Category Archives: Messages

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You Belong Here

Have you all been staying grounded through this full moon? If not, you should. It makes a huge difference.

It’s Spring Break in Texas. I’ve been hanging out at my mom’s in the country with my three kids during the day. Mostly I’ve been outside in the sun for two days. It’s been nice. Beautiful. When I drove to my mom’s the first morning I was really out of it while driving to the point that I kept forgetting where I was and having to remind myself. On the way home, after an entire day outside, I was the complete opposite. Never felt better. Today was a little better. I guess the grounding from yesterday did me some good because I was pretty grounded when the day started. Still am. Feeling balanced and very much in my body. It’s nice.

One thing that has been prevalent over the last couple of days are the messages I see on the 40 minute drive to/from my mom’s. I will just be driving along, thinking or singing or whatever, and some word or number will just pop up and then another and another. Usually they are in line with my thoughts and energy. So very obviously messages.

For example, yesterday night I was feeling great, singing loudly (lol) while driving to an old favorite and saw very clearly the word “freedom” pop out at me from a nearby car. The number 111 followed almost immediately after.

Then on the way home today I was feeling a bit out of it and thinking about some things, mostly not positive and feeling a bit down about things (long story). I was asking my guides what the point of all this – life – was. Why am I here? When can I go Home? That kind of thing. As soon as I have the thought about going Home a car catches my eyes and the word, “Journey” pops out. At the same time the song Fireflies by Owl City is playing and the last part of the chorus rings in my ears – “cause everything is never as it seems”. Then, literally a second after, I look up and a billboard sign catches my eye and it says, “YOU BELONG HERE.” LOL

I am a bit stunned by the whole message and go into a kind of daze, blinking my eyes and trying to shrug it all off. Then the song repeats and seems to echo – cause everything is never as it seems…..Geez.

This is just one kind of message. Wait until you read about this next one…

Woken in the middle of the night with awful tooth ache. Entire right side of my mouth aching. But this is normal when you have braces and I knew it was just that, but suddenly I got a bit paranoid. I had heard several messages within the past week about getting dental insurance. I got a phone call reminding me to go for a cleaning. I keep putting it off and made yet another excuse as to why I can’t go. The woman asked me if I wanted to sign up for their dental plan. I said no. Then this week I think I got three flyers in the mail for dental cleanings at a majorly reduced rate. On top of that, my daughter has been begging me to make her a dental appointment, too (yeah weird!). Then my mom and I literally just spoke about insurance that day. For some reason, right at that painful instant all these memories hit me at once along with a memory of being told by the dentist, “Braces move your teeth and can cause them to crack. You need to make sure you go to your cleanings.” Ughhhhhh. I went into baby panic attack mode thinking this pain would lead me to a root canal. Eventually I tuned into my heart and recognized the messages as a warning. So I plan to schedule that cleaning (cringe). Can you tell I hate the dentist? lol Oh and my teeth feel fine this morning. It was just the braces.

watersnakeFinal story of signs from the universe….

Went fishing today with my kids. No, we didn’t catch any. There were kids running up and down the banks of the creek and pond throwing in branches and stones and being complete idiots to scare the fish. Sigh. I was trying to teach my daughter how to cast and fish, etc. She wandered away while her cork sat untouched in the water. Like a good mommy I watched it for her. I headed toward the bank of the pond and felt an odd sensation beneath my right shoe. I moved a bit and it remained so I looked down at my feet. Probably the biggest freakin’ snake I have ever seen was up in the air squirming about trying to get out from under my foot. LOL It scared the bejesus out of me. It was literally in.the.air and came up to my knee! I jumped backward and screamed and it flew directly into the water. I think my heart raced for a good few minutes after that one.

I don’t know what kind of snake it was. It was pure brown so maybe a garter snake but not sure if they get that big. My first thought after I calmed down was that it was a message about the Kundalini energy. We’ll see. It also could just be a message to watch out where I step next time. 🙂 Glad it was too freaked out to bite me. Or maybe it was about to when I saw it…trying not to think of that.

Anyway, if you are on this “journey” with me, remember “everything is never as it seems”, “you belong here,” and “look before you take a step.” hehe

Happy equinox and full moon crazy snake energy to you from me.

Edit: BTW I did some research. The snake encounter I had was with a yellow bellied water snake. Gotta share this video to give you an idea of just how enormous it was….

 

 

 

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Dream and Message: Stop Hiding

Full moon dreams and messages from last night into this morning.

Dream: Stop Hiding

I found myself laying in bed with a man on my right. The covers were up over us. On the right of us was an elderly couple. On the left of us were two young, school aged children. There was a knowing that the man and I were to be in a pornographic movie. I felt guilt at this and was uncomfortable yet at the same time a part of me was okay with it and had agreed to do it. The man was talkative, trying to calm my nerves by asking me questions and cracking jokes. He was experienced while I was not.

The more comfortable he made me the more relaxed I became. We filmed the movie but most of it is lost to me, the sexual part anyway. I remember that the children and the elderly couple were watching, though, and that it bothered me. I also remember the cameras. Nothing was hidden despite us being under the covers. I recall an intimacy with my partner and afterward feeling that I would happily repeat the experience despite the guilt and feeling exposed.

Afterward I remember going home and being intimate with my husband. I was wracked with guilt over it and felt dirty.

Then I was talking with my partner from the film and taking a walk together. He was telling me about himself and asking me questions. I remember being acutely aware of my age and not wanting him to know how old I was. He appeared younger than me and very fit and attractive. I couldn’t understand why he would want to continue working with me when I was old and losing my physical beauty. I was happy and cheerful while with him and recall crawling into a giant dollhouse at one point and him saying, “What are you doing in there? You don’t fit!” He was right and I got right out wondering why I had done that and where the doll house came from.

Then we were laying on a green hillside. I think we were both completely naked, but I was mostly aware that he was. He looked like one of those Greek statues, very fit, muscular and lean. He was telling me how he felt he had failed at his art. I asked him what his art was and he said he danced. I asked, “What kind of dance?” I saw ballet. I smiled, impressed and told him so saying, “Oh! I like ballet!”. He still acted pensive and preoccupied. So I said, “Well I failed at being a singer, so you’re not alone.” There was a whole conversation here about art, choices and handling failure.

Then we went into a small, white room that had pictures hanging on the walls. They were all pictures from when I was in high school. There was a large picture of my best friend standing with her boyfriend at Homecoming and he pointed to them saying, “Is that them?” I said, “Yes, but don’t pay attention to these. They show my age.” I was acutely aware that several images had dates on them.

We continued to walk and talk for what seemed like a very long while. We could talk about anything and enjoyed one another’s company. He and I were to work together long-term. He was asking me questions about why I felt the need to hide my profession, our relationship and our work together. My answer came in the form of a dream within the dream.

Dream: Hide the Evidence

I went to my computer and began to type up my experiences in my journal. I was super charged with energy and extremely excited about the future with my partner (the man from above dream). I wrote about how he made me feel and my first on camera experience. It was very detailed. I also had the video of our experience together but can’t recall viewing it, just that it was there. Then I made sure to hide both my writing and the video away from my husband. I even went and cleared the computer history but after I would hide it, it would pop up on the main screen right in the center in bold lettering. I tried over and over to hide it and it kept reappearing. So my solution was the buy a laptop and hide the entire computer. I felt confident this would work and hid the laptop under the desk.

Dream: Our Work

My partner and I continued to talk, him asking me, “Why do you feel the need to hide? Why not just be yourself?” I remember feeling guilty, like I was bad and what I wanted was bad. I would be judged harshly if people knew. I equated the feelings of passion and aliveness I felt when I did my work with him as somehow wrong. This was based solely on what others thought, though, not on what I thought/felt.

The conversation shifted to him discussing our future work together. In this discussion we were floating over a crystal clear, flowing creek. I could see the rocks beneath the surface. It was no more than eight feet wide, maybe a little wider. My partner was explaining what the job entailed and what I would need to do, the characteristics I would need to have, to be successful at the job. I don’t remember all of what he said, I think because I did not doubt I had what it took. I do recall saying, “I can do that. I’m familiar with the Colorado (river).” There was a sense that this river was connected to the Colorado River. It felt like we were to follow it to its Source.

However, when he got to the last part of what he was saying I fixated on it. He said, “Sometimes the river floods.” He pointed to water standing in muddy puddles along the banks of the river. “You have to be willing to walk through the puddles to do this work.” I saw the puddles clearly and hesitated.

Message: Viernes 

That’s when I woke up. I knew something major had occurred in dreamtime. It was all very vivid in my memory. Who was this man I was with? Was he a guide? No, it felt like my Companion Traveler.

As I reviewed the dream in my mind I shifted into the in-between. I was having a conversation with my partner in Spanish (why Spanish again!?). I instantly translated it to English, too. lol We were talking about Spring Break and how we were to meet on Friday. I remember laughing about the word Friday in Spanish (viernes). My high school Spanish teacher (an awesome lady) made a huge deal out of viernes, saying it meant “beer day”, so I joked that we would be having a beer on Friday. lol

I woke up with viernes in my head and knowing that I was receiving a message about this Friday (it’s Spring Break here). What will happen, I don’t know, but message received.

angel.jpg

Song Message: I Believe in Angels

I fell into the in-between again as I was trying to make sense of my dream. I concluded that I was being confronted by my Companion Traveler. He was urging me to stop hiding from myself and others – to be my authentic Self. This means embracing those things I feel others judge as wrong such as my passion (sexuality) and mission (work). I am idealizing family life and avoiding problems (dollhouse). My partner feels he has failed to find balance in his life and relationships (ballet). I feel I have failed to find happiness, harmony and joy in my marriage (singing). We are both seeking a Homecoming, but I feel my tendency to follow old patterns and habits (age) is preventing it. The dream within a dream is a perfect example of how I hide my true self. He was explaining that I needed to connect the physical with the spiritual (Kundalini rising to Source). This I think was the symbolism of the river. We were following it to Source. This is our work and to succeed at it I can’t avoid my negative emotions and situations (muddy puddles).

I felt that my healing period was coming to and end soon. When it does, I will be asked to start moving forward and to stop hiding. This has been asked of me before without success. I am not sure I am ready to do it. I am told I will be when it is time.

This is when a song message came to me. I heard over and over, “I believe in angels…” It just kept repeating. I hadn’t heart the song in ages so had no idea what came after that part. When I looked up the lyrics the song made perfect sense as a message. If you look at the lyrics you will see there is a part that mirrors my dream.

I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see.
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream. 

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Happy Streak Continues

I awoke in a good mood. Again. Hehe Sadly, my daughter had to stay home from school today. She has a fever of 100 degrees, a headache and sore throat. 😦 I’m sure she will be fine but she can’t be at school with a fever.

As my day gets started I am feeling excitement welling up from within again. It has no object of focus. It is just Beingness and something I can’t believe I haven’t embraced every second of every day of my life.

With this excitement comes some quirkiness. My mind is not focused on any one thing, really. It is fairly open and flowing, touching only on what is necessary in the moment. With humor, my guidance deposits little messages and I laugh in return because they can be so funny in their choice of a medium.

For example, already this morning I have gotten messages in the form of music. One that was surprising and resulted in bubbly laughter on my part was the message, “Oooh baby, baby, baby, baby…” If you grew up in the 80’s you might recognize the song. I did. Straight away.

I am still laughing over here. Salt n’ Pepa, Push It….really? LOL I remember listening to this song when I was in 5th grade. I had no idea what it meant at the time. If my mom had known she would have not allowed me to listen to it. I must have listened to it quite a bit because I instantly knew it when I heard it in my mind and began dancing to it. Check out the lyrics if you are unfamiliar or just need a reminder. Just a warning – can’t you hear the music’s pumpin’ hard like I wish you would? HA!

I’m dancing quite a bit for no reason, too. Also motioning with my hands and speaking in Light Language. I cleared space using Light Language and crystals yesterday. Fun times!

I have a Skype session scheduled for Saturday. I have yet to use Skype for anything except messaging so I am a bit unsure how it works. I need practice. Anyone want to practice with me? If I can find my tarot cards (kids got into them) I can give a reading or maybe just be silly and dance, too. Feeling pretty silly over here anyway. I have to get my new laptop set up for Skype, too. Hoping it’s a simple process.

I’m really not sure how to channel all this happy energy. What do you do when you feel energetically high like this? I’ve never had it last this long so usually I don’t do much of anything except enjoy it. But this time I feel like I need to channel it into something. Art doesn’t feel right. Dancing? Well that’s getting a bit warmer. Singing? Warmer. Hmmmm. I promise, I’m not manic depressive, at least I don’t think so……

Here’s another song I was listening to this morning. Gave me a good laugh. Noticing a pattern here. Hmmm Rap? Me? LOL Thinking I’m gonna dance…..F*ckin’ Awesome! Warning explicit language….hehe

 

 

 

 

 

 

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That Was Scary….

While at the gym today I experienced a sudden drop in blood sugar. It took me totally by surprise. My heart was pounding in my chest so fast that I immediately entered into panic attack mode. I don’t think my heart has ever pounded that fast. It was like I had just done a sprint! On top of the pounding heart, I had this strange sensation in my head and the tips of my fingers and toes began to tingle. I thought for sure I was going to pass out right there, yet I never did. I was able to keep my thoughts under control, practiced deep breathing and just waited.

And waited. 10 minutes and still my heart was pounding out of my chest and there was an odd tingling and my head felt like there were fingers stretched over the top of it. I had been sitting and was terrified to stand for fear of passing out, but after 10 minutes I figured I needed to get up. So I did and I didn’t pass out. Instead I felt better. My heart was still pounding, though.

I stopped by the front desk and told someone what I was experiencing. The poor guy almost had a panic attack! lol But talking to him helped and he finally calmed down, too. In that time I entered into the most tremendous shakes I have ever experienced. My entire body was shaking! I bought an energy bar and went to my car and waited to feel better. The shaking never stopped and I began to get this bone chilling cold feeling along with an icky tummy. I began to get worried about driving and thought to call my husband to come get me. Unfortunately, I had accidentally taken the other car keys with me and he had left a message asking me about it. He couldn’t come get me if he had no keys! LOL

So I drove home, heart still pounding (though not as bad), entire body shaking, teeth chattering, feeling cold chills, dizziness and stomach feeling icky. It was like I had instant flu. When I got home I was starving so drank some orange juice and another energy bar. But I was still so cold! So I took a long hot bath. I felt a bit better after but my stomach is not happy still.

So no big deal, right? Um, usually I would say that but this episode was different. I’ve never had my blood sugar drop that fast and unexpectedly and then leave me feeling like I just had the flu. The entire time it was happening alarms were going off. This was not good.

Why it’s Scary

A few days ago I had conversation with one of my guides while in the in-between. It was a very lucid conversation but I only recall the last parts. We were talking about diabetes and renal failure. I disregarded the conversation because it made no sense at the time.

The next morning, Mary Tyler Moore died as a result of complications from diabetes. I thought, “That must have been what the conversation was about.” But they didn’t say her kidneys failed? I disregarded that. I have lots of in-between conversations that make no sense. I don’t over analyze them anymore.

So today, while in the midst of the panic attack-like heart pounding and low blood sugar symptoms the above information came back to me, specifically the diabetes part. I tried to disregard. The last thing I needed was to think too much and cause the panic to escalate. Yet the information kept coming, along with memories and connections.

When I first awakened back in 2003, one of the first questions I asked was, “How will I die?” I received back, “Kidney failure.” I wondered about it and then let it go. Whatever. That will be when I’m old….lol

Then there came the family connection. My maternal grandfather’s side of the family all had diabetes. My great aunt had it so bad she had a foot amputated. My grandfather got it in his 60’s. My mom has hypoglycemia so bad now that she is terrified of a “low blood sugar attack” and takes food with her everywhere. Also, there is a connection between Mary Tyler Moore and my mom, too. She long considered her as her “twin” not only in name but also in looks.

On top of it all I have not been nice to my body. In my twenties I was bulimic. Probably for a good seven years and sometimes really bad. I never used laxatives (thankfully) but I binged and purged sometimes seven or eight times a day at my worst. On top of that I exercised every day and obsessed over calories. I ended up with awful tooth issues and experienced my first episodes of hypoglycemia toward the end. My spiritual awakening put an end to all that. But was it too late?

Finally, during my first pregnancy I got preeclampsia pretty bad. My doctor was concerned and told me, “You’re kidneys are shutting down.” She showed me the tests. I had protein level of 9. This was ultimately the information that led us to decide to induce labor. I remember my husband’s face – totally white. On top of that my blood pressure was way too high. I am surprised I didn’t have a stroke considering how high it was: 165/105. Only after, when I was recovering did I realize just how sick I was.

Bulimia wreaks havoc on the kidneys. My family history is full of diabetes. Kidney issues are made worse by low blood sugar. Eek!

Maybe I am going overboard and none of this is really connected, but the way the information came to me all at once, like pieces of a puzzle, has me a bit unnerved. I receive personal information from my guidance, mySelf, all the time. It is accurate more than I want it to be. I don’t doubt that this is meant to get me to pay more attention to my body. Whether I can do anything about it now, I don’t know. I think the damage has been done, though, and I am not crying about it. There are worse deaths that I can imagine (like being drowned by your father – my last life).  Maybe I will just go into a diabetic coma and die in my sleep? 🙂

As you can tell I’m not freaking out. I do take this information seriously and will pay more attention to my body. I suspect I have a good 20+ years left of life, so I’m not stressing just yet. But that is only if I don’t consider that one time my guidance asked me, “What if you only had 10 years left to live?” That was in 2008……:)

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Sakura

A while ago I received a name in the in-between. It appeared to be my name, yet I wasn’t sure. I didn’t write about it because at the time I was experiencing a deep emotional purge and felt a need to withdraw and reconnect with 3D. I also had no idea the significance of the name I received. All I knew is that I identified with the name. It was one of those experiences where I heard the name in the in-between and repeated it until I awoke. The name was Sakura.

The next morning, I looked it up. I kept hearing it two ways – Sakura and Zakura. The pronunciation only slightly different. In my research I quickly discovered it is Japanese for “cherry blossom.”

Since that morning I the name continues to come to mind at random times. This indicates I have not received the full message it brings, but I was not motivated to look further until today when, yet again, it came to mind.

So I looked up the word again and found two websites that seemed to provide the message the name was meant to convey.

The characters included on this site drew me to it. I’m not drawn to the middle one as much as the top and bottom ones. They remind me of Light Language, especially the one for tree/wood.

sakura
This is the Japanese character for sakura. The 木 (ki) on the left side means tree/wood and developed from a pictogram of a tree, with the horizontal line as branches and diagonal lines as roots. Sakura is derived from saku 咲, which means to bloom, or alternately to smile/laugh. The 口 in 咲 indicates an open mouth.

hanami
花 (hana) means “flower,” and 見 (mi), means “to view.” Together, hanami literally means “to view flowers.” 見 is a combination of the characters for “eye” and “human,” evolving from a pictogram of a human figure with two legs and a large eyeball for a head.

yozakura
These characters (yozakura) mean viewing cherry blossom at night. 夜 (yo) means night, and 桜 (zakura) is the same as sakura.

This website drew me in with the explanation for the symbolism behind the cherry blossom. I think the quotes below contain the message I was meant to receive.

Cherry blossoms hold elevated status in China, signifying love and the female mystique (beauty, strength and sexuality)….

Tied to the Buddhist themes of mortality, mindfulness and living in the present, Japanese cherry blossoms are a timeless metaphor for human existence. Blooming season is powerful, glorious and intoxicating, but tragically short-lived — a visual reminder that our lives, too, are fleeting.

Why don’t we marvel at our own passing time on earth with the same joy and passion? Why do we neglect to revel in life when it can end at any moment, or in the grace surrounding us everywhere: our family, friends, a stranger’s smile, a child’s laugh, new flavours on our plate or the scent of green grass? It is time, cherry blossoms remind us, to pay attention.

Sakura are also revered as a symbol of rebirth.

 

 

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Dreams and Message: Haripura

Sorry I’ve been so quiet. Not feeling too motivated to write in my blog. Plus, there is little to report other than dreams. My mood has been low for the most part with occasional spurts of energy and/or contentedness. I’ve also been tired early in the evening, sleeping deeply and then waking up at 3:30-4am every morning wide awake. My guidance is quiet for the most part. My Knowingness tells me I am taking a Time Out. I’m okay with that, too. Feeling spiritually numb, disinterested and disillusioned.

Dream: Cooking and Gardening

I was in a house similar to my mom’s preparing a tuna dish by adding the tuna and mayo. I remember making a huge batch of tuna salad but I didn’t eat it. My friend Yvonne was there helping me with the ingredients and also gave me a present – a case full of eyeliner of various shades in a small, wooden box. She said they had been a gift to her, but she didn’t want them and wanted me to have them.

Then I was outside looking at a garden. All of the veggies were leafy green types: broccoli, Swiss chard, spinach. Some of the plants, I think the spinach, was going to seed. I remember being mostly focused on the broccoli and talking about harvesting it.

Then I was talking with a man. I felt a desire to just be close to him because I was lonely. I didn’t hug him or get close, instead I chose to go off on my own. I laid down on the grass near the garden path of broccoli and closed my eyes feeling that I needed to be alone and preferring it to the possibility of rejection or disappointment that comes with being close to others. Overall, I felt very lonely but just accepted that was the way it was going to be.

Broccoli – in need of spiritual nourishment and/or putting up my defenses in a certain situation.

Tuna – stamina and agility, building strength and character through life experiences.

Mayo – disappointment in my waking life.

Eyeliner- there is something I need to focus my attention on.

Opening a box – some aspect of myself is being revealed to me, something once hidden is being revealed.

Dream: Bus Money

I was on a bus with a bunch of people. It resembled a school bus inside but I never saw the outside. The front had no seats and was full of children sitting on the floor. I was in the back sitting on the right. A guy came to the back and sat on the left across from me. He resembled a musician, perhaps the singer of a rock band. I just looked at him and remember that he seemed full of himself. Then a person came on and was handing out money. He handed me a $100 bill but did not give one the the musician. I took it but was not sure why it was given to me or if I wanted it.

Musician – need to be more expressive of my feelings.

Money – success and prosperity is within reach, can also represent a quest for love or power.

Riding bus – going along with the crowd, little control over life or situation.

In-Between: Haripura

Saw myself about to receive an injection. When I looked at it there was written on the syringe the word, “Haripura”. As I woke I heard both the word Haripura and Aripura.

The feeling from this vision was that I need to inject myself with enthusiasm or energy for life. It can also mean I am in a time of healing. This corresponds to a message I have received and a Knowingnes that I am currently taking a Time Out. Haripura is Sanskrit and the name a of a town in India. Aripura means “an enemies” town. There is also a link to a particular medicament. Info found here. I am not sure what the message in the name is. It may just be another reference to India/Hinduism.

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The Swami and Renunciation

One of the things I experienced this morning was waking in the midst of speaking to someone. I don’t recall what I said now but it woke me up twice. Twice with the same word spoken. The word  wasn’t familiar and sounded foreign so I wrote it down in my sleepy state before I lost it. What I wrote down was: Swo-me.

Later today, while at work, after forgetting completely about speaking the word, it came back to me. I searched Google for anything close but ran into nothing. So I thought about the spelling because I likely spelled it wrong. I was tired and just wrote the sounds I was speaking. So, I typed in swomi and came up with swami. That was the word. I had just misspelled it.

I wish now I remembered what I said. I only recall that the word was in reference to a person. To me? To someone else? I don’t know. Sigh. Memory can be so difficult when sleepy.

I read an article about what a swami is and found it fascinating. I also find it fascinating, once again, that my guidance, through the in-between state, had led me all the way across the globe to India and Hinduisim!

Swami means “master” but so much more than that. The author states:

The act of becoming a swami is not so much an acting of becoming, of adding on, of allegiance, as it is an act of setting aside, of renunciation. A swami is a monk, one who has set aside all of the limited, worldly pursuits, so as to devote full time effort to the direct experience of the highest spiritual realization, and to the service of others along those lines.

It represents setting aside one’s identity and  embracing the Whole. Ha! How appropriate!

The rest of the article is also informative and I suggest you read it if only to learn something new for the day. The whole article feels like a message to me. The part of the article that most resonates with me is What is Renunciation located at the bottom of the article in the link above.

These parts stood out to me:

Renunciation is not, definitely not, an abandoning of any duties. Those who have any claims on him first renounce their claims on him and grant him their happy permission to let go. Theirs is no less an act of renunciation, more difficult, because they have yet to struggle with the world. He renounces because his karma with them has been fulfilled; all he leaves behind is their happy thoughts about him.

The above confirms so much of what I have been intuiting about my current karmic situations.

H. H. Swami Rama says that human beings are an unfinished product. A swami is the finished product, ideally speaking; or aspiring to become a finished product soon, in this very life; this is the ultimate in human evolution.

Wow..

In the life of a spiritual seeker or teacher there comes a moment when a decision can no longer be postponed. One passes through emotions like those of a bride: sadness at separation from past love, looking forward to a future of a different expansion of love, enhancing oneself. All weak emotion is to be watched and conquered–not by suppressing it but by merging the little love into the greater one……..Such a moment is a moment of dying; dying to one’s erstwhile limited self. The renunciate performs that ceremony to himself which is normally performed by relatives following the funeral of someone physically dead.

The final section, The Basis of Renunciation, list seven principles as the basis. They are:

  1. The renunciate directs all his energy toward the attainment of the goal of life, realization.

  2. He does not waste time and energy pursuing desires based on self-interest.

  3. The renunciate’s journey is inward; it is neither action nor inaction nor retreat. It consists of performing actions mentally and directing the mind and its modifications inward rather than toward the external world.

  4. Non-attachment is attained spontaneously because the renunciate is not involved with objects; they have all been consciously renounced.

  5. With pure reason all the samskaras are burned in the fire of knowledge.

  6. There remains only one desire: the desire for Self-realization. That desire does not motivate one to do actions in the external world but becomes a means to build determination, will power, and one-pointedness. Therefore such desire is an essential means rather than an obstacle in the path of sadhana.

  7. In the path of renunciation, Self-realization alone is the goal, and any action that does not become a means is firmly rejected and renounced. There is no half-here and half-there; total dedication and devotion are essential limbs for renunciation.

What this means for me, I am still unsure. Perhaps it is just that one of my guides is a swami and I was speaking to him. Perhaps this guide wanted me to explore this definition of “master”. It would not be the first time I have been led in this direction. Feels like I should have been born in India this life! lol

I hope this post sparks a Remembering in you as well. 🙂

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Gratefulness Challenge

Today I read an article discussing how to make yourself more optimistic. Since I consider myself a realist (pessimist in denial lol) I figured I would read it all the way through. One of the suggestions was to write down five things every day that you are grateful for. Do it for one week and see how it changes your perspective. I thought it was a good idea, so started today. Funny enough, when I got home tonight a friend on FB had posted that she was participating in a gratefulness challenge. Ha! Love how the universe works!!!

So here are my 5 things for today in no particular order. 🙂

I am grateful for:

  • The sun and warmth today. A thunderstorm hit in the early morning hours but as the sun rose, the sky cleared and it warmed to 72 degrees. My kind of day!
  • My three beautiful children. They bring me joy every day.
  • My health.
  • My job and the financial security it brings me.
  • My home/Home.

I plan to do this for at least a week, maybe longer. I will try to post daily, but that may or may not happen considering I am back to work full-time. Join me if you like! 🙂

In Other News…..

I woke my two oldest up early and sent them to the bus stop and they didn’t have school today. Ooops! lolol

All day my heart chakra has been fired up – higher heart, too. My throat has also been very active. Feels like a snake is wound around it and trying to choke me. Ugh. Thankfully, no sickness. Knock on wood.

During my lunch break I saw this sitting across from me:

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No big deal except that it is. I saw it the first time on 12/12/16 and forgot about it. It came along with more 11’s than I could count. When I saw it today I laughed because I realized this box has been sitting there the entire time I’ve been working at this place. Look really closely where it comes from…..

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Sometimes I think Tennessee is stalking me. LOL

Finally, just because it was so odd – On my commute home today at 4pm I was behind two very obviously drunk drivers. One was on a four lane highway scaring everyone who tried to pass them, the other on the interstate. I mentally sent them a note: New Year’s Eve was two days ago…. 😉

 

 

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Neptune, Ruler of All Things Spiritual

Yesterday I experienced a HUGE shift during the middle of the day. After weeks (a month?) of intense emotion which pushed me to my absolute limit, haunting and sometimes disturbing dreams, and relentless hounding by my Team of guides, all of it went CALM and for the first time in a month I was feeling immense relief and smiling from ear-to-ear. I had the urge to paint for the first time in weeks as well and it was the creative outlet I needed to push past the last remnants of funk that have been clouding my days.

When I woke this morning I was smiling. Yeah. Woo-hoo! It’s about time! There was still a Knowing that some particularly difficult times are awaiting me, but I didn’t care. I was just happy to be alive and, for me, that is a rare thing!

This morning my good friend Litebeing commented on something I posted yesterday on FB. I had been considering deleting my entire online presence – disappearing completely from the internet, even deleting email accounts I’ve had for years. She commented that Neptune had stationed direct last night and to hold off on making any decisions until its influence upon me had diminished because it can cause uncertainty, fogginess and confusion. She published a post on Neptune Direct and it peaked my interest. Was Neptune the cause of all my funk and now the huge relief I am feeling?

In a search for the answer, I returned to the astrological forecast Litebeing did for me in May this year. Sure enough, Neptune is a very strong influence in my chart:

The planet Neptune is about creativity, spirituality, and dissolving of reality. It has been in my chart since Feb 2003 and is in the 1st house. It coincides with my first awakening which is no coincidence. It will remain until 2021. At age 40 I hit a developmental cycle which will propel me into public view, increase creativity, exaggerate mood (ugh), and increase psychic and empathic connections.

Litebeing gave me additional information about what is happening with my chart currently. She said, “Natal Neptune is conjunct your Moon (emotional center) and they are square Mars natally. Lots of emotional upheaval and extreme sensitivity is your normal. Transiting Neptune is squaring your Moon and Neptune and opposing your Mars at this time.” I read this and am a bit overwhelmed but thinking, “Why did I do this to myself!??”

This information brings clarity to a dream symbol I have been encountering the last few weeks, though. The gun. There is a gun/gun reference in my dreams almost nightly. I see the gun as a symbol of protection and this coincides with my guidance suggesting I surround myself in protection because I am super empathic right now. Have I been doing this? No because I don’t feel it will do any good. Hahaha Me and my pessimism!

Saturn is also influencing my chart right now (through December). I am not sure if I hate Saturn or Neptune more right now. Thinking Saturn is worse based upon what came up in my forecast. It makes me super moody and depressed (that is my tendency anyway).

Saturn may cause a tendency to be more melancholy and depressed but if I am willing to work this could be a good time career-wise. Since I tend towards the melancholy I suspect I will be depressed……..In Nov/Dec there is a high likelihood for arguments especially with men. LOL Delays in relationships and testing of relationships also likely. In February relationships become more balanced and there is stability all around, especially money-wise. Practical love. Is there such a thing? Added bonus is that someone with a lot of Saturn influence like me tends to be more mature and patient. I laughed at the patient part.

I also have Jupiter influencing my chart right now. Jupiter makes everything bigger. Since October Jupiter has shifted my focus to the occult, going deep within, being more analytical and intuitive, powerful and sexual.  Could it get anymore complicated!?

Thankfully everything should begin to level out by February and definitely by March. My job ends at the end of January and my dreams/OBEs continue to indicate that something will happen by this time as well (4 moons, two of which have already passed). My gut Knowing is that it is a time of endings, completion of some cycle. I wish I could take a long nap and wake up in February.

Good news is that the career portion of my life is taking off. By the time I finish with this job assignment I will have accrued $14k. Not bad for 10 weeks of playing with kids all day. 🙂 Though I have no idea where I will be led career-wise when this job is over, I feel optimistic (yeah) about my job prospects in the future. In the past I was certain that work/finance would never be an issue for me. This certainty wavered last year but has now returned along with an interest in returning to the work-a-day world. My current job has played a significant grounding role in my life these past few weeks. Without it I think I would likely have dropped into the deepest, darkest depression ever. So thankful for the stabilizing influence it has had in my life! In fact, work is the only stable thing in my life right now. Ha!

I have nine days off for Thanksgiving break so the stabilizing influence of my job will be missing during this time. Additionally, my 9th wedding anniversary is on Thanksgiving day this year. However, my guidance indicated to me this morning that much work will be done in the coming days – healing, clarity, integration, heart-centeredness, creativity, etc. I look forward to having more clarity, heart-centeredness and creativity. I am not sure I am eager for more healing and integration.

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Shoe Troubles

Something really weird happened at work today. I was given the job of crossing guard as soon as I arrived to work. So, I set off to my assigned location. On the way, my foot felt strange. I looked down and saw that one side of my shoe was flaring out. When I got to my location, I inspected it closer and saw that the entire sole had broken off and part of the toe was exposed. The shoe was falling apart! I didn’t have a walkie or my phone with me so I had to play crossing guard for 20 minutes with a shoe that was barely staying together. Then, halfway through, the other shoe started to do the same thing! By the time I hobbled back into the office both shoes were nearly in shreds. I had to take them off and go to my first class lesson in my socks! Thankfully, it was with kindergartners and they didn’t notice. No one did really. My husband, bless him, brought me another pair of shoes without hesitation despite it making him late for work. 🙂

The strange thing is, these shoes were practically brand new. I rarely wore them and they were a good quality shoe. When I looked at them closer I noticed that the sole was literally disintegrating! It was so brittle that pieces of it crumbled in my hands as I inspected the shoes. So very odd!

When this happened to me I immediately thought, “If this was a dream, what would it mean?” So I looked and found that shoes in general represent a person’s outlook on life. If a shoe falls apart like mine did it indicates that situations and/or people in your life which you feel you can rely upon are in danger of failing. The suggestion is to look around and find things that may be broken and in need of fixing. lol Well, I can see a lot of that…. But when I thought about what it could mean while it was happening I was thinking, “This is not a good sign. My life is about to fall apart.”

Here are pictures of my lovely shoes after they failed me and broke into pieces. It is just mind blowing to me how quickly they fell apart.

Overall, it was not a bad experience just a surprising one. I had a good day and enjoyed myself with the kids and successfully taught my first guidance lesson to kindergartners. It was really fun. 🙂 Tomorrow I get to do it again. Hopefully, this time, with shoes in tact. 😉