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Lyra Message

I was going to add this to my OBE post today but decided it should stand alone.

In my last OBE there was a song playing in the background which followed me to wakefulness. The song, Heaven by Bryan Adams. The specific lyrics were: “Baby you’re all that I want, when you’re lying here in my arms, Findin’ it hard to believe we’re in heaven.” Considering the OBE had nothing to do with romance of that sort, no true love or even feelings associated with it, the song made no sense to me and I promptly dumped it from my memory banks.

Later, as I shopped with my daughter, I remembered that a song had been in my head but I couldn’t remember anything about the song except that it had the word “heaven” in it. I knew, that I had to look it up when I got home. I Google songs from the 80’s about heaven to find it. lol I had total amnesia on the melody and lyrics. Didn’t take me long to find it, though. 🙂

Once I found it on YouTube I listened to it to make sure it was the right song. It was. However, the YouTube link address caught my eye, specifically the last five letters/numbers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eT464L1YRA

When I saw that it spelled Lyra I laughed. Heaven = Lyra for me since I’m a Pleiadian Starseed from the planet Lyra. Pretty cool, huh?

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OBE: I’m a Warrior

Woke at 5am wide awake but not wanting to get out of bed. Told my guides, “I want to astral” but felt it was unlikely because my kids wake so early. I have a personal space heater in my room so I switched it on to “fan” mode to drown out any noise that might interrupt my travels. Then I positioned myself flat on my back with my arms comfortably over my head and my pillow over my face. This position, weird as it is, seems to be most conducive to projecting for me lately. I have not projected from my side in ages.

OBE: Black Kitten

I entered into a dream in which I was watching a little, dark haired girl trying to get into a closet full of toys. I pushed the door shut with my foot. It hit her arm, hurting her. This was an accident and so I got up out of bed (and OOB) and let her into the closet which opened up to reveal many various toys. I moved them around to show her what was there and she morphed into a tiny, black kitten. The kitten surprised me and I re-entered my body.

I had not realized I was OOB until then. I had vibrations so I knew I could exit, so I tried, but I was really tired and relaxed, wanting only to stay right where I was. I pushed past it, though and walked across the room. My energy was failing so I asked for clarity and even heard my guidance suggest I do breathing exercises. This pulled me back into my body.

OBE: I’m a Warrior

When I re-entered my body this time I was able to exit again. This time, when I got out, my energy level was higher and I flew out of my room into the hallway. I got the idea to sing in order to raise my vibration. Words and an unfamiliar melody came out and immediately I felt myself grow lighter and my vision became crisper and more vivid. I was singing, “I can do anything. I’m a warrior….” There was more, but I can’t remember it now. It was all about feminine power, though. As I sang, an entire band joined me with back-up singers and everything. It sounded like jazz maybe and the singers sounded African American. lol

I flew down my stairs, singing the entire time, and went out the front door. Outside, the streets of my neighborhood were overgrown with tropical vegetation. Trees that were taller than the telephone poles with vines hanging off of them lined the streets. There was no evidence of the suburbia to be found. Seeing this made me super happy. I was over the moon with joy.

For some reason, though, my legs were hurting me while I was flying. I remember being distracted by them and worrying they would force me back into my body. I had an internal dialogue about it that went something like, “Don’t focus on them. But something’s wrong. Don’t focus on them, you will go back in body. But they hurt. What if something’s wrong? Nothing’s wrong…” LOL

Eventually, the leg discomfort was enough that I checked on my physical body. I went back to it but did not enter it. Instead, my vision blacked out and I recall moving my legs remotely. I wonder now if I even moved my legs at all because it is so surreal a memory but whatever I did worked. My legs stopped hurting.

Then I was back in flight. Somehow I managed to find a house amidst the vegetation and entered into a long hallway. The lights inside were dim and I encountered a woman with five small girls approximately the age of 8-9 years old. The girls were in a line heading outside to the back. I flew over the tops of their heads talking to them. I worried briefly that I would get into trouble for flying. Somehow I knew it was not allowed where I was. For some reason, though, they tolerated it and I accepted without ever mentioning it or asking permission.

I followed them outside to a courtyard and stayed floating above their heads. I looked at them all very carefully, trying to remember the details of their faces. They were all ethnicities. I recall seeing an African American girl with her hair in multiple ponytails. There was a blonde girl whose cheeks were covered in freckles. There was also a dark haired girl whose hair was about shoulder length but she was very shy and stood back.

I wondered what to say to them and had the idea to ask them if they had physical bodies. I saw the dark haired girl nod “yes” but I wanted to hear them say it so I repeated the question and heard another girl say, “Yes, we all do.” Then I asked, “Do you come here often?” The blonde girl said, “Yes, all the time.” I didn’t think to ask them if they had ever seen me. lol

Then I asked them, “Do you visit any other places?” I heard back, “Yes, sometimes.” I said, “Me, too.” I tried to remember the names of all the places I had been but my mind was blank except for memories and impressions. This is when the little freckle faced girl said, “I’ve been to Taipei.” I said, “Oh, I’ve never been there before.” For some reason I thought it was in Japan but now I know that I was thinking that I have been to Japan but at the time it confused me so I never told the girls about my travels there.

I recall then that the little girls went to a swimming pool and began to swim. I knew I could go with them but decided not to, flying off without saying goodbye. I was singing the song with music and background vocals again. This time, I stopped singing as I returned to my house and went up the stairs. The women singing continued and I recalled clearly the words, “I can do anything. I’m a warrior.” There was a third line but it is lost to me now. The last thing I recall upon return to my body was that my legs were hot from the insulated leggings I wore to bed (in the 20s last night). lol

warrioringardenOBE: Locked In

I could still feel vibrations so I decided to exit again. This time I went down the stairs and when I tried to leave via my front door it was locked. For some reason I got the idea that I would stand in front of my window and take my clothes off. I was sure it would get someone’s attention and they would come open the door for me. LOL I began with my shirt and bra and it was very difficult to get them off, they kept sticking and my fingers felt too big. I watched a car pull up and turn off its lights. A family approached the house, a mom and a couple of kids. By then my top was off but my bottoms were not cooperating.

I moved to the door to wait, fiddling with my drawstring which was too tight and in knots. I could hear the woman trying to unlock the door. I kept trying to get my clothes off quickly (not sure what I was thinking lol) and finally got my bottoms down and then couldn’t get them unstuck from around my feet. lol

The door opened and the woman entered. She was very obese but all I remember of her was her enormous thighs. They were as large as the seat of a chair. I sat down on her thigh (why? lol) and noticed that I could not feel my base chakra. It was like there was a huge, gaping hole in my energy body! This threw me because I had never experienced anything like it. Then for some reason I decided to kiss the woman. A big, wet french kiss. lolol What is odd here is that I don’t remember seeing or even feeling her lips or face. Instead, what I experienced was this massive space in my mouth and a distinct taste of salt, like ocean water. My mouth became expansive, like I was being sucked into a salty void. lol So completely weird!

As I woke up, the song Heaven by Bryan Adams was in my mind, specifically, “Baby you’re all that I want , when you’re lying here in my arms, I’m findin’ it hard to believe we’re in heaven.” Hmmm.

 Miscellaneous Thoughts

I wonder about my missing root chakra. It was a distinct feeling of empty space in my otherwise “whole” astral body. Like someone came and removed the entire chakra. Interestingly, when I woke, my lower back was hurting and I had started my monthly cycle early. This is the third month I’ve had an irregular cycle, too, which is very unusual for me. Are they related? Who knows.

The feminine theme of these OBEs is interesting to me. Every individual I encountered was female. In the final OBE I was looking for a male and swear I sensed one in the corner of my living room, yet I never approached him. It was like he was watching from the sidelines. A guide perhaps.

There were several in-between moments that occurred before these OBEs, too. Once I was underwater, breathing. It was as if I was fluid and part of the water. It was a beautifully integrated feeling and hard to describe. There are also memories of a discussion with others and seeing the numbers 11 and 111.

I also had several short exits from my body that failed abruptly and were followed by hypnagogia. I recall seeing thousands of tiny, perfect bubbles in my vision.  I’ve also been experiencing vibrations, which is not usual. This is the third night in a row that I have awakened to vibrations and/or hypnagogia. The other nights, though, I was unable to exit my body.

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OBE: Illusion

Busy night.

Dream: Drug

At some point in the night I entered into a semi-lucid dream in which I was inside a house with a man. I seemed to get a tour of it, specifically the back garden and the garage. There was a small vegetable garden that had been neglected. The vegetables were wilting and there were some weeds but it could be salvaged. Inside the garage there was a single, white table. On it was food. I don’t recall what kind, just that I ate some and then felt large, grainy stuff in my mouth, like crystals. I stopped eating and became horrified realizing I had just eaten some kind of drug. I spit it out as fast as I could but knew it had already dissolved into my tongue and gotten into my system. My friend was reassuring me that it was no big deal, smirk on his face the whole time.

He asked me how I felt. I could feel this large energy surround me and settle around my head and face. It made me dizzy and disoriented so I held onto a chair to balance myself. There was a strange all-over feeling I can’t quite describe. It is what I would expect a heavy dose of an illegal drug would do, except I have never done any drugs like that so I don’t know. I kept looking to my friend for reassurance and he just kept smiling (ugh!) and asking how I felt. I got pretty nervous because the energy was so weird! It felt so physical yet I knew it was not and my head was the main focal point. My cheeks were numb and as I stood there my arms and hands became numb, too! There was also a strange energy in my stomach and all of it was just too much.

I startled awake. It was 4am. The energy was gone but my hands were both completely numb! lol I requested sleep because I have been waking up early every morning. I was able to fall asleep and entered into another semi-lucid dream.

Dream: Into the Nothingness

I was in my mom’s house with several family members, one of which was my SIL. I was flying around the whole time and confused as to whether I was really awake or dreaming. I did things that I needed to do upon waking like put out the trash and get ready for work. I was also extremely thirsty and seeking water. When I filled my glass from the refrigerator the liquid was brown and bubbly and I realized it was coke. This peaked my lucidity.

I went to my mom’s closet to borrow a sweater and as I was putting on clothing I wondered again if I was awake or not. This is when I realized I was floating and not standing and became completely lucid in the dream.

Upon realizing I was dreaming I entered into a place of nothingness similar to the in-between but I was OOB. One of my guides was speaking to me, instructing me. He said something about how I was there to regain my abilities in astral. He spoke of things I needed to practice like creating vortexes and such but I can’t remember his exact words. I was very happy and agreeable, listening like a good student. I don’t remember ever seeing him, I just felt his energy near me.

During this instruction period I remember feeling various energies. In one instance I was connecting to my friend Angela. I felt a huge wall of energy around me. It felt like water. It washed over me, like a tidal wave but it was very gentle. I remember allowing the flow of it to come over me and enjoying it but at the same time knowing I needed to connect with her to see how she was doing. Was she in an emotionally turbulent state right now? I wondered.

OBE: Illusion

At some point in my instruction my guide/teacher let me loose to practice. When this happened a rush of perception hit me all at once. I was floating in the middle of a suburban neighborhood and I was reminded that I needed to set an intention. My vision was crisp, the air was cool and the colors were amazing. I was floating at window level of the house I was near. I lifted up higher toward the rooftops and trees and stated my intent. I wanted to visit with a friend. I flew as I repeated my intent and let go, allowing myself to be drawn into the portal that I was creating to take me to my set location. Instead of going into the portal, though, I felt someone grab my left foot and begin to pull me. I was thinking I was going to be taken somewhere but instead I was set firmly on the ground, as if I was being told to stay grounded or maybe that I was grounded when it came to visiting this friend.

Undeterred, I asked why I was not being taken to this person. I was told, “Because there are things you need to see.” I replied, “But I need to see this person.” I explained why and was still very happy and carefree about it, convinced I would get my way.

I continued to fly and headed away from the houses. My vision was so crisp at one point that I had to remind myself I was OOB and to not get carried away by the lucidity of the situation. I could hear music every once in a while. The music was of a song I know called Illusion. I didn’t focus on the music, though, and it moved to the background.

I flew up high toward the stars and the light dimmed, as if night suddenly descended. There was a moment here that I knew I should not go any higher or attempt a visit into outer space. I somehow knew I was in an alternate reality created just for me to practice in. So, I changed my mind and went back down and the daylight returned. I did flips and just generally enjoyed my freedom. It was refreshing!

I was still trying to convince my guide why I should get what I wanted when I looked down and saw my dog, Trooper, in a three-sided cubicle chained up. I decided to investigate and flew down to him. He was soaking wet and I commented on it as I greeted him. I unchained him and said, “Do you want to go swimming!? I know that’s your most favorite thing to do!” My dog jumped and was enthusiastic so I took him to a pool and we jumped in together. We swam across the pool and then he overwhelmed me, pushing me underneath him and under the water. I remember feeling the water come over my head and not being concerned. I grabbed him by the collar and led him to the side of the pool.

When I got out my mom was standing there and sent me a telepathic message about a situation that had occurred with my son. He had been bullied on the bus and the perpetrators were paying for it, literally. She said something to me about them owing $2,000 total but $1,000 was already paid. She said, “And they will pay.” I remember thinking it odd that this would be brought to me as part of what I needed to “see”. I wondered about it and then settled into the nothingness space again. My guide close, I knew I would wake soon, which I did. I entered my body very gently.

Illusion

As I settled into my body I heard the song Illusion again, specifically the part, “Please don’t go. I want you to stay.” But again I wasn’t really paying attention to the song. Instead, I was focused on my guide who was close by. He said to me, “Remember who you are.” I said back, “What exactly is that suppose to mean?” Before I finished my question a thought entered my mind – A spiritual Being having a human experience. Not impressed, I then noticed the music repeating in my head over and over. I acknowledged it saying, “Oh, I get it! You want me to stay so you are bribing me with OBEs to keep me interested!” I laughed because my guidance knows me so well.

 

 

 

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U-Turn

I apologize for the silence. I want to write, I really do, but I can’t do it publicly right now. So, I write with pen and paper to document my experiences for the time being.

To be honest, I don’t know where I am going right now. It is a blank. The upheaval continues. The exploration forced submersion into deeper layers of Self continues. Who I will be when I come out the other side is unknown. How long that will take? Also unknown.

U-Turn

In my last post I wrote of a dream in which I took a u-turn and then found that I may have turned around too soon. I had another u-turn dream last night. In this one I was also on a busy highway but following a school bus going much slower than the rest of traffic. I made a slow u-turn along with the school bus.

Since I have been purposefully trying to forget my dreams lately, I almost lost this brief dream recollection. It is funny how intention works with dream recall for me. Just thinking, “I don’t want to remember my dreams. I don’t care anymore.” works wonders. I have had nights of dreamless sleep because of it. A sweet escape into the abyss of no-memory. Yet this morning when I woke up the bliss of no-memory was invaded by an rush of dream memory. It was not pleasant. The u-turn dream said to me, “Pay attention to this one. Don’t ignore this.”

So I looked it up. What could a u-turn possibly mean that is so important?

U-turn: You are altering the course of your life. You are changing directions; taking a completely different path. It can also mean a wrong decision or choice has been made.

The school bus confirms the u-turn symbolism.

School bus: You are about to venture on an important life journey needed for your own personal growth.

I will just leave it at that.

 

 

 

 

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Going Down

The pummeling continues for me. Apparently I am not alone. Though I don’t have much time lately to peruse the articles on the internet, I am occasionally drawn to one to confirm whatever it is that has briefly crossed my mind. I ran across this one today and the map pictured in it pulled me in. It reminded me of a dream I had a few nights ago in which I was being shown power spots in the U.S. Mt. Shasta was one of those. I also saw other locations spread across the globe. The description of the energies in this post also hit home. I am suffering. Still. Thankfully I don’t have body issues. Mine is all emotional. It is like my empathic side is super charged. I don’t like it.

Yesterday it seemed like all was back to “normal” for a while. I went for an hour long run with my husband. We talked the entire time. It was pleasant and I had more energy than I thought I would. The day was beautiful. Clear blue skies, cool temperatures, just a nice day. When I got home I felt very grounded and stable. I thought maybe the upheaval I have been experiencing was over. Yet I knew with that thought that it wasn’t.

Dream: U-Turn

I was driving along a busy highway. There were more lanes than I could count and it was night and the headlights of thousands of cars filled my vision. I was not in a car, I was flying at very high speeds. For some reason, I felt I had missed my exit. I couldn’t figure out where I was. Everything was foreign to me. I determined that I was going the wrong way and so suddenly turned around, making a u-turn into the lanes going the opposite direction. No headlights were on that side. It was clear.

I turned quickly and with too much speed but managed to go the other way. Several people stopped me, asking if I was okay. I said I was and kept going. Yet when I began to look for the right exit, I found I was in the wrong place. My exit was going the other way. This confused me even more.

Dream: Going Down

I must have exited and found myself inside a building with many levels. There was a restaurant and the floors were uneven with many levels of their own. I ended up in front of a row of elevators. I was told some were not working properly. I watched three doors open. Doors 3, 4 and 5. The problem was that once the doors closed they would not go in the direction intended and you may end up trapped inside. Despite this, I saw my middle son get in. The door closed and when he came out his clothes were gone and he was completely naked. The same thing happened to others who got in. Completely naked.

I saw one elevator open to the level on the other side. A man went in and ran across. When he made it to the other side he was burned, a big, red circle on his midsection. It was clear to me these elevators were not normal. I asked how we would be able to get up to the higher floors. I was told, “These elevators are going down. We are already on the top floor.” In my mind I saw that they descended hundreds of floors down, into a space that was beyond my comprehension. I knew I had to choose one and allow it to take me down. I was afraid.

At My Limit

When I awoke from these dreams I was disoriented. It reminded me of experiences I have been having when I drive lately. I will find myself driving along and suddenly not know where I am. I will panic and it takes time to figure out where I am. The first time this happened it was on a drive to my Mom’s at Thanksgiving. Since then, whenever I drive I worry it will happen again and many times it does making it that much scarier to be behind the wheel. The lights of the cars blend together and I feel disoriented and confused. It is like I am a new driver and am not sure I can drive a car.

I burst into tears because this feeling is how my life feels right now. It is like when I went scuba diving at night. It is the most disorienting thing. You can’t determine which way is up, down, east, west. The blackness is scary and you freeze because you don’t know where to go or where it will lead you.

I spent a good hour this morning in bed crying. Crying because nothing makes sense and I can’t figure out what to do. The counselor side of me kicked in, though, and I understood why my guidance keeps suggesting that I dive into my 3D life. My job and my kids right now are my only stable ground. Take one or both of those away and I am sure I would crash into a psychotic break or worse. Without these responsibilities to push me out of bed every morning, I don’t know where I would be right now. Not a good place, I’m sure.

This is by far the worst time in my life to date. I can’t stress how bad I am/feel. Inside. On the outside, I look fine. I’m good at faking it. An old pro. But this is pushing me to my breaking point. I don’t know what that will look like. Ugly probably.

Even at work today I had to hide many times throughout the day. This is not the first time, either. It’s an on-again, off-again cycle. Good day. Brutal day. Okay day. Brutal day. So even immersion in 3D is not doing me much good now.

Guidance

My guidance is not helping much. Lately they have been saying, “We can’t interfere.” The only constant is that whatever this is will pass and on the other side things will be “clear”. They did say I am delving deep into the subconscious, into uncharted territory. Whatever it is that I am digging up is really heavy stuff. I wish I could make sense of it, but then I would have to have energy to do that. Right now I am exhausted. All the life has been sucked out of me.

These two songs have been helpful lately. Music and art have been my saviors. Any creative outlet helps. So if you are going through something like I am, create something. Anything. It makes the pain bearable.

Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light….. 🙂

 

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Celebrating Me

I decided at the last minute to participate in Litebeing’s Magnificent Challenge. The challenge is simply to write about your “you-ness”. You would think it an easy task, but for me, it is not because I have been trying to figure out who I am my entire life. 🙂

Let’s start with the basics. In this physical form that which I am is composed of all the labels that have been given to me (and taken away). Some of the ones I identify most with are: mother, daughter, teacher, counselor, sibling, singer, writer, nature lover, animal lover, artist, loner, realist, helper, and wife. These are ones that identify my “roles” in life mainly- the ones you tend to answer with when someone asks you to tell them about yourself. These are the “expected” answers, and I, like a good little girl (woman) like to give what is expected (usually) and avoid the uncomfortable situations that result from a dose of my reality.

There are also those identifying labels that tend to come up after you get to know me. Then you find out I am a Leo, knowledge-seeker, Lightworker, Wayshower, Gridworker, Gatekeeper, member of the GFL groundcrew, Volunteer,  Starseed, astral projector, walk-in, braided soul, medium, psychic, medical intuitive, traveler between worlds, explorer of other dimensions, Contactee, etc. Very few people ever meet this me in person. Many more know me only on-line.

But if you go deeper and toss the labels, it gets a lot harder to describe one’s self. How does one even do that? We are limited by human language and there is so much more to us than what we can verbalize.

So then, I will give you the sensory stuff along with who I have found myself to be outside the constraints of this physical form (meaning while OOB or experiencing altered states of consciousness not necessarily drug induced). My color is mostly golden with specks of blue, indigo and violet. This is lately – within the last year. A few years ago it was primarily blue and green.

The sound would likely be a song of some sort, maybe an orchestra playing with colors and light flashing with each tone played (or heard since there would be no instruments really). Imagine seeing the sound. Yep. That’s how it would be. And the sound itself would be part of who you are, who I am. One and the same. Hard to imagine, but I have experienced it so I know it exists.

If you were to meet me in spiritual form I would likely come at you with everything I have. No holding back. You would get all of me whether you liked it or not. Honest, blunt, humorous yet with a more serious (task oriented) side when needed. I would not hesitate to play a joke on you or make a bet with you on one thing or another. But all of it would be full of love, in huge amounts. And acceptance. What I give to myself you would also get. Which is why it would be such a big, fantastic meeting. Right? 🙂

The feeling on your side would be whiplash-like but would then calm down and you would likely laugh. So would I – hysterically, especially when you do the same thing to me. Imagine a water balloon fight, only bigger.

Not sure about taste. Can you taste another Being? Probably. Thinking licorice here for some reason. Probably someone from my soul family played that joke on me once…lol But my favorite tastes would be peanut butter, cotton candy, and chocolate. Interesting combination that would be. 🙂

And that’s just the five basic senses. All the other ones would be in there, too. The entire package is beautifully fantastic and free. That’s me without this body. Unrestrained, full of love, joy, acceptance and potential. I have touched her once. Briefly. That’s how I know she exists.

My entire life I have been the first me – the one living according to what society has labeled her and wants her to be. If you were to meet me under “normal”, 3D circumstances, you would never have any idea that the other me, the real me, existed underneath. I would keep my distance, follow the social norms and rules. I would feel out your energy before I allowed you to get any closer. Any indication that your words don’t match your intention (energy) and I would back off.

I think I prefer that you know the real me – the me who I am without this physical body. I prefer to know her – BE her – to somehow bring her through the body instead of keeping her hidden all the time. It’s hard, though. Hopefully I have done a good job introducing you to her. Now I need to get to know her a bit better myself……to Remember. I’m working on it.

 

 

 

 

 

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OBE: Hu

Woke at 3am upset. Fell back to sleep at 4am asking to project.

OBE: Hu

Found myself in the in-between hearing noises off. I heard an entire conversation between my husband and two youngest. I remember saying I was tired and worrying about having to get up for work soon. For some reason I was confused, thinking it was 2pm and that my MIL had not come to watch the kids so I had missed work. I recognized that none of what I was hearing or saying made any sense – I was in the midst of phasing and all I had to do was shift OOB.

I silently set the intent to go OOB and when I did, the conversation that was going on around me shifted and I was pushed and then pulled very forcefully from two directions. Being I was still thinking I was with my two youngest, I assumed they were playing and so laughed and responded, pushing back and sitting up. In retrospect I believe my guides were assisting me OOB.

My vision came on and the room was golden lit and bright. I was at my mom’s house, though, sitting on the ledge of the fireplace. As soon as my vision turned on I was up and moving around very quickly, assessing the scene. I flew up and hit the ceiling. Solid. Then bounced back down to land on the ground then was up again, floating over the kitchen. I saw my youngest on the floor by two open cabinet doors. The cabinets were empty and their contents nowhere to be seen. I said to him, “What happened? Did you do that?” and laughed. “Come on! Let’s go outside.” With this he flew up toward me but my vision blacked out. I stayed in the scene, though and did not shift out of it.

I flew up again and hit the ceiling. I knew I needed to get out of the area because that is where I originally entered. I still could not see and felt my energy begin to shift, my vibration falling. I didn’t want to leave so I paused and thought, “Calm down. Bring up your energy.” With that, my energy stabilized and my vision turned on again.

I saw my youngest running toward the door. I said, “Open the door! Open the door!” He opened it and I swooped down to join him, eager to go outside. There was trepidation here, though, because I have been stopped from going through doors recently while OOB. Again, my vision turned off.

Going through the door I expected to be greeted by my youngest who already exited but instead there was an adult there. He/she grabbed me and then it felt like my face was being attacked but in retrospect I realize it was a kiss but it felt energetic, not solid. I had visions of a black, scary, faceless monster for some reason and quickly pushed it out of my mind. I said, “I know you’re ok. I’m not afraid.”

I felt myself destabilize and had to once again balance my energy and calm myself down. My eyes then were filled with light and my mother’s front yard came into view. I rushed out, feeling exceptionally free and looked up at the sky. I scanned it for a while, seeing only light gray cloud cover.  A blonde, short-haired, older woman asked me, “What are you looking for?” I said, “The light. It’s hidden but I know it’s there. I can feel it.” That’s when I realized the woman with me had been the one who greeted me at the door and kissed me on the cheek.

I turned toward her and looked at her. She came close and held a card up in front of my face. It was a driver’s license but it did not have a photo on it. Instead it had a beautiful scene of a green, hilly place with a brilliant sun in the upper left hand corner. The name on the card said, “Hu”. I tried to take the card from her but she held it away. I said, “That looks like California. Whose drivers license is it? I want to see.” I saw the name “Hu” and in my mind I said, “Hu” with an “H” sound and then felt it should be more like “You” or maybe “Hugh”. I couldn’t figure it out but finally settled on “You”.

My vision blacked out again and I felt myself shifting so I had to once again settle down. The card had caught my attention as did the message and I thought too long and hard on it. I was able to balance again and when my vision returned the woman was close. I reached for her and hugged her. She said to me, “Do you know who I am?” My vision was suddenly very vivid and crisp and I saw her left ear from the vantage point of her shoulder (I was hugging her still). She was wearing a diamond stud earring and her skin indicated she was pretty old, maybe 60-70’s. Her hair was cropped short and blondish-gray and I was able to follower her jawline to her face. I was inspecting tiny blonde hairs on her face when my vision blacked out again.

I thought a bit on her question and then replied, “Katherine.” We were still hugging and she said to me, “Yes. One day, when little junior is all grown up, he will have a child. That child is me.” I suddenly felt very emotional and hugged her really, really tightly. I could feel her hugging me back warmly. I began to cry and the emotion of it shifted me back into the in-between where I stayed for some time recovering. The tears were not sad ones, they were joyful. In the in-between I could still feel her close.

I had many questions when I woke. Like, “Who is junior? We don’t have a junior.” Then I thought she must mean my youngest because his middle name is my husband’s first name.  I thought of her name, too. Katherine. On my husband’s side of the family I know of two Katherine’s. My side I don’t know of any. Then I wondered if she was visiting from “the future” or if the person I saw was from the present yet to leave her body and transition into a new one. Finally, I was mad at myself for not asking more questions.

As for “Hu”, I guess it was my driver’s license indicating that the sun will shine again on my life some day. Hopefully not in California. I don’t want to live there. lol

 

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My Asian Form

Interesting experience last night. I suspect it has to do with what my guides asked me a couple of nights ago, “Do you want to see yourself?”

Dream: Asian Woman

I don’t remember most of my dreams last night. However, at one point I became lucid in the midst of a dream. I did not take over control of the dream but instead continued to allow it to continue without interruption which is why I did not classify it as lucid.

I saw a woman. I can’t remember if it was in the mirror or if I was seeing her as myself from the point of the observer. Whatever it was, I recognized her as myself and said aloud, “Oh yeah! I keep forgetting that I look this way.” The woman I saw was in all ways different from how I look now. She was very obviously Asian, petite, and somewhat plain but pretty nonetheless. Her cheekbones were extremely flat and her eyes, though slanted, were wide enough to not seem squinty.

I inspected her face for a long time, especially her eyes. It is times like these I wish I could draw human faces because if I could I would draw hers. I spent a long time Googling images and could not find a face that was similar enough.

While looking at her, I remembered being her, that I was/am her. There was a feeling of memory loss when I looked at her, like the dream stopped and I would shift into her and her lifetime. The shift was very disorienting and felt similar to how I feel when I enter a portal while OOB. The energy would intensify and I would feel to dematerialize. Then I would recognize what was happening and shift back. The shifts resulted in amnesia of my current life and the dreamstate.

The memories of this woman, this version of me, came only as her personality. Meek, modest, subordinate, passive and permissive, she did not question male authority and focused on her function within the family unit. She didn’t resent this role nor question it. Her focus was very much inward and introspective but she was also very loyal and took her feminine role very seriously. She had much wisdom and humility. The feeling from her was that she had made peace with herself, life, and humanity, and had managed to achieve what I have not. I had nothing but respect for her.

There were flashes of memory amidst all of this but they make no sense to me now. It is like they were erased so that only the memory of the disassociation with my present lifetime and the visual of her face remain.

There is no doubt in my mind that this woman was/is me. In fact, the realization that hit me while in the dream was that my preferred appearance while in Spirit was this form. There is recognition now that I choose to appear as her because of what I achieved in that lifetime. I also knew she was of Mongolian heritage.

The most memorable part of her was her eyes. I was fixated upon them, staring deeply into them. I saw they were almost black, they were so dark, and the whites of the eyes had snowflake-like black shapes spreading outward from the iris toward the edge of the eye. Both sides had these snow-flake shapes. They sparkled like they were made of gemstones or crystals. I am not sure what they mean but they were distinct and fascinating to me. When I saw them I felt like this woman – I – was timeless.

Considerations

I find this experience very interesting, mostly because never would I have thought that while I am out and about in the astral or between lives that I would choose such a form. I assumed always that I would be similar to how I look now – blonde, blue eyes. Yet, when I saw this woman I recognized her as me and Remembered that is how I look when not in a body (most of the time anyway). My guidance was close when I woke up and I asked them, “Is that what I look like?” I heard back, “We take many forms.” But I also got confirmation.

I have read that when we are no longer in human form that we often choose to appear as we did in a favorite lifetime. It could be that we learned a great deal in that lifetime or that we were happiest or even that we failed miserably in it. Whatever it is, we all have our favorites and so tend to wear that form to remind ourselves of our accomplishments and how far we have come. I am certain that this woman is not the only form I take, but the memory of the lifetime I spent as her says enough in itself to inform me of why I choose to look like her. There are many of her traits that I wish I could transfer to this lifetime. Most of them, actually. lol

There is a lifetime I once recalled only the briefest moments of. I was an Asian female but I can’t recall the exact dates of that lifetime now. The memory is of practicing playing the cello for hours upon hours to the point that my fingers would bleed. My father would insist I practice and make me practice until it was perfect, even if my fingers were bleeding and swollen. The main memory was of being forced to play, blood pouring from my fingertips in excruciating pain. Though I had enjoyed playing the cello, all enjoyment of music was extinguished by the brutality imposed upon me by my own father. That lifetime is likely not the same lifetime, but I don’t honestly know.

Finally, there has been an Asian link throughout my spiritual journey in this lifetime. Steven, my spiritual counterpart (etheric twin), told me that his last lifetime on Earth was lived in Mongolia during the time of Genghis Khan. Whenever I see him in astral or dreams he is Asian. Sometimes he is the typical Mongolian Asian with a very flat face, and other times he takes other Asian forms such as Indian, Chinese and Japanese.

 

 

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Anger’s Turn

I thought I was to get a reprieve on the emotional dreams. Well, I sorta did except now the emotion is anger. I mean make-a-person-turn-red-in-the-face anger. Yeah. That bad. Funny enough, I am much better with anger than the deep, soul wrenching agony I was experiencing. Give me anger any day over that mess. I just don’t handle the heaviness in my heart. Apathy is the pits. Anger isn’t heavy. Its animated. It takes action. I’m all about action.

As with my other dreams, the connection to the emotion isn’t always obvious.

Dream: Twin Toilets

I entered into a bathroom to use it. It was dark and there were two large windows. Yellow light was pouring in through them almost blinding me. I went to the first toilet to use it and found it was full of feces. I flushed it and the toilet drained but when it re-filled the feces came back up. Gross.

On the other side of the vanity and sink was another toilet. I heard someone say, “Use the other one.” No one was with me so not sure who made the suggestion. I went to the other one. The water was clear.

I woke up furious and arguing with someone saying, “Two is NOT better than one.” All I could think about was that I was left to clean up someone else’s mess all alone. No support. Denied love. Blocked communication. Abandoned.

Interpretation

I see the contrast between the dream from the past and this current dream. Their is a separation between the toilets now and one is full of feces which represents an aspect of Self that is considered dirty and repulsive. I had thought the past dream was representative of connecting with another in the physical – my “twin” – but now I think it may have been representative of another aspect of myself. This dream confirms the latter is more likely. I am being given a choice between two very different aspects of Self. Those aspects are no longer close together but drifting farther and farther apart. The voice told me to choose one over the other, indicating I have a choice.

dual-toilets

Dream: Drained Battery

I was in a house with two rooms. The next day I was to catch a plane. It was late and I was almost done, going through a check-list in my mind to make sure I didn’t forget anything. I was already in bed and near sleep when I remembered I needed to charge my phone. I jumped out of bed and found my phone. The battery symbol was in the red and it was in power saving mode. I found the adapter and plugged it into the wall and also connected it with an ethernet cord. The phone wouldn’t charge, though.

A black woman was suddenly by my side suggesting I use the outlet in the other room. She showed me her phone was charging just fine. I tried the outlet and the phone would not charge. She pointed out another outlet on the other side of the room. Still nothing. She even suggested I call the phone company. I told her I couldn’t at such a late hour.

I ventured back to my room feeling frustrated. What was wrong with my phone!? Without it I would have no way to communicate!

The lights then turned on and I was standing inside a huge garage. I could see better and saw an outlet. I plugged my phone in and it finally showed it was charging. Again I had to plug it in to an electrical outlet and an ethernet outlet.

Interpretation

This dream seems to be focusing on my struggle to find energy/motivation. There is also the communication element as indicated by the cell phone. I feel unable to communicate; blocked on all sides. There is also feeling unheard by my guidance and by those around me. It feels pointless to even attempt to communicate. Like it won’t do any good.

Note: This morning, when I woke up, my phone had died in the night, so drained of battery that when I turned it on, it would immediately shut down before it registered the charger. This happened three times and on the fourth it finally accepted the charge and did not shut down. I got very concerned at first, thinking I would have to take it to the cell phone company to get it fixed or replaced. Just like in the dream. Weird.

Dream: Twin Kittens

A mother calico cat and two calico kittens were near me. The entire dream was focused on them. They were given to me and I was taking care of them. The mother cat remained curled up protectively around the two kittens. All three of them were the muddle, dirty calico, not with the defined typical calico patterns. All of them were female. I was talking to someone about moving them from one location to another and being given encouragement. I remember focusing on the little kittens, their round bellies full of milk, happily cuddling in their mother’s embrace. They had tiny little brown eyes and were perfect in every way. It was like I returned to my youth when I use to love baby animals of all kinds and watched many litters of kittens be born and raised. I even use to collect cat and kitten figurines when I was around 10-11 years old.

Interpretation

I am not sure how to interpret this dream. The twin theme is repeating but as kittens. Kittens represent transitional phases toward independence. Since the twins are both female, I am not sure what to think except that maybe again they symbolize the two aspects of Self. I did focus on the one on the left more than the right. Perhaps that is significant. The coloration could also be significant – all three were muddy, blurred calico colors. This could indicate that there is confusion present.

In-Between

I had many discussions while in the in-between. I heard song phrases in my head. One was from Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody – “Gotta leave it all behind and face the truth.” The other was from the song Litost, “Just to say that I’m yours and you’ll never be mine.”

All along I was furious. I began to think of something someone posted on FB about a woman who views all ET experiences, spiritual ascension experiences and Twin Flame phenomena as a ploy by negative ET races who are trying to control the human race. The question was raised if it was possible that the heart connection and intense magnetism of Twin Flame and similar experiences was one of these control mechanisms. I had replied that I couldn’t imagine such a beautiful heart experience would be something sinister. This morning I considered that maybe I am wrong about it. Maybe it all is the domain of Team Dark, meant to throw us off our paths and control us? It seemed an accurate conclusion, especially with all the anger I was feeling. Once again I had the consideration to disappear from the internet but this time because suddenly all my spiritual experiences felt all to be a lie to me, meant to distract me from living so that I fall into a fantasy world that will never be.

Before you all panic, all of this is just a process that is occurring, an allowing of the expression of emotions. It doesn’t mean I am tossing everything I have been through or that I think it is all manipulation by Team Dark.

 

 

 

 

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Dreams: Looking at Self

Yesterday, I appealed to my Team of guides asking them to please spare me the emotion that has been plaguing my dreams. I heard in reply, “Would you like to see yourSelf?” I replied, “Sure I guess.” Then I hesitated and asked, “What exactly does that mean?” I didn’t get an answer other than a feeling of, “Wait and see” and a hint of humor.  I hesitated and thought about how I would likely be shown my darker side.

Later that night, as I was sitting outside listening to the crickets I wondered about it again and my guidance sent me a flash of a hideous creature that reminded me of a person wearing a mask. I heard laughter and I laughed along with them. They said, “You aren’t afraid.” I replied, “No but that was funny.” lol

Thankfully, I did not get a night full of emotionally charged dreams. Not one. However, I had dreams indicative of my current state and issues that need confronting. I didn’t wake in a very pleasant mood.

cucumber-mask

Dream: Wearing a Mask

In this dream I applied a light green facial mask and then went about my day with it still on my face. I had my youngest with me and he and I laughed about my appearance. I felt to be playing a game of sorts to see how people would react.

We went together to the apartment of a male friend of mine. I felt very happy there and visited daily. When I arrived we kissed but he commented on my mask and I laughed about it but suddenly felt self-conscious. I decided to take it off but could not find any water to do so.

After a little time had passed, my friend took me aside and told me that he thought I had been visiting too much. He basically told me that I was coming on too strongly for him, that his intentions were not the same as mine and that he needed some space. This threw me completely and I backed away from him feeling rejected. I remember thinking to myself, “Maybe I have been too needy? Maybe I want more from him than he can give me?” I felt suddenly very angry. Angry at myself for being so intense and pushy and angry at him for taking so long to tell me. I felt he had led me on, encouraging me, perhaps wanting my company and then suddenly changing his mind when he realized what it would cost him. I cuddled my son in my arms and left, thinking, “Fine. I’m done with you, then. I deserve more. Don’t expect me to come back.”

I carried my son in my arms and went to a large, black apartment building and entered despite losing my key. We took an elevator up several stories, higher than I could count. At the top I found myself in a restroom cleaning the mask off my face. Most of it had worn away on it’s own, leaving only white streaks on my forehead. The whole time I had been with my friend I had thought I must have appeared ugly to him because of it and that was why he rejected me. I was happy to wash it off. I felt clean.

Interpretation

I woke from this dream very upset and feeling as if my heart had led me in the wrong direction; that it had lied to me. I saw the mask as me lying to myself and my friend. My guidance asked me, “Did you lie?” I said, “No, not intentionally.” But in reviewing the symbolism the mask here was more to hide my imperfections, not lying to myself or others. I see it now as more of me wanting to be my best Self and failing at it. Nobody is perfect.

Dream: Warehouse Renovations

I was with a group, a sustainable living community. My task was to help clean out an old warehouse that would be converted to a greenhouse. It was pretty sparse to begin with so really it was not a difficult task. Mainly we were taking what could be reused, in this case some old, red and worn bench-type seating that could be used in the community dining area.

I entered an area where there were others sitting at a table. An Indian man (as in from India) wanted to speak to me. He told me, “We will be accommodating more families soon and so will have to make adjustments to everyone’s salaries.” I was upset at this and told him, “If we take in more families we will have to pay them and that will make everyone’s share less.” In my mind I saw $60k/yr is what would be the end result. I was angry about this. It felt unfair. I told him, “I’m not in agreement.” The Indian man stood up and I could hear his accent very clearly at this time as he said almost angrily, “Let me give you a tip”. And he took out of his pocket three $5 bills. He tucked one under a small dish and placed it on the table in front of me. Suddenly I felt like a waitress, or a server of others. The role hit me hard, like a memory. I saw the $5 bill and knew the “tip” he was giving me was not money but in fact a message. I knew he was one of my guides and that he was disappointed in me. I felt ashamed.

Interpretation

This dream woke me up as well and I was angry again. The “tip” here was what caught my attention. I knew it related to my waking life – my husband is pressing me to allow my MIL to move in with us and it upsets me to no end, so I resist it. In the dream I believe this is what my guidance is presenting me with.

400px-five_bill_obverse_2005_series

Dream: A Visit with Friends

I was sitting in a living area with my friend Angela. She and I were having a discussion about counseling and spiritual matters. I cannot remember now what it was that was said but I recall she had with her items that were used to help facilitate healing. She had come to help me specifically and was giving me advice and telling me about her adventures as a group facilitator. I remember her being surrounded in warm, comforting colors and sitting on several large pillows. The set-up reminded me of India.

Then I knew it was time to go. My friend David and I were to attend an event where an important speaker was going to present valuable information to the group. The time of the meeting was 8:40pm and I had to hurry because it was 7pm. Angela left to go to another appointment and so I got into a large RV and headed toward the event location.

On the way, I ended up having to maneuver around debris in the road. I decided to get out and push the RV because I had to turn around. I checked the time and it was 8:10pm.

I ended up on foot climbing up what looked like an old fountain whose water had long been turned off. I climbed up the scallops of the fountain and saw that water was still in them. In one I saw an eel hide and I poked at it with a stick feeling it attack the stick and getting a laugh out of it. In another I encountered a very long, fluorescent yellow snake with green markings. I worried I would be bitten because I had on no shoes. Toward the end of the dream I had somehow caught this snake by accident and was trying to get him off my fishing line with no success. He kept snapping at me and I knew he was poisonous.

Interpretation

The India reference is not lost here as it turned up twice in my dreams last night. For me, India has been connected to the Kundalini and the integration of masculine and feminine. I suspect that it’s return to my dreams indicates a return to that path and focus.

The RV is a suggestion that I need to move on with some situation or aspect in life. The path to Wholeness perhaps? The dry fountain indicates the coming down from the intense “high” of a passionate relationship. The eel is difficulty holding onto things. The snake further establishes the Kundalini component. Perhaps I am afraid of it because it tries to bite me. Snakes/serpents  have come up a lot in recent dreams.

Considerations

Overall, I awoke very disappointed and pessimistic about my life. I felt that all my dreams and communications with my guidance were taking me in circles resulting in the overwhelm and emotional upheaval I have been experiencing. I realized it is all a direct reflection of mySelf – all of it. My indecision and hesitation have been sending me in circles. One day I want one thing and the next another. One day I am certain of my path, the next I’m not. My dreams aren’t to show me the right path, they will just reflect to me my current state. My guidance will not tell me what to do, they will only encourage me to do what is best for me and in this instance it is to make a decision and stick with it. I feel like I am in a damned if I do, damned if I don’t situation in my life. I don’t like any of my choices right now which is why I can’t seem to remain with one for very long. Something always happens which shifts me in another direction.

When this happens to me – indecision – and no one direction seems the right one, I make no changes for the time being. I need to wait until the path/decision is clear. Until then, I have to make due with where I am currently. Maybe this is wrong, but it is the only solution that makes any sense when indecision rules. Something is not in alignment for the change to be made. When it comes into alignment the path will open up and clarity will come. Nonetheless, I really hate being in this predicament.