The energy lately has been interesting. I see posts and blogs all over the internet mentioning the energy shifting and the alignments in astrology being prime for making important decisions regarding “who we are”. Interestingly, I feel as if I experienced these shifts beforehand; anticipated them and so already did the work necessary to ride them out without issue. So when I read everyone talking about this or that right now – the energy is “moving” or “shifting”, they are tired, they are struggling with the intensity of the energy in various physical and emotional ways, I think, “Hmmm”.
Over a year ago I would have been there right along with them, reporting on the energy shifts, discussing my symptoms and how I’m managing, etc. Now I just don’t feel on the same wavelength. It is like I jumped up a notch to a different frequency. I’m not bragging or claiming I am more advanced or anything, just that perhaps at some point we move away from the majority and into our own “zone”. And really it does feel like soul families are doing this in groups, shifting into their own family “frequencies”. Sadly, some of my “family” members have not shifted with me. Many, actually. But then we are all on our own paths and just because we are not moving along together on the same wavelength now, doesn’t mean we won’t be later on.
It reminds me a dream/OBE experience I had not long ago where I was traveling along on the highway and I saw a soul family member off the road driving an ATV and doing his own thing. I knew his destination was the same as mine but he was taking the “long way”, paving his own path through the mountains, rocks and mud.
This current shift has me feeling quite good, clear and optimistic. I continue to experience healing Kundalini. Last night and this morning it was quite intense in my second chakra but I also felt it in my root, throat, third-eye and crown. The root energy was quite pleasurable. The rest of the energy just felt similar to a really strong Reiki treatment.
Dreams: Water Park and Archaeological Dig
My dreams were strange and I can’t recall much of them now. There was one very vivid memory of being in a water park where the water had been turned off. I heard the water suddenly released into the park and I was trying to get to the bottom of the slide before it swept me away. I ended up walking along the side and avoiding the turbulent water which was quite muddy. There were moments I waded through standing water that was about knee high as I made my way to the bottom.
In another dream I was with a group observing this tower that looked like a circular space craft atop a pillar (like a space needle). A discussion was taking place about how the access had been blocked to the tower. A team would be sent on a kind of archaeological “dig” to determine what happened so long ago.
I remember visiting the inside of this space needle via my consciousness. It had been a research facility and all the old equipment sat unused and covered in dust. Someone told me that the scientists had discovered a rare species and were in the process of doing tests. The creature looked like a large segmented insect similar to a centipede or millipede. I watched the past play out in front of me. Two scientists, one male and the other female, were interacting with the creature. The woman was on the bottom and the man over the top seemingly floating. The creature crawled over the woman and connected to her at her throat. From there it grew this large pouch and laid it’s eggs there. The pouch was large and brown and grew in size over time.
While I observed this, my lower chakras were igniting with energy. My root became the most intense but I also felt pressure building in my second chakra.
Ultimately, the energy woke me and continued for a while after. The song, Black by Pearl Jam was in my mind. The part, “Tied [tattooed] to all I see, all that I am, tied [tattooed] to everything…” going over and over.
Considerations
The above song has come to me before but not with the words changed like that. It says to me that whatever I was “digging” up in that dream is tied to everything. It is directly influencing this life, my personality, my perspective.
The water park is a common dream of mine. I think it has to do with emotions and how I “ride them out”. In this case I try to outrun them and then end up walking beside them and observing them. I suppose this is not a bad thing. It is better to observe them than to be carried away by them.
The archaeological dig dream was likely about me digging into my second chakra issues and other blockages that are preventing progress. I have been doing self-healing, looking specifically at the second chakra and trying to untangle the energy there. I asked for more insight and I think the dream was showing me the depth of the blockage and what it is linked to. The space needle could be indicative of time and space, like an incident that is very old and not of this time and space. The centipede/millipede is about hidden dangers in digging up the past. The fact that it creates an egg sac on the throat of the woman is kind of creepy especially since I woke up with a sore throat. The danger is “multiplying” and creating issues at the throat chakra somehow.
Lots of lessons lately. Thankfully, I am clear enough that I am taking it all in stride. I believe the shadow work of the last few months has led me here. And I’m not the only one who has arrived. As my guidance said to me not long ago, I say to you now: Welcome back!
Firstly, I will start by saying, “Damn! I’ve changed! I’m so proud of myself. Well done, you!”
I mentioned in my last post that the Kundalini was visiting again. Well, this K visit was catalyzed by a person I had an online but highly energetic encounter with last summer, right around my birthday. Call it a soul family encounter of the 5D kind, I guess, because I have no Earthly idea what to call it or the specific reasons for it. Neither does he!
Last August our connection was preceded by a dream of my Mom’s house catching fire. When I woke I heard, “Fire. Two weeks.” As you can imagine it worried me seeing my childhood home in flames so I contacted my mom and warned her. Exactly two weeks later an online acquaintance emails me and tells me he has been waiting in the wings for about two years to propose to me that we connect at the energetic level. I didn’t know what I was getting into when I agreed it would be okay. The almost three weeks following ignited the K so intensely that ultimately he retreated, for personal reasons. However, it left me a bit in shock and it took me a few months to really process the entire experience.
At the time I was really proud of myself for not attaching to him or the energy between us. It was amazing to me how easy it was to be this way! As I have written many, many times before, the K is intoxicating and alluring, like a highly addictive drug. It is almost impossible to not become obsessed over your next “fix”. But somehow I didn’t have that reaction. I was able to fully separate during the “down times” between encounters, return to “normal” with a clear mind and heart. Considering just how different my experience was with this man, how magnetic even, my response was quite a feat!
Yes, I did enter into a dark period afterward, and maybe it was because of the after-effects of this encounter. I can’t say it didn’t influence what came next because eventually I did miss what we had, but only because when we connected it was telepathic and for the first time ever I was able to fully share myself with another. Meaning, what he felt, I felt, and vice versa.
Then there was the awful incident in my old house just last month. The man burning himself alive in the closet, dying and destroying the second floor we added in 2011. Within two days (I kid you not) the man from last summer emails me after no communication since last September. I can’t help but see a repeat of symbolism – fire. First from my dream and warning last summer and then this time to an actual event that resulted in death of both a man and the house of my past. By the day of the funeral, communication was well under way between myself and my old friend.
At this time there has not been any communication between us for over a day. I am okay with it because, like before, I have not attached to him or the connection we have, nor do I expect anything specific to result. I have just enjoyed the reunion and the company of someone who gets me. This time around the fire between us was never totally reignited, though the K was very active in me in a healing sort of way more than anything. My friend confessed his difficulty with resisting my energy, opened up more about what he experienced last summer and apologized for his abrupt disconnect.
For me his confessions gave me better understanding of what was and is going on. I had thought him much more advanced than myself in terms of the K. Turns out that I was wrong, or at least my assumption of some of it was inaccurate. He struggles with attachment and expectation. He is searching for something specific and is focused on that desire and the path to it. There are many lessons he has yet to learn about the nature of these connections, lessons I hadn’t really recognized until now.
Firstly, you can’t truly appreciate the Kundalini when you attach to it or have expectations about where it will lead you. Like my guidance warned, “Passion is a double edged sword” and other similar messages like “Follow the 8 Winds [of Buddhism].” I think it is inevitable that when one feels the K that they attach to it, desire more of it to the point of chasing that feeling, always wanting more. Eventually the path leads to non-attachment, surrender and the release of expectation. This is a natural process. It can’t be forced. The rising of the K itself results in these lessons being learned.
Next, once you’re Kundalini awakens, you will ignite others either consciously or unconsciously. There is no avoiding it. We are catalysts for each other. That means encounters like the ones I’ve had will continue. These encounters are often painful and lead to delving into the depths of the self that otherwise would never have been seen or experienced. However, if you release attachment and expectation and surrender to the experience you are able to recognize this process and better prepare for it.
Finally, the primary purpose of the K energy is as an ever-present guide and teacher. Once awakened it will never truly be gone. It may appear to go dormant but it is just in waiting. It is guaranteed to return one way or the other. Therefore, longing for it or worrying it is gone “forever” is pointless. The ego wants to control the experience, to know and to possess. If allowed to do this, destruction is inevitable.
I’ve developed a sort of weird appreciation for these encounters now. I see the potential for growth despite the very certain upset involved. Though this man is now retreating from the magnificent connection we have, I know he will be back at some point because there is unfinished business to attend to. No, I don’t know the specifics of all the work involved but I sense the growth that awaits the both of us once he commits to the task. What he wants at a spiritual level will win out over what he wants in the physical. I can provide what he needs spiritually as he can also for me.
Something I am learning throughout this process is what is means for the spiritual and physical to be in balance. The physical really is just a reflection of what is happening within each of us. Unfortunately, the physical is delayed because it follows the rules of Time. One of the messages I received from my guidance during this reunion was to slow down….and wait for the physical to “catch up” to the spiritual. I am able now to experience the two worlds (spiritual and physical) as if side by side and can easily see the discrepancies. Movement forward cannot happen until the two are in balance. It feels a certain way and is not something that will be easy to identify from the physical perspective. Trying to force the physical into submission definitely doesn’t work! When we try to do this we end up in a crisis that expresses itself through uncomfortable physical symptoms.
Right now I am back in acceptance and am not at odds with my life as I was just a few short weeks ago. My impatience is my downfall, though.
Edit: Have to add that I woke with song in my mind this morning. It reminds me of the OBE I had when I finally fully surrendered to the K. I was in the middle of the ocean and finally stopped struggling. To my surprise I floated. Safe. There was this beautiful calm and acceptance. I will never forget it.
Sunday I went to the funeral of the man who set himself on fire in our old house. I didn’t really want to go but felt I should.
The funeral was nice and, as most funerals do, it focused on only the positive about the deceased. There was quite a bit of crying and sharing of stories. I managed okay by keeping a tight reign on my energy field so as to not over empathize. At one point, though, my guidance suggested I open up a bit. When I did, I felt the presence of Spirit to my left, felt the grief wash over me and heard a quiet, “Thank you.” I knew it was from the deceased and rather than become emotional like everyone else, I pulled my energy back but not before my eyes got teary.
At the end we went outside for the military honors portion which was a first for me. My mom and step-father were there so we all went out to eat dinner afterward. It was a very enjoyable dinner with lots of laughing and good conversation.
Since the funeral I have not felt the deceased around. I think he may have moved on, or at least away from me, but then I have been quite distracted so it could just be I am not noticing him because of that. It appears that there was a warning in the “fire” of the man’s passing, a warning of the Kundalini’s return. I have been having waves of the energy rushing through me, lighting up my third-eye, heart, solar plexus, throat, and root (almost all of my chakras). It got so intense that I gratefully immersed myself in my normal exercise routine to ground the energy.
When I woke this morning the energy was present again, only this time in my second chakra and crown.
All throughout I have been sensing a message of, “Slow down” and “Take it slow” from my guidance. Funny enough, as if to push the point, I had a wonderful encounter with a very large turtle in my back yard last night. We have a creek that runs along the border of our property. Just recently it flooded quite severely but the water receded as soon as the rain stopped. The turtle was likely seeking a reprieve from too much water, sunning himself near the water’s edge. Despite myself and my entire family getting very close, he refused to move. He looked like a large, moss covered rock, ancient and strong.
Along with the message of “slow down”, I have also been receiving warnings. Specifically I have heard, “Passion is a double edge sword.” With it comes a visual of walking on a tightrope. Don’t fall off the edge….
Another message came in the song, Borderline, by Madonna. Specifically, “You keep pushing my love over the borderline.”
Dreams
I’ve been sleeping deeply without too many dream memories upon waking. I recall one dream from last night where I was de-cluttering my daughter’s room. What is most memorable is her closet. She had been using it as a shower and so the clothing and furniture that was near it was becoming soaked. I went directly to it and began to move the items away. I found a huge bundle of belts (feeling conflict between what I think and what I feel). More than any person could ever wear. I was saying, “Why do you have so many belts? You don’t even wear belts.” I took them and separated out the majority for donation.
Inside her closet there were clothes on the floor. I picked up two coats (protection) and put them on hangers. They were her brother’s coats, not hers. Near the closet was a small nightstand with drawers. I had to move it across the room but there was not any space left. So I set it on top of her dresser. When I did this, the table morphed into a white tank or aquarium (emotions yet to be confronted, feeling of going in circles). Inside was a set up for a turtle or similar. The tank filled partially with water when I set it on the dresser.
Considerations
When I woke I was full of thoughts over how to reconcile the human and spiritual sides of myself. The two must be in balance and if they aren’t then problems or conflict will occur. What the spiritual desires the physical side may not yet be ready to embrace. The dream seemed to echo my thoughts, especially in the cluttered room and the multitude of belts.
Tomorrow is the funeral for the man who set himself on fire in our old family home. My husband wants to attend but I have mixed feelings. Mainly I am hesitant because I don’t like funerals and didn’t know the man very well. However, I have also had a sense that this man is hanging around just outside my energy field. There comes with this sense thoughts of the fire, of him, of the circumstances of his death, etc.
Last night, in fact, he was close enough that I recognized him and heard him asking me to help him communicate with his wife because “she is in so much pain.” I told him I didn’t think it would help her at this time, especially if she is not seeking it.
He wouldn’t go away and I began to feel very concerned because his energy made me feel strange. He was telling me that he did not deserve what “heaven” had to offer him and I tried to tell him he did deserve it. I enveloped him in white light and he tried to resist it but eventually he allowed himself to experience some of it. I told him to be at peace he needed to accept the light. He thanked me but did not leave. I don’t think he is earth bound, at least not in the sense that some who pass become, but he could be at risk for it if he continues to reject the light.
Some of my dreams of late have been indicating that the use of my spiritual abilities will come up for inspection. Mediumship has been the most frequent sign from the Universe. Not only have I sensed the man but have also been asked in a FB group many questions about my gifts lately. With all the other strange things happening to me, I find that I have an illogical fear connected to tapping into my gifts again. I fear it getting out of control for some reason.
Anxiety Again
I had a really strange bout of anxiety a couple of mornings ago. It was the day I had two OBE’s (last post) and did not get much sleep. The coffee I drank was stronger than usual and made me feel loopy and fatigued. It reminded me of the jet lag only not as severe.
I did research on caffeine sensitivity and I have about every symptom listed. As a person gets older their sensitivity to caffeine can increase to the point of intolerance. The Kundalini also can make a person intolerant of stimulants like caffeine.
So, I decided to go back to half-decaf and wean myself off coffee. At this point it is the only thing I can do to exert some control. Hopefully it will lessen this very “wide open” feeling I’ve been having for a while now.
Kundalini
Along with all of the above the Kundalini has become more active again. Last night it awakened me in the middle of the night. It was not the bliss kind of Kundalini this time. Instead it was intense energetic healing to my sacral and solar plexus chakras. It was so strong that I often found myself holding my breath at times.
At one point the energy was very noticeable along my left side. It felt like it was following a channel up the left side of my spine. It spread all the way to the top of my head and the tips of my toes.
The energy lasted for much longer than I wanted and I finally told my guidance I was too tired and to tone it down so I could go back to sleep. They did as I asked.
Concerns
I have been feeling “off” and this has been going on for quite a while now. My dreams lately cause me to think I am interacting with different timelines. I often wake up confused or have periods of amnesia both within my dream and after I wake. The dream snippets I recall usually have multiples of the same person or are of me selecting specific paths to view the outcome.
My husband leaves on business travel next Wednesday for an unknown period of time. This worries me a bit because the last time he was gone I had so many panic episodes. As it is, I am sometimes feeling like I am barely hanging on to my sanity. I pray that it all settles down soon.
My son got sick yesterday and I had to leave work early and get him. He was throwing up and had a horrible headache. He told me he ate too many vitamins and so I was worrying he had overdosed on the gummy vitamins we had. He said he had 5 but then kept changing his story and I realized he could not have eaten them that morning because he had been in either my presence or his father’s the whole time.
I watched him get better as the day progressed until he seemed 100%. I made sure he drank lots of water and put him to bed.
He woke me at 1:30am crying hysterically saying his head hurt. I took him downstairs and gave him medicine and some water in his sippy cup. He drank the water and went up to bed only to come back crying about 10 minutes later saying he needed more water and his head still hurt. I got him more water and he drank it all and said he felt better. His head seemed to hurt randomly.
I put him to bed but couldn’t go back to sleep. I was worried about him and so got up to do research about vitamin overdose. Thankfully his vitamins did not have iron in them, which would have been the worst. The other vitamins can be flushed over time with lots of water and since he was only having mild symptoms that were getting better I was able to settle down to try and sleep.
I remember laying on my back and talking to a female guide to my left. I also recall a strange sensation of my arms and legs not being my own, as if someone had taken over control. It concerned me and a flood of memory came back of many other times I have felt this. I was reassured that all was well and there was a Knowing this was true. I had been talking about my time here in this body as if I were a visitor prior to all of this. So very odd to remember and very disconcerting!
The last thing I remember thinking was, “I am probably going to go OOB.” That is exactly what happened.
OBE: Octelion
I do not recall falling asleep, only that there was a sense of a shift and I knew I could exit my body. I opened my astral eyes and saw my darkened bedroom. Sitting up, I exited my body without incident and said to my guidance, “Take me to another life.”
I flew to my window and immediately through it without encountering any resistance. Outside my vision was perfect and vivid. The sun was bright at the mid-day position.
I saw my daughter and joined her on the street curb. She was with a woman who was asking her questions, like a reporter. I recall the woman asking my daughter how long it had been since the Octelion had visited and telling her, “You don’t know how special you are to get visits from them!” I felt strange throughout their conversation, like in a daze. I somehow knew the Octelion was a space craft.
The woman asked me, “Do they visit you as well?” I couldn’t answer. I felt strange, couldn’t catch my breath, and collapsed to my knees. The woman tended to me, taking my vitals as she talked to me. She was talking to my daughter about me as she checked my heart rate. I could sense my heart rate was fast and irregular. I also had trouble breathing and my eyes were closing of their own accord. I could see my eyelids close and open as if I were looking through a window; like they were not my own eyes. The eyes would close and open until they closed for longer and longer periods of time. I could feel the woman putting a stethoscope up against my chest, my arms, my legs. At one point I was laying face up on the ground and the woman placed something over my mouth and nose. I flinched when it made contact with my face and realized it was an oxygen mask. I breathed in deeply and it revived me.
Feeling better, I stood up and took on the role of the woman whose body I occupied. A group was gathered outside, seeming to be waiting for something. There was a concern in the air, like an anticipation mixed with fear. I saw people come out of one of the houses and it felt like we had all been waiting for them to come out. The people in the crowd gathered closer as did I. A young man came out. He wore brown clothing with a hood up covering his head. He seemed to have been in custody and was being released. I ran up to him and asked, “Chase! Are you alright?” He nodded and kept walking with a blank look on his face. Armed guards were on either side of him and escorted him down the street along with other prisoners.
I watched as chaos erupted and shots were fired. I realized that the place/time I was in was in the midst of war. The armed guards ran down the street and I heard a loud roar, like a big cat only much more menacing sounding. My daughter and I followed the crowd, curious and trying to get away, even knowing something very bad was happening in the direction we were heading. I recall the adrenaline rush as I ran with her, holding her hand.
We came to a corner and began to hear the roaring much louder. It was very unsafe and I grabbed my daughter before she went around the corner, sensing the thing making the noise would be upon us soon. I saw some bushes lining a building and pulled her behind them saying, “Here! We hide here!” We ducked behind the hedges just as a over sized tiger came into view. He was taller than the men on either side of him, his jaws enormous as he roared. It was deafening.
When they passed we ran back out onto the road up the path the tiger had just walked on. On the left of us were people sitting under large umbrella tents of various bright colors. The tents were up against a solid, concrete building or structure that I could see no end to. It was like a massive wall. The men under the tents looked like monks – mostly bald with brown clothing.
The last thing I recall is looking around me at the vivid scene and thinking how strange this place was that I found myself in.
OBE: Never Ending Library
My vision blacked out and I shifted back into my body momentarily and exited again. I was inside my dark bedroom like before and headed toward the closed door. I felt odd, like my energy was shifty and I was not stable. Something caused me to turn back to the window. When I saw it, there was bright light streaming through the edges of the blinds indicating daylight outside.
I went to the window and tried to go through it like before but it wouldn’t budge. I even floated up, pressed both my feet on it and pushed with all my might. Eventually I just opened it and went outside.
I intended to fly but fell directly to the ground and landed softly. I remember thinking, “Oh, I’m falling!” and then when I hit the ground realizing it was much different than I thought it would be.
I tried to fly out and away from the house but was pulled inside and found walls and ceilings around me. As I continued to try and leave it was as if the house went with me and no skies were ever reached. Instead, when I flew up I went through several floors all containing a massive and grand library with marble floors and shelves that went to the ceiling.
There was not another person in sight as I flew up. Eventually I felt to be pulled faster and faster through the library ceiling, the floors never ending and each an exact match to the one before. There was a sense of not being able to breathe that kept coming through. I was gasping for air and the air I did get seemed thin and insufficient. There was also a sense that my heart was straining without the oxygen and that my body was struggling. Ultimately, these physical issues brought me back to my sleeping body.
When I came back into my body the difficulty breathing was still apparent and my heart was beating very rapidly. I turned on my right side and this seemed to help. I wanted to go OOB again but was worried it was not good for my body so decided not to.
Considerations
I am not sure why I asked to be taken to another life. Usually when I go OOB I have no set intention and this time it was the first thing I did. The strange energy, heart rate, and breathing issues that were present were acute. It was like I really did enter into another body somewhere and the impact on the body caused it distress. I had someone helping me adjust, though, and once I adjusted I seemed to know what the body knew.
I went into the experience as if on autopilot. I knew names, situations, etc. If I was in fact in another reality, they were in contact with “aliens” and were at war, though I do not know who the enemy was. The giant tiger was a strange sight and the adrenaline rush I felt was very real but I do not recall ever feeling fear.
The second OBE was very odd, too. A never ending library I seemed unable to escape, though that really didn’t seem to bother me. The physical symptoms were very distinct, so much so that they woke me and were still present for about two minutes after. My heart was beating rapidly (normal) but I was also struggling to get enough air into my lungs. The latter rarely happens and this time I felt to be near suffocation. Not pleasant! I had no cold symptoms or anything to explain it like I have in the past.
The past few days I have been feeling odd and cannot shake the feeling. I have had some strange experiences and body sensations. For example, for two nights in a row I was awakened after just falling asleep by what I assume were visitors in Spirit. They were very vivid and shocked me awake. I had also had odd feelings upon falling asleep, feelings like I mentioned above, as if my body is not my own or someone is taking it over. Each time, though, I wake up, notice the odd occurrences, and then easily fall back to sleep.
Today I have been feeling highly anxious and several times now have fought off having a panic attack. I am beginning to suspect the anxiety stems from coffee and am at the point now where I think I will just have to stop drinking it. I was drinking half decaf coffee and it seemed to help but maybe I just need to go cold turkey.
I have long heard others who have active Kundalini say they became very sensitive to caffeine. So maybe it is finally my turn to experience this? If stopping coffee doesn’t work then to the doctor I will go. I can’t take this high anxiety that makes me feel like I will pass out. Yuck.
Yesterday had a particular quality of energy to it that followed me throughout the day. Maybe it was the awful news from the day before reminding me that death comes to us all, but I could not shake the feeling that time was ticking away.
A memory of something I was told close to a decade ago came back to me. I was sitting on the porch of our old house. My guidance asked me, “If you only had 10 years left to live, what would you do differently?” After a brief consideration I answered, “Nothing.”
With this was a nagging memory of the dream from the night before indicating a 6 month time frame. It made the feeling of time ticking away that much stronger. I tried to think what year it was that the question above was asked. How old was my daughter? What events do I remember around that time? I can’t recall and my journals do not mention the question. That means it must have been between 2009-2010. That means the 10 years is fast approaching or maybe even already here.
I pushed the consideration that my “time is up” out of my head. Surely that question so many years ago was not literal? Then I thought to myself, “What if it is up?” And I thought, “I would be okay with that.” Then I wondered, “Would I change anything?” I laughed and told my guidance, “I would smoke every night…no wait, I would smoke pot. I miss smoking pot.” lol I recall my guidance asking, “What about living life? What about your family?” I was reminded that pot blurs things, pushes me into the trance state and leaves me foggy. Probably not a good way to spend my life, not really being here and enjoying my family.
Then I was sad because if I had that little time left then I likely was not going to connect with a person at the physical and spiritual level; experience and share that glorious Divine state with another. I heard my guidance say, “You never know what can happen in six months.”
My own mortality doesn’t bother me really. Death doesn’t scare me. I am more than ready to explore what lies beyond the physical. I do it already in my sleep and sometimes during the day. And I know these kinds of messages are often misinterpreted. Yet when I fully embrace the possibility that I have so little time left I do not want it to end. Weird, huh? It is probably exactly what my guidance intended me to realize. They often say to me, “You don’t want to die. You want to live.”
Dream: What If?
I met my physical counterpart only we were much younger – late teens, early twenties. We began a relationship but he was not at all as expected. When we made love he was very distant and I felt used during and discarded after. The connection between us that I knew was there was never present during those times. It was very physical and not at all spiritual or magical.
I kept making excuses for him – he must be tired, maybe he’s just feeling frustrated, next time will be better, etc. There was no way I was going to bring up my concerns to him because he might decide to break up with me or get angry.
Then there were the people he hung around with. They were shady and doing things that felt to be illegal. He took me with him to do something and dropped me at one of his friend’s houses to stay there until he was finished. The friend was a blonde lady who was older, a bit overweight and very rough around the edges. The house was nice with nice things and the woman was dressed well and wore lots of fine jewelry. She was not wanting for anything.
I remember sitting in my bedroom there thinking to myself and having a conversation with someone, a guide likely, about the situation I found myself in. The disconnected sex, the feeling of being used, the disappointment, the fear, etc. The woman came in at one point and told me that she had left some dishes – glasses specifically – out for me to put away. She told me, “If you are going to stay here then you are going to pitch in.” The request felt more like a threat and I told her I was sorry and would get around to it, but lingered talking to my guide a bit longer.
I recall considering that I may had projected the love and connection I desired onto my boyfriend. It was an expectation he could not meet and so the disconnect grew between us. The feelings I experienced at this point were disappointment at myself and a kind of resignation or surrender.
I went into the kitchen to put away the glasses (transcendence). They were set out on the counter. I noticed how nice the kitchen was. It had a section just for making coffee (awareness), espresso and cappuccino – every kind of coffee imaginable. I opened the cabinet to put away the glasses and noticed there were small circular raised spots the perfectly fit them. I knew to place a glass on each circle.
Dream: Silver Dollar
Then I was walking into a room full of people who were sitting at a massive oval table. There were more than I could count and they recognized me as I entered. The gathering was of people with spiritual abilities of all kinds. They were just like me.
A woman pulled out a seat for me and greeted me, asking me where I had been. The dream I had just left felt so real to me and I was confused for a bit. She asked about my physical counterpart and a memory came to me of being with him at the pool. I recalled it had been August and we had been dating since mid-summer. That was the first time we ever got intimate and the memory of the experience was so raw and devoid of connection that I withdrew from it. I immediately made an excuse for him in my mind.
At this point in the dream I was feeling really guilty for my behavior and avoidance of the truth. The woman began to distract me with coins. She laid them out before me. I remember she had some rare ones, silver dollars (strong spiritual abilities) that were larger than a dinner dish. I pointed out how rare they were and she said she had more. She took me to her room and opened a chest. Inside were more. I remember she was excited that they might be worth something. She said she had access to as many as she wanted from the church.
Dream: Ukraine
The next thing I recall is visiting a farm in the middle of nowhere. It was beautiful country and the house was small and quaint. It had a very foreign feel to it yet at the same time I felt at home there.
I was still young, probably around 18 years old, and visiting the family for an unknown reason. The couple who lived there showed me various aspects of farm life. I mostly remember seeing several large dogs (protection, fidelity) who were about to have their hair shaved and petting one.
The couple had several children of various ages. At one point were were all gathered together peeling various fruits and vegetables. I sat on the floor. There were two young men sitting above me at the table.
I sat peeling a Kiwi (period of growth and good fortune) and talking to a younger sibling about eating a banana. I recall seeing the mashed (suppressed) banana (playfulness) on the floor and looking at the Kiwi fruit in my hand. A conversation started between me and the boys. I asked their ages and the older one said his brother was 15 and he was 18. The brother at this point felt like my physical counterpart but it was like a passing thought I did not pay attention to.
As we talked another dream took form within the dream. Me and the older boy and his siblings were walking through a channel filled with water (emotion). The water was about waist high. There was tall grass on either side and overall I felt curious like a child. As we walked we encountered a group of gypsies (time to awaken spiritual abilities). The boy indicated to keep going so we did, only one gypsy intercepted us and the dream faded out.
I was back talking to the older boy. His appearance was clearer and I grew more lucid. He had black hair and brown eyes and was very attractive and I could feel an intensity of interest from him. I thought to myself, “He is interested in me.” He said something to me and I saw the entire dream sequence above again, only this time in reverse. Then it played over again only this time the gypsies did not intercept us and we continued on our way.
My awareness went back to the house and I was staring at the boy. He looked at me very seriously and asked me, “Why did you really come here? Was it just to pick out a dog? Or did you intend to choose a (husband maybe – I can’t recall the word he used now)”.
When he said this my lucidity peaked even more and it was as if he and I were face to face. I suddenly knew I was in the Ukraine, which made no sense. As we stared into each other’s eyes a beautiful energy enveloped me and I could feel the connection between us. I remember thinking, “I know you” but before I could continue the energy woke me.
I lay in bed for a while with the bliss, snuggling into it as much as I could before it inevitably passed. I did not want to wake up.
A song was going through my mind – “I will remember you. Will you remember me. Don’t let your life, pass you by. Weep not for the memories.”
Considerations
It is rare that I have dreams where I feel like I just lived an entire life. That was what the first one felt like. It felt real. It felt like I lived it. Had I not entered into the second dream and talked about the first one, I likely would have continued to think it was not a dream.
At first it feels like the dream is about my physical counterpart, but after a while it seems more similar to how I am with men in relationships, at least the emotions are. If I am unhappy early on I do not voice it. I make excuses for them and think their faults will magically disappear down the road. I want it to work out so bad that I ignore the bad and put up with things I otherwise would not just to make the relationship work.
The table with the circle seems to be me connecting with others like me, those who are working to help humanity, using their spiritual abilities and awareness, etc. The message seems to be that I need to tap into my abilities.
The last dream is the most odd. I do not understand it really but the feeling of connection was there and the bliss was beautiful. Again, it was very vivid, like I had actually visited the country of Ukraine.
The song seems to say, “Don’t linger on the past. Enjoy the present. You are alive!” It feels like I am being reminded that life is a gift, so I need to live it.
Interestingly, I had this thought on my own on Saturday when I decided to let my son pick his birthday activities. I decided to stop worrying over future what if’s – money, retirement, health – and focus on the present. How can I make the present better for me and my family? Do things that we all enjoy regardless of the present cost (money-wise) or potential for it to drain our savings (future consideration). Live life for today.
We will be going on a family vacation to South Padre again in May. In between I hope to just be less restrictive overall. There is no point in holding back today when there may not be a tomorrow. This is what I think my guides mean when they say, “You are ALIVE.”
Also, another sync – when I checked my gmail this morning there was a question on Quora listed – What makes a person remember you?” I still had the song above on my mind. Ha!
Yesterday was my son’s 5th birthday. Though we already celebrated last weekend, I asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday. He said he wanted to eat cupcakes and after I provided him with ideas said he wanted to go to the “jump-o-line” place. So, that is what we did.
We had a great time but afterwards my children got hungry so we stopped to get some food. In the car my husband noticed my mom had left him a voicemail so he put it on speaker phone and played the message.
We thought it would be a “happy birthday” message. It wasn’t.
She told us that the husband of the couple who had purchased our old house had locked himself in the master bedroom closet and set himself on fire.
He had PTSD. My mom said he had “episodes” in the past, but I am not sure what the others entailed. His wife was a counselor so managed the best she could. Unfortunately, she could not handle him.
My daughter immediately burst into tears. She was inconsolable for about 15 minutes.
My heart sank. I could not believe what I heard.
The rest of the evening was colored by the news. My husband drove out to our place to take a look. The wife of the couple was in a hotel with their dogs. In shock. So, he was able to look at the damage. The entire upstairs (an add-on we completed in early 2011) that included the master bedroom, closet, master bath and a second bedroom, was destroyed. The roof above the closet where he had set himself on fire had a gaping hole in it. The severest damage was located there.
The downstairs was completely untouched.
I was at first upset about the house but that quickly shifted to being upset about the whole situation, especially the fact that he had felt so much pain that dousing himself with gasoline and setting himself on fire was preferable. I imagined the experience from his point of view and his wife’s.
His wife was present when he did it and likely had to listen to his screams until they stopped and then had to wait for the fire department listening to the silence, an ever-present reminder that her husband was dead, while watching her house burn in front of her.
I can’t even imagine the husband’s point of view. However, I contacted him in Spirit to check on him. His guides came forward first but then he did. He was beside himself with upset over what he had done. He is worried about his wife and the devastation he caused. He kept saying, “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
He is lingering at the house where he died. He will likely stay there a while, watching his wife and going through the healing he was never able to complete while in his body.
I don’t know whether she will rebuild. It she does I can’t imagine she will still live there, sleeping in the master bedroom next to the closet where her husband killed himself. Could you do that? I couldn’t.
If she decides to rebuild and sell she has to disclose that someone died there. I don’t know how successful she will be at selling the place.
It’s all very sad and I can’t shake the feeling that I knew it was going to happen because…I did, just not like it did.
When I use to live there I had visions of the house catching on fire, specifically the upstairs. I could never figure out why.
I had a dream last summer about a fire. I called my mom to check on her because in the dream it was her house on fire. I told her about my dream but then nothing happened so I let it go. I am thinking now it was a warning, just came out in the dream as my childhood home.
When the couple bought our house I told my husband, “They will only last about four years.” I thought they would divorce and sell the house. They almost did – last summer (around the time of my dream!) but then reconciled. Turns out the split happened anyway. 4.5 years after they bought our home.
It is almost like it was fated that they be apart one way or the other.
It is unsettling. I feel unsettled.
In the last month I have lost three people I knew in this life. None I was very close to but they were close enough to have an effect. The first was my coworker. Cancer. The second was someone I knew for many years. Cancer. And now this.
Three people in a month. WTF?
It took me a while to fall asleep last night as you can image. My guidance warned me, “Don’t over empathize.” I tried not to. At first I did and it was causing me to experience quite a bit of upset. So, I focused on the good parts of the day, my son and my family. It worked.
Dream: Six Month Stay
The dream begins in a house (Self). The coloring I recall the most is of gold, yellow and white (spiritual). Everything feels new and unfamiliar. I am a bit nervous because I have just moved in (could be indicating new chapter in life).
The members of the group I am living with vary in age. In the kitchen I recall a woman who reminds me of someone at work. There are others but she is the only one I recall specifically.
My best friend (aspect of self) from high school happens to live in the home, too. I remember discussing how I came to be there. Our benefactor/boss/father/teacher (not sure which for he felt like them all) was brought up frequently. It felt like he placed me and the others in the house. We had to sign a six month lease. I recall seeing my contract and signature and knowing the way it worked.
He (the benefactor) provided room and board, so food was rationed out. In the kitchen there were large bags of provisions that were to be split among the residents. I was told that I would get my share every month. I noticed one bag was full of rice but it shifted and looked more like hashbrowns (longing for Home). I told the lady I did not eat hashbrowns and would donate my portion. I told her I like potatoes whole (difficulties over short period of time) as well as lots of vegetables. I saw someone was preparing veggies and wondered if they had to buy their own. It felt like they did.
I was shown my room, which was located on the right after entering the hallway. My room was neat and nice but I remember sitting inside feeling homesick. I could not imagine living there for so long and began to get desperate to leave. I talked to my friend about it, saying I would prefer to go live at home. She reminded me of the six month lease I signed and I said, “I will pay the lease but live at home. I don’t want to stay here.” In my mind I was imagining the feel of home – safe, secure, warm and curled up in my bed.
Ultimately, I could not leave and had to go about my “work” which included going to class. Class consisted of sitting in a darkened room and staring up at screens. Questions would appear on the screen to be answered. There was another person in the room on my right, also in a chair. The other person was my friend. As the questions came up we had to answer almost like a quiz show, as if we were in competition, but we weren’t. Our answers would be scored and a score would show on the screen. One of my answers was incorrect and a voice from nowhere corrected me. Then the score showed and my grade was 76% while my friend’s was 90%.
My friend was stressing over being behind in her work. She had not been doing her assignments and I knew it was because she was dyslexic and had not told anymore. I asked if she wanted my help and she agreed.
Afterward we went back to our rooms but I could not remember where mine was. I went into a room I thought was mine but it was very different – messy, cramped and masculine. I left quickly trying not to be noticed and went to my friend’s room to help her with her assignment. I would read it aloud so she could get it done faster.
Then I went to another class with mostly male classmates. We sat in a circle in a library (wisdom, knowledge). I felt very out of place and my classmates were unfamiliar. I don’t recall a teacher. I listened as they spoke of spirits and I interrupted asking if they wanted to talk to them. Curious they listened and I told them of two who were there.
Considerations
When I woke the song that was on my mind yesterday was there again, only this time I heard, “Let’em say we’re crazy, what do they know?”
My guess is that part of the song is referring to the man who set himself on fire and how “crazy” it was. Or it could be something else…But the song is back.
My dream was very vivid, especially the longing for Home and the sense that I had to endure another six months in an unfamiliar place, learning lessons and doing my “work”. I don’t know if the time frame is significant or not yet. We’ll see I guess.
Overall, I can’t kick the feeling that something is “up”. The saying, “Change is in the air” feels applicable. I am still very bothered by what happened in my old house and can’t get it out of my mind. It is difficult not to think of this reality as harsh and unforgiving when things like that happen. But mostly I am sad because he could have been helped and now all that is left is the pain of his sudden passing and the devastation it is causing to his family and loved ones. His poor mother. His poor wife. 😦
There was a river flooding but it was contained in a channel. I watched as workers sifted through the sludge. I was asking questions about the process. They called it “rafting” I think and I did not understand the word as I had never heard of it. It seemed the process consisted of taking an object across the water’s surface to clean it.
The water was choppy and rough. The color was brownish like sludge. Yet it was contained and no one seemed concerned about it.
A young woman was with me. She was Steve Irwin’s daughter. We were talking about her Dad’s death and how she wished she had known him better. I don’t remember the specific words now but at some point I empathized so much with her that I began to feel her grief. Tears poured out of my eyes. I could feel them on my physical body’s cheeks but this did not wake me. At the same time I remember holding a large, white pillow in my arms and squeezing it close to me for comfort.
At this point I became lucid. I had awareness of myself within the dream, my physical body and of being in the in-between. A conversation was taking place between myself and a guide about a decision I had made the night before about putting my children first no matter what.
The dream consisted of me watching video footage I had taken of my father when he was alive (I never did this in real life). I was playing it for my sister and explaining what it was. There was footage of him in San Francisco. There was also a movie I recorded as a reminder of him. There was more footage of various times near the ocean. I saw three large fish, like dolphins, walking on their tail fins toward the water. It was the oddest sight to see them walking and holding fins as if human.
As the video footage ended I remember thinking, “I should have taken more video.” Yet I knew no amount of video would have been enough.
While reviewing the video I was being asked probing questions about my decision to put my children first, even over my own wants/desires. The guide was asking me why I decided this. I told him I wanted their memories of their childhood to be good ones, for them to remember their parents as a team. I had resolved to just agree with my husband even when I did not if it was in front of the children. I had decided to give them as much of what they wanted as I could. I had decided that my desires lately have been selfish and to put them aside for my children. My guidance asked how well I thought I would provide all this for my children if I was unhappy. I told him, “Leave me alone.” lol
This brought me to full awareness. I opened my still wet eyes and wondered about the dream. The newness of my tears confused me because it seemed like much time had passed since I cried in my dream.
I fell into the in-between after that.
Messages
There is memory of being asked what I wanted. I remember telling my guidance what I have told them countless times. They asked me to reconsider reaching out to my physical counterpart. I told them I would not and to stop pushing me as I wondered why he was coming into my thoughts again after such a long time. I knew he had been “calling” me for the past few months. I remember wondering “why” again about the whole experience regarding him and feeling very discouraged.
That is when I received a vision of a hand-written letter. It was folded horizontally in half. I knew it was a thank you letter. I opened it and read it:
It’s been a difficult experience working with the team.
Thank you.
This was unexpected and brought me out of my reverie. I opened my eyes, reminded myself of what I said to remember it, and then closed my eyes again.
Then I heard:
You will experience unexpected love in three days.
I opened my eyes again, repeated it to myself and then closed my eyes. I tried not to think of what the message could mean.
Immediately I saw myself sitting in a wooden chair in the middle of an empty room. Ropes bound me to the chair. I watched as a pile of pillows was stacked around me like a barricade. I remember thinking, “I am bound but protected.”
Then I heard myself talking to a man wearing a sweatshirt, his face hidden by the hood. I was speaking in another language. I recall saying the word “diventar”. I opened my eyes immediately because it was so audible. I thought to my guidance, “Enough! I’m tired.” But after that I could not return to sleep. All the messages were cycling round and round my mind.
I Googled the word I said: Diventar – Italian, “to become”.
Considerations and Interpretation
I am mostly writing all this down to document it. It does me no good to try and analyze it all.
The dream is an odd one. I do not know why I dreamed of Steve Irwin of all people. Perhaps he was symbolic of my experience with my own father? Or maybe he represents my husband as a father to our children? Either way I felt loss and the dream later shifted to me trying to capture memories of my own father, but the memories were dream memories.
The flooded river of murky water being sifted through is most definitely me looking at and sifting through my muddy emotions. These emotions are contained and present no threat, but must me sifted through to find clarity.
The dolphin family was very unexpected. Dolphins can represent many different things but in this context it likely represents expression of emotion and spiritual guidance. It can also indicate future experiences containing joy and connection with others.
The whole experience of being in three places at once and having awareness of all three was a new one, but it did not feel out of the ordinary. My guidance was trying to get me to reconsider giving up things I desire/want for myself to create what I consider an ideal scene for my children.
I suppose the question remains: What would make my children most happy? A happy me? Or a me giving them a pretense of family happiness and togetherness? I look at my own childhood, broken by a bitter divorce when I was 8 years old, and I think, “I never want my children to go through that.” Sadly, I never got a mom and dad who loved and supported each other. I got fights, bitter arguments and parents who used me and my sisters to get back at each other.
The thank you message was nice, I suppose, but it didn’t help me feel better. Seeing myself bound to a chair surrounded by pillows was not very encouraging either.
Pillow can represent support. The pile of pillows around me was so high I could not see over it if I tried. So many pillows could mean a lack of awareness or that I am surrounding myself with comfort.
Being bound is more literal. I am bound to a situation. The chair represents the situation. It was not a comfortable chair, so not a comfortable situation.
Diventar likely is just an indication that I am becoming something; transformation.
Another full night of dreams. No Kundalini, but that is not unusual. It is rare to have in consecutive nights, but it has happened.
My guidance has remained close, however, which is nice especially after such a long time of feeling disconnected from them.
Dream: Medical Intern
This dream began in a car. My husband was driving erratically, not paying attention to the road but instead looking at the scenery as it passed by. When I looked at the scenery I saw tall mountains that looked to have circular shapes in a line at the top. It was almost like the mountains had eyes.
My husband began to drift into the oncoming lane of traffic. I alerted him but he didn’t respond right away. A large truck pulling a trailer was coming toward us. My husband veered around him at the last minute, running slightly into the ditch and then back onto the road.
He continued to drive very fast and ignored the construction signs as the road abruptly shifted from paved to dirt. He slammed on the brakes as I screamed at him to stop.
We found ourselves sitting in the middle of a dirt road that was the replacement for the old asphalt road. I said, “Didn’t you see the signs?” He had not.
A man and his family of five kids came toward us commenting on also not seeing the construction signs. They arrived on bicycles which were parked in a line at the edge of paved road. The man had with him an incubator and a small baby. When I looked inside the incubator there were two fetus’ in various stages of development. One had a placenta attached to it. The man out his finger to his lips and said, “Shhh” and slowly took them away as he held another baby in his arms.
I watched as he walked into a hospital. The construction site was gone.
Then I was an medical intern alongside other interns. I wore a white coat and felt very nervous. A doctor took me to a waiting room to meet a patient who had strep throat. All I had learned vanished from memory and I began to jabber about unrelated things. The patient was an older lady and just sat listening, confused. The doctor interrupted, apologized and led me out.
I remember knowing I wasn’t in trouble as it was my first time with a patient.
Then I seemed to shift into another version of myself, also an intern. I remember my name was Michelle. The same doctor came up to me and took me from the group of interns I was with. She announced that my specific skill set was needed with a patient who had female reproductive problems. I felt very honored and watched as the other interns faces showed their jealousy.
In the room a chart was given to me and another intern, a black male with glasses, greeted me. I remember thinking, “Focus on the chart” as I looked at the woman’s family history. A doctor asked me, “Why would there be so many adoptions in the family?”. I noticed the family had a history of congenital defects resulting in deformed hands. At the top of the page were notes about the children adopted. I told the doctor, “To avoid passing on the defects”. I also noticed each of the adopted children attended college.
The doctor invited me to assist with the operation. This was a huge honor and I accepted. The other intern would also be assisting. I recall thinking, “I wonder if he has anyone to share this news with?” In my mind I thought of texting the good news but had no one to text. I remember thinking, “I have no one to share this with.”
As we walked back to the lobby I saw a phone sitting on a black coat. The phone had a piece of paper on top that suddenly burst into flames. No one else saw it so I went and used the coat to put out the fire. A doctor told someone to hit the alarm and said to me, “Looks like we will have to delay surgery until tomorrow. It is 3pm anyway. Why don’t you and the rest of the interns call it a day.”
I didn’t understand all the fuss. I had put out the fire and the threat was gone. All that remained was a nasty smell.
Interpretation
My feeling about the dream is that I was discussing my husband/marriage. He is “driving erratically” which to me means he is unpredictable. It could also be a reflection of my real-life nervousness when he drives. He doesn’t see the construction signs, meaning he is ignoring “the signs” of something. We end up in construction zone which is the progress being made on something. In this case the road is ready to be paved, so foundations for something has been laid. The family on bicycles could represent all the independent paths of family members. The incubator with babies represents new birth/growth that is being tended to and protected.
The whole intern part of dream seems to be pointing to two different versions of me. One is new and feels unprepared. The other is also new but much more successful and confident. The unprepared one is tending to “strep throat” which could represent the throat chakra and struggling to communicate. The second me is skilled in working with the female reproductive system (second chakra) and issues that result.
The chart of the woman is interesting. The family had genetic issues causing deformed hands. Hands represent creative potential and ability to express ones self. The adoptive children could be new potential, a transitional period or taking responsibility for something.
The thoughts about texting seem to be a bleed over of thoughts I have had regarding my Kundalini and spiritual experiences lately. I feel isolated and alone with no one to talk to or share with who understands.
Finally, there is the phone with paper that bursts into flames. Phones are communication. Paper can mean a message, or plans made, or even a choice. The paper bursts into flames, meaning whatever choice/plans/message is on it is combustible and linked to communication in some way. I put the flames out with a black coat. Coats are protection, black is the unknown or something hidden/repressed.
Afterward the surgery is delayed until the next day. My sense of this is that healing is needed but cannot be completed yet. Rest is needed first.
Messages
As I lingered in the in-between I got several messages. One came in a song I can’t recall now but the message was “It takes time”. I was also reminded of 2014 when Knowing hit me that I needed to put our house up for sale. A chain of events followed which shifted my life completely. My guidance said with this memory, “You will Know. Remember?” I was told to “follow my heart” as well as, “You are only as alone as you think you are.”
Finally, as I woke, a song was going through my head. The lyrics, “Nothing’s gonna stop us now” repeating.
Lots of strange dreams and surprise Kundalini activity to recount this morning.
Dream: Georgia Trail Run
I had a long dream where I traveled to Georgia to run a trail run with my husband. When we got there I recall standing on the trail and thinking of how close I was to someone I know. I had anxiety about running the race and as it grew darker I realized the start of the race happened whenever I decided to start. So, I decided to begin the race. Most of my memory of the race is of tall pines and a trail that was mostly dirt and rocks.
Then I was at the cabins – er trailers – where we were to stay. They were very narrow, just wide enough for a sleeping person. In between the trailers was a larger space with kitchen and wreck room. I stood inside talking with a man as we made noodle (longevity, desire for something in life) soup. I was very hungry after the race so ate quite a bit. He asked me about my friend who lived nearby and if I would contact him. I said, “No, probably not.” Inside I felt it a waste of my time, that he would likely not even respond if I did.
During the dream I remember seeing a highway in GA and talking to someone in more depth about my friend. Then I recall talking to my friend and him asking me not to give up. I saw his arms and hands in vivid detail and it woke me up.
Kundalini Dream: Zero Hour
In this dream I was in a classroom with a teacher and students. I was a “student teacher”. There is brief memory of not knowing if I was male or female, like a shifting from one into the other. This was a bit disorienting but also felt absolutely normal.
I was monitoring the students doing work and saw a girl motion to the corner. I turned and saw a boy motioning to the girl and knew they were cheating. I went over to the boy and asked him if he needed help. The corner he was in was very dark because the lights in the room were off. I noticed he was stuck on #4 and showed him he already answered it. Then asked if he needed light and he said yes. I asked the teacher, a brunette, to turn on the lights. She said she not to, that the light changed when the sun came out from behind the clouds. I saw this happen but still turned on the lights.
The students finished their work and then the teacher asked them to clean up. I felt I needed to assist and asked if I could clean up the Legos (ideas, creativity) scattered across the floor. She said I could but when I went to clean up the pile I had seen the room was spotless.
Then the teacher said to the class, “It’s zero hour (critical moment, moment of decision). You can leave.” The bell had not rung yet and I was surprised she let them go so early.
When the room was empty I lingered by a fireplace (could mean Kundalini) that suddenly appeared. I recall smoking a cigarette (surrender). The teacher had given me a box of tea (spiritual enlightenment) to examine. But “she” had shifted into a “he” and I felt a strange feeling, like I highly revered him. He asked me if I would like to try the tea. I took my cigarette and put it out on the edge of the fireplace. The tea box suggested the tea be taken with applesauce (growth, abundance) in it. I told him, “Yes, but I don’t think I want applesauce in my tea.” He agreed it was not palpable, saying, “That is okay”.
I then approached the teacher’s desk. He was hunched over paperwork he was grading, tests the kids had just taken. I kept my distance as I handed him the tea box. He looked at me and I saw he resembled someone I know only his nose was different. There was an intoxicating energy coming off him that made my chakras all light up in a blissful way. His effect on me was strange and I both resisted and desired it.
He said to me, “Have you found a boyfriend/partner yet?” I said, “No. I haven’t.” He nodded and said, “Good.” It felt like he wanted me to want to be with him and no one else. He then referred to my Light saying it was very obvious to those who could perceive it. I could feel my own energy/Light as he said this. It was like a fire, ebbing and flowing, exploding in bright, white light and then subsiding. At the same time I felt near my limit, as if I had been aroused but held back by a lover who was saying, “Not yet.” It was an impossible feeling. The teacher said to me with a smile, “You feel it, don’t you?” He also said multiple times, “You are ready.” Yet at the same time I felt there was timing involved that was very important.
The entire time it was very difficult to be in his presence. I felt humbled and small in his presence. I had great reverence for him. His power was potent and attractive, so much so that I felt unable to control my attraction and was sure it would be the end of me if he were to let me in. He felt like royalty – like a King – and I felt very obviously to be his Queen. I have never felt so magnetically drawn to anyone as I did to him.
Continued Communication
As the energy enveloped me I woke up and felt it continue to rise. A wall of anxiety formed between my solar plexus and heart. It stuck there for a while and as I noticed it and allowed it, it broke through in a sudden rush and I went immediately into a trance state with full-on hypnagogia and vibrations.
I stayed in the in-between with this teacher for a while. He no longer resembled my friend but began to look more like a Tibetan monk except he wore regular clothing. His nose was very wide and sometimes he wore a headdress that reminded me of a God or a King. I asked him if he was my friend and he said, “Yes. I am many.” I recognized he meant he was the Masculine.
He asked me if I was ready to work and I said I was. He told me many things but now all I have in my memory is a summary. I had been told today as a date previous to this and so was not surprised at his visit. He mentioned December and then May 20th. There is also memory of a visual of my future where I would leave my body and then return “changed”. I saw my body as separate and like clothing to be worn. I remember asking how to handle such a change, that people would see my body and expect what they have always gotten but that would not be possible anymore.
I was reminded of the few times when I have experienced what seemed like someone else taking over my vision. The experience always left me questioning. He responded to my memory with, “I will show you” and I became a bit nervous about what he might show me. My life? My future? The world’s future? I do not want to take on the pain of others. It is too overwhelming. He didn’t respond to my concerns, only that I would be allowed to see through his eyes.
At one point I saw this teacher very clearly. He was sitting on the edge of a huge boulder and looking directly at me. He looked kind and familiar. I asked him if this was how he always looked and he said it was just one of his many forms.
There was also much discussion about letting the K teach me. He said that the discomfort and longing was how it communicated to me where change was needed. It was aligning me, correcting imbalance.
There was so much more but sadly much is lost to me now. Whatever is to come, I know it will be transformative.
Living Life in Between 