Category Archives: Messages

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Message: Only If You’re Strong Enough

Very dream-filled night. Not sure what is with the sudden increase in dream recall but at least I feel better today than yesterday.

Dream

I found myself inside a single-wide mobile home (unstable path). It was very obviously the home of a bachelor – sparse furniture, simple, and a bit messy. A thin, wiry guy with blonde, messy hair was with me. He looked in his 20’s and was a bit dirty; his clothes needed a good washing. I could see a small, 80’s style television (some past communication) in the background in the background that was on and some television show was playing.

The guy was very aloof and didn’t pay me much attention until he wanted something from me. The feeling from him was that he kept me around only for what I could do for him. My interest in him went beyond that, though. I did not feel love for him but I was seeking his attention, which he, of course, was not giving.

At one point I thought the guy wanted to get sexual because he sat on the floor, butt naked, legs spread and arms open as if inviting me into his embrace. As I moved forward he did something unexpected. He grabbed a bottle of lotion (success in difficult situations) and began to squirt huge amounts into his hands. He put the lotion all over himself, effectively covering his nakedness. Then he asked me to help him. He said, “Can you pop this for me?” He showed me a small pimple (worry over the trivial) on the inside of his thigh. It was gross and I said, “Eww.” Before I could answer he began to push on the thing and huge amounts of puss came out. I said, “Looks like you did it yourself.”

The next thing I remember is the man walking about the place and my attention going to the television where I saw The Beatles and another guy, some poet or philosopher, being interviewed by a TV host. The poet guy said something about the future that was very profound. Whoever he was, I recognized him and knew he would die and that was the last time he would be seen on TV.

Then another guest appeared on the show and I noticed that she was way older than I remembered her to be. She had red hair and her face had aged to the point that her nose was larger than usual and she had bags under her eyes. The song, “It Must Have Been Love” was being performed by her and I kept trying to figure out her name. I kept hearing/thinking, “Heart” but I don’t think that was meant as a name of a person but more of a message being passed on.

As I watched the woman on the TV I noticed one of her breasts was very large and misshapen. It looked like a huge tumor (repressed emotion emerging).

Then an intercom came on which could be heard inside the house. I said to the guy, “Can’t you disconnect that?” He said, “Why?” The intercom seemed to be coming from a mechanic shop across the way and had been installed by the guy’s father. I remember knowing the father had worked a Sears for $15/hr back when that pay was considered really good. I mentioned how sad it was that people couldn’t live off that kind of pay anymore. The guy grunted his agreement, half listening.

Then I was saying goodbye to the guy. We were standing real close. I was pressed up against him, head close to his chest. I remember kissing him and feeling a flush of energy as he returned my affection. Then I felt panic and thought, “I’m married! What am I doing?” And just as quickly I let that consideration go, deciding I didn’t care. An entire memory of how I got there came to me. It seems I told my mom I was going somewhere else and then went to be with this guy. There was no memory at all of a husband.

Then I left to go find my mom’s car (life path). Outside the trailer I stood on a dirt road. I began to walk toward where I believed the car was and watched the guy I had been with take a road on the right. I knew the roads met up in the same place.

Along the way I encountered a guy pushing a white pick-up truck (hard work) backwards down the road. He pushed it through a mound of dirt and it pushed the dirt as if it was a bulldozer. I said to the man, “Why don’t you just get in and drive?” The man did and drove the truck away.

As I approached parked cars I began to search for my mom’s red car. I pushed the key fob and heard a beeping. I followed the sound to the road that met up with the road the guy took. Hearing the sound I saw a red colored car and went toward it but it was not my mom’s. I turned toward a building and saw a pair of someone’s glasses (clarity needed) on the dirt road. I picked them up and said, “Did someone lose their glasses?” I saw men sitting in a waiting area but none were the owner.

Message

I woke briefly and then fell into the in-between where a mini-dream played out. I recall being taken to an old folk’s home – a rest home – to live out my last days. I was much younger than all the other residents but I didn’t care. I felt ready to be there. A man was with me and helped get me settled in. He said to me, “You’ll be leaving in 8 days but only if you’re strong enough.” It felt like I would be picked up and transported somewhere.

The message was audible enough that I became more lucid and questioned what the man meant by “strong enough”. I was shown an emoji. It was the puking emoji. The sight of it was funny and I thought, “I guess if I’m not sick I can go….”

Considerations

The dream and message seems to indicate that I am in a period of healing. The rest home is likely meant to indicate that I am needing rest.

My best guess about the dream with the blonde man is that I was looking at something from my past, an alternate reality, or being shown something about my character. The unusual part of it was that I was seeking the attention of this man and he was ignoring me, using me even, and I continued to have this feeling of needing his attention and approval. This is very unlike me. My first thought when considering my behavior is that I was seeking to know how it might feel to be treated that way; looking to gain understanding of another’s perspective.

I keep dreaming of my mom which I find interesting. It seems that I am looking to a more mature or wise version of myself for answers. Maybe my HS? In this dream I am looking for my mom’s car – life path/soul purpose – but I can’t find it. So maybe I feel out of touch with my true path and purpose. The lost glasses is likely me recognizing my inability to see or find clarity.

 

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OBE: Fly With Me

The last couple of nights I haven’t been sleeping as deeply as the previous weeks. Instead, I wake early, before the sun, and end up drifting in and out of sleep for a while before actually getting out of bed. My dreams have been numerous and memorable and mostly about water – boats, cruise ships, rain, oceans, and last night – flooding.

Dream: Evacuation

In the beginning of this dream I was thoroughly cleaning a toilet (clearing troubles and worries) as well as clearing out the inside of drawers. The drawers were full of old pencils (communication and creativity) mostly as well as stuff that had just been put in there over the past 5 years. The piles of pencils were incredible! Yet I still opted to keep some of them.

Then I was with my family at an apartment building (current well-being or finances). We had just moved in and were being told the building was to be evacuated because of heavy rain and flooding (lots of heavy emotion coming). Everyone was to be out by the weekend. I remember saying I had just been working for 2 days and asking if there was any exceptions, but there were none.

I went down to the lower levels (subconscious) and was talking to a black woman about the evacuation. We were going to relocate to Montana (spiritual journey) and I was concerned about how much we could take with us. I thought we could put it all into our Prius but the woman was asking if we could take another person with us. I didn’t want to relocate and was really uncomfortable with the situation.

There was a small room that was full of cats (feminine spirituality, sexuality).  A short woman who I recognized went to open the door and I told her that was the room where the cats were fed. They were fed cheese (change is coming) for some reason.

I also remember seeing the water coming in through a vent and saw that outside it was raining hard. The water was flooding the basement and the room with the cats in it. I was asking if it was too late to get renter’s insurance (looking for reassurance). The lady said no but it would cost as much as it would to replace all our things. I was most concerned about the computers (communication, connection) and decided we had room to take them with us.

I woke suddenly from this dream only to fall back to sleep briefly. I was with my two sons going through the lunch line at a school. My youngest was fooling around as I ordered their meals – enchiladas (security, seeking to wrap children in safety, protection from change). The man asked if I had a lunch card and I gave him my debit card and told him I was going to be enrolling my kids in the school. I knew it was up north (reference to one’s inner compass) and I was not happy about relocating there. When I got done I looked and the entire lunch line was gone, replaced with a huge mound of dirt (guilt).

OBE: Fly With Me

I became acutely aware of myself laying in my bed with my blanket (security, warmth) wrapped around me. Realizing I was OOB I began to try and get out of bed but my blanket was making that difficult. I remember thinking to myself warning thoughts about how I needed to not overly focus because it would pull me back into my body. Yet, even when I did worry I was not pulled back.

Eventually, I rolled out of bed and onto the floor, successfully exiting my bed. Then, I crawled toward the bedroom door, blanket still restricting me. I went through the door without touching it. I recognized it was my old bedroom at my Mom’s house.

Once outside the door, the blankets began to fall away and I felt more freedom of movement. When the blankets fell away completely, I floated into the kitchen (nourishment). It was brightly lit and messy. The kitchen table was the older version and covered with plates from a meal just eaten. In the far corner, blocking the double, back doors, was a fully decorated and lit Christmas tree (symbol of gifts).

I remember thinking, “It’s not Christmas!” Then I saw my two boys, grabbed their hands and led them out the front door.

Outside I encountered a snow (emotional distance, coldness) covered scene. There was a tall pine tree (wisdom, longevity) where there is not one in real life, its branches bare except for the tips which were full of needles and pine cones. It towered above the house casting a shadow over us. In the snow I could see impressions left by doves (peace). I spotted two different dove impressions and pointed them out to my kids excitedly.

Still holding my kids hands, I decided I wanted to fly and lifted up into the air. I stopped mid-way, cautious about going too high, and looked around at the scene below me. Everything that had been white and snow covered was now green and vibrant. The sky was blue with fluffy white clouds and I felt wonderful. I remember I was singing a song. The only words I remember now are, “Fly with me!”

I lowered down back to the ground and flew over by the chicken (fear) coup. Still singing, I saw a wooden box with a tiny door. I opened it and saw a brown chicken inside. It poked its head out but wouldn’t come out. I left the lid open and eventually it did and flew away.

Across the fence I saw more of the area around my Mom’s house. I decided to investigate so began to lift up to go over the fence but there was another huge pine tree in my way. I pushed aside its branches and flew through the opening. Hovering in the air I saw some animals running across the clearing in the distance. I think one was a bird, like a egret or heron (self-reliance), and it had two deer (grace) with it.

I turned and faced the other way, continuing to sing. I remember thinking that in OBEs like this I was meant to pay attention and be shown what I needed to know. So I was very observant of my surroundings. I decided I wanted to fly higher up and so lifted up only to feel myself grabbed as if by a powerful force and pulled toward the back of the house. The speed at which this happened surprised me but I wasn’t afraid. Instead I laughed and enjoyed the feeling, allowing myself to be pulled faster and faster toward the trees in the distance. Ultimately, the speed was so fast my vision became a blur. I closed my eyes and felt myself return to my body.

Considerations and Music Messages 

I was surprised to have gone OOB but then it made sense because I had awakened and could not return to sleep straight away. The overall message seemed to be not to focus on what is in front of me but to take a higher perspective. In doing this, much of my fears will be released and I will find a greener, more positive view.

I vaguely recall talking with someone while I was in-between states. The overall feeling from this conversation was that I might be avoiding or rejection certain emotions and situations that bring about those emotions. I definitely remember saying to myself, as if my own guides, “Sometimes we make poor decisions.” This caught my attention but then, of course, I couldn’t recall the context of my words.

Some songs were going through my head at this time. Pieces of different songs came as if to create a longer message.

The first song – “Now I know that I did something wrong, cause I miss you….Yeah I miss you.”

The second song – “Don’t hang on. Nothing last forever but the Earth and sky.”

The last song – “And way down we go…”

There was space in between the songs, though, and conversation that filled in the missing pieces. The first song seemed like it came from someone else to me. The one after that seemed to be a warning or advice about how to handle certain situations. It related to the evacuation dream. I remember thinking how we come into life with nothing and we leave with nothing. The last song message felt like a warning of things to come like a preparation to go “deeper”.

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Weekend of Clarity and Well-Being

This weekend has brought with it clarity and a feeling of well-being. 🙂

Friday night I went to Beck’s Night Running Tour at the Austin 360 Amphitheater. The main reason I went was because Cage the Elephant was going to be playing. Spoon was also there but I saw only the last portion of their concert.

Overall, my favorite was, of course, Cage the Elephant, despite Beck’s performance and sound being so much better. I just don’t vibe with Beck very much. He’s – unique. lol But so is Cage the Elephant. The lead singer, Matt Shultz, was wearing bright pink/purple parachute pants and a black bee keeper’s mask at the beginning of the show. Then he put on a black hockey mask. Then he started stripping on stage (lol). At the end he climbed on top of a tower close to where I was sitting while Queen’s “We Are the Champions” was playing. By this time he looked completely naked but he was wearing a skin toned body suit. lolol Definitely a memorable performance!

 

Spoon just finishing up.
Cage the Elephant portion of concert.
Matt Shultz wearing parachute pants at beginning of performance.

I didn’t get home until past midnight and I was so wired that I didn’t get to sleep until after 2am. Oh well. It was worth it.

The best part of the whole experience was that I did not experience even one panic episode. As you can see from the pics, there were hundreds of people there and we were packed pretty tightly. So, no anxiety was refreshing.

This song was the one playing during the pic of the purple colored stage. I woke up this morning with the part, “Time, flies by, they all sang along…” going through my head.

Signs and Syncs

The next day – yesterday – I woke up after only 4 hours of sleep. I had a busy day but thankfully the lack of sleep didn’t bother me. I took the kids to my Mom’s house for a visit and we had a wonderful time swimming, eating and enjoying each others company.

I took my mom fresh veggies from our garden to include baby sweet peppers, cherry tomatoes and a massive watermelon. When we cut open the watermelon we were surprised to find it had yellow flesh. I didn’t know I bought that kind of seedling!

During the visit some interesting things happened. First, my mom told me they had killed a massive snake. She showed it to me. It looks to be a huge King snake. I told her she should have let it live. 😦

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Then there were hummingbirds everywhere and it seemed they came to visit at really coincidental times.

Finally, on the way home we encountered tons of deer and it was still quite early for them to be out. They would not move so I took a video and caught the lone buck, antlers still covered in velvet, on camera. Sorry, I can’t post the video but he was an eight point (four point for you northerners). Very beautiful and majestic.

Then, as I drove home, I was very relaxed and calm. Usually – well lately anyway – I get nervous when I am driving because of all the panic episodes I’ve had while in the car. This time I felt very similar to how I use to feel when I would have spiritual experiences in the car. It was very nice!

This morning I knew the signs from the trip to my Mom’s house are reflections of my state of being. The dead snake is the most significant because I decided that I am done with following the Kundalini like I have been. It is clear to me now more than ever how the K comes to reveal the hidden in unexpected ways. I had thought I was meant to follow it and the feelings it brings but I realize now that “follow” is all wrong. Observe is better. Under no circumstances should I (or you) assume anything about what is being observed. Do not seek out the positive feelings, but allow them to pass without attaching to them. Avoid connecting those feelings to a specific person for they (the person) is not the cause but a reflection.

Hummingbirds are courage, determination and flexibility. Deer are spiritual authority, regeneration, and watchfulness.

Dream: Louisiana Cats

I was learning about a native people’s in Louisiana who were cooperating with colonists to save an endangered big cat (the feminine) species from extinction by offering it a safe place to live. The cat was often misunderstood as vicious and dangerous to people, when in reality it was passive and no threat at all. The cat looked fierce enough but it had no claws and did not hunt for food like most big cats. Instead, its actions were very similar to a deer – quiet, reclusive, and sensitive to its environment.

The majority of the dream was me listening to the story about the long ago past, during Colonial times and well before many of the states of the U.S. existed. I watched as two peoples came together for a common cause – protecting the endangered big cats. The Natives had tattooed bodies and faces but were gentle peoples. The colonists cared about the land and animals, striving for peace and community.

I recall seeing the land that is now the state of Texas. Part of it was covered by the color red (anger, aggression, passion) – the southern, central, and eastern parts. I was told a tropical storm (swift change, warning) or hurricane by the name of “Heather” was coming. I saw the red zones extend into the southern part of Louisiana. Then I saw the faces of the big cats which resembled female lions (timing, power). These quickly shifted into visions of spotted fawns (silence, mediation, solace) being licked by their mothers and an entire herd of does and newborn fawns. The visual was focused on the fawns and the mothers were use their heads to encourage them to stand.

Dream: Cat and Mouse

I was walking along a country road with my mom and three children. It was hot. The sun was high in the sky. Tall, browning grasses covered the sides of the road. A country house and farm was off to the right, the gravel road and roofs of the structure there the only thing visible.

As we walked a tiny, dark brown mouse (timing, observation) ran ahead of us. He felt like a pet and I kept watch over him as he scurried along. At times I feared he would be eaten by a bird of prey flying over head, especially when he ran out into the open. Overall, he felt important. I definitely cared about the little mouse.

Then I noticed an old tree, bare of leaves, its branches covering half of the road and casting shade over all of us. I heard a scratching sound. It was really loud. I looked up toward the noise and saw a huge Mountain Lion (feminine, the Kundalini) sharpening its claws on the tree. I grabbed my phone and began to take a video. The big cat saw me and I got nervous, backing away and getting farther and farther from my mom and kids who were still standing below the tree.

I kept videoing and the mouse, which was ahead of me now, was lost from view. I remember thinking, “He will be okay” but worrying about him nonetheless and hoping he was safe. My focus was now on my children and their safety. I yelled at them to hurry and they did but my youngest lagged behind. I knew at any moment the big cat could pounce. I wondered if I should make noise to try and scare him away but something told me this cat was different. He was hungry.

Interpretation

The feeling when I woke from these dreams was that I was reviewing the decision I made about the Kundalini energy. The first dream seems to be about the Divine Feminine and Kundalini energy itself – the misunderstanding, history and protection of it. Storms are always warnings. In this case it has a name and I wonder what exactly the symbolism of that name is. The shift from cat to deer has me wondering if I am seeking to emulate the characteristics of the doe and her fawn (mom and baby).

The second dream is very obviously about the threat I feel from the Kundalini energy. I am in protective mode, specifically of my children. The little mouse is interesting to me. I seem to love it and want to protect it. My best guess, based on the below info, is that it symbolizes my fear of something bad happening to my family because of the Kundalini.

Mouse as a totem – Mouse people know the greatest value in life is having the family together in one place. They don’t find happiness in material things. They are adaptable and goal-oriented.

Mouse dream symbol – can be a message to be careful and be on the lookout for something up and coming that could tempt you or be harmful to you (or your family).

The cat is hungry in the dream. This means the Kundalini is not finished. It is still lurking, ravenous.

 

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Dream: You Have to Stoke Your Fire

Though I feel a bit better after the weekend’s concerning emotional stir-up and I’ve settled some, the residuals of what happened are still there and coming occasionally to mind as I go through my day. The distraction of it has been interfering with my work. Yesterday I almost wired $45K by accident because I didn’t recognized a fraudulent email address. Thankfully, I caught it but not after a nice stomach drop of dread. Scattered does not go well with my job and I quickly got myself in line after that.

For the most part I find myself in a sort of split state again. There are two distinct versions of myself and both have different feelings, ideas, and thoughts. I am not sure if this is just me working through a past version of myself or what. Maybe this is a fractured aspect that needs to be integrated? The problem is that identifying that aspect can be difficult and I often get confused as to which desires are mine or hers….or maybe they are both of ours?

My guidance is not much help these days so I often rely on my dreams to bring insight (I wanted to write “incite” for some reason). Last night’s dreams are interesting.

Dream: Flooded Back Yard

In this dream the back of our house was filling with water. It started as a stream flowing off to the left that I was trying to divert because I knew a flood was coming. I had a shovel and was taking dirt and moving it to help the stream shift direction. I piled a bunch of dirt into a section to slow the flow.

When I turned to my right the water was rising quickly and my husband had thrown a net across a large pond that had formed. I could see various objects floating in the water – boxes, furniture and random things that should have been inside a house. He and my children were happily riding on top of the objects as if at a swimming pool but the water was swirling and moving, little eddies and whirlpools forming. It was also dark, almost black.

I remember feeling unable to do anything to stop the rising water. My family ignored my pleas for help and seemed to think it was all fun and games.

Dream: You Have to Stoke Your Fire

This dream began inside a Chinese restaurant. My mom was with me and I was ordering food for her. I could not decide what to get her because she was not cooperating and telling me what she wanted. So I opted to get her a chicken dish. When I turned to the table where she was sitting I saw she wasn’t eating it. I asked her why and she said, “I am never eating this again.” There was discussion about her getting a job as well. She was suppose to work at the restaurant but refusing, saying she would not be coming back.

Then I was inside a house that was abandoned. I knew it had been my sister and husband’s house. I stood inside a dimly lit room. It had white walls and no furnishings. The shadows made it look pretty eerie. In the corner I saw a 20 gallon fish aquarium sitting in front of a large window. It was completely empty. For some reason I decided to add water to it. When I did, the pump turned on suddenly and I thought, “They left the pump on all this time, even without water?”

I looked down at my feet and saw a small bowl full of water swimming with all kinds of fish. I thought it weird that my sister would just leave them there with no oxygen or food. I took the bowl and dumped it into the 20 gallon aquarium. The fish began to swim about happily. There were all colors and shapes.

Suddenly a large creature flew in through the window, landed in the tank and began devouring all the fish. It was as large as the opening of the tank! I realized it was a massive house fly and frantically tried to find a way to get it out of there. I picked up a container of some kind of spray and began to spray it. I could see its back and wings – iridescent green. The spray annoyed it and it flew away. I remember freaking out a bit because of how massive it was and relieved that it did not fly toward me.

There was a mini-dream inserted here where all the fish transformed into poultry that had escaped from a pen. I gathered up three small, feathered chicks and moved them to safety.

Back in the house I began to walk the perimeter of the house and lock all the doors. I knew I would be staying the night and felt uneasy there. The house was large with a screened in porch around the entire perimeter. So I had to lock the doors on the porch and the house.

I remember coming to a set of double doors leading to the porch. I shut them and flipped the lock but the doors would not stay closed and flew open. Out of nowhere a man approached and said, “Let me help you with that.” He had me close the doors and inserted a finger in between the doors and latched them from the inside. They stayed closed and locked and I was grateful.

I continued walking and checking all the doors. The entire time I was thinking of how I was going to spend the night there all alone. The feeling was similar to how I use to feel when left home alone during the evening hours – unsafe.

I happened to look up and saw a woman standing beside a large, black kiln (for lack of a better description). She looked at me very seriously and said, “You have to stoke your fire or it is going to go out.” She was taking a long stick or pole and pushing it through the coals as the flames burst up, orange and yellow, making her face appear ashen and a bit evil. I did not recognize the woman and my dream memory is obscured. Her hair was long and black and she was wearing a dress that appeared gray and from another time. She resembled a witch standing over her cauldron only she was standing over a large fire. She was on a second level in the house, like an attic only it had no stairs, no walls, just a floor higher than the main level.

Messages

I woke suddenly from my dream and kept shifting in and out of the in-between. I kept catching myself talking to someone. Odd thoughts kept surfacing that made no sense. There was a warmth in my chest that eventually kept me awake. It was comforting but my reaction was conflicted – yes, fall into it or no, resist it. All the conflict within seemed present in my chest. I remember hearing, “All you have to do is follow your heart.” But I panicked because my heart was telling me to follow the feeling. It said, “Stoke your fire” which brought about fear of a return of the decimated feeling, a fear of everything that I am being destroyed. So I would retract and then be pulled back toward the feeling over and over, my heart very obviously saying one thing and my mind another.

A verse from a song was going through my mind, “Wait, if I’m on fire, how am I so deep in love? When I dream of dying, I never feel so loved.”

Interpretation

The first dream about the flood is most likely a fear dream. Water is emotion. Floods are overwhelm of emotion – emotional turmoil. I try to stop it but am unsuccessful. My family seems oblivious and the objects floating in the water are from the house indicating a disruption there which could be family or at the soul level.

The second dream is odd. My mom – aspect of me – is not being cooperative. She refuses to eat her chicken, which symbolizes fear. She also refuses to go to work.

The abandoned house is symbolic of a soul aspect that has been abandoned or ignored for too long. Fish aquariums represents desire of emotional freedom or for a spontaneous, unplanned and natural way of life. I add water and it comes to life meaning I allow myself to feel this feeling and recognize what it means. The fish are ideas, hopes, dreams – all very positive. The giant fly represents a threat or danger that is present. So something is threatening my hopes and dreams.

The chicks appear here. They can represent good things coming or could be a spin again on fear and cowardice.

The locking doors is my attempt to feel safe. The door that doesn’t lock indicates a difficult lesson. I received help from a man so assistance is provided.

The final part of the dream is what stood out the most. The woman stoking a fire and the message she gives indicate that I need to tend to my inner fire. This could be Kundalini or desire – probably both. The witch woman is probably an aspect of me, one I feel is “bad” in some way. The song that came when I awoke also speaks of fire and of death. The feeling I get from the song is that death is not a bad thing, especially if its death by love. 🙂

 

 

 

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Message: The Gambler

I slept long and deep last night. The celebrations and time with family over the holiday have left me tired I guess.

Dream: Tequila and Choice

In this dream I couldn’t sleep and was still awake around 3am or later in the morning. I decided to walk down to a bar and get some tequila. My husband was with me, bought the tequila shot and sat with me as I drank it. I was surprised the place sold me the alcohol. I recall having with me a bottle of tequila, too, and taking liberal swigs of it.

I went home, quite drunk and stumbling. The feeling was very real.

After a while I met up with a young, blonde man and a couple. We drove to a convenience store because it was morning and I wanted to go home with some sweet rolls for the kids. We ended up in the back of the store and the blonde man attempted to put his hands down my pants. I saw the video cameras and told him no even when the other couple destroyed the cameras. The man sulked and so I hugged him and was overcome with desire that I quickly shut off and suppressed. As we left I picked up some sweet rolls and a cup of coffee to take home.

Then I was with my husband, only he looked like my ex, and his brother and SIL. The plan was to go out to bars, mingle and find sexual partners – like swinging. We ended up in this large restaurant-bar that had rows and rows of tables full of people drinking and eating. I remember talking with them about the plan and how it would play out. I was uncomfortable with it because what I was told was that my husband (who still looked like my ex) would find a woman to have on the side but he would stay with me. I told him I wanted no part in it because I saw how he would keep me for the convenience of having sex when he was not with the other woman.

So I walked around the place and watched the other people. I saw a group celebrating. A woman sat next to her son and ordered him something off the menu he didn’t like despite knowing what he did want. He threw a meatball and pouted. I laughed. Next to me sat Jerry Seinfeld. I talked to him, thinking, “Wow!” and even asked if that was his name and he nodded.

As the dream continued I kept watching people as they got more intoxicated. I sat down next to a guy with dark hair who was familiar, a famous actor. I remembered his name and laughed and said, “I’m sitting next to Ray.”

Dream: Circle

In this dream I was at a spiritual circle made up of women, all of them much older than me. The circle was built upon the experiences and channelings of one main woman who then wrote books about each of the ceremonies she conducted to connect with the spirits or aliens who gave her the information. I watched as she explained how there had to be at least three women who acted as moderators for when someone asked a question. These women wore strange, domed hats made out of aluminum that was gold on the top and silver on the bottom. The dome had a small point right over the center of the wearers head.

I watched as the leader began the ceremony. She had in her hand a book that was the 13th in a series of books she had written. I can’t recall the name now but the book was blue and the number very noticeable.

A black woman who had a question waited for the moderators to approve or disapprove it. They said it was approved and she was relieved. She held in her hand a large, flat, black rock and said, “I wanted to know why it has water on it?” I could see that the rock held a small pool of water in its center.

Then I was holding a round object, like a basket only it was domed without an opening. It was made of wool and fibers. The leader lady said it was part of the ceremony. At the center was something important, like a capsule or something. I began to peel away the layers carefully. Some were beaded, some thick like wool. It was as if I was peeling a large, exotic fruit. When I got to the center another scene opened up in the dream and I shifted into it (dream within a dream).

I don’t remember much of this dream now but it was set on my mom’s back porch. It looked brand new, the wood all yellowish and smelling of pine. A man I know was there, much younger than he is today. He was smiling and full of excitement about life. I could feel from him his love of adventure and he was getting ready to set off on a trip. The main memory is of his face and how it glowed. I also remember that he departed on his adventure and left me behind holding two, ten pound dumbbells, one in each hand.

I came back to the scene with the basket/capsule. From the center appeared a small, white lamb, perfect and pure.

Then I was watching the circle again only it was online in a forum. It allowed people to join and ask questions. I asked my question. The answer was provided in images so it is hard to interpret. In the dream it felt like I was told I would be waiting a long time – years. I despaired in the dream because the thought of the wait was like torture to me. I remember choosing to be in a relationship with someone so as to not be alone and to have a companion throughout it. Part of this vision and message reminds me of how I married my ex so that I would not have to wait for “the one” alone (my current husband).

I was back looking at the women in the circle. It was set outside, green fields and tall oaks trees in the background. It made me feel good to be there and I thought that I could pass the time by joining them. But then I noticed how old all the women were – all over 60 at least. I remember thinking, “I’m too young.”

Back looking at the forum I went to my question, clicked on it and deleted it. I remember not liking my answer and feeling hopeless as I left.

Music Message: The Gambler

When I woke the song – The Gambler – was going through my head. Specifically – “You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run.”

Considerations

The sense upon waking was that reunion in this lifetime was unlikely and I told myself to move on and accept it. It is something I have concluded many times before. The song seems to indicate that my choice is similar to gambling. I have to choose wisely after weighing all the facts I have before me. But the song doesn’t tell me what to do really.

The first dream sequence seems to indicate I am looking for respite and I do it through drinking. I want to relieve myself of my current life’s problems. A solution is presented and rejected by me. I find humor in the situation via Seinfeld and a joke I make in the dream about sitting next to a famous person.

The circle seems to be me asking for guidance. I did ask for help before bed. Specifically I asked to get a glimpse of my future. It seems like the dream is warning of lots of waiting and passing time. The number 13 could be bad news, overcoming obstacles, or bad luck.  The lamb could be me wishing to return to the beginning, to innocence and purity. The weights I carry are the burdens of my life. I am left behind because of the path I’ve chosen and ultimately that path is the reason for the wait and delay.

The message I received from the circle seems to be that I will find a way to pass the time. This is likely my current husband, though I did not see who the person was. The age of the women in the circle could be symbolic of how much time will pass. Maybe I will be about 60 before anything shifts. If so, that is a long wait plus I never imagine myself living past 65.

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The Grass is Always Greener

Got lots of extra, much needed sleep this morning. Slept until almost 9am! I was awakened at 6:30am by my kids but managed to fall back to sleep. It was better than average sleep with a vivid dream.

Dream: Trip to China

I suspect the location of this dream came from a movie I watched which was set in China.

The first part of the dream that I remember is seeing a map of Europe and talking about visiting China. I said, “As long as it is warm.” Someone mentioned the southern part as our destination.

Then I was in China with a group of people in a building that I suppose was a school. There was a party going on for my daughter’s class. I went inside and saw all the desks lined up and each had a cupcake on it. Some cupcakes were vanilla and others were chocolate. I remember sitting at one of the front desks watching the end of the party and then turning and seeing a chocolate cupcake on a desk. It was a leftover and I wondered to myself if I should take it. It was like I was asking my daughter a question, like she was me. I answered back to myself, “No. I already have one.” I knew the one I had was vanilla, and I preferred it over the chocolate.

Then I was heading to the hotel. My daughter was no longer with me (not sure she ever was but thinking she was me). I went and checked into my room and there was an encounter with another class of college aged students. I was in front of the class lecturing about math, trigonometry. I remember feeling really excited about the math, like I missed solving equations.

There were only three students, all female, in the class. I knew I was not their regular teacher. He was a black man who had left his cell phone in the room. I picked it up and took it into a room and left it there for him knowing he had forgotten it.

I went outside and walked through the empty streets for a while. It seemed like I had no particular destination, like I was just walking to walk. I was also talking to myself or someone as I walked but I can’t remember what I was talking about now. The streets were unfamiliar but had tall buildings and narrow allies and roads. I recall seeing bricks for the road base.

Eventually I turned around and headed back. I knew there was a party and looked up and saw a line forming up above me a on a ledge. For some reason I had a baby in my hands and lifted him up and set him on the ledge. A person in line grabbed him and held onto him to keep him from falling.

I watched the line for a while. It rarely moved but when it did it was by a large amount of people.

A black man walked up to me and asked me for his phone. I told him I left it in the room and then remembered it was in his pants. I had locked my key in the room so had to go to the desk and ask for another. The man at the desk spoke English and opted to take me up to the room. I remember thinking he must have immigrated to China because he had no accent.

I found the man’s phone in his pants and brought it back down and asked people in line if they had seen him. When I found him I gave him his phone and told him where it had been.

Eventually the line moved and me and the baby, now a young child, went through the check point. We had chips embedded in our ankles that were scanned to let us through. The dream ended there.

Considerations

This is the second dream I’ve had with these symbols in it: traveling, standing in line, baby.

To travel in a dream represents the life path and the goals of life. In one dream I was going to CA and in this one to China. California symbolizes the spiritual, adventure and new prospects. It is more positive than China which represents a period where one lacks enthusiasm and passion for life.

Standing in line represents impatience or that one is waiting for something.

Babies represent innocence and new beginnings as well as new ideas and potential.

The first part of the dream appears to be conversing with myself, like HS with lower self. I have a vanilla cupcake and do not want the chocolate one. Vanilla is warmth and family – which I already have. Chocolate is enjoyment, relaxation and romantic love – which I do not have. This I can relate to because lately I have felt resigned to only the one and feeling that having both is not possible at this time or may never be possible. The dream indicates it is a choice. It is hard to see it that way, though.

The China part of the dream might be further inspection of my state of being at this time. The environment is bleak and dark. The streets are empty. I enjoy solving problems (the math) but communication is problematic (lost cell phone). The black man could represent something unknown about myself in regards to the masculine, or an actual man who is hiding something or mysterious to me. Either way I feel unable to communicate with that aspect. The line represents waiting for something. In this case entry to a party. Parties represent ones ability to enjoy themselves and be social.

The Grass is Always Greener

Overall the dream makes sense to me. I have been asking for assistance from my guidance and the answers I got were:

“The grass is always greener on the other side”. Realization that I need to be happy with what I have right here. Visual of standing on packed dirt and seeing a green field in front of me along with thoughts that the dirt can be nice, too, all I have to do is sweep it smooth. I saw myself sweeping the packed dirt and considering the good aspects of it. Though packed dirt is not comfortable it is soil and can be tilled. Seeds can be planted and tended and new growth can be achieved. I can create my own grass or garden or anything I choose. Or I can continue to sweep packed dirt and do nothing different.

Continued feelings that I am going in a new spiritual direction. Where the last five years have been about ascension and expansion, the coming year(s) are about solidifying my earth experiences, becoming more grounded and changing/Being the change. I continue to get a feeling that it is time to look toward physical life experience and away from spiritual experiences. I am not accepting it well because I do not like the physical experience.

My main concern is that I have no idea what to strive for in the physical. I have no drive or motivation toward anything here; nothing that sparks my interest, brings me excitement or anticipation. To focus on the physical gives me a feeling of loss in general. Plus, I am extremely bored. So, I have asked to be shown what to do next. Maybe an answer will be given, like in the summer of 2018 when I asked for a new career path and it was given. Only this time I don’t even have a specific topic or direction in mind, just that I want to find a spark of interest in life again.

 

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Cleansing Dreams and June 13th Message

Experiencing the drowsiness upon waking again. I must need the sleep.

Dream: Penguins

The dream began with me standing on a beach. The water was clear like a swimming pool. The waves came in slowly and rhythmically.

Suddenly, a flock are very large, gray birds swooped in and landed in the water. They had with them their young and as I watched the birds all began to resemble penguins. I yelled to my son who was with me, “Look! They must prefer this water because it is so calm and clear!” I watched them for a while, fascinated.

Then my daughter came running from around the side of the water. She was yelling and waving her arms to tell me she was there. I immediately motioned for her to stop. I didn’t want her to scare away the penguins. She didn’t stop and the water began to foam and the waves crashed into the beach, all previous rhythm lost. The penguins remained but I could not longer see them clearly through the foamy water. Eventually they retreated too deep to see.

I entered the water to get a better look and ran into a young man who was wading through the water. He saw me and said, “I know you!” Then he lovingly grabbed me around the waist and tossed me very high into the air as if I was a tiny child. I could feel the sensation of falling back down.

Dream: It’s Okay to Cry

Then the scene shifted and I was walking into a bathroom (cleansing and renewal). An older man was with me. His hair almost completely gray but his face indicating he was much younger. He was smiling and I knew he was the man from the water. He said, “Have you met my family? This is…..” and he went on to introduce different members as he walked past me into the bathroom.

Then I was inside the bathroom heading toward a stall. It was locked and I asked loudly if they were always locked. Someone called out, “Just open one.” I approached a stall and as I reached to open it, it opened and a woman came out grumbling about not being able to poop because of some medicine she was taking.

As the woman walked past me I looked more closely. She was covered from head to toe in white towels (protection). Where her skin was exposed it was red and raw as if it had peeled off. For some reason I knew she had cancer. I stopped her to ask her if she needed a hug. She turned and looked at me and said she didn’t, that she was okay. I said, “Come on. Hugs are good.” She came close and was talking, making excuses for this or that and making little sense. I wrapped my arms around her and gently pulled her toward me, hugging her close. She kept talking about things I can’t recall now. I could feel the thick towels and worried I would hurt her raw skin but I kept hugging her saying, “It’s okay to cry.”

Eventually the woman began to relax and emotion was evident in her voice. I only recall that I kept encouraging her to cry and continued to hug her close to me. The more emotion I felt from her, the more emotion I exhibited. Eventually I was sobbing as I was saying, “It’s okay to cry.”

Another woman walked into the bathroom and interrupted us. The women wrapped in the towels thanked me and left. I turned back to the stall she had been in and entered it. Inside there was no toilet, just a small hole in the ground. Used toilet paper surrounded the hole and it was quite dirty.

The women who interrupted us was waiting for me as I exited the stall. She resembled someone I went to high school with who was very tall – 6ft. The woman spoke to me about the women wearing the towel. I can’t recall what we talked about but whatever it was sent me back to the moment I was hugging the women and I began to sob. The emotion and tears woke me up.

It took me a while to get myself together. The emotion felt cleansing so I allowed it. The whole dream sequence felt cleansing.

A song kept coming into my head. The lyrics, “Wait if I’m on fire, how am I so deep in love? When I dream of dying I never feel so loved.”

Considerations

I slept for about 10 hours and when I woke I wanted to sleep 10 more. My body felt so relaxed and free from pain and I kept shifting in and out of the in-between.

I remember thinking about the part of the lyrics, “When I dream of dying…”, and thinking, “Funny, but I rarely dream of dying.” For some reason I kept thinking I might die soon but I was not concerned about it. It was just a passing thought that really didn’t feel to be mine.

There was a brief consideration about what would happen when I did. It seemed that my dreams would become my reality and there would be no more physical reality to interrupt them. I liked the idea and remember listing out all the things I hate about being in physical reality. I said, “It’s so heavy here. I hate feeling heavy all the time. I won’t miss that one bit. I hate having a body. I hate having to eat, to drink, to use the restroom.” Then I thought some more and said, “It’s not the body I hate really. I like this body. I just don’t like the survival part. I really hate surviving.”

I had a distinct feeling of what surviving feels like. It is a constant fear of the alternative – death – that is always there. Even when I am well-off, when I have all I could ever need, the feeling is still there, looming in the distance, reminding me that at any moment I could lose it all and be back in a position of scrambling to avoid death. And all the feelings that accompany the downward spiral toward death are feared – pain, despair, hopelessness, abandonment, hunger, starvation, cravings, and feelings I don’t even have words for – all the ways the body degrades as it heads toward inevitable death.

As I mull over all of this now, I wonder if I was being shown why I often ask for death when I am feeling tired and worn down by life. Death is an end to survival and to be free of survival and all that comes with it would be glorious.

June 13th

Though I haven’t written about this yet, I have had several dreams and incidents relating to this date. The first dream was on May 24th. In it I was with a man who I was dating in secret. We ended up at a ceremony inside a chapel where a huge bonfire was set. The dream ended with us playing a board game and saying our goodbyes. He left saying, “See you in three weeks.”

A week later or so I had another dream where I was having a conversation with my SIL. In it she said I had told her June 13th would be when something would happen. I can’t recall exactly what I told her. All I woke remembering was the date.

At work the next day I was thinking about the date. It felt familiar but I couldn’t figure out when I had heard it or why. As I sat at my desk I saw a flier I had been given a week prior. The date on it was June 13th. It is the date of a pool party being held for all the employees.

Still, it was odd and I couldn’t help but think of the message, “See you in three weeks.” The time frame matched up almost perfectly.

Then on Friday the same flier was sitting on my desk. I scanned over the date on it while in a bored state and read it silently to myself but rather than read what was actually there – “Thurs June 13” – I heard myself read, “Thumbs up.” At the time I was not fully aware of it happening until the “thumbs up” message seemed to repeat. Then I shocked back into present time and thought, “What?” and re-read the flier to make sure I was not seeing things.

So I guess I will see what happens on that day. Maybe nothing at all.

Penguins

The above dream is the second dream I’ve had in a week about penguins and clear, relaxing water.

On the same day I had the dream about June 13th (the one with my SIL) I had a dream about miniature penguins.

I had a dream of going on a trip to an island full of tiny, black and white birds that reminded me of miniature penguins (problems are not as big as they seem, keep you cool). I was on a boat (emotion) looking down in the clear, aqua-blue water (clarity) as they swam in the wake. I put my hand in and touched one. I was fascinated. They were about six inches long.

On the island I took pictures of them. They were everywhere and I had one of those Kodak disposable cameras.

The penguin dream I had last night was of much larger penguins and their babies. Again, I was fascinated by them and my memory of the dream was as if everything slowed as I focused in on them.

Penguins are not creatures I normally see in my dreams. I can’t remember ever seeing them before. They symbolize change, adapting to change, expecting the unexpected and solving problems in unconventional ways. For more information about penguin symbolism check out this website.

 

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Mother’s Day OBEs

Happy Mother’s Day!

It has been a while since I’ve had an OBE. This morning I woke at 6:40am feeling very rested and pleased with the quality of sleep I had. I was not eager to get up and start my day, though. So I decided to go back to sleep.

OBE 1

The first thing I recall is being in bed, covers up to my neck, snuggled in and feeling really drowsy. I kept hearing heavy metal music playing. At the time I knew the song but now I have no idea what song it was now. My husband got into bed and I physically felt the bed move with his weight. The movement and music signaled to me that I was dreaming.

As I lay there screens appeared in front of me of various scenes. My memory is foggy now but eventually, after seeing several and continuing to hear the music, I decided to go into one of the screens. When I did so my energy body shifted and I knew I was OOB.

Rather than emerge in the screen scene, I was standing inside an unfamiliar bedroom. The lights were off but I could see enough to make my way around the bed toward the door. Outside the room it resembled my Mom’s living room. I saw the front door and thought, “That was fast” in regards to the distance I traveled to get to the door. Also, I recognized my energy body was very, very balanced and had I not known I was OOB I would very likely have thought I was awake.

The interesting thing here is that as I started toward the door intent to go outside, the entire wall and door became transparent and I could see the front yard in vivid detail right through it. Then I was outside and immediately took flight. As I did I saw my dog Trooper running toward me. He was barking and not acting very nice, which is odd. I wasn’t phased, though, and turned around mid-flight to try and coax him into flight with me. He refused.

I turned back and flew up into the sky enjoying my freedom. I don’t recall much here of how I got to the next place I found myself but I know I flew along as I spoke with a male guide. The topic was about change I think and I remember hearing the word “Chiron”. I flew over a city with tall skyscrapers and typical city streets. To my right was a vast, dark body of water like a lake. The water seemed nearly black it was so dark and it was quite still. There was a broad city bridge to the left of it, like a parkway and I had the sense that someone waited for me there, perhaps the male guide I was talking to. So I stayed away from the bridge and water, observing as I hovered next to a tall apartment building.

As I stood there talking to this guide I seemed suddenly massive and the building like a model or toy in comparison. I looked into the tiny, lit window, saw no movement and then took off the roof. It was as if I was a giant curiously looking for the tiny creatures that lives in the world below.  I looked inside for people, saw none, and tossed the roof. Then I took another layer off. This time I saw a tiny person in a perfectly tiny kitchen. The person was unclothed and was smaller than a paperclip. I took the tiny body, which didn’t move or protest, and flung it over my shoulder in the direction of the water.

Suddenly disinterested, I shrank back down and flew into the city streets. I saw a small store, the name written on the sign stood out to me. It sounded very much like Chiron. I flew inside singing a song about change. People were gathered together inside. It was a bar I think but the lights were bright and the people were milling about seeming to be doing nothing in particular. I floated around the room looking each person in the face as I sang. The people reacted as if they did not know me. Most smiled or seemed curious as to who I was and why I was there. No one spoke, though, and I soon became bored. I had hoped to find someone there I felt a spiritual connection with.

False Awakening

Eventually the energy shifted and I was back in bed. At the time I thought I was awake but I was still OOB. I was thinking, “I need to write this down before I forget.” I remember noting the message of “Chiron” and there was another message about a type of healing modality but I can’t remember the word now. I got out of bed and saw an outline of light indicating a door to my right. I remember thinking it was the door to the bathroom showing through the bedroom closet. I thought, “Someone must have left the light on in the bathroom. I need to turn it off.”

As I headed toward the bedroom door, my husband said something to me. I think he said, “Don’t be gone too long.” I paused at the door. I sensed something was not right.  I headed into the living area and again it looked like my Mom’s house only the bathroom I was seeking was not there. This confused me. I felt like I needed to turn off the light. Where was I? What was I doing? I couldn’t remember my initial intent to type out my OBE before I forgot it.

OBE 2

My momentary confusion shifted me back to my body briefly. I knew I could exit despite the vibrations being almost nonexistent. My energy was so balanced that it was very difficult to discern what reality I found myself in. Ultimately I didn’t think but shifted to pure feeling/intuition, following that part of me that speaks without words.

Again I found myself very quickly moving from the bedroom to the living area. This time I didn’t pause at the front door but just moved through it into the front yard. Again it was transparent and offered no resistance as I passed through.

Outside I immediately took flight again. This time there was no dog. It was quite green and peaceful. In the distance, under a large oak tree, I saw two men sitting side by side on a wooden swing. Excited to see other people in what was very obviously my own personal universe, I floated over to them. I got there instantly and floated in front of them. I said, “Hi! Who are you?” The two men were identical. Twins. Both had dark hair and eyes, wore glasses and had beards. They appeared to be young and for a moment a flash of memory came to me of two twin boys. I knew these men were those boys and I recognized them. I knew them!

The two men looked at each other as if in silent communication. The man on the right (my left) got up from the swing and then seemed to vanish. I sensed that he needed to go; that his twin was meant to talk with me. I asked the remaining man, “Where did he go?” The man pointed to the thick trees and bushes behind me and said, “Just over there.” Oddly I seemed to understand completely, as if that location was where he belonged.

The man and I spoke for a little while after that. His face is still vivid to me but I have no idea who he was except maybe an aspect of myself there to provide guidance. The specifics of the conversations, as usual, are lost to me now. I seemed to immediately know he was there to provide guidance and based upon the feelings that arise from my memory of our encounter, I explained that I was unhappy and struggling with feeling unmotivated. Life feels to have no purpose anymore. My desire and motivation is low. I don’t understand why so little has changed in my world when so much has changed within. I wonder, what is the point of all my spiritual transformation if nothing in my physical world ever changes?

All of this was explained in an instant. I feel that it was communicated but there were no words, only a questioning look by me.

What I remember of his response was once sentence. He said, “You have to BE different.” In hearing this I knew that transformation within is just the first step. The next step is to take that inner transformation and transmute it into the physical.

My memory here is limited. The last thing I remember is receiving the message and seeing my guide’s face. My energy shifted and I once again went back to being in bed and struggling to differentiate between dream and reality.

It took me a bit but I managed to finally shifted fully back into my physical body. A song was going through my head. I mainly recall hearing, “So I stay…..”

 

 

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Message: Slow Down, Don’t Fall Off the Edge

Sunday I went to the funeral of the man who set himself on fire in our old house. I didn’t really want to go but felt I should.

The funeral was nice and, as most funerals do, it focused on only the positive about the deceased. There was quite a bit of crying and sharing of stories. I managed okay by keeping a tight reign on my energy field so as to not over empathize. At one point, though, my guidance suggested I open up a bit. When I did, I felt the presence of Spirit to my left, felt the grief wash over me and heard a quiet, “Thank you.” I knew it was from the deceased and rather than become emotional like everyone else, I pulled my energy back but not before my eyes got teary.

At the end we went outside for the military honors portion which was a first for me. My mom and step-father were there so we all went out to eat dinner afterward. It was a very enjoyable dinner with lots of laughing and good conversation.

Since the funeral I have not felt the deceased around. I think he may have moved on, or at least away from me, but then I have been quite distracted so it could just be I am not noticing him because of that. It appears that there was a warning in the “fire” of the man’s passing, a warning of the Kundalini’s return. I have been having waves of the energy rushing through me, lighting up my third-eye, heart, solar plexus, throat, and root (almost all of my chakras). It got so intense that I gratefully immersed myself in my normal exercise routine to ground the energy.

When I woke this morning the energy was present again, only this time in my second chakra and crown.

All throughout I have been sensing a message of, “Slow down” and “Take it slow” from my guidance. Funny enough, as if to push the point, I had a wonderful encounter with a very large turtle in my back yard last night. We have a creek that runs along the border of our property. Just recently it flooded quite severely but the water receded as soon as the rain stopped. The turtle was likely seeking a reprieve from too much water, sunning himself near the water’s edge. Despite myself and my entire family getting very close, he refused to move. He looked like a large, moss covered rock, ancient and strong.

Along with the message of “slow down”, I have also been receiving warnings. Specifically I have heard, “Passion is a double edge sword.” With it comes a visual of walking on a tightrope. Don’t fall off the edge….

Another message came in the song, Borderline, by Madonna. Specifically, “You keep pushing my love over the borderline.”

Dreams

I’ve been sleeping deeply without too many dream memories upon waking. I recall one dream from last night where I was de-cluttering my daughter’s room. What is most memorable is her closet. She had been using it as a shower and so the clothing and furniture that was near it was becoming soaked. I went directly to it and began to move the items away. I found a huge bundle of belts (feeling conflict between what I think and what I feel). More than any person could ever wear. I was saying, “Why do you have so many belts? You don’t even wear belts.” I took them and separated out the majority for donation.

Inside her closet there were clothes on the floor. I picked up two coats (protection) and put them on hangers. They were her brother’s coats, not hers. Near the closet was a small nightstand with drawers. I had to move it across the room but there was not any space left. So I set it on top of her dresser. When I did this, the table morphed into a white tank or aquarium (emotions yet to be confronted, feeling of going in circles). Inside was a set up for a turtle or similar. The tank filled partially with water when I set it on the dresser.

Considerations

When I woke I was full of thoughts over how to reconcile the human and spiritual sides of myself. The two must be in balance and if they aren’t then problems or conflict will occur. What the spiritual desires the physical side may not yet be ready to embrace. The dream seemed to echo my thoughts, especially in the cluttered room and the multitude of belts.

 

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What If?

Yesterday had a particular quality of energy to it that followed me throughout the day. Maybe it was the awful news from the day before reminding me that death comes to us all, but I could not shake the feeling that time was ticking away.

A memory of something I was told close to a decade ago came back to me. I was sitting on the porch of our old house. My guidance asked me, “If you only had 10 years left to live, what would you do differently?” After a brief consideration I answered, “Nothing.”

With this was a nagging memory of the dream from the night before indicating a 6 month time frame. It made the feeling of time ticking away that much stronger. I tried to think what year it was that the question above was asked. How old was my daughter? What events do I remember around that time? I can’t recall and my journals do not mention the question. That means it must have been between 2009-2010. That means the 10 years is fast approaching or maybe even already here.

I pushed the consideration that my “time is up” out of my head. Surely that question so many years ago was not literal? Then I thought to myself, “What if it is up?” And I thought, “I would be okay with that.” Then I wondered, “Would I change anything?” I laughed and told my guidance, “I would smoke every night…no wait, I would smoke pot. I miss smoking pot.” lol I recall my guidance asking, “What about living life? What about your family?” I was reminded that pot blurs things, pushes me into the trance state and leaves me foggy. Probably not a good way to spend my life, not really being here and enjoying my family.

Then I was sad because if I had that little time left then I likely was not going to connect with a person at the physical and spiritual level; experience and share that glorious Divine state with another. I heard my guidance say, “You never know what can happen in six months.”

My own mortality doesn’t bother me really. Death doesn’t scare me. I am more than ready to explore what lies beyond the physical. I do it already in my sleep and sometimes during the day. And I know these kinds of messages are often misinterpreted. Yet when I fully embrace the possibility that I have so little time left I do not want it to end. Weird, huh? It is probably exactly what my guidance intended me to realize. They often say to me, “You don’t want to die. You want to live.”

Dream: What If?

I met my physical counterpart only we were much younger – late teens, early twenties. We began a relationship but he was not at all as expected. When we made love he was very distant and I felt used during and discarded after. The connection between us that I knew was there was never present during those times. It was very physical and not at all spiritual or magical.

I kept making excuses for him – he must be tired, maybe he’s just feeling frustrated, next time will be better, etc. There was no way I was going to bring up my concerns to him because he might decide to break up with me or get angry.

Then there were the people he hung around with. They were shady and doing things that felt to be illegal. He took me with him to do something and dropped me at one of his friend’s houses to stay there until he was finished. The friend was a blonde lady who was older, a bit overweight and very rough around the edges. The house was nice with nice things and the woman was dressed well and wore lots of fine jewelry. She was not wanting for anything.

I remember sitting in my bedroom there thinking to myself and having a conversation with someone, a guide likely, about the situation I found myself in. The disconnected sex, the feeling of being used, the disappointment, the fear, etc. The woman came in at one point and told me that she had left some dishes – glasses specifically – out for me to put away. She told me, “If you are going to stay here then you are going to pitch in.” The request felt more like a threat and I told her I was sorry and would get around to it, but lingered talking to my guide a bit longer.

I recall considering that I may had projected the love and connection I desired onto my boyfriend. It was an expectation he could not meet and so the disconnect grew between us. The feelings I experienced at this point were disappointment at myself and a kind of resignation or surrender.

I went into the kitchen to put away the glasses (transcendence). They were set out on the counter. I noticed how nice the kitchen was. It had a section just for making coffee (awareness), espresso and cappuccino – every kind of coffee imaginable. I opened the cabinet to put away the glasses and noticed there were small circular raised spots the perfectly fit them. I knew to place a glass on each circle.

Dream: Silver Dollar

Then I was walking into a room full of people who were sitting at a massive oval table. There were more than I could count and they recognized me as I entered. The gathering was of people with spiritual abilities of all kinds. They were just like me.

A woman pulled out a seat for me and greeted me, asking me where I had been. The dream I had just left felt so real to me and I was confused for a bit. She asked about my physical counterpart and a memory came to me of being with him at the pool. I recalled it had been August and we had been dating since mid-summer. That was the first time we ever got intimate and the memory of the experience was so raw and devoid of connection that I withdrew from it. I immediately made an excuse for him in my mind.

At this point in the dream I was feeling really guilty for my behavior and avoidance of the truth. The woman began to distract me with coins. She laid them out before me. I remember she had some rare ones, silver dollars (strong spiritual abilities) that were larger than a dinner dish. I pointed out how rare they were and she said she had more. She took me to her room and opened a chest. Inside were more. I remember she was excited that they might be worth something. She said she had access to as many as she wanted from the church.

Dream: Ukraine

The next thing I recall is visiting a farm in the middle of nowhere. It was beautiful country and the house was small and quaint. It had a very foreign feel to it yet at the same time I felt at home there.

I was still young, probably around 18 years old, and visiting the family for an unknown reason. The couple who lived there showed me various aspects of farm life. I mostly remember seeing several large dogs (protection, fidelity) who were about to have their hair shaved and petting one.

The couple had several children of various ages. At one point were were all gathered together peeling various fruits and vegetables. I sat on the floor. There were two young men sitting above me at the table.

I sat peeling a Kiwi (period of growth and good fortune) and talking to a younger sibling about eating a banana. I recall seeing the mashed (suppressed) banana (playfulness) on the floor and looking at the Kiwi fruit in my hand. A conversation started between me and the boys. I asked their ages and the older one said his brother was 15 and he was 18. The brother at this point felt like my physical counterpart but it was like a passing thought I did not pay attention to.

As we talked another dream took form within the dream. Me and the older boy and his siblings were walking through a channel filled with water (emotion). The water was about waist high. There was tall grass on either side and overall I felt curious like a child. As we walked we encountered a group of gypsies (time to awaken spiritual abilities). The boy indicated to keep going so we did, only one gypsy intercepted us and the dream faded out.

I was back talking to the older boy. His appearance was clearer and I grew more lucid. He had black hair and brown eyes and was very attractive and I could feel an intensity of interest from him. I thought to myself, “He is interested in me.” He said something to me and I saw the entire dream sequence above again, only this time in reverse. Then it played over again only this time the gypsies did not intercept us and we continued on our way.

My awareness went back to the house and I was staring at the boy. He looked at me very seriously and asked me, “Why did you really come here? Was it just to pick out a dog? Or did you intend to choose a (husband maybe – I can’t recall the word he used now)”.

When he said this my lucidity peaked even more and it was as if he and I were face to face. I suddenly knew I was in the Ukraine, which made no sense. As we stared into each other’s eyes a beautiful energy enveloped me and I could feel the connection between us. I remember thinking, “I know you” but before I could continue the energy woke me.

I lay in bed for a while with the bliss, snuggling into it as much as I could before it inevitably passed. I did not want to wake up.

A song was going through my mind – “I will remember you. Will you remember me. Don’t let your life, pass you by. Weep not for the memories.”

Considerations

It is rare that I have dreams where I feel like I just lived an entire life. That was what the first one felt like. It felt real. It felt like I lived it. Had I not entered into the second dream and talked about the first one, I likely would have continued to think it was not a dream.

At first it feels like the dream is about my physical counterpart, but after a while it seems more similar to how I am with men in relationships, at least the emotions are. If I am unhappy early on I do not voice it. I make excuses for them and think their faults will magically disappear down the road. I want it to work out so bad that I ignore the bad and put up with things I otherwise would not just to make the relationship work.

The table with the circle seems to be me connecting with others like me, those who are working to help humanity, using their spiritual abilities and awareness, etc. The message seems to be that I need to tap into my abilities.

The last dream is the most odd. I do not understand it really but the feeling of connection was there and the bliss was beautiful. Again, it was very vivid, like I had actually visited the country of Ukraine.

The song seems to say, “Don’t linger on the past. Enjoy the present. You are alive!” It feels like I am being reminded that life is a gift, so I need to live it.

Interestingly, I had this thought on my own on Saturday when I decided to let my son pick his birthday activities. I decided to stop worrying over future what if’s – money, retirement, health – and focus on the present. How can I make the present better for me and my family? Do things that we all enjoy regardless of the present cost (money-wise) or potential for it to drain our savings (future consideration). Live life for today.

We will be going on a family vacation to South Padre again in May. In between I hope to just be less restrictive overall. There is no point in holding back today when there may not be a tomorrow. This is what I think my guides mean when they say, “You are ALIVE.”

Also, another sync – when I checked my gmail this morning there was a question on Quora listed – What makes a person remember you?” I still had the song above on my mind. Ha!