Category Archives: Messages

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Three Dreams and Messages

I had some interesting dreams and messages that I want to document.

Dream: Family Reunion

I was with my “cousin” and there was some serious conversation going on. I remember being in my childhood bedroom and seeing him standing there. His face was shifty as was his overall appearance. Sometimes he looked fair haired and other times dark haired. I kept confusing him for my actual cousin, but in reality he was just “family” of the soul kind. There was some resistance on my part at being in the situation. It felt like I was being asked to “allow” and “reconnect” with him but him being “family” caused internal conflict. In the end I succumbed and we embraced and kissed. I felt huge relief once I allowed and accepted our connection. All in all, it seemed like the internal conflict stemmed from my human conditioning. I was resistant to close family relations of the romantic sort yet when I finally allowed it, the feeling was not romantic at all but more a deeply loving friendship.

Dream: Renovations

In this dream I was walking the hallway of a dorm-type (learning) housing until. The hallway was larger than any I have ever been in, though. My room number was 74 (adds up to 11) and I kept forgetting it and having to be reminded of it. I also lost track of my keys (fear of losing control) on the way to class and when I went back to retrieve them found my dorm/apartment was unlocked. When I went inside someone had completely remodeled (change) it. I felt an unfamiliar energy inside, one that felt dark to me. It was unseen but very present in the space. This energy had remodeled the apartment, installing a huge fish tank (keep feelings in check) with strange, black fish (subconscious insight) inside. Just looking at them made me shiver, though in reality they were just normal fish. I’m not sure why I felt they were “dark”.

The rest of the remodel (life changes) was nice, though, and me and a male friend discussed the changes that were made. I remember there was new trim around the window and I began to take it down only to change my mind and put it back. The more I discussed the changes, the less dark the energy felt and the more helpful it seemed. I remember people kept asking if I was selling the old stuff that had been removed during the remodel. I kept saying no and eventually told a woman she could have the old ceiling fan(change) for $30.

Back inside we were using the new clothes washer (need to resolve past issues). When a button was pushed the thing expanded and looked like a shallow swimming pool (need to deal with emotion). The energy there kept moving things around. I felt unable to stop it from making changes. Eventually I gave in and allowed the changes, even accepting them fully. I jumped into the “pool” that was the washing machine toward the end.

Dream: Familiar Man

This dream was partially lucid. I mainly recall talking to a female friend who had long, dark hair. She and I were discussing a friend of ours. She told me that he was relocating to Austin. The news made me very excited and I was jumping about saying, “He’s moving to Austin! That’s great news! I have lots of past lives with him. You do, too.”

I mainly recall the excitement I was feeling. The images are blurry but there is a distinct memory of what this man looks like. I remember seeing him briefly a few nights ago in dreamtime, too. We were talking but I can’t recall what was said. Seeing him in my near-lucid dream woke me up, though.

Messages and Memory

Before I woke fully, I lingered in the in-between. There were messages coming quickly. The first message was written on the underside of a white bowl in black handwriting. The minute I saw it I protested reading it, telling my guides I didn’t want to know. So I have no idea what it said. The second message was spoken to me. It said, “May through June….pay attention to the changes and your neighbors…..You know you don’t belong there.” Most of the information I did not want to hear and so pushed it out of my head before I could recognize the messages.

A memory came to me out of the blue, though. It was a memory from years ago, around 2012 maybe. I was going home from work but stopped by Walgreens to pick up something. I lingered in my car before leaving. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a car pull into a parking spot a few cars down from me. Something told me to look. It was an odd feeling that sorta pushed me to look actually. So I turned and looked and locked eyes with a man.

My heart fell into my stomach and I began to panic. All kinds of alarms were going off in my mind. The guy was staring at me. At first he looked surprised, startled almost. Then he started to smile. I couldn’t look away but I knew if I didn’t look away he would get out of his car and come talk to me. I did not want that so I looked down at my lap and waited for what seemed like a very long time. My heart pounded the whole time and I thought over and over to him, “Don’t come over here. Don’t come over here.”

When I finally felt it was safe to look up, he was gone. I drove out of that parking lot feeling like something had happened, but I didn’t know what. I just wanted to get home as fast as I could.

When I recalled this memory I remembered what the man looked like. Actually, I have never forgotten what he looked like so it was not difficult to recall. And what is weird is the man in my dream looked just like him.

For a while after that encounter in the parking lot I wondered about it. I knew if I had allowed it something major would have happened. It was just a feeling, one that scared me. My thoughts to my guidance was, “Not now. I can’t. I’m married.” Sound familiar? lol Now to have this dream and memory come one after the other, it seems to indicate that I may be meeting this man again. Ugh. Why?

 

 

 

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Manifest Destiny

Ack! I’ve got a throat on fire this morning and so does my husband. Today we are driving to South Padre, too. The kids are super excited, their energy is so jagged feeling compared to my own. They tend toward more crying fits and arguing when it gets like this. My daughter has yet to go into anxiety/worry mode. She typically fixates on one certain future scene and if it changes even a little she has a melt down. Talk about “fixed” (Taurus). And I thought I was bad! Ha!

I am somewhat excited despite feeling crappy. This is a whole-family event (husband’s side anyway). One thing I can give my husband is that he has an awesome family. They don’t argue and know how to enjoy life and have a good time. My family, on the other hand, would be fighting or in tension mode most if not all of the trip. I would have to be in the ocean all day to avoid them (not a problem!). Also, with all the other family with us, my mommy duties will be lightened substantially. My BIL and SIL who just moved from CA are without children (though SIL is newly pregnant) and they LOVE our kids. I also know my SIL will watch my kids like a hawk. It is such a relief for me to know I have her as backup and don’t have to worry myself silly that one of my kids will drown when my husband is distracted. To know I can withdraw and have time alone on this trip, lay like a lump on the beach even, makes all the hassle and preparation worthwhile.

We rented a three bedroom condo on the beach, something I have only experienced once and that was when I was 13 on the beaches of North Carolina (pristine!). To be able to just walk out the back door and be on the beach is awesome! My kids will be in heaven, no doubt. My BIL and SIL rented an SUV for the drive, too. Another cool thing about my husband’s family – they like to travel in style and abundance tends to follow them.

Dream: Manifest Destiny

On to things of a more spiritual nature.

Despite my sickness I had vivid dreams. First there was one all about protection and circles. I don’t recall much of it now but protection was being emphasized again. Then I was a middle school aged girl in school. My focus was on my friends and socializing. I cared little for my grades. There was a boy I hung out with who I considered my best friend. I only recall now that he had dark hair, was somewhat aloof at times and more quiet than me. Honestly, I think my personality just overshadowed his but there was no irritation on his part. It was just the way we were.

I remember knowing that I was choosing socialization over academics and that this was not my norm. At one point we were sitting together at a table trying to focus on an assignment. We were paired up, working on it together, but neither of us was into doing it. There was a mother and her daughter sitting across from us quite focused on the assignment. I watched them getting the work done rapidly. I knew that if I didn’t do the work, it would not get done. It wasn’t that my partner was stupid, I just knew it wouldn’t get done if I left it up to him. School wasn’t his “thing”. lol

So I began to ask the mother about the assignment. “What are we suppose to do?” She said that we needed to review a book and then describe what was missing/lacking in the details and organization of it. What it came down to was the book had only an index. I said, “Well that’s easy. It needs a Table of Contents and a glossary.” The answer needed to be in essay format so I got to writing it straight away. I remember the mother asking me, “Don’t you want to read the book first?” I said, “No. I know what it says.” Then I began to tell them about it. It was a book about U.S. expansion West. Specifically, it was about Manifest Destiny. I even used that word and specifically tuned into the time when the “West” was not the West we know today but the mid-west U.S. around the Great Lakes. I told them the entire history. There was a particular feeling I had at this time. It was excitement similar to how one feels when they are passionate about a subject. I have always liked history but this was beyond that even. In the dream I knew that I would pass the assignment without issue. In fact, I wrote so much that I ran out of room before I even got to answering the question. lol

heart

Afterward, my friend and I went to his home and I met his parents. His father was suspicious of me but his mother liked me. I remember talking to his mom about a small object. I asked her if I could have one. The father disapproved of my asking but she smiled and said, “Sure.” She handed me a tiny, see-through heart. I was overjoyed to have received it.

As I was preparing to leave the father insinuated that I would steal one of their cars. lol I did end up driving out in my own car and the dream then meandered from there. I ended up getting assistance on a very steep, downhill path and was worried I would go too fast and lose control.

Messages

I woke with an uncomfortable soreness in my throat. My guidance was talking to me, asking me if I remembered our discussions. I only recalled that protection was needed and soon drifted into the in-between.

While in-between I saw myself inside a jet that at first resembled an airplane. It was sitting on something high up in the sky but not flying. I was told to look at it closely and when I did I realized it had no wings. I heard, “rocket” and then put two and two together. A “rocket” in the “sky” – skyrocket. Ha!

Then I was reminded of all the synchronicities lately. I have been noting them but at this time I was being shown all of them together. Some were songs, some were strange “coincidences” in meetings I’ve been having, some were gut feelings.

For example, you know the song, Hello, by Lionel Richie that I posted a while back? Well I keep hearing it. My kids are into the movie Trolls and that song is in it. The song, The Sound of Silence is also in it right before Hello. When I hear these songs I go into a kind of timeless state. Time stands still and I feel I need to listen. It is a strange kind of dejavu feeling every time and it’s happened twice now. I think I’m falling in love with the song Hello.

I’ve also been catching myself thinking, “I can’t do this” a lot. I stopped and considered what “this” is. What am I so nervous about? Perhaps it is not what I think?

There was also memory of a video I watched recently about knowing ones own future but losing faith along the way when it doesn’t manifest fast enough. I do this often. The video almost made me cry. It was like it was saying, “You KNOW. Stop doubting and just have faith.”

I was reminded how I recently came back into contact with a client from 2004. We’ve been chatting and it turns out the reconnect is not just for her benefit. She has something she can offer me. She even outright wrote, “I believe there’s a reason people CROSS PATHS!!” She then suggested we trade services. I give her mediumship (the group kind) and she refers me to her family business.

The service she can offer caught me off guard. The minute I read what it was, a path opened up to me that wasn’t there before. Just considering the path scares and exhausts me for all the “unknowns”. I am being asked to really be sure of what I want because if I choose this path there is no turning back. What is strange is that I know what to do. It was like instructions fell out of the sky and into my lap. There was a Knowing that sometimes we have to do things we don’t like to get what we want. And the feeling is that this is just the first part. I also know I can hold onto this option, like an ACE up my sleeve, as long as I want. To bide my time and make sure it is a path I wish to travel.

Manifest Destiny. Manifest your Destiny. Gives me goosebumps.

worthiness

Still in the in-between I saw and heard, “Worthiness.” Then I was reminded of something that happened many years ago. The first time I met my husband’s half-sister came to mind. She is a Sagittarius (ha! another sync) and we got along awesome. She heard that I could “see things” and that I was a medium so she sought my advice, asking me for a reading. I gave it to her freely. I had no issues because I hardly knew her. I was able to connect to her deceased father (my FIL) and able to give her answers about some of her questions. Her marriage was on the rocks. She wanted to leave her husband but was afraid of what it would mean for her daughter. So many unknowns and she just needed some guidance. I told her what I saw – her divorce, how the assets would be split, how her daughter would react, etc.

Skip to present day. She did get divorced. In fact everything I told her has come to pass. She had to leave her daughter behind, knowing her daughter would hate her. She remarried and is traveling and fulfilled. Her daughter is now coming around (which I assured her would happen).

All of this came to me because of the word “worthiness”. I knew I was seeing an example of how this can manifest in a person’s life. You have to feel worthy of having the things you want before you can have them. I was being asked if I felt worthy. Do I? Still working on that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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More on the Ego Child

Got sick yesterday. I thought I would be able to avoid the chest cold (okay why did I just type “cost” instead of “cold”?) my two youngest got last weekend. Guess not. Sore throat and congestion with minor headache – yay. I’ve actually had a headache on and off for four days now. I rarely get headaches. Considering my family is suppose to leave tomorrow for South Padre Island (6hr drive), the timing of my sickness is not ideal. Not that I can’t enjoy the beach with congestion but it makes it less comfortable. Now if my husband were to get sick with this cold, well he would be bedridden and the trip would be cancelled. Ha! Men!

The funk I have been in has all be self-imposed. Obviously. It always is. In the middle of the night I awoke and all of the funk and crap had vanished and I felt at ease with life. This is the “real” me. I know this. In fact, this version of “me” is what came out two days ago and sent me into this most recent “tantrum”. What did she do? Oh nothing but be happy with the way things are. She looked ahead at her (my) future, saw the mundaneness of it and thought pleasant thoughts about it. Actually, I will say she felt optimistic and pleased with the entire probable future of the current timeline we occupy.

Yeah, as you can guess I wasn’t having any of that. Hell no. I don’t want “normal”. I want “exciting”. I want to feel ALIVE. The same ol’, same ol’ doesn’t feel like living to me. So I replaced the happy, go-with-the-flow feeling with resistance. I gotta make things interesting, right?

The key thing here is I noticed both me’s and opted for the tantrum-throwing version. This I blame on the testing energy of June. It is so mental that it is easy to jump into old patterns and resistance is one of my top patterns. I just automatically tend to resist if I feel someone or something is imposing their will on me and my life. I’ve been like that all my life. You say yes, I automatically say no. Argumentative. Stubborn. I’ve gotta be the one with the idea. If you got the idea then you better make it seem like I was a part of it. Yeah, sad. I am aware, though. This, thankfully, is me at my worst. I’m not usually so bad but throw in a headache, cold, and three kids fighting and I break under the strain of it all.

This morning I am more agreeable despite the illness. My probable future is not so bad, it is just not exactly what I had hoped for or imagined. But in these moments we have to be willing to experience anything as resistance to any one thing will only delay things. What you resist, persists, you know?

There is a part of me that fears she will never be happy, she will never be in a fulfilling relationship based on real love or be with her soul family or fulfill her purpose. She feels she is being punished. Why should she sacrifice herself, her wants, needs, and desires, for everyone else? When will it be her time? She gets angry when she’s told to wait and in protest rejects her Knowing that she will get what she wants if she would just be patient. The thought of being old, fat, and unattractive bothers her greatly. She feels her remaining youth and health is being wasted. When I focus on her I feel restless, like a child who was told she gets to go to Disney World in a month but every passing day is agony.

It seems that this part of me has to come out, has to have her say, every once in a while. But being her is a miserable experience for me, albeit a learning one. What is most difficult is that I love her and want her to be happy. I want to give her what she wants when she wants it. I feel I am not a good parent. I’m too permissive. Perhaps I should be a more authoritarian parent? Yet, if you are a parent you know that if you give a child an inch they will take a mile. I’ve already given too many inches. The thing is, most of us in human bodies have already given our Ego child many, many inches. You can’t undo that. A friend of mine is opting to give nothing to the Ego child. Any want or desire of the Ego child is off-limits. But if you do that to a child who already has a taste of what they want, it won’t work. You will have outright rebellion of a serious nature at some point. You don’t want to try and beat them into apathy. It doesn’t play out well in the end for either the parent or the child.

We have to listen to the Ego child. The Ego child has a lot to teach us if we take a moment to listen and communicate with him/her. Communicate is the key word here. It’s a give and take relationship that will have the best results.

I am reminded of when I was a child and got in trouble. I often had no idea why I was being punished. This made me quite angry and vengeful. Not good for my mom. lol As an adult we talked about this. I said to her, “If you would have just taken time to talk to me, to tell me what I did wrong and explain things, I would not have gotten so angry and vengeful. I would have still been mad but I would have understood. That is all I needed. That is all I still need.” My mom’s method was get angry, spank, ground me to my room and demand I tell her what I did wrong. For a child who had no idea what she had done, the constant demand to say what I had done wrong caused me to feel I could do nothing right.

This is just me and my Ego child. Your Ego child may be way easier to manage. lol Maybe your parents did talk to you. Maybe you weren’t spanked all the time. Maybe you were lovingly disciplined. Maybe you were heard. I wasn’t. I was the middle child and the scapegoat. If something went wrong, I was immediately blamed. Not that I wasn’t doing bad things, oh I was, but I often was blamed when I had done nothing wrong. The pre-dominating feeling during my childhood was, “No one loves me” followed by, “No one wants me”.  Those feelings are what has to be confronted and handled now, just by me, not my parents.

Just know that whatever you did as a child, your Ego child will still do. It was life-saving at the time. If you closed off your heart then and it worked then closing off your heart now will be the go-to method of survival. If anger and revenge served their purpose then, it will be the go-to now. If you decided no one loved you then, well it will happen now, too.

It goes the same with what worked to make you happy and cooperative. If you liked love and cuddles as a child (who didn’t?) then that is what you really want now, too. If you enjoyed being praised and congratulated on your accomplishments, then that is what you want now, too. Think about the times you felt loved and cherished. What did your parents or others do to make you feel that way? This is what you give yourself now. This is the key to pacifying to Ego child.

The Ego child is not going away. It will not be subdued by force but through loving acceptance. It will come out and throw its tantrums. Sometimes it will take over. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you need to listen. Let him/her make their list of demands. Help them feel heard. Let them know they will have what they most desire and you will do everything in your power to make it so. But also let them know they will also have to do their part. Cooperation is key.

Music Messages

Now that we have all that covered (lol), I will share two songs that came to me this morning after a series of strange dreams.

Ho Hey, the Lumineers – “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart”. My Companion always calls me, “Sweetheart.” ❤

Followed by Renegades by the X Ambassadors – “Hey, hey, hey, living like we’re renegades.”

The songs didn’t mean much to me when I woke up hearing them really. Now, though, I am reminded that the real me, the me at the core of this personality in this lifetime, can also be found in the Ego child. The distinguishing characteristics of our core personality can be found in those things we did as a child that brought us joy. Not just the actions or hobbies, but also the underlying creative spark, our inner soul drive, can be found in those happy moments of childhood.

Here are the most obvious ones for me that come to mind:

Adventurer – I was always exploring. If it had a fence, I went over it, even if it was private property and I was not allowed. I would spend the entire day out exploring vacant lots, fields, the 52 acres at my grandparent’s. If there was an abandoned house, I went inside it. If the house wasn’t abandoned and unlocked, I would even go in to explore (I did this very rarely). This, BTW, is also how I am when OOB. LOL

Nature lover – I was always outside, rain permitting and sometimes even dancing or swimming in the rain. My favorite things to do? Fish, swim, hunt for crawdads in the mud, climb trees, find lost or stray animals and bring them home (lol), ride my bike, explore (see above). This later extended to hunting and camping but I learned I didn’t like hunting.

Fearless – goes with the two above. I didn’t care if I was caught or got hurt. Many times I should have been hurt, but wasn’t. This also applied to speaking my mind.

Artistic/Creative – I loved to draw and make up stories. If I wasn’t outside I had out paper and pencil and drew horses and unicorns, imagining entire stories in my mind as I drew. I also use to sing and dance around the house or outside, making up song and just feeling carefree.

Curious/Inquisitive – I loved to learn and try new things. I got bored easily so having many things going on at once kept me busy and interested. I was always asking “Why?” lol I wanted to know how things worked and would often watch my dad work on the engines of his cars and ask him questions, even help him.

Social/Bold – I always had a band of friends and I was the leader. If they questioned my leadership I was bossy and mean until they stopped questioning it or went away. I didn’t care if they liked me really, I just liked being in charge. Other kids just flocked to me without me having to do anything. This sometimes irritated me, though, as I also had a loner aspect, a wild independence that did not like to be slowed down by others. Most of my friends were boys. I use to make the girls cry (sigh lol).

Loving – I was generous with my love but if I felt my love was rejected I shut down to that person. Very possessive of those I loved. I wanted to be the only child so that I was the only one my mom loved. Early on I gave my love openly and without restraint but wanted to be loved the same in return. This was rare, though.

Intuitive – I had vivid dreams early on and could sense the feelings and true nature of other people keenly. I could foresee the future even then but it often made me fearful. Spoke with an imaginary friend until I was 3 and recall conversations with my guidance at an early age.

The key is taking these core attributes that were present when we were children and bringing them back into balance with who we have become as adults. We have to stop suppressing them and allow them to shine through.

 

 

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The Hanged Man

The meaning of something I was told in the in-between yesterday morning came to me suddenly this afternoon.  This is what I saw/heard yesterday: “I remember hearing, ‘We will come get you.’ along with an image of me hanging upside down by a rope attached to one of my feet.”

So this afternoon I remembered this particular message and instantly knew it was a tarot card. At first I thought it was the Fool card, but it was soon obvious it was the Hanged Man card. This all came while I was thinking about nothing in particular. Quite weird, really.

I’m not going to go into detail about what it means other than to sum it up with – Let go. Surrender. Yeah, the same ol’ message.

Here is a good summary:

The Hanged Man has put himself in this position and there is no way he can win. And yet, that halo lets us know that he may be about to claim a sizable victory. He was not attacked, nor forced to be where he is, nothing is disheveled besides his hair hanging down due to simple gravity. With his hidden hands, he is not letting us see his manipulation of the situation. His bent leg indicates that he is getting quite comfortable being helpless.

…..If The Hanged Man represents you in your reading, you are being advised by the Tarot deck to surrender, to change course or to let the universe solve a situation without your input.

Guess I’m enjoying “hanging around” and my “friends” got a good laugh out of it saying they would come get me. Sure they will. Ha!

 

 

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Dream Message: Repopulating Earth

Super intense dream this morning.

Prior to bed I was asked, “Are you ready to begin?” At the time my heart was so huge that the energy of it covered my entire chest and the top of my abdomen (3rd and part of 2nd chakra). Vastly huge beyond anything I’ve ever felt! When I was asked this question I stopped breathing, holding my breath, and replied, “Yes.” The heart energy remained for a long time and other chakras began to buzz – third-eye and root specifically. I briefly wondered if the Kundalini was about to ignite in a frenzy, but it never did.

I couldn’t sleep and tossed and turned for some time. The last thing I heard before falling asleep was, “Remember.” When I hear that it usually means I am about to Remember something about who I am, something purposeful.

Dream: Repopulating Earth

This particular dream was set in a very brightly lit room. I only recall golden light permeating everything and white walls with some hints of furnishings that made the space feel homey and comfortable. Standing in front of me was my partner. I cannot recall how he looked except that he was golden and bright like the room we were in. He was taller than me by about a foot and I considered him to be my “husband”.

As I began to come into more lucidity I recognized I had no past or future. My memory was all a blank. It was a peculiar feeling and one I was totally at ease with. Of particular interest to me was that my future was blank. Not only that, but my instructions were to not do anything to prepare for my future. This information was from the telepathic conversation I was having with my partner.

This is where there is information overload so I will summarize what I can. I was very aware that we, he and I both, were awaiting our “time”. There was to be an “exchange” of the population of Earth in waves. In the dream this exchange was recalled as something that came in the air/atmosphere, similar to a undetectable, poisonous gas. Only those participating in the wave would be affected. I was being told not to prepare for my future because I would not have one. I would be in the next wave along with others who volunteered to be a part of the “re-population” of Earth.

I was then informed that I had a choice of the timing of the wave I would leave on. In my mind I saw a drop down menu like one would find on an application. The drop down menu was of years. I saw 2015, 2016, 2017 and so on and so forth all the way into the late 2020’s. I remember lingering over the years 2016 and 2017. I was drawn to 2016 but then selected 2017 as my choice. We then discussed my selection and I saw a calendar in my mind.

I was asked if I wanted to know when it would be our time. I could still see the calendar and it was zoomed in on a frame of two weeks. I don’t remember the month but it felt to be very soon. I thought about the question and said, “No, I think not.” I then explained that to know when my time would be would only cause anticipation on my part and perhaps even nervousness or fear. I remember saying it could cause me to live my life very irresponsibly and I may make decisions I would not normally make. I used the example of eating, saying some may resort to gluttony if they knew they had little time left.

I remember asking him what everyone is suppose to do while they wait. I asked, “If we aren’t to make any plans, what are we to do in the meanwhile? Should we even do our work?” There was discussion here that long-term plans would do me no good. We discussed work specifically, as in career plans. I understood that looking for a job was pointless.

There was also discussion about “all the others”. I remember asking if everyone in each of the waves would leave. I was told some would not. I then saw that those who refused to leave would continue in their lives as if nothing were happening, yet they would be affected. I saw unrest and mental turmoil to include upset and/or insanity. The example I got specifically was Mexico and how “hard working” the people were so much so that many would insist they keep working, toiling away, continuing to provide labor and products to the U.S.

I recall saying to my partner at one point, “I don’t want to be male.” It appeared I was selecting the gender of the body I would occupy. There was a sense that a female body would be more conducive to the exchange than a male one.

Then I was shown the “waves” from above Earth, as if I was positioned on a craft in space. The waves were invisible except where they impacted Earth. It looked like the Earth was being scanned. A large bubble of energy arced out where the wave impacted the surface and atmosphere. It took a while for it to make one pass. When it completed, the wave would begin again, slowly “scanning” the globe from left (West) to right (East).

It appeared that the waves were being sent by an alien race from a location in space. The information reminded me of what I had read in Delores Cannon’s books where an E.T. race came down and collected groups of humans to save them from a mass extinction event.

I continued to speak with my partner all along feeling very at ease and comfortable with the topic of discussion. We spoke about the Beings who were assisting Earth. I referred to them as our “parents”. We talked about building a new “Home” and while we spoke I was drawing a picture full of right triangles on top of right triangles. When I drew I knew I was drawing a house but it looked nothing like the physical structure. Instead it was similar to drawing geometric figures. It looked similar to this without the two circles:

vp3sacredroots2&3&5

I specifically drew a large, vertical rectangle. Then I divided it into two equal squares, upper and lower. Then I divided those squares diagonally to make two equal right triangles. I even drew in the little box in each right angle. I drew the triangles in the bottom square as well. Then I drew a long diagonal line across the entire rectangle. This completed picture was our new Home.

Realizations and More Dreams

When I woke up I was very aware that I had been crying, yet I could not recall when and there was no physical evidence of tears. I also felt worried about what I remembered. Was Earth about to experience a mass “extermination”? Was I agreeing to be one of the ones exterminated? This is how the dream message felt initially upon waking but I soon recognized this assumption was inaccurate.

Eventually I realized that the “waves” I sensed in the dream are the waves of ascension. The exchange, which was viewed as a type of “death” in the dream, is a soul exchange. I and others have volunteered to participate in “repopulating” the Earth with “new souls” (soul exchange). It is not that we are physically dying, but that we are walking into bodies primed for the exchange and in doing so will repopulate planet Earth and assist in creating a new energetic signature that will shift the planet as a whole into another “dimension” (not the right word but I am at a loss).

Those that refused the exchange (not ready or choosing not to) would remain and experience a very unpleasant and tumultuous time on Earth.

I want to be clear here, though, that I did not see those in the waves “leaving” Earth. I saw us remaining here alongside the others who opted out. Yet at the same time it very much felt like the population as a whole would eventually be eliminated and a new population would be implanted.

Weird, I know, and strangely I am at peace with it all despite how very real the dream felt.

I somehow fell back to sleep. I entered into the in-between and saw an E.T. wearing a very thick, bulky suit. He was vastly taller than the human reporter who was standing in front of him. Maybe two or three feet taller than her. She reached out her hand and from the center of a the suit a small, pale, pinkish-white hand reached out. It had very long fingers and was quite creepy looking, like spider hands. The woman reached out and shook hands with this E.T.

Then I dreamed of preparing for a dental visit where I would get a “thorough cleaning” that would be “uncomfortable”. I was told “not to eat for an entire day before the procedure”. This is not the first time I’ve received a message like this in a dream.

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Dream: Chosen

Prior to bed, a song from long ago popped into my mind. I only heard these two lines, “I wonder where you are and I wonder what you do……I love you.” It wouldn’t go away and I thought it strange that it would just pop into my head.

Early in the night I had a very in-depth dream I wish to recount. It woke me up abruptly at 3:30am and I was not able to return to sleep because of it.

Dream: Chosen

The first thing I remember is being “called” by a man who resembled Mel Gibson. The energy from him was magnetic and attractive but at the same time I recognized that I feared him somewhat. Fear may not be the right word, though. Perhaps a better word would be revered?

He took me from where I had been in dreamtime (which I can’t recall) to where he was, standing next to a large, two storied white house reminiscent of the 1920’s or maybe older. It was old looking with peeling paint but was in good condition overall. The man was standing on the road in front of it. I knew he wanted me to go on a journey with him to a city. In my mind I thought of a small town nearby where I grew up. When I recognized where he wanted me to go, I became a little nervous.

He spoke to me, saying I was chosen by him because of who I was. I was unique somehow and the feeling was that he was asking me to do something very important for humanity. He told me that I was to be with him. His exact wording is lost to me now but the feeling was that we were to be married, as in joined together as one but literally rather than symbolically. He told me he knew about all my flaws and the drawbacks of my personality when I mentioned my unworthiness. He said, “I accept them all, as I accept all of you.” Still, I felt unworthy and kept my distance from him. The energy from him was familiar and beautiful, but I felt undeserving.

He took me across the road to a tunnel I could see right through. On the other side was a man with a shovel. He was digging in red dirt. The man I was with told me that before we could be One I needed to assist the man who was digging. I did not question this. For some reason I knew that helping this man was also helping myself.

Then the man who looked like Mel Gibson said to me, “Are you ready to do this?” When he asked me this I saw a toilet bowl and knew he was referring to more purging. I told him, “Yes.” There was a complete Knowing that this purging was regarding my feelings of unworthiness.

I know we talked in-depth about what it was I needed to do. Part of the purging has to do with my relationship with my mother and healing the “mother wound“.  To effectively purge all the emotion and pain connected to the mother wound I need to be triggered. In other words, a catalyst is needed. I also understood that the pain associated with this wound is part of a core wound that needs to be resolved. If I do not do this, then the “marriage” into Oneness cannot happen.

When I woke up I could still feel the connection I had with the man in my dream. I also had the song from before in my head. I knew what I needed to do and the urge to do it was so powerful that it inhibited sleep. Even though I knew I would go OOB and was being encouraged to calm my mind, I just couldn’t.

The song on my mind was this one:

Upon waking I also knew that the reason the man in my dream looked so much like Mel Gibson was because he was asking me to be brave – as in Braveheart. Even though the nervous feeling in my dream was not very strong, I recognize the dream as a warning. I have agreed to continued purging in order to remove the last vestiges of the False Self. This next stage is going to be rough.

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OBE: Military Moon Base

I woke at 3:30am wide awake from a very lucid dream I won’t go into in this post. It took me until 5:15am to return to sleep.

Lucid Dream: Assignment

I found myself inside an elementary classroom. Children were arriving and I was very obviously filling in for the regular teacher. Her teaching assistant was there and handled most everything. There was a young autistic girl who was my primary focus. I struggled to stay awake, feeling very tired and sluggish and laying my head on the desk of the autistic girl.

When the assistant came to talk to me she said I had been “reassigned”. I said, “No I haven’t. I worked here as a counselor but that job ended on Friday. I don’t even remember signing up to do this.” In my mind I could see a calendar and “Monday” was shown as the present day. There was knowing here that the regular teacher had asked me to fill in for her and that she may be gone for a while.

We looked at the instructions left behind for me and I saw that the autistic girl would be sent to another classroom. I also saw it was time to do a Spelling test. I let the assistant do it as I was still very tired. So tired that my eyes kept closing and my body felt heavy.

I remember hearing a keyboard playing and said something to the student. The student had dark brown, almost black hair and had a tiny keyboard his lap. He grinned at me saying asking me, “Don’t you like the music?” I saw that behind him there was a TV with a cartoon on it. I kept focusing on it. Something about it peaked my lucidity and I realized I could go OOB.

OBE: Military Moon Base

Upon recognizing my OOB state I felt my entire body lighten. All the heaviness I had been feeling seemed to melt instantly away. I went up to the TV and touched the screen. It was solid. I turned to the door and opened it. When I did this I saw a scene begin to materialize. I knew it was my mom’s house but didn’t want to go there. Knowing I could choose where I went, I said aloud to my guidance, “Take me where I need to go.”

My vision blacked out. I was reminded that I decided where I would go. So I thought, “Fall” – as in downward motion. I felt myself begin to rapidly fall as if I had just jumped off a building. I enjoyed the sensation as I sped up, fast and faster. Then I repeated, “Take me where I need to go.” The downward motion stopped and I began to rise rapidly with increasing speed.

I received communication during this time asking me to be more specific about what I wanted and reminding me that I chose my destination. I finally said, “Show me what I need to see.”

My vision came on and I saw that I was very high up in space somewhere. Below me large sections of color were rapidly flying by me. The colors were in different geometric shapes – octagon, hexagon, heptagon, etc. I saw the colors flash in rapid succession – yellow, red, blue, orange, purple, green, violet, indigo – all the colors of the chakras. They almost appeared like a runway below me. I was the one moving, not them, and I was traveling so fast that they looked like they were blinking at me.

I repeated, “Show me what I need to see.” This slowed my movement and the colors and shapes also slowed. Then I was flying over what was very obviously some kind of military installation but the vehicles and technology were far beyond Earth’s. I saw a dome-shaped, yellow vehicle flying close to the ground. It was the size of a tank and the top was covered in points, as if it was a geometric shape in and of itself. As I looked closer I saw a large building and many smaller buildings. All dark in color and seemingly made of metal. There were automated vehicles traveling all around. Some small, some large, some looking like transport vehicles and others looking like robot-type creatures. The sky above was dark as if it was night and the ground was covered in paving material of some kind.

I began to wonder where I was and so searched for signs of life. I saw what appeared to be a robot walking below me. It was all black in color and walked stiffly. Flying down, I stopped in front of it thinking, “I wonder what he will look like?” When I saw him he had a human face and was wearing some kind of stiff, black suit that covered every inch of him except his face. He had large boots on as well. I somehow knew they were magnetic and the reason for his stiff walk. I hovered near him saying, “Hi! What year is it?” He paused and replied, “20-something. I can’t remember.” I realized I was somewhere that did not observe Earth time. I heard something about “moon base” and “quadrant B”.

Another man approached but I never saw him. Instead I became acutely aware of my physical body’s breathing. My breathing was labored and slow, my lungs practically screaming for more air. I woke up and gained control of my breathing but fell right back into the in-between.

cat

Lucid Dream – Adopting a Cat

I recall feeling a lightening bolt of energy shoot into my heart chakra from the left. I also had crystal clear visions of places I’d never been come into my mind only to vanish just as quickly. My body felt very foreign to me and my breathing continued to be labored. My breathing was very erratic, shallow and painfully slow. It felt like I was taking my last breaths. Oddly, I seemed not to care if I stopped breathing.

The next thing I knew I was inside a house hovering over the living room. A friend gave me a calico cat to take care of. She was beautiful and I remember saying, “She seems to still be very young” as I watched her stalking some prey only she could see. I messed with her, making her jump and hiss and saying, “I suppose I can keep her. I hope she doesn’t claw up my leather sofa.” My usual thoughts about cats are that they are better off with someone else. Yet in this dream experience I was thinking it would be nice to have a cat as a pet. I had a genuine love and adoration for her.

My breathing began to distract me in this part. It was super slow and my lungs were screaming at me to wake up and resolve the situation. What is odd is that I still didn’t care. I had no interest in attending to my physical body nor did I feel it was in any danger. Yet the feeling of it is very memorable even now. It felt like I would stop breathing completely and then gasp for air when my body realized it was starved of oxygen. It reminds me now of how my grandmother was breathing in the last day of her life. It was painful to watch.

I finally came back to my body. I was laying on my right side in a fetal position. Even in my body my breathing was labored and my lungs were hurting. I took slow deep breaths for some time but my energy was erratic and I could not get enough oxygen into my lungs to satisfy my body.

Yet I was still unconcerned.

Messages

I rolled onto my back and this seemed to help and my breathing finally leveled out. I entered into the in-between where messages began to pour in. At this time I remember being another version of myself talking to the current version and giving instructions. I can’t recall those instructions now but do recall hearing, “Prime Directive.”

Then I recall hearing a couple of songs. One was All I Need is a Miracle and the other was Paradise City, specifically the part “take me home.”

With the songs going through my head I recall getting a warning. I saw an image of a chocolate heart in my mind. I was told to keep it safe – specifically “Mind your heart.” Then I saw a melting heart and knew it represented what happens when one gets overly obsessed with someone. After that I saw a frozen, brittle heart and saw it break into pieces. I knew this is what happened when one neglected their heart and didn’t let emotion into it.

Very busy and eventful night.

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Messages: Protection and the Diamond Light Codes

Feeling less upset this morning and more calm. I had another emotional purging last night, though. It reminds me of last November and December and how at the end of the day or whenever I found myself alone I would encounter intense emotion and it would just pour out of me. The whole process of letting it out is deeply exhausting. It feels like my insides are weeping and my body cannot contain them so they pour out of me. My entire body lurches. It’s like I am vomiting the emotion and the after effects are no different.

My sleep was undisturbed and deep last night. When I awoke I was given messages and I had clarity once again. It is like a calmness descends over me and I understand everything so clearly. There is no upset at what I am going through and no desire to escape it either. It is so odd yet at this moment I see it as a completely normal and expected part of my transformation process.

Dream: Renovating a Mansion

I had bought a new house/mansion (my greatest potential) and my realtor (guide) was showing it to me. It was enormous, much bigger than anything I could afford or would even think suited me. As we walked inside I was blown away by the beauty and majesty of the place. What was most noticeable was the dark, mahogany wood trim and accents. My realtor was advising me on the renovations (new outlook/perspective). He suggested I replace the wood with a white stone tile. I’m not sure what kind it was but when I saw it in my mind it appeared silvery white, seamless and modern. The lighting was also to be changed to silvery chandeliers. I remember not liking the idea of replacing the stone accents and wood. I asked if it was necessary to even renovate. I recall him suggesting it but saying it was my choice.

Then we went outside to survey the property I now owned. A portion of the fence (barriers) had been torn down along with a foot bridge (connection or opportunity lost). The previous owners had done this. There was also a large dog (untrustworthy) watching us. It was huge, like wolf sized and pure grey. I thought I saw a mask over its eyes like a raccoon (deceit) and felt I needed to stay away. I hurried into the house and closed the door before it came in. It was obviously friendly but for some reason I was wary. The realtor said it belonged to the previous owners and was left behind. The last thing I recall of the dream is that my hair was super long (thinking long and carefully before making a decision), all the way past my knees.

Dream: Stuck in the Dark

Short dream of being beside a large body of water with a group of friends. The water (emotion) was being drained via a huge central drain, similar to a pool drain (need to remove obstacles) but larger. Somehow one of the group got sucked down and stuck in the drain. There was discussion on how to get him out. I mainly recall everything being black (unknown, death) because I became the one stuck in the drain. But I was also the one trying to help free the stuck person. From above I was sending down a light to illuminate the darkness. From within I was waiting in the darkness, unable to see and worried I would drown. Somehow I found an air bubble and survived, though. The light was sent down the drain and I saw it descending toward me. It looked like the flame of a candle. Then I was being released from the dark depths but I don’t remember making it to the surface. Instead I found myself on the surface watching a man as he loosened the dirt (attempt to hide something) around the edges of the water causing it to cave in. His intention was to trap the other me under the water. I was able to stop the man and ran across the land mass near the water. When I looked down I saw I was standing on a dirt colored map (life path) of the world, specifically the middle east – Israel (spiritual unrest). Half of the map had crumbled into the water, though (feeling lost, without direction).

Messages

I drifted in and out of the in-between. During this time I recall receiving a message in pieces. First I heard, “The four directions” and then “protection”. I also heard something about a “5th direction”. I was responding to my guidance as a different version of myself, one with great Knowing and understanding of what I have been going through. I can’t recall my specific remarks but the understanding remains even now.

The end of this section of the Equinox Portal is nearing. This section, like the others, has been working on rectifying the False Self. For me this has been experienced via the arising of my “inner demons”, those aspects of self that perpetuate confusion, self-destruction and self-loathing. They reveal themselves via mental circuitry, or repetitive/circular thought patterns, that are triggered via specific life experiences. Ultimately, when observed they reveal limiting and destructive beliefs from this and previous incarnations.

I was reminded not to allow myself to become defeated by this circuitry but to allow and observe it. When experienced it will feel as if it has overtaken me. I will be drawn into the emotion in a very real and tangible way and past memories and incidents will be revealed. The key is to pay attention to what is revealed through it.

Easier said than done.

These moments of emotion are so dark, so agonizing, that I feel they will kill me. They evoke a feeling of powerlessness that is terrifying. It is as if I am experiencing that moment just prior to death when one knows what is coming – death – but can do nothing to stop it. Is this the Ego struggling against its own death? Or is it something else? I am not exactly sure but I have faint memories, memories that seem to run away when I touch upon them, that cause me to question if any of the experience is even mine. It is like I am flushing out an old, useless version of myself. A self that is already dead but whose tendencies and memories remain. It’s such a weird, surreal feeling yet at the same time it feels completely natural.

The protection part of the message concerns me somewhat. I am left wondering if perhaps I am in danger of becoming totally overrun by the darkness. Is someone or something praying upon me? Do I have an entity attached to me? Or is it something else, some larger, dark force? But then I don’t believe the darkness can really hurt me, nor do I feel a need to avoid it as it is part of the experience of duality. I even recognize that I am fascinated by the darkness. Plus, I have never felt a need to protect myself via visualization or prayer. My guidance has always done it for me when needed, if it even is needed (I still doubt this need).

diamonDiamond Light Codes

There was a brief dream of a discussion with a woman who was showing me a diagram that resembled a baseball diamond. I recall it being drawn like a map and feeling it was for assistance and protection. As I woke from this dream I began mentally speaking in light language, drawing a diamond around me with my hands. It was so streamlined and automatic that it surprised me out of the in-between.

As I emerged from the in-between I heard myself saying, “Diamond Light Codes” and then “Sacred geometry”. I was discussing this with someone and saying things about sacred geometry that indicated a thorough knowledge of the subject. Of course, I forgot it all.

A quick search on Google indicates the Diamond Light Codes and Light Body exist, but I do not have the time or desire to read through it all. Sometimes I get tired of hearing these specialized ascension terms from my guidance. It would be nice for it to simple and straightforward. It would also be nice if all the information coming in and made available matched. Beside, in the end, will any of this information and terminology matter anyway? Not likely. It seems more likely that the information is provided because so many of us humans want to know “why” all the time. What if we stopped asking why and just let it Be? We already Know it all anyway. Feel it and allow it. Who cares what it is called or what the process and steps are. This whole journey and questioning all the time is getting old and tiresome. I got a smile from my guidance from that. 🙂

Edit: After I posted this I recalled that the reason for the protection is not that a particular dark entity is looming in the shadows ready to pounce. It is instead that I am extremely open and empathic right now. My heart space is not only open but expanding (solar plexus and sacral are being integrated) and will remain so as part of a new energetic system/Light Body.

I have received this message before but I guess it just didn’t click. I have to learn to live with being in an expansively open state. I can’t bury the emotion or I will get sick. I have to allow it and protect myself from becoming over burdened and worn out. It will effectively “kill” my body, exhausting my adrenal system and overloading my nervous system if I don’t protect myself, care for myself and listen to my body.

This is part of the “holding more Light” we have all been preparing for. We need to be in top shape physically, but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Any of these that we are not meeting the minimum expectations in will be brought to our attention either via messages and dreams or through outright “assault” on that faculty. So, if you are not physically ready, your body will show you. If you are not emotionally ready, your emotions will show you. And so on and so forth. For me it appears my emotional and mental bodies are not quite there yet. Physically I’m doing much better (now anyway). Spiritually, well I guess I’m okay? lol

I remembered all of this information when I stumbled on this post this morning. She says:

Suppressing your emotions is probably one of the worst things you could do. Numbing them by resorting to substances, addictive behaviors or other forms of escapism will not help in the long run either.

It means also finding strength in our emotions. Allowing the flow of energy and information that moves through the emotional channels to act in your favour, rather than otherwise.

That is (at minimum) a 2-part process:

Detoxification – unburdening the body, mind and spirit of accumulated debris

Recalibration – discovering a new way to exist within a rapidly evolving physical and spiritual climate

Over a week ago I was asked to stop smoking and was told, “These destructive tendencies slow down the process. You must love yourself and your body”. I quit without issue (as is my usual). I was asked to never resume the habit. Strangely I have had absolutely no desire to resume it and the typical triggers have been in abundance! I also tossed out all wine on a whim. Down the drain it went. Yesterday I was asked to do a semi-fast/cleanse/detox. I started first thing this morning. So far I have not even been hungry today and all I’ve had is fresh juice from my juicer, mineral water and a bowl of oatmeal with honey.

 

 

 

 

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Message: Rising Star

Yesterday was another purging day, though not all day just portions of it. At a particularly bad time I burst into tears because I could not bear it anymore. This purging has been off and on since November, 2016! I am nearing the end of my rope and am trying to find any solution, even 3D ones, so that it will stop.  I can’t talk to my husband about it because he doesn’t understand the ascension process and will likely try to coerce me into his own solution to the problem. And I feel unable to reach out to who I want to reach out to for reasons I won’t go into.

So, I began to think my only option was a mental institution and as much medication as I could get in order to numb myself. This, however, is also not an option. I’ve tried it before and even antidepressants and antipsychotics don’t stop ascension, they just make it worse. It would take a tranquilizer to knock me out and then I would likely have traumatic dreams. Waking, sleeping – neither offers much of a reprieve.

If you have ever been up against a wall with no way out, that is how I felt at that moment. There’s nowhere to run and fighting doesn’t work. The only solution is to surrender. Ha! Tell my Ego that! lol The feeling is indescribable, too. It is not depression, but it is…kinda. Fear? Maybe. It’s too weird a feeling and one I’m not use to.

I finally felt my guidance shift closer and heard, “We will come to you.” With that I was washed in calm and all the upset seemed to trickle slowly into oblivion. The feeling of this is also indescribable. Imagine someone pouring cold water over your head to put out a raging fire. Or better yet, its like the sensation of ice water going down you throat into your stomach. A cool, calm.

Even with the calm there remained that feeling just under the surface. I realize now it’s been there all the time, most of my life I think.

terracotta

Dreams and Message

I requested an uninterrupted sleep last night because I was exhausted most of the day yesterday because I was up every two hours. I did some deep breathing and laid in savasana for a while to try and settle into my heart space the best I could. My third-eye was active as was the back of my head. When the energy is strong in these areas I can feel disconnected from my body, but this didn’t happen. Instead I felt my guidance near and they reminded me that I would receive a visit.

Teacher

The dream began with me entering in a building that was obviously some kind of school. I met up with the other teachers and realized quite quickly that this school was unique. One of the first things I learned was that the hours of the school were from 11am-4pm. The teachers were all selected for their mastery in a certain subject/field and all seemed pleasant and positive when I met them.

I remember sitting at a desk during a “study hour” that I was supervising. The children were all high school aged. One hugged me and it felt very comfortable.

On the second day before school there was an incident. I went to assist because that was part of my job. A father was having an argument with his son over a jelly bean. The son had snatched one and wouldn’t give it back. The dad was making threats and got out a loaded pistol, waving it in his son’s face. Somehow the gun ended up on the ground and the dad was escorted off campus. I recall discussing the incident and being told the parents of the children were struggling to transition and often would have breakdowns over mild issues.

Spiritual Geneticist

After school let out, I overheard a teacher talking to another teacher about her spiritual experiences. She had met someone and fallen in love and had a question about why it was not working out as she would like. The connection was intense and very obviously something beyond normal human experience. They sought the counsel of a “Spiritual Geneticist”. I followed them to the geneticist’s office where she appeared to be solving a page of multiplication problems, all of them “doubles” (8×8, 6×6, etc).

As the teacher told the geneticist her story I was drawn in and they allowed me to join their conversation. The woman described the connection she felt, how it came to be and how there were others involved in the connection, too. In my memory all that remains of this information is seeing the woman in front of me and then it is like a bubble of her memory appears. In it there is another couple and a man, so three others. All of them had a connection but her connection with the man was the one she was asking about.

When I heard about her connection to the man I said, “Is he your twin?” The woman thought about it and the geneticist answered, “No, but they are very close.” With this it appeared that the woman’s love was “deceased”. His energy appeared to be in another location, like across the veil that separated her reality and his. I received information clarifying their connection. In my mind I saw an image of my brother-in-law and heard, “He is related to her like your BIL is related to you. They are all close family.” With this there was an explanation about what a Spiritual Geneticist does. It has to do with studying the energetic link (DNA) between family groups.

I remember hearing her description of part of her experience and the geneticist told her, “You are stopping it.” This was a comment in regards to the energy the woman was feeling and her reaction to it. I saw it building from her root upward and then going to her head and forming a huge cloud around it. I said to them both, “That sounds like me but I’m not stopping it.” The geneticist looked at me and said, “Yes you are. You are afraid of it.” I said, “No I’m not.” I looked at the other woman and reconsidered. I said, “Maybe I am afraid.” The geneticist  explained that when the energy was not stopped (allowed) the woman would be taken Home and reunited with her family. It was explained that the love felt will make the fear and upset inconsequential.

A New Earth

Then I seemed to be transported to another location where a man and a woman were with me. They told me we were creating a new Earth. With this I saw an entire city wiped out. It was as if a a huge silver hand descended and leveled the entire world. It was replaced with a city whose buildings were constructed from the Earth. Everything was a reddish color, like terracotta. I stood at the front door to one of these dwellings. There was a small dish of water where the doorbell would normally be. Before a person entered they dipped their fingers in the dish of water. I delighted at this for some reason and said, “I would make it rose water.”

There was much discussion inside the dwelling but I don’t remember most of it now. Instead I recall seeing faces of all types – male and female, all races and ethnicities. Some are still very vivid in my mind.

This is around the time I became lucid and entered the in-between. I stayed here a while and it was as if I was inundated with information. I can’t recall the specifics but when I finally woke I felt relieved and reassured.

yourowntruth

Messages

So much was passed on to me but most I have forgotten now (as usual). What I do recall was seeing my Companion up close. He put my hand on his face and asked, “What do you see?” When I looked closer his face appeared as energy, swirling and of all colors. It seemed silvery and iridescent but at other times was gold and specked with every color. I could also see right through him if I wanted to. He extended his hand and it also swirled with color. As he touched me my hand and arm it began to swirl with color as well.

Then I had a vision of a piece of black paper with silver writing on it. I saw clearly the words, “Rising star” and with recognition of it all the other words vanished and the words “Rising star” began to ascend from the bottom of my vision to the top. Rather than think of this as meaning I would be a “star” as in famous, I understood it as the ascension process. The message about midheaven was clarified then – I am undergoing a metamorphosis, transformation, complete overhaul of the self.

There was much discussion about family and what I am left with now is an understanding that this family is my star family. Of what origins it doesn’t matter as it feels like we have always been. I was told more than once that I will be reunited with them but I suspect this reunion is not physical but spiritual and via the rising of the Kundalini, i.e. the “vertical alignment” I was told would be occurring.

There was a reminder that I have been clearing up residuals in preparation for this alignment. I agreed to this and it is not yet complete. All I am experiencing is part of the transformation. It is difficult but achievable.

 

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Message: Midheaven

So a 48 hour reprieve and I woke in tears again this morning. I wanted to write an extremely short post that said, “I can’t take it anymore. Goodbye.”  But then thought it might be taken the wrong way. Can’t have that, right? This agonizing, torturous whatever-it-is that I and others are going through reminds me of scenes from movies where they are torturing people to get them to confess. First they take off each finger nail, then the fingers, then the whole hand. In between the agony they make you feel like it’s going to be okay, it’s over and you can relax but just when you do they come at you smiling and say, “What’s next? How about we strangle you for a while?” lol

For some reason I am reminded of the film, The Railway Man, and the torture scenes from it. Great movie. For me to remember a movie long after I’ve watched it says something about the movie. For it to come to mind in regards to a spiritual process I am going through must mean there is a message in it. I will have to watch it again.

Yesterday was my husband’s birthday. He left for California until the end of the week. Usually when he is gone my spiritual experiences skyrocket. I should have expected the purging to resume but had hoped for an OOB treat or maybe a visit from the heart bliss. So much for hope.

Dream

I awoke at 4:11am in pain. It felt like an IBS flare up and I had to suffer through the pain for a good 30 minutes to an hour. The pain was sharp and shot diagonally from just below my ribs all the way to the base of my spine. When I got up to use the bathroom my entire uterine area was aching just like it did when I was in labor. The pain was about a 5 out of 10, so manageable, but the discomfort was concerning. I realized that I was experiencing mittelschmerz (ovulation pain) and it was likely contributing to the IBS. FYI – neither IBS or ovulation pain is normal for me and definitely not at the same time!

Cursing my luck, I tried to sleep without much success. The pain in itself was bad enough but I was receiving Knowing/messages about the “meeting” while I was suffering through it. I don’t recall the meeting, but apparently a decision had been reached. I can’t recall specifics but I felt discouraged by it. Prior to sleep I had been asked to consider some options and specified my preferences. The decision appeared not to align with my preferences.

Somehow I fell to sleep while laying on my stomach (also unusual). I entered a vivid dream. In it I was walking along a sidewalk and a woman offered me some clothing for sale. At first I did not want it but reconsidered because I could tell she was “special”. I took the clothing and noticed she was holding two quarters in her hand and rubbing them up against each other. Her caretaker came and took her away. It was obvious she was not mentally stable.

Then I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car talking with a man. I can’t recall what he looked like now but he was dropping me off at a house. I remember noticing the clock and it was 7:12am. I told him, “It’s too early. They don’t let anyone in until 7:30.” He said, “That’s too bad. You’ll just have to wait.” He pulled up to the house behind another car. I knew the car belonged to the female home owner. The feeling from the man was that we were in a relationship but he wanted me to go. He was leaving me. I was upset about this but felt there was nothing I could do. So, I didn’t object or question him and got out of the car. As I walked toward the house he drove away.

I walked inside and the house was dark. I heard the woman ask me if I wanted anything to eat. I said I didn’t and walked toward the back of the house to my bedroom. For some reason it felt like I was going to stay there for a while – for the summer.

Inside the room I closed the door and just stood there a while. I was tired of crying, tired of trying, tired of living as if I were dying all the time. Just tired. The empty void that was my heart seemed to take over my entire body. I was like a zombie, going through the motions of living but completely dead to everyone and everything.

The entire time I was in the house a small child was with me. Sometimes the child seemed like a boy and other times like a girl. The child followed me around jabbering happily, oblivious to my plight. I seemed to exist only for this child and it reminds me very much of how I am in with my own children. If it weren’t for them I am not sure I would be alive now. They are often the only reason I get out of bed.

Also while standing there I was aware that others had arrived at the house. They were all staying there for the summer, like a summer camp. The owner and facilitator was my friend, Yvonne, and she was assigning everyone a job. I could see each “child” wearing a number and going about their assigned duties. I remained hidden in my room, though. All I wore was a nightgown, a long T-shirt.

In the room the child was still jabbering away. I saw the sun coming up through the window and realized I had to come out of my room and at least pretend to play my part. I went to the other end of the room where there were clothes hanging on a rack. I began to pick out clothing and selected a white tank top with an orange button down shirt that went over the top. There was too much clothing on my side (the right side) so I took some and put it on the other side where there were tiny clothes hanging. They appeared to be baby or toddler clothing for a little girl.

When I was dressed I looked at myself from outside myself. I wore blue jean capris that were so long that they looked like highwaters and with them I had on tennis shoes. I looked like a total dork. Normally I would fix the issue but in this case I didn’t care.

When I left my bedroom, child jabbering and following me, I entered the living area. It was dimly lit and there were three people present. I asked “Where is everyone?” I heard Yvonne say to me, “They haven’t arrived yet.” There was this young boy, maybe 12 years old, with dark skin, hair and eyes. He was talking excitedly and moving around a lot like he was hyperactive. He came up to me and mentioned the breakup with my boyfriend. Then he said, “(Unknown name) was talking about you. He said your hand smells.” I received an entire image in my mind from the boy. The person he was talking about was sitting in the back of the school bus and pointing to my right hand and laughing. The boy snickered and I looked at him like, Why do I care? I told him, “Okay. Whatever.” But in my mind I was thinking, “What the hell is that suppose to mean?” Then I realized the boy was implying that I used my right hand to masturbate. lol I got a bit disturbed then but let it go. The person who said it was just trying to make light of my situation.

I remember looking past the living room to the kitchen on the other side. I saw Yvonne in the kitchen and on the other side of the counter was a very long, oval, mahogany conference table. I recall it vividly because it was so out of place.

I sat down in the living room and the man who I thought of as Yvonne’s husband began to talk to me. He didn’t look anything like Yvonne’s husband, though. He was a teacher of higher education and had books stacked around him. He asked me some questions. The first was inquiring about school and my upcoming graduation. I told him, “I don’t need to go to school anymore.” In my mind I saw that school was officially over on May 28th but my reaction to this was upset. I was not looking forward to school being over. I had this feeling like I did in high school. You know the fear feeling of, “What do I do now? I have to go out into the world all alone! I’m terrified and don’t know what to expect. Will I even make it?”

He asked me what I was studying and I said, “Psychology.” He smiled and said he liked the subject and motioned to all his college textbooks laying around him. I said, “I didn’t keep any of my textbooks from college. I might have kept the Psychology one, though.” He asked more questions and I remember saying, “I have to tell you, I’m 40 years old. I don’t need to go to college. I already have two degrees. I graduated a long time ago”. Confessing my age seemed to be a relief to me for some reason, like I had been pretending to be a teenager in school and it was exhausting me.  I recall being asked why I was there. I said, “I’m here to help the children.” I got nothing but acceptance from the man. He and his wife told me I was welcome there as a member of their staff and I could use my knowledge and abilities to help the children.

I woke up in tears and continued to cry for a while after waking. The feeling was that I had completed a section of my journey (graduated). I was devastated, though. It felt like everything was gone; like my hands were empty when they once had been so full. I could not get the tears to stop and the pain from earlier was still present. I had stabbing pain shooting through my midsection, a stuffy nose from crying and a feeling that my entire life was over.

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Midheaven

As I recovered from my upset I heard distinctly, “Midheaven.” I had no clue what it meant except that it is related to the spiritual.

So what is a spiritual midheaven? Apparently it is an astrological term relating to one’s career and the type of work one will do in their lifetime. I guess I am here to “help the children” as a teacher or counselor or……psychologist? Why does this not make me feel good? Shouldn’t it?

I had to review my astrological chart to find my midheaven. Mine is in Scorpio. Just hearing Scorpio makes me shutter. I immediately think of my Dad who was a double Scorpio. Talk about intense and secretive. It took me most of my life to come to terms with my relationship with him.

This is what I found about midheaven in Scorpio:

The willpower is highly developed in the Soul with this posit. Farsighted, often clairvoyant and prophetic the Soul walks a spiritual path of adeptness. In the mundane chart, this can be the posit of true leadership but the spiritual path dictates that power and all of its human ramifications be used to reform and rehabilitate for Scorpionic power which is Plutonic in nature is projected outward to the world. This Soul recognizes its omnipotence but also knows that in the light of Collective essence it is still in its infancy. The human side of the Scorpio Midheaven knows the value of ambition but the spirit understands the basic truth of the human condition. The human side strives for transition but the spirit strives for transformation. Evolving from the Cardinal Air essence of the Libran high ground of intellectuality, the Fixed Water essence of Scorpio knows that self awareness can only come from plunging into the depths of extreme positives and negatives and facilitating change on all levels. They will transverse the muck and mire of the most hidden parts of the psyche in order to understand first their own consciousness and then the Collective Consciousness in order to transmute the suffering of both themselves and others. When the path of spiritual destiny is not being followed, human tendencies to dictate, manipulate and oppress will result in crisis upon crisis leading to alienation and possible illicit activities. ~Source

If this doesn’t make me shake in my boots, then read what this site has to say about it:

This MC can manifest in various ways: to seek depth from social or work experiences; to be called upon to undergo a personal metamorphosis; to assume a potent, transformative position in society. Those with Scorpio on the Midheaven need to assume an authentic role, one of gravitas to face – and shed light on – some of life’s darker issues and taboos; to be aware of the political play at work; to recognize that Scorpio’s natural dependency on others does not have to be a symbiotic sign of weakness, but is, in fact, indicative of a common bond and commitment. The journey is a challenging one: there are issues of crisis and life and death, creativity and destruction, major (no-)turning (back) points, and rebirths after teetering perilously on the edge of self-annihilation. The calling of a Scorpio MC is self-mastery and to emerge as a shrewd player of the game with an awareness of the power of interdependency.

Yeah, it looks like I had it in for myself when I planned this life. WTF!? How many deaths will I have to go through? And I have no idea what my “authentic” role is nor do I want to go through any more crises of life and death or (no-)turning back points.

I suspect the message in hearing “midheaven” was to alert me to the fact that these cycles are normal for me and to expect more. It may also be a warning of what is to come. That feeling in the dream reminiscent of what a high school graduate feels after graduation is reflective of the next stage of my journey. Taking what I’ve learned and going out into the big-wide world all alone.

The dream seems to be a memory of the “meeting” I had with my Council, thus the council table in the middle of the kitchen. It appears that I am tired of pretending to be someone I’m not and that I am going to get to be myself for once. My job of “helping the children” could be literal, as in my own children and children in general. However, it could also be children as in those who are in this stage of development spiritually – children of Earth. Since my career in this lifetime has been centered on education and counseling of children, it could be that I am to continue with that. I have no desire to go back to that career, though. It makes me very tired to even consider it. So, what then? I have no clue and honestly at this point I don’t care. I am too old for this shit.