November 7, 2018 by Dayna

Message: Houston, We Have a Problem

I’ve been getting urged to focus on healing a specific issue, to open up again to something I’ve shut myself off to. I agreed because it felt like the only answer to how I’ve been feeling lately.

I’ve been experiencing a kind of odd detachment. It manifests only when I slow down and stop distracting myself with other things. Some nights, as I lay down to sleep, I notice another aspect of myself getting up and leaving the room very quickly, as if she is running away. I actually see and sense her. She’s like an apparition. And when I try to focus on her I get sleepy and feel a vast emptiness inside. In the midst of feeling this emptiness I was encouraged to “open up”, so that is what I am trying to do but it is proving very difficult.

Dream: Lost Car

The dream began with me navigating my car (life path) through an unfamiliar city. It felt to be up north somewhere with large, white skyscrapers and one-way city streets. I parked my car and walked through several buildings heading toward an unknown destination. I seemed to wind through the streets and through buildings looking for something.

I came to a large community center with tall glass windows. I walked inside, through rooms and hallways that led into a small room in the back. The room was a golden brown color and filled with a handful of people listening to a man at the front of the room.

I joined the group as if I had been planning to attending the gathering all along. Everyone was sharing stories of specific spiritual experiences. I couldn’t wait to share mine but as time passed and it became later and later, I realized I was last and likely would not get a turn. The man facilitating the group seemed only to be listening but I think he was also taking these experiences and sorting them for the individual, like a kind of healing.

As it approached closing time (9pm) I began to feel restless and paced back and forth. In my mind I was going over the story I was going to share. I saw the roots (root of an issue, deep into subconscious, history) of a tree, black (unknown, buried) and spreading like a disease through the ground. I knew these roots communicated (need to address issue).

I told the group I had to leave and they accepted my departure without issue. As I left the lights were being shut off and the clock was at 9pm (9 = completion, rebirth).

As I attempted to make my way out of the building I ended up on stairs with many others heading down to the entrance (delving into subconscious). Confused because I had not come in that way, I got more disoriented when I walked outside. I wandered around a while looking for my car and specifically focused on my water bottle (keep hopes up, rejuvenation). After a long time I began to get frantic and stopped a woman who worked in one of the nearby lots asking her to help me. She walked with me for a while calling other lot attendance and staying close to me. I told her my car was a silver Prius but in my mind I saw a water bottle.

Eventually, after hours more of wandering without locating my car, I gave up. It felt like complete surrender in the dream; like I was okay with never finding my car. I went inside another building and sat down, accepting my fate. Then, I heard my husband say my name and turned as he walked up to me. He had in his hand my water bottle and said something about being contacted by a lot attendant about a lost car. He told me the car was found 7 (alignment, enlightenment) miles away. He couldn’t understand why I would park so far away. I took my water bottle from him but didn’t recognize it at first. I could feel my thirst (unmet need, void in life) in the dream, but I didn’t drink. I thanked the lady who helped me as she was still with me.

The dream shifted a bit here and I found myself inside a clinic (healing) of some sort. I entered a waiting room with a woman and saw a young, dark haired boy/man sitting there. In an adjacent room I could see a nurse tending to a baby (new beginnings). It was completely naked and female, its genital area exposed. The strange thing is that it had long, silver fingernails (on the defensive) and I knew it had been experimented on genetically, everyone in the clinic had been.

Outside in the waiting room I saw that everyone (all naked) had strange, metallic blue objects attached to their genital area. The objects were triangular (body, mind, spirit; truth) in shape, two triangles inside the other. It seemed to clip on making the person look androgynous.

The young man was familiar to me and seemed to be the object of my focus. What I recall most here is wanting to get us both out of there. I think I also had on one of the triangular devices.

There was another shift in the dream and I was at my Mom’s house with the young man. He felt like family and though I did not realize it in the dream, he was the same dark haired boy/man I have seen in countless other dreams. He was completely naked standing next to me and inviting me to go into the bedroom (intimacy, vulnerability) with him. I began to follow him but then stopped off in the bathroom (cleanse and renew). He followed me inside as I lingered.

When I left the bathroom I was distracted by my Mom who had a large box of cookies (temptations, sweets of life) at the kitchen table. I went to investigate. The cookies were frosted sugar cookies with all sorts of images on them. Some were the size of my hand and a few others were smaller. When I was offered a large, bowl-shaped cookie I said, “Oh that’s too big for me. I prefer something like….that one.” I selected a small cookie decorated as a red schoolhouse (lessons).

My attention went back to the dark haired boy/man who was waiting patiently for me. I could feel that he wanted privacy and his invitation to the bedroom would likely lead to more. I don’t know if I was afraid but I resisted going with him. At this point I remember noticing he had on blue boxer shorts and and I also had on something to cover my nether regions (ashamed of something, hidden aspects). We were both naked from the waist up, though.

Messages

When I woke a song was going through my head:

Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart
Anymore

As I heard the song going through my mind I realized I had been hearing it in the dream when I encountered the dark haired boy/man. I recognized him, then, and wondered about his sudden appearance after such a long time. The main dream I remember him from was a Kundalini dream. In it he was setting fire to the treetops and laughing as I tried to drown out the fires with water from a hose. It was a panicky dream. Subsequent dreams were just as intense.

I also wondered why he appeared as a young adolescent man (mid-teens). Was this representative of some stage of development? And then the song, was it a message from him to me? Or a message from me to him? It seemed like a message nonetheless.

My guidance was close but not really saying much. In the midst of my confusion from the dream I heard a message, though: “Houston, we have a problem.”

I was encouraged again to “open up” and as hard as I tried, I could not contact the feeling of openness in my heart that I knew should be there.

I had a flash of a vision of my guide standing alongside more dogs than I could count. It felt like a huge line of protection was being provided. But from what?

The dream seems to point to an issue with my lower chakras. Not only does the triangle symbolize this but also the silver fingernails on the baby as well as the boxer shorts and covering of the genital region at the end of the dream. So, I seem to be trying to protect myself from something.

I finally contacted some emotion, albeit briefly, right as I was getting out of bed to get my kids ready for school. The emotion is connected to the unrequited love feeling. It seems always to linger under the surface. I have grown adept at pushing it down, swallowing the tears and heartsickness. I understood, then, what “open up” meant – I need to allow these feelings. But when I have allowed them they only seem to intensify to the point that I feel they will ultimately be the death of me.

November 5, 2018 by Dayna

Dream Message: Profound Paul

Strange dreams last night. The hamburger theme continues!

Dream: Profound Paul

This dream was much longer but I only recall the last part.

I was in a high school (lesson being learned) that I did not recognize walking alongside a friend who I believe was male but I can’t recall ever seeing him. This friend told me that a certain guy was planning on asking me out after school. I wanted to avoid this (avoiding lesson) so decided to leave school early. I remember going through the band (sense of community) hall and interrupting several groups of students in small rooms viewing movies (passage of time). One said, “I guess they didn’t lock the door again.” In my mind I saw the lock (allowed access, acceptance/belonging) had been broken on the door. I apologized as I walked in front of the movie screen.

My step-father picked me up in his pickup truck (hard work). As we were leaving I remembered I had forgotten something back at the school and asked him to take me back to get it. I was hoping we would get there before school let out.

We drove along a four lane highway (life path) for a while and then topped the hill before the school. Traffic was backed up as parents waited on their kids. The highway was under construction (new surge of energy, growth) in front of the school so we had to slow down. There was piles of reddish brown dirt and construction vehicles all around. My step-father had to slow down and then move to the left. I remember noticing we could not see much in front of us for all the construction in the way. There were large drop-off’s that I could see out of the corner of my eye. I worried my step-father might accidentally fall into one, but he never did.

Then, we had to stop and wait. While waiting I saw two men come out of the construction zone. One was the guy who I was told was going to ask me out after school. He looked to be mulatto and wasn’t wearing a shirt. The other guy was one of his friends and looked similarly. Both were very large and muscular, which was a bit intimidating.

I felt skittish and wanted to run but with both guys on either side of me and a construction zone full of obstacles, there was no escape. I remember the guy who wanted to ask me out coming closer. He was friendly and smiling, telling me that he knew how to make an awesome hamburger (need to be whole, dissatisfaction in relationship) and would like to show me. We talked for a while, me keeping a distance from him. I called him by name but can’t recall it now. I think it started with a “J” like Jason or Jacob.

At the end of the dream my step-father was encouraging me to run but I had decided not to. I sat down with a huge hamburger in my hand and said to him, “Sorry but I just can’t.” Then I took a big bite. I could taste the juices of the meat in my mouth as I woke.

I woke up feeling confused and disoriented. I wondered who the guy was and I heard a voice say, “Profound Paul.” I am certain the guy’s name was not Paul.

A song was going through my head, but no lyrics, just a repetitive melody. I knew it was a Pearl Jam song from my high school days, but I couldn’t recall the name. So, I looked it up and found it easily. The song is Black and the melody goes on and on at the end. In high school I use to always skip to the next song on the CD because I couldn’t handle listening to it go on and on for over a minute. It was not one of my favorite songs, so I did not know the lyrics. They are pretty interesting.

Dream: Semen Cure

This dream was just weird. lol

I was in bed in a room that reminded me of my old bedroom at my Mom’s house. It was morning and I had just woken up. My husband was getting ready for work and I called him to bed for morning sex. He said, “Really?” and joined me in bed. We made sure to cover ourselves with the blanket (protection) because people were walking in and out of the room so the only privacy we had was that blanket.

As we were doing our thing, a family consisting of a mother and some kids, walked through. My husband got distracted and struggled with this so I rushed him so we could be done quickly. Then my husband left.

The woman who had been walking through the room stopped and looked at me. She asked me, “Why did you do that (rush it)?” I said, “Sometimes you just have to (rush). It’s better than nothing.” I remember my consideration was that if I didn’t rush then everything would fizzle out and I would end up with nothing (no climax).

The woman’s children were gathered around me, inspecting my bare skin. I became aware of small sores on my legs and arms. One of the children told me I needed a certain cream to heal them. I saw the white cream in my mind. The name of the cream started with a “C”. It was not cortisone, but something else I can’t recall now.

I inquired about the cream and instantly knew that it came from ejaculate. One of the kids said, “If you use it they (my wounds) will heal.”

I woke up from this dream thinking how very odd it was. WTF, right? lol

Considerations

The hamburger dream theme is just odd. I suspect my eating the hamburger is a sign that progress is being made since up until now I have never eaten one. Perhaps I am finally confronting what the hamburger represents?

To see or eat a hamburger in your dream suggests that you are lacking some emotional, intellectual, or physical component in order to feel whole again. You may be feeling unsatisfied with some situation or relationship. It is also symbolic of your experiences and how you need to learn from them. Look at the big picture. Source: Dreammoods.com

The “Profound Mystery”

The message “profound Paul” doesn’t really make any sense to me. At first I thought it likely just some wise-crack from my guidance. Then, I thought that perhaps “Paul” was the Apostle Paul from the Bible. So, I Googled “Profound Paul” and sure enough, found this:

Ephesians 5:31-32 New International Version (NIV)

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[a] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

The book of Ephesians in the bible was written by the Apostle Paul around 60AD. So, “Profound Paul” was likely a message from my guidance about Union. There are many discussions online about what the “profound mystery” is, none of them rings true to me as part of the message my guidance was relaying. I think it could just be that they are reminding me that such “marriage” is happening to me; to Remember that it is my true state; we are all One.

The Semen Dream Symbolism

The dream about the cream is likely linked to all the damn itchy skin I am having lately. I have spots of eczema on my right hand, the tops of my shoulders and my neck. This morning I am much itchier than normal and it is driving me crazy. I have prescription Cortisone cream I use and it helps but it is really annoying, almost as bad as poison ivy! My dermatologist says it is the type of eczema related to stress and allergies.

I am also having itchy ears. The inside of my left ear was itching like crazy last night to the point that I couldn’t sleep. Not sure why but it happens, but it does every once in a while. If I itch it then it usually turns into an outer ear infection. So I left it alone but OMG it was hard. It is likely from allergies or stress, too. 😦

Then there are my eyes. My right eye especially is an issue. I can’t wear my contacts without my eyes feeling dry and irritated. Usually I get a headache within an hour of putting them in. So I have been wearing them for only a few hours at a time and only when I have to. People are starting to notice my glasses I wear them so much. I have heard, “I didn’t know you wore glasses!” quite a bit lately.

The cream dream could also be related to my sexual appetite lately as well. Prior to bed I was wondering if maybe I was in the midst of my sexual peak, which they say hits women in their late 30s and early 40s. I never believed in such a thing but am reconsidering that now. lol Never in my life have I had so many sexual dreams nor have I ever been one to fantasize or think about sex (like never!). Yet, for the last few years, all of the above have become so common-place that I can’t help but notice. The me in my 20s-30s would be aghast by the things going through my head these days. OMG! The horror. LMAO

Perhaps it is the Kundalini that has sparked this change in me? Or maybe it is a combination of many factors that led me here. Whatever the cause, it is real and happening to me. It has made me question myself, but I think mostly I am just opening up to and loving myself and my body.

I have also been watching a show on Netflix called Wonderlust. I totally relate to this show! If you haven’t seen it, check it out. Warning: It’s not for the prudish or anyone with lots of sexual programming that still needs clearing. But hey, if you are brave it may be a good way to bring that stuff up for clearing!

November 4, 2018 by Dayna

Busy Night of Dreamwork

Really busy night of dreamwork last night. Not sure why or what shifted, but it was interesting.

Dream: Phone Stalker

This dream was early on in the night so it is fading now. In it I remember being at my work station. I put up a large, floor-to-ceiling curtain (secrecy, holding back or hiding) as part of my station, pinning it up by the corners. Then I sat at my computer (new opportunities being presented) to do my work alongside another, on my left, with a similar station set-up.

My computer began to act up, the screen freezing and not responding (delay). My focus shifted to my phone (receiving new info) as I waited. I was texting with someone from IT, or so I thought. The texts began to insinuate that I was slacking at work, playing on my phone and just generally not being productive. The guy would interrupt my surfing the web with these texts, making me feel guilty.

At the same time, the guy sending the texts had a familiar feel to him and flashes of an old highschool classmate came to mind. This particular classmate was known as being very sexual. He flirted with every girl, including me, from middle school until we graduated. He often openly discussed his sexual experiences with the group, even if we did not want to hear it (which I didn’t). Many times he propositioned me, not to go on a date but to “experiment”. Back then, being young and naive, I had no idea if he was serious or playing a joke, but the feeling from him was always very sexual – always. I turned him down time and again, acting disgusted but all the while being very curious and wishing I could “play” with him instead of being the “good girl.”

Eventually the texting became very familiar and friendly and he was back to his old tricks. In the dream I experienced an inner conflict much more heightened than it was in highschool. I believe this inner conflict was being presented to me for analysis.

When I woke I felt a bit concerned and surrounded myself in protection. The feeling was just too concerning not to. But now I suspect the “danger” feeling was my reaction to the inner conflict, like looking too close could be dangerous in some way.

Dream: Vibrating Machine

This dream is also a bit fuzzy now. In it I was paired with a woman who was to be my lover. She reminded me of a friend I once knew who is not of this sexual orientation. Her appearance was dark hair, dark eyes, big smile, large personality, and overweight. There was no attraction to her in the dream. Instead, it felt like I was assigned to her.

The part that is most vivid is the two of us being escorted into a very scientific setting. The room was white and mostly empty. I was placed on a machine, completely naked. The other woman was on a similar machine behind me.

The machine was composed of a tall, white pole that attached to the ceiling. At about waist height was a small, triangular platform about the size of the palm of a hand. The top of the triangle was pointing outward. I was facing the pole, positioned so that the platform fit snugly up against my private parts.

I don’t remember much here except that when they turned on the machine it vibrated and my entire body shook from the intensity of it. I remember turning around and seeing my friend and wondering what was going on.

This dream seems to have been a healing and adjustment memory. I have had many like this before – similar setting with odd machines and such.

Dream: Hope

In this dream I was in a soap opera (drama, life) I use to watch growing up – Days of Our Lives. I was part of the cast and being briefed on the current story. Mostly I remember seeing people I recognized and saw how their roles had changed. In particular was one character – Hope – who I had watched transform from a young, beautiful girl to an older woman.

Then I was about to enact a scene when the producer, a very old, bearded man, approach me and advice me on how to act it out. As they began filming, my vision shifted and I became more lucid. I went to a table and poured myself some Scotch (trying to numb awareness) thinking it would not hurt to have a bit in my drink for breakfast. I remember seeing in my mind the view of the camera as it slowly focused on the shelf. There were stacked on the shelf books that had the faces of people from the past along with the dates they participated in the show. I saw dates all the way back to the 1700s.

When I saw the faces/dates I began to feel sad. The main source of sadness stemmed from the fact that Hope was no longer in her prime. The show had replaced her with someone else, someone young and vibrant who had the adventures of a young person – relationships, travel, sex, etc. I saw how Hope had a new role that was much less exciting. The biggest problems she faced were in protecting her children and family. She no longer had sexual appeal or vibrancy despite being generally good looking. Her time in the spotlight was gone.

Something about this realization made me sad enough to cry. It woke me up. A song was going through my head when I woke. The main part was, “Just give me a reason, just a little bit’s enough, just a second we’re not broken just bent and we can learn to love again”.

I was distracted from paying much attention to the song because my daughter was sleepwalking and slammed a door which startled me. It was raining hard and she tends to get scared so I had to usher her back into her room.

I now think this dream was pointing me to look at some considerations I have about aging and my grief at losing my youth. A message stayed with me: Aging is part of the cycle of life.

Dream: Bus Ship

In this dream I was with a group of students sitting on a bus (going along with the crowd). I was holding a small device and trying to clock in but the screen kept freezing. A commotion from my left distracted me. I saw that a water treatment facility had a pipe burst and the busy road was being flooded with water (emotion). The traffic was forced to stop. I watch curiously as a person walked through the water and thought that I should take a video, but I didn’t. Instead, I focused on the device and was finally able to clock in. I was taken to a screen where I could order a pizza (choices, variety) for delivery. It had not been updated from the previous year, though, and I did not believe it would work.

Then the bus began to move and many student went to their windows to open them. My window (insight) opened suddenly, falling inward and surprising me. I opted to shut it.

Lucid Dream: Alternate Reality

The dream shifted here. It was as if the bus transported me. I was in outer space hovering there beside a guide, my attention drawn to the planet Earth. Only Earth looked to be eclipsed by a large shadow and my memory here is that a “split” was taking place.

I shifted, my vision going black. I was standing in a parking lot (need to slow down) with a group of people in the midst of a conversation about the relocation of a restaurant. It was dark outside and I looked up at the starry sky as if to orient myself. I recognized the place from a previous dream – Truck Horse Woman. I also knew the time frame was before this dream.

I was holding in my hand a black, metal object and said to someone, “This is part of the buffet (relationship is consuming my energy).” I looked down at it and then around at the people and the place. I knew I was dreaming and even thought to myself, “This is a dream.”

The discussion going on around me was about why they were relocating, the distance the new location was from the old (5 miles) and the reasons for having to move in the dark. The owner seemed to be very wise, like a guide to everyone there.

As I walked in and out of the restaurant, each time dropping something into the back of a black (unknown) pick-up (work), I became more and more curious about this dream I found myself in. I remember looking at the empty restaurant and not recognizing it, then realizing it was the old one and not one I had seen. I was trying to connect the other dream with this one and was able to pretty quickly. I saw what it would become, how it would flourish and even recognized one of the waitresses who was especially upset about the move.

At one point I turned to one of the waitresses and called her, “341” instead of a name. I stopped and laughed and told her, “Where I’m from you would have a name.” They were curious. I said, “Like Becky.” I suddenly knew everyone’s number. I turned and looked at #119 and noticed she was listening. I thought to myself, “I should take over this dream and go elsewhere….” Then I changed my mind thinking, “No…I should see where this dream takes me”, making a conscious decision to let the dream play out.

Then they were talking about how they could not do certain things openly because they were outlawed. I said to the group, “I would do #3 then.” They all laughed and I wondered what #3 might be knowing instantly it was sex and that #1 was God/Source. These things were against the rules in this world; many things were restricted.

As we were preparing to leave I gathered up some remaining things and went to the truck. Outside the they were all in the truck waiting for me and I climbed in. Inside were rows of seats. I saw in an open seat in the first row and knew it was mine. I crawled past two guys and wondered about them. I had an urge to explore the energy I felt coming off them but then changed my mind.

When I sat down I told them I had picked up some markers (creativity) that were left behind. Then one girl reminded me of the “staples” and how important it was not to waste them. I reassured her that I ironed my papers and connected them by folding over the edges. I saw the bluish staples (need to sort emotion) in my mind and knew they had been rationed. This place was very odd!

As we drove I saw signs and billboards lining the empty streets. Every sign was illuminated and flashing. An alarm went off as we got onto the main road. We were not suppose to be out after curfew.

Then the truck pulled into an ally and slowed. We entered a kind of underground/black market. People were gathered there to do illegal things. I saw a group smoking to my left, clouds of smoke (emotion clouding judgment) billowing off their lips. They stared at me strangely and I stared back. Then I saw an Asian guy talking to his caged pet chickens (cowardice). He was making a strange humming noise that sounded alien to me.

The truck stopped at a dead end. The driver got out and said, “This is it.” He went to a strange display that had large crawdads (tenacity) with beady eyes. The crawdads were alive, their antenna moving around and their eyes staring at us. Below them was a bowl of red (root chakra, sexuality) sauce (be more direct with feelings) that dripped from a fountain (sexual climax) located just above the crawdads. The driver said that to drink the sauce was illegal because it did something I can’t remember now. I took a spoon and dipped it in the sauce, feeding it to the crawdads. The driver went around the display and leaned in, drinking from the sauce directly. I heard people gasp. This woke me up.

October 30, 2018 by Dayna

Major Ascension Flu or Something Else?

Yesterday was an odd ascension flu day for me, at least that is what I think was going on. My entire body felt….weird. The closest I can come to it was an experience I had during my first pregnancy, way back in 2008.

At the time, it felt like every nerve ending in my body was super sensitive and uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and no position would allow a reprieve. The only way it would go away was for my husband to do a kind of “nerve assist” where he lightly brushed up and down my back, arms and legs with his hands. After a little while of this kind of body work I would settle and finally get to sleep.

Yesterday, it wasn’t as bad as 2008 but it had me a bit concerned because it was like the nerve sensitivity extended to my mind. When I tried to focus on my work it….hurt. It wasn’t horribly painful or anything, just a discomfort. This would be broken by my fixing my focus elsewhere only to reoccur after a minute or so of new focus. Then there was the all-over body aches, especially in my abdomen, neck, right arm and lower back. I also had a strange taste in my mouth.

The feeling in my body and mind made me think that at any moment I would lose control of some body part, like my hands or legs. That never happened, but it felt like it could. My take on this was that if such a thing happened and I was bed ridden then at least others people would have to tend to me for a change. lol

Ultimately, the only thing that “cured” the weird discomfort was being active outside. Morning yoga really did little to help it. I took my dog on a quick run early on and it helped, albeit temporarily. Around 4pm I gardened for about an hour, digging and planting and getting dirty. I felt completely revived and better after. Then, around 6pm I went for a group run. By bedtime all the weirdness had vanished and I felt really good.

Honestly, the strange feeling has been with me since the weekend but intensified daily until yesterday it finally had me wondering, “Am I sick?”

This morning there is little discomfort except in the right side of my neck.

Yesterday, I was urged to lay down and focus on my body and energy so that I could observe what was going on. I used my medical intuition on myself and noticed some definite issues in my abdomen and bloodstream. Not panicking, though, because there was nothing serious that I could see, just blockages that were in the very areas that were the most sensitive.

My guidance is again encouraging me to “slow down” and “rest”. I saw myself doing yoga instead of running and weight training. This puts a kink in my plans because I have been slowly building up my home gym. I just added a barbell stand and bench so I can lift heavier and a plate holder for my barbell plates. I have plans to paint and add a large rubber floor mat and mirror. I have not gotten to try out my barbell stand yet because of all these body issues, which irks me!

Update

In other news, the financial issues I have been working to fix are slowly dissolving one by one. If you don’t know what I am talking about, basically my husband has racked up quite a credit card debt. For a while I was taking a step back and not assisting with resolving it (out of anger and stubbornness), but it bothered me so much to be in debt that I finally took responsibility and stepped up to help. So, I started working full-time in July and have since saved every.single.paycheck. 🙂 That is me, though, a saver, not a spender (usually). I also gave in and applied for two 0% interest cards in my name since my husband could not get any with any substantial credit limits. Me, though, I had only one card in my name, so I was easily able to get great offers.

In the meanwhile, my husband got a nice bonus paycheck which, along with the refinancing cash-out we did, will pay off almost all of the debt. The remaining debt is now being channeled over to my new promotional card. This means we have only one small payment versus three medium-sized payments, freeing up cash-flow to a nice, comfortable spend-whatever-we-want place. Of course, that means my husband will spend, which he excels at. Me, I will continue to save for “a rainy day”. In the end, I will likely bail his ass out again as is our usual pattern. C’est la vie.

Dream: Love Doesn’t Discriminate

My dreams continue to point to me working on expanding and opening my heart. This time I dreamed of close family members who I have very little affinity or liking to right now: my sister and brother-in-low/cousin. <—–the “low” instead of “law” just kind happened but I’m leaving it because it’s kinda true.

In the dream my cousin/BIL was sitting next to me and giving me a feeling of interest beyond just friendliness. It really creeped me out and I was inching away from him the whole time thinking, “Ewww!” lol He was doing this with my sister (his wife) right there with us, which is typical of him and also grossed me out.

My sister, on the other hand, was reminding me of an old high school classmate. In the dream they would swap out as if they were the same person.

This ex classmate was and still is of the typical white trash type. The last I heard she was having her umpteenth child, working as a waitress at a bar, living in a trailer park, and marrying for the fourth or fifth time. Pictures on FB showed her posing by a Harley scantily clothed and bragging about her breast implants while appearing a decade older than she is. Rough life.

So, apparently I was/am seeing my sister like this classmate, which, sadly, is very true.

I woke from the dream knowing I was being asked to inspect my judgments. The message clearly was that an open heart loved all equally regardless of their “faults”. If I cannot love my sister and cousin/BIL fully and without judgment/expectation, then how can I expect to love all of humanity?

Dream: Catching the Bus/Train

In another dream I was hiking up a very steep mountainside (determination) that had recently experienced heavy rainfall (emotion). Water was cascading down the side of the trail leaving only a small area to hike up.

To the left was a fenced piece of land (boundaries or obstacles) that extended for over 500 acres. Some areas were fortified with steel posts and signs that said, “No Trespassing”.

As I hiked up with my companion we avoided the cascading water while discussing the property. The owner had donated an acre or two at the top of the mountain to help establish a town.

At the top was the town with few people. I sat down on raised wooden bleachers (reflection on progress) waiting for my bus (temporary setbacks) to arrive. There were others with me, some I knew, some I didn’t. I was concerned for my husband who was suppose to take the bus with me. He and his companion were late. I think I was traveling to Montana, but am not sure.

I got onto the bus and sat at the back in a seat that resembled a hammock (need to rest). I rested there, still concerned for my husband. The bus was filling up as I remembered my car (life path) and rushed out to park it in a designated space, worried it would be towed or worse. My car was a red sports car. When I parked it I made sure to engage the emergency brake (need to slow down).

As I ran toward the bus, I screamed at the driver to wait for my husband and asked someone about parking. I was reassured that my car could park there for 5 days.

As I climbed into the bus, the driver spoke over the intercom that the bus was about to leave, except it felt like a train (life’s journey is on track) now. He began to count down except I heard the numbers counting up. Passengers were rushing onto the bus as we got ready to depart. Two men entered but I couldn’t see their faces. I assumed they must be my husband and his friend, but I couldn’t tell for sure. I relaxed into my hammock seat as the bus/train departed.

When I woke a song was going through my head:

The part repeating in my head was this part:

all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes

I was thinking about a message I had gotten a while back about October. I remember hearing, “You will have a heart attack.” I thought to my guidance, “Guess that isn’t gonna happen?” It kinda made me sad but I don’t know why.

There has been this weird void feeling for a few days now that is reminiscent of other times in my life. These times preceded major spiritual events. It is like I get “wiped” or go through some kind of “reboot”. I often describe feeling like I am about to die. It feels like that now without the typical concern it often brings.

October 28, 2018 by Dayna

Message: Preparing to Open Up

My dreams indicate a preparation underway for some intense changes, changes that will have a ripple effect and ultimately alter my path.

Before I go into my dreams and the messages received, I want to share some of my day yesterday. I continued to be emotional throughout the morning, crying/grieving and releasing. I knew the best way to help was to get outside. So, that’s what I did. I went for a trail run and it was the perfect day for it.

I encountered many people along the trail, hikers, mountain bikers, trail runners, groups of kids, families, and lone individuals. It was sunny and warm and so all the bees and butterflies were out. I lingered, taking photos and videos of butterflies. Below are just a few of those. Some were taken in my back yard:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I noticed the monarchs in the two pictures above had honey bees beside them in the pics. Just earlier this week I had two bee encounters in the same day. The first one was a tiny bee hitchhiking on the outside of our minivan. Here is a pic of him:

Later that evening I encountered another honey bee. This one fell into my soda. I quickly dumped my soda to try and save him but he was lifeless, completely black and waterlogged. A few minutes later I came to check and he had come back to life, eventually flying away. I was shocked that he revived like that. I didn’t know bees could do that!

Bee going into my soda can.

Image may contain: plant, flower, outdoor and nature

The same bee after he came back to life.

So, to encounter a monarch and see the bees reminded me of the bee encounter and suggested I look into the symbolism. To me, bees represent hard work and butterflies represent transformation. Message: You won’t successfully transform without working for it. The resurrected bee seemed to be saying, “You will experience a death and rebirth.” I am thinking to that, “Yeah, many deaths and rebirths!”

By the end of my trail run my neck and shoulder had stopped hurting. Yay! I also felt like Mother Nature had given me a huge hug, just what I needed. I was exhausted the rest of the day and spent most of my time laying down and resting. I just had no energy. Additionally, I still had some emotion left to purge, so I just allowed it. There was nothing else I could do really. It just amazes me how much grief I hold.

Dream: Sister

In this dream a friend of mine was becoming close with my sister. They were talking quite a bit and I was against it, saying my sister would hurt him and trying to find a way to make sure that she didn’t. I remember mentioning one of the reasons she would hurt him is she is a Sagittarius. lol

Me and a group of others was following the communications between my friend and sister. They had tracked my friend to his apartment. I had meant to confront him about my sister but when I arrived he was not home. I remember going into another apartment (emotional state) with the group and waiting. Eventually, I went to the neighboring apartment and asked if he had heard anything from my friend. He said, “No. It is always quiet there. He keeps to himself.” In my mind I saw him at a computer.

When I awoke from the dream my concern for my friend lingered as did a sense of concern that my sister would take my friend away from me. lol In real life, this concern is nonexistent. I have never had an incident where my sister stole a boyfriend of mine or even a friend of mine. We are just so different – she likes to party, is extremely social, has different taste in men, and experimented with drugs. I thought it odd that my dream would indicate a concern on my part if the “sister” in the dream represented my sister in this life. I think it likely this “sister” is an aspect of myself.

Dream: House Guests

The dream continued on after this, melding into a new one. It began with a knock on my door. When I opened my friend was standing there. He smiled at me and then looked to his right. He had with him a huge group of people who I knew were to come stay with me. I invited them in but I don’t think my friend came with them.

When the people came inside I quickly became the good hostess, finding rooms for them and showing them the bathroom. I remember going into my “sister’s” room and helping a young boy with the remote control. I showed him how to turn on the T.V. and use DISH, indicating he had to turn the power on twice, once to the unit and once to the T.V. The boy had with him his twin sisters who were in my sister’s closet changing. I asked them if they were all going to stay in the room and one laughed and said, “Of course not!” I remember they all had Australian accents (exploring subconscious thoughts).

I took some more individuals to my room and told them they could stay there. I was to stay in my other room. Both rooms were my in real life when I lived with my mom as a teenager. The one I opted to stay in was the one I slept in from 5th grade to 10th grade. The one the guests would occupy was the one I slept in from 11th grade to graduation and beyond. There was a tiny hole drilled in the wall near the floor that use to hold wires but was now empty. One of the girls stuck her finger through it and said, “I wonder if I can see into your room?” I laughed and said, “You probably could if you stuck a video camera through that hole.” I was not concerned, though.

Then I gave instructions on the bathroom (cleansing), telling them to make sure to hold the door shut because the lock didn’t work. I suggested they use it when everyone was asleep to avoid being walked in on. One of the girls laughed about it. It seemed like everyone in the group was very close and that “walking in” was not unusual.

When I woke from this dream the sense I had was that I was inviting (opening up) many into my home (soul/Self). I was not concerned in the dream but I wondered what it meant when I thought about it.

Dream: New Job

In this dream I was again with a group. My attention was drawn to a man who worked from home. His job was odd. It consisted of gathering up fish into a tank. The fish would be separated out, inspected and then assigned to a vendor who would then be charged for it. The vendors were all credit card companies and a bill would be sent at the end for all the fish inspected for them.

The women I was with were being asked to consider working for this man because his business had grown so much that he needed help. I remember watching the man for a while as he did his job. He was tall, slender, and clean cut with brown hair. He was wearing a long, white lab coat as he tended to the tank where the fish were. He would push a button every once in a while and a new group of fish (ideas) would enter. He would then crawl into the water with the fish and inspect them one by one.

I remember talking to a woman for a while about the job and my qualifications. She felt she couldn’t do it, that she didn’t know enough. I felt I knew all the job functions except the one involving the fish inspection (the scientific part). I was invited to work on day at the job to decide if it was for me.

When I went to work my experience was odd. I remember pressing the button and letting in the next fish. Only one fish came in and it was huge with sharp teeth. I remember calling it a Tuna (agility and stamina). I was told to get into the tank with it. Nervous, I crawled inside with the fish only the fish turned into a man, or at least felt like a man. I was completely naked and the man was staring at me, specifically my crotch, and making me very uncomfortable. I got out and told whoever I was with that I could not do the job. I explained that the man/fish made me feel exposed and desired and that it was uncomfortable for me.

There was discussion here about what happened. The only thing I recall of it now was that I had a dysfunction that needed to be resolved. The job was mine. I was to move into a house/apartment with two other women. My schedule was strange, though. I had to come in some days at 9am. I explained I already had a job and this would be impossible. They ignored me and went on to tell me to be ready to split rent three ways. I heard, “$1500, split three ways is $500 each.”

Then I was with the group preparing to rent an apartment with two other women. We entered into their current apartment. Inside, it had no walls, only sections of space that made up the separated living areas for each resident. I remember sitting on a porch swing in the hall waiting for the women to get their things and go, looking at the odd layout and thinking it good that I wasn’t to live there. Did no one have privacy?

Then I was outside the house/apartment walking on a path with a man. The odd thing is that the walls were completely transparent and I could see everything inside as if I were looking through a giant window (no separation). One of my future roommates came down the stairs. I saw her as my younger sister in real life. I began to run to her, knowing it was time to go. In my hand I had two, 5lb kettlebells.

When I got to my roommate she explained the price for our new place would be $1700 total. I thought it expensive. She said, “Remember it’s split three ways.” This seemed high still but she showed me in my mind that we each would have our own bedrooms. This satisfied me.

Messages

When I woke I had a group of guides around me. I felt that “serious” feeling that is familiar. It says, “Pay attention. This is important.” I wondered about the dreams and was told that I had to “let them in”. “Them” in this case is others, not necessarily just my guidance or those in Spirit who are here to assist. It felt like what is done in Spirit is mirrored in physicality.

The houses/apartment dreams symbolize this shift. They symbolize opening up to others, losing the separation I have grown so accustomed to. It was explained to me that there is fear related to losing the “safe” feeling that comes with separation. To open up makes one feel exposed and vulnerable. I was told, “You don’t know any different, but it is time.”

This opening up in spiritual terms means opening up the heart fully. Opening up in physical terms means expanding my circle of friends/family; letting people into my life, being more social and trusting of others and leaning on them as I let them lean on me.

Opening up spiritually seems to come first but ultimately they occur simultaneously only it is not obvious. An open heart means fully feeling/experiencing others as myself. It is that telepathic link I have already experienced with a rare few. It means fully trusting and being vulnerable; exposed. In this case on a much larger scale. As a spiritual Being this is my natural state. As a human it is unusual and can be frightening if not done gradually.

It was explained to me that I was about to open up again and to expect high levels of emotion as a result. Memories of previous experiences of this came to me, times when it was as if all the burdens of humanity to include the emotion and experiences therein were all at once mine. With the experience came an immediate drive to do something about it but it felt impossible to bear and I could not handle it at the time. I was reminded of how to handle it, though, and I remembered how. I have to go to my core and from there I would be joined by others (be One), united in such a way as to manage the burden, the pain, the emotion. From my core I can access the silence, the peace and stillness. As if by habit I went to my core and lingered there for a while.

All the lessons I have learned up until now are preparing me for this openness. Others are also preparing for this alongside me. Some know already, some don’t. Humanity is shifting from separation to Oneness. We won’t all shift, though. Some aren’t ready, but eventually all of humanity will be One, feel as one, and no longer exist in separation as we do today. I can’t imagine it to such a large degree, but I can imagine what I myself have experienced thus far. If it feels anything like what I have felt/experienced, then it is magnificent beyond compare. To think that we can all exist in these human bodies, fully connected and as One, blows my mind. But then this whole experience has been mind blowing for me up to this point. Makes sense that it would continue as such.

A part of my song was going through my head as I woke as well. Specifically, “Lay it all on me now, lay it all on me now.” This is not the first time I’ve heard this song. I suspect the message is asking me to give all my worries and pain to God, to ask for and accept help.

Vision and Message

Right before I got out of bed I had a vivid vision of a place I have been before. At first it was like I was going into a lucid dream but the recognition of the place brought me to full awareness. I thought, “That’s that holistic doctor’s office.” I couldn’t remember his name but I had been there in 2014. With that thought I heard from my guidance, “Find out what’s wrong.” After thinking about it for a moment I thought it an odd vision and message to receive. Yet now, I think I will make an appointment since I have been having some odd female issues and it would be nice to know what, if anything, is wrong.

There was one last vision. I saw a Google search result on a computer screen. The first listing said, “Aluna Joy.” I knew the name. Here is a link to her website. I suspect there is a message there I, and maybe you all, need to read.

Upon first glance I notice she organizes pilgrimages to certain sacred locations across the Earth. Recently, my husband encouraged me to go on a trip, to get a break from everyday life/responsibilities since he gets breaks quite frequently. I decided I would do just that, only I have no idea where to go or who to go with (if anyone). Perhaps this intention is already manifesting. I guess I will see.

October 27, 2018 by Dayna

Message: Goodbyes are the Hardest

Struggling a bit over here this morning. It’s not too bad, I’ve been far worse, but there is some struggle nonetheless.

I have a tendency to wall myself off from emotion; to harden to it and become angry. I take on an “I’ll show you!” mentality and perceive the person hurting me as doing it “purposefully” with “intent to harm”. Astrologically, it’s a typical negative Leonine trait, but it is also a Scorpio trait (ha!) and I am very familiar with it being the daughter of a double Scorpio. My Dad did not handle emotion well and was known to inflict some major revenge upon those who hurt him. I saw it firsthand and maybe I learned a bit too much from him in the process. OR maybe we Fire and Water signs, specifically Leo and Scorpio, have more in common than I realized?

Last night I knew nothing much was going to happen despite all the build-up from my guidance about the 26th/27th of October being significant in some way. To this I reacted with an, “Whatever. I don’t care anyway.” This was the first sign that something was up. I know the dream I had at the Akashic library was showing me that I had access to all I wanted/needed to know. I also know that I was too upset and homesick to take advantage of that. This, of course, made me angry at myself which I quickly adjusted and aimed at my guidance since they are easy targets.

On top of all this brewing of emotion, the entire right side of my neck is stiff and pain shoots down my shoulder and up into my head when I move. It seems to be getting worse rather than better and this morning I have a lovely headache from it. Additionally, I get to enjoy that time of the month four days early courtesy of the full moon and peri-menopause (I guess). So, yeah, I’m a bit grumpy this morning to say the least.

Dream: Mole Ant

Lots of dreams but most lost or insignificant. This one is odd, though, so I thought I would share.

I was inside a large house or mansion inside a bedroom (private self) with very nice furnishings and bedding. A tiny, black spider (manifestation) ran across the bed and I followed it, excited to see another one. I continue to see spiders in my waking life and this carried over into my dreams.

Then, I saw an odd looking insect scamper across the bed and decided to take a close look, bringing my phone with me. It looked odd. It had a scaly, gold armored back and had tiny legs underneath similar to a centipede but much brighter gold and the scales were like that of a snake. When I got close enough to it, I saw it had a strange looking face with white mandibles and red eyes. It looked like an angry clown face.

I took several shots of it with my camera, zooming in and seeing it up close. It was the oddest looking creature. I called it a “mole ant” but not sure who I was talking to when I said it. Mole = destruction, delving deep into subconscious. Ant = work, dissatisfaction with life.

At one point it got caught up in a spider’s web and I saw it had legs or something similar spread out over it’s head as if in a display. It freed itself and ran away. I followed.

I found the creature sitting on the stairs, its abdomen seemingly attached on one end and the other end poking up with a display over it. It looked orange at this point and resembled some kind of sea creature from behind. I saw my coworker and told her to be careful. She walked right past, her long, black dress skirting the edge of the insect. I remember wondering why she was so dressed up and concluding I must be at some kind of gala.

I zoomed in on the creature, fascinated, but the image through my lens was wavering and distorting as if I was looking through water. As I snapped photos, between each one the image would shift. The creature turned toward me in one. In another a large black dog (protection) was next to it, it’s head taking up most of the screen. In another there was also a white cat (feminine) between the dog and the mole ant thingy. It was the oddest thing but the most memorable was the clown face of the insect – ant, mole, spider or whatever it was. I remember thinking, “This is a dream. These photos are meant to help me remember”, but I didn’t become lucid, I just kept snapping photos, intent on my recall.

Dream: Goodbye’s are the Hardest

I woke form this dream very disappointed and thinking that I had been right, nothing significant was on the horizon. I was angry and resentful and resistant.

Somehow I returned to sleep. I was sitting in the back seat of a car with two other people. I was in the seat behind the driver’s seat. In my hand was a piece of paper and I was writing a story on it. I can’t recall the story now but I was erasing misspelled words and editing it.

I was talking to the person in the other seat (I think it was my husband but am unsure) and a familiar voice on my left interrupted me. I realized I was on the phone with my MIL. I said to her,”Oh! I’m sorry. I didn’t know I called you. It must have been on accident. How long have you been on the line?” She said, “It’s okay. I don’t mind. Just a few hours.” lol I looked down at the paper I was writing on and continued to write. It was a story and I was reading aloud.

A man was to my right, seeming to appear out of nowhere. His energy was familiar. He seemed to be attending to me and very interested in me and my situation/case/story. I turned to him chatting away about my story. I remember his face was very pleasant and clean shaved. He was young, maybe late twenties, early thirties. His skin was light and his eyes intent with a glimmer in them, as if he was watching his own child discovering something new. There was also a magnetism there, but it was slight. The connection was familiar but I didn’t dwell on it. However, I did wonder about his intentions.

He was asking me about my story and I was telling him about it as I edited it. When I finished, I signed my name on the bottom. In my mind I was “saving” a file but there was no computer and when it was “saved” I looked it over, showing it to the man. I turned it over and saw that the entire back was covered in what at first appeared to be the English alphabet written in a child’s handwriting. I said to the man, “My daughter must have been practicing.” The letters, however, all looked like misshaped “S’s”, some sideways, others with lines through them, and still others even more changed. In inspecting my memories now, I think it may have been Light Language, not an alphabet at all.

There was a short discussion here about my daughter drawing inappropriate pictures showing sexual things. The man actually started it by saying, “I can help you with that.” Then I saw a flash of the inappropriate pictures, only they were of my own drawings. I said, “Nah. When I was little I use to draw pictures like that, too. Eventually, I got in trouble at school and had to go to the principal’s office. She will learn like I did.” He said, “But is a visit to the principal’s even necessary?” With this came a sense that the “principal’s” office could be too traumatic. I felt it was not an issue.

I looked down at my finished piece and saw the title was in Spanish. Surprised, I said, “Why is it written in Spanish! Did I do that!?” Then I realized it was not, that the words shifted back, and said, “Oh good. It’s not.” I laughed at myself and the man just listened, silently supportive. The crazy thing was, I could read/understand it in Spanish.

Then we were outside the car in a parking lot going into some store. My mom was with me on my left, the man on my right. We encountered an older woman and a younger woman. I recognized the older woman to be my grandmother’s sister. I went up to her and wrapped my arms around her, giving her a huge hug and lifting her off the ground as I did so. My great-aunt was shocked and so was the young woman. I smiled and explained how happy I was to see them. They were silent, jaws open in disbelief. I knew they didn’t understand but I didn’t care. I turned to the young woman and said, “Hug her while you still have her to hug. You never know when you won’t get to hug her anymore. I miss hugs the most now that she’s (my grandmother) gone.”

The young woman got teary eyed as did my great-aunt. I could feel the emotion from them as they realized the very real fact that one day they would not have each other to hug anymore. I turned back toward my great-aunt and scooped her up in a big hug. The young woman turned to another lady who was approaching. I realized it was her mother. She was telling her mom what I had just said. They both got teary eyed, missing my grandmother with me.

I remember looking at their tears and feeling my own well up within. The man to my right said, “Goodbyes are the hardest.” I could feel the sympathy and love from him. I could also feel my own grief building. Then it overflowed, my heart aching as I tried to come to terms with my grief. It didn’t make sense. I didn’t miss my grandmother like that.

Still Grieving

As I woke the tears were still flowing. My guide was with me as I tried to sort out the sorrow I was feeling. He said, “You still miss him.” I didn’t argue, just acknowledged. I realized that I had been angry and resentful because I still hurt so much, still grieved. It felt like he died, like a part of me died, but he was very much still around and contactable. It felt wrong and I concluded that the part that died was not the part that still remained. Yet they were. It felt right but how, I’m not sure. Perhaps the part that died was a creation of mine built from memories and experiences not of this life?

The emotion lingered as my guide remained with me, encouraging me to allow the emotion. I felt angry and resistant all over again. I saw my future as nothing but repetition in an endless loop. I saw no possibility of happiness or real love/connection. I had the mindset of, “If I can’t have what I want, then I don’t want any of it.”

I felt my guide’s energy and for a moment it was as if I was back in that car, him sitting on my right. I could feel his energy inviting me to surrender. He said to me, “Forgive…” I saw a flash of his face and saw the love in his eyes. At first I thought he said, “Forgive me.” But then I realized he meant forgive in general. But my response to this was not knowing how. It seemed that to do so would erase it all and I would have nothing left to hold onto.

In considering it all now, I am unsure of my ability to do what I am being asked. I understand that progress cannot be made until I do. It feels like I’ve already done this, though, so I don’t understand why it is back.

The message, Goodbye’s are the hardest, remains with me even now as does what I said in my dream about hugs. There’s something about not being able to hug the one you love, to just be close and linger there. We should all take the time to hug the people we love a little more because you never know when you won’t be able to anymore.

As for the brief discussion about sexual pictures being drawn, I really did use to draw pictures like that when I was really little. My mom even took me to a child psychologist because of it. I was diagnosed as emotionally disturbed with no indication that I had ever been molested (which I haven’t to my knowledge). When I was 10 I was sent to the principal’s because of one of my drawings. lol Of course, I never drew anything like that again and I was mad at the girl who told on me, not at all ashamed or feeling I did anything wrong.

My best guess about that part of the dream is that my guide is addressing the very real sexual feelings I have been having since the Kundalini rose in intensity. He wants to help me channel the energy. I don’t see anything wrong with enjoying the sexual aspect, thus my response in my dream. He suggests that a visit to the “principal” would not be a good thing. LOL Yeah, probably not. I should probably work on that.

October 23, 2018 by Dayna

We Are Not Meant to Do This Alone

There’s some pretty intense energy right now working to “flush out” the old. For me, it seems to be focusing on the middle chakras – sacral plexus, solar plexus and heart. I have a lot of stuck energy there, always have.

I’ve been mostly feeling unsettled and restless. When I stop moving/thinking/doing, which is my way of handling the feeling, I am left with the silence which tends to open me up to the stagnant emotion that needs to be felt and released. I struggle with just feeling through the emotion sometimes, though. It is hard not to become the effect of them.

As usual, last night I kept busy by watching a movie. This one was recommended to me by my husband. I never know what to expect of his recommendations. Sometimes they are duds, sometimes not. This one turned out to be a winner. It is called Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. I highly recommend it, and I don’t often recommend movies these days.

As is typical of my guidance, the movie brought to the surface some of that emotion for release. It had nothing to do with the movie, though there were plenty of moments to feel emotional during the movie. At first I could sense a guide in the distance to my left. He seemed a bit hidden, probably by my focus on the movie. The emotion was easily spotted and hit me in intervals – waves rather. By the end of the movie I had cried enough to be completely stopped up.

Most of what I felt has been with me all my life. It is a feeling of never-ending nothingness, pointlessness, and boredom with life. I see my life as an endless conglomeration of routine and safety. I crave change but then I also fear it. In the middle of the craving and fear is where I am stuck, immobile in indecision. Well, there is a decision, a decision to cling to the safe even though I want desperately to find an excuse to go on an adventure.

Then there is the unrequited love feeling that forever haunts me now. It is unending and torturous. I had never really understood what unrequited love was or felt like before but I do now. The ache never ends. This feeling surfaced last night and was still with me when I awoke. It is something that I live with on a daily basis and apparently something I experienced in more than one previous life. In fact, I think when I entered this life it was with me, I just didn’t know its source. Knowing the source doesn’t help relieve it at.all. If anything, it makes it that much worse.

This morning I was begging to be relieved of the pain once again. I see no point in trying to chase after love because I see it leading into an endless maze of which I have never reached the end in other lives. Without a known end (meaning I have only a dream of what it might be) there is hopelessness. The feeling that remains is similar to the first one I mentioned, the one of feeling stuck between craving and fear. In fact, it is the same feeling. The two are one in the same.

Add to all this the not knowing which is the ~~right~~ best choice for me (follow the craving or the safety?) and you get confusion and chaos, especially in my mind but also in my energy body. Up to this point, most often I follow the safest route. I hear my guidance asking me, “How’s that working for you?” Not good, I guess, though I do have more than enough in regards to security, money, material things. More than enough.

This morning the answer was provided but I don’t know how to go about what is being asked of me. It was, of course, “let go”, specifically of the past and the experiences that haunt me. If I could, I would erase all memory; wipe the slate clean. The obvious way to do that is to start a new life because, well, the memory is wiped clean to start anew. So, my immediate request is to be allowed to do that. Of course, that is not granted because I am suppose to be cleaning up this lifetime so that I can help humanity/man-kind with the ascension.

It was pointed out to me quite bluntly that I am clinging to the past and as such not moving forward, not allowing new opportunities to manifest and turning away from new paths because they don’t seem to lead me to where I want to go. This is screwing things up, taking me around and around in circles.

Yes, I have been here before, many times (circle).

This patterns is, of course, linked to my wanting to know where the path leads; to be in control, or at least feel in control. Ego wants what Ego wants. Period. This is what happens when one Forgets, which is, sadly, a human tendency. Not long ago I was Remembering and following my gut/heart/intuition while not resisting paths as they opened up to me. But I have fallen back into old patterns, forgotten all I have learned. So here I am learning it all over again.

Part of the reason for this regression is that I have unfinished business to attend to. Stuff I didn’t confront fully before because of inability to cope with the overwhelm of emotions that surfaced. My heart got so wide open that I was taking on humanities pain as my own and that was just too much. I actually fear that happening again, mostly because I feel an intense urge to do something about it but feel so insignificantly small and powerless. Somehow I have to be able to live with a wide-open heart, to take in all that comes with it and experience it completely without backing down, without fearing failure, and without any expectation. That is the only way to HOLD and ANCHOR the LIGHT.

OMG what did I sign up for? LOL

I realize now that for me to accomplish the above the masculine has to be synced up with me, supporting me and providing the strength needed to channel all that comes with a fully open heart. I see it in my mind as energy in the pattern of an infinity symbol. One side of the infinity loop goes through me, the other through him/the masculine. This could be the masculine with me, or an actual masculine counterpart I suppose. Or maybe both. But most definitely I have to have my own masculine side healed and be completely open and receptive to it. Yet I sense that it is both my own masculine and the collective masculine here. It feels like one cannot be truly complete/whole without the other.

I am reminded of something my guidance has told me time and time again, “You are not alone.” Also, “You are not meant to so this alone.” This I have said to others as well.

In writing this I am reminded of how I feel when I have synced up with the masculine, meaning come into Union, even if only for the very briefest of moments. The feeling of support is tangible. There is no fear. There is no past or future. There is only NOW and with it full acceptance/surrender to all possibility. I feel 100% capable of taking on anything and everything. Supported. Powerful. Able. Loved. My guidance says, “Imagine feeling that way all the time……It IS possible.”

I have been practicing breathing in the Bliss and Divine connection when I am stressed or feeling overtaxed in some way. It helps and sometimes I am even able to remove myself totally from the situation so that I can observe and not be the effect of it. It takes practice, but it works, and I am being urged to continue. So I will.

In between all this healing and transmuting and such there are the very real contracts I am still in the midst of working through. Life goes on. I still have obligations to others, lessons to complete that somehow tie into a bigger purpose, though I can’t quite see that whole picture yet. I feel it to be true, though.

From my viewpoint it all looks like a big, crappy mess of chaos. One that I will never untangle myself from. This is where Trust and Allowing come in. It probably means I will go down some paths that don’t look like they lead anywhere. And maybe they won’t. That isn’t the point, I’m told. The point is to practice Trust and Allowance to the point that I do so habitually. Eventually, the tangled mess around me will sort itself out.

My problem is always looking for the finish line. When we do that, we miss what is right in front of us for looking too far beyond it.

I’ll leave you with something I feel my guidance led me to this morning.

October 19, 2018 by Dayna

Sudden Purge

Unexpected emotion this morning. When I woke I thought, “I’m not going to work today.” Instantly, I remember saying to a co-worker yesterday, “For some reason it feels like Friday.” At the time I was thinking that maybe I wouldn’t be at work the next day but I pushed the thought out of my mind. Crazy that I had perceived my own future like that!

So I am working from home today, avoiding people and sitting with this morning’s experience. Maybe something will come of it, maybe not. Whatever the case, I am in the midst of another purge. Not sure how long it will last this time around.

Dream: TX to AK Transplant

This dream is mixed up a bit. There were images and memories from my two different lives merging into one.

I was talking to someone about writing a new blog. The main focus of the conversation was what to call it. The new blog was about my time in Alaska. I went through several names but finally came up with Texas to Alaska Transplant. This part of the dream was much longer but memory of it is mostly me mulling over what to write with images of paragraphs of words, some highlighted in blue. I focused on the words and read some, but can’t recall them now, of course.

The dream shifted at some point, probably while I was reading what I wrote. I had moved to Alaska with my husband (ex). It was mid-summer and I remember turning to him to tell him I couldn’t face another winter there. I was very serious and sad. The pain from that time in my life was evident. There is vague memory of being inside a car or train and seeing the landscape through the window, a blur of color as it passed by.

Then I was inside a dark room. All I recall are faces here. Some were faces from my present life – my sister-in-law was one of them, my mother another. I heard my husband mention that he was living with his cousin (likely my sister’s situation bleeding through here). I saw a visual of him standing next to my SIL, his half-sister (so not his cousin). With them was another woman, another family member, I couldn’t place. I knew we were all getting up there in years and that the reason for living with family was to help one another in our old age. This is likely a bleed-through from my current life. My mother-in-law’s siblings all live together in their childhood home, all except her that is.

Still, firm on my decision to leave, I turned toward the south. In front of and under me was a giant map of U.S. I was positioned over Alaska and my focus was on the southeastern U.S. I knew I was 60 years old. I felt my real family calling me and that is where I intended to go. In my mind I was sad that it had taken so long for the call to come through. At the same time I was thinking, “At least I get this time with him. It’s better than nothing.” The time felt very short but I didn’t care.

Then I was standing in front of a counter discussing Alaska with a woman. I saw in my mind the weather forecast. There was a map of AK and the entire state had rain (sadness, crying). In the northwest were blobs of white where it was freezing (frozen emotion). I remember thinking it was not good to have so much rain when the temperatures were dropping. It would make the roads very icy. I decided not to go wherever it was I had planned to go.

The woman and I were talking about something very serious. I was upset, the emotion just under the surface. She offered me a large, oblong, violet purple (compassion, kindness) pill (healing). She said, “I have to warn you about the side-effects. It will make your butt (struggle with some situation) and knees (feeling inadequate, weak, emotional and in need of support) hurt.” I said apathetically, “My butt already hurts all the time.” I put the pill in my mouth. The woman said, “It’s a gray area. Some people don’t experience any side-effects.” I responded with, “Knowing me, I will have them all.”

Memories all tumbled one upon the other then along with a sense of time stretching out endlessly with no reprieve in sight. As I viewed the life I had lived I was very disappointed. The feelings were the most difficult to swallow. I felt so dead inside, so numb despite the upheaval I had gone through. It felt like my life was never my own. I knew I could do so much better. I heard a man say to me, “It was a good life.”

Sudden Emotion

When I woke I was crying. The emotions I was feeling were there but they seemed hollow, like they weren’t even mine. I allowed them, crying in heaving sobs. Some of the thoughts I was having was about how unfair life was. Specifically, I was thinking about how, when I finally found my Home, I could not have it. Home felt to be a person, but that person didn’t want me. It seemed like my dream was suggesting a time would come when I could go Home, but it wasn’t until my 60th year. Being that is so, so far in the future, I agonized over the wait, sure I would not be able to last that long. I agonized at the loss of my youth as well.

I remember hearing a male voice say, “You remember…..” in response to the agony I was feeling. So much was going on inside that it is hard to know what exactly I was crying about. Some of it seemed to be recalling my time in Alaska, the extreme loneliness and wishing for death I had at that time. Some of it seemed to be my current life circumstances. And then some seemed to be a return to the decimated feeling of loss I experienced the end of in 2016.

A song was going through my head on repeat. The words, “Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead….”

I wonder now if the song is a reflection of the hurt my ex-husband felt after I left? Maybe I was experiencing his pain, not mine, in that regard? He did not want a divorce. He told me when I left that he would never love anyone else like he loved me. For years after we divorced he would call me out of the blue, often in the middle of the the night, sometimes drunk, sometimes in tears (or both). He did this despite being newly remarried.

One time, my current husband and I met up with him in Dallas. He got to meet my two oldest children. My middle son was a toddler at the time. I remember saying to him, “I never thought I would see you again.” I felt completely fine seeing him, no upset or regret. He looked the same, just sadder. He told me later he needed that closure and he was happy I was happy, that I got the family I wanted. I haven’t heard from him in four years.

With the above consideration I felt guilt. Guilt for choosing to walk that path with my ex while knowing all along it would not result in anything substantial. I lied to myself and suffered for it. I lied to him and he suffered for it. All for the sake of security. Fear does that.

That was my first life. It doesn’t even feel like mine now.

As for this current life, it feels similar in some ways. I am not as bad off as I was when in Alaska, thankfully. But I still feel the loneliness. It is a deep ache that originates at my core made worse for knowing that the antidote exists and is within my reach. Only I can’t have it yet because it is linked to another and they have to want it as much as I do for it to work.

So yeah, sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead. I hear, “Sometimes it hurts in love and sometimes it hurts instead.” Double the hurt for me. What goes around comes around.

As I write this the emotion continues. So glad I chose to stay home from work. It’s gonna be a long day.

September 30, 2018 by Dayna

Dream: How to Give a Good Hug

Another good night’s sleep. 🙂 So very thankful!

Dream: How to Give a Good Hug

The dream began in a hospital (need to improve physical/emotional health) room. I was sitting next to a woman on the phone trying to get an early morning appointment. It felt like we were in Canada, but I am not sure. She finally found a place that would see several men at 7:30am. The men had an ailment covering the entire front of their chest (confidence, vitality). It was described as “raw and painful” like a sunburn (urgent matter burning through and demanding immediate attention) with oozing spots that would not heal. I suggested it may be a yeast infection like my daughter would get on her butt when she was a baby. The woman said it was not that but I felt it must be.

A nurse (need to take time out to heal) came into the room asking about the appointment and thought I was a doctor (problem needing to be addressed). I said, “I’m not a doctor. I’m just wearing a lab coat (protection).” I looked down and I was indeed wearing one.

The men came in for their appointment and I recognized them as various men from the shop at work. They sat down with a doctor who was questioning why they came to see him. He turned to me and said, “I am a cardiologist (matters of the heart).” I said, “The issue is with their chests” and encouraged him to see them. Each of the men revealed their red, raw chests to the doctor. The doctor prescribed them with a white ointment (healing) they were to spread all over the raw areas.

I turned to the lady I was with and said, “See, they do have yeast infections. See the cream he prescribed?” She said it was not, that it was some other issue that began with a “D”. She advised I be careful because it was very infectious and told me to check my toothbrush (feeling defensive) in case one of the men had used it.

Then we went to a large swimming pool (cleanse away the past). The men waded in, relishing the cool water as it soothed their wounds. The nurse who I was with opted to get into the pool with them. She was wearing a flowered swimsuit and revealed to me that she was pregnant (aspect of self growing and maturing), though she was not showing yet. I recall she looked Indian (as in from India).

Then I was attending class in the hospital. I was sitting at a student desk next to several other students. A teacher was addressing the class, explaining the recent assignment and what he had expected of our answers. He was about to pass out our graded papers. I recall him as being familiar to me, older with dark hair and a nice smile.

The question had been simple: Why had we opted to take his class? In the dream, “class” felt like an experience that was much longer than a typical class would be – like “Life”. He said, “Many of you answered with, ‘To know how to have a successful relationship’, or ‘To know how to make the right choices’.” I remember thinking they were all good reasons.

He then passed out the graded papers. When he handed me mine I looked immediately at my answer. There, written in very clear print that was not familiar to me as my own, was:

To know how to give a good hug.

I thought to myself, “It’s very simple.”

The teacher said to me, “Very good answer. 95%.”

The other two students sitting next to me were told they both received a 65% for their answers.

With my graded test was my lunch (preparation for important event). I opened the plastic box the sandwich (a lot of pressure and stress is being put on me, need to do mutliple things at once) was in and took it out. I thought to myself, “I don’t want this.” lol

As I woke I repeated to myself, “To know how to give a good hug.” It was very simple. Not the grade but the simplicity of it. A memory of my youngest wrapping his tiny arms around me came to mind and I smiled. I heard again, “It’s a good answer” from my guidance.

It is.

Note: Symbolically, to dream of giving a hug means a need to show one’s true feelings or a need to heal emotionally.

Realizations

This dream had me thinking of hugs. The types of hugs. The reasons we hug. All of it. There are the warm hugs, those we give in appreciation, support and love. There are the hugs we resist, the hugs we don’t reciprocate, and the hugs we give only because they are expected. Then there are the hugs we give when we see someone again who we have missed. There are the hugs we give in sorrow….and joy. There are the hugs we give when we need acceptance, or when we want to let someone know we want to share with them how we feel ……. or to show them we feel what they do.

All hugs are an attempt to shorten the distance between us, to lessen the separation we feel in these bodies and in this physical experience. They are attempts to bring into this reality/experience a piece of Home. They are us trying to Remember Home, to Remember the love and connection we have to everyone and everything.

I realized that I need to give more hugs. I realized I need to stop resisting hugs when they are given. I do this more than I should. I realized that how one hugs and how often is a direct representation of how vulnerable they allow themselves to be around others.

So my answer was a really good answer, perhaps one of the best answers one could give.

It reminds me of the movie, City of Angels, the scene where the angel (Nicolas Cage) is helping a little girl who has just crossed over. He asks her what her favorite part of life was. She says, “Pajamas.” Simple, but a perfect answer. I always think when I see that part of the movie that my answer would be, “Pillows.” Why? hehe Because I like to hug them close when I sleep. 🙂

I had been asking questions before bed that I feel this dream answers. I was reminded that we come into life on Earth to experience separation and all that it entails. We purposefully Forget in order to re-Remember. We are challenging ourselves by Forgetting ourselves. Can we feel through the illusions of this reality to our Truth? Can we love despite the illusion of separation? Those connections we have where we feel the least Divine Love are there to challenge us to be our best selves. So perhaps my answer is that I need to feel through circumstance (all the noise of life) to find the Truth in it, that Truth being I love the people in my life, even though it may not be as obvious as I would like.

August 27, 2018 by Dayna

Full Moon Kundalini Healing

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been asking for help from my guidance with a blockage in my second chakra. Well, last night, the first night of the Pisces full moon, the source of the blockage revealed itself.

Kundalini Healing

Early on in the evening, around 1am, I was awakened from a dream in which I was communicating with my 10-year-old self. What I recall of the conversation has faded now, but I believe I was helping her feel comfortable with her feelings.

When I awoke a male presence was attending to me; assisting me with healing. His energy was huge and when I acknowledged him the energy felt to flood through my own, blending and braiding into it. The rising energy that resulted revealed the blockage in my second chakra and another at my third. The Kundalini energy swirled and moved around for over an hour, covering me in a blanket of bliss and love while also working to gently pry open blocks in my energy.

Dream: Haunted House

My husband and I were invited to his friend’s house. He spent a while trying to get me to remember who they were, where their house was and how we knew them. I couldn’t remember, though.

We traveled along the road at night toward their house. I wasn’t in a car, but hovering mid-air, looking down a massive hill (experiencing a regression). In my mind I thought it would be fun to ride on a skateboard (seeking to make light of a situation) down the hill but knew it would be too fast. Why this part is in the dream, I am unsure.

When we arrived at the house it was enormous and very dark, with dark wood paneling and furniture. I went to help some children prepare dinner, a pork loin (seeking normalcy), and as I did so noticed there were quite a few cats roaming around. I also noticed some strange movements from the cats. They seemed to see something I couldn’t. I realized the house was likely haunted.

As the night progressed I learned we were to spend the night. Everyone left me in the living area alone with the cats. I lay down on the sofa to try to get some sleep. When I did this the Kundalini energy enveloped my entire body in bliss. As the energy began to rise, I began to lose myself to it. Unfortunately, an orange cat jumped directly on my lap, stopping the rise of energy. It looked startled and I wondered if the Kundalini had anything to do with it. Right then, I heard a noise and got up, walking toward the back of the house to see if I could find anyone. The front door was wide open making banging noises as I walked past it.

In the back of the house I located many bedrooms but could not find my husband’s room. Some of the family we were staying with were sitting around and asked me if I needed anything. I told them noises woke me, that I thought their house was haunted. They said they knew about the ghosts and not to worry. I mentioned that I could speak to Spirit and asked if they wanted my help. They agreed and I attempted to make contact. I told the woman I sensed that I could help her but if she didn’t cooperate we would force her to leave.

Whatever I did upset the cats and they began to act strange. I knew this was not a good sign and opted to try and get some sleep. I found a bedroom and lay down but was interrupted by my husband. I snapped at him, telling him I was tired (not wanting to confront something), and he left. When I attempted sleep the Kundalini energy came back in a rush up my spine, hitting my second chakra in waves like contractions. Each contraction hit my physical body solidly. There was some pain felt and by the last contraction I had a vision. A black woman appeared, standing with her hands on her hips and said, “I want him out!!!”

This vision shook me to my core because I recognized the woman.

I sat up, still dreaming, and slowly got out of bed. The scene shifted as I stood. At my feet were my clothes and I was completely naked. My lower body ached. I stiffly reached down for my shorts, which were white. My underwear was missing and a partially soaked tampon was on the floor next to my shorts. My memory here is of being mistreated and left humiliated, but I am not sure on the details.

When I left the room my husband was there complaining about my lateness. He had hired someone to replace me and was telling me how tired he was of my behavior. I turned to him, my voice cracking with emotion, “You don’t know what I’ve been through!!”

Wounds Revealed

I slowly woke from the dream a bit shocked at what it had revealed to me. My first thought was that the black woman was from a life I only partially recalled. I was not yet a woman, so about 11-12 years old. I was attacked and gang raped by a group of white boys. To keep me from screaming, one of the men put his foot on my throat. I ended up with a crushed windpipe but somehow survived, pretending to be dead until they left. I crawled home where my mother tended to my wounds. I am not sure if I ever regained my voice.

But then another life came to mind, a life in which I was also a black woman. In that life, which ended in 1963, I endured years of emotional and physical abuse by my husband. In fact, that past life memory came to me spontaneously after waking from meditation. I looked in the mirror and saw my old self – a petite, black woman with a very swollen black eye. Ultimately, in that life I shot my husband in the shoulder with a shotgun because I discovered he had been molesting our daughter. I told him to, “Get out!” after I shot him.

My best guess is that the issue in my second chakra stems from the life where I was gang raped but I am not 100% certain that the two lives mentioned above are not the same life.

The revealing of the source of the blockage is just the first step. I’m not sure how the rest will unfold but I may end up reliving that life, aspects as of yet unseen, in order to resolve and heal the wound. I suspect a decision was made, one that was strong enough that it prevents me from ever opening up to a man fully.

	Return of 11:11 \| Li… on The Temple of Atlantis
	Return of 11:11 \| Li… on Velantium
	Return of 11:11 \| Li… on The Next Stage of “Conta…
	Taking Back My Power… on Follow Your Beingness
	Follow Your Beingnes… on I Finally Feel It

Living Life in Between

A Blog About Spiritual Transformation

Category Archives: Healing