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Dreams and Message: Haripura

Sorry I’ve been so quiet. Not feeling too motivated to write in my blog. Plus, there is little to report other than dreams. My mood has been low for the most part with occasional spurts of energy and/or contentedness. I’ve also been tired early in the evening, sleeping deeply and then waking up at 3:30-4am every morning wide awake. My guidance is quiet for the most part. My Knowingness tells me I am taking a Time Out. I’m okay with that, too. Feeling spiritually numb, disinterested and disillusioned.

Dream: Cooking and Gardening

I was in a house similar to my mom’s preparing a tuna dish by adding the tuna and mayo. I remember making a huge batch of tuna salad but I didn’t eat it. My friend Yvonne was there helping me with the ingredients and also gave me a present – a case full of eyeliner of various shades in a small, wooden box. She said they had been a gift to her, but she didn’t want them and wanted me to have them.

Then I was outside looking at a garden. All of the veggies were leafy green types: broccoli, Swiss chard, spinach. Some of the plants, I think the spinach, was going to seed. I remember being mostly focused on the broccoli and talking about harvesting it.

Then I was talking with a man. I felt a desire to just be close to him because I was lonely. I didn’t hug him or get close, instead I chose to go off on my own. I laid down on the grass near the garden path of broccoli and closed my eyes feeling that I needed to be alone and preferring it to the possibility of rejection or disappointment that comes with being close to others. Overall, I felt very lonely but just accepted that was the way it was going to be.

Broccoli – in need of spiritual nourishment and/or putting up my defenses in a certain situation.

Tuna – stamina and agility, building strength and character through life experiences.

Mayo – disappointment in my waking life.

Eyeliner- there is something I need to focus my attention on.

Opening a box – some aspect of myself is being revealed to me, something once hidden is being revealed.

Dream: Bus Money

I was on a bus with a bunch of people. It resembled a school bus inside but I never saw the outside. The front had no seats and was full of children sitting on the floor. I was in the back sitting on the right. A guy came to the back and sat on the left across from me. He resembled a musician, perhaps the singer of a rock band. I just looked at him and remember that he seemed full of himself. Then a person came on and was handing out money. He handed me a $100 bill but did not give one the the musician. I took it but was not sure why it was given to me or if I wanted it.

Musician – need to be more expressive of my feelings.

Money – success and prosperity is within reach, can also represent a quest for love or power.

Riding bus – going along with the crowd, little control over life or situation.

In-Between: Haripura

Saw myself about to receive an injection. When I looked at it there was written on the syringe the word, “Haripura”. As I woke I heard both the word Haripura and Aripura.

The feeling from this vision was that I need to inject myself with enthusiasm or energy for life. It can also mean I am in a time of healing. This corresponds to a message I have received and a Knowingnes that I am currently taking a Time Out. Haripura is Sanskrit and the name a of a town in India. Aripura means “an enemies” town. There is also a link to a particular medicament. Info found here. I am not sure what the message in the name is. It may just be another reference to India/Hinduism.

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A Mission Reminder and Dreams

Yesterday I got the entire day to myself and it was much needed. Toward the end of the day, while watching a new Netflix original series called Travelers, I felt the familiar presence of my Team and a Knowing come over me. There was a feeling of separateness from my body and life and I knew I was being urged to become the Observer. There was also knowing that part of this process was distancing myself from the emotion of a situation and learning to control that emotion by taking a neutral stance. There was also a knowing that this is a practice, it is not something that will come naturally but it is needed in order for me to make progress and fulfill my mission.

Not long after, my family returned home and I noticed that my vision was different. I felt to be viewing them and the environment as if through a screen. I felt very large, like I was hovering there watching rather than sitting on the sofa in a physical body. It was quite surreal. When I interacted with my family after that I continued to feel this strange largeness and disconnect yet I felt very peaceful and comfortable.

Dream: Pitfalls

I was traveling the road to my old house in a blue bus. The road was not paved, though, and I flew despite the feeling of being in a bus. As I navigated the familiar road, I noticed huge pits had been dug into the road. One was the size of car. Each pit looked like a grave. They were rectangular in shape and at least eight feet deep. I remember talking to someone, likely a guide, about the holes and expressing my concern for other travelers. I asked, “Who dug these? Why would they dig them in the middle of the road?” I was told, “The teachers dug them.” I wondered aloud, “Were they repairing the septic? Putting in new pipes?” I got no answer.

I continued to be concerned. Surely others would fall in and not be able to get out. I easily maneuvered around each pit as I expressed my concerns. I remember hearing back agreement. Yes, they were dangerous to travelers. Yes, someone could get stuck or hurt. I remember saying someone should fill the holes, especially the biggest one. I turned back and saw that it had been filled almost to the top. This didn’t set my mind at ease, though, because it could still slow someone down.

Interpretation

The road is a life path and goal. In this case it is a road from my past which to me represents the beginning of my current family. Me driving a bus indicates that I am the leader of a group, my family group.The holes in the ground represent holes in this path, areas of lack that need to be filled. They represent opportunities to grow into wholeness, represented by filling the holes.

Dream: Waiting for the Bus

Then I was at my old driveway. I knew it was in the future. I was talking to my husband about repairing the road. I remember knowing my husband and I had separated. My daughter was there as well saying that two others owned the road and should help pay the cost. I told them their part of the road could wait because it was newer.

We went down to wait for the bus. It was my entire family and though it felt like the future, all my children were their current age. My youngest kept going into the road and I remember keeping a close eye on him. We heard a noise from our driveway (it is a long road in and of itself) and thought maybe the bus has accidentally gone down it. Instead, we saw my cousin coming down the road in a water truck. We watched her head down the main road and I knew she was going to wash the road.

As we waited for the bus I remember looking at my watch and seeing it was five minutes past 12. I told my husband, “We are way too early. The bus doesn’t come for another 20 minutes.” We headed back to the house and waited there. At this time my husband wanted to get intimate. He put his hand on my thigh. I felt a surge of energy in my root chakra that began to expand. It was a very pleasurable sensation, so much so that it woke me up.

Interpretation

A driveway represents the end to a journey, security and rest, and the path toward inner peace and spirituality. Since we were discussing repaving the road it is likely there is a consideration that repairs to this path/journey are needed yet I determine that repairs can wait. Waiting for a bus indicates setbacks. The road is a path toward a goal or goals. The fact that someone is washing the road indicates that there is cleansing or purging on this path. I’m not sure why the chakra explosion occurred. Perhaps to indicate work is still needed on this chakra center and what it represents.

Messages

When I woke I saw very vividly an image of a cartoon-like dragon laying down. On its left was the number 1. One its right was the number 9 with a space and the the number 111. I took note of it and then drifted into the in-between again. This time I heard the number 623. That number was repeated so I knew I was meant to investigate the angel number and message.

 

 

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Day #7

Today is the final day of my gratefulness challenge. I will continue to count my blessings as part of my daily, morning routine but I won’t be blogging about them anymore. I have found that in focusing on my blessings daily my mood is boosted, especially when I am thinking about those things. However, once those things pass from my mind, the boost in my mood is lost. I have concluded that in order to maintain a more positive outlook, one should purposefully focus on those things for which they are grateful throughout the day, making a habit of it.

Today I am grateful for:

  • Being a woman. Not only is the female physical form the more attractive of the sexes (to me anyway), but it offers up so much more in the way of experience than that of the male physical form. The experience of carrying a child in my womb, of giving birth, and of becoming a mother is one I will always cherish. There is nothing more beautiful in this world than the connection/bond between mother and child. I remember when I was pregnant with my last child. Though it had been accidental, I cherished every moment of that pregnancy from his first movements and kicks to the intuitive connection I had with him even while he was in my womb. The female body changes, blooms/blossoms along with the growing baby. I was my most beautiful when I was pregnant.
  • My five senses and what they allow me to experience via this physical body. When I think of all the senses, my most favorite is the sense of touch. My memories from childhood and other cherished moments in my life come first as a sensation of touch and the intimacy that comes with it. After that the sense of hearing would be my next most cherished perception. Followed by taste, smell and sight. I rank sight as last because there is so much more to be seen than the physical eyes allows. This may sound crazy, but in this life I have often wished to be blind at times so as to not be distracted by what my physical eyes perceive. I feel that if I lost my sight, I would be forced to rely on my inner vision, which is far superior.
  • The Kundalini. I wasn’t sure I would include the Kundalini in my list but upon considering it, I must say that it’s activation has changed me far more than any spiritual experience I have had to date. I do not regret the experience of it nor do I wish it to go away. I eagerly await its return because each time it visits (or should I say she?) I am changed for the better.
  • Life. I am ALIVE and grateful to be so.
  • The Earth and all she provides. In my memories of before and between lives I see Earth from a distance. I have also viewed Earth from space while OOB. Every time I see her I am overcome with love for her. She is so beautiful, so unique, so perfect. She can be soft, gentle and nurturing but she can also be brutal and cruel. She is the epitome of duality. And as I type this I am reminded of how similar she is to the Kundalini and I know it is because the Kundalini is alive and active in her as much as it is in me. The Kundalini has taught me that we, the Earth and I, are connected; One.
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A Step Towards Wholeness

I am noticing some changes in myself lately. Not just energetic, which there are plenty of, but also personality-wise.

Energetically it feels like my entire energy body is getting an overhaul. I have felt every.single.chakra on and off for the past week non-stop. Usually it is my heart, throat and solar plexus, but the others join in as well. My lower chakras were really beginning to become a physical issue because my stomach and digestive tract went completely haywire. I felt like I had the stomach flu without the nausea. Just icky, bloated, and crampy. I also had indigestion out of the blue. Thankfully this has all passed and seems to be back in balance. Earlier this week, while driving home, my third-eye turned on for no apparent reason and I began to feel like I was ten times larger than I normally am. Why does this stuff happen while I am driving?

Personality-wise I feel very balanced and centered almost all the time lately. I feel as if my guidance is pouring through me, like I am living my guidance…hard to put it into words. My heart has been central to this. It feels like my high heart especially has a role in this shift.

One of the things I have noticed is that I can tell when a major purge is about to occur. Today I recognized one is forthcoming. The Kundalini seems to go in like a scrub brush and scour the meridians and chakras until there is enough residue from the scouring that it needs to be flushed. Then the flush comes. Whoosh! One day this week I felt a shift in my energy body specifically, like my body, my energy, was speaking to me. Very interesting I must say.

Finally, there have been some instances of clarity that surprise me. For example, one night while spending some time with my husband I recognized that I am wanting something from him that he may not be able to give me or perhaps I am not able to allow – I’m not sure yet. I want to trust him, to be able to give of myself to him completely, but feel unable to do this because there is something in the way. Is it old programming on my part? His part? Both?

When I first recognized this feeling it was surprising to me and caught me off guard. After some time to digest it, I have come to realize it goes with the balancing of the masculine and feminine. What I felt was, in essence, the emergence of my feminine side and her desire to have a strong, masculine presence take action. This feeling manifested in a strong willingness to completely let go and submit to the masculine energy. Yet, in the face of my husband, I retreated from it because there was an identification of his inability to be this strong, decisive, action-oriented force in my life. Additionally, I withdrew because I am unable to fully trust myself to his care. Yet that is what I desired. I felt very much like a child eager to be guided by a parent. I was/am ready to receive, which for most of the life has not been my strong point.

Just in recognizing that my true nature is revealing itself has me emotional and I am not rejecting of it in myself. The feminine is about receptivity and surrender, about creativity, intuition, patience and allowance. The fact that I desire to be this and that I am looking to receive what a masculine energy has to offer is a relief to me. In itself, this development indicates that I am changing, I am becoming more balanced and I am shifting into Wholeness.

As time passes, the desire to have this balance in my life remains. I have touched on a part of myself that has been in hiding a long time. I was raised to be both the man and the woman in my life, to never trust a man. So, I have never truly allowed myself to receive and fully surrender to a man because of a fear that if I do, I will be taken advantage of, hurt, or worse. This is most apparent during intimate moments with men in my life. So it is fitting that such a moment would show me with great clarity what I have been missing.

What does this mean for me? I’m told it is a step towards total integration. Prior to this point in my life, I think I would have been freaked out by such a “weak” reaction in myself. Just being able to recognize and embrace my reaction is an accomplishment for me. Now, if only I could take the plunge and truly surrender.

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Dream and Odd Encounter

I was exhausted last night so went to bed at 8:30pm. I slept all the way until 6am and then lingered in bed until 7am. My sleep was deep until about 3:30am after which I slept lightly and had more lucidity.

When I woke at 3am I tried to remember my dreams. When I did, I experienced something odd. The dream images were outlined in a neon blue color. It was like they glowed blue. Every time I tried to recall a dream I saw this color and eventually the images contained strange symbols, or code, that were the same blue color.

Dream: Clarion

I was in my old bedroom at my mom’s house. Sitting across from me was a woman. She was telling me about her life experiences, specifically her spiritual awakening. She did this to give me advice about my current life challenges. I recall that she had come to visit me specifically to share her story and give me advice. I saw her as older than me, probably in her mid-50’s, but in trying to recall her appearance now I only remember her as having blonde hair and a nice smile.

I remember that she told me that she used her connection with her guidance sparingly, at most a few times a month. She described this connection as one not sought out by her but more of a Knowing that came to her via her intuition and caused her to enter into a receptive state when called upon by her guidance. When I heard this I understood that she was advising me to do this and to focus more on my physical life. She said it would come naturally to me and she knew that I knew this and had experienced it. I acknowledged her but was not eager to follow her advice because I feel more comfortable with Spirit than with people and life in this physical reality. She then mentioned that she knew I was Pleiadian. I told her, “Yes, I’m Lyran. From Lyra. I remembered that….” but I didn’t finish my sentence. Talking about it made me sad.

lyra

She then shared her own awakening experience with me. I saw this in pictures as I heard her words. She was a teenager when Spirit first came to her and it took a long time to adjust to the changes that resulted. She changed her name at that time. I asked her, “What is your name?” She said, “It’s Clarion. It’s my middle name.” I remember saying, “I wish I had been a teenager when it happened to me. I was 26.” Then I told her about my awakening experience, meeting my Companion and how I felt something was wrong with me because I had so much love for him that I literally fell in love with him in those first years after meeting him. I explained that meeting him in the astral state only reinforced my love and made it very hard for me to want to live in this reality.

She was very comforting at this time and said to me, “You’re lonely. You wish to be around others like yourself. Why don’t you?” I don’t remember what I said to her but I felt unable to do anything about my situation and was overcome with loneliness and sadness.

Then Clarion was leaving and invited me to come with her to go camping. I told her I was not interested in camping yet for some reason I ended up in a pick-up truck sitting between her and a Hispanic man on my right. The man was quite grumpy and told me to leave him alone. The feeling from him was that he didn’t want to go either. She drove and asked me if I knew how to get to a specific place. I told her I did and gave her instructions on what route to follow, telling her it only took 45-50 minutes. The place we were going was the place where I now work.

When we arrived we went into the school and found many children there. They were holding a camp there and there were camp counselors. I remember mentioning I did not want to stay the night but ended up doing so. The next thing I knew I woke in the morning and the camp counselors were waking everyone. I could see the boys and girls restrooms in front of me. A small child was next to me and I shared Clarion’s gummy bears with her. Then I went outside and watched the sun rise. A child said to me, “Look what I got!” He showed me a small bottle of beer. I said, “Where did you get that?” He said, “I found it.” I said, “Well you can keep it but don’t drink it here.” lol

Interpretation

There was a lot of background conversation between myself and Clarion. When I woke the feeling was that she was there to remind me that my spiritual experiences had a place in my life and to not forget them while at the same time to not forget my Earth mission. Her name seemed to be in reference to the “call” I have been told I will receive. There was much memory in the dream about my life and spiritual journey; how it unfolded and the purpose behind it. I remember feeling tired and worn out, similar to how one feels after being on a very long journey.

The symbolism afterward is interesting. A pick-up symbolizes hard work and/or something that needs to be picked up. To me it seems like I am being encouraged to “pick up” where I left off prior to December, 2015, which I am sorta doing already. Camping indicates a need for relaxation and a break but it also symbolizes a need to belong and be part of a social group while maintaining one’s independence. Beer represents relaxation and enjoyment of life via being social.

In-Between Experience: Taking Samples

This is an odd but very lucid experience. I was talking with another individual. I don’t know if the individual was male or female. My consideration was female but it was obvious that the person was androgynous. “She” was talking to me about my transformation. All I remember now is that part of it was viewing others as androgynous. There were memories that came forward then, memories of dreams/experiences I cannot place in time. In those memories I was with others who were bald and very feminine looking but they were of neither gender. I felt to be the same – without a specified gender.

Then she was telling me that she needed to take skin samples. I am not sure why she was doing this but I did not resist. I stood facing a white wall and put my arms over my head. I was very aware of being completely naked. I could also feel her presence very acutely. It was like her energy and mine were mingling. Like her energy spoke to mine. She very gently began to touch me. She placed one hand on my back. I could feel the impressions by her fingers up near my shoulder blade. It tickled. Since I was very lucid, it felt as if I was physically present and experiencing her touch.

I then felt something press up against the back of my thigh. Though I was not looking at the object, I could see it. It was long, thin, silver and flat. On the very tip was a small scraper, similar to a cheese grater. The width of the tip was shorter than the length of my fingertip. She ran this object up and down the back of my right thigh. It didn’t hurt. In fact, it felt like someone was giving me a gentle, sensual massage, lightly touching my skin just enough to bring a ticklish shiver. In my mind I was reassured that all the she was doing was taking a sample of my skin cells. The scraper took only the dead skin cells like an exfoliation device would do.

She then moved to the left thigh. What was odd here was that as I experienced the tickling sensation of the scraping object I was experiencing myself as male and then female and then male, etc. I could not get a good idea of what my body looked like and was trying to identify as one gender or the other. I was reassured that it was normal. That humans tend to identify with gender as part of their experience but that we are not limited by such considerations

I felt the object tickle my left thigh and then come very close to my genital region. Since I was neither male of female this actually brought me back to my body awareness. When I woke I could still feel finger impressions on my back and my thighs were still tingling.

Considerations

This in-between experience seemed very much like an ET encounter but I am not completely sure because I didn’t see the person as an ET, just androgynous and bald. Perhaps an Andromedan? Who knows. The sample taking and instrument used was a new experience for me. I don’t know if an actual sample was taken or if this was just my interpretation. Yet I can still see it very vividly in my mind and the sensation was so real! The path the object made left a thin, electrified sensation on my leg that made my nerves tingle and stay tingling much longer than what is normal. It was at least three passes on the center of each thigh all the way up to just below my groin area.

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Day #6

Today I am grateful for:

  • My physical body. It is the vehicle through which I can experience physical reality.
  • My family and the foundation they provided me this life. Without them I would not have the personality and perspective that I have today.
  • My dad. Though you passed away in 1995 your guidance both during life and even in death provided me with some of the most impactful lessons of my lifetime. Your hearty laugh, zest for living, persistence and ability to push the limits of this physical reality even when what you did was against the grain of what society deems “right” is a reminder to me that life is meant to be LIVED not feared. Thank you for that. I love you.
  • My guidance (Team). They are my spiritual family, the ones who are always there observing, advising and supporting me through this life. Most never come to know their guidance. They go through life oblivious to the other world/family that is constantly assisting them and loves them unconditionally. For some reason I chose to be close with my Team during this life and though it has its drawbacks and challenges, I cannot imagine my life without them in it.
  • Astral travel/OBE. The main tool used by my guidance to communicate and connect with me. It provides me with so much: The ability to meet members of my Team in person which has been a Godsend in times of darkness for me, perspective I would otherwise not have had, numerous lessons and experience, access to other dimensions and realities, and so much more.
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Day #5

A full work week of counting my blessings has already passed! So far, I have enjoyed focusing on the positive and it has made an impact on my day’s outlook. It is has not been significant enough to transform me into an optimist, however. Perhaps once a pessimist, always a pessimist? Still, I prefer the term “realist”. To me this means not seeing the cup as half empty or half full but seeing the cup as it is.

Today I am grateful for:

  • Hugs. I got a group hug from a first grade class I watched this morning for a half hour. They didn’t want me to leave. They hugged me so enthusiastically that I almost fell over. Imagine twenty first graders surrounding you in a hug. Yeah. I felt special and loved.
  • Love, especially a child’s love. There’s nothing quite like it.
  • Cars/transportation. This morning it was in the 20’s and I imagined how it would be to make my commute on foot or with a horse and carriage. I am so very grateful to have a reliable car with a heater (and heated seats) to get me where I need to go fast. Just a 100 years ago this would have been unheard of.
  • Communication, not only spoken word but all kinds of communication. Imagine what it would be like if you couldn’t communicate? I am reminded of Helen Keller.
  • Art in all forms. Art is the soul’s language. I grew up drawing/painting and singing. My older sister and I would make up entire world’s, creating drawings and stories and acting out scenes. When I drew a picture, it wasn’t just a drawing, it was an entire story with characters and experiences. It was a joyful time in my life.

 

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Dream: Wedding Preparations

Woke at 4:30am again. I seem not to be able to sleep past that time this week. Prior to waking I had been in an interesting dream.

Dream: Wedding Preparations

I was in the mansion of my soon-to-be husband. Family was gathering, though most were not family I recognized. Some were people I knew in this life, like my best friend in high school. Everyone was gathering for dinner and my fiance was offering appetizers and trying to get everyone to feel comfortable. I felt a bit nervous and uncertain. I was close to lucidity but never crossed that threshold.

My finance offered me peanut brittle and I passed at first saying I couldn’t eat the peanuts. Eventually I took a small bite without peanuts in it. The taste was sweet and I remember that it settled my nerves. I recognized my fiance from previous dreams. He had dark hair, medium skin tone, was tall and thin and older than me. He had deep smile lines and was an ordinary looking man.

I spoke with my finance for a while, specifically about my past marriages and how this one was different. There was concern on my part about our wedding night. I had never had relations with him and was worried about how it would be. I wondered what it would be like to make love being ours was an arranged marriage.

At some point a child showed me a new computer tablet. It had all brand new apps on it and we were looking at them, wondering how to use them. I remember being curious but not overly excited. I was still nervous.

Considerations

When I woke I knew this dream was significant. I have had other similar dreams and all of them seem to indicate a wedding coming soon. My guidance has been giving me messages about the full moon for a while in the dreamstate. There were four and this month, January, would be the last of the four (the first dream was in October 2016). Considering my most recent dreams indicate a merging of the masculine and feminine is taking place, everything seems to be adding up. I still felt nervous when I woke and a bit uneasy. I am trying not to overthink it.

 

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The Swami and Renunciation

One of the things I experienced this morning was waking in the midst of speaking to someone. I don’t recall what I said now but it woke me up twice. Twice with the same word spoken. The word  wasn’t familiar and sounded foreign so I wrote it down in my sleepy state before I lost it. What I wrote down was: Swo-me.

Later today, while at work, after forgetting completely about speaking the word, it came back to me. I searched Google for anything close but ran into nothing. So I thought about the spelling because I likely spelled it wrong. I was tired and just wrote the sounds I was speaking. So, I typed in swomi and came up with swami. That was the word. I had just misspelled it.

I wish now I remembered what I said. I only recall that the word was in reference to a person. To me? To someone else? I don’t know. Sigh. Memory can be so difficult when sleepy.

I read an article about what a swami is and found it fascinating. I also find it fascinating, once again, that my guidance, through the in-between state, had led me all the way across the globe to India and Hinduisim!

Swami means “master” but so much more than that. The author states:

The act of becoming a swami is not so much an acting of becoming, of adding on, of allegiance, as it is an act of setting aside, of renunciation. A swami is a monk, one who has set aside all of the limited, worldly pursuits, so as to devote full time effort to the direct experience of the highest spiritual realization, and to the service of others along those lines.

It represents setting aside one’s identity and  embracing the Whole. Ha! How appropriate!

The rest of the article is also informative and I suggest you read it if only to learn something new for the day. The whole article feels like a message to me. The part of the article that most resonates with me is What is Renunciation located at the bottom of the article in the link above.

These parts stood out to me:

Renunciation is not, definitely not, an abandoning of any duties. Those who have any claims on him first renounce their claims on him and grant him their happy permission to let go. Theirs is no less an act of renunciation, more difficult, because they have yet to struggle with the world. He renounces because his karma with them has been fulfilled; all he leaves behind is their happy thoughts about him.

The above confirms so much of what I have been intuiting about my current karmic situations.

H. H. Swami Rama says that human beings are an unfinished product. A swami is the finished product, ideally speaking; or aspiring to become a finished product soon, in this very life; this is the ultimate in human evolution.

Wow..

In the life of a spiritual seeker or teacher there comes a moment when a decision can no longer be postponed. One passes through emotions like those of a bride: sadness at separation from past love, looking forward to a future of a different expansion of love, enhancing oneself. All weak emotion is to be watched and conquered–not by suppressing it but by merging the little love into the greater one……..Such a moment is a moment of dying; dying to one’s erstwhile limited self. The renunciate performs that ceremony to himself which is normally performed by relatives following the funeral of someone physically dead.

The final section, The Basis of Renunciation, list seven principles as the basis. They are:

  1. The renunciate directs all his energy toward the attainment of the goal of life, realization.

  2. He does not waste time and energy pursuing desires based on self-interest.

  3. The renunciate’s journey is inward; it is neither action nor inaction nor retreat. It consists of performing actions mentally and directing the mind and its modifications inward rather than toward the external world.

  4. Non-attachment is attained spontaneously because the renunciate is not involved with objects; they have all been consciously renounced.

  5. With pure reason all the samskaras are burned in the fire of knowledge.

  6. There remains only one desire: the desire for Self-realization. That desire does not motivate one to do actions in the external world but becomes a means to build determination, will power, and one-pointedness. Therefore such desire is an essential means rather than an obstacle in the path of sadhana.

  7. In the path of renunciation, Self-realization alone is the goal, and any action that does not become a means is firmly rejected and renounced. There is no half-here and half-there; total dedication and devotion are essential limbs for renunciation.

What this means for me, I am still unsure. Perhaps it is just that one of my guides is a swami and I was speaking to him. Perhaps this guide wanted me to explore this definition of “master”. It would not be the first time I have been led in this direction. Feels like I should have been born in India this life! lol

I hope this post sparks a Remembering in you as well. 🙂

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Day #4 and Dream: Saxophone

Day 4 of my gratefulness challenge. Today I am grateful for:

  • Sleep. 🙂 I always want more but am happy for what I get. I had awful insomnia from 2011-2013 on and off.
  • Heaters, especially space heaters. It is still too cold here in Texas for my liking!
  • Coffee – goes with the cold days! I didn’t start drinking coffee until I lived in Alaska back in 2001-2002. Nothing like negative temps to drive you to a habit even if it is a tasty one.
  • Sight (vision). I use to have awful eyesight (can you say blind?) and got Lasik in 2000. Even though I have to wear glasses/contacts now my vision is pretty decent even without correction. Every day I wake up and can see my alarm clock without having to get within a foot of it is a good day!
  • Friends and helpful neighbors. My neighbor is a godsend for watching my littlest on short notice.

Speaking of insomnia, I’ve been awake since 4:30am but am glad I got the 6 hours I got. Seems like I don’t need near as much sleep as I use to these days.

Dream: Saxophone

I had a marathon of dreams last night but this one is worth recounting.

I walked into a small classroom building that was very obviously a music room with carpeted walls. There were instrument cases all around and I spotted a saxophone case. I played sax in high school so I opened up the case and pulled it out. Even though I knew it wasn’t mine, I played a few notes and was pleased I hadn’t lost the ability to play. It sounded nice and smooth. I played a scale, noticing the sound and feel of the pads as I played. Eventually I put it back in the case. However, I decided to fill the case with water. I don’t know why I did this. After I left I worried about it because I knew the water would rot the pads. I hesitated several times and finally chose to go back to empty the water and fix my mistake. Unfortunately, the kids were coming back to the room so I didn’t go in.

Then I was talking to the student whose sax I had flooded. The student had short, black hair and appeared to be a boy but then I thought, “This is a girl!” However, there were no identifying features to prove gender. The student told me that he/she had stayed home sick the day he/she found the sax flooded and was very hurt that someone would do such a thing. Then he/she didn’t return to school but stayed in bed with his/her dog who was elderly and sick. I remember him/her showing me a photo of his/her twin – a child with short, blonde hair  who was also genderless. Both children were about 8-9 years of age. The dark haired one told me all about his/her twin and was eager to share but this is when I woke up.

Interpretation

It’s interesting to me that I keep having dreams with adults and children whose gender is undefinable. They appear asexual. The twin theme is also recurring.

The saxophone is a dream symbol I can’t recall ever having. To see and/or play a saxophone in a dream indicates a need to express one’s self from deep within. It also indicates I’ve made a deep connection with someone. Water is emotion so since I flooded the sax with water, perhaps I flooded the person I have a deep connection with, with emotion? Considering the person’s whose sax I flooded was dark haired and a twin, I suspect that the emotional overload is this other’s person’s and that I am the cause. I felt bad in the dream and wanted to correct my mistake.

Additionally, a sick dog represents a neglected friendship.

Finally, I keep having dreams with elements of music especially being either a part of or seeing an orchestra, though they are never playing music but preparing to. Orchestras represent inner integration, resolution and harmony and incorporating various aspects of one’s life for smooth functioning. It appears that I am working on or preparing to integrate various aspects.

I am hoping this dream and others like it are a positive sign of my progress. It is hard to tell, especially since I keep waking up from these kinds of dreams feeling very pessimistic.