I’m still considering a return to Costa Rica. Yesterday, I spoke with my SIL about it and she is happy to host me for as long as I need. She also has more cabanas available to choose from. One is located right on the beach! When I imagined returning to Costa Rica, I saw myself in a cabana on the beach, so I must have manifested it. 🙂 Her horse ranch is just across the road from the cabana, so I would still be close to her and the horses.
I still haven’t bought a ticket and made my trip official. I have some things to sort out first. If I do go, it looks like it will be around the first week in June.
Last night I was blessed with lucidity again. 🙂
Lucid K Dream: Teach Me?
I was at a school inside a brightly lit classroom. I wasn’t a teacher but seemed to be observing what was going on. It was either between classes or before or after school because there weren’t many students present and there was no formal teaching happening. Instead, the few inside were cleaning up and chatting.
Exiting the classroom, I stood outside looking at student artwork on the walls. A particular piece caught my eye. It was just stick people and lines; very rudimentary. Yet, as I looked at it, a dot began to travel on its own around the paper. Curious, I looked closer, not believing my eyes. I inspected the piece, checking for abnormalities, but couldn’t find any.
A teacher passing by saw my interest. I told him it moved. He showed me how groves had been made in the cardboard backing to make it seem like it was moving on its own. He also laughed and said it was a particular student who liked playing pranks on people. This was just one example of how the student fooled around.
Still, though, I was suspicious. I thought for sure the school was haunted.
I went home and climbed into my bed, pulling my covers securely around me. This is where I began to gain lucidity in the dream. Secure in my comfy bed, my thoughts were on the artwork, the boy and what I had just encountered at the school.
To my surprise, I felt an hand softly touch me on the back and then an entire arm tucked itself under me. Someone was attempting to spoon with me. In that moment I knew: 1. I was in my bedroom, in my bed and 2. no one was in the bed with me, and 3. I must be dreaming.
Not afraid at all, I turned to see who it was that had climbed into bed with me, thinking, “I want to know who’s there”. I was aware that my usual response to such things it to just lay still and see what, if anything happens. I didn’t want to do the “same ol’ thing”. To my surprise, a very bright-faced, white-blonde haired, young man sat up as I turned to confront him. He had a big smile on his face and his eyes were twinkling. I didn’t recognize him but figured he must be the student whose artwork had caught my attention earlier.
He communicated with me but all I recall are pictures and understanding. A visual of three images, side-by-side, came to my mind. It was somewhat similar to a slot machine in the way it was presented. I can’t recall the pictures but one represented the connecting/communicating via the internet and another was physical connection/communication. I can’t remember the third at all. Maybe spiritual communication? I was to select one. I picked the one on the far right.
It was also communicated that this young man wanted me to teach him the ropes of sexual communication. Since he appeared far too young, which felt inappropriate, I asked him, “Make yourself 18 or older.” lol I can’t remember if he did or not. He then prepared himself, leaning down, his face aimed at my crotch. I laughed and told him, “Not like that.” He asked, “No?” as if he thought sex was done via the mouth. I pointed to his crotch, still amused.
I then showed him how it was done and climbed onto his lap. All I recall from that point on is my chakras lighting up one after the other. When my third chakra lit up I felt the familiar energy of returning to my physical body. The energy lingered in my third chakra for some time after.
I had an unexpected Kundalini dream. What is crazy about it is that it coincided with a thunderstorm.
Prior to falling asleep it was so quiet it was unsettling. I turned on some white noise to help me fall asleep. It was “the quiet before the storm” – literally.
Dream – Acceptance
This dream was very complex in that there were multiple layers to it. What I mean by this is that several dreams occurred simultaneously creating a layered effect. Typically I only experience two layers – one where I am in a discussion with a guide/assistant and another the visuals that accompany it creating the main dream experience. Because of the many layers, my recall is limited and so I will focus on the part I recall most vividly.
I am in my bedroom. A friend is visiting. He is not suppose to be there. I feel like a teenager who snuck my boyfriend in. We are kneeling side-by-side on the floor with our forearms resting on the bed. We are talking and laughing and generally very physically close. There is a great sense of comfort and ease I’ve rarely felt in this life.
At one point he gets up and walks across the room. I realize quickly it is because my mom has called out to me and he is checking the door. I observe his appearance and notice he resembles someone I once dated. Yet he is most definitely not that person. The real face of my friend shifts into the face of my ex over and over as if to get my attention. I realize I don’t care what he looks like. What matters is his soul; his energy. The moment I have this realization is very prominent in the dream.
My friend takes me to the door and opens it. He invites me to go inside. When I approach the door, it changes into to a metal door, that opens into a vault. I step inside and find myself in a golden hued room. On the ground at my feet are hundreds of unopened letters from my friend.
Vaguely, I recall discussing a gift he once gave me. He asked me if I had forgotten about it. He turns towards a table. Sitting on top of it is a small box that looks like it might contain jewelry. He opens the box and dumps the contents into his hand. He extends his closed hand towards me and opens it. I see three small, sparkly hearts in the palm of his hand. They are chocolates coated in “diamond” sugar. His gift is priceless. I remember feeling pleased and grateful for the gift. I had forgotten about it.
There is physical interference at this point. The thunder from the storm briefly pulls me out of my dream but doesn’t wake me. I can sense the lightening flashing and feel the rumble of the thunder throughout the rest of the dream.
Then we are sitting close together, intertwined, our shoulders touching. We are facing one another. His chin is tucked up against my shoulder. I gently slide my finger up his spine from his shoulder blades to the nape of his neck. When I do this, I feel what he feels. He enjoys the sensation, as do I, but when he looks at me I feel a spark of desire. In that moment, I see a flash of lightning and am overcome with ecstasy. The feeling shoots through me and I melt, completely incapacitated by it. I remember thinking, “This will surely kill me.” I swear I hear a reply: “No.” I wake up. The lightning is still flashing and I hear thunder rumbling all around me.
I relish the lingering ecstasy. It has been so long! I say, “thank you”.
I fall back into the in-between. The “dream” continues but feels present in physicality. I can feel my friend close, just like in the dream. Our foreheads are touching and he begins to whisper to me as his lips lightly brush mine. He says one word at a time. I only remember a few: slow, gentle, patient. With each word I am overcome with the same ecstasy as before, only it is centered in my core rather than rising up from my root. It spreads outward and I melt into it.
I want to open fully to the energy but am distracted. It is so HUGE. I feel certain it will kill me. I hear that it most definitely will not. I am told what I am feeling is ME.
Eventually, I ask to return to sleep because I can’t sleep. The energy is too distracting. Thankfully, my request is granted.
The Lightning Strike played yesterday. I barely noticed it, but when I did, I remember thinking, “Hmmm, interesting.”
I asked to be shown in my dreams how to resolve my current life issues.
Dreams
Lots and lots of dreams. The answer to my question was answered.
Avoidance
This dream is difficult to recall in full because it was one of the first of the night. What I remember most vividly is trying to avoid running into a certain man who seemed to be following me. The avoidance came in the form of hiding, sneaking around and even running. I was conversing with someone, probably a guide, throughout. Again, no memory of what was discussed, just a sense that it was about the situation playing out in the dream.
I woke from the dream knowing instantly who it was I was running from and having vivid recall of what he looked like in the dream.
Not My Dream
I was with a man in a white sedan. He was short, with light brown hair, deep seated smile lines and a eyes that had a sparkle to them. I liked him and trusted him. We were both in the front seat of a the car with the seats fully reclined. I was in the driver’s seat. The car wasn’t driving but flying very quickly. I could see the scenery blurring by, the colors mixing to create a spectacular visual that reminded me of time travel or interdimensional travel.
I turned to the man and asked, “So this is how you do it?” “It” here meant going with the flow, letting life take the lead and letting go of control. He laughed and confirmed. I knew, at this point, I was dreaming but it wasn’t my dream, it was his. Perhaps this is why I didn’t become lucid?
I pulled up and away, discarding the perspective from inside the car, and saw us both from above. We were laying down in the car. The car was driving itself across a vast blue that reminded me of an ocean, but it was some kind of bridge, or at least that is how I perceived it. I could see the colors swirling around our tiny bodies in the car.
Shifting my perspective back “down”, I experienced a strange sense of becoming very small. It was almost disorienting but it didn’t bother me. I asked the man, “Are we little now?” I don’t remember his response but I think he confirmed with a laugh.
Eventually we stopped moving, but the vivid colors still swirled around us. It was as if we were both inside a tube of some kind. The man was laying beside me, just like he had been in the car. A blue “blanket” of color rested over the top of us. The man began to shift his position from beside me to on top of me. I saw his face clearly in this moment but I didn’t recognize him as anyone I’d seen before. A rush of energy hit my heart and core. It was magnificent and I sighed with relief, fully ready for what would come next. Unfortunately, I woke up.
Another Life
I was a mother. The connection I had with my son was beyond beautiful. It was a familiar connection – a heart connection. The dream began with me seeing my son at around the age of 18. My heart overflowed with love.
When I looked at him, I recalled my life with him. The memories came all at once, mostly intensely powerful feelings, feelings a mother should not have for her son. So, it is no surprise that I struggled internally, wanting to be more than a mother to him. Yet, the feeling was not sexual, but rather a deep desire to be as close to him as possible. The magnetic quality made it very difficult to resist hovering and I became extremely possessive of him and my time with him. It wasn’t a jealous possessiveness but more a protectiveness.
My son was in the process of saying goodbye. He was leaving home for college. The pain I felt is indescribable. It was like my heart was being ripped out. I didn’t want him to leave. Even as he looked at me with eyes full of love and understanding, my heart was hurting. There are no words to describe the pain. I wanted nothing more than for him to stay with me – forever. I knew he wouldn’t because what I wanted, what we both wanted, was not allowed. A mother and a son cannot be together like that.
I began to cry and my son looked at me, his eyes full of compassion and love. He said, “You don’t have to cry.” I replied, “I don’t want you to leave.” The split feeling I experienced was excruciating.
Message: Finish What You Started
I woke, tears in my eyes, my heart filled with a familiar pain mixed with a powerful love. I had complete understanding of what had just happened. What I was seeing was another life. I don’t think it was a past life, but a future one. What the me in that life had to go through was torture. The heart connection is beyond powerful. It was difficult enough for me to experience it in this life, but to spend 18 very close years as mother and son, and then the rest of my life, with a heart connection, wanting a relationship that could never be, THAT is beyond torture. OMG, how cruel!
I didn’t see beyond that point in time. My guess is the torture would lead me to killing myself. That is what happened in other lifetimes I’ve recalled with my heart connection. I couldn’t take it. It was just too much.
My son in that life was less conflicted than me. He understood that love like ours was special and he didn’t grieve like I did. He knew that no matter where we were, how far apart or how long we were separated, that our love would remain. Yet he still felt pain at our situation. Not only did he feel his pain, but mine, too.
To think that after this lifetime, which has been challenging enough, I have plans to further challenge myself in such a way, is beyond crazy. It definitely puts things in perspective. At least in this life I’m not plagued with guilt about incestual relations! lol
The feelings from the above dream remained for some time. It became clear that part of the message “turn around” has to do with revisiting the heart connection experience. The lessons related to that connection from this lifetime will impact the next. I can’t escape it.
To return to that lesson, to open up my heart and feel the total decimation again, well that would take tons of courage. I’m not sure I have that kind of courage. Yet, if I am able to overcome and move through the pain, what lies beyond feels magnificent. I think, though, it means making some difficult choices.
Can I go with the flow like in the second dream? Or will I keep running, avoiding the pain like in the first dream? One thing is clear, when I woke this morning I was relieved. Relieved because, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel numb inside. Feeling my heart blast open, even though muted, made me feel alive. I would rather feel alive, even if it is riddled with pain, than dead. I am tired of feeling dead.
It has been a while but I finally had some vivid, memorable and informative dreams.
Dream: Laughing Over the Hill
The dream is fuzzy but I remember walking along a long, paved road in the country towards a town in the distance. The road (life path) had no lines on it and it was very straight with only a slight rise in slope as it progressed towards the town. I couldn’t see the town, though, all I saw was a glimmer of sunlight in the distance like a sunrise or sunset.
I walked off the road at some point and walked along a path that had handrails along it. I began to run and ran through some trees to where there was an very steep drop to a vast green field. I ran into the field, arms wide, feeling freedom and relief. The grass was a pale green and tall, up to my knees. It was a soft, pastel green, that soothed my soul (healing).
I was about halfway into the field when I stopped, looked up at the complex and lost my breath. It was so massive that it intimidated me. It looked alien and somewhat military, but I didn’t know what it was. The combination of the massive structure and vast, endless sky overwhelmed me. There was a fleeting thought that someone would soon become aware of my presence and I didn’t want to find out what they might do about it. Feeling quite exposed, I turned back towards the tree line. When I got there, I lay down in the green grass, arms and legs splayed, waiting for the sun to rise.
With the trees just behind me, I waited there, and saw a glimmer of orange in the sky indicating the sun was soon to rise. A song was in my head and I sang aloud, feeling happy and relaxed. The sun rose in front of my eyes and the murky twilight was chased away by its rays.
A man’s voice broke the silence and I sat up, still humming the song. I don’t remember seeing him, just hearing him. He was asking me a question, but I can’t remember it now. I got up, sensing he was a groundskeeper or caretaker of the property, and walked up to the tree line.
From there the dream shifts and I am talking with a woman about the complex. I don’t know if it is the massive one I saw or another one. It felt like a museum but also a place of learning. I walked along the railed paths and saw children. Was it a school? I remember discussing this. I recall thinking of my children and smiling to myself. It is such a great joy to watch them learn and grow.
The topic of the song I had been singing came up. It is hard to recall now but I remember singing it and it had “fa la la”. When I woke up this morning I had an old song on my mind from my childhood.
“Laughing singing, laughing singing, come the children over the hill. Fa la, la la la, la la la la, Ha, Ha, Ha, laughing over the hill.”
Dream: College Discussion
I was with a young man inside a space like a room. We were discussing completing degrees and he was doing his online. I remember happily asking him questions and he informed me that he was taking his classes from a school in Indiana while he was residing in another state. He was where I was so in the dream I assumed he resided in the same state as me. I told him that, unlike him, I went to the state where my college was located and completed my degree there. This was the entire dream and it seemed like I was communicating that there are two ways to learn – from a distance or in-person. I had selected in-person. This disccussion was a reminder that I chose to come to Earth to do “hands-on” learning.
Dream Message: Crumble Down
This dream was nearly lucid.
First, there was a dream prior to the most lucid part. In it I was inside a house looking out massive floor-to-ceiling windows. It was clear that I was high up. I had a phone in my hand and was trying to take pictures and video (seeking to recall info) but when I turned on the camera and pointed the phone at what I wanted to record the screen showed something very different from what I was looking at. Instead I saw the inside of a house, but not the house or apartment I was in. I turned to check and sure enough it was not accurate to where I was located.
I fiddled with the phone and opted to just look through the camera into this other place. I saw the back of someone’s head. The hair was blonde and cut short and they felt to be a young man, maybe a teenager. I looked around via the camera and saw a modern kitchen with straight lines and white cabinets and counter tops. I walked up to where the counter was and moved something to use as a test, a package of food like bread I think. I tried to take a photo and couldn’t, even when I flipped the camera around.
Then the young man I had seen in the screen was next to me and we began to interact. We walked along a covered path that ran along vast fields of various crops. There was wheat and another, fat leafed crop I didn’t recognized. I remember planting seeds (creation) in the areas where the crops had not flourished and coming back around to check on them after some time had passed. They hadn’t grown as much as I had liked and I touched the soil. One section was moist but not the other. The areas also didn’t get as much sun as they should. I concluded the seeds were not getting enough of what they needed to grow (lack of energy, growth).
Then we were back inside. The blonde man was with me but so were some younger children. The topic of accidentally seeing a sibling naked (vulnerable, open) came up. With the discussion came visuals and memories of me trying to hide my nakedness. I remember saying that at some point I just stopped caring if anyone saw me naked. There was a feeling with saying this, like relief and utter lack of concern, that seemed to opened me up to the shift that came next.
I was laying prone (face down) on a table, completely naked. I could feel a pleasant massaging of my back. It was slow and sensual and every touch relaxed me more. It was warm but the touch was not like normal touch. Instead it was energetic, as if each touch was opening up a new part of my energy body, allowing the energy to flow fully into places that once had restricted flow. I could feel the energy, but only slightly, as if it was muted.
While laying there I got flashes of the person providing me with this massage. I cannot recall his features now but he was not familiar to me. He had large, brown eyes and was quite thin. I want to say his skin was darker than mine, but it is hard to say.
We were talking and I called him by name: John. What he told me I repeated aloud to myself. When I repeated his words there was a visual. I could see myself as if I was watching from over the top of my prone body. I could see that I was completely naked and I could see walls all around me. The walls were silvery and translucent and were not very high, only about a foot higher than my body. With the words I spoke I saw all the walls crumble down, outlining my body in a silvery dust. The words are lost to me, unfortunately, but there were three sentences. The feeling upon waking was that something would happen that would make it impossible for me to keep those walls in place. When they fell, they would all crumble at the same time.
When I saw/said this, I shifted my awareness back to the me laying on the table. I had a strong urge to turn around and look at the man helping me. The urge made me want to give back to him what he was giving me. The sense of the energy was familiar and magnetic but also very gentle and loving. My entire body felt alive with this energy. Had I felt it fully it most definitely would’ve woken me.
As it was, the energy was strong enough that my lucidity peaked and I lingered in the in-between for a bit. The man’s voice was with me in the in-between and I called him John again. He explained that all it would take was one “touch” and my walls would fall. With his words there was a sense that I have had before. When it happens I energetically open up, completely vulnerable and all defenses vanish. I’ve experienced this before. It is the most beautiful thing. There are no words to describe it.
Considerations
The above dreams together seem to indicate several things. One, I desire freedom but something is holding me back; I am afraid. Two, my path of learning is a hands-on, in-person one. Three, I am being asked to change my focus (the camera dream). Four, I am being warned that at some point in the future I will encounter someone or something that will break through my defenses.
When I woke I lingered in bed feeling really groggy. I had a visual of myself once again. In it, I was laying in a fetal position and thought to myself, “I’m in a cocoon.” The walls from the dream are my protection. My Knowing tells me I’ve been in this state for some time and that it is purposeful. There is nothing wrong with it. I will emerge at exactly the right time.
In the middle of reading a book I heard, very clearly, “It will be over soon.” No connection remained after so there was no reply when I asked, “What will?”
My best guess is the message was referring to my sciatica pain, which despite feeling 80% better, returns in the evenings down the back of my left thigh. If not that, then who knows? There are many things that could end. Everything changes all the time. Endings are part of the cycle of life.
Not long after the message I read a paragraph in my book that caught my attention. It was a description of telepathy and how, once you’ve experienced it, the sound of words is almost painful as is the waiting patiently for the words to complete.
From “Thrive” by Kenneth Oppel
The book is not one I would normally read. It is on the middle school reading list and my oldest son chose it to do his summer reading project. After reading the first book in the trilogy, he told me he wanted to read the other two. Intrigued because he usually hates reading, I decided to read the books, too. They are quite enjoyable and I feel no shame in reading a book written for youth. I’ve read many such books in my 13+ years of teaching – The Giver, the Twilight Trilogy, the Shadow and BoneTrilogy and The Hunger Games, etc. All great books, BTW.
My dreams continue to be memorable and varied.
Dream: Dark Spirit
I was with someone walking along a residential street. We came upon a house that had a glass wall in the front yard perpendicular to the sidewalk. Beyond the wall was an empty pool with a slide angling down below the foundation of the house.
We met the owner who said she was in the process of repairing the pool. I recall either going into the pool or watching someone do so. I followed the slide down into the house where it ended in the living area. The entire house had slides between rooms, most not water slides. This concept delighted me. How wonderful to slide your way from room to room.
Sitting in the living area with the woman and some others, the subject of mediumship was brought up. It felt like I was being asked to do a reading for the woman. So, I gave her the info of the woman in Spirit who was with her. I can’t recall the info now but it was very specific. The woman was pleased and indicated it was the individual she was seeking.
From this point the dream gets energetically darker. The woman in Spirit began to act strangely and became quite forceful with her telepathic communication with me. It escalated quickly despite my asking Spirit to back down. The others in the room began to look fearful because they also noticed the shift. It became clear to me that this Spirit was not who she claimed.
I put protection around myself while ordering the Spirit to leave. This woke me up and I put protection around myself as I lay in bed, just in case. Mediumship has been coming up in my dreams quite a bit lately and one woman in Spirit had been quite persistent.
No Good or Bad, Just Experience
It occurred to me that perhaps there had been Spirit interfering with my life, purposefully trying to shake the boat in whatever way they could. How many messages, dreams, and experiences have been the result of such encounters? And then I considered perhaps some in Spirit were actually assigned with the task of shaking things up, pranking those in human bodies to purposefully make this experience more challenging. It was/is very likely this is the case.
Considering there is really no “good or bad”, just experience, and what I have been told in the past, it is very possible that our “guides” are being “naughty” in exactly the way we have requested. This life experience is just a theatrical performance; a game with assigned roles, setting, storyline and plot. I have been told on many occasions, especially when feeling overwhelmed by guilt for being “bad”, that helping others does not always mean playing the role of the “good guy”. It can also be doing something otherwise considered “bad” at the request of the other. These “bad” experiences help them learn and evolve and, in this way, we are helping them and fulfilling a “contract”.
Rather than be upset that I have most likely been on the receiving end of many such pranks, I just sighed and returned to sleep. What can I do about it except smile and see the humor in it all? It does me no good to be overly serious.
After months (years?) of boring, routine sameness, yesterday was a bit traumatic, at least in the morning.
On my morning walk I went past a car parked on the main road. There was a young man inside sleeping. I almost said something to him because it is illegal in this town but went on my way. On my walk back around to the same location he had a friend with him and they were going at it in the front seat for all to see. They did have a blanket over them but the car’s windows were not tinted. It was disturbing, especially since they were parked across from a park. Again I kept going, shocked and horrified and not knowing what exactly to do. I eventually circled back around (still on my walk), and they were going at it. So, I took a quick video to document what I was seeing, and went home.
I was inside a while contemplating what to do and decided if I went outside and they were still there I would take a photo of the license plate and confront them. They were still there. So, I took a photo of the car’s plate and walked up to the window. This is when I got an eye full. The man was sitting in the passenger’s seat completely exposed. OMG. I had already knocked on the window by that time. The man quickly covered himself. The woman rolled down the window and I asked her to leave, told her what they were doing was illegal and that I had a video and photo of their license plate. She got angry, demanded I give her my photo/video and phone number and told me she could have sex in her car because it was her car, etc. Every time I tried to walk away she would try to keep me at her vehicle with an argument in her favor but I stood my ground and headed home, telling her I would call authorities if she didn’t leave. She told me she would follow me home to get my phone from me (eek!). I walked the opposite way of my home so she wouldn’t learn my address. Eventually, they sped by me and out of the neighborhood. I went home and called the police.
The police came and took my statement about 15 minutes later. The officer was very nice and thanked me for getting the vehicle make/model and tag number. He said he looked it up and it is registered to a woman who they know well. She lives on the other side of town (she told me she was from my neighborhood) and is often seen with the man I saw her with. I described them and he confirmed they were the people associated with the vehicle. He reassured me that I was not in any danger of her coming back. He said she would likely never come back to the neighborhood after being seen, confronted and documented. He told me that next time I need to just call the police straight away and gave me his card. He asked me to email him the photo and video of the incident.
I did feel much better after that but had a short cry, relieved it was over. I suck at confrontation and it took everything in me to walk up to that car and ask them to leave. I had thought of all the ways it could turn out, worried the confrontation could go wrong, and it did, but it could’ve gone far worse. She could’ve jumped out of the car and assaulted me to get my phone. She could have driven around slowly behind me, stalking me in her car to intimidate me. She did none of these things, probably because she knew I had her info and assumed I had already called the cops (I called my husband as I walked away so for all she knew I was reporting the incident to authorities).
Of course, I went over all the alternate ways I could’ve handled the situation after the fact. It would’ve been far wiser to tell her that I overheard that someone had called the police on her and she needed to leave. I could’ve acted like I was genuinely concerned. However, seeing him exposed like that caught me off-guard and I am not one who can hide my feelings easily. I’m sure disgust and shock was written all over my face. lol
What is funny is that my sciatica pain was nonexistent after the incident. It remained so for a while. Later in the evening I was able to do downward dog and fully extend my left leg without any pain. This confirms that my pain is related to root chakra issues, something I’ve suspected all along. Of course I have pain again this morning but it was still so very nice to be pain-free if even for a moment!
I reported the incident to my HOA Board. The response was that the community was considering starting a neighborhood watch because another resident had been harassed by a homeless person recently and filed a police report. It is probably a good idea. Because of the location of our neighborhood, we get lots of migrants (homeless, hitchhikers, etc) coming through as well as petty theft incidents (ransacking unlocked cars mostly). We’ve had a lot of new people moving in, also. Unfortunately, most are young couples and families who seem completely uninterested in any kind of in-person community involvement or cooperation. They would rather post comments online, send emails and complain from behind a screen in the safety of their homes hoping someone else will fix the problem.
Unfortunately, the visuals I have of the incident stayed with me until bedtime. I couldn’t get certain images out of my mind. It’s not like I haven’t seen any of it before, so not sure why I keep getting flashes of it. It was like a vivid dream I was trying to remember, except I didn’t really want to remember it! So before bed I asked that the thoughts be taken away, and they did go away and did not infiltrate my dreams.
I will be carrying my pepper spray with me on my morning walks from now on. It is sad, but I feel better knowing I have at least some line of defense should this woman or some other person decide to harass me. I usually carry it with me to protect my dog anyway, ever since he was attacked by an off-leash dog (another traumatic event), but now I will carry on walks without my dog.
Not long ago I communicated my desire to relocate to my husband and was even searching for a home to purchase a bit further from this metropolitan area. My husband was/is against it, wanting to stay close to his business (we are 6 miles away) and all the conveniences that come with city living. Me, being the hermit that I am, dislike highly populated areas in general, but I have been fine with living here the past 8 years. However, lately, going shopping at all the places I’ve always shopped is unpleasant for me. The places have double the shoppers they use to, even at off-peak hours, and the energy of the places have shifted substantially. The energy is just more frantic and anxious. I just want to get in and out as fast as I can. During my shopping I sometimes have thoughts like, “I hate people”. Mostly I will sing funny songs to myself to distract from the reality of the misery of the experience. Rarely do I run into someone who is not sleepwalking through life. Their empty eyes tell all.
The last time I felt like this I moved to Montana. LOL
I want to live somewhere with lots of space around me – natural beauty in my backyard. I prefer a space with a pond or lake nearby. Ideally I own my own pond that I don’t have to share with anyone, but if not then at least where I encounter few to no people. Water seems to be a huge draw for me, but not the ocean. There should be a small town/city nearby, like 5-10 miles away, so if I crave company I can easily access it, somewhere with a population less than 50K.
As for location specifically, I am fine with staying in Texas. My family is here and it is comfortable for me. But the extreme heat in the summer can get to be too much. While I love the mountains, I absolutely do not want to live somewhere that has consistent snowfall in the winter. A little here and there (like once or twice a season) is about all I can take. Also, I do not like desert landscapes. The area has to have green vegetation.
So far I am not drawn to any one place over another, which is why I just stay put. Eventually, though, this area will be too repellant for me to stay. This I know.
Update: On my morning walk today the couple was back but parked in another location. This time all I saw was the young man sit up quickly and cover himself with a blanket. I did not see the woman and can only assume she was laying down. When I turned the corner I called the police and they arrived within 15 minutes. I do not know if the police caught them, only that two police cars arrived. My son said he saw a white police car following a silver car and the police car I saw was black. Fingers crossed that the police caught up with them and at least gave them a warning.
Had a dream that lasted most of the night and woke me around 4:30am.
Normally I would categorize the dream as a Kundalini dream, but the K was extremely muted. I think it was purposefully muted in order to keep me from gaining lucidity.
Unfortunately, I’ve lost memory of most of the specifics now. I was too lazy to get up and jot down the dream at 4:30am, so it is what it is.
Dream: You’ll Get Use to It
The dream felt to be a counseling session of some kind. Every once in a while I was aware of a female guide and counselor asking me questions that would then lead into answers that became the dream scene. Occasionally there was a male guide, who resembled my heart connection. I’ve previously referred to him as the “dark haired man”.
I was asked to remember what occurred during my heart connection – how it felt, the sequence of events, etc. So I told the story and shifted into a dream scene where I was with a dark haired man who very much resembled my heart connection. Throughout telling the story I re-experienced the bliss and connection thoroughly.
Sometimes during my story-telling I would feel to shift back to the scene where I was being counseled. I would see my guide, the one who looked like my heart connection. I Knew I had seen him recently in dreamtime. I told him, “I just saw you not long ago.” Memory of the dream fluttered into my consciousness and then departed. The moment felt important somehow.
One very memorable part of the dream was when the dark haired man and I were standing face-to-face, so close that I could feel his breath on my face. Our bodies didn’t touch. We were just standing very close, as if testing how close we could stand without touching. The heart bliss was overpowering to the point that I lost my breath. I remember thinking how beautiful it was, how much I missed it and how I wished I could feel it forever. In contrast, I was also afraid of it because I wanted only one thing: to completely surrender to it. I said to him, “I don’t think I can handle this.” He said, “You’ll get use to it.”
I distinctly remember one moment when I was telling the dark haired man about a part of the story that doesn’t line up with what I personally know to have happened. I said, “This is the difficult part of the story, the part where they have to be apart.” When telling this part, I saw and experienced the heartache and depression of the separation and instead of seeing myself, saw another woman from a distance, as if mixing up the current lifetime with another. I was also able to connect to the emotions and experiences of my heart connection, experiencing them from his perspective.
During this time apart I was acutely aware of the absence of the heart bliss. I mourned it and said to the male guide, “I can’t feel it anymore. It is gone forever.” The answer I got was that, no, it was not gone, it was overshadowed by fear. This information rang true to me. I recognized that fear was love’s nemesis and momentarily was relieved to know the solution was to abandon my fear and embrace love.
The story continued and the two reunited, their time apart over and a new chapter begun. The dream is hazy here, I think because the rest of the story has yet to be told.
No longer with my two guides, I lingered near a wooden picnic table looking out onto a meadow. There were others with me I didn’t know. I remember distinctly the man sitting on top of the table (not on the bench). He was amused by me and had a hint of playfulness in his eyes. I sat down next to him and he leaned close to me and whispered, “You are still young.” He looked me up and down, causing me to also look at myself. I saw my body, still youthful and beautiful. He said, “You should use what time you have to enjoy your body.”
I didn’t react to his words at all but stood up and looked out at the meadow. Another man approached, my male guide I think. In the dream my consciousness felt far away in the distance so I don’t know what led to what came next. I can’t remember who said this but I also saw it in my mind. The words were, “Dance like a chicken (unexpected change) and lay an egg (creation)” and then I saw someone doing the chicken dance but no egg. I told my guide what the other man said and told him, “I can’t do that [lay an egg]”.
I woke up filled with memory of the heart bliss.
Considerations
IDK if my heart connection was actually present in the dream. What it seemed like is that I was being warned of future heart bliss in order to be prepared. In fact, when I awoke, I Knew there would be more heart bliss. My stomach did a little flip flop at the thought of it.
The years 2014-2015 come to mind. How, in 2014, the K dreams first began to shake up my world. I knew the dreams meant major change was coming but was unwilling to really confront that change. I feared it would mean the end of my marriage. Another was both attracted to and terrified by the power of the Kundalini, especially the part that seemed to compel me to surrender to it, but slowly I began to surrender little by little and the K progressed, leading me to my heart connection experience in December, 2015.
It think something similar is occurring now. A warning of an upcoming decision.
The magnificence of the heart bliss is impossible to resist. It feels like coming Home. The bliss of the lower chakras, in contrast, is highly erotic and sexual. Sure, it is spectacular and hard to resist, but it doesn’t compare to the heart bliss. Nothing does.
I still have no idea how anyone could “get use to” the heart bliss.
Here is an experience that illustrates just how important it is that Projectors be selective of whose energy they come into contact with. This is also relevant to any Hermits out there because, similar to Projectors, Hermits can be negatively impacted by spending too much time with the wrong people.
Yesterday my husband and I took a trip to Dallas. The drive went well. We had good conversations and the three hour drive passed quickly. We stopped and had fajitas at a restaurant and by around 8pm arrived at our B&B.
My first impression of the B&B was that it looked nice from the outside. When the hostess greeted us she immediately wanted a hug and her energy seemed desperate for companionship. Her husband was quiet and his energy more stable. The man was 70 and the woman was in her 60s.
When we went inside I was hit by an unpleasant smell. It smelled like old things and old people. The house was full of antiques the host had picked up all over the place. He had done research in order to get a historical marker placed in the front yard and was very proud of his accomplishments. I admit, it was impressive. The house had working lightbulbs from the 1920’s that never burned out, documents and photos of the family who had owned the house, working televisions from 1948 and 1956, old radios, furniture, etc. He was also the curator to the museum in town that had more items and history from the historical family who had previously owned the house.
The wife gave us a tour of the house and our room. It was a small house with three bedrooms and two baths. She bragged that everything was original. The same old lightbulbs were throughout the house (they don’t make much light) as were plumbing fixtures I’d never seen. All the furniture was antique. She also went into depth about their own personal story. She had lots to talk about but really liked to toot her own horn (overly so).
When we finally got to our bedroom I was exhausted. The woman’s energy was difficult to take and I needed to release it. I went outside with my husband to wind down hoping to get some alone time. Within less than 3 minutes the woman was outside and wouldn’t leave, chatting away. Her energy made me anxious. Huge pangs of anxiety hit me in waves and I became nauseous. I was able to get away, saying we were tired from our long drive, but she followed us closely to our room, talking excessively the entire way.
Once in bed trying to sleep I was too awake and stared at the ceiling. I felt a presence to my left and in my mind’s eye saw a woman in a white gown looming over me. She felt somewhat like a guardian but not of me, of the room and maybe even the whole house. She may have been the woman who lived there until her death in the 90’s, the last of five siblings who was linked to the history of the house. I told her to go away, but she didn’t leave. She didn’t feel threatening and kept silent but with all the excess energy I was processing I didn’t want her there next to me.
By midnight my husband had left the room because he knew I was struggling to sleep. He thought it was him but I knew it wasn’t. I kept having waves of anxiety hit me in the chest. They weren’t intense but enough to keep my heart rate elevated in the 80s instead of the 60s where they normally are when I am laying down to sleep.
I have had this kind of insomnia enough to not struggle against it but accept that sleep will eventually come. It did around 2am and only because I had to lay on my stomach to ease the waves of anxiety. Something about laying on my stomach, guarding my chest, helps calm me.
I woke again at 3 and then had a good stretch of sleep until 6:30 when my husband came in to drop off the blankets and get his running gear for a morning run by a nearby lake. I was out of bed just before 8am after getting 1 hour of additional sleep.
Zombie-like, I got dressed and stepped outside to get some time in nature. They had lots of chickens and it was a pretty place with good energy (outside). My husband brought me coffee and the host of the house came outside with him. My husband went to take a shower and the host said, “I will join you.” I cringed but said nothing. I had hoped for time alone but what could I do? Be rude?
The host’s energy was more bearable and he wanted to talk about conspiracy theories and Covid (ugh). His wife was from the Ukraine so he talked about how he got her to the US 23yrs ago and also how things were today over there. It was not hard to listen or talk with him. I didn’t feel overwhelmed by his energy. He felt very neutral compared to his wife.
Breakfast was crepes, eggs and tons of fruit. The hostess was very proud of her cooking ability and had bragged about it previously. When she served us she didn’t eat and hovered over the table talking about how wonderful her cooking was. Her energy was unbearable again and I felt nauseous again. My head began to hurt and I thought I would throw up. I had to excuse myself early.
We had an appointment at 10am of which I was very grateful. When we left I tried to sneak out the back but the host and hostess sought me out to bid me farewell. The woman hugged me twice and told me she loved me. I practically ran to the car.
On the drive to our destination I was still feeling unsettled. It wasn’t until I was able to talk about how I was feeling that I felt better. By the time we left, though, I was overly hungry and dehydrated. Once I had a meal I felt somewhat better but wasn’t 100%. Throughout our trip I tried to clear myself of her energy without much success. It was only when I got out in nature that I felt better. This is when I noticed many bumblebees flying about. I took photos and thanked them for their visit.
The most common message of the bumblebee is the achievement of one’s goals through diligent work. When bumblebee visits he reminds you to persevere and have courage on the road ahead.
When I was home and in my own bed I worked on clearing the woman’s energy. It still took me until 11pm to get to sleep, though, despite my excessing tiredness. Thankfully today I do not feel her energy anymore.
Reflection
When my husband booked the B&B I didn’t like the look or feel of it via the website. When I saw the picture of the hostess I told my husband, “I don’t want to stay there”, but let him book it anyway since he seemed to really want a B&B experience. I shouldn’t have because my intuition was warning me that it wasn’t a place that would be good for me.
I suspect there was a combination of things going on. There was Spirit energy not only from the previous owner but also energy from all the antiques. No telling what all was there! And then the hostess’ energy was unbearable to the point it made me ill.
My husband liked the B&B and though he noticed the woman’s energy was not bothered by it. He felt she was just overly needy of attention, lonely and desiring acknowledgment of her accomplishments. He also sensed the marriage was not going well based upon the woman’s treatment of her husband. I didn’t notice because I was trying to protect myself from her energy.
The woman was also psychic, though she wouldn’t acknowledge it. She called it “psychology” saying she had learned to read people’s eyes and body language after many years of working with people. She did a mini reading on us not long after we arrived. Mostly she just picked up on my teaching but she got a lot right about my husband (his work and family business mostly).
To give you an idea of how bad this experience was for me (beyond what I’ve already said) – When I was trying to sleep I had an impulse to get in the car and drive home in the middle of the night. I hate driving at night and wouldn’t dare attempt a 3+ hour drive at night when exhausted. That was how bad the energy of the place felt to me. I will never go back!
So, to anyone who is a sensitive person like myself, stay clear of this place. It is called “Alla’s Historical Bed and Breakfast”.
Things I have learned since my awakening (that stand out to me):
Heart Connections (Twin Flame) are real but they are very misunderstood. There is no guide, book or even illustration that can explain a connection like this. Everyone’s experience is unique. The key to surviving one and moving past it is this: The connection with the other person is an illusion. The real connection is to yourself. If you fall into the trap of attachment to the other person, you will suffer greatly.
Awakening the Kundalini is not fun. Seeking to awaken it (prematurely, forcing it) will only create more obstacles and potential mental and emotional illness/pain (think along the lines of Kundalini “syndrome”). It is not for the faint of heart. The Kundalini accelerates everything and forces confrontation of that which is deeply hidden and avoided. It strips away the illusion.
ET’s are real. They are telepathic Beings. Telepathy is more than just hearing a voice in your head that isn’t your own. It is the transmission and reception of the entirety of an experience to the extent that each individual experiences what is communicated as if living/experiencing it themselves. As humans, we are unable to even conceive of the magnitude of this as of yet. The compartmentalization of the human mind creates an obstacle to pure telepathy which must be circumvented. Therefore, ET’s tend to use the dreamstate to approach and communicate with humans. The Experiencer returns from the experience unable to relay what happened accurately because humans do not have the right “tools” to do so. In their attempt to communicate their experience they only have human language and limited human experience as their tools. Much is lost in the translation.
Most, if not all, of the information available via the spiritual/metaphysical community is inaccurate, incomplete and/or altered. Why? Re-read the above paragraph. Those who rely on anything but themselves, their intuition and inner Knowing, are perpetuating the misinformation. If you are following someone who has achieved some kind of “higher” status in the metaphysical and spiritual community, beware. The ONLY one you can trust is yourself. Anyone selling that their way/method/technique/information is the best/only/highest should be avoided. This doesn’t mean ignore all the information out there. It means use your inner Knowing to sift through everything you come across in your search. Take what resonates and toss the rest. If you doubt your ability to do this, step back and observe until you are able to recognize your own Knowing.
I returned from Playa del Carmen, Mexico on April 11.
The trip was okay.
Positives: I slept good, my daughter enjoyed herself, we saw beautiful places, there were no major hiccups, and there were some spiritual influences at play which caught my attention here and there.
The negatives: The energy of the group got to me, I didn’t get enough space away from the energy in order to release it, there were two small children crying on and off much of the time and I didn’t feel as safe as I did in Costa Rica.
Overall, the trip would be a 3 out of 5 stars but only because of the company we kept and the length of the trip. I could’ve come home a day earlier and my daughter said this also.
If I had planned the trip, I would’ve planned to leave later in the day, like noon’ish, rather than go to the airport so early. We had to be there 2 hours before the flight here in the US and 3 hours before in Mexico. Eek! I always have difficulty sleeping the night before a flight, especially if it is an early one. I would’ve chosen a different place to stay – a resort would’ve been my ideal only because they have food, shopping and English speaking assistants to help with transportation and other things. It makes things so much easier and the price is worth it IMO. I didn’t plan the trip, so the above two things were out of my control. A vacation is only a vacation if you can take most of the stress out of it and just enjoy yourself. I stress with too many unknowns, so a resort would’ve helped with that.
Looking back at when I made the decision to go, I realized I didn’t know that my SIL’s, BIL’s sister was going (or didn’t pay attention to that fact). I will never go on a trip with her again, at least not stay at the same B&B. She has the kind of energy where she dominates the others in the group. There is really no way to escape her energy. It is like a vice grip, and for me, who is mostly open (Human Design), I get sucked up into all her definition and there is no navigating out of it. The experience of being around her all the time was tough. I was either emotional, quiet and subdued or trying to find a place to retreat to. At times, I spoke up without being invited and felt her response and it was too much. I ended up crying in my room more than once. By the end, I chose not to participate in the last activity in order to get the reprieve I needed. Thankfully, my daughter agreed with me and didn’t insist we go.
There was a point in the trip where I felt it would’ve been better had I not gone, mainly because it felt like my input and presence was unwanted. It was a big trigger but I realized it was my tendency to give input when not invited that created this effect. When I was quiet and subdued everything was much better but I was always left feeling like the third wheel and unable to change aspects of the trip that didn’t feel good for me. The only option was to not participate or plan something on my own. I tried to do the latter but I couldn’t find a trip that would take just one person and my daughter didn’t want to go with me. She wanted to just stay in the condo.
My SIL’s friend/family had her own issues that she made sure to talk about frequently. Her daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes last year at the age of 10. It was clear to me that even though this new development was negative in so many ways and she was obviously not happy about it, the challenge was something that brought meaning to her life. I could clearly see how she had agreed to it, probably in order to bring purpose into her life. Her daughter would’ve also had to agree, so maybe a karmic contract? Of course, I said nothing to her, just observed the fact that she seemed to really enjoy the challenge of the health issue (talking about it frequently) and the purpose it brought her.
Spiritual Experiences
While the energy of the place wasn’t immediately apparent to me, some things I did notice. For example, I had various vivid dreams, some emotional. My emotions in general were high, though. I didn’t write any of the dreams down, just took note the next morning. It felt almost like full moon energy.
The day we went to Garden of Eden Cenote was the most spiritual day for me. The day was rainy and cloudy so it wasn’t crowded. As we walked up to the cenote I had a strong dejavu experience that was so noticeable I spoke about it to my daughter. Just a moment later the manager greeted us and began his speech about the cenote. I said, “Hola!” as I walked up and he stopped mid-sentence and looked at me very closely, saying, “Do I know you? You look familiar.” I paused, as I had not considered it when I greeted him but then did seem to recognize something in him. I said, “No, but you look familiar.” Not long after he mentioned Costa Rica and said to me, “Pura Vida!” I laughed, thinking it odd he would mention Costa Rica.
Secluded area, Garden of Eden Cenote
After he was done talking I saw him around here and there and learned he was born in L.A. and lived there until he was nine when his parents brought him to Mexico to live. He took his job at the cenote very seriously, treating it as an extension of himself. I didn’t talk to him one-on-one but watched from a distance wondering if perhaps I had met him in dreamtime (I think had I brought up the astral he would’ve known what I was talking about). Later I mentioned a secluded area I enjoyed, calling it my favorite place, and he said it was his favorite place, too. Though he didn’t say, I knew he liked it because of its energy. I now wish I had spoken to him about it in private but the timing was not right. My group members would’ve been uncomfortable had I mentioned energy or anything related.
Other than some dreams and the one experience above, I was just very emotional. I am going to blame all the new energy I was constantly around on my inability to get space when I needed it. The good thing is I had my own bedroom I could retreat to. Had I not had that I would’ve really struggled.
Pictures
Here are a few pictures from the trip.
On day one we visited the Tulum Ruins, went snorkeling and then swam in a cave (yep!). The next day we went to the cenote (sinkhole) and the day after that we enjoyed the beach and the rooftop swimming pool. The rest of the trip was beach, shopping, dining, etc. My daughter and I did not go to Xcarat with the rest of the group on the last day of the trip. We were both sunburned, my daughter more than I, and preferred to rest the day before our flight home.
Living Life in Between 