Category Archives: Messages

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Message: 50 Days, Courage

Can’t recall much of my dreams last night. 😦 Hopefully one will come to mind as I type.

I did get a vision with a message, though.

In the in-between I was talking to myself (or maybe there was someone there) and said, “In 100 days I will dump IT ALL.” The feeling with my words was desire to completely unburden myself. In response, I found myself traveling through a field of trees covered in pinkish-white blooms. I heard as I flew through them, “50 days. [Have] courage.”

When I woke up I thought, “Cherry trees.” We don’t have cherry trees that bloom here in Texas but I’ve seen them before, when I traveled to the east coast. The tree blooms also looks very similar to peach tree blooms and crape myrtle blossoms.

50 days from today is Tuesday, May 9th.

The sakura (cherry blossoms) bloom in Japan from mid-March through early May.

Cherry blossom symbolism:

“They have come to symbolize ephemerality or transient nature of life. This reflects a… Buddhist concept in Japanese culture known as “mono no aware,” or roughly, “the pathos of things,” which recognizes both the beauty and mortality inherent in life.”

“It is a time associated with the end of one chapter, and the opening of the next. In Japanese, the word “natsukashi” reflects a kind of nostalgia tinged with both happiness and sadness.” Source

For some time now I’ve felt a subconscious urgency to drop everything – work, relationships, self-identity – and just leave. This very same feeling is what accompanied the above vision.

To consider dropping everything feels…..freeing. The main reason I don’t act on the feeling is the not-knowing of what would come after. What would I do? Where would I go? Who would I become? My attachments in life keep me firmly rooted in place.

I do recall my dreams now. 🙂

I was in a gym sitting on a workout bench. A very muscular man was on the other side of the bench sitting under a cable machine. His face looked pained. We were talking. I told him how much I enjoyed working out and how I was a certified personal trainer. I specifically recall telling him that I have never used my certification because it brings me anxiety.

At one point I noticed he was favoring his right leg, putting his hand down to massage it every once in a while. I gave him some suggestions on how to help. His reply to my suggestions was to admit defeat, specifically citing his aging body. He told me he was 50 years old and always knew his body would one day force him to stop [working out].

Another another….

The dream began with me confronting a problem. I was in a relationship with a man while I was still married to a woman. I decided to talk to her about ending our marriage. My wife had short, cropped, blonde hair and was shorter than me. She resembled a feminine man. When I told her the news she took it gracefully. She walked up to me, pulled me to her chest and kissed the top of my head while stroking my hair. She told me how much she loved me and that it was okay. She asked me if wanted to marry this man. I said with some force, “No! I will never marry again.”

And one more….

I was on a long walk in a rural setting. Music was playing in my headphones and I was in high spirits. As the music played my mood rose higher. I began to think of working out after my run, which I hadn’t planned to do. Suddenly, I took off in a sprint. There was a moment when I second guessed my decision because I wasn’t wearing the proper workout clothing, specifically a running bra and running shoes. I decided to keep running and with just a thought I was wearing the correct running gear. I could feel the wind in my hair as I ran. The speed at which I ran was so much that it felt like I was flying. The scenery changed from a more rural setting to urban. As I entered an intersection I began to sing along to the music, my mood rising even higher. I felt free.

I woke up feeling invigorated and positive. A song verse was on my mind – “I don’t want your desire. I just wanna to be free.”

I am familiar with the song but didn’t know all the lyrics. Looking at them I recognize the song very much mirrors how I’ve been feeling for a while.

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Message: We All Die

Week 4 of the lucid dream course and still no lucid dreams. I’ve pretty much accepted that I won’t become lucid. I sleep too deeply and if I become even slightly lucid I tend to wake up immediately. 

Dreams

Bloody Pad

I’m in a house. There are light, bright colors inside. There is a couple in a bedroom. The bed linens are white and the colors of the room are pastel yellow and blue. The couple invites me to have a threesome with them. I am distracted by my current state. Embarrassed, I tell them I can’t because I am on my period. I go into a bathroom to clean up. I’m wearing a pad and it is all bloody, the blood on my inner thighs (releasing negative emotions) is crusty. I clean vigorously.

Visit from Grandaddy

I am being shown house plans. Someone is asking me about the slope of the roof and pointing out an area that might need correction. My focus is on the roof slope and I see what is being pointed out but am unconcerned. It is in the attic (ignored emotions). I say, “Don’t go in the attic. It’s a mess.” 

Then I am inside an old house (past self). It is small and constructed of wood, distressed and faded from the years. I am sitting with my grandfather who is showing me a story I wrote for him when I was 10 years old. There are pictures and it is stapled to look like a book. In the dream I am trying to remember the book and only have  a vague recollection. He says it is from 1987. I can’t recall what he looked like now but in the dream he was younger than I knew him in life. It felt good to see him and be with him. He hands me the book to keep and I don’t want it. He asks me why and I say, “Because it means you will die.” He says to me, “We all do [die]”. I begin to cry.

Then I am out of the old house looking at it from the outside. I see the house is two parts, like divided into two separate houses (old/new). I go back to the side where I had just seen my grandfather. I open the door and look inside, calling his name. He isn’t there. Inside is very bright, as if the lights are all on, and the color is a soft white with a yellowish hue. Realizing he is gone I yell into the house, “Thank you, Grandaddy!” I don’t go inside the house because the door knob isn’t working properly. I want to go inside and look for him but don’t, thinking, “I might get locked inside.” I begin to cry.

I wake up, blink, and have a load of tears come out of my eyes. It takes me a while to return to sleep.

The last thing I remember is being in the newer side of the house. I am standing in the kitchen with a mop preparing to clean the floor. I explain the importance of cleaning with soap and then rinsing with water. I begin mopping (releasing the old, releasing the past) the floor.

Courage

I am in a car stuck in traffic (feeling stuck). Behind me there is commotion and a loud noise. I look and see a sports car coming at me too fast. I brace myself for impact but he slams on his breaks and his car spins to face the opposite direction. A larger car is coming at him fast. The sports car hits the other car and gets partially stuck underneath it. My car is slightly bumped (impacted by others, feeling out of control) but otherwise not damaged.

I get out of my car to check on the occupants of the two cars. The man in the sports car is fine, only concerned about his car. The man in the other car is dazed. I asked them both if they are okay and they both say they are. I even ask if I should call 911 but they say no. 

Then the highway turns into a large, school cafeteria (spiritual sustenance). It is crowded with people sitting at the tables. I am taken to the farthest back table where I sit down. It feels like a conference of some kind. Everyone is waiting to be served the meal. The server brings trays of food to my table last. A woman next to me pokes the rolls, which are cold and hard (ideas that no longer work). I do the same, putting butter on them to try and make them softer (giving life to old ideas). She says something to the man who brought her the food but he just shrugged. I say, “This is why I don’t sit at the back table.”

The same woman is watching a woman up at the front. She is saying critical things about her. I end up walking up the side of the room towards the front to observe the woman. She is complaining about something. I talk above the group, loud enough for everyone to hear. It is like I am giving a speech. The words that come out are well said but I can’t recall them now. I do remember I say something about coming from the heart and it taking courage. When I say the word, “courage”, I burst into tears.

I wake up and blink out tears but am not crying. 

Considerations

I haven’t seen my grandfather in my dreams in a long time.  We had a strong connection in life and he use to visit me often in dreamtime. So, it was nice to see him. I find it interesting that he gives me a book I made for him. There is a faint memory of being shown such a book by my grandmother after he died. I do remember a spiral notebook I was shown from when I was in 5th grade that was full of such stories and drawings. I think my mom gave it to me.

The reminder that we all die is similar to my recent dream about checking out. For some reason this message is repeating. 

The last dream seems to be me sending a message to myself about courage, following my heart and using my voice. When I woke from this dream I thought about a realization and subsequent decision I made to “keep my mouth shut”. I have taken note of how people react to me when I speak. Most of the time they have a negative reaction. Sometimes they act annoyed, other times their face looks pained, but often they just ignore me. I speak without an invitation, therefore, the reaction is understandable. So, my decision was/is to keep silent until asked to contribute. 

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Ice Storm 2023

It seems each year brings at least one major weather event (lately more than one). This year brought a particularly severe ice storm to my area. I’ve not seen this much ice since my high school years! The storm brought severe destruction to the areas trees which in turn damaged property.

It has been especially sad to see many very old Live Oak trees completely destroyed. Live Oaks keep their leaves through the winter months and, with the ice coating all their leaves and branches plus a second round of rain the night of the 2nd and morning of the 3rd, they just couldn’t handle the strain. In two of the pictures above, 25+ year old trees were completely decimated. They make a scary sound when they break under the strain of the ice, too. It sounded like thunderclaps. I imagined a massive giant walking over the top of them, snapping them in half with each heavy step.

Though my neighborhood didn’t lose power, many around us and across the area did. In fact, Austin is still trying to restore power to over 100,000 people. My kids’ school was canceled Tuesday – Friday. I’ve not been able to work because the power at the main office has been out since Wednesday. My mom and step-dad, who live 40 minutes north of us in a rural area have been without power for days. Power is expected to be restored sometime today.

A Message from the Birds

The day aftre the ice storm hit I saw a Great Horned Owl in a tree behind our house. This is unusual. I’ve never seen one in the 8+ years we’ve lived here. It was being harassed by two crows. They wouldn’t leave it alone. It was close enough that I got it on video. The argument lasted a good half hour and then the owl finally left. 

Pictures below are screenshots from the video.

Owls = wisdom and foresight. Crows = transformation and change. I see the interaction between the owl and crows as an indication that something will bring me wisdom and foresight in life. With the insight gained changes may result. Considering what happened next, I think the owl and crows might have been a warning of what was to come. 

When the morning of the 3rd came around I twice ignored my intuition and it cost me. Firstly, I told my husband to take down the zip line because I suspected a tree limb or tree would fall on it and hit the line which would then destroy the side of the house. He did nothing and I forgot about it. In the past, tree limbs have fallen and caused minor damage, and I had a gut feeling it would happen again. There is a massive tree in the creek area that always loses large limbs and I specifically had a vision of this happening again. Yet, once I told my husband, I forgot all about it. I’m not sure why.

At 2am, February 3rd, a loud boom woke everyone up. It sounded like a bomb went off. Turns out a tree limb fell on the zip line. It was huge and the force of it on the line busted the corner of the house in the master bedroom. The destruction was so bad that from inside of the house you could see outside via a crack along the corner. Siding and insulation was thrown all over the back yard.

I insisted my husband take down the zip line right then and there because another impact would surely take off the entire side of the house. He took it down. Half an hour later, another massive branch fell. Had the line been up, the wall would likely have not been able to handle it.

I had a thought after this happened that I should move our van. I didn’t because it appeared to be far enough away from a tree. Plus, it was sealed shut by over an inch of ice and it was 2am. Two hours later several branches fell on it, busting the side mirror and denting the top.

So in these examples my foresight was not utilized and negative events transpired. In the end, thankfully, the material cost has not been high. My husband has already fixed the house and the van is scheduled to be repaired on Friday. The only cost will be our deductible and the few supplies needed to fix the house. 

Honestly, this small amount of excitement has been better than the boring, mundane drudgery that is the norm. I remember taking a walk the morning after all the destruction thinking it a blessing to have something interesting finally happen, something within our means to easily navigate. When it all happened I responded pretty well, too. A decade ago it would’ve been too much for me. I would’ve most likely been in tears. That I was able to return to sleep after all the destruction speaks for itself!

As I type this I can’t help but think of the image of the owl as it sat through the crow harassment. It was very passive for the most part, only jumping up a few times when the crows got to close but not in defense of itself, just to avoid their beaks. The owl is my main totem in this life. I’ve seen them since childhood and had close encounters as well. For example, when I was around 6 my dad hit one with his car and retrieved it from the ditch. I recall it coming to life, spreading its huge wings and being set free. It was magnificent! Just before Christmas, 2022, I purchased an owl incense holder, too. So, as recently as December, the owl has been making its presence known.

So, as far as the crow-owl event, I will take it as a message to remain the observer and only take action when the time is right. The crows indicate the right time will be obvious, probably annoying or maybe just a tad uncomfortable. And, from now on, LISTEN to my intuition when it warns me of something to come. Had I just followed through, this storm wouldn’t have caused us any problems whatsoever. But then perhaps I wanted/needed a little excitement? Hmmm. My husband and I did begin to laugh after the van was hit. What else could we do? It was better than the alternative. I think this is why we were both able to go back to sleep despite the ice chaos and continued thunderclaps of breaking branches going on all around us.

Praying for all those who were not so fortunate during this ice storm.

Here are some pictures of the damage to our house and car. I only have a picture of the inside of the house, sorry, and it was taken after my husband had already reattached the wall. Before you could see through to the outside at the corner. The outside was pretty bad. The side of the house was not connected at the roof and all the siding was gone.

****All pictures were taken by me between the dates of 2/2-2/4/2023. The featured image of the Cardinal in the iced branches is also mine. Please do not duplicate or use without my permission.****

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Dream Message: LYL

Very dream-filled night.

Dream Message: LYL

The dream began with me reminiscing about my family property. I had a dream long ago where the property had been sub-divided so much that there were houses all along the road leading to the main house. In this dream I flew up onto the land that has been left untouched for a long time.

At some point I was at a cabin on this property. I “landed” there somewhat confused as to why I was there. A man who looked a lot like my uncle greeted me. He lived in the one-room cabin. When I asked why I was there he told me that his wife had died some time ago and someone (who looked like my cousin) was too young to be his new wife so I had been chosen. In my mind I was thinking of him as my uncle, this other woman as my cousin and me as his niece. It didn’t seem right and part of me was shocked by this information. The other part of me, the one more present in the dream, didn’t seem to care at all, however. His age was 60 years and I remember thinking I was 42 (not true but close).

I looked around at the cabin which was very nice, clean and neat. It felt good to be inside; comfortable and safe. The man, though not my real uncle in this life, showed me a visual of how he looked when he was young. He seemed familiar, with reddish light brown hair and a pleasant face. When I asked why I was chosen to be his new wife, he explained that he was told I was having “family troubles” and They (my family?) needed his help. There was more to this explanation but I only remember a feeling of need and accepting it as true.

The man left for a while after recognizing I needed some time to let everything sink in. A long span of time passed. I most slept I think. Then a pair of young, black boys burst through the back entrance. One was on a hover board, the other was tossing small objects at the walls. I yelled for them to leave and warned them they would get into trouble. When I got to the front door my “uncle” was standing with the two boys on the front porch. I told him they had stolen his hoverboard off the back stoop and tried to destroy the inside of the cabin. My uncle looked at the boys lovingly and held out a pair of keys. He said to them, “You are welcome here any time.” The boys took the keys and left. 

Shocked, I asked him why he would do such a thing. The boys would surely come back and ransack the cabin. He said, “No they won’t. You have to give them a chance to be good.” With this came more than those words. He explained that scolding a child and punishing them only confirms their badness without trusting their innate goodness. He trusted their goodness. Everything he said made complete sense to me and I humbly dropped the subject.

Now that he was back with me in the cabin we spent time together. I can’t recall what all we talked about but we spent most of the time talking. He gave me an email address. I was asked to send my thoughts and questions to the address and I would receive input and guidance. 

At one point he held up a small kayak and asked me if I wanted go on a trip down the river. I looked at it and noticed it was quite small. Still, though, the idea was appealing and I told him I would go. We never went that I can recall. It just felt like we continued talking. I do remember seeing that the cabin was situation in the woods, far from civilization and people. This felt perfect to me and I was quite happy to stay, especially considering my uncle was so pleasant to be around.

Then my attention went to an email subject line in my mind indicating two messages sent and received. The address was peculiar. It was simply: LYL. Curious, I began to ask him a question about it. He interrupted and asked me a question instead: “How about we take a trip to New York City?” I told him I wasn’t interested. He asked why and I told him, “The people there. I don’t like them.” He said, “How do you know if you’ve never been there?” 

This is when dream “time” began to slow down. I became suddenly very tired and lay down on the bed to rest. He nodded in acceptance of my decision and let me close my eyes. He sat by my side the entire time. His very presence made me feel completely safe and loved. I have only ever felt like that when in altered states and via one Kundalini connection. Feeling safe with him, I reached out and tentatively took his hand in mine. He responded by accepting my hand and squeezing it gently. So, so much was communicated between us in that one moment. There were no words, just Knowing. I knew that no matter how much time I needed, how ever long it took me to warm up and open up to him, he would wait patiently and lovingly by my side. If I had been in a physical body I would have exhaled with relief at this Knowing. Whoever this man was, I loved him and trusted him completely. 

The email address question was still on my mind, but the answer came to me as soon as I asked it. I wanted to ask, “It’s you, it’s your address and you are the one replying, aren’t you?” It was clear I was correct. I was looking at a screen in my mind. I could read the subject lines of two emails (can’t recall them now) but the LYL stood out. I both saw and heard, “Live. Your. Life.” 

Upon hearing those words my lucidity peaked and a ton of information felt to be downloaded all at once. The overload of it was too much and I woke up.

In-Between 

When I woke up I immediately shifted into the in-between where the man from my dream communicated with me. I wanted to go back to the dream and the wonderful feeling of safety and love. With him I was free to be myself without fear of judgment or expectation. 

We discussed my need for healing and I thanked him for his patience, understanding and acceptance. I thought of how he made me feel and told that is how I longed to feel but it seemed out of reach. Memories were discussed as were my fears.. The difference between how I felt in the dream and how I felt via the K connection was also discussed. In the dream I was given ample time to move through my process. There was no pressure, no frustration, no expectation on the part of my “uncle”. With my K connection those things were non-stop and the pressure was too much so I retreated. My uncle told me it was understandable and I agreed. My uncle said, “You [both] are only human.” I felt sympathy for my K connection. It is true that he had been waiting a very long time and as such it was difficult to hold space for me, especially considering how wonderfully irresistible the feelings of such connections are.

I shifted deeper and experienced a lucid dream during this time. I was researching a word my “uncle” gave me: Liau. The word was linked to Hawaii somehow (it is a common surname). I suspected what it meant but wanted to see for myself. When I finally found the definition I said to my uncle, “I knew it.” I repeated it’s meaning but my exact words are lost now. It was something like, “You have to do it alone”. “It” felt like healing.

When I woke up I looked up the word. This is what I found:A very spiritual person who often relies on intuition for decision making.

Your mind is rich and deep, but often closed to other people. You sometimes need seclusion in order to gain clarity about what is going on in your life.

Dream: Herd of Bison

After over an hour of conversation with “uncle” I felt him move away. I told him I didn’t want him to go and felt the wonderful feeling from the dream wash over me. With it came the other feelings of connection, though, and I withdrew. It was clear I was fearful of it and was reassured that all hope was not lost.

Then I was in a dream standing in a pen facing fields of bison. The bison herd was in a large, fenced in field and they were being herded into a holding pen where they would be met by people who had paid a fee to interact with them. I had with me a camera to take photos.

The bison had to go through a narrow shoot to get into the pen. I was warned to stand back as the bison began to come through the chute. I sat up on the edge of a fence, camera ready to take video. The bison came through and scattered. One was near my feet sniffing me and pressing its nose into my leg. I looked at its brown nose. It looked like a cow’s nose.

Interpretation – The bison in the dream represent great strength and power. They were penned up and the one sniffing me appears similar to a cow. Cows are domesticated and so this could symbolize that my inner bison feels domesticated and unable to tap into its power and strength.

Visions

I was kneeling down next to boxes. I was filling the boxes with my possessions. It was clear I was packing my things in preparation to move house. I woke up suddenly and recalled talking to someone but I can’t recall what about.

Found myself in a prayer pose where I was kneeling. It was similar to the yoga pose child’s pose but my arms were outstretched over my head and bent at a 90 degree angle with my palms pressed together above my head. I think it is most similar to child’s pose with triceps stretch.

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Two Vivid Dreams

Dreams were vivid last night.

Virus!

This dream seemed to go on all night.

I downloaded a game and it turned out to be a virus. It popped up on my screen and made it impossible to access anything else on my computer. I tried everything but it wouldn’t go away. The final try option was to force quit the computer and then boot it in safe mode so that I could open it from a previous backup. When I was at my wits end, I checked my phone looking up the name of the game/virus to see if there was an easier fix, one that didn’t mean I would end up losing data. The results were pages upon pages of a backstory with characters, etc. Not interested in all of that, I went to the end of the printout hoping to find the solution. What I discovered was that the only way to get rid of the virus was to play the game through to the end. I saw that I had to master all five levels which were named. The names were names of people (can’t recall them now). The minute I saw this I knew it was not something I wanted to do and so went to reboot the computer in safe mode so that I could return to an earlier backup and rid myself of the virus. 

Pursuit

The dream began with me being offered first dibs on a house that was being sold by an old friend. I don’t remember who this friend was but he felt like someone from my mother’s church. I forgot and later passed by the house which brought back the memory. I went to the house and found three young adults inside. I learned they were renting the home for three times what I would have paid for it. 

I looked around noticing there was a tiled pool in the back yard that was nearly empty of water. It was quite shallow for a pool but in nice condition. I remember saying, “I didn’t know pools could be completely tiled like that.” I also noticed an old freezer whose door wouldn’t close all the way. I said, “Guess it’s never hot in here.” 

As I left I got into an old yellow car and noticed I was blocked by other cars from people arriving to the house. As I opened the passenger side door I saw a purse laying on the ground. It was full of pill bottles. I threw it into the car and went to ask if they could move the cars. They agreed and I got into my car. It moved on its own, though, going too fast, downhill on the lawn. The brakes were little help but I made it to the main road where a delivery man had pizza for the people in the house.

As I drove onto the main road, two people followed, a man and a woman. They kept following and I yelled for them to stop because it was creepy. As I drove down the main road they pursued me. I went faster, but even though they were on foot they were close behind.

Eventually the car was gone and I was running towards a building looking behind me the whole time. Inside the building I ran down hallways but the people were always close behind. I came to a doorway, opened it and saw it could be locked from the inside so I went in and locked it. Feeling safer, I slowed down and investigated the space. It had many doors and a long hallway that led to a larger room with windows all around. I checked the doors for a way out of the building. They were either all closets or dark rooms. I soon realized I had locked myself in place where the only exit was right into the path of my pursuers. 

I decided I would just hide out and considered my options. I was sure at some point my pursuers would find a way in to get me. I could hide under a counter or open a window or hide outside. It was a long way down, though, and I knew I couldn’t survive long without food or water. 

Interpretations

I am certain the first dream is about my options regarding life. I am being shown that I selected this “game” to play and now I have only two choices – play the game to the end or opt out and start over, losing all “data” I’ve gathered in the time I’ve been in the game. To play to the end means mastering five levels, each one with a person’s name attached, people I have agreements with. When I chose to reboot (start over) I had a feeling that I didn’t have any other choice. Playing the game to the end was just not an option.

The second dream is mostly about feeling trapped and knowing I will have to face my fears at some point. It is likely a continuation of the first dream “discussion” (I know the dreams stem from a discussion with my Team). 

The beginning of the dream is likely me being reminded about a contract. I am inside a “home” that I had promised to buy but I find it occupied and decide not to take on the task of ownership. The pool in the back is almost empty. I had a pool dream yesterday of constructing a pool and it being filled with water but it was all black and white. I wanted to paint it to give it color and was told I needed to wait for the water level to go down naturally (evaporate). Being this pool has no water it seems to be an extension of yesterday’s dream. The freezer being open is symbolic of hidden, frozen emotion that is leaking out into the house. When I discuss with them the price of the home I feel they got an unfair deal. In that moment I think I could help them but I don’t.

I decide to leave (choice made). The car (life path) and the pills (avoidance) is hard to control. The pizza is wholeness and is being delivered to the house I am leaving. Then I am followed by people who I feel want to cause me harm (my fear of something unknown). I end up trapping myself out of fear. 

Considerations

My Team has been making themselves known. There are a lot of them, at least 12. I only get that much attention when I need it, usually when at a crossroads or crisis point. It seems that I may be approaching an exit point where I choose between continuing to play this game or quit. It may or may not mean I will leave this body and life. It could just be that this particular contract I took on has proved too much and I take another path. 

It appears that I am being asked to confront fears regarding this particular path/lesson. Why do I feel the two people pursuing me have ill intent? Maybe they are trying to tell me something important? Maybe they need my help? Maybe they want to share the pizza (wholeness) with me? lol I don’t stick around to find out and end up trapping myself. Ultimately I will have to confront the people (my fear) and learn what it has to teach me. Avoiding it will only delay the inevitable. 

Prior to bed last night I had a thought that seemed to be part of a conversation that I was not fully conscious of. The thought was that I did not want to die and leave behind my mom and three children. I would never do that to them. My mother would be devastated. My death would be too much. After a pause I heard my sister’s name and with it came memory of an OBE where my deceased father visited me. He didn’t come all that way for me. He came to make sure I would help my sister.

At this point I must still be in limbo because when I woke up I felt uneasy.

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At Home, Feeling Dead

I went to bed asking my guidance to help me with hope. I did not wake up with hope. Instead, I got a lesson on the power of manifestation and a reminder that I am very, very good at it.

Dream

The only dream I remember is going through an old photo album (memories) which reminded me of a my high school memory book except that it had pictures beyond and before that time. There were actual drivers licenses – mine, my sister’s and her husband’s. I saw that I looked pretty much the same in the pictures of all of mine. There was one each for my sister and BIL. My sister had huge eyes and looked very innocent and young. My BIL looked the same. He entered the dream and told me his was an ID not a license. I was showing pictures to my mom I think and maybe my daughter while sharing memories. 

I was taken to a grove of tall, bare trees and sat beneath them to talk/discuss my path with my guidance. The scene reminded me of a tarot card and the “circle of life”. I recall being asked which path I wanted to take. One path was a road I think and the other was a waterpark. The choice felt easy to me. I didn’t want to take a trip. I preferred the waterpark. 

So I was taken to the waterpark which was located under ground. It resembled a flooded parking garage (lack of movement, stagnation). It had thick, concrete pillars (strength) and I couldn’t see the floor for all the water. Every once in a while a powerful waterjet would turn on and shoot people really far through the garage. It looked fun enough. I remember watching a jet and thinking I needed to be away from one of the pillars when it went off so that it didn’t shoot me directly into one. That seemed like it would be painful.

At Home, Feeling Dead

When I woke up I was talking with my guidance. We were discussing what I wanted to do in life. I was saying I preferred to just sleep – all day, all night…forever. I like to sleep. Memory of the dream where I was looking through a photo album came to mind but instead of the events of the dream I was reminded of various points in my life. I remember discussing ideas of things I could do in life, but nothing felt worthwhile. I stated it was too much work for too little reward. All the things I have done which brought about feelings of success eventually lost their appeal over time and the little bit of success I have felt was so small compared to all the exhaustion and lack of movement/progress. There was nothing in this world that didn’t come without investment of time and effort. You can’t create something and then it continue to exist indefinitely. It will eventually crumble and be destroyed. That is the nature of this place.

An example that comes to mind is building or buying a home. You invest time and money in gaining the home and then have to continue with upkeep. I am fine with that. I like cleaning and keeping things nice, especially if they are things I enjoy. Yet with a house you also have to make payments, pay taxes, pay utility bills and follow the “rules” or else the government can take it. Get behind on your taxes and guess what? The government takes it. All that work and then….nothing. 

In my past, I worked hard to get good grades so that I would graduate at the top of my class. I succeeded but then I soon learned that my motivation was based upon a lie. No one cared that I was top of my class. Grades never really mattered. It was a control tactic used by the system to get me to believe in their lie. I ended up with a college degree because that was what I was suppose to do. All that hard work and the end result was years of toil working in a flawed system, feeling exhausted and experiencing very little success.

Similarly, with love and romance, it has been the same pattern. At first it is all amazing but over time that feeling fades and is replaced with so much expectation that I feel as if I will break under the pressure. The “love” becomes a trap I can’t escape.

Career is similar. I am at a job a while. I enjoy it at first. It is challenging and I have wins. Over time I get bored and eventually want to leave. If I don’t leave then I resent the job and the people connected to it. Again, I work hard and end up hugely disappointed with a sour taste in my mouth.

Even the interactions I’ve had with people – friends/acquaintances – have been like this. When I meet someone I think they truly see me and value me for what I can offer. Sometimes this is true and it is nice – for a short time. Ultimately what happens is they get what they want and then I am invisible to them. 

So, when my guidance encourages me to invest myself in something I feel might be worthwhile in some way every idea I have is snuffed out because I know, based upon experience of how this physical reality works, that everything I put my time and effort into ultimately cannot be sustained. Build a house. Why? It will only exhaust me to keep it. Start a new career? Why? So I can lose interest after a few month and leave? Help a person. Why? So I can watch them go downhill despite all my help?

The only thing that ever interests me now is finding a companion/partner who I feel that Divine connection with. However, even that has proved unsustainable and ultimately horribly painful. So even if I were presented with that gift again, I would probably turn my back on it because I know what the end result will likely be and I do not want to suffer through that kind of pain ever again.

After I told my guidance all of the above, the response I received was: “Then you are dead.” I agreed.

Now, as I sit here contemplating everything I just wrote, I think, “I have no problem with that [being dead]. Isn’t that what I’ve asked for all along?” 

My request and response to life and my guidance has often been: “I wish I were dead.” 

Yep. Guess I got what I asked for only the kind of dead I meant was not what I received. What I mean is to be out of this physical body and reality and back Home. Yet the word “dead” describes a state of nonexistence, the opposite of alive, so that is what I have received. I do not exist. I am invisible. I am dead.

I actually looked up the definition of “dead” and there are so many definitions of it. I see now why I have come to this place of deadness. 

Some words that fit my life that are the definition of “dead”:

Numb
Unresponsive
Extinguished
Barren
Lacking power or effect
No longer having interest, relevance or significance
Obsolete
Extinct
Stagnant

So, all these years, most of my lifetime, I’ve said: “I wish I were dead.” So that is exactly what I received. 

As time passed, the above phrase shifted to, “I want to go Home.” The response I get from my guidance is always, “You are home.” This is because “Home” means a place of residence usually with family. It is one’s place of origin, also. I have gotten both Home and home, yet because of my lack of specificity in my request and because of the use of “want” describing the lack of, I have received something altogether different from my request. Ultimately I have been given a home that feels “wanting” or full of lack. I have always felt this way about this physical reality. So, again, I have gotten what I requested.

The above recognition leaves me feeling defeated. I’ve spent my entire life asking to die and to go Home. I’ve received both, though not as I intended. Here I am, at home, feeling dead. 

Insert curse words I do not want to type out. 

Add to the above that I often tell my guidance, “I want to sleep forever” and you get an even more challenging situation. Sleep = oblivion, lack of awareness, staying in the dark, etc. So I am home, feeling/being dead and avoiding all awareness of it.

Well then I am just [insert curse word].

Now What?

The first time I said to myself (and my guidance), “I wish I were dead”, was when I was a small child around the age of 7. That is a very long time to be manifesting deadness. A looooong time. The request has become habitual over time. It is my go-to when I am struggling, feeling disappointed, and bored with life. I am effectively perpetuating deadness.

For a while now my guidance has been asking me “What do you want”. I honestly have no idea. Usually I know what I do not want. In this case, I think I’ve had enough of being dead. Yeah. It sucks. 

But nearly 40 years of manifesting deadness leaves me with no idea what to replace it with. When all I feel is deadness, how then do I begin to feel alive? 

Perhaps all of the above clarity is my guidance providing hope? I suppose it is since, after almost 40 years, I am finally seeing this huge mess I created.

I sense amusement from my Team. I say to them, “Not funny.” I hear back, “Jokes on you.”

by

Be Courageous – Remember

My son woke me at 3am. He was wandering the house saying his tummy felt weird because he was anxious. In the morning he told me why.

My oldest son had some major lucid dream/OBE activity last night. He was excitedly telling me all about it this morning. Most of his experiences were on the scary side. He said he heard a man say, “Hey! Don’t come in here” when he headed to the bathroom. At the time he didn’t know he was OOB. The voice was not one he recognized but wasn’t scary. This led to a conversation about “noises off”. He later asked me, “So…does that mean we can do it [OBE] together?!” I said, “Yes!” He said, “Cool!” I told him all the times I’ve seen him when I’ve been OOB. He’s the only one of my children who ever interacts with me and is conscious of being OOB. I’m a proud mama!

Above is what I posted on FB. He said he would fall asleep for 10 minutes and then wake up to weird stuff like the above. He is genuinely interested in his lucid experiences and is good at spotting them. I look forward to watching him grow and learn from them.

When I fell back to sleep I had an odd dream about being inside a tiny home that had lots of house plants. I kept meeting all kinds of people. One I recall was a young drug addicted couple with two beautiful angel children. Everyone person I saw I wanted to hug because I could see how beautiful they were inside. I felt so much love for them. 

I think I had this dream because right before bed I was thinking how little love I feel for people lately. I am just devoid of love for other humans. I was feeling guilty about it especially since I watched another NDE account where God told the women that even her thoughts affected people. The woman would not say or do mean things but would think them, assuming that doing so made her somehow better than those that didn’t hold back. God explained that the negative thoughts feed into the person’s energy and make it harder for them to break free of negative cycles.

I definitely do the above but without thinking that I am “better” for saying nothing. I feel as much guilt for my thoughts as I do my actions or words. When I was in counseling discussing those things I have done that may have hurt people, my thoughts would come up all the time and the counselor would tell me they didn’t count because I didn’t actually act on them. Now I realize that I have been right all along – my thoughts are just as overt as any action. I should be paying attention to them, not ignoring them.

I do know one thing, I am living a life that is very negative right now. Why is it that way? Well, the same NDE reminded me that I create my reality and this “prison” is of my own making. The woman in the NDE spoke of how she was protecting herself from hurt by slowly withdrawing from the world. She wouldn’t let anyone close enough to hurt her. She ended up going to work and just being superficially nice and appropriate, then would go home and do her mother duties and then go to bed. She didn’t go out or socialize. She said no one really noticed her doing this because it was so gradual and eventually she was inside the prison she experienced in her NDE – a black void. 

I’ve created a similar prison for the same reason. 

What is even stranger is that after listening to the NDE account partially I opened up a Stephen King novel, Duma Key, my husband left for me to read. The introduction called “How to Draw a Picture” explained how white is a name we give to the absence of memory (color) and black is the absence of light. It fit perfectly. He says that taking a pencil and drawing just one line (the horizon) on a white piece of paper is the most courageous thing anyone can do because that line lets in the dark. The only way to create anything on that white paper is to draw lines (let in the dark). 

“Black is the absence of light, but white is the absence of memory, the color of can’t remember.”

Duma Key by Stephen King, no page number

To me, all the above events in the order they happened, paint the picture of a message: “Be courageous – Remember.” Because, after all, a huge part of my journey has been Remembering. Remembering is a different kind of memory, it is the recapturing of the Self through creation. We all are capable of Remembering but not all of us have the courage to do so. 

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Reminder: Self-Restraint

Below is a dream account from Nov 3rd that led to lucidity for the first time in a while.

Dream: Teaching Others

I can’t remember the beginning of the dream except that I was with a young man with brown beard that reminded me of a professor I had in college who taught Social Psychology. He and I walked into his classroom where it felt I was to assist.

He left me in charge briefly. I wasn’t concerned because I was only watching the students for a short time. Relaxed, I enjoyed observing them. However, two young black girls began fighting. One ripped the underwear off the other one and was running around with it. I intervened, grabbing the underwear which was quite dirty and crusty, and put myself between them. I sent another student to the office for help as I sat with them and discussed their behavior. I remember specifically asking if they would behave similarly in other situations like church, a store, etc. They seemed to understand and were remorseful. I was sympathetic and remember thinking, “They don’t know better.”

The teacher returned without help, the class dismissed and I stayed in the classroom. New students came in and with them a fellow classmate of mine who I haven’t seen in over 20yrs. I recognized her and called her by name. She hugged me and then kissed me on the lips, which was awkward but I didn’t think anymore about it. I looked up at her, she was always tall, but she was gigantic! I commented on her height and asked if she was over 7ft. She said, “No, but my sister is.” She asked how tall I was and I told her 5’6″. I felt like a dwarf in her presence. We got to talking about our lives and she said she had lived for a time in Yuma, AZ. I told her my life hadn’t been very significant. Then she left.

Another person I recognized came into the classroom. A woman who use to own the business my husband and his brother now own. She was in a tizzy and I wondered why, following her gaze. When I did, the room transformed and I was standing outside near a restaurant with lights strewn up around a shallow fountain and pond nearby. She was looking out at the pond so I did, too and saw her deceased father and mother. Her father was in the water and looked vibrant and healthy. I knew he was dead and shouldn’t be there and was astonished at how real he looked and that his wife was with him. He spoke to his daughter and his voice was the same as I recalled.

Then I shifted back to the classroom. I was standing near the door and my husband walked in. When I saw him I told him who I had just seen. I said, “It was SO real!” and burst into tears. While I was crying I heard a male voice whisper, “You are real.” The phrase was repeated a couple of times as I continued to cry before I shifted to yet another scene.

I was escorted into a very nice house. It was massive, like a castle, and made of white stone. Inside, I walked down wooden stairs that led to a quaint but modern kitchen and living area. It didn’t match the outside at all and appeared like any other middle class dwelling. There were others with me but I don’t recall them nor did I seem to know them well in the dream. I was more curious about my surroundings, looking at various items and ignoring the conversation going on around me. 

I found my way outside into a small patio garden and began walking down the stone pathway. It was sunny and warm with a light breeze. To my left was a beautiful flowering vine-like bush with purple flowers all over it. I paused, looking closely at one of the flowers. It was tiny and had yellow and white inside. I leaned in and thought, “I know I’m dreaming but I don’t want to wake up. I like this.” As I leaned in to smell the flower I heard, “Be careful. It’s sharp.” In my mind I saw that the end of the flower was sharp, like razor blades. Imagining the pain of being cut, I pulled back. 

Dreams Within the Dream

I don’t know if I woke up or what happened but it was like a memory of another dream came to me while within this dream. I was walking outside talking to someone about the honey bees I had been tending to. We walked by one hive hanging from a branch. I pointed out the bees to the other person and then directed them to another hive. As we drew close, one of the bees came near me. It was fat and black, not like a honeybee, and I instantly knew something was not right. I swatted it away and it became aggressive. It landed on my thumb. I looked at it very closely, inspecting it and watching it’s behavior. I saw it’s stinger aimed to sting me but I moved my hand out from under it. I remember saying, “This isn’t good. They have to go.” I believe I also said they had become “killer bees”.

Then I was walking along a street. Someone was yelling at me to look behind me. I turned and saw a black bear following me. I talked to it like it was a dog and turned to it to tell it to leave. It wouldn’t so I kicked it in the nose but not hard enough to hurt it. It whimpered and stopped. It was pretty big but I wasn’t afraid of it. Instead, I looked at it a while, appreciating its beauty.

The scene shifted and I watched a family by the pool. Another bear was there but it was super fat and lounging like a person. Worried for the family, I watched intently. A man, the father, interacted with it, tossing balls at it. He ended up playing a game with the bear to see who could kick the ball farthest across the pool. Each time the bear lost, it took a piece of a bear suit off. The first pieces that came off were the sock feet. The “bear” ended up being the man’s wife. He won the game and they lounged by the pool using the huge bear coat as a blanket and snuggling under it.

One of Life’s Lessons

I know I woke at some point because I remember talking to a guide. I think the above dreams within a dream were a result of that conversation. this guide said, as if a reminder, “Self-Restraint”. This woke me up and I wondered, “Is that my lesson?” It felt correct. 

This realization was agonizing to me, though. Ugh! I hated it. Yet in my mind images and memories came all at once. Some from this lifetime, some from other lifetimes. The end result was confirmation that self-restraint was something I’ve been working on for a long time. I am learning that just because I might want to do or say something, doesn’t mean I should. Some of the memories involved incidents that were awful, such as killing another for food or just because “I felt like it”. 

I remember returning from a life when I killed someone in a rage of jealousy and was also killed (a long, long time ago). When I got Home I was told, “You can’t just kill everyone that doesn’t agree with you.” LOL I remember feeling bad after that lifetime (a short one). I didn’t think, I just acted and it cost me my life. I went into other lives after that, but continued to struggle with impulse control. 

In this lifetime I’ve always hoped for a short life. I have no desire to drag this experience out until old age. In the past, I’ve thought about this on occasion. My conclusion was that my other lives were not very long, probably only making it to middle age at the most. In my memories of other lives that has been the case. I don’t typically die of old age. When I have died of old age, “old” was 40yrs old, such as the lifetime when I was cursed with a club foot and lived a very miserable existence, dying when I was an “old man”. 

Perhaps this is part of why I am currently struggling with deciding what it is I want in my future. I’ve lost interest in life almost completely. At times I feel like at any moment I am going to literally break – lose my mind in such a way as to lose sense of who, when, where I am. I am easily stressed by simple life events, so when a bigger event is added I really struggle to maintain composure.

For example, my youngest had an ortho appointment. He didn’t handle the last one well. He gagged and cried and we had to reschedule. It caused him so much upset and anxiety and it was absolutely horrible for me to watch and not be able to do anything to help him. At this appointment I sat across from him focused another point in the room. I closed my eyes and sent love and reassurance to him. All the while praying it will go well and telling myself it will be okay. It was and he did well (thankfully), but by the end of the day I stood in my kitchen thinking, “I don’t know how long I can do this [pretend everything is okay]”. I felt like I was going to crack right then and there. But I didn’t.

Life feels heavy and I am tired. 

Message: You Need Stimulation

I went in and out of the in-between, which hasn’t happened in quite some time. In one instance I was laying down, my bare leg stretched out in front of me. I had a metal object in my hand. It looked like a small massage tool. It had a handle and at the end was a rectangular cylinder with little bumps all over it. I was rolling this object up and down my thigh. It felt relaxing and pleasurable, like a sensual massage. As I massaged my leg I heard, “You need stimulation.” Of course, I immediately came out of my reverie. 

My understanding of the message is that life is not stimulating to me. I require more stimulation. My boredom and lack of interest is in part due to not having that stimulation. The problem is I have no idea what would be stimulating to me! All my old interests have faded away. When I think of returning to something that use to interest me I am no longer interested. Even in my dream, when I had the opportunity to take control of the dream and turn it into an OBE, I was not interested. Why? Whenever I go OBE I have no interest in exploring or searching or anything. I am bored with it now.

I am warned in the dream that remaining asleep (“I don’t want to wake up”) could hurt (“Be careful, it’s sharp.”). I don’t seem to care but I do stay away from the flower. Perhaps that reaction is symbolic of why I avoid the things I use to enjoy? I’ve learned that, in life, those things that are desirable are the things that hurt the most. 

I’ve gotten other messages via dreams lately indicating that I need to live life while I still have life. The messages encourage taking more risks. Would that be stimulating enough? Probably. Do I want to take a risk? Not really. Perhaps I’ve learned the self-restraint lesson too well? 

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Kundalini Dream: Navigating Dama

For the first time in a while I had meaningful dreams with messages and even some clarity. 

The first dream of the night involved me talking to a man who was severely depressed and disinterested in life. I remember encouraging him to do something with the time he has here and being very upbeat and positive. I asked, “Isn’t there anything you want to do with the time you have left?” I don’t remember him replying to any of my questions. In fact, he seemed to not even know I was there.

I woke suddenly around midnight feeling very energetically weird. I thought it might be my heart but when I checked my pulse it was steady. The feeling was very much like what I sometimes get when I return from an OBE too abruptly. It is energetic and hard to describe. I was able to return to sleep easily at least.

Dream: Navigating Dama

I remember talking to a woman throughout this dream. I never saw her, though. 

The space I occupied in the dream was dark. My best description would be that I was in a focusing area. The first thing I recall is communicating with my husband from this space. I could see him as if from a long distance (telepathy). He got very upset with me for interrupting him because he was working on a burial shroud for his brother. When I looked through his eyes I could see him creating the shoulders for it that resembled fabric wet with plaster. The response from my husband was harsh. Do not bother me now!  This is similar to how he often reacts to me in waking life when I’ve interrupted him when he’s working. I remember hearing certain words at this time. One word repeated: Requiem (a mass for the dead or Latin for “rest”). I watched a while curious about what he was doing but also recovering from his backlash. It hurt to be treated that way.

Eventually I left him alone. I turned towards a holographic-looking computer/phone screen and began to type into it as I spoke with the woman I couldn’t see but could hear in my mind. I typed two words with an “and” in between but kept mistyping the last word. Thus, it is the last word I remember. The word was “Dama” but I kept thinking I was misspelling it and it needed an “e” on the end. In other words, “Dame”. The app I had open was Navigator.

The woman and I were talking about my husband’s reaction and what it represented. I felt a lingering sadness and disappointment because it was clear to me that he would never be what I needed. I need a partner who puts me first, who thinks of me as “his person”, or the one he confides in and goes to for all his deeper emotional and spiritual needs/support. My husband, on the other hand, places me alongside everyone else. I am just one of many, often put second, third or fourth behind his many obligations towards the others in his life. He confides in everyone, seeking advice, sharing often personal and highly emotional aspects of our relationship and, thus, inviting others (via their input and more) into our relationship. To me, a partnership/relationship/marriage is not something one shares openly with others. It is holy, sacred, divine and private. 

I began to cry in the dream as we discussed my disappointment and grief. My husband and I have had many conversations about how I feel but he does not feel similarly. He doesn’t believe in placing any one person over another but feels all should be equal because he loves and admires everyone similarly. He does believe that a romantic partner shares the most intimate moments, but beyond that I feel like just another name on his long list of contacts.

As the discussion continued and I experienced the emotion of my grief, I began to feel a stirring in my root chakra that was beyond ignoring. The more we talked, the more intense the sensation. I have not felt such pleasure in a long time and then only via the Kundalini while in dream or altered (meditative) states. 

At one point I was able to ignore the feeling but at another I said to the woman, “I can’t [ignore it anymore]” and focused upon it. The more I focused the more intense it got but it never moved beyond the root. Instead, it sizzled there, fiery and fierce, while we continued to talk. This was when I was typing “Dama” specifically, which only later did I discover was significant.

My emotion got very high to the point of tears when I said to her, “I don’t want to do this.” She said, “You have to.” “This” felt to be a process; moving through my current situation rather than ignoring it. The specifics of “moving through” were not presented but I felt major dread and despair at just the thought of what lies ahead. It felt like whatever is coming is scary and difficult.

Interpretation and Significance

I woke, my eyes still wet from crying, and the intense energy still lingering in my root chakra. It was/is odd to me that I would feel such ecstasy while discussing such an emotional topic, one that is the opposite of pleasant. My guide was still close and asked me to consider why because she knows I know the answer already. The root activation was the result of the movement of previously stuck energy. However, there was also a lesson in feeling the energy, a lesson in restraint. 

Dama

One of the six virtues of a spiritual seeker. To have Dama means to have perfect alignment between your mind and your senses; self-restraint. In the dream I was typing “Dama” into the Navigator app – Navigating Dama.

In past instances of strong, lower chakra activation, I have had trouble not overly focusing on the sensations that arise because of how intensely pleasurable they are. In the dream I was successful for a time. I felt the pleasure but it remained in the background as I focused on the conversation I was having. However, it became difficult to ignore and I gave into it. The reminder in the dream was the word “Dama” being repeated.

Requiem

Song of death, death, to lay to rest. In this case, I am watching my husband construct a shroud for his brother. To me this symbolizes putting to rest my karmic connection with him – “my brother”. I recognize this in the dream and grieve. Though the full extent of this dream realization did not return with me as I woke, there remains a deep, unsettled feeling of “unfinished business” that I know must be tended to. 

Root Chakra

The root chakra has to do with feeling grounded, safe, at home in your body, and connected to the Earth. One of the areas of the body that it is connected to is the spine. When not in balance or blocked one of the physical manifestations is sciatica along with feeling disconnected, depressed, negative and cynical. I have been experiencing all of the above. Thankfully, my sciatica is feeling better again with it only being a very minor problem that is more bothersome than anything.

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Dream Reminder: Master(y)

I’ve been struggling again with an all too familiar feeling. It is an emptiness, a feeling of nothingness and numbness towards life. Ahead all I see is black. I move through these periods as if swimming in muck. It is slow going. Heavy.

I Know it is just a part of my cycle and, maybe also, the world’s. I’ve asked for assistance and received little snippets here and there in dreamtime. One was to focus on the positive despite all the negative distractions around me. I habitually fall into pessimism so struggle to see the positive. It is always, “I see [enter something positive] BUT [enter long list of negatives]”.

Another was a reminder to focus on doing things I enjoy, which has become quite difficult because one of the main things I do is exercise. The sciatica I’ve been struggling with since August persists and rears its ugly head right around bedtime. Thankfully, it has decreased significantly in the past few weeks, to the point that some days/nights I do not even notice it despite there still being niggles of nerve pain here and there (mostly left, upper thigh). Exercise gives me such relief, helping to shut down my monkey mind and relieve built up energy I’ve collected from my Generator family members. I’ve not stopped exercising but have decreased it substantially. When I did try to increase intensity I was reminded very harshly by my body that it was not OK. A sharp pain in my lower back/sacrum put me in my place fast. 😦

Last night’s message, however, was the most revealing of them all.

Dream Reminder: Master(y)

My dream recall begins in my old bedroom at my childhood home. I was sitting in front of the computer. On the screen appeared one of my Light Code Oracle cards. When I saw it a thought entered my mind: “Master”. With the visual of the card came a recording of me speaking in Light Language. I listened but couldn’t hear a large part of it. So, I decided I would record a new version.

The new recording was in song, a beautiful and powerful Light Language song that filled me with Light energy. The more I sang, the more energy there was, and I was inspired to sing more and more, filling my entire energy body with Light. It was miraculous!

It was at this time that I began to hear noises from outside my room. I stopped singing to investigate and saw my son in front of the TV. I asked him to turn down the volume, which he did. I returned to the room and began singing only to be interrupted again, this time by my sister’s radio. Angry, I went to her room but she wasn’t there. I yelled in frustration that all I wanted was quiet. I yanked the radio plug out of the wall. Silence.

Interpretation

The location of the dream is significant, symbolizing the past and an ever-present influence it has upon the present. My son’s loud TV and his willingness to turn it down represents my children and the responsibilities I have towards them and my immediate family. I feel less irritated by these things and am able to balance them with my own personal needs and desires. However, the family drama brought about by my sister, symbolized by her ridiculously loud radio, that causes me to react with anger and frustration. Unlike my son, I am unable to control her and the circumstances that surround her and her life choices.

In general, I reject the noises around me (the mundane), preferring to immerse myself in my Light Language song.

Considerations

As soon as I woke this morning, I looked up the card: Mastery. The image in the dream didn’t match the card image but that doesn’t matter. What matters is the message.

I read the old post I’d written in 2017 after painting the symbol. The part that stood out to me the most was this:

The temptation to indulge in bitter despair may be a real hazard. Remember, from the metaphysician’s viewpoint, despair and inspiration are often considered to be a step apart. Discipline and vision are essential key words toward the overcoming of your problems.

Due to this merging of spiritual and mundane, being and doing, this card may experience a conflict between the two as they attempt to achieve balance in their life.

Probably the most challenging part of this life has been to find balance between the mundane and the spiritual. I seem always to be more involved in one more than the other. I prefer, of course, to be more involved in the spiritual. However, it is at times like these, when the mundane seems forced upon me, that I am the most prone to periods of “bitter” despair.

So the message is not one I like to hear but it is a good reminder, one I am grateful to have received. It was especially wonderful to remember just how powerful Light Language can be and how it was once an inspirational and powerful part of my life experience.