September 9, 2018 by Dayna

Seeing My Truth

Well, well, well. I finally fell asleep at a decent hour and got caught up on sleep! Hooray! Turns out my daughter was at a sleepover last night. So I’m thinking it has been her that has been making it hard for me to sleep. We’ll see how tonight goes.

Twin Springs Preserve

Yesterday was a fun day. My husband and I were suppose to go together to explore a trail in preparation for a trail race we will be running in two weeks. He bailed on me at the last minute because he is working on a huge wood sculpture. I decided to go on my own intending only to walk the trail for a few hours. However, when I arrived near the location I saw an entrance to another trailhead, the Twin Springs Nature Preserve, so I opted to explore it instead.

I spent about an hour exploring the trail, sometimes running, sometimes walking. No one else was out there, which made it that much more fun. It reminded me of my younger years when I would explore my grandparent’s 52 acres, hiking and exploring the rugged hills for hours on end.

The trails were not easy to see, so I often went off the trail and had to backtrack which was fine with me. I ran into wildlife on the way – among them a herd of deer and a coral snake. By the end my shoes were completely soaked and my legs covered in mud. I felt much like I use to after a day of exploring my grandparent’s place. I think I was high on the experience for a good three hours after. I was going to head out again today but it is raining pretty hard. Rain is forecast all week.

Here are a few photos:

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I do not find it coincidental that I ran into a coral snake. He surprised the heck out of me, too. He was right in the middle of the trail and blended in so well that had he not moved I would have stepped right on him. I was in the midst of running and came to a dead stop from the shock he gave me. I have never seen a coral snake in the wild and was not expecting one in the hills of Central Texas. Rattlesnake, yes, coral snake, no. When I took the pictures my hands were shaking so much that it took several shots to get one that was in focus. lol

Coral snakes have the second strongest venom of any snake in the world, behind that of black mamba (source). Thankfully, coral snakes are fairly passive and unlikely to bite you. If they do bite you, they have to “chew” with their fangs to deliver their venom, meaning you would have to be an idiot to be bitten by one, playing with it and letting it chew on you. lol So, I was really in no danger from this snake unless I wanted to be. I watched him for a few minutes and went on my way but not without recognizing how significant and rare it was to have run into him.

Since the Kundalini has been so active in me this year I am betting this snake is a reminder to me to be on the lookout for more. Considering the coloration of this snake, there’s likely to be continued work in my lower three chakras. Additionally, based upon how this snake presented itself, hiding in plain sight, I will probably be caught off guard, shaken but otherwise unharmed, and in awe of the encounter. Sounds like fun to me! 🙂

Dream: Decision

I had several dreams, all indicating that some in-depth conversations were going on with my guidance. It amazes me how my memories of the dreams I have lately are often accompanied by flashes of memory of a guide and a summary of the conversation. This was one of those.

In this dream I was in a classroom with a few other students and a teacher. I knew I was in 5th grade preparing to attend an award ceremony. As the other students left the teacher kept me in the room with her. I asked why and another student told me I was to receive 5 books (knowledge) as my award. I remember the three of them were technical type books, like self-help, self-study books. I was not interested in them and asked if I could return them. I was encouraged to keep them and applauded for my achievements.

The thing about the dream that is odd is that I was a full grown woman, not the age of a normal 5th grader. The other students and I were being prepared as teachers and would soon select our first jobs. I recall knowing that I could go into 6th grade or I could opt out.

As I contemplated my decision I saw my potential future flash in front of my eyes. It was my current life with my husband and what would result if I continued on that path. The flashes I got were not of specific events but of lessons. They came all at once and what I remember the most is the feeling of them, like the impact they had on me. The feeling was so intense that I could taste it and it was distasteful to me, like eating a really sour gummy worm.

There is also memory of the way these lessons appeared visually, like something being twisted over and over again. You know how you can take a piece of licorice and twist it and bend it without it breaking? That is what it was like. The sense from this was that all I would get was the same lesson twisted this way and that so that it appeared different but in actuality it wasn’t. This was very unappealing to me and I recognized how trapped I have been by the illusion of progress it presents.

My decision was that I did not want to go into the 6th grade. It felt like a whole other “level” to go there, just like it feels when you graduate from one level of school to the other but more like the decision one makes when they graduate high school – college? no college? Trade school? What do I do with my life?

I remember the gist of the discussion around this decision. I was asked if I was certain. In my mind I saw ahead of me a vast void of nothingness – the unknown. It scared me and I hesitated but I confirmed my choice. The fear is what I recall the most.

Seeing My Truth

I woke up with a sense that I had just contracted my own death, but I know that is not what it was. An entire discussion commenced then about who I am. For the first time in a very long time I could see this other me, the real me, the one at a soul level who has been hidden by human experience, fear, and limitation for such a very long time. I felt both relief and anxiety upon seeing the Truth of myself. Relief that I had finally found her and could see/feel her/me. Anxiety at the many layers of “protection” I had placed over her to the point of hiding her and ultimately forgetting her.

What is curious about all this is that I recognized how I have chosen time and time again to live with forgetting myself. I think many of us walking in the Light this lifetime have done this. We were conditioned to do this to protect ourselves from the harsh reality of this physical world. We couldn’t cope without burying ourselves in protective layers of illusion.

I know that others in my soul family are being prepped to step out from under all those layers. We are already sensing it, that nudge and pressure to shift direction. Some of us may be feeling an urge to do some drastic things, but I don’t think that is necessary. It can be gradual. But that sense of urgency is there and it is purposeful. It says, “Listen. Pay attention. LOOK.” For me, I am being asked to remember myself, that Truth that has been hidden all this time by attempts to stay safe and hidden from others and this world because of how different I am.

We have been slowly meeting others like us so that we can see we are not alone, so we can be reminded of our Truth through these very special encounters. We still don’t see it, or better yet, we don’t want to see it because it is scary. But what I can say to those like me who are still avoiding seeing themselves – the Truth – is you won’t be able to hide much longer. We can do it alone, which is the scariest prospect, or we can do it together.

The thing is that we think in such drastic terms. Every possible scenario that comes to mind is of the worst case. But what of the best case scenarios? Or better yet, what if a beautiful surprise awaits? Sadly, it is human to think the worst will happen. So what ends up is that we have to get to a point that the worst case becomes acceptable because we are too tired, too fed up with the ways things are.

Question is: Are you there yet? 😉

September 3, 2018 by Dayna

Message: There’s a Ghost Inside Me

I continue to be really tired. Mostly it manifests as me sleeping in every morning and waking up feeling as if I took a sleeping pill – groggy, heavy eyelids, lingering in bed. Once I wake up I am okay. The third-eye and crown chakra activity has subsided and the Kundalini appears to be taking a break.

Dreamwork

The dreamwork continues but most of the dreams I have are lost upon waking now. I am just too tired to care. This morning one dream lingered upon waking along with a song and a sense that the “opportunity” that I had many syncs and dreams indicating was coming, has already come and gone. I missed it, I guess, and a part of me is kicking myself for it.

This morning’s dream goes along with a dream theme that has been recurrent for some time now: Montana. The dream scene varies, sometimes it is beautiful and green and other times covered in ice and snow. Sometimes I am in a large, log cabin or inside a structure of some sort, but most of the time I am out in the mountains or flying over them. Just talking about it brings to mind so many vivid experiences – watching a whale flying through the sky, traveling with a group to a lodge cabin mansion, and meeting up with a man at the top of a mountain while surrounded by hundreds of cats (yeah! lol).

Montana appears to symbolize my own, personal spiritual journey. I connect the mountains with being Home, a place that, to me, has a special feeling of “arrival”, peace, release and acceptance.

Dream: Modge Podge Montana

This entire dream took place inside a very large lodge (feeling stuck in life) in the mountains of Montana (spiritual journey). I did not go outside, so I never actually saw the mountains.

I was with a group of individuals, most unfamiliar to me in this life. I recall being with my current family as well as with my ex-husband’s family, specifically his mother. The dream seemed to mix the two life experiences as if to show me the similarities. I believe I was speaking with someone about what was transpiring in the dream, as if narrating while also being a participant.

I woke up in the dream and went out to the main area of the lodge. A group was gathered, among them my current husband and my ex-MIL. My husband told me he was leaving for the day with his friends, a group of guys who stood behind him. In the dream I was upset and protested very loudly in front of everyone (something my husband hates). My main complaint was that he often left for the entire day without warning, leaving me with all three of our children and no help. I complained that I would have to hire a sitter if I needed to anything outside of the house, either that or take them all with me. I felt overwhelmed and dumped upon by him. I also didn’t know what to do without him with me. Without him, I felt unable to do anything on my own, as if I was frozen in place.

My ex-MIL came to his defense. In real life she was very passive aggressive, which often infuriated me because no one else seemed to notice but me. To everyone else she was loving and wonderful but to me she was intent on separating me and her son.

My husband, whose appearance kept morphing between my ex and current husband, left and I sulked for a bit, all the memories of the injustices I suffered at the hands of my ex-MIL coming to mind mixed with the issues I have with my current MIL.

As I mulled over it all, emotions surfaced and mixed together leaving me feeling overwhelmed. The main emotion I felt was abandoned. I remember discussing my need to be with my partner, to feel included and supported. When left alone I managed, but the loneliness always got to me and I often grew angry and depressed. When my ex would come back from weeks or months away I struggled with being happy at his return to being resentful for his leaving me. I often felt that it would have been better had he never returned so I would not have to go through the upset of him leaving all over again, and again, and again.

Then there was my ex-MIL and her constant meddling. In the dream this played out as me seeing her spread rumors about me to the others in the lodge. In real life she would call up her son and tell him negative things about me, insert doubt into his mind about our marriage and me, all the while under the guise of being his loving and caring mother. The dream revealed to me just how much hurt this caused me but at the time it infuriated me and likely made me look all the worse in the eyes of my ex-husband. Years later and after our divorce, my ex told me he rarely spoke to his mom because he realized what she was up to. Too late for us but at least she was found out.

In the midst of all this distant past memory was the present, seeming to mix and merge, revealing the many similarities of the two.

At one point in the dream a group of Native Americans approached. There was a little girl (inner child) and a very, very old woman (the crone) with them. The old woman was to be healed via a special ceremony that involved packing her entire pelvic region in clay and letting it harden. I remember being very kind to the old woman, holding her hand and the hand of the little girl and walking across a wooden bridge toward their camp. There was a medicine man with us explaining the old woman’s ailment. I laughed when I realized the clay was to help her have a bowel movement (release of old habits and patterns) and commented on how ingenious it was.

There was a whole other dream scene after this inside an elementary school (lessons). I remember a young boy stepping on my heels and twisting his ankle. I sent him to the nurse but was told he often purposefully hurt himself to get attention and was shown a huge pile of nurse slips from his many attempts. The whole time I had two female teachers accompanying me and seeming to act as guides.

Considerations

When I woke I realized I had slept straight through the night. This is unusual for me. I usually wake 2-3 times. A song was going through my mind, specifically “there’s a ghost inside me”.

My daughter knew the song and listened to it with me this morning. She did not know what a “spectre” was. I told her it meant “ghost” and showed her the definition. In telling her this, I was reminded of a dream I had not long ago where I witnessed a part of me who I could not control. She was at first a white horse and then morphed into a ghost and left with a ghost man. I recognized that the song was referring to “the ghost inside me”, this white woman who seemed outside of my control, wild, and free – like a horse.

Similarly, a couple of nights ago I had a short visual in a dream of me opening a gate and releasing an entire herd of horses and not long before that a dream of one horse being released and running free.

Finally, I was reminded of another dream I had not long ago. It was short and made no sense at the time. I was flying around a city center above a road that circled a fountain. In order to get home I had to take a highway but when I got to it, it was closed. I was told I could only enter if I had someone with me. I agreed and was allowed to pass. This memory in turn reminded me of all the dreams and syncs occurring at the time indicating “opportunity” was coming.

Everything seemed to point out to me that my opportunity came and I turned it down.

As you can imagine I was not in a good mood after all this.

In reflecting on the dream, music message and resulting memories, I am reminded of other recent events. It all points to me being or feeling unable to move; feeling stuck. I recognize it is my own doing. A visual comes to mind of a woman in quicksand refusing a stick held out to her.

It seems that these two tarot spreads are playing out, just not like I thought they would. This one especially:

September 1, 2018 by Dayna

Preparation Dreams

Well, I hate to say it, but I’m going through another “upgrade”. There’s no other explanation for the tiredness, constant chakra activity and intense dreams. Thankfully, for me at least, this is a teeny, tiny one…..or maybe I am just so use to them that it takes one hell of a beating for me to notice now days? 😀

First, More Syncs

Yesterday, I posted a dream I had where I received the message, “You are her.” I posted early that morning and then within an hour of arriving at work, a co-worker brought up the Harry Potter books. If you read that dream account then you know that I was going to see Harry Potter in the dream. lol So that was the first sync.

This morning, though, I came across a memorial post about Princess Diana. Not only is that in and of itself a sync, but so is the date of her passing as posted on the memorial: August 31, 1997. The date of my dream was August 31st (yesterday). Also, the year 1997 recently came up for me as well.

These kinds of syncs are becoming more and more common. I have a dream and then very soon after something in life reflects part of the dream back to me.

This is the video I saw this morning:

Last night I was working in my dreams, and not self-work, group work.

Wedding Preparation Dream

I was preparing for my wedding (union), putting on my gown and doing my hair and makeup. I remember seeing my veil (what I’m trying to hide) – a short one that did not go below my shoulders. I also remember that my bra (support) was flowered and wrapped around my neck like a bathing suit top. The dress itself was white and flowing – traditional – and also wrapped around my neck. The groom was tall and fair haired. I recall feeling apprehensive and talking to the groom while getting ready for the ceremony.

New Contract Dream

In this dream I was traveling with a group in a war-torn country – my country. Everything was covered in dust and there was no greenery as if we were in a desert but I knew it was this way because of war. The road we traveled was also dirt. There were no cars but it felt as if we traveled in many cars, like the “cars” were our bodies.

I recall working with a woman who was a yoga (harmony and balance) instructor. She was helping others by teaching them yoga to help with stress relief. I knew she was one of the many leaders and that she had organized her own group with their own mission.

I also recall coming to a check point and being stopped and told to fuel (energy, rest) up because where we were going there would be no fuel available. I questioned this, suggesting we skip it and move on. My group overruled me, opting to fill up their vehicles (which were not present in the dream) to be on the safe side.

Then I was presented with a written contract indicating that a portion of our group had decided to break away from the other. It was not a rebellion but a decision made by several members (the majority). At the bottom there were maybe a dozen, hand-written names, which were familiar to me in the dream. The contract stated that individuals listed were not to be a part of this new group and contract. My name was not listed and I voiced my agreement with the contract and what is specified.

Battle Plan Dream

In this dream I was sitting at a table inside a cafe somewhere. It felt like a scene from a movie. Across from me was a good looking black man who, in the dream, resembled Will Smith. We were both huddled over a large map (path) or blueprint discussing the coming changes and our individual and group roles. He mentioned to me the timeline and I interjected saying, “I thought it wasn’t until this Fall.” He said in response, “It is and it is almost time.” With his words came a telepathic reminder that today is September 1st. In the dream I held my breath briefly as I realized he was right and said, “Oh, yeah….”

Something about our conversation and the reminder of the date and why it was important brought me near full lucidity. With this awareness I was able to sense this man’s energy. It was familiar and attractive to me but not to the point that I was feeling intense energy. It was just familiar. This awareness caused me to wonder about his physical world condition – his age, his relationship status, etc. With my curiosity came immediate answers and I realized he was much, much older than he looked. I said to him, “You are 22 years older than me? But you look so young!” He immediately recognized my interest and sent back that he was in a relationship. I felt the relationship – their history together, his devotion and love, etc. The information/Knowing was instantaneous. Then I felt him suggest we get back to work but I was overcome with embarrassment for some reason. I felt humiliated and a wave of emotion washed over me. I remember thinking, “Why do they always have to be so much older than me? Why am I so young? What is wrong with me?” LOL (I laugh now but I was very upset in the dream). My thoughts were a jumble of considerations about physical world limitations. It was difficult for me to see this man as 64 years old when his energy was so young and vibrant. It made me wonder if all the people on my team were old (lol) and suddenly age was a big deal for some reason.

I started to cry in the dream and it woke me up, tears still streaming from my eyes. I heard people talking as I fell into the in-between. They were discussing the coming “storm” and asked me a question. In the midst of answering I forgot what we were discussing. My mind went blank. One of the voices said, “Oh, she’s awake now.” The telepathic sense here was that once physical awareness is reached certain topics cannot be discussed.

The same Nora Jones song was going through my mind when I woke. Specifically the lyrics:

Out across an endless sea
I would die in ecstasy,
But I’ll be a bag of bones
driving down the road alone.

Considerations

I wasn’t expecting to wake up crying over something like that. It was a surprise considering how good I’ve been feeling lately. Yes, I’m tired, and likely hormonal (lol), which doesn’t help. The way the emotion hit me in the dream, it was like it walked in from the left and just took over; like another aspect woke up and brought with her a whole flood of emotions.

The emotion was enough to send me back to asking to go Home (sigh). It can be so difficult to wake up to this harsh reality when the other reality, the one where we are ageless and unlimited (the endless sea of ecstasy), is right there and obvious. It is like I can see it through a pane of glass, but while in this body I can’t touch it and am forced to live in a reality with so many limitations. The biggest surge of emotion came from knowing I walk this path alone (a bag of bones) and that those connections I feel when I am on the other side of that pane of glass will likely never be realized within the confines of this physical reality. So a part of me grieves continuously for the perceived loss.

Regardless of my grief, it is obvious that something is coming and I am being prepared for it. And, lo and behold, another sync greeted me this morning. A post on WP had the title, “Remain Calm as the Storm Approaches”. Then another titled, “Hope Your Rested”. Both were about the upcoming “storm”.

The “Hope Your Rested” post fits nicely with the part in my dream where I was being forced to “fuel up”. I’ve been having lots of dreams with fuel in them. Fuel = recharge, rest, refuel, take time out to rebuild your energy. Just three days ago I was advised to return to yoga and stop all high intensity exercise temporarily (over the weekend).

My mind is still lingering on the last dream and the upset I felt in realizing my friend in Spirit was so much older than me in the physical. The humiliation/embarrassment I felt was the result of recognizing just how obvious my loneliness must be to those I interact with OOB. I sensed a desperation in myself and as a result was ashamed at my weakness and inability to cope with the limitations of this physical reality and form. I am better than that. I know this. Yet it is still there and to be confronted with it in such a way was humbling. I was also jealous that my friend had a partner in his physical life and was happy and content with the life he had. That is why I was wondering, “What is wrong with me?” It was clear that he was not struggling like I am.

August 25, 2018 by Dayna

1986

Oh where to start?! This has been another humdinger of a week, hasn’t it? And tomorrow is the full moon. I think: Already? lol It just seems like we go from one intense “event” to another lately.

1986

In all my life, I don’t think I have had such an intense August, not, at least, since my 10th year (1986). The intensity in 1986 was different, more physical than spiritual, though I have been told by astrologers that it was spiritually significant, too, a kind of spiritual awakening all of it’s own. My memory of that year is only of change, lots of change and much of it unwanted.

Firstly, we moved three hours from the only home I had ever known to relocate on family land in Central Texas. So it was my first ever move in this lifetime. I spent a good decade coming to terms with that move, too. My mom opted to move me and my sisters on the advice of a therapist, my therapist. The therapist had diagnosed me as emotionally disturbed, the main cause being my father and his emotionally abusive ways. She said I needed to be as far away from my dad as possible. Far enough that he would be unwilling to make the trip and to see me and my sisters on the weekends.

That summer I spent a couple of weeks with my dad in Houston. My sisters and I stayed with him at his apartment the whole time. My memories of this time are mixed, emotionally and physically. I remember helping my dad work on one of his cars. I rebuilt a carburetor all by myself after watching him take it apart. I liked working on cars with my dad and that memory especially is very strong. Though I have many bad memories of my dad, this is one of the good ones.

The next strongest memory I have is of a little girl I befriended while I was there. She was the same age as me and we hung out together in her apartment. Her parents were gone all day at work so it was just me and her. I have never told anyone this but she was my first ever sexual “partner”. Now don’t overreact, I was 10, so there was not much sexually going on with me, but I was curious and so was she. There was no removal of clothing, no kissing, just exploration – touching and fondling and, well, that is enough description, you get the idea. I remember she showed me her mother’s secret stash of Playgirl magazines. There were piles of them! I think those images will be ingrained in my memory for life. lol This little girl was the one who suggested we explore our bodies together, in a very innocent sorta way. I recall that I was hesitant. In fact, the emotion that is strongest is a feeling that I was being “bad” and that if anyone found out I would surely be spanked. lol The other thing I remember is that I liked how it made me feel. Again, the horror, right? My poor 10-year-old mind was in overdrive.

I would not be surprised if that little girl realized at a some point that she preferred women to men.

Ultimately, I was freaked out and avoided going back into the girl’s apartment just in case she tried to pressure me into more experimentation. It scared me, but mostly, my own reaction scared me because I liked her, I like how she made me feel, and I wanted more.

I had my very own camera at the time and snapped dozens and dozens of photographs, many of my newfound friend. Every time I look at them in old albums I pause when I see this little girl. I can’t remember her name but a part of me wonders where she is now, how she is doing and what her memories are from that time. As I think back on it even now, I think it likely she and I were meant to meet that summer. Maybe for her? Maybe for me? Maybe both?

The other memory I have is the most traumatic of them all. Toward the end of our visit, about a day or two before he was to drive us to our new home, my dad made it clear he had no intention of taking us home. My dad at the time could be very emotionally cruel. He had not wanted a divorce and often used us to get back at our mom. His announcement caused a very strong reaction in me. I was so terrified, in fact, that I demanded he let me call my mom. The memory is hazy but I believe whatever I said or threatened (likely the latter) convinced him to let me call my mom. When I got on the phone I was hysterical, telling my mom what he was threatening and crying that I wanted to come home. In my mind I was going through all kinds of scenarios trying to figure out how I could get home on my own. Honestly, I was prepared to go knock on a neighbor’s door and tell them what was going and call the police. I think I threatened my dad with this and that it was why he ultimately gave in and took us home. The whole drive home I was antsy. I couldn’t wait to get as far away from him as I could.

Back to the Present – 2018

When I started writing this post I had no intention of traveling back to 1986. None. Yet it came flowing out and now that it has, I know why.

This month, like I’ve already said, has been intense. This week especially has been drudging up all kinds of thoughts and emotions, all linked to my first two chakras. Yesterday, I woke up with an old whiplash injury flaring up. The area around my left shoulder blade tends to get sore when I am stressed out. It has not been an issue for a long while, so I knew it meant I needed to relax and unwind. So, I went out to eat with my husband and had two Long Island Iced Teas. I immediately began to relax. Mostly I laughed a whole lot. Everything was funny.

My husband and I talked about the Kundalini energy for a while. He continues to think this energy is just sexual attraction and my wanting to leave him for another man. He said he believed the minute I found someone else I would leave him, that I have just been waiting for the opportunity to go. I told him, “Maybe I already have and chose you instead?” He wanted to know why I would choose him and I told him that Kundalini attraction tends toward reactivity; it is ungrounded. I explained that our relationship is the opposite. It is solid and logical in comparison. I said that I am looking for a mixture of the two, a nice blend of the intense Kundalini fire and the non-reactive, groundedness, like what we have.

As we talked and I explained the Kundalini fire and attraction, the word “folly” popped into my mind. I said there was a quote about folly and love. We both immediately searched Google for it. This is what came up:

We both got a good laugh out of it. It felt like he understood me. Finally.

Oddly, there was this sign behind the bar that caught my eye. I ended up staring at it for a long time and finally just snapped a photo. See if you can figure out why:

Look at the year. 1997. Yeah, weird. I mentioned it to my husband and we talked about what we were doing in 1997 on the drive home. I was married to my ex and living in Alabama. Though I didn’t mention it to my husband (he knows), I had a near affair with one of my ex’s friends at that time. Another memory I prefer to bury. Not my best year.

What were you doing in 1997?

When we got home, I went on a long walk with my daughter and our dog, Monty. I laughed while we walked in a huge field behind a church and let Monty roam free. Here are some photos of our walk:

For some crazy reason the two drinks lingered in my system much longer than they should have. I was still tipsy at around 10pm! I fell asleep easily and slept until almost 9am.

Dream: We are One, We are Many

Prior to bed I asked for help with some current issues I’ve been having. I have become acutely aware of a major blockage in my second chakra and I can’t seem to break it loose. I asked for insight into the reasons for this.

In this dream I entered a library (search for knowledge) and stopped at the front counter where the clerk sat. She was a nice looking blonde woman in her mid-thirties, early forties. She seemed to know me and I her.

In front of me on the counter were piles of typed documents (discovery, self-realization), blog posts that I had not posted yet. In the dream the pile was spread out on the counter but in my mind I was going through them on my cell phone while also physically sorting them. At one point I came across a document that I had not typed. In fact, I knew someone must have hacked into my phone. I skimmed through it and saw that it made little sense but then my eyes stopped on the end. There, clear as day, were the words, “We are One, We are Many.” I knew, then, that it was a message from my guidance, likely a channeled message. Sadly, I only recall the end line now. 😦

Then, the blonde woman picked up a business card that was laying with my documents and said, “I’m going to call him.” I panicked and grabbed the card. I told her that it was mine, from a friend. She inquired about him and I said he and I had a connection. She said, “Ah…I get it!” I mentioned a name, but the name I said was the name of my loan officer who just helped us close on our refinance. lol The whole time a song was playing but I can’t remember it now. It was a mixture of heavy metal and rock/pop.

Then I was watching the blonde woman talking to my MIL. They appeared to be friends. The blonde lady agreed to meet my MIL at 7:30am the next day. Their conversation revealed that they met up often and that the blonde woman was trying to earn extra money. When I heard she needed money I asked her if she was struggling. She said she was. I immediately got out my billfold and pulled out a wad of money. It was a mixture of bills but I knew there was a $100 bill inside. I thought maybe I would ask her to close her eyes and pick one but then decided I would just give her the $100 (success is within your reach). I handed it to her and told her, “There’s no need to worry.” The woman took it but never said thank you. She walked over to her purse and said something about using it for her violin (peace and harmony).

I awakened with a heavy energy covering my body. I knew the message about money was from me, to me. My guidance often told me that I will always have enough. Money would not be an issue. I also knew the message “We are One, We are Many” was from my guidance. They have said this often.

This song was going through my head, specifically the “whatever it takes”:

The fire and water elements in the video are not lost on me. Nor is the message.

August has been exactly that: Fire and Water.

For some odd reason, when I woke I knew that the solution to my second chakra problem is feminine energy. This consideration seemed like a breakthrough to me. It made total sense. If the issue is a feminine one, which is likely considering it’s location in the energy body, then masculine energy would only aggravate the problem, forcing something that force alone created. What is needed to pry it loose is feminine energy.

Back to 1986

And so, now you see why that memory from 1986 came up. I do not think it coincidence that I would wake up thinking I needed to connect with another woman, to use the feminine energy to heal and bring me back to wholeness, only to have memory of doing exactly that over 20 years ago come to mind.

If you look at my memories from that year, you see potent, feminine, sexual energy, newly awakened in me, paired with trauma, trauma caused by the masculine energy, that of my father. There is intermixed with it all a confusion resulting from this energy, a confusion that was never resolved, and a decision made by me to bury the memory, the “shame”.

Add to this memory the recent reconnection I had with my best friend from high school, and it all seems perfectly obvious and clear: Feminine energy is needed now, not masculine.

The first conclusion one might draw is that I need to get with a woman energetically or even physically; have a repeat of 1986. I don’t know if that is necessary. It could also mean that I need to tap into my own feminine energy somehow. But then I don’t know how I can do that.

Any suggestions appreciated.

August 5, 2018 by Dayna

Family Drama, Dreams and Messages

I finally have time to share a bit about my week and all the ups and downs since my husband got a concussion last Saturday. I’ll start with the physical world crap and end with the spiritual.

Physical Crapola

The good news – Everything in my world is going good.

The house appraised for what it should ($100k over what we paid for it just 4 years ago!) and the refinance is going smoothly with no hiccups.

I got my first paycheck and put it directly into savings! My husband got a bonus as well, which is always a positive.

We have decided to “donate” our Mazda5 to my MIL because her car is always breaking down. It is costing the family because we have pay for the repairs. Her Subaru has over 250K miles and is just not worth the money going into it anymore. I am not 100% sure if I am going to ask my two BIL’s to help me pay off the Mazda or not yet. The deal is that if I/we pay if off then when it breaks down (which it will eventually) we don’t have to contribute to the repairs because we gave her a car with $4k still owed on it. So far she is resisting taking our car but we are working on getting her to let go of hers. She gets very attached to her stuff.

If/when the Mazda goes bye-bye then we may buy another, newer car, but I am sitting on that decision for now. We don’t need another car since I commute with my husband to work.

Work is still going good. I am now putting new hires into the system regularly, inputting invoices, reconciling credit cards, managing the petty cash and company credit card, typing up scopes for jobs (quite interesting I must say) and other things as needed. My husband said he wants to get my home office set up soon so that when school starts I can work from home. I was unsure about it and he said it was a go because my immediate boss (the lady with cancer I am learning from) has already agreed that I can work from home. We’ll see if that actually pans out when the time comes but if it does then I have officially landed THE PERFECT job. HA!

My birthday turned out good despite me being in a sour mood the whole first half. I spent time at my Mom’s swimming and catching up. We had a small family celebration and then I went home and received my presents. I got a fantastic new rug for my living room (please Monty don’t eat it!) and a Bissell Crosswave. My husband also got a used table we are going to refinish and put an epoxy top on. We want to emulate Joe’s Crab Shack’s tables and put family memories on the table top like a scrapbook. I’m not too happy about being a year older but I’ll get over it. At least I still look like I’m 30-something. 😉

Okay, so the bad news…..

Early this week my mom sent me images of what at first looked like a burned animal of some kind. Upon further inspection I realized it was my sister’s husband. I called my mom and she told me he had wrecked a Honda motorcycle. He shattered his eye socket, cracked his skull, broke some ribs, punctured a lung and got awful road rash.

I then learned that they had their car impounded a month prior and had been given the bike in a trade just two days earlier. The car was impounded because it had no front headlight, no bumper, no registration, no insurance and my BIL had no driver’s license. They had been struggling to make ends meet to the point of not having any money and bartering all their things to make ends meet.

On top of everything my sister has an infection in her jaw from a rotten tooth. She has to have surgery immediately but doesn’t have the money or any insurance. My mom took her to the dentist, paid for the visit and the antibiotics and painkillers but no surgery has been scheduled.

My mom refuses to step in and bail them out again. She informed me that prior to the car being impounded that my sister and BIL had been given a perfectly functional car as a second vehicle by their landlord. Just given it. They then opted to sell it for cash. Similarly, my mom had given them a truck and they sold it rather than use it. And prior to that my mom bought my sister two cars on different occasions with similar results. My mom said, “It seems to me like your sister is getting exactly what she deserves.”

I had been considering getting my MIL’s old car and giving it to my sister but my mom talked me out of it. It was/is obvious that my sister and BIL are incapable of making good, sound decisions. They don’t think ahead when they get money but spend it on the spot like it is a fire in their pockets. If I or someone else gives them a car the same situation will likely result.

I spent most of my birthday visit with my mom discussing what to do about my sister. We came up with all kinds of solutions. My husband said he would offer her a job and when he did she declined saying she had no transportation. She did not try and find a way around it or look to problem solve. She uses her criminal background as an excuse to not work, saying she can’t be hired anywhere. Yet she turns down a job paying $15/hr handed right to her that overlooks her criminal record!

It was finally decided that we will do “nothing”. It sucks, though. If I still recognized my sister as my sister then I would not hesitate to give her my Mazda instead of my MIL. But she is not that person anymore. I don’t know who she is.

Spiritual

All kinds of strange in terms of spiritual experiences from cryptic messages to crazy syncs and intense dreams.

For example, I got a message one morning: Fire. Two Weeks. I didn’t say anything to anyone about it all morning. When my daughter and I went shopping I felt I should tell her for some odd reason. She immediately responded with, “Mom! I had a dream that Nana’s house was on fire!” It was so odd and I don’t know what to make of it. The two weeks will be up next Sunday, so I guess we’ll find out then.

Then there are the weird “coincidences”. At work, I was discussing a problem with the lady I work under. We had decided to call the company in question. She reached for the phone and the intercom comes up telling her she has a call from the company we were about to call! This happened twice in one week, too.

And my Mom and I and my daughter and I have been in sync as well. It is as if we read each other’s minds at times!

I’ve also been visiting other timelines/dimension in my sleep, at least that is what I have concluded.

Dream: Fire Room – August 1st

There was a whole dream where my husband and I went to another dimension to visit the people we know now. None of them knew us and we saw them all living together in a community. The houses were all rectangular with no insulation. Many were unpainted particle board but very large.

Inside they were having a large meal and I looked around noticing none of them recognized me or my husband. The world was completely different than ours. The group was in hiding after a major world upheaval. They didn’t have things we did. For example, they didn’t have sharpie markers, only dry erase (lol). They also didn’t have electricity and used a fire to cook the meal.

Toward the end I was cold and went to a room where a huge fire (contentment) was burning. There was a man and girl inside and the man asked me why I was there. I told him to warm myself by the fire. He said it was the warmest room in the house. It was vast with high ceilings and a raging fire contained within the fireplace. I leaned on a counter near the fire and warmed myself. The whole room was orange tinged.

Then my husband came in with two broadswords (strength, decisiveness, masculine). He wanted to show us all something. He took both swords, swung them wide while chanting words. Glyphs appeared on the floor in neon blue. He said only certain people could see the glyphs. I could read them and said they were the recipe for making a certain special wine. The other glyphs from the other sword were not visible to us. He said only someone of the Dark could see them. He said a certain name but I can’t recall it now.

I’ve also had Spirit visiting me, as has my daughter. My daughter told me she keeps getting touched. One night she came to me freaked out and said, “Mom, I was in bed on my phone and I felt someone touch my shoulder like this (touched my shoulder). It freaked me out. I don’t want to sleep in my room tonight.”

The night before that I had this dream encounter:

Inside I lay down in bed and rested. A Spirit came to my right and began to talk to me. I recognized that he was influencing me and wanted me to listen to him. I wondered if he was trying to be sexual but didn’t do anything, so I just lay there pretending to sleep. When he thought I was asleep he leaned over me and I felt the stubble of his beard as if he was going to kiss me. Then my husband came in and leaned over me the same way and the Spirit backed off. I turned to the Spirit and said, “You need to leave.” I didn’t think I would see him but I did, clear as day. He looked like a young teenage boy with light hair and a thin frame.

The next night I had a very powerful dream that seemed to point at something coming.

Dream: Turned Upside Down – August 2nd

The dream began with me meeting up with a group. One man showed me his left ear (listen) was cancerous (something upsetting). It was red and scabby so he covered it with a hat that came down over his ears. I remember thinking it was good that it was cold outside so he could wear the hat.

At the airport I was informed that I had been given an airline ticket. I joined another woman and waited in line but the other woman was called away. I waited and she never returned. I remember thinking, “I guess I am going to travel alone.” I thought about it and was okay with it and felt I could do it alone even though I was going to Europe.

On the plane I sat in a seat facing the opposite direction of the others. They were all watching an in-flight movie. My chair (need for reflection) was wooden, like for a kitchen table, while theirs were regular plane seats.

The plane began its approach. I looked out the window and saw a wooden docking bay with a man standing on it with an orange thing waving it about. I thought it odd how we were landing because we seemed to be hovering and landing vertically, not like a plane at all.

Once we landed we stepped off the plane out onto a green field lined with tall pine trees. There was a group of people mulling about by the side of a plane. They all had fuzzy looking objects in their hands, like makers of some sort. I didn’t have one and knew I needed on to board. I went to the lady giving them out. She handed me one and said, “Do you eat a lot?” I said, “No, not really.” She handed me a large gallon bag full of graham crackers (tendency to care for others needs over my own). I took them and went to the plane.

I walked inside the plane and noticed the inside was two stories. There was a large, golden staircase (transformation) leading to the second level. I stayed on the bottom level and looked around at the spacious interior.

Suddenly the whole plane lurched and rolled over onto its side. I was standing and my entire view spun as I tumble upside down. In the dream it was very real and I got scared, grabbing for something to steady myself but not able to grab onto anything.

The plane stopped and I began to try and find a way out. Everything was upside down. The pilot said all would be fine and to not worry. Everyone else seemed oblivious to the situation but I saw out the window a hill heading through the forest. I knew if the plane moved again we would be rolling for quite a while.

I located the entry and began to head for it, intending to climb up and out. As I began to climb up, the plane lurched again and began to roll. I quickly pulled myself up and out of the door and jumped out. I grabbed onto a vine and watched as the plane rolled down hill.

A man was standing casually on the hill observing the scene. I said, “It’s going downhill!” He said, “Yes, it will land in the lake below.” He just stood there smiling casually as I hung onto the vine, swinging and feeling frantic. I said to him, “What is wrong with you! Why don’t you do something!?” He smiled, calmly as if there was nothing going on, no plane barreling down the hillside. Then he said, “There’s nothing I can do. The 4th (mankind) dynamic has been activated.” When he told me this I burst into tears. The emotion behind the tears reminded me of times when I have been given “bad” news, or news I did not want to hear. The feeling here, though, was that the news was not “bad” but that it was just something I was dreading in that I had a part to play in it and that part was going to “turn my world upside down”.

I woke up still crying and hearing a familiar song playing through my mind – “Destiny…..Lord you live in me as the unchanging.” I wasn’t crying anymore but the emotion that triggered it was still very much present.

I fell into the in-between. In front of me I saw a portal/window open up in vivid color. It looked like I was seeing a Shamanic ceremony taking place. A man was on his knees by a fire chanting. Another man, close to me, was standing with his back to me. He had his arms open and I could see he had a massive erection. I knew that the whole ceremony was to induce the sexual energy but that the man was being helped to channel the energy rather than give in to the sexual urges. I was fascinated but the scene disappeared as I woke.

Based upon all that has transpired physically and spiritually, it seems like the end of this year is going to be an interesting one full of family drama and other surprises. I will continue to focus on just living my life and staying busy for now. It is nice to be busy and productive again. It is especially nice to have extra money to spend. hehe Thus far the tarot reading I did for myself last week has been spot on about the spending. 🙂

August 4, 2018 by Dayna

Here’s to Better Days

Lots of crying in my dreams again. Happy birthday to me. Sigh.

SO much more to relay but I don’t have time to go in depth about all that is going on. I posted on FB yesterday:

Once again it feels like I am standing in the middle of the eye of the hurricane while everyone else around me is pummeled with life crap. Sometimes it is harder to be the one watching the shit hit the fan than it is to be the one receiving the shit storm.

Yet that same morning I woke in a good mood and a song I use to sing at weddings with my mom and grandmother came to mind. This is the song:

The entire first verse popped into my head and I sang it to my husband acting all sappy adding hand motions and all like I was on stage (very unusual for me in the early morning). Afterward the song stayed with me so I posted it on FB with the photo below asking my mom if she remembered singing it. She did and later we chatted about it some. She told me the Psalm it came from was the one she recited every morning when she set her yoga intention and that she felt I was reminded of the song in order to giver her a message. She said, “You’re post was exactly what I needed. Thank you so much!”

“This is the day that the Lord hath made and I will rejoice with you.”

Dream #1

This dream centered at first around fish and turtles. They were in two separate tanks, one large and one only about 5 gallons. I recall seeing baby turtles swimming around in one. I decided to feed them. When I did all these other fish came out. Most of them were small but there were some large ones. When I watched the tank seemed large but then I realized it was on a 5 gallon. I said, “It’s way too small for this many fish!”

Then I went to a school or hospital setting. Inside I was walking around going up and down hallways repeatedly. There was a cat/bunny (it morphed from one to the other) that was mine. I was told that my cat was male and not female and shown it’s strange penis. I only recall a diagram of it now. It looked like a triangle with a longer side that extended like an arm.

There was a lot in between but most is lost to me now.

Then I was going in and out of the small lab storage room. It had a wall of windows on one side and had lots of scientific materials and such inside. I was in and out of it and then finally sat down by one of the windows on a long couch. There were two men with me, one I was very close to. I thought of them as “teachers”. The one I felt close to came and sat next to me while talking. He snuggled up to me and I reached around and pulled him close. It felt wonderful. I knew we loved each other very much but I also remembered that we rarely felt able to express our love because I was married. He and I were coworkers, so both teachers. As I sat next to him I recognized how difficult it was to be in love with him but not be able to be with him. He got up casually and the other man sat down near me, taking his seat. I wanted to sit next to the man I felt connected to – in love with – but couldn’t because of the man who took his seat. My heart began to sink and I felt an intense heaviness within. My last thought was about how we couldn’t be together. I began to cry in heaving sobs.

The dream woke me up and I rubbed my eyes clear of the tears. The man in the dream was very handsome to me even though to others he would have appeared as a normal looking, dark haired man. I KNEW him in the dream and even when I woke I felt our connection. His smile and demeanor was so very familiar, like we were never apart a day yet the reality (which was difficult to bear) was that we were physically apart.

Dream #2

In this dream I was back with the dark haired man and another man was also with me. The other man was my husband in real life. We were traveling to a work site in a work truck. All three of us sat in the bucket seat, me in the middle. The road we were traveling was up in the Smokey mountains and became narrower as we drove. At one point my husband said he thought the directions must be wrong because the destination was not where it should have been. I looked out the window and saw the road was winding and on one side was a pile of red bricks (experience and/or heartbreak has hardened me) looked to have been dumped there.

As we drove the road kept narrowing and both men were discussing how it was really treacherous. I looked out the window and the trees were right there, so close I could touch them. I saw their white trunks in rows. They resembled bars as if I were in a jail cell.

We came to a sudden stop. There was a metal foot bridge so the truck could not pass over. My husband wanted to keep driving to see if the truck would make it. I screamed in fear and my husband snapped at me really loudly for being a “back seat driver” saying, “STOP DOING THAT!” I was embarrassed for having let a scream escape but I was scared he was going to attempt to drive over the bridge. He didn’t, though. He stopped.

After he yelled at me I jumped out of the truck, tears welling up in my eyes from hurt feelings and all kinds of other unrelated emotion. I ran down the road in the opposite direction, back up the mountain road. The dark haired man got out of the truck and ran after me. I was thinking as I ran about how he (the dark haired man) would never do that. I sent a mental thought to the dark haired man saying, “You would never treat me like that. You care about how I feel.” I could feel his concern for me as he ran behind me. All I wanted was to be with him and I was thinking, “I can’t do this! I can’t do this!”

I woke again in tears and rubbed them from my eyes but they kept seeping out despite my efforts. My heart was aching when I woke. I heard, “I am always with you.” It didn’t help the ache.

Dream #3

This was a short dream. I was with a group and we were all being lined up. It reminded me of PE class in middle school when we would like up for dodge ball. I was told to stand at the end of the line and face the opposite direction than the rest of the people in line. My husband was next to me. When I turned the coach (which sounded like my husband) told me to turn around and said something crude related to balls. I can’t remember what he said but when I followed instructions and turned around I became furious with him, so angry I could feel the blood rushing to my head. Red-hot anger. I turned back to face him, this time to my left where my husband was standing, and said, “I WILL NOT be treated like this!” I could feel his humor in the dream and the anger I felt melted into grief and I began to cry, again sobbing so hard it woke me up. The feeling I had upon waking was how unfair everything was, how unjust to be belittled because I am a woman.

Dream #4

In this dream I was inside a large bathroom. The toilet kept squirting water out of the top, soaking the walls behind it. My husband was inside repairing a section of the wall and I told him about the water squirting out of the toilet. He inspected the wall on the opposite side of the room, the tile and the patch in the wall he had just completed. I told him to look behind the toilet. Instead he kept focusing on the patch in the wall. When I saw it I could see between the wood and noticed it was not a good patch job and would need to be torn out. I suggested we put a huge window, a stained glass window (spiritual healing and enlightenment/guidance), in its place. I got on the phone to order one and someone began to ask me questions that made no sense. I realized I had blanked out in the middle of the conversation and had no memory of what was said. The man on the phone seemed to indicate that I was not suppose to know the information I was asking for. I apologized and hung up. My husband was staring at me after and questioned me. I swore I had no idea why I had been on the phone, saying I was trying to order a stained glass window.

Then there was a hole in the wall where the patch had been. I could see outside to a pool full of kids. It started raining so they all started coming in through the hole. The kids were little, one a toddler girl. They carried towels with them and I helped them dry off.

Eventually there were kids everywhere and I felt overwhelmed and wanted to get out of the now cramped space. It was frantic feeling. Since I could get out I turned on a computer to do something on it and the kids began to ask to get on it. I remember relaying to them how they always wanted what I had, asking them, “Can you let me have something for once without trying to take it from me!?” They didn’t listen, though, and kept demanding what I had. They were all around the computers playing games and I watched continuing to feel overwhelmed.

When I woke from this dream I wasn’t crying but I felt suffocated by the dream experience. I realized it was very much how I feel in my day-to-day life as a mom and wife. Always giving up things for others. Give, give, give. I have to sneak down to the kitchen to grab a snack and hope my kids don’t hear me. If they do, they want whatever I am eating, nothing else will do. If I want to go for a walk alone I have to sneak out, otherwise I will have company whether I like it or not. It is a constant struggle to find time alone, to have something just for myself. Even my husband takes his share of my time, my effort, my body. What is left for me? Not much.

Music

A song was and still is going through my head. The lyrics I hear are – “Here’s to better days”.

This song is also coming to mind, though it has no lyrics. It is just a nice one to meditate to. Enjoy!

July 15, 2018 by Dayna

Rebirth and Inner Conflict

Rebirth. The messages continue to inundate my dreams. Last night I dreamed of a special plant that had giant seed pods on it. Each pod contained a beautiful cantaloupe orange fruit and a fully formed newborn baby. The plant itself completely dried up when the fruits were ripe. The whole dream centered around this fruit, it’s amazing taste (I ate some) and the babies that it birthed.

Babies everywhere: Rebirth. New opportunities.

In another dream I was dying my hair rainbow colors. It was twisted up tightly in a french braid.

Rainbow braid: I’m trying very hard to be optimistic, strong, confident and courageous right now.

Someone mentioned to me recently that there are currently 5 planets retrograde. I don’t know if this is true but I feel completely retrograded at the moment and it is only getting worse the closer I get to my solar return (Aug 4th). I would describe how I feel as exhausted – mentally, physically, emotionally. I sleep very deeply every night and my dreams dissipate upon waking except for a few strange images and symbols, left for my inspection I am sure. Like babies and fishing…and cryptic messages like, “This is it”. I often wake from these dreams with a decision. For example, after the cryptic message I felt I needed to take a break from everything internet related, be more real in my interactions and step away from all things spiritual. I nearly deleted all social media account apps from my phone after that, but didn’t. I figured it would just another fickle moment and I would change my mind again and again regardless, which I have more than once. I’m really messed up in that regard right now. I can’t seem to make up my mind about anything. I hate indecision.

Remember the dream I posted where there was a battle between Jupiter and Mars? I think it may have been a warning of an internal battle I was to fight in the future. This morning I read this post indicating that Mars is really close to Earth right now, a
“fifteen year approach”. The post also mentions we are going through a rebirth which I am certain is no coincidence considering all the baby symbolism and direct message of “you are being reborn” I’ve been getting.

The whole post seems to perfectly describe what I am going through right now, but specifically this:

The five-year Moira-Chaos Cycle is about how much Choice we put into Reaching for our Dreams, and on a deeper level, whether we even Give Ourselves Permission to Dream, or just let our Karmic Limitations control the Edges of our Life. Nothing we can do about it, it’s just The Way It Is. We can fantasize all we want, but on this Planet, those are just Immature Longings. Just think how much it would Disrupt our nicely organized Life if we followed those Longings. We’d probably be arrested, and certainly ostracized. Those Longings aren’t even Real, they’re too weird.

That’s the way we Justify our Limits to ourself so we don’t have to take a Risk and Break Out. That’s our Choice, isn’t it. To not rock the boat, to not be Crazy. To not Betray anyone. Except Ourself. It’s easier to leave those dead fronds on the Palm Tree, isn’t it. That ladder looks dangerous. God, they’ll Freak Out, won’t they.

♥ So, we’re Stuck, aren’t we. We can’t Betray our Commitments – what will that do to our Karma? And we can’t Betray Ourself – our Deepest Desires are too Deep to Let Go. What can we do?

All of the above describes my inner “fight” right now. My inner dialogue is something like: “Follow my heart/longing….no, wait, don’t. Stay where I am….. God. I’m stuck. I have to stay because…(blah, blah, blah).” All this is intermixed with a longing I cannot describe except to say that it is like a magnet at times but my response to it is always, “Not yet. I can’t yet.” It is so infuriating and…exhausting.

A sneak peak at my astrological year (2018) said that I would experience a “mid-life crisis” and supported all of the indecisiveness and inner conflict I’ve been experiencing this year. The horoscope suggests I not make any hasty decisions and ride out this year without making any drastic moves. It suggests I really think about career moves and any move I make before I make it. Thinking now, though, leads to indecision mostly. I am pulled in two directions always making a decision seem impossible. My interpretation of this feeling is to do nothing; make no change.

I have already recognized that I am struggling to reconcile the completion of “karmic” contracts with an intense longing that pulls me away. The two tugging me in opposite directions. Constantly. It is agonizing at times. It would be nice to be out on that boat on the bay again, lulled into serenity by the gentle waves. Sigh.

Ultimately we have to just let go and allow the process to unfold, and that is what I am doing. The job I mentioned previously which had seemed to be dematerializing has presented itself for my taking – which I already knew would happen so was not concerned really. I am not surprised that this path presents itself at this time in my life. I had asked for work that could help pave a path away from my previous career path – education – and that would open doors to me working from home. This job does everything I asked for. All I have to do is accept it and show up for work with my husband in the morning. I am not excited, though. I had hoped for work far away from home and family, something to give me an excuse to leave and relieve myself from my karmic responsibilities. This does none of those things. If anything it leads to resolution of some of that karma.

Similarly, I have chosen not to go to Atlanta in the Fall. I can go another year or to another seminar. There is one in Boulder next year if I want to go. I can’t go to Atlanta for various reasons. Mainly, I can’t go because the feelings that arise from just the idea of going are too chaotic and unstable. I would not be balanced if I went, that is obvious to me. The inner “fight” would be prolonged if I went.

The solution is given in the post I linked above. Ask for both karmic debts to be paid and inner longings to be met. Then trust that it will be. I have been asking this for some time and if I look into my core Self I know that it will be as I have asked. I just need to be patient, follow the path ahead using my heart as a compass, and keep the faith. But my human self views time as her enemy, as something she is working against. Evidence of it everywhere – my body aging by the day, skin sagging, more aches and less vibrancy; desire is diminished; apathy setting in with each mundane task that must be completed.

Life truly is a fight right now for me. Or a test. However you put it, it is difficult.

Mid-life crisis. LOL

July 3, 2018 by Dayna

Dreamwork and Tests

Lots of dreams to recount.

Dream: Gift House

This was the longest dream of the night. At the beginning I was in labor (hard work ahead) and women were tending to me. They were telling me it had to go a certain way, that everything would be okay and to let them handle everything. It hard to recall what the “certain way” was but there were specific rules. I felt forced by the rules and demanding to be left alone. There is mild discomfort felt in the dream but it is also hard to recall. There was also mention of absolutely no medical intervention being allowed.

After the labor scene I was recovering (no baby in sight) and handed a card (surprises ahead). The card was enormous, at least 8 feet high. It was also beautiful with colorful artwork from cover to cover. There were signatures from people I know in real life, people I have met in person and also on the internet. Most I have memories of helping or assisting in some way. I referred to them as my spiritual circle, my mind going to a specific circle I was part of early on in my awakening. I knew I had missed many meetings yet they still remembered me. I got emotional, shedding a few tears. I felt very loved.

There was a male presence assisting me to read the card. It was a reading provided by a very revered medicine man. He had drawn the card as part of my reading. I said, “Too bad it doesn’t say what it means.” The man seemed to indicate it did and I saw there was an explanation at the bottom with the symbols and their corresponding meanings. I only remember the symbols were unfamiliar, like mythical or made-up creatures. One was a water animal resembling a cross between a whale(intuition, emotion) and a manatee. The explanation had something to do with water, diving deep and coming to the surface and being of two worlds.

Then the letter was opened up into a partially constructed log cabin. I stepped inside it as if crossing through a portal. The cabin (success via ones own means) was very small and not yet complete. The walls were up but you could see through the boards. I remember walking through it in awe thinking how perfect it was and commenting about the walls needing to be “sealed”.

I went upstairs and noted two small bedrooms both with closets. Downstairs was a small living area and across from it an unfinished area that I assumed was the master bedroom (intimate self). There was a section for a garage but it was not yet built as if I could decided to add one if I wanted – or not. The master bedroom was the main focus and I was talking to the man about where to construct the walls to separate it from the living room. There was an ornate bronze metal post in one area that acted as a support beam that could not be moved. It was significant in the dream, special as if a statue of some sort.

There was discussion with the man for a while about this house. He told me it was my gift. The feeling was that my spiritual circle wanted me to have it. There are many flashes of piles of logs for the cabin waiting to be placed. There is also a flash of a large bear (independence, strength, death/renewal) standing on his hind legs. The statue maybe? Or something else?

Considerations

The dream felt significant so I couldn’t return to sleep. When I woke from the dream I heard, “We love you.” I remember various other messages. One was, “Strong woman”. Another was a song, If You Leave, specifically, “Heaven knows what happens now.” There was a sense that this “gift” was an opportunity. In fact the word, “opportunity”, kept repeating. I was also told, “Remember your heart.”

Houses are the Self in dreams. So was this gift a gift of Self? A new version waiting for the finishing touches? And why was the master bedroom not yet walled in? The bedroom is the private self but a master bedroom can be partnerships, like a marriage or relationship.

Dream: Alternate Realities

Upon returning to sleep I was shown various alternate realities to the life I am currently experiencing. I seemed to be selecting them and viewing them. One in particular depicted a very different outcome to the life I have now. In it I married my current husband and we had a daughter together. Then, for some reason or another, we divorced and our other two children were never conceived. I was able to inspect what caused the split. I viewed various scenes of arguments we had. What I concluded was that I was more outspoken, less cooperative in general and unwilling to “lose” a fight. My husband was similar to how he is now in his response to my stubbornness but because I never yielded and let him win, refusing to see his side of things, he often became enraged and ultimately put up a block to me emotionally. My selfish and stubborn choices ultimately resulted in the dissolution of our relationship.

There was no judgment here. I could see how I might respond in such a way. Stubborn and pig headed are good descriptors of me in my younger years. In fact, I am still very resistant but have soften substantially and learned many lessons over the years (in this life scenario anyway).

I also viewed a life trajectory where my husband and I split up and then reunited years later. And there was yet another life where we stayed married until we were very old and death was the cause of our separation.

I believe this dream was the result of a FB conversation I had yesterday about alternate realities. The sense was that what we choose to experience is only one out of many possible scenarios available to us.

Dream: Other Life

This dream seemed to be of another life altogether. In it I was with a man. We were actors playing the role of being in love. We often kissed and made love “on screen”. The man was extremely tall and broad shouldered with medium blonde hair. He had a deep voice that, to me, was very sexy (and somewhat familiar). During one of our kissing scenes I realized that I was attracted to my play partner and in love with him. This recognition caused me to look forward to every scene in which we kissed or had sexual relations. I shifted from being an actress into personifying my role.

I shifted into a scene where my partner took me to a gathering. It felt like an obligation and I was not looking forward to it. The place and people we visited had different rules and beliefs to our own. They were emotionally stiff and lived a simple life. They seemed similar to Puritans.

While sitting at a table my partner wandered off. Later, a man came up and told me that my partner had connected with his old friend again. Turns out it was a male friend and they were sexually involved. I didn’t care that he had done this and waited for his return.

There is a scene where I am looking through a refrigerator for food, specifically a burrito. I ended up putting two chicken (cowardice) strips in the oven and never finding the burrito (efficiency).

At the end of the dream I am laying in bed and my partner returns. I ask him how he enjoyed sex with a man, asking him specific questions. lol We laugh about the whole topic, him scooping me up in his arms and kissing me. I could feel our connection strongly in the dream, like a warm breeze that wrapped around me. I felt safe and secure in his arms and a beautiful friendship and deeply devoted love radiated from my heart. He threaded his fingers through my own and held my hand. The last thing I recall is a flash of the country scene through the window above the bed, feeling his hand in my own and the love in my heart.

Of course, the feeling woke me up. I could still feel him next to me. It was so very real!

Discussion

My partner in spirit spoke with me for some time after. I recall him mentioning June 20th as connected to what is currently happening now. He also reminded me that the love and connection I felt in the dream is always there. I remember being upset by the fact that this place (physical experience) makes it so very difficult to remember and feel that love and Divine connection. I remember us discussing my wanting to abort, to leave early, and him reassuring me and telling me, “We will help you.”

June 20th

Curious about the date I was given and what, if any, significance it has, I looked in my private blog for any posts on that date. Of course, I found one! Here is part of it:

This dream started out with my ex-husband visiting me. It felt like he was returning to see if he and I could resume a relationship. His interest was a curiosity to me and it seemed like I was encouraging him to explore the option more. The main topic of discussion was his old pick-up (hard work), well two of them. When we met he had a red Nissan pick-up and then acquired a black Nissan pick-up later. I was asking him questions about the red one and trying to retrieve it to get it in working order. There was mention of selling it, too. In and among all this I was looking over my mom’s checkbook, balancing it. She ended up with only $40 left in her account.

Then I recall being inside a public bathroom (cleansing and clarity). I was in one of the stalls and there were numerous other stalls. Some women were brought in and I recognized they were being escorted in. The feeling here was that I wanted privacy.

The scene shifted and I was being taken into a processing or in-take center along with hundreds of other people, all adults. It was inside a large church (seeking guidance) and sometimes it shifted to be a Wal-Mart. I think this came from the many posts on FB I have been reading about illegals and their families being separated.

The main feeling I had was confusion. One minute I was living life and the next I was transported to an unfamiliar place with tons of other people. I had no idea where I was or where I was going or what was going to happen to me. I felt disoriented because of it and worried/anxious.

Everyone was separated by gender. I was taken with the other women and told to sit. I had in my hands a blue folder that was full of some of my information (clinging to my identity), places I had worked, old resumes, and other odds and ends. I held onto it happy that I had it with me. The information I had was that we were going to be transplanted, given jobs and new lives. I panicked a bit thinking of the type of work I would be given – substitute teacher, cashier, etc. I told the man who gave me my info packet, “I don’t have to work. My husband makes enough for our family.” He responded as if I was crazy saying, “We understand. You will be given an appropriate job. Don’t worry.” I kept thinking I didn’t want to work and worried about how I could get out it.

An older woman sat down next to me and I watched as she seemed to take it all in alongside me. The announcer was telling us to wait our turns and explaining that all would be provided for and be safe.

We were then eating dinner but I don’t recall eating, just the end. A person came by the take up our used dishes and took my water. I objected and he gave me the water to my right. I told him it wasn’t mine and he said it didn’t matter. He then gave me a canned sweet tea (contentment). I wondered why anyone would put sweet tea in a can. It didn’t appeal to me.

The older woman was still next to me and we were discussing our families and how to reconnect. For some reason my sister’s ex-husband’s name came to mind and I began to call out to see if anyone from that family was there with us. I walked around a bit but got no answers. I complained saying, “How can we ever find family when we are separated like this?” The separation was that the cafeteria (issues eating me up inside) room we were in was separate from the other rooms.

Then we were sitting on pews and someone was talking again. He was asking us to fill out our packets and explaining that we were receive our placements soon. I looked up at the ceiling and saw a section that might fall. I mentally pulled it down but it changed nothing. No one noticed.

One woman received her placement. She was being sent to Canada. I thought, “Wow. That is far away.” There was talk that if our family came to get us then we were be entrusted to their care and not have to be placed. I wondered if my family knew where I was. I hoped they would come get me but couldn’t figure how they would find me. Another woman mentioned that she got her placement but that her bus didn’t come until 12:30. She asked when that was and was told, “Good luck. That’s a late one.”

The announcer gave further instructions about the paperwork. He sat on a pew and said that we would put our two packets in piles, one on either side of him. He didn’t ask us to line up and I knew it would take a while for everyone to get their packets to him. His last instruction was that, in order to get an appropriate placement, we needed to pick a movie character that we would want to be. There was mention of an old movie from 1976 (year of my birth) and I thought it disagreeable, wondering why he would use it as an example.

In a panic to figure out what character to choose I thought of all the movie characters that might suit me. For some reason I came up with The Sound of Music and struggled to remember the main character’s name. I remembered in the end writing down, “Maria: The Sound of Music.”

When I woke I was still in a panic as it all felt very real. Like I had just been picked up and dropped in an unfamiliar place awaiting my fate. I felt powerless because I could not find anything or anyone that was familiar to me. My family was gone, unreachable. I was about to be placed somewhere and given a job. In my life I didn’t have to work yet I was to be put to work somewhere, to be given a new identity and life. It scared me.

Mostly I wondered why I chose Maria from The Sound of Music as my character. Did I want to be a nun that fell in love and left the church to raise all those kids and commit to her love? Did that somehow mean I was to be placed in a family and have to learn to love the children and their father? Was it somehow representative of my current situation? It seemed so.

Other Considerations

I can’t help but wonder about the purpose of all this dreamwork. The word, “opportunity” continues to come up yet I have this dead-end feeling following me around. I am familiar with the feeling so it is barely noticeable, but I do sense it. I continue to feel like I need to be doing something but then I lose interest or things don’t turn out. I don’t care how they turn out, which is an odd feeling to get use to. Normally I would be upset if I worked toward something and it fell apart. Now I am not phased by such things.

Lately, I have noticed a trend. A door seems to open to me in life, I go through it and then find it closes on me (not the right door). This is specifically noticed in regards to career. For example, I felt drawn to apply for the job at Vitamin Shoppe so I did. I went through the entire process only to have a position 30 minutes away offered, which was not a good fit for me. Then I went through the entire Tinkergarten hiring process (took me over a month to complete) only to be told in the end that they were full and would consider me for future openings if I so desired. Then, just recently as mentioned in my last post, a door opened to working at my husband’s place of employment. I went in yesterday and filled out all the paperwork, assured of my position in pay. Then, when my husband informed his boss of my pay she objected. No agreement has been reached thus far so I don’t know what is going to happen. My husband says he is going to leave it to his boss and withdraw. He was very upset and wanting to quit over what she said to him, which, I must admit, was very unprofessional and rude.

Even with yesterday’s turn of events I am not upset. I don’t mind that I went through the entire hiring process to have a hiccup over pay stop everything. I think, “So what.” LOL It was the same with Tinkergarten. That was the longest ever hiring process! It included an actual demo class I had to organize from start to finish. In the end I didn’t care that all that hard work didn’t pay off. Instead, I saw it as a learning experience, something that focused my attention for a while.

And these experiences are not limited to career. I keep being confronted with relationship and life issues that push my buttons to the point that I think I need to take action. Yet my gut tells me, “No”. I follow it, the feeling fades and I shift back to total acceptance. It is a continual return to the lesson of surrender and acceptance.

It seems to me that I am being “tested” via these experiences. The questions being asked are, “Can Dayna follow through with her ‘instructions’ without expectation? Can she trust the process entirely without doubt or resistance?”

It makes me wonder what the next test will be? It will be what it will be. I trust that whatever the intent of the next door that it will be purposeful and that I may never know the actual purpose in the end.

June 29, 2018 by Dayna

More Money Messages and Dreams

In a previous post I was given a date in January. I knew it meant that I needed to refer back to January this year for information regarding my current inner healing work. There wasn’t much I could conclude from a quick review of that month, though. However, yesterday, while on a walk, not 100 yards from my front door, I saw a crumpled up mass of trash in the middle of the road. As I got closer I realized it was money – $20. This is the second time this year I have found money in the middle of the road. The last time was in…..January!

Of course I picked up the money and took it inside, once again thrilled at my “luck”. However, as I began to consider the “why” of it, my intuition was saying, “Pay attention.”

The previous amount I found was two $100 bills on the road parallel to each other. The message seemed to me to be related to the number 11 and the significance the number carries. It also seemed to represent two aspects of a whole – masculine and feminine – whole in themselves yet still connected. At the time of that money discovery the money came along with certain thoughts which also pointed to the message.

Similarly, the $20 bill on the road came after much consideration about relationships and partnerships, what I want, my own tendencies, etc. I had not been thinking of these things at the exact moment of discovery of the money, though. When I saw the money it was so crumpled that it was unrecognizable as money. Only upon close inspection did the $20 markings show. Anyone walking past would have thought it trash.

The number 20 is all about partnerships and relationships, romantic and otherwise. It carries with it a tendency of the individual who has been given this number to function best when in a partnership. It isn’t dependency but more that the individual is more capable when working as part of a team (partner or group). In contrast to the two $100 bills, which were separated, the $20 is whole in itself. The only thing that bothers me is the crumpled state of the money.

Then yesterday, on a walk in the same neighborhood, there was a $1 bill on the sidewalk. It looked brand new, all straight and crisp. My daughter was with me but didn’t see it until I had it in my hands. I said, “This must be for me!” because, well, the universe keeps sending me money on my walks/runs. Three times this year, twice this week!

Upon inspection I realized some other things about the $1 bill:

The letter in the circle on the left is significant. I exclaimed to my kids, “Look! It even has my name on it!”. I handed it to my kids who all wanted to touch it as if it was some kind of special $1. When I got it back I noticed it has 11’s on all four corners. I’d never noticed that on money before so I checked the cash in my wallet. It seems to be a $1 bill thing only. The number coincides with the letter in the circle – the 11th letter is K.

Something felt right about this message. I’m not exactly sure what, but it seemed to indicate that all is well, I’m on the right path and to trust my inner Knowing. There was also a thought that it represented a countdown of sorts. Everything about it screams solid foundations. Here is the numerological meaning of 1.

Aside from money finds, I’ve been having lots of interesting dreams, some disturbing and others that seem to be hinting at the future.

Dream: Foreign Gate

I was a passenger on a very large airplane (higher awareness, new state of Being). It was so massive that there were three rows of seats and a divider with a door in the middle. As we entered I was asked to put my carry-on luggage (identity, security, responsibilities and burdens) away but could not find an overhead compartment for them. The one over my seat was full of some old lady’s stuff – boxes of make-up (self-image, self-confidence) she was selling (replace burdens with confidence). The flight attendant told me to find another place so I set my luggage aside. I remember telling the attendant that it was wrong for the lady to take up so much space with make-up and that something should be done about it. Nothing was done about it, though.

When we were departing the place I was told to retrieve my things. There was someone with me who told me I needed to go through the “foreign gate” (change into new phase of life) where they had been put. I hesitated and did not want to go through the gate but I wanted my luggage so I did.

On the other side there was luggage scattered everywhere. All of it was identical: black carry-on’s. Mine was a black carry-on. I checked through numerous bags but could not find any with my name tag on it. I began to panic, searching through them multiple times. I never found my carry-on. I did find my red and black backpack (knowledge gained) which was a relief.

The man with me advised me to just leave the luggage (message to “let it go”). Someone else had taken it. I was beside myself with upset to the point that I had this sick feeling in my stomach, a nausea that was abnormal. The man kept reminding me that I had my backpack, so I had what I needed. My thoughts mirrored his words. I said, “Yes, but I will have to go and buy new clothes, new contact solution….everything.” There was a feeling that I would okay despite the set-back but the worry surpassed it.

Still panicking, I woke up suddenly. The feeling was lingering in my stomach. It was an “oh shit” feeling. I hate that feeling, especially when I have no idea what to make of it.

Dream: Flooded Basement

I was in a house (soul/self) with my husband (soul connection to husband) and kept noticing standing water (emotion). He was focused on something upstairs, a washing machine (need to resolve issues of the past to move forward) that had been buried (suppressed) and he was digging up (coming to surface). I finally got him to notice the water and he said the whole basement (basic needs and desires, confusion, suppression in subconscious) was flooded (overwhelmed by emotions) about three feet high. He knew about it all along and was just ignoring it determined to dig up the washer. He kept saying the flooding in the basement was because the washer was installed improperly. I remember seeing him digging up a chunk of dirt covered in thick grass and brown leaves (disappointment, despair) and him saying he had been working on it for an hour. I also remember seeing water standing around the a/c in the corner of the house.

Inside my husband had done something with the washer and was draining it I think and water was pouring all over the carpets (protection from harsh reality). There was discussion about a new sofa (laziness, boredom or need to clear mind/thoughts) and it being 38in and only getting cleaned for free if it was 40in. I saw it and it was huge and the back of it arched over the dining room table.

I was upset about the flooded basement. I crawled on the railings of the stairs because they seemed to be upside down (no progress made), the risers above me and the railings below. I never got down to the basement and knew I would have to sleep in a house that was flooding. I was nervous and didn’t want to stay.

Note: The next day my husband actually dug up a part of the front yard to fix a busted water main. The scene was nearly identical to pieces of the above dream. There was water standing near the a/c units and large chunks of sod piled on the driveway from his excavation of the pipes.

Dream: Giant Ladybug

I was inside a large kitchen (life alteration, transformation) and commented on how clean it was. The kitchen had many parts and was larger than normal with several sinks, ovens and work stations on both ends. There were women preparing foods and I helped by making the carrots (clarity, abundance and fertility). I kept adding carrots because I felt it would not be enough. I put them on the stove and noticed a bottle of soda (rejuvenation) had gone missing. I went outside to find it and walked past a group of older women sitting at a table waiting for the meal. There were brown leaves (fallen hopes, despair, loss) blowing past and I commented that the last time we gathered the leaves hadn’t fallen yet. I kept looking for the soda and saw it near some tools. When I picked it up it was obvious soda was not what was inside. It was some kind of chemical. Then I saw a very large ladybug (beauty and good luck) whose shell was rusty orange with gemstones (riches, spiritual protection) where the spots should have been.

Considerations

June’s energy has grown in intensity since the first week and continues to grow. I suspect July is going to be a humdinger of a month. All the messages and syncs continue to escalate despite my asking my guidance to give me a break. My dreams seem to be preparing me for change and show how I am working on confronting certain fears and beliefs related to that change.

In addition to continuing to get messages about Atlanta on a daily basis (it’s ridiculous, really), there are other smaller messages here and there. For example, on one of my walks I kept finding discarded bird eggshells (rebirth) along the path, all in almost perfect condition.

At first I was struggling against the messages and intuition I am having. Of course, the struggle came from my Ego assuming the messages and accompanying feelings meant “NOW” and so, understandably, there was some freaking out. But now I recognize that these messages are memories ignited within by certain aspects of my life trajectory (timeline) coming into view (trigger events). It would be like driving along a highway and seeing that your destination is an hour drive away when previously the signs indicated days of travel.

So now I am hovering somewhere between anticipation of said future changes and complete acceptance/surrender. My focus is on keeping an open mind and heart, acknowledging any expectations and setting them aside so that I can freely accept into my life that which will be for the greatest good of all.

This excerpt from an astrological blog I follow jumped out at me:

Living through Expectation prevents you from ever leaving the Past, since our Expectations are based on our Past Experiences. If you Want to Experience Life As It Is, Moment to Moment, you have to “Cancel, Neutralize, Upgrade,” thank the mind for attempting to Contribute, chuckle at it, and Open to an [sic] Blank Slate.

June 25, 2018 by Dayna

Kundalini Dream: Funky Town

Just when I think I am gonna get some good quality sleep…..the Full Moon energy hits! Ahhh!

Kundalini Dream: Funky Town

Again, wasn’t expecting this nor was I expecting how it would come about.

The dream began with me and my family attending a concert – a symphony (harmony/cooperation) actually. A young woman was trying to enter the theater and I kept holding her back. She wasn’t allowed and was bad news. I knew her somehow, though. Eventually, with the symphony starting, I had to let her in. So she came in with me keeping an eye on her.

We sat down with my husband and family. The theater was huge with row upon row of seats. As the first half began the entire seating area seemed to shift and roll. It was like we were on a roller coaster. I closed my eyes, falling into the movement. I could feel myself in my seat curving up, up and over, completely flipping backward and then back to upright. Secure in my seat I just allowed the motion. No fear. No concerns.

The woman who I brought in was chatting the whole time. I could feel tears welling up and then pouring down my cheeks. I don’t recall an emotion here except surrender. When I opened my eyes I was back facing the front of the theater where I had started. The woman mentioned my tears asking me why I was crying. I didn’t answer. I had no clue.

At intermission (break) we left and entered into a car (life path) to wait. The car was parked in front of a large, wooden gate (new phase of life) that was closed. Inside the car my older sister (aspect of Self) was with me talking to me about something she observed about me. I mostly ignored her, focusing on a picture I was drawing.

My sister was saying, “Isn’t it funny that the older you get, the less you try, the less fight you have left to even bother doing the things you want to do? Why do you think that is?” When she was saying this I saw a picture that she drew to illustrate. It was of blobs of “desire”. At first they were large but the farther across the paper they got, the smaller until they were nothing but thin lines.

I knew she was trying to get me to converse with her, to dig deep and find out why I have lost the desire to fight for what I want. So I continued to draw my picture. I put a “circle, circle, dot, dot” (boobs) on the person and then laughed and showed my sister. She kept talking about how I wasn’t fighting anymore, acting more concerned.

My husband who was in the driver’s seat said, “Why don’t we listen to something else. I wonder if we can purchase a different station?” He started scanning for new music and landed on 97.5 FM. I said,”No. It costs too much. Just leave it. The price is too high (telling my Self that the price of change/desire is too high).”

As intermission ended I looked ahead of the car. There was a huge bulldozer (need to clear clutter from life, feeling blocked) in front of us. I thought, “It is going to take forever to get through now.”

My sister kept talking to me about my loss of motivation and willpower. As she did I could hear music playing, one song then another. I focused on the images that came with it. I saw what seemed like movies playing and then rewinding in slow motion. At one point there were three scruffy dogs, one female and two males. The males were trying to mate with the female. One was successful. I watched, amused, thinking of a joke (trying to distract myself) my husband told me recently (read it here if you want to laugh). All the while my sister continued to try to get my attention.

My attention still on the mating dogs I felt what seemed like fingers being jabbed into my lower abdominal area. With this came a sharp pain and a bubble of intensely pleasurable energy. I tried to ignore it, still amused from the joke I was thinking about, but the jabbing continued as if I were being stabbed in the stomach. Finally the mixture of pain and pleasure woke me up. The bubble of energy was in my second chakra pushing upward but felt stuck. Though the energy was pleasurable, the pain was much more intense and uncomfortable. I wanted it to go away but instead it was like my body was not my own. Despite being awake my first and second chakras exploded in a mixture of pain and pleasure. I winced and rolled over on my side trying to figure out what was going on.

Message

The song, Funkytown was going through my head – “Won’t you take me to Funkytown….” When I listened and heard the first line I rolled my eyes. lol

I was not impressed and a bit irritated. My “sister” from the dream was now my partner in Spirit and he was being extremely pushy. He said, “We need to talk.” LOL – look at the lyrics – “Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it…..” I was mostly focused on the dogs wondering why the Kundalini energy would come on from such a visual, especially when I was finding it humorous. I eventually just let that go because, who the hell knows why the Kundalini does what it does anyway? lol

My partner kept asking me to consider what my sister in the dream was telling me. I still didn’t want to talk about it. I can see how as I get older I get less motivated to change, less interested in “fighting” for what I want. He asked me to think about 20 years ago. How am I different? I confirmed that, yes, I am way less likely to fight for what I want now. I am slowly falling into apathy. I justified this by saying, “Doesn’t everyone get like that as they get older?” I remember saying, “It doesn’t matter and taking risks to get something I want is too costly in the end (thus me saying “it costs too much” in the dream)”.

Honestly, the conversation didn’t get very far because I kept avoiding the images and memories that came to mind. It was the middle of the night and I wanted to sleep. I was a bit frustrated and irritated with my partner telling him I was not amused nor happy with his methods. And my lower abdominal area still ached. Not fun.

If you read the lyrics to Funkytown you will see his message. If he had a face I would have punched him – last night anyway. lol He was saying, “We love you.” I was thinking, “Go away!!!” as I nursed my achy tummy – which still hurts this morning. It feels like an ovarian cyst. Ugh.

Dream: Circle of Friends

I was with a few others. We were going to a gathering of others like us. We entered into a space filled with drums, pillows, blankets, musical instruments and spiritual things. We waited for the others to arrive.

Someone mentioned that the others weren’t there yet. I asked if maybe they had the location wrong. We saw some people gathering at another location through the window. I knew my friend Sophia had set it up and was at the other location so I volunteered to call her.

Eventually we were all together in a circle. I sat next to Sophia. I had not seen her in so long. I turned and looked her in the eyes. She had one hand on her high heart. I placed my hand over the top of hers and then she placed her other hand over mine. I then put my right hand over the top of that. When I did this I closed my eyes and a surge of energy resulted. I could see a brilliant yellow light shoot out of her upper chest. She smiled. It felt like healing had occurred. She said, “I’ve been experiencing an upload.” I said, “I have too and am on the other side of it now. I feel good.” We discussed the other friend who had not arrived and assumed she had been experiencing something similar and likely needed time alone.

It felt like many who were suppose to be at the circle had not shown. Those who did show ended up talking for a while, getting to know one another. I recall looking at the unfamiliar faces and thinking about how everyone was so plain looking, as if the “awakened ones” were the “outcasts” or “unpopular” group. I didn’t care, though.

One person introduced themselves as “Sally”. It took me a while to hear her because there was this loud, mechanical sound drowning her out. I recall she looked male and being surprised she was female.

A man stood next to me and told his story, how he helped people (can’t recall how now but it was unusual). At one point I turned around and he was completely naked, his naked butt cheeks in my face. I turned away, smirking, and he apologized. I laughed and said, “Get your ass out of my face already.” LOL

Eventually we left and I found myself walking along the road (sense of direction) near my Mom’s house in the dark, the full moon illuminating the road. I was wearing socks (comfort) only and could feel the pebbles (minor annoyances) poking my feet. I was with friends and extremely happy and positive, enjoying the light of the full moon and the connection with nature and life.

When we reached the intersection (important decision) the others left me alone (have to make decision on my own). I stood there and noticed a microwave (quick action) sitting on the fence post. I found a small plate nearby and filled it with vegetables (spiritual nourishment) and put it in the microwave. Then I saw headlights and notice a tiny car parked near me. A car drove up and a person got out and began to yell at a small child in the tiny car. I went to the child’s rescue but discovered that I knew the people in the car, an old high school classmate (connection with others). We talked and she told me that the school was much different now.

Others joined us there at the intersection. Eventually they were all seated at a table and I was offering them my plate of veggies (help others gain spiritual nourishment). One guy took broccoli (spiritual nourishment), another green beans (the soul). I was happy to give up my food thinking it was likely the only healthy food any of them had in a long time.

Continued Message

I finally woke up completely, still tired and achy from the Kundalini episode. The dreams about the spiritual circle were vivid, especially the energy rush out of my friend Sophia’s chest. I find it interesting that I would dream about her and the walk-in group when I haven’t had dreams of her or them in ages. This coming after several dream visits by Yvonne, the organizer of the walk-in group who, of course, lives in Tennessee.

The message I am receiving now is that I am in need of a kick in the butt to get me to take action because, obviously, I have lost my “fight”. The sense I got from the message was that I need to take action immediately. I was told, “opportunity is coming.”

Really, though, I don’t have the motivation to change….at.all. There is a feeling of, “Why bother?” Life goes on no matter what. Survival is still part of it and survival is drudgery.

Part of the conversation with my partner was about my vibration/energy and how the primary energy I am sending out right now is “fear”. He referred to my purpose, asking, “How can you fulfill your purpose if you are primarily projecting fear?” I can see how apathy = succumbing to fear and how my lack of motivation and action is a result of fear. But when you have failed time and time again it is not easy to get back up and fight. Eventually you just stay down and accept that as your place.

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Living Life in Between

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