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Dream: Coward

I had an eye-opening reading with Eric Starwalker (thanks Eric!) last night that I am still processing. I recorded it and plan on transcribing it in full today. I will share with you those parts that I feel are not too personal after I have had the chance to transcribe and digest all the information I was given. Overall, what I was told was good and there was tons of confirmation and validation of what my own guidance has been telling me. There was also some information I believe was meant to be passed on directly via Eric because I have been up until now unable to receive it from my guidance. I am extremely grateful to my friend Sophia for setting up the reading for me. Had she not encouraged me, it was likely I never would have gone through with it. There was information I did not want to hear so I was balking at the idea. It is interesting how Spirit takes care of these things, isn’t it?

Something energetically shifted for me last night. Unfortunately it has left me with a horrible sore throat which manifested before the reading and has not let up. I also did not sleep well, waking up at 2am, throat burning, from a very unsettling dream.

Dream: Coward

I was walking through what appeared to be a college campus. It was very clean, almost pristine, with white sidewalks and manicured gardens. My purpose was to plant a bomb and leave the scene before anyone saw me. The bomb appeared to be a sheet of paper that was folded over on itself. It would detonate slowly, spreading a toxic acid into the air which would smother those it came in contact with.

I remember running and hiding, trying not to be seen. I felt pursued but don’t recall anyone actually following me. I finally deposited the bomb into a trashcan and ran away.

At this point in the dream I saw the repercussions of my actions. I saw the people running and knew the bomb was slow and suffocating to those it made contact with. It was not quick by any means. This delay and torture was very obvious and seemed to be the main focus of my attention.

Then I was then in a room with a child who was mine but who I did not recognize. I was looking down at my left forearm which had a reddish burn on it that was spreading. The child also had it. There was discussion here. I had gotten the burns from the bomb which I held onto for too long and so the acid had burned my skin. I was trying to determine what to do next. I knew I would be caught and likely go to prison so my first thought was to just kill myself. Then I thought I would just go to prison and didn’t care if I did. It was at this point I remember thinking,”Wait a minute. This isn’t real. This is a dream. There is no bomb.”

A flood of knowingness came to me then. I knew the dream was about my life and how I have chosen a path that will slowly destroy my current life and in the end would also injure me in some way. My choices are drawing out the inevitable. This is when I heard very loudly, “Coward. Coward. Coward.”

The symbolism indicates my knowingness is accurate. The college campus represents a lesson I am learning. Running away from a pursuer is not facing or confronting my fears. Hiding indicates I am avoiding taking responsibility for my actions or life. The trashcan is unwanted baggage or rejection of an idea or emotion.  The bomb symbolizes a potentially explosive situation. The acid is something or someone that is slowly eating away at me. My injured arm symbolizes my inability to help myself or a feeling of helplessness in reaching out to others. The fact that it is my left arm means these feelings are connected to my feminine, nurturing side.

I was able to return to sleep but it was fitful and I am tired this morning. I don’t feel upset by the dream necessarily but my guidance has been close and asking me, “What will you do?” As if my mind should have been changed in the night by what transpired. I suspect the information given in my reading fueled this dream.

 

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11.13.Spirit

I know, funny title. I actually saw it on a billboard last night when I was driving home from visiting my sister’s house. The 11.13 was a date of some spiritual meeting, a church event of some sort. I didn’t pay much attention to the entire billboard because my eyes were drawn to the 11, 13 and the word “Spirit”, so that’s all I paid attention to. I took note of it and zoned back out into my own thoughts and musings for the rest of the trip home.

Fast forward to this morning. Waking up, I was in a sour mood. Not sure why. I can’t recall my dreams really but I felt really low upon waking. As I fought to return to sleep (wasn’t happening) I saw very clearly the billboard from the night before. I knew I needed to take note of it. As soon as I recognized this, the number 33 popped into my mind’s eye painted in glowing, green.

The number 11 is my near constant companion these days along with 111 and 1111, so I’m not surprised it is showing up again.  The number 11 itself is a message to Remember who we are – our purpose/mission. To be guiding lights to others using our unique abilities, bringing illumination and awareness to others.

The number 13 is not so optimistic in my opinion. It’s like my guidance putting a giant post-it note on my forehead that says, “Rough times ahead, hold on!” It’s all about upheaval, karma and spiritual growth. Sound fun? Not to me. Yuck. Probably why I woke up grumpy. Not a message I wanted to get this morning.

The number 33 symbolizes guidance. Ask and you shall receive is it’s message. It also reminds us that anything is possible. It is a message from my guidance that all the changes I am going through are purposeful and worth it. Then it reminds me to be courageous and optimistic.

The word Spirit is likely a reminder that these messages came from my guidance. Or maybe to help me Remember that I am not this body or physical experience. That this is an illusion of my creating and to be mindful of my thoughts for they will manifest quite quickly.

Pleiadian Message

As I become more cognizant of last night’s adventures in dreamtime, I am reminded of a message I received. It actually just came through, as if something I wrote triggered it. I was told, “Remember your Pleiadian origins” and my “mission”. Of course, I don’t remember my mission but in receiving this message my focus instantly went to my heart and the word “Hope” came to mind. I felt surrounded on four sides by Beings who were loving and exuded a gentleness, unconditional love and understanding. It was as if they were cradling me in their combined energy.

There is memory here also of reception of information about my family/soul group. Whoever was speaking to me used the word “Pod” to describe these groups. I immediately thought of dolphins and how they travel in small family groups called pods. The recollection here is that my pod is composed of 5 members and that we have been traveling together for many, many lifetimes. Mostly I have memory in images of how these pods work and interact. Interestingly, it is very similar to dolphin pods.

The word “pair bond” came up also as well as a recognition that such bonds do not only exist in one reality but in all dimensional realities. So if one is pair bonded in one dimension, they are also in all others. There was complete understanding on my part of the purpose of such bonds at the time but I struggle now to make sense of it. All I know is that a pair bonding is purposeful, agreed upon by both parties and long-lasting. In terms of spiritual contracts/agreements, my understanding is that a pair bond supersedes all other contractual obligations.

There is a connection here also to pair bonds in science (molecular geometry), though it is hard for me to interpret. My draw to it suggests, however, that the scientific explanation is the more accurate explanation. Being that everything at the macro level also exists on the micro level, one would think what is seen in the atom is simply a smaller version of what is seen in Spirit.

Based upon these pieces of information and memory, I suspect I am receiving intense, specialized instruction during dreamtime. Hopefully eventually my understanding will improve, though it may be impossible at the human level.

 

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Welcome to the Jungle

This song came to mind yesterday morning. The only words I heard were, “Welcome to the jungle.” I immediately played the song to see why I was getting the message. As I listened, I knew it meant that a decision had been made regarding the job I interviewed for the day before. Jungle = back to work, back to the 3D grind. I knew I got the job.

I let it slip my mind and went about my day. At 5pm I got the phone call. My daughter had asked me the day of the interview if I was going to take the job. I told her that I would know when they offered it to me because the answer would just come out of my mouth and there would be no hesitation or feeling of dread. This is in fact what happened.  When the woman said, “We would love it if you would come work with us”, I replied, “I would love to!” And you know what? I actually felt excited. Good sign! Yay!

The excitement remains with intermittent moments of concern at the idea of having to get up early and come home late every day. I am so spoiled now with my routine of wake up whenever and do whatever I want all day long. Yet my guidance and heart tell me this is what I need to do for now. I need to get back into the work routine. I need an outlet for my creativity. I need to be productive and contribute to the world via direct interactions with those who need me the most – the children.

When I follow my guidance and heart, things line up like dominoes for me. It was within a week of knowing I needed to take this step that this first domino was presented. I had not even applied for this position but someone at HR thought I would be a good fit. When it was offered I immediately knew that even though it is a temporary, full-time position that it would lead to a permanent one if I took it. I also knew that if I wanted it, it was mine. When I got to the interview and met the two women who interviewed me, I knew again that the job was mine. My answers just flowed out. I had not prepared nor even thought about what I would say, yet with each question the right answer emerged. There was even one time I responded and what came out of my mouth surprised me because I had no idea why I answered the way I did. Then later, one of the ladies gave me information that confirmed what I had said was correct.

This is the domino effect in a nutshell. I’ve seen it happen enough times now to know that it is no accident. Now it is just a matter of letting the dominoes fall and lead me to my destination. To question the path or try to look too far ahead does me no good. I must trust that I am being led in the right direction and thankfully my past experience shows my trust will be rewarded.

My guidance reassures me that this path is “clear”. I was shown it in a dream last night. It appeared as a brilliant white, spotless, paved path. It veered to my right and I could see a good distance down it. There was another path, to the left. It was also white but my attention was directed to the path on the right and I heard distinctly, “The path has been cleared.” I also received “Uranus” as part of the message, saying the planet is directly influencing this part of my journey.

Though I awoke feeling a big apprehensive about the future because of the heavy change ahead, my guidance continues to reassure me, asking me to be optimistic and Remember who I am.

Since I begin work sometime mid-week next week, I will not have much time to blog. The hours I will be working are 7:15am – 3:45pm with a 20 minute commute one-way. This makes for a long work day and an early morning (ouch!). However, I will have the typical school holidays – one week for Thanksgiving and two weeks for Christmas – which will be nice.

Note: I already have a contract position and turned down an assignment that would have started November 1st. It did not feel right to me at the time. I am still technically employed by this employer and could received a contract at any time, but have the option to turn them down. The job I just accepted runs until the end of January.

 

 

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Increasing OUTput

Something in the energy shifted over night. I will say that it is not a bad energy, but it is one that demands we get our shit together pronto. Or maybe that is just me that needs to do that, but I highly doubt that.

When I awoke this morning I felt heavy and depressed about what is coming. It is not because what is coming is bad necessarily but that it involves getting back on the 3D Train – interacting with people outside my family on a regular basis again, playing the 3D game.

I recently read that the Universe gives back what you give out. What you give, you receive. I believe this and have seen it in action. My journey has been focused inward for the past year. Though I give of myself to my family and some of my friends, my OUTput has fallen far below that of my INput. It’s time to balance that out whether I like it or not.

Tomorrow I have a job interview. Today I have a session to help me clear up some of the confusion that has come with the varied spiritual experiences of my transformation. I just need some clarity and am hoping that I find it. If I do end up working full-time again then I will not be online as often. But I feel I need a break from the web and social media anyway. Some distance will do me good.

My tummy is not happy with me today. Probably because of all the change I sense coming my way. Just thinking of working full-time again makes me nauseous. Yet I know that I need to take that step even if for a little while.

The sessions I will be doing will hopefully take me into some as of yet unseen past lives or even into lives I already know exist but need to be inspected more closely. I need answers and they can only be found within. Up until now I have been unable to find them on my own. Perhaps with some guidance and time dedicated to myself for this specific purpose, I will find the missing pieces to the puzzle. Too many distractions have led me into a semi, spiritual stagnation. You all may not see evidence of this, but I do.

Honestly, today I feel like disappearing completely from the worldwide web. I guess you all will know what I decide soon enough because I will just stop posting and interacting.

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Full Moon Dreams

 

Very random but vivid dreams followed me through the night last night.

Dream: Traveling for 4 Days

This dream seemed to last most of the night but it went on tangents that then converged at the end. It began as a trip with friends through a mountain pass. A woman was driving very fast and I was afraid she would crash the car. I was imagining her taking a curve too sharply and losing control. I could feel the entire scenario as if were happening.

She turned to me to confront me on my thoughts/feelings, telling me that she could feel what I feared. She told me she would have to slow down now because what I feared would manifest. I understood but was still afraid. I remember looking up at the sheer cliffs of mountain rock on either side of us. It was as if we had cut straight through the mountain and even though the car did slow down, we were still going uncomfortably fast.

Then I remember driving through the countryside, the rolling hills much more soothing and in contrast to the mountains we had just been in. We were heading somewhere foreign and in the dream it felt like France. I remember liking it and wanting to stay.When we arrived, friends were waiting to show us the apartment they had leased. I was taken inside and given a tour. It was very modern, high tech and clean. What was peculiar was there was a chair that looked like a giant spider. It took up an entire corner of the living room and was black and gray with tiny hairs making it resemble a tarantula laying on it’s back. I remember thinking it would be creepy to sit in it but wanting to.

Then it was as if I took a detour and transported somewhere else temporarily. I was with an older couple but mainly focused on the woman. The women had lost her driver’s license and much of the dream was about how to resolve the situation. I recall I was trying to buy her a souvenir and someone was showing me mugs with Christmas themes. The one I was encouraged to buy was a mug in the shape of Santa. I remember thinking it was too expensive and wanting another one but the man kept insisting I get the Santa one. The elderly lady was talking to someone about her license saying she was being forced to renew it every 15 years. The 15 was repeated and I almost became lucid because of it.

Then I was inside a car again with my family group and we had stopped for a break. We were on day 3 with only one more day of travel left. I told them I needed to go to Home Depot and asked them to wait. When I got there I kept asking questions of the store clerk  about the steps to change my name. I sat at a long table and filled out paperwork. I remember asking if they sold jewelry. The clerk said yes and pointed to the display which was right next to me. It appeared that the name change and jewelry was linked to preparing to be married and I remember being confused by this because I knew I was already married.

When I returned to the car my family had left to go to a water park. I was stranded at the car alone and could not reach them by phone. I recall the phone number flashing on the phone. It read 111 and then 1111.

Dream: Wedding Dress

I don’t recall much of this part of the dream except talking to someone about my upcoming wedding. I was wearing a brilliantly white wedding dress but when I looked at myself in it my entire body was black, like I had been burned to crisp. Seeing myself this way shocked me to the point of waking up.

Interpretation

The driving part of the dreams is symbolic me feeling like my life is speeding out of control. The me driving the car relays to me that my fears will manifest, slowing me down. I understand but still feel the fear and the car is still way too fast. The fact that the road is cutting through the mountains seems to indicate that the typically steep, treacherous terrain of the mountain has been leveled allowing for faster progress. This may or may not be a good sign. lol

The apartment in the next dream section indicates that I am headed in the right direction and things will quickly improve. The spider symbolizes mastery, power and growth. Since it is in the form of a chair and seems to invite me to sit in it, I suspect I am being invited to relax into my own mastery, power and growth.

The dream section about the elderly couple seems to indicate that I am reviewing my “old” self and making adjustments to my identification of self. The lost driver’s license further suggests a loss of identity or Self. The selection of a mug is indicative of love, nurturance, rejuvenation and healing. The number 15 relays the message that some much needed changes are being made and transitions are occurring.

The Home Depot part is funny to me because I instantly knew Home Depot was a place where I could find what I needed to get Home to mySelf. lol I suspect I was being instructed by my guides at this time on my changing identity and coming spiritual transformation. The fact that I returned to the car and found my family gone, off having a good time without me, suggests I am feeling alone and alienated from my family group (soul family). The inability to contact them by phone was also evident of feeling blocked and unable to communicate. The 111 and 1111 for me represents manifestation as well as my connection with my counterpart.

The wedding gown represents an evaluation of my personal relationships. The fact that I have black skin that appears burned suggests that I feel unworthy or could indicate there is a “death” occurring in regards to the relationship I am evaluating.

 

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Find Your Focal Point

Yet another late morning. I seem to be integrating all the intense energies, purging and Shifting that has been my life for the last week. The full moon is also fast approaching and I typically feel the energies associated with it a few days before and after. Apparently, this full moon is a super moon in Aries. Get ready to feel the fire and get your butt burned into action! lol That’s all I need, more fire in my ass (rolling eyes).

There has been quite a bit of talk about it being decision time right now. Do we choose to stay enmeshed in 3D and our typical life patterns or do we take a leap of faith and embrace 5D? I can see this clearly in my own life situation right now. I feel like I am walking a tight rope. My balance is wavering with each step and the other side, my destination, seems impossible to reach. I hear my guidance reminding me, “One step at a time.” Sounds familiar. I have learned this lesson before. And it works to just look far enough ahead to take the next step. Looking too far ahead can be intimidating and throw you off balance. I think tight rope walkers know this better than anyone! Find your focal point and keep it and you will reach your destination in no time.

Reminds me of certain yoga poses like Tree Pose. I always lose my balance if I don’t have a focal point….

Funny, I was feeling really disheartened before I wrote that last paragraph and now not so much. Makes me laugh how my guidance comes through sometimes.

So my car is acting up again. What is up with that!? This time a light continues to flash. It is the airbag light. When it flashes it means the airbag is malfunctioning and I should take it to the dealership so they can hook it up to a machine and flip a switch and then charge me buttloads of money. If I consider the symbolism behind it, I think of how right now I feel like I have no safety net to catch me. Like I am taking a huge leap of faith into a deep, black abyss of the unknown. Thankfully the seat belt is not malfunctioning, just the airbag. Airbags just give you black eyes anyway, right? lolol

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Dreams and Symbols

I continue to have tons of dreams and the symbolism continues to amaze me. Last night I had cats in my dream again. This time they were found hiding inside my black pick-up truck. The cat was black and purring. It had been hiding in the wheel well and then jumped into the truck and joined several other cats. I remember petting it and wanting to take care of it. This is in stark contrast to my past cat dreams where I always wanted them to go away  or they were injured or starving. Guess I am embracing my feminine aspect finally. Yay for me!

In another dream I was taking a test and got flustered so went for a walk. I ended up sitting at a desk outside a classroom holding my head in my hands. There was a teacher there, an old coworker. In real life this cowoker had made a bad decision which cost her her job. I showed her I had completed an entire page of my essay but the feeling was that I was distracted by another assignment that I had yet to complete and it was getting in the way. The feeling was of total exhaustion and a desire to give up. I eventually left the room and could barely squeeze out the door which had somehow shrunk in size since I had gone through it. Feeling stuck and preoccupied with past due assignments. lol

In another dream I was in a white car that had no driver. The car was going very fast and then stopped at the theater. I went inside, knowing I had a ticket in my back pocket. I had to get in line to give them my ticket. As I stood there, I was joined by a dark haired man who took my hand. I knew he loved me but I felt uncomfortable, unworthy of his love. Yet at the same time I wanted to hold his hand, so I did. That is when I turned and saw the obese man and woman. I knew them. The woman was me even though she looked the complete opposite of me – dark hair and eyes and much shorter. I felt disgusted when I saw them, total rejection. A thinner version of the woman then appeared in my mind and told me that they had to complete a contract before they could continue with their own. I saw this contract as a highway construction job. There was also discussion about them losing a lawsuit because they had signed the papers with “Mr. and Mrs.” She told me it they would have won had they remained separate.

I also woke up crying from a dream in which I was being unfairly criticized for not following the crowd. When I woke up I was thinking, “Why are people so mean!?”

Overall, my dreams seem to imply that I am on the right path but I can’t rush the process. There remains an assignment/contract yet to be completed and I can’t leave it unfinished because I want to work on the next/current one.

 

 

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A Significant Shift

Finally, whatever clearing/purging I have been going through is lessening! I woke up this morning actually smiling and with thoughts that made laugh. One of the first things I thought of was that when I came home from Tennessee my daughter’s Beta, Betty, had mysteriously disappeared. I ended up almost in tears laughing about it (poor fish) because I know that my youngest likely fished him out of his bowl by the kitchen sink and promptly deposited him in the garbage disposal. LOL There were other thoughts that made me smile, too, but this one topped the others.

Despite nearing a lull or completion in my clearing, my solar plexus is a giant, uncomfortable knot. All day yesterday I had indigestion for no apparent reason. The only thing that helped was being outside. The thing that helped the most? Cleaning my car. lol Maybe it was that I spoke in Light Language the whole time. Or it could have been all the water, especially since I was covered in it after my youngest decided to spray me and my cleaned and dried car. lol Yet another thing to make me smile.

It also helped that I have been communicating with newfound friends. FB, though not my favorite place to visit, has its advantages. Messenger being my favorite. Did you know you can video chat and call people via FB? I haven’t used these features but the messenger (text) feature is really convenient and has been a great way of staying connected. I typically retreat into myself in difficult times, and this has not been any different, but yesterday I reached out – twice. And you know what? My energy dramatically shifted almost immediately both times. I was speaking Light Language and feeling more like myself than I have in almost a week. Thank you Bobbi and Robyn! I love you!

Finally, there has also been an issue with my car since I returned. I rarely have car issues. My car was not starting up straight away indicating it needed a new battery. I didn’t drive it for two days because of concern that I would end up stranded. Yesterday my husband installed a new battery and it is all better. A friend suggested it was symbolic of my energy/state of being. I suspect she was right. My car got “new life” yesterday and this morning I feel like I did, too.

 

Dream: Packing His Bags

My dreams also indicate a Shift has occurred.

In this dream I was handed what reminded me of a shoe organizer. My husband then gave me money and items to insert into each of the slots. He was taking a trip with some others of his group and wanted me to organize the luggage. I remember taking my task very seriously and divvying out items and clothing. What was weird is the clothing being packed was our clothing and not the clothing for his group. My clothing was used for the women of his group. It felt like he was trying to help his group by doing this and I had no objection.

As I was going through the clothing he had chosen, I noticed he had included my socks and underwear. This bothered me and I began to pull all of these items out of the pile and set them aside. I told him that it was okay for him to let them use my clothes, but not my underwear. It really bothered me that he would assume I would let them use something so intimate and it kinda grossed me out. lol He did not object but made some excuse and I suggested he tell his friends to bring their own underwear.

I saw in my mind their destination. It was one of three islands and familiar. I had a previous dream where I went to one of these islands and it came through in this dream very vividly. His destination was the island on the far right. The middle island was off-limits because it was being mined for resources.

The end of the dream was of me making sure he had everything he needed and noticing he had packed no pants. I showed him an almost empty duffel bag and suggested he put in a couple of pairs of pants. He seemed not to hear me and left with a female member of his group, the duffel bag still practically empty.

Dream: Childhood Home Remodel

This is perhaps the most significant of the dreams I recall.

I visited a beautiful home that was owned by an older lady and her husband. She gave me a tour of the home, showing me the upgrades to it. She explained it had been totally renovated from a house they selected which was a fixer-upper. I recognized the home almost immediately as my childhood home.

She showed me that all of the interior walls had new drywall. Then she showed me the carpet. It was a lush, white, very expensive carpet that felt velvety soft to the touch. She brought my attention to the ceilings as well, which seemed much higher than I remember and had large, dark brown, wood beams across the top. I couldn’t remember if my childhood home had that or not and resolved in the dream to ask my mom about it. I still can’t recall if there were beams in the living area and it bothers me that I can’t remember!

The couple had moved the entire house to the mountains and the remodel and all the time/effort/money they had invested in it had made it worth millions. I remember being completely in awe of their accomplishment.

Interpretations

Both dreams are very positive. The first is suggestive of big changes ahead and the letting go of past issues and/or relationships. The socks symbolize the willingness to yield to another’s wishes. The underwear represents respect and privacy. It appears I am taking back my power, respect and privacy.

The house remodel is symbolic of triumph over major adversity and the ability to look at life from a new perspective, replacing old ideas and habits with new ways of seeing the world. The carpet is symbolic of foundations. The condition is new and luxurious suggesting a positive, new start. The drywall symbolizes privacy and protection.

The house dream reminded me of an OBE I had a while ago. In it, I was told twice, “The goat will bite you.” In this particular OBE I was in awe of my childhood home because the living room ceiling was covered in Valentine’s cards, the scratch-n-sniff kind. The cards hung down in front of me and were all addressed to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dreams: Dead Babies and Life Review

I went to bed early feeling very conflicted yet again. My heart was painful – shooting pains straight to the center. It started to make me worry that I may have a heart issue. Of course, as soon as I began to worry the pain stopped.

Dream: Dead Babies

I had a very odd dream in which I was with a family. There was a young man with dark hair who I recall knowing since he was a boy. He was all grown up and was being given his old horse back. I remember seeing the horse and thinking it didn’t have much life left in it. Then a young, blonde girl who was in her early teens entered the scene and the feeling was that she and the man were to be married. There was some upset, though, and the church was having to deal with massive flooding in L.A. The flooding was so bad that it flooded the crypts of a church and tons of bodies were floating about in the murky water, the bodies of babies. I saw them piled up, one on top of the other. They all looked perfectly preserved, eyes open and naked like little cherub dolls. I was horrified in the dream and couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The pile was as tall as a person! They explained that there would be more bodies and that these needed to be buried. I went to help, touching one of the babies whose eyes stared at me blankly. I remember wanting to chop them into little pieces, to destroy them. It was disturbing.

When I woke up it was 5am and I was very upset by the dream, feeling it indicated that my dreams and hopes for the future were “dead”. I agonized over it for a while, feeling unable to pull myself out of the despair. I saw each dead baby as a dream that would never come to fruition. Interestingly, when I looked it the symbolism, dead babies symbolizes the end of something that was once a part of me. What that something it is, I don’t know for sure, but it upset me.

Semi-Lucid Dream: Review

Somehow I fell back to sleep and entered into yet another dream scenario. In it I was in a car with one of my ex-boyfriends. I remember being happy to see him and feeling attracted to him, wanting to stay close to him. It was not a sexual attraction, just a desire to be close. We drove to a restaurant with our friends and went to get food from the buffet line. I went with him and watched as he ordered a salad. I ordered fried fish and began to return to the table.

Only I didn’t go to the table, instead I got back in my car and drove back toward my old house along the familiar route I took more times than I can count. I was going very, very fast and feeling pretty happy. I turned the corner and saw a dark haired man on a bicycle in front of me. He was pedaling as fast as I was driving but I was catching up quickly. I swerved and then turned around to avoid him but he turned and followed me. Both of us were extremely thrilled to be flying down the hill.

Then I saw a huge, black semi-truck barreling down the road toward me. I went into the ditch to avoid it and saw it as it flew by. It was so black that I couldn’t make out any identifying features other than the grill on the front. It was like someone had covered it in soot. It was almost imperceptible and I remember thinking it should have its headlights on.

I continued on the road and as I did I began to see images and memories of men who I had been in relationships with. These men, however, were men who had wronged me in some way, who had rejected, cheated or lied to me. There was so much information and memory all at once that it was like a life review of some sort. I remembered being “wronged” by these men and how it felt, how it tore at my heart but how I blocked ever feeling the pain and instead grew angry and resentful of them. I was reminded that I am not impervious to pain; that even if I don’t allow myself to feel and process the pain, that it is there nonetheless and needs to be confronted. I had a full-on memory of a dream encounter with one of my ex’s. The dream in it’s entirety was relived. This particular ex kissed another woman in a bar and told me about it and I ended it straight away. He later emailed me to see if what we had could be rekindled, apologizing for his behavior and leaving an opening for something to develop. I sent him a pic of my family and he got angry and critical saying to me, “Oh you fell for that bullshit” –  meaning the whole get married and have kids scenario. I also remembered the ex who was married and how he was awful with communication, often going weeks without any contact. How he promised things but never fulfilled those promises and then how he expected me to just fall into his arms after months of no contact.

All the time I was re-experiencing these memories I was floating above the road I traveled countless times to my old childhood home and the country home I sold in 2014. I became lucid toward the end of this and told my guides, “I want to go back.” “Back” meaning to the scene at the restaurant. As soon as I said this I saw the scene in front of me shift and the road and surrounding trees morphed into a beautiful green slide that I went down, closing my eyes and allowing the fall to take me where it would.

I found myself in the buffet line again and went and sat down. I sat next to my ex and there was recognition that all the times I had felt an intense attraction or draw to a man that I had been hurt or rejected. This was not to remind me that it would happen again but to remind me of the impact it had on me. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

Then I was very aware of being in my bed and hearing my daughter in the room. I talked to her, telling her it was okay, that she didn’t wake me. I knew I was dreaming but I had this overwhelming exhaustion that made it difficult to take charge of my dream and go OOB. Instead, I just allowed the dream scene and then woke up not long after.

When I woke up I felt 100% better than I did when I had fallen asleep at 5am. I am not sure why that is because the dream itself indicated I have issues with rejection that have not been addressed. The song “The Words” was going through my head again – “And I know, the scariest part is letting go, cause love is a ghost you can’t control….” I am a bit tired of hearing that song. What am I letting go of?

In-Between

Upon waking I felt much more heart centered and there were 12 guides around me. They said, “We are helping you.” I accepted this but there was a lot going through my mind and I kept slipping into the in-between. There was a vision of a cell phone that was completely black except the bottom which flashed 11:11. Then I had a flash of taking a pink hand towel and putting it on a towel rack in the garage. There was a short lucid dream in which I was asked for Tums and I handed the bottle to someone and heard myself say, “Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb…” like in the commercial. Finally, there was a sentence that woke me up completely. A male voice said, “We are rapists of ideology.”  That sentence woke me up. It is still bothering me because of its profundity.

Physically I have been feeling ill/lethargic. I am having digestive/stomach issues, heart pain, throat pain and headaches. Whatever I am clearing is BIG and I hope that it is over soon.

by

Totem Visit and Dream

My primary totem animal made a surprise visit last night. My totem is the owl, specifically the Great Horned Owl, but any owl can bring me a message. Last night, after a particularly upsetting conversation with my husband, I was trying to settle into my heart but struggling because the doubt-monger-monster (lol) came to visit me and he was particularly difficult to conquer.

Anyway, my guidance was close and reminding me to focus on what I wanted and to Remember who I am and why I am here. As I began to calm down and reestablish connection with my heart, I heard a very loud hooting outside my window. It was incredibly loud, as if the owl was sitting on a branch right outside my window. I listened for about 5 minutes as two owls had a conversation, or maybe a “hoot-off” would be a better description (lol). They almost seemed to be arguing with one another and I got quite a kick out of it. After a while the hooting stopped as suddenly as it started.

I was surprised to have heard an owl so close. We live in the suburbs of Austin so wildlife is not very close by, though we do get visits by red tailed hawks, opossums and other critters. I think think this is only the second time in almost 3 years that I have had an encounter with an owl. I wish now I had taken a peek outside my window, but likely I wouldn’t have seen him since it was so dark.

These owls came to confirm the message just received by my guidance. They are telling me it is very important to Trust right now and to stay heart centered.

This encounter reminds me of yet another encounter I had completely forgotten about. On Saturday, while visiting my mom and after seeing the moth and butterfly, I witnessed two red tailed hawks in the sky. They appeared almost to be dancing with one another. I watched them for a good 10 minutes diving down very low and then soaring way up high in the sky. They called to each other as they did this. I felt blessed to have witnessed such an extraordinary event.

Dream: Mermaid Queen

I had a very curious dream this morning in which I was with a group of friends on a different planet. I believe it was a lesson/class in which we were discussing the history of this place. I recall seeing quite a bit of gold, gold in the atmosphere and gold in the buildings. We stood next to statues of the great rulers of this place and specifically focused on a Mermaid Queen as we stood beneath a towering, gold statue of a woman holding a staff in her hand. She did indeed have the tail of a fish. I remember mentioning my disbelief that such a woman ever existed. “This is all a myth. It can’t be real” I remember saying. The other rulers were also unbelievable to me. I recall now only that they reminded me of Greek and Roman mythology in their grandness and appearance.

As I shifted scenes in the dream I would seem to enter or become a sparkle of golden lights. It was as if we all dematerialized and then materialized into another scene. Each time I was acutely aware of the light we entered and understood that it was me.

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Dream: Lock Down

I was being led to a room where I was to stay. It resembled a complete apartment, yet it was specifically referred to in the dream as “hotel“.

When inside I immediately began to lock all the windows and doors. It was as if I was trying to protect myself from something, like I was going into lock down. The entire apartment was very clean and white with a yellowish hue in certain areas. I felt safe there.

I prepared to take a shower, gathering up my supplies to include a very large, white towel. As I went to close the door to the bathroom I heard someone talking. I went to investigate and there, sitting on a recliner and dressed from head to toe in white, was a very obese man talking on his cell phone. He was so large that he was too big for the chair, his body seeming to flood over the sides.

I was angry that he was in my space and yelled at him to get off the phone and get out. He looked at me, waved me away, and kept talking on the phone. The feeling from him was of amusement and I felt he was mocking me. I got angry, yelled again for him to “get out!” but he just turned, put his hand over the phone, and said, “I will only be a minute. This is important.” lol

Eventually I gave up and decided that I would just shut him in the room he was in and take my shower. I remember being a bit uncomfortable with being naked and exposed in his presence, even if he was locked in the other room. He was still in MY space and that was uncomfortable for me, yet I was allowing of it. At the same time I was thinking about how lazy and generally sloth-like the man was. I was extremely critical of him and his “faults” and this is why I wanted him OUT of my space.

Reflection

It seems to me that I was dealing with doubt in the first dream, doubts about my own femininity or just doubts in general. There may have been an actual visit to another time/place as well but so much of the dream seemed to vanish upon waking that it is hard to know.

The second dream is quite funny to me. This is the second time I have seen an obese man seemingly mocking me in my dreams. I always get furious, too. Thankfully, seeing an overweight or obese person symbolizes prosperity. Perhaps I am afraid of prosperity; of being happy? This makes sense and explains why I would try and lock the man up in one room and felt exposed in his presence. It does appear that I am getting past this frame of mind and recognizing my tendency to be critical and hard on myself. Perhaps I am ready to accept that I can be happy?

Messages

My guidance had shrunk down to 6 which is the lowest it has been as in some time. What is going on? I was told, “Transition.” It was made known to me that anything is possible and to not limit myself with my beliefs or preconceived notions about what can or cannot be.

I was also reminded to Remember who I am, my purpose/mission, and to not get tangled up in the energies of the situation I find myself in. They said to me, “We have always been, and always will be.” With this there was a sense of greater purpose felt, but specifics were not identifiable.