I had a weird experience last night. Not sure what to call it but it left me feeling unsettled.
What I recall now of the experience is quite muted because it happened early on in the night. There is mainly a feeling of dis-ease that goes with it. I recall feeling transplanted from one body to the other; as if this was a “normal” thing to experience. The energetics of it were unsettling and induced a low grade alarm reaction in me, but not enough to cause me to react or resist. There was a sense of shifting from one time to another. It was like I was jumping around taking a look at all the possible timelines. Along with all this was memory of all these other timelines as well as this current one. It was very difficult to process and thus left me feeling very disoriented, confused and alarmed.
When I woke up I was stunned and still trying to process what I had just experienced. Honestly, I felt completely insane and it was hard not to imagine myself having a psychotic break from it all. I thought for sure I would go into a disassociative state or that I may already in the midst of one which was why I was so confused.
Somehow, despite feeling crazy, I fell back to sleep. I recall being reminded to “surrender” and being I had just re-blogged one of my own posts on that exact topic, it made sense and I didn’t question it.
However, moments before falling asleep, I remembered all these other similar incidents that I had somehow forgotten! It was bizarre and a bit concerning that I had forgotten them, yet I knew I had chosen to do so probably in order to avoid the exact feelings I was having this time around. The previous experiences were very energetic as well, as if someone came and plucked me out of my body, put me in another body or something energetically altering, and then put me back. All the while I was conscious of the exchange but not resisting. Actually, I am not sure my resistance would do any good. It was more a sense of being frozen and unable to do anything except allow the experience. Yet all the experiences left me on high alert upon returning to this reality and thinking that I must be losing my mind.
It is not a fun feeling yet at the same time I am also not alarmed at all, as if it is all completely normal! I think perhaps I experienced it from two perspectives – the Ego (small self) and the Higher Self. Of course, the Higher Self wins out and is why the ultimate feeling that wins out is the “this happens all the time” consideration. It is such a calm, “I got this” kinda of feeling, too, and there is complete Trust and Knowing.
I know. Bizarre. What can I say? This is my life. lol
Any psychologist/psychiatrist would likely diagnose me with some kind of mental illness. Every time I have these experiences, especially the ones where I am most obviously experiencing as two aspects of one, the thought crosses my mind that I must be schizophrenic or at the least emotionally disturbed to the point of disassociation. I’ve been down that road before and found it a dead-end.
Prior to bed I had been feeling like my entire life was “wrong” again. I had a very strange feeling I cannot describe and was thinking, “I can’t go on like this for much longer.” Perhaps I was being recalibrated in my sleep to address this feeling?
Snapping Turtle
This morning I had a very unexpected in-depth discussion with my husband that ended rather abruptly. As with most of our discussions, tempers flared and voices were raised periodically.
After he left for work I went down to make breakfast for myself and my youngest son. When I went outside to toss some leftovers I noticed something in our creek.
I called my son outside to see the turtle and we watched him for a while. In the above picture he is eating a yellow pear that had fallen into the water. We have pear trees that still have fruit falling from them, so it was likely quite fresh and perfect eating.
Eventually, the turtle sensed us and swam away. The whole while we were both fascinated. We’ve lived here over 4 years and never seen a turtle, much less a snapping turtle!
Snapping Turtle symbolism and meaning:
Some journey has come to its final end.
Speak up for yourself, take a stand but be fair about it.
Communicate honestly; do not withhold anything.
Take your time and think before making decisions that cannot be undone.
After yesterday evening’s dream about the “dog races”, I had an similar experience in real life. No, I didn’t go to the dog races. 🙂 We had a tiny dog venture into our back yard. It looked very much like the tiny dogs I saw in my dream. At first I couldn’t figure out how he got in. He kept evading capture by going under the fence into our neighbor’s back yard but always came back to our yard, sitting and licking himself as if he thought it was his new home. Eventually, I realized he had come in through a gate from the front yard. The kids must have left it open and he wandered in (I’m surprised our dog didn’t get out!). The gate was partially open but he would not go through it when I tried to get him to. So I had to prop it wide open so that it was obvious and he finally turned tail and ran back out to the front of the house.
After the dog was out and I had re-latched the gate, my dream came back to mind and I laughed to myself. I remember thinking, “He (the dog) always knew the way out. I just had to remind him by opening the gate a little wider.” And of course, this was the message to me as well – I have always known the way out. I said to myself, “You get out the same way you got in.”
So then, how did I get “in”? What path did I follow? And how, then, does that path lead to the exit? But then I would have to determine what predicament/situation I want to get “out” of in the first place!
Dream: Future Prediction
The dream start is fuzzy now. I recall standing outside with a very large group of people. The sky was blue and dotted with fluffy clouds. Each person was handed an official looking envelope. My husband was with me and opened his. I followed suit and opened mine. Inside were predictions of our future. The time frame seemed to be random. Mine gave me a snapshot of my life at age 53.
What I read was not good. It seemed I had opted to take lower paying, lower responsibility jobs to the point that I ended up with work that was well beneath my ability level. This kept me from being challenged and helped me avoid stress and stressful situations and relationships with people. I did this purposefully but it ended up leaving me with few friends and very little feeling of accomplishment. I was shown that the projection of my life was that I would retire early because I didn’t want to work anymore and I would end up old and alone/lonely because I would have alienated most if not all friends/family by the time of my death.
My husband had his and was smiling and wanting to read mine. I wouldn’t let him and did not read his but I knew his forecast was positive.
We ended up going to a place where we could be “adjusted”. It was like a church building where we were evaluated and then set up for treatment which seemed to involve the person laying down and being worked on. I was evaluated quickly and sent to the waiting room while my husband received treatment.
I seemed to wait forever. Lots of other people were waiting also. I grew tired and irritable. Someone commented on my irritability, saying the source of it was boredom. I didn’t argue. A very large woman sat next to me. She was friendly and we got along. She noticed I was tired and positioned herself so that I could lean on her. I ended up laying my head on her breast and nodding off.
When my husband finally came out he was smiling and refreshed. I complained that he took so long and that I never got called in. He pulled our SUV up and called me to get in. All the doors were open and I grumpily climbed in. I saw another car trying to pull out but it was cornered by other cars. I thought it would never get out but it somehow maneuvered itself out and drove away.
Considerations
When I woke I was startled by the dream prediction to the point that I couldn’t help but think it was in response to the thoughts I had on my mind as I went to bed. I had been reviewing my old blog posts from 2016 onward, noticing trends, followers, likes, comments, etc. It is obvious that I have lost many followers, likes have declined, as have comments. My best guess as to the reasons for this is my content. I write a lot of posts about dreams, which in and of itself is probably not interesting to too many people. And then many of my posts have a “poor me” feeling to them, which few enjoy. The trend indicates very slow progress. I seem to have stalled out. And then I think I write too much about how my life is not like I want it to be but then take no action to change it.
So, right before bed I was considering what changes I would need to make. I thought maybe I might need to take another social media break, but I wasn’t sure and my gut told me to sleep on it. Then I get an entirely different outlook indicating that what I may need to change is my perspective regarding my work/career. Interesting!
I was talking to my husband about my dreams this morning and we ended up discussing my current work situation. I explained that I purposefully chose the job to avoid stress and people – just like the type of work mentioned in my dream. At some point I said this to him to describe my circumstances:
It’s the avoidance of things that make you uncomfortable that keeps your life the same.
He said to me, “That is good. Text it to me.” Had he not I wouldn’t have remembered it!
He said he thought that I needed to step up and take on more responsibility, that it was my dislike of the type of work that was my discomfort. I told him, “No. It’s things that scare me that make me uncomfortable.”
Work Woes
Speaking of work, the lady who I was hired to help is in the hospital. She just finished all her chemo and had been given the all-clear by her doctors. All traces of cancer gone. But ever since Thanksgiving she has been home sick with neuropathy. But last night it escalated and she ended up in the E.R.
Our boss updated us this morning saying that the cancer had metastasized into her brain. Somehow the doctors didn’t catch it and even after all that nasty chemo the cancer was not eradicated. Really awful news.
The news has been pretty devastating to everyone at the office. She has worked there for over 15 years and everyone loves her.
Something I noticed at work when everyone discussed her situation – they all acted sad and concerned but seemed to want to quickly forget everything and get back to “normal” as quickly as possible. I remember thinking – they are already moving on, even before she has even died. And for a moment I grieved for her loss; that she had already become a memory before even leaving this world.
My husband and I went to see her in the hospital. They only allowed one person at a time in her room. When my husband came out he had been crying. 😦 When I went in I smiled and stayed cheerful. She seemed just fine and had her wits about her but she was also very peaceful about everything. She didn’t seem one bit concerned about her situation.
Now it looks like whether I want to or not I will be taking on more responsibility. Eventually, ALL her responsibilities will be mine. Honestly, it’s not what I wanted but when I see how everyone is responding and all that needs to be done, I know that I would be doing her a disservice if I were to leave now.
Dream: Woman Lover
I wanted to mention one more dream because it seems to indicate continued healing relating to women.
This dream began inside a very large mobile (not permanent) home (self). My mom was living there and the family was gathered for an unknown reason. A dark haired, very attractive woman was there as well. She and I were attracted to each other. Before we met up, though, I was inside a classroom arranging what looked like swing sets for the children to occupy as I taught class. There was a baby swing that needed adjustment and I remember moving it and adjusting the height. My memory fades out here, though.
Then I am in a bedroom (private self) with the dark haired woman. It is my mom’s bedroom. The dark haired woman closes the door and invites me to come to her. We begin to make out. The sensations of kissing are very real. I remember enjoying her kisses, her mouth, very much. We end up on the floor next to the bed as we try and hide in case someone comes in. It gets really passionate but clothes stay on, though hands explore and there is a lot of touching. The woman resists going further and puts her hand to her lips saying “Shhh” as if to remind me we need to stay quiet. My mom then calls and we stop and I wake up.
When I woke up I was again confused as to having a woman lover but thinking, “At least this time she is full grown.” lol There was no disgust or resistance to the dream scenario. In fact, there has not been any such thing for all the similar dreams I’ve had with women. As far back as my dreams go, in fact, I have not had any considerations regarding women in that regard. It is like I always feel they are equal to men in a sexual/romantic sense. This is very different from how I am in waking reality, though.
As I woke more fully I wondered about the dream. A song came to mind as if to pass on a message. I specifically heard, “I want you to be happier.”
I just returned from a vacation with my husband. We celebrated our 11th anniversary by taking a trip to Rainbow Hearth Lodge which is located on Lake Buchanan. We stayed three days and two nights. The interesting thing is that on Thanksgiving, as I talked with my mom about our trip to the first state park on day 1, both my brother-in-laws looked at me in shock and told me they were going to be at the very same park at the exact same time. Neither had shared their plans with me or my husband as they knew we had a trip planned already. So, we ended up hanging with family on the first day of our trip all because of a “coincidence”. Ha!
The trip was fun and busy. We visited two state parks, running trails and hiking. By the end we ran over 16 miles and hiked around 4. In between we relaxed in our room and enjoyed the home cooking of the lady who owns the lodge while chatting with the other guests, a total of three women. Yeah, it’s a very small place and that’s why we like it.
We fished on Lake Buchanan the first day, after our visit to Inks Lake. I caught a black bass, about a 3lb one. Afterwards, my husband looked like he wanted to try so I handed him my rod and went to fetch another. By the time I got back he had tangled the line so I gave him the one I fetched and fixed the tangled mess. While I was fixing my rod he tangled the other one (a push-button) into such a bird’s nest that I started to laugh at his total lack of fishing know-how. He had been trying to fly fish with a regular rod and reel. LOL Ultimately, I gave up on him. I didn’t get another chance to fish but I was happy with my one. 🙂
Overall I had a good time. I couldn’t sleep the first night but crashed the second. I think the near 12 mile run did me in, but in a good way. I got my fill of nature, that’s for sure!
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Dream: Tattooed Man
As I mentioned, the first night at the lodge I struggled to fall asleep. This always happens to me in new places, so I wasn’t surprised. Eventually I fell asleep but had a very odd dream.
I was aware of both laying in my bed and being outside with a tiny monkey (intuition, feeling playful) on my shoulder. The monkey was trying to get away. I saw a playground in the distance with kids on it. The kids wanted to play with the monkey so I let him go. He looked like a spider monkey.
In my bed I felt a man to my left. I assumed it was my husband. I began to feel the Kundalini energy stirring. It seemed like I was working with the energy, trying to build it. I remember turning to the man who I thought was my husband and waking him up. He rolled over and sat on top of me. He said, “Happy anniversary”. I couldn’t see his face it was as if someone had smudged it out or blurred it. I didn’t care, though, because my heart chakra was on fire and a trail of intense energy was shooting down into my root chakra. I grabbed onto his hips and pulled him to me. I saw him seem to stand up and touch the ceiling with his hands. He was enormous and towered over me, arms raised to the ceiling, palms pressed against it as if holding it up (could indicate strength, support). I could see tattoos (trying to get me to notice him, to communicate something) up and down his arms. They were in dark ink and some were very colorful. I can’t remember what they were of now, just that they covered the entirety of his arms.
When I woke I was in shock and my heart was still lit up along with my lower charkas. I knew the man from the dream couldn’t have been my husband. Who was he? Whoever he was, he made sure to wish me a happy anniversary on the day of my anniversary. The Kundalini gift he gave was awesome, too!
Message: Go Slow
The next morning, after a wonderful night’s sleep that was mostly dreamless, I woke up to a familiar and long-missed connection. My heart lit up and, honestly, it surprised the heck out of me. The energy of the connection swirled up gently from my root to my heart and into my throat where it seemed to get stuck. It felt very much like trapped emotion, trapped communication, yet at the same time I could feel this overwhelming love mixed with such sadness. It felt like mine but not mine, like it was shared with me and, thus, became mine also.
As is usual when I feel this connection I began to cry. It’s not from sadness but from joy. I felt/heard to not cry and was told “go slow” and that time was needed. As the connected faded (it started at 5:30 and went until sunrise), a song came into my mind:
Sometimes you picture me, I’m walking too far ahead You’re calling to me, I can’t hear what you’ve said Then you say, “Go slow“, I fall behind The second hand unwinds
If you’re lost, you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall, I will catch you, I’ll be waiting Time after time
Since returning home I have been depressed. Though the trip was a good one it felt a bit forced and as a result I felt that familiar emptiness inside expand to where I could not ignore it. We returned on Sunday and each morning since I have awakened to the emptiness. This morning was the worst.
Dream: Race to the End
This dream began with me attending to a pregnant (connection to motherhood) woman. I recall her being in the hospital and me standing up by her shoulders as she struggled through her labor pains. Mostly I remember the white hospital room and operating table that she was laying on.
Then I was running in a circle as part of a 5K race. Somehow I ended up separated from the group. The group was running on a track in a gym (learn from lessons). I could see them next to where I was. I was running on a track inside a room, like someone’s house because it had brown carpet (refusal to acknowledge something) and appliances. The pregnant women was sitting in a recliner, her newborn baby in her arms.
I kept looking at my watch (consideration of time) as I ran making sure that my pace was as fast as I could go. Unfortunately, the obstacles on my course kept getting in my way. I bumped the new mother causing her to yell out in pain. I said sorry but kept running, continuing to look at my watch. Eventually, I stumbled into a carpet cleaning machine and knocked it over. The liquid inside spilled all over the floor. The new mother went to clean it up and I stopped because I knew I had to help. I was frustrated, though, because I could see the others on the track continuing to run without me and I knew my time would suffer.
When I woke from this dream I was in an awful depressed mood. The empty feeling was very prominent and my inability to rid myself of it causes me much distress. My thoughts centered around how this place is not real and how everything I do seems to have no real point. I saw the dream as a reminder of how I am just running around and around in circles.
A song was going through my head as I struggled to be more positive. The specific part I heard was, “Well you look like yourself but you’re somebody else only it ain’t on the surface…”
At first I thought the song was just a remnant of yesterday because I had heard it in the car, but it continued to follow me throughout the day. When I looked at the lyrics I kept being drawn to this:
It’s like you told me Go forward slowly It’s not a race to the end
But the entire song is quite poignant. It’s about how we wear masks and keep our true selves hidden. Ultimately, I believe that is why I am feeling so sad since coming back from my trip.
I feel very, very much like I am in the wrong place….. time ….. life.
The last couple of days have been interesting. After my nauseous feeling in the grocery store the other day an urge to change has been gradually taking form. In fact, I can’t seem to shake the feeling that if I don’t do something to make my and my family’s eco-footprint smaller that I am letting down Mother Earth and the future of humanity.
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling that nausea again, this time at work. It was slight and almost unnoticeable this time. However, my thoughts were stuck on shifting my way of life so that I am creating less waste. It was, at first, overwhelming. How can I make the change I want to make without completely tossing all that I have built and am use to?
My first thought was that I need to just start small. For example, stop buying paper towels and use hand towels instead. Then buying less pre-packaged foods such as the pre-washed spinach we buy weekly. But thinking of changing just these little things makes me want to change everything to the point of wishing we had an outdoor market I could visit every other day so as to avoid the grocery store altogether. In fact, just the idea of my next visit to the grocery store makes me a little sick inside. Yet I know it is unavoidable.
I talked to my husband this morning about my ideas and he is fully on board. In fact, he is wanting to be a bit more extreme than me even, suggesting we sell our house and buy and RV to live in! I told him that was a bit rash for my tastes but that a downsize was definitely on my agenda at some point in time. I just can’t imagine five people squished into an RV no matter how big it is. I might want to downsize but I still need my space!!
Currently we are discussing buying an electric car to replace our Prius when/if my MIL decides to take it. Previously we had tried to give her our Mazda5 and she refused it, despite it being completely free and clear. So we traded it in on a new minivan only to find out my MIL’s car needed more repairs and would not pass inspection. So, now we are at square one again with her needing a car and no one else in the family being in a position to really help but us. We, again, have a good, used car to offer that we owe very little on and can pay off and give to her. I am a bit reluctant, however, because she keeps changing her mind and it is infuriating me! I just can’t handle it for much longer. Who the hell doesn’t take a perfectly good FREE used HYBRID car when offered? My MIL I guess!!!
What I envision eventually doing is rejecting the suburban life completely and opting for a communal-type living environment for my family. This would be the ideal scene but there are not many such places available around here nor nation-wide. We could, I guess, create one of our own, which would require purchasing a large plot of land (50-100 acres) and splitting the costs with other families. My husband’s family is already open to this but no action has been taken other than looking at land nearby. The ideal living situation would be a central house where gatherings and eating would take place and then smaller houses for individual families.
This is just where my heart takes me. If I continue to feel sick about my current living situation (suburbia, middle class lifestyle) then I think ultimately I will feel forced to make changes like the ones above. There also seems to be a feeling that suggests at some point humanity will “implode” and be forced into living simply again and respecting the earth. “Implode” here just means we will destroy ourselves from the inside via our habits and tendencies to over indulge. The biggest threat humanity faces is itself.
Dreams
On to my dreamwork…..
A dream theme dominated last night: Test.
In the first dream I was trying to leave my house to head to school to take an “important test”. It felt like a qualifying test of some sort, like a test to graduate or make it to the next level. I was rushing about trying to get out of the house 15 minutes before the start date because I knew that was how long it would take to drive to school from my house.
When I arrived at the school I was just in time. I ran into my old best friend and her brother. Both told me not to worry and joking that they just randomly answered questions and still expected to pass. I was told to head to room #102. The lady said, “Take one right (follow the heart), then another and room #102 will be on your right.” When she said this I saw the door (entry into unknown) with the number above as if I had been in the school many times.
I woke from this dream because I was cold. The temps have been below freezing at night (28° last night) and so I have been waking around 4am with either a cold nose or feet (or both). My poor nose! lol Anyway, I returned to sleep quickly and resumed the dream theme.
This time I was with my husband heading to the school to take an important test. He wanted to stop off and socialize with the neighbors (of course!). I protested but ended up going with him. There was a gathering at a neighbor’s house to watch a movie for the kids. We all sat in their living room watching the movie but I was distracted and irritable. The neighbor was a typical suburban housewife and annoyed the hell out of me. I just didn’t like her and wanted her to go away. What I remember most about her was her very fat fingers as she offered me popcorn.
I kept checking the time to make sure we had 10 minutes to get to the school. My husband kept lingering and being overly social. Ultimately, I remember accepting I would likely be late and letting go of my biases about the housewife. When I did, she stopped looking chubby and became more normal looking. I heard a voice in the dream, like my own conscious, reminding me to stop being so critical and remember to love. The dream became more fun then and I lightened up. The housewife put on a mask (projections) from a glass covered bookshelf and was acting silly.
Messages
As I woke the feeling of a test coming was very strong. It felt important but I don’t ever know what these tests are until they arrive. As I struggled to stay warm under my covers I somehow fell into the in-between where a male guide was close. His energy enveloped me as he told me to consider that perhaps things were happening as they were to bring about new and wonderful life events that could not occur otherwise. Then I saw a vision of myself eating a soft shelled taco. Tacos symbolize warmth and comfort. A soft shelled one represents an accepting and open attitude. 🙂
As I embraced the warmth of his energy and a familiar song came to mind. This line repeated over and over: Walk along the path unknown…… My recent dream of going “off road” came to mind.
Once I acknowledged the music message the song faded and my guide said, “October 24th.” I didn’t know what it meant but felt I should check my previous blog posts for posts written on that date. I found this one: A Lesson on Aging. The last line stands out to me: “Could it be that eventually I will be faced with a situation that will test whether I am able to see past the illusions and limitations of the physical?”
So perhaps I am preparing for just this type of “test”? I can’t help but feel as if I am standing on a precipice. Perhaps many of us are about to be asked to take a leap of faith?
For the past couple of mornings I have had some slight nausea. It isn’t the kind of nausea that one gets when they are sick. It is distinctly different in that it stems from my reaction to a shift in energy I think. It is like my core is reacting, withdrawing. Sadly it coincides with my husband’s return from a business trip, just like last time. 😦
Similarly, I had a sick stomach feeling when I was grocery shopping on Sunday. It happened when I looked down an isle full of food – the soup isle I think. Something about the isle and the packaged food bothered me and I reacted with disgust, my stomach twisting. I know my reaction was caused by my seeing packaged foods and feeling it was unnatural for food to be in packages. In my mind I saw an outdoor market full of fresh foods without packaging and knew that was how it should be, not on shelves in a store.
I have also been having a gag response to my whey protein shake supplement. I almost couldn’t manage to swallow it yesterday.
The food reaction feels to be a message from my HS to shift my diet to more plant based, natural foods. The gag response to energy seems to indicate a shift in vibration within my home.
Dream: Shopping
My sleep continues to be interrupted but now my dream recall is low. I often forget my dreams quickly upon waking or only remember snippets of images and feelings. There was only one dream from last night I remembered in full.
In this dream I arrived at a Wal-mart-type store at around 5:30am. Inside I was shopping for clothing but the lights were still off. A salesperson was walking through turning them on and apologized to me, saying she was just opening up. I was inspecting clothing on a rack that was mostly in the dark. The clothes on the rack were all black and of varying styles. The entire left side of the rack had dresses, some with lace, others more formal. I remember thinking the dresses were ideal for a recital or concert, neither of which I would be attending. There is a feeling here of mourning or grief related to the black clothing.
I opted to leave the store without purchasing anything. Out in the nearly empty parking lot I walked to my car and got in. I drove around for a bit trying to decide what I would do. I felt sleepy, apathetic and indecisive. My options were: go shopping or go back home to my family. Neither was appealing to me.
I parked my car (period of inactivity) and sat in it a while considering what I would do. I thought it would be nice to buy some breakfast pastries from the bakery. My children would be especially happy to have something sweet for breakfast. I noted the time – it was nearly 10am! I had no idea where all the time went.
Some more time passed with me feeling sleepy (avoidance, lack of awareness) and bored. I waited in the car in the passenger seat parked right in front of the store watching people walking in and out. For some odd reason my root chakra became noticeable. It felt like there was a ledge on the end of the car seat pressing into it and stimulating it. Energy rose and fell in my root a few times, shaking off my sleepiness.
Very aware now, I decided I should just go into the store and buy the pastry. When I attempted to open the door I almost hit another car that had just pulled in. I saw that it had no back end (incomplete or broken path). It was like the car had been cut in half allowing only for the driver/passenger seats and the engine. It had no back tires or anything!
I got out and looked at the white half-car and squeezed around to the other side of my car. I locked the car to leave but remembered I left my purse (self-identity) inside. I retrieved it and then locked it again only to remember I left something else inside. I unlocked it, retrieved it and then locked it again. It frustrated me that I kept forgetting things.
People were going into the electronics department door, which I thought was odd. I went to enter through the front only to find the entire front entrance boarded up with signs that said, “No entry. Use other door.” A crowd of people were there, all confused. There was talk of some kind of emergency situation. I got caught behind a family discussing the crisis and moved past and went into the other door.
Inside the store was not set up in a way that made sense. It seemed like all the isles were around the perimeter and there was no way into the center. I was trying to find the bakery and couldn’t. There were doors but no one was allowed to pass through them. I saw some baked bread on shelving and thought I had found the bakery but I was wrong. I finally gave up and left.
The next thing I remember is waking up inside a moving vehicle. Two young guys were inside playing around. The younger of the two, and passenger, was play-punching his brother who was driving. I asked them to please stop playing around because it was dangerous. I suggested I drive and they continue their rough housing in the back seat. The driver agreed to let me drive but kept driving for a while despite this.
He drove the vehicle, which felt like an old Jeep Wrangler or Ford Bronco, off road. I saw a field open up and saw the road on our right. The boy pointed out the road and said he often drove off road (alternate path, pave your own path) but could get back on the road. He was driving very fast over hills and rocks and came close to driving right into a gully full of mud and water. I suggested we stay off road. Soon after I saw a dirt road materialize in front of us where there had been no road. It took us into a small town.
We entered the town and he stopped the car. We all got out and he pointed to where he lived. I saw an old horse (freedom, free spirit) corral (restraint) and knew it well. It was on the way to my house. I asked if it was okay if we went to my house first and he said it would be.
As the two boys went ahead exploring on foot I felt something grab onto my fingers. It was sharp and then there was a pinch and I yelled, “Ow!” I looked down and saw a tiny white kitten (feminine energy) jumping about and being frisky. I said something to the younger brother about the kitten being very playful. He said back, “Yeah. We call her Zippy.” I watched the kitten run ahead of me, her white fur pointing straight up off her back.
The last thing I remember is the boy’s both having very thick, southern accents.
Visions and Discussion
When I woke it was still very early and I was upset to not be able to return to sleep. My guidance was near and we talked about how I was feeling. The dream seemed to indicate a lack of awareness on my part and some indecision. I found myself saying to myself something I use to say to myself a very long time ago when I was newly divorced and living on my own. I use to say, “Some day….” in attempt to give myself hope that better days were on the way. To have this memory was unexpected. It signaled to me a message asking me to consider why I would return to this self-reassurance.
At that time in my life my guidance had told me that I would meet “the one” in four years. It was the longest four years of my life! LOL I was so impatient. Every relationship I had left me wondering, “Is this it?” Of course, it never was. When I asked my guidance, “Is he the one?”, I would always hear back, “You will Know.” It was infuriating!!!
Eventually, I completely forgot that I was told it would be four years before we met. I gave up hope but kept saying to myself, “Some day….” as if to remind myself that I just needed to wait a bit longer. By the time I had completely given up, I met my current husband and instantly Knew we would be married, have a family, etc. I did in fact Know, just as my guidance told me I would.
So, why am I finding myself saying, “Some day….” to myself again? What am I waiting for this time? It doesn’t feel the same as before, at least not in the I am waiting for “the one”. I know now there is no “one”.
A discussion commence thereafter about how humans struggle to allow things to unfold, trusting all will play out as intended and ultimately all troubles/conflicts will resolve naturally. A person can play through all possible scenarios and never see all of them. There is no way to predict how things will turn out, yet we fool ourselves into thinking if we look logically at a situation and go through all the possible scenarios we can prepare ourselves for what is to come, we can keep from hurting others….keep from making a mistake. This is conditional thinking…..a major trap we get stuck in for all our trying to be “good”, to avoid hurting others and ourselves. Ultimately, in the end, we will likely be surprised by the way it all unfolds. Either we will forget or give up (like I did in the past) or we will allow and surrender to whatever will be, trusting in the Universe to give us exactly what we want and need.
For me, I think I have learned a great deal of this lesson already. Am I perfect at it? Obviously not! I am still saying, “Some day….” to myself. LOL But in a way saying this to myself is reminding myself to not give up hope that what I want will be, to be patient and compassionate to myself along the way. The most important thing is to be clear about what I want and then allow it to be given without getting in the way of it (doubt, over-thinking, fear).
As I lingered in the in-between I felt a message coming through. It seemed to be coming from far away because it was faint, but I know these communications are not affected by physical distance. As I allowed it a familiar chorus from a song came through:
I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry, Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
In finding the above video on YouTube I learned what “Rickroll” means. Never heard of it before today. Ha! Probably some message for me in that, too.
For a moment before waking I fell into the in-between. I had a vision of a man sitting in front of me wearing only a metal helmet that covered his head and throat. His eyes were not covered and he looked back at me. It seemed wrong and I worried his throat would be constricted so I took the helmet off, peeling off the top and then the part around his neck. Then I lay next to him, up against his bare chest, and used a tiny, metal pick to trace over the length of his torso. It was like I was combing his body. It felt like a type of energy work, but I’m not sure. The strangeness of it woke me up.
So the long anticipated 11-11-11 is today. How do you feel? I feel normal. Yesterday I was high on life. Today a little less high but not low either. Neutral. It feels once again like a transition period, a flowing from one condition or state to another. Perhaps this is the very definition of “portal”? It seems fitting to me anyway.
I was told not along ago in a dream that 11-11-11 was the date of a “convergence”. At the time I had no idea what it meant and even speculated that perhaps it was for 2019 because in the dream the calendar I saw seemed to be a year in the future. Today, though, I’ve concluded that this convergence is the converging of timelines; a reconstitution of what was with what IS. For me, personally, this has been experienced by taking what was good and real/true from the past and pulling it forward to merge with this present timeline. All those things from the past that I’ve held onto or that have been destructive, have been laid to rest. I choose what I keep and discard, of course. We all do.
The method of deciding what to keep and discard came from looking at things that were painful to me and finding the source/truth behind that pain. Why am I still hurting? Is it based upon a lie? When I inspect it using my heart as my microscope, what do I see?
Surprisingly I discovered the basis of it all was the same as it had always been. It remained unchanged and solid despite my wanting to disassemble it with doubt. I could close off my heart and pretend it was all a dream but that didn’t make it so. It just meant it was hidden, faked out until my heart protested so loud I could not ignore it any longer.
The True Self always shines through no matter how much it is buried. The heart cannot be killed, only injured. Wounds can be healed. And the song on my mind this morning echos this message: “We’re not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again”.
The Nature Remedy
Yesterday was a really good day for me. As I have mentioned recently, this crazy all-over-the-place energy seems only to respond to one treatment – nature. I have been feeling called outside since the end of October and yesterday was no different. So I went for a trail run and spent about two hours immersed in nature. I encountered few other humans (four hikers and a mountain biker) and at least a dozen deer.
It was eerily silent on the trail. So much so that when I stopped and just listened it would trigger a tiny panic inside that was fueled by imaginings of getting lost, hurt or worse and not able to get help. When I looked at the panic I realized it came from my past trips into the Rockies in Montana. The sounds on the trail in the present mimicked those past experiences so much that it transported me to the past. Of course, the hill country of Texas is nothing like Montana and it was easy to laugh off. Instead I relished the familiarity of being surrounded by nature and feeling small and powerless to the elements/wildlife rather than in control of them. It is humbling but beautiful because with acceptance you feel One with it all, which is how it is suppose to be.
It was so enjoyable that I daydreamed about spending the entire day on the trail. It felt so much more aligned with who I am than getting back in my car and driving to suburbia!
Here are some pictures from the trail. It was overcast and cold (49°). When I got to the car I looked like I had been in a fight with a tree and lost. Hair a mess and filled with tiny needles from cedar trees (junipers). LOL
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I spent the remainder of the day after this trail run laying around and recuperating. 8 miles of running will do that. 🙂 The tiredness sent me to bed early and led to a dreamless sleep. However, I did have some conversations with my partner/guide upon waking. I need to share a previous dream for them to make sense, though.
Dream: Garage Room (11/09/18)
This dream is fuzzy now. In the beginning I saw a row of corn (domestic bliss and harmony) that stood as tall as a person. It lined the edge of a garden. I remember noticing a large mustard plant (success and wealth) growing where a corn plant should be. I mentioned to someone that it looked like a weed but rather than pull it, I looked closely at it, noting how it was flourishing. I didn’t want to pull a plant that was doing well unless it was hindering the growth of the corn, which it wasn’t.
Near the garden I saw a downed fence (barriers/obstacles) and heard a dog barking (grumpiness, disgruntled companion) persistently on the other side of it. I went to investigate and saw a standard poodle (upper class attitude) chained (feeling retrained) to a post. It was barking so ferociously that it broke the chain (released) and came running at me. I wasn’t afraid, though, and let it yip at my feet. The owner of the dog had come out and was watching from the stoop of her house. I thought it odd that she would just let the fence lay there on the ground and not do something to fix it so that her dog could be contained.
The dog quieted and licked my hand (protection, fidelity) as I walked toward the woman. She took me inside the house (self) and I saw that it was very small, like one bedroom. I could see all the rooms from the center of the house. Through the window I could see that the house had a very small yard and was positioned in such a way that it was at the end of a dead-end street. The woman said that the yard was maintained by the subdivision and that her husband only had to tend to the small patch of grass where the dog had been.
I noticed a den (work, efficiency) along the side of the living room (boundary between public and private self). It had closet (keeping something hidden) doors on it and on the other side was the laundry room inside the bathroom (cleansing). I remember thinking it big enough to be considered a second bedroom (private self, sexual nature). Inside the den there was a strange ledge. I was told it was to allow for the parked car in the garage. I realized the room was actually part garage (inactivity, idleness, feeling lack of direction) and not big enough to be a bedroom after all.
Vision and Message
When I woke this morning and had no dream memories I lingered in bed for a while. My partner in Spirit was close and reassuring me that what I want will manifest. As we talked I fell into the in-between. I was running along a dirt trail when I came upon a field of mustard in bloom. Underneath the tall mustard grass I could see old, gray tombstones – a cemetery. Seeing this brought me out of my reverie quickly. My guide told me that he was there to help; that he wanted me to have what I want in life and was there to help it manifest. It was reassuring to me to have him so close, to know I am not alone.
To dream of being in a cemetery symbolizes the end to a habit or behavior; the experience of a rebirth. It can be sadness, unresolved grief and/or fear of death, too. The feeling of this particular cemetery was that something is being “put to rest”.
Mustard symbolizes success and wealth. This is in contrast to the dream (above) where there was just one mustard plant blooming alongside rows of corn. It seems the success part is growing exponentially.
Alongside the cemetery symbolism, the message seems to be that when something is put to rest – dies – something new can be born. This something new, symbolized by the mustard plants, bring success. That is a message I am glad to receive! I am not sure what is “dying” here, though, but most certainly it is related to the past.
I’ve been getting urged to focus on healing a specific issue, to open up again to something I’ve shut myself off to. I agreed because it felt like the only answer to how I’ve been feeling lately.
I’ve been experiencing a kind of odd detachment. It manifests only when I slow down and stop distracting myself with other things. Some nights, as I lay down to sleep, I notice another aspect of myself getting up and leaving the room very quickly, as if she is running away. I actually see and sense her. She’s like an apparition. And when I try to focus on her I get sleepy and feel a vast emptiness inside. In the midst of feeling this emptiness I was encouraged to “open up”, so that is what I am trying to do but it is proving very difficult.
Dream: Lost Car
The dream began with me navigating my car (life path) through an unfamiliar city. It felt to be up north somewhere with large, white skyscrapers and one-way city streets. I parked my car and walked through several buildings heading toward an unknown destination. I seemed to wind through the streets and through buildings looking for something.
I came to a large community center with tall glass windows. I walked inside, through rooms and hallways that led into a small room in the back. The room was a golden brown color and filled with a handful of people listening to a man at the front of the room.
I joined the group as if I had been planning to attending the gathering all along. Everyone was sharing stories of specific spiritual experiences. I couldn’t wait to share mine but as time passed and it became later and later, I realized I was last and likely would not get a turn. The man facilitating the group seemed only to be listening but I think he was also taking these experiences and sorting them for the individual, like a kind of healing.
As it approached closing time (9pm) I began to feel restless and paced back and forth. In my mind I was going over the story I was going to share. I saw the roots (root of an issue, deep into subconscious, history) of a tree, black (unknown, buried) and spreading like a disease through the ground. I knew these roots communicated (need to address issue).
I told the group I had to leave and they accepted my departure without issue. As I left the lights were being shut off and the clock was at 9pm (9 = completion, rebirth).
As I attempted to make my way out of the building I ended up on stairs with many others heading down to the entrance (delving into subconscious). Confused because I had not come in that way, I got more disoriented when I walked outside. I wandered around a while looking for my car and specifically focused on my water bottle (keep hopes up, rejuvenation). After a long time I began to get frantic and stopped a woman who worked in one of the nearby lots asking her to help me. She walked with me for a while calling other lot attendance and staying close to me. I told her my car was a silver Prius but in my mind I saw a water bottle.
Eventually, after hours more of wandering without locating my car, I gave up. It felt like complete surrender in the dream; like I was okay with never finding my car. I went inside another building and sat down, accepting my fate. Then, I heard my husband say my name and turned as he walked up to me. He had in his hand my water bottle and said something about being contacted by a lot attendant about a lost car. He told me the car was found 7 (alignment, enlightenment) miles away. He couldn’t understand why I would park so far away. I took my water bottle from him but didn’t recognize it at first. I could feel my thirst (unmet need, void in life) in the dream, but I didn’t drink. I thanked the lady who helped me as she was still with me.
The dream shifted a bit here and I found myself inside a clinic (healing) of some sort. I entered a waiting room with a woman and saw a young, dark haired boy/man sitting there. In an adjacent room I could see a nurse tending to a baby (new beginnings). It was completely naked and female, its genital area exposed. The strange thing is that it had long, silver fingernails (on the defensive) and I knew it had been experimented on genetically, everyone in the clinic had been.
Outside in the waiting room I saw that everyone (all naked) had strange, metallic blue objects attached to their genital area. The objects were triangular (body, mind, spirit; truth) in shape, two triangles inside the other. It seemed to clip on making the person look androgynous.
The young man was familiar to me and seemed to be the object of my focus. What I recall most here is wanting to get us both out of there. I think I also had on one of the triangular devices.
There was another shift in the dream and I was at my Mom’s house with the young man. He felt like family and though I did not realize it in the dream, he was the same dark haired boy/man I have seen in countless other dreams. He was completely naked standing next to me and inviting me to go into the bedroom (intimacy, vulnerability) with him. I began to follow him but then stopped off in the bathroom (cleanse and renew). He followed me inside as I lingered.
When I left the bathroom I was distracted by my Mom who had a large box of cookies (temptations, sweets of life) at the kitchen table. I went to investigate. The cookies were frosted sugar cookies with all sorts of images on them. Some were the size of my hand and a few others were smaller. When I was offered a large, bowl-shaped cookie I said, “Oh that’s too big for me. I prefer something like….that one.” I selected a small cookie decorated as a red schoolhouse (lessons).
My attention went back to the dark haired boy/man who was waiting patiently for me. I could feel that he wanted privacy and his invitation to the bedroom would likely lead to more. I don’t know if I was afraid but I resisted going with him. At this point I remember noticing he had on blue boxer shorts and and I also had on something to cover my nether regions (ashamed of something, hidden aspects). We were both naked from the waist up, though.
Messages
When I woke a song was going through my head:
Hello from the other side I must have called a thousand times To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside At least I can say that I’ve tried To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart But it don’t matter, it clearly doesn’t tear you apart Anymore
As I heard the song going through my mind I realized I had been hearing it in the dream when I encountered the dark haired boy/man. I recognized him, then, and wondered about his sudden appearance after such a long time. The main dream I remember him from was a Kundalini dream. In it he was setting fire to the treetops and laughing as I tried to drown out the fires with water from a hose. It was a panicky dream. Subsequent dreams were just as intense.
I also wondered why he appeared as a young adolescent man (mid-teens). Was this representative of some stage of development? And then the song, was it a message from him to me? Or a message from me to him? It seemed like a message nonetheless.
My guidance was close but not really saying much. In the midst of my confusion from the dream I heard a message, though: “Houston, we have a problem.”
I was encouraged again to “open up” and as hard as I tried, I could not contact the feeling of openness in my heart that I knew should be there.
I had a flash of a vision of my guide standing alongside more dogs than I could count. It felt like a huge line of protection was being provided. But from what?
The dream seems to point to an issue with my lower chakras. Not only does the triangle symbolize this but also the silver fingernails on the baby as well as the boxer shorts and covering of the genital region at the end of the dream. So, I seem to be trying to protect myself from something.
I finally contacted some emotion, albeit briefly, right as I was getting out of bed to get my kids ready for school. The emotion is connected to the unrequited love feeling. It seems always to linger under the surface. I have grown adept at pushing it down, swallowing the tears and heartsickness. I understood, then, what “open up” meant – I need to allow these feelings. But when I have allowed them they only seem to intensify to the point that I feel they will ultimately be the death of me.
Strange dreams last night. The hamburger theme continues!
Dream: Profound Paul
This dream was much longer but I only recall the last part.
I was in a high school (lesson being learned) that I did not recognize walking alongside a friend who I believe was male but I can’t recall ever seeing him. This friend told me that a certain guy was planning on asking me out after school. I wanted to avoid this (avoiding lesson) so decided to leave school early. I remember going through the band (sense of community) hall and interrupting several groups of students in small rooms viewing movies (passage of time). One said, “I guess they didn’t lock the door again.” In my mind I saw the lock (allowed access, acceptance/belonging) had been broken on the door. I apologized as I walked in front of the movie screen.
My step-father picked me up in his pickup truck (hard work). As we were leaving I remembered I had forgotten something back at the school and asked him to take me back to get it. I was hoping we would get there before school let out.
We drove along a four lane highway (life path) for a while and then topped the hill before the school. Traffic was backed up as parents waited on their kids. The highway was under construction (new surge of energy, growth) in front of the school so we had to slow down. There was piles of reddish brown dirt and construction vehicles all around. My step-father had to slow down and then move to the left. I remember noticing we could not see much in front of us for all the construction in the way. There were large drop-off’s that I could see out of the corner of my eye. I worried my step-father might accidentally fall into one, but he never did.
Then, we had to stop and wait. While waiting I saw two men come out of the construction zone. One was the guy who I was told was going to ask me out after school. He looked to be mulatto and wasn’t wearing a shirt. The other guy was one of his friends and looked similarly. Both were very large and muscular, which was a bit intimidating.
I felt skittish and wanted to run but with both guys on either side of me and a construction zone full of obstacles, there was no escape. I remember the guy who wanted to ask me out coming closer. He was friendly and smiling, telling me that he knew how to make an awesome hamburger (need to be whole, dissatisfaction in relationship) and would like to show me. We talked for a while, me keeping a distance from him. I called him by name but can’t recall it now. I think it started with a “J” like Jason or Jacob.
At the end of the dream my step-father was encouraging me to run but I had decided not to. I sat down with a huge hamburger in my hand and said to him, “Sorry but I just can’t.” Then I took a big bite. I could taste the juices of the meat in my mouth as I woke.
I woke up feeling confused and disoriented. I wondered who the guy was and I heard a voice say, “Profound Paul.” I am certain the guy’s name was not Paul.
A song was going through my head, but no lyrics, just a repetitive melody. I knew it was a Pearl Jam song from my high school days, but I couldn’t recall the name. So, I looked it up and found it easily. The song is Black and the melody goes on and on at the end. In high school I use to always skip to the next song on the CD because I couldn’t handle listening to it go on and on for over a minute. It was not one of my favorite songs, so I did not know the lyrics. They are pretty interesting.
Dream: Semen Cure
This dream was just weird. lol
I was in bed in a room that reminded me of my old bedroom at my Mom’s house. It was morning and I had just woken up. My husband was getting ready for work and I called him to bed for morning sex. He said, “Really?” and joined me in bed. We made sure to cover ourselves with the blanket (protection) because people were walking in and out of the room so the only privacy we had was that blanket.
As we were doing our thing, a family consisting of a mother and some kids, walked through. My husband got distracted and struggled with this so I rushed him so we could be done quickly. Then my husband left.
The woman who had been walking through the room stopped and looked at me. She asked me, “Why did you do that (rush it)?” I said, “Sometimes you just have to (rush). It’s better than nothing.” I remember my consideration was that if I didn’t rush then everything would fizzle out and I would end up with nothing (no climax).
The woman’s children were gathered around me, inspecting my bare skin. I became aware of small sores on my legs and arms. One of the children told me I needed a certain cream to heal them. I saw the white cream in my mind. The name of the cream started with a “C”. It was not cortisone, but something else I can’t recall now.
I inquired about the cream and instantly knew that it came from ejaculate. One of the kids said, “If you use it they (my wounds) will heal.”
I woke up from this dream thinking how very odd it was. WTF, right? lol
Considerations
The hamburger dream theme is just odd. I suspect my eating the hamburger is a sign that progress is being made since up until now I have never eaten one. Perhaps I am finally confronting what the hamburger represents?
To see or eat a hamburger in your dream suggests that you are lacking some emotional, intellectual, or physical component in order to feel whole again. You may be feeling unsatisfied with some situation or relationship. It is also symbolic of your experiences and how you need to learn from them. Look at the big picture. Source: Dreammoods.com
The “Profound Mystery”
The message “profound Paul” doesn’t really make any sense to me. At first I thought it likely just some wise-crack from my guidance. Then, I thought that perhaps “Paul” was the Apostle Paul from the Bible. So, I Googled “Profound Paul” and sure enough, found this:
Ephesians 5:31-32 New International Version (NIV)
31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[a]32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
The book of Ephesians in the bible was written by the Apostle Paul around 60AD. So, “Profound Paul” was likely a message from my guidance about Union. There are many discussions online about what the “profound mystery” is, none of them rings true to me as part of the message my guidance was relaying. I think it could just be that they are reminding me that such “marriage” is happening to me; to Remember that it is my true state; we are all One.
The Semen Dream Symbolism
The dream about the cream is likely linked to all the damn itchy skin I am having lately. I have spots of eczema on my right hand, the tops of my shoulders and my neck. This morning I am much itchier than normal and it is driving me crazy. I have prescription Cortisone cream I use and it helps but it is really annoying, almost as bad as poison ivy! My dermatologist says it is the type of eczema related to stress and allergies.
I am also having itchy ears. The inside of my left ear was itching like crazy last night to the point that I couldn’t sleep. Not sure why but it happens, but it does every once in a while. If I itch it then it usually turns into an outer ear infection. So I left it alone but OMG it was hard. It is likely from allergies or stress, too. 😦
Then there are my eyes. My right eye especially is an issue. I can’t wear my contacts without my eyes feeling dry and irritated. Usually I get a headache within an hour of putting them in. So I have been wearing them for only a few hours at a time and only when I have to. People are starting to notice my glasses I wear them so much. I have heard, “I didn’t know you wore glasses!” quite a bit lately.
The cream dream could also be related to my sexual appetite lately as well. Prior to bed I was wondering if maybe I was in the midst of my sexual peak, which they say hits women in their late 30s and early 40s. I never believed in such a thing but am reconsidering that now. lol Never in my life have I had so many sexual dreams nor have I ever been one to fantasize or think about sex (like never!). Yet, for the last few years, all of the above have become so common-place that I can’t help but notice. The me in my 20s-30s would be aghast by the things going through my head these days. OMG! The horror. LMAO
Perhaps it is the Kundalini that has sparked this change in me? Or maybe it is a combination of many factors that led me here. Whatever the cause, it is real and happening to me. It has made me question myself, but I think mostly I am just opening up to and loving myself and my body.
I have also been watching a show on Netflix called Wonderlust. I totally relate to this show! If you haven’t seen it, check it out. Warning: It’s not for the prudish or anyone with lots of sexual programming that still needs clearing. But hey, if you are brave it may be a good way to bring that stuff up for clearing!
When I woke up this morning the first thought that came to my mind was, “We’re ALL soul family!” Then, “Here I have been pining away for my soul family, asking to be reunited with them, and the universe has obliged perfectly because my Earth family IS my soul family. Duh. Duh.”
That’s how the Law of Attraction works, you know. You have to be very specific about what you ask for and you have to make sure your definitions are accurate. Ha! The Universe does not judge or analyze your requests. It just accepts your energy/thoughts/intention and gives you exactly what you ask for.
Then next thought that came to me was about the “mob” or “caravan” of people migrating toward the southern boarder of the U.S. My reaction to this initially was upset, even anger and then maybe even some fear. Yesterday, I recognized this was not in line with my heart; that love and compassion was needed, not anger or fear. This morning, rather than thinking of how the U.S. should go to the boarder and “defend” our nation against this “mob”, I was thinking, “We should focus on the source of this problem. We should do something about the injustices in the countries these people are fleeing.” I had not even gone to bed thinking about this situation, yet when I woke it was right there as if I spent all night discussing it.
This change all goes hand-in-hand with the idea that we are ALL soul family. There is no “Us” and “Them”. Will I be at the boarder welcoming these immigrants? Probably not, but I think rather than putting up a fight, the U.S. should quickly organize a processing center, line those people up, get them their visas and let those that qualify, through. Grant them asylum and then focus long and hard on their countries of origin.
If you don’t like my thinking, sorry, but I just don’t see how pushing back with the military is going to do any good in the long-run. The world is in desperate need of a reckoning and I would rather it come with cooperation than be forced into it. Wouldn’t you?
Dreams
Interestingly, in my dreams I spent most of the night with my cell phone communicating with one particular member of my soul family who I am feeling out of communication with. The start of the dream was me texting this person and not getting any response. But I still texted them. Most of this part of the dream involved me talking to myself about whether to text them and was full of doubt and uncertainty.
Eventually, I was in another country visiting other soul family, many I have met in real life and connected with via the internet. I was taking video of a ceremony in which a woman was being connected (merged) with her totem animal – the hummingbird. This reminded me of my friend and I contemplated texting them but decided not to since they had not been responding to my other texts. I watched as a tiny hummingbird came to this woman and then this pink flash of light transformed them both.
Then I was driving through the mountains of Wyoming with my son. I had my phone and was taking photos and video. Again, I thought of my friend, but rather than text them I focused on my son because he was right there with me and wanted to be. Did my friend? Not likely or they would have been there, right? I said to my son, “Look how beautiful the mountains are! We are in Wyoming.” I knew the exact spot, too, right off the interstate on the way to Montana. I had driven the route so many times that that particular area was ingrained in my memory.
The dream shifted and I was in a mansion with the same friends I had been with at the hummingbird ceremony. Among them was Yvonne and Sophia. Everyone had just awakened and my friend Yvonne was trying to get breakfast organized. My friend David was there with the group and walked past as I talked to her. I suggested we order out and so we all climbed into separate vehicles to get food. I climbed into an SUV with a mother and her two children.
The scene shifted. There was this dark complected man I did not know yet in the dream we did know each other. We were introduced by his daughter who told me it was his birthday. I said, “Wow. Today’s your birthday? You have the same birthday as my mom (October 15th)!” Then I remembered that he had said his birthday was earlier in the month (October 5th) and now he was saying it was couple of weeks after that. It was as if the entire month of October was his birthday. I asked him why and his daughter said, “He doesn’t like anyone to know.” I remember thinking about the astrological sign of Libra at this time, too, considering it’s traits and tendencies.
I decided to lay down on the sofa because I was getting a strong feeling from the dark complected man that was overwhelming to me. I cannot put my finger on just what the feeling was but I remember knowing he had an interest in me as well. While laying on the sofa I closed my eyes, trying to stave off the feeling. I could sense other men in the room, all of them with the same intention on me, as if I had these men vying for my attention. I didn’t like it.
When I woke this song was going through my head:
This song is in line with a theme I have noticed for last few months: Fire and Water. It seems to indicate that I am overcoming the Water (emotion), burning it away and being the Fire that I am. Taking back my power, perhaps?
Considerations
In reflecting upon my above dream, it confirms something I have always felt about relationships. If someone wants to be in my life, they will be. If they care about me, they will reach out and respond when spoken to (or emailed). They won’t leave me hanging or wondering. The people who are currently in my life are there not only because I want them to be in some way, shape or form, but also because theywant to be.
In my dream, I finally gave up on contacting my friend because I realized I had, right in front of me, someone (my son) who wanted to be in my life, who loved me and enjoyed being with me. I felt needed, loved and wanted by him. I saw no point in continually reaching out to someone who did not reciprocate.
Relationships take both people. They a reciprocal, not one-sided. It is beneath me to over-extend myself only to be denied, blocked, rejected for who I am and what I have to offer. Just my continually reaching despite being denied says that I feel unworthy in some way; that I need something another has to offer in order to be my whole self.
I’m not sure about the end of the dream regarding the man with the birthday and the feeling that overwhelmed me. My best guess is that the entire month of October has been a “birthday” for me and others; a celebration of our birth, of new opportunities ahead.
It’s been an odd couple of days. Yesterday I was a bit grumpy and irritable – definitely in “I’m not taking any shit” mode. Mostly I was standing up for myself and not allowing others to make me feel guilty for who I am (personality-wise).
My specific upset yesterday was with my husband and his tendency to force me into situations that I dislike. I tend toward introversion, though I can be very extroverted at times, but I need lots of space and time alone, especially before and after lots of socializing. My home is my sanctuary, so I don’t like visitors without enough time to process and prepare for them. My husband is extroverted and likes to invite family and friends over and does so, often without asking/telling me. Yesterday he wanted us to have a bunch of family over. I was against it and wanted to move it to the weekend (more time to prepare). He got very upset and tried to convince me that something is wrong with me for not liking people, for not wanting to be social, etc. I was not having it. Nothing is wrong with me. We are just different and that is OK.
In-between this argument that seemed to last all day (plus we work together lol), there was a sense of the coming “storm” that I have been warned about since the summer. First there was hurricane Michael, which I predicted would hit Florida when it was in it’s early stages down in the Gulf. And now there is major flooding in Central Texas (where I live) that is devastating communities. Not only is this happening in the US, but there have been other devastating climate-related disasters (typhoons) in the East. I can’t help but wonder if this is part of the “storm”? The physical Earth-part anyway and all of involving flooding….Flooding, emotion, deep-cleansing…hmmm
My dreams lead me to believe that the “storm” is related to the rise of the Divine Feminine. I know I feel very strong, powerful and defiant right now. I am reminded of the World War II poster below:
I think collectively women have reached a point where they are fed up and finally willing to push back. Perhaps that is also what planet Earth is doing with all the natural disasters? Mother Earth is saying, “NO MORE!”
Dream: 11/11 Convergence
This dream seemed to take place in a void. I remember seeing mostly black as if looking up into space. My husband was sitting next to me. It seemed like we were at an astrological consult/reading. A masculine voice was telling us about an upcoming event. In my mind I saw a calendar focused in on the month of November. It seemed like a long time away, like a year in the future. I said, “11/11. Isn’t that the Harmonic Convergence or something?” The voice said, “You know what is coming.” I said, “It’s one of those astrological things. I can never remember what they are called.” Then I said, “11/11, the time for action- when we put to use all we’ve learned.” I thought for a bit and said back to the masculine voice, “But wait. We are doing that now, aren’t we?” I looked at my husband as if telling him this. He didn’t seem to know what was going on.
I only remembered this dream after waking up feeling down and pessimistic. My guide said, “Remember….” and then I remembered the dream. Perhaps the dream is a message about a convergence – becoming Whole – in the future? It felt like 11/11 is in 2019, not this year based upon how far in the future the visual seemed in the dream. I guess we’ll see.
Dream: Weave Dancer
In this dream I was part of a group of young women who were learning to weave (put together pieces, look at the whole) dance (learning to let go), at least that is what I’m going to call it. The “dance” consisted of women dancing and twirling as they held what resembled beaded, shiny ropes that seemed to have no end. If you have ever heard of the Maypole, it looked a lot like that but without the pole and using fabric and beads of gemstone. The result of the dance was an intricate braided artwork that was strung across the entire room like a giant spider’s web of colored fabric and gemstones.
I sat with other women and listened as it was explained what we were to do. I felt it would be too difficult and that I was too old. All the women seemed much younger and youthful than me. I watched a young women dance and twirl gracefully with her braided (courage) pieces of colored fabric. It was beautiful and magical.
As I began to dance (freedom) with the beaded fabric the wall next to me morphed and moved. I was walking up the wall and onto the ceiling, moving along with the wall. I was afraid at first but focused on my dancing and weaving. The wall/floor was white and smooth, my beaded fabric a rainbow of colors twisting and turning into amazing patterns. I never fell or stumbled because I focused on my weave dancing and not on the fear.
Afterward the other young woman was upset because she couldn’t find a piece for her weaving. I picked up a tiny model of something (house maybe?) and showed her the pieces she was looking for on it and said, “Just use these.” The pieces resembled long, white staffs or rods that were flexible. They may have actually been crochet hooks. I took one off and handed it to her. The structure was not compromised.
Then we were going to get a bite to eat. I stood in line and told the lady that I wanted beets (success and abundance) and pointed to them. They were cut into long slices. She placed several on my plate, one like a parsnip. Then I told her I wanted pizza (abundance, variety, choices), too, and she placed a couple of slices on my plate. Another lady placed a large piece of white cake (acceptance of rewards for hard work) on my plate. I said, “I didn’t…” and she began to remove it and then I laughed and told her to leave it thinking how odd my dinner of beets, pizza and cake was.
Dream Snippet
Dreamed one of my front teeth – the incisor – was loose. I tugged on it and it came out but did not hurt (something I thought difficult turns out not to be). Blood (life, passion, disappointments) gushed from the wound and I held a napkin to my mouth. I told a man that I had lost my tooth. I looked in the mirror and the gap was barely noticeable. I wondered why I lost it.
Music Message
When I woke this morning a song was going through my head – Natural by Imagine Dragons. I just heard, “Yeah you’re a natural….” It was hard to get out of my head this morning. I was singing it as I made breakfast. lol
The dream shifted a bit here and I found myself inside a clinic (healing) of some sort. I entered a waiting room with a woman and saw a young, dark haired boy/man sitting there. In an adjacent room I could see a nurse tending to a baby (new beginnings). It was completely naked and female, its genital area exposed. The strange thing is that it had long, silver fingernails (on the defensive) and I knew it had been experimented on genetically, everyone in the clinic had been.
