Category Archives: kundalini

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A Taste of Divinity

Exhausted is not the right word for how I feel this morning. Wrung out may fit better. lol

I began to get tired around 8pm but when I finally made it to bed around 9-10pm I felt wide awake. My guidance was right there in my face and close. I felt I should do yoga, so I did, thinking it may help relax me some. It did help with my lower back which has felt somewhat stiff since the Kundalini began to rise, but other than that it didn’t do much.

The minute I rolled on my side to try to sleep the energy began to pummel me. It was hitting me from above, the side, behind me – all directions and sporadically. The minute I closed my eyes my head began to spin and I remember opening them quickly and saying to my guidance, “Whoa! What are you doing to me?!” The vertigo was so intense that I became slightly nauseous from it.

I lay on my back hoping it would settle the energy and it did but my heart began to surge with energy up into my throat area and my head began to buzz with the energy helmet. I could sense my guidance right over the top of my head. I could feel very acutely my energy body and my physical body. This is not something I normally feel when wide awake. It is more common while in the in-between or prior to going OOB.

The energy stream continued to pummel me for hours. It sent me into an ecstatic high and my mind began to fill with all sorts of ideas about how to share my experiences. The urge to share was almost compulsive. I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs to everyone telling them they have no idea what is coming! This wonderful, miraculous power that is US is RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW accessible!

What kind of download was this? I have no clue if it even was a download. When I think back on it and consider what my experience was like, it resembled Kundalini but coming from the top (crown) and going down into my high heart. But then it was not chakra by chakra either, it was all of my upper chakras at once and it was dizzying array of energetic sensations that I have no words to describe. My entire head was engulfed in energy and it snaked down the back of my neck, around the front of my neck and down into my heart. Where the energy hit my throat it felt explosive and alive, thus the urge to yell or sing or express myself right then and there.

But I didn’t. Instead I brainstormed. I need to do another video. Several videos. Soon. I need to express what is inside me somehow, some way.

I didn’t fall asleep until about 1am and only after I pleaded with my guidance to please let me sleep.

No surprise, I woke up with a headache.

I am fascinated by the Kundalini. I am absolutely in love with him/her/it. This experience is spectacularly Divine in every way. And I am told it is just the beginning. This is just a taste of what is to come.

 

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I’ve Been Zapped!

I’ve been up since 4am. Had a Kundalini rising episode again. They are getting more and more overwhelmingly intense. There was no way sleep was coming after this one. Nope.

Dream: LA 

There was a series of dreams prior to this one and even one that seemed to be going on simultaneously. But to avoid confusion I will stick to the one that resulted in the Kundalini rising.

I was inside a room that appeared to be made completely of a metallic type of a material. Everything was gray. Next to me was a small, spiral stair leading up. The whole scene reminded me of the inside of a ship, similar to what the inside of the USS Lexington looked like when I visited.

I was told to wait because the next shift was late, specifically the barber. I said I would wait but I really wanted to leave. It was cramped inside.

While I waited I turned on the computer monitor. It was very large, probably four by five feet. I was clicking on various icons and ended up on a porn site. Horrified, I tried to click out of it but was unable to. Everything I tried took me to more porn! lol What was odd is that the sites contained pictures of various E.T. women. I remember knowing where they were from – Sirius and Lyra specifically. The woman from Lyra looked like she was half feline! I can’t get the image out of my head even now. She looked like she had white fur growing along her spine that resembled a mink coat.

This is when the next shift arrived, the “barber”.Well, it was only one person, a man, and he was completely bald (a bald barber?). He came into the room carrying containers of food and said, “I brought take out” (second dream this week with take out). I knew who he was and was a bit shocked to see him. He came up to me and wrapped his arms around my midsection and kissed me passionately. I remember my entire body catching fire and I pushed him away and said, “Not now.”

There was knowingness that he was my “boyfriend” and he had been away. In the dream there was a time frame here but my memory is confused. It felt like 1 day but then I also swear it had been 15 months.

He then took me on a tour of LA. He showed me a restaurant. People were lined up waiting to get inside. I asked why the fuss and he said it was the location – some major film had been filmed there or around there. I remember thinking it was lame to wait all day in line for food just because of a location.

Next we were on the set of a film watching an actor as he played his role. I was interested but only because I knew his native language was not English. I was congratulated on recognizing this but I acted bored about it. I was still trying to figure out what exactly was going on through all of this. Why was I in LA? Why was I getting a tour? What is going on? lol

My thoughts were interrupted by yet another passionate kiss. Whoa. I became full-on lucid at this point and could feel everything very physically. The kiss knocked me off my feet and I remember sending a thought, “Please stop. I can’t do this.” There was no stopping it, though. It was like a whirlwind of energy rushing up my body that was so exquisite, so seductive, there was no way I could offer up any resistance to it. The entire time I felt myself participating in the kiss but it was like my body had a mind of its own. I was totally incapacitated.  Just when I think it can’t get anymore amazingly blissful, it does.

Of course, I woke myself up. lol Yet the energy continued swirling with fury from my root up to my throat, threatening to engulf me entirely. I think the reason I woke up was I kept holding my breath. Even after I woke up I kept holding my breath. How does one breathe through something like that?

I remembered that I needed to calm down and move the energy up and out of my root. But when I tried to do this, the energy hit my heart with such intensity that I again couldn’t breathe and felt like I would die from ecstasy. But really, can one die from ecstasy? Maybe?? lolol

The entire time I am awake and this energy is overwhelming me, I hear my Companion talking to me. I can’t remember all of what he said now, but I remember he repeated, “Let us help you” more than once. My thought was, “Us?”

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4am and No Sleep for Me

I glanced at my clock and it was just after 4am. I tried to return to sleep but the energy kept surging and my thoughts were not helping. If I even focused on my Companion a tiny bit my heart would explode and then it would all surge up again and make me breathless. And if I tried to recall my dreams the same thing happened. There was no escaping it.

It was also extremely hot in the room. lol

At one point I had calmed enough to feel the heaviness of sleep. I rolled over and settled down only to find my entire head and visual area hit with energy followed by the familiar sensation of hypnagogia. My eyes were closed but I could feel my astral eyes forced open. It was like a blast of energy opened them. In my visual field was an intense bright, white light. I mentally yelled, “No!” Little good that did! hahaha

In that instant I heard from within the center of my head an electrical, almost static buzzing sound. It was coming from directly in front of me and I heard it via my third-eye! WTF? Before I had a chance to think about it there came from this sound a blast of energy that went straight into the center of my head. It was like someone had aimed a laser beam of energy directly into my third-eye. I was zapped! Shocked, I felt my astral body jump. I also heard the zap with my third-eye. I have not heard in this way (internally while awake) in ages and it was through my crown. Never have I heard a noise via my third-eye.

Still in shock I heard my Companion say, “How was that?” He was smirking. NOT funny! Ahhhhh!

Well, there was no way sleep was coming after that. No way in hell. So I tried to relax and allow whatever was to come, to come. My heart was doing all kinds of crazy stuff as was my crown, third-eye, root – you name it, it was ablaze. Even now my heart is sparking up.

Purification Needed

Despite all of the energy flare ups that continued, I found myself pulled into the in-between by a female guide. She told me, “You need to keep your hands washed at all times.” Huh? What? She answered, “Purification ritual. You need to do one.” What an odd request and continually wash my hands? Why? What is odd is I actually felt compelled to wash my hands right then and there. Weird. I also remember now that I had visions of taking a bath when the Kundalini energy began to subside. All I wanted to do was “put out the fire.” lol

I recognized that I needed to research this. It is connected to Hinduism. I was also instructed to fast for an entire day. No food of any kind. Just liquids.

This female guide was very fussy, acting like a mother hen. The space she took me was highly decorated with textiles but very small. There was a feeling of “women only” and there came with this a thought of separating from men during the menstrual cycle. Another odd thing to add to a very eventful morning!

 

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Kundalini Woes

The tiredness continues for me and is starting to get annoying. I am so over tired by the end of the day that things like too much noise or having to focus on someone talking just really annoys me. I feel like my mind and body are totally fried.

It doesn’t help that during sleep my mind is in overdrive. There are so many dreams going on that despite seeming to sleep deeply I wake feeling like I have been working all night long. Which I probably have been. Usually I would take Benadryl to help this issue but I have been advised to avoid it and stick to herbal supplementation. Valerian root can only do so much. I may have to try Melatonin tonight.

On top of endless dreams all night long, I keep being thrown into lucid dreams or OBEs (like yesterday’s) that result in major chakra explosions which wake me up. This is getting really tiring because 1. I don’t want it to happen and 2. it makes all of my lower chakras raw afterward. When I say “chakra explosions”, I don’t mean the Kundalini bliss kind, though they are directly linked to the Kundalini. I would much rather have the Kundalini bliss kind than what I am getting. lol This is very sexual and very out of the norm for me. I think the Kundalini has confused my body, either that or made it hyper-aware.

I suspect what is happening is major alignment work on my lower chakras because of the rawness in them afterward. The feeling is similar to how my body felt after giving birth. If you don’t know what this feels like, well I have nothing else to compare it to. It is like my insides ache all the way up to my diaphragm.

Honestly, right now I feel like I am being pursued by the Kundalini. It is relentless and I am so tired that I can do nothing about it. It is said that the Kundalini has it’s own mind and that resistance is futile. I find this to be true. Though I do not feel I am resisting, apparently a part of me is. This morning’s Kundalini-enforced “fling” is proof of this as I tried to leave and was persuaded to stay. And always I become very lucid, which makes it that much more uncomfortable.

I suspect the heightened lucidity is purposeful as well. It feels like a training exercise. Even in yesterday’s OBE I remember hearing a part of myself talking to me – like there is a part of me, a higher part, instructing me on how to react to this very physical energy. This morning’s dream (which woke me at 4:30 BTW) was similar. As I began to intentionally wake myself up to avoid the encounter I was reminded that I should stay and how to stay (refocus or in this case dampen my lucidity). And I listen to this instruction, which is a surprise to me!

Ultimately, I think these incidents are to prepare me for the next Kundalini event. I often prematurely end the Kundalini episodes. There was only one time the energy was allowed to complete and ever since I have woken up too soon. Either I feel overwhelmed, as in the last one, or I become too lucid too quickly and abort it. I don’t want to do this next time so I think I am practicing with the more physical version of the energy. I am sure many people would be happy to practice like this. Me, not so much. It makes me feel like a sex addict and throughout my day it continues to just nag at me. It makes me hate my body!

Now that I think of it, this rejection of the physical aspect could be why this is happening…..Sigh. Why can’t I just be normal??

 

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Kundalini After Effects

It’s times like these I wonder, “Why me?” lol

Two mornings ago, after my last Kundalini episode, I began to notice the tell-tell signs of a yeast infection. This is not a common occurrence for me, I’ve maybe had 3 my entire life, so I was a bit slow in figuring it out. Yesterday there was no longer any doubt in my mind. Ugh! So bought the treatment but had to wait until evening to use it. Not that a yeast infection is a big deal for me, just a minor nuisance.

Then last night, right before bed and after 30 minutes of Hatha yoga my throat began to get hot and sore. On top of that I had an unusual amount of saliva! Both right when I was trying to get to sleep. The throat soreness was bearable but the saliva kept me from falling asleep because I kept having to swallow and with each swallow I was reminded of my throat soreness.

Online research said what I was experiencing was normal. Since I have had this happen in the past I accepted this answer. The solution was taking Benadryl as it will dry out the sinuses. So that is what I did.

Then my throat started really burning, like hot hell fire burning. I had to suck on a nasty Cepocal  lozenge just to make it bearable. At the same time I guess the medication for the yeast infection exacerbated the situation because it became very uncomfortable in that area as well.

So there I was in bed, hoping for a  good night’s sleep realizing that was not going to happen. No way! I had a fire in my crotch (lol) and a fire in my throat at the same time! I’m thinking, “OMG what kind of joke is this?? Really!?”

I got maybe 4 hours of sleep total last night. Each time I would enter into a dream I would end up awake from the burning in my throat. Sigh.

I blame Kundalini for this. The last cycle of energies must have blown out a blockage in my root and fifth chakras. I’m pleased to have cleared something but not pleased that my body reacted with illness. I wish that didn’t happen. I ended up with a two week long sinus infection last time. Hoping this time the issues remain minor as I will be in Mt Shasta by Friday and really don’t want to be sick and miserable.

At least I am getting a good laugh. The universe really has a sense of humor!

 

 

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Revelations from the Kundalini

It has been an Ah-Ha kinda morning! When I woke up, I even talked to my husband for a good 30 minutes straight about my realizations. That in itself is a shock. lol

Since the Kundalini has begun to rise with such intensity, my Companion continues to ask me the same question over and over. “What do you feel?” he will ask. I think and think but the answer has been too complicated. What I feel is too difficult to describe! It is beyond my ability to articulate!

At night and during any meditation break I am asked this question. Last night was no exception. “What do you feel?” I was asked again. Just thinking about the feeling made me cry. It is so amazingly beautiful!

I was unable to stop my tears. They just slowly dripped from my eyes as I recalled the feeling of the Kundalini. My memory of it brought back the heart warmth and only made me miss it more. I remember thinking, “This must be what a heroine addict feels like.” lol

As I calmed, the only word that came to mind was “potentiality”.

That’s when it hit me. The feelings were my own potentiality being realized. The Kundalini is self-realization.

I had already heard of self-realization, or self-actualization, from my school years. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs came to mind. Read the article in the link if you need a refresher. With this my understanding of self-realization/self-actualization was complete. I never truly understood it until now.

In explaining it to my husband this morning, it was just made more clear to me. The reason the K is so intense, so overwhelming beautiful, is that as it rises one’s full potential is expanded and realized via each of the chakras. So, as the K rises through the root chakra, all one’s potential to create and experience within the scope of this chakra is realized. It creates a heavenly explosion of all that the root chakra encompasses. And to be clear, the explosion of potentiality is neither good nor bad, it just IS. And with each chakra the potentiality is realized and builds upon the others.

In my mind I understood with complete clarity what was occurring and why and what I was feeling. It is like every emotion, every lifetime, and all the potential within me to express myself is contained in the K energy. It is unrestrained, unrestricted, undefined. It is timeless and all-encompassing. And all of it, every seductive, succulent piece of it, is ME.

This potentiality within the experience of the Kundalini is so vast, so expansive, that when one succumbs to it (which one cannot avoid) there is no longer a need to experience within the confines of the physical because the potentiality of all of the Self is realized. This explains the feeling of impending “death” that accompanies the K. With death, one completely succumbs and let’s go. They transcend this reality and enter the the place of no-time. The place where everything just IS, all at once. There is no wanting, no lacking, no judgement.

Within the lower chakras is contained every emotion and expression therein that I am capable of. Within the upper chakras is contained my manifestation potential. The spark that lights the fire of creation. My fifth chakra, the chakra of communication, is the first manifestation outlet. Speak your truth. Create your reality via expression. Sing your emotions. Sing the life you wish to create. Give your potential a voice, a personality, a channel from which to project itself.

Entrance into the physical reality singles out one’s potential. It is focus upon specific potentialities. So that when we are here in this physical experience, we are choosing to manifest a specific aspect of ourSelf – a potentiality in physical form. The reason the K can create such upset for one within the physical experience of it is because the physical is incapable of expressing all of one’s potential in one lifetime. It is meant to limit us to only the expression of some of our potential. It is finite.

The path to K is overwhelming to the physical Experiencer and can result in insanity if irresponsibly set upon. Resistance to the K once initiated can also result in a feeling of insanity. So if you have K-rising, just accept and succumb. The results will be beyond imagining.

 

 

 

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Another Visit from Kundalini

I have taken to meditating in the middle of the day this week. Usually, this time is spent clearing my mind and connecting with my Team.

We discussed my fear reaction during the previous night’s dreamstate in which I felt the Kundalini rising. They reassured me that all was going as planned. My Companion was particularly excited and his energy was very uppity, more so than usual. He showed me a visual of a thumb and pointer finger real close together and said, “You are almost there.” As I became more relaxed and close to entering the trance state I saw a visual of Dorothy’s red shoes tapping together three times and heard, “There’s no place like home.” This brought me out of my reverie and I wondered about it, and heard, “The Union is close. Soon you’ll be Home. We’re waiting for you.” The energy around me indicated quite a few more members of my Team than I am use to. I tried not to overthink it, but typically when the numbers rise, so do my chances of a “big event” in my life. The excitement from my Team was tremendous.

Talk about a build, up, huh? lol

Dream: Choosing to be Bad

I was with a family consisting of a mother, father and young woman. The environment had a continuous golden hue about it as did the young woman who was the focus of my attention. I was traveling with the family to what would be the woman’s new school (university).

We approached an island in a boat. The island was magnificent with crystal blue waters surrounding it and white sand beaches. It also had tall, red porous rock (pumice) mounds formed from the magma from an old volcano. The rock was used as a building material for the housing of the island and I could see tall structures resembling human-sized ant colonies with blue glass windows indicating the separate living quarters.

We walked amidst many hundreds of other families who were all gathering there for orientation. I was sent to gather information when we stopped and stood at the base of an elevator. There was a feeling of anticipation mixed with nervousness, similar to how I recall feeling on my own first day of college. There is nervousness in going off on one’s own but this is also the very source of the excitement.

I went to the university cafe to order something to eat and saw a group of dark haired, Asian men in a group discussing something. An officer approached them to break them up and I assumed these men must be of the “bad” sort. I then watched some students mingling around a table. One was standing in an ant bed and had ants crawling up his trousers.

The men caught my attention again and before I knew it I was standing next to one of them. All I recall now is his dark hair because there was an intense attraction to him. He persuaded me to go with him and was very blunt in his advances. My entire focus was on him and the feeling he gave me. It was spectacular and I was enthralled by its seductive quality. I felt completely and utterly under his spell and did not reject it.

I spent the rest of the dream with this man who told me his name was Michael. He had 100% of my attention and anything he suggested I was willing to do, even if it was something I would normally never consider doing. Despite me describing him as “bad”, he was nothing of the sort. He was completely gentle, loving and compassionate. I trusted him with my all and knew he would never ask of me something that was not in my best interests. Besides, the spectacular feeling I had when around him was intoxicating. I knew without a doubt that I didn’t want to be with anyone but him.

The dream shifted. I was in a state of euphoria, going around from person to person asking them if they were going to attend the event. It had a name but it is lost to me now. However, I knew that it was similar to a divorce because in my mind the event’s focus was on my current husband and our dissolution of marriage. In the dream I was not upset at all about this. In fact, I was celebrating it.

The Micheal person who I had been with earlier in the dream reappeared then and began to discuss with me plans for our Union. I do not remember it  – or anything we talked about really  – I was too absorbed in the amazing, all-encompassing bliss feeling that was coursing through me. All I cared about was completing the circuit of this energy but was held back by him. “Not yet” was all remember him saying about it.

Afterwards

I woke up and the dream quickly began to fade, but my Companion was talking to me and continuing the conversation I was having with Michael in the dream. When I focused on his voice in my mind my heart lit up with an amazing feeling. It is indescribable! It was so much more powerful than I had felt up until this point that I wondered if I was about to die. All I wanted to do was succumb to it; to let it overtake me and be lost in it. It is beyond any ecstasy I have ever experienced and even that is an inadequate description.

I wish I could remember everything he said to me, but again the feeling was so amazing and powerful that my mental focus was nil. lol I had lost all resistance. Not one ounce of it remained. Even now all I can think about is losing myself in that feeling. I remember briefly thinking as the feeling waned, “I should be afraid. He (my Companion) could do anything he wanted with me and I would accept it. What if he is tempted to abuse that power?” I understood then the source of my fear for any human would be tempted by such power over another. Yet the thought disintegrated in the presence of the all-encompassing bliss feeling. I didn’t care one bit if I was abused. But I knew I wouldn’t be.

At this point my crown chakra was intensely blazing and it felt as if the entirety of the top and back of my head was a vast vortex of energy flowing in. My third-eye was also blazing but distinctly separate from the crown sensation. Since the heart bliss was still very powerful, I briefly thought the circuit was about to complete. All that was missing was my throat chakra! This is when most of our conversation becomes memorable to me.

From what I can recall of our conversation, he told me that the Union was forthcoming. My trip to Mt. Shasta was mentioned along with the soul exchange. He told me I would be “called” and in this case I knew it was in regards to my “work” here on Earth. There was a sense that after the Union my focus – knowingness – would be shifted into high gear and the doubt erased as to what I am suppose to do and why. It scared me somewhat because I knew partially what this entailed and my dream hinted at it.

He reminded me of something he told me during the last full moon (major K energy then, too). He told me, “When you see me, you will die a thousands deaths.” I suspect now this is meant to warn me of what to expect when the Union is complete. I attribute Union to the completion of the Kundalini circuit, but I may be wrong. All I know is that I am more than willing to die a thousand deaths and then some. That is how seductive the feeling is. It says, “Surrender to me” and the feeling is that when I fully surrender that I will cease to exist as me – that I will become We. I will go back to Source and become Whole; complete; restored to my full brilliance.

I can’t wait.

 

 

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Dream, OBE and Realizations

As always, just when I think I’ve gone back to “normal”, something happens to shake things up.

It began with me feeling a strange energy shift yesterday which made me feel a bit melancholy. I requested help prior to sleep, asking my guidance what, if anything, I should do. I was told I would astral project but I responded that I was not really interested in projecting.

Dream: Scandal

I entered a semi-lucid dream in which I was a guest at a luncheon with many friends and acquaintances. The house was quaint and reminded me of a country cottage. There was a long table dressed with a white tablecloth in the center of a country-style kitchen. Sitting at the table was approximately five or six people, couples mostly.

The wooden floors creaked as I approached the table. I was introduced to a woman who was familiar from recent dream. She had dark, curly, shoulder-length hair and fair skin. When we were introduced I became dizzy, which was odd. My entire head began to spin and within the dream I recognized why. I knew this woman and her partner. There was a brief memory of Russia being involved in this exchange of information. A past life perhaps? IDK but it triggered a dizzy spell within the dream experience.

Then I was interacting with this woman’s partner. I never quite saw him clearly, which is weird. He was young, I know that, and I believe he also had fair skin but still I struggle to recall his exact appearance. He came up to me and there was a huge inrush of attraction and energy that hit me square in the heart and shot down through to my root chakra. He moved in very close to me and there was a knowingness that his intentions were to be with me despite having a partner. He hooked his arm around mine and led me to the opposite side of the room. He kept brushing my chest purposefully. I recall that I was wearing a corseted blue dress. My reaction to this was to pull away out of fear that someone would see us. I remember a man glancing in our direction and the word “scandal” came to mind.

Then we were outside of the cottage on the edge of a large, green meadow. There were very tall trees that towered over us and a cool breeze. I leaned up against one of the trees, its bark was white like an aspen. The man was with me and he was embracing me and there was such a glorious feeling in this. My heart was so full that I could not breathe. I recall him asking me if I would run off to Montana with him. I wanted to. Badly. Yet I kept having this awful feeling of dread and my emotions were conflicted to the point of torture. What about his partner? I couldn’t do that to her. I was ashamed that I wanted to.

I don’t recall making out or doing anything sexual with this man. At one point, though, my breasts were exposed and I was encouraging him by saying, “They are all outside”. Obviously, the dream had shifted back to inside the cottage. The man said, “No, they are just there” pointing to the doors. I became frozen with fear at this point and a bit paranoid. The energy was still pummeling me from my chest to my toes. I was overcome by it. I wanted to completely succumb to it yet at the same time I was paralyzed by it.

At this point the man and everyone else disappeared. I was alone in the cottage searching for a broom and dustpan. My entire focus was to sweep up some spilled cereal that had gotten underneath the cabinets. At the back of my mind the entire time was the man and what he represented. I wanted nothing to do with any of it.

Realizations

I woke up gradually and without much memory of the dream at first. However, someone was still speaking to me and encouraging me to remember. I was asked to focus on what I felt. When I did this I felt the surge of energy in my heart chakra and an inability to breathe through it. I shut it down as quickly as I could but at the same time I did not want the feeling to stop. It is the most spectacular feeling yet when I have it I feel so much dread, as if I will die or something horrible will happen if I allow it. I want desperately to get away from the feeling.

Within moments of all of this, I realized  my “running” was true. I was absolutely terrified and in that moment all I felt was a paralyzing terror. The heart sensation was muted and I wanted to feel it but I also wanted to run as far away from it as I could get. To want something so desperately but at the same time feel absolute terror and dread for that very thing is a VERY conflicting situation to be in. I HATE IT!

The dream began to hit me in full and the woman and the dizzy feeling was very pronounced. I literally began to lose consciousness in the dream and could almost contact the feeling right then and there while recalling it. I knew there was a past life connection there somewhere. It was linked to Russia and in recalling the dream I remember hearing someone speak with a Russian accent. In my mind a scenario began to play out. Couple immigrates from Russia. Man meets me and we are caught up in a scandalous romance. He begs me to run off with him to Montana.

I immediately tossed it from my mind, though. I couldn’t handle it. No more past lives! No more of any of this!

I felt so much dread and a pure panic. My mind was going a million miles an hour but the thoughts were muddled and nothing made sense. The main thoughts that I had were that that wonderful feeling = really horribly bad stuff. lol

As I calmed and listened to my guidance I understood that the Kundalini was in a sense forcing these issues to the surface. I have so much fear associated with this particular kind of love but I desperately want to experience it. I was reminded that this love is okay and I am not “bad” for feeling it. Despite this I could not help but feel “bad”. I felt awful. I felt like a whore. A slut. Completely degraded. WTF?

OBE

I fell back to sleep hearing my guide tell me, “You will project”. He was correct. But it was a brief projection. Almost immediately upon returning to sleep I woke up from within a dream and said, “I’m OUT! I’m OUT!” over and over. “Out” meaning OOB. I disconnected from my dream-self, turned around and forcefully said to her, “I’m OUT!!!” As I did, I literally pushed her away from me but the sensation was the opposite of what I expected. I felt myself pulled with intense force back into her. For what seemed like an eternity I pushed and pushed with all my might to get away from her. I was “out” but couldn’t detach completely. And in focusing so much on trying to get out I began to hold my breath. Imagine pushing on something, like a heavy dresser, and how you bear down, holding your breath as you push with all your might. This is what I did to the point that I felt my physical body screaming for air. The sensation of breathlessness was the last straw and my physical body sucked me back with such force that my energy was very strange and I felt somewhat disoriented. I yelled at my guides, “I want OUT and I don’t want to ever go back!” I heard in reply, “Foolish girl”. LOL Now that just made me angry and I said, “If it is possible I will figure out how to do it.”

Considerations

I drifted back to sleep briefly and when I awoke I felt much more settled. My heart was no longer blazing but my entire midsection was sore. I am sure I gave my solar plexus quite a workout. lol

The struggle I am going through is not fun. I honestly don’t know how to embrace the feeling that I obviously want to embrace despite the fear it triggers. I know I need to confront the fear head-on but I don’t know how. There is such an exhaustion related to this struggle now. I wish I had never contacted the feeling now, but then I can’t go back, can I? Obviously, in my past lives, I have felt the feeling and been overcome by it, making some really stupid decisions and then blaming myself, degrading myself, beating myself up for it. There is a sense that I would die for the feeling, and I guess I have several times. LOL I can laugh now, but then the energetic impact, the “soul damage” that has been done is painfully obvious. I relate the feelings with being “bad” or “bad” things. The judgement is severe. Sigh. Yet I know I will get past it. The only way out is through.

 

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OBE: Conscious Exit and Pranayama

I woke at 5am. Again. Sigh. Wide awake, this time I was in a better mood and took advantage of the quiet time and meditated. I stated my intent to astral project and asked for help in dropping my astral body.

OBE: Conscious Exit

Laying on my back, I grew listless and uncomfortable after a short while, so rolled over onto my left side. I stated mentally several times, “I am out of body”. Then there is a blank space, as if everything goes black.

The next thing I recall, I am pulled out of the background noise of my conscious mind by the humming of insects and chirping crickets. At the same time I saw an image in front of me of a dense forest and starry night sky. With the image came the actual feeling of being in the forest along with the musty smell of the forest floor. The image would fade in and out and I knew I needed to focus on it in order to be pulled into it. Yet I was very, very drowsy and resisted the draw into the forest. Part of me just wanted to sleep.

As I watched and listened to this forest in front of me, the chirping crickets and hum of the forest faded out and was replaced by the familiar noise of my home in the morning – children talking excitedly, kitchen noises as breakfast is being made, etc. The image of the forest disappeared when these new noises came in. I knew these were noises-off and to not focus on them, even though I wanted to. I reminded myself to ignore them and that is when I recognized the vibrations hitting me in waves. Woosh, woosh, woosh.

Not near as intense as when I first began to project, the vibrations were noticeable enough to alert me to the fact that it was a prime time to exit my body. I remember having to convince myself that I wanted to project and feeling nearly sucked into unconsciousness. Eventually, though, my intent won over and I pulled myself out of my body. I exited via my back and my head and shoulders lingered longer than the rest of me. The feeling was like sticky, taffy, but I was not going to give up and I forced the rest of my astral body out and away from my body.

Instantly I could see very clearly and the room was lit up with a bright, yellow/gold color. The walls were white (in reality they are green) and everything was sparkling with energy.

I did not linger long at the sight because I knew I needed to get a certain distance from my body else it would suck me back it and the tacky, heavy energy was still present. I did look at my hands for a moment and say, “Clarity now!” but I did not linger and find out if it made any difference.

I floated through a non-existent door (which should have been there) and across the family room toward the stairs. The stairs were not in the right place either and instead of being one single flight, there were two separated by a landing.

As I floated down the stairs I felt a distinct rise in my vibration. I had gotten far enough away from my body! I began to giggle and wanted to fly but felt I should not attempt it yet. So, I hopped the stair railing and skipped the landing altogether, jump-floating down the stairs. Then I saw my son sitting at the bottom of the stairs surrounded by tons of toys. He looked up at me, his green eyes sparkling and a big smile on his face. I remember hearing him in my mind at first. His greeting was a surge of love and joy.

I had not forgotten my purpose for this projection: to drop my astral body. I knew in order to do this I needed to get outside. So, when I saw my son taking up the entire bottom of the stairs I paused and told him, “It’s a beautiful day! I’m going outside.” He looked at me and said, “I wanna go with you!” His energy reached out to me and was familiar. I wanted to take him with me but knew I could not.

I did not have time to answer him. In one big swoosh of energy I felt to be carried by a wave of energy back into my physical body.

Guidance: Pranayama 

Once back in my body, the vibrations were still present but faded off as soon as I thought of projecting again. Not disappointed, I checked the time feeling certain it must have been over an hour since meditating and projecting. But it was only 6:14am.

I asked my guides why I was able to project. Their answer, “You set the intention. You wanted to.” lol It is true. Prior to bed I took B6 just in case it might help me to project. The intention had been there ever since the previous day, when for months now I have really had no interest.

This does not negate what was told to me about the astral realms. They are collapsing in on one another. I questioned this yesterday and the answer was that projection can and does occur but is only sustainable by those able to keep their vibrations high and stable. The astral body has a reactive tendency similar to the physical body, which makes it harder to stabilize. The mental body, however, is not as reactive.

I was told that in order to drop my astral body, I must work on my energy body. Attempting to project when my energy body was not adequately energized results in a loss of vibration early in the projection. This is what happened yesterday morning. This morning, however, my energy was higher and so upon exit there was not darkness and my energy was light and flowing (despite the sticky exit).

So how to I adequately energize my energy  body? They said one word, “Pranayama.” Instantly, memory came to me of my Kundalini Yoga practice and the Breath of Fire.

I was encouraged to try two things then:

1. Circulate my energy very rapidly from my feet up to my crown and down to my feet. I was shown what this looked like when done. It appeared like a strobe light, flashing brightly as it hit certain chakras (heart, solar plexus and root).

2. Take deep, long breaths.

So I did as instructed while laying on my back. As I circulated my energy, I was asked to focus on areas where the energy was less present. I noticed my feet were a problem area. As soon as I noticed this my feet began to buzz with intense energy. Then my throat was another sticking point and focusing on it made my entire body jump. lol That was a shocker.

When I stopped circulating the energy, I continued deep breathing and within moments I was in the trance-state and my body seemed hit by an energy wave that entered via my lower pelvic region. I was able to maintain the energy for quite some time and began to get hypnagogic imagery and hear noises-off again.

Surprised that I had brought this all on so quickly (I was wide awake by now) I brought myself out of the trance-state by moving my hand. My feet still felt off but I was told the more I circulated my energy the less this area would trap energy.

Very cool!

 

 

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Kundalini Dream: MOAB

Last night was interesting to say the least.

Dream: Test Preparation

Quick dream recall to set the scene. 🙂

I was at school and preparing to take a test. My teacher, a tall, brunette, was focusing on me even though she had an entire class of kids. The other kids appeared to be about 10 years of age and the classroom was yellow and gold colors. Part of my preparation involved making myself a lunch for my trip which was to be by plane. I remember feeling I might be late and rushing.

During the preparation, a man kept calling by phone trying to talk to me and talk me out of going on the trip. I could see him in my mind and he reminded me of one of my old neighbors – older, gray hair, wrinkled and thin. I remember him calling on the phone and hearing him cock a gun and I said, “Tell him he doesn’t need to bring his gun.” I saw in my mind a shot gun and felt as if he were trying to protect me.

Then I was being send to a one-room house. These were to be my quarters while I prepared. The cottage sized house was cozy and had an attached single car garage. I remember the old man also got a cottage. I’m not sure why he came along, though.

Dream: Arranged Marriage

I was ushered into a great hall where an event was underway. There was a Hindu/Indian feel and theme to the obvious celebration. There was a stage and a band was playing. I remember being asked to sing a song, but I didn’t know the words so just kind of made them up as I went. The song reminded me of a Phil Collins song. lol Everyone was happy, dancing and/or milling about. I felt out of place, though. Why was I here?

The woman, the teacher from the last dream, informed me that I had agreed to marry a man. The marriage had been arranged and this was the celebration – our celebration. I understood this to be true and immediately looked for my my husband-to-be. I saw him sitting down near the band on a bench, not far from where I sat and to my left. I looked at him closely, inspecting his features and trying to memorize what he looked like. He had black hair, cropped short with medium skin tone and looked much, much older than me by the amount of deep lines on his face. His eyes were dark brown. He was quite thin and wiry and his face familiar.

In front of us there was a large, Asian-looking house with golden colored gates. For some reason I thought they were “garages“. There were three in a row and the same person (the woman?) told me that the garages were very difficult to operate. Then my attention was drawn to tiny figurines lined up by the house. I was told these were “idols” that people had put there and that this place was in fact a shrine of some sort. I then saw someone walking away from the house with two dolphins on leashes. They were taking them to the ocean. In the dream I remember laughing at the sight of it because it was so absurd.

Lucid Dream: MOAB

This is when the dream takes a turn and my lucidity begins to increase. The woman continued to prepare me for my upcoming wedding and spoke to me at some length. I remember someone asked me to purchase a newspaper and the man I was to marry interrupted and said, “It does not need to be purchased. It is free to everyone.” It was a newspaper I recognized, some scientific publication, but I can’t recall the name now.

Then the man was sitting very close to me on my right. I remember sensing his thoughts and saying out loud, “It’s okay. We’re going to be married anyway.” The man turned to me and I looked at him. I could only see his dark brown eyes. I asked him, “What is your name, anyway?” He said, “MO-AB. Moab.” I heard it very audibly in the dream and it brought on almost full lucidity. I repeated the name to him slowly and then he repeated it back to me.

The next thing I knew he kissed me very gently on the lips. I could feel it as if I were awake and I did not reject it. It is amazing to me how real it felt. There was an internal conversation going on in my head with him at the time. I also recall knowing what he felt and what he wanted. It was very strange. I sensed he wanted to kiss more deeply. I allowed this because his energy was so calming and soothing and the kissing felt nice.

Then I felt I needed to stop. I don’t know why but at the same time he was asking me not to stop though there were no words said. I just felt what he wanted. He wanted to embrace me and wrap me in his arms while kissing me. When the thought hit me to pull away, my heart chakra lit up intensely. The feeling in my heart was a mixture of pain and pleasure and intensified to the point that I couldn’t breathe. Then the energy from my heart shot straight down into my root chakra and began to move up with even greater intensity. I pulled away from his kiss and woke up.

Afterward

Even awake, the energy continued and I was unable to breathe. My guide kept asking me, “How do you feel?” over and over. I couldn’t really answer at the time. I was ablaze with energy and trying to recover. lol

I kept recalling the name MOAB. I had heard it before. Why was I hearing it again? What the heck is MOAB??

The clock said 3:45am. I was awake until 5:15am before I fell back to sleep. It took that long for the energy to settle. He kept asking me how I felt. I was finally able to respond, “Aroused.” LOL However, this arousal is not typical. The energy in all my lower chakras and heart chakra was intensely arousing for some reason, in a spiritual way. It was like the heart bliss spread to my lower chakras.

I knew/was told that this was just a preparation and more is coming. This “test” was to see how I would handle the energy. I was told I passed but I felt like I failed because I knew the energy was suppose to be moved up. How the hell am I suppose to remember to move it up when it is taking over all my lower chakras?? Since my heart chakra continued to blaze for a while after the experience, I practiced moving it up and got as far as my throat but lost interest.

Edit: I looked up the meaning of the name Moab. Apparently it can mean many different things, some of which we do not even have a word for. However, when reading this article I was drawn to this explanation:

“But the word אב (‘ab), meaning father, also occurs in meanings other than that of a biological parent. Sometimes it’s used to indicate the lord of a village (Isaiah 22:21), or an elder (2 Kings 2:12), or an ancestor (Genesis 10:21), and often it simply indicates a position of authority; a counselor (Genesis 45:8) or prophet (2 Kings 6:21). The word ‘ab is also ascribed to God (Isaiah 63:16, Hosea 11:1)

Specifically, I feel this name is given to represent our relationship (me and this guide/mentor). He is to me an ancestor of some sort and since he is my mentor (counselor) this applies as well. I am reminded of the church and how we use “father” or “elder” for those in divinely appointed positions. Perhaps this is also applicable here.

 

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Reset: Restoring Internal Balance

I’m still sick. 😦

This is my hypothesis on why I am sick. Kundalini. Yep. She’s the culprit. During the lucid dream I had on February 18th my body was hit with Kundalini of such intensity that it literally blew right through every one of my chakras. If there was a blockage it was obliterated. No blockage could have withstood her.

I definitely was unable to withstand her. My entire world has been different since that experience. Everything looked wrong in my life and every relationship, every like/dislike, seemed trivial and without purpose. Unfortunately, it still feels that way. I am really struggling to try and make sense of my life right now. Yeah, it was quite a shake to the core.

Apparently blowing through blockages like that is dangerous business. Thankfully I did not have many major blockages left (I don’t think) after all the “preparation” and “adjustments” I was given by my Team beforehand. Yet, there were obviously still some remaining, enough that clearing them that fast and furiously created this miserable, never-ending cold. On top of that, it fast-forwarded my monthly cycle by a full week which was a further depletion of my physical energy and resources.

I suspect the chakras most affected by the K energy surge I experienced, the ones most blocked and now unblocked, were my throat, heart, second and third chakras. I suspect this only because my current illness began in my chest and came with sore throat, stomach upset, diarrhea, cramping, and coughing. I’ve never experienced a chest cold with those lower body symptoms. Just weird.

My guidance is very quiet and very distant. There is one, lone guide around me and I do not recognize him. His energy is too distant for me to tune into but he did wrap me in wonderful energy last night and that was enough to know that whoever he is, his main objective is to help me through this tough patch. I feel like he is an angel and I don’t often use that word.

Early in the morning, after being awakened at 5:00am, I drifted back into the in-between. While there, I saw a long list. It was typed in black ink on white paper. I don’t remember all of what was listed, but I do recall that the words, “Spirit” and “Balance”. I woke immediately upon reading the word, “Balance” and was upset by it. This is because I thought it meant my external world was out of balance and I was being asked to return to the workplace. There came with this a knowing that it was not the external that needed balance, it was needed internally. Oh. Then I saw in my mind, “Reset”. Hmmm. There’s that word again. What does that mean? I got no explanation but I then saw, “6 weeks”. Ugh! 6 WEEKS!!?

Whatever this reset is I am not looking forward to it because I suspect it means that I will not be having many, if any, spiritual experiences over the next six weeks. I could be wrong, though. It could be the exact opposite I suppose. Who knows. Who cares, I guess. I’m just too sick and sick of being sick to care anyway.