Category Archives: Dreams

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Repressed Issues Resurface for Resolution

Another dream to recount, this time a lucid to almost OBE. 🙂

The dream took place in two bedrooms and a bathroom attached to a college/university. The bedrooms and bathroom seemed to be living quarters or a house. Symbolically, I find this significant as houses/bedrooms represent the Self and the private self respectively. Therefore, the dream indicates the classroom or lesson is taking place within the Self and private self. 🙂

For most of the dream I was struggling to stay awake. I felt extremely sleepy and kept stopping to snooze in various places. I also recall putting something over my eyes, like a sleep mask or my hand, almost as if I was shielding myself from the light. There was no light, however, as the entire dream took place in low light.

Anyway, within the bedroom I was laying on a large, white bed and struggling to wake up. I knew it was time for my “class” and I needed to prepare or I would be late again. Someone was with me, a male colleague/partner, encouraging me to wake up and being very supportive. What is strange is that the bedroom was within an office that was also a classroom. It felt like my space as well as the space of my male colleague – as if we shared this bedroom/office/classroom.

There is much lost conversation here as I kept losing and gaining lucidity. The tired feeling is most prominent. I felt really heavy with sleep and though I felt the urge to get up and get going I was unable to follow through for very long.

What I recall next is the discussion about my next class – 2nd period (9am) – and remembering it was my math class, the one from previous dreams that I am having to retake because I kept skipping class. I knew I couldn’t miss another class yet kept telling myself I could miss just one day and make it up. I remembering rationalizing with, “I can get the assignment from a classmate. I’m sure it isn’t much.” In my mind I saw the assignment as one page of problems but my memory of them is odd. They didn’t look like math problems but instead like code of some sort. What I remember most is what reminds me of a letter “Q” but it wasn’t from our alphabet.

The thought of missing my math class motivated me enough to get me moving. I went outside into the hallway to head to my math class. My lucidity was strong enough that I recognized I was dreaming and immediately took flight up and over the heads of all the people in the hall. Down below me I could see children of various ages intermixed with adults. Some looked up at me in awe while others were oblivious to me. It was a thrill to know I could be seen and I communicated with those who could see me. One little boy was staring and an adult woman looked but then pretended I wasn’t there. I said to her, “I know you can see me!” LOL My thoughts at the time were that these individuals were like me and could “see” what others could not.

Somehow I ended up back in a bedroom/office/classroom but not the one I started out in. There was an entire backstory but I can’t remember it now. When I went into this room I realized it wasn’t mine and backed out, noting that no one was there. I commented to my male colleague who was still with me that the teacher who occupied it was not like me. His students were allowed to mess up the room and leave it that way. I said I would not allow my students to do that. I remember staring at a student chair (the chairs were in rows like an auditorium setting) that had the stuffing picked out of it thinking I would never allow that. The feeling here was that where others saw disorder and chaos this “teacher” saw great potential and creativity.

I was directed to a tiny camera located in a black satchel on the floor. A video camera (reflection on past) was poking out. It was mentioned that the female agent it belonged to had defected but the camera was left on. The video footage could be of anything.

Somehow I ended up back in my bedroom/office/classroom and the video was discussed. The occupant of the other bedroom/office/classroom was on the video. For some reason I thought of him as homosexual. The video showed him having sex with my mother-in-law (unresolved issue). I reacted with disgust and it was abhorrent to me that anyone would have sexual relationship with her. lol

I opted to go to the bathroom (cleansing and renewal) at this time to finally get ready for my day. While inside I heard keys jingling and worried someone was about to come in but it was a man going into one of the bedroom/office/classrooms. Relieved, I stayed in the bathroom and attempted to put on my contacts (new vision) and wash (cleanse) my face (perception of self) but once again I got really tired to the point of falling asleep.

Again I found myself inside my bedroom/office/classroom. My colleague was with me and I was having a discussion with him while putting my hair up in a ponytail (casual and carefree attitude). My hair was thick making it difficult to get it put up. When I finally succeeded I had somehow woven a large braid (determination) into my hair.

A man entered the bedroom/office/classroom at this time and my colleague departed. The man was the man from the other bedroom/office/classroom, the one who I thought of as homosexual (union of aspects of self). He came up behind me and began to touch me, wrapping his arms around me and fondling my breasts. His intentions were clear. My reaction was neutral, though, with a hint of playful curiosity. There is memory that my colleague/partner and I had discussed allowing such play and so I did not feel any guilt whatsoever. I allowed the man to touch me but ignored him otherwise, continuing to get ready. My memory of the man is shifty but I recall seeing him as very effeminate. His skin was soft like mine and his demeanor very flowing and graceful.

Considerations

When I woke from this dream I felt extremely groggy, like I had been drugged. I knew, though, that I had been OOB and also knew the dream was an attempt to get me to “see” something I am, for some reason, resistant to.

It is obvious to me that the two bedrooms are two different individuals. One is me and the other is “homosexual”. Homosexuality symbolizes union with aspects of self, typically of the masculine and feminine. So this individual is Whole and balanced. The bathroom is, of course, cleansing and renewal, and is located between the two bedroom/office/classrooms. The combination of bedroom with office and classroom suggests there exists within me (bedroom) great potential (office) for learning (classroom).

Based upon some recent, personal life events I suspect that I am being asked to confront lingering sexual beliefs and issues. Since the “event” in February I seem to have “plunged” into (as if diving head first into water) Ego-related tendencies and beliefs that need resolution. These are being brought to my attention in various ways. I have suddenly shifted from being comfortable with sex/passion to rejecting it to the point of numbness. This is a repeat of a previous time in my life and, thus, is reviving related issues. In the past, my body just did not respond to sex in a normal way and now this is recurring. It is like an internal connection had been cut. Sex is viewed as intrusive and degrading, the male gender as possessive and hungry. The tendency is avoidance and abstinence which it is not leading to resolution.

zeal

Additionally, two of the “new” chakras that I am now aware of are becoming more and more obvious. The “well of dreams” or “zeal point” chakra at the base of my neck has been painfully obvious since last Saturday. Mostly I hurt right at the base of my skull and there is no physical reason for it. The other chakra, located at the small of my back along my spine is also very active, but thankfully not in a painful way. It just feels like a ball of swirling, warm energy. When the warm energy is present the chakra at the base of my neck becomes warm as well, as if the two are communicating with each other, and the pain is relieved.

There is also a point just below my crown at the back of my head that is buzzing with energy. In fact, it is doing so right now. At times my entire head feels alive with energy that shifts from one area to another as if syncing. Back of head, side of head, third-eye, and then back again.

The pain I am feeling in the zeal chakra is likely a result of clearing of the lingering sexual issues and beliefs that need resolution. These issues do not feel to be mine anymore as I feel a disconnect from them for the most part. However, the more I delve into them, the more I begin to “own” them.

There is no fear of this clearing process and my dreams suggest I am seeking more awareness of these lingering issues in order to resolve them. I just wish the pain at the base of my skull would cease. It is unpleasant but bearable. I have never had pain in this area until this year. Thankfully, it is not restrictive nor does it give me a headache or any other issues.

 

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Dreams and Cosmic Crossroad

I’ve not been documenting many dreams lately because: 1. I am not remembering them and 2. I’ve not felt the urge/need when I do remember them. Since last weekend, however, my dreams have revved up and are becoming somewhat insightful/prophetic, at least for me. Add the continued increase in synchronicity and there is no ignoring the messages.

Dream: I’m Going to Marry Him

I recall walking outside near a road near my childhood home. There was a whole section of dream about “special” individuals who had spiritual gifts. I was one of them and so was another woman. We were staying together to learn how to use our gifts.

The main part I remember is when I was outside and saw a man with a shovel (insight, understanding of new Self) digging up a section of the land. I was helping I think. We uncovered a wide, white sidewalk (steady progress/direction in life) that stretched the length of the property. I remember seeing the man and recognizing him. He looked like the Hindu man from an early Kundalini dream where we attended a Hindu engagement ceremony. When I saw the man I was not physically attracted to him at all. He was older with deeply etched wrinkles on his face. As I watched him and contemplated my feelings toward him I reminded myself that looks were unimportant and feeling is what mattered. I did have a connection to him, an attraction, and as I watched him I remember saying, “I’m going to marry him.”

The dream ended with me looking at the white sidewalk and noting how very long it was. I saw another sidewalk parallel to it on my left that was only halfway uncovered. There was information being passed on at this time but I don’t remember it now.

Dream: Avoiding a Procedure

In this dream I was heading to a place that felt “good” over all. I was walking along the road to it and encountered a stop or intersection. There was a couple (relationship) in a truck (work) with two large dogs (protection). The dogs were romping around and I happily interacted with them feeling carefree and happy.

There was an old man (masculine aspect) on the side of the road wearing a backpack (decisions/responsibilities). His hair was white with streaks of gray and he was probably in his 60’s. The couple and I spoke to him. He said he had come to visit and never left and that was back in 1967. He mentioned he was from Virginia. I said something like, “It’s cold there this time of year, so it’s good you’re here.”

The couple left the truck and I sat inside with their full grown mentally retarded son (aspect that is feeling left out) who was tracing letters on a paper with a round object. He was doing well and I complimented him on it. The son sometimes looked full grown and other times like a boy. I remember singing a song, I think it was, “He’s got the whole world in his hands.” The boy and I sang it for a while, laughing as we tried to remember the correct words.

Eventually, I was inside a “hospital” (healing) setting where others were also. Again, we were spiritually gifted and there to help better understand the process. It felt like we were “test subjects” and I remember it being an honor. There were beds and televisions arranged along the walls in a clinic-type setting. Everyone was nice and it was pleasant overall.

There was a dream within a dream type situation where I was in the hospital but there was a fence (barrier, feeling fenced in) along the side and beyond the fence was a dark (unknown) forest (subconscious). I peeked through and saw lights which illuminated a military (emotional repression) truck (work). In this part of the dream I was trying to escape (avoidance) for some reason. A man was with me helping me and asking me to pay attention to the lights (clarity, guidance, illumination). The lights would flash like fireworks and during this part of the dream I became very lucid, but it didn’t last.

Then I was coming back to the facility but when I got inside I found my family had all left me behind (feeling left out). In this case, family was my mom and sisters. I called my brother on the phone and asked him where they all were. He said they had all been released. I said, “Good, then I can come home. What happened?” He paused and told me, “I don’t know what I can tell you. I had to sign lots of confidentiality paperwork.” This concerned me. I kept saying, “I’m coming home.”

As I was leaving a nurse (need to take time to heal) stopped me and said, “You need to stop taking your vitamin A.” I said, “Sure. Okay. No problem. That’s easy.” Then she said, “The E, too.” She seemed really intense though and I felt more of a need to leave then ever.

When I got to the last door another nurse stopped me. She had in her hand what looked like a large turkey baster. She was putting on gloves and said, “One more thing before you go….” I took one look at her and knew where she intended to put the thing. I said, “I don’t think so” and began to try and find the fastest route out of there.

Two other nurses came and began to corner me. One was saying, “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.” Several times they had me and I got away, each time someone was saying something to me about how it was not that bad and I was making it out to be worse than it was. There were even “family members” telling me I had to do it and there was no avoiding it. All I could think of was how they wanted to stick that huge object where the sun don’t shine and that didn’t seem like fun to me. It seemed like they were going to give me an enima with it.

I managed to get out and sprinted past the truck from earlier in the dream and into a parking area where I saw a police car (seeking assistance). Thinking I could get help, I jumped inside the car. The police officer looked like a deer in headlights and didn’t move to help or anything. He shrunk up against the side of the car letting my pursuers get past him. I grabbed a tiny pistol (feeling defensive) the officer had in the car and aimed it at the nurses warning them I would shoot if I had to. At this point I was feeling that if they got me I was a goner. In my mind I was set against going with them at all costs but not sure why. It seemed like it was life or death for some reason.

I climbed out the other side of the car but the nurses had caught up to me, all of them dressed in their white lab coats which made them look sinister for some reason. I aimed the pistol and shot but all that came out was a tiny, “pffft” and a small cloud of smoke. The gun was worthless! My pursuers got hold of me, one on each arm and the other grabbed my legs.  They dragged me back to the facility. The dream ended there.

When I woke up I was startled and wondering why I was so resistant in the dream. It felt like an ET-type dream where I was going to get some adjustments done. Usually I am very friendly and amicable about such situations.

Not long after I woke, I remember hearing a conversation in the in-between but can’t recall it now except for me saying “Only four” as in a number of spots.

Kundalini

Though the above dreams may not seem like much they come after several Kundalini and Kundalini-related dreams that I have not documented in this blog. To summarize, the Kundalini has been showing up in my dreams in a very obvious way. The first time it was welcomed but in the others I purposefully avoided it even after some prodding by dream characters. I’m not sure why I am avoidant, either. I thought I got past that long ago? Perhaps I just don’t want to go down that road again? Likely as that does not appeal to me. If someone were to offer me the powerfully attractive, blissgasm of the Kundalini right now I would say, “Nah. I’m good.” LOL

The first dream above is reminiscent of dreams I had prior to some major Kundalini episodes back in 2015-2016. The man was the exact same man. Who he is, I have no clue. Maybe just a representation of my masculine Self. He is plain looking with dark hair and medium skin tone and has a very Indian look about him. I suspect his reappearance has to do with yet another “clearing” by my friend the Kundalini.

My guess on the second dream is that I am witnessing the last remnants of my Ego trying desperately to hold onto what she can but not putting up much of a fight (thus the tiny, impotent pistol).

Crossroads

One more thing I meant to mention. Last Friday/Saturday we came to a “cosmic crossroads” so to speak – well some of us did, anyway. I received a heads up prior to Friday in a dream and later was shown a wall sliding across my line of sight,  representing an impenetrable wall sealing the path behind me. I was told, “When one door closes, another opens.” That same day I ran into a blog post mentioning the 21st as a “point of no return” and then the next day another post citing the astrological significance of last weekend leading to us recognizing  life’s “dead ends” and taking a new path forward.

 

 

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Lucid to OBE and OBE

I’ve not been focused on my dreamtime of late but this morning was blessed with 2 experiences I wish to document.

Lucid to OBE: Map and $10

The dream seemed to suddenly “begin” the moment I gained lucidity. I cannot remember much before except flashes of images and a few strange interactions. The moment of lucidity came as we – my family and I – approached a house in the city. The unknown city was very large, with buildings that reached toward the sky, their tops lost in the clouds.

The house itself was quaint with apparent renovations (new perspective needed) to the side entry. Two sets of different double doors had been sealed (opportunity missed/denied). I remember wondering why they would do such a thing. A house needed more than one entry/exit and they had left only the front entry.

Once inside I saw a very modern house and commented on how impressed I was at its open layout. There was a dark haired woman inside who thanked me. She had an older woman – her mother – with her.

We had come to the house because my husband wanted to meet the lady that lived there. She ushered us in the the kitchen and showed us a wall covered in magnets. The magnets (the bond of personal relationships) were all decorated with various feathers (warmth, comfort) of many sizes and shapes. I remember thinking, “He came here to look at feather magnets?” I remember having an internal discussion about the futility of feather magnets and being a tad jealous that this woman seemed to be able to make a living selling them. How was that even possible?

Bored, I looked around the house and at the layout. The livingroom and dining area were open to one another but extended into another section where the kitchen was located. There were three rooms I could see from where I was standing but one bedroom (personal self, private self) was open to the kitchen (inner transformation), which I thought was a major design flaw. In my mind I imagined how I would correct the flaw, putting a wall (block) between the kitchen and bedroom.

I wandered to another window and noticed I could see rooftops (barrier between two states of consciousness) for miles. I thought it a sad sight. Who wants rooftops as their window view?

I noticed the mother of the lady who owned the house was laying on the sofa trying to sleep. She asked me to get her medicine and the lady of the house said she would handle it but scolded me for waking up her mother.

As my husband, my mom and the woman continued to talk I grew bored and wandered to the living room window to look outside. There I saw a three-car pile-up in the busy street outside (something is holding me back). Upon closer inspection I realized it was just two cars. One, a white truck (spiritual work), had a small, red (root chakra, passion, sexuality) trailer (carrying a burden) attached to the end and a woman (me?) was curled up inside it. I watched as the cars slowly drove away stuck together end-to-end.

 

Somehow I had transported outside to the road and soon realized I was floating. I saw a one-way street filled with cars at rush hour. I was face-to-face with an older model white Cadillac (success). I saw one open lane and flew up and threw it going the opposite direction of the cars.

I then became thoughtful of my circumstances. I remember thinking, “I left my body somewhere. Where is my body?” Rather than get caught up in worry over it, though, I realized my body was likely safe and secure and that I needn’t bother looking for it. I figured I would find it at some point. I decided I could get a better view of my location if I were higher up. So, I floated up slowly to gain perspective of my situation.

As I lifted up I felt a surge of child-like joy. The city I was in was massive and seemed to have no end. It was night and the sky was extremely cloudy.

I flew along for a short while and encountered a piece of paper folded tightly. It seemed to be a note to me. I unfolded it, still hovering mid-air, and looked inside. There seemed to be a portion of ripped paper. Inspecting it, I realized it was a map of the city. Something was written on it and I focused to read it. I did read it but can’t remember the message now. Since it had been ripped there was only a small, rectangular portion so I could not decipher the map itself (still looking for myself).

Behind the map was a larger folded object. It was velvety feeling and when I unfolded it, it turned out to be an oversized 10 (closure, great gains, strength) dollar bill (success). I could see it with perfect detail and marveled at the velvety (emotion) feel of it. I knew it was for me, a message of some kind, and tucked it into my left pants pocket along with the map.

My lucidity shifted me back to my sleeping body for a moment but I returned to the scene promptly.

Celtic Tree of Life White Vinyl Window Sticker Decal Car Wall Irish | eBayOBE: Wegman’s

I was hovering over the city and saw the small white car my family and I had arrived it driving away from me. A thought crossed my mind that my family was leaving me behind and I needed to follow them. They were going so fast and I seemed to far away. I remembered that all I had to do was focus my thoughts on the car and I would instantly be there. Happy that it was so easy and effortless I opted to just go with the flow.

I lifted up and flew over the city for a while. I began to sing a song but can’t remember the melody or words now. The feeling of child-like joy is the main memory I have of this time. Below me I could see the city streets and buildings. I seemed to be pulled upward as if by a large magnet but there was no fear of being pulled into space even though the intensity of the pull was increasing.

The speed increased as well and I moved so fast the city was a blur beneath me. The sky was still cloudy and dark but my vision was good. Below me a shape began to take form. It looked like a giant, metal tree composed of loops and shapes. It was a Celtic Tree of Life! It was massive and I laughed with glee as I grabbed hold of one of the metal branch loops marveling at its beauty. I remember knowing it was part of a sign for a store called Wegman’s. I repeated the name and flew over the top of the massive metal tree looking at the store below me noting a an illuminated sign of the same name.

I remember checking my left pant’s pocket for the map and velvet $10 bill as I flew. It seemed as if I was reveling in knowing I still had it.

I continued to fly for a bit after that, still singing. At some point, though, the energy of my physical body called me back to it so I gave in and settled back into my sleeping body.

Considerations

These are the first OBEs/lucid dreams I’ve had in a very long time. I have been requesting them for weeks without success. These continue to indicate a more relax, go-with-the-flow state, one where I embrace the experience and do not attempt to take control of the OBE and/or dream.

The main part of these experiences that is a surprise to me is that I saw the Wegman’s sign. I had no idea what Wegman’s was until I looked it up this morning and saw it was a grocery store chain. I’m not sure of the significance of it, either, nor why the sign for it would be the Celtic Tree of Life. But based on my feelings in both experiences I would say whatever the significance and message, I was/am pleased.

 

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Spiritual Retreat and OBEs

I recently went on a three day personal retreat to a nearby lake where I got some much needed me time. My package included a private room overlooking the lake, all meals, and two massage sessions.

My Garden Cottage.

My favorite part of the retreat was my morning yoga on the lake. It was so peaceful and relaxing.

My yoga spot on the lake.
Sunrise.
Me in Savasana.

The retreat property had trails that led to a place called Medicine Rock. It was blessed by a Native American Medicine Woman.

Path to Medicine Rock.
Sign to Medicine Rock.
Balance

I even did some fishing while I was there. Sadly, the rod and reel I borrowed from my FIL must have been old and the string brittle. I caught a good sized black bass after my third cast but as I pulled it up onto shore the line snapped and it flopped back into the water. Later, when I cast, part of the reel flew off into the lake. LOL No more fishing for me, I guess.

It was fun. I hadn’t caught a bass in a long time and had forgotten just how hard they strike. I think my heart was pounding for 10 minutes after. The fish were so active I could see them chasing my lure to the shore sometimes. So, really bummed that I had to quit so soon. Super fun, though! Gotta do that again soon.

View from my yoga spot.
Calm and clear.
Me by the lake at my fishing spot.
Sunset.
From the Thunder Ridge.

On the day I departed (same day as the fish that got away incident), I was blessed by a butterfly encounter. Twice. One before I went fishing and again while I was fishing. I took some photos and a video of one in particular. It was a large Tiger Swallowtail, about the size of my hand. He was nice enough to let me take several photos and a video. At the end of the video he actually flew into my phone camera and in my face. I could feel the wind from his beating wings. So beautiful!

swallowtail

Tiger Swallowtail on Texas Mountain Laurel blooms.

IMG_1903

OBEs

I had an OBE the morning I departed for my retreat. It was short and I only recall leaving my body and then being pulled back in quickly after. Then this morning I had a string of OBEs one after the other. There were so many I forgot most of them.

The first one began as a lucid dream. I remember walking into a store and seeing cars lined up outside, one was a VW van. I went inside and stood in line and soon realized I was butt naked. I got into the elevator to go to another floor to find clothing. I went to the 6th floor and inside I tripped an alarm and so got back into the elevator and selected the 5th floor but there were only two floors to choose from – 5 & 6. Eventually I looked up and saw a meeting taking place behind a pane of glass. I recognized the people inside and could hear them talking. There were adults and children and the light was bright and warm. They encouraged me to come to the meeting and told me how, instructing me to “leave it (my body)” and “come through”. So I went OOB and crossed into and through the pane of glass. On the other side it was dark, not light, and no one was around. I called for them but no one answered. It was like I went into a lower vibratory field and not the one I had seen. I felt an energy reach for me as I pulled back into my body. The vibrations were high and I immediately went back OOB.

The most memorable were the last OBEs when I decided to stop trying to control them and allowed myself to follow where they led. I saw a picture and went into it and found myself flying above a beautiful city on islands of land with trees that connected the islands with their branches. Water was beneath the cities but far below and I soon realized the islands were floating hundreds of feet above the water. I remember recognizing the place, knowing it’s name (can’t remember now) and thinking, “I’m home!” I began to sing loudly a song from The Sound of Music – “Doe a deer a female deer….”.  I flew all over as I sang but kept singing one line wrong – the Fa line. I would sing, “Mi a name I call myself, Sol a long long way to run…” lol I knew I was singing it wrong while OOB but didn’t care.

I came back to my body briefly and then went outside a “window” to a red cable that linked trees and began to balance on the cable as I sang. This time I was singing a song about my life and how grand it was, how important it was to be patient and accept the concept of time while in this body and the importance of being joyful. The words were coming from a space deep inside me and flowing out of my mouth without me having to think of them first. Every word brought me pure joy. I was filled with acceptance and a warmth that is indescribable. I could feel just how tiny my human aspect is compared to the Whole that I AM.

I flew/balanced along the cable as I sang and noticed how the trees were a living network comparable to our telephone lines, linking the cities. Their branches stretched out and twisted far across the water. Soon I was walking along them as if they were roads to other worlds. At one point I flew up high over the island city below but never made it down to explore it. It was as if it were off-limits. I was pulled back to my body by my husband saying, “I made you a Greek omelet for breakfast.” LOL

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Precog Dream Locates Lost Item

Hey everyone. Hope you haven’t given up on me. 🙂 I’m still alive and kickin’ just integrating on a whole.new.level.

In case you haven’t noticed, we have been in an energetic portal for some time now. The exact date eludes me, though. It was after the soul exchange but since I have been in super-hyper-drive I missed the recent shift until just a few days ago.

The portal has me doing intense multidimensional work. I wake frequently and have vivid memories way beyond weird. Even my weirdest experiences do not come close. I suspect they go hand-in-hand with my recent transformation. I am consistently being advised, however, to keep my experiences and Knowing to myself right now, so I am. The exact message I receive when I ask why I feel unable to share my experience is: DO NO HARM. And the feeling to not share is literal – I can’t….am physically unable. If I try to write my mind blanks out and I lose all motivation to do anything on the computer. I often end up doing something else and forget all about what I had intended to write about.

For example, I recently realized that I remember receiving implants for this lifetime (I can write about that I guess). In fact, I believe – um KNOW – that all my past lives are implants.

See. Weird. lol

And I had so much fun remembering/re-experiencing those past lives, too. Sigh. 😛

Why receive implants? To make it through this dense-as-hell lifetime, that’s why! Even though they gave me all kinds of screwed up engrams it gave me purpose and foundation. Without them I would have just died and gone back Home pronto. Totally counterproductive considering my mission.

On to the main reason for this post, which is pretty awesome IMO.

Precog Dream 

I haven’t been writing down my dreams but I remember this one because it was so strange and just kinda stuck in my memory. I told my daughter about it afterward, too, which helped me retain it.

In the dream I saw one of my sons on the floor in the laundry room. He had blankets all around him and was propped on a pillow. In his hand was the Nintendo DS my middle son recently got as a birthday present. He looked up at me while playing it and gave me a “look what I’ve got” smile.

That’s all I remember. Yeah, long, in-depth dream. hehe

The rest of the story here is that about a month ago the Nintendo DS went missing the same day as the remote to our SMART TV. I had to buy a new remote but everyone in the family was convinced my husband had hidden the DS so I swore not to buy another. Plus they are expensive as hell!

The above dream came last week, so about three weeks after the DS was lost. When I woke up I remember wondering if the DS was in the blankets in the laundry room. It made perfect sense that one of my sons would hide it there because my husband always hides their electronics. They hide them so my husband can’t hide them. I was so convinced that was where the DS was that I told my daughter about the dream.

Then I promptly forgot all about the dream and my intention to search the laundry room. <——— I do this kind of thing all.the.time now. It’s called living in the present moment and so that past moment was gone because it was, well, PAST.

So today I wanted to lay in the sun the minute I thought about writing in my blog. LOL I went down to retrieve the quilt we use which is stored in the laundry room. It is the exact blanket from the dream BTW. I was tidying up the room when I turned toward the blanket and the dream came back to me all at once. I thought, “I have to check to see if the DS is in there.” The minute I touched the blanket I felt it. Someone had slipped it under the first fold. HA!

The whole dream rushed into my memory and I was like a giddy little girl as I ran upstairs to tell the kids. What fun!

Thought it would be a fun share. Hope you enjoyed it.

Joy

One more thing….have you met Joy? I have. She lives in my heart all the time now.

When I wake in the morning I can’t wait to get out of bed. I am like a child – eager and excited. There is no reason to it for it is love for life and a genuine appreciation for another day.

Funny Quotes About Joy. QuotesGram

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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4 OBE’s and Unsettling Message

Woke again at 5am. Seems to be the pattern these days.

Dream: Exchanging Glasses

When I woke I was having a dream of being with my “partner”. I don’t remember much of our conversation but we were lounging on a bed together next to busy area with a coffee machine (awareness) and refrigerator (accomplishments) with glass doors. At one point I remember ripping a bag of cereal (new stage in life) and it scattering all over the floor. I didn’t clean up the mess but left it there. The cereal looked like tiny pistachios (difficulties turning into opportunity). As I was leaving (waking up) my partner asked me to give him his glasses (new/different perspective). I had been wearing them and put them on a shelf. I retrieved them and gave them back to him. He was wearing my glasses and took them off and handed them to me. I put them on and the realization of what I had just done woke me up.

Unsettling Message

As I woke I was feeling weird and a bit panicked for no reason. Still very tired but unable to sleep, I remained partially awake because my “partner” from my dream was discussing things with me. I can’t remember it all but healing was part of it as was my present life situation and feelings/emotions. Familiar feelings of apathy and depression were visiting again and though they were easily shrugged off, their presence was unsettling. It made me feel like a failure and, as such, I wanted to give up. I was asking to go OOB and not come back.

Then, my guide said something then that was unexpected. He said, “When you have your heart attack….” I can’t remember the rest word-for-word (as you can imagine) but he indicated that clarity and a spurring into motion/action would be the result. This is typical of near-death experiences (or close calls with death) and makes sense, but the information pulled me completely out of my reverie. I said, “I thought it was a stroke?”, remembering the dreams and earlier messages I had received. The response was that the distinction was not important. In all honestly, it is to me, though.

I tried to ignore the message and return to sleep but there was a nagging that said, “Pay attention” and “Let’s talk about it.” I said, “I thought stopping birth control resolved all of this……and I’ve been eating better, exercising, not smoking, doing everything right…..(long pause)…..will I be okay?” I don’t think I wanted to know the answer, though, because I can’t remember the exact response but the feeling I continue to have is that it is not a big deal in the larger plan that is my life. However, I was thinking, “I will be damaged goods. A 40-something-year-old with a heart attack/stroke record already?”

My thoughts were then directed to May and then on to “six months”. Interestingly, August is 6 months away – my birth month.

By this time I was wide awake but the conversation continued. My guide/partner asked me, “Why do you want to be [in the in-between] (can’t recall his exact wording) to communicate with me?” I said, “Because then I know I’m not inserting what I want to hear. It is less adulterated.” He responded with, “We are One.” As if that explained it all clearly;  to me, though, it was confusing. Ultimately, he explained that we had merged successfully. I wondered when, but could not pinpoint any particular time. I must have slept through it. The whole walk-in/soul-exchange plan came to mind and I pushed it away but not before understanding how it all fit in this strange life experience I find myself in.

Our conversation continued. I kept asking why my partner couldn’t be here in the physical with me. He said, “I am”. I wondered what he meant but I fell further in to a trance-like state, shifting seamlessly into a dream-like reality as images replaced words.

4 OBE’s

Completely lucid, I felt to be in my bed only the room was my room at my mom’s. I was laying in the supine position with my arms over my head. Energy was building around my crown to an extreme and it traveled down, wrapped around my face and then went down my spine toward my chest, filling that area as well. It was a wonderfully relaxed feeling.

Buzzing with energy I heard noises from the other room. Children’s voices and music playing. I knew it was my family awake early and ignored the noises-off the best I could. I was still talking with my partner/guide but I can’t remember what we were talking about.

At one point I sat up and out of my sleeping body. I lingered there sitting on the bed as I took off what felt to be a giant pillow from my face. My vision was clear but shifty and I continued to feel strong vibrations/energy all over my body.

I went toward the door noticing just how vivid and real the experience was but lost lucidity almost immediately shifting back into my body that was laying in the bed.

Back in my body the noises-off were loud again and I shifted immediately back OOB. This time nothing barred my vision and I was able to go out of the bedroom into the living room. My children were inside with my husband sitting at a kitchen table. He had made them all French toast (life satisfaction) and I thought it odd and wondered why he would do such a thing. Also, the table was in the wrong place. The room was lit with a golden, shimmering energy. I walked outside and it was a bright, beautiful sunny day but the brightness was so intense I lost visual and went back into my body.

Once again laying in bed I lingered for a while, enjoying the soothing energy. My crown and third-eye area felt expansive with a peaceful, warmth. It was amazing!

I decided to go OOB again and lifted easily OOB, floating to the door and out into the living room again. I ignored the activity there and went to the front door. It was locked and I said to my guide, “Why did you lock it? I want to go outside. Do you want to show me something? It will unlock.” I unlocked it and went outside. It was still dark out and I remember commenting on that.

Outside I floated for a bit and noticed a massive building to my left. It was like an entire city! I have never seen anything like it. The building spanned acres to the left and right of my mom’s house and appeared to be floating just above the ground. It towered for at least a hundred feet over the tops of the trees.

I lifted myself up to get a better view and was awe-struck by it’s beauty. It was pristine! White and glistening as if made of diamonds or crystals, its walls and rooftops seamless  – no points or jagged areas.

I felt to be pulled up toward the stars and did not resist. As I soared higher I saw the city was more expansive, spreading out in all directions with trees positioned throughout. It was as if I were on another Earth/planet.

I went further up, stars swirling around me as I lost my sense of direction. My astral body felt to be tossed and turned as if going through a vortex. I held on, though, never losing touch with the experience despite my vision blacking out. I completely surrendered to the feeling despite it being disorienting. Never once did I feel fear.

I felt myself vertical again and the movement ceased. My vision returned and I was in a blackness surrounded by stars and galaxies. My body was then shot straight down and I knew I was heading toward a deep, dark lake. I felt myself enter the calm waters and I opened myself up, taking as much water into me as I could knowing that holding my breath was unnecessary. I could not die.

As I breathed in the water I felt myself go deeper and deeper straight down and then float softly back up like a buoy. At the top I knew not to struggle and let myself just float there staring up at the stars. The whole time I was talking aloud about how I knew not to struggle, I knew to just float without resisting and completely expected to be in the dark, calm water for an infinite amount of time. I remember wondering, “Is this all there is? Is this my eternity?” With this I fully accepted the void as my infinite reality. I was 100% okay with it.

The lake seemed to expand around me with no shore in site. Like I was lost in an endless sea of darkness. I continued to float full of acceptance in the middle of the expansive blackness. A round, white object was floating to my left as if to offer support, but I didn’t take it.

Then the water began to recede, or maybe I moved. Land appeared and I could feel sand beneath my feet. I crawled, water-logged, onto the shore and looked up. There, towering over me, was the magnificent city I had seen floating near my mom’s house. I felt a sense of “arrival” as I stared up at it.

The scene dematerialized and I was back in my bed with energy surging through my body. I shifted immediately OOB again and traveled back into the living room to focus on my children who I had previously ignored. There I found my children happily playing with all kinds of toys (domestic joy/harmony). There were also other children in the room who I didn’t recognize. My husband was in the center and to his right was a Christmas tree (family relationships/domestic stresses). I went up to my middle son and gave him a kiss on his forehead as I told him, “I love you.” I looked down at the small child next to him and ruffled his hair. Then I walked around looking at the toys scattered here and there, noticing the tree and wrapping paper. I said to them all, “Look at all these wonderful presents (recognition of gifts)….but it’s not Christmas…..”

I went back in body and lingered there, enjoying the energy sensations and hearing noises-off. Eventually, though, I realized the noises were real and that it was time to wake up.

This song was going through mind, specifically: I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life.

 

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OBE and Message: Propitiatory Flushing of System

It’s been a crazy busy day today so am just now getting to record this mornings adventures.

First, though, I took my NASM personal trainer certification exam this morning at 11:30am. I was not as prepared as I would have liked to have been because of all my mommy duties and such getting in the way. I also kept putting off studying because I just didn’t want to. lol I didn’t get to study until late last night and got too tired to continue. Then this morning the kids were making so much noise that I opted to drive to the test site early and study in the car. I studied maybe 30 minutes and then went in to test. Finished the test in under an hour and then was handed this:

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They couldn’t tell me my score because only people who fail find out how many they missed (huh?). I suspect that I got around an 80% based upon the questions I was unsure of. Overall, the test looked exactly like the multiple practice exams I took when cramming. Good thing I have a great memory! 😀

After the test my husband and I went to visit my BIL and SIL who just welcomed a little boy into their family on January 27. He weighed just under 8lbs. I got to hold him for a bit and he is so sweet, but what little newborn isn’t? As first-time parents (both in their 40s) they have been majorly stressed over everything but seemed to be adjusting.

When we arrived home we picked up my nephew for a sleepover and now it is already dark. The day slipped by much faster than anticipated.

Dream and Message

I was awakened at 5am by a dream in which I was at a job interview inside a school. The woman interviewing me was very nice and told me there were plenty of jobs available. I remember saying I preferred an elementary school and her mentioning how my DAEP (district alternative education program) experience would be helpful.

A male teacher entered the dream and it shifted dramatically. One second I was in the school and the next I was saw the male teacher standing by a concrete column under an overpass (critical life junction). He was holding a blonde, female teacher’s hand when a massive flash flood (emotional overwhelm) came through and pummeled them. He tried to hold onto her but the gloves (caution) she was wearing slipped off her hands and lost her. Within seconds the water disappeared and it was bone dry. The female teacher was nowhere to be found and the male was bruised up. All that was left of the teacher was a red coat (protection).

Then the male teacher was talking to me about the school where we worked. I saw in front of me a map of the inside and the three stories. In the center of each floor there was a cafeteria (issues). I was told that we would meet on the top floor. We discussed my memories of the school and I mentioned how this new school had a class to teach students how to bake cakes (something eating me up inside). Then there appeared a vision of a three layered, chocolate cake. It seemed that the cake represented the “floors” of the school. The male teacher said to me, “Remember, you go straight up.” When he said this my lucidity came on suddenly and I knew the cake was the body and the path I was to take was straight up and out.

Not sure what to think I began to wake up with questions. I heard, “Propitiatory flushing of system”.

For some odd reason this message really freaked me out. Nonetheless, I returned to sleep quite easily.

OBE: Out of Place

I was in my mom’s house inside the bathroom sitting on the toilet (release of emotions). To my right was a portion of stale (old, forgotten) hot dog (sexual desire). I fiddled with it and it stuck to the counter. I remember thinking, “Ewww” and wondering who would leave food by the toilet. When I got up to flush the toilet the tank portion was wobbly and off-center. I corrected it and left the bathroom to go to my bedroom.

Inside the bedroom I stood and looked around curiously. The entire space began to vacillate and shift, the lights seeming to almost strobe. I remember thinking, “I can leave my body.” So that is what I did. I walked right out of it and stood facing the window. Everything was bright gold, shiny and brilliant but did not hurt my eyes. My vision was perfect. I was able to distinguish colors that normally I would not. I also think I was perceiving sound with my eyes, which I have done before. It was as if all my perceptions were tuned up and super keen. When I tried to move it felt like the entire room moved with me. The constant shifting became noticeable on an energetic level – like I became the room and the room became me. The vibrations were revved up to an uncomfortable intensity and my vision was moving/shifting with them. If an energy body can become dizzy then that is what happened to mine. The feeling was uncomfortable and foreign and I thought, “I don’t want to do this.” I backed up and into my body which was waiting sitting on the bed.

There was a nearly indistinguishable blackness, like I blinked, and then I re-entered the dream, stood up and walked into the kitchen. There was a man sitting at the table about to eat coconut (leisure activity needed) cereal. I suggested he pour coconut milk on it. He did and tasted it. I don’t think he liked it.

I woke up hearing part of a song going through my head, “I’m way too good at goodbyes….”

A strange feeling accompanied it and I remembered the message I had gotten earlier and seeing the black cake from the first dream. I wondered about the message and heard, “Proprietor.” I thought maybe it meant that propitiatory was the wrong word, but upon inspection they may be interchangeable. It felt, though, like I was being instructed on where to go at a certain moment in time. And when I sought out my guidance I felt a familiar sensation, one that indicated I had many more guides around me than is usual.

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Hints of Something to Come

After a little over 24 hours of feeling like I was finally getting over my cold and intestinal problems, I was hit in the middle of the night with a resurgence of intestinal issues. They continue with less severity this morning as I hack and cough up the last remnants of the cold I had.

On top of it all my acne seems to be returning. Same spots, same weird, tiny bumps that don’t go away. I realized this morning that the acne spots first started after I moved to this house/location and I have been sick much more frequently than any other time in my life. Makes me wonder if there is something here, something in the water or the house itself (physical, emotional, spiritual) that is triggering these physical reactions in me. It is, by the way, a #11 address. hmmmm

Hints of Something to Come

I had some odd occurrences yesterday that I should mention before I go into my dream last night.

First off, two days ago while running errands I once again had one of those near-panic attacks, well more than one. This time, however, I recognized something – well some things. The panic attack episodes started after the heart connection in 2015 and escalated to the point of making me feel almost incapable of going out of the house. When I have them it is as if a switch is flipped and I become overly aware of my surroundings, like waaaay too open and overstimulated. It seems like part of me arrives or awakens in this body unexpectedly. I feel her arrive. Then I hear/feel that part of myself begin to worry and panic similar to waking up in a bad dream and not knowing how she got there. At the same time a calming energy seems to descend and I hear/feel myself being consoled and reminded it will pass. Then the anxiety passes and I return to a normal feeling as that other part seems to leave. It is so weird! But now it happens so frequently that I am use to it and even though the anxiety still comes on it never lasts or sets in fully. I never know when it will happen, just that it will happen when not inside my home.

I wonder, who is it that is panicking? Is it even me like I assume? Or someone else or some other aspect? Is this part of the soul exchange process somehow?

Then, two nights ago as I was watching Netflix (Shannara Chronicles this time) out of the blue I could feel the feelings of my Companion wash over me. I could feel his love and admiration for me and began to giggle out loud as I was embraced by his energy. As energy spread over me, I looked down at my body and felt an overwhelming attraction to myself, as if I were in love with my body, with everything that I AM. There came with this a sense of playfulness and joy. I felt like a child in a sense but also extremely attracted to myself in a sexual and romantic way. The playfulness was the strongest and I ignored my show, closing my eyes and surrendering to the feeling. My whole body was tingling and blissed-out and remained that way for some time.

The overwhelming attraction and love for myself was so unusual for me and I thought to my Companion, “I am feeling what you feel for me.” He said to me, “I am YOU.” In hearing him say this I knew he was right and what I was feeling were my true feelings for myself and all that I AM. I can’t explain it any other way because, as is the norm, words just aren’t enough. I felt for myself a twin flame/heart connection kind of magnetic attraction and did not reject it but fully surrendered and accepted it. There is nothing in this physical world more beautiful and …… I AM.

I managed to fall asleep with few dreams. The dreams I did have are similar to the one below, indicating an internal separation in process. It is hard to explain but I actually built a fence between myself and my “sister” in one dream and in another I was taking care of baby peacocks (birth, new growth), keeping them from being eaten by cats. In another I was with my “crazy” sister. I spent a long time consoling her. She felt everyone was abandoning her, she was all alone, unloved and had no friends. She was highly self-destructive and deteriorating quickly.

Image result for congratulations text pic

When I woke there was no lingering in the in-between. I was wide awake and thinking of my dreams. There was a peculiar feeling I couldn’t identify. Out of the blue and barely noticeable there came a vision in front of my eyes. A very small word outlined in a glowing white box: Congratulations. This caught me off guard because I was not in the in-between. I wondered, “Congratulations for what?” I heard back, “You have surpassed hurdles unseen.” Not able to identify these “hurdles” I went back to thinking of my dreams. Then I heard, “We have something to show you.” I thought, “Okay” and then went back to thinking of my dreams. lol

Another vision came to me then. I saw a pile of stuffed toys, all of which were action heroes – superman, batman, spiderman, etc. It was odd and I wondered about it. Then the Coldplay song came to mind, “I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts…..I want something just like this.” I laughed aloud at this but recognized my subconscious created it. It wasn’t a message from some “guide” but from ME.

Again, though, I heard a message, almost indistinguishable, come through like a conversation I was having. I heard, “Tomorrow” and then after a couple of minutes, “Some of the benefits and securities will be refined.” Considering how odd the message was, I figured it was time to get up and face the day.

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Dream: Get Out!

This dream began with me being in a hurry to get somewhere but not really worrying about being late. I kept telling myself, “No need to rush. You’ll get there when you get there” which is how I have been handling lateness in my waking life for sometime now.

I went into the bathroom and prepared to take a shower. What is odd here is that I had with me all my personal toiletries in a bag despite there being an entire set already in the bathroom. Both sets felt like mine but when I saw the set in the bathroom I dismissed it knowing my set was better suited to me. I took my shampoo (new image/self) and toiletries and replaced the other toiletries (old image/self) one by one.

I vaguely remember taking a shower (spiritual renewal and forgiveness) and feeling each distinct stream of water hit my face and body. It was a refreshing, calming feeling – a familiar feeling. In the background I could hear voices speaking to me like distant memories or echoes. They were asking me questions in a disapproving tone and judging me for my actions and decisions. It felt like these people were my physical family – mother and husband specifically. I ignored the voices, though, and focused on the warmth and comfort of the water.

Then I was inside a house selecting clothing (public self) to wear. The entire time my mother (mother aspect) seemed to be shadowing me, asking me questions and judging my actions in a passive-aggressive way. She kept suggesting this or that but never directly saying she disapproved. The main thing I remember her saying is that I would be late if I didn’t hurry. Again, I ignored her, focusing instead on the clothing I would wear. I couldn’t find what I needed, though.

I left the house I was in and headed to an apartment. The apartment was very nice (life improvement), nicer than any apartment I have ever lived in. Two bodyguard-looking men (feeling insecure or unsure about life) met me there. They wore all black and had ear pieces in. One handed me a cell phone and said, “Looks like he’s following through.” I read what was on the screen and said, “Yeah.” The screen had a legal letter and I remember it said “petition” and “claimant” on it and that my husband was accusing me of being “homosexual” (self-love, self-acceptance) as a reason for divorce. There was a feeling of finality here as well as Knowing of what was to come. The sense was of my entire life crashing down on me but I was in total acceptance.

The bodyguards also mentioned to me that I was behind on my assignments. I acknowledged them and then rushed to the closet to look for a shirt. My mother intercepted me though and began to make ultimatums to get my attention. Her main upset was that I was behind on my assignments and would ultimately “fail”. She told me she couldn’t accept my behavior anymore and insisted that it was time for me to “get out”.

I went into a huge walk-in (may indicate soul exchange) closet (unveiling of previously hidden aspects). I looked through the clothes but couldn’t find what I was looking for. There were many long, sleeveless dresses (feminine), some dress shirts and a bunch of trousers. The shirt I had put on was long-sleeved (protection from adversaries) and too hot (heated emotions) but all the clothes in the closet were also too warm for the weather. Eventually I opted for a wrinkled (wisdom, learning from past), indigo (spirituality), short-sleeved (freedom) blouse noting that it was too dressy for the pants I was wearing. I put it on not caring how I appeared and left.

On my way out I heard my mom yell angrily, “Get out and don’t ever come back.” I knew she meant what she said but felt I had to do what I was doing regardless of what she thought. There was a Knowing I didn’t belong there anyway.

Then I received notice from my teacher that I was failing her math class (lessons in logic), the last class before I received my degree. The class end date was in 4 weeks but on the calendar in my mind I saw the month of July which is much further off than 4 weeks. I was told that I would have to score a 103 on the final to pass the class. I knew this was impossible. The most I could possibly score was a 98 and even that was unlikely. I remember sitting at a picnic table (unity and togetherness) in a park (period of readjustment after serious personal conflict) telling a man that it was okay if I didn’t get my degree. I already had a Master’s degree and so another one wouldn’t make much of a difference. The man said to me, “But you are only one class away from finishing. If you stop now you will have to start all over again.” I didn’t care.

Reflection

I woke up in an alarmed state thinking, “Oh shit.” It seemed like the dream was about going over choices/decisions and the aftermath that would result. I was so self-assured in the dream, easily ignoring all the “voices” of disapproval and judgment. The decisions I made in the dream involved very out of character things for my personality. It felt like a complete disconnect from the important people in my life. The disapproval of my mom was the main “voice” of disapproval I heard though other family members (sisters mostly) were audible as well. If my mom were to issue an ultimatum like that it would devastate me – or would it? Even as I type this I am feel able to accept her doing something like that. Huh?

After waking and while getting my kids off to school, I was wondering, “Okay. It’s tomorrow but nothing happened.” Not long after that I realized a song was going through my mind over and over, “I gotta feeling, that tonight’s gonna be a good night. Tonight’s gonna be a good, good night…..” 🙂 I’ve been feeling like dancing all morning. lol

 

 

 

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Kundalini Dream – On to the Fourth Clearing

Had trouble falling asleep last night. I was wide awake and had activity in my heart and crown chakras. I opted to meditate as a solution but it didn’t help. Instead I got more intense energy swirling and my mind was really active.

My guidance came through at one point and informed me that I had a surprise coming soon. I replied, “Okay. I would love to meet God in an OBE….or have another blissgasm.” I heard in response, “Soon.” I thought back to them, “Soon? Your soon? That could be a year or more from now.” They replied, “No, yours.” I thought, “If it’s my soon then it would be tonight.” I felt a time period of three days from that point and accepted it.

Soon after I drifted off to sleep.

Kundalini Dream: History Class

The dream began inside a typical high school or college classroom environment. The color of everything had a golden hue to it. I was sitting in a desk in the first row probably three or four seats from the front. A male teacher with brown hair was up in front of the class. He looked to be in his mid-twenties to early thirties and was quite “normal” in appearance. My dream memory of him reminds me of a Ken doll – very clean cut and nicely dressed.

The teacher instructed the class to get out our textbooks and go to page 240. A female student sitting to my right looked over at me and gave me a look that said, “What are you doing? Do what the teacher says.” I ignored her and made no move to get my textbook which was sitting on the left side of my deck. It seemed like I was the “bad” student, which is the opposite of how I was in school growing up.

When he noticed I was not following instructions he called me out, asking me if I understood his instructions. I said, “Yes, I did.” He said, “If you don’t complete the assignment you will receive a zero.” I said, “I don’t care. I’ve already taken this class.”

There was again a look from the student to my right. She had dark hair and mocha colored skin and seemed very concerned for me. Something about her changed my mind and I exhaled as if saying, “Oh alright. Fine. I’ll comply just for my own amusement.”

The teacher began to talk about the chapter we were in. It felt like the first chapter of the textbook despite being on page 240. I don’t remember looking at the textbook but listening to the teacher. His words slowly shifted into visuals in my mind as he spoke. His questions to me eventually morphing into my own voice as if I was talking to myself.

I could see a giant landmass and was asked to identify it. I responded, “Pangaea.” We discussed the biological organisms that occupied Pangaea. He asked me, “What did they consume?” I gave him the name of some algae but I don’t recall it now. I only remember seeing them as if under a microscope.

There is just memory of being fascinated with the subject, the ecosystem and organisms. It seemed like I was learning a history unknown to man and so my full attention was on every detail. Sadly, my memory of these details is gone now.

Then I was talking to the girl next to me about lunch. I asked her what the lunch was like. Did they have enough food or would I be hungry when lunch was over? I specifically asked if the cafeteria served food on trays or if we could go from station to station and fill up our trays as many times as we liked. She confirmed that it was the latter and this satisfied me. I felt like the school wasn’t so bad.

We must have been released for lunch because I was in the cafeteria walking alongside the girl student. I don’t remember eating, though. Instead I ran into a guy I knew and followed him to a find a private place to talk. He and I were long-time friends and lovers and our intention was to sneak off someplace and fool around. lol

I can’t recall what he looked like now but I remember that when we met up we immediately embraced and kissed. The weird thing is that when we kissed he seemed to put his finger in my anus. lol When he did this the energy in my root chakra began to build up and my throat chakra lit up as well.

Surprised I pulled back and asked him, “Why did you do that?” He said, “I like it.” It felt like he wanted my permission to continue to do it. I said, “Oh okay. If you want.” lol

Then we were in my house (my Soul/Self) and I was undressing in the bathroom (purification and self-renewal). The door was open and I could see into the bedroom (intimate part of Self). The house felt to be mine specifically, not my parent’s like one would assume considering I was just in a school environment. Again everything had a golden hue to it.

As I stripped off my clothing I remember my friend calling out to me from the bedroom. I yelled back that I needed to pee. I used the toilet quickly and looked down at my feet preparing to take off my socks (warmth and comfort). My socks went all the way up to my knees and were a mottled brown and made of a thick material, like wool, so very warm. I decided to keep my socks on and knew my friend would do the same. In fact, I had a “memory” of us together both wearing socks and nothing else. lol

When I went into the bedroom my memory of the dream goes dark. All I recall is the effects of our lovemaking – energy swirling and intensifying in different areas of my body. I felt something inserted where my anus would be on my physical body. At the same time it felt like something was inserted from the opposite side but not in the vagina as one would assume, but higher up where my pubic bone is. When the two met a very pleasant energy resulted and felt to roll and rumble in a big, swirling spherical mass of energy.

At the exact same moment something felt to be inserted in my throat region only it was not down through my mouth as it was the last time I had this kind of “work” done. The trigger seemed to come from within. If I had to say where it originated from I would say my spine, up near where my neck meets my head.

These two areas swirled so intensely that it began to wake me up but not before I noticed other chakras activating, specifically the heart, crown and solar plexus.

I shifted in and out of the in-between, the energy continuing to swirl and expand. I was too aware, however, and ultimately had to shift position. Usually shifting position stops the energy, but this time it continued on for a bit after.

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Music Message 

My “friend” from the dream was with me when I awoke meaning this particular guide was also my dream “lover”. I connected the message prior to sleep to the activity of the Kundalini and thought, “This must be my surprise.” I suspect that the “three days” is also relevant but may only be related to the full moon and eclipse on the 31st.

It was 5am and I was still tired and so rolled over to attempt sleep. But my mind was on the dream and on something I had considered last night. I’ve been waking early quite a bit, usually between 4:30-5:30am. Afterward I cannot return to sleep but linger in the in-between until I finally wake. I thought it may be a good idea to take advantage of that time by inserting a spiritual practice of some sort like meditation. So, that is what I did only my left nostril was completely clogged and really irritating me. Have you ever tried to meditate with some physical ailment like half your nose clogged? Nearly impossible!

So the meditation part went out the window. My left nostril has been clogged from the beginning of this cold but lately it is only when I am laying down. So irritating!!!

I lingered in bed and somehow drifted into the in-between long enough to recall a conversation.

My guide and I were discussing the Kundalini process, specifically the clearing of the heart chakra. I was told the 4th clearing was on its way. There are 5 total I think, so this is good news (I hope). The history of this clearing was also discussed. I remember saying to my guide, “2013-2015” and knowing it was a preparation period leading up to the first heart opening. I don’t recall specifically when my heart first “opened” but I recall that after the birth of my youngest in 2014 that the Kundalini began to rev up. It seems the trigger for my heart opening was getting pregnant in 2013. Prior to that I had a trigger in 2002-2003 – divorce. Then the heart connection was the trigger at the end of 2015. So that’s three “triggers” and three heart openings. I wonder if I will need a trigger for this one?

In recognizing just how very long the Kundalini process had been going on, I became a bit discouraged. I said, “It’s taking forever.” My guidance replied, “You will complete in this lifetime.” My response to this was, “Then I will die, right?” lol I saw myself as being a very old woman so death would be the logical next step. My guidance remained silent. So I said, “What is the point then?” – meaning why do all this work and then just die when it concludes?!

It seemed like things could move faster, in fact I knew they could. All I needed was a catalyst. I wondered about it, then. Previously I was told two are better than one, meaning that two working together toward similar goals allow for acceleration of the process. Working as a team the two propel one another forward. Working alone takes longer.

Not longer after these thoughts a song came to mind – “I walk alone…..”:

So guessing that I am out of luck. No physical connection with another human walking a similar path is coming along to propel me forward this time. Sigh. That trigger was so much more fun/interesting/exciting than divorce or pregnancy.

by

Recovery Needed

The purging continues. It feels like the moon has been full all month! Waving my white flag over here.

Yesterday I was led to read some older posts in this blog, some from last Fall, some from this month. It occurred to me that this particular purging cycle was pointed out to me in September last year. I mention “Capricorn” both in a lucid dream and toward the end of the post.

…..when I awoke I recalled seeing stars in the sky, as if being shown astrology and the time of the year when Capricorn rules. I also recall saying something in astrological terminology to the man. The term I used was “aspect” but I can’t make sense of what I said. All I recall is that I said some aspect would affect me and it is related to Capricorn.

Then there was the goat reference brought up recently which has been following me around since 2013. I had been looking at my Twitter analytics, checking out my top posts, and was focusing primarily on those posts. I found a recent OBE where I assumed a goat was running toward me but it was two dogs. These reference go all the way back to last summer. Love how my dreams reveal future events, I just wish I was able to recognize all the message at the time they are given. So frustrating! But then, even if I knew, would I be able to do anything about it? No.

So goats, Capricorn, hmmm maybe there is a connection? The experiences in the post I quoted above was intense. I appeared to be planning my own physical death. What is interesting is that yesterday, when I re-read it I had been thinking of all the recent physical issues I’ve been having and thought to myself, “Maybe this is it? Maybe I am dying?” It sure felt like it.

Dream: Blankets

I don’t remember many of my dreams but the last is vivid in my mind. The dream began with me being oriented to a new job. It was in an education setting but I was not a teacher. I seemed to be assisting with various tasks, things I didn’t want to do. The lady I was assisting gave tests to children. They were simple tests where the child looked at card and gave the name of what was on it. The cards had pictures of various vegetables on them, specifically zucchini squash. I saw the results of some of the students’ tests. One in particular had a very low score while another had a very high one.

My job was to prepare the cards. I walked toward an area of the office with a huge Rolodex full of cards inserted in plastic sleeves. Somehow the Rolodex hit a cabinet and the cards scattered all over the floor. I got upset and overwhelmed and so just left the mess for someone else to clean up. I didn’t get in trouble for doing this.

While working at my desk I saw my file along with some others in manila folders. I noticed that it had my previous job title written next to my name. It said, “Secretary”. I knew my current position was not secretary (need to ask for help) and that when I was rehired I had to take a lower position. It wasn’t a punishment just a condition of my employment.

Then I was as if a blank screen came down on the current scene and when it was lifted I was elsewhere. This time I was in a living area with family. It felt safe and comfortable. The lights were off except for the television screen which was about to play a movie. My ex-BIL was there visiting. I sat on the sofa bed but then had to move to avoid the blanket (security, love, protection, warmth) he was about to put on it. I mentioned the blanket and he said he always brought a blanket so that he would be more comfortable wherever he stayed. I remember feeling so much love for him. A beautiful feeling of safety, warmth and love spread over me as if I were snuggled in the blankets he had laid on the sofa. Memories of when he was in my life, married to my sister, and all the good times we had together came flooding into my mind. He was always so pleasant and accommodating. Never once complaining of my presence or making me feel unwanted in their house. He was/is a good man.

There were thoughts then about how I missed him and those times in my life. I began to grieve and tears poured out of my eyes. I remember feeling an abundance of feelings and having two different sets of thoughts. One grieved for the past another was grieving for the loss of my security blanket – the love, friendship, safety and Divine connection of Home.

Understanding

When I woke up I was still crying. The only reason I stopped crying was because my nose was so stuffed up I couldn’t breathe. There were two distinctly separate feelings of loss. As I consider the feelings, which are still very real to me, my mind is blown. It is so clear to me what I experienced/witnessed that I am not sure if I should be happy and relieved or freaked out.

While laying there considering my dream experience and the grief I felt, my guidance was nearby. I shifted in and out of the in-between as we talked. Much of our conversation is lost to me now which saddens me because I had some really cool messages/realizations during that time. One I only half remember. In it I was placing a stamp on a letter to mail and said aloud, “This is my last stamp”. Then I recognized what the stamp represented and told my guide. I was like a child in class who just understood the lesson and proudly states their understanding to their teacher. I said, “I created that visual and the stamp represents _________! I did it!” My guide said back, “Yes you did. Very well done.” lol

I remember asking my guidance for help. The tears, the intense dreamtime work and my life feeling so very wrong lately is starting to get to me. Everything feels so absolutely wrong!

The number 54 was another vision I received. You can read what it means. I don’t have the energy to write it out right now.

Recovery Needed

The physical symptoms are beginning to take their toll. I weighed 128lbs when the sickness began and this morning weighed 124lbs . I look like a skinny, sickly, bony anorexic! The intestinal issues are better but still there. It is like my body can’t tolerate anything I eat, no matter how healthy or wholesome. I don’t know what to do except stop eating most every food I have been eating. But I have to eat something!

This morning I thought, “There needs to be a place where people like me can go to recover. Like maybe an ascension recovery center or a Kundalini recovery center….. Just a spiritual recovery center.” In my mind I was thinking of what it would be like – a place where someone could go to heal and process for as long as it took. There would be no expectations, no specific schedules, just a quiet, safe place with provided meals, individual rooms and tons of nature and space. Like a retreat but specifically focused on those struggling with what I am…whatever that is. There would be support given, but what kind I am unsure.

I asked my guidance for insight, whatever they could give. My guidance said, “Acceleration” which I understood as, “Your path is accelerating.” I was like, “Huh? WTF! Why!?” The response was that I had agreed to it. Ugh! I would do that, wouldn’t I!

I couldn’t go back to sleep. It was 5am and I was wide awake. This is day…IDK but it’s been going on a while. I hate morning “briefings”. I want to sleep!

As I lay there I began to think about the spiritual recovery center I feel I need right now. Long ago, during my first awakening, I had a business concept, a plan, that never came to fruition. The name of the business was, “Azna Spiritual Salon”. The concept was a place where all spiritual services were accessible, like a beauty salon but catering to spiritual needs. “Azna” means “Balance” but I can’t remember in what language now. I will have to go look through my journals from that time period.

This morning I was thinking, “I could create a spiritual recovery center focused on what I am going through right now. There will be more going through this and they will need a place to go to recover. Somewhere safe and quiet.” But my thoughts went to, “What am I going through exactly? And how the hell can I help others if I can’t help myself? I don’t have any idea what to do to fix myself! Until I do, I can’t help anyone else.”

I received information recently (when I can’t recall) that soon, in the near future, there would be a big wave of people going through what I am. They will need help. It feels like part of my job is to determine what that help looks like. To create a program for recovery. Hahaha It seems so absurd to me because if I knew how to help I would be helping myself right now.

What I do know is that I need to find a place to recover. Whatever is happening to me requires this. So if you know anyone who is willing to take me in for a month or so, someone who lives in the country or near lots of natural beauty, I would love to find a place I can retreat to and get myself sorted out. I know I need to just be for a while, and not just a day or two. I need a long while. So wherever I go, whomever helps me, needs to understand that I won’t be able to help out other than to to pay for my food and lodging. The energy must be high and the people high energy as well – empathic like me and understanding.

I laugh aloud to think any place like this even exists. I am not a rich person, in fact I have little money of my own, so not sure how I will repay someone for their hospitality. I will just leave it to the Universe to sort out I guess.

This song was repeating through my mind again, specifically, “Don’t know what I’m gonna do about this feeling inside. Yes it’s true – loneliness took me for a ride….”