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Dreams: Brain Surgery, Snake in Bedroom and Walk-Out

Hope everyone had a good Christmas. Mine went well. I slept wonderfully on Christmas Eve, something that has not happened in – well IDK how long. 

Been having lots of dreams lately. Going to document them here.

Brain Surgery

Dreamed I was getting a surgery on my head. I don’t recall the actual surgery, just brief moments where there was concern and then I was being told I had surgery. This part of the dream is hazy and it felt like I was male for some reason.

Then I was in a car with several others. It felt like we were all driving, squished up into the driver’s seat. I remember my perceptions were skewed. There were bright colors and streaks around me where the scenery should have been. I was screaming to the others, “I only have five years left to live.” The feeling was that the surgery was for something bad like cancer and though it helped me, it left me changed and I would not last more than 5 years as a result. I didn’t feel this was bad in the dream. It was more like I was on a psychedelic dream ride and I didn’t care.

Snake in Bedroom

There was a large, gray snake in my bedroom. At first I just let it be because it was hiding underneath items and didn’t seem interested in bothering me. I was still cautious, though, and couldn’t sleep for worry it might make its way into my bed. So, I decided to find it to get it out of my space. I got down on my hands and knees and started looking around with my flashlight. I looked under the bed and saw a bright green lizard with cool colors and patterns on his crest. He was awesome looking. As I was getting my camera to take a picture the snake came out of nowhere and ate the lizard in one bite. I watched in horror as the snake consumed it and then stared at the snake who was practically immobilized by the lump of the undigested lizard. 

I left the room to search for someone to help me get rid of the snake. No one would help me despite me telling them it would be easy to get him since he had just eaten. My sister ended up being the only person to help me. I woke before we could extricate the snake. 

School Fundraiser Order

I was in an elementary school as the counselor. I walked along the halls and ended up running into a student who said they had money to order the fundraiser items (not sure what it was). I took them to a desk and sat down, searching through the material to get the information. I told him that I didn’t know if the deadline to order had passed or not. He had cash and I asked if he also had a check. He said yes and I took it and said if it was past the deadline I could return the check. As he was leaving I found the info and it said the money had to be received four weeks before Christmas. I told him he wouldn’t get his item until January. At this point he was annoyed and I think took back the check. I remember being focused on the calendar and seeing two weeks before the holiday and two weeks after as if it was significant.

Walk-Out

I was with a group on the set of a film or show of some kind. I was watching a scene unfold. A woman had been injured and was presumed dead. She was on the floor pretending to be dead as the others in the scene gathered around her. She moved her head slightly and this caught my attention. I thought, “She needs to stay still or they will know she’s not dead.” I remember looking at the background – the props, the lighting – and noting two, small, pebble sized, white blobs on the wall. One minute they had iridescent coloring and another it was gone. The room was sparsely furnished and for some reason I thought if us all as dolls and thought, “Barbie.” I wondered pondered on it, almost gaining lucidity, but then the woman playing dead moved her head even more, this time very obvious to everyone in the room. The script was interrupted and had to be altered. The others in the room played along and improvised and, before I knew it, everyone was in on it and the whole movie or whatever it was ended with everyone telling the audience it was all a show and seeming relieved it was over. I felt shocked in the dream, not believing everyone was doing this, but I went along with it because, what could I do? If they didn’t play their parts as scripted, I couldn’t play mine.

We walked outside, the energy high as everyone chattered about the improvised ending. It seemed like no big deal. I watched two women standing in discussion about their roles and interrupted. I think they were talking about dolls and again I thought “Barbie”. I mentioned how they needed to learn how to share their dolls and looked at the woman on the right. I asked, “Are you an only child?” She nodded she was. I said, “Then you especially need to learn how to share your toys.” 

Then I was approached by a woman who asked me who my favorite actor was. I said I didn’t have one initially but then said, “Trey”. In my mind a visual of a young, handsome, man came to mind. Then the man appeared and asked me to dance. I agreed and took his hand. As we danced I could feel our bodies pressing against one another. He was fully dressed but I seemed to be naked. I could feel him becoming aroused. The dream ended there.

The actor in the dream who I said I liked and called “Trey” was Paul Wesley. 

Interpretation

The brain surgery dream was on Christmas Eve. It feels like the dream was telling me that, in five years, I will have a completely changed perception. This could be that I am seeing things differently, as in spiritual sight, or perhaps a change in personality – or everything even. Brain surgery symbolizes big change to my mental state and how I think, feel and perceive. In the dream the brain surgery feels necessary, like a life saving surgery would be. That I have so many others in the driver’s seat seems to indicate I will have a lot of help during this time. So, 5 years from now I will be “dead”, meaning the Old me will be gone. Or I guess it could mean I am really dead but I highly doubt that.  

The snake in the bedroom is likely related to my research of late regarding the Year of the Snake. It doesn’t officially end until February and during this time, also a nine year, those of us experiencing this intense period of rebirth will be removing the last remnants of our old “skin”. It could be a powerfully transformative time if we properly prepare ourselves. As we move into the Year of the Horse, we will experience a void of sorts, a time of integration and seemingly slow progress. Then the acceleration begins in February (Feb tends to be a time of intensity for me) and we will be propelled into intense change and rebirth. 

In the dream I am uncomfortable with the snake being in my bedroom (private self, innermost thoughts, desires and emotions). It appears I am struggling with shedding the last vestiges of the Old and so the snake makes me feel uneasy but I tolerate it. The lizard is found as I attempt to remove the snake and then the snake eats it. Lizards represent the primordial Self and survival along with instinct and fear. The snake eats it and I decide I have to remove the snake once and for all. I find it interesting that the lizard is so pretty and I am fascinated with it in the dream. Perhaps I will come to terms with some instinctual urges and shed considerations regarding those? 

The school dream feels more like a consideration about receiving something, a gift perhaps or something purchased, after the holidays in mid-January. 

The final dream appears to be a recognition that at some point the script will not be followed. I end up following along because I realize my part must be altered as well. So the connection to the greater Collective comes up and is accepted. The part about Barbies is interesting as I see myself and others as a doll or toy, which is also like an actor only one that is manipulated by a higher force. Learning to share comes up and I wonder if this is me pointing out how sometimes we need help? The end about the favorite actor seems to distract me for a bit. It seems completely unrelated to the movie were were actors in. I am naked and unconcerned. Nakedness is vulnerability but I see it as a good thing in dreamtime because it indicates I am opening myself to others and  new experiences.

In case you are wondering, the actor I call “Trey” in the dream is Paul Wesley. 

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Lucid Dream: Trapped Under a House

Eventful morning.

Lucid Dream: Yard Work

I woke up around 3:30am and couldn’t fall back to sleep because of thoughts about current life events. I asked for help from my guidance who told me, “Everything will be okay. You are loved.” I somehow fell asleep right after.

I found myself standing in the front yard of a house in a subdivision. A man was walking towards me wearing gardening attire. He had a shovel in his hands and was wearing work gloves and a hat (maintenance happening). He held up his hand calling to me. I waited as he drew closer. He asked me about my yard and I told him I didn’t care about it, it was no longer my problem. He was all smiles and motioned to a blower vent (need to vent?) on the roof saying it hadn’t been working. I went up to it. There were two large, aluminum vents hanging over the edge. I flipped a switch on it and it began to blow. I told him, “Looks like it’s working to me.” 

I went inside the house. It had familiar components to it but was not any home I’ve ever lived in. Everything had a golden hue to it. When I walked in I was in a living area. Directly in front of me was the kitchen and dining area with a large table. The man followed me in. He was talking about some plants in the yard, specifically mentioning large burs (life’s annoyances) that would grow on them. I told him he must have meant the plants that flowered and the burs were their seeds.

He asked me about my plans for the day. I walked towards the kitchen island as I mentioned something about being at the island. This is where I began to get lucid. I knew I was dreaming but did not interrupt the dream with a thought or consideration, just noted it and let the dream continue.

The man sat down and began talking, rambling really, about things I no longer recall. He sat at the table and I recognized him. He was my ex. His face was clear and bright. One by one my children came into the room and sat at the table. Somehow they always migrated towards us when we were together in the kitchen. He mentioned how he was planning on doing a painting that day and went on about it for some time. 

I stared at him as his words went in one ear and out the other. I recognized what was playing out. It was the same thing, time and time again throughout our marriage. He would wake early, excited for the day, and immediately ask me what I had planned. Before I could respond he would go into his own plans, usually something that did not involve me or the children. Some kind of project or work that he alone took pleasure in. He never once considered how his plans might impact mine, if I had any, which I rarely did. He never once considered how, when he filled up his weekend with plans that didn’t involve us, I had no other option but to be the caregiver, housemaid, cook, etc. If I had any plans, they had to involve the children. He left me no other choice. If I objected to his plans, citing how I needed a day off to do nothing, he would immediately dismiss it, saying his plans trumped my “no plan” because he had a plan. 

In the dream I decided I was not going to stand there and listen. I invited my youngest child to come with me outside. His hand in mine, we walked out the front door. It was bright outside. The lawn’s vivid green and the sky’s bright blue making the scene somewhat surreal. I asked him, “Do you want to fly with me?” He looked up at me and nodded he did. I noticed he was completely naked and approximately 2 years old. I leaped up into the air with him and hit a wall. Pushed back to the ground I laughed and he laughed with me. That is when I noticed a man walking towards us. He was dark haired and unfamiliar. He had a straight face but for some reason it felt like he came to take my son. I reach down and picked him up, never losing eye contact with the man. As I turned to leave, I was pulled into my sleeping body. 

I woke up and lingered in bed a while still heavy with sleep. I asked for another lucid dream. I fell into a dream almost immediately.

Lucid Dream: Trapped Under the House

This one was short because of how odd the scene was that I came into. I was back in the house. The golden color persisted. In front of me, laying naked (vulnerability) and wet (emotion) on the floor, was my ex. He was face down but had twisted his neck and torso so that he was looking at me. It looked like the house (life situation, self, family) had fallen on him (lost control). The wall was sitting on his back at chest level and he was flailing about with his arms trying to scoot himself out from under it. I asked him, “What are you doing? Why are you wet and…are you naked?” I thought about helping him and imagined going outside to pull him out by the legs. When I imagined this I thought of him being naked. As soon as I rejected the idea of confronting him naked I came back to my body.

A song was going through my head, these words specifically:

“All that we want, all that we need, they’re different things…”. This is from Non-Believer by London Grammar. The song explores the disconnect between desires and necessities in relationships. Highlighting confusion and disillusionment when what seems good isn’t actually what’s truly good for us.

I don’t know the meaning of the song for me. Was it about what my ex is experiencing since he was trapped under a house? Maybe. 

Short Dream/Vision

I fell asleep briefly and saw a person with my purse (self-worth, identity) standing at a windowed opening like what you would find at a front desk check-in. The person had my purse open and was picking out tiny colored pieces and sticking them together to make something. It reminded me of Legos. As I prepared to ask them what they were doing with my purse I woke up. 

Reflection

I believe the dreams provided insight as to work I’m doing in dreamtime. I believe the first ended prematurely because I was unwilling to go through something I had experienced time and time again in my relationship. Perhaps there was something I needed to realize but I never did because I left?

The second dream reminds me of the Wizard of Oz. It’s significant that the house had fallen on my ex and trapped him under it. Perhaps he feels trapped by his current situation in life? Or maybe the house is a reflection of me and I have him trapped somehow? Him being wet and naked indicates his current state. He is in an emotional situation both with his new girlfriend and in ending his relationship with me. I don’t think he has actually taken time to grieve it. He may feel vulnerable as a result. I opt not to help him, which is indicative of how I feel currently in regards to him. I wouldn’t help him if he asked because I know if I did he would try to manipulate me and pull me back into the mess I worked so hard to extricate myself from.

The last mini-dream is significant to me because it symbolizes the process of putting myself back together. I think the check-in window is also significant indicating a willingness to move forward.

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Lucid Dream: Releasing Burdens

The week has been mostly uneventful. I had some reminders from the Universe, specifically the number 222 and 444. I took a picture of the 222 as a reminder. The 444 came on a day when I was feeling a bit down in general. Turns out 444 is about protection, guidance and alignment on one’s path. 222 is about balance, collaboration, love, partnerships and harmony. 222 carries significance regarding twin flames.

On Friday, while attending my son’s choir concert, I accidentally dropped my phone. When I picked it up there was a picture that looked like a fire full of Spirits. Pretty wild!

Dream: Child Spy

I was in a dark theater type space. A big screen was in front with nothing on it. A man was speaking to the group. I only remember myself and a woman with a small child and a man. I don’t recall what the man was talking to the group about, only that I had my computer and linked it to the screen so that my screen was projecting to the group. I remember seeing my home page on the big screen.

As the man finished up and the group began to leave, the woman got up holding the child in her arms. I think she mentioned to the man that the child had a condition. She said he was a spy. I spoke up, saying that being a spy wasn’t a condition I’d ever heard of. I then mentioned that the man had been talking about cardiovascular conditions but I lost interest and started to fall asleep during the lecture. 

I disconnected my computer, put it in its case and got up to leave. I exited the dark theater via double glass doors. Outside it was also dark. I began to walk and soon found myself walking along an unfamiliar street. Very few cars were out and I saw the man and woman in front of me (no child). The man had a police badge on his belt and was wearing a uniform that was navy with a large, black stripe down one side. He also had a hat and a whistle. I thought he looked foreign and watched as the woman crossed the street. The man followed. Since I had no idea where I was or where I was going, I followed the man. 

When I got to the other side of the road I walked randomly towards a large intersection. I remember thinking to myself that I needed to get home but I had no idea where I was or how to get there. The intersection was confusing. There were arrows painted on the asphalt. Those closest to me went to the right but I saw several other lanes going random directions beyond it. I tried to open navigator in my phone but couldn’t get a good signal and I was already in motion, my body lifting up as if carried by an unseen wind.

I flew/drove quite quickly over the road and tried to follow the arrows on the road. The road went straight and cars were coming towards me. I worried I was going the wrong way but as soon as I thought that, cars passed by me going the same direction as me. The headlights were bright but I was able to see enough to not get discombobulated. A map popped up in my mind more than once, showing a route marked in red heading to my destination. I couldn’t see the destination but the route was going to take a long time and kept rerouting so it was hard to tell what was going on. I finally thought to myself, “I don’t care anymore. I know I will get there.” When I had this thought the road and the scene vanished.

Lucid Dream: Releasing Burdens

I found myself walking along a dirt road in the country. Again, I had no idea where I was. With me was the man and woman from the previous dream. I had in my hand my computer case and a small lunch bag. It felt heavy and burdensome so I asked the woman, “Can you carry this for me?” I held up my computer and lunch box and she took them, one in each hand. Relieved, I continued to follow them up the road. The road had grass growing up in the middle with two distinct lanes for the tires. Along the sides were tall trees that towered overhead.

The man and woman were walking too fast for me to keep up with them. I was weary and no matter how fast I walked, the man and woman kept getting farther away. At one point I lost sight of them. I had the thought that I could catch up and not to worry.

The road stopped at an old building. It was run down and multiple stories high. I don’t know what it was, maybe a silo or grain station of some kind. I walked/flew inside and came to an opening. Some rusty bars were positioned like railing. I put my hands on the railing and thought, “I’m dreaming. This is a dream.” The railing felt cool under my hands. I put my head through the opening between the rails and looked down. I was very high up and below was water. It was aqua in color and clear, swirling like a hot tub. I considered what to do and knew I wanted to follow the dream. I had a small bit of elation at knowing I had lucidity but opted to ignore it so as to not lose the dream scene.

With a tiny bit of trepidation, I jumped. I plunged feet first into the swirling water. I kept my vision as I went under and could see the rocky shore clearly through the water. I didn’t linger long and flew up and out of the water quickly. I landed on the shore which was covered in a soft, green foliage. Across from me I could see a raging river. There, on a small island in the river, I saw the man and woman. They were surrounded by men in black pointing guns at them. 

I considered my options. Should I fly over? I felt that it was not wise for some reason. I decided I would just walk across the water. I set the intention and began to move but was pulled immediately into wakefulness. Slowly I became aware of my sleeping body. Awareness came as energy sensations in my arms, legs and chest.

Interpretation

The first dream seems to have been a reflection of my thoughts prior to falling asleep. The man and woman with the child, were they symbolic of my considerations of a possible child being born? The child being a spy could be that I am seeking information as that is what spies do. The computer is also data or knowledge. I have it projected on the screen and a man is lecturing, so I am seeking info but cannot recall what is received other than something about cardiovascular conditions, which likely symbolizes the heart needing healing. Then I am disoriented and don’t know where I am or how to get home. This is similar to how I feel in life. I feel aimless most of the time and am just taking a path because it opens up to me not because I have a sense of the path I should take. The thought at the end about knowing I will get home reflects my current waking reality, too. I am just trusting I will get where I am meant to be.

The lucid dream is interesting because I give up my data seeking (computer) and also my considerations about my future needs (lunch box). Then I lose sight of the man and woman but I don’t fret about it, again reflecting my decision in waking life to just go with the flow knowing I will be provided with what I need along the way. The dirt road is a path not traveled often, maybe even a new path in this life. 

When I become lucid I recognize that I am meant to remain in the dream and let it show me what it is meant to show me. I try to go with the dream, jumping into the water (swirling but clear emotion). The man and woman at gunpoint indicates feelings of coercion and loss of control. This is also a feeling I have in waking life. I take pause and make a decision but it must not be how the dream was meant to go because I am pulled back to my body. 

I fall back to sleep after and do not become lucid in the dream. I only remember one part which was of me creating a calendar with an image on it of mountains and a path over them. The colors were red and green, so likely December. I then glued it to a pane of glass so that the image could be seen through it. 

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Vision: Firefighter Holding a Baby

Woke around 4am and had a vision of a firefighter holding a baby. I recalled in that instant that I’d seen this vision before, only forgot it. When I saw the vision I felt to be the baby. The sense was I was safe and loved. I wondered what the vision might mean and returned to sleep.

Dream: Take it Slow 

I was with a group of people traveling together. I looked at them all and saw a visual of all of us connecting at a spiritual level. This kinda looked like a huge orgy except there was no sex happening, just connection as each one would move from one to another, touch for a moment and move on. It felt right to me – like things should be. I was moving a load of what I think was bottled water when I told the group about my vision and suggested we try it. I got some brief glances from a few but it seemed no one heard me so I let it go.

The scene shifts and I am walking alone in a mall. The coloring of the scene in golden in contrast to the previous scene which was various shades of gray. My feeling is a bit sad and dejected. I feel lonely and long to express what I saw in the vision. I think I vaguely recall an older, female “teacher” there. She had short, 80’s styled blonde hair (think Jane Fonda) and she gave off mother vibes. I don’t remember direct communication from her but understood that she was there to keep me company and listen.

I noticed ahead of me a super, extra long, twin-sized bed display (think double the normal length). The top cover was disturbed and the bed needed to be made. I went up to it and pulled the comforter straight, adjusting it and making it just right. I looked it over and noticed the cover had characters on it and was brightly colored, like something a very young child might have on their bed. I laid down in the center, proud of my accomplishment. 

Out of nowhere a man approached. I recognized him (both in the dream and from other dreams). He said, “What you said before…I know you don’t think anyone heard you, but I did.” Then he sat down and held out his hand and said, “I will [connect with you]”. He gently reached over and held my hand and I looked up at him, relieved. I vaguely recall what he looked like here – light hair, long, angled features, wide eyes that were aged with laugh lines. He was plain but pleasant looking. We kissed. Awkwardly at first and then a couple more times.

The dream seems to split into two scenes at this time. In the first, we get tangled up in the newly made bed as we make out. In the other, the older female “teacher” brings us a meal to share. As we make out in the one scene, touching one another similarly to how young, inexperienced couples might, we are presented with the meal and start enjoying the meal together. I don’t remember what we ate, only that as I ate it, I could feel our mutual touching and kissing very physically. As we kissed and touched I heard a voice from within say, “Take it slow.” I understood all at once what this meant and withdrew when the electric touches (when I touched him I felt them, too!) started getting more intense, intense to the point that I knew I may not want to stop. 

When we stopped we got up and returned to the group. He reached for my hand and I took it as we joined them. The other members paused, some staring, but all smiling. One girl whispered to another, “Look”. The overall sense from the group was they were pleased. 

It honestly felt very much like I was in middle school in that moment. There was such a newness to it, like I had never kissed or touched like that before. The group’s approval was very important to me. There was fear and excitement and anticipation and nervousness and more all at once.

The scene shifts and me and the man are sitting at a table. The teacher woman is preparing to bring us another meal. For some reason the man is at another table. As the food is brought out I am shocked at how much there is. It looked like a huge plate of Chinese food, like sesame chicken. I remember thinking to myself, “That is a lot of food” and knowing the implications of it. 

The man asks the woman to help him determine how much of a white substance should be put into a drink. I recognize the white liquid to be alcoholic. The woman tells him to put it away because it was not appropriate. He listens and sets down the jug.

The woman approaches me. I have a soda in my hand and she starts to pour a black liquid into it. A bit too much falls in and she apologizes and says she will get me another drink. I take a sip. Licorice. I tell her it is just fine. I like licorice. 

The food is ready and the man and I are set to eat. I begin to feel trepidation at the sight of such a large quantity of food. I know if I start to eat it, I won’t be able to stop. 

I wake and a guide is close. We discuss the dream and its meaning. 

Interpretation

The firefighter holding the baby is symbolic of protection of innocence. A firefighter symbolizes the need for external help in dealing with overwhelming emotional situations. A baby is innocence, newness, inexperience and naivety. 

The beginning of the dreams is reminiscent of something I recall from my past, after the Kundalini and experiencing Union, albeit briefly, with another. I remember thinking, “I want to do this with everyone!” I felt that Union should be experienced by everyone and I wanted to experience it with as many people as I could. In an OBE around that time I was cautioned on being this way by having a white cloth thrown over my naked body. 

The mall scene seems to be my internal space where I feel safe. The unmade bed is indecision and lack of progress. That I make the bed indicates a willingness to move forward. The bed covering having childish images is reflection of my inexperience. Similarly, my experiences with the man reflect the newness of the experience for me and the caution I received is to warn me not to go too fast. In the past, when it went fast I got overwhelmed. The Chinese food symbolizes the desire for new experiences and adventure. Alcohol is lowering inhibitions. Licorice symbolizes the joy and the enjoying of simple pleasures in life.  

Messages

Yesterday, I had been feeling a bit down. I felt a deadness about life and wished I could once again feel alive. At that time, I passed a sign that said, “Walk-Ins Welcome”. The song playing was Alter Ego. Time slowed and I took note.

When I went to bed I asked to have the message clarified. The above dream and vision was the result. I discussed this with my guide upon waking. He was very close initially and the message I received was that I did not have to live life feeling “dead”. The dream was to show me I can still feel alive, that my desire/fire has not been extinguished. I felt I was being assisted in the regaining of what I felt I lost so many years ago. 

I addressed the fears I felt. Fear that when it (connection) happens, I will come on too intensely and scare the other person away. Or, that I might mess things up and lose the connection again like I did in the past when I had the opportunity to experience Union. Fear that it will be so overwhelming I will die (not a logical but a fear I have had since the beginning). Fear the fire will consume me to the point I will lose control and be devoured by it. But above all else, fear of the unknown – not knowing what will happen and that, in the end, I will fail.

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Dream Message: Walk-In

Went to bed asking for clarity regarding the feeling I’ve been having. 

Dreamed I was back in a school (learning) gym (discipline, strength, health) from my elementary years and my high school gradation ceremony was on the stage located in that gym. It was renovated at some point when I was in high school and the gym in the dream had not been renovated. I was walking around inside the gym with an ex-coworker of mine who I’ve had K dreams with in the past. We were talking and walking, noticing the condition of the space. I told him I recently discovered I owned the gym and relayed how I didn’t remember buying it.

The gym looked a lot like it did when I was in elementary school except more in decay (neglecting learning, health). The ceilings were super high and I remember looking up at them and then looking down at the floor which had been a nice, bright pine wood and now was graying. My friend and I walked to the back where it looked like an old cafe use to be. I actually remembered the cafe in the dream and asked about it. A woman who seemed to appear out of nowhere said it had been closed down years ago. I thought of using the bathroom (cleansing) and she told me, “Do go in the bathroom or you might fall through the floor”. She said an older gentleman had destroyed some of the tile allowing water to get into the subfloor. I mentioned to my friend how I would like to start up the cafe again. He said I could do anything I wanted and the woman said I would need a permit. The idea felt like a good one until I began to think of all the work it might take.

My friend and I sat on the floor at a round (continuum, connection) sofa table as I told him about the unsettled feeling I had been having. In the dream it felt like a demonic presence was following me. I had a bag full of tarot cards with me. I opened it and let them fall on the table. It was clear there were several decks mixed up inside. I asked my friend to help me sort them and apologized in advance for taking up his time because he seemed not to want to help. He did help, though, and began to go through the cards. Several piles began to form and I recognized some of the decks. At one point he pulled one card out and paused. I thought he was pulling the card for the other lady with us (couldn’t make her out but she seemed older) but he asked me to “read” the card. I misunderstood and read the word on the card aloud but the language it was in was unfamiliar and foreign. He said, “What does the picture tell you?” I focused in on the picture and saw it was of a person laying down and overtop of them, almost exactly superimposed except for a few inches, was another spirit-like person. I said, “It looks like the card is saying Spirit is leaving the body….or maybe it is coming into the body. [long pause] It’s a walk-in.” I Knew in the dream that the card was indicating a walk-in situation. 

My friend left the card alone in the middle of the table and I said, “It doesn’t belong to a deck.” 

The rest of the dream was me seeming to fly through the gym and then up and out of it but I could see through the walls.  I could see the entire layout. I began to image the changes I would make to it. I remember considering putting the kitchen in the front of the gym space and then told my friend I would wall off the high ceiling at around ceiling height and just leave the space at the top as is and might later put on a second floor. I also considered making it into a movie theater. 

Then my friend had to leave and I felt sad. I didn’t want him to go and asked him to stay. I got very close, so close our cheeks touched but he turned away. I told him I understood if he needed more time and he got up and began to leave.

The dream scene shifts and I am in a desert-like environment high up on some cliffs. I am walking with others. We are all dressed in long, light gray robes. I remember I had on a long, golden necklace with a cross pendant. I saw this because I was seeing myself from outside myself (memory perhaps of other times). I grabbed it and touched the cross. My friend was also there but he was ahead of the group. The sense I had was we were gathering and it had to do with something holy or divine. 

Then I was walking barefoot (seeking authenticity) through batting cages (protection). I recall how the concrete felt on my bare feet. I passed along the fence towards the exit. Others were there staring at me like I was out of place. I walked out and down a path to a parking lot. I was searching for my car (life path) but couldn’t remember what car I drove (uncertainty of life path) nor could I recall driving and parking it there. I eventually turned back around, realizing I wasn’t leaving and would have to stay the night.

I went back to the gym and many people were there including my friend. I sat down next to him with a salad (balance and nourishment) to eat. He had macaroni and cheese (need to finish tasks). I remember looking over at him and our eyes locking. The feeling was neutral. 

Eventually I walked over to a very high shelving system. It was full of produce. Some was so high I couldn’t figure out how anyone could get to it. The space felt to have partially been transformed into a grocery store (choices and needs for growth). 

Reflection

The dream seems to indicate I am returning to unfinished business. I am told more than once I can do whatever I want with the space which means I have freewill/choice. I spend some time imagining what I want and enjoy this part of the dream the most. The tarot card for me was a direct answer to a question. It was reminding me I am a Walk-in. This was accepted in the dream and I didn’t linger on it. The part where I was wearing a robe seems to have been a memory of some other time. I don’t know what to make of it. The part where I am barefoot was very memorable because of feeing the concrete cold beneath my feet and the odd environment of the batting cages. The lost car isn’t surprising. I feel a bit lost and uncertain of my path. 

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Another Shift?

Feeling a shift but not sure what it means. The 1111 sign continues to show up. For example, I’ve been watching True Detective , season 4 with Jodie Foster (definitely recommend) and in one of the scenes on the ice rink I heard a whisper of a voice in my mind say “1111” and just as I heard it, there appeared on the scene, in the background, four distinct blue neon bars that were super obvious to me. It was like time paused briefly when this happened, something I have not experienced in a long while. 

Last night I felt this heaviness and a distinct sense of something coming. I sensed it might be considered “bad” and other messages from the previous days via music and other avenues started pouring into my mind. For example, a song I listen to says “I can see the signs, I’m running out of time”. With this song I’ve also had the paused time feeling, especially regarding the “running out of time” part. When this happened, I was driving home from work and life appeared to be like a moving movie and I thought, “All of this could disappear in an instant” and I felt oddly disconnected from this plane of existence. Totally a Matrix moment. 

Yesterday I was driving and something caught my eye. It was a blue blur at first and it was rising up into the sky. I recognized it was a balloon but it was in the shape of a number 3. I took a pic but it isn’t a very good one. It felt significant. Later, in the evening, I ran into a post on reels about Mercury Retrograde just concluding and someone was saying if no ex’s came into your life then you don’t have anymore work to do with them. I looked it up and turns out my ex found his new GF at the tail end of the second to the last Mercury Retro and my heart connection returned during the most recent one. Hmmm. Unfinished business? The number three can represent the combination of two opposites into one (Union), the divine triad (Christianity, Hinduism), and creativity, communication and expression.

Lyrics from the song Afterlife:

I′m trapped, in the darkness of my mind
I want it back, but I’m lost along the way
Under attack, I can feel it pull me in
I push it back, do I sink or do I swim
Now all I want is for you to drag me down, watch me drown
In what I lost, can you hear me calling out
A voice from underground

chorus

I can see the signs, I′m running out of time
I can feel it calling, from the afterlife
If I lose my mind, let the darkness cry
If I feed the demon, will it bring me back to life
Will it bring me back to life
Will it bring me back to life
Will it bring me back to life
Will it bring me back to life

verse

I’m wrapped in a vision of myself I never had
Now I’m losing my own faith
And if I stop, giving in to what they say
Could I save myself, from my own fate
′Cause all I want is for you to drag me down, watch me drown
In what I lost, I can you hear it calling out
A voice from underground

chorus

I can see the signs, I′m running out of time
I can feel it calling, from the afterlife
If I lose my mind, let the darkness cry
If I feed the demon, will it bring me back to life
Will it bring me back to life, bring me back to life

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Return of 11:11

Lots going on, only so much time to write without it getting super long….

Dream: Healing Second Chakra

I was with a group of people and we seemed to be traveling. I mostly recall the end of the dream now as it was early in the night that I had it. We came to a waterpark type scene that reminded me of a local waterpark with lazy river tube shoots. Around the tube sections was greenery that reminded me of Costa Rica, so very tropical. We were not in the water but walking along it I think. I remember a woman approached me and asked me if I would consider letting her insert something into me. It looked like she either had a massive dildo or she actually had a penis on her female body. I remember agreeing and she asked if I thought it might be too big. I took a good look (lol) and said it was fine. When she inserted it, I felt a wave of energy and woke.

The area of my second chakra was achy and it stayed achy for some time after. I felt healing energy pouring in through my back also and thought about how, in the past when the K would rise in a similar way, I would have an ache there. I knew there was a blockage in my second chakra. I asked my guidance to help me get rid of it ASAP and was told it couldn’t happen fast as there were many, many layers to it and it would be unwise. 

Dream: Visit with Ray

I was in my mom’s bathroom (cleansing the inner self), the one I use to use as a child/teenager. I was on my hands and knees with a long handled scrub brush like one would use to clean a toilet but I was cleaning the bathtub (desire for greater intimacy in life). The tub was covered in a bluish (throat chakra) colored substance that had thickened and begun to dry out. In the dream I knew I had started to clean the tub but never finished and the cleaner had been left awaiting my return. As I began to scrub I felt Ray’s presence behind me. We talked about my cleaning of the tub itself and he pointed to a wire rack next to it. The rack had peeling paint on it that was starting to come off. He pulled on it and it came off in long, elastic pieces. I helped and what was left was exposed metal. I resumed cleaning the tub, scrubbing the blue cleaner off easily. 

Then we were in my mom’s kitchen (nourishment). We mainly just talked. There was no intense energy, just friendly conversation and enjoying one another’s company. I felt completely at ease and relaxed and I think he did, too. I don’t remember what all we talked about but at one point he sat on top of my mom’s dryer (laundry is in the kitchen near the back door). He seemed to be talking about something important to him, something private or intimate. So he was opening up and being vulnerable. I sensed this and inched closer to him to the point that I was standing situated between his legs. He was up high, so my upper abdomen was right between his legs and my face was just a little bit lower than his own. Our closeness felt appropriate and, again, there was no crazy, intense energy, just affection and openness to one another. 

This is when someone came by the back window and knocked. I went up to see what it was about. It was a woman with her kids all dressed to swim with towels and everything. She inquired if the pool (healing waters) was open and said she had $100 to pay for the season. I told her my mom had long ago closed the pool and, though it was in good shape, she could not swim. I did consider letting them but opted not to. The woman left and I told Ray about it and how, at one point, the neighbors would come over to swim all the time. I remember how the pool and area looked. The pool itself was aqua and clear (clear emotion) and the surroundings littered with lawn chairs but otherwise tidy. 

When I woke I was extra alert to the fact that Ray was in my dream. I also still felt the healing energy in my lower abdomen. I wondered about the dream and whether it indicated I would receive communication from him soon. 

Dream: Corndogs on the Bus

The dreams with Ray continued. He picked me up and took me to a school bus (important life journey). I had with me a box of corndogs (simple pleasures in life) and asked him if he wanted one. I told him I could cook it real fast in the microwave. He indicated he did as we walked up the steps of the bus. I asked if he thought the others would want one, saying I probably had enough. That is when I noticed how full the bus was. I mentioned that I may not have enough after all and looked at the box to see, moving the corndogs around to get an inventory. I looked at the people inside and there was a variety to include mothers with children. Trying to solve the problem of insufficient corndogs, I thought perhaps we could prioritize the children. This is where the dream ended.

Corndogs symbolize the simple pleasures in life, relaxation and satisfaction, wealth and success, companionship and loyalty. I was offering this to my friend and then to the people on the bus which means I want others to share in my experience. When I see I may not have enough then I prioritize the children. I think this dream shows how generous I am in general, especially when I feel happy. 

Messages

I’ve been seeing 1111 quite frequently and have been noting it. The pic here is one time I notice and took a screenshot of my phone. Only after did I see the song playing and how the name relates to the Kundalini – Fuel to Fire.

I had a dream the night before last that relates to the above.

Dream: Second Stage 

I was sitting at my computer writing in my blog. When I pressed “post” the wrong blog post appeared on the screen. It said it was from 2016. I panicked because I didn’t want to write everything again. I tried to recover what was lost and found it didn’t work. Instead, certain words in the post became bolded. After some nudging by my guidance I calmed down and began to pay attention to the bolded words. What I recall now is the words “second stage” and the complete sentence was that I was now in the second stage. Other than that, I can’t remember any of the other bolded words despite reading all of them. I only remember the year 2016 and “ascension”.  That was the year that I had the meeting with my heart connection (Ray) and told my now-ex that I wanted a divorce. That was also the year my heart connection disappeared from my life of his own choice to avoid becoming entangled in the karma of the situation.  

Reflection

The year 2016 and message “second stage” stand out. I looked through my blog and noticed that year was full of Kundalini activity, messages, and significance in general. The year began with a post about recognizing the walk-in situation. This is something Ray and I discussed in our most recent conversation. I told him I didn’t feel the walk-in was real and yet this post indicates otherwise. I also found a post specifically about “the next stage“, so perhaps it is relevant? There was a post called Velantium also. I looked up the word and it translates to “covering or veiling”, something I never mentioned in the post itself. Finally, there were several posts about Atlantis. 

2016 was a very exciting year! I didn’t have time to look through all the posts but man oh man was I ever accelerating! If I am in fact picking up where I left off, then I wonder what it will entail?

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Blue Heron and Garter Snake

The same day I blogged about how my ex reminded me of a snake, I nearly stepped on one on my morning walk. It was a garter snake. I had the opportunity to catch it but decided to let it be.

Later the same day, on my afternoon walk with my daughter, I saw a Great Blue Heron in the creek. It let us get really close and though it flew away, it came back twice after and other people stopped to take its photos. I wondered after if the heron may have seen the little snake. I know they eat them. 

From Ted Andrews iconic book on animal totems called “Animal Speak”:

“The blue heron is a totem (symbol) of someone who has chosen to claim their life as their own. According to North American Native tradition, the Blue Heron brings messages of self-determination and self-reliance. It represents an ability to progress and evolve. The long thin legs of the heron reflect that even though we must be able to stand on our own, we don’t need legs that are great massive pillars to remain stable.

Blue Herons have the innate wisdom of being able to maneuver through life and co-create their own circumstances.

If the Blue Heron has shown up as your totem, it reflects your need to follow your own unique wisdom and path of self-determination. You know what is best for yourself, and need to follow your heart rather than the promptings of others. You probably sit calmly while the rest of us lose patience. And when you choose to follow the promptings of your heart, you soar with magnificence.”

The snake appearing isn’t surprising since I have been seeing many of them lately. This one was small that was trying to get away and hide. According to Ted Andrews, the snake represents rebirth, resurrection, initiation, and wisdom. Snake represents wisdom expressed through healing, the creative life force, transformation and healing, and the cycle of death and rebirth. The death energy of Snake is indicative of a transformation, not actual death, and may be showing new opportunities to heal and transform oneself. It can also reflect one’s creative forces awakening or the stimulation of understanding how to apply one’s insight and intuition.

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Follow Your Beingness

The following is an excerpt from my personal journal from November 8th. It is what preceded the post called “I Finally Feel it”.

Couldn’t return to sleep for thoughts of “what if” but, seeing it as an opportunity, decided to work on mindfulness while I waited for the sun to rise.

I found it helpful and my heartrate stayed lower. If I began thinking of negative things I would redirect myself either purposefully thinking of positive things to better manifest what I wanted or focusing on my breathing and body. Once settled, my mind was pulled to the previous day.

It occurred to me yesterday (Nov. 7) after watching an NDE account that it would serve me best to focus on doing things based upon a heart centered approach. When I considered what that meant, I had to confront the conditioning related to this idea. Heart centered has been conveyed as all Love and Light, which is, honestly, BS. This is dualism at its best. Love and Light is wonderful but who defines what that is? If I know anything after some 49 years of life so far, I have learned “right” and “wrong” is not clear cut. What one believes is right another may not. Rightness is a decision made by the individual. This decision is based upon conditioning. This conditioning runs deep. 

So when someone says to “listen to your heart” what does that even mean? I think most people believe it means “listen to your feelings”, but that is a trap. Feelings are subject to change and prone to reactivity. So what about making decisions based upon love? Well, what is love, really? The definition itself is so vague that some people spend their wholes lives trying to figure it out. Is it a feeling? Is it an urge? Is it lust? Is it belonging? What I have learned via my STE’s is that love is not at all what humans believe it to be. Humans decide what love is to them – usually that which makes them feel good. Good being, typically, a dopamine rush to the brain. Dopamine rushes are based upon conditioning, also. So one person may feel a rush when they hug another person while another might feel it when they go on a hunt and shoot and kill an animal. Would you define the former as love? The latter? 

The reality is BOTH are love. ALL of this experience, all of who we are is love. Love isn’t an emotion it is a Beingness. It is us in all our glory, “the good, the bad and the ugly” as the saying goes.

So, to advise someone to follow their heart in reality means “follow your Beingness”. 

When we follow our Beingness it may contradict another’s Beingness, or seem to anyway. Then we beat ourselves up, feel guilt, feel upset, feel – well we feel. All of these feelings are part of our conditioning. They were put there purposefully by us via our life experiences to help us learn. When we cross over, all this conditioning vanishes, and all we are is love (Beingness). All the feelings we had as humans vanish because they are part of the human condition. In Spirit those feelings are there as memories and are not individuated. In fact, those in Spirit who I have communicated with appear to me to be devoid of feeling. It can make a human witness to this very uncomfortable and did when I first began communicating with Spirit guides. Why didn’t they care!? Were they robots? No. They’re not human. 

All of the above came to me when considering my issues with my ex and the things that kept me anchored to him (cords as some call them) in this lifetime. I am choosing to stay anchored to him and it is my choice to detach. Upon inspection I found that mostly I am making this choice unconsciously – out of habit and also out of resistance to change. Habit is pretty easy to fix. Resistance is more difficult. My resistance arises from not looking for the alternatives out of fear mostly, fear of not being in control. This is part of my conditioning. Many of us humans have it. We believe we have control as part of this illusion, but we do not. For me this has been one of my most challenging lessons in life. I have to be very aware of my thoughts to notice just how fearful I am. The only solution is mindfulness and making effort to stay present in the moment. Fear is the direct result of being human and having to survive in order to remain alive (in a body). It is instinctual and a biological impulse. 

So when my guides advise me to “Look” (common advice from them) they are asking me to look for the possibilities that exist outside my fearful mindset because when you drop the fear, suddenly you can see a path that wasn’t there before. “Allow” is also common advice from my guidance and allowing comes with remaining in the present and moving with instead of against the flow of ones Beingness. 

This morning when my mind wandered to things that were not helpful I was reminded of the above. Keeping my mind clear allowed me to connect to myself, my Beingness, and the more I can do this, the more I will continue upon the correct path for myself. “Correct” being what I planned prior to this life. And yes it might involve me doing things that others might view as “bad” or “nonoptimal” or “selfish” or whatever judgment you want to apply. As long as it holds true to my Beingness, then it is correct for me and correct for those I agreed to help in this lifetime via previous agreements (contracts) with them.

Honestly, it is simple. Stop worrying, stop over thinking, quiet your mind, and follow your Beingness. 

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Dreams: Obstacle Course and Betrayal

Some dreams to document…

Dream: Obstacle Course

I was with a group outside near a body of water (emotion) which was below an embankment we were all standing on. We were waiting on something and it felt like I was participating in an obstacle course. Out of the sky fell some gray, flat objects. I asked what they were and someone told me they were to help warm the water as it was so cold it would cause a shock to the body. I pointed to a narrow section of the water and asked, “Why not just jump across?” I jumped across easily and the others followed me.

On the other side we stood on a sandy area near the body of water. I don’t remember much here except the scene and how vast and dark (unknown, fear) the water was out in front of us

Then we were in a bedroom (personal life). We all got into a large bed. A screen was on the wall and we were to watch a movie (life). I found it quite boring but stayed since it felt like it was my duty to do so. Then I turned and saw everyone had left the bed and I was alone. Realizing I didn’t have to stay for duties sake, I got up and looked for my shoes (individual life path) to leave. I saw my black shoes, still wet from the obstacle course, and also my gray ones. My gray ones had the laces (ties to ones path) partially pulled out, though. I commented that someone must have tried to take them. A guide who was with me the entire dream stood behind me and I noticed his presence strongly at this point. 

Reflection

I think this dream symbolizes the unknowns of an obstacle course that has been my life. I survived with only wet shoes but then proceeded to “get in bed” with others to watch a boring movie (life) and then realized they weren’t there with me and it was pointless to stay. The shoelaces off the shoe indicates a subconscious awareness of loosening social ties with a particular group. In this case I think it is my husband’s family. I was “in bed” with them, trying hard to be accepted into their group despite finding their “movie” boring. lol 

Dream: Betrayal

I was with my ex inside a house similar to the one we shared when married. He was being very nice and generous since I felt acknowledged by him, I offered to help with some household chores. This is when I noticed we were laying side by side on the sofa. I felt safe with him and reached for his hand. He responded by reminding me his girlfriend was upstairs and so I should be quiet so as to not wake her. This infuriated me and I considered going upstairs and confronting her, even doing her harm. Rather than do that, I fled, went outside to my car and drove away. I tried to get out fast but someone had left their chickens out and they kept wandering into my path. I had to stop several times to avoid killing them. 

Reflection

When I woke I felt bad about the dream because it outlined the betrayal I felt. My ex often manipulated me like he did in the dream. I felt I betrayed myself by continuing to believe he actually cared about me. 

A flash of a sentence written three times came into my mind. It said, “You deserve better”. I agreed. 

I think the dream shows my regret for my outbursts upon recognizing the betrayal I felt and how I avoided doing much worse things by trying to flee the scene. Unfortunately, chickens (fear) kept slowing me down.