Category Archives: Miscellaneous

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Intellectualization

The energy of this new year feels really mental or, rather, thoughtful to me. Contemplative. I think it may be the lingering effects of the Cancer full moon. Reflecting on the past, especially related to family and relationships, is part of Cancer’s emotional energy. And that is what I have been doing. I couldn’t sleep because of it. My mind keeps trying to figure everything out, make sense of things.

My mind intellectualizes things in order to try to mitigate uncomfortable feelings I was taught to suppress as a child. Apparently this is a typical strategy adults like me use because it helped us cope as children. Imagine not being able to express certain emotions, being punished for expressing them and being put into your room in isolation to face them alone. It forces a person into their head. This is especially true for intelligent people. I was considered near genius level as a child with an IQ of 148. I learned recently that therapy seldom works with people like me because we are well aware of our patterns and why we are the way we are. If the therapist notices someone intellectualizes then they can teach them how to get out of the head and into the body to feel the emotion. I think that is what I need.

Anyway, I wondered about some things, looked deeper and caught a belief that might be inhibiting me. I have a belief that my ex is good and has good intentions so he couldn’t have been trying to control and manipulate me all along. I wondered if perhaps I was wrong and then all sorts of memory flooded my mind to prove that perhaps I am wrong and my ex did always have malintent. 

I had to write it in my phone notes to get to sleep. This is what I recalled:

My ex took my vulnerability and used it against me. He did this from the very beginning.

For example, he told my sister (the meth addict) when he was trying to fix the relationship between her, her husband and my mom, step-dad and I (and rest of the family). In this particular instance he was talking about my relationship with her. He told her he thought I was jealous of her and competing with her for our mom’s love. He confessed this to me, almost as if he was gloating about it, saying he did this to get her into ARC (Scientology term – Affinity,  Reality, Communication) with him. This just means he wanted her to think he shared her reality with him (form of manipulation). What he did was upsetting to me and I told him so and forbad him interfering anymore. I told him he was intentionally “stirring the pot” and it was not helpful. He denied it. I had told him about my early childhood issues with my sister in confidence. It was me saying “I can see I was like this as a child” but it was never meant to be used in the way it was.

Another example, when we were dating I confided in him some of the fantasy thoughts I had when I was angry, specifically about my ex-MIL and my cousin’s ex-BF (from my 20’s). I can be quite nasty in my fantasies when mad. I have confronted this part of my self and have made peace with it. My ex would bring up these in our discussions all the time and towards the end in our arguments to point out to me how evil I was. He would use deflection (change the topic I brought up to discuss to avoid having to confront it) and throw in such info as I confided in him early on. It was diabolical and I would call him out on it and he would get angry, yelling and sometimes throwing things. He did not like to get caught. 

Throughout our marriage he shared personal and very private, often sexual, information about our relationship with family and friends. He would later tell me he did it, seeming to brag, explaining it away or justifying it. Often times I would intuitively recognize the person he told this info to would change energy-wise when around me. I perceived something was off and would ask him and then he would confess. I doubt I got all the info he told them but the impact was obvious. He swore to stop doing it but never stopped. I discovered it so frequently I stopped confiding anything in him because I never knew who he would tell. 

He did all these things from the very beginning and I ignored my intuition which told me he was doing it purposefully. So, so many times I confronted him and he talked his way out of it, making me feel like I must be imagining it all. So, I chose to believe he didn’t mean to and dismissed my own inner Knowing. Now, however, I believe he was doing all of it consciously with the intent to turn people against me, his family, friends and even my own family. This was to isolate me and build himself up so that I would be less likely to leave him. I was already one to isolate myself, hermit that I am, so it was easy for him to further that isolation. Seemingly without support and with the confusion his purposeful gaslighting and deflection caused me, I did exactly what he wanted – I stayed and allowed him to continue unchallenged. I second-guessed myself all the time. I believed he was good and had good intention because if I entertained the idea he was the opposite then it would mean I made a mistake of letting someone like that into my life. Plus, he was so spiritual, etc., bettering himself, loved and liked by so many people, etc. Everything in reality said the opposite of what my intuition was telling me. Yet I ignored it.

I do think, now upon reflection of all this, that he may be a narcissist. My therapist seems to think so, anyway. I am ashamed of myself. I should’ve known better.  It sucks to recognize it now, so many years later, but it explains why he became so nasty, aggressive and abusive when I started to question him and set boundaries. It explains so much. 

My guides once said of my ex (years before I met him), “He will save you from yourself”. I can see now what they meant. I entered the relationship with low self-worth, not really knowing mySelf, full of fear, seeking someone to make decisions for me because making them myself was too difficult and scary, feeling lost, etc. I didn’t value myself, second-guessed myself, and was a people pleaser, shifting and changing to suit everyone but myself. When I had the heart opening in 2015 I was shown the lie and still couldn’t confront it. I saw through his “love” but because of the trauma of the situation I was unable to really digest and integrate all the info that was coming to me. It was only recently that I started to see and listen to my what my physical body and intuition was telling me all along. 

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Completion and Moving Forward

Just realized I haven’t updated on my cabin and land in a long while. So this is a quick update on that as well as an update on other more mundane things going on with me.

All construction and updating is complete. Yay!

The garage with additional room/bathroom was finished a few weeks ago, right around my last day of work. The first image below is the shower of the 3/4 bath (fixtures are there now but this is the only pic I have). I don’t have a pic of the whole bathroom yet but it is of a similar style to the shower. It has a composting toilet because the location required another septic tank. The gray water is eliminated through a main pipe down the hill towards the pond (perfectly legal for the area).The second image is the front of the garage. You can see the entrance to the addition to the right. The final image is of the cabin, garage and shed from the road.

Below are two pics of the shed after the roof was replaced. There was rotting siding and the floor was uneven. The pictures following are of the completed shed. I turned it into my gym but it has plumbing and a hot water heater. It is close enough to the septic to have a toilet installed but I didn’t bother since I am not there enough to justify the expense.

These last two pics are a before and after of the pond shed. I didn’t get the interior done because it is just for fishing poles and supplies. I had the siding replaced and had them seal it so critters couldn’t get in. Racoons and rats had been leaving messes in it.

I really want to fix the wooden bridge at some point but it is functional for now.

Update on Me

I moved into an apartment on Oct 17. I decided to get an apartment across from the subdivision where the family home is located because my ex was making it very difficult for me to see the kids. The decision was not typical of me. I tend to make safe decisions in life. I would have preferred to have a job first! However, it worked out perfectly. I was offered the school counseling position just two weeks later. I just signed my contract and am set to start work next Tuesday.

Health-wise I am struggling with elevated blood pressure and insomnia. The stress this year has begun to impact me physically. 😦 I think I may have gotten my sleep handled (HRT), but am still working on the high BP. I got prescribed a medication but it isn’t really doing anything. I hate being on meds! I am hoping the BP comes down as my stress levels decrease only I don’t know when that might be. Being in communication with my ex, who seems intent on threats and harassment, doesn’t make for a low stress environment. I also just learned that my testosterone level is elevated, so now I have to get it checked again to rule out underlying issues.

The good news about my new job is I get healthcare at no cost to me. I would normally decline health insurance but I think it would be wise considering my above mentioned health concerns. I also think it is about time I found a therapist.

Finally, I am fed up with my dry eyes and inability to wear contacts. I don’t want to wear glasses anymore. They make me look old, they’re a PITA when I workout and I have to clean them all the time. So, I am looking into getting refractive lens replacement. This should almost entirely eliminate my need for glasses and also prevent me from developing cataracts in the future. 🙂

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Cabin Updates Continued – Garage Addition

Just some more progress pics from January to the present. The cabin now has skirting all the way around. The blog post featured image shows the skirting.

These are pics of the foundation and walls going up. While the house is pier and beam, the garage addition is a concrete slab. It is a single car, extra long garage (15×25) with an additional 14×14 room that has a 5×8 3/4 bathroom. I also added a sidewalk and curved driveway. The 15×15 shed also got a new foundation (not pictured). Once the garage is complete, the shed will get its makeover.

The siding and roof was recently completed. The roof and siding match the house. This weekend I helped my ex do the plumbing. I dug the trenches in the pic. Talk about hard work! Though there aren’t any big rocks, the clay soil was wet from the recent rains and kept sticking to the shovel. It was a workout for sure! This week the spray insulation goes in. It won’t be long until this project is complete.

Here are some pics of the pond and how it looks in the Spring. We’ve had a lot of rain so the water level is really high right now. The cattails have all come back after dying back in the winter and the prairie grasses have grown tall. The big bass in the pic was caught by my youngest last weekend. It is the biggest he’s ever caught so he was pretty excited. I estimate it was around 3lbs. It was released safely back into the pond.

I’ll try to keep the updates coming.

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Cabin Update

The last time I posted about the land and cabin the foundation had just been completed. We’ve come a long way since then.

Currently, the cabin is ready for decking, spray foam insulation and sheetrock. The construction process has been slower than anticipated, but it is moving at a steady pace. Our contractor said it should be finished sometime in October. This is actually good timing in my opinion as the holiday will be fast approaching and my plan is to use the cabin as a retreat space.

One thing that has not been going to plan is the water situation. We put in our application back in June and the wait should’ve been 6-8 weeks but there has still been no progress despite repeated attempts at communicating with the county. We are hoping they get moving sooner rather than later. Otherwise, we are stuck with a water system that uses filtered pond water (can’t drink it).

Yes, we have a well, but the water quality is such that we opted to go with county water. The price is about the same for install. County water costs a monthly fee but there is no maintenance and the water will stay on when the electricity goes out. Other advantages are the clarity and smell of the water will be at a higher standard than the well water. Well water in this part of Texas tends to smell like rotten eggs (Sulphur) and wells can go dry during periods of extended drought. The well we have is quite shallow and we’ve gotten mixed opinions on its quality with one expert saying the water is fine and another saying he wouldn’t even help us with it because of the poor quality.

If the water isn’t hooked up by completion then my stays at the cabin will be limited. The filtered pond water is not ideal for long-term stays because the filters clog up quickly and the water can smell during periods of pond turnover.

Regardless, even short periods in the cabin surrounded by nature is better than none!

Below are some pictures of the progress since July. The top five pictures are from this weekend.

Land

We have not been able to do much clearing on the property because of the intense summer heat and intermittent rain storms (unusual for this time of year). We have only recently started clearing around the pond, specifically focusing on the left.

This weekend we cleared a path on the left side of the pond. My boys and I fished the pond during breaks and managed to catch some fish. In the past we were unable to catch any. I’m not sure why. So, we had been fishing in the neighbor’s pond with great success. However, now the neighbor’s pond has gone dead and ours seems to be alive with fish. It is super satisfying to finally catch fish in our own pond!

Below are some pics of the pond and the land. I’ve had various encounters with insects, specifically walking sticks and dragonflies. In fact, one day while sitting on the back porch looking at the pond, a dragonfly landed on my outstretched hand when I invited him to. It was amazing!

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Update: Recent Travel and Cabin/Land

I’ve not been online much. Blogging and even journaling has almost come to a complete stop. Instead, I’ve been posting every now and then in a forum I’ve been a part of for many years because I get more feedback and support there than I tend to get here on WordPress. Most of what I post is very mundane compared to the typical posts on this blog. If you are interested in following along with me there (and meeting some amazing people), please send me a message and I will send you the info/link for the consciousness exploration forum I frequent.

Travel

So, what have I been up to? Well, I recently returned from almost two weeks overseas. I returned on July 4th around midnight and it took me all the way until Monday to start to feel normal again. I swear I must have slept 10-14hrs a day and still felt tired. lol My friend jetlag did not disappoint! And this time it made sure to leave me completely disoriented whenever I woke. One time I woke up not knowing where I was and wandered all over my room looking for doors that weren’t there. It took me about 5 minutes to recognize my own bedroom again. Ha!

Where did I go? Seoul, South Korea, Tokyo and other parts of Japan, and finally Oahu, Hawaii. I spent about four days in each place, not near enough to get over the initial jetlag I had in Korea BTW.

The first and last places (S. Korea and Hawaii) were work related. Japan was a birthday present to my husband from his family. I wasn’t very keen on S. Korea but Japan peaked my interest, especially the Sea of Trees forest.

In S. Korea we visited a palace, Gyeongbokgung, the main royal palace of the Joseon Daynasty. We also went to a Buddhist temple but I can’t recall its name now. Then we visited Seoul Tower and later learned how to make Kimchi and got dressed in traditional dress. I found Koreans to be very friendly and welcoming. The city of Seoul was so clean, so well planned, that it almost felt like an entirely different dimension. It was very different from the U.S.! Unfortunately, I didn’t enjoy the food too much, at least not until I tried the street food. Now that was yummy!

My first impression of Tokyo was similar – clean, welcoming and like a completely different world. Where Koreans mostly don’t know English, almost everyone in Japan seemed to. Everything was in both Japanese and English in most places and everywhere I went (mostly on subways, trains and buses) everything was in English. I spent the first day in the hotel sleeping but the second day we traveled to the Sea of Trees and Mt. Fuji. It took us 4hrs by subway and train and then when we returned by bus and subway it was a bit faster. I suggest if you fly into Tokyo that you do not try to do Mt. Fuji in one day. All the transportation in the park stops at 5pm. I wish we had gotten a hotel and stayed there the entirety of our trip, but we didn’t. Even so, we got to visit two ice caves and the Sea of Trees, which was enough for me.

I’d been to Hawaii before so I mostly slept and worked from the hotel while we were there. I did visit Pearl Harbor (our company has a contract to repair the dry docks) and lingered on the beach or worked during the days. In the evenings it was lots of fine dining and shopping.

Overall, I think the trip would’ve been more enjoyable had we given ourselves more time in each location to get over the jetlag. IDK if it is my age or what but my body was just not adjusting as fast as I wanted. Thus, the sleeping away one day in Tokyo and Hawaii and then three days of exhaustion when I returned to the states.

Here are some pictures which are in order of Hawaii, then Tokyo and finally S. Korea:

Egret
Banyan tree
Sea of trees

Land and Cabin Progress

The day we left for South Korea the old mobile home on the new property was moved. It is gone forever. Donated to a family in need. I feel good about donating it. I hope it’s new family turned it into a loving home. I do not know where or who it went to, just that it is close by (within 1hr).

The little turkey vulture grew up and has feathers. I did not get a picture of him after my most recent trip but the last time I saw him he was bigger than a chicken, though still mostly covered in his white down with some feathers sprouting on his wings.

The cabin foundation was completed before we left. It is now ready for a roof and windows. We are hoping to have it complete by the end of summer or early Fall. We are still waiting on the county to tell us how much it will cost to have county water. The water well works but it will be costly to get running (around $15K). We suspect the county water will be similar but would prefer it since maintaining a water well can be costly over time and county water will be around $50/mo. There is still a lot of work to do on the land such as clearing junk and finishing some of the out buildings. We will tackle those issues once it gets a bit cooler this fall. The temps we’ve had in the high 90’s are not ideal for working outside.

Below is progress of the cabin starting with most recent (as of this past Wednesday):

Critters we’ve encountered on the land to include baby turkey vulture:

Other pics of the land. The first is where the mobile home use to sit. The second is of the shed we are fixing up and the last is what is left of a junk pile:

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Progress and the Eclipse

We’ve been busy here for the last few weeks with a birthday (my youngest turned 10 on Easter), an eclipse and clearing the land. It seems like nearly every day something came up, either planned or unplanned. I’ve just been trying to keep up and get as much rest and downtime to myself as possible in between.

The eclipse was uneventful here. We had about 2 minutes of totality which came and went really fast. It was overcast, so me and the kids went about our normal day assuming we would not get to see much, if any, of the eclipse. Strangely enough, the clouds parted during totality. Ha! I got some nice shots with my new camera using a filter and even took a video but my dog was barking hysterically during totality thinking it was time to play.

I don’t recall any energetic shifts or spiritual events the days before, during or after the eclipse. It was, all-in-all, very uneventful and I didn’t think of it as awe-inspiring any more than the partial eclipse last summer. Regardless, it was cool to witness.

For me, our new land is more awe-inspiring. Every time I go there I am filled with gratitude and awe at the splendor and beauty of the place. I am also constantly reminded that I manifested it and will continue to manifest what I want it to become. To know in my heart that all will fall in line and I will get everything I desire causes me to choke up. I usually have to wipe tears from my eyes each trip there. Plus, nature loves to give me gifts when I am there.

For example, remember the turkey vultures? Well, I was clearing out an old shed in preparation for tearing it down when I heard an odd noise. It sounded like a cat growling or some kind of tiny animal warning me to stay away. When I looked up, I saw a tiny, white fluffball. A baby turkey vulture! It was hissing and growling and stomping its little foot to keep me away. So cute! Needless to say, we are not tearing down the shed until well after it has left the nest.

The baby vulture and its parents symbolize death and rebirth. Not only does this apply to the land but also to myself and my family. My children have all discovered the joy of fishing now and look forward to trip to the land. My husband has found new purpose and even made new friends. It brings me joy to see their joy. We are healing. The land is healing us.

I have also seen many wild ducks on our pond. Some are black with yellow bills and others are brown. They usually stay pretty far away from me, but just recently one came pretty close and I was able to get a video of it. I wish I’d had my new camera to get a good picture of it, but I only had my phone, so no picture – yet. I will get one eventually!

We’ve had an excavator on the property all week and Thursday we were able to check on progress. It has transformed so much! The excavator allows us to not only remove all the piles of junk scattered around the property but also remove any undergrowth and unwanted trees. When before we couldn’t see the pond from the mobile home, now there is a clear view of it.

This weekend is the last two days of having the excavator so we will likely use it to clear other parts of the property and level the land that will eventually be the road to the home site. I have decided to move the home further up the hill for a better view of the pond. The land is more level and closer to the existing septic tank.

Here are some progress pics. Enjoy!

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New Land, New Possibilities

I have news!

In January I was finally gifted with an opening from my husband. Of course, I took it and ran with it. He finally agreed to help me buy land!

You might wonder why I don’t just take the option of my family’s land. Well, it never seemed to want to materialize. It was one step forward, two steps back time and time again. The final straw being that my mom decided to give an acre to my sister and cousin/BIL. With them “building” (not sure how they will afford it) a dwelling on the property I was going to buy, I withdrew, recognizing (finally) the energies for me living out there again were not aligning and probably never would. Ultimately, my family land is still an option but it has major caveats and I am unwilling to compromise.

Once I decided to turn my back on that option completely, a door opened and progress was fast. I did my own search and found a promising property – 9.92 acres with a massive pond. When we went to look at it, my husband was so blown away that he stated right then and there, “This is it!” So, we made an offer and everything came together seamlessly.

On March 11th we closed on the property!

The land is located about a hour northeast of our family home and 50 minutes east from my family’s land. Unlike most of the area which is poor soil, limestone rock, stubby trees and prickly pear cactus, this place has fertile soil, tall grasses, and water aplenty. The pond is the jewel of the property, taking up the entire back pasture. It is spring fed, 21ft deep and looks more like a lake than a pond. The previous owner told us it has never run dry in the 20 years he’s lived there. The minute I saw the pond up close I was sold. It was exactly what I had envisioned when I thought of where I wanted to spend the rest of my days.

The drawback to the property is that the previous owner had left much trash and debris along with a 1997 single-wide mobile home in poor condition. The mobile home can be salvaged if we want, but I am uncertain still about it’s future. We might demolish it, burn what is flammable and sell what we can as scrap. We might remodel it. Or there is a final option of donating it to charity. We might also consider selling it, but being it is so far away, someone will have to pay quite a bit to move it.

The property currently has agricultural tax exemption meaning the property taxes are really low as long as the exemption is maintained. I have decided to lease some beehives to continue the ag exemption rather than try and put goats, cattle or some other high maintenance animal out there. I won’t be living there full-time for a while and bees are very hands-off. The lease includes all hive maintenance.

My plan is to build a small house/cabin by the pond to fulfill my vision. When it is complete, I plan to live there full-time for the rest of my life. It will take time, however, as my youngest is about to be 10 years old. So, in the meantime, it will be used as a retreat.

My husband is not planning on living out there. So, ultimately, this land provides us with a solution to our marriage problems both short-term and long-term. My boys absolutely love the land, so it gives them plenty of space to roam, fish, swim and camp whenever they feel the need. The land also gives me an out when it comes to my family, the family land and all the drama around my mother’s assets once she passes away. I am 100% okay with walking away from that mess and never looking back. I will happily sell off my portion of whatever I am given. And finally, the land offers me a creative outlet – designing and building a small house by the pond and creating the the kind of space I need to find clarity, peace and fulfillment.

Here are some pictures of the land. You can see the beautiful parts as well as the less than beautiful parts (trash and mobile home). There is also a turkey vulture in one picture. 🙂 You can see my husband and son on a small boat (conveyed with the property) in several pictures.

Below is a picture of the house I want to build by the pond. It was selected by my boys because it has sleeping lofts above the two bedrooms. I like it because of all the windows. Imagine them facing the pond. What a fantastic view!

Screenshot

While we wait for the house to be built, we will have our RV parked out there so that we can stay overnight comfortably. There is a brand new well on the property that needs to be finished (wired, holding tank and pump house). What is amazing to me is that the previous owner had a pump set up that pulled water from the pond. The water is filtered four times and pumped into the house! So, we will have water available from two sources. I always wanted a semi or fully off-grid home and having this alternative water option is really awesome!

I will update as things progress. Step one is the clear all the junk and figure out what to do with the mobile home.

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Ice Storm 2023

It seems each year brings at least one major weather event (lately more than one). This year brought a particularly severe ice storm to my area. I’ve not seen this much ice since my high school years! The storm brought severe destruction to the areas trees which in turn damaged property.

It has been especially sad to see many very old Live Oak trees completely destroyed. Live Oaks keep their leaves through the winter months and, with the ice coating all their leaves and branches plus a second round of rain the night of the 2nd and morning of the 3rd, they just couldn’t handle the strain. In two of the pictures above, 25+ year old trees were completely decimated. They make a scary sound when they break under the strain of the ice, too. It sounded like thunderclaps. I imagined a massive giant walking over the top of them, snapping them in half with each heavy step.

Though my neighborhood didn’t lose power, many around us and across the area did. In fact, Austin is still trying to restore power to over 100,000 people. My kids’ school was canceled Tuesday – Friday. I’ve not been able to work because the power at the main office has been out since Wednesday. My mom and step-dad, who live 40 minutes north of us in a rural area have been without power for days. Power is expected to be restored sometime today.

A Message from the Birds

The day aftre the ice storm hit I saw a Great Horned Owl in a tree behind our house. This is unusual. I’ve never seen one in the 8+ years we’ve lived here. It was being harassed by two crows. They wouldn’t leave it alone. It was close enough that I got it on video. The argument lasted a good half hour and then the owl finally left. 

Pictures below are screenshots from the video.

Owls = wisdom and foresight. Crows = transformation and change. I see the interaction between the owl and crows as an indication that something will bring me wisdom and foresight in life. With the insight gained changes may result. Considering what happened next, I think the owl and crows might have been a warning of what was to come. 

When the morning of the 3rd came around I twice ignored my intuition and it cost me. Firstly, I told my husband to take down the zip line because I suspected a tree limb or tree would fall on it and hit the line which would then destroy the side of the house. He did nothing and I forgot about it. In the past, tree limbs have fallen and caused minor damage, and I had a gut feeling it would happen again. There is a massive tree in the creek area that always loses large limbs and I specifically had a vision of this happening again. Yet, once I told my husband, I forgot all about it. I’m not sure why.

At 2am, February 3rd, a loud boom woke everyone up. It sounded like a bomb went off. Turns out a tree limb fell on the zip line. It was huge and the force of it on the line busted the corner of the house in the master bedroom. The destruction was so bad that from inside of the house you could see outside via a crack along the corner. Siding and insulation was thrown all over the back yard.

I insisted my husband take down the zip line right then and there because another impact would surely take off the entire side of the house. He took it down. Half an hour later, another massive branch fell. Had the line been up, the wall would likely have not been able to handle it.

I had a thought after this happened that I should move our van. I didn’t because it appeared to be far enough away from a tree. Plus, it was sealed shut by over an inch of ice and it was 2am. Two hours later several branches fell on it, busting the side mirror and denting the top.

So in these examples my foresight was not utilized and negative events transpired. In the end, thankfully, the material cost has not been high. My husband has already fixed the house and the van is scheduled to be repaired on Friday. The only cost will be our deductible and the few supplies needed to fix the house. 

Honestly, this small amount of excitement has been better than the boring, mundane drudgery that is the norm. I remember taking a walk the morning after all the destruction thinking it a blessing to have something interesting finally happen, something within our means to easily navigate. When it all happened I responded pretty well, too. A decade ago it would’ve been too much for me. I would’ve most likely been in tears. That I was able to return to sleep after all the destruction speaks for itself!

As I type this I can’t help but think of the image of the owl as it sat through the crow harassment. It was very passive for the most part, only jumping up a few times when the crows got to close but not in defense of itself, just to avoid their beaks. The owl is my main totem in this life. I’ve seen them since childhood and had close encounters as well. For example, when I was around 6 my dad hit one with his car and retrieved it from the ditch. I recall it coming to life, spreading its huge wings and being set free. It was magnificent! Just before Christmas, 2022, I purchased an owl incense holder, too. So, as recently as December, the owl has been making its presence known.

So, as far as the crow-owl event, I will take it as a message to remain the observer and only take action when the time is right. The crows indicate the right time will be obvious, probably annoying or maybe just a tad uncomfortable. And, from now on, LISTEN to my intuition when it warns me of something to come. Had I just followed through, this storm wouldn’t have caused us any problems whatsoever. But then perhaps I wanted/needed a little excitement? Hmmm. My husband and I did begin to laugh after the van was hit. What else could we do? It was better than the alternative. I think this is why we were both able to go back to sleep despite the ice chaos and continued thunderclaps of breaking branches going on all around us.

Praying for all those who were not so fortunate during this ice storm.

Here are some pictures of the damage to our house and car. I only have a picture of the inside of the house, sorry, and it was taken after my husband had already reattached the wall. Before you could see through to the outside at the corner. The outside was pretty bad. The side of the house was not connected at the roof and all the siding was gone.

****All pictures were taken by me between the dates of 2/2-2/4/2023. The featured image of the Cardinal in the iced branches is also mine. Please do not duplicate or use without my permission.****

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Disturbing Spirit Encounter

Went out to my mom’s yesterday to measure the RV for a flatscreen in the bedroom. It will fit a 40in! Taking out the old, bulky TV was not difficult but we made the mistake of taking out the larger one over the front. It was as if they built the shelving around the TV. My husband had to knock it hard to get it to come free. Unfortunately, it revealed a huge hole containing wires and such. We also found a handful of loose change and a country CD from 2000. lol

The cleanup was messy but I got most of the debris with the vacuum and broom. We need to take our upright vacuum out there to suck up some of the sawdust. My husband had to use a circular saw to cut two hanging boards and so there is dust all over the front end.

The idea in the back is to mount the TV and use the space behind it for storage. We’re not quite sure how we are going to do that yet. Either we build a “secret door” and mount the TV to it or we just mount the TV at the back of the open shelf and position it to cover the opening. 

In the front, well IDK. My husband wants to take the RV to an RV Shop and see if they can fix it and some other things. He should call and find out today (if he remembers). If I have extra time I might start in the bedroom with painting the walls and maybe the cabinets. I most definitely want to paint the walls. It may be a big undertaking, though, so not sure if I should if I am going to be sleeping in there.

We walked up on the hill of our soon-to-be 6.2 acre plot. I thought there use to be a road up there but if there was it was overgrown. My step-father was there and walked with us. He said it will be hard to get electric to the spots I have picked out. He said the electric company is very specific about where they place new poles. My husband suggested we just do it ourselves, running it undergrown alongside the waterpipe once we figure out where we will build. We agreed that a clearing should be done selectively, preserving as many trees (even the junipers) as possible so that it maintains the wild look we like. My husband wants it to resemble a lodge we frequent, with trails and sitting areas all about. I like his idea.

Good news is that the Wi-Fi is good enough for me to work from the RV when I am there! Yay! I plan to go out next week, probably Wednesday after I’ve cut checks for the week. I’ll stay the rest of the week and into the weekend. It will be a nice break. I might request a work laptop rather than try to use my tiny laptop like I did in Costa Rica. The keyboard is smaller and the screen not big enough for what I need. Regardless, it is good to know the internet is not going to be an issue. 

My spirits are way up compared to what they have been because of the plans with the RV and land. My husband even commented saying that he is pleased to see me so happy and it makes him want to do more in terms of creating a retreat space for me. This is very good news because he has been reluctant to help me up until now.

The bad news is that our tax bill is likely to be extremely high this year. Plus we have a loan recapture payment. With both we may end up with nothing in savings. Without the cash, building a cabin will take longer. I don’t want to get a loan for many reasons, mainly to avoid a mortgage payment but also because loans have requirements that will force us to make the cabin like any other house. I want it to be off-grid and I won’t make any compromises. My plan is to have solar panels with electric available but only as back-up. I don’t want a septic at all. Mortgages require a septic and in this area an aerated system, which is costly and requires a contract with a company to maintain it.

Sleep Disturbance

Around midnight last night I was awakened by something a bit disturbing. I was dreaming and remember a woman grabbing both my breasts, holding them in her hands and pressing hard against my chest. She was also shaking me a bit as if trying to get me to move. I remember her saying, “I hate you!” I don’t remember the dream aspect of it too vividly, just the very real feeling of her “attack”. I told her to stop and she wouldn’t listen. This is when I woke up.

When I awoke I could still feel her hands on my breasts but the pressure and pushing had stopped. I sent a mental query in case she was actually present. I heard back, “This is my house!” There was quite a bit of anger and I figured she was probably an Earthbound. I told her, “No it’s not. Now get out!” 

Eventually I had to get up and use the restroom and when I returned to bed I put up protection around my bedroom and then the entire house. I also said the Lord’s Prayer just in case because I could still feel her energy around. I told her one final time to go away and then returned to sleep and had no more encounters with her.

Strangely my children have been having odd encounters now and again. I laughed them off because they seemed minor. My daughter actually just had one a few nights ago. She said she could hear someone breathing right next to her had while she was laying in bed. She said it freaked her out and when I asked if she was afraid she said no. She said she just ignored it and fell asleep. I thought she might be asleep when this happened but she told me she had just gotten up to use the bathroom and was wide awake. I told her it seemed like someone in Spirit was attempting to scare her and to just ignore it, reminding her that they can’t hurt her.

I’ve decided to smudge the house just in case. I’ve had Spirit encounters in this house before but nothing like what I experienced last night. When I first started going OOB I had similar experiences and my house was a Spirit hot-spot with actual sightings (my BIL saw a man standing in my window, I heard the man yell at me and also saw him move the blinds to get my attention). 

Featured image is the entrance to the road leading to the back acreage (trees way in the background).

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Another Mediumship Request and More Family Drama

Woke up briefly this morning in the midst of talking to a woman in Spirit. She was giving me her info and when I asked why she said, “I wanted to see if you could hear me.” I replied, “Of course I can hear you, I hear so much I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

When I woke I was repeating her birth and death info.

Born: 1922
Died: 2014
Cause of death: Embolism
Name of close relative: Henry 

I woke a bit later with a sense of her name but lost it immediately. It was memory of a feeling and flashes of broken images more than a name, like a it was given to me telepathically or during such a deeply unconscious state that I was unable to retrieve it. This has happened to me many times and can be extremely frustrating but I have learned to just accept it. 

I do not know what she looked like except to get a feeling of her energy. She felt young and vibrant to me but there is a sense that she wore her gray hair pulled back away from her face. Either that or it was cut very short.

More Family Drama

So my sister and her husband (my 1st cousin) are both in jail right now.

My cousin got out of jail for writing fraudulent checks on my birthday. Apparently it was a surprise to my sister who had hooked up with his best friend. She told all of us that this guy was just helping her out because her husband had asked him to “take care of her”. My mom called this man her boyfriend but she told my husband that he was just a friend helping out. 

When her husband got out of jail it was quiet for about a month. Turns out drama was brewing. My sister was sneaking out to be with her new boyfriend and eventually her husband found out. He went to his “friend’s” house and beat the crap out of him. He was arrested for assault and evading arrest on the 7th of September, about a month after he was released pending trial for his other charges.

Fast forward to the 19th. This is the story as I heard it. I cannot be certain of how much truth is contained in it since it is obvious my sister tells each of us a slightly different story. 

My sister told her boyfriend (husband’s best friend) she didn’t want to see him anymore. He got angry and when he went to leave my sister went to get some of her things out of his truck. While she was half inside the truck getting her things he took off. She was hanging out of the open truck until at some point she jumped out of the vehicle while it was still moving. She ended up walking home at 1am (her son is home alone sleeping). 

A patrol car saw her and stopped to see if she needed help. When he found out who she was he told her she had a warrant and he arrested her. She is in jail for a hit-and-run accident from last year sometime where she had a minor accident and then fled the scene. We all knew about this accident because she told all of us that it had been her husband who had the accident and not her. The cops had followed him home and knocked on the door to ask who owned the car and indicated the plates were stolen. She told them it had been her and they didn’t arrest her because she was home alone with their son. She, of course, lied that she was the only parent home because her husband was hiding nearby. She said she lied for her husband but that the charges against her were dropped because he confessed to the hit-and-run while in prison (apparently not). 

When she was arrested she had a medical emergency (high BP) and had to be taken to the ER. She has been struggling with high BP for a while, though. Since she confessed to my husband earlier this summer that she has been occasionally using meth, the likely culprit is her meth use in combination with her heart condition, smoking, drinking and lifestyle choices in general. Her booking photo looks like one from the Faces of Meth campaign. It is obvious she is using more than just occasionally. 

Every time I see her now it seems she has aged another few years. Her eyes get deeper and she has more sores on her face. She also has a wild look in her eyes, but I have become use to that. She has had that look for about eight years. 

Since she had previously jumped bail, she has a $2k bond and they require $400 cash plus something to secure the bond that is worth $2k. No one is volunteering to help because she will most likely jump bail again and we are all in agreement that she is better off in jail right now. In jail she gets food, shelter, and medical care. She is also safer and the longer she is there, the more she can detox. 

Their son, my nephew, is living with my his dad’s ex-wife. She is located very close to the school he attends and his half-brother and sister have been helping him get to and from school. He is happy there with people he is familiar with. I hope he is better off. I do not know much about the ex-wife except that she was pretty quick to anger and enabled my cousin for years before she finally left him. My hope is that she is not treating my nephew harshly, telling him bad things about his parents or making him feel bad in general. My sister says “they all hate me because I cheated” and thinks the ex will tell him nasty things about her. That is probably a good assumption based upon what I’ve heard about his ex. She is a gossip, one of those who loves to chew on negative data and spew it out at opportune times.

My mom and step-father are going to consult with an attorney next week sometime to find out what they need to do to seek custody or guardianship of my nephew. They did not ask that I come nor did they ask for my help. However, my guess is their age will work against them. I have already decided I cannot handle another child but my SIL has indicated she will happily take him in. This is my husband’s brother’s sister. She has no relation to my nephew at all but immediately wanted to take him in. What a big heart. So, if things don’t bode well for my mom and step-father, I can talk to my BIL and SIL. It may or may not end up working out. However, if he is doing well where he is, a judge may not move him, for his own benefit.

What is interesting about all of the above drama that has played out is that earlier this year, the end of May, I had intuition regarding this exact scenario. I told my mom I sensed they would both end up in jail this year and someone would need to take care of their son. It did not leave me with an alarmed feeling, though. It happened, just not in the way I thought. I assumed something would happen with my sister while he her husband still in jail for the check fraud. Considering the dateline, my cousin was in jail when she went into jail, just for assault not check fraud. So I was correct, just not on the specifics.