Yesterday, while searching Kundalini forums, I found a link to a free Microcosmic Orbit online class. I immediately checked it out since I it was something that I was previously led to try.
At first I thought the whole thing was free, but turns out the only links that work are the ones to the videos. So, I searched more of the website and found the published books, selecting one specifically for women. I have yet to purchase it but probably will as it interests me.
This is an article that gives a synopsis of what is in the book, Women’s Nei Gong
It is recommended to practice each of the videos in order. So, last night I listened to the first video as part of my nightly meditation, Anchoring the Breath
My experience was quite unexpected, indicating, to me at least, a readiness for it.
It took me about an hour to complete the Anchoring the Breath exercise. I sat upright in bed and followed the instructions. It was easy for me to get into the exercise, most likely because of my recent, consistent Pranayama meditation practice.
1. It was quite energetically obvious when I focused on the areas of my body as instructed in the video. The areas became energetically stimulated, subtly vibrating. As I settled my awareness on more areas, the vibrating area expanded. I began to feel the “energy helmet” sensation I’ve experienced numerous times in my life but it expanded downward as my attention went to other areas of my body.
2. Attention versus intention is discussed in the video. Intention directs the energy in a certain way and can create negative effects (the teacher says “always” creates negative results) because it is directed by the mind. Attention is passive, allowing the energy to do what is needed for the body, which is always positive. If you have too little attention, however, you can end up going into the imagination and on into the dream state, which is what happened to me numerous times. I would find myself startled back to attention by my body slumping forward or sideways. In fact, I completely missed the final body part focus (the perineum) because my mind wandered. I only came out of my reverie about 15 minutes after the exercise concluded. So, it may be helpful for me to do this exercise at an earlier time, rather than at bedtime! lol
3. I found some of the information provided quite interesting, specifically the part about recognizing restriction in breathing, tightness in the chest, or dryness in the throat among other “symptoms” during the exercise. The teacher indicated that these irregularities exist as the result of subconscious intention in the past. To me, this translated as “blocks” created by thought patterns or habits. In other words, conditioning. I noticed a very slight tightness in my chest area and some breathing irregularities. I don’t recall any other indicators elsewhere but then my mind kept wandering!
4. The area that was the most energetic was my stomach area (the 2nd and 3rd chakra areas). I could not, no matter how I focused, get the energy to be consistent between all areas of focus. My stomach area would distract me because of how much energy was there compared to the other areas – massive amounts! I am not sure if I’m suppose to feel a consistent line from head to perineum, but if so, that was not evident because of how strong the energy was in my stomach region. Interestingly, this area is known as the lower Dan Tien, and from my limited research, my experience of strong energy there indicates that I am storing the majority of my energy in this area, which is exactly how it should be. What is the Dan Tien?
Overall, I am thrilled by the results of this exercise and will most definitely be doing the next practice tonight, but earlier so that I can keep attention and not drift off into other realms.
Presently, we are having all the windows in our house replaced over the next three weekdays. In preparation, we have to remove furniture from around the windows. My husband has a huge desk that he wants to get rid of which is located directly in front of one of the windows. He wants to replace it with another desk. I am going to give him mine, which is newer and smaller. I will not be replacing it with another desk but using the space for meditation and yoga (and maybe Qigong). My 12+ year old computer is going into retirement.
With the new space I will be able to meditate seated on the floor rather than in my bed, so I will be less likely to fall asleep. I’m looking forward to completing my sacred space and settling into the energy it provides. I will periodically post updates about my experiences with the Microcosmic Orbit exercises.
Happy Halloween! I hear the energies are intense today – solar flares? The only evidence I have of this intensity is from dreamtime. Happy to share. 🙂
Kundalini Dream:1 Year
I was in a familiar dream location. It consisted of two home about 100 feet apart connected by a narrow walkway. The homes were round, hut-like buildings with thatched roofs, small windows and stone flooring. I only recall snippets of the other dreams I’ve had there, but apparently it is a place I frequent at times.
Inside the hut on the left was myself and two others, a man and a woman. I felt like their child and the woman was talking to me about preparations. The specifics of these preparations are lost to me except for the symbolism, which, to me, is pretty obvious. The man stepped forward and it was clear to me that he and I were to be “paired”. Uncertain, I questioned the pairing because I knew this man was my “uncle”. The woman explained that it was time and urged me to accept, which I finally did. I recall her encouraging me to go with the man whose hand was held out to me. Though I don’t remember the man’s appearance specifically, he was wearing a long, tan robe with a thick, colored sash at his waist. I took his hand but hesitated, looking around me as my lucidity began to increase.
The woman was insistent. She physically pushed me forward toward the man and said, “We must hurry. The entire process is a long one. It will take a year before any eggs are produced.” It was odd to hear the word “egg”. In that moment, I saw a bunch of chickens pecking around at my feet and wondered if I was one since how else would I become a producer of “eggs”?
The man’s hand in my own and my decision clear, I went with him. I could feel his hand in my own and a familiar, strong energy began to swirl in my root chakra. The upward pull of the desire that was kindled there woke me and as I lingered in bed, the energy remained creating an ache within to go “up, up, up!”
Symbolism
I sat with the energy as the dream symbolism became clearer. Two circular huts = masculine and feminine. Man and woman = masculine and feminine. Uncle = soul family. The pairing = Union. Eggs = new, unhatched potential; the energy of life. Chicken = cowardice (mine lol).
The energy continued to linger in my root. It was not the strongest I’ve ever felt but it was quite distracting. The energy was moving up but very sluggishly. Eventually I decided to position myself flat on my back with a pillow over my head and my arms crossed over the top of the pillow. Rather than focus on the energy, making it stronger and more unbearable, I relaxed into it. The energy moved up easily to my heart and a warmth spread out from there.
Recalling how at other times I needed a catalyst to get the energy moving, I started thinking of those times, hoping to be assisted in a similar way. A male voice from my right indicated that though that was one way, there was another. The male voice then asked me if I wanted to learn/experience more. I recall asking for protection, shielding my aura just in case. The last thing I remember was hearing some instructions (can’t recall the specifics) and affirming that I wanted to proceed.
Lucid to OBE: Soaring Free
To my surprise, I ended up in a lucid dream. I was inside my old bedroom at my mom’s house and two of my children were with me. I sat on the bed and my two children were on either side of me. We all had laptops and mine indicated a message was received. When I went to check, I read a message from someone I did not know but who wanted to connect with me. There was a name that started with an “A” but other than that I just know he was indicating that he wanted to get to know me. I remember almost becoming fully lucid here because I knew that I had not received any emails in real time but tossing the idea of dreaming because it felt “so real.”
I clicked on a link and a video popped up on a huge screen in front of my face. Surprised, I turned to my daughter to see if she noticed, but she didn’t. The video was of an older man and a younger one – father and son. The younger one was making a music video and the father was producing it. Both men had dark hair but other than that I can’t recall what they looked like. There was lots of dancing and I recall being pulled into the video for a short time.
When I came back out of the video, my vision had gone completely dark and I knew I was dreaming. I moved out of the bedroom towards the front door, put my hand on the knob and opened it. Outside my vision started to gradually turn on. The entire front area was a cast in reddish shadows and I remember wanting it to be daylight and knowing just my desire for the light would bring it. Sure enough, the light came and fully illuminated the space.
I took flight immediately, singing as I flew, going up to just above the tops of the trees. I flew up to the main road and saw below me a truck pulling a wheel barrow. I yelled down to warn the driver but knew I was too high. Another truck followed behind and I decided to move on, flying higher.
The pull upward was strong but I again decided to level out, knowing just my desire to do so would keep me from being pulled out and into “space”. I looked down in awe at the trees and landscape below me. I could feel the wind buffeting the clothes on my body. I tore off my shirt, losing vision in my left eye momentarily as the fabric stuck on my head. Completely naked from the top up, I felt an amazing sense of freedom. I remember thinking, “It’s so beautiful!”
The entire time I flew, I was singing words I can’t recall. What I sang described how I was feeling, though, and the more I sang, the more free I felt.
Eventually, I shifted back to the house. Inside, I saw two dark haired young men lounging on the sofa. Both looked at me and the feeling I got from them was interest. Not really interested at the time, I flew around, flipping and zig-zagging around the house and enjoying the freedom of my astral body. Oddly, I felt my previously removed shirt put back on me, as if folded around me like a blanket. I wanted it off, but knew it needed to stay.
Eventually, the energy of my very active root and second chakra filtered through to the experience and I turned back towards the men. They looked identical and I wondered which one I should approach, eventually selecting the one to my left. I flew like an acrobat towards him, landing perfectly on his lap facing him. He looked shocked and I laughed because the position was obviously sexual. I kissed him, feeling a very puny tongue in my mouth, and an intense electric shock to my root woke me up.
Music Message: When You’re Ready Come and Get It
There was no energy shift when I returned to my body. The energy was still present but only a subtle warmth remained. Knowing the experience was over, I opened my eyes and then curled up happily on my side, relishing the remaining blissful energy. I had been singing when I returned but the words shifted immediately to a familiar song. The words were clearly a message, “When you’re ready come and get it….”
Dreams such as the one above are clearly indicating that some “process” is occurring, or will be. That I was willing and did not resist out of fear is a good sign. The fear is illogical, of course, but I am and have been aware of it. The fear is of the unknown but also of an inner Knowing that what awaits me is another kind of “death”, one that is highly attractive and terrifying at the same time – the familiar signature of the Kundalini.
The OBE was a nice surprise. The symbolism of it indicates a desire to feel free and unrestrained. Trucks = work. Wheelbarrow = difficult task. The shirt being taken off = desire to be unrestrained. The shirt being put back = message to take it slow, restraint is needed now. The twin men = twin energies, Union.
I really shouldn’t be surprised by the events of this morning. Two days ago I received a message from my guidance. It came out of the blue and no explanation was needed. The message was, “You’re heart will open again.” When I heard this I got a bit panicked but was reassured with, “You will be okay.” A typical calming statement by my guidance but it works, and I’m glad it does.
Not long ago – maybe two months now? – I went through a period of time where I was very sexual, or “in the mood”, more than I usually am. It lasted quite a while, maybe two weeks. My husband was very pleased because my normal sex drive has me in the mood maybe once a month, if that. Honestly, if my husband wasn’t as persistent as he is, three months or more would go by without me even thinking about sex. I’m just not interested anymore.
During this odd occurrence, there was a post in one of my HD FB groups mentioning a transit that might contribute to some experiencing higher than normal sexual urges. Not a coincidence I’m sure! The reason for the sexual shift had to do with the channel of “mating”. Ha! I don’t normally have this channel activated. It have a hanging gate and my husband has the exact hanging gate. So, when together, our auras do not complete the circuit and that activation is not available to us.
This is what the post said:
The 59-6 Channel of Mating is in the transit until Aug 26th, creating intense sexual emotional waves across the population.
There was an image showing the channels of the transit creating this effect but I couldn’t access it.
The hanging gate I have is 59:
Gate 59 – Dispersion Gate of Sexuality – Bonding and Intimacy Beyond Words The ability to break down barriers to achieve union. The potential energy for a deep and fertile connection with the other resulting in a life creating union.
Gate 6 is missing from my chart AND I have a completely open Solar Plexus. So, in order to complete the circuit, I either have to find someone who has the entire gate (activated) or someone with a hanging 6.
Gate 6 – Conflict Gate of Friction – Feeling, Emoting, and Sensitivity The fundamental design component of progress. The law that growth cannot exist without friction. The energy for producing life itself.
I have my own suspicions about this channel based upon my experiences. It isn’t the only sexual channel, but when I’ve met someone who has the other hanging gate and, together, we complete that circuit, sparks fly. I’ve not been able to do the charts of everyone I’ve connected with (physical or spiritually) but I think this channel is responsible for magnifying the K experiences I had with one individual in particular. He had the other hanging gate, completing the circuit for both of us. I suspect, for him, the effects were just as powerful and surprising as they were for me. I only wish that the above mentioned transit had created the same connection with my husband, but it didn’t even come close. 😦
Connection Chart – me and the individual mentioned above. The completed circuit is circled in black. You can see my hanging Gate 59 where it connects to his hanging Gate 6.
If you can remember, did you notice a shift in your sex drive during this transit back at the end of August? If so, please share!
Kundalini
There are other reasons for my lack of sex drive, but the biggest, most significant reason is the Kundalini. I’ve written about it before, but for those who’ve not experienced the erotic, blissful, sexually intense, orgasmic energy of the K, you might assume I’m making excuses, using the K as a reason to avoid a relationship issue that, for most, is HUGE. My husband assumes this, so I don’t hold it against you if you do think this way.
Because I care about my husband and his own sexual “needs” (I honestly don’t think they are a need, but I won’t go into that right now), I do try and accommodate him as much as I can. The problem is, when we do have sex, my experience is down right pathetic. My body reaches orgasm but it is almost imperceptible compared to what my body is capable of achieving. It reminds me of when I was on antidepressants and I haven’t taken those is over two decades.
The thing is, during those two weeks, this issue was nonexistent and prior to that it was not this bad, but since the two week period it is like my body is just numb. Everything is muted. So, where I was not interested before but could at least enjoy sex, now it is pointless to even try.
I wouldn’t be concerned except that it was nice during those two weeks. I felt “normal” again and, though it was nothing like my dreams or my K experiences, it was better than nothing. Now I’m left wondering if I need to visit a doctor and get my hormone levels checked.
The only thing is, when I dream, this issue is nonexistent. If anything, the more sexual “dysfunction” there is in my physical boy, the more amazing my spiritual experiences get.
Depression
I have also been very depressed for a few weeks now. Like below my normal low mood state. I’ve been so disinterested in life that I’ve thought I should go get some help, maybe get back on antidepressants. My husband would never allow for that, but I’m really tired of feeling blah all the time. I’ve looked online for someone who specializes in transpersonal therapy but have yet to find anyone that feels like a match. The one time I sent an email to a local person that seemed to good to be true, she never replied.
My guidance has been close, also, pointing out that I have unresolved issues from my past related to my heart connection and the debilitating pain that forced me to completely disconnect from my heart center in order to cope. Without help, though, I don’t know how to work through and heal this pain. My guidance reassures me that help is being provided. Since nothing has come to my attention in my waking life, it must all be happening in dreamtime.
What I have concluded is that I am working through repetitive responses to the same pain in other lifetimes. The repetitive responses have been – kill myself or lose interest in life and die feeling unfulfilled and numb. So far, I’ve avoided the killing myself part at least, which at the time of the debilitating pain, felt much too close for comfort! I’m currently struggling with the second tendency.
The lesson is an extremely difficult one. I can see clearly now why my heart connection did what he did. He was very much a catalyst, not only for the K, but also for putting me on this all too familiar path. I am suppose to pick myself up by the bootstraps and move on with my life, to take the experience and transform/transmute it.
Currently, I am faced with the numbness – physical, emotional and spiritual. My dreams are my only reprieve, but when I inspect what few memories remain, the numbness is a relief in comparison! I wake up begging to be freed from this prison (life in this body). My guides have challenged me to stop requesting it, to control my thoughts regarding such requests. My request will not be granted. So far, I’m doing better but it is very hard when I wake up feeling so discouraged day in and day out.
In regards to my feeling discouraged, trapped, stuck – all the time – there is a reason for this, also. Sure, there is a past life karmic reason, but there is also a design reason (as in Human Design).
Melancholy and theIndividual Channel of Inspiration
I’ve always tended toward melancholy. Interestingly, it is written all over my HD profile. My only defined channel, the 1-8, is an individual channel. This is what it means to be individually defined in HD:
People with individual channels are primarily interested in themselves and acoustically oriented. They are often freaks and cannot be labeled. It is most difficult for them to get integrated into society, into groups and tribes, because they are lone wolves and need to spend much time alone, not influenced by the masses. They are so to speak the agents of evolution, who should bring something new, a mutation to the collective and society to ensure the survival and development of the human race.
They don’t like at all to be told what they should do, and thus they are uncontrollable and “deaf” to the influence of others. The reason for that is that they should bring fresh wind to the dusty old things, instead of perishing in the homogenized world.
Their being is accompanied by the deep melancholy that is the foundation for creativity and innovation, as long as they don’t give any reasons to this melancholy and don’t try to avoid and evade it. Melancholy is often accompanied by the feeling of not moving forward in their lives, of being stuck and that nothing moves in their life. When people with individual channels allow themselves to share this melancholy and to accept the permanently recurring limitation, then they can access their power and bring creative and mutative empowerment to the society and the collective.
The bold parts are me in a nutshell. I struggle to see how melancholy is the foundation of creativity and innovation, though. For me, my depression doesn’t seem to lead me anywhere but to the same; therefore, I feel stuck all.the.time and am plagued by a strange restlessness that is only lessened when I get out of my mind. This is mentioned above, too – “as long as they don’t give any reasons to this melancholy and don’t try and avoid or evade it.” I’m working on this part and slowly getting better at it, but it is difficult!
When I had my HD Foundation reading, my wonderful analyst, a 5/1 Mental Projector, was very nice about giving me the “bad news” related to my design. Despite her putting a positive spin on everything, ie. my design is “very specific”, I’m “special” and have a very “defined purpose”, I could perceive her deep sympathy for the down-sides of my design. I could almost hear her thinking, “I’m glad I’m not her.”
The truth is, I’m meant to walk this life alone in my melancholy. Few people will call me out to share my wisdom and even fewer will acknowledge and truly “see” me. On top of all this limitation, those that do call me out, will seek to possess me and keep me for themselves, desperately clinging to whatever it is they feel I can give them. So I end up feeling deeply rejected by almost everyone and then, when I finally feel hope at being seen, when I’m finally called out, I find myself desperate to get away from the clutches of a person who fails to truly see me. So often in relationships I end up fighting against the cords of attachment, wanting only freedom to be myself without the constant expectations and projections of the Other.
Recently, I’ve realized that even those who I think truly do see me – don’t. Currently, I think my mother comes the closest to truly seeing me, but then she has had my whole life to do so. When I have been “seen” by others, I find they only see those parts that suit them and what they are seeking. Therefore, the sense of being seen is short-lived and when it passes, I am left feeling once again unseen and the other ends up blaming me for their inability to posses me. I am labeled and stored in their minds, put on a shelf and forgotten.
Here is something I found online that explains the 1-8 channel very well:
This is a Life Force that can shine out in it’s individual expression in such a unique way you can stand out in any crowd.
It makes you incomparable. Whether it is through your beautiful artistic expressions or your eccentric peculiarities, you are designed to embody who you are in everything you do.
There is only one way for you in this life and that’s your way. People can be deeply impressed with your ability to live differently to others. You can be such an inspiration to others by simply being you and doing things in your own way. You can help empower others to do things in their own way and break out from the homogenization that currently infects human behavior.
This is not an energetically powerful Life Force. You are not designed to show your difference until you are invited to do so.
It’s important not to try to push your way onto others. You are here to present yourself to others in a way they can accept your mutative and new contribution. You can be a trendsetter because of your uncommon style and attractive manner.
Your natural ability to present may develop into solo performances if you have dancing, musical or acting abilities. Yes, you may have to train with others but you will soon stand out as someone special and once you are the solo star everyone can admire your unique style.
TOP TIP: Trying to dance to someone else’s tune or fitting yourself into behaving in a way that does not suit who you are will be intolerable to you. Whatever they’re paying you it won’t be enough!
Another thing to bear in mind, is that you are going to have to go through a process of learning how to communicate with all kinds of people. This is not in-built with this Life Force and unless you have other Life Forces in your chart that can compensate, you will probably have to learn the hard way.
Your presentations will always be unique to you. Weird and eccentric can get you noticed, but if you wish to live an expanded life, then you need to wait to be invited for your moment to speak or show others what you can do. You can be so amazing, but you are also an ‘acquired taste’. Not everyone likes fresh new ways of being and those who are deeply traditional are unlikely to appreciate you. You have a strong sense of identity but you become bolder and truer when others are encouraging because they are delighted by you.
If you lead by example, others may follow you, but you won’t be leading them, you’ll simply be yourself. You may mix modalities in an unusual and creative way if you are an alternative health practitioner, you may have a quirky voice that makes you a fortune as a performer, you may bake cakes that are so incredible that a company forms around you and a whole new specialist business comes into manifestation.
If you’re not being recognized for you uniqueness, then you are either in reaction to some past trauma that has conditioned you into being a recluse, or you are simply in the wrong place around the wrong people for you. Source: Reddit.com
So, it seems, there is no escaping how and who I am. I am this way on purpose. This body, its design, is purposeful. The sooner I accept it, the better. It is a hard pill to swallow!
References:
Bunnell, Lynda and Ra Uru Hu. (2011). The definitive book of human design. Carlsbad, CA. HDC Publishing.
Slept really well. Again. I’m really enjoying the good sleeps I’m having lately. They are the kind where I don’t recall many dreams but when I wake I feel drugged and can easily fall back to sleep and linger in bed in the morning falling into the in-between or into “daydreams”. I feel well rested when I finally get out of bed, too, which is an added bonus.
This morning I was slowly waking from a dream, talking to someone in a bookstore about where I had bought the Clan of the Cave Bear series. I told her, “The I-Computer Store”. As I woke, I was seeing the store – isles upon isles of books. I was repeating the name of the store but woke up because the name I was repeating was not the store name. I was saying “I/Eye Center Storm”. Immediately I knew it was related to yesterday’s post where I mentioned feeling to be in the “eye of the storm”.
Speaking of yesterday’s post, I wanted to share the Kundalini dream I mentioned in that post.
Dream: Sneaked Kiss
I awoke around 4am not in a good mood. I wish I remember why I woke this way, but I don’t. Fell back to sleep quickly and entered a dream.
The scene I came into was familiar and felt like my mom’s house except it wasn’t. So wherever it was, I was comfortable there. There were many others present. Though I didn’t recognize them specifically, it felt like I knew them all.
There was a discussion on-going about a prepared drink. I remember being in a circle of people, then. We were positioned on plush chairs and daybeds. There was a pool and hot tub in the background and lots of background noise.
This is when I spotted K. I stared at him from where I was, directly across from him, momentarily and then looked away. The discussion continued but it is mostly lost to me except that it was about a specific drink. What I recall about the drink is that it was being prepared and so we were all waiting.
Somehow I ended up across the circle of people near K. He was telling everyone about the ingredients in the drink and mentioned one ingredient was a gnat – a giant one like the size of a softball (minor inconvenience becoming major). I recall seeing it in my mind. It was large and green (healing, heart chakra) and its wings so tiny they were almost undetectable. It didn’t look like a gnat and I said something about how I would be fine without it in my drink. K reached out his hand and touched my hand lightly, holding his hand there long enough to catch my attention. I remember worrying someone would see, but everyone was so caught up in what they were doing so no one noticed.
At this point, K reached over the top of me to grab something. He ducked his head under his arm, which shielded what he was doing from view, smiled at me and snuck a quick kiss. I believe he also said, “Stay”. In my shock I froze, again nervous someone would see, but no one did.
We lay there together, hip to hip, for a while and no one noticed our closeness. There was this electricity in the air. It filled my entire being with nervous anticipation and a sense that what I was feeling was not allowed. I could sense that he felt the same.
Eventually I began to feel the need to move away. We were so close that it felt like we were one person and I decided to get some distance. When I did, he resisted but I still broke away. I turned back and saw him smiling, his blue eyes blazing and compelling me to stay. It was too much and I couldn’t resist the pull of him. My decision was made: I didn’t care if anyone saw or knew. I fell back toward him and told him I wanted to stay with him. He smiled down at me and lightly brushed my lips with his own. For a moment he just stared at me, as if purposefully lingering to draw out the moment. Then he kissed me, his energy calm, protective and accepting, wrapping around me like a hug. We kissed again but the energy was too much. My heart was lighting up, the bliss burning a hole straight through my very center, and the intensity of it ultimately woke me.
After
I woke up in shock, my heart pleasantly warm in my chest. It was concerning to me that I had the dream. I had not intended to dream of him. Was this a preparatory dream? Or was it merely a method my guides were using to help clear the blocks in my energy?
The warmth in my chest was welcome, though. It has been so, so long since I’ve felt the heart bliss. Even though this was not full-on, it was enough that I reveled in it a while, sinking into it as the bliss of it spread.
I cannot help but put together the sequence of dreams that has led up to this. First, they were sporadic and friendly, with long conversations that remained with me upon waking. Real enough that I wondered if he, too, were having the dream. Then, the dreams began to include sparks of the Kundalini. Some were blissful, loving and accepting, as if we were comforting each other. Some got intense enough that I awoke completely overcome with the K. Still, though, many months would pass between dreams. Long enough spans of time that I would easily forget such dreams ever occurred.
I never quite know WTF is happening with these kinds of dream encounters. I’ve opted to not seek significance or meaning in these dreams. Jumping to conclusions is not recommended. Seeking to remain the Observer is advised. I’ve accepted that I’ve been allowed to glimpse the Beyond, the space where We come together as our Higher versions and play out scenarios that may or may not seep “down” into physical reality. It may even be that these scenarios occur on some other timeline and so the “memory” is then recovered or “jumps” to this timeline.
What I do know for certain is that thought creates reality. So, I must be careful with my thoughts. As my guides have often reminded me, I am “a great manifestor”. I’ve had enough experiences now to know the truth in this!
When I inquire of my guidance, “Why is he appearing in my dreams”. They answer with, “You called him.” Of course, I did no such thing (consciously)! But it is possible.
I Knew with my “twin” that I “called” him. He said as much in our earliest encounters in dreamtime. In fact, one OBE still stands out to me. I recall standing across from him, my heart and root both blazing, asking him, “What are you doing here?” He stated with a big smile, “You called me.” I also realized I had indeed “called him” at a much later date, via my internal dialogue and constant questions of “why?”
So, rather than feel these dream encounters are “happening to me” and out of my control, I should instead asked myself, “What do I want?” Honestly, I love the dreams and would be happy just continuing to have them. The Kundalini “fire” is a marvelous thing. The problem is, when you play with fire, someone always ends up getting burned. And I seem unable to resist playing with that damned fire. A spark is never enough. If I am honest, all I want is to be consumed by the fire. Completely. So, I guess what I want is to not pull anyone else into that fire with me. I’m happy to do it alone. But is that even possible? IDK.
So much is going on but at the same time so little. I know, but that is what it feels like. In the past, I’ve called this feeling the “eye of the storm” because I feel like I am standing in the middle of a hurricane watching everything and everyone struggle around me but I remain unscathed. It’s not that I’m not affected – I am – but only because I choose to be by my concern and love for those around me. Yet, regardless of how much I want to make an impact upon others in order to help, I find myself powerless to do so. What actions I do take seem to have no effect. The feeling of powerlessness in itself is upsetting and has the potential to create an inner storm, and it does, until I recognize it and center myself.
Family Drama
An all too familiar family issue has been rearing its ugly head. It’s my sister. Without going into too much detail, she and her husband have gotten themselves into a little legal problem, as in they now have warrants to contend with. As is usual with me, my dreams alerted me to the problem and I reached out and messaged my sister. She then unloaded it all on me. I think she had been holding onto it for far too long and the opportunity to let it all out was too tempting to resist. Knowing better, I got involved and tried to help, actually sending her money twice, in hopes that she would make the right decision and handle her problems responsibly. In all I contributed $400 in an attempt to help my nephew stay in his school. I thought I might have persuaded my sister to do the right thing but she turned to her husband who changed her mind and they fled north. My sister told me they are planning to leave the state. They are running but I know eventually their problems will catch up with them.
My mother has been negatively impacted, as usual. This past weekend I had the idea to go visit her. When I arrived, she hugged me and said, “I knew you’d come. You always know when I need you.” Surprised, because I had not perceived it that way (but she is correct, I do sense when she needs me), I asked her what was wrong. She told me she had gotten nasty texts from my sister’s husband. He had gotten my sister’s phone and read all her messages. I don’t know what he read but whatever it was made him angry. We talked for a while about their predicament and I figured he felt safe with all the distance between him and us that he decided to “burn bridges”. My sister, on the other hand, continues to message my mom but her messages are disjointed and, as usual, she asked for money. Sigh.
My mom says when she gets texts or communication like she did from my BIL, she becomes weak and almost falls down. My sister creates the same effect. At her age, she doesn’t need that kind of stress! I want to make it all go away. I wish I could fix things. It seems my lesson is to let it alone. I am here to observe and help when invited by being physically and emotionally present.
Sacroiliac Joint Pain
Maybe it’s stress, but along with all of the above I hurt my back. I don’t think it’s serious but it has been a PITA (literally). At first it was bearable but then I had a deep tissue massage and it actually aggravated the problem. After the massage it flared up to the point that I had to lay in bed with a heating pad and/or ice and take Ibuprofen. At first I kept exercising because movement helped but always after I cooled down the pain and stiffness would return, sometimes worse. At the most the pain was a 5/10, which isn’t too bad.
My guess, based upon my research, is that I’ve inflamed my sacroiliac joint, most likely by the CrossFit I’ve been doing lately (high impact, heavy weight). When the SI joint is inflamed, the pain is made worse by prolonged standing or sitting. For me, standing exacerbates the pain. I feel the pain in my upper glutes more than my back. It’s a deep seated aching that is not relieved except by movement. For some the pain to be felt down one or both legs or the lower back, but I don’t have those issues. The pain is often misdiagnosed as Sciatica, but SI joint issues do not cause weakness.
When I told my mom about it, she said that is the joint she has degeneration in and causes her issues. So it may be hereditary. 😦 The best thing I can do is stop lifting weights, stay active, stretch consistently and listen to my body. It should go away on its own.
I’ve taken this whole week off of weight training. Bending down to pick up anything over 5lbs causes my my sacral area to hurt. I feel old, especially when I wake up in the morning. My entire posterior chain is stiff. 😦 So every morning I do 10-15 of yoga after I take Monty on a walk. Later in the day I do 30 minutes of low impact cardio. It’s working!
The sacroiliac joint is connected to the root chakra. Based upon my dreams of late, it appears that I’m working on that area, as well as other areas linked to survival and security.
Dreams
My dreams have been bringing up emotion quite frequently, specifically fear and avoidance. My guides sometimes make an appearance, asking question and creating spikes in lucidity in order to make remembering the encounters easier.
The other night the dream I had was about recognizing when to take action based upon the signs received. In that particular dream, I witnessed a roof begin to crack and the metal sheets slid down to reveal two separate houses under one roof. At the end of the dream I said to my guide, “I can’t ignore the signs anymore. It is clear this is no longer my path.”
I’m also having dreams of various meetings with people I know in real life (online and in-person). The emotion and energy of the encounters are muted in my memory but when I wake I know the energy connection was substantial. It feels like I am doing quite a bit in dreamtime but I wake up almost devoid of the specific memory. All that’s left is residual energy and a suspicion that something significant occurred.
Sometimes I remember the dreams vividly and of those times I’ve wished I hadn’t. The dream encounters are consistently with the same person, on average 1-2 dreams per month. Initially the dreams were friendly, but now they almost always involve Kundalini energy. The most recent one ignited my heart with bliss, something I have yet to experience with this person in dreamtime. The heart bliss is my all-time favorite of all the K energy. I’m a little worried about the pattern I see arising, especially since this person is someone I interact with on occasion.
The other night I spent quite a long time talking with a woman amidst various dream scenes. I was awakened by her voice and an vivid image of a middle aged woman with thick, blonde hair. She was telling me that what I am seeking will be found and as I became more lucid, I interrupted her message with my own Knowing. Even though what I was being told was mostly positive and should’ve brought me hope, I woke up crying.
After I returned to sleep, I found myself in a dream scene with the same woman. Our conversation continued but I kept fighting sleep in the dream, sluggish and unable to “wake up” within it like I needed to. Despite my struggle, I still recall enough to know that I was being counseled. There were emotions present that I felt fully to the point that I became overwhelmed. These emotions were not mine, though, and I recognized this. I felt the woman’s intense purpose and desire. I felt her intention, her love, her guilt, her pain. She invited me to join her on her path and I told her, “I can, but not for long. Your path is not my own.” She questioned me on what I was feeling and when I told her I became wistful and overwhelmed at the same time. I want to feel the emotion but it is more than I can bear and I told her, “I’m not use to feeling so much. I don’t know what to do with it all!” I desire to feel more alive, and the emotion creates such a zest for life, so I embrace it. Yet at the same time I am fearful of it because I become paralyzed by it to the point that all I do is cry. To feel so much makes me feel inadequate to the point of a failure because I cannot cope except to let the emotion overpower me.
Human Design
Because of the energy dynamics in my dreams and the questions posed by my guidance over the span of a couple of weeks, I am thinking more and more about my HD chart. Specifically, how limited and specific my chart is compared to other charts I’ve seen. The overwhelm I have at encountering lots of emotion is likely a direct result of my lack of definition. When I meet someone who has more definition, especially those with lots of it, the amount of emotion I experience is much higher than I do when not influenced by their aura. If the person has a defined emotional center (solar plexus) it is even more intense, like blow me out of the water intense.
My mother is one of these individuals. She and I, when our auras interact, have a 9-0 relationship, which means all centers are defined. She is an emotional MG, the most intense you can get. My daughter is also an emotional MG. I find the emotion of both of them quite overwhelming and have to walk away in order to avoid being swept up in it. When either of them gets highly emotional, I find myself following suit and it can create quite the upset if the emotion is negative. However, when the emotion is positive I am deeply attracted to them/it and enjoy being swept up into it. All in all, their emotion feels like my own but the truth is – it’s not.
I have struggled my entire life with trying to differentiate between my own emotion and the emotion of others. My typical emotional state is very flat compared to others – in general. It’s not that I can’t feel emotion of my own, but that I can be very disconnected emotionally. This can often cause others to think me incapable of emotion. To someone who is very emotionally defined I can appear callous and cold, uncaring and, as my daughter puts it, “mean”. But, I can also be extremely compassionate, caring and sympathetic when I want to. This part of me comes out most when I around someone who is feeling sadness, grief, or depression. I tend to be coldest when a person is venting, raging, angry, pressuring or critical.
So, my discussion about emotion in my dream brings me to conclude that my HD is teaching me how to gauge emotion, my own and others. I have a completely open emotional center, so when I feel, I feel it ALL. It literally sweeps me up, devours me entirely and then drops me all at once leaving me wondering WTF happened. And it is VERY overwhelming at times. There is no avoiding that. The way to cope with all that emotion is to let it flow through me without being the effect of it. Completely OPEN in HD is like a spigot without a shutoff. Trying to shut it off won’t work. BUT, if I remain neutral, letting the emotion flow by as I observe, then I can manage without being swept away by it all.
It is clear to me why I chose my husband as a partner. His HD is very similar to my own. He only has one more defined center – sacral – and he is an MG, but not an emotional one. So we are both very flowing and fluid. The emotion I feel from him, while it can be intense, is tolerable because, oddly, it feels self-created, as if he is playing a role he thinks he should play. The drawback, however, is that without emotion that has definition, it can get quite boring. So, I am choosing boring and predictable because at least I feel in control versus feeling totally controlled by the emotion otherwise. Someone with definition takes the lead when with someone without definition.
I signed up for the Living Your Design (LYD) class through the person who I received my HD Foundation reading from. She is partnered with another Projector and they teach the intro classes together. I finished it quite quickly because it was mostly review for me. This weekend (tomorrow) is the live Zoom to go over the course content, ask questions and review charts. I plan on attending it but don’t need the review. I’m mostly interested in the question and answer section and chart reviews of participants.
So far, the most interesting tidbit of info that I learned is that Manifestors are not non-energy types as I thought but in fact an energy type like Generators. There are four motors (energy) centers – the solar plexus, the sacral, the root and the heart (see image below). What makes a Manifestor is there is a direct line between the throat and a motor but no sacral definition. Additionally, there are Projectors like this – they have a defined motor and so have a source of energy they can pull from. No Projector will have a defined sacral but there will be those who do have one or more of the other motors defined. Honestly, I don’t think Projectors with a motor should be called that but instead put into their own group, kinda like Manifesting Generators are a subgroup of Generators. This isn’t how it is, though, so maybe I will ask why.
The questions this brings up for me are related to how these types feel energetically. How can I tell via their energy what aura type they are? Similarly, how does the energy of Manifestors and Reflectors feel (or as my teachers says “taste”)? And then, how does this affect the dynamics of the relationship? Will I get along better or worse with Manifestors than Generators? Mostly I just want to know their experience with these energy types. How does the energy feel/taste? How have the dynamics differed?
These questions mostly arise from new data I’ve collected on the people around me. I recently mentioned that I discovered my MIL is a Splenic Projector with a 5/1 profile. Honestly, my MIL drives me crazy and I tend to not like her in general. She is very indecisive and manipulative. She guilt trips her sons into giving her money and can be very passive aggressive. I realize this is her not-self but still it is quite aggravating. Knowing she is a Projector has helped me understand her better, but energetically, I had no idea what energy type she was until I did her chart. Her energy feels chaotic to me most of the time. Yet her typical behavior patterns scream that she is a Projector who is struggling to be a Generator.
I am much better at figuring out someone’s profile type than I am their energy type so far. For example, I recently had a discussion with my SIL about HD and mentioned that I suspected her husband was a 2/4 Generator. I based my hypothesis on observed behavior more than how his energy felt. Sure enough, when I did his chart he is a 2/4 Emotional Generator. BINGO!
However, I was shocked to discover that both my SIL and other BIL are Manifestors!! WTF? I had no idea. Their energy felt like Generator energy to me. I don’t have birth time yet for either of them but no matter what time I entered for them both, Manifestor was the result. My SIL is a 6/2 (or 6/3) Splenic Manifestor and my BIL is a 4/6 Emotional Manifestor. To think I’ve been around two Manifestors this whole time and had no idea has me second guessing my ability to read energy. Ha!
When I spoke with my SIL about typical traits of a Manifestor, she identified with them 100%. I haven’t spoken to my BIL about any of it.
My experiences with both of them is consistent with how a Manifestor aura can make someone feel – repelled, cautious, suspicious. I always feel the need to keep my distance from them both and feel especially repelled by my BIL. My SIL is much more approachable. There is a sense of “IDK what to think” when I’m around them. I have to wait for them to be open to me and then I feel better around them. Turns out, Manifestors basically send out an energetic invitation that Projectors can sense that gives them permission to penetrate their energy. Otherwise, Projectors are locked out – and so is everyone else. As a Projector, to not be able to read the energy ends up leaving me feeling effectively and completely “blocked”.
So I am curious as to whether my experiences with Manifestor auras matches the experience of other Projectors. We will see.
The 5/1 Profile Type
As I discover the profile and aura types of the people around me, I am discovering many 5/1 profile types. I already mentioned my MIL, but my boss is also one – 5/1 Emotional Manifesting Generator. Unlike my MIL, I tend to get along pretty well with my boss. She is very knowledgeable about her work/job and so I tend to take on the role of student with her because I’ve found her knowledgeable advice accurate and sensible. She has a very powerful aura, at least to me, that seems to push me into a kind of submission when around her. It’s not that I feel forced or anything, it is just that I sense this is how I need to be around her. I don’t talk as much. I listen. I don’t feel from her any mysteriousness, really, which is what I’ve read of 5th lines. My teacher is a 5/1 Mental Projector and she calls herself a “talking head”, or a “horn”. So, with that in mind, it makes sense that my boss would take on a kind of dominating role over me when sharing her knowledge – that’s what she is here to do! And when I let her do this, I can tell she is in her “zone” and happier for it.
Interestingly, I had a dream not long ago about an ex-boyfriend of mine. I have not dreamed of him in years! Yet I spent an entire night talking to him and when I woke up I recognized him and wondered why he was in my dream. Immediately I thought, “I wonder what his HD profile and energy type is?” Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember his birthdate. I could only remember he was born in September (Virgo) and he was 6 years older than me. Not enough info to do his chart.
Two days later, on a whim and not really even thinking of him beforehand, I did a quick Google search to see if any new info came up. Years ago, after having a dream of him, I couldn’t find anything on him. Nada. It was like he had vanished. This time, however, he came up straight away – a picture, a video, and even his birthdate!
So, knowing enough about his birth data, I created his chart. I don’t have his birth time, but again, it is pretty obvious what his energy and profile type are. He is a 5/1 Emotional Generator. So I have dated a 5/1!!
In comparing my experiences with other 5/1’s, I now know my tendency is to listen attentively and let them talk (and talk they do!). With my ex, I remember just sitting quietly as he spewed nastiness about this person or that thing. It’s not that he was a negative person, really, but he was very frustrated (his not-self) by people and conditions in his life and I instinctively allowed him to talk on and on about it without interjecting or offering advice. I wasn’t necessarily feeling as if I was learning from him, and thinking back on those times, the me now would have called him on it. Yet the me then did no such thing.
I find it interesting that I sit quietly and listen to my boss in the same way. I don’t have any judgements or criticisms, I just listen. If you know me at all, you would know I don’t sit quietly very often. lol Perhaps it is just something about the 5/1 that causes me to step aside and let them be the “talking head” they are here to be? Honestly, it is a very automatic thing for me and I don’t mind at all. The dynamics play out well usually, except that with my ex, he cheated on me. But I know now that it was meant to play out that way. I was not in a position to give him the attention he desired and craved. I don’t think I would have ever satisfied his hunger.
As for the mysteriousness of the 5th line, I am not sure it was there with my ex and I don’t feel it with my boss or MIL. This could be that I am not trying to figure them out, and I’m not really. I’m not trying because I don’t have a reason to. I don’t live with or interact with them daily. When I was in my twenties and dating my ex, I don’t recall caring much about why he was the way he was. I just accepted him, warts and all. He didn’t seem mysterious, he seemed unhappy in general with his life and circumstances, and I didn’t mind that he was this way. In many ways, when I was in my twenties, I just felt to be “along for the ride” in my life and relationships. Now I know this is normal for a 6th line because 6th lines live the first part of their life as 3rd lines. 🙂
It has been a very long few days (or week now?) and I have been exhausted. Rather than go into details, I will just say that last night I finally got some much needed, solid sleep, and along with it a nice surprise mixed with some curious dreams.
Kundalini Dream: Merged
I was invited to a meeting with other teachers. The feeling was that they were interviewing me but also that they wanted to see my reaction to the work they were doing. I recall seeing a small group of teachers, specifically, a woman and a man but there were others there, also.
In the “interview” I was asked about various work activities. What I recall most vividly is answering a question about PTO meetings. I told them I hated PTO meetings because of the type of people who attended. I don’t remember my specific description of the people but it was not positive and I said that I never truly felt invited to participate. The male teacher was amused by my rejection of PTO groups. The woman just seemed to nod and accept my opinion.
I remember feeling an energy from the man that suggested he was attracted to me. He kept his distance but every time I looked in his direction he was staring at me and I could feel his interest. It is hard to recall his appearance but he was very tall, over 6ft, and had broad shoulders and a square jaw with light brown hair. His eyes were piercing and somewhat squinty. I think they were brown. He had this quality to his energy that oozed masculine confidence.
Then we were outside in a garden-like space. I remember seeing an elevated area. It was a small, perhaps 4’x2′, raised cement planter. In the middle was a stone with an inscription on it that reminded me of a memorial plaque. On either side were stumps where some bushes had been. I knew I was the one who created this memorial and remembered the plants had been very green and healthy. I thought, “The freeze must have killed them”, but then noticed small, green leaves sprouting from the bases of both bushes. I said, “Look! They are still alive! The freeze didn’t kill them.”
At one point, after some more conversation, the man was standing right in front of me. He was so close that his chest touched mine. This is when his height was most noticeable because my forehead was at his collarbone. I could feel his interest in me still but it was much stronger. I said something to him like, “Yes?”, as it felt like he wanted to say something to me. But he never spoke a word. Instead, I could feel his energy merge with my own. It was as if both his chest and mine opened up and our energies/bodies blended into one. The main chakras involved were the sacral, solar plexus and heart. Once merged, the energy grew in intensity.
When this merge happened, there was a yellowish hue to the energy and from within it words and numbers appeared. The only bit of info I recall is the number 46, but there were several other numbers/words, and it felt like this was his response to questions I was asking. I do remember I asked him his name and his age as well as other questions. The way in which he replied was curious to me. I expected to receive a thought reply since my questions were sent as thoughts.
Our combined energy was so intoxicating and erotic that I couldn’t help but become lucid within the experience. Sadly, it woke me up and I lay there wondering what I’d just experienced. The energy lingered for a while and I could feel energy/pressure and warmth at my third-eye.
I remember the man from my dream being present as I awoke. His energy was right in front of me and so noticeable that it was as if he were physically there with me. He said to me, “There is more where that came from.” His communication was very audible and the quality of his energy the same as it had been in the dream. When I asked who he was, he answered with, “A friend.” I looked at the clock and it was 4:30am. I asked if I could go Home and he replied, “Why would you want to do that? You are here to experience…” and a wave of bliss came over me.
I wondered what had happened in the dream and soon realized me and the man had merged energies. He said, “I looked for an opening and I dove in. You know where it [the opening] is.” With this I saw what resembled a cup within my energy body. The “cup” was located just below my heart and right above my solar plexus. When he said, “You know where it is”, I saw/felt instantly where it was and mentally nodded. I knew that he was able to “enter” (dive into the “cup”) my energy via this opening and that the merge between us commenced from that central location, spreading up and down simultaneously until it became too much and woke me up.
Dream #2
Somehow I managed to return to sleep. The man remained with me and as I fell into dreamtime, he was also there. This time, though, he was taking me on a tour of the facilities where I would be working (remember I had been interviewing for a position). The first thing I saw was a single, white door. The door had a sign on it that said, “3D”. The man seemed to be offering me an option because upon seeing the door it felt like I was being asked to make a decision to open it and walk through it. I don’t know if I did.
Then there was a cylindrical structure in the middle of a room. It was silver and seemed to be made of metal. The structure went from floor to ceiling and had many tall doors located all around it. Surrounding the structure and extending beyond my visual field I could see row upon row of hospital beds with people dressed in white linens laying in them. In front of each of these people stood another person dressed differently – in regular clothing. When approached, the people in white would come out of their bodies and their spirit would be taken into and merge with the person who came to them. I watched several of these people in white, all elderly, rise up out of their bodies and disappear into the body of another.
It felt that I was meant to see this as an explanation of something happening on Earth and that I was here to help with this. My understanding was that these people were dying and I was to assist in their transition somehow. There were thousands of people in beds – more than I could count.
My reaction to seeing all this was calm. It felt like I was being reminded and the specifics are beyond my ability to remember or make sense of as a human. I do think I was being shown this because of my constant requests to return Home. I continue to be told I “have work to do”. It feels like, perhaps, my work is behind the scenes, assisting with whatever it is I was shown.
Dream#3
I shifted away from the scene and was back a school. This time I walked in as a visitor and wore a badge. I ended up in the classroom of the male teacher from my previous dream. I watched him teach a history class. He was very good at his job. I sat in the back and every once in a while he would look in my direction.
At one point he sent a student in my direction and I counseled her for a bit. She was not participating in class and I remember helping her by just listening and being there for her. She was complaining about history class and I remember saying, “History is nothing more than a story…” I also said something about how all she had to do was follow along and the story would do the rest. The man/teacher looked in my direction and gave me an approving nod.
As class ended I told him he was a great teacher and then left to explore the school. It was huge with many hallways and students. I remember seeking the bathroom and finding this odd doorway with a conveyor belt that took students one-by-one up to the bathroom. Another student was waiting in line and I asked when they had updated the bathrooms. She said it had not been long. I said, “I’m not going in there”, and left. It was just too weird.
Then I ran into an ex-student of mine. I only remember her name to be “Brittany”. She was sitting alone and upset about something. She was an overweight African American girl and when I saw her I seemed to know who she was, though I can’t place her from this lifetime. When I sat with her, she spoke to me telepathically about her upset. I only remember seeing pictures now and it seemed like her father had done something to hurt her. I hugged her close and kissed her on the cheek as I comforted her. I could feel waves of emotion come off of her as I did this and I began to cry.
As I woke, tears still in my eyes, part of a song was on my mind – “Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out….”
Considerations
For most of the day I’ve been feeling a kind of happy, blissed-out feeling, similar to how I feel when I am falling in love. It is a nice feeling and welcomed. Whatever happened with the merge, it has stayed with me, ignited something within, and it lies simmering under the surface waiting. Waiting for what? I’m not sure but it is a familiar feeling and comes with a sense of anticipation. When I think of the feeling I think, “I’m in love with being in love.” lol So, yeah, it’s nice.
I am intrigued at the information given to me by this man, whoever he is – guide? friend? He showed me how he initiated the merge and it was very simple. He just located an opening and in he went. And the opening was so obvious. I don’t think the opening is a bad thing. It feels like a lock and key location on my energy body – I hold the lock, someone else holds the key. The location of this opening was just above the solar plexus, so not in a place any traditional chakra occupies. However, it coincides with a spot on my spine – mid-back – at which I have felt an energy enter previously many times. What was curious about the merged experience is that it never ventured into the root chakra nor above the third-eye. It was almost like we just simmered there in each other’s energy.
The dreams are curious to me, especially the one with the cylinder. It seems like the 3D door opened up into this room full of beds and I was being shown what is happening on Earth. What specific event(s) it applies to, IDK, and it did not feel ominous like some of my premonitions do. It felt like the people in beds were dying/transitioning. Honestly, I don’t know what to make of it. However, I was reminded of a dream I had a few nights ago where I was shown how each act of compassion/love helped form a grid of protection around planet Earth. I woke up crying from that one because I saw how fragile that grid really is.
The last dream felt like I was being shown my role as counselor and how I can hold space for others, taking on their pain/emotion and allowing them to feel relief, even if only for a moment. But the emotion I felt was still very real and like my own, so not a fun job if that is part of what I’m here to do.
Still feeling a bit in awe of this dream/Kundalini experience. Wow.
Sleep didn’t come as easily last night. As soon as I got into bed I felt a strong energy from out in front of me and slightly to my left. Initially, when I sensed it, the energy felt urgent and I felt like jumping out of bed and acting on that urgency. This is when I questioned the energy and heard back, “We are here to help you” and sensed a very large group of Beings – the Council of 12 is what I have called them in the past. Though I felt tired and my eyes were heavy, when I attempted sleep I tossed and turned until just before midnight.
Dream Healing Experience
I found myself inside an apartment with a young, blonde man. I was questioning why I was there. He seemed nice enough and resembled someone I met back in 2015. I remember feeling extremely drowsy.
I sat down on the floor and propped myself up against a sofa. The young man plopped down next to me. As we talked, his energy was very calming and surrounded me in a kind of cocoon of energy. The energy was beautiful and caused my drowsiness to intensify. I discovered that I was this man’s roommate and the attention he paid me caused me to worry he might be interested in a relationship with me. He stayed very close, touching me at all times with some part of himself. His energy said, “It’s okay. You’re safe and loved. Talk to me”. I remember thinking, “He’s like me” and being relieved but my eyes were so heavy and all I wanted to do was rest for a bit. I told him this but he continued to hover. I closed my eyes, enjoying his energy, and he began to shower me with kisses all over my face. I told him I just wanted to lay there with him and asked him if he could hold me. He appeared to do this and for a brief period I surrendered to the amazing comfort and safety of his arms.
Then, suddenly, a strange woman wearing a long dress was standing in the doorway to the apartment. She had long, wavy, dark hair and a serious look on her face. The young man jumped up in a hurry and told me he had to go to work. He was wearing khaki pants and a matching shirt as he left through the front door. The door was odd, though. It was not solid and seemed to be made of a thick mat of beads or a similar material. I stood as he closed the door. It didn’t shut completely and he returned to push it into place.
Seeing it was morning and I was all alone in a new place, I began to investigate my new home. As I looked around I was thinking of my situation. I knew I had lost my job. In my mind I was mulling over all my previous jobs and remember feeling as if someone suggested a previous employer as an option. There was no concern or worry about my situation. I seemed to just accept it.
I sat down at the kitchen table and was surprised by an young Asian woman. She was drinking a soda (happy, upbeat attitude) and I noticed I had one, too. I asked her name and she gave me a name that didn’t make sense, so I asked her what her family called her. She told me she couldn’t tell me. In talking with her, I soon learned the apartment was much larger than it seemed and at least eight others lived in it. These others began coming into the kitchen at this time but I only recall four or five of them, some male, some female. The Asian woman asked me if I was going to drink my soda. When I said I wasn’t, she asked if she could have it and when I agreed she took it eagerly.
I took a closer look at the kitchen. I had this empty feeling and I felt like I needed to fill it with something, food maybe. There were groceries all over the countertops but it was mostly loaves of bread (basic needs in life). I briefly mentioned they must like bread as I thought that I would certainly have to go shopping for more foods items because bread alone wouldn’t suffice. Then I asked if they had a coffee maker. The Asian woman said they did. I asked if anyone drank coffee (seeking more awareness), she said she would but only with a certain kind of creamer. I took note of this as an item to add to my shopping list.
Throughout all this I was conversing with them about my situation. I mentioned that I was paid $250/week and this information seemed off. I didn’t become lucid in the dream, though. All at once I realized that I had lost everything – my job, my house, my family, my identity even. My reaction to this was shock and an expansion of the empty feeling I had previously. There was a brief panic at not knowing what to do.
The next thing I know, I am standing outside the door to the apartment. I don’t know how I got there but it felt like I’d been kicked out. Feeling abandoned and alone, I began to wander the streets aimlessly.
I came to a busy area where people were walking about or sitting at tables. I saw some guys attempting to bully a young, nerdy guy into handing over his valuables. I walked up to them and slipped my hand into his pocket and retrieved a wad of money. The bullies had in their hand a folder and were looking through it. One mentioned how good I was as a pickpocket. The other, holding the folder, pulled out some sheet music and then put it back inside. I turned to the nerd who was standing there in shock. I asked his name and he gave me a name that started with a “V”. Somehow I knew he was a musician. I felt bad for him and ashamed at myself for taking his money but I needed the money. I had to eat.
As I walked away, I turned to see the crowded space of people of all ages and races. I noticed something was off and went to investigate. I found a young black mother and her daughter, both dead, sitting at one of the tables. The daughter had her throat cut from her neck all the way down to the middle of her chest. I look around and saw no one there even noticed. They were all too busy. I went up to the dead mother and daughter. I placed their bodies next to one another on the floor, wrapping the daughter in her mother’s arms. Then I pulled a blanket up and around them, covering them completely.
In this moment I am transported back to the apartment. All of the roommates are there hovering around me as I stand at the entrance. It is similar to another dream I had recently. I feel like a child, very naïve. For some reason I excitedly announced that I learned one could find food by looking for the trucks “with the light”.
Sudden realization hit me. I thought, “I’m acting like a child.” And as soon as the thought hit me, I burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably.
What I recall of this moment is my thoughts and the feeling from the group that surrounded me. My main thought was the world is a horrible place full of self-serving individuals. I am reminded of the dead mother and daughter and how no one even noticed or tried to help, caught up in their own life dramas. I thought of how those bullies took advantage of the nerd. Again, self-serving behavior. I was both horrified and shocked by what I experienced. The feeing was there was no hope for this planet or the people on it.
I remember pausing for a moment. My tears stopped and I looked at the people standing around me. When I felt their energy and support, I burst into tears again.
The feeling from those who surrounded me is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I felt wrapped in a bubble or cocoon of energy. I remember thinking, “They are like me”, and recognizing they were somehow directing or manipulating the energy, my energy. I thought they must be reflecting my own energy back at me or something, but this didn’t seem right. The feeling of being in the cocoon was the most wonderful, safe, feeling I’ve ever had. I could be completely open and vulnerable. I could be myself without worry of judgement or expectation. I realized that being this way is all I’ve ever wanted but because I sense how people truly are, I’ve never met anyone I can be 100% myself with. It was such a relief to finally let go.
As I began to wake up from the dream, I could hear soft music accompanying my tears.
After Waking
When I woke I was sobbing, the kind of sobbing where I can’t breathe. Even when I stopped, the tears would seep out unexpectedly. I realized how trapped I feel in this world. Abandoned. Alone.
I remember that during the dream someone was talking to me about certain people in my life, people I would rather not be around and so avoid. When asked if I would reconsider, I felt into their energy and could not tolerate it. My reply was, “No”. Then I said, “I’m with the wrong people (in my life)”. The people I should be around should make me feel like the roommates in my dream.
As I lay in the in-between I remember catching pieces of a conversation. What is funny is that whenever I tried to focus on what was being said, it would instantly be lost to me. I was told it was purposeful, and I understood. The feeling of it was enough. I remember Knowing that difficult times were ahead, similar to the situation I found myself in during the dream. A feeling of all being lost. The dream served as a warning of this but also a message that I would find my people, people who “are like me”. What that means, I don’t know exactly. In the dream I remember thinking they must be Projectors or Reflectors (HD) because of how their energy felt. I didn’t feel like my own energy was being sucked dry; depleted. It was such a relief.
I questioned my guidance regarding the music that was playing. It was was like a scene from a movie and I knew I should find some humor in it, but I didn’t. Soon enough, though, another song came to mind: “Well you look like yourself but you’re somebody else only it ain’t on the surface. Well you talk like yourself but I hear someone else and now you’re making me nervous.” I understood my guidance was letting me know their concern.
This is the whole song:
I wrote the above portion of this post early this morning and came back to it now (mid-day) because the feeling from my dream returned briefly and brought on more tears. It feels like whatever is going on isn’t over. There is a sense of something big, or an “uh-oh” type feeling of anticipation.
The weekend before last I came down with a cold. I hadn’t been sick in over a year, so it was bound to happen. It started with a sore throat that lasted two days and then came the congestion, stopped up nose, and fatigue. My daughter was sick alongside me and my husband had had it a week before.
All of this coincided with the full moon and also I read that something was going on with Chiron (can’t remember exactly what). As a result of my cold and the energies I was not my best. I entered into a very negative place and I can get pretty negative, so it wasn’t fun for me or those I am closest to.
My thoughts centered around everything that was “wrong” with my life. I also had tons of self-doubt come to the surface along with memories of the past, specifically my heart connection and the devastation it caused as well as events that took place after. Many mornings I woke up wishing I would die and most nights I struggled to sleep.
Just this morning the energy has noticeably shifted. I feel much clearer and less negative. I also got a good, solid night’s sleep and my cold has finally run its full course.
Questions and Doubts
The main question that was plaguing me was, “Who am I?” I saw a pattern. In the past my guidance often seemed to lead me the “wrong way”. I felt betrayed. But then I also know that my guidance is just me, so anytime I was “mislead” it either was because of Ego interference or because I needed to learn a lesson (or both). So saying I can’t trust my guidance is the same as saying I can’t trust myself.
In attempting to answer the question “Who am I?” I began to look back at my life and those things I liked, preferences and such. I realized that most if not everything was borrowed from someone else. I would “try on” things that people I liked or loved enjoyed. In the end I would keep some but toss most. For example, my best friend in high schooled love acting and persuaded me to try it. I hated it but was good at it. The stage fright was the worst! After we parted ways I dropped acting and never did it again. I added to the list of “don’t likes”. Sadly, my “don’t like” list is much longer than my “like” list. Yet I keep borrowing things, over and over. I temporarily convince myself that I like something only to discover I never did and it was all wrong for me.
After a conversation with my husband about this, he said, “Doesn’t everyone do that?” I said, “No. Some people just know.” But really, do they?
I thought maybe it was related to my almost completely open/undefined HD. My husband is similar, so he probably borrowed lots from others, too. I wonder what it is like for those who are mostly defined? Do they just know? Does that mean they know themselves better than I do? The answer feels like it would be yes.
As a result of all my questioning, I keep being led back to my Human Design: Self-Projected Projector.
April 3rd
Here is what I wrote in my journal on April 3:
Yesterday, I watched an NDE account that really spoke to me. Well, my guidance/Team spoke to me but so did the woman in the video.
What was so real to me about this account was her specific experiences with her “teacher”. Not only did he appear like I’ve seen my teachers/guides, but her descriptions, reactions, feelings – everything – resonated deeply with me. What was especially noteworthy was her return and integration. Though she didn’t call what she experienced a “walk-in” that is what came to my mind. She was still herself, just an upgraded version, one that was deeply in touch with her HS, spirit, and Home. She retained that connection when she returned to her body and was able to live life in both worlds, shifting from one to the other as needed. It took her 8 years but slowly she rearranged her life so that it matched her truth.
When I was listening my guidance would come through. Sometimes I could hear words, other times I just felt deeply a Knowing that the time was upon me to do what this woman had done. I knew that my integration process was nearly complete. I had reintegrated into the walk-out’s life (former self), learning, observing, being that version despite many things feeling not quite right. I had made some significant changes along the way, but not all of them. Attachment had left one major decision hanging. I have fear of letting the people I love down, of being myself rather than who they wanted me to be. This is the exact message the woman in the video leaves the audience with in the end. She says that people are not really afraid of death, they are afraid of life and of living their truth – living authentically. This is because, in living our truth, we disappoint or let down those we love most. We don’t want to hurt them and so set aside what is best for ourselves to make them happy, to keep those we love comfortable. But in doing so we abandon and even lose ourselves along the way.
What she said deeply resonated with me to the point that I was left somewhat in awe. I Remembered and with that I recognized how this experience I have chosen, this life in this body, is a gift, one that I have been wasting because I don’t want to disappoint or upset those I love most.
Afterward, I went on long walk and had communication come through from my Team. It was subtle at first, like a whisper and feelings that bubbled to the surface of my consciousness. Ultimately, I noticed and some of what I was absorbing translated into words. I remember feeling this amazing feeling of being powerful and supported. It felt like the world is my oyster. I looked around me at the sky and world and thought how beautiful this world is and how many possibilities exist for me in it. I recognized that I feared creating what I wanted in this world because I worried it would be wrong, hurt someone or worse. My past experiences left me feeling I had hurt others and not been my best self. One of the things the woman in the video said is that she no longer judges herself. She becomes the observer (something I have been taught how to do) and so is able to move through life quite smoothly.
The day continued and most of this realization was put aside as I went through the motions of life. As night approached I could not sleep.
When I woke the next morning I was thinking of some things I had read in some posts in a FB group about my HD type – self-projected Projector (SPP). Not only did the creator of HD indicate that Projectors were not meant to be parents (but we can) but also that long-term relationships were not necessarily good for a Projector. My type specifically can end up feeling trapped and unable to free themselves from a relationship. Other SPP’s have indicated that they have similar patterns to myself when in a committed relationship. Here is an example:
I’ve realized today that in all my romantic relationships, I always feel the need to focus 100% on the connection. I do really love to guide people, with friendships I can keep a distance, but whenever I have a genuine deep connection that can evolve to a romantic relationship, that becomes my main focus in life. All my other goals go out of the window .I’ve thought for a long time I’m anxiously attached or codependent, but after focusing 100% on myself for more than a year and feeling absolutely blessed and being convinced I only need a relationship with myself, I don’t think that’s it.
Even more so, I get to see the relationship as my life’s work, a project that could bring me life lessons. And I stop directing energy to myself. It a OR me OR them situation. I can’t see it as a part of my life, it’s all or nothing. Could this be a Projector-thing? Does anyone recognize themselves in this?
When I read this post I was thinking, “That is me!” In both my marriages this has been the case. And the comments in the group indicate that I am not alone! There were some who had navigated successful marriages but most indicated they did better alone or in long-distance relationships where they had separate residences. The married ones said they only did well because their partner actively worked on themselves. Another who was married was contemplating divorce but indicated that love was not the issue.
So, it feels to me like the only way I am going to get any clarity on my life is to get away from the relationship I am in. I need to be apart from him, to return to living for myself so that I can get back in touch with myself.
Projectors Need Their Space
I have since been focusing on how I can create in my life more space for myself. I need a place apart from my family, one where I can be immersed in nature. A space where I am not overly influenced by my husband or children’s wants/needs all the time. I think if I can create a space like this for myself that I can in turn re-discover myself.
I spoke to my husband about my realization and he is supportive and wants to help me create this space. He would stay in our home with the kids and I would be in my space for as long or as little as I need. It could end up permanent and he accepts this as a possibility.
We are just in the brainstorming stage for the time being. The most obvious place to start is my family’s land in the country, the same land where our old house sits and where other family members, including my mom, now reside. There is a total of 47 acres so there is plenty of room! My mom is in the process of creating a spiritual retreat on this land. I have an idea of maybe building a cabin on this retreat land as a contribution to her vision. It would be like a donation to the space, so my husband and I would own “stock” in it. Though I haven’t presented the idea to her just yet, I think she will be open to it. Why wouldn’t she? A free cabin. They (my mom and step-dad) want to build cabins on it anyway. I could live there when I want, get my space and be in nature.
This may or may not pan out and that is okay.
To make it clear, my idea is not to shrug off all my responsibilities. The idea is to get enough space and time alone to get to a place where I can feel into myself and what I want without interference from others. With my tendency to take on others’ wants/desires/goals and put aside my own wants/desires/goals, I feel I need to do this. I don’t know how long it will take.
Is It Me? Or is it You?
The last main consideration I’ve had is in regards to my telepathic ability. In HD, those with a completely open head center, like I have, are capable of telepathy and this is true for me. I’ve experienced it all my life but only recently did I experience true telepathy. True telepathy goes beyond just knowing what another is thinking, it is the ability to communicate in real time with another via thought and emotion. It also includes the ability to share experiences, not just in present time but past and future.
Not long ago I met someone online who I discovered I could telepathically communicate with. It was amazing and I honestly have never met anyone like him. The connection remains and we seem to be able to turn it on or off at will.
The issue I’ve been running into lately is that I have cut ties with this person, yet I still feel the connection. I don’t know if I can dissolve it as it feels to exist beyond just this plane of existence. This person is able to purposefully communicate with me and I receive it. The most recent time (prior to my cutting ties) I didn’t know he was doing this and I thought I was losing my mind until he confessed that he had been purposefully sending communications. Yikes!
Considering my thoughts and feelings lately, I suspect more of this kind of communicating is going on. At first it created all kinds of self-doubt. Maybe I was wrong to cut ties? Maybe I should reconnect? There were feelings coming up, memories, ideas. This would happen out of the blue and then all would go quiet.
This morning I feel more clarity and am convinced that most if not all of my self-doubt stems from this communication, communication that is most definitely deliberate. I have decided to pay more attention to where the thoughts/feelings originate.
I am still in a bit of shock to think that such types of communication are a reality for me. It is easy to forget or assume it is not real. But it is real. Considering I am working on finding myself, getting my own space in order to re-discover myself, the last thing I need is someone trying to influence me from afar! How do you get space from that!?
Happy Spring Equinox! It has been one hell of a week! The energy put me into a pretty sour mood, especially in the mornings. My sleep was awful and I had a tendency to focus on the negatives, especially relating to planet Earth. I am thankful for the energies that came in with the Equinox.
After about a week of sleep issues, I finally slept well last night. Turns out there was a solar flare most of yesterday and through the night. Along with good sleep I had Kundalini dreams all night long. Where one left off, another began. All the dreams involved a man I am familiar with as well as a guide.
Dream: Profess[or] Love[r]
The start of this dream is hazy but as lucidity increased, so does my memory.
What I recall most is that I was in correspondence with a man I recognized and know from this lifetime. Some time had passed between our last email/letter and this was my main concern as I had not intended it. I remember feeling as if I was on a college campus and knowing this man was a professor. I don’t know if he was my teacher or if it was just his job, or both.
We talked a bit but there was distance between us that was too far to actually have a conversation. My feeling of this communication was that it was meant to represent communication over time and space – communication between our higher aspects.
Then we were together in a room that felt, again, like it was located at a college or university. The space was dimly lit and colored with various brown tones. It felt like a study or an office but also similar to a small dorm room.
When we finally met up the feeling I had was of relief and reunion. I don’t remember if he spoke to me. I do recall that I had apologized for letting so much time pass and the delay it caused. When we got close our combined energy was intoxicating, rising and falling in waves of ecstasy, climbing higher and higher. The closer we got, the more intense our combined energy. My immediate reaction was to surrender completely to it.
Eventually my friend disengaged saying he had to be somewhere. We went our separate ways. He went one way and I went in the opposite direction. Eventually, though, we ended up back together, both of us unable to find our rooms. We stood in front of a room. The number near the entrance was #3 but the room was not the right room. As the dream began to fade out the last thing I remember was that he said to me that we must be in a different time (I think I remember the term “time warp”) so the room was not the one we remembered.
As I woke the Kundalini energy was very strong. I am not sure how the intensity of it didn’t wake me during the dream! I lay in bed relishing it. It was intensely strong in my root and heart chakras but prior to it settling there it had circulated completely from root to crown. Sadly, I only barely recall the full cycling of the energy. I believe it was purposefully muted and for that I am grateful because when I have been fully conscious of it in the past the intensity of it has been scary.
A guide was close by. He asked me, “How do you feel?” I said, “I want to go back.” There was some discussion here. He reminded me to take it slowly and said, “We are helping you.”
Dream: Little Fires Everywhere
Somehow I returned to sleep and entered into another dream. I was sitting on a sofa in my grandparent’s underground home. The TV was in front of me but I was not watching it because the man from my previous dream was sitting on my left about four feet away from me on the opposite end of the sofa. It felt like we just hanging out and watching TV. I was almost fully lucid but not enough to take control of the dream. I don’t think I would have taken control if I could have, though.
I could see him quite clearly and knew who he was. We were talking, but sadly I have no clue about what. All I remember was that his energy was very difficult to resist. It was calling to me in a very seductive way. My guide was close by and I was talking to him in my mind about the energy and how difficult it was for me to endure as I sat there.
What I recall here is the Kundalini rushing through me. It erupted violently from my root and shot all the way up to my crown. Then it would settled some only to repeat with even more intensity. With each wave I gripped the sofa so hard that had it been a real sofa I surely would have destroyed the arm rest. Interestingly, I never felt like I was going to die from the energy. I surrendered completely to it. I couldn’t help but surrender. It was compulsory and there was nothing – nothing at all – I could do but allow it.
While the energy was taking me over I could hear and communicate with my friend telepathically. All I remember saying to him was, “I love you.” But something about this profession of love felt as compulsory as the energy itself. So, I questioned it. Do I love him? Is it my love I am feeling? Or is it memory of some other time and love?
My friend just sat next to me seemingly completely at ease with our combined energy. I tried to stay there with him. I wanted to stay there, but I couldn’t, not without embracing him fully. For some reason I resisted the urge to go to him, though. My resistance resulted in much discomfort.
Eventually I told him, “I can’t take it anymore. It’s just too much.” Not long after I said this my friend disappeared completely.
I decided I would walk to my mom’s house. I went outside and walked up the road. I noticed there were small piles of burning brush dotting the land. I concluded that someone must be clearing the land, something we often have to do in the country. Part way up the road I encountered a mulching machine that was turned on. A large branch was stuck in it and the mulcher was making a horrid noise. Worried it would explode, I turned the machine off. The “off” switch was very vivid in my mind.
As I continued to walk up the road I was suddenly not alone. A man was walking with me on my right. I knew he was my guide. He was tall and had blonde hair. His energy was familiar. I remember we were discussing what was happening to me – the Kundalini, the man, the process. He was asking me what I thought of the man, of our energy and our path. I only remember saying that I wanted to experience more of the energy. It was all I wanted, actually. The internal Call I felt was strong. There was/is no doubt in my mind I am suppose to follow it.
The last thing I remember saying to my guide is, “There are little fires everywhere.” It was just an observation and had no emotion attached to it. My guide acknowledged my statement as if to say, “Yes, there are.”
The Shadow Self
I came out of the dream and entered the in-between where I could still feel the residual energy. My guide was close and I remember him reminding me that the process cannot be rushed. Through our conversation I was asked to inspect my fear response to the intense energy I experienced in the dream and also at other times. The resulting understanding was that it represented my Shadow, or a hidden aspect often associated with something not very good, or “bad”. When my energy combines with my friend’s it brings attention to the Shadow somehow and so my response is fear and I withdraw. More than likely the reality is that this Shadow aspect is not as imposing as it seems. It is just deeply hidden.
Then, very distinctly, I heard the word, “Almandine”.
Then I was reminded that destruction was coming. Destruction of what? I am not sure but I have been warned of this before, last October.
I woke repeating the word “Almandine” and not knowing what it meant. I thought at first it was a sauce for cooking but soon learned it is a crystal. Usually when I am given the name of a crystal it is a way to suggest I add it to my collection.
Considerations
My fear reaction to the intense energy of the Kundalini is familiar to me. Early on in my experiences with the Kundalini I responded with great fear. It presented itself slowly during dreamtime, always pursuing me, and each time I completely freaked out. When it would present itself I felt a compulsion to go to it, to surrender to it. I felt completely unable to control myself. This feeling of lack of control and the unknown it represented was what sent me running the other way. It felt horribly “evil” while at the same time the energy was intoxicatingly beautiful and pure. The contradiction was confusing. How can something be so beautiful yet so ugly at the same time? It was a paradox.
Eventually, I surrendered in dreamtime. I gave up after being pursued for what seemed like forever. I realized I could not outrun the Kundalini and so let it devour me. It was magnificent in the end. The most amazing experience I have ever had in this body.
Now, when I feel the Kundalini, my response is the same. After years of surrender it makes no sense. Why, after all this time, am I again afraid of the Kundalini? And why is this particular person the instigator? Is it karmic? Or is it something else? I feel fear, but it is irrational. It is the fear of death, of becoming nothing. Ah, yes, “destruction”, now that word makes sense. To be born anew, the old must die.
Yet, didn’t I already experienced death from this process? How many times does one have to “die”, I wonder? lol
Dream Symbolism
In the first dream I am at a college/university which represents a life lesson or lessons. My friend is seen as a teacher or guide, so it could be that I see him this way or it could be that he is merely helping me with this life lesson. The search for the room is interesting and I am not sure what the “time warp” part means. Whatever the meaning, we end up parting ways only to come full circle to the same place. The feeling in the dream is that no matter what our individual paths, the destination is the same for us both.
The symbolism of the last dream is fitting. The underground house represents the subconscious or what is hidden. My grandparents actually do have a house that is under the ground and I spent much of you youth visiting there. It is also attached to my family’s land and my mother’s home. So, for me, being in the space indicates a sense of home, so also Home. It is comfortable and safe. Watching the TV is likely an indicator of becoming the observer.
The clearing of the land is the work of the Kundalini. It clears blockages; a cleansing fire. The little fires everywhere are areas that are being cleansed or have already been cleansed. They are contained and small, but they are burning. Fire = the Kundalini.
The mulch machine is an interesting symbol. My best guess is that it is my attempt to turn off the process out of fear that I will explode or be destroyed. Still, though, the fires burn.
Note: Prior to bed I had two syncs that forewarned me of what was to come during the night. First, I had done a voice search of a certain item for my food journal. I had said “Burger” but the word that appeared was nothing at all close to it. It was, instead, my dream friend’s name, clear as day. I paused, took a screen shot in case I was seeing things, and then edited my search to the correct word.
About an hour later I was watching a video and there was the name again. So clear. And next to it another name that was related. WTF? I took another screen shot, told my guides to knock it off and went to bed. LOL
Living Life in Between 