Category Archives: Healing

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Healing from Evanlon

At about 3pm CST yesterday the energy began to intensify and my third eye and heart chakra were buzzing intensely. I also began to feel an energy wrap around the back of my head.

When I questioned my Team, I heard, “We are here” and I felt a pang in my heart like I had been waiting for whatever it was that was happening.

Rekindling

My husband had given me time alone of almost 4 hours when all this intense energy began to materialize. I spent quite a bit of time doing relaxing things – I took a bath, I meditated and then I lay in the afternoon sun. It was nice!

Later I got a sudden strong emotional draw to my husband. All I wanted to do was be close to him; to feel him, hug him, love him. I got all giddy like a teenager in love! This surprised my husband and me, too. I have not felt this way in years, probably since right after my second son was born in 2011.

Healing Dream

I woke suddenly around midnight with thoughts of an awful Yahoo article I read yesterday. A baby had been found dead in the family’s oven. She had been put there by her two, 3-year-old siblings when all three of them had been left unattended. I could not get the upset over it out of my mind. How must her mother feel? How could she ever love the children who did this in the same way? Why would those children even do such a thing!?

I requested help and though I did not hear anything back I began to feel comforted in knowing that the little girl was okay and in good hands. She had wanted to experience this as had her siblings and mother. Though this helped somewhat it was still hard for me to understand why anyone would agree to die in such a way.

I fell into a dream in which I was meeting with a man who was quite eccentric in dress and manner. He was young, perhaps mid-twenties and was a Reiki practitioner. We were meeting because he was to give me healing.

I recall lots of things about the dream, which indicated the types of things I was healing. Issues regarding my mother, the oven incident I had just woke upset over, and other issues related to the lower three chakras. What was most interesting was the intense attraction I felt to the healer I was working with. I wanted to be close to him but he kept me at arms length always, yet somehow I received healing.

Meeting Evanlon (Ee-van-lawn)

I woke at 6:45am wide awake and in the midst of speaking with the man from my dreams. I knew much more than I usually do about what my dreams mean. In fact, I knew I had been with him to do specific healing to “clear away debris” from my lower chakras.

I asked who he was. He said, “I am an experiencer like you”. I saw him traveling between individuals he helped and remembered how my Companion told me that Earth travelers travel in pairs, one as the experiencer and the other as an assistant.

According to my guide, a spirit guide is “a traveler of the Earth Plane who is assisting others who are traveling the Earth Plane.” This assistance can take many forms, but essentially, the two travel the Earth Plane together – one as the Assistant (or Guide) and one as the Experiencer (us).

Excerpt from Spirit Guide Meditation by Dayna Stone

I said, “You mean Earth traveler?” He said, “Yes”.

I saw in my mind a map of the U.S. around the states of Kentucky, Tennessee, Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia. I saw that he traveled in this area, but that didn’t make sense.

map“Are you in a body, too?”

He said, “Yes”. I wondered if perhaps the map I saw was where he lived in the U.S. and traveled there as part of his “work”. I felt this to be true.

He then provided me with more answers. I knew he was part of my Team and that he was also “on assignment”. He told me, “We are not meant to meet [in the physical]. We have different courses”.

His primary role is as a healer, though he may not fully recognize this in his physical form. He assists others in his group when they need healing. He was now assisting me. I wondered if he was part of my Team. He confirmed he was. I asked if he had worked on me (healing) before and he said, “Yes, many times before and I will so in the future”.

I asked what my role was, was I also a healer? He said, “You have a different role”, but he did not tell me what it was. I knew/know it is more of an adviser-type role. Like a counselor or guide.

I began to fall into the in-between while speaking with him. I wanted to know more specifics and believe this occurred specifically so that I would not doubt the information I was receiving.

I heard a name that sounds strangely like Avalon. I wondered about it and then saw, “Evan” very clearly written in my mind. Then heard the name Evanlon. It was pronounced very slowly and clearly and I repeated it back. I wondered, “Strange name, should I call you Evan?” I received only a repeat of the full name. Now that I am waking I wonder if perhaps he was giving me his Earth name and that he is called Evan Long here? Not sure I will ever know.

I saw then a vision of a bright light in the sky. It looked like a meteor up close brilliantly blazing white but it was standing still. Then it began to fall down. I repeated, “It will fall three feet from you” over and over and this along with the repeating vision caused me to come out of my reverie.

When I awoke I knew the message was for me to expect a “visit”. The light in the sky was a ship, our ship. I heard Evanlon say, “We are helping you prepare for the exchange”.

“Exchange? Like what you told me about before?” I asked, surprised.

“Yes, but it is not as you expect. You are preparing. Enjoy this time of preparation”.

I got a feeling that this “preparation” was a time of calm in my life when I could fully immerse myself in experiencing. This exchange to come was not as clear to me and I am not sure I will ever be able to understand it completely. I actually thought it had already occurred. Perhaps not?

I saw then a vision of the inside of this “ship” and it was very plain with whitish-silver looking walls that appeared seamless, as if dome shaped. I saw others but only as silhouettes. I tried to get a clear look at Evanlon but he kept referring me back to the image of the man from my dream.

“What do you look like?” I asked. He said, “We take many forms. To you I would appear to be silver”. I saw a rainbow of colors on a silhouetted form, as if the individual shimmered.

“What race are you?” I asked.

This did not register to him. I felt that he did not classify himself this way.

“Where do you come from?” I asked instead.

“From beyond your sun”, he said. I asked for clarification.

“Pleiades”, I heard back.

“Where is our ship now?” I asked.

“Beyond your sun but it is not in your time. It is of another dimension”.

I didn’t quite understand. He explained it was not in the realm of Spirit. The description I received was of an energy body with form and shape that could be changed/altered. I had seen this in my OBEs before. It is beautiful.

I fell into the in-between again and again saw a map of the U.S. This time I heard, “Detroit” and saw a fire blazing in a factory-like building. I associated it instantly with the auto industry. Whether this is a premonition or a past event, I do not know.

Awake again, I focused more on the feeling I had when I was with Evanlon in my dream. I asked him about it. He said, “You recognized me. You wanted to reUnite. But that cannot be. We will reUnite when you return to us.”

I asked if this was “sex” because that is how I perceived my attraction to him. The reply was that it was similar but much more. It was an submersion into the other. I saw an exchange of places but within a joined space/energy. The feeling of it is beyond bliss; beyond anything we humans could conceive of. It is not sexual, though sex is the closest we humans can come to its understanding. I also felt this happens when we return “home” – with everyone.

I laughed and thought, “So we have a big homecoming orgy?”

The response I got was that it was not something that could be explained in human terms and orgy was not a good word for the occurrence.

Considerations

I feel strangely calm this morning after all that happened in the night and upon waking. All I can say is that I am open to whatever is about to occur. I feel ready, though I am not sure for what. I do not really understand what this coming “exchange” is.

 

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Healing Work – Dream: My Painting

Behind-the-scenes work is being done and I am being allowed to remember it. This kind of work I am open to, but it has been a long time since I have done this kind of self-healing.

Dream: My Painting

My dreams last night were near lucid. In fact, in one particular part of a long dream sequence I recall being very aware very suddenly of walking down a crowded street. I remember wondering, “Where am I?” and seeing in my mind as I walked a map of the United States zoomed in on Louisiana.

The city I was in was large and there were people walking towards me. I looked at their faces as I walked. I remember thinking, “I am going to meet someone. I am going to meet someone”, but I had no clue who that person was, only that it was a man.

The street I was on seemed narrow and the buildings older than present time. I tried to wrap my mind around the situation but it was hard. I was dreaming and the dream kept overcoming me and my memories would seem to split into little mini-movie screens in my mind. I will recount what I remembered after I finish retelling this dream.

I made it to my destination which was a very tall, sand-colored building that stood much higher than the other very gray, concrete and mortar buildings of the city. It’s surface was smooth and it was shaped like a closed flower – a tulip or lotus – and the tip reached high into the sky.

I don’t know how I entered but the next thing I knew I was inside the building walking along the halls looking for the person in charge. I knew I was in a building of higher education, like an administration building but only in that the people inside monitored a large, intricate system of learning.

I met the man and we walked to hallways. He led me to an alcove where there was a curtain obscuring my view of something behind it. He said, “I still have your painting” and he opened up the curtains and revealed a large oil painting. I was relieved. They still had it. My painting. I looked at it but could only see small portions of it. It was as if it was divided into smaller paintings like a comic strip or story board. I remember seeing various scenes but none of them were familiar. All were in vivid color and depicted normal, daily life activities and important events.

The dream shifted dramatically then, as if I went into the painting but there was no experience of shifting. I was inside a small, barren, stone room with a man. He was older and kind of fat. I sat and knew I was a woman and dressed in clothing that is not of my current time period. It reminded me of the Civil War era.

He offered me a drink and I took the clear bottle in my hand and poured the amber colored liquid. I took a drink. I remember thinking I should not drink as I had a long trip ahead of me.

Then I was shifted again and I was the partner or perhaps mistress of this man. He abused me and I was complaining to someone about him. I remember that I was upset because he asked the servants to give me breakfast for dinner.

Then I was staring at him face to face. Both of us looked as if we had been beaten. Perhaps we had fought? I was allowed to leave, so I did.

The dream shifted again and I was walking in the woods somewhere higher in elevation than I had been. I was on the edge of a hill and slipped a bit which caused me to notice a man standing at the treeline. When I saw him, I went to him and the entire woodland area disappeared and a golden color replaced it.

I saw the man and embraced him and felt such desire overcome me that I could not breathe. I communicated without words to this man who agreed to be with me and I remember feeling his skin against mine as we embraced and kissed.

Afterward

I awoke with my root and second chakra blazing. I felt my guide close and heard, “Parallel life”.  Of course, I wanted to return to sleep, but it was too late. I asked when this life was and was told, “1868”. I knew it was in Louisiana so I thought, “Reconstruction?”

Confused for a moment, I thought back on my dream. I have re-experienced two lives that fit into this era. One in which I was a man in San Fransisco and another where I was a woman in the Midwest. I was confused because the time period of the dream fit with the life when I was a man, yet I clearly was not a man in the dream.

There were tidbits of something else intermixed with the experience. I remember discussing something prior to becoming lucid in the dream. I was in an office sitting at a desk and discussing things with a man both in person and via chat on a computer. I remember discussing a painting and him saying, “You were so into that painting that you worked on it for 10 years”. I remember seeing a painting in its entirety. It was a scene of some explorers looking down on a valley. There were five of them, only one was a woman. I remember the title had “America” in it, but that is all.

In remembering these things, I knew that I had been taken somewhere while I slept. It was like I went to a place of learning; a place where records were kept. I was shown my lives, like a review, and asked to consider the lessons I had learned and those that I had not let go of because of their connection with “human desire”.

The life where I was a man was a miserable one. I had been married and left her behind to go West. There I had very strong sexual urges and could not resist them. I continually “sinned” and then tried to drink away my guilt and shame. I ended up dying from my alcohol addiction a very sad man.

The life where I was a woman was after my life as a man. I had been molested by my father and ran away at a young age. I ended up prostituting myself. I experienced much inner conflict because I had not expected to enjoy my work – but I did. Every time I slept with a man I enjoyed it but I could not get the image of my father and his treatment of me out of my mind. My thoughts were that if I enjoyed sex then I must have enjoyed sex with my father, which I hadn’t and which had caused me much pain and suffering. So I rejected my enjoyment and desire because it was the only way I could deal with the conflict inside me.

Two lives with the same conflict under different circumstances. Why was I being shown this?

I know I have absolutely no desire for sexual connections at this time in my life. I feel a-sexual in a way. It just isn’t there yet in my dreams it is. When I saw the man in the woods (clearly my guide) the desire that I felt was intense, almost like a drug. When I awoke I thought of it and how such a feeling can really mess up a person’s life if they chose to give into it. Am I trying now, in my current life, to avoid making what I feel is a “mistake” by blocking all desire? Interesting.

I suppose it will be revealed in time. I do know that these two lives seem never to stop coming up. Sigh.

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Message from Robert: Data Transfer and Current Task

Again I awoke at 5:30am to a message from my guide. This time it was not E’Fonin but Robert.

Data Transfer

I received yet again data in the form of very fast moving symbols. This time, they did not come from above but rather from the left and moved across very quickly to the right. It was like they were being streamed to me and they came in lines, not dissimilar to stanzas of music except that there were four lines instead of five. The stanzas were golden and shimmered. The symbols I could not isolate or differentiate but occasionally a word or two would appear above the lines of code as if to communicate the main topic being relayed.

As I received the information I understood what it was that I was being asked to do. The words I saw triggered this knowingness. I don’t remember them now, though. All I recall is that the task at hand had to do with detaching from anchor points that I had established in this life. These “anchor points” are what connects me to certain energies in this world. These energies can be people, places and things, but usually they are much more diverse than just a single space or person in a lifetime.

It was explained to me that the particular anchor points I need to detach from are connected to my mother and the home I lived in from 1986 to 1996. The home is not the original anchor point, my mother is, but since she resides there even now, the home has also been associated. This is why many of my OBEs originate in this location.

So I have work to do and this was acknowledged without hesitation. I do not consciously know of any specific issues I need to resolve with my mother and so questioned Robert on this. His response was to show me.

I saw in front of me a fabric satchel, brown in color. I picked it up and it was so heavy it pulled me down. I said, “It’s heavy!” and Robert said, “Yes”. I then understood that this satchel represented all the weight that was carried by me pertaining to my mother and the location where she currently lives.

It was explained that this weight “holds me down” energetically. It was understood that this weight is the weight of karma needing to be released. It was also understood that it was primarily her karma that needed releasing, not mine. Yet, I also had some to release but it was shown to me that it had to do with my deep connection to my mother, an empathic connection which caused me to shoulder my mother’s karmic debt. It is not easy to relate what I was told but in essence it means that I took on responsibility for her karma – to help her.

It was relayed to me that it is very important that I handle this soon, while she is still alive. I asked how, but was not told how. Instead I was told that it would be made known when the time was right. There was an understanding that some of it would be done in another dimension and/or during dream time.

Roles of the Various Guides/Assistants

I asked where E’Fonin was and I was told, “It is time to work in the physical now”. I had been told this before but this time its meaning clicked.

Robert and other guides/assistants like him come to work with Earth travelers like myself to help them with karmic debt and physical incarnation lessons/goals/purpose. Energetically, they are more suited to work with denser energies of this realm. When Robert told me, “It is time to work in the physical” he meant that it is time to resolve physical realm lessons and meet goals previously set to be accomplished via physical form.

E’Fonin and others like him are tasked with our spiritual evolution. They are primarily concerned with raising our vibration so that we can move on from our current, lower energetic state. It is like they are giving us an evolutionary nudge, or in this case “jump”. Therefore, E’Fonin and others like him come only when a spiritual adjustment is being made (chakras, energy attunement and balancing, multidimensional work, Higher Self infusion, etc).

My Current Physical World Task

I am told, “It is time to tie up loose ends so that you can move forward”. In this message I see an unburdening of the Self, kind of like throwing off of heavy clothing except that it it is the actual dissolution of denser energy patterns which we all carry with us. These energy patterns are intricately linked to various other energy patterns of those who we develop strong emotional bonds with over many lifetimes. Sometimes these bonds get so knotted together that we lose sight of our own energy patterns (lessons/karma) and get caught up in those of others. This results in us working to untangle our energy from theirs.

To most, this will seem to dissolve emotional bonds we have with those we love the most. Yet it is not a complete dissolution but rather a cleansing or freeing up of energy so that we can better assist them and ourselves. How can one move freely in life toward their set intentions if they are dragging along the energy of others?

If you can imagine having a large weight chained to your ankle and then multiple that by ten or twenty you would come close to the amount of dense energy we are caught up in. And what’s worse is that we desperately hold onto this “weight”, willing to drag it along with us, because we believe it IS us.

earthValidation

I am currently reading Dolores Cannon’s Convoluted Universe Book 2. As I read it, I am getting validation of visions and information I previously was given.

In Chapter 9, which I read last night, Ms. Cannon takes an individual to a past life in which they and their group were rescued from an Earth cataclysm by Beings from space. The individual relates how once on board the ship they could see what was happening to Earth. What she described was what I saw in a recent vision – a vision of Earth as a ball of fire and smoke, churning much like the surface of the sun.

When I read this I held my breath and started to cry. I knew that had I read this book last year that I would not have believed it. I would have thought it all fanciful ideas that had no relevancy to me or my life. Yet now, I read it and I understand. It is happening again and I am here to assist with the preparation.

I cried because I knew it was true but also because I know it will be much more than just Earth changes. There will be war and devastation. I cried because I love Earth and humanity and I do not want to lose hope that they can be saved. But I know this is to be. It is part of the Divine Plan.

As I have been reading more of the book, I am becoming more and more accepting of what I have been told. I was doubting it, but that doubt is erasing. There is something huge coming, something unlike anything humanity has ever experienced (this line of humanity anyway). My entire Being contracts in thinking about it. There is a deep, inner pain that comes with it and I do not like it nor do I want to acknowledge it. But the more I acknowledge it, the more I am freed from it and can get to work.

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More Manifestations of the Shift

I figured it is time for a quick update on current manifestations of ascension. Below are what I have noticed:

  • Hot Flashes
  • Sweating
  • Mild Cold – sore throat, chest congestion
  • Third-eye activity – pretty much non-stop
  • Crown chakra activity – on and off, usually in conjunction with third-eye
  • Second chakra buzzing
  • Intense heavy feeling in legs/feet (stopped prior to onset of cold)
  • Visual anomalies – seeing shadows or silhouettes of people out of corner of my eye
  • Dry eyes (stopped after onset of cold)
  • Dizzy spells
  • Intense hunger (ongoing)
  • Intense thirst
  • Ear ringing
  • Pressure in ears
  • Ear ache that comes and goes (infrequent)
  • Heart chakra activity
  • Recognition of pieces/aspects of me returning to this body
  • Sudden surges of energy (usually in the in-between)
  • Time hiccups – lost time, time moving fast or very slow
  • Disconnect with this life; feeling alien to this world
  • Intense emotional outbursts and sadness as if losing someone dear to me
  • Periods of irritability and not wanting to be around or near others’ energy

I’ve been sick with a cold. It came on a couple of days ago along with some hot flash-type activity and an intense hunger. I am told this is because I am cleansing and re-balancing my energy. I was told the cold is a result of the imbalance of energy caused primarily from the ingestion of meat over a period of about a week. Part of me thinks this is “crazy” but I cannot ignore the fact that all the feelings of negativity and disconnect came during this period of time.

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Pyramid Meditation and Experience

As predicted in a message I received over a week ago, the 20th brought about yet another strange energy experience.

Pyramid Meditation

I have been reading Dolores Cannon’s Convoluted Universe Book 1 and am nearing the end of it. In one of the chapters there is discussion about how to balance chakras using a pyramid to help funnel the energy into the solar plexus which then balances out one’s whole energy system. This was in conjunction with information on how to manifest in the physical.

Since I had just read about it, I decided to try it as I did my nightly meditation.

The directions are simple:

Relax in your normal meditative position (mine is laying down with head propped on pillow).

Focus on your third-eye chakra while envisioning yourself laying in the center of a giant pyramid. Position yourself 1/3 of the way from the bottom, or base, of the pyramid.

When I did this, I immediately went into the in-between. I mean immediately! There was no time of clearing my mind or deep breathing. As soon as I saw myself inside the pyramid I went elsewhere. I don’t know where I went, but I went fast. So fast that I had this strange energy seemingly come at me with such force that I immediately came back from wherever I had been thinking, “What the hell!?”

The energy was that same energy as I had the night of this blog post. BUT this time the energy was not scary and did not shake me up. It felt more normal and balanced, like I had gained control of it somehow.

It is the oddest energy I have ever felt and I have felt some pretty weird energy! It felt like I was in a million pieces and then converged back into one whole piece. It’s like I am shattered, splitting into different aspects of myself and then reassembled.

The majority of the energy sensation was centered around my head this time. So this may be why I was less shaken.

Explanation

Of course, upon coming out of this strange experience, I went back to the pyramid meditation. This time there was no immediately departure but I think it is because I was looking for the experience. I did have an odd energy traveling through my body. What is interesting is that it did center around my solar plexus!

I requested an explanation but rather than a direct answer, I ended up going elsewhere again.

The memory of what occurred is mostly lost to me now. Again, it was like it was siphoned off before I had a chance to remember it in full. What I do remember is going from one “Me” to another; back and forth, back and forth. I also recall not being alone but having a man with me who was completely white. I don’t remember details of his face but I remember he had human form and facial characteristics.

The energy that went with this movement between “Me’s” is what brought me back to my body. I checked the clock and it was 10:30pm. I had expected much later as I had settled into meditation at 9:40pm. So the time from my pyramid experience to waking from the next experience was less than an hour!

When I finally came back to full, physical body awareness I remember seeing the White man. He was standing next to a smaller White person. They reminded me of statues they were so still. This visual actually shocked me enough to cause me to completely forget what immediately preceded the vision.

Mostly what I recall is the feeling of moving. It was the same strange energy of breaking apart and reassembling. What is odd is that I did not have fear and it felt like it was systematic – go to point A, then B, then C  and then repeat. Could the pyramid have caused this strange movement?

Messages

I returned to sleep but woke several times in the night, each time thinking I had slept longer than I had.

I had several messages during this time:

The number 6 repeated itself. Angel number 6 has to do with maintaining balance between spiritual and physical.

The number 114 repeated itself enough to wake me up, the number still very clear in my mind. Angel number 114 says that if one uses caution and wisdom they will be successful in business and money matters and life in general. This goes well with my thoughts from last night as I kept thinking of my business.

Dream: Slaughtered Cats

Upon waking the last time this morning, I recalled a vivid dream in which I was inside a mobile home cooking dinner. The stove wouldn’t work and the bread was stale. I was with an old man whom I was suppose to marry. He kept asking me what boy’s names I liked, as if we were going to have a baby.

I left, feeling weird about the whole thing, and as I left saw that the house was made of glass and had a specific entry and exit separated by glass.

When I went out of the home, there was a maze-like walkway with walls waist high. The first thing I saw was carnage and fur. Upon closer inspection it was massacred cats. Some were still alive but they were eating the dead cats!

I walked past the cats and went into a hallway that turned into a school. I remember meeting up with some people and telling them, “It’s safe. I made it that way” and seeing all kinds of tarps and posters up in the halls. Though I couldn’t read them, I knew they had messages or invocations that made it safe.

I’m not sure what the dream implies but it was very odd. I have never seen slaughtered cats like this. Most of them were black, too. Maybe I am overcoming some bad luck? 🙂

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Healing Spheres of Golden Light

In an attempt to get a longer, more restful sleep, I gave in and took 25mg of Benadryl last night. I slept until 7am with few wakings for a total of 10 hours of sleep!

Dreams and False Awakenings

The Benadryl gives me that heavy, full-of-sleep feeling, so although I did dream, I have few memories of dreams. The few memories I do have are riddled with false awakenings indicating that I was nearly lucid, but just not quite enough to wake up and recognize I was dreaming.

In one particular false awakening instance, I had “awakened” from a dream and rolled back over to return to sleep only to find that I was feeling a very strong energy in my root chakra and a churning desire in my second chakra. I recognized this and decided I needed to wake my husband to release some of the energy.

I got up out of bed (remember this is a dream but I think I am awake) and look for my husband. I find him sitting inside an unfamiliar car in the driver’s seat. He sees me and is surprised. I have a blanket wrapped around me and still feel very groggy. I reach over and kiss him passionately he. He is surprised and we make out for a short while. I am pleased because I feel such an overwhelming desire for him, a desire I have not felt since after the birth of our second child.

Gaining hope that perhaps we can rekindle that new love feeling, I am about to ask him to come into the house when he points ahead at a person walking along the road. He says,”I wonder why they are out so late?” He is curious and begins to drive toward the woman. This reveals an entire group of people walking along the road. A light appears which I think are car headlights. Turns out it is flashlights and the group is much larger than I thought.

My husband, being the socialite he is, questions the woman who says there is a neighborhood meeting. My husband gathers data from her to the extent that I lose interest completely in my original reason for being there. I remember thinking, “That does it for me”.

I recall following my husband as he talks and mingles with the group and we all walk outside along a dirt path that winds through woods and houses. I am flying in one of these instances and recall being just above the treetops and wanting to get out of there and explore. This is not allowed. I am to observe the scene and I do not like it.

False Awakening Two

I then “awaken” in my bed and hear water running. I wonder why it is running and not stopping so I get up to investigate and find the toilet has not shut off. I fix it and hear a noise in the kitchen.

There is a golden hue in the kitchen (all the house is unfamiliar). I go out and find my middle son is awake. I tell him to go back to bed.

It gets hazy here but I remember then being in a mall looking for my children after returning from the group of people my husband was with from the other dream. I find them wandering around and frantically gather them up to take them home. There is a man giving out wads of 100 dollar bills. I take one and do not believe it is real and throw it on the floor. On my way home I pick it up and say I will give it to my husband as he might believe the money is real.

When we get home the house is full of those people my husband was with. I tell them to leave. I did not invite them and they can’t just walk in without knocking and asking for entrance.

There is this shorter, middle aged woman who is very familiar there. She gives me a defiant look and resists my orders to leave. I see her as a threat to my marriage as she was the one leading the group and my husband tends to go along with what she asks him to do. Eventually she and the others do leave my house but my husband returns and invites them in. I feel powerless to do anything about it and feel a strange uncomfortable feeling. I do not want to feel this in my own home so I leave and stand outside looking at the front door.

Healing Spheres of Light

I awaken feeling this odd energy over my body. As I come to full awareness, I both sense and see these pulsating, golden spheres on my back and shoulder areas. They seem attached to me and I see one is placed where my shoulder and arm meet and another is six inches higher near my neck. Where they are touching me is an odd sensation, one I do not like.

Fully lucid, I want the feeling to go away. Still in the in-between, I see very clearly the golden spheres attached to grayish looking branches or vines. They are “ripe” and falling off like fruit falls off a tree. The vines seem alive, almost fleshy-like and seem to retreat somewhat when a golden sphere of fruit falls off. It is a very alien-like scene, like something from a Sci-Fi movie, and I withdraw from it, wanting it to go away as I still feel the strange feeling. It feels like I am being zapped with energy and where the energy touches me is a radiating alien energy that goes deep into my Being. I feel invaded but it does not hurt nor do I think I should be withdrawing from it. Yet a part of me does not want anything to do with these spheres.

Recognizing that something is being done to me, I wake fully and immediately question the experience. I see in front of me a hand written note on white paper. As I begin to read it I hear my guide say, “Why don’t you take this opportunity to love others?” I remember the dream and my rejection of the large group my husband so happily embraces. I want to retreat from it; to isolate myself from this “group”. The uncomfortable feeling returns and I say to my guide, “I don’t want to. Do I have to?” I hear, “No, but you will have to learn it at a later date” and I know that if I do not learn it now, that I will in another life. I cringe.

The feeling goes away but my hips feel very sensitive and I struggle to get comfortable. The feeling is not like any I have had before. It kind of feels like my legs were popped out of the hip socket and then replaced. Like I had been rearranged.

To Learn or Not to Learn, That is the Question

Fully awake, I perused my dreams, trying to remember them. What I found is that I began to re-write the dreams. For example, where I was in the car with my husband and he sees the woman, I re-wrote it by seeing instead an army in front of us who we both began to fight. There was a full on assault with guns and bombs. I came out of my reverie knowing I had re-written it and struggled to remember the original. The message was not lost on me, though.

In this life I tend to choose to avoid groups. I avoid making connections with groups. I do this to protect myself but also because groups make me uncomfortable. Last night, I stayed home with my youngest rather than go to a party with my husband. I chose this because it is outside my comfort zone. I have always been this way, mostly. Sometimes when I go to a party I am very social and open. But this is rare. I usually stand or sit far away from the crowd and rarely do I initiate a conversation.

I recognize that my real Self is very sociable. For some reason I chose to be the opposite in this life. I remember lives in which I was social and being social was easy. Not so in this life. The dreams I had last night suggest that I am to learn a lesson about sociability. It is linked to my husband and our marriage. I suspect there is a hidden “lie” that needs to be revealed but in order to do this I must step outside my comfort zone. I must challenge myself in order to “free” myself.

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Wide Open

I had a realization yesterday. While at yet another meeting, I began feeling anxious and panicky for no reason whatsoever. Yes, I was at a meeting and expected to voice my two cents, but it was nothing out of the ordinary and usually I am quite relaxed at such meetings. So the anxiety was out of place.

I thought at first there must be geomagnetic storms or something causing the anxiety but something didn’t feel right about that conclusion. I felt I should inspect the feeling more and recognized that I had increases in the anxious feeling when I would focus one whomever was talking.

Was I perhaps picking up on their energy?

That was when the idea came to me to surround myself in protection; to block the energies coming in from all around me.

I visualized an egg-shaped shield of protection around my body while focusing my energy into the ground and out through my crown chakra. When I did this, I unintentionally put up the violet flame. I don’t normally do this. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time I put up an energy shield and I don’t recall ever using the violet flame. In fact, I didn’t consciously think, “I invoke the violet flame”. I just noticed that the shield I had erected around me was a pinkish-purple color and the words “violet flame” popped into my head.

Taking deep breaths I left the shield in place and focused my full attention back on the meeting. My heart rate dropped significantly and my breathing settled. I no longer had anxious thoughts when just moments before I had thought, “I am going to pass out” or “I need to get out of here”.

The rest of the day was similarly clouded with anxious thoughts that made no sense. I did not take the time to put the shield in place as I was too distracted and had already forgotten about my experience in the meeting. I had another meeting at the end of the day which had me a bundle of nerves and no matter how I tried to settled (I even stopped to meditate) the nerves would not calm down. I knew in my heart there was no reason for my concern but I seemed unable to control the anxiety over this meeting because my boss had not told me why we were having it.

At the meeting I soon discovered that my intuition had been right. There was no need for the worry. I was being called in for a consult! Haha!

You are Wide Open

I had a headache most of the day that came and went along with the strange changes in mood. I just felt off-kilter most of the day and could not wait to settle down to sleep. Except, like all of my nights this week, I could not fall asleep. I was tired but wide awake and alert for no reason. Thankfully my thoughts were not ridden with negative visions or strange concerns.

As I lay there trying to meditate I focused on my third-eye and heart simultaneously. When I did, I suddenly saw this odd pattern of energy dancing around me. I recognized it as my aura but it was unlike any visual I have ever had of my energy body. It was in waves of pink and indigo and was moving in and out and through me very quickly like electricity. I could see tendrils of color oscillating across my line of sight. It was absolutely spectacular.

As I recognized what I was seeing, a question began to form in my mind. Before the thought was completed my Companion said to me, “You are wide open”.

With this came an understanding that the current process I was going through was causing this sudden openness to everything that I had previously been closed off to. It was like I had returned to my youth, a period when I was bombarded with similar unwanted feelings and found it difficult to cope. But this time I knew how to shield myself but had gotten lazy over time because it had become second-nature. Apparently I could not rely on the shield just automatically being there right now. It would take specific intention to keep myself shielded from unwanted emotion, energy and negative feedback.

Thankfully my headache is gone today but I have energy sensations around my head. It feels like gentle healing energy all around my head and face. Almost like someone is wrapping me in a pillow of energy. It is subtle and calming.

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Dream: Healing Surgery and Nursing Kittens

Since yesterday’s download I have made sure to maintain the connection via my heart center. It is not an easy task but has been manageable and almost second nature. It appears that I had some training on this at some point in my 10 hours of sleep the night before last that instructed me to focus on my heart anytime I felt unstable.

Listening and Making Changes

I have finally stopped the one cigarette a night habit that I was asked to end over a month ago. I replaced this habit with a new one – reading. I actually use to read nightly before bed while sipping a cup of tea when I had been struggling with insomnia and it was the perfect solution to that dilemma. So it was not a difficult switch back especially since I am reading Castaneda’s The Teachings of Don Juan.

I have also begun taking the supplement Maca root three times a day upon an urging to balance my physical body. This was not a specific instruction, just a gut feeling of mine to try something for my second chakra which has been giving me issues since the birth of my last child by c-section. So far I have noticed it has been helping to purge the meridians between the root and second chakra and the second chakra and the third.

Dream: Healing Surgery and Nursing Kittens

Prior to bed I had a memory suddenly emerge of a lucid dream in which my heart chakra was healed. I knew this was a message that similar healing was to occur in my lower chakras. I asked if I would be lucid and was told, “No”. Accepting this, I fell asleep.

In the early morning hours I had a vivid dream in which I was laying in a hospital bed with tubes and monitors on me. I had just had major surgery and was becoming aware of what had occurred. I looked down at my swollen body and saw my abdomen and entire lower body was fully exposed. My body felt numb and huge, as if I were a 500lb person instead of a 130lb person. I also had a light pink, nearly healed incision line that went across my belly button from one side of my body to the other. I wondered briefly why they had not just used my c-section incision spot. I worried my new scar would mean I would never wear a bikini again.

I was instructed to move about to initiate quick healing and recovery from the surgery. The man instructing me had dark hair and reminded me of a coworker. I listened to him, recognizing him as my doctor.

I climbed out of bed and waddled around. I recall at this time having food presented to me and being ravenously hungry. There were plates of food but the one I recall most vividly was one of macaroni and cheese and green peas. I picked out the peas and ate all the macaroni.

Then I was watching a scene in front of me in which a young girl found 8 small kittens and was feeding them and taking care of them. The girl said she named one kitten “Blue”. I remember shifting into the scene and helping her gather them up and nurse them but the kittens were a strange orange-yellow color. One little gray one was thought to be dead but turned up alive.

Healing

I awoke from this strange dream to a feeling of energy in my mid-section. What is interesting is that the energy was in exactly the same place where the incision had been in my dream. It felt like someone had cut me in half at the stomach but there was no pain. The energy went all the way around my stomach and I could feel it around my middle back.

I quickly connected the dream with the healing energy I was feeling and recognized the presence of my Companion. He confirmed healing was taking place and that blockages in the meridians were the main focus. It was interesting to me that the area of healing was between the second and third chakras and I recalled in my dream that the kittens were a strange orange-yellow color – a blend of the two chakra colors.

I was wondering what this healing meant when my Companion sent me a visual of the energy coming up from the root and connecting to the heart. At the same time I saw energy entering via my crown and connecting with the heart. This visual showed energy flowing into my heart from both directions and there was a recognition that this was a good thing. Then I received a message that this would take time but was 40% complete.

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Rewired

The 180 degree shift in perspective I experienced on the 1st was brief. It barely lasted 24 hours. The day after was difficult with me falling back into pessimism and doubt. It didn’t help that I stupidly drank some wine so I ended up with only 5 hours total sleep.

Events from Yesterday

It actually started the night before last when my husband got mad at me because I wanted to be alone and he didn’t. He saw this as me “rejecting” him and went into a “tantrum” of sorts. The last thing he said to me was that he thought maybe we should consider “other” options for our marriage. These kinds of phrases are becoming more and more his weapon against me and I should have known it was nothing other than hot air, but it bothered me nonetheless. This, along with the one glass of wine I drank kept me up until 1am.

The next morning I awoke grumpy and went to work without incident. The day went fine but I could not shake the unease caused by my husband’s words the night before. I spent the day thinking about my life and what I wanted to keep and what I didn’t want to keep. Sadly, I was ready to throw it all to the wind and this bothered me immensely. Where was my heart in all this? Non-existent it seemed. Note: Apparently Venus retrograde invites reflection upon relationships to determine if they should stay or go but to hold off on the decision until after it goes direct. Venus goes direct on the 8th but I do not plan to make any changes.

When I got home it was like chaos had hit with a vengeance. My mother-in-law watches my two youngest during the day. She had been instructed to not let them upstairs unattended, but apparently she forgot and I discovered a pair of my eyeglasses had been twisted backward. Thankfully they were the old pair but my new, $400 pair was missing. I went searching and found them safe and sound but covered in little fingerprints.

What was really crazy is that my MIL had done damage all on her own. She had gotten a spoon stuck in the garbage disposal and somehow flushed one of my baby’s shirts down the toilet!

My remedy to this awful mess at home was to lock myself in my bedroom and do 35 minutes of heart-centered yoga. Ahhh!

Rewired

I went to bed wanting the day to disappear and asking questions of my Companion about the purpose of all this and how to fix it all. He responded, but I don’t recall now what he said (this seems to be the pattern these days). I meditated myself to sleep and had more strange dreams.

In one dream I was depositing a $5,200 something check. In another I went to an airport and found a black and white cat in a bag on the elevator. Then I was discussing going on a trip to the Caribbean but I could not take my “boss” with me. At this point I suffered extreme sadness and loneliness as I was told that this trip was a solo trip.

When I awoke I felt somber and asked why I had been told, “We will bring you Home” only to have not have this happen. I was told that Home was within me and that I had misunderstood the message. This, of course, only made me more depressed. It was explained to me that I was being “rewired” but at the same time I heard “retrial”. I felt them to be one in the same.

Strange Memories Resurfacing and Evaporating

Finally, I have strange past-life memories resurfacing at odd times. Mostly, I do not remember them after I have them resurface. It is like they are rising up out of me like smoke, disappearing as they escape. Sometime I can regain the memory, but this is unusual.

One such memory of remembering returned to me while driving. I suddenly remembered waking up one night and remembering suddenly that I had once murdered my own child by drowning him. The memory was not as vivid as the extreme guilt that came with it and I thought to myself, “I should be punished”. With this thought came my Companion’s words, “Haven’t you been punished enough?” and I recalled the life before this one where my own father had drowned me when I was only a child. With this memory came the realization that I have been holding onto the belief that I deserve to be miserable for what I did and that I have been punishing myself ever since. With this belief came also the belief that I was not a good parent. I saw the Karmic cycle and at first thought the child I had drowned had drown me in a later life. I knew this was not the case as it was the actual emotional loss that was cycling, not the relationship. Karma is not revenge, it is a self-inflicted purging.

This all occurred in mere seconds. The words of my guide seemed to help evaporate the feelings that arose within me and I fell asleep quite quickly upon their erasure, the memory of it gone as quickly as it arrives. Yet, it returned to me the next day only to again be lost. I only remembered it yet again when I began to fall asleep that night.

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Dichotomy

Lots of change happening. First off, on the first day school resumed after summer break my morning started off with news that my sister-in-law had gone into labor five weeks early. I knew that meant I would likely have to leave work early and I did. Then I had to change my schedule because they kept mom and baby in the hospital for observation. I guess they do that when baby is really early. So today was my first full day back at work. Thank goodness I can change my schedule!

The day was busy, but not hectic. I had sent out a form in Google Docs, the first ever and I really like it! Anyway, I had four referrals and so had to follow up on each of them. In addition I had some other things to do and so the day filled up fast.

What is memorable about this day, though, is the last minute referral of a student who had been crying nonstop since Monday. When I went to see him I knew he was struggling and when he saw me his eyes immediately filled with tears. We went for a walk and chatted and I listened and felt such overwhelming love for him and his predicament. I understood him and I wanted to make him better yet at the same time I was somewhat detached and calm. In a way, I think this detachment helped me help him better because by the end of my time with him he was calm and I could tell a heavy burden had been lifted from him. I gave him hope and in that I think was the biggest gift I could have given him.

I didn’t realize this, of course, until I was on my way home over an hour later. It suddenly hit me then all at once and my heart overflowed for him. His mother had written me and told me thank you – that he was so much better for talking to me – but that wasn’t it. I understood him because I had been him so many, many years ago in my youth when I was nearly his same age. How horrible to have all that one believes to be solid and true in their life snatched away and smashed to bits. That is what his world is now and what mine had been so many years before. I had no one and was not nearly as receptive as he.

And I know he will be alright and I think that is the best feeling ever.

78

All this happened before I thought about the significance of a number I received in my dreams last night. I was discussing the years 1978-1979 for some reason. I remember recognizing that I had already been born and speaking the year 1978 as if I were trying to figure out what was going on. The number returned after today’s events and so I looked it up.

The number says that one has reached a balance between the spiritual and the mundane and with this comes an inner peace and joy as well as material abundance.

When I read the meaning of this number I knew that my experiences today were significant. For the first time in a very long time I felt true heart emotional connection to my work. The overflow I felt has not been felt by me since around the time of my daughter’s birth. I have been blocked to my work and my connection with those I worked with since then. Yet today I felt it again. It spilled out of me and was not sorrow but a mixture of emotions that are indescribable and beautiful. I felt a true connection and purpose that I had all but given up on.

All I can say is that sometimes I feel that a part of me never gives up on me yet at the same time another part of me wishes only to destroy my only chance at happiness. How strange to be so dichotomous. I wonder how I have made it this far at all.