Category Archives: Healing

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Rejection of Mankind

I had a very healing sleep last night. It was full of dreams but I won’t go into detail on them. Instead I want to elaborate upon the realization I awoke with.

Rejection of Mankind

As usual, I did not want to get out of bed when I awoke and my Companion was close and prompting a “review” of the night’s events.

I recalled many dreams in which I was observing today’s youth and intercepting them when they did unacceptable things. This recollection rekindled the deep loss which I suffered during my long stent working with juvenile detention and alternative youth programs. The rejection of my attempts to help was a huge loss for me since that was my purpose for being there. To have your purpose thwarted day in and day out eventually tears you down to a point of apathy in regards to that purpose.

In recognizing this loss I also saw that I had come to many conclusions about mankind:

  • Mankind is hopeless and cannot be saved.
  • Mankind is more bad than good.
  • Mankind is lazy and selfish.
  • Mankind will choose the easy route over the hard one.

Ultimately, I decided I do not like human beings and rejected being one.

Upon analysis, I spotted it: In rejecting mankind, I rejected myself and limited my ability to take part in the wonderful aspects of being human. I slowly disconnected myself from all that it is to be human and in doing this closed myself off from the human aspect of myself.

Because ultimately all that I concluded about mankind, I also concluded about myself:

  • I am hopeless and cannot be saved.
  • I am more bad than good.
  • I am lazy and selfish.
  • I will choose the easy route over the hard one.

Such beliefs sabotage one’s ability to create because it is these beliefs that form one’s reality.

I also recognized that in rejecting mankind, I also rejected my children, my husband and my family; thus, isolating myself even more.

When I searched deeper I saw the pain I was attempting to hide from: If I cannot help the younger generation, how can I help my own children? How can I save them from the evils of being a part of the human race?

My failure and subsequent loss related to working with today’s youth transferred to my own children in my mind. Additionally, it transfers to my current counseling position in that I do not expect those I work with to get better and so I do not put forth the effort I once put forth in my earlier days.

In my earlier days I believed in each and every one of the kids I worked with. To me, they were all special and exceptional. In contrast, when I look at the children I work with now, all I see is their faults and not their potential.

Solution: Return of Purpose

The solution to this dilemma is simple: return to a point in time when I was having great wins and fulfilling my purpose. “Return” here means to go back to a moment where I felt accomplished and relive it in as much detail as I can. Do this over and over until there is a realization.

Since I have yet to do this, I am not sure how it works exactly but it makes sense. It does not undo all the loss I have experienced. This will have to be dealt with on its own. When this will occur, I don’t know, but it will at some point. I cannot continue to live without purpose; numb to experience and to others.

It is clear to me that this is where lies the disconnect between my upper and lower chakras.

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Savasana Meditation

While my baby took his afternoon nap, I felt I needed to lay in savasana and meditate for a while. I situated myself on the floor in my bedroom, head facing north and palms up to receive.

Almost immediately I began to feel hovered over by several guides. My Companion, or main guide, was to my left instructing me and explaining what was happening. There was more of a feeling of his guidance than words, though I did hear sentences every now and again.

My head had been buzzing prior to meditating but now it was becoming the massive energy helmet I have become use to. The only difference in the helmet was that it did not extend around the back of my head as usual but just covered the top, sides and forehead.

As the energy increased I heard, “Focus up” and so I rolled my eyes up and back into their sockets, focusing as best I could on my third eye. I then heard, “Tell me if you feel pain”.

I tried to stay focused on my third-eye the best I could but my second chakra was lighting up. The energy formed a kind of upside down crescent moon shape with my belly button in the middle. The energy did not hurt but I could tell there was something different happening in this area.

Around the time my second chakra began to buzz, my heart chakra also began to activate and there was a memory of a dream I had when much healing work was being done on this area. I felt something similar was happening, though not for the same purpose. This was an alignment.

My Companion was now near my crown and I felt the presence of three others all down near my second chakra. I could not see them but the feeling of their energy was large and they seemed to fill up all the space right above me. I felt cocooned.

I again received instructions to focus upward, so I did, but I kept being distracted by my second chakra and the strange occasional surges in my heart chakra.

As I lay there accepting the healing I began to have thoughts that are not common for me anymore. They were barely there but the presence of them incited a comment from my Companion, “That is good”. The particular thoughts were of wanting that wonderful desirous feeling that comes with new love.

The thoughts faded as quickly as they came but there was an energy that lingered and I could feel movement in my root chakra. The energy there did not rise but seemed to spread out and settle. My second chakra continued to buzz strangely.

Then my right leg began to feel funny and the muscles in my thighs around my knees began to twitch. I knew there was tension in my legs from the energy, especially my right leg. This also reminded me of the heart healing dream I had. My right leg had been involuntarily kicking during the dream healing. I wonder what causes it?

Eventually the energy blanket that comes with entering light trance brought me out of a reverie I did not know I was in. Interestingly at this same moment my baby awoke from his nap and my husband arrived home with our other two children. It seems the healing session was over.

I feel blessed to have received such wonderful healing. Thank you.

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OBE: I Need You, You Need Me

I awoke at 6:30am disappointed because I had not gone OOB or had a lucid dream, which I had asked for prior to sleep. My guide was close and the memory of my dreams still vivid. I recalled a lesson I had been learning while sleeping, but only the gist of it: that all of us and every thing in the universe is composed of the same material. This knowledge and the memory of my dreams made me feel empty for some reason. In fact, I was succinctly aware of the emptiness I felt and upset that I was still feeling it even after all the spiritual “advancing” I’ve been doing.

My guide was close and I understood the message that we are the same but I wanted to know, why am I still here on Earth? Why do I feel like this? Will I ever feel fulfilled? I heard/felt that my Companion wanted me to be happy so I said back, “I am not happy here, so why don’t you just take me back?”

I rolled over on my side still overly aware of the empty feeling. In fact, I felt like just a shell with nothing inside – no urge, no passion, no nothing. It is not a fun feeling to have.

As I was laying there, my Companion communicated with me but most of it is lost to me now. What I do recall is that I heard music; a song being sung by a lovely voice and background music. It sounded familiar, like Enya, but nothing she ever sang. I tried to ignore the music but got a nudge to tune into it. Listen.

OBE: I Need You, You Need Me

As I listened to the music, I heard the message. I don’t remember it all word for word now, but it was a message of love, encouragement and optimism. The most poignant part of the song were the words, “I need you, you need me”.

I got caught up in the music, letting the violins and other instruments of the background music sway me into its rhythm. I recognized that the music made me feel lighter; calmer.

The next thing I remember is that my right eye seemed to open of its own accord (my left eye was covered by the pillow). I saw my bedroom wall, the green paint cast in a brilliant golden glow. The vividness of my normally blurry, uncorrected vision, was absent. This vividness clued me in to the fact that my physical eye was not open. I was looking at my bedroom with my astral eye!

Though the music was still playing and the woman still singing, I took advantage of the opportunity to exit and simply got up out of bed and my body. I felt no vibrations, no energetic shift – nothing. In fact, it was as if I had been transported instantly to a brighter, more colorful version of my own home.

Up and out of my body, I traveled out of my bedroom and down stairs. My vision stayed on, crisp and clear. The golden shimmering of the atmosphere which was my new house seemed to dance around me as I moved. The music and singing continued. By now I was singing along.

I went down the stairs and then found that I moved in circles, as if my stairs became a winding staircase that moved up instead of down. I stopped and looked across at the point from which I started the “descent”. I was directly across from it. There had been no descent or ascent! I had just gone in a circle!

Still singing, I again started down stairs. I could hear my husband talking to someone. I knew he was leaving early for a trip to San Antonio and I wanted to kiss him goodbye. The words of the song began to repeat now: I need you, you need me.

This time I did descend and stood watching my husband standing at the front door with another man. I assumed it was my brother-in-law but I am not now sure that was who it was. I focused on my husband more than him.

As I began to move toward them, one my boys, completely naked and golden in color, ran right past me. He moved so fast he was like a streak or a ball of energy more than the form of a person. I said hello and put my hand down to touch the top of his head (must have been my oldest son). I felt his hair brush my hand as he ran past.

Still focused on my husband I said to him, “Have a good trip”. He smiled and said, “Thank you”. I lifted up off the ground and began to fly over toward him, intending to hug him. He put his hand out and said, “Be careful” as if he thought I would knock him over in m exuberance.

I slowed down and came to a stop in front of him. I looked closely at him and reached out my hand to touch his eye. I said, “What’s that? You have something on your eye”. I touched his left eye and saw that what looked like a sty. I closed my eyes and kept my finger there, sending healing to him.

As I sent the healing I felt my energy destabilize. I did not attempt to stabilize it. Instead I allowed myself to be drawn back into my body. I settled back in without incident, still hearing the words of the song in my mind. “I need you, you need me”.

Clear Message

When I opened my eyes back in my body I immediately knew my Companion had given me what I asked for. Once again, my “tantrum” was successful, but I did not feel thrilled to have gotten my way. I still felt empty. The message was clear, though, I was needed and I need my Companion. Similarly, we all need one another. That is what’s missing and why I feel empty, or at least part of why. I lack meaningful connections in my life.

I suspect the OBE encounter with my husband was to show me that there is an obstacle in my path. The sty specifically symbolizes this obstacle and is likely representative of the avoidance of intimacy in my life. I attempt to heal it, so I recognize my own ability to heal this issue.

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Purification Update and Other News

My purification is going well. I am on day 9 today and feeling better everyday. When I first feel the Niacin it is intense but the flush doesn’t last as long and the prickling and burning sensations are also decreasing. I also do not have significant purging of chemicals, medications and other toxins. For example, yesterday I just felt my neck get stiff and had a stink come out of my pores. I end off each day feeling refreshed and positive.

Sleep

My sleep has improved significantly since starting. I sleep a solid 8-9 hours and only wake once. Once! I sleep so hard that when I wake up I rarely remember my dreams and even if I do, I don’t care about them. The sleep is just awesome! I have not slept like this since my teen years. Oh how I’ve missed it!

Unfortunately, I am not receiving any guide communication or experiencing any lucid dreams, in-between states, or OBEs. I just sleep and wake and go about my day. I suspect this will continue until the purification concludes. I am already halfway through so am hoping I will be done in another 10 days or so. Fingers crossed!

Spiritual Happenings

Though I have not had much in the way of a spiritual connection this last week, I have had some interesting things occur. The night of the 20th I was hit with a sudden twinge of nervousness. It hit me deep in the stomach area and came out of the blue, you know the “sick” dread feeling? I could not mentally figure it out so I focused on my heart space. The answer I got was that I was being asked to make some kind of decision. I remember running from this decision, whatever it was, and finally announcing to my guides, “I don’t want to do that now”. The feeling immediately vanished and has not returned.

Yesterday I was watching TV and felt a distinct shift in the energy around me. I wondered about it, but again, trying to mentally figure it out was not happening. So, I focused on my heart and recognized where the shift was coming from. It was a “change of guard”. In other words, my guides were changing out. Not all of them, but some of them. This is not really an unusual occurrence, just not often recognized when it does happen.

The number of guides I have around me has shrunk substantially during the purification process. I am back to my usual 4. Sometimes there is the usual 12 I have become accustomed to, but so far more often it is just the 4. I suspect this is just a temporary thing and honestly, I don’t care much one way or the other. I am enjoying my sleep!

Response to Blog

A final thing that happened this past week was a first for me since I started my blog. I got a nasty, insulting blog comment. It was only one word and I quickly marked it as spam. What is interesting is, just a week prior, I had a dream in which I received a nasty blog comment and was discussing with my guide how to respond to such negativity. So it was really no surprise when I got the comment. I feel like my guides had prepared me well for it and others like it.

It is amazing to me how much I have changed and this negative comment helped me see this in myself. I did not react with upset or anger. No Ego reaction at all. I just saw the connection with my dream, acknowledged it, marked the comment as spam, and then went on my way. Occasionally, I would think back on it as if I was looking to see if any part of me would react. It was like I was probing for the Old me, to see if any remnant of her remained. I could touch her reactions but only as memories. It was and is such a freeing experience to be able to detach from that part of me. Every day I wonder if she really is “dead” and if so, when exactly will I finally “bury” her?

Honestly, I think the anxious feeling I had on the 20th was a request to finally “bury” her  (the Old) and I was not, still am not, ready to do that. I feel I am still holding onto the memory of her with a fascination that is hard to describe.There is an almost obsession with all that was in comparison to all that currently is. Was that really me? Where did she go? Is she still in there?

It is like getting out the old photo album. You see yourself years ago and laugh at your hair, your clothes, or the silly and sad memories that go along with it. Part of you wants to go back and try to re-experience the old times, to feel it as if it is real right in the present moment. But there is only so much that can come of that and eventually you put the photo album away to gather dust. Eventually, there is little interest at all in ever looking back.

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Strange Chills

Today is day 5 of my purification and I feel like I have been doing it for a month. Yesterday’s dosage of Niacin caused me to have the strongest reaction I have ever had to it. I literally looked like I had a very bad sunburn on all exposed parts of my body. I didn’t feel bad, just looked bad. There was some tingling but not much and it was not as bad the first reaction I had, which is interesting. Later, after the flush faded, I had unexplainable bouts of depression just hit me for seconds to a minute at a time and then vanish just as quickly.

I suspect that what was getting purged from my system is years of the antidepressant Zoloft. Though I didn’t take large quantities of it, I did take it for an extended period of time in my late 20s. Ever since coming off of it I have had to wear earplugs to sleep because I became a horribly light sleeper. I am hoping when this purification is over that the earplugs will no longer be needed and whatever damage was done by that horrible drug will be reversed.

Spirituality

One of the worst side-effects of this purification is that I have lost almost all spiritually related experiences since starting. I understand this is because my physical body is going through quite an ordeal, but I feel extremely cut-off from my Team and Council now. They are there, as proved the other morning by them waking me up to a message which I then wrote out and posted, but other than that there is very little communication. Even when focusing on my heart space all I get is a sense that all is okay and going well. That should be enough, I suppose, but I wish I could have a cool guide-encounter via dream or OBE.

There is, of course, the occasional crown chakra tingling and feeling that something is going on beyond the veil between myself and my Team. The knowingness is only via a feeling and if I try and figure it out more than I just can’t seem to get anywhere. My mind is blocked, which I think is the point. Feeling the communication should be enough, right?

Strange Chills

I did want to mention something that happened on my way home from my purification yesterday as it was very odd and a first for me.

While driving there were moments when the traffic would suddenly stop and this would, of course, cause me to react and my physical body would send adrenaline into my arms and legs momentarily. It was not huge amounts of adrenaline, either. However, for some reason, I felt a cold chill on my skin, almost like I walked into a deep freeze but even colder than that. It felt like every nerve in my body activated and was quite similar to localized kundalini energy sensations I have gotten in the past.

After it happened the first time, I became use to the traffic conditions and the adrenaline aspects stopped but the chills continued. So, it was not the adrenaline itself causing the sensation. It slowly wore off over the length of the drive until it was no longer noticeable and I was hit with an intense exhaustion.

If I had not had all of the odd energy sensations I have had in my lifetime, I would have gone into panic over the strange chills. They were quite intense and very distinct. I decided to enjoy the sensation rather than reject it and they almost had a soothing quality to them.

I am curious if they will show up again today. I suspect something about the purification – the Niacin and length of time in a sauna – caused this phenomenon. Perhaps it was the Zoloft and other similar medications I have taken in the past being purged? I can only guess.

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Purification Progress

Today is day four of my purification. My cold is gone and I am becoming use to the changes in routine due to the program.

I had more energy yesterday after I finished the program, enough that I was able to do my normal activities. For the first two days of the program I had to lay down and take power naps, so the increase in energy back to my norm was nice. Unfortunately, the increase in energy made it hard for me to fall asleep last night.

Results Thus Far

Besides the increase in energy, I had some serious reactions to the Niacin on day 2. Not only did my skin flush but I got dizzy, nauseated, light headed, and tired. This only lasted about a half hour, thankfully. I suspect the Niacin was releasing the radiation from old sunburns, x-rays and other toxic substances as all the symptoms I experienced are classic radiation symptoms. Today my dosage increases again so I expect more releasing of toxins, though with less intensity.

I am also getting use to the increase in cardio. I use to run almost daily before my third child, but stopped and replaced it with weight training and that has been my routine ever since. Getting back into the routine of running, even if via interval training, has been hard to return to. Follow that with hours in the sauna and any body would want to sleep the rest of the day!

I am drinking a gallon of water just while doing the program. I then drink probably close to another gallon when I am home. The results have been a purging of my skin. While I am in the sauna my face looks like I recall it looking in my 20s. Unfortunately, when I get out is when the wonderful skin problems erupt. I suspect this will diminish over time as I am already seeing it do so. It is like getting a very long facial every day. 🙂

It is important to eat 6 servings of veggies per day and so I have been doing so. I normally eat 3-4 (inadequate) so this has my body a bit confused and I am suffering some digestive discomforts but these are diminishing as well now, too. I mostly eat broccoli, spinach, carrots and bell peppers but am diversifying because I think the broccoli is causing me to bloat. lol Last night I ate cabbage and bok choy, with no side effects. My new favorite snack is now miniature bell peppers. So yummy!

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Purification

Yesterday I began the long process of purifying this physical vehicle (body). I have done this in the past (8 years ago) but am doing it again for several reasons. First, I had a c-section last year that pumped my body full of nasty medications (morphine for one) and have had several rounds of antibiotics along with various pain medications and local anesthesia. This along with environmental toxins, past recreational drug use and psychological medications, I figured it was time to do it again. I also want to help this spiritual process I have been going through by making sure the body adequately adapts and adjusts to it.

The routine is simple. Take prescribed amounts of various vitamins and minerals, exercise at a moderate intensity for 20-30 minutes and then do a stent in the sauna. The main ingredient here is the Niacin as it is the vitamin that helps dislodge residual drugs and toxins that are lodged in the fat cells of the human body. The exercise circulates the Niacin, which often causes a major flushing and tingling of the skin, and the sauna heat causes the body to sweat out the toxins through the skin.

The time in the sauna is extensive. Yesterday I spent 2 hours in it. Today will be 3. The next day, 4. Then I think it plateaus. I will continue the program until there remain no more reactions to the Niacin and my body has flushed all the toxins. It can take 3 weeks or longer going in daily, so it is quite a regime.

Day One

It is funny how 8 years changes you. Last time I did this program I felt rejuvenated and full of energy. I looked forward to the run and enjoyed the sauna. Yesterday, however, I felt like a slug as I ran on the treadmill and the sauna seemed to suck the life out of me. My blood sugar dropped (my fault) and my blood pressure dropped at the same time and so I got dizzy and nauseous. Thankfully a bit of food and cool air resolved that quickly.

When I got home I felt exhausted and couldn’t get enough to eat and drink. I drank a gallon while there so was surprised I wanted more water. I probably drank another gallon at home. I craved carbohydrates and couldn’t get enough so finally broke down and had  a tootsie pop. lol I am still getting over this cold so that also hit me in the evening like usual and didn’t help how I felt (yes it is safe to do this program with a cold).

I slept like a rock last night, getting about 9 hours of sleep, but I am still tired today. I just want to lounge around and do nothing but will be leaving for day two of the purification in an hour. I know that this feeling of exhaustion will leave soon enough as my body adjusts to the change in routine, I just wish it didn’t hit me like a ton of bricks.

I don’t know how much spiritual activity I will have while on this program, so not sure how often I will write. I am not motivated to do much right now and my focus on the spiritual is none.

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Heart Center Adjustment

As I mentioned in my last post, I was unable to fall asleep last night. Part of it was my illness, but the other part had to do with an odd feeling in my heart space.

The feeling is hard to describe but it felt as if there was trapped energy there. I had requested help from my guides to fall asleep and was instructed to focus on my heart space. That is when the strange energy became very strong. It was not the normal pulling sensation nor the vortex-like spinning I am use to. Instead, it felt like my entire midsection from my collarbone to my pelvis was buzzing, jumping and shooting with electrical energy. It was not a comfortable feeling and reminded me somewhat of being anxious, but it was not the same.

Oddly, the sensation pulled me into the in-between and I lay there for so long I thought I must have fallen asleep because I don’t remember anything from that time period. I want to say I was in the in-between at least half an hour. When I regained awareness, the strange feeling was intensely apparent and large, like my entire mid-section were engulfed in electrically charged flames. I didn’t feel hot, though, just different, as if I were split in two but only in that part of my body.

I awoke and then went back into the strange sensation which now no longer bothered me, falling into a very deep sleep. My dreams were in an environment I have not been in before where the atmosphere is similarly charged with the same heart-space energy except in the dream the energy was deeply calming and felt like an extension of myself.

When I awoke there was a knowing that I had received intense healing. I also knew the illness I currently have is a direct result of some of the changes I am going through, My body is reacting to them, adjusting and correcting itself. I am glad a cold is all that resulted!

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Dream: Bluejay Turned Cat

I couldn’t fall asleep last night because of a nasty head cold I came down with a couple of days ago. It is funny how this cold works. Through the day I feel fine but then once the evening approaches I begin to get all stopped up and my throat hurts. I can’t sleep with a stopped up nose and sore throat. Nasal spray and Benadryl were my go-to’s but it still took me until midnight to fall asleep.

Bluejay Turned Cat

I was inside a house talking to a parent-figure for some time. The house seemed filled with twilight – the ambiance was calming with a bluish-gray tinge and sparkling energy that was energizing and familiar to me. I never saw who I was speaking to but I knew him.

Suddenly, I saw what appeared to be a large spiderweb covered in dewdrops. It was spectacular looking except that there was a large bluejay trapped in it. The bird was flopping around trying to get free and I watched it, hoping it would succeed. I eventually felt bad for it and stopped my conversation to help free it. However, it freed itself without issue and flew off.

I followed it and found myself walking in the twilight on a beautifully manicured green lawn. Down below was a large lake with cattails and lily pads. There was still an energy and bluish tinge to the air.

I watched as the bird turned into an orange striped cat. He was meandering toward the pond. He would turn into the bluejay ever so often and this did not seem to bother me. To me, they were one in the same.

The cat stopped and seemed to have something around his leg. I went to try and help and he flew (turned bluejay) across the pond to the other side. He then ran out of my sight, again turning into the cat.

I noticed he had dragged something with him across the lake. It was a green extension cord. How odd.

I was speaking with a boy at this time, my other half or twin. We decided we wanted to get the cat and he said the parent person had a boat. I saw it in my mind, a nice, flat bottomed boat. We requested to use it and permission was granted. However, I was afraid I would fall out and explained I had never been in a boat before. I was told I would have to do it without the parent person’s help. I would have to row my way across on my own.

Interpretation

I felt to be in a school situation at this time and much of the conversations I had are lost to me. However, the dream symbolism suggests I have overlooked something (bluejay) and am trying to control my spiritual progression (stuck in web). The bird turns into a cat suggesting that the overlooked aspect is connected to the spiritual feminine, independence, creativity and power. The green cord could be symbolic of connection to the spiritual like the silver cord so often observed in OBEs by others. Green symbolizes healing.

I seem uncertain about how to retrieve what I desire which is to help myself heal and reconnect to my spiritual feminine, independence, creativity and power. It is important to note here that bluejays also can symbolize the mind, body, spirit.

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Clearing the Path

My night was full of healing dreams last night. I had so many that it would be the longest post to write about them all. What seems to be happening, though, is that I am being guided through memories from my early life – teen years mostly. In one dream, I even ran into my high school friend’s father who died several years ago. I told him,”You look different”, and he asked me, “How?”  I said, “You don’t look so harsh”. Of course, this is a reflection of me more than him, but it was so very vivid that I wondered if I actually met him or if it was a dream creation of mine to help me learn.

I recall having a conversation about that high school friend, discussing how I felt I should still keep in touch with her. My guide asked me questions that I did not hear aloud and I reflected upon our severed relationship. I felt guilty for not being there for her during her cancer but then I realized we had drifted apart long before then. I remember saying, “We were too different”. At the end of that dream I realized that relationships are purposeful. She came into my life to help me and when she was no longer needed, she left. I acknowledged this and moved on.

In another dream I ran into an old coworker who I feel I wronged. I hugged her upon seeing her and she flinched as if I hurt her. She put her hand to her left shoulder and held it and I apologized asking, “Did I hurt you?” She did not reply and I realized she had a chip on her shoulder which I reminded her of. Her healing is not done and she is still bitter. I felt no remorse for what I did upon that realization. It is her burden to carry, not mine.

When I finally woke up for the day, I heard very clearly a voice say, “You are becoming crystalline”.

Chakras as Alarms?

When I went about my day today, I found my reactions to my husband were full of anger. I didn’t understand and could not hold back my spite towards him. I also noted a strange sensation in my second chakra. It was almost like that sinking feeling one gets in their stomach when they are nervous, but this was lower down and not very strong. I have never felt anything like it. I recall recognizing this feeling was out of place. I wondered, what was going to happen?

The day continued with me remaining irritated at him. It finally subsided later on after he told me something that upset me and I just accepted it and moved on with my day. Later on, however, I got onto the computer and happened to see an email he had typed. It was related to what he told me earlier in the day so I read it.

I became completely enraged by the email because 1. it revealed he had not told me the full truth and 2. the subject matter was something I should have been consulted about, but was not.

He left to take the kids to a party and I got to be home alone. I immediately remembered the second chakra feeling I had at the beginning of the day and I wondered, when did he send the email?

I checked the date and sure enough he had sent it the night before. Somehow, I had sensed his betrayal and a part of me knew. Had I just paid attention I would have known why I was so upset with him most of the day.

This betrayal is not the end of the end or anything, it is just about being able to trust my husband. This is a core issue in the realm of the second chakra which is all about relationships and creativity. My second chakra acted as an alarm to try and help me understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling, but I didn’t catch onto it. I will next time.

It is interesting to me that all this occurred today after receiving the message about becoming crystalline.