Category Archives: Messages

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Dream: Failed Test, Re-Test Required

Feeling much better this morning. My husband will be home this week, offering me a welcome reprieve from single-parenting. I believe much of my panic and anxiety stems from the added pressure/stress of having to do everything on my own while he is gone. Much of the time when panic arises I am thinking, “I am all alone….” and worrying about my children and who would take care of them if I were to be injured or killed. That’s only one concern, of course, but to rid myself of it would be nice.

My dreams seem to indicate my resistance is lessening as well.

Dream: Failed Test, Re-Test Required

The dream began in a high school cafeteria (spiritual nourishment). I was sitting alongside my classmates as someone passed back our practice exams (major life lesson). The person next to me got theirs. I was looking at theirs as I received mine. There were red marks all over it, which I knew wasn’t a good sign.

When I looked down at my exam I saw an entire sheet was filled out in red ink. My score was written at the top:

70%
-9.5pts for failure to fill out info sheet
Final grade: 62%

The sheet filled out with red was the info sheet (important information being relayed) filled in for me. I turned to the people around me and told them how unfair I thought it was. I slowly became more and more angry. It was completely ridiculous to me that I would pass only to fail for not filling out an info sheet I had never received. I told the people around me I was not going to re-take the test, that it was unfair and was just a practice test anyway.

Eventually I got up and talked to the lady “proctor”. She reminded me of someone who worked at my high school. I showed her my exam and asked her to explain. She told me that I should have filled out the info sheet, that everyone got one and the instructions were clear. She pointed to the instructions and my signature below saying I had read them. I yelled, “Yes, I see! I have signed this for every exam without reading it and had no issues. Why would I read it this time?”

She told me I would just have to re-take (re-do lesson) it. I told her I would not and began to accuse her of purposefully targeting me because I was smart. I showed her my last two test scores, both 90%. She shook her head and looked down as she repeated that I would have to re-test. Furious. I called her a f*** bi**ch well aware of everyone staring at me, and turned and walked away.

My anger woke me up. I was shocked at how angry I had gotten in the dream. After a few minutes I fell asleep and returned to the dream.

I was sitting next to a young man who I called Jose. He was waiting to get his test results and looked pensive. I told him my story, how unfair it was and to be ready for similar news.

Then a female classmate came and sat down. I knew the woman I had cussed out was her mother and I apologized to her for my behavior and told her my story, too. She seemed not bothered and we caught up for a bit.

Meanwhile, Jose got his test results – 73%. I congratulated him and he seemed relieved. He left and the woman and I left together.

We walked out to the parking lot (delay) talking and then she was ahead of me catching up with a long time friend and getting into a car (life path). I realized she forgot about me and I walked alone thinking of the past and how nice it was to have girl friends, even if superficial. There was a fence (barrier to progress) across the path and I went around it but soon realized I had parked in the other direction. I opted to walk the long way around to get to my car.

There is memory of walking through my old high school only it had been renovated. A woman and I talked about how they paid a $40k bonus for their new coach. I called it a waste of money. They had added a gym space in the front that could be washed with a hose after gym class. I walked through a class commenting on how I should have been a gym teacher because it was much more fun.

Then I am with my son walking along neighborhood streets and houses. A group was gathered around the new principal who was telling them something and mentioned directions being included on flyers. He had no example and I volunteered mine, showing him a part of a ripped sheet (I had ripped it in anger earlier). I remember thinking critical thoughts about him. At the end I thought he was “not so bad”.

We continued to walk and came upon a driveway (the body, or homebase). We had to maneuver around some fish tanks on the floor and my son knocked one over, spilling fish. We caught them and returned them to their tanks. The owner came out and helped us at the end. I remember commenting on one small fish and he told me they were put into tanks with other types of fish to encourage their bright colors.

Interpretation 

My sense about the dream is that it reflects a discussion about my present upsets. I am told that I failed an exam and have to re-test. It feels unfair because it is caused by missing information and my lack of attention to detail. There is also a lack of concern about my barely passing grade in the dream. I usually want to get at least an A. To be satisfied with a 70 is unusual. I feel unfairly targeted as well, as if someone is purposefully making me re-test. I realized now that it is me doing this because I expect much more from myself (an A instead of a C).

When I return to the dream I am apologetic and supportive of a classmate. I have no jealousy when he passes his exam. There is a literal walk down memory lane and I realize I miss having female friends and companionship. I also realize many of my past friends have long forgotten about me. I think I am missing aspects of myself and my past, longing for companionship even if it is not deep and meaningful.

The parking lot is delay and I walk the long way around to get to my car. The gym represents me facing myself and reviewing past actions. The fish are insights from my subconscious mind. The one fish in particular is small and brightly colored and the man indicates variety made him that way. I believe this is a message that a variety of life experience lends toward a more “colorful” result (more lessons and learning).

I seem to be slowly recovering from my anger throughout the dream until I feel lighter and more sane overall. Thus, when I woke I felt very different than I did after the first angry section of the dream.

Considerations

Since waking I have been feeling more open to other options and seeing blessings in my life where once I only saw problems and difficulty. There are resources I have at my disposal that I can use to further my progress.

The phrase, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” comes to mind here.

So, if I have to remain in my current situation, then I might as well make the most of it. We have money enough to take more trips and my job offers me the freedom to work from home or anywhere actually. One of the things I should do is get more “therapy”; sessions like I have done in the past. These propelled me further than anything and could potentially help me with many of my present upsets and areas I am struggling to overcome on my own. Investing in myself in this way would be beneficial overall and keep me busy, freeing me from routine and boredom.

I wish my dreams told me specifically what areas I “failed” but sadly the only part I remember is that the subject was math. Math is symbolic of logic and this can be connected to the masculine energy, solving problems, taking action, making decisions, analyzing outcomes, being less emotional and more decisive overall. My failure was in accepting less from myself, so cutting corners to barely get by, while also ignoring directions. How furious were you when your teacher handed back a paper indicating you failed just because you forgot to put your name on it? Ha! M guides are saying very clearly, “Pay attention. Listen. Follow directions.”

Interestingly, a little after I woke, part of a song was going through my head. Just this part – “It’s where the water flows. It’s where the wind blows.” How very odd.

 

 

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Intense Vibrations and Dream: Job Offer in Georgia

Rough morning. My middle child had a fever last night and woke up not feeling well (headache, body aches). I took his temperature but he had just drank some water so it was at 98.9° meaning it’s probably much higher but the water lowered it temporarily. So, he is staying home from school today. My oldest was in tears this morning when I woke her, refusing to get out of bed and begging to sleep longer. She later told me she couldn’t sleep. When I asked when she fell asleep she said she was looking at her watch all night long so didn’t know. 😦 She wasn’t complaining of feeling sick, so I sent her to school but told her if she stared feeling unwell to go to the nurse.

I really am not a morning person so all this activity at 6:30am makes me a grumpy person!

Yesterday, I was completely bored which led to me feeling tired. I did go grocery shopping and took the kids to Pets Mart to check out the animals they had up for adoption, but I felt uneasy the whole time. The grocery store was really unpleasant because of the anxiety that was threatening to turn into a panic attack. Ugh!

I took a bath with Epsom salts when I got home but after, when putting on body lotion afterward, my left hand cramped up from the thumb to the middle and I couldn’t use it. If I did try to move it it hurt terribly. After a bit it went away. However, I have been noticing for quite a while that my left hand feels different than my right. The tendons feel tight in comparison.

So, of course, I panicked a bit about my hand thinking it meant I was getting MS or something. lol I had a flash of a vision a while back (2 years ago maybe) where I lost grip in my hands. Memory of this vision returned and so I assumed the worse. It is likely nothing, though.

By bedtime I was feeling a bit down again. I can’t seem to shake the feeling of impending doom I’ve been having, it’s like I am going to die and am just waiting for the moment to get here.

Weird Energy

After falling asleep I woke suddenly from a vivid dream in which I was reciting a code used to teleport to another place. I could feel the energy of teleportation and everything. It was a very strange feeling! The dream was likely the result of watching Stargate SG1 before bed. lol But it was so vivid that I got up to write it down and then decided it was not worth it so went back to bed. It was only 10:20pm when I woke.

Not long after drifting back to sleep I was awakened suddenly but by very strong vibrations. They hit me on either side of my lower back near the kidney area. The vibrations were very focused and curved through my lower back as if hooking into my ovaries. The result was an almost violent jolt of energy that surged through my second chakra. Within seconds of becoming aware of the vibrations my vision was taken over, again almost violently, by hynagogia. It was like my eyelids were peeled back but they, of course, were closed. I could do nothing but allow and saw millions of tiny bubbles in dark tones undulating rhythmically with the vibrations.

Not long after, everything settled and the vibrations calmed and then stopped. If I had allowed it I could have gone OOB but I was way too aware for that. The whole experience left me wondering.

Dream: Job Offer in Georgia

The rest of the night was occupied by a lengthy dream where I was offered a job in Georgia. I was asked to use my degree in education to work with children. The work was similar to what I have done in the past and one of my ex-bosses offered it to me out of the blue.

I remember being in my old bedroom at my mom’s house when she offered me the job. She advised me to get my resume ready and to prepare to relocate. I got out of bed and began to dress, taking off my shirt and putting on a white bra. There was a man in the bed and so I turned my back on him but felt fine dressing in front of him. My ex-boss advised me not to do that and put a blanket up between me and the man. I laughed it off because it seemed unnecessary. I told her that in co-ed military quarters it was normal. I had an entire visual in my mind of it, too, like it was a past experience of mine. Also, the movie Starship Troopers came to mind. LOL

Though I don’t recall who the man was, I do remember he had dark hair and seemed to be a co-worker.

My ex-boss and I then traveled to where my new job would be – Georgia. She and I discussed the route first and I saw a map in my mind. There were two routes mapped out. The routes were along the interstates. One I took when I went to Tennessee – the northerly route – and the other was southerly along the coast. I saw a calculation of the miles and remember telling her, “Wouldn’t the southern route be faster?” The southern route mileage was less considering the location was in central Georgia. But we were going to “fly” there.

For a split second I remembered I knew someone who lived in Georgia and not very far at all from where I was going.

At the location I was introduced to a very stern lady who seemed like a head mistress. We were in a very large mansion-like place. She told me there were rules there but I can’t remember them now, I just recall a classroom like environment and certain tasks I was suppose to know how to do. Everyone else did them but I had neglected to in the past. I was reminded of how I often shirk my duties in jobs until I am forced to do them by a supervisor. There were male co-workers present but I only remember seeing them doing teacher “stuff”.

I went into the kitchen to make myself a bite to eat and my ex-boss was there but she looked like my MIL. I asked if I could make myself some food and she said I could. I also asked where everyone else was, it was oddly empty. I was told I was at a temporary location until the main building was finished. The one I was in was 30 stories and so I was shocked they were building a bigger one.

Then I was reporting to a large, circular classroom. There were seats in a semicircle like in a lecture hall. I remember seeing stairs leading down toward it with women of all shapes and sizes. I looked for one of the women who had come with me. She had strawberry blonde hair but I didn’t recognize her. The gathering felt very important but I don’t know why.

Later, I went outside to investigate the new building we were to eventually work in. I recall walking along a long, cement path/road. I looked up at the trees as I walked and felt a bit in awe of everything. Here I was in Georgia starting a new life, a new job. It all felt surreal. The trees seemed to blur in my vision, like I was flying and I felt really positive. I looked ahead and began to run toward a construction site. It felt really, really good to run with the wind in my hair. It was humid, but I didn’t care.

When I arrived at the site I saw piles of sandy dirt and men in gear. As I ran I noticed water on the cement and slipped and fell on my bottom. One of the men started laughing and I laughed, too. I got up and began to run and purposefully slide on the water as if it was a slip-in-slide. Another woman, one of my co-workers, came out and played with me. She looked a lot like me but was more cautious. The last thing I recall is sliding on my stomach.

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Message

When I woke I was thinking it odd that I was dreaming about getting a job in GA. Then I swear I both heard and read a message but I cut off the message, saying, “I don’t want to talk to you.” I think I was being asked what was wrong.

The dream was just too odd to ignore. At one point a guide said to me, “You can’t avoid it. Things are about to change.” I remember answering, “I know.”

Interpretation

Rather than go through all the dream symbolism, I will just say what the dream feels to be symbolic of as a whole. It feels like I am about to be offered a chance to take a job, job here being a purpose or mission perhaps. The fact that the job seems to be as a teacher/counselor might indicate that I am meant to help someone(s). A bra is support, so I will have support. The blanket is protection, so I will have protection. I am warned to not be so open, so maybe I need to be cautious when around the male gender? The visual of the map is likely to show me where this mission is focused. Georgia could be symbolic or maybe an actual location. It is hard to tell here, but I know Georgia was very much the focus of the entire dream.

The construction site also seems significant to me. It means something is being built, in this case a large school or similar (lesson). The piles of sandy dirt feel to be for the foundation. So perhaps I will be building foundations? My running and playing gives me a good feeling; hopeful and playful.

Overall the dream leaves me with a good feeling, but also curious.

 

 

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Kundalini Dream Visitor

Yesterday I had a nice little win in regards to my panic episodes. While driving to and from work I successfully staved off rising panic by firmly thinking to it, “NO!”. It worked!

Years ago after my first spiritual awakening my Companion, Steven, gave me advice on how to stop negative thoughts. He said, “Tell them to stop.” I didn’t believe him but sure enough, when I told them to stop they would. I only remembered his advice after I had successfully stopped the panic inducing thoughts, though.

With that I also recalled a meditation episode early on, before the “first” meditation (obvious not first but oh well) that opened me up to my gifts. I was living in Montana, it was around 1999 and I had been struggling with depression and negative thoughts. I meditated to find a suspected “gin” (negative entities that attach to us). To my surprise I saw him as a shadowy figure in the peripheral of my mental vision and I “fought” him off. This memory caused me to consider that maybe I still have some negative energies working to keep me down. I have no doubt that something is influencing me but I can’t say it is an “entity” for sure because I think everything has a purpose and often these “entities” are just our Egos and fractured aspects of self.

So, a successful commute yesterday means I may be on the way to conquering my panic/anxiety.

Kundalini Dream Visitor 

Prior to bed I caught myself thinking something that seemed to be a response to someone. I mentally said, “He wants to visit me.” Intercepting the thought brought on awareness of the meaning behind it. “He” was not clear but the “visit” would be in dreamtime. It felt like I was being asked if I would be okay with a visit. I said it was okay.

Still, though, I had not expected to actually have a dream visitor.

Most of the dream is hazy now. What I do recall is being in what felt to be my mom’s house. The entire dream scene is dark in my memory, like the lights were turned down. It was hard to make out furniture and the faces of the people I was interacting with. There was a man with me, though, who felt familiar. He and I seemed to be having a “date”. I can’t remember how he looked except that he had dark hair and was taller than me. He also felt quite a bit older than me but not old enough to be my father.

Our conversation is lost to me now as is most of the sequence of events in the dream. I remember handling food, like preparing our meal. I was focused on the salad (expression of feelings and acceptance of positive in life). I stood over a kitchen sink when the man gave me something, part of the meal I think, and I put it on a tray over one side of the sink.

The man’s energy is more memorable to me than anything. When he was near me it felt like he was seducing me, or better yet, as if we were dancing. I was extremely drawn to him and drunk on bliss. The memory of the energy is as if it was pulsating, like we would get close and then separate and the energy kept pulling us back together.

I recall seeing the man’s plate of greens, uneaten, and thinking that he forgot to eat them. Then my attention was drawn to a woman laying in the middle of the floor, blankets (protection) over her as if she was trying to sleep. I thought of her as my “mom” (aspect of self, mother aspect). She was not supportive of me having a relationship with this man and as a result there was some attempt on our part to sneak around.

At the end of the dream there was a part that is a bit confusing. It was as if I switched bodies and became my mom. I watched as me and the man embraced. I yelled out and fought off a person who was trying to hold me back from pushing a large button. I managed to hit the button, though.

Then the man was standing in front of me telling me that he felt we should slow down and take our time. We had planned to be intimate (or that is what it felt like) but he decided to end our “date” instead. He promised another date in the future and kept repeating that we should “take things slow”.

The energy of our connection was intense and obvious by this point. The bliss was intoxicating and I struggled to understand why the man would withdraw when it was so obvious that we were good together.

I woke up soon after and the energy had mostly subsided, only some residual energy remained in my second and third chakras. The memory of the bliss I had been feeling was enough, though, that I did not want to be awake.

A song was going through my head, one I heard yesterday on the way to work. The part that was going through my head, “Some things we can never choose, even if we try….”

Messages

I lingered in bed going in and out of the in-between after I woke and trying to remember as much of the dream encounter as I could. As a result I had some messages come through about taking things slow because of the work that still needed to be done on my energy body. I also both saw and heard the date – March 17th. It was written as 3/17 and flashed in my mind.

There was a message that came both audibly and written out on a black background in my mind. There were two lines that appeared simultaneously. The bottom line, written in blue, read, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The top line, written in red, was longer but I only remember the last line because the voice was saying it as I received the written message. It said, “I will wait.”

There was a sense along with the words/message that the man had not intended to upset me and was truly apologetic about it. It also felt as if he is waiting in the background, like lingering in my energy field just outside of my conscious awareness.

I have a sense of who this man is but since it was not obvious I will just wait and see what happens next. Dream encounters like this are common for me, so the true significance behind them is often not understood until much later and sometimes not at all.

The bliss is memorable, though, and I can’t help but miss it when it is gone.

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Kundalini Anxiety

So much for sleep…..lol

Let me take a couple steps back and explain.

Yesterday was a good day. I was feeling more stable emotionally – less depressed, less apathetic, more hopeful. As a result my day went smoothly. Mid-afternoon I was researching Kundalini support in my area (there’s none btw) and stumbled upon a Kundalini yoga free introductory course online. I figured I might as well do it and so read through the first few lessons and tried some of the meditations and mantras that were suggested. I figured, why not? Here is the website in case you are curious and/or interested in a free course.

I didn’t decide to full-on start a Kundalini Yoga practice because I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea considering my Kundalini is already pretty active. So I just played a bit with it and enjoyed the information presented. Mostly, in my boredom, I was looking for something to occupy myself with in order to make the evenings pass quicker. When trying out a few of the meditations and mantras I felt my third-eye activate, which in itself is a good indicator.

Prior to sleep I practiced what I could recall from the first few chapters I had read online. I realize now that I probably should have reviewed the material before doing so because I did an energizing breath meditation that was not necessarily ideal for preparing to sleep! lol I didn’t do a complete round, though, just spoke the words and breathed as instructed for a short period of time.

As I settled down to sleep a male energy became apparent and the conversation between us brought about some mild energy sensations. My heart chakra lit up as did my crown and third-eye. I don’t recall the conversation much now except for a few odd bits of information. For example, I remember “fire” and “change” and the mentioning of progress being made.

Eventually my heart started to beat quicker in anticipation of the perceived Kundalini energy. It’s like I was on high alert and so my body responded in kind. I experienced a kind of crazy anxious energy in my heart chakra. It was bothersome and made it impossible for me to fall asleep. I have only felt a similar energy once before and that was after I met my physical counterpart (some call it twin flame) in person back in 2016. The energy is uncomfortable and the only way I was able to manage it in the past was to lay on my stomach. So, I lay on my stomach but found little relief. The male energy instructed me to, “allow” and “go with” the energy and it would reveal what it wanted me to know.

After over an hour of this kind of energy I told the male energy, “I need to sleep”. It was getting close to midnight and I was extremely tired. I rolled onto my left side and attempted to sleep. As soon as I began to relax I realized I was conversing with the male energy again. I saw him and felt him put his hand on my back, right between my shoulder blades. The heart energy was warm and spread out as he held his hand there. Then I felt a small bubble of energy move up my body from my feet to my tailbone and then up my spine. It paused at the space between my second and third chakra. I remember the male energy saying, “There, you see?” I recognized the blockage and sensed that this male energy wanted to help me work through it.

Throughout the interaction with this male energy a song was playing in the back of my mind: Beautiful Day by U2. I kept hearing, “It’s a beautiful day. Don’t let it get away….”

From this point on it gets weird and thankfully my memory is hazy. I seemed to be perceiving all kinds of thoughts and visuals from other people all at the same time. I saw and felt things that made no sense and they were piled one on top of the other in layers. My best guess is that these layers of experience/memory were what complied the blockage, but I am not completely sure because I had to disconnect from it in order to get into a place where I could sleep.

Both my ears started ringing pretty loudly during this time also.

There was a point where my left hand began to tingle as if going numb. My fingers specifically were tingling as if needles were being poked into them and electric zaps were sparking with each prick. And it was not getting better with movement even after several minutes. I was reminded of the other night when I kept waking up worrying about my heart, feeling it would stop in my sleep. I thought, “Am I having a heart attack? Is numbness and tingling in the left hand a sign of heart attack?” After what seemed like forever the tingling subsided.

Somehow I did fall asleep, which is quite amazing considering the onslaught of imagery and the crazy heart energy that made me feel so damn anxious!

Vision

When I woke this morning I was not happy to be waking up because I got so little sleep and what sleep I did get did not cause me to feel rested. The intensity of the energy was what was so difficult and I realized if I were to ever be in close quarters with someone I had an energetic connection with that I would likely not get any sleep and would go crazy from exhaustion.

I recall a flash of a vision upon waking that has me wondering. It was a piece of paper that looked like a death certificate. I recall seeing “Birth” with a date I cannot recall. Then I saw “Death” and next to it was written a year: “2048”. Below that was more information but I have since forgotten it. I wonder now if the information was about me? Am I set to die in 2048? If so, that is in line with what I have perceived before, that I will die in my 60’s. The thing that bothers me is that it is only 20 years away. That seems like a long time but I know that it is not.

The song on my mind when I received this vision was, Ironic.

My interpretation of this song message is that it is likely that by the time I die I will finally want to live.

That would be very ironic.

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Heal

Yesterday was a pretty good day overall. I think going into work (meaning to the office) boosts my morale a bit. It does help to be around people and switch up one’s routine. That is why I like my job schedule so much right now. I have a good balance between work and home, not 40 hours in the office plus commute time. My ideal is working part-time anyway, at least since my family responsibilities escalated after having children.

I continued watching “Heal” last night and enjoyed it quite a bit. It was a good reminder of how one’s thoughts influence their overall state of being. I was reminded to listen to my body, rest when I need to rest, eat when I need to eat, and spend more time relaxing my body and finding my center.

All in all, considering how depressed and overall pessimistic I have been all my life, I am surprised I do not have some kind of chronic condition or illness by now. Honestly, I have rarely, if ever, considered myself happy and have always found it difficult to relax and let go. If one can’t get to that healing state of relaxation then their chances of self-healing diminish quite a bit. Perhaps I am more relaxed than I think? Or maybe, for me at least, when the stress became too much, the Kundalini came in and forced me to listen? I did feel pressure to drop certain life habits in order to relieve the stress I was feeling.

There was this one section in “Heal” that really spoke to me. One of the healers mentioned that forgiveness was very important. Not forgiveness of others, but of self, because when we forgive ourselves then we let go of the negative emotions we hold against others. I was reminded to really look at what I was feeling, rather than ignore or suppress it. This is what my guide was trying to tell me the other morning – my emotions are the key; they communicates my wounds.

The problem with emotion is that most of us are not taught how to handle it by our parents. We use them as a living example of how to handle emotion. If they suppress it, so will we. It becomes habitual and part of the subconscious programming of the mind that runs on autopilot while we live our day. My mom suppressed her emotion, so did my dad. I learned that sadness, tears, vulnerability = weakness. Often times I did not know why I felt the way I felt, I only knew to shove it deep down.

So, for me at least, if can be difficult to interpret the emotion I am feeling at any given moment. If I feel sad or teary during my daily life, I often shove it down rather than stop what I am doing and really look at it. The key is take a time out and listen to the emotion and let it tell me why it is there.

After all this information, I went to sleep requesting healing and imagining a healthy, well-functioning body.

Dreams

I ended up with two in-depth dreams.

In the first, a boyfriend from long ago was invited to a family gathering. He was my first boyfriend after my divorce and the one who I was with during my spiritual awakening in 2003. I remember being surprised he was there and that he was married with a small daughter because the last time we communicated he made it clear that he judged people who married and had kids as stupid sheep.

The wife was very strong-willed, blunt and a bit controlling. She wasn’t mean, just very take charge. I recall that my ex-boyfriend allowed her to do this, which was also surprising to me. I remember asking him questions about her answering for him. They had moved to Kentucky from a more northern state (Illinois I think).

There were more details but most are lost to me now. I think there was something about hunting and fishing involved. I do recall mailing my ex a letter with a gift inside which was a ticket to run a race in Kentucky only there was something wrong with the registration.

The next dream was really odd. I was sitting at my computer talking to someone, a guide I think. Then I would put my finger on my third-eye and press. This would transport me into the computer screen and another world where humans were being transformed into these soft, gelatinous globs that were no longer hindered by emotion. It felt like everything that was human about them was dissolved.

There was a whole section where I felt like this other dimension was trying to steal my children and transform them into zombie-like blobs of gel. I shift in and out of this dimension to retrieve them, each time contacting a feeling of Divine bliss during the shift.

At times I walked the hallways of the space where they were holding the people ready to be converted. Most of the rooms I went into were empty but sometimes I would encounter the ones responsible for converting the people into globs of gel. They looked human and were very nice and inviting. The children and adults they had were willing to go through the transformation which involved dissolving their humanity. One minute they looked human, the next glob-like with eyes and mouths and hands and feet.

At the end of the dream I entered into the space and found people I knew all willingly there. It felt like my consideration that the transformation was bad had faded and been replaced with acceptance.

Interpretation

I highly doubt my ex in the first dream was my ex. It is likely I was talking to a guide that resembled him in some way or that we were discussing my past around the time I was dating him. I don’t remember enough now to interpret it’s meaning, though.

The last dream is the most vivid. I believe it centers around my own transformation and beliefs related to it. There is a resistance to letting go of my emotions and feelings and becoming a “blob” and losing my humanity. The computer is a communication with my guides and High Self. I am able to shift myself into another dimension to observe by touching my third-eye (insight, intuition). I do this frequently and recall briefly feeling bliss when shifting from one dimension into the other. The bliss then results in me seeing the blob people and I retract from the scene and pull my children to “safety”. In the end, I change my mind because my children are unharmed and the transformation appears to be positive.

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Call Me Yin

This week has been exhausting for me. My husband left Sunday morning for L.A. and then flew to Florida yesterday. He will be gone at least two weeks, maybe longer. If he does come home in two weeks he will leave again after a day or two and be gone another four to six weeks.

So, for a long while I am a single parent. Yay for me.

Right now my biggest complaint is having to wake early and get my two oldest on the bus. This was my husband’s duty before and I enjoyed another 30-60 minutes of sleep/dozing in the morning which is what I prefer. Now just because I am aware that I have to wake early I usually wake up at 5:30am despite not having to be up for another hour. It is very frustrating. Cursed internal clock!

It doesn’t help that my sleep is just not very good right now in general. I sleep deep maybe 4-5 hours a night and then very light the rest of the time with frequently waking.

Thankfully, my job allows me freedom in that I can work from home and get most of my work done. I still work from home the first two days of the week and now, with my husband gone, rather than get to work by 8:30am I come in an hour later and the leave at least an hour before the end of the work day to avoid traffic. I work from home in the mornings to fill in the gaps of missing time and get in my 40 hours a week.

My job is now growing in responsibility. I was informed yesterday that I will be added to the company bank account so I can sign checks. This is a BIG deal and something I do not take lightly. I already print the checks but have to get my boss to sign them. My boss will also be handing over the monthly financial planning duties soon because she will be gone the entire month of March. I am not exactly excited about all this but don’t doubt I can handle it. It may mean I can’t work from home as much as I like, though. 😦

Dreams and Other Things

I’ve been a bit depressed over not having the active dreamtime I am use to. I look forward to my sleep and the experiences that often come with it. But when things are slow or my recall nil I begin to feel a distinct vacant feeling within. I requested assistance last night prior to bed, and despite frequent waking, was given what I asked for.

I had several dreams, most not significant enough to document. There was one where I was seeking to remove a twin bed from a room and replace it with a double. I find this symbolism significant. After I had my first heart connection the twin beds theme came into my dreams. I saw it as symbolic of the “twin flame” idea because there were always two twin beds in the same room, one mine and the other someone else’s. So, to replace the twin bed with a double suggests I am moving forward or making progress, perhaps letting go of the idea of seeking out another to feel whole.

After this dream I had an entire dream sequence where I was in my grandparent’s house trying to sleep in a double bed with my husband. My kids were making too much noise and then music was playing. I should have realized the music was noises-off, indicating I could go OOB but I didn’t. I was just too tired. In the dream I realized my current neighbors were living in my grandparent’s house and we were keeping them awake with our noise so I got up and left, taking my family with me. Outside, we ran into a couple who was fostering so many kids that I lost count. They were picking up bags of seed (continuity of life, preparation) and loading them into trucks (work). So weird!

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Aliens in my Contacts

One dream in particular was quite odd. In it I was preparing to leave with a man but was a bit late. At the last minute I opted to change sweaters (protection). I intended to grab a Lynyrd Skynryrd sweatshirt and ended up with a sleeveless, very light long-sleeved shirt.

Then I was putting in my contact lenses (refers to “sight” or “vision”). I put in the right one (feminine) but when I went to get the left (masculine) one it did not look right. I was a sphere of liquid filled with alien-like (the unknown) creatures. The man with me told me they needed to regenerate (healing) and to wait a bit. I remember seeing the creatures swimming around inside the sphere and thinking I would not put that in my eye.

Eventually it was time to put the contact in. It looked normal then and so I attempted to put it in my eye but it would not go in and when I looked it returned to a sphere with the creatures swimming inside.

Then I was laying down and a woman was massaging my feet (one’s foundation and understanding) with lotion. It felt really wonderful and I relaxed into it. My entire body felt warm and tingly. I remember being spoken to by a male at this time. He was telling me things that were to come. Unfortunately, I became too lucid and cut the conversation with my overly analytical mind. This is what I recall him saying to me:

You will pierce the veil soon.

I will suffer an act of infidelity by you (then he said something like, though that cannot really happen now can it?)

I began to get lucid at this point, though still in the in-between.

I asked, “What is your name?” He said, “Call me Yin.”  

Of course I began to wonder what all the messages meant. I knew Yin represents the female or passive part of the Yin-Yang symbol. So, why was the masculine voice saying asking me to call him the feminine? Or maybe it was not meant that way at all and just a name? Then I couldn’t help but wonder what he meant by the infidelity part. I will “cheat on myself” perhaps? Hahaha Piercing the veil just means something once unknown will become known. I recall him saying to me that I will Know and once I Know I cannot un-Know. This may be a warning and I understand if it is.

 

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Snapping Turtle Message

I had a weird experience last night. Not sure what to call it but it left me feeling unsettled.

What I recall now of the experience is quite muted because it happened early on in the night. There is mainly a feeling of dis-ease that goes with it. I recall feeling transplanted from one body to the other; as if this was a “normal” thing to experience. The energetics of it were unsettling and induced a low grade alarm reaction in me, but not enough to cause me to react or resist. There was a sense of shifting from one time to another. It was like I was jumping around taking a look at all the possible timelines. Along with all this was memory of all these other timelines as well as this current one. It was very difficult to process and thus left me feeling very disoriented, confused and alarmed.

When I woke up I was stunned and still trying to process what I had just experienced. Honestly, I felt completely insane and it was hard not to imagine myself having a psychotic break from it all. I thought for sure I would go into a disassociative state or that I may already in the midst of one which was why I was so confused.

Somehow, despite feeling crazy, I fell back to sleep. I recall being reminded to “surrender” and being I had just re-blogged one of my own posts on that exact topic, it made sense and I didn’t question it.

However, moments before falling asleep, I remembered all these other similar incidents that I had somehow forgotten! It was bizarre and a bit concerning that I had forgotten them, yet I knew I had chosen to do so probably in order to avoid the exact feelings I was having this time around. The previous experiences were very energetic as well, as if someone came and plucked me out of my body, put me in another body or something energetically altering, and then put me back. All the while I was conscious of the exchange but not resisting. Actually, I am not sure my resistance would do any good. It was more a sense of being frozen and unable to do anything except allow the experience. Yet all the experiences left me on high alert upon returning to this reality and thinking that I must be losing my mind.

It is not a fun feeling yet at the same time I am also not alarmed at all, as if it is all completely normal! I think perhaps I experienced it from two perspectives – the Ego (small self) and the Higher Self. Of course, the Higher Self wins out and is why the ultimate feeling that wins out is the “this happens all the time” consideration. It is such a calm, “I got this” kinda of feeling, too, and there is complete Trust and Knowing.

I know. Bizarre. What can I say? This is my life. lol

Any psychologist/psychiatrist would likely diagnose me with some kind of mental illness. Every time I have these experiences, especially the ones where I am most obviously experiencing as two aspects of one, the thought crosses my mind that I must be schizophrenic or at the least emotionally disturbed to the point of disassociation. I’ve been down that road before and found it a dead-end.

Prior to bed I had been feeling like my entire life was “wrong” again. I had a very strange feeling I cannot describe and was thinking, “I can’t go on like this for much longer.” Perhaps I was being recalibrated in my sleep to address this feeling?

Snapping Turtle

This morning I had a very unexpected in-depth discussion with my husband that ended rather abruptly. As with most of our discussions, tempers flared and voices were raised periodically.

After he left for work I went down to make breakfast for myself and my youngest son. When I went outside to toss some leftovers I noticed something in our creek.

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I called my son outside to see the turtle and we watched him for a while. In the above picture he is eating a yellow pear that had fallen into the water. We have pear trees that still have fruit falling from them, so it was likely quite fresh and perfect eating.

Eventually, the turtle sensed us and swam away. The whole while we were both fascinated. We’ve lived here over 4 years and never seen a turtle, much less a snapping turtle!

Snapping Turtle symbolism and meaning:

Some journey has come to its final end.

Speak up for yourself, take a stand but be fair about it.

Communicate honestly; do not withhold anything.

Take your time and think before making decisions that cannot be undone.

It’s time to go your own way.

Source

It is amazing to me how the Universe works, how it sends a messenger to answer the questions I had going through my mind just prior.

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As I was editing this post a song came to mind – Fleetwood Mac’s (who is playing here in Austin in February) – Go Your Own Way.

Hahaha and if you click on the link above “Austin in February” you will see that this message repeats:

Going Their Own Way in 2018!

LOL

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Dream: Future Prediction

After yesterday evening’s dream about the “dog races”, I had an similar experience in real life. No, I didn’t go to the dog races. 🙂 We had a tiny dog venture into our back yard. It looked very much like the tiny dogs I saw in my dream. At first I couldn’t figure out how he got in. He kept evading capture by going under the fence into our neighbor’s back yard but always came back to our yard, sitting and licking himself as if he thought it was his new home. Eventually, I realized he had come in through a gate from the front yard. The kids must have left it open and he wandered in (I’m surprised our dog didn’t get out!). The gate was partially open but he would not go through it when I tried to get him to. So I had to prop it wide open so that it was obvious and he finally turned tail and ran back out to the front of the house.

After the dog was out and I had re-latched the gate, my dream came back to mind and I laughed to myself. I remember thinking, “He (the dog) always knew the way out. I just had to remind him by opening the gate a little wider.” And of course, this was the message to me as well – I have always known the way out. I said to myself, “You get out the same way you got in.”

So then, how did I get “in”? What path did I follow? And how, then, does that path lead to the exit? But then I would have to determine what predicament/situation I want to get “out” of in the first place!

Form letters for everyday life - The Brock Press

Dream: Future Prediction

The dream start is fuzzy now. I recall standing outside with a very large group of people. The sky was blue and dotted with fluffy clouds. Each person was handed an official looking envelope. My husband was with me and opened his. I followed suit and opened mine. Inside were predictions of our future. The time frame seemed to be random. Mine gave me a snapshot of my life at age 53.

What I read was not good. It seemed I had opted to take lower paying, lower responsibility jobs to the point that I ended up with work that was well beneath my ability level. This kept me from being challenged and helped me avoid stress and stressful situations and relationships with people. I did this purposefully but it ended up leaving me with few friends and very little feeling of accomplishment. I was shown that the projection of my life was that I would retire early because I didn’t want to work anymore and I would end up old and alone/lonely because I would have alienated most if not all friends/family by the time of my death.

My husband had his and was smiling and wanting to read mine. I wouldn’t let him and did not read his but I knew his forecast was positive.

We ended up going to a place where we could be “adjusted”. It was like a church building where we were evaluated and then set up for treatment which seemed to involve the person laying down and being worked on. I was evaluated quickly and sent to the waiting room while my husband received treatment.

I seemed to wait forever. Lots of other people were waiting also. I grew tired and irritable. Someone commented on my irritability, saying the source of it was boredom. I didn’t argue. A very large woman sat next to me. She was friendly and we got along. She noticed I was tired and positioned herself so that I could lean on her. I ended up laying my head on her breast and nodding off.

When my husband finally came out he was smiling and refreshed. I complained that he took so long and that I never got called in. He pulled our SUV up and called me to get in. All the doors were open and I grumpily climbed in. I saw another car trying to pull out but it was cornered by other cars. I thought it would never get out but it somehow maneuvered itself out and drove away.

Considerations

When I woke I was startled by the dream prediction to the point that I couldn’t help but think it was in response to the thoughts I had on my mind as I went to bed. I had been reviewing my old blog posts from 2016 onward, noticing trends, followers, likes, comments, etc. It is obvious that I have lost many followers, likes have declined, as have comments. My best guess as to the reasons for this is my content. I write a lot of posts about dreams, which in and of itself is probably not interesting to too many people. And then many of my posts have a “poor me” feeling to them, which few enjoy. The trend indicates very slow progress. I seem to have stalled out. And then I think I write too much about how my life is not like I want it to be but then take no action to change it.

So, right before bed I was considering what changes I would need to make. I thought maybe I might need to take another social media break, but I wasn’t sure and my gut told me to sleep on it. Then I get an entirely different outlook indicating that what I may need to change is my perspective regarding my work/career. Interesting!

I was talking to my husband about my dreams this morning and we ended up discussing my current work situation. I explained that I purposefully chose the job to avoid stress and people – just like the type of work mentioned in my dream. At some point I said this to him to describe my circumstances:

It’s the avoidance of things that make you uncomfortable that keeps your life the same.

He said to me, “That is good. Text it to me.” Had he not I wouldn’t have remembered it!

He said he thought that I needed to step up and take on more responsibility, that it was my dislike of the type of work that was my discomfort. I told him, “No. It’s things that scare me that make me uncomfortable.”

Work Woes

Speaking of work, the lady who I was hired to help is in the hospital. She just finished all her chemo and had been given the all-clear by her doctors. All traces of cancer gone. But ever since Thanksgiving she has been home sick with neuropathy. But last night it escalated and she ended up in the E.R.

Our boss updated us this morning saying that the cancer had metastasized into her brain. Somehow the doctors didn’t catch it and even after all that nasty chemo the cancer was not eradicated. Really awful news.

The news has been pretty devastating to everyone at the office. She has worked there for over 15 years and everyone loves her.

Something I noticed at work when everyone discussed her situation – they all acted sad and concerned but seemed to want to quickly forget everything and get back to “normal” as quickly as possible. I remember thinking – they are already moving on, even before she has even died. And for a moment I grieved for her loss; that she had already become a memory before even leaving this world.

My husband and I went to see her in the hospital. They only allowed one person at a time in her room. When my husband came out he had been crying. 😦 When I went in I smiled and stayed cheerful. She seemed just fine and had her wits about her but she was also very peaceful about everything. She didn’t seem one bit concerned about her situation.

Now it looks like whether I want to or not I will be taking on more responsibility. Eventually, ALL her responsibilities will be mine. Honestly, it’s not what I wanted but when I see how everyone is responding and all that needs to be done, I know that I would be doing her a disservice if I were to leave now.

Create Gender and Orientation Symbols With Basic Shapes in ...

Dream: Woman Lover

I wanted to mention one more dream because it seems to indicate continued healing relating to women.

This dream began inside a very large mobile (not permanent) home (self). My mom was living there and the family was gathered for an unknown reason. A dark haired, very attractive woman was there as well. She and I were attracted to each other. Before we met up, though, I was inside a classroom arranging what looked like swing sets for the children to occupy as I taught class. There was a baby swing that needed adjustment and I remember moving it and adjusting the height. My memory fades out here, though.

Then I am in a bedroom (private self) with the dark haired woman. It is my mom’s bedroom. The dark haired woman closes the door and invites me to come to her. We begin to make out. The sensations of kissing are very real. I remember enjoying her kisses, her mouth, very much. We end up on the floor next to the bed as we try and hide in case someone comes in. It gets really passionate but clothes stay on, though hands explore and there is a lot of touching. The woman resists going further and puts her hand to her lips saying “Shhh” as if to remind me we need to stay quiet. My mom then calls and we stop and I wake up.

When I woke up I was again confused as to having a woman lover but thinking, “At least this time she is full grown.” lol There was no disgust or resistance to the dream scenario. In fact, there has not been any such thing for all the similar dreams I’ve had with women. As far back as my dreams go, in fact, I have not had any considerations regarding women in that regard. It is like I always feel they are equal to men in a sexual/romantic sense. This is very different from how I am in waking reality, though.

As I woke more fully I wondered about the dream. A song came to mind as if to pass on a message. I specifically heard, “I want you to be happier.”

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Melancholy

I just returned from a vacation with my husband. We celebrated our 11th anniversary by taking a trip to Rainbow Hearth Lodge which is located on Lake Buchanan. We stayed three days and two nights. The interesting thing is that on Thanksgiving, as I talked with my mom about our trip to the first state park on day 1, both my brother-in-laws looked at me in shock and told me they were going to be at the very same park at the exact same time. Neither had shared their plans with me or my husband as they knew we had a trip planned already. So, we ended up hanging with family on the first day of our trip all because of a “coincidence”. Ha!

The trip was fun and busy. We visited two state parks, running trails and hiking. By the end we ran over 16 miles and hiked around 4. In between we relaxed in our room and enjoyed the home cooking of the lady who owns the lodge while chatting with the other guests, a total of three women. Yeah, it’s a very small place and that’s why we like it.

We fished on Lake Buchanan the first day, after our visit to Inks Lake. I caught a black bass, about a 3lb one. Afterwards, my husband looked like he wanted to try so I handed him my rod and went to fetch another. By the time I got back he had tangled the line so I gave him the one I fetched and fixed the tangled mess. While I was fixing my rod he tangled the other one (a push-button) into such a bird’s nest that I started to laugh at his total lack of fishing know-how. He had been trying to fly fish with a regular rod and reel. LOL Ultimately, I gave up on him. I didn’t get another chance to fish but I was happy with my one. 🙂

Overall I had a good time. I couldn’t sleep the first night but crashed the second. I think the near 12 mile run did me in, but in a good way. I got my fill of nature, that’s for sure!

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Dream: Tattooed Man

As I mentioned, the first night at the lodge I struggled to fall asleep. This always happens to me in new places, so I wasn’t surprised. Eventually I fell asleep but had a very odd dream.

I was aware of both laying in my bed and being outside with a tiny monkey (intuition, feeling playful) on my shoulder. The monkey was trying to get away. I saw a playground in the distance with kids on it. The kids wanted to play with the monkey so I let him go. He looked like a spider monkey.

In my bed I felt a man to my left. I assumed it was my husband. I began to feel the Kundalini energy stirring. It seemed like I was working with the energy, trying to build it. I remember turning to the man who I thought was my husband and waking him up. He rolled over and sat on top of me. He said, “Happy anniversary”. I couldn’t see his face it was as if someone had smudged it out or blurred it. I didn’t care, though, because my heart chakra was on fire and a trail of intense energy was shooting down into my root chakra. I grabbed onto his hips and pulled him to me. I saw him seem to stand up and touch the ceiling with his hands. He was enormous and towered over me, arms raised to the ceiling, palms pressed against it as if holding it up (could indicate strength, support). I could see tattoos (trying to get me to notice him, to communicate something) up and down his arms. They were in dark ink and some were very colorful. I can’t remember what they were of now, just that they covered the entirety of his arms.

When I woke I was in shock and my heart was still lit up along with my lower charkas. I knew the man from the dream couldn’t have been my husband. Who was he? Whoever he was, he made sure to wish me a happy anniversary on the day of my anniversary. The Kundalini gift he gave was awesome, too!

Message: Go Slow

The next morning, after a wonderful night’s sleep that was mostly dreamless, I woke up to a familiar and long-missed connection. My heart lit up and, honestly, it surprised the heck out of me. The energy of the connection swirled up gently from my root to my heart and into my throat where it seemed to get stuck. It felt very much like trapped emotion, trapped communication, yet at the same time I could feel this overwhelming love mixed with such sadness. It felt like mine but not mine, like it was shared with me and, thus, became mine also.

As is usual when I feel this connection I began to cry. It’s not from sadness but from joy. I felt/heard to not cry and was told “go slow” and that time was needed. As the connected faded (it started at 5:30 and went until sunrise), a song came into my mind:

Sometimes you picture me, I’m walking too far ahead
You’re calling to me, I can’t hear what you’ve said
Then you say, “Go slow“, I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you’re lost, you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I’ll be waiting
Time after time

Since returning home I have been depressed. Though the trip was a good one it felt a bit forced and as a result I felt that familiar emptiness inside expand to where I could not ignore it. We returned on Sunday and each morning since I have awakened to the emptiness. This morning was the worst.

Dream: Race to the End

This dream began with me attending to a pregnant (connection to motherhood) woman. I recall her being in the hospital and me standing up by her shoulders as she struggled through her labor pains. Mostly I remember the white hospital room and operating table that she was laying on.

Then I was running in a circle as part of a 5K race. Somehow I ended up separated from the group. The group was running on a track in a gym (learn from lessons). I could see them next to where I was. I was running on a track inside a room, like someone’s house because it had brown carpet (refusal to acknowledge something) and appliances. The pregnant women was sitting in a recliner, her newborn baby in her arms.

I kept looking at my watch (consideration of time) as I ran making sure that my pace was as fast as I could go. Unfortunately, the obstacles on my course kept getting in my way. I bumped the new mother causing her to yell out in pain. I said sorry but kept running, continuing to look at my watch. Eventually, I stumbled into a carpet cleaning machine and knocked it over. The liquid inside spilled all over the floor. The new mother went to clean it up and I stopped because I knew I had to help. I was frustrated, though, because I could see the others on the track continuing to run without me and I knew my time would suffer.

When I woke from this dream I was in an awful depressed mood. The empty feeling was very prominent and my inability to rid myself of it causes me much distress. My thoughts centered around how this place is not real and how everything I do seems to have no real point. I saw the dream as a reminder of how I am just running around and around in circles.

A song was going through my head as I struggled to be more positive. The specific part I heard was, “Well you look like yourself but you’re somebody else only it ain’t on the surface…”

At first I thought the song was just a remnant of yesterday because I had heard it in the car, but it continued to follow me throughout the day. When I looked at the lyrics I kept being drawn to this:

It’s like you told me
Go forward slowly
It’s not a race to the end

But the entire song is quite poignant. It’s about how we wear masks and keep our true selves hidden. Ultimately, I believe that is why I am feeling so sad since coming back from my trip.

I feel very, very much like I am in the wrong place….. time ….. life.