Category Archives: Miscellaneous

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You May Now Exit the Roller Coaster

After this morning’s detached feeling, my day began to get frustrating. First, my car was dead when I tried to drive to the gym with my kids. They were all buckled in and then….click. Ominous silence. I am thinking, “Maybe I should just skip the gym today? I don’t really have to go there to do my workout…”.

So out we climbed, me irritated and my youngest unable to process that he was not going to go somewhere in the big car with mommy and his brother. He then followed me yell-crying – “Ouw-wow-wow-wow mahhh-wahhh” – while I called my husband to see if he would come give my car a jump.

My husband called the neighbor who came over with a battery charger in tow. It didn’t work too well. My car was totally dead.

Then we could not get the car into neutral so we could back it out of the garage and properly jump the battery. Apparently, Toyota makes their cars idiot-proof by making sure it won’t go into gear when the battery is dead. Thank goodness for Google which revealed there is a hidden box with a secret button that miraculously unlocks the shifter.

By now I am over an hour later than normal but I still head off to the gym. I had a momentary consideration that maybe I should just skip the gym today. This was the second time I had it. And the second time I disregarded it.

At the gym my littlest became a screaming mess and howled as I left him at the daycare while my older son happily went to play. The childcare worker assured me this was normal and he would calm down when I left. After my 5 minute warm-up the familiar face of the childcare worker popped in to tell me I had to get my child. “We have a policy on crying. We can’t hold them and we can only let them cry so much”.

Really?

By this time I was about ready to lose my cool. I got home and called my husband, thanking him for his help and then bursting into tears when I asked him if he could spare his lunch to watch the kids so I could get a little “me” time. He agreed. I’m not really sure why I cried.

I still felt oddly disconnected as I made lunch and cooled down. By the time my husband called to say he was on his way home I was 100% better and I recognized my failure to listen to the warnings which I had gotten all morning long before, during and now after the ordeal.

After my workout (yes – I finally got to go to the gym!) I got a surge of energy and stability. I finally felt reconnected to my body (a good workout will do that) and still do now.

What is funny is that this hiccup in my day and the high’s and low’s it created left me feeling similar to how one feels when they exit a roller coaster. What a wild ride! hehe

And all I keep thinking is, “This is a dream. This is a dream. This is a dream”.

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Options, Options

The morning started out sour. Thankfully, I was able to return to sleep and when I awoke the sour feeling was replaced with reluctant acceptance. With this acceptance came the message, “One day at a time, one step at a time” along with the vision of putting one foot in front of the other. I understood and remembered in the past how often times when I have thought nothing could change and life would never get better that it did – eventually. Not that life is that bad at the moment.

Heart-to-Heart

This Venus retrograde is getting tiring and that is one reason why I awoke in a sour mood. My husband and I had long talk last night, prompted by his overall dissatisfaction with life. At first I thought he was telling me that he wanted to split up and found myself holding my breath and thinking the worst. I focused on my heart center and felt I should just listen to him since it is not often we get to talk without disruption. He needed me to listen.

Eventually the movement of the energy of my husband, its force and intensity, began to lessen. I could literally feel it lighten and stop moving toward me. I recognized that he had been throwing it at me and had I not focused on my heart I would have become overwhelmed by it.

Now that the energy was more neutral the real talking could begin, and it did. We ended up with a productive chat and what is outrageous about it is that my husband and I began talking about empathy and he used the analogy of a strength training workout! Such synchronicity as I had just written the same analogy that morning and he was not aware that I had.

Fly Little Bird, Fly

I slept easily after our talk but, like I said, I awoke not very happy. I knew upon waking that my days of spiritual epiphanies, Kundalini bliss and wholeness/connection with my Higher Self were over. The message in my head was clear as it said, “I am done”. So final, so earth-shattering in its simplicity.

I tried to pretend I did not know what the message meant, but I did/do. It means that the process has reached a plateau. The baton has been passed. It’s my turn to learn to fly and I am being nudged over the side of the nest.

The last time this happened I met my husband and began my family. It was indeed a wild ride. What is to come of this one? I don’t know yet, but the signs are there.

Options, Options

Interestingly, the first sign of change has been presented to me. After years of waiting, my husband has finally negotiated with his employer a change in pay that increases his base pay significantly while lowering his bonus pay. Though this is not ideal (husband hates it) that increase in base pay has been something I have pushed him to do since 2011. The increase in pay means I don’t need to work anymore.

The possibilities are endless and the freedom of this change is palpable. We have already discussed the options. He wants to eventually leave his job and build his own company. I want to stay home and work on the business that I am trying to build. I also want to be home to watch my children, to teach my 4-year-old and prepare him for school, and to find balance in my life.

Options:

  1. I leave my job and focus on building my business, home school my preschooler and help my husband plan and build his business. Pros – I get what I want, husband gets what he wants. Cons – loss of extra income, loss of medical insurance.
  2. I stay at my job until the end of the year to save up money for my husband’s business. Pros – surplus of income, keep medical insurance.

I am not sure what I want to do right now. I am finding myself resistant to leaving work just yet. They need me there. To leave early presents my employer with trying to find a replacement during a non-ideal time. It also leaves my students with no counselor.

But all my life I have wanted to not have to work; to be able to do as I pleased without financial worry.

What would you do?

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Light-Headed Low Blood Sugar Blues

Yesterday was yet another not-so-good day.

Light-Headed Low Blood Sugar Blues

I am two weeks into my new workout regime which consists of strength training and cardio 4 times a week. My goal is to gain muscle and lose fat. I have a personal trainer every other week, so this week I am on my own.

This workout started with 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer. About 15 minutes in I began to zone out and feel faint. Right as I ended the workout I had to get off and walk around to shake off the jitters.

I heard my guide say, “You are not grounded” and this made sense. So I did an ab circuit and after I felt good enough to do the rest of my workout. However, by the time I got into the car to drive home I was shaky again and had to eat a protein bar. Thankfully it worked by the time I got to the grocery store.

These episodes are low blood sugar episodes and I am very familiar with them. Unfortunately, they trigger mild panic attacks and I hate those. My heart felt weird, like it does when the chakra is activated, and this is hard to ignore. I was talking myself down from panic most of the drive to the store.

The rest of the day I ate like a never-ending pit. Yet the low blood-sugar blues hit me hard in the evening. All this means is that I get irritable and cranky, tired and quick to anger. I ate and ate, hoping to fix the issue but it seemed not to be enough. I was absolutely awful last night because of it.

I lost my temper so many times last night I have lost count. Everything set me off. Then things kept going wrong.

My youngest was in a strange mood, crying and going into a rage when I would not pick him up. He got so mad at me that he started ramming his whole little body into a door to show me how mad he was! He cried endlessly for over an hour even when I held him.

My son’s endless tantrum throwing caused me to be late to the bus stop to pick up my daughter and I got a call to come pick her up at the school. My MIL went to get her but was late and that made us late for my daughter’s eye appointment. Then the eye appointment dragged on and on well into dinner time. Turns out she needed reading glasses (WTF?) so we went to get some for her at Wal-Mart and so did not eat until well after 6pm.

This delay of dinner time was the last straw. I guess my body just is not adapting as well to the changes imposed upon it. I will have to plan better in the future!

BTW, it’s Normal

It is normal for one’s metabolism to increase significantly when they start a weight lifting routine like I did. In two weeks I have lost 4 pounds despite increasing my caloric intake from 1600/day to 2100/day. I am now going to have to increase my calories to 2300/day. This is very hard for me to do and I actually gag on food because I get so tired of eating it. Hopefully my metabolism levels out soon!

Yet I suspect that all this physical change mixed with the spiritual changes I have been experiencing is the cause for the significant reaction I had yesterday to an otherwise “normal” workout. I was told a while back to lay off the intense weight lifting and I did at that time and felt recently it was okay to resume. I still feel it is, however, I think more needs to be done to make the transition less bumpy.

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Update on Me

I have come to the computer several times today intent on writing a blog post. Unfortunately, I forget every time what I am going to write about. This time is the same. I am totally blank. Yet prior to sitting down I had a long list of cool things to write about. Big sigh.

So instead I will just put down what is on my mind.

Updates

Vegetarian

I have been vegetarian for almost a week now. It has been a simple switch. I was vegetarian before I married my husband.

So far the only thing I notice is that I am eating so very little compared to what I was eating. Little in terms of calories and in terms of amount.

I’m just not as hungry.

I doubt that the lack of hunger is directly related to my change in diet. I like carbs and I like veggies.

I suspect it is linked to something spiritual but what specifically, I don’t know.

At the same time I feel bloated and fat. It is obvious my system is getting a good cleaning.

Just an FYI – my daughter decided to be vegetarian with me. She said, “I’m going to be vegetarian, too”. I asked, “Why?” She said, “Because you are”. Such a sweetie.

But since I do almost all the cooking, everyone in my household is eating what I eat, vegetarian or not. 🙂

Business Venture

After I lost everything on my computer things have slowed down substantially. The logo is still in the works but the actual product part has come to a standstill. I suspect this is timing-related and am not worrying too much about it since I started back to work yesterday and have been busy with that.

I will update when things begin moving again.

Strange Energy Fluctuations

Yesterday was an unbelievably odd day. Not only did I start back to work, but I had some strange energy shifts going on. These shifts resulted in me feeling like I was dreaming as I was driving home. Later, they continued and I kept feeling that I was about to “die”.

Since this is not the first time I have felt a sense of nearing my own death, I took it in stride and just allowed myself to feel the feeling. The dream-like atmosphere continued to follow me during this. It was as if I had shifted into the in-between while wide-awake.

Oddly, there was no communication from my guides. Zilch. Nada. None.

Walk-in Considerations Returned

Both last night and again today the term walk-in has come back into my mind. Last night I just quickly let it go. However, today when I thought about it, the memory of the time in my life when I had my spiritual awakening came back. Specifically the time when I argued with my guide that first time we spoke. We argued about my name. He insisted I was Dayna and I insisted I was not.

With the memory suddenly came the thought, “The other me (the walk-out) never completely left.”

With that thought came a swirling energy that seemed to flow in from my left. I say swirling because it felt light and ticklish and it settled down over my second chakra. The feeling was of pure love and acceptance, as if something beautiful was inside of me trying to get out.

I asked for it to stay, but it left quickly. So beautiful yet so fleeting.

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Changing the Future Through our Children

My husband and I had a welcomed night out last night. Unfortunately, he began talking about all the things that we are doing wrong with our family and raising our children. He wanted to sell everything, buy and RV and go out on an adventure to find a new home. I was not into that idea and so resisted.

By the time we were sitting down to eat, the conversation was going nowhere. I listened to him – to us – and didn’t like it. So I changed my reaction to him.

I started talking about what we were doing right. I told him all the stuff he was picking at was overwhelming to me. How can anyone be perfect? No one can. It is unrealistic.

I began talking about our children. How different they are, their lives are, from my own. How we are who we are because someone taught us to be that way. Now we are struggling to break free of all those lessons; lessons that were the lessons of our parents, not ours. Our children, I told him, are so much more better off than we were. They know we are more than this body. They are not being force-fed religion. They are being allowed to question reality and life. They are being validated for their experiences, even if they are not “normal” ones.

I gave him the example of our daughter when she was 2 years old. She saw Spirit on our stairway and pointed him out, asking, “Who is that grumpy old man?” Rather than say, “No one is there. I don’t see anyone”, which is what my mom would have done – or worse off, laughing at her (which my mom actually did) – I asked her to describe him. “What does he look like?”, “Where is he?”

She described my grandfather who had died a year previous. I told her who he was and explained he came for a visit.

Rather than let her think something was wrong with her, I let her know nothing was wrong with her. She was/is special to have gotten a visit from Spirit.

When I reminded my husband of these things he completely changed directions and said, “You’re right. I should be focusing on and building upon what we are doing right, not focusing on all we are failing to do”.

Our night was pleasant from then on out.

Changing the Future

Things won’t change unless we do. After talking with my husband I realized just how much better off my children will be because I am changing, have changed, for the better. I had to wait until my mid-twenties to find out that I am more than this body. I wish I had only known what I know now when I was her age. How much loneliness I could have avoided and how much fun I could have had.

Not long ago my guide reminded me that my purpose was to be a mother and to focus on my children. I can see now why this would be important. They will grow up in a changed world. A world in which they will need to know what I am teaching them now. It will make them stronger, strong enough to handle the immense changes coming.

I am so very proud of my daughter and her curiosity and eagerness to explore herself. I can’t wait to explore with her, to show her more, to show her what I have learned. What fun!

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Opening the Box

Joy is returning little by little.

While I was undergoing my purification, I met some interesting people who opened me up to an entirely new world, the world of business and marketing. Interestingly, a couple of days before meeting them I was asked by my Companion, “What do you want?” and I replied, “Lots of money without lots of work. I want to spend time with my children and pursue my interests”. I had said it before, but this particular instance felt different somehow. I felt it was possible. When I met these people a couple of days later I felt it again.

Since that meeting, I have watched in awe as the path opened up before me, a path I have little to no experience treading. In fact, my entire life I have shied away from starting my own business because of the fear of failure. I watched my father go bankrupt from a failed business and was raised by a mother who pushed her children along the path of “stability” via a career working for others. I tried once to start my own spiritual business but failed for many reasons, non of which I could have avoided at that particular time in my life.

But now, here I am again, looking out of this “box” of protection I have had around me at a possibility. It was always there but I never truly looked at it. Now for some reason when I look I see something different. Instead of fear, I see abundance, expansion, creativity, joy and freedom. Not only that, I feel all those things, too.

Fear is still there. It comes in the form of thoughts that say, “This won’t work” or “Why bother?” or “You don’t know what you are doing”, and more. At first I listened to those thoughts and felt depressed and ready to quit. In fact, each night, after hours of planning, research and focus on my new business venture, I went to bed and these thoughts took over. But in the end and by the time I wake each morning I hear/know that all I have to do is keep going, taking the next step, and the next, and the next. It works. The voices disappear and I am a focused creator.

Today I feel accomplished and excited. My husband is helping me and to work alongside him toward a mutual goal, one that will free us from the very things we feel burdened by, is an amazing feeling. It’s even more awesome to see his interest and excitement matches mine.

What ultimately is allowing me to feel this amazing despite following a completely new path is that I am allowing all potentialities to exist – even failure – and not caring that I may not know what is around the corner. This business may fail, but if I don’t try I fail anyway. I have nothing to lose.

My husband and I are already picking a name. I can’t share it here yet but in the process of brainstorming I remembered a name I had picked out years ago when I first began thinking of the possibility of opening my own business. When I told my husband the name and its origin, he immediately agreed it was the perfect name. To see the name written down again filled me with knowing of its rightness, of the rightness of all of this.

It is a wonderfully alive feeling.

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Golden Man

For the past few days I have been catching the image of a man out of the corner of my eye. When I turn around, he is not there, yet when I see him in my peripheral vision, I can see him clearly.

He is tall, lithe, and appears to be wearing no clothing or little clothing. He could be wearing a bodysuit-type of outfit, but it is hard to tell because when I see him he is completely golden in color.

When I first saw him, I was in a store and saw him behind me. I turned to ask him what he wanted but he was not there. I saw/felt him so clearly that I was certain there was a physical person there. I even saw that he was taller than me and had blonde hair. I actually thought he was my husband, initially, because his appearance and frame resembled my husband.

I saw him many times afterward and finally asked him mentally what he wanted, assuming he was Spirit attempting to communicate a message to a loved one. I didn’t get a response.

Every time I see this man, I feel him to be physically present. He does not feel like Spirit at all. Yet he appears like Spirit.

This morning he may have communicated with me because a voice I was not familiar with asked me what was wrong. I did not see him but I felt the voice come from beyond my Companion.

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Hypnotized

It is odd how memory returns suddenly.

In recounting my OBE yesterday, I wondered briefly about the conversation I so clearly heard but could not remember. Why was it lost to me? I was even participating in it!

Then, after posting my experience to this blog, I was suddenly hit with a recollection of the subject matter of said conversation: Hypnosis.

Interesting.

After a long day, I sat down to watch a movie my husband said I should watch – Dead Again. The movie was old, from the early 90’s. Strangely, I had never seen it.

About thirty minutes into the movie hypnosis came up. As the movie progressed, it was clear that hypnosis and past lives were a major part of the story. I could not help but wonder – Was the movie there to remind me of the conversation I had early that morning? Was the conversation a premonition that I would be watching the movie or was it something else?

Hypnotized

This morning, after a night of restful but frequently interrupted sleep, I cannot remember my dreams. However, upon seeking out the lost dreams the subject of hypnosis returns along with the message: You are hypnotized.

And in considering this, I realize that my guides are trying to get me to understand that this life, this “play”, we are all actors and actresses in, is so very hypnotic.

But there appears to be more to it than that. Perhaps the hypnosis is not limited to just lifetimes on Earth. Maybe it is so ingrained in us that we remain influenced even after death and that this perpetuates the cycles of life, death and rebirth all the more. We don’t question the cycle between lives. We accept it and continue upon the path.

Is it possible that to break the cycle all we must do is break this hypnotic trance we have been for so long? If so, how?

I am reminded of The Matrix movies in response to the above question. It appears the first step is not only to question our existence and this Earth life, but also to fully let go of that which restrains us – beliefs, illusions, addictions, and all attraction to the illusions of life – and take a leap of faith into the unknown. Only then will we truly be in control.

“You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” `~The Matrix

It is clear to me that this decision is so much more complex than the movie scenario. The decision to break free of the cycles and the hypnosis we have been under is on-going. A one time choice will not do it. It sets you on the path but in order to remain on the path you must continue to choose the “red pill” over and over again.

Application to Life

It is fitting that this message comes through to me at this time. I have been struggling with the decision to leave my job because of concerns about the financial security of my family. I have no interest in my job anymore yet I hold onto it, fearing the unknown that awaits me if I leave the security it provides. There is clarity now about this decision that was not there before, suggesting that discussion of this issue has been on-going while I sleep.

I am hit with thoughts about manifestation and how it works in the physical universe. The message to the universe is that I desire the job I already have. My thoughts, words and actions send that message.The key here is to change my thoughts and words from, “I need a job” or “I don’t want my job anymore”, to, “I have a job I love” or even better, something more specific. Then, my actions should support my thoughts. Instead of staying at a job I no longer desire, which tells the universe that I need the job for financial security, If I leave my job it show the universe that I am desirous of something better. In leaving that space to be filled by the universe, I am supporting my own creative ability rather than supporting the hypnotic, fear-based suggestions I have been taught lifetime after lifetime.

The human, hypnotized part of me is filled with doubt almost instantly at the thought of taking such a dramatic leap of faith. What will I do for work? How will my family survive financially? What is we lose our house? What if my husband leaves his job (which he wants to do)?

The above thoughts/doubts are reflective of my/our hypnotized state. We have been hypnotized into believing that we are powerless and that physical universe things have more power than we do. Money. Influence. Education. Social Status.

In reality, we are powerful manifestors who have forgotten our own power.

So the question here, do I take the red pill or do I continue on with the blue pill?

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Purification Update and Other News

My purification is going well. I am on day 9 today and feeling better everyday. When I first feel the Niacin it is intense but the flush doesn’t last as long and the prickling and burning sensations are also decreasing. I also do not have significant purging of chemicals, medications and other toxins. For example, yesterday I just felt my neck get stiff and had a stink come out of my pores. I end off each day feeling refreshed and positive.

Sleep

My sleep has improved significantly since starting. I sleep a solid 8-9 hours and only wake once. Once! I sleep so hard that when I wake up I rarely remember my dreams and even if I do, I don’t care about them. The sleep is just awesome! I have not slept like this since my teen years. Oh how I’ve missed it!

Unfortunately, I am not receiving any guide communication or experiencing any lucid dreams, in-between states, or OBEs. I just sleep and wake and go about my day. I suspect this will continue until the purification concludes. I am already halfway through so am hoping I will be done in another 10 days or so. Fingers crossed!

Spiritual Happenings

Though I have not had much in the way of a spiritual connection this last week, I have had some interesting things occur. The night of the 20th I was hit with a sudden twinge of nervousness. It hit me deep in the stomach area and came out of the blue, you know the “sick” dread feeling? I could not mentally figure it out so I focused on my heart space. The answer I got was that I was being asked to make some kind of decision. I remember running from this decision, whatever it was, and finally announcing to my guides, “I don’t want to do that now”. The feeling immediately vanished and has not returned.

Yesterday I was watching TV and felt a distinct shift in the energy around me. I wondered about it, but again, trying to mentally figure it out was not happening. So, I focused on my heart and recognized where the shift was coming from. It was a “change of guard”. In other words, my guides were changing out. Not all of them, but some of them. This is not really an unusual occurrence, just not often recognized when it does happen.

The number of guides I have around me has shrunk substantially during the purification process. I am back to my usual 4. Sometimes there is the usual 12 I have become accustomed to, but so far more often it is just the 4. I suspect this is just a temporary thing and honestly, I don’t care much one way or the other. I am enjoying my sleep!

Response to Blog

A final thing that happened this past week was a first for me since I started my blog. I got a nasty, insulting blog comment. It was only one word and I quickly marked it as spam. What is interesting is, just a week prior, I had a dream in which I received a nasty blog comment and was discussing with my guide how to respond to such negativity. So it was really no surprise when I got the comment. I feel like my guides had prepared me well for it and others like it.

It is amazing to me how much I have changed and this negative comment helped me see this in myself. I did not react with upset or anger. No Ego reaction at all. I just saw the connection with my dream, acknowledged it, marked the comment as spam, and then went on my way. Occasionally, I would think back on it as if I was looking to see if any part of me would react. It was like I was probing for the Old me, to see if any remnant of her remained. I could touch her reactions but only as memories. It was and is such a freeing experience to be able to detach from that part of me. Every day I wonder if she really is “dead” and if so, when exactly will I finally “bury” her?

Honestly, I think the anxious feeling I had on the 20th was a request to finally “bury” her  (the Old) and I was not, still am not, ready to do that. I feel I am still holding onto the memory of her with a fascination that is hard to describe.There is an almost obsession with all that was in comparison to all that currently is. Was that really me? Where did she go? Is she still in there?

It is like getting out the old photo album. You see yourself years ago and laugh at your hair, your clothes, or the silly and sad memories that go along with it. Part of you wants to go back and try to re-experience the old times, to feel it as if it is real right in the present moment. But there is only so much that can come of that and eventually you put the photo album away to gather dust. Eventually, there is little interest at all in ever looking back.

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Purification

Yesterday I began the long process of purifying this physical vehicle (body). I have done this in the past (8 years ago) but am doing it again for several reasons. First, I had a c-section last year that pumped my body full of nasty medications (morphine for one) and have had several rounds of antibiotics along with various pain medications and local anesthesia. This along with environmental toxins, past recreational drug use and psychological medications, I figured it was time to do it again. I also want to help this spiritual process I have been going through by making sure the body adequately adapts and adjusts to it.

The routine is simple. Take prescribed amounts of various vitamins and minerals, exercise at a moderate intensity for 20-30 minutes and then do a stent in the sauna. The main ingredient here is the Niacin as it is the vitamin that helps dislodge residual drugs and toxins that are lodged in the fat cells of the human body. The exercise circulates the Niacin, which often causes a major flushing and tingling of the skin, and the sauna heat causes the body to sweat out the toxins through the skin.

The time in the sauna is extensive. Yesterday I spent 2 hours in it. Today will be 3. The next day, 4. Then I think it plateaus. I will continue the program until there remain no more reactions to the Niacin and my body has flushed all the toxins. It can take 3 weeks or longer going in daily, so it is quite a regime.

Day One

It is funny how 8 years changes you. Last time I did this program I felt rejuvenated and full of energy. I looked forward to the run and enjoyed the sauna. Yesterday, however, I felt like a slug as I ran on the treadmill and the sauna seemed to suck the life out of me. My blood sugar dropped (my fault) and my blood pressure dropped at the same time and so I got dizzy and nauseous. Thankfully a bit of food and cool air resolved that quickly.

When I got home I felt exhausted and couldn’t get enough to eat and drink. I drank a gallon while there so was surprised I wanted more water. I probably drank another gallon at home. I craved carbohydrates and couldn’t get enough so finally broke down and had  a tootsie pop. lol I am still getting over this cold so that also hit me in the evening like usual and didn’t help how I felt (yes it is safe to do this program with a cold).

I slept like a rock last night, getting about 9 hours of sleep, but I am still tired today. I just want to lounge around and do nothing but will be leaving for day two of the purification in an hour. I know that this feeling of exhaustion will leave soon enough as my body adjusts to the change in routine, I just wish it didn’t hit me like a ton of bricks.

I don’t know how much spiritual activity I will have while on this program, so not sure how often I will write. I am not motivated to do much right now and my focus on the spiritual is none.