Category Archives: kundalini

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Dream, OBE and Realizations

As always, just when I think I’ve gone back to “normal”, something happens to shake things up.

It began with me feeling a strange energy shift yesterday which made me feel a bit melancholy. I requested help prior to sleep, asking my guidance what, if anything, I should do. I was told I would astral project but I responded that I was not really interested in projecting.

Dream: Scandal

I entered a semi-lucid dream in which I was a guest at a luncheon with many friends and acquaintances. The house was quaint and reminded me of a country cottage. There was a long table dressed with a white tablecloth in the center of a country-style kitchen. Sitting at the table was approximately five or six people, couples mostly.

The wooden floors creaked as I approached the table. I was introduced to a woman who was familiar from recent dream. She had dark, curly, shoulder-length hair and fair skin. When we were introduced I became dizzy, which was odd. My entire head began to spin and within the dream I recognized why. I knew this woman and her partner. There was a brief memory of Russia being involved in this exchange of information. A past life perhaps? IDK but it triggered a dizzy spell within the dream experience.

Then I was interacting with this woman’s partner. I never quite saw him clearly, which is weird. He was young, I know that, and I believe he also had fair skin but still I struggle to recall his exact appearance. He came up to me and there was a huge inrush of attraction and energy that hit me square in the heart and shot down through to my root chakra. He moved in very close to me and there was a knowingness that his intentions were to be with me despite having a partner. He hooked his arm around mine and led me to the opposite side of the room. He kept brushing my chest purposefully. I recall that I was wearing a corseted blue dress. My reaction to this was to pull away out of fear that someone would see us. I remember a man glancing in our direction and the word “scandal” came to mind.

Then we were outside of the cottage on the edge of a large, green meadow. There were very tall trees that towered over us and a cool breeze. I leaned up against one of the trees, its bark was white like an aspen. The man was with me and he was embracing me and there was such a glorious feeling in this. My heart was so full that I could not breathe. I recall him asking me if I would run off to Montana with him. I wanted to. Badly. Yet I kept having this awful feeling of dread and my emotions were conflicted to the point of torture. What about his partner? I couldn’t do that to her. I was ashamed that I wanted to.

I don’t recall making out or doing anything sexual with this man. At one point, though, my breasts were exposed and I was encouraging him by saying, “They are all outside”. Obviously, the dream had shifted back to inside the cottage. The man said, “No, they are just there” pointing to the doors. I became frozen with fear at this point and a bit paranoid. The energy was still pummeling me from my chest to my toes. I was overcome by it. I wanted to completely succumb to it yet at the same time I was paralyzed by it.

At this point the man and everyone else disappeared. I was alone in the cottage searching for a broom and dustpan. My entire focus was to sweep up some spilled cereal that had gotten underneath the cabinets. At the back of my mind the entire time was the man and what he represented. I wanted nothing to do with any of it.

Realizations

I woke up gradually and without much memory of the dream at first. However, someone was still speaking to me and encouraging me to remember. I was asked to focus on what I felt. When I did this I felt the surge of energy in my heart chakra and an inability to breathe through it. I shut it down as quickly as I could but at the same time I did not want the feeling to stop. It is the most spectacular feeling yet when I have it I feel so much dread, as if I will die or something horrible will happen if I allow it. I want desperately to get away from the feeling.

Within moments of all of this, I realized  my “running” was true. I was absolutely terrified and in that moment all I felt was a paralyzing terror. The heart sensation was muted and I wanted to feel it but I also wanted to run as far away from it as I could get. To want something so desperately but at the same time feel absolute terror and dread for that very thing is a VERY conflicting situation to be in. I HATE IT!

The dream began to hit me in full and the woman and the dizzy feeling was very pronounced. I literally began to lose consciousness in the dream and could almost contact the feeling right then and there while recalling it. I knew there was a past life connection there somewhere. It was linked to Russia and in recalling the dream I remember hearing someone speak with a Russian accent. In my mind a scenario began to play out. Couple immigrates from Russia. Man meets me and we are caught up in a scandalous romance. He begs me to run off with him to Montana.

I immediately tossed it from my mind, though. I couldn’t handle it. No more past lives! No more of any of this!

I felt so much dread and a pure panic. My mind was going a million miles an hour but the thoughts were muddled and nothing made sense. The main thoughts that I had were that that wonderful feeling = really horribly bad stuff. lol

As I calmed and listened to my guidance I understood that the Kundalini was in a sense forcing these issues to the surface. I have so much fear associated with this particular kind of love but I desperately want to experience it. I was reminded that this love is okay and I am not “bad” for feeling it. Despite this I could not help but feel “bad”. I felt awful. I felt like a whore. A slut. Completely degraded. WTF?

OBE

I fell back to sleep hearing my guide tell me, “You will project”. He was correct. But it was a brief projection. Almost immediately upon returning to sleep I woke up from within a dream and said, “I’m OUT! I’m OUT!” over and over. “Out” meaning OOB. I disconnected from my dream-self, turned around and forcefully said to her, “I’m OUT!!!” As I did, I literally pushed her away from me but the sensation was the opposite of what I expected. I felt myself pulled with intense force back into her. For what seemed like an eternity I pushed and pushed with all my might to get away from her. I was “out” but couldn’t detach completely. And in focusing so much on trying to get out I began to hold my breath. Imagine pushing on something, like a heavy dresser, and how you bear down, holding your breath as you push with all your might. This is what I did to the point that I felt my physical body screaming for air. The sensation of breathlessness was the last straw and my physical body sucked me back with such force that my energy was very strange and I felt somewhat disoriented. I yelled at my guides, “I want OUT and I don’t want to ever go back!” I heard in reply, “Foolish girl”. LOL Now that just made me angry and I said, “If it is possible I will figure out how to do it.”

Considerations

I drifted back to sleep briefly and when I awoke I felt much more settled. My heart was no longer blazing but my entire midsection was sore. I am sure I gave my solar plexus quite a workout. lol

The struggle I am going through is not fun. I honestly don’t know how to embrace the feeling that I obviously want to embrace despite the fear it triggers. I know I need to confront the fear head-on but I don’t know how. There is such an exhaustion related to this struggle now. I wish I had never contacted the feeling now, but then I can’t go back, can I? Obviously, in my past lives, I have felt the feeling and been overcome by it, making some really stupid decisions and then blaming myself, degrading myself, beating myself up for it. There is a sense that I would die for the feeling, and I guess I have several times. LOL I can laugh now, but then the energetic impact, the “soul damage” that has been done is painfully obvious. I relate the feelings with being “bad” or “bad” things. The judgement is severe. Sigh. Yet I know I will get past it. The only way out is through.

 

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OBE: Conscious Exit and Pranayama

I woke at 5am. Again. Sigh. Wide awake, this time I was in a better mood and took advantage of the quiet time and meditated. I stated my intent to astral project and asked for help in dropping my astral body.

OBE: Conscious Exit

Laying on my back, I grew listless and uncomfortable after a short while, so rolled over onto my left side. I stated mentally several times, “I am out of body”. Then there is a blank space, as if everything goes black.

The next thing I recall, I am pulled out of the background noise of my conscious mind by the humming of insects and chirping crickets. At the same time I saw an image in front of me of a dense forest and starry night sky. With the image came the actual feeling of being in the forest along with the musty smell of the forest floor. The image would fade in and out and I knew I needed to focus on it in order to be pulled into it. Yet I was very, very drowsy and resisted the draw into the forest. Part of me just wanted to sleep.

As I watched and listened to this forest in front of me, the chirping crickets and hum of the forest faded out and was replaced by the familiar noise of my home in the morning – children talking excitedly, kitchen noises as breakfast is being made, etc. The image of the forest disappeared when these new noises came in. I knew these were noises-off and to not focus on them, even though I wanted to. I reminded myself to ignore them and that is when I recognized the vibrations hitting me in waves. Woosh, woosh, woosh.

Not near as intense as when I first began to project, the vibrations were noticeable enough to alert me to the fact that it was a prime time to exit my body. I remember having to convince myself that I wanted to project and feeling nearly sucked into unconsciousness. Eventually, though, my intent won over and I pulled myself out of my body. I exited via my back and my head and shoulders lingered longer than the rest of me. The feeling was like sticky, taffy, but I was not going to give up and I forced the rest of my astral body out and away from my body.

Instantly I could see very clearly and the room was lit up with a bright, yellow/gold color. The walls were white (in reality they are green) and everything was sparkling with energy.

I did not linger long at the sight because I knew I needed to get a certain distance from my body else it would suck me back it and the tacky, heavy energy was still present. I did look at my hands for a moment and say, “Clarity now!” but I did not linger and find out if it made any difference.

I floated through a non-existent door (which should have been there) and across the family room toward the stairs. The stairs were not in the right place either and instead of being one single flight, there were two separated by a landing.

As I floated down the stairs I felt a distinct rise in my vibration. I had gotten far enough away from my body! I began to giggle and wanted to fly but felt I should not attempt it yet. So, I hopped the stair railing and skipped the landing altogether, jump-floating down the stairs. Then I saw my son sitting at the bottom of the stairs surrounded by tons of toys. He looked up at me, his green eyes sparkling and a big smile on his face. I remember hearing him in my mind at first. His greeting was a surge of love and joy.

I had not forgotten my purpose for this projection: to drop my astral body. I knew in order to do this I needed to get outside. So, when I saw my son taking up the entire bottom of the stairs I paused and told him, “It’s a beautiful day! I’m going outside.” He looked at me and said, “I wanna go with you!” His energy reached out to me and was familiar. I wanted to take him with me but knew I could not.

I did not have time to answer him. In one big swoosh of energy I felt to be carried by a wave of energy back into my physical body.

Guidance: Pranayama 

Once back in my body, the vibrations were still present but faded off as soon as I thought of projecting again. Not disappointed, I checked the time feeling certain it must have been over an hour since meditating and projecting. But it was only 6:14am.

I asked my guides why I was able to project. Their answer, “You set the intention. You wanted to.” lol It is true. Prior to bed I took B6 just in case it might help me to project. The intention had been there ever since the previous day, when for months now I have really had no interest.

This does not negate what was told to me about the astral realms. They are collapsing in on one another. I questioned this yesterday and the answer was that projection can and does occur but is only sustainable by those able to keep their vibrations high and stable. The astral body has a reactive tendency similar to the physical body, which makes it harder to stabilize. The mental body, however, is not as reactive.

I was told that in order to drop my astral body, I must work on my energy body. Attempting to project when my energy body was not adequately energized results in a loss of vibration early in the projection. This is what happened yesterday morning. This morning, however, my energy was higher and so upon exit there was not darkness and my energy was light and flowing (despite the sticky exit).

So how to I adequately energize my energy  body? They said one word, “Pranayama.” Instantly, memory came to me of my Kundalini Yoga practice and the Breath of Fire.

I was encouraged to try two things then:

1. Circulate my energy very rapidly from my feet up to my crown and down to my feet. I was shown what this looked like when done. It appeared like a strobe light, flashing brightly as it hit certain chakras (heart, solar plexus and root).

2. Take deep, long breaths.

So I did as instructed while laying on my back. As I circulated my energy, I was asked to focus on areas where the energy was less present. I noticed my feet were a problem area. As soon as I noticed this my feet began to buzz with intense energy. Then my throat was another sticking point and focusing on it made my entire body jump. lol That was a shocker.

When I stopped circulating the energy, I continued deep breathing and within moments I was in the trance-state and my body seemed hit by an energy wave that entered via my lower pelvic region. I was able to maintain the energy for quite some time and began to get hypnagogic imagery and hear noises-off again.

Surprised that I had brought this all on so quickly (I was wide awake by now) I brought myself out of the trance-state by moving my hand. My feet still felt off but I was told the more I circulated my energy the less this area would trap energy.

Very cool!

 

 

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Kundalini Dream: MOAB

Last night was interesting to say the least.

Dream: Test Preparation

Quick dream recall to set the scene. 🙂

I was at school and preparing to take a test. My teacher, a tall, brunette, was focusing on me even though she had an entire class of kids. The other kids appeared to be about 10 years of age and the classroom was yellow and gold colors. Part of my preparation involved making myself a lunch for my trip which was to be by plane. I remember feeling I might be late and rushing.

During the preparation, a man kept calling by phone trying to talk to me and talk me out of going on the trip. I could see him in my mind and he reminded me of one of my old neighbors – older, gray hair, wrinkled and thin. I remember him calling on the phone and hearing him cock a gun and I said, “Tell him he doesn’t need to bring his gun.” I saw in my mind a shot gun and felt as if he were trying to protect me.

Then I was being send to a one-room house. These were to be my quarters while I prepared. The cottage sized house was cozy and had an attached single car garage. I remember the old man also got a cottage. I’m not sure why he came along, though.

Dream: Arranged Marriage

I was ushered into a great hall where an event was underway. There was a Hindu/Indian feel and theme to the obvious celebration. There was a stage and a band was playing. I remember being asked to sing a song, but I didn’t know the words so just kind of made them up as I went. The song reminded me of a Phil Collins song. lol Everyone was happy, dancing and/or milling about. I felt out of place, though. Why was I here?

The woman, the teacher from the last dream, informed me that I had agreed to marry a man. The marriage had been arranged and this was the celebration – our celebration. I understood this to be true and immediately looked for my my husband-to-be. I saw him sitting down near the band on a bench, not far from where I sat and to my left. I looked at him closely, inspecting his features and trying to memorize what he looked like. He had black hair, cropped short with medium skin tone and looked much, much older than me by the amount of deep lines on his face. His eyes were dark brown. He was quite thin and wiry and his face familiar.

In front of us there was a large, Asian-looking house with golden colored gates. For some reason I thought they were “garages“. There were three in a row and the same person (the woman?) told me that the garages were very difficult to operate. Then my attention was drawn to tiny figurines lined up by the house. I was told these were “idols” that people had put there and that this place was in fact a shrine of some sort. I then saw someone walking away from the house with two dolphins on leashes. They were taking them to the ocean. In the dream I remember laughing at the sight of it because it was so absurd.

Lucid Dream: MOAB

This is when the dream takes a turn and my lucidity begins to increase. The woman continued to prepare me for my upcoming wedding and spoke to me at some length. I remember someone asked me to purchase a newspaper and the man I was to marry interrupted and said, “It does not need to be purchased. It is free to everyone.” It was a newspaper I recognized, some scientific publication, but I can’t recall the name now.

Then the man was sitting very close to me on my right. I remember sensing his thoughts and saying out loud, “It’s okay. We’re going to be married anyway.” The man turned to me and I looked at him. I could only see his dark brown eyes. I asked him, “What is your name, anyway?” He said, “MO-AB. Moab.” I heard it very audibly in the dream and it brought on almost full lucidity. I repeated the name to him slowly and then he repeated it back to me.

The next thing I knew he kissed me very gently on the lips. I could feel it as if I were awake and I did not reject it. It is amazing to me how real it felt. There was an internal conversation going on in my head with him at the time. I also recall knowing what he felt and what he wanted. It was very strange. I sensed he wanted to kiss more deeply. I allowed this because his energy was so calming and soothing and the kissing felt nice.

Then I felt I needed to stop. I don’t know why but at the same time he was asking me not to stop though there were no words said. I just felt what he wanted. He wanted to embrace me and wrap me in his arms while kissing me. When the thought hit me to pull away, my heart chakra lit up intensely. The feeling in my heart was a mixture of pain and pleasure and intensified to the point that I couldn’t breathe. Then the energy from my heart shot straight down into my root chakra and began to move up with even greater intensity. I pulled away from his kiss and woke up.

Afterward

Even awake, the energy continued and I was unable to breathe. My guide kept asking me, “How do you feel?” over and over. I couldn’t really answer at the time. I was ablaze with energy and trying to recover. lol

I kept recalling the name MOAB. I had heard it before. Why was I hearing it again? What the heck is MOAB??

The clock said 3:45am. I was awake until 5:15am before I fell back to sleep. It took that long for the energy to settle. He kept asking me how I felt. I was finally able to respond, “Aroused.” LOL However, this arousal is not typical. The energy in all my lower chakras and heart chakra was intensely arousing for some reason, in a spiritual way. It was like the heart bliss spread to my lower chakras.

I knew/was told that this was just a preparation and more is coming. This “test” was to see how I would handle the energy. I was told I passed but I felt like I failed because I knew the energy was suppose to be moved up. How the hell am I suppose to remember to move it up when it is taking over all my lower chakras?? Since my heart chakra continued to blaze for a while after the experience, I practiced moving it up and got as far as my throat but lost interest.

Edit: I looked up the meaning of the name Moab. Apparently it can mean many different things, some of which we do not even have a word for. However, when reading this article I was drawn to this explanation:

“But the word אב (‘ab), meaning father, also occurs in meanings other than that of a biological parent. Sometimes it’s used to indicate the lord of a village (Isaiah 22:21), or an elder (2 Kings 2:12), or an ancestor (Genesis 10:21), and often it simply indicates a position of authority; a counselor (Genesis 45:8) or prophet (2 Kings 6:21). The word ‘ab is also ascribed to God (Isaiah 63:16, Hosea 11:1)

Specifically, I feel this name is given to represent our relationship (me and this guide/mentor). He is to me an ancestor of some sort and since he is my mentor (counselor) this applies as well. I am reminded of the church and how we use “father” or “elder” for those in divinely appointed positions. Perhaps this is also applicable here.

 

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Reset: Restoring Internal Balance

I’m still sick. 😦

This is my hypothesis on why I am sick. Kundalini. Yep. She’s the culprit. During the lucid dream I had on February 18th my body was hit with Kundalini of such intensity that it literally blew right through every one of my chakras. If there was a blockage it was obliterated. No blockage could have withstood her.

I definitely was unable to withstand her. My entire world has been different since that experience. Everything looked wrong in my life and every relationship, every like/dislike, seemed trivial and without purpose. Unfortunately, it still feels that way. I am really struggling to try and make sense of my life right now. Yeah, it was quite a shake to the core.

Apparently blowing through blockages like that is dangerous business. Thankfully I did not have many major blockages left (I don’t think) after all the “preparation” and “adjustments” I was given by my Team beforehand. Yet, there were obviously still some remaining, enough that clearing them that fast and furiously created this miserable, never-ending cold. On top of that, it fast-forwarded my monthly cycle by a full week which was a further depletion of my physical energy and resources.

I suspect the chakras most affected by the K energy surge I experienced, the ones most blocked and now unblocked, were my throat, heart, second and third chakras. I suspect this only because my current illness began in my chest and came with sore throat, stomach upset, diarrhea, cramping, and coughing. I’ve never experienced a chest cold with those lower body symptoms. Just weird.

My guidance is very quiet and very distant. There is one, lone guide around me and I do not recognize him. His energy is too distant for me to tune into but he did wrap me in wonderful energy last night and that was enough to know that whoever he is, his main objective is to help me through this tough patch. I feel like he is an angel and I don’t often use that word.

Early in the morning, after being awakened at 5:00am, I drifted back into the in-between. While there, I saw a long list. It was typed in black ink on white paper. I don’t remember all of what was listed, but I do recall that the words, “Spirit” and “Balance”. I woke immediately upon reading the word, “Balance” and was upset by it. This is because I thought it meant my external world was out of balance and I was being asked to return to the workplace. There came with this a knowing that it was not the external that needed balance, it was needed internally. Oh. Then I saw in my mind, “Reset”. Hmmm. There’s that word again. What does that mean? I got no explanation but I then saw, “6 weeks”. Ugh! 6 WEEKS!!?

Whatever this reset is I am not looking forward to it because I suspect it means that I will not be having many, if any, spiritual experiences over the next six weeks. I could be wrong, though. It could be the exact opposite I suppose. Who knows. Who cares, I guess. I’m just too sick and sick of being sick to care anyway.

 

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Riding the Dragon

The Kundalini acceleration continues. I am definitely “riding the Dragon”.

I was awakened at 3am from a dream in which I was joining a new group. Prior to this I had visited a team I was overlooking and ran into a gentleman who was overly enamored of me. I was warned that my Light is amplified at this time and to expect more such encounters both in dreams/the astral and in the physical.

I was called to a meeting. I was late so it was embarrassing to be called in at the last minute. There was a special guest in front of the group. I felt out of place. Everyone was so much older than me it seemed. I was worried he would ask me to introduce myself. Thankfully he didn’t. Instead he began to read us all a story. All I recall of it now was that it was titled, “La Luna” and was about an ancient healing modality yet to be utilized on Earth. The healing was performed in conjunction with the phases of the moon.

I was awakened at this time and there was with me a young man who was very excited to meet me. He was not a guide but a member of the new group I had joined. His accent was odd and I could not place it. His energy was sky high and he was completely joyous. His name was Gerard and he told me he was from New Caledonia. I recognized the name but could not place it. He told me it was near Indonesia and French, which is why his accent was so strange. I looked it up this morning and sure enough this information is valid. So if you are Gerard – nice to meet you and I look forward to working with you.

Gerard had much to say. Thankfully, I now keep a notebook and pen beside my bed for times such as these. Here is what he told me:

Your Divine Fire has been lit. It will burn for the next 12-16 months. You are riding the Dragon. You are not doing this alone. Your counterpart is as well. There has been a Divine Union. You have a group of four; an inner circle. Like 2 split atoms; 2 became 4. 4 is a number you are familiar with. It repeats in your life. Your flame will burn uncontrollably until it reaches the 12th house (12th chakra? this is image I saw – chakras way up high over my head). This is complete embodiment. Whole. This process follows the cycles of the moon. La Luna. The magik of La Luna. Your fire will attract others. Be aware of your own energy. You are Brilliant and will be from now on. You are Awake. 

As he was talking to me there was a strange sensation in my root chakra. It felt like a hollow, glass tube was there. I could feel its expansiveness but the energy was normal.

I was able to return to sleep. I guess I am just too exhausted now after several days of interrupted sleep.

Root Chakra Explosion 

I found myself in a dream in which I was riding in a large SUV with family. We had been driving all night and stopped. That was when I saw the airbag had deployed but on the outside of the vehicle. It covered the entire hood.

As members of my group got out to deflate it, I saw a very tall individual wearing a blue jumpsuit. I identified the person as “she” and ran up to her calling her “sister”. She was strange looking – her face so dark I could not make out features. I remember her inviting me to join with her. I told her, “Not in this life, sister. Maybe in the next one.” I was so enthused at seeing her, though, that I gave her a hug. She was so tall that I had to jump into her arms to hug her. She had to be at least 8-9ft tall. She embraced me and kissed me. I held on to her and then realized she had initiated a kind of activation in my root chakra. Energy began to explode down toward my feet. It was a spectacular feeling and so intense that it woke me up. It continued for about 10 minutes afterward. The energy was so intense that it expanded down past my knees in a bubble. I could see it even – it was cherry red but not a solid color. It was more opalescent.

I have had root chakra activity in the past but nothing like this. It was pure ecstasy but also very sexual. I had no control over my body. It is embarrassing but at the same time I don’t really care. It was a spectacular experience.

After the energy abated my entire lower body up to my naval felt similar to how it felt after I had my babies. It is similar to intense menstrual cramping or back labor. I had a flash then of what had really happened. There had been some kind of spiritual surgery done and an intentional activation of the root chakra. It was explained that it was in preparation for the next step in the process coming on Tuesday.

I suspect that the tall, androgynous looking person wearing a blue jumper was likely an ET and one I am familiar with and not afraid of. This is likely why I could not see “her” face as well.

Implants

I was able to once again fall asleep (thank you!) but my sleep kept getting interrupted. I don’t know why They have to keep waking me up! I just wanted to sleep!

Anyway, I awoke this time around from a sign that was placed in front of my vision. I saw the message upon it written in cursive. It said, “Implants Placed.” Then below that was my real, legal name.

Of course this woke me with a start. This has not been the first time I have had a message about implants. I am not sure what they mean, but since my “other” name was used, I suspect these implants are being removed. Good.

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Relentless Kundalini

Yesterday was quite a doozy, wasn’t it? I am still recovering.

I spent most of the day handling some intense physical and emotional responses to the Kundalini energy that was triggered by the Unity experience I wrote about. At least I am assuming it was Kundalini energy.

My heart chakra was extremely open all day and I was exploding with energy. It was like I was a fireworks display. I only wish I could have seen what I looked like. I am sure it was spectacular. The energy was moving through me with such ferocity that at times my poor body was struggling. I could feel my lower chakras clearing. This clearing resulted in some crazy physical symptoms. I thought at one point I was getting the stomach flu again. I also felt surges of ecstasy that would disable me completely. I mean I could not think, I could not move, I could not function at all except to just allow it. I have never experienced such intense desire. It knocked me down more than once during the day. Thankfully I was not around a man – any man. LOL

Then there was the total loss of appetite. I had to force-feed myself food because knew if I didn’t eat I would just be more out of it. Thirst was also a problem. Constantly thirsty. I was also extremely dizzy. When I stood up I would almost black out. This was likely caused by low blood sugar from not eating enough, but since it happened even after I ate, I suspect the Kundalini was also the culprit.

There was also an emotion akin to excitement and nervousness that never really went away. This was the primary feeling coming through my heart space (except when the desire kicked in). This nervous anticipation feeling is likely why I couldn’t eat. It reminded me of how I use to feel when I started a new relationship with someone I was really, really into. It was that “first date” feeling. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I pace about and my mind is continually thinking about this person.

Since I had not slept much, I was exhausted all day, too. I began to really feel tired around 6pm but since I care for all three of my kids in the evenings (husband is gone all day and into the night) I could not stop to rest. And they were just as wired up as me. I suspect I did that to them because they were very reactive to my mood. My middle son was the worst. He was like a walking contradiction on top of being in constant mania mode. My youngest was so wired that when I tried to get him to sleep he kept jumping and babbling for an hour past his bedtime.

So, yeah, I was really tired by the time I went to bed.

Then I couldn’t sleep! 😦

There was just too much energy coursing through me. I swear I short circuited my phone more than once and my computer was like an amplifier to my energy at times. So by the time I tried to sleep my entire body was buzzing like I was about to go OOB and my mind was racing. I couldn’t shut it down and it just added to my exhaustion.

I somehow fell asleep around 1am. Unfortunately, I woke up at 5am to my body doing things it isn’t suppose to do without my permission (not going to get anymore personal than that, sorry!). LOL

I had dreams but the memory behind the dreams is what is significant. I recall laying on a table and being “worked” on. There were tall, yellow, cylinders placed on my mid-section. I think there were four or five. I knew that the energy was being rerouted by these cylinders. Unfortunately (or fortunately) they must have rerouted the energy to my root chakra, thus waking me up.

I was told upon waking that this was not the end of the crazy, intense energy. This is how I will become “clear” as They have told me. I guess if you get enough energy coursing through you it will just blast away the blockages. I am really grateful for the preparation work that was done now.

 

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A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part II

I am participating in Barbara Franken’s February challenge and sharing my personal awakening experience in A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part II. 🙂

When I consider my own spiritual awakening, I am at first overwhelmed by the enormity of the task I have set for myself when participating in this challenge. If I start in a linear fashion, from the very beginning of my awakening in 2003, the length of this post would be unbearably long. However, if I look at the various paths I took and the lessons I learned along the way, the task is much easier to swallow.

Constantly Questioning

From the minute I could form my first thought, there was a question. I haven’t stopped asking questions since.

As a child one of the first things I recall doing when I had the ability to, was to go back to my very first memory and remember all I could. Before that first memory, there was nothing. Just blackness. This intrigued me because I could feel something was being blocked from my view. Why was this? Why am I here? What happened before I got here? Where was I before I got here? Who am I?

Sometimes asking these questions sent me down unbearably dark paths for when I asked, “Why am I here?” I often asked my someone external to myself like my mother or my sister. Other times it brought me into great moments of joy and awe for sometimes I was presented with a question in return – What do you think? – and when that happened so did some pretty wonderful realizations.

Meeting Myself

Ultimately, like all those who go searching the deepest, darkest places, I was ran face first into the many facets of myself. I opened a Pandora’s Box and there was no going back. I had to confront myself; everything “good” and everything “dark” had to be inspected. I did this with the help of my Companion, Steven, who is my counterpart in Spirit. He is the part of me who Remembers, as he likes to say. And his role is to share some of that memory with me, in little bits and pieces. But I have to ask the right questions. It is all in asking the right questions.

Eventually, all this questioning, led me to my spiritual gifts. This happened seemingly all at once but really it took about a month for them all to manifest. Suddenly, I was a medium, a healer, a medical intuitive, a channel, and a psychic all at once. This threw me into a tailspin. I quit my job, changed my name, and went on a journey which ultimately led to the beginning of my Dark Night of the Soul. It was an eye-opening journey and one that taught me how to love myself when in the past I could barely look at my own reflection.

During my Dark Night my spiritual progression intensified exponentially. I had spontaneous past life memories that I would re-experience as if they were happening in the present. These would be presented to me for inspection and clearing. My Companion or one of my Assistants would take me through the life, asking me questions similar to how a hypnotherapist does when they walk their client through a past life. Each question would open up more of the life and the accompanying emotions. This was an excruciating process as you can imagine. Many lives had to be visited more than once in order to be cleared. Some are still in the process of clearing.

To date, I have Remembered 30+ Earth lives. The time frame extends from before 10,000BC to the present. Many of them are recorded in my blog sequentially, but I have not yet included them all. I have also recalled lives from other planets/dimensions.

Self-Exploration

In addition to revisiting my past lives during my Dark Night, I also experienced my first spontaneous OBE. This opened up a path of exploration that I never knew existed. What was most amazing is that OBEs finally allowed me to be face-to-face with my Team of guides and, most importantly, with my Companion. Talk about exciting! Suddenly I was visiting other dimensions, other planets, other realms, and my Companion was always there with me. Sometimes I would see him, touch him, hear him. Other times I would just feel him next to me, guiding me and showing me what I needed to see. Through OBEs I was able to tap into yet another unknown part of myself – the timeless, multidimensional, manifesting, and powerful I AM.

Kundalini

Right from the get-go I had Kundalini activity. I didn’t know what it was at first, so it was quite scary. As I got use to it, however, she became like an old friend. She started from the top down at first and all I can say is, “Wow!” Nothing compares to a top-down Kundalini activation. Instant awareness and connection to Source/All That Is. Intense clearing, spontaneous past life recollections, spirit guide communication, and every kind of healing you can imagine.

Then she went dormant for over 7 years accompanied by a seemingly complete loss of my spiritual gifts, a significant reduction in OBEs, and extremely limited communication with my Team of guides. She returned with a vengeance in 2014, this time on a wild ride from root to crown. The sensations this time around are even more intense and the experiences more profound than the first and I don’t think she will be letting up anytime soon.

Contact

The most recent path I have been led down has been the most difficult for me. Contact was made with me by other worldly Beings – Beings from other dimensions, other planets, other times. The first visits were while I was OOB and fully aware. They showed themselves as my own reflection in the mirror or would stand in the shadows. Other times they would wake me in the morning for “briefings” and I would have intense channeling sessions where my crown would seem to just open up and information (light) would pour into me. Oftentimes this would come in the form of codes, or light language. These experiences were also accompanied by memories of the “work” I do as part of the Galactic Federation of Light Ground Crew as a grid-worker and energy worker/healer.

Service

Finally, I am Remembering more and more of my path/purpose here. I am just now beginning to see it fully forming ahead of me; though, unbeknownst to me, I have been traveling it from the beginning. It is the path of service- the reason I am here. To help. To be of assistance. To prepare the path for those to come. I am not completely sure what this will look like but I am more than ready to get started.

So this is my story of awakening thus far and in a nut shell. It is ever-changing and I know it will not be the same today as tomorrow or the next day. My Team knows I get bored easily and need to be kept on my toes and they do their job extremely well! I am never disappointed. 🙂

Next up in the challenge is Mick.

 

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Time to Elaborate a Bit

I am still processing everything that happened this morning but I wanted to share with you more of the details. I also need to write this down as I am still experiencing the effects of it. My heart chakra has been blasting away all day. The main energy is an anticipation or nervousness. At least it is not pure out panic. My third eye is also blazing away. I still feel like I am radiating energy – projecting it almost.

This morning when I awoke overwhelmed by what had just happened, I had not fully awakened despite sitting up in bed and crying. I kept going into the in-between. While there I heard a quiet voice telling me I was beautiful and the heart energy would fire up and I would get too aware again. I also had visions of seeing myself in a coffin. I saw several coffin visions, actually. This is also when I heard the voice tell me, “You’re ALIVE.” It was said in such a way as to interrupt my freaking out. There was emphasis on the word “alive”. It was said, “Ah-live”. lol At the time I didn’t think anything of it. I was too caught up in my mind, but now I realize a part of me was just born.

My mind was in overdrive. I couldn’t control it and I wanted to get up and write an email but I kept hesitating. I am glad I didn’t now as the energy of the computer would have likely thrown me off even more. But the desire to write was very strong. I knew so much all at once. It was like an inflow of huge amounts of information – information about my past, present and future. I don’t recall it all now, but it was part of the reason I was freaking out. I went down stairs and paced and paced for I don’t know how long. Too much energy. Too many thoughts.

I knew I had caused this to happen. I asked for it to happen a couple of nights ago. I actually asked for an OBE but was denied it. I had thought my requests had fallen on deaf ears. I guess not. Really happy about that now.

So this is what I experienced in that Union.

Intense love beyond anything I have ever experienced. It ignited every single chakra and I felt all the emotions connected to those chakras. It was like I lit up like a flare and sparks of energy went flying out my crown and my root at the same time. My mid-section was the most intense with a very, very pleasant yet explosive energy. Not sexual at all, believe-it-or-not. It was more like complete opening of Self. Raw, vulnerable and eager all at the same time.

In the few moments that I was caught up in this bliss I felt connected to everyone, everything; to Source. It was not just a connection to my “partner” but to everything and everyone that ever existed. It was like merging with him opened my eyes to something I had long forgotten existed. In that I realized I AM love. I AM all of it. I do not lack for anything.

When I awoke and the energy was still running through me, my vision was filled with flashes of the faces of people I had known in this life. Mom, Dad, sisters, brother, in-laws, husbands, children, friends, acquaintances, bosses….the list goes on. With each flash of a face I knew I loved them. All of them. Without a doubt. All I had was love for them. And I felt a connection to them as well. They are me.

The fear reaction I had to all of this was Ego. When I was able to get out of my mind and stay in my heart, there was only calm and a perfect happiness. There is a fullness and confidence in my heart that wasn’t there before; a knowing that everything is working out as it should.

I won’t deny that I am asking for it to happen again. Maybe this time I won’t wake up and cut it short. But then, the intensity of the experience is such that I don’t know what would have happened had I stayed. I am thanking my Team wholeheartedly this morning. They never fail to produce.

Oh and there was a song in my head as well. I almost forgot about it. Coldplay’s The Scientist (again). The only parts I kept hearing were:

I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions, Oh let’s go back to the start.

Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard.

 

 

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Why is This Happening to Me??

I’ve been up since 3:30am so excuse me in advance for any discombobulated thoughts or wording.

The night was normal energy-wise, but I had received a message that my progress would be accelerated. No big deal. I had heard that before and so knew (kinda) what to expect.

Lucid Dream: Someone’s Been Cleaning Up

After a night of dreamless sleep, I suddenly became aware of my dream, semi-lucid. I was with someone and we were discussing my life, though what specifically is lost to me now. What I do remember is flying along a road I use to drive every day to school when I was in high school. I have everything about that road memorized I drove it so frequently. However, as we flew I noticed the road looked like someone had scraped the top of the asphalt off. Also, on the right in a field I knew well (I use to fish at the pond there) I saw enormous trash bags piled one on top of the other. These trash bags were the size of buildings! I remember saying, “Looks like someone’s been cleaning up”.

Lucid Dream: Meeting My Teacher

Then the scene shifted and I was very much more aware. I was going to school and had missed some classes so had to talk to my teacher. I remember meeting him, an average-looking man with black hair and somewhat darker skin than mine. He was older than me, probably late 40s – early 50s.

As we walked together toward the classroom, we walked on top of set dinner tables, which was odd. I remember our discussion was about him and his travels. He was telling me about India and the food. We specifically talked about Curcurma and I saw this roundish, cantaloupe looking fruit but I knew it was not cantaloupe. It was orange like the inside of the cantaloupe, though.

The class initially felt like P.E. class but then he explained I would miss the current assignment which was a lab of some sort with vials and glass tubes. I remember seeing the image in my head, like he put it there as a thought form.

He kept looking at me very strangely and I noticed this but ignored it because I am use to being stared at by men. Yet at the same time I liked him. He was very nice.

We began to talk more about me and I ended up having an in-depth conversation with him about my life – my education, my family, how I felt, etc. As we talked he would pace around in front of me and I was laying on a bed on my stomach with my head resting on my hands very relaxed. He told me about his current issues, but all I remember now is he complained about his lower back hurting him. He seemed really tired – tired of life and tired in general. I felt similarly and understood.

While we talked I began to feel a strange familiarity about this man and began to like him more and more. When he would walk closer to me (he paced a lot) I would feel this strong connection but it was bearable and he seemed to notice it, too, and would back off. I remember telling him about starting a family and my three children. He said to me in reply, “So you had three children in seven-and-a-half years?” I said, “Yeah” and then I realized how crazy it sounded and smiled. I also remember telling him that I got my Master’s degree but didn’t want to use it. He just listened and I felt he genuinely wanted to know about me. It was nice to be heard.

Then he was suddenly right next to me on the bed on my right. He took my right arm and wrapped it around his waist. Only then did I realize he had no shirt on because I could feel his bare skin. He said to me, “Put your arms around me and love me until the day you die”. When he said this (even now it is affecting me) I was overwhelmed by the most magnificent feeling in my heart center and I wrapped my arms around him as if I would never let him go. The love coming into my heart – the pure connectedness, the sensuousness, the electricity, the wholeness – surged into my heart and expanded outward. It felt like a huge bubble. Then it expanded down into my lower chakras. At the same time it expanded upward into my upper chakras.

It was pure, magnificent bliss beyond anything I have yet to experience. I felt like I was dying and being born at the same time.

Why is This Happening to Me??

Unfortunately, the intensity of the encounter woke me up and I immediately sat up and began to cry. The tears were slow and just came out of my eyes like a faucet. I both wanted to go back to him and to run away at the same time. It made no sense. It makes no sense.

I spent the majority of the morning in confusion. This encounter has me turned in all directions, not knowing what to do. I had to get up and smoke a cigarette. Yeah. It was that intense an experience and my mind was all over the place as was my heart. It was like my entire being was screaming at me, “Make a change!” WTF!?

I kept asking (still am asking), “Why is this happening to me??!” There are so many emotions and thoughts raging even now. I don’t understand. I can’t even fathom the enormity of this. It is beyond my ability to comprehend. How can I feel/BE/share such LOVE?? And what is even more crazy is that I know that love is ME! It makes me want to cuss every cuss word I know (and I have/am) and I don’t even fully comprehend why this is. Why does something so beautiful, so perfectly right, terrify me so much?

 

 

 

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More Heart Chakra Blasts

Today started out well enough and then by noon it was energy blasts to my high heart and heart center followed by a strange excitement/nervousness/panic – in that order. lol These would come in at an angle from my back through to the front in waves that lasted anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes. Afterward, I became very hot and thirsty and had to lay down several times on the floor to ground. My throat, crown and third eye were all buzzing with energy. I also found I could not go near the computer as it would trigger a weird panic. This also happened around the TV and other large electronics. A first for me and just plain weird!

By 4pm things began to settle and now I feel almost normal except that now that I am typing and sitting at my PC my heart is doing weird things again and I have energy around the back of my head.

Also, a strange thing happened to me this morning, prior to all this heart activity. While making breakfast I froze mid-egg-breaking as a knowingness hit me – hard. I suddenly knew that very soon I am going to be asked to move on to my next step. One of these happened in April 2014 and another happened in October 2002. The former was a tear-jerking realization and message from my Team. The latter was an actual command to “Get out now”. I guess this was part of the message I got to “Get er’ done” earlier today. Pretty funny then, not so much now.

I don’t know if the heart chakra blasts are connected to this sudden knowing or not. I was not too happy in getting this knowing because this next step/move is a very uncomfortable one. I hope beyond hope that I get more time to sort things, but sadly, the way these instances have worked out in the past, things really move. FAST.

Now that things are settling I feel like a major shift just occurred. I don’t know exactly what it means or what happened, but I can feel it. Something major just cleared out.

Oh and just so happens the K-Index is still in the red. STILL. Geez!