Category Archives: Messages

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The Burden is Real

If I had to describe the last couple of days I would describe them as weird. Different. I don’t know if that even suffices but it will have to do.

I am still struggling to fall asleep. Then, when I do sleep, I sleep really deep and wake up feeling like I have been drugged. I linger in bed sometimes for an hour going in and out of the in-between. My body feels like it needs months of sleep right now to catch up but I have done plenty of catching up already. Even now, three hours after waking, my eyes are heavy and all I want to do is curl up in bed.

My dreams are barely memorable. I have been doing some traveling that is for sure. Two nights ago I was with a FB friend traveling through the UK (renewal) searching for her male friend. Last night I was traveling to Mexico (preservation of tradition, family, faith and culture) but forgot my bag so we had to turn back early on, delaying us by 10 hours.

Yesterday, prior to bed and upon waking there was a male presence attending to me. The feeling from him was that he wanted my attention, that he wanted me to look at something I did not want to look at. Memories came to me as I tried to ignore him, memories that incited deep emotion and regret. When I woke I had some intense realizations that I couldn’t shake.

When I got on FB to check if there was anything interesting going on I saw my own post two years ago. I posted a request for prayers because my husband and I were having marriage issues. It got over 20 comments of support.

The post hit me hard and echoed the “wake up call” I had just received. Not only that, but in attempt to avoid the FB memory I wandered into WordPress to read recent posts and saw something that further supported the feeling/Knowing I woke with.

Without going into too much detail, I will say this: my realization centers around taking responsibility and acknowledging the truth about something I am “guilty” of doing, something I have done previously and something I will likely continue to do if I pretend it is not there. Not only is this something not in line with my Truth but I have justified it to the point that I believe it not to be wrong, that I believe myself not guilty of trespassing upon myself. Ha! That is the perfect word – trespass. And in trespassing upon myself, I trespass upon those I love.

And all of it the result of fear, making decisions from a place of fear. It takes a lot of courage to just admit that, but the real courage is making decisions and acting up them from a place of love. That is the hard part because when fear has been the motivator all along, acting from a place of love can seem downright idiotic and scary. Like, “What the hell are you thinking?” scary.

Love here is more than just love of Self. It is love for others as well. And it is standing for what is right and ethical even if it means unwanted or uncomfortable change.

To make a long story short, I am saying to myself, “Shame on you!”

I am still not 100% clear about what all this means but I do know that I am ready to take responsibility for my actions and live my Truth rather than perpetuate a lie for the sake of preserving an echo of what was. It is hard to know, really, what that Truth is after so many years of pretense. What is true to me and what isn’t? I am not sure anymore. All I know is what I feel and I guess that has to be good enough. At least I am feeling something. For so many years I was just numb.

Libra Retrograde

I wrote the above portion of this post yesterday and then abandoned it. I was really feel weird….off…..out of it and needed to get myself straight before finishing it. I decided to go shopping alone to try and shake off the feeling. Sadly, it only got worse. I ended up walking down the isles of a clothing store pointlessly. I bought my daughter a sweater and headed toward the car. As I stepped out the door I was hit with a really strong inner “push” and knew what I needed to do. In that moment I felt a bit lost, like a child who just realized they have been separated from their mother. It sucked.

When I got in the car I wanted to cry but couldn’t. Internally I felt hollow, like someone had come in and scooped out everything and I was just waiting to be filled up again.

After grocery shopping, and very slowly I at that, I came home and the feeling persisted. I stumbled across another astrology blog post and more clarity was provided. The warnings I have been receiving about the end of this year were spelled out in the stars.

The first thing I noticed was Libra retrograde, which just happened a few days ago. In fact, the weirdness I have been feeling matched up almost perfectly. I’m thinking now, “Come on Universe, wtf gives? What is with all these damn retrograding planets!!??” But then I know this has been going on all my life so it is not just a planet doing all this. There is something much bigger at work and it just so happens the planets reflect all that.

So it looks like right now’s the time to look within and really be honest with myself (sigh). That is exactly what I woke up knowing yesterday and the entire day seemed to pummel me with “reality”. It is suggested in the post linked above that I do some writing about the people in my life and how I am helping/hindering them and vice versa. I need to really look at what is there without pretending it is something else.

The rest of this year is gonna be a challenge, too. 😦

Signs and Dreams 

When I got home from grocery shopping, my kids helped me unload the car and my daughter nearly stepped on this:

wolf spider

When I saw this spider I was immediately fascinated by it. It was so big! When I got closer to take a pic I realized her abdomen was covered in tiny babies! Amazing!

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Fascinated, I watched her it for a while. It is a female Wolf spider. They are common around here. They are venomous and known to bite, so I just observed her for a while and left her alone.

I knew this spider was a message. Turns out Wolf spiders do not spin webs. They stalk their prey like tarantulas. So no surprise that their primary gift and message is timing. Their message is to wait for the perfect time before taking action. They remind us that all we desire in life is coming to fruition but we must step back and allow it to take hold in a solid foundation.

Moving too soon will undermine all my hard work. I have to wait and will Know when the time is right to take action. OMG I am so tired of getting this message!! But I really, really love this spider. Isn’t she beautiful? And how she tends to her young, keeping them on her back until they are strong enough to survive on their own….that is a message in and of itself.

Last night at bedtime my heart was sore and I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I know there are contracts that need to be concluded but I am not the only one involved and though I feel ready to act I cannot until there is agreement/readiness from all. There is this stuckedness that I feel that bothers me. I try to accept it and surrender but the impatience surfaces time and time again. I can see the possibility in front of me but I cannot get to it yet. It tends to make me apathetic. I can see the finish line but am walking in place, as if on a treadmill, no closer to the end than I was ten years ago.

I was asked if I wanted to continue my healing work and I agreed. I also reaffirmed past intentions, intentions I have had for a very long time now.

Dream: Mansion

My dreams were strange. In one I was in a mansion (current relationship is in a rut), one I have visited before in my dreams – dark wood paneling and grand furnishings. My husband’s aunt, who lives in Georgia, had invited us to her home (which is like a mansion, they are millionaires). She bought up all his paintings (intuition, need for self-expression) and then auctioned one of them off for $35,000! We were asked to move there and I told her that the house was too big, that it didn’t make sense to me to be so separated from my children.

Then I walked up to a lever that was used to lock (ability to get what I want) and unlock the front door. I wound it and then clicked it in place. The door unlocked and I felt very satisfied, almost giddy.

Then I was at a party and there were people (need to enjoy myself) everywhere drinking and mingling. I remember trying to find my husband and being told where he went. I walked outside to get him and to my right was a group of children playing miniature golf (indulgences). A woman had come with me and asked if I wanted to play. I said no when I saw the golf clubs had basketballs (teamwork is needed) on the ends that rolled and made it very hard to direct the golf ball.

I located my husband passed out in a booth with several other grown men (loss of awareness). He had gotten really drunk (seeking escape from some situation). Two women were playing a card game (ability to strategize) at the table. I was invited to play and watched very carefully to see what the game was. I did not recognize it. I could see the card’s numbers and suites but they were not normal playing cards. The woman asked if I knew how to play and I told her I did not. She laughed and said it was easy to learn. The last thing I recall is seeing the deck of cards with their numbers added up – 9 + 3 = 12.

Dream: Old Rugged Cross

Then the dream shifted and I was inside a room with my husband’s aunt and a group of others. It felt like we were in a chapel (things I hold sacred) with the same dark wood paneling as the mansion. There was a little girl with us, she looked like I did as a child (my inner child). The discussion was about a pair of flip flops with My Little Pony on them. It shifted into talking about the toy ponies. I remembered my childhood and how much I loved My Little Pony and told my aunt that I had a pair of flip flops (ability to relax, unable to make a decision) that had the ponies (unexplored, undisciplined aspect of self) on them that I use to look at in school and daydream (excessively worried about a situation) about. I explained that I would finish my assignments before everyone else and often got bored so daydreaming (seeking escape) was my way of passing time. The memories made me happy.

Then someone began to sing a familiar hymn. When I recognized it, I sang along. My heart lifted as I sang and I could hear my voice within the dream. I knew the lyrics by memory and the part, “I will cling to the old rugged cross, and exchange it some day for a crown….” woke me up.

Music Messages

When I woke I was feeling down and hopeless. I wondered, “Why do I keep hearing this song in my dreams!?” Then I realized it was because it feels as if I am carrying a cross on my back, a burden that is mine alone to bear. It felt so unfair yet at the same time it seemed like my duty. I know that anyone who knows me would not believe I was carrying a burden. But I am. Every day, all day. Some days I don’t know how I manage, but somehow I do. The song promises that one day I will be rewarded but the wait and the burden seems unbearable at times.

The messages from the previous day indicated that I needed to wait as well. Despite knowing what needs to be done I also know it may be a while before I will be able to act. I see what I want but have a rope tied around my waist and am being pulled back.

Another song came to mind as I lingered in the in-between going over my dreams, their messages and my Knowing. The specific part that I heard was, “I can’t take this place. I just wanna go where I can get some space….”

 

 

 

 

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Eros, Psyche and Sappho

Right after I wrote my last post about receiving the date of October 27th, I happened upon an astrology blog post that listed the astrological events for the rest of the year. And guess what? October 27th made the list.

It said, “Sappho station at 27 Gemini”.

Of course, that meant absolutely nothing to me. lol So I went digging, Googling Sappho and ran into Eros and Psyche along the way.

I got a bit distracted by Eros and Psyche. Pretty interesting stuff.

Here is the first site I found: Eros, Psyche and Sappho Sign Table. Problem is, I never found the Sappho table. Sure wish I could find it…. I think they accidentally wrote “Sappho” in the page address because the actual title of the page reads, “Eros and Psyche Sign Tables”.

Eros = God of erotic love (I like him already).
Psyche = Goddess of the Soul.

Knowledge of their positions by sign can give us insight into how individuals express their erotic and romantic impulses, and the type of sexual and romantic chemistry that is generated between two people.

That hooked me. I had to look up the sign Eros and Psyche was in when I was born…and then I had to look up the signs of my husband….and then someone else…well you get the idea. lol

Results

Drumroll…….

Eros = Gemini
Psyche = Leo (I’m awesome)

So Ero in Gemini has these characteristics which ALL describe me and I laughed out loud when I read them:

They can be turned on by spoken and written words (didn’t know this until recently).
They tend to talk during sex (well now you know). 
It’s hard to turn off their minds and let go when having sex (sad but true).

I couldn’t find what Psyche in Leo is like. I suspect it somewhere along the lines of selfish and egotistical but also very expressive and caring. Since my sun is in Leo I know how all that goes.

My husband is:

Eros= Aries
Psyche = Cancer

Eros in Aries – These people instinctively and quickly become infatuated. Their sexual attractions are formed quickly and they get off on the sensations of the moment in an intense manner. These lovers may seem a little erratic to others, simply because their passions rise and fall so quickly. They are not as giving and emotional in their sexual expression, but they are passionate while it lasts. Eros in Aries people are attached to the sensations of the moment and may see their partner as an object, or an extension of themselves. They often prefer to do the pursuing in relationships and may be addicted to the conquest. Source

Not saying anything about this except, “Yep.” He may disagree, though (likely).

There is a cool Love Sign Compatibility Grid where you use the Eros and Psyche signs to find out your compatibility with your partner. When I used it for me and my husband I got the colors beige and magenta (depending on whose Eros and Psyche I use). Beige is not understanding each other’s love styles. Magenta is HOT. So maybe we are hot and cold depending on our mood, which seems about right, too.

I did other partner’s I’ve had but I’ll save you from that one. It was just for fun and spot on just the same. One particular one was double Magenta. Sigh.

Anyway, see why I got distracted? Back on track……I was looking for Sappho….

I finally looked up where Sappho is in my chart and found it is at 24 Aries 58′ 39″. Not sure what that means entirely but at least I found it.

All this because of the October 27th date coming up in my dream. What do I make of it? Well, if Sappho is the astrological event of that day, maybe the message is related to love? I can’t be sure but I am hoping it is not related to the lesbian theme popping up in my life of late. Ha! If so, jokes on me I guess….again.

 

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Dream: October 27th

I’m exhausted today despite a full night’s sleep. Whatever is going on energy-wise is kicking my butt just a little bit (tiny bit :)) right now. I had a headache yesterday and woke with one this morning as well. I am experiencing a mental state that is a little odd. It’s kind of like brain fog I guess. I’m not forgetful, I just don’t have the energy to give a shit. lol

I’m still feeling urged to be social and so I have been more than usual. Twice this week I’ve met up with my new workout buddy. It’s fun for me because I get to use my NASM personal trainer certificate to help someone other than myself reach their personal fitness goals. The first workout I visited her gym with her and I made up a full-body circuit right on the spot. I worked out alongside her but kept my weight low and slowed my pace quite a bit because she was trying to keep up with me. After two circuits I could tell she was done but she was super psyched about it and wanted to meet the next day. I suggested a two day rest.

We met at my house last night and she brought her daughter over so she could hang out with my daughter (they’re best friends). She was at my house from 6:30-9pm. The workout was only 45 minutes of that. Again I created a workout on the spot (easy for me). I went slower than I normally would but it was fun to help her. Afterward I helped her determine her body fat percentage and calculate her calories while answering all her questions (she had a lot).

She is very talkative, thus the extended visit. I learned a lot about her – she’s a decade younger than me, a Scorpio (and likes astrology), and she is trying to go back to school to finish her bachelor’s degree is accounting. I sense from her a desire to hang out with me much more than a workout buddy. Though I do not feel resistant to that, I can tell that if I let her, she could end up making me feel a bit smothered because she is so lonely. 😦

By the end of the visit I was more exhausted than normal. This is not unusual for me when I hang out with people. It feels like I am sucked dry of energy after prolonged social interaction. Yet I was very patient and attentive with her and have no plans to stop working out with her. This reaction is strange to me because usually a night last night would have me purposefully avoiding the person afterward. I’m not quite sure what, if anything, this means, but I feel like I need to do what I am doing. This is not something I am doing for me anyway.

Dream: October 27th

I woke suddenly from a dream this morning. It left me with a feeling that something big is on the horizon – big as in ascension-related. “One giant leap for mankind” comes to mind when I think of how I felt upon waking.

one small step for mankind quote

The dream began with me surrounded by family. I recognized them in the dream but I cannot place any of them now. I had given birth to a fourth child, a son (OMG lol) and was talking to my husband about how disappointed I was that he was an Earth sign. He was born on October 27th so that is Scorpio. Not sure why I was saying he was an Earth sign. I remember saying I wished he was a Libra and being reminded that one of my sons is an Aries. It was like I had forgotten my youngest and when I remembered him I was very pleased, thinking it was good that there was another Fire sign in the family.

The baby (new beginnings) was being held and passed around as we talked about him. I remember the baby talking to me, too, but can’t remember what he said now. He was very animated and walking around (potential and possibility await) despite being a baby. There are flashes of the calendar here. I kept seeing October 27th and a part of me was confused because I knew the date was in the future yet we spoke as if it were in the past.

Then I was inside a room that looked like a cross between an office and a classroom. There were tall bookshelves, school supplies, posters and equipment in the room. I was sitting at a table next to a student who I knew was special needs. Next to us at the end of the table was another student, also special needs. In an adjacent room I could see yet another student sitting at a table watching a screen.

I got up to talk to the student in the other room. He was staring at a computer screen. I was very friendly to him and learned that he was doing his assignment, though I don’t know the nature of it. I mainly recall that these students were all “special” and that others did not recognize just how special they were. They had hidden abilities. In the dream I thought of them as having Asperger’s and similar types of disabilities.

Two other workers were in the room with me. Sometimes I felt to be a student there but mostly I felt to be an employee. I remember doing a test as a student. I only recall now that I created objects in a screen in front of me, like a projection. I was creating a church (sacredness and spiritual nourishment) and made it too big and so changed it with the thought, “No, smaller”. I remember being aware of dreaming at this time, but for some reason I did not wake up.

At one point in the dream I was in the classroom and suddenly realized that the two other workers had degrees in social work and were facilitators of some kind of long-term scientific study. I remember talking to them about it, saying, “I am so glad I took this job!” I was impressed and wanted very much to stay but felt under qualified because I did not have a degree in social work (maybe literally means my social work). One of the other two workers pointed at me and said I had been chosen for the job and I was very honored.

The dream is blurry here but the feelings I had in it are not. The feeling was very big, like something important, and I remember both being told about and feeling this energy that started in my chest and spread outward in all directions. There is also memory of being told that one test had completed and another was soon to begin. The test that completed had lasted only a few weeks but the next one would be longer. Again, October 27th came up.

Considerations

Prior to bed I had felt a presence but I had been so tired that I didn’t pay it much attention. This presence asked me if I was ready to deal with something that needed handling. I began to feel emotional at one point, realizing that I needed to finish something left incomplete. I believe this unfinished business is related to 2015-2016.

Regardless, it seems the end of the month may be when things start to shift. We’ll see I guess. To my astrologer friends, if you know of any significance to the end of the month, fill me in. 😉

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5D: Follow the White Rabbit

Yesterday was a strange day in so many ways. In fact, it was fitting that it was the last day of September because it seemed almost like a farewell in some ways, tying up all the gifts of the month into one little package. I say, “gifts” but honestly this month felt like a huge mess of mess on top of mess, but it is well known to me that these messes are in actuality some of the best lessons (err gifts). This particular gift was given by me as a gift back to the Gods (hehe). I tied a note to it that said, “You can have it!” Think of the prank of putting a bag of fresh dog poop by someone’s front door and you get the idea!

My friend Linda posted that yesterday Pluto stationed direct. Here is a post of hers from 2013 discussing it in more detail. It was particularly fitting that I saw her post (as usual) because I was feeling a big overloaded that morning. Not by life necessarily, but by myself. In fact, a good nickname for me would have been “the woman with many faces” (think Game of Thrones and the faceless man). I say that because my experiences had me perceiving all these timelines and options within me. These potential possibilities seemed to sprout from within, expanding to reveal entirely new worlds and versions of me. I was left feeling a bit discombobulated unable to do anything with the experience except watch as these other worlds continued on without me participating in them, or at least this version of me, leaving me with a sort of lame grief at their departure and “what could have been”.

Yeah, sounds like something from a Sci-Fi show, I know. None of it was literal. I was stable in present time and space, but I could perceive so much around me as if viewing it from a screen within my mind. All the while I’m still participating in life, going about my day, etc.

I could perceive so completely what I will just call the “could have been’s” of this lifetime, from the vantage point of now. Just meaning, these timelines sprouted from the present, not from the past or future. All the while knowing the timeline I had to take. In fact, I felt anchored to it despite my desire to explore the other avenues of my soul. This sense of stuckedness was not fun for me and I resisted a bit. As a result of my resistance, I manifested around me experiences that reflected back to me what I needed to know. Only when I saw what that was did the resistance give way to surrender.

I feel a bit like the reprimanded child this morning, as you can imagine. I had to relearn a lesson: Let go. This lesson is on-going I guess, courtesy of the human tendency to Forget and attach.

stonepath

New Path

While all this is taking place, I am well aware of a new path opening up to me. I can only see the very beginning of it, like a path in the woods winding through trees. So, I don’t know where it is leading. Yet the feeling I get is, “Follow me….Follow me….” like the trees whispering to me. Makes me think of Alice in Wonderland, “Follow the white rabbit.”

I have already mentioned the path briefly. Thus far there is a social theme to it. I continue to have this draw to be more social. I am attending a running group on Mondays. Last Thursday, despite being horribly sleep deprived, I attended a breast cancer fundraising event for women only and had a great time. Saturday I invited my son’s friend’s mother to come with me on a run with the social group tonight. I’ll be picking her up tonight on the way.

Then, yesterday, my daughter’s friend’s mom and I hit it off and I now have a new workout buddy. We’re meeting at her gym on Tuesday. We chatted for almost an hour last night when she dropped my daughter off. She recently relocated here with her daughter after separating from her partner (she is a lesbian). She lives just across the street from me.

I don’t know if this is part of the new path or not, but I find it interesting that I have now met two lesbians within two months. The first was in August at work – our new receptionist who, by the way, I had a part in hiring (I selected the candidates). I see her every time I go to work and we have gotten to know each other fairly well over the last month. She is very open about her sexual orientation and her female partner and has even suggested to me that I might be bi-sexual (lol) during a conversation.

So now, after meeting my daughter’s friend’s mother who announced her sexual orientation within ten minutes of us meeting, I am wondering, “What gives?” because in my entire life I have only known a few lesbians. One is my best-friend’s mother and her partner, they have been together going on 25 years now. Another is my sister-in-law (bi-sexual actually).

Yeah, something’s up.

The feeling I get regarding this path is “go with it.” There is a sense that it leads somewhere purposeful. I feel very much like I did right before my current job came to me. It comes with an inner nudge that feels as if it is saying, “You have resisted so much in life. Why not just let go and see what life brings you?”

This is all part of learning how to operate in 5D, just in case you didn’t already know that. I have played a part in anchoring in 5D, am grounded and centered in it now, and the next step is learning to toss my old 3D ways and begin operating in 5D fully and functionally. That means no more seeking to control my path, the old 3D paradigm. It is exactly what I have been experiencing with these new paths opening up and me following them to see where they lead. It is all a very new feeling to me and I sense a very distant part of me panicking a bit, but she is not in control and is easily reassured. There is an instant shutting down of her, her thoughts, her tendencies, as if I have a remote control and just hit the mute button when she gets too loud. lol

For a while this new me seemed so foreign! I often send a mental inquiry inward asking, “How come I’m not freaking out? Aren’t I suppose to be freaking out??” lol The response is always this calm, centeredness, that responds with, “It’s okay.” I think I mentioned the beginnings of this earlier in my blog from 2016-2017. They manifested as literal panic attacks along with a feeling of some other energy/spirit seeming to “take over” or “come in”. All of this I now know were part of a transitional phase as I crossed the bridge over into 5D. These attacks have now been replaced with just a slight sense of a reaction that are barely noticeable.

It is all quite amazing to me as I look back on what was from the vantage point of what IS. To think of how far I’ve come in such a short time, I wonder what comes next? How much more will I change?

My guidance advises me to “follow the eight winds” (again). For me the most difficult areas are pleasure and suffering. To not attach to desire – or suffering – is a challenge for me. Yes, I attach to suffering which may seem odd, but I have this strange compulsion to wallow in my sorrow and poor-me myself to death. In hindsight it is funny and understandable, but my guides often have to nudge (or kick) me to recognize I am doing it. It is the same with desire except that they have to drag me kicking and screaming away. Sigh.

“Worthy persons deserve to be called so
because they are not carried away by the eight winds:
prosperity, decline, disgrace, honor, praise, censure, suffering, and pleasure.
They are neither elated by prosperity nor grieved by decline.
The heavenly gods will surely protect one who is unbending before the eight winds”.

                                                                                                                        Nichiren

Our path to enlightenment will be obstructed when we let the reactions of the surrounding get authority on our feelings and on our lives.

If there was ever a map to navigate through 5D, it is the Eight Winds. Study it. Follow it. Be steadfast.

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Dream: How to Give a Good Hug

Another good night’s sleep. 🙂 So very thankful!

Dream: How to Give a Good Hug

The dream began in a hospital (need to improve physical/emotional health) room. I was sitting next to a woman on the phone trying to get an early morning appointment. It felt like we were in Canada, but I am not sure. She finally found a place that would see several men at 7:30am. The men had an ailment covering the entire front of their chest (confidence, vitality). It was described as “raw and painful” like a sunburn  (urgent matter burning through and demanding immediate attention) with oozing spots that would not heal. I suggested it may be a yeast infection like my daughter would get on her butt when she was a baby. The woman said it was not that but I felt it must be.

A nurse (need to take time out to heal) came into the room asking about the appointment and thought I was a doctor (problem needing to be addressed). I said, “I’m not a doctor. I’m just wearing a lab coat (protection).” I looked down and I was indeed wearing one.

The men came in for their appointment and I recognized them as various men from the shop at work. They sat down with a doctor who was questioning why they came to see him. He turned to me and said, “I am a cardiologist (matters of the heart).” I said, “The issue is with their chests” and encouraged him to see them. Each of the men revealed their red, raw chests to the doctor. The doctor prescribed them with a white ointment (healing) they were to spread all over the raw areas.

I turned to the lady I was with and said, “See, they do have yeast infections. See the cream he prescribed?” She said it was not, that it was some other issue that began with a “D”. She advised I be careful because it was very infectious and told me to check my toothbrush (feeling defensive) in case one of the men had used it.

Then we went to a large swimming pool (cleanse away the past). The men waded in, relishing the cool water as it soothed their wounds. The nurse who I was with opted to get into the pool with them. She was wearing a flowered swimsuit and revealed to me that she was pregnant (aspect of self growing and maturing), though she was not showing yet. I recall she looked Indian (as in from India).

Then I was attending class in the hospital. I was sitting at a student desk next to several other students. A teacher was addressing the class, explaining the recent assignment and what he had expected of our answers. He was about to pass out our graded papers. I recall him as being familiar to me, older with dark hair and a nice smile.

The question had been simple: Why had we opted to take his class? In the dream, “class” felt like an experience that was much longer than a typical class would be – like “Life”. He said, “Many of you answered with, ‘To know how to have a successful relationship’, or ‘To know how to make the right choices’.” I remember thinking they were all good reasons.

He then passed out the graded papers. When he handed me mine I looked immediately at my answer. There, written in very clear print that was not familiar to me as my own, was:

To know how to give a good hug.

I thought to myself, “It’s very simple.”

The teacher said to me, “Very good answer. 95%.”

The other two students sitting next to me were told they both received a 65% for their answers.

With my graded test was my lunch (preparation for important event). I opened the plastic box the sandwich (a lot of pressure and stress is being put on me, need to do mutliple things at once) was in and took it out. I thought to myself, “I don’t want this.” lol

As I woke I repeated to myself, “To know how to give a good hug.” It was very simple.  Not the grade but the simplicity of it. A memory of my youngest wrapping his tiny arms around me came to mind and I smiled. I heard again, “It’s a good answer” from my guidance.

It is.

Note: Symbolically, to dream of giving a hug means a need to show one’s true feelings or a need to heal emotionally.

hugRealizations

This dream had me thinking of hugs. The types of hugs. The reasons we hug. All of it. There are the warm hugs, those we give in appreciation, support and love. There are the hugs we resist, the hugs we don’t reciprocate, and the hugs we give only because they are expected. Then there are the hugs we give when we see someone again who we have missed. There are the hugs we give in sorrow….and joy. There are the hugs we give when we need acceptance, or when we want to let someone know we want to share with them how we feel ……. or to show them we feel what they do.

All hugs are an attempt to shorten the distance between us, to lessen the separation we feel in these bodies and in this physical experience. They are attempts to bring into this reality/experience a piece of Home. They are us trying to Remember Home, to Remember the love and connection we have to everyone and everything.

I realized that I need to give more hugs. I realized I need to stop resisting hugs when they are given. I do this more than I should. I realized that how one hugs and how often is a direct representation of how vulnerable they allow themselves to be around others.

So my answer was a really good answer, perhaps one of the best answers one could give.

It reminds me of the movie, City of Angels, the scene where the angel (Nicolas Cage) is helping a little girl who has just crossed over. He asks her what her favorite part of life was. She says, “Pajamas.” Simple, but a perfect answer. I always think when I see that part of the movie that my answer would be, “Pillows.” Why? hehe Because I like to hug them close when I sleep. 🙂

I had been asking questions before bed that I feel this dream answers. I was reminded that we come into life on Earth to experience separation and all that it entails. We purposefully Forget in order to re-Remember. We are challenging ourselves by Forgetting ourselves. Can we feel through the illusions of this reality to our Truth? Can we love despite the illusion of separation? Those connections we have where we feel the least Divine Love are there to challenge us to be our best selves. So perhaps my answer is that I need to feel through circumstance (all the noise of life) to find the Truth in it, that Truth being I love the people in my life, even though it may not be as obvious as I would like.

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Crazy Week!

I finally got sleep. Slept in until 8:30am. No OBEs, lots of dreams but not too much dream recall now. I am still tired. It will take another few days to make up all that lost sleep.

So this week has been a doozie! IDK what kind of strange astrological, geomagnetic or spiritual shifting has been going on but it has been really shaking up my world, that’s for sure!

I’ll just start at the beginning.

First, my husband left for Florida. He will likely be gone until the end of October, maybe longer. This has been planned for a while, so no surprise. The thing is, every time he makes this trip (about every six months) all kinds of crap happens. For example, one time the a/c decided to stop functioning the day after he left. Another time the refrigerator stopped cooling and all our milk went sour the day after he left. So, every time he leaves I get on the defensive, waiting for something to break or worse.

The day before he left our place of employment, where my husband is general manager, got infected with ransomware. The entire system down, it was quite stressful for my husband. The ransom was eventually paid ($750) but it took half the week to restore 90% of the files and even by Friday things were not 100%. As a result, most of my workweek was unproductive because I could not use QuickBooks or access files which is about 90% of my job. No big deal, right? Well, yes it is because I want the pay and I can’t get paid if I have no work to do!

On the day of his departure I was awakened early (of course!) because he hadn’t realized his flight left on Monday. So, day one of lost sleep and then an unproductive work day and lost hours. Really, though, not a biggie considering I had to take my middle child to the dentist for his second round of cavity filling (ugh). That evening I decided to go to a local running group social run. It was fun but exhausting. I over did it just a tad.

The next couple of days were uneventful except for the loss of sleep and some financial issues I won’t go into detail about. I think my inability to sleep was a combination of all the stress I was experiencing and additional “mommy duties” to my already packed schedule.

Thursday morning I had to wake early to take my daughter to choir before school. Again, no sleep, despite running speed intervals the night before. Right before leaving my daughter dropped an entire glass of orange juice on the kitchen floor. It busted, broken glass and juice all over the place. I had to clean it before we left, which, if you’ve ever cleaned up juice, takes multiple pass overs with the mop.

While I mopped, my middle child decided to go to the bus stop early. When I went to retrieve him he refused to come back to the house so we could go by car to the school. I had to almost drag him back to the house. Then, when we got into the car, it was ransacked. I had accidentally left it unlocked and someone had combed our neighborhood for unlocked cars, found ours and took everything out of the glove compartment and console looking for valuables. Thankfully, there was nothing of value inside but the incident left me feeling violated most of the day and a bit paranoid that someone would come back at a later date to check out the rest of our property.

Yeah, Thursday was a really fun day (eye roll).

At work I was somewhat productive because QuickBooks was restored using my computer rather than the network. I spent most of the day playing catch up. My mind was full of fog and I felt as if I was walking around in the dream most of the day. I kept zoning out and could feel the beginnings of panic when I would snap back to present reality. No fun. I also think I was super open psychically because when the lady I am helping (the one with cancer) came in I began to feel this really crazy panicked feeling in my stomach that made me want to vomit. I could not pinpoint where the feeling came from but when I finally got into the car to leave, it vanished. Thus, I think I was picking up on her physical state. Thankfully, I had to leave work early to meet my middle son at the bus stop, so I didn’t have to feel that sick feeling for long.

Something odd that happened at work – my teeth started hurting for no reason. It was like I had braces all over again! It had me really worried. My teeth only hurt when pressure was applied to them and they were all teeth on the left side of my mouth. The sensitivity was gone by the next day. Weirdness!

That evening I opted to go to a breast cancer benefit I had been invited to on Monday. It went well and I had a good time. It was the highlight of my day and I thought for sure I would sleep that night because I was given a bottle of wine at the event. Sadly, a glass of wine did nothing for my sleep. 😦

My Friday began at 4:50am. My daughter burst through my bedroom door, waking me up prematurely because she had misread the time and thought she was late for the bus. My son had let the dog out and I had to retrieve him (for the 3rd time this week!). Thankfully I returned to sleep and went OOB for the first time in months as a result. The experience helped and I had a pretty good day. My coworker (the one with cancer) did not come in and QuickBooks went down again so I left early.

This morning I discovered a warped spot on our wood floor near the kitchen. Just one piece extending from the bar. On the other side is the dishwasher, which I ran on Sunday. We rarely ever use it so I’m guessing there is a leak. The board is located in a high traffic area and it is warped enough to notice under foot. So, yay, another “issue” that my husband would normally fix right away (he has a plumbing background and put in the wood floor himself). I am fed up with this wood floor now, though, and want it replaced with tile that doesn’t warp. We have several spots now, spanning the entire downstairs – one under the fish aquarium whose filter overflowed, another covering half the dining room and part of the living room from when our upstairs tub faucet leaked, and now this new area. I say be gone with it already! lol

october wallpaper HD

October Dread

For a while now I’ve been receiving messages about October. I am dreading the coming of next month. I have no specific details to relay, just a sense that some crazy changes are coming. If it is anything like this week then I am screwed. It doesn’t help that I received a message a while back about October indicating I would have a “heart attack”. Now, I doubt it is literal, though it sure felt like it at the time I received the message. I suspect something will happen that will “give me a heart attack” – so something surprising or shocking. Of all the things that could cause such a reaction, I am hoping for the positive ones. Maybe I will come into lots of money? lol Or, most likely, some kind of Kundalini event since the K energy has been so active in me this year. I have no clue and won’t speculate beyond the above. I am too busy (and exhausted) anyway.

Dreams

When I did get sleep this week, I had odd and vivid dreams. Here are a few:

In one dream I was in bed with a man just waking in the morning. He began to initiate sex with me but my daughter was in the room with a video camera taking video (worried about someone knowing or getting caught). I got upset with her and tried to get her to leave. She wouldn’t leave and I couldn’t be with the man. I got very upset. The man reminded me of a guy online who sometimes pops up in my dreams. He is not attractive at all to me and kind gross’ me out. lol

In another dream I was interacting with a woman I know who I don’t like very much, but tolerate. She is very “simple” minded with very little common sense. She had made cookies and misinterpreted my facial expression. She said, “Just get out.” She was insulted and I explained to her that my facial expression was not in response to what she had said. She had made tiny, square cookies (letting trivial matters annoy me) and wanted me to try one. I tasted them (guilty indulgences) and they were not very sweet (second guessing something). I thought they would be better with frosting. I asked if they were gluten free and she said they were. She left and I sat with the cookies in the kitchen for a while. I remember the woman returning and telling me about the photo album calendar she was making (she does this every Christmas). She asked if I would pay $14.50 for my portion. I was told my photo was not in it much (only 3 times). I knew it was because I rarely participated in family things. My husband advised me to not buy it because I was not in it. The calendar was shaped like a hamburger (wholeness).

I went directly into another dream. In it I was traveling to Montana (spiritual journey). Within the dream was a story about “Indians” who were migrating to Montana. I remember seeing the path up through the Dakotas and talking to someone about the journey. The Indian man I was talking to was not Native but Hindu (reference to Kundalini). I remember him having really dark Indian skin tone and thick black hair.

Then there was a dream scene of a plate of food. The meat was not meat but a pile of dry dog food (battling fidelity issues in a relationship). It was surrounded by other human food and made to look “normal”. It woke me up. lol

 

 

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Happy Equinox!

Happy Fall Equinox! Hope everyone has been resting up and readying themselves for more shifting because it is coming and it won’t come in quietly (so I’m told). I’ve already gone from needing more sleep to struggling to fall asleep (again). Sigh. Thankfully that is really the only issue for me with all the energy shifts of late.

Something else that has been on-going for me is the Kundalini continues to be switched “on” more than usual. It is why I struggled to fall asleep that last couple of nights. As I mentioned in another post, the Kundalini energy is personified, meaning I often hear and feel it as a masculine presence/guide/energy. The last two nights (and even during the day) it has been “talking” to me, asking if I am “ready”. If I focus in on what it tells me I am filled with bliss and do not doubt it’s message. The last two nights I have awakened with portions of songs in my head, all messages indicating something to come.

What I hear – Will you lay it all on me now?

What I hear – Pull me closer, why don’t you pull me close, why don’t you come on over?…why don’t you just meet me in the middle?

What I hear – Are you ready? I’ll be ready.

I continue to be reminded of incidences of late involving the Kundalini energy. They are distinctly different in that I experience what I can only relate to as my own energy/personality being displaced by something much, much bigger than myself. When it happens a part of me is temporarily shocked and worried that I am being “taken over”. This is likely old programming surfacing. I never feel fear. I never feel resistant. I am completely open and allowing, always surrendering, in awe of this new, insanely huge powerful presence that I recognize as ME.

I can’t even relay to you the magnitude of the experience. I am left changed afterward. Feeling a profound shift within that says I am on the right track; I have tuned into that very real part of myself that has been forgotten – lost to me for so long.

What I am sensing and being told through continued memory of these incidences, coming to me after seeming to be somehow forgotten (how IDK), is that more of these experiences are coming. I have no doubt I will continue to surrender and allow. This seems to somehow have become my natural tendency. All resistance has melted away. There is no fear which in and of itself is so completely amazing to me.

I look forward to having more of these experiences and for them to last longer and longer until they become commonplace.

Dreams

Lots of very detailed dreams but I haven’t had the time or energy to write them all out. Here are a few from the past week.

Deaf Mute

In the dream I was in a grocery store (seeking fulfillment) with a family of three. None of them were able to talk and I think they may have been deaf (not hearing something) as well because they used sign language (try using other means of communication) to communicate. The little girl and I had a connection. When I shopped she would pick up tortillas (wholeness) when I did and I remember talking to her parents about her. They were able to read my lips I think because when I asked her name they signed, Maia. I could read the letters in sign language and said her name aloud.

As the dream progressed I was taken to a house (aspect of Self) that was prepared for me and told I was welcome to move in. It was nice and clean with wood trim and wooden furniture that was a nice, golden oak color. I remember taking a large lamp (illumination, guidance) and putting it on a table to illuminate the room. Someone told me they had just cleared the bathtub drain and that it was all clear (blockage has been removed) and ready for use.

When I woke the song Little Talks was in my head, specifically the part, “Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore.”

Vision

After waking I had a vision of a very large and dead octopus. As a dream symbol the octopus means to be entangled in a relationship or codependent situation. It can also mean being too clingy. Being it is dead them maybe I am freeing myself of these things? Perhaps it was indicative of something that occurred later this morning – I decided to release some of the resistance I have been feeling and go back to acceptance – back to the grind, dealing with work, marriage, family, etc.

Pet Cricket

In this dream I was driving with a girlfriend on curvy roads toward her home in the country. We arrived at a white farmhouse and the girl got out and began to unload her things. We took them inside and met up with her mom and family. I thanked her mother for allowing her to come with me on the trip. The family seemed suspicious of me. The mom indicated that she had a clogged (obstacle to progress) bathtub (need for renewal) that needed repair. I mentioned my husband was a plumber and could possibly fix it. I wanted to give the family a gift for allowing me to take their daughter with me on our trip. I asked if the tub would need to be replaced and the mother indicated it would. I said it may not be a good idea to have my husband do it and opted to give her $50 instead.

The girl had a cat (feminine sexuality, creativity and power) that she wanted me to take with me but I decided against it because I didn’t feel the cat would do well in my car (life path). As I was preparing to leave I realized I was carrying another of the girl’s pets. A tiny cricket (introspection/guidance) that was sitting on my shoulder chirping in my ear. I felt affection toward it. It fluttered near my ear like a tiny fairy, but it was definitely a cricket. In the end I sent it back with the girl and then drove away.

Broken Cell Phone

This dream began with me inside a truck (work), my daughter was driving. She was out of control. I took the wheel but was in the passenger seat (feeling out of control) so couldn’t see well as I tried to park. I ended up rear ending a car (feeling in a rut, restless) and then driving away from the accident scene.

I wound up lost (feeling lost in life), driving around for a while and then stopping at a restaurant and sitting outside with some others trying to figure out where I was. My phone (lack of understanding) was not working properly. The GPS was not there. Instead it was a message that made no sense and a map of the city that did not allow me to navigate home. Somehow I managed to call my husband and he responded very rudely to my request for help. I realized he and I were divorced and that he wanted nothing to do with me. The dream left me confused as to where home was – with him or somewhere else?

Shark

This morning I woke up with a vision of a shark in my head. It felt like someone was being deceptive. My initial feeling upon waking was of being on alert to danger, but I am not sure where this danger is coming from.

Trail Run

Lastly, yesterday my husband and I both ran our first ever trail run race. He ran the marathon version and I ran the 10K. He got third place overall men and I got second place overall women. I was shocked that I placed at all, as was he. In fact, it was his first time to ever place on a marathon run, so he was really proud of himself. It was also my first time to place on a 10K. The woman who was first place was 27 years old, so that made me feel all the more proud of my accomplishments. We both decided to continue running trails and will be running more races in the near future. I may run a half-marathon next time, which is something I never thought I would do since my last half-marathon attempt was less than satisfying.

 

 

 

 

 

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More Messages – B+, Be Patient, Be Ready

I continue to be more tired than usual, though nothing significant as to slow me down during my waking hours. Messages continue to come through and last night I did not get to sleep until midnight. I stayed just on the edge of sleep, in that in-between space, for three hours.

My dreams have been really weird lately as well. Here are just a couple from the last few days.

Dream: B+

I was on a bus with a group of others. The bus was one of those for traveling long distances and was quite grand. We were at the back all settled in. We had blankets (protection) and could lay down when we wanted. There was two men, one I was especially close to. I was being asked questions about this man. Later, me and the man sat and spoke for a while with a nurse (need to take time out to heal) about our blood (life, love, passion, disappointments) type. I remember her asking the man if he was AB+ and he told her he was B+. I interrupted and said, “I am B+, too.” There were other things discussed, personality traits, habits, tendencies, etc. I said, “It sounds like we are a good match.” The nurse handed me a paper with the results. I looked down and saw, “B+” and heard it echo in my head.

Afterward the man was tired and intent on laying down to sleep. I remember seeing him under a pile of blankets (protection, trying to cover up or hide), only the front part of his face showing, eyes closed and sleeping peacefully. I lay down beside him wide awake thinking about him sleeping and the time it would take for him to wake up. I could not sleep and after a few moments, I got up, threw off all my blankets (not willing to hide) and began to talk to the driver (collective situation) about how long it would take for us to get to our destination.

The driver suddenly got out of the driver’s seat and exited the bus while it was still moving to use to bathroom (cleansing). I could see him head out (flying) over the hills and disappear. Worried, I wondered who would drive and my husband took the wheel. I became instantly concerned about his driving erratically and started to warn him about things on the road (back seat driving). He ignored me, driving even more recklessly toward the side of the road. He almost ran over a person sitting in a lawn chair but managed to maneuver around them. We stopped and some of us exited the bus to go to get some food (physical/emotional energy).

I went to the middle of the line to place my order. I could see the illuminated menu overhead. I spoke to a lady and ordered the vegetarian burger (feeling dissatisfied within a relationship), it was like the Big Mac with three layers only vegetarian(lacking substance in some area of life). She asked me if I wanted “everything on it” and I said, “yes”. She said that sometimes certain ingredients could cause the burger to become soggy. I recall thinking it odd that McDonald’s (fast food = impatience) would have a veggie burger anyway. I ordered the entire meal deal, got my sandwich and left the line. One of the other passengers (my husband I think) tried to enter the line toward the end and was told to go back to the beginning of the line.

When I woke the “B+” was the strongest memory from the dream.

Dream: Back to Montana

In this dream I recall talking to my ex-husband about his life and second wife. We discussed him being on a “diet”. This could be literal or figurative or both because he has always struggled with his weight and the last time we met he had gained quite a bit of weight and was upset about it. I remember discussing his ex and how they met. He said she was 24 years old and had just had a baby. I believe this could have been when they actually met while he and I were married because it felt to be the case and I recall she was young (I know I was). I remember seeing her in the dream for a bit as we traveled in a flatbed trailer together, legs dangling off the edge as we arrived at a grocery store.

Then we were inside a grocery store (seeking fulfillment) and at a self-check-out. My ex was attempting to purchase something but his card wouldn’t work. I helped but recall needing to urinate (release of emotion or establishing boundaries) so relieved myself right there by the register (lol).

I recall there being a lecture going on nearby but I don’t remember about what. There was focus on me for a bit. The speaker asked me to join in on a game and I refused saying, “I always win”. lol I walked through the crowd and said this very loudly and proudly while everyone looked at me. In the dream I felt accomplished with a bit of an attitude of superiority.

Then I remember driving through Montana and noticing the roads were multiple colors, like they had been patched with different materials. One section was a fresh black asphalt and another was orange and rough with gravel. I commented on it and stated that Montana needed to work on their roads. However, I knew it was pointless because of the amount of ice and snow in the area. It tends to crack the roads and cause them to go into disrepair.

As we drove (my ex and I) he stopped by a house and got out of the car. He went to the house of a friend. Then he took a dog into a place that transformed the dog into stone. It was the oddest thing and when the dog (relationship or friendship) was transformed it still could move and acted real but it was gray and made of solid rock (unchanging, solid). He did this to two dogs total and when I saw the dog being transformed it was awake and seemed to react with pain. It bothered me but when the dog was unharmed I relaxed.

When I woke from this dream it felt like I had actually been talking to my ex-husband. We have a bond that will always be there. I would not be surprised if I heard from him again after all these years. He does like to “check-in” every now and again. 🙂

Insect Visitor

On September 16th I had an insect visitor in my house. I noticed him when I was doing my workout. I could see his eyes on me and feel him looking at me the whole time. I knew it was a preying mantis despite him being so high up on the ceiling. It was odd how noticeable his energy was!

Image may contain: plant, sky, outdoor and nature

Here he is on the ceiling watching me.

After I finished my workout I got a closer look, said “hi” and then forgot about him for a bit. When I went back he had moved close enough for me to get to him. I put a paintbrush up to him and he crawled on. I took him outside and set him free. The whole time he had his alien eyes on me and was waving his hands like he was casting a spell.

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After I set him free.

I watched him for a while. He let me get really, really close. He bounced up and down as he walked, almost like he was dancing. I joked to my daughter about it calling it his “freedom dance”. I did some research and found out preying mantis’ “bounce” in order to look more like a leaf. Pretty cool!

The preying mantis’ message is simple: Be patient. Slow down. Wait for the right moment before taking any action. Be ready. They remind us to have patience in acquiring the things we want and to remain balanced throughout the duration of the wait. The praying mantis always comes to us when we are internally craving peace, quiet, and calm in our lives. Through stillness, awareness, and balance, we can hear and recognize the perfect moment. We must listen to the voice that speaks to us with openness, not fear. If we have patience and wait before striking, the right moment will come, and we will succeed.[Source] 

I wasn’t going to write about the praying mantis but just now I remembered part of the conversation I was having in the in-between last night. I was reminded that I Knew what was coming, to reign in that part of me that wanted everything NOW and instead be patient and wait for the right time to present itself. Of course it was more than a message, it was also a memory, which always makes the message hit home.

Other Messages

I am noticing that every thought I have, every consideration, typically comes back to me in some way not long after. The syncs are just blowing my mind lately and they are continuous. I have multiple incidents every day. And these are not from me seeking them out. They just happen, my memory is sparked and I know at my core that a message has just been delivered. It is actually very beautiful and reminds me that I am creating every moment with my thoughts, feelings, and actions.

This morning, for example, I was thinking about my recent heart connection. I am still blown away and not by the connection itself. No. By the realization of what I am capable of – what we are capable of. Usually I can conceive of all sorts of possibilities. I have a great imagination. But not even I could have imagined this because it is so outside my physical reality experience and conditioning.

Anyway, I was thinking of the differences in the connections we have. They have personalities, no one is like the other. Some are more intense, far deeper than I can even express in words. And honestly I am not sure I can handle a connection like that and so I doubt my own ability to cope with the extremes knowing that something so wondrous has risks of which I am all too familiar. Yet I know that despite the obvious risks I would jump in head first over and over to experience such a connection like that again.

So in my uncertainty a video was posted on FB that spoke to me about what I was thinking, as if the video were meant for just me. And the solution was so simple: If you love someone, send your love to them and come up against a wall, offer that love to God, don’t try to squash it.

And then, not long after, I saw this posted by a friend. Again, it spoke to a thought I had been having as if to say, “You are not wrong”:

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What Goes Around, Comes Around

It feels like we have entered another integration period. The cycle tends to go – upgrade, integrate, upgrade, integrate, and so on and so forth. The acceleration in August was intense, too. For some this may still be on-going. I went through at least two accelerations in August, both followed by periods of tiredness (sleeping deeply and for longer periods of time). It seems like these acceleration periods (upgrades or whatever) are increasing in number and frequency. Yet the recovery periods are shorter than they use to be. For example, I went through three weeks of acceleration and then only had one week of “rest” before the next hit.

Currently, I am just more tired at night. Through the day I am fine and feel relatively balanced. I’ve noticed my husband has been taking naps a lot lately. Perhaps he is feeling it, too?

The Kundalini has quieted down quite a bit compared to what it was; however, I still have activity in dreams and while awake indicating it has by no means gone dormant. I’ve been so tired, though, that I sleep right through the Kundalini. If you’ve ever experienced the K energy then you know how hard it is to sleep through it!

Recent events are pointing to some interesting up and coming shifts. My guides are emphasizing the need for rest – not physically but spiritually. The messages continue to come in. Most of the time it is waking up with a song on my mind. But I also have flashes of memories from dreams and the in-between coming to me throughout the day.

For example, this morning I woke with a Justin Timberlake song in my head. I’m not a fan but it doesn’t matter, the message was embedded in the song and I needed to hear it.

The message was, “What goes around comes around.” We’ve all heard it before and I knew it was a warning. I also knew I needed to share it. So heads up peeps! Get ready.

As for the flashes from dreams, I had a vivid one today. Well, two. The first was from a recent dream I haven’t posted yet.

Dream: Running Group

I noticed a group of people in running gear gathering outside. They were all wearing marathon t-shirts. My husband was leading them because their regular leader could not be there. They met every Monday for group runs but opted to do SAQ drills (speed, agility, quickness) that day. I wanted to join in but had on the wrong shoes so I went home to get my running shoes. When I got to the front door there were large, concrete steps (efforts toward achieving my goals) that were way taller than they should have been. I tried to climb them but they seemed too high (obstacles to overcome) and I struggled. Just trying exhausted me. I remember laying down and taking a nap I got so tired (feeling unable to overcome obstacles).

Then I was inside the house (self). I ended up in my mom’s (past issues) bathroom (cleansing). I went to use the toilet (release emotion, remove something that is useless) and there was an empty bottle (exhausted inner resources) in it and a huge, white trash bag with stinky garbage (rejected or unwanted aspect of self) in it next to the toilet. I remember I could smell the stench and it being really repugnant. As I sat using the toilet (the water was clear) a group of little boys came in. I told them to leave.

When I went outside to join the running group I was barefoot (unprepared) and could not run with them. I ended up looking inside a shed the runner’s had been in. I saw they had left supplies, some of it thawing meat. I told someone,  “He left all this meat out to rot (degradation of being).” I gathered up the meat and took it inside.

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Flash of Memory

The flash of memory I had from this dream was the running shirts the people were wearing. The shirts were green with the word, “Run” written on them three times in huge letters. Not long after this flash of memory I was folding laundry and there was my husband’s green Austin Marathon t-shirt from 2018 – Run, Run, Run.

The message, “Run!” was given to me in the in-between on a few days ago. You can read about it here.

I don’t know what to think of this message. I am obviously not getting it or I would not be receiving it again and again. If I am meant to “run”, is it literal? If so, I am running quite a bit, preparing for a trail run next weekend. If another kind of run, as in “get the hell out” then, why? Out of my house? Out of Texas? Out of what? Or is it out of a situation? It also could just be a warning to avoid something, but then I have no idea what.

As with all messages it is likely I won’t know until it is too late anyway. I don’t know why my guides bother.

School buses should have seatbelts to ensure student ...

Another Flash

Out of the blue I recalled a dream from the same night as the one above. In the portion I recall, I was getting into a white car with a close friend. He was driving. We were driving behind a long line of school buses and going pretty slow.

Seeing a school buses suggests I am about to venture on an important life journey needed for my own personal growth. Considering the number of school buses it could mean I have several “journeys” ahead of me. lol Either that or this journey’s significance is multiplied by the number of buses. I remember only a few from the dream, not nearly as many as in the above picture.

Considerations

I wish I could put all the above together to make some kind of sense out of it, but I can’t. The message “run” could mean anything, but when I think of it the first thing that comes to mind is that it is what someone would say to another to keep them from harm. So, I take it as a warning that something “harmful” is coming and if I leave now, or head in the opposite direction of the path I am now on, that I could avoid it. But without seeing whatever it is I am suppose to run from, how do I know I am running in the right direction?

And the message “what goes around comes around” has me considering that something I have encountered before is about to return for another round of lessons. It doesn’t feel like a situation where I did something in the past and it is now going to bite me in the ass. Instead, it feels like a repeat of a situation, as if something is coming full circle to be looked at again. There doesn’t seem to be any “bad” or “good” feeling to the message either.

And it could be that all the messages are related. That this repeat of a situation is something I should “run” from (avoid) if I can. However, if I don’t then there may be a valuable life journey in it resulting in more growth.

So run? Or meet it head on? Guess we’ll see.

 

 

 

 

 

by

Message Overload

It’s been a full and busy week but I’ll skip the mundane stuff for now as it all goes along with being a working mom/wife/do-it-all superwoman. 🙂

Spiritually I have been receiving messages both in dreams and in signs and messages from the environment.

This week’s messages:

A double rainbow 🙂

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A quote from Into the Wild –

You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living.

Some kind of dead baby animal on the sidewalk which came after seeing two baby doves, one dead and the other waiting to die.

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Fantastic sunsets every day this week

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And then there are the following dreams and messages which include:

Orangutans
Message to “Run!”
Goddess Kali
The Madonna

Dream: Finding Balance

In this dream I was a student attending school. I was male and much older than the other kids (like 18 while they were all early teens). There was a discussion about me that I heard as if part of it. The teachers were saying that I was not living up to my potential. There are flashes of memory of me working on my assignments and getting them back with red marks on them and deductions in points for grammatical (communication) errors. It was so common that I had gone into apathy over it for the most part. Eventually, I got a paper back, saw points deducted and got angry about it because the error was due to the teacher’s poor handwriting. I showed it to the teachers, exasperated, saying, “You can’t even tell what that word is!” I ended up crying and feeling like a failure.

Then the dream ended up with me being given a pair of inline skates (balance). All the other students were skating perfectly and I could barely stay standing (feeling uncertain). I recall that skating was a school subject and like the other subjects I was doing very poorly. Eventually, I decided I would not fail so I just kept trying, intent on being able to succeed at skating. My main issue was staying balanced on the skates. I kept falling over. With practice I realized that it was all in the way I was positioning my feet. I shifted position and it allowed me to stay up on my feet. I learned from there to skate really well (progressing towards goals). Everyone noticed and there was acknowledgement by them that I could succeed. I was proud of myself, too. It was a relief.

Message: Run!

As I woke from this dream I was still emotional but not crying. I lingered in the in-between where I spoke to my guidance a while. The main feeling I had was of hopelessness. There was a feeling of not knowing how to proceed, like a question to my guidance. A flash of a computer screen appeared and it was an email inbox. I could read the message subject heading. It was from a female guide and said, “Subject: Run!” I also remember seeing the word, “Texas”. This woke me and I thought the message was literal but now I am not so sure.

As I woke a song came to mind, one I have heard for a few days now – Faith Hill’s Breathe.

Other Dreams/Messages

I dreamed I was in the middle of a busy highway. There was high traffic (daily life, routine) and the cars were backed up and moving at a snail’s pace. I, however, was on board a train (life’s journey, on the right track) that was on the highway. This train held passengers and was sleek like a bullet and blue in color (monorail train). I sat in a seat looking out the window as the train took me over and past all the slow traffic. I was saving a seat to my left. I remember putting my hand on the seat which was close to the window and then leaning over to look out the window. The seat was tan in color and soft. Out the window I saw a young girl (aspect of me perhaps?) chasing after the train. It felt like she was going to jump on. I was hopeful for her.

In another dream I was being encouraged to put my hair in a braid (needing courage). I spent a while doing just that. I could feel my hair very real in my hands. The feeling I had while braiding my hair was apprehension. I knew it meant I needed to have courage.

Dream:  Orangutans

The dream began with me going to a school (life lessons). They had rearranged all the classrooms and my old principal was there. I was suppose to have put in my resignation but forgot. Turns out he did not hire someone to replace me but put me in another position where I was working with kids who were “special needs”. I agreed to work since the job was still available.

When I went to find my room I wandered through the 3rd grade hallway and eventually made it to the first floor (failure, lack of understanding) where my office was suppose to be but it turned out I was put in with many other teachers in the nursing clinic (healing). I had a section set apart where my students sat but I had no lesson plans (feeling unprepared) or anything for class. Another teacher helped. I noticed I had a student with tourettes syndrome. I recall liking that I had only a handful of students because it meant I could get more involved with them. I hugged one even. It seemed like in this dream I was a nurse and teacher, but it is hard to say. I felt confused as to whether I wanted the job.

Then I was on a trip with the kids. We passed by a section of housing that had been demolished (final end to something) and then by another that was being renovated (new perspective). We drove up into the hills and parked. A man was with me who had been driving. He got out of the car and left it for me to drive, handing me the keys (control). I remember knowing the neighborhood use to be lived in by my ex-BIL and he had said it was haunted (lack of awareness, fear).

The man walked away and soon I saw that he was in the tree with several large orangutans (inner wild side or sexual desires). They took him away, swinging across the treetops. I turned back to the car and saw a pig-animal (stubbornness, greed) in the road, like a half-pig, half-dog or something. It was really weird so I decided to get out of there.

I drove off and headed into a house that was both mine and this man’s. I saw he had cleaned it thoroughly and packed up his things into some bags. Everything was neat and tidy. It felt like he was leaving for good.

I remember standing in front of a mirror. The man was to my left standing in front of the mirror, too. Both of us were looking at our reflection. I remember looking over at him and then back at myself. I saw my complexion was clear but thought there was a stressful situation coming up that would surely mean my face would break out again. I remember accepting it if it did but the feeling of the stressful situation was very memorable.

Dream: Juniper Berry Honey

This dream was odd. I recall that my friend’s brother was there and coming onto me like he use to in high school. I responded in much the same way – curious and liking the attention but not really interested in him. My MIL was there as well but I only remember showing her the Juniper (learn to take the negative with the positive) berries (fulfilling relationship or experience) and the honey that could be extracted from them. The taste of the Juniper honey (compassion, wisdom, peace, longevity, joy) was super sweet and musky. It was good but too much of it would give a person a headache or tummy ache.

I remember seeing the tiny, blue (heaven, wisdom, truth) berries and being told taking them like pills was helpful for the immune system, like to act as a way to get the body use to the high pollen for allergy season. I always thought they were poison so I was fascinated that they could be eaten. I saw someone toss a handful into their mouth and swallow them with water. When I was shown the honey that some had inside I had to taste some.

At one point I was sitting on a sofa with my friend’s brother and he was really sending me messages that he wanted to kiss me. It was a creepy feeling because I was not interested in him yet he was coming on really strong. At one point he leaned in and kissed me and it was slobbery.

When I got up to go I noticed that there were two large urine (rejection of feelings) spots on the carpet. My MIL asked about them and I said the dog must have done it but there was no dog around.

There is a scene that took place in a hotel (shift in identity) room and I remember waking up in a bed in the the hotel and the color blue being everywhere. It felt like I needed to get ready to go somewhere. I was with a group that felt like family but I did not recognize any of them. . All of the people had bright blue skin like the Hindu Goddess Kali. Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven or can also mean a desire to get away. The Goddess represents death and rebirth.

In-Between (this morning)

When I woke I lingered in the in-between a while. I was discussing what I wanted with my guidance.

In the midst of this conversation I had an immediate memory. My son Elek just got a new toy boat. He played with it continuously for a week. Then he demanded another toy. He got a red firetruck. Not two days later he wants another. I told him no. He continues to throw a fit, wanting another NOW. My guidance showed me this in regards to my experiences indicating that I was like Elek. I got my toys and am still not satisfied. I was asked to consider returning to the “toys” I have been given rather than asking for more. Something they said (can’t recall exact wording) suggested that I was looking for problems/trouble.

There was a moment in the discussion when my mind wandered to my current debt issues. I thought I was saying, “I need to charge the credit card” but what I heard my mind say was, “I need to charge the Madonna” and every time I would say “card” the word “Madonna” was what my mind said. I believe Madonna is symbolic for the Divine Feminine. Perhaps I was saying to myself that I need to recharge or rest?

I continue to feel that I need to be very careful about what I think when it comes to what I want. I need to be very sure of what it is I want because it will come to pass.

This song is also coming up a lot. Specifically the part, “Marry that girl. Marry her anyway.”

I can’t help but think that events are setting the scene for something to happen. Specifically, it feels like next month will be a big month, like I am being prepared for something. There are other things going on as well, all pointing to a shift of some sort. At times it has gotten so intense that it puts me a bit on edge.