Category Archives: Healing

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Toroidal Fields and the Etheric Blueprint

It was an odd night. Oh how I wish I could remember my dreams! But it seems that upon waking I go into amnesia-mode and all is lost. Some of it returns later, but everything is mixed up and makes no sense. And I am so, so very drowsy! When my guidance tries to communicate with me, I can’t seem to stay in the in-between and end up drifting into dreams only to find my guide looking crossly at me and sending, “Why do we bother if you aren’t going to pay attention?”

Night Sweats

I awoke sometime early in the morning drenched in sweat. My sheets were wet and I was very uncomfortable. I had to get up to dry off. I have not had an experience such as this since I was taking Zoloft way back in the late 90’s. The antidepressant always had that side-effect and I hated it. Yet here I was sweating in the same manner and I haven’t touched that medication in over a decade, nor am I taking anything now other than vitamins and supplements. Weird.

My mind was alert to the fact that I had just been in a very in-depth dream, but at the time I could not remember it. I knew something important was going on, but unfortunately I could not keep my mind awake and fell back to sleep quite quickly, wet sheets and all.

Messages

I awoke right on schedule at 5:30am. Still tired and a bit irritated I tried to return to sleep but was reminded of the night sweat episode and the dream prior to it. I knew somehow that I had visited a place I had been visiting for a few weeks now. This place was very sterile looking – white and gray colors with tall ceilings and a hospital-like feel. In the dream I recall flashes of being with a group of people and several “dying” or being abducted. Intermixed with the dream symbols there is a vivid memory of what appears to be a very large moon – white and glowing like our moon. However, the feeling is that it is not a moon but a planet or something similar. The word that came into my mind was Chiron.

Upon researching Chiron, I found it is a planet or asteroid that often affects ones chart. It is a mediator between Uranus and Saturn. “Also known as the Planet of Healing, Chiron deals with all aspects of health and disease and how they affect our spiritual path.”

Curious, I looked up where Chiron falls in my chart. It is the 1st degree Taurus. Here was the explanation:

Interpretation of the 1° Taurus symbolic degree

“A dying man lies on the ground under the beams of the sunset. A half-naked woman passes by, limply reclining on a small chariot pulled by a horse.” (Janduz version)

Lazy, passive, and weak character. Ambitions are overwhelming and out of proportion. This is the reason why any effort remains useless. It is necessary to set oneself goals which match one’s capacities. This degree warns against risks of fraudulent bankruptcy, or destruction, caused by natural disasters such as earthquakes, fire, etc.

As I tried to remain focused upon what I was receiving, I saw a vivid image of a drawing. In the drawing were two identical representations of a human standing within what appeared to be a grid-like field. One of the human’s grids was egg-shaped and the other was more pointy with the field extending out from the left and right side of the body. I knew instantly that the two drawings were representative of toroidal fields. There was instant disinterest from me at this point. I just don’t care to get into all that and my guides know this. Yet, they continued to show me the image and I heard then, “Etheric blueprint” and knew that there was an exchange of one blueprint for another occurring. This has something to do with the soul exchange but again, I lost interest and fell into dreams. That is when I got the message that my guides didn’t want to waste their time if I was not going to pay attention. lol My response? Why am I so dang tired??

It is not lost to me that others who follow my blog (and vice versa) have also gotten information recently on blueprints and toroidal fields. Why am I getting this information now? I was too tired to ask and honestly I am still too tired. Seems I am getting an upgrade of some sort and this involves some major healing on the etheric level.

My dreams have been focusing on my past lately (lots of ex’s) and I am also seeing vast expanses of blue, either in dreams about the ocean or just seeing the blue completely fill my visual field. I suspect this is part of the healing that is occurring and the blue represents the throat chakra. So many pieces of the puzzle are clicking into place. I just wish my mental faculties were alert enough to process all the information. I suppose that after this healing is concluded I will be more able to understand it all.

 

 

 

 

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Eliminate All Toxins

It is evident that this theme of the current cycle is to eliminate all toxins.

Toxins come in all shapes and forms. There is, of course, those toxins which exist within the physical body. These are perhaps the easiest to purge via a total body cleanse or special diet. We can then control (for the most part) that which we introduce into the body.

But there also exist toxic thoughts, feelings and beliefs. These toxins are not so easy to eliminate because we must first detect them in order to eliminate them.

Let’s first address toxic thoughts. Toxic thoughts here are defined as any thought which disrupts the flow of energy in the emotional and physical bodies. An example of a toxic thought would be a thought which limits or inhibits one’s natural tendency toward a particular feeling, intention or action. For example, if you suddenly feel the urge to touch a tree located across the street and think, “I can’t do that because _________”, then you have just thought a toxic thought. This is a mild example, but it gets the point across.

Another type of toxic thought would be cyclic, reactive thoughts which form the foundations of our beliefs. These thoughts often go undetected because they have become habitual. We have been thinking them so long, we believe them to be true and they have morphed into a belief. Some examples of these kinds of toxic thoughts would be, “I am stupid”, “No one loves me”, “No one listens to me,” and the list goes on.

Finally, there are toxic feelings. These feelings are feelings we think we should feel. They are fake feelings; feelings we have created. They are not our natural state. They exist because someone or some thing (experience) put them there. A prime example would be media and its effects upon us, specifically in the areas of sexuality and gender.

If you have not yet noticed the pattern here, all three – thoughts, feelings and beliefs – are intricately connected. One does not exist without the presence of the other. One, in fact, triggers the other.

So how does one eliminate these toxins?

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to that question. One can’t eat a certain diet or fast and achieve lasting, permanent results when it comes to these kinds of toxins. One must literally start from the inside and work their way out. We must become observers of our thoughts and feelings and then, like a detective, follow those thoughts and feelings to the beliefs they are connected to.

It sounds easy, but the circuits and booby traps of the mind make this process almost impossible. The very toxic thoughts we are trying to eliminate keep us from finding them. “I am stupid” for example, or “I can’t do anything right”. Sound familiar?

I can’t say I have achieved any lasting results when it comes to eliminating these kinds of toxins, but I am learning and becoming more and more aware of them. My dreams have been revealing them to me in little chunks over the last few days. When a thought or feeling arises, I am now more cognizant of them. This eliminates them for the time being. The beliefs are much more tricky. There are so many, and so many variations on the same theme, that it seems an impossible task.

From my experience and guidance I have learned that the best way to cleanse ourselves of toxic thoughts, feelings and beliefs is to remain in the present moment as best we can. The next best thing is to be aware of signs and symbols present in both our waking hours and sleep. Our guidance is always presenting us with the answers and solutions. We just need to listen and be willing to take action when needed.

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Dream: Flying Whale

I slept extremely well last night despite this lingering cold. I was gifted with a brilliantly vivid dream, one that left me feeling full of hope.

Dream: Flying Whale

I visited Montana in my dreams last night. I lived there from 1997-2001, mostly in the areas of Helena and Bozeman. The mountains in that area are spectacular. No matter how miserable I was, if I looked up at the mountains I would instantly be reminded of the splendor and wonder of this planet we call Earth. Mountains remind me of Home so I often return to Montana in my dreams.

I was visiting with my old family alongside my current family. We were reminiscing about old times. Specifically, I was traveling the route between Bozeman and Helena, one I drove every weekend, sometimes more, during my college years attending Montana State. I pointed out Lake Townsend (Canyon Ferry Lake) and other landmarks. I was laughing a lot and very relaxed.

We stopped along the side of the road and walked among some boulders. The people I was with changed, though. They were now students and I was standing next to an Asian girl who broke her glasses. To the left was a crystal clear body of water and across from the water were cabins, all of them unoccupied. The pond or stream reminded me of the many creeks and beaver ponds that dotted Montana. I noticed there were very large fish swimming in the water and kept commenting on how clear the water was. It was very beautiful.

At one point I was standing with my mom and heard a strange cry. It sounded like a cross between a hawk and a whale. A shadow blocked the sun and we looked up and there was a whale flying in the sky! My mom said, “Oh, look a dragon!” I said, “That’s not a dragon! That’s a whale!”. The whale was blue with a silver tinge to it and it kept circling overhead. I frantically began to look for my cell phone to take a picture. When I found it and pointed it at the whale the sun was too bright and the only image I could capture was bright, white light.

The whale flew off over the mountains. I remember thinking it sometimes looked more like a giant manatee than a whale.

Interpretation

Apparently flying whales are somewhat common dream symbols. Not for me, though! lol Dreamoods.com says that a flying whale “symbolizes an enormous sense of freedom from letting down your emotional wall. You feel that a huge weight has been lifted”. No wonder I felt so positive after that dream. 🙂

The significance of this dream is that my old family and current family were together and I was happy. When I lived in Montana I was miserable most of the time. I don’t know why. In fact, when I lived in or visited places I found intensely beautiful or spiritual I was often horribly sad or depressed. It was like being there made the misery I felt inside that much more obvious. Such a stark contrast – me and the mountains. Them so powerful and majestic, me so cowardly and insignificant.

I wonder if I could go back there now and finally enjoy the mountains? It feels like I have made my peace with them.

Photography credits: Picture of Bridger Mountains outside Bozeman

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Rest = Illness?

It’s going on day three and the chest cold continues. I am reminded of something my Team told me in January. I did not take their warning seriously. I guess I should have.

There will be limited periods of relief which may physically manifest in illness, melancholy, confusion, listlessness, lethargy and other ailments. Provide yourself with what you need when you need it.

“Limited periods of relief which may physically manifest in illness“?  Isn’t that an oxymoron?

Since this message was received I have been sick twice. Both times I was “prepared” by my Team by hearing, “You are resting now”. Then….wham!…I was hit with illness. The first time was a nasty stomach flu. I have had the stomach flu before but this time my entire body hurt, I had a fever and was forced to rest for 24 hours because I just couldn’t do anything but lay down. Thankfully it just lasted 24hrs.

I guess this time I need more “rest” because this chest cold is killer. Yesterday my entire body hurt, I had hot flashes with sweating, my stomach hurt (what??), I had strange pains in various random areas (wrist, shoulder, leg), I had stabbing pain in my left eye, I was dizzy/light headed, fatigued, etc. What chest cold does all that?

Today the cold has moved to my head and my throat hurts. Yay. When I awoke both my eyes felt like they were raw, but no headache, which is normally the cause for my eyes hurting. Thankfully I have no fever, no body chills or aches and feel well enough to do my normal workout.

Oh, didn’t you know working out when sick cures you? LOL <—-This is why my Team calls illness rest – because it takes a whole hell of a lot to make me rest. I have to be slammed really hard by – yep – the stomach flu or something similar to slow down, stop and rest. You would think I’d have gotten the message by now. Nope. I don’t plan on changing anytime soon, either.

Their suggestion to me is to trade my heavy weight lifting routine for yoga, Pilates, body weight exercises, light circuit training (is there such a thing?), walks in the park, etc. In fact, I had a very strong urge to cancel my gym membership. What???? I was warned that my heavy workout routine will “exhaust my resources”. With this, they pointed out that I have not been eating as much. This is true. My appetite is gone. I have to force feed myself and many foods don’t appeal to me anymore. For example, peanut butter. My all-time favorite snack. Now it tastes just wrong and the honey I eat with it does, too. 😦 I turn down sweets as well and if I do eat them I don’t eat much because they taste too sweet. And I don’t want to eat as much, it is like my stomach shrank.

I almost followed their suggestions last week. The urge to cancel my gym membership was extremely strong. I have only been going to the gym one day a week instead of four. So I have at least toned it down. Instead, I workout at home but apparently I still do too much. I can’t believe they expect me to tone it down so much. 😦

I’m a glutton for punishment I guess. When will I ever learn?

 

 

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Curcuma Longa (Turmeric)

I wanted to write very briefly about Curcuma Longa, or Turmeric. In case you don’t recall, on the 18th of February, the night I had the lucid dream which resulted in the Union, Curcuma was mentioned to me by my counterpart. I didn’t tell you all, but the next morning the first thing I did was run to the Vitamin Shoppe and buy some. I have been taking it daily ever since.

I did little research before heading to the store other than checking very quickly to make sure it did indeed have spiritual relevance. Sure enough, I discovered that it aids in the cleansing of the chakras, the subtle energy body, and the nadis.

One article suggest using Turmeric in conjunction with a regular Yoga practice:

  • Pain and inflammation: Yoga involves asanas (body postures), some of which are not easy in the beginning. Yoga practitioners, especially in case when one is just starting, may face pain and inflammation due to asanas. This is very similar to when one starts to jog / run, there are muscle, joint pains initially. Turmeric with its amazing healing properties helps body in these situations and keep body fit for yoga till the body gets used to it. Use of turmeric ensures that one can continue with yoga with ease and for longer duration. This may also help in attaining perfection in asanas quickly. I know a few yoga instructors who advice their new students to drink turmeric milk before sleeping in case they feel mild pain rather than applying external ointments.

  • Purification : Yoga stresses a lot on purification of body and mind. Through asanas one can cleanses not only body toxins but also attain peace. Turmeric also plays a similar cleansing role inside our body and assists yoga. A body free of toxins remains healthy and also fit for yoga.

  • Improves flow of vital energies in body : According to Mr. Prashanti Jager, turmeric also increases the flow of prana (vital energies) in our body. It also helps purification of vital energies.

  • Well known and safe : There can be many more reasons why people prefer turmeric over other herbs, one is that it is one of the safest herbs and also a long track record of providing health benefits (thus well established).

Another article revealed why my counterpart was talking about India when discussing Tumeric with me. It is used as part of Ayurveda.

From an Ayurvedic standpoint Turmeric can additionally be used:

1. As a blood cleanser.
2. As an anti-inflammatory.
3. For nutritional support of the Spleen and Pancreas.
4. To aid in the metabolism of Protein.
5. As a metabolic balancer.

From a spiritual standpoint, Turmeric can aid in:

1. Cleansing the charkas.
2. Cleansing the subtle body.
3. Cleansing the nadi’s (the channels of the subtle body).
4. Cultivating relationships with feminine form of divinity.
5. Cultivating feelings and awareness of prosperity.

I  can’t say I have noticed any significant difference from taking it daily other than accidentally staining my clothing a bright yellow. 😦 However, I trust that it is doing its work. Why else would it have been brought to my attention?

 

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Life Review Panel

After several days of being in a strange calm and having this other aspect (walk-in) in primary control, I am finally being allowed to express to you all what is happening. It is not that I was being commanded to be quiet. This isn’t it at all. It is more like I needed to Be quiet in order to Allow, Reflect and Process.

Even now, though, it is hard to be in the forefront of my own mind. I begin to type and my mind freezes; blanks out. I feel I am not suppose to go too deep into my side of this journey; that there are certain limitations to be upheld. Even those last few words weren’t mine, yet they came from me. I can’t figure out how it is possible for such a thing to happen and just considering it causes me concern. Too much of my Christian upbringing interferes with my logic. It is like I panic and think, “I’ve been possessed!” Yet I know this is total nonsense.

You can see how completely insane this all sounds.

What I am allowed (I hate using that word) to communicate is what happened this morning. So that I will do.

Life Review Panel

When I woke up this morning I knew I had been in a discussion with my Panel, though the word panel was confusing to me. I had only ever heard Council so I knew this was something altogether different. I saw the Panel in front of me as I tried to get my bearings. It was just a flash of memory but then something about that flash brought on everything we had been discussing all at once.

Tears began to pour out of my eyes.

Memories followed. Memories mostly from my childhood. So many memories that I cannot remember them all in the order they were reviewed. It is like pictures of a photo album flipping page to page so fast I cannot keep track.

I grabbed hold of a belief/decision I came to long ago. The decision/belief was, “Nothing good ever lasts”. There were other similar ones like,”I must reject others before they reject me,” and “When I’m happy I get hurt.”

Memories (in no particular order)

I remembered when I was very young, maybe 4 or 5. My mom was laying in her bed and opened her arms up to me inviting me to snuggle. I hesitated. In my mind I remembered receiving both love and hate from her. The feeling she sent me was never consistent and the hate/anger she sent was so unbearable and in direct opposition to the feeling of love. It hurt. I decided then and there never to accept love from her again. I told her, “No” and when she reached out lovingly and hugged me close, I pushed her away.

Then came all the memories from the divorce. Oh I hate those memories! Mom telling me bad things about my dad. Dad telling me bad things about my mom. Mom probing me for answers after I would visit my dad. Me in tears every time I had to go on weekend visits with my Dad. Dad breaking into our house and stealing from us, from me. Dad telling me he would not take me home.  I was so terrified I would never get home that I memorized the 1 hour trip to my Dad’s and was able to show my mom how to get there when she couldn’t find him. Only a traumatized child could do something like that.

I remember crazy energy and emotions bombarding me all the time. No one ever told me what was going on. No one helped me understand. That is when I started begging God to let me die. I thought over and over, “I wish I were dead.” These thoughts have never really gone away completely, either.

As any child under similar circumstances would do, I began to act out. I got more spankings than I can count and was so defiant I  would laugh at my mom when she spanked me despite the pain. I didn’t want her to win.

I remember my mom being so fed up with me that she started threatening to take me to an orphanage. She even showed me a flyer about a boarding school for girls. In one instance, on a road trip to Houston, she stopped on the side of the road and made me get out of the car telling me she would call the orphanage to come get me. Talk about traumatizing! I really thought she was going to leave me there.

It’s not like I was a good little girl, though. I was awful, really. I did awful things. I thought awful things. I use to purposefully do things to get my little sister in trouble. I carved her initials everywhere and cut up my clothes so she couldn’t get them as hand-me-downs. And the thoughts I had back then, no little girl of 7-8 should ever have such thoughts. I was truly disturbed and defiant.

Though I was a straight A student, I went to the principal’s office every single year until I was a freshman in high school. Usually it was because I would tell off a teacher or refuse to do what they asked me to do. When I was 7 I was so horrible one day that I got “the paddle”. This was back when corporal punishment was still allowed. My mom witnessed it. It was humiliating. You know what got me there? I chased down a boy on the playground and kissed him. LOL

Then there were the memories of how I never had friends and the friends I did have  I mistreated. There was the friend who I beat up in the bathroom when I was 4 despite the fact that she was almost a foot taller than me. Then there was the friend who I was mean to all the time when I was 8. I made her cry over and over and never felt bad about it. I thought it was fun (WTF, right?). This all reversed flow on me later on, though.

And I don’t even remember everything from that time in my life. I believe I disconnected from everyone and everything in order to protect myself from all the pain. Everything in my life was destroyed. It is no wonder I decided that happiness = hurt, and decided that anything and everyone I loved would end up hurting or rejecting me. My solution was push everyone away. Reject them first. And when I did allow love into my life, I always knew it would not last, that it would be taken away from me and it would be my fault because I am no good, worthless and deserve it.

Yeah, disturbing.

If you have made it this far, thank you. I am sorry for all the negative history regurgitation.

Questions

After all this memory influx, I was asked, “What do you feel is your greatest life accomplishment?” Without hesitation I answered, “My children”.

Then I was asked, “What do you feel is your greatest life regret?”

This one took me a while but I eventually answered, “I didn’t live. I was too afraid to live.”

Ultimately, then, my greatest regret is succumbing to fear.

They then asked me, “What lessons do you still have to learn?”

And I knew the answer instantly. “I still need to learn how to be alone.” Yay! I am guessing my next life will be fun. 😦

 

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Riding the Dragon

The Kundalini acceleration continues. I am definitely “riding the Dragon”.

I was awakened at 3am from a dream in which I was joining a new group. Prior to this I had visited a team I was overlooking and ran into a gentleman who was overly enamored of me. I was warned that my Light is amplified at this time and to expect more such encounters both in dreams/the astral and in the physical.

I was called to a meeting. I was late so it was embarrassing to be called in at the last minute. There was a special guest in front of the group. I felt out of place. Everyone was so much older than me it seemed. I was worried he would ask me to introduce myself. Thankfully he didn’t. Instead he began to read us all a story. All I recall of it now was that it was titled, “La Luna” and was about an ancient healing modality yet to be utilized on Earth. The healing was performed in conjunction with the phases of the moon.

I was awakened at this time and there was with me a young man who was very excited to meet me. He was not a guide but a member of the new group I had joined. His accent was odd and I could not place it. His energy was sky high and he was completely joyous. His name was Gerard and he told me he was from New Caledonia. I recognized the name but could not place it. He told me it was near Indonesia and French, which is why his accent was so strange. I looked it up this morning and sure enough this information is valid. So if you are Gerard – nice to meet you and I look forward to working with you.

Gerard had much to say. Thankfully, I now keep a notebook and pen beside my bed for times such as these. Here is what he told me:

Your Divine Fire has been lit. It will burn for the next 12-16 months. You are riding the Dragon. You are not doing this alone. Your counterpart is as well. There has been a Divine Union. You have a group of four; an inner circle. Like 2 split atoms; 2 became 4. 4 is a number you are familiar with. It repeats in your life. Your flame will burn uncontrollably until it reaches the 12th house (12th chakra? this is image I saw – chakras way up high over my head). This is complete embodiment. Whole. This process follows the cycles of the moon. La Luna. The magik of La Luna. Your fire will attract others. Be aware of your own energy. You are Brilliant and will be from now on. You are Awake. 

As he was talking to me there was a strange sensation in my root chakra. It felt like a hollow, glass tube was there. I could feel its expansiveness but the energy was normal.

I was able to return to sleep. I guess I am just too exhausted now after several days of interrupted sleep.

Root Chakra Explosion 

I found myself in a dream in which I was riding in a large SUV with family. We had been driving all night and stopped. That was when I saw the airbag had deployed but on the outside of the vehicle. It covered the entire hood.

As members of my group got out to deflate it, I saw a very tall individual wearing a blue jumpsuit. I identified the person as “she” and ran up to her calling her “sister”. She was strange looking – her face so dark I could not make out features. I remember her inviting me to join with her. I told her, “Not in this life, sister. Maybe in the next one.” I was so enthused at seeing her, though, that I gave her a hug. She was so tall that I had to jump into her arms to hug her. She had to be at least 8-9ft tall. She embraced me and kissed me. I held on to her and then realized she had initiated a kind of activation in my root chakra. Energy began to explode down toward my feet. It was a spectacular feeling and so intense that it woke me up. It continued for about 10 minutes afterward. The energy was so intense that it expanded down past my knees in a bubble. I could see it even – it was cherry red but not a solid color. It was more opalescent.

I have had root chakra activity in the past but nothing like this. It was pure ecstasy but also very sexual. I had no control over my body. It is embarrassing but at the same time I don’t really care. It was a spectacular experience.

After the energy abated my entire lower body up to my naval felt similar to how it felt after I had my babies. It is similar to intense menstrual cramping or back labor. I had a flash then of what had really happened. There had been some kind of spiritual surgery done and an intentional activation of the root chakra. It was explained that it was in preparation for the next step in the process coming on Tuesday.

I suspect that the tall, androgynous looking person wearing a blue jumper was likely an ET and one I am familiar with and not afraid of. This is likely why I could not see “her” face as well.

Implants

I was able to once again fall asleep (thank you!) but my sleep kept getting interrupted. I don’t know why They have to keep waking me up! I just wanted to sleep!

Anyway, I awoke this time around from a sign that was placed in front of my vision. I saw the message upon it written in cursive. It said, “Implants Placed.” Then below that was my real, legal name.

Of course this woke me with a start. This has not been the first time I have had a message about implants. I am not sure what they mean, but since my “other” name was used, I suspect these implants are being removed. Good.

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A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part II

I am participating in Barbara Franken’s February challenge and sharing my personal awakening experience in A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part II. 🙂

When I consider my own spiritual awakening, I am at first overwhelmed by the enormity of the task I have set for myself when participating in this challenge. If I start in a linear fashion, from the very beginning of my awakening in 2003, the length of this post would be unbearably long. However, if I look at the various paths I took and the lessons I learned along the way, the task is much easier to swallow.

Constantly Questioning

From the minute I could form my first thought, there was a question. I haven’t stopped asking questions since.

As a child one of the first things I recall doing when I had the ability to, was to go back to my very first memory and remember all I could. Before that first memory, there was nothing. Just blackness. This intrigued me because I could feel something was being blocked from my view. Why was this? Why am I here? What happened before I got here? Where was I before I got here? Who am I?

Sometimes asking these questions sent me down unbearably dark paths for when I asked, “Why am I here?” I often asked my someone external to myself like my mother or my sister. Other times it brought me into great moments of joy and awe for sometimes I was presented with a question in return – What do you think? – and when that happened so did some pretty wonderful realizations.

Meeting Myself

Ultimately, like all those who go searching the deepest, darkest places, I was ran face first into the many facets of myself. I opened a Pandora’s Box and there was no going back. I had to confront myself; everything “good” and everything “dark” had to be inspected. I did this with the help of my Companion, Steven, who is my counterpart in Spirit. He is the part of me who Remembers, as he likes to say. And his role is to share some of that memory with me, in little bits and pieces. But I have to ask the right questions. It is all in asking the right questions.

Eventually, all this questioning, led me to my spiritual gifts. This happened seemingly all at once but really it took about a month for them all to manifest. Suddenly, I was a medium, a healer, a medical intuitive, a channel, and a psychic all at once. This threw me into a tailspin. I quit my job, changed my name, and went on a journey which ultimately led to the beginning of my Dark Night of the Soul. It was an eye-opening journey and one that taught me how to love myself when in the past I could barely look at my own reflection.

During my Dark Night my spiritual progression intensified exponentially. I had spontaneous past life memories that I would re-experience as if they were happening in the present. These would be presented to me for inspection and clearing. My Companion or one of my Assistants would take me through the life, asking me questions similar to how a hypnotherapist does when they walk their client through a past life. Each question would open up more of the life and the accompanying emotions. This was an excruciating process as you can imagine. Many lives had to be visited more than once in order to be cleared. Some are still in the process of clearing.

To date, I have Remembered 30+ Earth lives. The time frame extends from before 10,000BC to the present. Many of them are recorded in my blog sequentially, but I have not yet included them all. I have also recalled lives from other planets/dimensions.

Self-Exploration

In addition to revisiting my past lives during my Dark Night, I also experienced my first spontaneous OBE. This opened up a path of exploration that I never knew existed. What was most amazing is that OBEs finally allowed me to be face-to-face with my Team of guides and, most importantly, with my Companion. Talk about exciting! Suddenly I was visiting other dimensions, other planets, other realms, and my Companion was always there with me. Sometimes I would see him, touch him, hear him. Other times I would just feel him next to me, guiding me and showing me what I needed to see. Through OBEs I was able to tap into yet another unknown part of myself – the timeless, multidimensional, manifesting, and powerful I AM.

Kundalini

Right from the get-go I had Kundalini activity. I didn’t know what it was at first, so it was quite scary. As I got use to it, however, she became like an old friend. She started from the top down at first and all I can say is, “Wow!” Nothing compares to a top-down Kundalini activation. Instant awareness and connection to Source/All That Is. Intense clearing, spontaneous past life recollections, spirit guide communication, and every kind of healing you can imagine.

Then she went dormant for over 7 years accompanied by a seemingly complete loss of my spiritual gifts, a significant reduction in OBEs, and extremely limited communication with my Team of guides. She returned with a vengeance in 2014, this time on a wild ride from root to crown. The sensations this time around are even more intense and the experiences more profound than the first and I don’t think she will be letting up anytime soon.

Contact

The most recent path I have been led down has been the most difficult for me. Contact was made with me by other worldly Beings – Beings from other dimensions, other planets, other times. The first visits were while I was OOB and fully aware. They showed themselves as my own reflection in the mirror or would stand in the shadows. Other times they would wake me in the morning for “briefings” and I would have intense channeling sessions where my crown would seem to just open up and information (light) would pour into me. Oftentimes this would come in the form of codes, or light language. These experiences were also accompanied by memories of the “work” I do as part of the Galactic Federation of Light Ground Crew as a grid-worker and energy worker/healer.

Service

Finally, I am Remembering more and more of my path/purpose here. I am just now beginning to see it fully forming ahead of me; though, unbeknownst to me, I have been traveling it from the beginning. It is the path of service- the reason I am here. To help. To be of assistance. To prepare the path for those to come. I am not completely sure what this will look like but I am more than ready to get started.

So this is my story of awakening thus far and in a nut shell. It is ever-changing and I know it will not be the same today as tomorrow or the next day. My Team knows I get bored easily and need to be kept on my toes and they do their job extremely well! I am never disappointed. 🙂

Next up in the challenge is Mick.

 

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The Fragmented Self

There was much behind-the-scenes work going on last night, not just for me but many others. We are preparing for the ultimate shift, one in which we will be completely transformed. How many are going through this? I am unsure. All I know now is that my soul group are all going through this together. Some are a bit slower than others, but we are all transforming and at lightning speed, too.

I received a clearer understanding of my particular situation. I just woke up knowing it. My transformation is best termed a “walk-in” but the meaning of this was clarified for me (thank goodness!).

I am integrating a higher aspect. This kind of walk-in is very common and usually temporary. However, I feel my particular case is more permanent as there will be a complete exchange of one aspect (the old) with the other (the new). Currently I am “shedding” the layers that compose the “old” me. I have been asked to return to my past – to review memories, journals, etc. If you wish to follow this life review, you can visit my YouTube channel as I am making videos of what I find along the way.

I realized that this is part of the shedding process. A life review of sorts, preparing me for the exchange. It involves more healing and letting go. It is getting easier as I progress, too. I have been doing this healing for a  very, very long time.

The Fragmented Self

A memory from long ago surfaced this morning. I had previously been told by my Companion that I was “fragmented” and later referred to this as my “Fragmented Self”. Essentially, when life gets tough – the tough run and hide (lol) – or at least I do. When there is trauma, a part of Us splits off. This is coping mechanism and very well known in psychology. It was explained to me that I have to retrieve these fragments in order to become Whole. Some call this soul retrieval. I just call it hard work. lol

 I wrote about it in my blog on July 26, 2011. Here is what I wrote:

At some point, a part of me fragmented away from my self in order to create a me that would survive in this body and do well in life. Unfortunately, the memory of that event is strung out over many years [and lifetimes] and it will take time to regain. But with that memory will come clarity. The clarity is the de-fragmentation of my self. I have already felt the  beginnings of it. Tiny moments of complete and utter calmness and knowingness. It is beautiful. And I intend to get to the point where that calmness and clarity will stay. I intend to reunite myself with myself. I think I am on the right path, too.

All this time I have been retrieving fragments. All this time I have been healing a gaping wound that I have carried with me life after life.

I have experienced the return of these fragments over time. At first I just noticed something was “different” but in recent years I have actually felt these fragments return. These fragments are parts of me on other paths as well – my multidimensional aspects. They shattered and went other directions, into a different “times” or dimension. All of this also involves the collapsing of timelines. It is like all of who I thought I was, who I could be and who I am, is coalescing. As I get more parts, as the pieces come together, I begin to Remember more and this snowballs and more and more parts are returned to Me. It is really a beautiful thing.

Rebirth

In my dreams last night I was preparing for my rebirth. There was much discussion on what was coming. Unfortunately, I recall that the present personality that is in charge was not made fully aware. Thus, I was “sleeping” through much of the conversation. I recall snuggling up inside a sleeping bag while my “class” got on a bus to go on a field trip. There were moments when I tried very hard to wake myself up but the heaviness of sleep kept beckoning and I would ultimately give into it. It was during this “sleep” that the majority of the conversations (negotiations) were taking place. I am told that this is for my own protection as I am not yet ready to fully participate.

Every day I feel a little more of the new me and little less of the old me.

There is a feeling of anticipation along with fear with all of this. Who will I be when this is all over and done with? Also, what do I do then? What will my path be? So many questions arise. Yet at the same time I know that this exchange is ultimately the whole reason for this life and the ones leading up to it. I will be reborn into wholeness.

 

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OBE: Good Vibrations

Since I was told I would soon be experiencing another upgrade soon, I asked if I could astral project. I got the go-ahead and so requested again prior to sleep.

Lucid Dream: Uncomfortable Sexual Situation

I found myself inside a dorm room with several other young people. For some reason we were all in one bed together. A young woman with brown hair was entertaining two boys. She was very sexually promiscuous and proceeded to have sex with one boy while the other watched. I was in bed with them with my back turned trying to ignore it all and thinking, “Is she really? Are they really?” This brought me into semi-lucidity.

I finally had enough when I felt something wet on my leg. Disgusted I got out and retreated to the bathroom where I found a bed inside one of the stalls. I tried to lay down and rest there but felt I needed to return to the dorm room.

When I came back out I was inside a large common area and people were everywhere with bags and boxes in their hands. Moving. I saw a young woman who was getting cords and wires together to set up her laptop. She inquired if I was ready. When I saw her I got a very uncomfortable feeling and began to cry. I said, “No, I don’t want to!” With my upset I felt my lucidity increase and the scene shifted.

OBE: Good Vibrations

Then I was drifting in the in-between receiving information about the future plans of Earth. At the time it was like a huge screen was in front of me and it had all sorts of data and graphs on it. The main parts I recall are the maps of various places on Earth. They had horizontal lines of different colors over the top of them. Each line had words inside with a set goal. It was very political but I can’t remember anything that was written and it really bothers me because I know it is important!

Then I was looking at a demographic map of the U.S. The areas where the population was low were marked as areas that needed attention. The goal was to move people to these places. This I didn’t understand but I didn’t question. These desolate areas were important but I am not sure how. I specifically recall thinking these areas would include the states of North and South Dakota, Montana, Wyoming, Idaho and parts of Utah. I did not consider any Midwestern states which surprises me.

Then I was hearing a discussion about travelers who were to visit these low population areas. I heard about a prophet who was very ancient and often traveled to these places to visit certain people.

Then I was observing a field. It reminded me of the fields in Montana – sage brush and grass everywhere. In front of me were three identical midgets. They had brown hair and short beards. I knew they were the Prophet I had just heard about. They had traveled a very long way to be here and I knew they were important so I was very curious about them.

They spoke to a man who was standing in the field. I never actually saw him, though, just felt he was there. When these little men spoke they spoke as if they were one person. One would start talking and the next would pick up in the middle of the sentence and then the third would pick up where the other left off. It continued like this. Not one of them ever finished a sentence without the others. I don’t remember what they said, though.

This is when I entered the scene with full lucidity. I was OOB before but not actually in any specific space. At this point it was like I was shifted into the scene.

The midgets vanished. The unseen man vanished. I was laying horizontally on a hard surface. I could see the sagebrush field in my peripheral vision. My attention was completely focused on the night sky above me. There were millions of stars and my vision was so completely clear that I was in awe while also a bit confused as to what was going on.

I felt the three men around me then but they were not men any longer. I could not see them but I felt them. One stood at my feet and one was on my left and the other on my right at around my stomach area.

I felt a pressure in my root chakra and then an intense vibration. It shot up through the root chakra along my spine and spread out. These vibrations were not like any I have ever experienced while OOB or receiving K energy. It literally felt like someone had put one of those vibrating massagers inside me or a very, very, very long dildo. lol

Startled, my first thought was that these Beings were trying to sexually stimulate me. I tensed up, anticipating that my body would respond. However, I felt absolutely no sexual response from my body at all. I also felt that I needed to not focus on my physical body and to just allow the vibrations to continue.

That is when I felt (was told?) to focus on “the light”. Prior to this I had not seen any light, yet there, high in the night sky, was a very large, almost moon-sized, perfectly white light. It was just off to the right and I focused on it as instructed. What is weird is that I perceived there was another light shining behind me and my conscious mind imagined it to be a street light. It also felt like the light behind me and the light in the sky were one and the same.

The vibrations continued for some time. I felt them from my root chakra through my 2nd chakra and there was a rod-shaped central area they seemed to emanate from. The vibrations spread all the way through my hips and lower abdomen and even down my thighs some. I knew that when the light in the sky disappeared that the vibrations would stop.

The light disappeared and the vibrations stopped.

Then it was over as suddenly as it started and I was on my hands and knees staring out across a sagebrush field. It was dark outside and the stars shown so brightly and were so absolutely clear that I was once again in awe. It reminded me of a night long ago when I slept under the stars in the mountains of Montana – so intensely beautiful.

I looked around and said aloud to my guides, “What do I do now?”

I woke up almost immediately afterward.  The Beings were still with me. I will write about what happened next in the next post.