing myself I thought, “Who is that?” I remembered those days but the connection to who I once was, was gone.

In some instances I feel on the verge of another transition and stage in my life. I wonder, will I look back on this other me ten years from now and have that same feeling? Will I see that me as a complete stranger?

Ultimately, I think these experiences of not knowing or connecting with my past self are a common one, even among those who are still “asleep”. My mother speaks of having this experience, also, and how as she grows older she steps out of one version of herself into a new, better – wiser – one.

Honestly, I don’t feel ready to transition. Maybe that is why my dreams are “dark” and the symbolism indicates I wish not to “see” and am ignoring my intuition? Currently, rather than kick myself for not being able to force myself to “see” what I am avoiding, I am just going to go with it and allow it to be. Knowing now my Self (Higher) and self (lower) and how different (and at odds) they can be, I also know that my Self usually has to wait for my self before change can happen.

 

 

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Dream and Violent Kundalini Vibrations

I woke early around 5am feeling very pessimistic. My thoughts were on how my life was not going to change for some time. The feelings I had were numerous – boredom, overwhelm, depression, hopelessness, futility.  I knew the messages from previous dreams indicate that I will be financially very well off and comfortable, wanting for nothing. Yet I also knew the money could not – would not – provide happiness. All the money in the world cannot fill the void I feel inside me.

Dream Letter from a Friend

I returned to sleep. My friend approached me in my dream. Rather than talk she handed me a hand written letter. The entire first page was blank – on purpose. It felt like what she was saying was very private. As I read it I felt her emotion and cried along with her. I tried to hug her but she pushed me away. I knew it was because she was feeling overwhelmed and could not handle feeling my emotion on top of her own.

I remember sitting by her at a kitchen table as I read. She described feeling like all her energy was being sucked away and was asking why others didn’t just leave her alone and give you space. She also mentioned moving to a town with only 10 residents called Oak Grove or Oak Knoll or something similar. What I remember here is how it was written – 0-10. This made her feel better as it involved returning to school to take an additional 30 credits and living in this small town while she went to school and “It wouldn’t be for very long.” The town felt Native and ancient and part of her excitement was in bringing others to move there, too. I remember thinking that it was an odd idea to try and repopulate a town. Why do that?

Afterward I prepared her some pancakes and gave her an option of syrup. She selected the type of syrup I would usually have. I then made myself something out of Crispix cereal – rectangular prisms but ultimately I crushed them, put them in a bowl with milk and gave them to my daughter because I did not want to eat it. I apologized to my friend for not giving her the cereal.

Then we were walking in a neighborhood. I had my dog and we began to head in a certain direction but an angry, black dog was up ahead and not on a leash. I turned around to protect my dog but the angry dog came in our direction so I picked up my dog to protect him.

The dog morphed into a crazy woman with black hair who was raving mad. Others in the neighborhood came to assist to try and get her to a nearby school to be picked up by the authorities. As we walked toward the school the woman was trying to eat the head off a small dog. A woman I once worked with who I will call “Nix” (probably symbolic) came and ushered the woman to the school. I remember saying to her and the crazy woman, “Us Leos….” but can’t recall what I said. Ahead I saw the school doors and the children playing and knew all would be okay.

Kundalini Vibrations

I came out of the dream but did not awaken. Instead my head was vibrating so intensely that I was in a bit of shock. Not only did it vibrate but it made a loud, “Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh” sound as if my heart was beating inside my head but it was not my heart at all. The sound was internal and all around me at the same time. The sound was thunderously loud and not at all like what I have experienced when exiting my body to explore the astral realms.

I could feel a distinct channel of energy in the center of my head, like a cylinder of it. It felt as if the cylinder of energy was inserted via my crown and was headed down toward my throat. The sensation of it continued to grow for a period of time. So long that I thought for sure my mind’s eye was about to be filled with inner vision, an experience I am not unfamiliar with.

My head felt as if it was being pounded but without pain. The vibrations no longer felt normal but were so violent that my astral head felt to be shifting left and right and up and down, shaken like one would shake a mixed drink. I knew that soon I would be filled with clear vision and my astral eyes would be forced open. This I have experienced before but for some reason in this particular moment I had a fleeting thought – “What will I see?” With this thought came anxiety. I was afraid of what I would be shown.

The fearful thought forced an instant stop to it all. It was as if it never happened. When I opened my eyes, tears were streaming out, but I was not crying.

Reflection 

It seems that I am afraid of “seeing”. Others have often called me a “seer” and though I agree that I can and often do see things others do not, I often curse this ability because I feel powerless to do anything to change the future revealed to me.

I am able to see my own future, which I am told is a rarity also. Many times what I see about my own life path brings about intense emotion – a sense of “here it comes” and “be ready”. I know it is meant as a heads up, to warn me and prepare me, but there is often little I  can do to prepare because the specifics of what will be are caught up in symbolism and often difficult to interpret. Sometimes I am shown and/or told specifics. It has happened enough now that I dread receiving these messages because they pretty much always lead to difficult times.

Despite asking to not be shown things about my own future, it still happens. I get messages upon waking, in dreams and sometimes even during the day. The more I ignore and try to block them, the more loud and in my face they become.

The Kundalini experience this morning is one of those obvious messages. The dream message I received yesterday was not fully acknowledged so my guidance found another method to get the message across. One that was more forceful.

I am refusing to see. Blocking my intuition and inner vision.

The dream I had this morning indicates that I am also refusing to “eat cereal”. Cereal has often come through as a message of change, going in a new direction or on an adventure. In one OBE a while ago now, I chose cereal over oatmeal (sameness, comfort). I asked a guide who was present in that OBE what it meant. He said, “Sometimes you want cereal.” So for me to reject the cereal in my dream indicates I am afraid of taking the risks that come with such change.

The Kundalini activity in my head is typical of a clearing of a blockage. In my experience with such openings more are likely to follow. If I am resistant, the opening will be more difficult, painful even to the point of potentially creating physical issues.

Note: I find it interesting that I recently had a dream about doing time in a sleep chamber, approximately one month. Now I am having crown chakra activity and the crown chakra is about being AWAKE and AWARE, the opposite of being ASLEEP. It seems I am progressing toward waking up from a period of slumber.

 

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Dreams: 2FAST4M3 and Dead Swan

I’ve been having quite a bit of dream activity lately. Two nights in a row I’ve awakened with memories that seem to “stick”. Anytime a dream lingers like that, especially visuals like messages and such, I take time to interpret it and try and gain insight from the messages received.

Dream: 2FAST4M3

I was in a house that was quite cluttered and multi-storied (clutters aspects of self). At first I was watching others in the house walking about in the kitchen area. There were cameras (feeling ‘watched’) all over and the house was much larger and spacious. I remember thinking, “What if someone was walking around naked? The cameras would catch everything.” I knew had I been in the house I would have gotten caught naked and laughed quietly to myself. lol

I saw two teenage girls in the kitchen. One was talking about doing her homework. An old computer monitor, like from the 80s, was sitting on the counter. The screen had lines moving through it and there were words but I couldn’t read them. My thought was it was odd for them to have such an old computer.

Then I was in the smaller house with another woman, or girl. I remember going up the stairs with the girl and she accidentally knocked a light bulb off a string of lights that was wrapped around a chandelier. I put the light back. I remember seeing odds and ends on top of the shelf near it and saying it had become a place people just put all their odds and ends.

I also recall watching the house from the outside and having trouble finding it. When I got closer someone was replacing the threshold. A man slid a small piece of wood in and it clicked into place.

Later, after going up and down stairs, I was back on the main floor. There was a lit up license plate that I realized I could change the message on. So I began to type out, “2 FAST 4ME”. Someone corrected me and suggested, “2FAST4M3”. I remember saying, “Too fast for you” as if I was telling this to the person but I can’t recall the person I spoke to.

There was another section where I was attempting to work out with equipment that was not put together correctly. I gave up and decided not to workout and the equipment morphed into the pedals of a car. I ended up inside the car (life path) driving it. The brake and gas pedals were in the wrong position, the gas pedal was way too far up. I was told to push down on the gas until it clicked into the right position. I did this and was able to drive but I had a helmet on, like for a race car, and it kept shifting and making it hard to see. I accidentally drove into the wrong lane – a wide sidewalk actually – but then went back onto the main road. I moved the helmet but the side of the car was sometimes still in my line of sight. It appeared that I was sitting crooked in the driver’s seat somehow. Despite this I was able to drive the car without wrecking.

Messages and Symbolism

When I woke the message on the license plate remained in my mind. I knew it was to be noted so I did. Then I drifted back and forth in and out of a meditative state. While doing this I saw two words flash in my vision, printed very large and in all caps. The first was “FAST”. It woke me, I took note and drifted off again. Not long after I saw, “TWIN”. Again, it woke me and I stayed awake a bit longer.

Eventually I drifted again and this time I saw another written message. This time I read it backwards, not sure why. I read, “PRESSURE, STABLES”. I realized it was, “STABLE PRESSURE”.

I couldn’t return to sleep after that because I kept thinking it was a message about the future. Was I going to end up in a situation where I was progressing very fast? Or was it a reminder of my past experience, which was indeed everything the messages relayed?

What I have decided is that the message is about the past, not the future because what was relayed is in fact true. I was on a fast and furious ride with a “twin” connection that made it hard for me to see the road ahead. In the end, the whole experience turned out to be too fast for me.

Dream: Dead Swan

In the dream I was at my Mom’s house. I opened the back door to the pool area and let out a dog (protection) who then went after a very friendly black cat (intuition). The cat didn’t run and so the dog grabbed him violently and began to treat the cat like a toy, viciously tossing him left and right to try and wring his neck. I thought for sure the dog would kill the cat but the cat got away and climbed up to the roof of the house where he peered down at me.

That is when I saw a horrible sight. There was a beautiful swan (grace, beauty, partnership) laying on the ground. Both its wings were spread open and there was blood spots on them. I saw the swan’s head and neck and it was most obviously dead. I felt so sad for it and the loss of its beauty.

Someone was with me and I said, “It’s dead.” I felt horrible and felt for sure the swan was a bad omen.

The person with me (I couldn’t see them) motioned behind me and asked about a fruit to my left. When I looked there was a large vine (peace), like a tomato vine. It seemed to grow as I looked at it, like something out of a fairy tale, the leaves and flowers going through various stages of growth. Fruits appeared on it that were the size of large tomatoes but they were not tomatoes. They were a light pinkish color, maybe coral. I remember calling them Kumquats.

When I woke I felt concerned and couldn’t get the dream out of my mind. I did fall back to sleep but the next dream I had eludes me. I recall only that it had to do with school.

Symbolism

The symbolism was not lost upon me. The black cat could be a negative symbol but I was sympathetic to it, so I think the symbolism is fear of using my intuition and psychic abilities. The dog attacking the cat could be my belief that pushing away my abilities is somehow helpful and protecting me. Yet I also fear the loss of these abilities and so the cat is ultimately saved.

The dead swan is a sign of a separation which results in suffering. Yet the Kumquat is a sign of luck, wealth, prosperity and abundance. Vines symbolize peace and comfort. So it seems the dream is foretelling positive things arising from a separation situation.

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A Kundalini Dream and Message: Hey Soul Sister!

Unexpected Kundalini dream early this morning along with some messages.

Kundalini Dream

I was with someone who resembled an ex from early on after my divorce. He was the third person I had connected with since my divorce – within that first year actually. In the dream he had taken me to a party where we met with some of his friends. I recall him introducing me to this nice woman who seemed to be the one throwing the party. When she gave her name it was my name, first and last, only my maiden name instead of my married one. She spelled her name with an “e” where mine was with an “a”. What is funny is that when she said her name I saw it in my mind as I heard it which is why I knew it was spelled differently. I laughed and told her, “You have the same exact name I do – my name is also __________”. She laughed and said, “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with my exact name. What is your middle name?” I told her and she told me hers was a different name. Still, it was quite amazing to me and I was a bit in awe of it.

Something about my interaction with this “other me” made my boyfriend upset. So, he left me there – “abandoned” was the word I used. I remember thinking, “I can’t believe he abandoned me.” It felt like this man mistreated me quite a bit but what was unusual is that I didn’t seem to mind it. I spoke with the other me for a while after that. She knew I was married and asked how I ended up with a boyfriend instead of my husband. I seemed concerned about it at first and then tossed that worry for acceptance.  I don’t recall my explanation in words but in pictures.

I wandered about the party wondering what I was going to do and thinking I needed to just wait for him to return, I saw people mingling and felt a bit confused and without purpose. I don’t have much memory of this time. I believe I was contemplating why I would even wait for my boyfriend to return when he mistreated me so. It didn’t really make sense that I would want to be with him yet I still did. It was odd and illogical. There was also a sense that I shifted between being male and female and that my boyfriend shifted with me, mirroring me to become the polar opposite of me each time (me – male, him – female and vice versa).

Then, out of nowhere, my boyfriend returned. I went with him willingly despite him being annoyed with me and seeming to not like me much. There was much disdain from him and at times I could feel anger from him even. I remember him demanding that I help him translate messages from God. It was like I was Moses receiving the Ten Commandments. My boyfriend roughly pushed me to the ground and pointed toward a large stone demanding I relay what I saw. I saw messages instantly etched into stone. The letters burned gold as the words appeared. I read them aloud to my boyfriend and I knew they were commandments but they were quite lengthy.

The scene shifted and we ended up in my kitchen near the stove preparing food together. As I prepared the meal he held up a crumb of something and made a snide comment indicating that I was unable to do even the simplest of things right. He had me pressed into a corner facing him and I felt angry in response to his words. At this moment the man, who had previously seemed like an ex-boyfriend, reminded me of my current husband.

While intent on yelling at him in anger I felt this amazing magnetic connection I could not ignore. So I reached my arms around him and pulled him to me. The anger we both felt transformed into this amazing, passionate feeling that burned through my insides, rapidly moving upward with such ferocity that I could do nothing but surrender to it. I remember breathlessly saying, “I love you so much….” as my chakras ignited one by one in the familiar K-fire.

Unfortunately, the intensity woke me up and I lay in bed breathless and wishing I had not awakened. I remember a male voice speaking with me but his words are mostly lost to me now. What I do recall is shifting in and out of the in-between. As I did this the K continued to rise all the way to my crown, lingering briefly in my heart but long enough for me to relish in it. I worried briefly that it would surely kill me if it got any more intense. Yet at the same time I was blissfully intoxicated. All other similar K experiences flooded my mind and body in recognition of my Divine nature.

Strangely, the K energy lulled me to sleep and I entered into another dream.

Dream: Sleep Chamber

In this dream I was sitting in a room watching my sister give a tarot reading to another woman. The room at times looked to be two places – one a large, open space and the other my old bedroom growing up. My sister was having trouble finding the card meaning in the book and I flipped through it to show her. The cards she was using were a deck of my design and ultimately the message was written on the face of the card which I showed to the woman receiving the reading. She was concerned, however, because the card indicated some upheaval. I told her it was just a part of the entire reading, which was a very large spread of many cards and motioned to the entire layout saying, “This is all of you” then pointing to the other card, “..and that is just a small portion of you.” I can’t recall the message now but it was not positive. The feeling I get now is that it represented some kind of major struggle. The card had a massive lion on the front. The card next to it also had a lion but it was just the head of the lion and it was in the right hand corner. I told the woman this was a good sign.

I attempted to stay and mingle with them but their reaction to me was that they were just tolerating my presence and really didn’t want me there. I left, feeling unsettled and repulsed by their behavior. I remember thinking how I preferred to be on my own to just being “tolerated” by others. For some reason it felt like the women were instructed to do this so I wouldn’t feel left out but they wanted nothing to do with me nor did they care to hear what I had to say.

As I lingered alone in my space a black man approached me and came onto me. I remember not minding but thinking how men always did this and noting the contrast between my interactions with the women, who were in pretense, and the overt honesty of the man.

There was another man who came in who was very obviously not right in the mind. He was very friendly with me and eager to share his experiences. He left not long after and went to a large van opening all of the doors. When I approached it he showed me how the front of his van had been shot up with bullets and repaired, indicating he had been through many challenging times.

The dream gets fuzzy but I recall being selected and taken to do my time in a sleep chamber along with others on what I can only describe as a craft of some sort. I was put into a large, double sized bed that was on the bottom row alongside many others. The beds were hanging horizontally from the ceiling like pods only they were not contained but had floral bedspreads and fluffy pillows on them. When I asked how long I had to stay I got no answer but remember thinking it would be a month.

Message: Hey Soul Sister

When I woke I received messages. One was a reminder about human conditioning limiting romantic love to only one person. Another was encouragement to keep exercising like I have been as it is assisting with the K somehow. The final message was in the form of a song – “Hey soul sister”. It seemed like a greeting almost but the song itself is about love which leads me to believe that it is a message from someone who loves me, though who is unknown.

Dream Interpretations

The first dream seems to indicate a review of the past. At one point I encountered another version of me and became friendly with her. Something like this did happen in my past. I met my HS and then merged with her. This resulted in profound change which my “boyfriend” (husband, masculine energies) could not handle so he “abandoned” me only to return much later. He treated me badly, forcing me to help him interpret the “Ten Commandments”. I suspect this part of the dream is relaying how I learned a difficult lesson, one in which I realized I must follow the “rules” of being a human if I want to fit in on Earth. Interestingly, the anger we felt for one another somehow ignited the Kundalini bliss in the end. That in itself seems to be a message that even anger can be transformed into love.

The next dream appears to be a message from my HS to my lower self, indicating that there is much more to me than I am able to see. I experience something I have experienced many times in this life – women pretending to like me but not really liking me or wanting to be around me. I have always rejected pretense and preferred my own company to that of most women I encounter. Yet with men I do not have this problem. Instead they seem to be overly honest and accepting and as a result I get along with them well.

The final portion of the dream could be an indication of how much time I have left “asleep”. To me, to be asleep is to be unaware or unconscious – on autopilot. When I am “awake” I have more spiritual awareness and spiritual experiences tend to increase.

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Dream: Mermaid Warriors

This whole week I have gone through all kinds of emotions – anger, frustration, anxiety, concerns, guilt, appreciation, gratitude, love, compassion, guilt, etc. My emotions kept me up at night three nights in a row, mainly because I went to bed upset, usually angry or frustrated. Getting unwanted news right before bed is never conducive of a good night’s sleep for me. lol One night I was told all employees at my place of work had to wear masks to work. Another night a “friend” on FB left a rant on one of my posts where she basically called me a narcissist. Another night my husband told me something that now I can’t even recall. LOL Shows how very, very important it was, right?

I started to dread going to sleep because I knew once I closed my eyes that all kinds of thoughts and emotions would surface. I also knew I needed to meditate, calm my mind and body and allow those thoughts and feelings to surface and dissipate. The anger and frustration I experienced was the worst and I didn’t want to feel it because it made certain sleep would not come. Yet if I didn’t at least acknowledge it, it would seep out of me like icky, black sludge throughout the day – which it did. When this happens I usually piss someone off or step on someone’s toes or, worst of all, hurt someone’s feelings.

All the while I kinda knew, deep down, that my reactions to the world situation right now was purposeful. If I triggered someone, it was not a mistake. If I was triggered it was not a mistake.

In one instance, the one involving FB, I had actually considered deleting a post I posted because I knew would trigger someone. I intentionally left it. I don’t remember knowing why but that was later revealed when someone who I know online blew their fuse completely. This person had been acting this way in the online group she hosted, too, so it was not really a surprise that she lost her cool. I had been witnessing her attack people who did not share her beliefs for some time now, remaining quiet and just observing without judgement. When she attacked me online I actually didn’t even finish reading her post because of the pure contempt oozing out of the first couple of lines. I deleted it without a thought when she began using the term narcissist.

Sadly, the term narcissist bothered me. I ended up convinced I must be one all because of this woman and her judgement of me. My concern – guilt even – didn’t last long, though, because I realized that a narcissist would not feel guilt or concern over being labeled a narcissist! lol Also, my research indicated that I did not fit the bill. I may sometimes have some characteristics of a narcissist (as we all do) but I am most definitely NOT one. Yet all it took was this woman labeling me as one to make me temporarily convinced I must be horribly selfish, unfeeling and manipulative. 😦 In the end, though, it was a good thing because it caused me to take a step back and really look at myself, which was needed, especially now.

You may wonder what it was that triggered this woman. Well, I also had to inspect that about myself. My upset has been over the virus and the resulting fear has infected the population. I had finally had enough of the fear posts on FB, the constant fear mongering on the news and the people in my neighborhood brutally shaming anyone who was not in fear like them. When I blew up on FB I had not yet really figured out the true source of my upset.

Since then I have recognized my upset stems not from any of the above but from this – the current and long-term economic impact and its effects on those who were/are already struggling. Children. The poor. The addicted. The abused. The neglected. The suicidal or depressed. The hungry. The longer the shutdown goes on, the more these statistics rise.

But I needed to look even deeper than that.

I discovered at the root, of course, is my sister and her subsequent return home where she was already very likely to resume her meth habit. But now, with the shelter-in-place orders in effect, her enabling and drug-using husband at her side, and the stimulus check coming her way, well she is doomed. It’s not the virus that will kill her – nope – it’s herself.

I often struggle with letting the people I love make choices I know will ultimately lead them to more suffering or even death. Who doesn’t? It has been a hard lesson for me. I want desperately to take control of their situation, make decisions for them, but can’t. I feel helpless – much like everyone around me is feeling with this virus situation, though not all for the same reasons.

Thus, what my guides have been saying to me lately, “We are all in this together.” Everyone is feeling helpless and everyone is being triggered in their own way.

For me, the solution is to stop looking out at the world as the source of my upset and subsequent “problem”. Rather, I need to accept, once again, that my sister has to make her own decisions regardless of whether I think they are “right” or “wrong”. It is her life. I have to let go and allow her to fall – or rise – as in the end it is her path, not mine. Just as it is for every person on Earth.

Thus, it follows, that my upset with the mask order suddenly vanished. I went into work without a mask but by the time I got home I had decided I was going to make some masks. lol I had been dead set against wearing one and then did a complete 180. The release I felt was extraordinary and…..what fun I had!!!

Looky, looky at what I made!

Image may contain: 1 person

They aren’t perfect but they aren’t bad considering I haven’t touched my sewing machine in almost a decade. And what was I thinking about when I went to bed last night? Was I angry? Were my emotions and thoughts all over the place? Nope. Instead I was thinking about how I could tweak the masks I make next. I was creating. I would much rather be kept awake by creative thoughts than by frustration, wouldn’t you? 🙂

Dream: Mermaid Warriors

Shifting gears to dream-land….

My dreams have been few and far between these days but the ones I recall lately seem to involve ships and water. To give you an idea, previously I was on a sinking ship and rescued by three nuns in a submarine. lol

So last night’s dream was quite bizarre. I was on a dock with others standing next to what reminded me of a Stargate (Stargate movie lovers will know what this looks like). A woman was calibrating it and a blue light was emanating from the center. I was very close and the lady put her hand up and said to me, “No. You can’t use it whenever you want anymore. You have to wait.” My feeling and response was something like, “Oh come on!” I really, really wanted to go through it and it felt like I did it all the time. What is odd here is that the woman called the Stargate a “corral”. I’m not sure of the meaning here except to “confine or bring together”. My feeling is the next event or journey, what I was so eager to go into in the dream, is a “corral”.

Then I was being shown a “crew” that was being gathered together. I was told they were a mermaid crew yet what I saw was a group of women with legs standing together in clothing that reminded me of a warrior, like Amazon warriors. They had in their hands spears and their faces were without expression. There were at least 30 of them.

By this time I realized I was with a man who seemed to be directing me. Probably a guide or mentor. The man was tall, broad shouldered and light haired. He was talking about going to a very upscale restaurant that served foods that were not usual. I can’t remember what the foods were but they were things a sea creature would eat, not a human.

Considerations

Funny enough, when I woke I was having a conversation with someone asking to be allowed to go right now. It felt that I was about to be taken away in a “ship”. So, my thoughts were, of course, on a space ship type vessel. I highly doubt that I am going to be taken up in a space craft.

The symbolism here seems to be indicating a journey is ahead, one that will gather together a group of like individuals. How we are alike is unknown but based upon my past experiences I would say we have in common this: We are Light Workers/Warriors of the Light.

The mermaids indicate the ability to shift form from creatures of the water to creatures of land. The sea here is intuition and the ability to tap into it as needed. The land here is being human, or better yet Hu-man. Mermaids are symbolic of higher consciousness and being attuned to one’s authentic self. They also represent knowing and following one’s life purpose. The fact that their human form appears warrior-like feels to be a message or a calling to “arms” though not in the way one might think. It is more of a presence or a duty.

The man says of the food served at the restaurant that there is no use eating it if the restaurant doesn’t prepare certain foods a certain way. My feeling on this is that I am being asked to “eat the right food”, meaning to nourish myself with things that will strengthen me rather than weaken me. I am being asked to be mindful of what “foods” I eat. My first thought here is that I need to pay attention to what media content I am looking at – not just news media but any information being brought to me right now.

I feel blessed to have had this dream. It is promising but also cautionary, advising that while we wait, we be careful of what we consume.

 

 

 

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Dream: Saturn Meets Pluto

Interesting dreams lately, one in particular I think I should recount.

Dream: Saturn Meets [Conjunct] Pluto

The dream location was in space amidst the stars and planets. I was traveling with a companion feeling very interested in what we were doing, which was writing/creating a story based upon the stars. I could change location with a thought and did this every so often to explore the story line.

There are many details lost to me now but some are very prominent in my memory. I remember flying up to a planet and saying to my companion, “….when Saturn meets Pluto”. As I said this, I saw the planet Pluto moving toward me and watched as the entire solar system of planets was shifting around to where the planets closest to the sun were now farthest and the planets farthest were now closest.

Pluto was my focus most of the dream and I actually shifted my position and ended up on the surface of the planet for a time. While on the planet I was talking to many others as if we were children creating an interactive story. In the story, Pluto was a planet where people were sent for a time, like a prison, and the word “prison” was actually used here. The planet looked much like pictures I have seen – a barren, gray rock.

I watched as a person was given their ration of food. It was in a cup and they took a drink but what was inside wasn’t a liquid but instead looked like metal rods. The rods looked like tiny splinters – sharp and silver and most definitely not something a person should eat! The person did not drink the metal and as I watched I shifted positions and took the perspective of the person holding the cup and not drinking.

I vaguely remember discussing Jupiter conjunct Pluto, also, as well as other planets. It was like I was getting a lesson on astrology.

Dream Message and Symbolism

In that instant most of the dream fades from my memory and I struggle even as I type this to fill in the gaps. Parts will surface only to vanish when I try to contact the memory. My best guess is that I am not meant to remember the details and am suppose to focus on the feeling of the message the dream was meant to relay.

The feeling I had here was that I was being told of a circumstance or event where the entire solar system will be flipped or turned upside down. I don’t think this is literal but more an analogy of what is happening or will happen. The solar system is likely symbolic of the Collective and what is happening here on Earth.

The other part of the message is about the planets. There is most definitely an astrological message here, which I explored the minute I woke up. This message revolves around Saturn and Jupiter conjunct Pluto.

Being I am not an astrologer, I have to rely on the internet to decipher what these conjunctions even mean. What I read, though, makes a whole lot of sense and goes perfect with the dream content.

Saturn-Pluto relates to the established power structures and ruling elite versus the common people, nuclear events and restriction on many levels. Source

In 2020, Jupiter and Pluto will form conjunctions in Capricorn as follows:

  • April 5th: Jupiter 24 Capricorn conjunct Pluto 24 Capricorn
  • June 30th: Jupiter 24 Capricorn conjunct Pluto 24 Capricorn
  • November 12th Jupiter 22 Capricorn conjunct Pluto 22 Capricorn

These unusual patterns spell opportunity and change. They also spell the downfall, very specifically, of any person, group or organisation which had total control before, or was abusing power. Source

Unfortunately, I don’t have much time to really delve into the astrological significance of these conjunctions at this time. So I must rely on my feelings about my dream and the message it relays.

My gut feeling says that this year – 2020 – is a year of extreme changes that span multiple areas of life, both personal and collective. We have already seen this with the Corona Virus but the feeling is that the virus is just the tip of the ice burg. The changes going on under the surface are and will breed significant changes in the weeks and months to come, all of which you can bet will push us as individuals and as a world population to our limits, forcing us to rethink and alter the systems, beliefs and patterns that have ruled our lives up until this point.

The part of the dream where Pluto is the a prison planet and the person is about to drink razor blades feels significant to me, also.

Pluto is the great revealer, but often there’s a dark night before the rebirth. Pluto brings to mind purging, exorcising, and releasing buried power or core truths. It’s the planet of creative destruction, and transits can feel like extended ordeals. Source

To me, the fact that I become the person holding the destructive drink and do not drink relays the message that awareness is ultimately attained and destruction is avoided. This could be a personal message for just me, or more likely a message about the Collective.

The planet being a prison is evidence of Pluto’s significance here. We create our own prisons in life. Truthfully, everything we experience is of our creation, even the worst, most traumatic ordeals. So it seems that 2020 is acting as a Dark Night of the Soul for the entire world right now, especially those who have remained asleep (as in versus “awake”, “aware”).

Reflection 

What I find most interesting is that when I awoke this morning I had a realization about my sister.

She is currently in the hospital again after being sent home only to return a couple of days later with shortness of breath and high blood pressure. Turns out she had water around her heart. The doctors fixed his but the medications caused kidney dysfunction and so they have been holding her at the hospital until her kidney function improves. Once that happens they will release her to continue to take antibiotics because the infection on her heart valves still has not cleared.

My mom, who is 71 years old, had agreed to let my sister live with her while she recuperates under the condition that her husband doesn’t visit. This is not only to keep my sister from getting her hands on more meth, but also to avoid her husband exposing my mom and step-dad to the Corona virus. Until yesterday, this was plan, but sadly my sister’s husband came to the house and picked up their son. My mom told both of them that my nephew cannot come back to stay with her until the virus is not a threat. That same day my sister told my mom she wanted to go home and stay with her husband in their RV for a few days once she is released. My mom told her if she does that she will not be allowed to come stay with her and my step-dad.

The most likely scenario is that my sister will go home and then beg my mom to give her a second chance because conditions at her RV are deplorable. My mom is set against the idea and I don’t see her giving in. So, my sister will probably return to meth with the help of her husband and their son, well, God help him.

The realization I had this morning involved an understanding of the dynamics of my sister’s co-dependent relationship with her husband. What popped into my mind was this:

Munchausen syndrome by proxy: A parenting disorder in which the parent either fabricates an illness or induces an illness in their child.

From this I made a connection. My BIL, who has struggled his entire life with self-esteem issues, has been keeping my sister dependent upon him so that he can continue to remain in his caregiver role. This makes perfect sense because he has never been able to find purpose in his life and has long struggled with low self-esteem and self-destructive behavior. Then my sister comes along and he feels he finally has found his purpose – take care of her, be her knight in shining armor. The only problem is that when she is not dependent upon drugs she doesn’t need him and is very independent. So, he enables her to keep her dependent upon him. It is not technically Munchausen syndrome, but it is close.

I am not saying my sister is innocent, but she is like a child in this case. She wants to be taken care of and thrives off of the attention (and the drugs) she gets. She would likely shower her husband with love and affection when he provides her with her drugs and reinforce her need of him. My sister benefits by not having to work or take responsibility for her life. She is allowed to do what she pleases and her husband gets to feel needed.

Though the situation is sad, I was relieved to finally see it more clearly. Whether this has anything to do with my dream, IDK. Perhaps it is a part of it, one of the many stories the Collective is running through at this time. Whatever the case, I hope that the path they choose is the one that leads to healing, wholeness and recovery.

 

 

 

 

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I Am Not Afraid

Hope all of you have been well despite the hoopla created by the Corona Virus around the world.

Me and my family are doing well. Not much has changed for us. My husband and I still go to work. I still work from home most days and go into the office 1-2x a week. My husband is there every day. We work in steel fabrication of public works so nothing has changed really except that our shop workers have been limited to 10 people per shift. So we opened another location so they could keep production levels up. Those who are considered most at-risk for getting the virus have been cleared to work from home or have been given extended leave (paid). Thankfully, we are a strong enough business that we can do this for as long as needed. Most want to continue working because – a productive person is a happy person.

The kids have been home since March 14th and started online learning last week. They, of course, want to start on their work first thing in the morning which can make it hard for me to juggle three kids and working, but I do it. My experience as a teacher and school counselor has definitely assisted me with this! The kids love school this way for the most part but my middle child wishes he could go back to school. Bless him.

My mom and step-dad are at their country home living life as normal and not afraid one bit about the virus despite both having underlying conditions. They are both bummed that their social outlets have been cancelled, though. They are avid church-goers and also participate in a choir. I do hope that this shelter in place ends soon so they can resume their activities. It is much worse for an older person to be isolated than a younger one. Thankfully they are able to watch my nephew during this time to keep busy and active.

My MIL is not concerned about the virus and still comes by to visit and goes about her daily activities. She likes to inform us how her siblings are freaking out about it, though.

I’ve noticed when I’m out and about lately (shopping for groceries or driving to work) that there seem to be more people on the roads than a week ago. There are also more patrol cars. When I am in stores the mood is less tense, which I welcome. I was avoiding the stores not because of possibly becoming infected but because people were so full of fear that it would make me anxious and/or ill. So I guess I was scared of getting infected –  infected by fear! It is nice to go out and not feel that. Perhaps all the fearful people are hunkered down at home, terrified to go outside?

My daughter informed me that her friends are referring to this virus as the “Boomer Remover”. I almost choked on my breakfast when she told me. I later told my “Boomer” MIL about the name and she burst out laughing. So refreshing to have laughter during such “serious” times. 🙂

Sleep and Dreams

Some other good news is that I have been sleeping really well since last Friday. Yay! No more difficulty going to sleep. No more frequent wakings. Just, deep, restful, dream-filled sleep.

With the increased sleep I have been feeling that “not alone” feeling in the night and during the evenings before sleep. Not knowing who or what the presence was, I say my prayer of protection and drift into dreamland. A couple of nights ago, though, I woke suddenly and saw my Himalayan salt lamp had turned on by itself. It freaked me out a bit but I got up and unplugged it and went back to sleep. Then last night I woke hearing someone say, “We have been watching you.” lol My response was, “That’s great………..” lol

I’ve had a few dreams of note.

In one dream I was at the doctor’s office getting a check-up. The doctor was Dr. Now from My 600lb Life, which was very strange! He was giving me a breast exam and talking to me about an upcoming surgery. He then got out this strange instrument and pressed it into the area just below my ribs, where the ribs meet. He told me he was trying to hook it into my esophagus. I told him it hurt and he suggested I take a small pill that would make me feel spacey and not feel pain. I asked, “Can’t you just do a chest x-ray?” He nodded and said he could. I told him, “I think I had one done in 2011. Maybe you could get my records?”

There was more to the dream but that was the part that stood out. My take on it is that I was getting spiritual work done on my solar plexus in the dreamstate.

In another dream I was back at school, at a college. I recall walking up to a dorm room and standing at the door, #224. I unlocked it and went inside. It was full of young women. Some were sleeping, others sitting together and talking. I sat on my bed and then tried to get some sleep but one of the women kept talking to me. She asked me when I wanted to schedule my internship in the advanced education field I had opted to study – another Master’s degree in teaching. I told her that I had changed my mind and really didn’t need to or want to do it anymore. For some reason I mentioned Montana and how I hated the cold, blustery winters but loved the beautiful mountains. When I spoke of Montana I got a very dreamy feeling and kept wanting to go back to sleep.

My feeling about this dream is that it was me considering yet another path or lesson in this life. I decided it was not what I wanted to do. The mountains and Montana represent a spiritual destination – could be Home or a feeling resembling Home. The sleepy feeling I was having indicates an avoidance and lack of awareness. It is a preference to remain unaware, comfortable or without the knowledge this new lesson could bring.

I’ve had many, many other dreams and dream encounters but most are lost to me now. Once I wake they fade quickly because I have so much to do during the days now – schooling my kids takes up most of my morning. So dreams and the spiritual have taken a back seat to life. I have brief memories of some Kundalini energy here and there, but it is hard to recover.

The Future

My gut feeling and intuition about the Corona Virus pandemic is that most of the fear mongering and Collective fear-based reactions will lessen once we get into the summer – June being the turning point. I don’t feel this means the virus will be “beaten” but that the fear will have abated for the most part and interest will be more on rebuilding and getting back to focusing on living rather than on death.

A quote has been coming to me whenever I think of the quarantine and shelter in place rulings being made all over the country. That quote is, “Every man dies. Not every man truly lives.” You may recognize it. It is from Braveheart.

Hunkering down, waiting out this virus for fear of death is no way to live. A person can only live in fear so long before it consumes them entirely leading to full-on apathy or full-on rage. These are the two directions the emotion will take most people. Prolonged fear and living in the fight-or-flight condition can and will lead to illness and death. Many people lived in complacency and/or apathy prior to this virus. It is likely they will return to that. Some will “wake up” from this experience, most will not.

My hope is that people will at least learn that living in fear is no way to live and recognize just how much fear has dictated and continues to dictate their life and decisions. Maybe for some this will be the “wake up call” they need to change?

We are eternal Beings. The body is just a vessel, something we use to experience the high’s and low’s of life. It is guaranteed that we will suffer while we are in the body. It is also guaranteed that the body will die.

I continue to be reminded by my guidance to “Follow the 8 Winds”:

The “eight winds” are eight influences that agitate and inflame the human heart and mind.* They consist of four favorable circumstances (prosperity, honor, praise, and pleasure) and four setbacks (decline, disgrace, censure, and suffering). Their contents are roughly as follows:

Prosperity: to obtain what one desires

Decline: to suffer loss

Honor: to be admired and praised in one’s absence

Disgrace: to be criticized and defamed in one’s absence (behind one’s back)

Praise: to be admired and praised directly

Censure: to be criticized and defamed directly

Pleasure: to be happy in body and mind

Suffering: to suffer in body and mind

Source

The key to overcoming these is to find balance through non-attachment. You can read more here.

Currently, with the fear of the virus being propagated everywhere, the main attachment people are having is to life via their body. Meaning, they don’t want to lose their body or suffer the pain that may or may not come with it. Others are fearing the loss of loved ones – so they are attached to others and what those others bring to their life.

I am not afraid of my own death or the death of anyone else in my life. I know if I lose a loved one that I will grieve but I also know they are not truly gone, just in another place, a place I am able to contact when I choose. Similarly, others in my family are not afraid because they know what I know. We know pain and loss are possible, but we don’t dwell on it. We choose to operate in the moment, day to day, without fear of “what if”.

The quote above still echos in my mind as I type this. What is it to truly live? I know, for me at least, it means to live from my heart, without fear, taking life by the horns and riding that bull until the very end.

One thing is for certain, though, “it [all things] will pass.”

by

Putting the Past to Rest, Kundalini Dreams and Messages

Two weeks of struggling to fall asleep. I’m only getting about 5-6 hours a night and it is taking its toll. I suspect it has to do with the Corona virus scare and all the hoopla surrounding it. It is me picking up on the Collective more than anything I think, though I have my own issues surfacing independent of the virus and the Collective. All are One, though, so it is all the same to me.

Previous to news about the virus, I have had thoughts about past relationships coming up. This began way back in January, so I know it is not the cause of my sleepless nights because I had no issues with sleep back then. Some thoughts/memories are from past boyfriends, others from past connections in high school. Nothing major – no major emotions or reactions to the memories, really. Mostly I am coming to unuderstand the other person more and more and I think that is the point. This indicates that I have shifted from being the effect of my emotions and karmic lessons to being more at cause and seeking understanding in order to put it all at rest.

For example, a specific ex-boyfriend of mine continues to come up in my thoughts and I even had a long conversation with my husband about him. At that time in my life I had just awakened spiritually and was fascinated with my newfound gifts. My connection with him was a catalyst for my awakening, though a subtle one. He introduced me to the book that had the meditation in it that served to ignite all the swift changes in my life at that time. I realized that was his only purpose and am grateful to him for that. However, I also see how I was so immersed in my awakening that I neglected him, didn’t see the “signs” that indicated he felt ignored, under appreciated and fearful of a great many things. There was recognition that for him, I was more than just a fling, I was a potential long-term relationship and maybe more.

The signs were there but I didn’t see them back then. He took me to meet his father for one despite putting down his father and indicating he cared nothing at all about what his father thought of him and his life choices. He also altered his home environment to suit me. When I met him he had nothing permanent in his home. His furniture was all plastic or dorm style. His bed was an air mattress. He had no dresser in his bedroom. Yet after we started dating he bought a new bed and furniture. When I started drifting away from him, caught up in doing readings and exploring my gifts, he admitted to cheating on me (he kissed an ex-gf). I believe he did this because he wanted to test my reaction. I dumped him immediately and had no emotional reaction other than that. Afterward (we worked together) he was very resentful and demonstrated his hurt via critical comments. Then years later he contacted me in hopes of a second chance, but I was already married. He put down my choice to marry and have children saying, “Oh, you’re one of those.”

I was also able to recognize that he was a very conflicted person. He wanted to marry and have children but resented his brother who was doing just that. His brother was praised and commended for his choices by his father. So two reasons to not be like his brother. I think he began to have feelings for me that scared him. His response was to self-sabotage. Cheat on me and make it easier to escape a situation where he was at odds with himself. Yet despite this, years after he sought to reunite with me because deep down he longed for more.

After all this reflection I find I genuinely love him, not in a romantic way but in a family way. I wish only the best for him in his life and hope that he has faced his inner demons and made peace with his father. Maybe he has settled down with a partner and has found some semblance of peace?

I went through the same process with the other relationships that came to mind – another ex-bf and a girl I went to high school with. Seeing their side of things helps me to let go of any leftover negative emotion, freeing me – and them – from the trap of repeating the lesson in future lives.

Unusual Kundalini Dreams

One benefit of the delay in falling to sleep is I used that time to meditate and go within.

Last night, once again frustrated at not falling asleep, I asked my guidance for help. Since I had done this before with little response I asked to be given something interesting in my dreams – an OBE, a lucid dream with Kundalini, a gift perhaps – yes a “gift” would be nice I said.

My request was granted immediately.

Somehow I drifted off to sleep and entered into a lucid dream within a dream within a dream. The dream specifics are confusing because I was in two places (three really). I was in my bed aware that I was dreaming but I was in two different beds – one in the past and one in the present. The past bedroom was at my Mom’s home. The present bed my own bed in my house now. The dream took place in the past bedroom but I shifted between past and present, aware of each shift.

As I lay curled up on my side (in both beds) I had a dream of an invisible man coming to me. I shifted OOB where I could feel him and hear him, but couldn’t see him. He had stubble on his face which kept scratching me as we kissed. His hands were large but gentle. I recall shifting back to check on my sleeping body in the past bed while observing from the present bed and then shifting back to be with him. I remember becoming passionate with him and pulling back when his stubble scratched my cheek. I commented to him about it even but did not complain. The energy started to build and for some reason I withdrew from him. I don’t remember why. Perhaps I had a consideration of being found out? When I withdrew he did not want me to go. His persistence created more intense energy and my second chakra began to ache in response. It was both painful and pleasurable. This woke me.

When I woke I was surprised and pleased. My lower chakras were active and swirling with energy. I told my guidance, “More please.” lol

I fell asleep for a while and was awakened at 3:30am by my arm which was very, very itchy. I was bitten twice a few nights ago by what I think was a mosquito but the bites did not heal like normal. Instead they have remained very itchy and red. The itchy feeling comes and goes and this is the first time it has wakened me.

I got up and put some cortisone cream on them and then covered them with band-aids to prevent me from scratching them in my sleep. Then returned to sleep.

This time I entered into a dream that was very different from any other Kundalini dream I’ve had.

I remember being at a mobile home and interacting with a woman and her husband. I believe I was having an affair with the woman and trying to stay hidden from the husband. I am not sure if I was male or female but I think I switched between genders because at the end I remember recognizing I was male but feeling female.

The woman is hard to recall and I am not even sure it was a woman. I suspect it was a guide or teacher and the dream camouflaged them to fit with my comfort zone. This guide was touching me and igniting a very pleasurable feeling – and this is an understatement. I recall kissing and the electricity that resulted was beyond my comprehension. It took my breath away and created a chain reaction in my body like a match lights a bonfire. The pleasure wasn’t just energetic but physical, too. Every point on my body that was touched responded the same and every time it happened I was in awe and super curious. I remember commenting about it but can’t recall my exact words. I felt like a teenager exploring and touching for the first time. The places I was touched – hands, arms, leg – all felt to connect and exhibited the same explosive, erotic and pleasurable sensation. The pleasure I experienced is beyond description. I have not experienced the K like that before.

This went on for some time until the woman (guide/teacher) hid me as her husband returned. I remember hiding outside the back door and then crawling around the side of the house. When I saw the woman standing there I froze, hiding from her, too, but knowing she would see me. This is when I felt to be male but female, also. When she looked at me, I woke up.

Messages

When I woke my crown chakra was swirling with energy and wide open. It felt like a stream of consciousness was entering via my crown, a feeling I haven’t felt in quite some time. When this happens it feels as if I am connected to my guidance/HS in an expansive way – a 360 degree feeling.

The memory of what had happened lingered and I was still in awe, asking what had happened and why. The first response was, “You have an itch you need to scratch”. The symbolism was not lost to me since I had awakened prior to this K experience from a very, very itchy arm. My response back was, “Shouldn’t I not scratch? Scratching leads to infection…” I got no reply, probably because I was over-thinking it. lol

Then my guidance reminded me of something I was told years ago in an OBE encounter with a guide who spoke with an accent. At that time the guide started a sentence and I finished it. He said, “Quite a fine sense you have. The more and more (I finished his sentence) you see, the more and more you will believe. Trust them to know what they see”. But this time it was the opposite – “The more and more you believe, the more and more you will see.”

I knew the explanation to be one I had heard many times before. When I first awakened I asked, “Why me? Why is this happening? How is it that I can do what I can do?” and was told, “Because you didn’t believe you couldn’t.”

We are limited by our beliefs. When we do not believe we can’t experience something that opens us up to all that we can. I was being told that I experienced this different K energy because I had no consideration that I couldn’t experience it. I was asked, “Imagine what you could Know if you tossed all limiting belief?”

This conversation left me feeling very optimistic as my imagination went wild with all the things I could experience and Know.

Other messages I received:

“It’s your turn”. This came after what seemed like a memory of my soul group and us “taking turns” in some way related to ascension and the planet. It felt like we went through cycles of “rest”. It’s like we are all holding a rope in tug-o-war and sometimes we have to let go to get a breather and the rest of our group holds on and takes up the slack while we rest. When we return to hold the reigns then others take breaks and so on and so forth.

Vision: I saw a flood of water and knew it was a message that I would witness others around me suffer through troubled times. I was reminded that I would be spared. I saw myself standing as the water flooded on either side but missed me entirely.

Heard a voice say my step-father chose to move on (died). This, I believe, is future related and so the timing of it unknown.