Category Archives: Healing

by

Dragonfly – May, 2014

My daughter brought home a present for me yesterday. It was a beautiful necklace with a large, silver and black dragonfly. I didn’t know it was for me. I saw it laying on the table and, being drawn to it, ooed and awed over it and put it on. She, of course, was pleased to see me so drawn to a present she brought home for me.

Dragonfly

As a totem or Spirit animal/insect, the dragonfly has many messages. Specifically the dragonfly symbolizes the following: maturity and depth of character, power and poise, defeat of illusions that are self-created, living in present time and focus upon the moment, and the ability to see beyond this mundane existence into the possibilities of the universe and our own power as spiritual beings.

When a dragonfly comes into your life he often brings with him change in one form or the other. This change often develops from the inside when the individual recognizes the untruths about their life and decides to make changes that align with his or her own inner truth. The individual rejects the illusions they carry about life, sometimes one by one but most often all at once, in a whirlwind of determined ferocity. Because of the dragonfly’s connection to water (water is his source of food and life), there is a strong emotional component to the transformation he inspires. Often the individual has moments of intense emotional realizations followed by calm when they recognize that the change they are experiencing is natural and will lead to a more balanced and peaceful life for them. All in all, the dragonfly is a magnificent totem of transformation and change. He is not one to be afraid of but rather to be embraced.

Realizations

The dragonfly totem is very appropriate for me at this time in my life. My life is undergoing so many drastic changes right now and they will all soon be complete.

I have been struggling to keep up with my life this past week. I cannot seem to find time in my busy day! Being responsible for three children has been one of the biggest changes in my life, but there is also my hectic job and the process of house buying/selling. These along with every day minor inconveniences leaves me exhausted at the end of my day.

One of the biggest realizations that I have had recently is that I don’t like my job. It is not what I thought it would be. When I returned to work I found a pile of paperwork waiting for me and more was added every day. My time at work was and still is spent trying to get to the bottom of that pile only to find that when I do make progress, more is added.

I am not a paper pusher. I like to be up and about, to interact with others in a positive way and, most of all, help others. Yes, processing paperwork helps people, but it is not fulfilling to me. I sit at the computer so long that I feel molded to the chair. What is even more frustrating is that I do not know how to do most of what I am expected to do and the woman who hired me, who was suppose to help me through it, is gone.

Ultimately, my realization is that I do not want to be part of this bureaucratic mess and best of all, I don’t have to be.I thought I would be working one-on-one with people, listening to them, helping them sort through their life and problems. I am not doing that and it is taking its toll. Emotionally I am a mess. I have broken down in tears twice now from the strain of it. I have wanted to just walk out every day. If I stay in this state for too long it will soon affect my health. Thankfully I plan to leave as soon as our loan is finalized.

Fed Up!

I must admit, having another baby has changed me. It is change that strikes at the very core of my being. Mid-life crisis? Maybe, but not in a bad way. Mid-life renewal more like it. I am FED UP. Fed up with doing things that I am “suppose” to do per society and family upbringing. Be good. Work a stable job. Pay your bills. Never take risks. Don’t show emotion. Oh and there are tons more I am not even listing.

Eventually a person cracks under the weight of it all. I have been taking on responsibilities I didn’t want to take on. One by one they strangled the life out of me. I didn’t want them but I kept them. Why? I thought I had to because that is what I was taught.

Funny enough I am listening to the song Let it Go from the Disney movie Frozen right now. My daughter is a Frozen addict. lol But, if you have seen the movie the lesson is a very good one. The main character Elsa is told to hide her amazing gifts because they are “dangerous”. She hides them and herself, denying who she really is. Eventually she explodes. Who wouldn’t? That is how I feel, like I have suppressed my true self for so long and am finally exploding. I am lucky that I have the support of my family to help me channel the fear and anxiety that often comes with change.

dragonflyPriorities

The internal changes that are transforming me involve quite a bit of introspection, but then again, I have always been one to take apart my life and my thoughts as I try to understand this life and myself better. In times like these it is important to recognize your priorities. For me, it is my family that takes priority. My children, their happiness and health and my relationship with them is above all else the most important thing to me. I have justified working long hours at jobs I hate because it provided me with money, and thus the security of my family. But security is not money. My children will not remember how many toys and things they had as children. They will remember the love they received and the fun times they spent with their parents. Their security stems from knowing that they are loved and that they have a mother and father who will be there for them when they are needed. That is what I remember from my childhood. So working a negative job that makes me miserable just to make “good money” so my kids can have lots of “stuff” doesn’t make sense at all.

Second on my list is my health but this is no simple priority. One’s health is more than just physical, it is emotional, spiritual and mental as well. And to maintain health on all those levels cannot be done by popping a pill or jumping on the treadmill. You have to work at it, daily. For me, physical health is the easy part. When my body is in good shape it is easier for my mind to be in good shape. The hard part for me is keeping my emotions in balance and that, of course, is linked directly to my mental and spiritual well-being. Lately my emotions have been more difficult to suppress and always this upheaval directly affects my spiritual well-being. I believe that if I rid myself of those things in my life which do not support my truth that my spiritual and emotional well-being will heighten.

by

Ego Child

This morning my husband told me that he has been having waves of depression hit him out of the blue at odd times of the day. He said he had one hit him in the middle of the night and that the feeling is so horribly heavy that he struggles to not be overcome by it. He then attributed the strange mood swings to his sugar intake. I stopped him there and told him it is unlikely that sugar is the cause of these intense, unusual bouts of unexplainable depression. I asked him if he had considered that it was happening to everyone and widespread all over the world. He said, “You mean it is coming from the 4th dynamic? I hadn’t thought of that.” Then he paused and said, “That makes a lot of sense”. (The 4th dynamic is mankind).

I then explained to him how long I had been perceiving it and how it affects everyone differently. I told him that those who have not taken responsibility for their own life and issues and cleared them out would be struggling with past life and current life issues related to themselves and their family. However, those who have cleared most of that out would then be struggling with issues related to the world and mankind. So, in essence, his depression may be that he is connecting to greater world issues rather than something within himself that needs to be cleared. Though, of course, his own issues are and those of mankind are reciprocal. They are interconnected and so his depression is likely linked to his own issues related to how he is connected and responsible for mankind’s actions.

After our conversation I began to think about my OBE with the man who I identified as my father. As I have digested the experience, I feel that the healing that occurred by my sending love to this man was more directed toward allowing this man to heal and move on. Yes, the healing was also my own but is reciprocal. He heals as much as I heal. I have had this realization before as I recognized that even though one person may feel they have recovered from a damaging relationship, they are not truly free until all participants have also healed and recovered. Since we are all One, we are all connected in every aspect of our spiritual development, positive and negative.

I am certain now that this past father figure of mine has been carrying with him the guilt and pain of his many wrongs in the life we had together. Our relationship was one that started with love and turned into confusion, pain, misunderstanding and misappropriated emotion. The love he had for me contorted and became disfigured until he could not differentiate between right and wrong and so betrayed his own morals and beliefs while alienating and losing a beloved relationship with his daughter. In his subsequent lives he has carried with him the burden from that life. Currently he may not understand why he feels and does certain things. He may be haunted by a guilt he does not understand. He may be fearful of his current relationship with his daughter(s) and not know why. The extent of his pain is not fully known to my conscious Self but I do know there was relief in his eyes and acceptance of my forgiveness of him. Perhaps this will allow him to break free of the constraints of guilt and fear that have overshadowed his present life. Perhaps in his release I will also be released and my distrust of men, father and husband alike, will begin to dissolve, revealing a truth I have yet to see.

From 12 to 10 to 4

Last night as I prepared for bed, I noticed that the room felt very empty. I felt alone. Upon further investigation, I recognized that I had lost the 10 in Spirit who have been hovering around me since a day after I first noticed there were 12. I was back down to my typical “4”, and so it felt to me as if the room had emptied. Thus, I felt strangely “alone”.

With the exit of my council and the return to “normalcy”, I wondered if the man I was going to meet was the father I met in my OBE. It definitely could be that he was. My guide would neither confirm nor deny this and so I let it be. I no longer have the energy to contemplate it. I have accepted that I will just have to “wait and see”.

Perception

I have continued to sleep deeply and last night was no exception. I woke with an odd feeling that all the negative feelings – anxiety, worry, unhappiness – in my life was “someone else’s fault”. The feeling was very wrong to me and I did not like it. There was also an element of “unfairness” that lingered. Why was it that some people always seem happy while I do not? I recognized that a part of me felt that happiness was deserved and so if someone had happiness who did not “deserve” it, then an injustice had been done. The resentment I felt form this caused me to become unhappy, as if trying to compensate for the wrongness of the situation.

I did not contemplate this for long, but attributed it to the odd dreams I had about my family relationships, specifically my relationship with my sister. I now recognize that these dreams are the “work” that I am doing at a higher level and eventually the rewards of that work will trickle down and integrate with my present Earth consciousness. It does me little good at this stage to over analyze my dreams and OBEs. To do so would be like forcing a square peg into a round hole. If I my Earth consciousness cannot yet assimilate such information, what good does it do to try to force it? The end result is more of the same – loss after loss, disappointment after disappointment. I must have faith that the “me” at higher levels is advancing and that when the time is right and my Earth consciousness is prepped, prepared and attuned to the process, everything will settle and integrate. In the end, there will be a wholeness, though it may be barely perceivable at first.

The Ego Child

As I began to understand the integration process, I became completely disinterested in the things which I have been interested in of late. Specifically, sharing my OBEs and considerations with others. I do this for many reasons, one of which is to have my experiences validated by others. Although I do not want to admit, I seek agreement from others that my experiences are “real”. A part of me also wants to brag about them and has a strong desire to be praised by others for my “uniqueness”. I often have struggled with this part of myself. The Ego often wishes to be praised and seeks attention for being unique and “special”. My guide is understanding of this, however, and reminds me that it is “normal” and not to rejectthe feeling but instead accept it, taking care to balance it with understanding, love and patience. He explains to me that the Ego is to be treated like a child. It should be nurtured and loved. It has to learn much like a child does and it is my job (the Higher Self) to teach it by allowing it to stumble and fall as much as is needed in order for it to learn, all along offering support, unconditional love, and encouragement in whatever way is best received by the Ego child.

It is at this juncture that I recognize the purposefulness in my accepting the role of the Ego child via life in a body. It is possible to me now that I am indeed split into different parts, each with varying levels of consciousness. I am choosing now to be the Earth consciousness. I do this via the human body and experience things “anew” with a strong need to individuate myself from the whole. I seek to experience life via my own lens. This lens is colored with experience. All the while, there is a “me” I am not aware of that is watching, teaching and guiding the other “me” along their individual path. I am also aware that there are likely others of “me” as well. It also is very clear to me that this identification with the Earth consciousness via my Ego child in this body is a distinct choice every part of “me” made, as a whole. Once I am done with this human experience I will return and all aspects of “me” will be united as one again. And “we” will likely again choose the human experience as one of the many experiences available and the process will be repeated.

There is then the question of why I gave myself access to “myself” while in this life. I know this is not the first time I have done this, but it seems to me as if I am “cheating”. I am told this was purposeful and the plan is to continue this patterns until the Ego child is fully integrated. Once that occurs, the Earth consciousness via the Ego child will be transformed. It is not clear what comes next, but it is certain it will not be a path like any I have tread before.

by

Lightening Bolt

12

Yesterday was a struggle. I awoke in a bad mood and then decided to write my husband a letter since we never seem to be able to communicate without interruption from our children. It is so hard to have any alone time with each other! Anyway, I actually started to write to a friend and then realized it was something I should be telling my husband and so copied and pasted it into a Word document and then added more. I told my husband to read it and let it be and then heard him typing and knew he was responding.

We ended up having a good conversation about my considerations and upsets. It was helpful but I wish we had had more time to talk. It never seems we have enough time for each other these days. The good thing is that my husband did not feel the way I thought he did, and that helped ease my upset. I noticed afterward that my shoulders were more relaxed. The tension, which had been so fierce that it felt my shoulders were stuck to my ears, was gone.

In the evening I sat outside listening to a neighbor play classical music. It seemed fitting and I smiled as I looked up at the half moon. The air was crisp and cool and the night was very quiet except for the beautiful music. I relaxed and let out a huge breath that I must have been holding in without knowing. When I did, I noticed my guide near and also that there were others. It actually felt a bit crowded and I knew instantly there were 12. At first I was a bit shocked but my guide said sent me a feeling that said, “It’s okay” and I asked why they were there. He said, “To help” and I accepted it. I did not feel like asking anything else.

Later, as I lay in bed preparing for sleep, I focused on healing a friend. As soon as I began to meditate I heard, “Look” and saw a white light in the distance. I tried to look closer but when I did I could not see it. I still felt the 12 near me and tried to again focus on healing. Instead my thoughts kept drifting away from my original intention to other intentions – all of them healing related. That is when I experienced an odd energy coming through the top of my head.

Lightening Bolt

The “lightening bolt” is what I call the odd energy. It has happened almost every night this week. Last night it happened for the fourth time. I don’t know what to call it, so I will describe it instead.

It always happens when I am laying in bed usually ten minutes or so before I finally drift off to sleep. It usually happens when I am laying on my stomach, which I have been feeling I should do for some reason even though I am not a stomach sleeper. it is almost like I get told to do it, but it really is just a thought that comes to me that says, “Turn over” or “Lay on your stomach”. I briefly have the intention to defy the “order” but then resolve to just do it because it comes from my Higher Self and I know that whatever the reason, it is a good one.

When I lay on my stomach I usually cannot get comfortable, which I know will happen and is why I am not a stomach sleeper. Usually I cannot keep still and hear a quiet, calm voice say, “Be still”. So I comply. After a while of being still, it happens. I get hit with what I can only describe as a lightening bolt of energy. It comes from above and strikes me in the head, usually from above and at an angle. It doesn’t hurt but it makes my entire body jump. This is not under my control at all and the movement reminds me of what happens when I have dreams that I am falling and jerk back to waking reality, shocked and a bit afraid. Yet the “lightening bolt” of energy is very obviously a stream of energy coming from somewhere and the residual energy of it lingers where it enters my head for some time after the event.

The first time it happened I was just stunned and wondered what the heck had just happened. I eventually let it go, chocking it up to some odd, deep relaxation side-effect even though I was not even close to a deeply relaxed state when it occurred.

The second time it happened I began to wonder if it was something intentional. But what?

The third time it happened I had been anticipating it and waiting. When it happened, it caught me off guard – which is the usual. I focused on how it felt and could not figure out what exactly the energy was or what its purpose was.

When it surprised me once again last night I noticed that the energy seemed to go through my entire body in a straight line. Last night it exited out my left side near my knees and feet. Each time the lingering energy always sits in my head near my crown chakra. This time I felt as if I were being observed and, since I knew I had 12 guides near, I was convinced that they were behind this odd lightening-like energy.

Questions

I am convinced that this energy is some kind of healing energy but I may be wrong since I have never experienced such an energy and have not read anything of similar experiences. Perhaps it is related to kundalini awakening? Or perhaps it is just an adjustment being made by my Higher Self and I am not meant to know its purpose other than that I am being “helped”.

If you have had such an experience, even a similar one, can you please share it with me? I am curious to know what might be happening.

by

Acheiving Balance

In addition to the focus of letting-go that is occurring right now, there is another particular theme that has been on-going since the end of August: Balance.

Mulch-faceted

The balance I am writing about is not simply just balance between spiritual and physical, though that is definitely one dimension to consider. There are also multiple facets within each the spiritual and the physical.

On the physical level, the level in which humans are most comfortable, there is balance to be achieved between body and mind; mental and physical and within each accordingly. For example, physically an individual must have a balanced diet, rich in whole grains with minimally processed foods. At the mental level, an individual needs to not be thinking too much about the future but also not too much about the past. A balanced mental state is best described as being fully present in the Now with little to no mental energy devoted to the past or present, but fully immersed in the present moment.

At the spiritual level there is balance to be achieved between each of the major and minor chakras, the different subtle bodies, the karmic blueprint of each individual and the universal whole, and more. This balance is described to me using the analogy of the university. The major we are seeking would be most similar to that of a liberal arts degree and the minor would the areas in which we feel we need the most work or have the most interest in spiritually. As we set about our spiritual journey within the physical realm, we learn lessons based upon our individual determination. In other words, our degree is most similar to a doctorate degree in which we determine and set our course with the help of a mentor who has already achieved a similar advanced degree. As we complete our “assignments”, we reevaluate our path, making minor and major adjustments as needed in order to fulfill our degree objectives. The balance here is very individual and can fluctuate with even the slightest deviation from our set course. Thus, the nightly visits with our guides and continuous manipulation of the subtle energy bodies by our guides and Higher Selves helps to maintain the delicate balance required for us to complete our physical body incarnation. The good news here is that that part of our consciousness within the body and without memory of our spiritual past and history does not need be conscious of the complex and intricate workings behind the scenes. Very rarely is balance not maintained here. I am told it is not important to discuss what occurs when the balance is not maintained – that is for another time.

doTERRA-Roman-Chamomile-Essential-OilConscious Maintenance of Balance

At the conscious level the maintenance of balance should not be difficult. Unfortunately, the world in which we live has made this usually simple task that much more difficult. Physically, we are no longer putting whole, nutrient-rich foods into our bodies. We are running ourselves ragged in professions that give us little physical activity and focus more on mental tasks. Our physical bodies are depleted of nutrients and unable to repair damaged tissue at an adequate rate. Mentally, our minds have become narrowed into a very physically, gratification-oriented world. This is where imbalance takes its toll and we often overcompensate unconsciously for those areas we have neglected. The fact that this is unconscious only exacerbates the imbalance and we find ourselves spiraling out of control and wondering why we feel so exhausted and numb.

When we are young, the obvious physical and mental imbalance is not easily noticed and since we are young and our bodies still new, it seems we are not in need of conscious maintenance of balance. Yet, there comes a point in our lives when time and continued mistreatment of our physical and mental selves begins to take its toll. The effects of this can come in the form of a mental breakdown, physical ailments that have long-term effects and so much more.

How can one avoid this unfortunate fate? There are many methods, but simply put, the individual must change their diet, reconnect with their body in order to better listen to it, and live a more stress-free and enjoyable life. This process is not easy when we have been indoctrinated into believing material wealth and possessions are what makes a person happy. This lie propagates the imbalance yet each of us struggles to free ourselves of it. It is like a poisonously addictive drug we cannot seem to quit.

cassiaSimple Solutions

For me, the solutions have been simple and yet difficult as implementing them means I must change my patterns, habits and beliefs. Yoga was the first step, followed by meditation and finally the use of essential oils to encourage physical healing. With the practice of yoga five or more times a week, I have found a deeper connection with my body, one that I did not even know I was without. With this physical body connection, I recognized that I was holding stress in different areas of my body and that my moods were influenced by my diet and frequency of eating. I can actually feel where my body is out of balance! This recognition has caused me to take a closer look at my diet. I reduced sugar and increased whole, natural foods into my diet and make sure to eat frequent, small meals. I have also stopped abusing my body with overly intense exercise, allowing myself to take breaks when my body signals a need for rest. Additionally, I have been working on extracting myself from stressful situations, focusing more on making my life what I want it instead of trying to live some other life based upon the lie fed to me by society.

Interestingly enough, with becoming more in-tune with my body, I have become more in-tune with my mind. Yoga, meditation, essential oils and change in diet and routine have influenced my mental state as well. I am more aware of those thoughts which sabotage my mood and have learned to stop them and regulate them, even learning to reword them into a more positive light. This is not easy for me since I have been thinking a certain way my entire life. It takes patience and perseverance and in the past I have been very unsuccessful. Yet I am finding that yoga and mediation have been essential to increasing my mental state. I am so very grateful to my team of spiritual assistants for helping me hear their message (finally).

Ultimately, what has helped me the most is allowing myself to have more time with myself. I have beentaking long baths when I have a list of things to do, stopping to fit in 20 minutes of yoga when I normally would continue at a break-neck pace; letting the house stay a mess and learning to be comfortable no matter how chaotic my environment seems, and not thinking ahead about things I have no control over and just accepting where I am and what I have in that moment.

by

October: The Month of Letting Go

This week has been beautiful. There was the blood moon, the eclipse, and Mercury went retrograde. For some reason, the energy has been wonderfully uplifting for me and, as a result, I have been happier, more calm and at peace. However, I know my experience this week has not been the norm. From what I hear from others – adults and children alike – the energy has not settled well with all. Some are completely shocked by it and I mean that literally. I have seen many adults in zombie mode and not in very good moods. The children seem to be very aware and highly sensitive. So if their parents happen to be one of those not handling the energy very well, their poor children are the ones suffering.

For me, the calm, peaceful feeling could not have come at a better time. At work I have been barraged by upset children trying to deal with their parents’ battles and feeling completely overwhelmed and out of control. Thankfully, I was able to remain calm, listen and help them. The adults, on the other hand, are taking most of the upset in stride, but this could be their professional demeanor coming through as when I spoke with one on a more personal level she fought back tears more than once.

What You Resist, Persists

This morning, out of the blue, I heard clearly in my mind, “That which you resist, persists” and I knew this was the theme of October. For those who have been struggling to let go of their past mistakes, regrets, emotional baggage or whatever haunts them, this is the ideal time to stop resisting and open up to healing. Only through acceptance and healing can you truly let go.

Some of us will not be burdened with this process as much as others. We have been letting go for a while now, listening and opening our hearts with compassion for ourselves and allowing the hurt to flow out, accepting and taking responsibility for our part even when we didn’t want to. Some of us were forced through various means. Some may have had upsetting, recurrent dreams with odd characters or people from their past. Others may have run into problems at work, at home or both and ended up in yet another precarious situation in which required them to make yet another impossible decision. Yet this time they may have chosen different; decided they were done and fed up and not going to allow themselves to be unhappy anymore. Still others have been on a bumpy ride for sometime, some of them for years, and this month will seem impossibly difficult as this cycle comes to an end. They may have been struggling with a bitter divorce, illness, family loss or a combination of similar stressful life events. For those individuals who long for peace and just a smidgen of sunshine, be patient it is not far away.

Why I have been particularly spared and allowed to enjoy a bubble of peace and calm in my life, I have my theories spurred by my intuition, but really all that matters is that I am enjoying a nice plateau. Work has really been uplifting for me. My purpose as a helper has been validated time and time again. I feel a part of a beautiful, loving group of people who share similar goals to my own and overall it gives me such great satisfaction to be there. My home life has also been more stable. I have been less anxious and stressed which has given me more time to enjoy my children. I have also had more patience, though at times it was tested. Physically I have been full of energy, so much so that I don’t feel tired even at bedtime. Yet when I try to sleep I instantly drift off to sleep. Finally, spiritually I have been more connected to my spiritual core.

Healingmoon

A huge part of letting go is healing. For me, that is what this month has been so far. I have been feeling the urge to meditate more and it has been wonderful! One night I took a bath and meditated in the bath for a while. It was so easy which is surprising to me since it has not been easy these past 7 years. I have also been meditating at night prior to sleep. One night I fell asleep as I was meditating and awoke still in my meditative position (head propped up with pillows with body horizontal). That night I dreamed I was meditating, even hearing that I needed to have patience and eventually I would be able to hit a higher level.

Of course we are not even halfway through the month, so there is much more healing to go. Some will find it more difficult as the month progresses. This will occur for those who do not wish to “dig up the past” and feel doing so is futile. The more they resist, the more intense the backlash will be.

You may wonder, “What is it that I am suppose to do?” Some of you may not have to consciously do anything. Most of it will happen in your daily life and in your dreams. You may be like me and have synchronicity all around you and then find yourself meditating in your dreams or experiencing healing dreams or, not remembering your dreams at all. Then there are those who may be required to actively participate. This takes some introspection and focus. When a memory of a past issue comes into your mind, inspect it. Ask yourself, “What have I not seen? What have I not noticed?” First you may have to wade through a muck of emotions, but once you have braved the feelings you have so solidly resisted, you will find revelations on the other side. Sometimes it may be as simple as letting yourself off the hook for someone other person’s mistake. Other times it will be you who will be humbled.

You Are Not Alone

Through all of this, so many of you will go through moments of such intense aloneness that you will cry out to God for a reprieve. Try to remember, through all of this, that you are not alone. Never are you alone. In fact, you likely have a squadron of guides around you, assisting you however they can. I am told that this period of feeling utterly alone will also pass. Some will feel it more intensely than others, but as your past losses and issues are addressed and let you, you will feel less and less alone and more and more deeply connected to your inner being and God. It is a slow, nearly imperceptible process that will reveal itself suddenly and with such overflow of love that you will cry happy tears. And through it all, you will never be alone.

You may wonder how to know you are not alone. Faith is one way. I actually got a tarot reading in my dream last night and the reader’s name was Faith. Sometimes you just have to trust that things are working out the way they are meant to. Another way is to look for signs that you have loved ones in Spirit around you. A memory out of the blue, goosebumps when you are not cold, a call from someone you have not spoken to in a long time. And of course, synchronicity.

I will end this post with an experience I had this week that is the perfect example of recognizing we are not alone. My children had lost the remote right when I was going to settle down for some “me” time. I was tired and irritated that I was being denied my “me” time. The remote could not be found and I was growing ever more irritated. Yet as I searched the entire house, I felt a tingle on my left shoulder more than once accompanied by a brief pause in my thoughts and a feeling of, “It’s alright. It will be found”. In my upset I pushed the thoughts away, although I recognized Spirit was following me and trying to help, determined to find it and blaming my middle son. I put my children to bed and resigned myself to just accepting that it would not be found and that life would be fine without it. I felt the tingles again and said to myself as I also heard the thought, “It will be found”. Within moments it was found and I laughed. I told my mother-in-law (she found it) about the tingles and what they meant and she was impressed and grateful as it proved to her as well that we are not alone.

by

Patterns

Yesterday I woke up in a sour mood. I hate it when that happens. Thankfully, the day morphed into a great day and, looking back, I think there is much to learn from what occurred.

Patterns

Perhaps it is the yoga I have now been doing for over two weeks. Or maybe it is my new job and the new people and challenges I encounter there. Or maybe it is the essential oils I have been using to help with my emotions. Finally, maybe it is the energetic changes that are wide spread right now, mine being particularly grueling. Whatever it is, I am beginning to see the patterns in my life. They are emerging along with huge shifts in mood and motivation.

1. I am not a morning person. I hate waking up and having to go right into life and the countless, repetitive tasks I must go through day in and day out. This has been a pattern in my life for as long as I can remember. I am not even sure when it started but I know for certain I was this way in my teens.

2. I am a mess of stress. Stressful thoughts follow me everywhere. My mind is worry machine. My body screams at me with tension every morning when I wake up and throughout the day. My back is especially hard hit.

3. I am also a perfectionist. This goes along with my constant worrying and stress. You can’t be a perfectionist without worry and stress. If things don’t go the way I planned I get irritated and frantic. I am not as bad as I once was, but I am still pretty darn bad.

4. I am a creature of habit. Although I swear I hate the repetitive routines of my life, I take comfort in them and look forward to the reassurance they offer me. I often don’t do new things because they are not part of my routine, though every once in a while I will take the plunge and do something new and unexpected.

5. My life mirrors me. What I mean in that is that I attract that which I send out. For example, in the past, when I gave readings (mediumship or other) there was always a message in the reading that not only helped the sitter but also helped me. Even now, when I meet with someone to help them their issues are always eerily similar to my own. And I am definitely not blind to it. So I take each encounter as a learning experience.

time_joakim_kraemer_photography_Synchronicity

I am also seeing the messages popping up everywhere and they point at wide scale change within me.The messages mostly come in the form of synchronicity. Yoga was the first big message that came to me that way, but I was especially dense when it came to hearing it. Once I realized that messages were coming in this way, though, I began to take notice of them.

Currently, the message I am getting is that I need to work on my circular thinking patterns. Mainly, my worry brain. The message first came through at work and continues to reappear there. First it came with just being told that anxiety was a major concern. Then it began to appear weekly and then daily. I was encouraged to look into CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) as I began to problem solve situations that continued to arise. This message was reinforced when I got a private message from a friend of mine mentioning the exact therapy!

If you don’t know much about CBT, this is what Wikipedia says about it:

A psychotherapeutic approach that addresses dysfunctional emotions, maladaptive behaviors and cognitive processes and contents through a number of goal-oriented, explicit systematic procedures. The name refers to behavior therapy, cognitive therapy, and to therapy based upon a combination of basic behavioral and cognitive principles and research. Most therapists working with patients dealing with anxiety and depression use a blend of cognitive and behavioral therapy. This technique acknowledges that there may be behaviors that cannot be controlled through rational thought. CBT is “problem focused” (undertaken for specific problems) and “action oriented” (therapist tries to assist the client in selecting specific strategies to help address those problems).

There is also the message that I need to work on my past issues from school. Not only do I get this message almost daily from my work encounters but I was basically told that by a superior of mine. He said that we are drawn to work with the age-groups we do because we have not resolved issues from that time in our lives. Bulls-eye! He could not have said it better. And what has been happening since then? I have been having dreams involving issues from my school years, specifically group situations in which I struggled. At the same time I am encountering similar situations in the clients I work with. And these are long-standing issues because I am devoted over 10 years of my life to resolving issues from my school years. Ouch. I sure hope that I can propel healing in these areas and free myself of this cycle.

Healing

Finally, there is the healing that has hit me twice as hard since my move. The up’s and down’s of my emotions have made it the most difficult healing I have ever experienced except maybe the time when I went through my dark-night-of-the-soul. This is very, very similar, though.

Yoga, I think, is helping, though right now it seems to be accelerating the uncomfortable parts of the process. I am much more aware of my body and so I am more aware of how much stress I carry in my body. I am listening, though, and taking time to relax when my body signals me to. I recently got a book from a friend about healing emotions with essential oils and have been adding oils into my daily regime. So far I have not noticed much but I need to give it time. I have this intense urge to accelerate my already accelerated healing. I am not even sure this is a good thing but I have to trust my intuition on this.

The kundalini energy I was experiencing has stopped, for now. I did wake up the other night feeling it starting to rise, but it kept waking me up and it seems that me being conscious immediately stopped it. It never got past my second chakra. This is a disappointment for me. So I have been meditating more. Meditation not only helps with my stress but also encourages healing.

I did have a breakthrough yesterday with stopping my circular thinking. I spent 6 hours painting three bedrooms. It was a family effort actually and my kids ended up covered in paint (all but the baby). I went to bed exhausted and happy. I also realized that not once while I was painting did I think about anything except the moment I was in. What bliss! It was wonderful to not be burdened with excessive worry for 6 hours. I think I can use my experience to help me experience longer and longer periods of being in the moment. My husband said it right – the more purpose we have, the happier we are. I guess it works even if our purpose is to paint three bedrooms!

by

Red Canary – May, 2014

Red Canary

I was not expecting to astral this morning when I awoke yet again at 5a.m. As usual, I was not able to sleep because of all my considerations about everything that is going on in my life. At one point, though, I remember thinking to myself, “I don’t care”.

The next thing I remember, I was having a conversation with myself while laying in my familiar childhood bedroom. Basically, I was still mulling over the things going on in my life – selling and buying a house, going back to work, my family, etc. I recall having a conversation with someone about everything but cannot remember the specifics of it. I do recall hearing numbers. First it was 24 then it was 5 and 12. In the background I could hear the sounds of a television playing in the living room. I even could make out what was being said and knew the name of the show playing though I can’t remember it now.

At one point I opened my eyes for a moment but they felt heavy from sleep. When I began looking around I saw this tiny, red bird right in front of me, probably about two feet away. From his looks, he appeared to be a canary. He was sitting in the branches of a bush or tree and didn’t see me. I turned to take a closer look, knowing that when I turned it could startle him. He did in fact startle and flew right into my face. I closed my eyes and could feel the touch of his feathers and body up against my face. I was in awe of the tiny bird – he was so vivid and beautiful – yet I was a bit confused. Why was there a bird in my room? And why was he sitting in a bush or tree in my room? Confused, I wondered whether I was asleep or awake and finally thought to myself, “I’m awake”.

Still not completely convinced that I was awake and my experience was not an OBE, I got up out of bed and headed toward my bedroom window. My eyes were not open but heavy with sleep and still closed. As I made my way to the window I noticed how solid I felt which convinced me even more that this experience must be real, I must be awake. At that point I was able to open my eyes and again there was this tiny, red bird right in front of me. It flew towards me and I ducked to avoid it. Again I was amazed at its beauty and how tiny, perfect and vivid it was.

Still convinced this was a waking experience, I headed toward the window and opened it. Then I pushed out the screen and attempted to go out of it. This is one of my favorite things to do when I exit my old bedroom while in astral. Outside the window is a pool and I love to jump in and swim underwater. I think I must have been on auto-pilot or something considering that is the first thing I wanted to do. But I was still unsure if I was asleep or awake. When I jumped out of the window I got scared because I knew I would fly out and into the pool and I worried I would drown. To my relief, I felt my feet solidly hit the ground but I changed my mind because of my fear of drowning and went back into the room.

Inside the room I must have crawled back into bed and fallen asleep for a little bit. Then I was awakened by voices. My Mom was telling me that the kids to include my brother would be leaving soon on a trip and that they would leave in the morning and return in the evening and do this for 10 days. She was explaining the details of it to me and called my husband by the wrong name – she used my ex’s name. This confused me and I remember thinking something was not right. When she said my ex’s name, a picture flashed in my head of people in sexual positions (no genitals showing or anything, just naked). I remembered how my ex liked to watch porn sometimes and I got the thought in my head that I need to watch some (really not like me as I don’t do that sort of thing!).

Not long after that I again began to question whether I was awake or asleep. Not convinced anymore that I was awake, though I kept saying to myself, “This is too real, I must be awake”, I headed out of the room. I could feel my feet hit the floor. Solid. I opened the door to the room and could feel the knob in my hand as it turned and the force of the door as I pushed it open. Solid. Yet I must have known it was not true because I decided to try to fly once I left the room. The doubt was there but I pushed past it and up I went without any effort. I was in fact asleep.

Recognizing finally that I was asleep and out of body, I flew towards the front door. Suddenly bright light flooded my vision. I had thought my eyes were closed! As I was able to see I could see the front door of my Mom’s house and saw that it was a beautiful day outside. I grabbed the door handle which I noted was exactly as it is in real life, and went outside.

The outside opened up with such clarity and brightness that had I been in a body I would have had to shield my eyes. I scanned the outside from left to right noting the abundance of trees and the lack of a road or side buildings. The trees, I noticed, had no leaves; completely barren. They were also very scrawny and of a specific type, what we call “post oaks”. They have small trunks and have whitish-gray bark that flakes off. The visual the scene gave was that of a ghost town of trees. Very desolate.

Though I noted the desolation of the scene I did not consciously concern myself with it. Instead I was searching for something. I wanted to find others. I wanted to experience astral sex (really this is not like me either!). I floated upward thinking of how I could find a partner. Since my vision was so clear I decided to look down at my hands. I could see them clearly but they had no familiar glow. They just looked normal. I knew I would not find anyone where I was so I decided to find or make a portal. Not knowing where to find one I figured I would manifest one, so I yelled out, “Portal”, hoping one would manifest in front of me. When none did, I felt an urge to go upward into space. Knowing that in the past moving up towards space has result in me shifting into another scene, I allowed myself to go up. Unfortunately, when I blacked out I did not open my eyes in a new astral scene. Instead I awoke in my bed.

Happiness and Harmony

According to dreammoods.com, a canary symbolizes “happiness and harmony” . It can also mean that there exists a desire for a relationship or that “a new relationship is blossoming”. I have never seen a canary in a dream or OBE, so this is interesting to me. The fact that the canary is red seems linked specifically to the root chakra and the energy it represents. In this specific instance I began to seek out astral sex after seeing the red canary, indicating that his red color is likely an indicator that I need to work on opening my root chakra.

In my case, I believe the canary symbolism is promising. Perhaps I am getting a message that happiness and harmony are in the making? Or perhaps the canary represents for me a longing to recreate or newly create upon my relationship with my husband. I think it might be both as they both ring true to me.

The Root Chakra

This morning’s experience awakened an interest in me about the root chakra. How much do I really know about this chakra? How often do I really work on it? Not often. In fact, I have been drawn to meditation and the ones that have been resonating with me are about opening the root chakra. Not a coincidence I’m sure.

I found a great explanation about the root chakra here. In reading through the site’s description of the root chakra I found this section interesting, especially when considering my own life and the emotions I have been feeling lately:

The root chakra is about you and life. It is not about mommy, honey, the tribe, identification, the tsunami victims, starving-people-in-third-world-countries – none of that.  It is only you and survival.  People who have open root chakras love their lives – love their physical incarnation in their present bodies.  People who pine away for heaven, future happiness, moksha; people who wish they were somewhere else (be it physically or in some allegorical way) define themselves as root chakra impaired.  So do people who are angry, fearful, cynical, distrustful, frustrated, envious, jealous, stingy – the list goes on.

The root chakra is all about food, air, water, shelter, power and physical health.  The ultimate root chakra failure is suicide – the ultimate root chakra success is empowerment and love of life.

And, of course, one of the specific body systems the root chakra is associated with are the reproductive organs. Considering I just had a baby and a major surgery that cut into my uterus, I am not surprised that I am dreaming of things which would help to open my root chaka. It is my experience that while in astral, those who are seeking out or having astral sex are working to unblock this very important chakra.

by

Yoga – My First Week

Since I have been receiving messages to integrate yoga into my exercise routine, I decided I would try to do some yoga every day this week and see if I feel a difference. Additionally, I dropped my normal cardio and weight routine that I do on my days off and replaced it with walks outside with my son and baby. With the cooler Fall weather, these walks have been very enjoyable and also gave me bonding time with my 3 year old.

I use videos from DoYogaWithMe.com, a website that offers all kinds of yoga videos of varying lengths and ability levels. I have found the videos to be of good quality and content.

Day 1

I did 15 minutes of beginner yoga in my office during my lunch break. I found it on YouTube here. It was very easy, simple and doable. I had not done yoga in years but I still remembered some of the basic poses. I had no spiritual experiences, no energy changes and nothing out of the ordinary. However, I did feel less tense afterward.

Day 2

After a leisurely walk with my son and baby, I did a 30 minute post-natal yoga video at home while my baby was sleeping and my toddler was playing in his room. Surprisingly, I went undisturbed until the last 5 minutes when my toddler came in and began asking me questions about what I was doing.

Observations:

1. I could not sit comfortably on my knees which was how the video began. My knees were screaming at me the whole time so I finally gave up and sat criss-cross (Indian Style).

2. Yoga is harder than I remember! I was sweating by the middle but doing well.

3. I definitely became more aware of my body and certain parts that need attention like my shoulders and hips.

4. Towards the end and after laying on my back for some time just being the video took me into child’s pose and then into rabbit’s pose (forgive me if I have the names wrong, I am still learning). When in rabbit’s pose I felt a surge of emotion hit my heart and I had to gasp. It left pretty quickly but I recognized this was a much needed release.

5. I felt like I had a decent workout when I finished which surprised me.

Day 3

I found time at work again to do yoga. This time I moved up to intermediate and a routine designed specifically for after work. It was only 15 minutes but it successfully stretched my shoulders, back and legs while giving me a chance to breathe and relax, which I was able to do though not as much as I would like.

I find that doing yoga at work is not ideal but considering my life is non-stop once I get home in the evening and I would likely have my children either climbing on me or talking non-stop to me as I tried to “relax”, work wins out. Unfortunately, I am not able to fully let go of my anxiety because I continuously worry that someone will knock on my office door with some emergency. I wonder if I will ever get to really experience yoga as it is meant to be experienced.

Day 4

I went for a walk with my son and baby and then did 35 minutes of intermediate yoga. Despite pausing three times to tend to my baby, I broke a sweat again. And again I found it difficult to twist my body into some of the poses. I noticed that I was holding my breath quite a bit and wonder if I will ever be able to breathe consistently throughout. I set the intention to receive healing, but I did not feel any healing occur – but that doesn’t mean it didn’t. My body and the energy level felt pretty much the same as it does when I do my normal routine.

I wear a Garmin Forerunner watch to keep track of my heart rate and time my workouts. It is interesting to me that although I feel like I am working out at the same level as when I run or life weights, my average heart rate during yoga is significantly lower. My average heart rate during yoga today was 92 and with my normal routine it is typically about 131.

Restorative Yoga

In the evening, I was feeling quite tense and stressed, so I found a restorative yoga video to see if it could help me clear my mind and relax. I used my Kindle and hid away in my daughter’s room so as to not be disturbed. I was able to to it for about 12 minutes before being interrupted by my son. It actually was quite relaxing and I want to try it again soon.

I noticed one thing the restorative yoga allowed me to do that I have not been able to do with other yoga: quiet my mind. I actually did not think of anything while laying in the restorative positions. It was wonderful! I can see why it is recommended for those who struggle with insomnia. Thankfully, insomnia has not been one of my issues for some time now (knock on wood).

Day 5

I awoke to all-over body aches. I was surprised to find that muscles I didn’t know I had were hurting. Specifically, the muscles around the hip bone area. Usually my aches of the morning go away quite quickly once I get up and move around, but these were very obviously not going to do that. So I started my morning with a short yoga video specifically focused on stretching the shoulders and upper back. After doing it I felt much less stiffness in my shoulders and neck area, which was a relief.

When I got home from work I decided to try Kundalini Yoga. I did over an hour of it and learned how to chant and move energy up and down my spine. Initially, my upper back felt intensely hot. Not hot like heat from working out but hot like full of trapped energy. It was similar to how it feels when I receive Reiki but the energy was very out of place and haphazard. I adjusted my position using a pillow and that helped so I am thinking that I may have not been sitting correctly and thus disrupting the energy flow. Considering the main focus was on the spine, I am glad I was able to correct the problem. Overall, I will likely only do Kundalini Yoga on days when I want a slow, more meditative practice.

After Kundalini Yoga I decided to do more traditional yoga. My daughter joined me, mesmerized by it. She ended up doing a  few somersaults during the quiet, breathing but overall she was eager and curious. She was very upset with me when I ended early. She was not overly disruptive, which was nice, I was just tired from my previous hour of Kundalini Yoga. Despite that, I did about 20 minutes with my daughter.

Today’s total yoga time amounted to 95 minutes, 60 of that was Kundalini Yoga, though, which is mostly meditation.

womanReflection

As I reflect back on this week, I notice some subtle changes and some no so subtle ones. The subtle ones are mostly spiritual and emotional. The more obvious ones have been physical.

Spiritually, my dreams have been focused on past issues, specifically times when I have either purposefully or accidentally hurt someone. One dream on the fourth night of yoga was intense. I woke up confused from it and was certain I had cheated on my husband numerous times. I have had similar dreams in the past. I told my husband about it and he said he has had the same dream except that he is the one certain he has cheated on me! This revelation from him had me considering that perhaps we have been working on similar issues together without knowing it. Another dream was obviously a guide message where I was shown the pages of a book and a finger pointed to a name: Pete. Then later the name changed to Petra. It was very vivid and I recalled meeting a guide whose name was Peter in a past OBE. But who was Petra? My research showed Petra to be simply the feminine of Peter. In the end, I concluded that the message was that “Peter” could come in both male and female form. This made perfect sense to me because we are neither male or female. It is our bodies that have this distinction, not us.

Emotionally I have noticed significant gains since starting yoga. The most notable being yesterday. I felt completely at ease all day yesterday. I also was allowing myself to enjoy the obvious wins I have had in life up to this point. In other words, my thoughts had shifted to thinking of the many blessing of my life. I spent much of the day reacting to things in a completely opposite way than is my norm. I started the day forgetting my lunch and snack at home. Instead of beating myself up for it, I decided to make the most of it and called my husband to come have lunch with me. He was surprised and pleased and we had a nice lunch together. I even ended up going over my normal lunch time. But rather than worry over it, I just stayed at work later than normal. I also had prepared poorly for a group I was conducting, had to deal with an unexpected situation at the last minute so could not properly prepare with the little time I thought I had, and then the printer would not print! I went ahead to the group, unprepared and completely okay with it. All went smoothly. Even the evening went smoothly and without incident.

Physically I have not been so great. My body has been aching more than normal. These are both the aches from using muscles that are not normally used and the aches that weight lifting had eliminated. Since I did no weights all week, my entire back is again stiff in the mornings and I feel like I am much older than I am. I also had a cold most of the week, though now I am much better. So overall, my main complaint is the aching.

What I will likely do next week is return to my normal routine but incorporate yoga into it. Hopefully that will help with the muscle stiffness that has returned while helping me continue to improve my spiritual and emotional health.

by

Housecleaning

I’m sick. I feel pretty bad right now but I took some ibuprofen and am starting to feel better. I have had to take it twice a day since I got sick two days ago. This morning I kept thinking, “I am sick” over and over. I realized I should stop or I would make it worse, so I stopped. I am feeling much better now but it could just be the ibuprofen.

I slept so hard last night that when I woke my body felt oddly heavy and unresponsive. I had to drag myself out of bed and once I did I felt sicker than I did before I fell asleep. it is like my body is telling me to go back to bed. But I can’t. I am Mommy today to my two youngest. Life must go on, whether I am sick or not.

Housecleaning

I couldn’t help but notice there are quite a few blog posts out there discussing the equinox as well as the cleansing and healing that is going on at a very deep level for so many. I know I am experiencing such a “purge” and it has manifested in illness. Yuck. The healing is also beginning to create welling up of emotion out of nowhere. Last night I had memories of my past pop into my head out of nowhere. Old friends I had hurt or wronged in some way. People who I had long forgotten about making their way back into my mind, and my heart. This has been going on in my dreams for a few days but only last night did it finally make it to my heart.

I have been drawn to write down all these memories and the harm I have caused. I feel drawn to do it but I am so sick and life has been so busy that I have not had time to follow through on the intention. It seems not to matter. I am continuing the process on the subconscious level as I make my way through my days, as I dream and as I contemplate my days over my evening cup of tea.

The energy seems denser and heavier to me right now. I have seen this written in other blogs – this dense, heavy feeling is common to many right now. Yet “they” seem no where near me. And last night, as I thought of old friends who I had not seen in a long time, I longed for their company. I felt/feel very alone in my experience and recognized just how alien I feel in my own life right now.

lifeYoga

I wrote recently how I accidentally purchased a Kindle book while trying to correct a black Kindle screen. The book was called Where in the Om am I?. I have been reading it because I figured I might as well and so far it has had some good messages for me. The author of the book reminds me of myself in many ways and her struggles mirror many of my own.

Now that I am 90% through the book I am starting to think that I need to revisit yoga. I have done it in the past but its slowness never appealed to me. I found it boring, actually. But there have been too many signs in my life suggesting that I need to do something different in my life. And oddly, those signs have been pointing to yoga.

For example, before I even accidentally bought the book, I got an email from my boss inviting me to consider taking a yoga class at work. I immediately dismissed it because, well, it was yoga and I didn’t have time. A week later I accidentally bought the book Where in the Om am I? and yoga is the theme. Yoga. Boring yoga.

Recently, there was a chapter in the book where the teacher of the author’s yoga class told the class that high intensity cardio was not good for “highly anxious” people. I know I am highly anxious. I can’t seem to ever relax. So I looked it up. Sure enough, I discovered that high intensity cardio causes the body to react the same way it does to stress – high heart rate, sweating, increased cortisol levels, etc. Upon reading this, I remembered being told by someone (can’t remember who now) that I should not be exercising as much as I do because it was actually creating more stress. I thought, at the time, this woman who told me was completely ignorant. Exercise was a stress reducer not a stress causer! But it seemed finally that all the messages I had ignored finally got through. Maybe, just maybe, I have actually been increasing my stress through the type and intensity of exercise I was doing?

And then it happened. I decided I to stop my high intensity exercise routine I have been doing for so long. I plan to replace it with, slower, more stress relieving exercise – like yoga. So yesterday I took some time during my work day to do some yoga in my office. It wasn’t so bad. In fact, I wouldn’t mind doing it more often and I actually thought that I should go find that email offering yoga classes through my work. Today, if I am not feeling too ill, I will do a simple routine from off the internet. Maybe I will join the work class if there is one. Now that the message has finally gotten through there is no ignoring it anymore.

Integration

Finally, as if “cleaning house” is not tough enough – purging old grief and guilt, cleansing old wounds, healing past mistakes and losses, slowing down, incorporating yoga and meditation into my life, changing my diet – I am experiencing the result of the “merging” my guide warned me about so long ago. I knew that this merging process would result in less conversation with my guide and more integration of that knowledge into knowingness. The conversations would internalize and it would be quiet. I knew no more details. Until now.

What happens is very subtle and I wouldn’t have noticed it if I hadn’t been considering my own thoughts at the time. It happens when I am doing normal daily activities. For example, I was getting my middle son his umpteenth sippy cup of juice and I suddenly found myself mesmerized by his tiny little body running in front of me, so happy just to have gotten his juice. And a thought hit me, “He is beautiful I should be happy just making him happy”. And I caught myself enjoying life. It happened again and again. Every time I look into my baby’s eyes and see his face light up with pure joy. And I think to myself, “This is why he came at this time. To help me remember I can experience joy. That I can be happy”. And I feel blessed and grateful to him for his gift to me.

These moments are not as numerous as they should be. Yet. They will be. Merging and integration takes time. Until then, I should stop trying to rush ahead and enjoy the time in between. The time during the transition. This also was a lesson the author of the book I am reading learned. Perhaps that is what yoga will help me do? Enjoy the moments that I have been missing for so long. Just considering it makes me want to cry with joy.

by

Out of Sorts

I don’t normally post twice in one day but I have way too much going on to not.

I posted about my multiple OBEs first because I was afraid I would lose too much of what happened. As it was, after I initially posted I had a memory about a shadow man that I had to add and even now memories are coming back to me. I recall seeing and discussing crystals with a man (one of my guides) while OOB. The memory is fuzzy so not sure if I will add it or not. However, it has convinced me that healing is on the agenda for me and that no matter if I refuse, it will continue.

Jet Blue

No doubt you all have heard by now about the Jet Blue scare that happened on Thursday. It has been all over the media and social media has popped up with selfies, photos, videos and personal accounts of the near-miss. Well, what you don’t know is that this specific event hit very close to home for me. My husband was on that flight.

My husband was doing some work in California and had scheduled his flight home from Long Beach that day. The entire morning, my middle son was talking about Daddy coming home. In fact, he was so excited to see his Daddy again that he was refusing to eat saying, “I’m gonna wait for Daddy”. He kept asking, “When is Daddy coming home?” And I kept telling him, “Not until after lunch”. He also kept asking, “What time is it?” but this is a normal question for him right now.

The last time my son asked about his Daddy I was about to jump into the shower. It was about 11:30am. When I came downstairs after my shower I saw I had missed a call and had a voice mail. I saw the call was from my husband and tried to call him back but it went directly to voice mail. So I listened to my voice mail and heard the unexpected.

My husband’s voice was calm when he said, “Our plane had to turn back because one of the engines went out. We landed and had to slide down the emergency slide. I am fine.” Minutes later, he called me back and told me more. He still sounded calm. My first thought was, “Wow!” My second was, “I never suspected any of it”.

When my husband arrived home at 8:30pm that night he was still pretty calm. He finally did confess to me, however, that when the engine blew, there was a loud bang followed by immense amounts of smoke. He said when this happened, his first thought was, “I am going to die”. Then he immediately reached out and took the hands of the two men sitting to either side of him. He told me, “There is nothing like thinking you are going to die to get you to really appreciate life”.

Emotionless

I am actually still waiting for the impact of my husband’s near-death experience to hit me. But it hasn’t. I am happy he is okay, but I never felt he was not okay. I never even suspected anything was amiss. My son must have because he was so tuned into seeing his Daddy all morning. Why didn’t I?

My husband spoke to me about his experience more yesterday and then mentioned it yet again today. It is obvious that it really affected him – for the better, too. I feel guilty for not feeling anything. I don’t even feel relief. What is wrong with me?

All I can say is that there must be something very wrong with me.

Healing

Last night I sensed again that something is very “off” with me, especially my energy. But I also think that there is something going on with the Earth’s energy and that, maybe, I am susceptible to it. Or perhaps I am just mixing up all the energy I am being bombarded with and as such it is making me feel very out of sorts.

As I prepared for bed last night, I knew I was in dire need of healing. I knew I needed to pick apart some of the things I have yet to confront in life. There are some things I am avoiding looking at. Why? Because I worry I will have to make changes. And change isn’t comfortable.

As I settled down to sleep, though, I did ask for help healing some of my internal aches and pains. So it is no wonder that I had dreams and OBEs that were along those lines. Yet, when I woke up, I was in a very sour mood. It has passed now, but it feels like I use to feel when I was a child I was told I needed to do something and I do not want to do it. What do I have to do?

Finally, one thing I did not mention in my other post, is that this healing I am getting is preparation for something. I remember as I came to full awareness after my last OBE, that I was speaking with my guide. I remember saying to him, “Is this what happens before…?” and he said, “Yes”. And now I am wondering, “Before what?”