Category Archives: Messages

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Dream: I’ll Fly Away

The last six weeks have been odd energy-wise and otherwise. Ever since I had Covid mid-July I’ve been dealing with odd, sciatica-like pain that migrates from one location in my hip/leg area to another and a lowered immune system. All last week I struggled to sleep, as did my oldest son, and we both came down with the same thing. So, I am currently getting over a nasty head cold (no not Covid), but at least now I am sleeping!

The major issue has been a pain in the butt (and leg). The pain started out as sacroiliac pain. Then it migrated to my right side and down my leg/ankle which lasted only a few days. Then the pain just went to above my knee. I had a friend do distance healing which got rid of the pain on the right side but then it migrated to the left side!

The pain is not severe, just super annoying. I can do all the things I need/want to do. In the mornings it is practically non-existent but by night time it is at its worst. I would say a 5 out of 10 with 10 being the worst pain ever. Usually I am just more careful with how I get up or sit down as that is the only time it hurts. Once I am in bed, it goes away and by morning it is gone except for a little tightness.

It definitely muscular. Thinking it is a tight piriformis putting pressure on the sciatic nerve. So, I have been doing frequent stretching and yoga.

All this happened right around my birthday. So I guess old age has finally found me. Sigh.

For the past week I’ve been asking for healing before bed. I’ve had some odd dreams, too! In one I was going down straw-like tunnels into rooms below ground. The first couple of tunnels were like water slides without water. I eventually came into a room where there was a birthday party celebration. I was offered hamburgers and hotdogs but I wanted to keep going. I was shown where I would need to go next. It was a similar tube “slide” but it went up for a bit and twisted around back down. I took one look and said, “I’m not doing that. I’ll just stay right here.” A voice said to me as I began to wake up, “All you have to do is let go of control.” I woke up thinking the tubes were the meridians of my energy body. One of them is a hum dinger and very scary! lol

So far, the healing has not been physical.

Below is what I got last night when I asked for healing.

Dream: Stop Running

I was walking and suddenly there appeared next to me a man. He put out his hand and I reached for it. I knew who it was. We walked together holding hands for a short distance and then he let go and began to run. I followed after, yelling at him to stop. I noticed he was struggling to breathe, taking huge gasps of air and losing strength for lack of oxygen. When I caught up to him I pushed on his back as I said, “Stop running and breathe. Take deep breaths, like this…” I demonstrated deep breathing, urging him to breathe with me. 

He lurched upward and took off running again, throwing me off his back. I ran after him, urging him to stop and breathe. He slowed, tired. Eventually he collapsed to the ground. Again I asked him to breathe and demonstrated. He lay there, exhausted, and breathed with me. 

As we breathed together I remember feeling his body relax. I was pressed up against him, hugging him from behind holding his hand. We talked about how he needed to stop running. I remember just laying with him for a long time, breathing in sync. Somehow I ended up under him. I only know this because when I let go of his hand and reached around him to hug him I could feel the sway of his back. I lifted up his shirt and slowly brushed his skin. It was warm and felt very real, not like a dream at all. I could feel him do the same to me. I could feel him breathing with me, relaxing, and could sense his exhaustion.

We lay together like this for a while, talking. I don’t recall what we talked about but I do remember crying.

Our conversation eventually morphed into a dream. One minute I was laying with him, the next I was in a dream about some contest. The winners had been announced with prize money awarded. I only recall that I walked around looking at various people I didn’t know as I talked with him. Then I heard him say, “I could use the money”. It felt like he was financially strapped. I woke up, eyes still wet from tears. 

Dream: I’ll Fly Away

When I woke I was sad. I lingered in bed a while, thinking of how I should’ve or could’ve done things differently but knowing they happened just as they were meant to happen. 

When I returned to sleep I was surrounded by my family. My grandmother (deceased) was there as well as others both living and long dead. I don’t remember what we did, only that, at the end of the dream, I went into my bathroom and began to brush my hair. I remember looking at myself and smiling as I brushed my hair. I looked like I do now but my hair was a bit darker and my face younger. I felt very peaceful.

As I brushed I sang a familiar gospel song: 

Some glad morning when this life is o’er,
I’ll fly away;
To a home on God’s celestial shore,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

I’ll fly away, Oh Glory
I’ll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

I sang the song different than normal, putting my own spin on it. I woke up after I finished singing it, wondering what my grandmother would think of it. 

In a past life, one where I died in 1963, this song was sung to me on my deathbed by my loving family. I flew away from this cold, harsh world, the voices of my loved ones lifting me up to heaven. 

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Healing Heart Bliss

Wonderful sleep last night and heart healing dreams.

Dream: Missing High Heart 

I was in a reclined position. My friend Angela and someone else were hovering over me. Angela was closest and had her hands positioned over my chest. I could see her face distinctly. She was smiling. She gently touched high up on my chest. Where her hands touched my skin it felt almost like two distinct bumps with a deep channel between them. My breasts? I don’t think so. I winced because it was tender. It felt like sore muscles after a workout. She said to me, “You’re missing your High Heart.” Both she and the other individual worked on my heart space. I could feel the energy of the healing. I remember knowing the importance of what they were doing.

Dream: Heart Bliss

Another dream scene came before this one but I will only touch upon it. I was a child in an elementary classroom setting with other children. I remember a man coming to pick me up.

The man drove. I remember looking over at him and knowing him. He had light hair of a dark blonde color. His facial features are lost to me now, but he was familiar and if I saw him again I would recognize him. A deep connection existed between us. It was not a father connection, for I was not a child any longer. It was familial, though. 

We drove along a paved road through a hilly residential area. The area was familiar to me. I had been there before and even now I can recall a past dream of the place. The man spoke to me about land for sale in the area. I saw in my mind a map of all the parcels up for sale. The lots were distinguishable by large, green rectangles outlined in white. Their price tags were high, each in the millions of dollars. 

The man said, “Do you remember when they were $14,000 dollars?” I turned to look at him and nodded yes, I did. In considering his question, I realized then the history between myself and the man. We had known each other for countless human lifetimes but in that moment it felt like I had last seen him just yesterday. My heart began to overflow with love for him. He asked me, “Do you think this (heart bliss, divine love) is less valuable then that (millions of dollars/material gain)?” 

His question seemed to float around in my consciousness as if teasing me to fixate on it. I ignored it momentarily, caught up in the heart bliss. I thought, “THIS is what I want.” Unfortunately, the thought woke me but the heart bliss remained, swirling subtly in my chest. I heard a male voice say, “I love you.” I smiled and lingered in the bliss as long as I could. I didn’t move my physical body because, if I moved, it would “break the spell” and the bliss would evaporate.

I said to the man, whose energy I could still distinctly sense, “I want to feel this way (the bliss) all the time.” He said, “It is yours. It’s always there.” I wondered who the man was. He felt like a guide but then also something else. I didn’t linger on the question, though, and enjoyed the bliss as long as I could.

Considerations

I tried to return to sleep so that I could recaptured the bliss, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I fell into other odd dreams related to current life issues. Not what I had hoped for at all.

I woke up early so I lay in bed thinking of the healing dreams. I think the absence of my High Heart is significant. High Heart = living your personal truth. This is a good article about the High Heart. 

In contemplating the message from that dream, it resonates. I have been wondering about my purpose. I feel pointless with no direction (again). I was also recently sick with Covid when I am usually a very healthy person who rarely, if ever, gets sick. My life has seemed full of discord lately, also. Things are just not lining up like they should; disconnected.

The last dream was wonderful! The heart bliss is beyond beautiful to experience and I miss it very much. There is nothing I want more in this world to feel consistently. Sadly, it is a rare experience.

Then there is the question the man asked me. Basically he is asking me what is worth more to me – money or love? Honestly, in this lifetime, I have chosen money over love but only because the love I have experienced most has not been real love but love of the human kind (distorted). If offered love of the divine kind the choice would be a no brainer. I’d choose love. It felt as if the man were warning me that there will come a time when I will have to choose. Will I choose love and turn my back on “millions”? What would you do? 

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Full Moon Healing Dreams

Full Night of Tearful Dreams

Last night I had unexpected dreams of my heart connection that resulted in waking multiple times in tears. When I would return to sleep, the dream topic would continue and more tears would result. When I woke I would hear my guidance remind me, “It’s okay to love him.” I’m still uncertain as to why they would choose these words specifically. Do I not feel like it’s okay? Do I feel guilty about it? 

The first dream is the most hazy. In the dream I was living with him in an apartment. It was actually really nice. I was enjoying being there with him, as he was with me. I remember recognizing that I felt no extreme Kundalini energy fluctuations or heart bliss blasts. I felt very level headed and normal with the exception of feeling full of love for him. The love manifested as pure joy/happiness. I remember thinking of him as my best friend and not being distracted by sexual feelings whatsoever. It was a wonderful feeling.

Then we were going our separate ways. I dropped him off at the station (railroad I think but I never saw it). He promised to contact me after he made it to his destination and I remember noting the time difference between where I was and he would be. After four days of nothing, I began to despair. I remember talking to someone, telling them, “I should’ve known better”. There was a Knowing that when we connected in life that it always left me in a similar state of grief and loneliness. The despair I felt every time we parted ways was beyond description and difficult to manage. I remember asking, “Why?” and breaking down in tears. This is when I woke. My heart was aching and when I heard, “It’s okay to love him”, the only thought I had was about the pain I was feeling and how unbearable it was.

There were a few other dreams but the dream of most significance was similar to the above. I had clear memory of spending quite a bit of time with him. The love was there in abundance. The happiness I felt at just being with him was profound. I’ve never felt so happy in this lifetime. I felt complete when with him. There was no sense of lack whatsoever. 

The time we spent together we traveled extensively and loved one another dearly. Again, it was more a sense of us being best friends than anything else. When we met initially we were like long lost friends reunited, sharing our life stories and catching up. I don’t remember much else of this story except returning home and going to bed with wonderful memories of our time together. When I woke I searched for our emails and couldn’t find them. I began to search for other proof of my memories and found nothing. I began to despair, thinking I must be going crazy. No one I knew had any knowledge of him or our time together. I remember wondering, “Was it just a dream? No! It was too real! It wasn’t a dream.” 

The last thing I recall is going through my bags looking for souvenirs I had brought home from our travels together. Unfortunately, there were none. My hopes dashed, I broke down in tears and woke up with a lingering aching in my heart. My biggest upset was that everything I experienced with him wasn’t real after all. It was all just a dream and never happened.

When I awoke for the final time this morning the stark contrast between the joy and happiness I felt in my dreams and the way I feel in currently in life was hard to ignore.

Music Messages

There were songs following me through the night also. The first one was a song I’ve heard many times before as a message about my heart connection – Charlie Puth’s When I See You Again.

Another song that was coming up is called Cola. The part I heard over and over was, “She can’t tell the difference yet.” This seemed to be in line with the dream of not being able to find proof of what I had experienced and feeling crazy and upset about the loss of that reality.

The last song message I received was after the last dream. Beauty and the Beast – “Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme…” I have no idea why that one came to mind but I do think I’ve received it as a song message in the past. It was odd and seemed out of place because of the movie and “the beast” part. Maybe it is a reminder that he and I are old, old friends, meeting “by chance” over and over with similar outcomes from life to life?

There was another dream where I had given up my oldest son for adoption and was upset at seeing him being raised by another. I have no idea why it was stuffed in between the other dreams but it created a similar upset feeling. I remember seeing him as a baby and the love I had for him. To think of losing him created an ache in my chest similar to the ache I feel for the loss of my heart connection.

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Dream: You’ll Get Use to It

Had a dream that lasted most of the night and woke me around 4:30am. 

Normally I would categorize the dream as a Kundalini dream, but the K was extremely muted. I think it was purposefully muted in order to keep me from gaining lucidity.

Unfortunately, I’ve lost memory of most of the specifics now. I was too lazy to get up and jot down the dream at 4:30am, so it is what it is.

Dream: You’ll Get Use to It

The dream felt to be a counseling session of some kind. Every once in a while I was aware of a female guide and counselor asking me questions that would then lead into answers that became the dream scene. Occasionally there was a male guide, who resembled my heart connection. I’ve previously referred to him as the “dark haired man”.

I was asked to remember what occurred during my heart connection – how it felt, the sequence of events, etc. So I told the story and shifted into a dream scene where I was with a dark haired man who very much resembled my heart connection. Throughout telling the story I re-experienced the bliss and connection thoroughly.

Sometimes during my story-telling I would feel to shift back to the scene where I was being counseled. I would see my guide, the one who looked like my heart connection. I Knew I had seen him recently in dreamtime. I told him, “I just saw you not long ago.” Memory of the dream fluttered into my consciousness and then departed. The moment felt important somehow.

One very memorable part of the dream was when the dark haired man and I were standing face-to-face, so close that I could feel his breath on my face. Our bodies didn’t touch. We were just standing very close, as if testing how close we could stand without touching. The heart bliss was overpowering to the point that I lost my breath. I remember thinking how beautiful it was, how much I missed it and how I wished I could feel it forever. In contrast, I was also afraid of it because I wanted only one thing: to completely surrender to it. I said to him, “I don’t think I can handle this.” He said, “You’ll get use to it.”

I distinctly remember one moment when I was telling the dark haired man about a part of the story that doesn’t line up with what I personally know to have happened. I said, “This is the difficult part of the story, the part where they have to be apart.” When telling this part, I saw and experienced the heartache and depression of the separation and instead of seeing myself, saw another woman from a distance, as if mixing up the current lifetime with another. I was also able to connect to the emotions and experiences of my heart connection, experiencing them from his perspective. 

During this time apart I was acutely aware of the absence of the heart bliss. I mourned it and said to the male guide, “I can’t feel it anymore. It is gone forever.” The answer I got was that, no, it was not gone, it was overshadowed by fear. This information rang true to me. I recognized that fear was love’s nemesis and momentarily was relieved to know the solution was to abandon my fear and embrace love. 

The story continued and the two reunited, their time apart over and a new chapter begun. The dream is hazy here, I think because the rest of the story has yet to be told. 

No longer with my two guides, I lingered near a wooden picnic table looking out onto a meadow. There were others with me I didn’t know. I remember distinctly the man sitting on top of the table (not on the bench). He was amused by me and had a hint of playfulness in his eyes. I sat down next to him and he leaned close to me and whispered, “You are still young.” He looked me up and down, causing me to also look at myself. I saw my body, still youthful and beautiful. He said, “You should use what time you have to enjoy your body.”

I didn’t react to his words at all but stood up and looked out at the meadow. Another man approached, my male guide I think. In the dream my consciousness felt far away in the distance so I don’t know what led to what came next. I can’t remember who said this but I also saw it in my mind. The words were, “Dance like a chicken (unexpected change) and lay an egg (creation)” and then I saw someone doing the chicken dance but no egg. I told my guide what the other man said and told him, “I can’t do that [lay an egg]”. 

I woke up filled with memory of the heart bliss. 

Considerations

IDK if my heart connection was actually present in the dream. What it seemed like is that I was being warned of future heart bliss in order to be prepared. In fact, when I awoke, I Knew there would be more heart bliss. My stomach did a little flip flop at the thought of it.

The years 2014-2015 come to mind. How, in 2014, the K dreams first began to shake up my world. I knew the dreams meant major change was coming but was unwilling to really confront that change. I feared it would mean the end of my marriage. Another was both attracted to and terrified by the power of the Kundalini, especially the part that seemed to compel me to surrender to it, but slowly I began to surrender little by little and the K progressed, leading me to my heart connection experience in December, 2015.

It think something similar is occurring now. A warning of an upcoming decision.

The magnificence of the heart bliss is impossible to resist. It feels like coming Home. The bliss of the lower chakras, in contrast, is highly erotic and sexual. Sure, it is spectacular and hard to resist, but it doesn’t compare to the heart bliss. Nothing does.

I still have no idea how anyone could “get use to” the heart bliss. 

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Dream: Time to Refuel

Life continues to keep me busier than usual. Spring typically brings lots of “new” and it is in full swing here in Texas. My daughter just had her 14th birthday yesterday (yay!) – the same day as the full moon eclipse! This week is full of preparations for the end of the school year which is just eight school days away and hopefully very soon I will be in the office training a new AP Manager (yippie!) to take over the majority of my duties. Next week my husband is leaving for a nine day motorcycle road trip with his brother which coincides with the last week of school – class parties, 5th and 8th grade graduation (I have both this year) and a choir concert to boot. No rest for the weary, I guess!

In all my busyness I don’t get much time to just be. It is obvious that I need stop and b.r.e.a.t.h.e. Even my dreams say so!

Dream: Time to Refuel

I was at mom’s house. My brother was there but he looked young, around 12yrs. We were going out to eat, to breakfast I think since that was the kind of food I saw in my mind. We headed to my car, climbed in and left for town.

On the way my mom pointed to the car’s gauges and said, “Looks like you’ll need to stop and get gas”. I looked at the fuel gauge and at first thought it showed full but upon closer inspection saw it was indeed at empty. For some reason “empty” was interpreted as “completely full” in my mind. I told her that it shouldn’t need gas based upon when I last filled it. I also said, “I haven’t driven it much. Someone must’ve siphoned gas from it”. I was confused, looking back in my memory for trips I’ve taken to try and make sense of the information. The only thing that made sense was that someone stole the gas, especially since stealing gas has been common lately with the high gas prices.

I recall the road I drove on was curvy and it was dark outside. The sense was that it was not close to dawn but closer to midnight.

Then we were in a hotel room in a large bed. My mom and brother were on my right. I was laying on my back feeling very relaxed and easily drifting off.

This is when the dream became more lucid. I could feel my body, how heavy and relaxed it was. I could feel how I was positioned – on my back, arms by my side, legs straight. I was so relaxed I could feel my jaw release and my mouth open. As I lay there, an energy swept over me that was familiar. It came with a slight sensation of falling. The energy moved through me in waves from feet to head and then head to feet. It was a wonderful, relaxed feeling and one I was keen to continue to fall deeper into.

This is when I felt someone lightly touching my legs. The sensation of touch went slowly up from my ankle towards my hips; sensual message. It felt wonderful and I relaxed into it. When I tried to sense who it was, there was no one there.

As I began to recognize I was likely in that in-between state where I could shift OOB, I heard voices to my right. My brother had woken way too early and was climbing around, talking and full of energy. I ignored it and focused back on the wonderfully heavy feeling. Again, I could feel the sensual massage, this time originating near my hip and moving down my thigh. I felt a bit embarrassed as I felt the sensation go over my thigh but pushed the thought away. It didn’t matter. I sent mental encouragement to whomever was helping me, urging them to continue.

Then I was hit on the top of my head by something. Turning, I saw my brother climbing around, unable to stay still in his eagerness to embrace the new day. I sighed and heard my mom tell him to get out of the bed. “Go get ready”, she said. I remember complaining. “It’s too early to wake up. It’s 5am.”

I focused my attention back on the heavy energy, encouraging it to return. It did but every time I focused on relaxing, the dream would interrupt – a voice, a bump, a distraction of some sort. In fact, noises from my own home began to intrude – our dog barked, my boys talking, the sound of footsteps.

When I finally woke up, I was laying in my own bed just as I had been laying in the dream. My mouth was extremely dry from being wide open for so long. I rarely sleep like that!

Considerations

I lingered in bed as long as I could. I didn’t want to get up and leave the warm, heaviness of slumber. I heard my guidance and said, “I want to sleep forever.” In our conversation I mentioned not wanting to deal with the events of the coming day. I had no interest. Sleep was so much better. My guidance reminded me of how fleeting my time here is and that “sleep”, which I so loved, would also end with this life. I saw he had a point and acknowledged it.

The dream symbolism seems to indicate that I am feeling “empty” but not really acknowledging the fact. Instead, I interpret the fuel tank as completely full. My mom (my wiser, maternal self) has to remind me I need to fill up.

Hotels are symbolic of shifts in personal identity; a new state of mind. It’s an indicator that I need to move away from old habits and ways of thinking. It may also indicate that I am seeking a reprieve from my normal, daily life. The interruption by my brother is representative of the interruptions of life. My children and responsibilities towards them come to mind.

The sensual massage was likely my desire to relax and enjoy being touched. One of my favorite ways to relax is through touch. Regular massage is good for easing aches and pains, but sensual massage is much more relaxing IMO. When I was a small girl my grandmother would often help me relax by lightly stroking my spine up and down. I would immediately settle.

The overall message seems to be that I need to pay attention and move away from the old into “the new”. At the very least it could indicate that I should go on another vacation. 🙂

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Dream: Three Swords

I have been feeling something deep within. It is barely noticeable and feels similar to past experiences when another part of myself is recognizable, a self that I have called the “small self” in the past.

The feelings have been simmering under the surface for some time but only yesterday did they feel to seep through in such a way that I took notice. By bedtime, I had felt this other me so much that I took time to focus on the feeling. The emotion was sadness mostly, a deep, penetrating sadness. The recognition of this other me was instant and I shifted immediately into Knowing. Rather than reject what I felt via this other me, I allowed it and then spoke to her, soothing her and telling her “it will be alright”. I sent love to her. The feelings calmed. 

From the Rider-Waite Tarot Deck

Dream: Three Swords

In the dream I was in a school being shown around by another teacher. It felt like I was getting a tour as a new employee.

I recall vividly meeting the school counselor. She was very pleasant and told me I could come talk to her anytime. I remember thinking, “She really loves me.” It made me very emotional and I began to cry, momentarily gaining some lucidity. She spoke with me a while and there was another instant of clarity. She said, “windfall”, and my mind went immediately to the good fortune our family is experiencing. There was a brief memory of being given this word as a message in the past (2019) and I instantly knew it pertained to my husband and his acquisition of the company.  

At the end I was taken to a classroom with 8th graders and realized the school was a K-8 school and, because of my experience, half my classes were teaching middle school. This surprised me at first but I understood their reasoning and so was agreeable.

The kids who entered were rowdy and intimidating. At first I didn’t feel prepared, but then felt completely at ease with the teenagers, knowing exactly how to get them to settle. I approached them one by one, asking their names and getting to know them.

The other teacher suggested I put up a bulletin board with all the students’ names and have the students post a picture that represented their life. One girl excitedly approached and asked me if she could post a family pic. She showed me and I told her it was perfect. I felt a warmth from the interaction, knowing the girl felt safe and heard in my presence.

I took the class on a field trip to a theatrical presentation and watched it with them. A group of women dressed in formal attire sang a song while a group of men carrying curved swords fought valiantly (but not to the death) for the opportunity to be with one of the women. Three swords (three of swords tarot card?) got left behind and I tried to put them in the classroom but it was locked. Another teacher met me and told me I could put the swords inside her room, so I left them with a sticky note on them (letter to myself). 

Considerations

When I woke I knew the dream was to show me all that contributions I have made thus far, specifically with teaching and reaching children and teenagers. I was reminded how, when I tune in and focus on helping, I can reach the kids that are the most difficult to reach. 

There were memories of when I stopped trying to connect and no longer wanted to help. There was understanding that all I had to do was step outside myself and be open to receiving what the students needed. In those times I was over tired, disillusioned or resisting moving on. For example, when I worked at the alternative school I was pregnant and tired and over worked – burned out. Thus, connecting with the very difficult students didn’t happen. It was just too exhausting and I needed rest. 

Similarly, when I was a counselor at the elementary school, though I did connect and enjoyed working with the kids, I was going through a difficult time emotionally and so ran out of energy quickly, unable to really put my all into the job like I should’ve. I thought back to the day I found out was my last day. The principal didn’t even bother to warn me it was coming. I wonder now if they hastened my leaving because they decided I wasn’t a good fit like they first thought? It doesn’t matter. I was ready to leave.

It is clear that when I introvert (withdraw into myself) is when others are cautious of me. When I open myself up, others are attracted to me more. The thing is, I mostly don’t feel like opening up. In my twenties I was very open, I wanted to help and so got more opportunities to do so. As I have become more disillusioned I’ve closed myself off. There were just too many instances where my helping others left me feeling unsuccessful and resentful. 

I’m obviously still healing, trying to pull out of the introverted stage little by little. My guidance is trying to show me when I have been successful and that I have a gift. When I woke, knowing their tactic I told them, “I still don’t want to stay. Why do you keep trying to change my mind?” 

The dream of the students, where the females sang and the men battled for the opportunity to earn their affections, reminded me of the dynamic I’ve observed all my life. The men want to show off, to impress the women with their strength and masculinity, the woman sit back, showing off their beauty and feminine traits. It really is a mating dance and it goes on, and on, and on. Even after the men and woman are grown and have children this dance continues. The ridiculousness of it bothers me and I am not interested in the game or participating in it. Much higher levels of interaction exist. Humans are stuck in a very low, animalistic and biologically driven game.

My low opinion of humans is why I introvert (withdraw within). So many people aren’t even scratching the surface of their potential. Then those that have moved above and beyond are still struggling, specifically with these sexual/mating game that continues under the surface of most everything. 

I do believe I come from another race of Beings or at least my past lives have been as such. These experiences are part of me and why I am so homesick. Earth – humanity – is so barbaric, so cruel, so confusing. Humans are just not my people.

What’s worse is that I am human, too. Yuck.

Yet in my dream I saw how I also loved humanity, so much so that my heart overflowed with love. And I Remembered.

In my earlier days (especially before my Saturn Return) I saw potential in everyone and tried to help them see it, too. I recall when I first started teaching how beautiful I thought my students were. I loved all of them and defended them to some of the other teachers who preferred to focus on the negative or had become burned out.

Over time I burned out, too. It was just so difficult! Maybe I set my standards too high? Probably. 

So, I will try in the future to look at each individua’s unique journey, gauging where they are and then working with the existing potential on a gradient. It is my own judgement of them that leaves me sad and discouraged and ultimately unwilling to help. It is hard not to judge when you see where a person could be versus their present reality. It is very frustrating and I can only imagine this must be how our guides feel when they see us struggling through this life! 

I think a good strategy is to become more like my guides. I know how they feel, I’ve been allowed to experience it. The reason they are so patient, loving and supportive is because they see past our flaws to our potential. They are able to see the why behind our struggles and they accept us as is, without judgement. When they see us, we are beautiful, flaws and all.

What does this mean for me? I suspect the end result will be to return to a similar mindset to what I had when I was young (optimistic, open, adventurous). This time, though, I won’t be so naïve about it. I will be much more selective, choosing only those interactions that feel correct for me.

At some point in the future I will be changed. I don’t think I will even notice it, but it will happen. And you know what? I am excited at the prospect of it. To feel purpose again. To feel hopeful. To feel optimistic. What a relief that will be!

This is likely what my Chiron (Kiron) Return will bring, leading me to become the Role Model.

In Human Design the 6th line is prone to cynicism. I am definitely cynical. I wasn’t always that way but the experiences of my life have led me to be so. Time to reverse that trend.

Three of Swords

Here is a link to the general meaning of the card. I do believe it is indicative of my journey and contains a message to take my time, heal and learn from the past. The sticky note I left on the swords could signify the letter I wrote to myself not long ago. It does seems fitting.

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Letter to Myself

March 6 – Message: The Outlet Can’t Handle the Load

I dreamed I was being counseled by a woman. There are flashes of memory in which I encountered people in my life who I no longer have contact with both living and dead. I vaguely recall seeing my friend’s deceased father and her brother, but I vividly recall seeing my ex-husband and the feelings I had resulted in tears. It seemed like I was grieving the past, specifically that I did not show love as often as I should and my regret about that. There was also a sense that everything in my past didn’t matter; that it was just a waste of my time and energy. 

The woman who was counseling me asked me to write myself a letter. She gave me an example, reciting her own letter to herself. The sense was that in the not too distant future I will be very different and the letter will help me to recognize the changes in myself. 

All this discussion happened amidst a dream taking place in the background that would occasionally shift to the foreground. In the dream I was inside an RV helping clean (healing) up the space. I grabbed a hand-held vacuum and joined a man who had a larger one. I focused on what looked like tiny worms (regrets) the size of a grain of rice that appeared to be dead (in the past). When I began to vacuum the power suddenly dropped and the suction stopped. I turned and noticed three other people vacuuming. The man next to told me I needed to stop cleaning and let them finish for me. His said, “The outlet can’t handle the load“. I also remember hearing “44 watts” was the max load. I took this to mean I stopped “cleaning” (participating in the healing work) at the age of 44. Now I need to let them (my guides) do the work for me.

Letter to Myself

When I woke, I remember hearing, “2025” and I felt disappointed and frustrated. The message I got was that it was not long but to me, three years feels like an eternity. I am so tired of waiting. I’m bored and disinterested in life. I told my guidance that I didn’t like this place or experience and the torture of all this waiting. I wondered if there was any way to not feel like this or is it just my burden to bear in this life? They told me they could help and I got a sense of how – an unexpected, exciting invitation – and I replied with, “But it never lasts and I am back to waiting so quickly.” It does seem that way – a never-ending game of waiting.

Since I was advised to write myself a letter, I guess I will.

Dear Future Me,

I hope you have gotten where you wished to go in life and that you are finally feeling fulfilled and interested. 

You deserve it. 

Life is short. Take advantage of each moment, each tiny opportunity, while you can because it will be in the past before you know it. 

It is not your fault. Remember that.

Focus on what you love and disregard the rest. It is a waste of your time and energy.

Love,

Me

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Dream Message: Rebel, Rebel

Two nights in a row where I’ve been aware of Kundalini energy but not enough to make me lucid or wake me. The night before last I recalled it only after I awoke and then it was gone as soon as I remembered it. All I remember now is a flash of a man and a Knowing that he was working with me. 

Last night I recalled a bit more.

Dream: Rebel, Rebel 

There are flashes of memory to start. I am walking through a field when I’m stopped by someone. The minute he stops me the field turns into a large indoor space with other people inside. There are flashes of greenery around, like potted plants of the tropical kind. It feels warm and welcoming and there is a sense that the space is healing. I feel like I’m on vacation.

Then I recall seeing my friend. She has gifts, her arms filled with various crystals and spiritual items. Two of these items are presented to me separately, resting in the palm of one of her hands. They look like acorns; small, brown, round and wooden. On these wooden pieces I can see words. I read them aloud but only recall the latter word because the first is unfamiliar to me. I read, “Rebel”. 

The scene shifts and I am with an older woman. She is complaining that her right shoulder hurts. I move closer, apologizing if I make her uncomfortable. She says I do not and closes her eyes as I place my hands on her shoulder and provide healing. The man from earlier walks up to me and asks, “What are you doing?” I told him that I can see what is wrong with her shoulder, the tissues surrounding the shoulder joint have been torn. I tell him I am giving her healing. 

There is slight memory of the man asking me if he can help me. I stop healing the old woman and walk away with him. I understand that he wants to give me a massage. At first I hesitate because something about him feels “weird”, but he explains it won’t take long and there is a sense that I should listen and do what he asks.

The actual massage is lost to me now, I just know that it feels amazing! I think the man stops the massage but I’m not sure. He is then talking to me. I think he asks me about my experience. I told him, “I would like more. It feels wonderful!” There is slight memory of the feeling which is reminiscent of the Kundalini. 

We talk more. I think there are others with us but can’t remember. I only recall that I am being told about something important. I remember repeating what I am told. I say, “Rebel. Rebel.” When I say this, I recall the two wooden objects my friend gave me earlier in the dream. I say, “I saw this before but there was this other word, too.” Of course, I don’t remember the word now.

The word, “Rebel”, woke me up and I lay feeling that it was a warning of something to come. Was I going to be rebellious? 

Dream Interpretation

The field setting is symbolic of a healing location. The acorn is symbolic of the “seeds of change” and the word “rebel” is symbolic of that change. The old woman is likely a version of myself: The Crone. I am giving her healing, thus healing myself. The old woman’s shoulder could be symbolic of “shouldering too much”; carrying burdens that need to be laid down and relieved. The massage provided is healing on my energy body.

I do not know the significance of the the word “rebel” really, I can only speculate. Perhaps my rebellious nature is the seed for new growth and potential? When someone rebels, they are inciting change, usually for the better (depending on perspective). The change is a catalyst for growth.

I do have a tendency to try and ignore those things which bother or upset me. I do so for so long, though, that eventually the pressure within me builds and I explode. Sometimes I act spontaneously in ways that could be seen by others as rebellious and illogical. When the storm passes, I am left wondering, “WTF did I do?” But it is too late and I have to then manage the aftermath. Thankfully, in these instances in my life, these seemingly drastic moves lead to beneficial life change.

Dream: Chinese Movie Theater

The next dream is odd. The main memory I have of it is being led into a movie theater with others. It was in China and when we got inside the theater is crowded and most of the seats taken. The faces of the people in the theater are all Chinese. My group of seven chooses to sit on chairs in the isles for some reason. I remember it being explained that no matter where you sat in the theater you had 360° vision. 

The “movie” we were watching is lost to me. Instead, a story plays out in my mind as if I am being explained something. What I remember is being on an airplane with Donald Trump, who is president again. He has people gathered around him listening to him and asking questions. He is talking about China.

The last thing I recall before waking is looking at the face of a Chinese man who is sitting in a seat in front of me. His head is between the seats peaking out at me and he is smiling. He says something about being able to see the front like the back and the back like the front, confirming he can see whatever he chooses. This wakes me.

I lay in bed thinking of the Trump scenario. The first thing that comes to mind is the border wall and the continued illegal migration problem. My mind wanders to scenarios that could play out. The nation divided by political party. The border being extended in south Texas into the Atlantic ocean. Increased border security authorized to shoot sandbags and teargas at migrants trying to storm the border. The US passing a law that prohibits illegal migrants from suing the US or its legal residents. 

My mind shoots to the virus scare and its spread. I am reminded of an article I just read about 95% of Texas deaths from the virus being impacted by certain comorbidities with the top ones being: High blood pressure, Diabetes, and heart disease. I think of how 65% (maybe more) of the US population is overweight (BMI of 30+) and realize it is easy for a nation of unhealthy people to fear a virus and even easier for them to put the responsibility of their survival on the rest of the population rather than take responsibility themselves. Easier to take pills or vaccines. Easier to continue their unhealthy lifestyles and blame others when they get sick or unwell (or die). I become furious at how lazy people can be. Their lives depend on them changing their unhealthy habits yet they persist, preferring to take a pill or shot. All along, the pharmaceutical companies and those that support them are happy to provide their consumers with what they want – the “easy way out” – because it means more money in their deep pockets.

Is it a warning? Does it has anything to do with the previous dream message “rebel”? IDK. I have to put it out of my head to stay sane. 

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E.T. Dream: Scheduled Extraction

Woke at 3:30am from this dream. 

Dream: Scheduled Extraction

I don’t recall where I was in the beginning. It was like I was moving through a dark tunnel, though. I recall talking to someone, a woman, but I think there may have been others with us also. The topic of discussion was about E.T.’s who had been observing Earth for a long time and had decided it was time to extract a number of the inhabitants (humans). 

The visuals I received are what are most vivid to me in my memory. 

I saw lighted orbs (ships) streaming down across the planet and landing in the oceans. They were small, only large enough to carry one person, some smaller. With this scene I was told the ships were cloaked/invisible and could not be detected.

I saw a human-looking E.T. exit one of the ships. I exclaimed, “You look just like us!” In fact, I wouldn’t have thought of them as E.T.’s at all they looked so similar. I received confirmation that they did look like us and was reminded that they are us – “We are You”. 

In the next visual, I saw a human entering one of these ships. The human stood in the center on a platform and then was engulfed in an energetic protective barrier. The orb returned to space with the human inside in the same manner in which it arrived – very fast and undetected.

Then I became more aware of my surroundings in the dream. I was traveling in a vehicle (car?) with a woman who appeared to be driving. I couldn’t see anything outside the vehicle. I remember receiving information about when the extraction would occur. I seemed to Know it already, though, because I Remembered it. Two dates come to mind now, though I can’t be sure on their accuracy. The first is 2080 and the second is 2025. I seemed more interested in the latter and interrupted my woman companion to correct her date of 2080 saying, “But it begins in 2025.” I also Knew (was told?) that this kind of event was not singular – it has happened before and not just once. 

There was a word that came to mind that I resisted, but I don’t think they’re use of it implied anything negative: Harvesting. It was explained to me that some humans were “ripe” in that they had evolved to the point of relocation. In this sense, the word “harvest” makes more sense than the more negative interpretation that we humans have of being selected for consumption in some way. 

I did not take any of this information badly. If anything, I was excited. I told my female companion, “It’s good that I’m here with you. I will need to network with others in preparation.” She replied, with no emotion whatsoever, “There is no need for that.” She telepathically replied that any “network” I built would not be part of the extraction and of no real use to me. This made me pause as I absorbed all that I was being told.

Then I was once again in a black void. A male companion was with me this time. I was asking questions about the transport vehicle I saw in my previous visions – the orb ship. Again I was shown a visual, this time a view looking down on the earth from space. The orb vehicle was very visible – a bright yellow, glowing ball of energy. I couldn’t see a passenger inside.

It was explained how the vehicle worked. The individual stood or sat inside on a small platform. A crinkled looking metal substance that resembled paper tin foil was shown to me. It could’ve been what the platform was made of but I’m not certain. It was explained that vibration was key to the operation of the ship. The vibration transformed the foil into a solid wall which protected the passenger yet the “wall” resembled energy. not a solid structure. 

This was explained as I saw a visual of the orb heading towards earth. I remember saying, “Like Starman!”, thinking of the movie by the same name.

More was explained about how the vibration worked. I can’t remember the specifics now but at the time it made total sense to me. I believed it transformed solid matter into energy. Now that I think of it, it could’ve been that they were explaining what happened to the passenger because one of the things that made no sense to me was the size of the orb. It seemed to shrink as it accelerated, down to a size too small for a human to occupy.

I woke suddenly and lay in my bed wondering about my dream for a while.

Considerations

I haven’t had a dream that has sparked my interest like this in a long while. The information seemed so familiar to me in the dream, like, “Oh yeah! I remember now!” The previous extractions felt normal as did the up and coming one. It didn’t feel like a bad thing at all. I was excited about it. 

Whether the dream is a premonition of actual events or symbolic of an up and coming shift, I can’t be certain. My best guess would be the latter – that the dream is symbolic of a transformative experience only some will go through. 

What bothers me about dreams like this is that the “events” I am forewarned of only pertain to a select few. It is a common theme and not only one that I pick up on. I’ve seen it from many other sources. 

I can’t help but think of other times in Earth’s history when these extractions have occurred. Is this why entire populations seemed to just “vanish”? I’ve had other dreams that suggest there is truth to this. Some were dreams of me reliving memories of similar events. 

The E.T.’s in my dream were very human-looking, I have no doubt of that. It was amazing to me how similar they looked even in the dream. The explanation was that they were just like me. There was no further explanation except that I seemed to Remember that we came from the same genetic material – like we were “seeded” or planted here to be observed and then extracted when we had matured. In this sense, we are indeed harvested. 

Where will we go? I have no idea now but in the dream I was shown “space” (out in the distance) and it was enough to satisfy my curiosity. I had no misgivings, no feeling of doubt. I trusted Them entirely. 

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Lucid Dream: Meeting Klaus

Prior to bed last night I was thinking about something the teacher said in my Rave ABC class about Reflectors and some Projectors (those like me whose split charts have no centers defined). She said that their experience of life is surprise. Nothing turns out as expected, so they are always surprised by what life brings them. I thought to myself, “Not me. My inner voice tells me what is going to happen!” As normal, I got a reply to my thought. It asked, “Do you know what is going to happen now?” I thought about how all of this Knowing seemed to have gone silent recently and said, “No. I don’t know and that’s okay.” 

My mind wandered to our recent RV purchase. We tried it out this weekend because my husband couldn’t wait to use it. We stayed at my mom’s without hookups on a very cold night and it was not very enjoyable. The next day we went to the lake, which was much better, though I was very tired and developed a headache.

An internal dialogue commenced about the RV – Was it a good idea? What will become of it? Will it be used as I intended or will my husband take it over? 

I got an inquiry from within, as if saying, “Do you want to know?” I answered that I didn’t care and would accept the outcome regardless. I laughed at my reply because the HD Analyst had told me my life experience was a continual not-Knowing followed by moments of clarity/Knowing only to return to not-Knowing. 

I slept amazingly well last night and had an unexpected lucid moment and opportunity to go OOB.  

Lucid Dream: Meeting Klaus

I don’t know what was happening before I became lucid. I just became lucid all of a sudden.

Standing in front of me was a tall, thin man with blonde hair, blonde stubble on his face, and blue eyes. He seemed friendly and familiar. It felt like he had called me there because when he approached he had something to tell me. I decided to ask him, “What’s your name?” He said something like, “Tiff” (it started with a T) and I said, “Okay.” I remember being very pleased with myself for remembering to ask him his name. He then invited me to go with him. I assumed he meant traveling OOB as I was quite lucid and knew I was in the perfect state to do so. I said, “Sorry, I’m just too tired.” 

Accepting my answer he told me, “You have 433 [days] left.” When he said this, though, I was anticipating what he was saying and was thinking, “Hours, minutes, days, months….” I don’t know if he actually said “days”, it could have been me deciding that was what he meant. I also thought he was indicating how much time I had left to live, but afterward doubted this and decided it was more like a countdown to some event or life change. Regardless, I didn’t overthink the message, knowing that all too often I get cryptic messages from random people or guides while lucid. 433 days from now is March 27, 2023.

More lucid than I was before, I suddenly knew who the man was and asked him, “Wait, I know who you are. We’ve met several times. You’re Klaus!” He smiled and replied with, “Yes. We have met before and will meet again.” I asked, ” Why did you give me a different name?” I then remembered/heard, “We have many names”, and repeated that to him. He said, “Yes, We do.”

He had a distinct German or Nordic accent and I realized when I said “Klaus” that I said it with a similar accent. 

I hugged him and reached up to kiss him. In that moment I was really happy that I was getting to see him again and felt a connection to him. I wanted to initiate an energetic merge, but he pulled away and said something like “Not now” or “This isn’t the time for that”. His words were more of a telepathic feeling. I didn’t feel upset at the “rejection” but accepted that he was not there for that purpose. 

More was said but my lucidity dropped quickly and I moved into a dream scene.

Dream: Mongoose-Eating Cats

In this dream I continued to talk to Klaus as the dream story unfolded.

I was traveling along the road leading to my mom’s house, a road I am very familiar with in this life as I have traveled it numerous time. In fact, I was just on it Sunday. My mode of travel was flying. I moved fast, hovering as if a ball of energy. The sensation of it was very much familiar and I enjoyed moving in this way.

I saw debris littering various portions of the road. There were rectangular boxes full of supplies that had spilled out onto the road. I didn’t look close, preferring to look ahead. I saw a red car on the corner. It’s front end up crumpled up as if it had hit something very hard. I looked inside but no one was there. I couldn’t find what the car hit and briefly wondered what happened.

Another car pulled up and a man and a woman were inside. One was holding a piece of paper in his hands and I knew they were the occupants of the wrecked car. I decided to leave and fly towards my mom’s house.

Along the way I saw more debris. It looked like someone had just dumped their living room furniture in the middle of the road. Traffic was coming towards me and I decided to flash my headlights (I wasn’t in a car so not sure how I did this). None noticed and I figured they would be forced to slow to avoid the debris. One vehicle, a small bulldozer, did slow. I remember telling it to be careful. I recall seeing a set of empty book shelves standing in the road.

When I got to my mom’s house it looked different. It was more like a greenhouse than a house, with glass panels covering all sides and the roof. Inside were many house cats and another woman, my mom I think.

There were also these little ferret-looking creatures that were very playful and active. Many of these creatures had babies and I picked them up and cuddled with them. My mom showed one of her cats a baby and the cat hissed and tried to bite it. We decided to keep the cats away.

I went into the main house. Inside was no furniture and a very spacious layout. Where furniture should’ve been were potted plants placed strategically in a grid pattern on the carpet. There were more cats inside as I walked through looking at all the greenery. 

When I went back outside I saw the baby ferret creatures were playing near the front entrance where they entered through a cat door. A cat lounged nearby, barely noticing them. I asked my mom about the danger, suddenly recalling the name of the animals: Mongoose. She said the cats wouldn’t hurt the them.

Then I noticed tiny, white feet with no bodies littering the area. They looked like cat feet but I saw them as baby mongoose feet. I imagined the cat eating everything but the feet. I was horrified and grabbed a cat sleeping nearby and pushed it out the window. Then I saw where the kill must have happened, a wet area of concrete, and pointed it out to my mom. Just as I did this, a sprinkler located in the ground turned on and sprayed me hard in the face. My mom laughed. I woke up. 

When I woke up, the first thing on my mind was that the wet spot in the concrete was not a kill site at all but a sign that water was present. I thought, “I should’ve known that would happen.”

Dream Interpretation

It seems like the wreck and furniture along the road to my mom’s house is symbolic of some “impact” that results in an emptying of the contents of the home (life path/journey). In this case the contents appear to be tools (life strategy) and empty bookshelves (place to hold knowledge). The home has a greenhouse (place of growth) and is full of cats (divine feminine, feminine sexuality). The baby mongoose (playful, mischievous tendencies) is eaten by the cat (feminine sexuality). The inside of the house is empty except for plants (strategic growth). This aligns with the furniture on the road.

The dream in its entirety feels like I am being shown a future potentiality, though I don’t really know what to make of it. My mom’s house has transformed in the dream to a place of growth, full of cats and mongoose. This could indicate the two become one, in that the cat consumes/integrates the mongoose. My “mom” may be a wiser version of me, or could be my actual mom. My best guess is mom = my wiser or higher self. 

Whatever the dream indicates will happen it is certain that it will be a shock or surprise, one that pulls me out of my seriousness and catches my attention. This is indicated at the end of the dream where I am caught off-guard by a sprinkler spraying me in the face.