Category Archives: Messages

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Dream Meeting with Charlie

Woke up from a dream in which I was talking to a guy. In the dream, I had returned Montana (again) for school. I was in a student lounge area. It was full of students milling about. The light was low with a yellowish hue and the area reminded me a of mixture of a bar and a waiting area. 

I sat at a small bar seating area that was located along a long wall. As I played with my phone I noticed a man approaching from my left. He lingered, looking at me intently. I knew he wanted to talk so I looked up and he sat down, smiling, as if I invited him. He was rugged looking, like a version of Clint Eastwood, his skin tanned brown with deep smile lines around his eyes and mouth. Now that I think about it, he looked similar to a man I met in an OBE – the Marlboro Man. Ha!

When he introduced himself his words sounded all jumbled. I said, “Hold on, let me take out my earplugs.” I pulled out my right one and said, “Okay. What’s your name again?” He told me again, his words thick with a foreign accent, and it was still hard to make out but somehow I came up with Javier. I repeated it back and he nodded and said, “My friends call me Charlie.” 

With his very obviously Spanish name, I asked him if he was from the south. He nodded. So, I told him how I came to be there in Montana. I said, “I’m from Texas visiting after being away for 5yrs. I really missed the mountains and love it here.” I dropped my earplug (not wanting to listen) and excused myself as I knelt down to retrieve it from underneath the legs of a nearby chair. As I peered at it from under the chair I had a momentary moment of lucidity and the earplug became very clear. I remember thinking it out of place because I only wear them when I sleep, but it did not wake me up from within the dream.

Somehow we ended up talking about Houston. I think that was where he was from but am not sure. He began talking about specific streets in the area asking if I knew them. I remember talking about this for a while but cannot recall the names of the streets. Something about him relaxed me, like he drew out a part of me that otherwise would have remained hidden.

As we talked the scene shifted and we were in a car driving on roads with patches of ice and slush. I only recall that we discussed the harsh weather of Montana and he mentioned how the increase in population and warmer winters has decreased the heavy snow and ice. I remember as we drove that it felt like we were flying very low to the ground. In front of us was a four wheel drive pick-up truck (hard work) with oversized tires. It slowed and pulled to the right. In front of it and us was a flooded (high emotion) portion of the road. I was not worried whatsoever, knowing the water was not deep, but the truck detoured around it. We drove through the puddle and I watched the truck driving on our right. It drove back onto the road on the other side of the puddle at the same moment we did. We had successfully navigated through it.

Then I was just talking to “Charlie” one-on-one without any visuals that I recall. I assume we were still flying together but IDK. What I recall most specifically is him asking why I think of everything in life as “work”. I didn’t disagree and said just existing on this planet and in this body requires work. Survival = work. I think of pretty much all aspects of life from eating to sleeping – even breathing – as work. Over time all of it has become exhausting to me. It seems like every moment of life is preparing for the next. Every minute of every day making sure this body continues on. And for what? More of the same. In contrast, being in Spirit is not work at all. Everything comes with such ease.

Charlie reminded me that it wasn’t long ago that I found pleasure in the simple things in life. A memory of me cleaning dishes and realizing that I enjoyed it played through my mind. He suggested I focus on finding that joy again. 

I woke up still thinking of our discussion. My mind wandered to the people around me, all keeping busy with things in life they found “fun”. Fun is an over-used word. To me, “fun” describes something like going on an amusement park ride. Fun = adrenaline or an energy spike. There is a peak and then it falls back down, usually ending in a contented exhaustion. Yet, the people I know all use the word “fun” to describe all sorts of things from going for a walk to shopping or getting their nails done. 

I have become extremely critical of anyone who has tried to persuade me to have “fun” with them. If you say, “Come on! It’ll be fun!” It is an instant turn-off and I will likely say no. If you say, “It will be a nice change of scenery” or “You might like it”, then I might consider it. Might. lol

Regardless, Charlie is asking me to think of life differently, to get back to finding enjoyment in the simple things. If only it were that easy. Usually, those moments are when I am alone, so I will start there.

Finally, why I told Charlie I was returning to Montana after five years, IDK. 2017 was seems so long ago. Maybe I made some kind of decision back then that led me to take a long break from my spiritual journey? Probably. 2015-2017 were some of the toughest years for me.

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Dream Message: It’s Too Late When We Die

More strange dreams.

Dream: Kiera 

I was in a dark basement room with my friend from high school. There was a tiny bit of light and she was standing in it. I said, “Stay there. I want to take your picture.” She looked up and I aimed my camera. A little boy who was drawn like a cartoon character stood beside her. I looked beyond the camera lens and he was gone. I aimed again and he returned. Again and again he kept photo bombing the shot. Eventually, though, I got the photo without him in it. I told my friend about it, shocked, describing what he looked like. I said, “I think he may have been your future child.” 

We went to bed and when I awoke I was alone. I noticed on the walls were pictures in sequence of a fundraising event from when my friend and I were in school. Kids of various ages each took turns sitting in a wooden chair in a field. Their friends were around them cheering and applauding.

Above the display were words describing why the photos were there. It said something about displaying creativity instead of keeping it hidden. Toward the bottom were photos with me. I was hiding in most of them with my younger sister trying to get me to participate. She was smiling and having a good time. In several of the last photos loads of cash was being thrown over my head. I didn’t look amused but I did pose for pictures. 

I decided to leave the basement and explore my surroundings. The next thing I recall is being in a hotel lobby. A man came up to reception saying he had way too much alcohol left and he was leaving that morning. He asked if he could give it away. They agreed and he brought bags full of alcohol to the table – unopened six-packs of beer, opened wine and liquor containers, etc. People came up to take the free alcohol. I drifted closer, curious, and the man asked me if I wanted some. I declined. 

There was one small, yellow bottle that didn’t look like alcohol. The name suggested it was an arousal tonic for men. I mentioned it to the man and he confirmed what it was for. I said, “Kinky. Sounds like you were having fun.” He said, “We were neighbors.” He motioned to the hotel and said something about shared space, specifically restrooms. That was when I realized I was not there alone and the hotel was being used as a convention space for a gathering.

In his words I also recognized a light-hearted invitation. He looked kind of like Sting (the older version) and I was not interested. I am sure I blushed, though, and told him no thank you.

The man then dumped wads of cash onto the table. There were several woman there who eagerly grabbed it up. I said, “I want some.” One woman looked at me as if I had just threatened to kill her. She pulled a stack of bills closer to her and said I couldn’t because I didn’t take any alcohol. I said, “I don’t want/need that,” motioning at the bottles, “but I do need the money.” The others at the table looked at her with intent, their eyes saying, “Don’t be so greedy.” The woman handed me a wad of bills. On the top was a $100 bill and on the other side a $10 bill. In between were stacks of $5’s. 

I walked away with my wad of money (success, prosperity), staring at it. Then I opened a door in the wall. Inside was a narrow staircase leading up. I followed it, momentarily worried someone might rob me but then realized I didn’t have that much money and didn’t care.

The stairs opened up into a large space filled with mattresses, blankets and various sleeping spots spread out on the floor. There was no space to walk so I had to walk over the beds. The feeling the room gave me was positive, filled with a sense of connection. It dawned on me that I must’ve been sleeping in this space with all the others. I would never do something like that because, 1. I don’t like being in crowded places with lots of people and 2. I can’t sleep even with one other person in the room with me. 

I looked for my sleeping space but didn’t see it. So I headed to a clearing seeking a place to sit. I found a small sitting space near a large picture window. A woman greeted me warmly by name, calling me “Kiera”, and came to sit with me (Kiera = wealth, prosperity). I remember thinking the name was not quite right but liking it. I could get use to the name. 

Before I sat down, though, another woman came up outstretching her hand toward me. She said, “Keira! I made something for you!” She called by a name I can’t recall but in her hands were two, knitted slippers. She said, “I also want to buy you lunch for a week to thank you for all you’ve done.” The outpouring of love and acceptance from her was so great I immediately burst into tears and hugged her tight. I remember thinking how nice it was to finally feel like I belonged. 

Considerations

I woke up still crying. The tears were tears of joy and relief at the belonging I felt. Never in my life have I felt so accepted and loved. My entire life I have felt out of place. People regard me with suspicion and keep their distance. They pretend to accept me but they never really do. They always keep me at arms length, just in case I turn out to be “dangerous” to them. Most don’t know they are doing it, it is just their automatic reaction to my odd aura and I know now that my Projector aura is to blame. It dives deep into their aura and takes every part of them in. That is uncomfortable and scary to anyone who is a Generator and probably Manifestors, too. 

When I woke I thought, “This must be how most other people feel their whole life.” This is when something occurred to me. I read somewhere that our purpose in life is directly linked to our greatest wound. It very likely that my purpose is linked to groups and being in/part of a group. Ugh! 

If I am meant to work with groups then I will most definitely have to come out of my hermit hole and confront my greatest discomfort – groups of people and the inevitable rejection that comes with them. The odds are stacked against me. Funny thing is, in my youth I sought out groups, trying desperately to be included. Over time it became clear that people didn’t want me around and after many failed attempts, I decided I don’t want or need any of them. The repeated rejection is just not worth it. This is the Not-Self bitterness of being a Projector.

Yet within me is a “natural” teacher, public speaker and performer. I feel the most successful when I do these things. 

Music Message

As I lingered in bed, trying to return to sleep, a message slowly emerged in my mind. The words, “Say it loud……” I tried to grab onto the words and eventually more emerged: “Say it clear…..” There was no melody, just words. They were very faint and it took all my attention to get all of them. Out of the haze of sleep came the melody: “Say it loud. Say it clear. You can listen as well as you hear. It’s too late, when we die, to admit we don’t see eye to eye.” 

The song didn’t seem to go along with my dream at all. Instead it seemed to be an answer to a question I asked a couple of nights ago.

My sister (the one in jail), sent me a request to sign up to send and receive emails/texts. My mom told me that she gave my sister $10 to send emails and told me it costs 50 cents each time. My mom has been communicating with her this way. My guess is my mom gave her my phone number. I haven’t signed up, though. I just don’t want to be involved with her drama. My husband is urging me to do it. I asked my guides to help me decide. I think the song is suggesting I do it. 

If I think of the song’s message it is asking that I consider how I might feel if my sister passes from this world. I’ve always considered that death is not the end and that anything I may want to communicate I can regardless of whether the other person is living or dead. I think I’ve used this as an excuse to not communicate with my sister. She is not herself and when we talk I feel like she is not fully there. I get such an “off” feeling when we talk. I don’t like how it makes me feel. 

However, it is clear, for many reasons, that she will leave this world before I do. Whether sooner or later, it is hard to know. 

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Dream Message: Share Your Story

If it isn’t dreams where Spirit is visiting me to encourage me to do mediumship, it is a guide doing so. That is what happened last night/early this morning. Not sure what is going on!

Dream Message: Share Your Story

In the dream I was in a room with a tall, slender man who felt very professional energy-wise. He had an agenda and it was obvious. Though much of the dream is hazy now, our conversation is memorable enough to recall our discussion.

In the room there was a table and chair. I sat at the chair resting an elbow on the table. The man stayed standing and paced back and forth slowly while he spoke with me. It had the feel of a presentation or a sales pitch. 

While the man spoke with me there were visuals in my mind acting as a telepathic slideshow. I saw myself traveling through the U.S. and with this came the message: “share your story”. My reaction was to ask, “Why would I want to do that? No one wants to hear what I have to say.”

There were memories then of the time before I was married and started my family. This was a time of great excitement as I practiced my new-found abilities. He was asking me “Why not?”, suggesting I return to what once filled me with a sense of purpose and success. I recalled that time so long ago and, though it was an exciting time, the end result left me feeling exhausted mentally, spiritually and emotionally. 

My responses to his suggestions were: 1. there is little evidence my spiritual gifts still exist, 2. I have lost interest, 3. I was unsuccessful and could not/would not be able to make a living doing it, 4. I am no longer “special” in my experiences so why would anyone be interested in hearing “my story”?, 5. I am invisible but if I put myself out there and make myself visible that sets me up for judgement, criticism, rejection, and more. My final thought to him was, “I would rather be invisible than for others to notice me and then reject and/or mock me.”

He had a reply to all my points. 1. You do still have gifts. 2. Then get interested again. 3. You have the money and resources now and do not need the income, so what does it matter if you can make a living doing it? 4. You will always be special. 5. Nothing worthwhile ever comes without risk. 

He was not taking no for an answer and it felt similar to my recent dreams – pressured; energetically authoritative. The energy of our interaction ultimately woke me but the conversation did not end.

His kept pushing and I told him, “I don’t want to be awake. I was sleeping so nicely. I want to sleep forever. Why did you have to wake me up? I don’t want to talk/dream about this. I would rather dream about something else…flying, Kundalini…no, not the K, it will wake me up…something pleasurable, though.” 

Ultimately, I fell back to sleep but not after a bit more pushing from this masculine energy. He insists that I tell my story. Maybe I am misunderstanding what he means by “story”? I really don’t think my story will be interesting to the vast majority of people sleepwalking on this planet. The only thing of interest to me now is the Kundalini so why do my dreams indicate that I should reconsider mediumship? It just doesn’t make any sense. 

Dream Date

Ironically, when I returned to sleep I was given something “pleasurable” to distract me. In the dream I was preparing for a date with one of my husband’s Mexican friends. This man is middle aged, short and has a huge belly. He is also not very good at speaking English. The entire time I am getting ready – hair and make-up – I am thinking of this man and how very unattractive he is. 

A voice in my mind is trying to get me to consider the man in a different light. They want me to look past his outward appearance and look at his inner light. I do see it but the physical is just too unattractive and overshadows everything else.

When he arrives I am not quite ready and linger in the bathroom trying to find items my daughter has put in the wrong places. I remember noticing some acne lesions on my forehead suddenly appearing and working diligently to cover them up. I also remember my hair was still wet but the hair dryer is tangled in cords of other hair devices and I give up trying to dry my hair. Eventually, I decide I don’t want to go on the date. 

The scene shifts with my decision and I am in a bedroom. There is a large bed with a tent over the top. A couple is inside having sex but they are covered in blankets. I watch, intrigued, especially about the tent set-up. Something about watching them sparks the K slightly but just a warm energy and, of course, I wake up. Once awake, I realize that this guide gave me what I asked for (kind of) but our conversation is still on my mind as if to say, “Now, let’s continue.” My answer was/is, “No. Not interested.”

Even as I type this the message “share your story” is going through my mind. I just cannot fathom traveling the country sharing of myself in that way. It is so far outside my reality and comfort zone that it seems ludicrous. I mean, currently at least, I pretty much hate people and avoid them as much as possible. lol Beside, who would want to hear my story anyway? And what “story” is it that I should share? 

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Another Mediumship Request and More Family Drama

Woke up briefly this morning in the midst of talking to a woman in Spirit. She was giving me her info and when I asked why she said, “I wanted to see if you could hear me.” I replied, “Of course I can hear you, I hear so much I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

When I woke I was repeating her birth and death info.

Born: 1922
Died: 2014
Cause of death: Embolism
Name of close relative: Henry 

I woke a bit later with a sense of her name but lost it immediately. It was memory of a feeling and flashes of broken images more than a name, like a it was given to me telepathically or during such a deeply unconscious state that I was unable to retrieve it. This has happened to me many times and can be extremely frustrating but I have learned to just accept it. 

I do not know what she looked like except to get a feeling of her energy. She felt young and vibrant to me but there is a sense that she wore her gray hair pulled back away from her face. Either that or it was cut very short.

More Family Drama

So my sister and her husband (my 1st cousin) are both in jail right now.

My cousin got out of jail for writing fraudulent checks on my birthday. Apparently it was a surprise to my sister who had hooked up with his best friend. She told all of us that this guy was just helping her out because her husband had asked him to “take care of her”. My mom called this man her boyfriend but she told my husband that he was just a friend helping out. 

When her husband got out of jail it was quiet for about a month. Turns out drama was brewing. My sister was sneaking out to be with her new boyfriend and eventually her husband found out. He went to his “friend’s” house and beat the crap out of him. He was arrested for assault and evading arrest on the 7th of September, about a month after he was released pending trial for his other charges.

Fast forward to the 19th. This is the story as I heard it. I cannot be certain of how much truth is contained in it since it is obvious my sister tells each of us a slightly different story. 

My sister told her boyfriend (husband’s best friend) she didn’t want to see him anymore. He got angry and when he went to leave my sister went to get some of her things out of his truck. While she was half inside the truck getting her things he took off. She was hanging out of the open truck until at some point she jumped out of the vehicle while it was still moving. She ended up walking home at 1am (her son is home alone sleeping). 

A patrol car saw her and stopped to see if she needed help. When he found out who she was he told her she had a warrant and he arrested her. She is in jail for a hit-and-run accident from last year sometime where she had a minor accident and then fled the scene. We all knew about this accident because she told all of us that it had been her husband who had the accident and not her. The cops had followed him home and knocked on the door to ask who owned the car and indicated the plates were stolen. She told them it had been her and they didn’t arrest her because she was home alone with their son. She, of course, lied that she was the only parent home because her husband was hiding nearby. She said she lied for her husband but that the charges against her were dropped because he confessed to the hit-and-run while in prison (apparently not). 

When she was arrested she had a medical emergency (high BP) and had to be taken to the ER. She has been struggling with high BP for a while, though. Since she confessed to my husband earlier this summer that she has been occasionally using meth, the likely culprit is her meth use in combination with her heart condition, smoking, drinking and lifestyle choices in general. Her booking photo looks like one from the Faces of Meth campaign. It is obvious she is using more than just occasionally. 

Every time I see her now it seems she has aged another few years. Her eyes get deeper and she has more sores on her face. She also has a wild look in her eyes, but I have become use to that. She has had that look for about eight years. 

Since she had previously jumped bail, she has a $2k bond and they require $400 cash plus something to secure the bond that is worth $2k. No one is volunteering to help because she will most likely jump bail again and we are all in agreement that she is better off in jail right now. In jail she gets food, shelter, and medical care. She is also safer and the longer she is there, the more she can detox. 

Their son, my nephew, is living with my his dad’s ex-wife. She is located very close to the school he attends and his half-brother and sister have been helping him get to and from school. He is happy there with people he is familiar with. I hope he is better off. I do not know much about the ex-wife except that she was pretty quick to anger and enabled my cousin for years before she finally left him. My hope is that she is not treating my nephew harshly, telling him bad things about his parents or making him feel bad in general. My sister says “they all hate me because I cheated” and thinks the ex will tell him nasty things about her. That is probably a good assumption based upon what I’ve heard about his ex. She is a gossip, one of those who loves to chew on negative data and spew it out at opportune times.

My mom and step-father are going to consult with an attorney next week sometime to find out what they need to do to seek custody or guardianship of my nephew. They did not ask that I come nor did they ask for my help. However, my guess is their age will work against them. I have already decided I cannot handle another child but my SIL has indicated she will happily take him in. This is my husband’s brother’s sister. She has no relation to my nephew at all but immediately wanted to take him in. What a big heart. So, if things don’t bode well for my mom and step-father, I can talk to my BIL and SIL. It may or may not end up working out. However, if he is doing well where he is, a judge may not move him, for his own benefit.

What is interesting about all of the above drama that has played out is that earlier this year, the end of May, I had intuition regarding this exact scenario. I told my mom I sensed they would both end up in jail this year and someone would need to take care of their son. It did not leave me with an alarmed feeling, though. It happened, just not in the way I thought. I assumed something would happen with my sister while he her husband still in jail for the check fraud. Considering the dateline, my cousin was in jail when she went into jail, just for assault not check fraud. So I was correct, just not on the specifics. 

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Dream Encounter: Mediumship Request

Good news! My sciatica is not bothering me anymore. In fact, yesterday, after waking up stiff with a little pain in my hip, I went on my morning walk as usual. Afterwards I felt wonderful. No pain or stiffness at all! This lasted throughout the entire day until around 9pm when some pain/stiffness returned. I did do a workout for the lower body but was very careful what exercises I selected. For example, I did one wall sit and it began to aggravate my hip so I stopped. Any exercise where I bend at the waist is a no-go.

The end of the pain brought my spirits up quite a bit. I was laughing and joking around at dinner. Lately, by dinner time, the pain is bothering me enough that I am a bit cranky. 

In researching the stages of sciatica from a herniated disc (which is what I think I have) I learned that the stiffness stage is the last one. So, the end is in sight! I was worried I would have this pain for the rest of my life. It is doable but super annoying and not something I want to live with!

In considering what led me to this pain, I had the incident in June that, at the time, I think aggravated my sacroiliac joint. I was doing cable squats with a light weight and decided to go ATG (ass to ground). Well, I felt an odd sensation in my lower back/sacrum. It was mild and more like something shifted or popped. The rest of my workout went fine but the next two days I suffered from such bad pain in my sacrum that I had to lay on a heating pad to find any relief. 

The pain didn’t last long and then vanished. I returned to my workouts but did mostly body weight and cardio circuits. My research said to lay off the weight bearing exercises, so I did. This strategy worked and I was able to return to weight bearing exercises – perhaps too soon. 

This pain began similarly to before with pain across my sacrum but then moved from right side to left side and then down my leg, etc. It has been around 7 weeks since the initial pain started, which is right around the time my research indicated sciatica pain lasts. I am relieved. I am still going to take it easy, just in case. I don’t want another flare up.

If I go back to when I returned from Costa Rica in 2021 then I can see that I Knew that I needed to slow down in terms of weight bearing activity. I had decided to sell off most of my gym equipment but then changed my mind out of sheer boredom of not having anything to do with the long stretches of time in my daily schedule. I should’ve sold off the squat rack and cable machine like I had planned. I wouldn’t have injured my S5/L1, the area of my back my research indicated I most likely injured. 

I probably won’t sell off the gym equipment anytime soon because I am not motivated to do so at this time. My motivation is just low in general these days.

Dream Encounter: Mediumship Request

I have been sleeping very deeply and having lots of dreams. Most I just toss upon waking rather than try and interpret. There was one last night that caught my attention, though. The dream is hazy except for a few parts where I gained lucidity. 

Lucidity peaked suddenly when I began to experience hypnagogia. My vision filled with an intensely bright, white light. The light strobed from dim to brighter and seemed like it was trying to pull me out-of-body. I recognized the cues despite there being no vibration. At first I was eager to follow the light and then I unexpectedly changed my mind. I remember saying, “No. I don’t want this.” The light stopped and I sensed a presence near me.

The presence I sensed was a woman in spirit requesting that I pass on a message to her sister for her. She had recently passed away and wanted to reassure her sister that she was okay. I think she and her sister were identical twins because I recall her showing me what her sister looked like and then looking to the Spirit and noticing they looked the same. What I saw was a fairly young woman (20s-30s) with blonde hair and somewhat angular features. The woman’s spirit was transparent and very bright white. The light was radiating off of her. She was so bright one might easily misidentify her as an angel, but I didn’t. I knew she was Spirit.

Ultimately, I told the woman in spirit I wasn’t interested. She persisted and I began to feel crowded and pressured. She wouldn’t go away. Eventually I communicated that she needed to go and surrounded myself in protection, asking to be surrounded by my guides and angels. She finally got the message and departed. I woke up briefly thinking it odd and fell back to sleep.

In considering the dream encounter, it is odd to me that I would reject the experience like I did. I am guessing either I sensed something was “off” or I have just completely lost interest in mediumship – or both. 

Spirit can be very persistent to the point of putting uncomfortable feelings and emotions on me in an attempt to get me to pass on messages to their loved ones still in bodies. I’ve had some get extremely pushy like this one. The end result is that I effectively cut them off by blocking them from my energy. It’s one thing to ask for help and another to try and force it. Attempts like that will NOT be tolerated. 

I feel for the woman in Spirit, though. If she is indeed an identical twin, then the bond would be such that the her twin is likely suffering a huge loss, one that potentially could lead to her ending her life prematurely. I hope this isn’t the case. Since I do not know of any twins in my waking life, there is really nothing I can do without the living twin first contacting me. 

Theme: Mating 

I am still enjoying my new 15x macro lens for my Iphone. In a previous post I shared some of my photos. Some were of stink bugs mating. Well, last night I found two moths mating in my pantry. lol Add that to the encounter with the couple having sex in their car (twice) and it seems like mating is a theme, perhaps conveying a message.

The stink bugs could be a message that something “stinks” and often symbolizes protection and seeing what was previously unseen. Moths are symbolic of shadow work, hidden knowledge and transformation. 

The issue with the couple appears to have been handled. I’ve not seen them since the last time so I can only assume the police caught up with them. I am further convinced this is the case because I’ve seen random police SUVs patrolling our neighborhood. 

I’ve not figured out the message of this theme yet. It could be shadow work occurring at unconscious levels. I will leave it at that for now. 

Here’s the moth couple. 😉

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Dream: I’ll Fly Away

The last six weeks have been odd energy-wise and otherwise. Ever since I had Covid mid-July I’ve been dealing with odd, sciatica-like pain that migrates from one location in my hip/leg area to another and a lowered immune system. All last week I struggled to sleep, as did my oldest son, and we both came down with the same thing. So, I am currently getting over a nasty head cold (no not Covid), but at least now I am sleeping!

The major issue has been a pain in the butt (and leg). The pain started out as sacroiliac pain. Then it migrated to my right side and down my leg/ankle which lasted only a few days. Then the pain just went to above my knee. I had a friend do distance healing which got rid of the pain on the right side but then it migrated to the left side!

The pain is not severe, just super annoying. I can do all the things I need/want to do. In the mornings it is practically non-existent but by night time it is at its worst. I would say a 5 out of 10 with 10 being the worst pain ever. Usually I am just more careful with how I get up or sit down as that is the only time it hurts. Once I am in bed, it goes away and by morning it is gone except for a little tightness.

It definitely muscular. Thinking it is a tight piriformis putting pressure on the sciatic nerve. So, I have been doing frequent stretching and yoga.

All this happened right around my birthday. So I guess old age has finally found me. Sigh.

For the past week I’ve been asking for healing before bed. I’ve had some odd dreams, too! In one I was going down straw-like tunnels into rooms below ground. The first couple of tunnels were like water slides without water. I eventually came into a room where there was a birthday party celebration. I was offered hamburgers and hotdogs but I wanted to keep going. I was shown where I would need to go next. It was a similar tube “slide” but it went up for a bit and twisted around back down. I took one look and said, “I’m not doing that. I’ll just stay right here.” A voice said to me as I began to wake up, “All you have to do is let go of control.” I woke up thinking the tubes were the meridians of my energy body. One of them is a hum dinger and very scary! lol

So far, the healing has not been physical.

Below is what I got last night when I asked for healing.

Dream: Stop Running

I was walking and suddenly there appeared next to me a man. He put out his hand and I reached for it. I knew who it was. We walked together holding hands for a short distance and then he let go and began to run. I followed after, yelling at him to stop. I noticed he was struggling to breathe, taking huge gasps of air and losing strength for lack of oxygen. When I caught up to him I pushed on his back as I said, “Stop running and breathe. Take deep breaths, like this…” I demonstrated deep breathing, urging him to breathe with me. 

He lurched upward and took off running again, throwing me off his back. I ran after him, urging him to stop and breathe. He slowed, tired. Eventually he collapsed to the ground. Again I asked him to breathe and demonstrated. He lay there, exhausted, and breathed with me. 

As we breathed together I remember feeling his body relax. I was pressed up against him, hugging him from behind holding his hand. We talked about how he needed to stop running. I remember just laying with him for a long time, breathing in sync. Somehow I ended up under him. I only know this because when I let go of his hand and reached around him to hug him I could feel the sway of his back. I lifted up his shirt and slowly brushed his skin. It was warm and felt very real, not like a dream at all. I could feel him do the same to me. I could feel him breathing with me, relaxing, and could sense his exhaustion.

We lay together like this for a while, talking. I don’t recall what we talked about but I do remember crying.

Our conversation eventually morphed into a dream. One minute I was laying with him, the next I was in a dream about some contest. The winners had been announced with prize money awarded. I only recall that I walked around looking at various people I didn’t know as I talked with him. Then I heard him say, “I could use the money”. It felt like he was financially strapped. I woke up, eyes still wet from tears. 

Dream: I’ll Fly Away

When I woke I was sad. I lingered in bed a while, thinking of how I should’ve or could’ve done things differently but knowing they happened just as they were meant to happen. 

When I returned to sleep I was surrounded by my family. My grandmother (deceased) was there as well as others both living and long dead. I don’t remember what we did, only that, at the end of the dream, I went into my bathroom and began to brush my hair. I remember looking at myself and smiling as I brushed my hair. I looked like I do now but my hair was a bit darker and my face younger. I felt very peaceful.

As I brushed I sang a familiar gospel song: 

Some glad morning when this life is o’er,
I’ll fly away;
To a home on God’s celestial shore,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

I’ll fly away, Oh Glory
I’ll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

I sang the song different than normal, putting my own spin on it. I woke up after I finished singing it, wondering what my grandmother would think of it. 

In a past life, one where I died in 1963, this song was sung to me on my deathbed by my loving family. I flew away from this cold, harsh world, the voices of my loved ones lifting me up to heaven. 

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Healing Heart Bliss

Wonderful sleep last night and heart healing dreams.

Dream: Missing High Heart 

I was in a reclined position. My friend Angela and someone else were hovering over me. Angela was closest and had her hands positioned over my chest. I could see her face distinctly. She was smiling. She gently touched high up on my chest. Where her hands touched my skin it felt almost like two distinct bumps with a deep channel between them. My breasts? I don’t think so. I winced because it was tender. It felt like sore muscles after a workout. She said to me, “You’re missing your High Heart.” Both she and the other individual worked on my heart space. I could feel the energy of the healing. I remember knowing the importance of what they were doing.

Dream: Heart Bliss

Another dream scene came before this one but I will only touch upon it. I was a child in an elementary classroom setting with other children. I remember a man coming to pick me up.

The man drove. I remember looking over at him and knowing him. He had light hair of a dark blonde color. His facial features are lost to me now, but he was familiar and if I saw him again I would recognize him. A deep connection existed between us. It was not a father connection, for I was not a child any longer. It was familial, though. 

We drove along a paved road through a hilly residential area. The area was familiar to me. I had been there before and even now I can recall a past dream of the place. The man spoke to me about land for sale in the area. I saw in my mind a map of all the parcels up for sale. The lots were distinguishable by large, green rectangles outlined in white. Their price tags were high, each in the millions of dollars. 

The man said, “Do you remember when they were $14,000 dollars?” I turned to look at him and nodded yes, I did. In considering his question, I realized then the history between myself and the man. We had known each other for countless human lifetimes but in that moment it felt like I had last seen him just yesterday. My heart began to overflow with love for him. He asked me, “Do you think this (heart bliss, divine love) is less valuable then that (millions of dollars/material gain)?” 

His question seemed to float around in my consciousness as if teasing me to fixate on it. I ignored it momentarily, caught up in the heart bliss. I thought, “THIS is what I want.” Unfortunately, the thought woke me but the heart bliss remained, swirling subtly in my chest. I heard a male voice say, “I love you.” I smiled and lingered in the bliss as long as I could. I didn’t move my physical body because, if I moved, it would “break the spell” and the bliss would evaporate.

I said to the man, whose energy I could still distinctly sense, “I want to feel this way (the bliss) all the time.” He said, “It is yours. It’s always there.” I wondered who the man was. He felt like a guide but then also something else. I didn’t linger on the question, though, and enjoyed the bliss as long as I could.

Considerations

I tried to return to sleep so that I could recaptured the bliss, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I fell into other odd dreams related to current life issues. Not what I had hoped for at all.

I woke up early so I lay in bed thinking of the healing dreams. I think the absence of my High Heart is significant. High Heart = living your personal truth. This is a good article about the High Heart. 

In contemplating the message from that dream, it resonates. I have been wondering about my purpose. I feel pointless with no direction (again). I was also recently sick with Covid when I am usually a very healthy person who rarely, if ever, gets sick. My life has seemed full of discord lately, also. Things are just not lining up like they should; disconnected.

The last dream was wonderful! The heart bliss is beyond beautiful to experience and I miss it very much. There is nothing I want more in this world to feel consistently. Sadly, it is a rare experience.

Then there is the question the man asked me. Basically he is asking me what is worth more to me – money or love? Honestly, in this lifetime, I have chosen money over love but only because the love I have experienced most has not been real love but love of the human kind (distorted). If offered love of the divine kind the choice would be a no brainer. I’d choose love. It felt as if the man were warning me that there will come a time when I will have to choose. Will I choose love and turn my back on “millions”? What would you do? 

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Full Moon Healing Dreams

Full Night of Tearful Dreams

Last night I had unexpected dreams of my heart connection that resulted in waking multiple times in tears. When I would return to sleep, the dream topic would continue and more tears would result. When I woke I would hear my guidance remind me, “It’s okay to love him.” I’m still uncertain as to why they would choose these words specifically. Do I not feel like it’s okay? Do I feel guilty about it? 

The first dream is the most hazy. In the dream I was living with him in an apartment. It was actually really nice. I was enjoying being there with him, as he was with me. I remember recognizing that I felt no extreme Kundalini energy fluctuations or heart bliss blasts. I felt very level headed and normal with the exception of feeling full of love for him. The love manifested as pure joy/happiness. I remember thinking of him as my best friend and not being distracted by sexual feelings whatsoever. It was a wonderful feeling.

Then we were going our separate ways. I dropped him off at the station (railroad I think but I never saw it). He promised to contact me after he made it to his destination and I remember noting the time difference between where I was and he would be. After four days of nothing, I began to despair. I remember talking to someone, telling them, “I should’ve known better”. There was a Knowing that when we connected in life that it always left me in a similar state of grief and loneliness. The despair I felt every time we parted ways was beyond description and difficult to manage. I remember asking, “Why?” and breaking down in tears. This is when I woke. My heart was aching and when I heard, “It’s okay to love him”, the only thought I had was about the pain I was feeling and how unbearable it was.

There were a few other dreams but the dream of most significance was similar to the above. I had clear memory of spending quite a bit of time with him. The love was there in abundance. The happiness I felt at just being with him was profound. I’ve never felt so happy in this lifetime. I felt complete when with him. There was no sense of lack whatsoever. 

The time we spent together we traveled extensively and loved one another dearly. Again, it was more a sense of us being best friends than anything else. When we met initially we were like long lost friends reunited, sharing our life stories and catching up. I don’t remember much else of this story except returning home and going to bed with wonderful memories of our time together. When I woke I searched for our emails and couldn’t find them. I began to search for other proof of my memories and found nothing. I began to despair, thinking I must be going crazy. No one I knew had any knowledge of him or our time together. I remember wondering, “Was it just a dream? No! It was too real! It wasn’t a dream.” 

The last thing I recall is going through my bags looking for souvenirs I had brought home from our travels together. Unfortunately, there were none. My hopes dashed, I broke down in tears and woke up with a lingering aching in my heart. My biggest upset was that everything I experienced with him wasn’t real after all. It was all just a dream and never happened.

When I awoke for the final time this morning the stark contrast between the joy and happiness I felt in my dreams and the way I feel in currently in life was hard to ignore.

Music Messages

There were songs following me through the night also. The first one was a song I’ve heard many times before as a message about my heart connection – Charlie Puth’s When I See You Again.

Another song that was coming up is called Cola. The part I heard over and over was, “She can’t tell the difference yet.” This seemed to be in line with the dream of not being able to find proof of what I had experienced and feeling crazy and upset about the loss of that reality.

The last song message I received was after the last dream. Beauty and the Beast – “Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme…” I have no idea why that one came to mind but I do think I’ve received it as a song message in the past. It was odd and seemed out of place because of the movie and “the beast” part. Maybe it is a reminder that he and I are old, old friends, meeting “by chance” over and over with similar outcomes from life to life?

There was another dream where I had given up my oldest son for adoption and was upset at seeing him being raised by another. I have no idea why it was stuffed in between the other dreams but it created a similar upset feeling. I remember seeing him as a baby and the love I had for him. To think of losing him created an ache in my chest similar to the ache I feel for the loss of my heart connection.

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Dream: You’ll Get Use to It

Had a dream that lasted most of the night and woke me around 4:30am. 

Normally I would categorize the dream as a Kundalini dream, but the K was extremely muted. I think it was purposefully muted in order to keep me from gaining lucidity.

Unfortunately, I’ve lost memory of most of the specifics now. I was too lazy to get up and jot down the dream at 4:30am, so it is what it is.

Dream: You’ll Get Use to It

The dream felt to be a counseling session of some kind. Every once in a while I was aware of a female guide and counselor asking me questions that would then lead into answers that became the dream scene. Occasionally there was a male guide, who resembled my heart connection. I’ve previously referred to him as the “dark haired man”.

I was asked to remember what occurred during my heart connection – how it felt, the sequence of events, etc. So I told the story and shifted into a dream scene where I was with a dark haired man who very much resembled my heart connection. Throughout telling the story I re-experienced the bliss and connection thoroughly.

Sometimes during my story-telling I would feel to shift back to the scene where I was being counseled. I would see my guide, the one who looked like my heart connection. I Knew I had seen him recently in dreamtime. I told him, “I just saw you not long ago.” Memory of the dream fluttered into my consciousness and then departed. The moment felt important somehow.

One very memorable part of the dream was when the dark haired man and I were standing face-to-face, so close that I could feel his breath on my face. Our bodies didn’t touch. We were just standing very close, as if testing how close we could stand without touching. The heart bliss was overpowering to the point that I lost my breath. I remember thinking how beautiful it was, how much I missed it and how I wished I could feel it forever. In contrast, I was also afraid of it because I wanted only one thing: to completely surrender to it. I said to him, “I don’t think I can handle this.” He said, “You’ll get use to it.”

I distinctly remember one moment when I was telling the dark haired man about a part of the story that doesn’t line up with what I personally know to have happened. I said, “This is the difficult part of the story, the part where they have to be apart.” When telling this part, I saw and experienced the heartache and depression of the separation and instead of seeing myself, saw another woman from a distance, as if mixing up the current lifetime with another. I was also able to connect to the emotions and experiences of my heart connection, experiencing them from his perspective. 

During this time apart I was acutely aware of the absence of the heart bliss. I mourned it and said to the male guide, “I can’t feel it anymore. It is gone forever.” The answer I got was that, no, it was not gone, it was overshadowed by fear. This information rang true to me. I recognized that fear was love’s nemesis and momentarily was relieved to know the solution was to abandon my fear and embrace love. 

The story continued and the two reunited, their time apart over and a new chapter begun. The dream is hazy here, I think because the rest of the story has yet to be told. 

No longer with my two guides, I lingered near a wooden picnic table looking out onto a meadow. There were others with me I didn’t know. I remember distinctly the man sitting on top of the table (not on the bench). He was amused by me and had a hint of playfulness in his eyes. I sat down next to him and he leaned close to me and whispered, “You are still young.” He looked me up and down, causing me to also look at myself. I saw my body, still youthful and beautiful. He said, “You should use what time you have to enjoy your body.”

I didn’t react to his words at all but stood up and looked out at the meadow. Another man approached, my male guide I think. In the dream my consciousness felt far away in the distance so I don’t know what led to what came next. I can’t remember who said this but I also saw it in my mind. The words were, “Dance like a chicken (unexpected change) and lay an egg (creation)” and then I saw someone doing the chicken dance but no egg. I told my guide what the other man said and told him, “I can’t do that [lay an egg]”. 

I woke up filled with memory of the heart bliss. 

Considerations

IDK if my heart connection was actually present in the dream. What it seemed like is that I was being warned of future heart bliss in order to be prepared. In fact, when I awoke, I Knew there would be more heart bliss. My stomach did a little flip flop at the thought of it.

The years 2014-2015 come to mind. How, in 2014, the K dreams first began to shake up my world. I knew the dreams meant major change was coming but was unwilling to really confront that change. I feared it would mean the end of my marriage. Another was both attracted to and terrified by the power of the Kundalini, especially the part that seemed to compel me to surrender to it, but slowly I began to surrender little by little and the K progressed, leading me to my heart connection experience in December, 2015.

It think something similar is occurring now. A warning of an upcoming decision.

The magnificence of the heart bliss is impossible to resist. It feels like coming Home. The bliss of the lower chakras, in contrast, is highly erotic and sexual. Sure, it is spectacular and hard to resist, but it doesn’t compare to the heart bliss. Nothing does.

I still have no idea how anyone could “get use to” the heart bliss. 

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Dream: Time to Refuel

Life continues to keep me busier than usual. Spring typically brings lots of “new” and it is in full swing here in Texas. My daughter just had her 14th birthday yesterday (yay!) – the same day as the full moon eclipse! This week is full of preparations for the end of the school year which is just eight school days away and hopefully very soon I will be in the office training a new AP Manager (yippie!) to take over the majority of my duties. Next week my husband is leaving for a nine day motorcycle road trip with his brother which coincides with the last week of school – class parties, 5th and 8th grade graduation (I have both this year) and a choir concert to boot. No rest for the weary, I guess!

In all my busyness I don’t get much time to just be. It is obvious that I need stop and b.r.e.a.t.h.e. Even my dreams say so!

Dream: Time to Refuel

I was at mom’s house. My brother was there but he looked young, around 12yrs. We were going out to eat, to breakfast I think since that was the kind of food I saw in my mind. We headed to my car, climbed in and left for town.

On the way my mom pointed to the car’s gauges and said, “Looks like you’ll need to stop and get gas”. I looked at the fuel gauge and at first thought it showed full but upon closer inspection saw it was indeed at empty. For some reason “empty” was interpreted as “completely full” in my mind. I told her that it shouldn’t need gas based upon when I last filled it. I also said, “I haven’t driven it much. Someone must’ve siphoned gas from it”. I was confused, looking back in my memory for trips I’ve taken to try and make sense of the information. The only thing that made sense was that someone stole the gas, especially since stealing gas has been common lately with the high gas prices.

I recall the road I drove on was curvy and it was dark outside. The sense was that it was not close to dawn but closer to midnight.

Then we were in a hotel room in a large bed. My mom and brother were on my right. I was laying on my back feeling very relaxed and easily drifting off.

This is when the dream became more lucid. I could feel my body, how heavy and relaxed it was. I could feel how I was positioned – on my back, arms by my side, legs straight. I was so relaxed I could feel my jaw release and my mouth open. As I lay there, an energy swept over me that was familiar. It came with a slight sensation of falling. The energy moved through me in waves from feet to head and then head to feet. It was a wonderful, relaxed feeling and one I was keen to continue to fall deeper into.

This is when I felt someone lightly touching my legs. The sensation of touch went slowly up from my ankle towards my hips; sensual message. It felt wonderful and I relaxed into it. When I tried to sense who it was, there was no one there.

As I began to recognize I was likely in that in-between state where I could shift OOB, I heard voices to my right. My brother had woken way too early and was climbing around, talking and full of energy. I ignored it and focused back on the wonderfully heavy feeling. Again, I could feel the sensual massage, this time originating near my hip and moving down my thigh. I felt a bit embarrassed as I felt the sensation go over my thigh but pushed the thought away. It didn’t matter. I sent mental encouragement to whomever was helping me, urging them to continue.

Then I was hit on the top of my head by something. Turning, I saw my brother climbing around, unable to stay still in his eagerness to embrace the new day. I sighed and heard my mom tell him to get out of the bed. “Go get ready”, she said. I remember complaining. “It’s too early to wake up. It’s 5am.”

I focused my attention back on the heavy energy, encouraging it to return. It did but every time I focused on relaxing, the dream would interrupt – a voice, a bump, a distraction of some sort. In fact, noises from my own home began to intrude – our dog barked, my boys talking, the sound of footsteps.

When I finally woke up, I was laying in my own bed just as I had been laying in the dream. My mouth was extremely dry from being wide open for so long. I rarely sleep like that!

Considerations

I lingered in bed as long as I could. I didn’t want to get up and leave the warm, heaviness of slumber. I heard my guidance and said, “I want to sleep forever.” In our conversation I mentioned not wanting to deal with the events of the coming day. I had no interest. Sleep was so much better. My guidance reminded me of how fleeting my time here is and that “sleep”, which I so loved, would also end with this life. I saw he had a point and acknowledged it.

The dream symbolism seems to indicate that I am feeling “empty” but not really acknowledging the fact. Instead, I interpret the fuel tank as completely full. My mom (my wiser, maternal self) has to remind me I need to fill up.

Hotels are symbolic of shifts in personal identity; a new state of mind. It’s an indicator that I need to move away from old habits and ways of thinking. It may also indicate that I am seeking a reprieve from my normal, daily life. The interruption by my brother is representative of the interruptions of life. My children and responsibilities towards them come to mind.

The sensual massage was likely my desire to relax and enjoy being touched. One of my favorite ways to relax is through touch. Regular massage is good for easing aches and pains, but sensual massage is much more relaxing IMO. When I was a small girl my grandmother would often help me relax by lightly stroking my spine up and down. I would immediately settle.

The overall message seems to be that I need to pay attention and move away from the old into “the new”. At the very least it could indicate that I should go on another vacation. 🙂