Tag Archives: art

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Last Day

Today was my last day at work and a busy one. As soon as I got to work I had to go outside for crossing guard duty. It was a beautiful, clear, brisk morning and all the kindergartners were dressed up as fairy tale characters. I saw more Elsa’s and Cinderellas than I could count. lol As I stood there waiting for children to gather on the curb I saw a lone, white bird fly low across the sky. It was a stork of all things. Quite unusual!

When I was done with duty my morning was full with several students requesting to see me and a couple of guidance lessons in kindergarten, first and fourth grade. They had announced my last day that morning and so everyone was saying goodbye and wishing me well. I got more hugs than I can count, some from students I had never really interacted with.

I received a beautiful drawing from one of my sweet second graders. She was shy and withdrawn when we first met, resisting hugs and keeping her distance. Since then she has blossomed and hugs have been a normal greeting from her. I got at least six from her today, one in which she didn’t want to let go. Such a sweetheart.

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Drawing left on my desk today. 

Another student, a little second grader whose mom has stage four cancer, requested to see me again today even though I saw him just two days ago. Not the hugging kind and preferring more distance than most, I could feel he just felt better in my presence, as I did in his. When I thought about how I was leaving him when he most needs me I felt sad and teared up. I feel like I am “abandoning” these kids.

Yet when I left work for the last time today, I felt my time there was complete. I felt no sorrow at leaving. My only concern was for all the time that was about to be mine and what I would fill it with. I knew immediately that I needed no distractions for the inner work I am about to do and I shuddered at the thought of it. This job served its purpose and now it is time to move on.

While on the drive home I began to feel a familiar heaviness in my heart, a distinctive signal that some purging was coming. Sure enough by the time I drove into my garage there were tears in my eyes and a feeling of not being able to handle this anymore. “This” being whatever is happening and has been happening to me.

Then, after dinner tonight, my husband showed me a picture he and my youngest drew together of the number 218. My youngest can’t count well yet and when he does he counts “2….1….8”. lol He repeats it no matter how many times you ask. So they colored it for me. My daughter added her part as well which caught my “eye”. I had to include it here for you all.

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My daughter says hers is an “eye”. The interesting thing is that one of my long-time clients just asked me about a vision she keeps seeing in meditation. The vision? That of a blue eye looking at her. Prior to that, I heard that a sign of Kundalini awakening is receiving vivid visions of eyes. Funny, the one eye I remember seeing was that of an ET. I painted it. Remember? lol

eyepainting

As for 218, well it equals 11 of course! lol Here is the angel number meaning in case you are curious.

And don’t think I forgot about the stork. Nope. Storks are all about rebirth and renewal. A good sign? I hope so.

Emotionally, I am better now, until whatever is happening hits me again and I feel like I am dying from the inside-out. Yay for transformation and “inner work”…NOT.

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Valentine’s Day Creative Streak

Yesterday was spectacular energy-wise for me. I was overflowing with creative energy and my heart chakra was so full of love that I felt I felt I would burst. I have never felt so connected!

I rarely paint, yet I felt the need to paint what I saw that morning and did so very quickly and effortlessly. There were more paintings wanting to come out, but my family needed me and I could not indulge in painting more than one. The one above is a painting of the ball of light I saw in my vision that morning. I couldn’t get it out of my head. It is far from a realistic interpretation of my vision, but I did my best. 🙂

I also had light language symbols in my head all day. One in particular that I never got around the painting. I don’t know if I will be able to today because all my kids are home today (school holiday) making it very difficult to do things for myself.

The creative streak also had me making videos. I think I made three one after the other yesterday. I hid in the bathroom to get privacy and avoid interruption. LOL

This morning I am still feeling the energy and my heart chakra continues to feel full of a warmth and love beyond words. I am told today is a “rest” day. The energies will once again peak next Thursday into Friday. I have already been warned and now, so have you. 🙂

 

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Finding the Cure

I meant to post this yesterday but after the video wild goose chase I waited until this morning. Plus, I had an interesting evening. I’ll share that later.

Anyway, I did a video post on a portion of what happened yesterday, but that is only a small portion of the story.

A memory of a poem I wrote, probably in 1993-94, came to mind quite suddenly yesterday morning. It was fitting, considering I awoke feeling that I couldn’t do much more waiting around. Here is the poem:

I cannot stand this idleness
My mind lies dormant; unfocused, dead
My fears rise higher, capsize and break
like waves of water, receding hate.

In the video I posted, I only mentioned the one poem, but I found several others. I don’t write poetry anymore, but I use to all the time. I also use to draw all the time, too, and I must admit I am not too bad an artist. I’m not sure why I stopped. I had poetry and artwork in the last few pages of my memory book. Seeing/reading them really transported me back in time yet I felt that that girl no longer existed. It is almost like my life back then was a past life not connected at all to the current one I am living.

Here are some other poems:

Untitled

From within my soul
blackness thickens,
stealing and spoiling
my good intentions
leaving no feeling
no sorrow, no joy
taking and making
me, its new toy. 

This one had a drawing with it:

Dealing with Dragons

Hot breath of the dead
rides with the wind
to find a fair maiden
whose self cannot fend.

Foulest of creatures
meets bringer of life
no battle or struggle
just internal strife.

Eyes of red fire
look into blue skies
good repels evil
truth reveals lies.

Some other cool info from that year:

A gallon of gas $1.27
A haircut was $6
Concert tickets $20
CDs $14.95
Canned soda $.50
Candy bar $.50
Levi’s jeans $25

Other favorites I listed:

Car: Ford Mustang (lol)
Music: Pearl Jam, Metallica, Guns and Roses, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Alice n’ Chains. Aerosmith, Smashing Pumpkins
TV: Married with Children
Movies: Wayne’s Word, The Adam’s Family Values, Geronimo
Clothing: All black, grunge (hahaha)
Guys: They had to have long hair (what??)
Miscellaneous: peacocks, animals of all kinds, books, dreaming, roses (?), cooking, cookies (lol), eating (LOL), fishing, swimming, hanging out with friends, bowling, going to the movies
Authors I liked: David Eddings, Anne McCaffrey, Tolkien, Piers Anthony. I was really into Fantasy novels and read all.the.time.

I was really active in school, or at least as much as I could be considering my school was so small. I was in One Act Play (yeah no joke) and played tennis. I was also in the Color Guard (captain) and band (saxophone) and a total straight A student. I dropped all of it after graduation, even the straight A student part. I sometimes still play tennis but I am no good at it. lol

Really, though, the song was what I was meant to find when I went to my memory book. What is really synchronistic about the song is that prior to listening to it I had read several posts on the topic of happiness. Then the main words that are heard over and over are “Let’s get happy”. Hmmm Yeah, let’s. The song was a “cure” to my moodiness yesterday.

 

 

 

 

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My Soul Family

I finished this painting today. It is called “As above, So below”. It is of a vision I had a while back of a tree with two tops and no roots. The top is the spiritual aspect and the bottom is the physical.

I just remembered a conversation I had with my Companion last night. I somehow lost it by the time I awoke but it came back to me this afternoon.

In my mind I saw a picture a tree and saw two branches. I heard my Companion say to me, “You are one branch, I am another”.

In recognizing I was conversing with him, I then recalled what we were discussing and knew he was explaining his relationship to me. It was interesting to me that I had been having this conversation but only was remembering this part. I had asked him to explain how we were “family” only a couple of days ago. He had said, “We will talk”. I never expected to actually remember the talk. 🙂

I understood very clearly then our relationship, though it is hard to explain now as words don’t seem to do it justice. What it felt like was that we were off-shoots of a larger energy, we and many others. In my mind I saw a very large tree, spreading its branches upward and each of those branches was another of us and each of us broke into ever smaller versions of us. To put it simply, he and I were siblings. Now it made sense why he has said more than once, “We are brothers”.

While caught up in my trying to sort through this information, I saw very clearly in my mind a class picture like is often taken in school to capture each class before they move on to the next grade level. It appeared to be a large class, bigger than my high school graduating class. I wondered how many were there. I heard, “215”.

I then wondered back in a question, “But shouldn’t it be in multiples of 12?” This idea came from previous research I had done into spiritual monads.

I received back, “Who decided that?”

My thought was then, “Guess not. 215 sounds good”.

That’s a big family, though. Much bigger than I thought it would be. I suppose that is because I usually only interact with a small group via this consciousness extension.

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Lyra Painting Update

So I had time alone with my youngest (15 months old) and he took a nice long nap as a present to his mommy. 🙂 This alone time gave me a chance to update my Lyra painting. I wanted to make it look more like my “visit” there and so I took some time to view some YouTube videos on how to paint clouds and grass. I gave it a try and this is the result.

I am pretty proud of my clouds and what fun to paint! The grass is growing on me as it is more green than what I saw in my visit. Funny, but I didn’t even use green, only brown, mustard, yellow and white, yet it somehow turned out looking a dark green.

In case you forgot what the first stage of the painting looked like, here you go:

lyra1

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Dream: The Great Galactic War

I had this dream over a week ago and am just now feeling okay about posting it. I believe it was a memory mixed with a message and so took it as such. This dream was unlike any other I have had and I am still not sure how to categorize my experience, so I am calling it semi-lucid.

The Great Galactic War

My vision blacked out and I felt transported somewhere else. When I opened my eyes, I was standing inside an immense canyon, the walls of which towered hundreds of feet, maybe even a mile, above my head on either side of me. I was immediately reminded of the Grand Canyon here on Earth, but since I have never been at the bottom of it, I thought to myself, “This must be what it would be like”.

It was then that I realized I was standing with someone and we were in the midst of an important conversation. I spoke to this person as if I were reciting the lines from some long ago play. We spoke about something similar to a vaccine, though I don’t believe that is the word we used. It was a genetic vaccine, not a vaccine against a virus, and it had been tested on a certain individual to see if they were susceptible to its effects.

Slowly, I got out small vials filled with different colored, clear liquid. The first was a yellowish color. I said, “No effect”, and then put it in a nap sack I was wearing over my right shoulder. I then took out another one, this one a vivid blue. “No effect”, and put it in the nap sack. I did this six more times, each time saying, “No effect”.

I don’t recall now what the person I was talking to looked like, only that I knew them. In my recollection of this event they are not there at all, as if I am talking to thin air.

The individual I am talking to makes a comment to me about how odd it is that the individual we tested was not susceptible to any of these vaccines. In my mind I am reminded of the human race and think that it must be the human genome we are talking about. I was fascinated.

Then my attention is drawn to a tall, gangly looking individual who stood a good seven or eight feet tall. He was most definitely not human, his green mottled skin very obvious as were his strange facial features. His head was elongated and sloped backward and his eyes were dark and hooded. I could see no nose and only a thin outline for a mouth.

I knew this creature, this reptilian humanoid, was our prisoner. Had we tested the vaccines on him? I didn’t think so. He had something contained within his head, though, something vile and dangerous. My immediate thought was that it was a bomb and my companion began to tug at the reptile’s head to try and lift off the outer portion of it. I was a bit horrified as I could see inside the reptile’s skull and see the pinkish tissue of his brain.

Two sections came off before the reptile insisted he continue and do it himself. He pulled apart the hemispheres of his brain, parting them like water, and pulled out a small, circular device.

I woke suddenly upon seeing it, thinking it was a bomb and he was about to destroy all of us. In my mind’s eye I saw his eye, looking at me.

Once I awoke, I knew my dream was a memory of the Great Galactic War and that I had seen a reptilian E.T. I decided to paint the eye I saw because I could not get it out of my head. It was so peculiar and I had no fear when I saw it.

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Lyra

Today as I was laying in savasana, my favorite position to receive, I felt transported to another place. It was strangely familiar and my entire body felt alive with energy as I settled in the scene.

The first thing I saw was a field of mustard colored grass. It spread out around me in all directions. I sensed immediately that I was home. I was on Lyra.

I opened my eyes briefly just to make sure I had not left my body. I had not, so I closed them and shifted back into the scene. The sensations of my body imitated the rise and fall of the ocean and the field of mustard grass swayed with me.

Above me in the sky was a brilliant, reddish-orange sun, bigger than any Earth sun. Behind and just below it was a smaller, yellowish-colored son, reminiscent of the Earth’s sun. Interestingly, the sky was not blue but a strange orange color that lightened to almost white the higher into the atmosphere I sent my gaze. The brilliance of the massive orange sun made it impossible to see much else in the sky.

I lingered for a while until my guide interrupted my journey. I shifted consciousness back to my body and the present time, leaving Lyra only a memory in my mind. Still, though, it is a vivid memory and so I attempted to paint what I saw. My painting doesn’t do it justice, but I imbued it with the energy of the place as best I could.

Satsa’na Nateh.

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Manifestation

This is a painting done by my husband in a matter of hours. It is an acrylic and he usually paints in oils. When I asked why he chose a peacock he said, “It is just what came out when I began to draw”.

He is a fantastic artist. I am so jealous. I am still working on my acrylic painting ever so slowly. I am almost done but it is nothing compared to my husband’s. I like my stuff to look realist, he is more of an abstract painter but he can paint anything.

Since he has yet to sign this painting, I don’t know if he is done but I think he is. He has not named it so I am naming it “Manifestation” because it is a painting of a peacock and peacocks are symbolic of manifestation. They also symbolize immortality, integrity, beauty, intuition, spirituality and increased awareness.

Such a perfect creature. I love peacocks.

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Breaking the Cycle

It has become clear to me over the past few days that I am the only thing that stands between myself and everything I have ever wanted. I have been the one who has caused all the pain and misery, discomfort and disharmony in my life. It is not what others have done to me, it is what I have done to me. It is the pain I have directed outward and inward. Everything I do to others I also do to myself. Each critical remark, each bitter comment and judgment slashes away at my inner beauty, marring it with ugliness and spite.

I have wandered blindly through life after life on this planet, unable to hear my own voice through the muddle of thoughts and the unsettling emotions that rise with them. I have used my mind to view life. I have used words to define my reality. I have ignored my heart and in that I have ignored myself.

Music

I sit here listening to the most beautiful angelic voices singing in a language I do not understand and I feel calmed. It is not an internal music, but merely the local classical music station. I have added music back into my life. I realized just how much I missed it.

Music, like many of the pleasures I have denied myself this lifetime, is probably the most uplifting of those things in life that we have access to. Music brings our vibration up. It allows us to remember ourselves and that is very precious. We should all listen to music as often as we can and sing it even more often. Singing itself raises our vibration and allows us to flow out of our hearts. Try it. Sing and let yourself get carried away. You will feel an energy in your heart and you will fill with joy. That is what music is: joy. That is also what we are.

With music we Remember.

I am Listening – Breaking the Cycle

I have made a conscious decision to listen, to view life from my heart rather than from my mind. It will take some time, some learning, to do this, but I know I can do it.

The more I tune into my heart, the more I realize I need to make some changes in my life. Just this morning I awoke from the deepest slumber I have had since this past Spring. Upon waking I heard, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. I am very familiar with this quote by Albert Einstein. And I knew that I needed to listen to the changes my Higher Self was encouraging me to make. I had been ignoring the messages, hoping I would not have to change but the very act of ignoring them distances me from myself and made me that much more deaf.

Some changes are easy, some are not. I listed them a while back but it is just now that I am doing them.

The main change I am being asked to make is to stop my workout routine. I have been asked to decrease my cardio activity to only walking and doing yoga. I am to stop lifting weights and doing the interval training and circuits I do three times a week. When I ask why, it is explained to me that I have been focusing too much on my physical body, its shape and appearance. What I need to do is focus upon balancing my energy, calming my mind and increasing my connection to my Higher Self. Walking and yoga will help me achieve this as will any exercise that brings me closer to nature.

Another change I am being asked to make is to open up to my spiritual gifts once again. It is not that I am being asked to jump head first back into readings, but rather to allow myself to be drawn to those in need and to ask of them, “What can I do to help you?” All I can do is follow the feeling and then present myself to them with open arms. It is up to them if they will accept my offer of help. I have already been drawn in this way to another. It was quite a surprise to me and I did not hesitate to offer my help. I am told this will continue to occur. If I listen then I will find much satisfaction in doing the service I am here to do. It is that simple.

Music, art and other creative outlets are also an area I am asked to bring back into my life. There has been imbalance in my life because I have not allowed myself to create. We by nature create, manifest, all the time. To limit this in ourselves is to snuff out our flame, to make life dark and suppressive. Each day I have been asked to sing, listen to music, or both. I have also been asked to find other outlets that will help me express what I feel, who I am. I have chosen painting because I have always wanted to be able to paint what I see behind my eyelids when I sleep, travel OOB or when I meet my Higher Self. My husband is a great artist and musician. I have asked him to help me paint what I have seen. I believe together we can create amazing art that expresses so much more than words ever could.

Here is one of my husbands’ works of art. He painted this from a photo of me and my daughter. He is very good at painting and drawing the human form.

baby

Cuddle Time, oil on canvas, 2008.

I have been asked also to meditate and do yoga daily. This includes self-healing, using essential oils to help with grounding and balancing my chakras, and learning to live through my heart. Each day I am asked to do something different when it comes to meditation and yoga. For example, I am led to read certain books which send me in the direction I need to go at that particular time. Most recently I have been led to read a book on chakras which taught me a tapping technique to help with physical discomfort and imbalance in my body. For the past two nights I have integrated the tapping with my meditation and self-healing and have noticed results, especially with the tension and discomfort in my physical body. Each day I am also led to do a different yoga video. Just last night I did a Kundalini/Hatha blend yoga for 42 minutes. So far, Kundalini and Hatha yoga are the two types I am most drawn to.

Finally, I am being asked to be more aware of what I eat and put into my body. Specifically, (and I am embarrassed to say) I am being asked to stop smoking in the evening. I have done this for as long as I can remember since awakening to my spiritual gifts. At first it was to help with the anxiety I experienced and then it just became something I did for myself since it seemed like so much of my day was spent doing things for others. I stopped many times, every time I was pregnant and for many years at a time. I was able to easily quit whenever I wanted. I know I can stop anytime as this is not a physical addition, it is a mental one. I am having the most difficulty stopping this particular bad habit. I do not smoke much – one to two cigarettes a night. Yet I am told this is too much and that it will interfere with my transformation. As long as I continue to do it, the progress will slow and eventually stop. So I will be quitting. I am told it will be today. lol I guess it is then.