Tag Archives: dreams

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Energy Reveals Trauma

The past week I have been sleeping very deeply and waking up in the mornings feeling as if I took a sleeping pill prior to bed. It has been very hard to get out of bed and my dreams have been difficult to remember. This morning, however, I did not feel overly tired upon waking and had some very memorable dream experiences.

Dream: School is Out

This dream is hard to recall now. I remember being inside a school. I was going to a classroom to help with the party. There were gifts for all the children lined up along the walls of the classroom. It felt like a mixture of the last day of school and the day before Christmas break.

The next thing I remember is standing outside with a couple of other people. I was with my partner who I think might have been in uniform, maybe a police (protection) uniform because it was blue. There was a woman and her partner with us. We were all smoking cigarettes (change needed). It felt like the woman and her partner were to be on our “team”, like part of a group. I was giving the woman advice. She had horrid anxiety attacks and I was telling her to use the tools in her toolbox like deep breathing and visualization. In my mind I could see how the tools, when used consistently, would lead to a lessening of the anxiety attacks. The woman eagerly listened to me and my advice, smiling and relaxing. In the end I put out my cigarette. The visual of putting it out and seeing the butt (end of a process) is very vivid.

Dream: Car Junkyard Spring

I was walking through a junkyard (repressed fear, anxiety) with my husband and one of our children. I could see old cars scattered here and there. The soil was light, like sand, and there was a deep pool of water (cleansing) that was springing forth from the ground. We got into the water. It was deep and cool. I believe it might have been muddy but that also could have been the color of the sand as seen through clear water.

While in the water I was looking at something my husband was working on that was sitting on the side of the pool of water. There was white paint (fresh outlook) that I took and painted the thing with. It might have been a boat but I don’t know now. It was about the size of a house cat. My husband came over and grabbed it, getting white paint all over himself. He was not happy about it and I told him I had painted it like he asked.

Then I was walking around looking at the place. There had been a lot of rain and the pools of water were quite high. I saw an older couple walking toward a section. They got in and disappeared from view. I noticed a large, hotel (period of transition) was built in the middle of the junkyard. It was yellow and tall and very few people were there. I wondered why they were not clearing out the junk and utilizing the spring.

I walked inside the hotel and it was practically empty. I walked past a laundry room (cleansing) and then an office. Inside was a lady at a desk. I asked her if she owned the place and had ever thought of buying up the land around her to make use of the spring. She seemed annoyed but explained that she used her part of the land and her family owned the rest. I told her about how the springs (unconscious mind, soul experiences) made me feel. I said they were “magnetic”, and “energetic” and “healing”. I told her, “If you ever are interested in allowing people to gather here to make use of this place, I would love to come.” Again, I emphasized just how wonderfully spiritual and healing the waters were. Something in my words triggered tears and I woke up sobbing.

I continued to cry after waking and had to get up to blow my nose. Somehow I was able to fall back to sleep.

Dream: Advice

I was standing in a shifty gray space. There was a car and some people. I overheard an argument. Someone was trying to keep a woman from doing something. I remember yelling, “STOP!” They did.

Still at the car scene and still not able to see well in the shifty environment, the man by the car began to converse with me. He was someone I knew and resembled the blonde guy on the show Supernatural. The discussion is hard to recall now but from what I recall we were discussing how he needed to get back to this woman he knew. He said that he had never felt such a strong connection with anyone, not even me. When I realized he said he had not felt a strong connection for me I said, “You did with me. You said you did.” He went on to describe this three-way love triangle type situation that involved himself, a woman and another man. They all felt the magnetic connection and bliss for and with each other. I remember seeing a photograph of them together, sitting on a sofa, entwined in each other’s embrace, faces revealing the bliss they were experiencing. I missed that feeling.

At some point I began to hear static, like a radio station, and music began playing very loudly in my ears. I felt as if I was wearing earbud and tried to adjust the volume. The scene shifted as I did this and I was walking into a brightly lit bedroom (private self). There was a large, queen sized bed in the center that was unmade (indecision). Toys littered the floor. The room was a mess.

I continued to talk to the man from before through the noise of the radio station blasting in my ears. I was asking him what his plans were. Was he going to go to NY?

As I waited for his response, a radio DJ’s voice was very loud in my ears and I remember being annoyed because it was keeping me from hearing the blonde man. I quickly made the bed (conclusion to issue) in the room, propped up a pillow and sat down, legs stretched out in front of me.

The blonde man answered me by telling me that I needed to go back to the introduction or beginning. He described it as the “easy” part, saying that one must get really good at the “easy” part before moving on to the next parts. In my mind I saw this large section of life. It was like a bubble, but thicker and bluish. I could see into it but there was nothing inside. Completely clear. This section was the “easy” part, the part that one must go through and get very good at before moving onto the next part. When I saw this and heard his words I understood completely and responded with, “Yeah, that makes sense.” At the time I was thinking how to be good at anything you must master it and that this introduction period, or easy period, is an opportunity to do that.

As I mulled over what I was told the radio station again got very loud. I turned it down and relaxed into the bed which began to moved back and forth ever so slightly as if I was laying on a raft in the water. I fell into the feeling and as I did a rush of ecstasy shot up from my root chakra into my lower chakras. It came in waves that were very intense and fast. As it rose I was hit with a mixture of pain and pleasure that ultimately woke me.

Energy Reveals Trauma

When the feelings subsided an energy lingered in my root and second chakras as well as in other places like along my spine between my shoulder blades and my third-eye and crown. A slight pain lingered in my second chakra area, it was achy like I was raw from having way too much sex. A song was going through my head – Why don’t you just meet me in the middle…

I decided to feel into the sensations of my body to see if they would tell me anything. The achy feeling stayed despite my feeling into it. I felt very tight and restricted on the inside, like the energy had forced its way into my second chakra and left it stretched and inflamed. The feeling seemed to be telling me that this sensation was the result of a physical assault, rape and trauma. Though the initial painful pleasure of the rising energy didn’t make me feel violated in any way, the after effects brought on a memory of being violated. My body’s response was to try and keep it from happening again. Energetically this would result in a restriction in flow in the second chakra.

The dream with the man and the strange love triangle may be a hint to the past trauma. The man I was talking to seems to have been someone I felt a magnetic attraction to. The feelings that I am able to contact from the dream were that he rejected me in some way and then denied our connection. There were hints of anger and betrayal but also upset over the fact that he was more interested in another and seemed to not even remember or even acknowledge what we had together. Finally, there was a sense of being invisible to him.

As I lingered in the in-between another song came to mind. I heard distinctly, “listen to your heart.”

 

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Dream: Candy & OBE: Cereal

I didn’t sleep much last night. My husband is out of town on business (NY this time) and that always causes interruptions in my sleep. I woke up at 4am from the below dream and couldn’t go back to sleep for over an hour from the thoughts it evoked.

Dream: Candy 

My mom (other version of self) and step-father asked me to go to Wal-Mart to return something for them. My mom handed me her ID and a bag of unopened, individually wrapped hard candies (pleasure, indulgence). I looked at the bag noticing most of the candies were green (healing, heart, emotion). My mom said something about two of the three being wrong or tasting wrong and then said,”We never opened the bag.” I told her I would return them.

Then I was driving in a car through a parking lot (delay) looking for a place to park. I noticed very few cars were up front so drove very fast through the isle toward the front. I kept an eye out for reverse lights so as to not get hit. I found a spot of close but had to wait on someone to back out, so I decided to go for a spot on the other side, the left, but noticed they were handicapped and so took the original spot once it opened.

Inside the store resembled a clothing store like JCPenney and not Wal-Mart. I remember walking down the isles toward an intersection. I stood in the middle of two intersecting isles and kind of zoned out. I do recall feeling energy rising up from my root and feeling the orgasmic bliss as I stood there where anyone and everyone could see me. At the time I think there was someone watching from the right. It felt like a male but I can’t recall much more than that.

When I came “back” from the bliss trip I had been on, I went up to a lady and asked for a return. I gave her my mom’s ID and told her I wanted to return the candy. She was nice and took the candy and processed the return without issue. We chatted a bit and I recall worrying there would be an issue because it was my mom’s return, not mine, and I did not have her credit card. I didn’t need it, though, and the lady sent me on my way asking me if I wanted to take the bag of candy with me. Another lady that worked there questioned her and told he that wasn’t the policy on returns. I remember turning toward the lady and reaching toward the bag as I told her I would take it. I don’t remember if I took it, though.

When I woke up my mind would not stop mulling over certain things and I ended up having to sleep on my stomach in order to calm myself down. Stomach sleeping tends to ease physical hunger, anxiety and over-active mind for me for some reason.

OBE: Cereal

I was not surprised to end up OOB.

I was downstairs in our kitchen. An older woman was talking to another woman about her problems. I heard her and began to talk to her about my dream and the problem I had been thinking of previously. The woman gave me a look of, “Did I ask? I was talking.” So I stopped talking and turned around toward the counter. An older man was standing by the sink. I said to him, “Does Adrian know about her birthday cake?” I saw a cake very clearly through the cabinets on a lower shelf. The old man said, “Shhh!” and came up behind me, put his hand over my left breast and pinched hard. He did this while pressing his entire body up against mine as if spooning me while standing. I said, “Ow! Sorry! If I see it there, wouldn’t she?” I was holding in my hand two plastic baggies. One was of ground coffee (awareness) and the other of cereal (trying something new). I remember feeling the man’s body very acutely and wondering why he was still standing up against me like that. I sensed he was aroused yet he did not have an erection.

My lucidity peaked suddenly. I shifted momentarily back to my body and then returned to the scene.

When I returned I was in the kitchen again and the old man was sitting next to a woman who looked a lot like my mom. I thought he must be my step-father and recall thinking about his erection problems and wanting to help him. I went up to him and felt from him a nervousness about my being close to him. He felt uncomfortable with his attraction to me and though I wanted to help I knew better than to push it on him. So, I decided to go toward the back door to go outside and explore and fly. I sensed if I did I would not be allowed, as if there was a lesson meant to be learned from the immediate scene alone. The minute I put my hand on the knob I shifted back into my body.

When I woke up I wondered if old men who could not maintain an erection had sexual dreams, if they experienced sexual arousal in dreams, and how the Kundalini would effect them physically. Would the K energy give them an erection they could maintain?

I’m not entirely sure what the “lesson” of the OBE was except that maybe I was being shown the cereal as a reminder of an OBE from long ago. In the OBE I was told,  when all you have is oatmeal, “sometimes you want cereal”. Now, when I see cereal in dreams and OBEs I know it has to do with a desire to change, a desire to shift things from the same ol’ same ol’ to something new and more interesting.

 

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Lucid Dream: The Garden

My family just returned from a five day trip to South Padre Island, Texas. It was nice though the drive is always a challenge. We took our dog, Monty, which made things even more interesting and fun. Extended family was also there at the same time. I’m not sure I liked that part, though. Too much pressure to do what the group wants tends to put a kink in my relaxation. I like to plan as I go.

This trip was mostly a lazy beach trip. We did very little besides the beach and pool. It was nice and relaxing. The kids had fun and the weather was perfect!

 

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May 20th

We left on the 20th, which if you have forgotten, was a date given to me by my guidance as a “heads up”. Turns out that morning I woke up crying from a dream in which I was asked a simple question, “Would you describe your life as warm or cold?” I answered, “Definitely cold.”

The dream went on from there with a discussion about why I thought as I did and me thinking of one particular time that I considered warm. This led to much grief and upset and I ended up waking in tears.

I also had a precognitive dream that suggests an issue at me and my husband’s place of employment. The past owner, who died many years ago now, was the one to give the message. He said point blank, “We are going down.” This was in reference to something happening on a particular construction job that was a missed and dominoes into a much bigger headache, one that could lead to the end of the company.

Lucid Dream – The Garden

Then this morning I woke from a strange dream I can’t recall now. When I returned to sleep I ended up lucid inside a space that was very calming and familiar to me. I was surrounded by people. Some were with me, others were standing around tables conversing. The tables were spread out around a garden with crushed stone paths, flowering vines, trickling waterfalls and pools, trees, shrubs, bushes, flowers, etc. There seemed to be a mountain of some sort near as well. I could perceive it as a sort of boundary to the garden and the rest of the garden seemed rectangular shape, almost like it was within a room.

Throughout the dream I was aware that the people in this garden were there to help me. Call them guides, my Team, or whatever, but I knew they were there FOR me. There were way more than I could count and all exuded a calm, peace-filled love and acceptance. I felt completely at ease with each of them.

Sometimes I would see someone that I recognized over the others, like a “friend” or at least someone I had memory of beyond that space. For example, I saw a very familiar dark haired woman with a bright smile. When I saw her I focused on her longer than the other and called her by name. We embraced and immediately passionately kissed and touched. I think I called her “Michelle” but can’t recall now. It is like names and conversations turn to gobbledygook in my mind once I wake. They swirl together like tie dye in my head. Literally. But only if I am not meant to remember them it seems.

I recall walking along with a guide or two talking and looking at the tables with people at them. It was almost like these were subject-specific “booths” to work through certain things. Like advice booths maybe.

Some things I recall being told were – “You are not use to looking like this.” This statement came along with reassurance and the sense that it was in reference to this life and this body. I remember feeling unsettled when I received this communication, as if the women telling me was trying to get me to understand why I felt like I did in this body and lifetime. When I heard her words I relaxed and accepted what was said as fact. It felt like truth.

I also remember being told, “This place is composed of people from your past, not your present and future.” It was not those exact words but the sense was that what I was experiencing was a kind of mingling with people I knew “before” (this life perhaps), which explained why I recognized them.

Every once in a while my lucidity would become so much that I would blink back into my physical body but every time I would relax and come back to this place. There was no doubt in my mind that the place was created for me, maybe even by me. It was Home, at least one of them, and I could feel it through and through. I encountered so many friends there and remember talking to them and recognizing their roles in my experience(s). They felt very much like guides but more than that. It is hard to explain.

In one particularly lucid moment I looked around at the garden and everyone vanished for a moment. I held my arms out in a T and began to spin in circles like a child would. I spun faster and faster until I entered a different scene from the perspective of what I think was a small child or infant. I could see a wooden nightstand next to a bed. The wall was covered in light colored wallpaper with tiny flowers on it. Near the floor I spotted a rip in the wallpaper and saw a dark almost black colored paint underneath. For some reason it felt like that rip was symbolic of the circumstances I found myself in.

Then I was watching from a different perspective, up in the corner of the room. I was looking at a woman dressed in very obviously 1960’s era clothing. Her hair was dark blonde and long with waves. She was talking to someone about making a choice, asking for advice on what to do. She was told that she had potential and did not need the added burden of a child. It felt like she was going to give up her child. Was that child me? I don’t know. I did not feel any attachment whatsoever to the scene I was witnessing. It was as if a scene from a movie or story. That is all.

I shifted back to my body momentarily and then back into the garden. I was standing in the very spot I had just been in before I spun into the other scene. Standing by a table were some “friends”. In front of me was the woman I had been with the entire time, though I can’t recall her features or anything now. I stared in front of me, the woman I was with seeming to be all around me but behind me specifically at this point. It was like I shifted into the middle of a conversation about my future and how to handle it. I remember being advised to “save” and I said, “Oh, you mean I will need to spend money and so have to save it.” In my mind flashes of buying necessities and such were coming to mind and I was thinking that the changes coming would mean I needed to be very smart in how I spent my money. I was told, “Not exactly.” I was advised again, “Save it.” I responded with, “Okay. I will save money.” At the time I was thinking to myself that I need to keep doing what I have already been doing with my paychecks.

There was more discussion then about what I would need to put my focus and attention on. It felt like we were talking about what I should eat but I am not so sure now. I was told to drink milk and heard the brand of milk. First I heard, “Science diet” and then “Hades”. I remember thinking, “What milk is called Hades?” I believe the conversation went with me asking, “Should I drink science diet?” And I heard back, “Milk.” That is when they gave me the name “Hades.”

My lucidity peaked again about this time. I remember seeing a man standing behind one of the tables. He was tall with blonde hair and blue eyes. His features were very angular and I think he wore white. When I saw him I recognized him and immediately leaned in and kissed him. I could feel a tiny bit of his tongue in our kiss and I laughed and said, “I felt that! You always try and sneak in a bit of tongue.” It felt like he and I had history, what that history was I have no idea.

Near the front of the garden I heard lots of noise and a woman was complaining about the angels being allowed in too frequently. The woman was holding what looked like muddied white clothing. In the dream I remember wondering what the angels looked like and why they would be called in.

There is much of the experience that is lost to me now. I kept shifting back into my body and the longer I was in this garden place, the more lucid I became until eventually I did not shift back into it. When I woke I could feel energy in places of my body. The energy felt colored, the lighter the color, the more intense the energy. Like gold energy was the warmest and most active and blue the least. There was a massive golden energy around my left side that extended from my ribs to my pelvis.

I lingered in the in-between for a long while after and continued to converse with the female from my dream (who I never saw). I remember hearing the word “Vega” and also “Eniuanniki”. I saw it spelled as it was spoken and though it sounded familiar the way it was spelled did not match what I thought. There were lots of “i’s” and it reminded me of the word “Annunaki”. Honestly I don’t know if I was receiving the communication correctly. Maybe I was hearing more than one word? Hard to say now.

Considerations

After an experience like this it can be hard to put it all together into something that makes complete sense. The memories seem to have no order when I awake despite seeming to take place in order when they occur. It is like they are all happening at the same time to my mind and so it struggles to put it into Time order. So I am left only with a feeling and sense of this gift I was given.

First it feels that I was being shown a glimpse of Home and that it was given so that I recognized I was not alone. Yesterday as I was walking back from the beach to the hotel one last time, the gospel hymn, Softly and Tenderly was going through my head. Specifically, “Come home. Come home. Yea who are weary come home.” I actually sang the song as I walked to the hotel and recorded it on my Instagram feed.

Then I was being advised on something up and coming. I do not know for certain exactly what but during the dream I was thinking of being on my own again and concerns about money were on my mind. The advice to save and the strange Hades milk was given. Not sure what to think of the Hades milk! Milk = nourishment, abundance. Hades = underworld, wealth. Perhaps I am to drink abundance? Sounds like something my guides would tell me.

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Dreams: Marshmallow Trees and Fortress Portal

The insomnia has passed. Yay! For a couple of days I had really deep, almost dreamless sleep, but now I think I have made up my lost hours. So, my dreams have returned in vivid detail.

Dream: Water Slide

I was at the top of a slide (going with the flow) looking down. A man was with me. I eagerly jumped down the slide and ended up going so fast that I jumped up over the side and then went up a section backwards. I was not phased by this and went to try again. The man mentioned that the more I practiced the better I would get. My second time around I went down without jumping over the side. I recall the water hitting me in the face making it hard for me to see and going up my nose. When I got to the bottom I went to yet another slide. This one was one of two up high on a wooden platform. I ran up the stairs to the top and looked down. It was a straight drop.

Dream: Marshmallow Trees

The dream seemed then to shift to another scene. This one was magical. It was very vivid and the colors bright like from out of a painting. We were on the water heading toward a place that reminded me of Hawaii. The water shimmered in the moonlight looking purple and blue.

On the island I was with other tourists looking around at everything. I recall my phone being my focus. I wanted to take pictures, specifically of the unique trees that were all over the island. The trees had fruit that looked like giant marshmallows. I picked one and ate it (enjoying the sweetness of life). Sure enough it tasted like marshmallow! I looked around for someone to take a picture of me beneath one of the trees. I asked a woman and she took some shots of me standing beneath the marshmallow laden branches.

A man who looked like a Hawaiian native was staring at me with disapproval in his eyes. I remember asking him about the trees, pointing to a marshmallow fruit that had some green spots on it. He said, “That’s mold (transformation).” I remember thinking that, like all fruit, this fruit must eventually rot and go bad. Nothing lasts forever.

Dream: Fortress Portal

Then I was walking down a white concrete road. As I walked a large, black Lab (on the right path) joined me. He was friendly and I petted him and continued to walk. I came to a very large building that, from the outside, looked like a solid, white concrete wall that went up for several stories. I couldn’t even see the roof. In front of me was the entrance, though, and through the double doors I could see lights and lots of vivid colors.

A woman welcomed me inside along with some others. She was in the kitchen preparing something to eat and behind her was a large, open room that was scattered with various furnishings – tables, lamps, and pianos (need to find my voice). It looked like it was being rearranged. I remember recognizing the space. I had seen it previously with many round, dining tables. It had been an elegant meeting hall of some kind. I said to her, “Weren’t you on a TV show…” She said, “No, I don’t believe so.” A person with me told me not to mention it as the woman was very touchy about the subject.

I observed everyone for a while, watching families seem to tour this very large building which I determined was much more than a mansion. It was a fortress (protection, healing). There were magnificent floor to ceiling, stone archways that led outside to a beautiful garden (growth, stability, potential).

I decided to venture outside into the garden. I remember building up my courage to do so and making certain to wear sunglasses (protection). I noticed as I walked outside there was rubble between the building and the gardens, as if some destruction had occurred. I carefully stepped over jagged, broken slabs of concrete and onto a path into the garden.

Once in the garden I seemed to be observing the others there. At a high point, like a hill, there would appear through a large, golden archway, people seemingly out of the blue. They were coming to visit someone standing on the hill. It was explained to me that these people were both from this person’s past and future. Something about witnessing this caused emotion to build until I was sobbing. The emotion was not grief. Instead it was a sense of relief, as if what I was seeing was proof of the Divine nature of things. It is hard to put into words. As I think of it now, I think I was seeing someone review/view a lifetime or maybe what it might be like for a person after they cross over to the Other Side.

When I woke I knew what I had seen was some kind of portal.

Considerations

All of the dreams were very vividly colored. In fact, that is what I recall the most about them. The colors were so vibrant and memorable. The island dream colors were like something out of a painting or a fairy tale; unrealistic and exaggerated almost. The marshmallows tasted sweet and just like I remember they should taste. The marshmallow trees seemed so real, as if somewhere they actually existed. Can you imagine? Marshmallow fruit? Yum!

Despite all the great dreams I woke up in a depressed mood. I’m not sure why. I mainly just wanted to stay asleep. Sometimes I wish to sleep forever, and this morning was one of those times. My dream activity is just so much more fulfilling than my physical life.

 

 

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Hello Insomnia, My Old Friend

For the past week I’ve been struggling to get to sleep at night. I’ll go two or three days with four or so hours of sleep and then, exhausted, sleep a full 8 hours or more. Then it starts all over again. Last night I was not able to fall asleep until past midnight despite going to bed around 10pm.

I’ve not been able to specifically pinpoint the reason for the insomnia yet. My mind isn’t overly active and, despite initial upset the first few times I experienced the insomnia, I am pretty relaxed and unconcerned about the lack of sleep. But even my body doesn’t feel tired. I am just AWAKE.

My best guess is that the insomnia is linked to the man I mentioned in a previous post, the one I connected with last August who just recently reconnected with me. We have been communicating daily since around April 7th. We are very tuned into each others energy and as a result I think my sleep cycle has been impacted by his. He tends to stay up late into the night working.

Last night, finding myself wide awake yet again, I decided to use the time to meditate. At first this proved difficult so I began to work with my energy. I began moving it from crown to feet and then cycling it back through over and over. Eventually I changed direction, moving my energy from feet to crown and back again. Throughout I focused on my third-eye and touched my tongue to the roof of my mouth as I breathed deeply, inhaling as the energy moved through my body and exhaling as it reached the top/bottom.

Hypnagogia and Short OBEs

With all the meditating and energy work, it is no surprise that the next thing I recall is an odd dream where I was walking along a creek looking at a creature I can’t recall. Something about the dream spiked my lucidity and the scene was replaced by very vivid and colorful hypnagogia (3D, movie-like moving patterns and shapes behind closed eyes). This hypnagogia reminded me of the Flower of Life except the circles that composed it rarely overlapped. The circles were various colors, all pastels and identical to the chakra colors. Each colored circle was spaced equidistant from the others, separated by numerous circles with no color. The entire image moved and breathed behind my closed eyes, seeming to flow along with my energy field which was vibrating quite noticeably.

There was a strong sense that this hypnagogia was different than other times I’ve experienced it. It seemed I was being given the opportunity to heal myself somehow. Yet, I did not recognized this straight away. Instead, I shifted OOB. It was seamless, as if I breathed myself out of my body.

I found myself in an unfamiliar house. A man was with me. I remember seeing him in front of me walking but all I recall of his form was that he was pale white, like ethereal; ghost-like. He was very obviously someone I knew because I felt connected to him, like he was friend or family.

The house we were in was as odd as he was. It seemed composed of walls but the walls were without substance. Yet they were dark and seemed solid. It was like we were inside a hologram of some sort. I could see through the walls if I chose and when I did they appeared to waver and shimmer.

I recall holding the man’s hand and then stopping and turning back. Memory of the hypnagogia came to mind and I knew that I needed to get back to that state. That I needed to take advantage of the opportunity to heal myself.

I let go of the man’s hand and shifted back into my body. I remember thinking about my heart charka as I did this, as if I knew healing was needed there.

As I returned, I was enveloped by the hypnagogia. It’s pulsating, breathing, warm energy/vibration wrapped around me. It was as if I became the hypnagogia and through it I began to be shown areas of my body that needed my attention. I recall talking to someone – a teacher I suppose. He asked me to listen to the energy, to observe and let it show me what I needed to see. The observation here was without sight. It was a feeling sense more than anything. I felt the vibrations at first all over. They seemed consistent but upon further inspection I noticed a distinct difference between the left and right sides of my body. The left side was stronger with “hot” spots. The most noticeable hot spots were just above my left hip and around the left side of my chest/heart area.

I remember hearing the voice asking me to look at the “petals” but I do not recall what happened next. There is a flash of memory of a flower, like a lotus, but that is all.

Dream – Tapping Into The Collective 

I woke briefly after that, returned to my meditation and finally drifted off to sleep.

There were many dreams from the night but one in particular woke me. It is hard to recall the specifics now because I was so tired and sleeping quite deeply. What I do recall is observing a scene. In the middle of a floor in a dark room were many figures made of clay. Each one about a foot or less in height. These figures were of people. A faceless person was standing over the figures. The person began to slowly and deliberately step on a figure until it was crushed. Then the person would go on to the next. And the next. And the next. As the person continued to step on the figures I heard someone ask, “How long will this be allowed to continue? Won’t you do something about it?” I then heard this woman call out, “Stop! Will no one stop it!”

There was with this voice an anguish and as I tuned into the emotion a full picture came to mind. I knew each figurine represented a person who was born with a physical or mental defect of some sort. Then each of the clay figures became a person with a story all their own. And all at once I knew their stories. All of them.

Suddenly I was the one crying out for someone to help them. My heart felt to be ripped out of my chest. As my dream self fell into a heap on the floor, I fell into my body as if pulled down by a heavy weight. Then that weight poured out of me in waves of despair.

As I woke and wiped away the tears, I felt a bit stunned. The emotion quickly faded but the memory of it was strong. Here I was experiencing something I had before. It seemed like I somehow tuned into a group of individuals and their Story. Just like in the past I had tuned into other groups – Native Americans and the Autistic – I must have tapped into the collective somehow, taking on the experiences of all those born less than perfect into this harsh world.

Then I remembered that prior to all his I had been shown the area of my heart as a place that needed attention. And I had gone to sleep focused on that area….

I could not sleep after that so I lingered in the in-between for at least an hour. I could feel energy in my body, moving along the left side primarily. My left kidney developed a sharp pain that briefly alarmed me, but it passed very quickly and I could feel the energy move up toward my heart. There is sat, pooling on the left side but there was no discomfort.

As I type this post there is a strong, almost hot energy encircling my throat. The healing continues…

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Dream: Topaz Engagement Ring

I have been sick with a cold since Sunday. It began as a sore throat that lasted almost two days and is now in the congestion phase. My nose can’t decide if it wants to be running, stopped up or clear. As a result of my sickness, sleep has not been very restful but somehow I continue to have very vivid dreams.

The Kundalini is making itself known again. When the K rose it felt very restricted and tight as it moved through each chakra. Unfortunately, it didn’t rise all the way to the crown but got stuck right at my rib cage, just below my heart. The feeling of it was cold, like someone placed an ice pack where the bottom of my bra would be. Not a typical K sensation for me.

Not long after falling to sleep I was awakened to yet another strange experience where I saw next to me individuals who seemed to be interacting with my energy and body. This time I saw very clearly four – two couples. One couple was on my left and the other on my right. The ones on my left were the most vivid. He had dark hair and was smiling from ear to ear. The woman I can’t recall very well now. Somehow they were familiar and I was not worried by whatever it was they were doing. They seemed to be hanging out and doing something with my energy body but I was most definitely an observer of it all. Yet there was still the very strange sensation of someone(s) taking over, as if shifting into and out of me. Hard to describe.

Dream: Topaz Engagement Ring

My cousin was getting married. I was to attend along with other members of my family. While we were waiting, I ordered fried chicken (overcoming fear and anxiety) for everyone. I knew most of my family liked it, so I wanted to make them happy. I didn’t eat any.

Then we were at the rehearsal. I was told that at a certain part of the ceremony I would be asked to come up and say a prayer (personal power). My mom would go up before me to say a prayer, too. I did not want to say a prayer. It made me feel uncomfortable. I asked my cousin if she could maybe take me out of the ceremony. She was disappointed and urged me to stay in it. It felt like she wanted me there in some way, especially since she had not chosen me to be a bride’s maid.

The day of the actual ceremony, I sat in the church (seeking spiritual guidance) pew listening to the minister talk about sacred union. We were all given a small cup of coffee (awareness) as part of the ceremony.  My mind was on my cousin and how she ended up marrying the groom. She had discovered she was pregnant (potential, growth) in June and so the wedding was planned for July. I remember thinking she was similar to me.

As the ceremony progressed the moment when I was to say the prayer came and went. The minister instead did a moment of silence, saving me from having to go up to the front. I was relieved because I had spent a good amount of time unsuccessfully trying to figure out what to say in the prayer.

After the wedding was over, I went into a side room and ran into my cousin’s son. He was butt naked (vulnerability, openness) and didn’t care. I remember telling him, “Sometimes I like to walk around naked, too.”

I walked down the hall and ran into someone I knew. We walked into a kitchen (spiritual nourishment) together but it was as if we were walking through a maze. My memory here is sketchy at best. I mostly recall seeing the metallic silver (spirituality) of the walls of the kitchen.

Then I was outside in a parking lot (period of delay) standing by a parked pick-up truck (hard work). Inside the truck sat the man I had been with in the kitchen. His appearance is hard to recall but he was plain looking with dark hair. I also knew he was the ex of someone from my family, like my sister.

We spoke briefly about how his relationship had ended. Then he turned to me holding something in his hand. It was a small, silver ring set with a single, large blue stone – topaz (fortune, good companionship). He said, “Will you marry me?” and handed me the ring. This caught me off guard but I was unable to respond because he got up and quickly walked – almost ran – away and around the truck. I followed him and found him back sitting in the truck. I smiled, climbed onto his lap and said, “Yes.”

From there we began to kiss passionately and the K energy began to manifest mostly in the lower chakras which ultimately woke me up.

 

 

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Dreams: Water Park and Archaeological Dig 

The energy lately has been interesting. I see posts and blogs all over the internet mentioning the energy shifting and the alignments in astrology being prime for making important decisions regarding “who we are”. Interestingly, I feel as if I experienced these shifts beforehand; anticipated them and so already did the work necessary to ride them out without issue. So when I read everyone talking about this or that right now – the energy is “moving” or “shifting”, they are tired, they are struggling with the intensity of the energy in various physical and emotional ways, I think, “Hmmm”.

Over a year ago I would have been there right along with them, reporting on the energy shifts, discussing my symptoms and how I’m managing, etc. Now I just don’t feel on the same wavelength. It is like I jumped up a notch to a different frequency. I’m not bragging or claiming I am more advanced or anything, just that perhaps at some point we move away from the majority and into our own “zone”. And really it does feel like soul families are doing this in groups, shifting into their own family “frequencies”. Sadly, some of my “family” members have not shifted with me. Many, actually. But then we are all on our own paths and just because we are not moving along together on the same wavelength now, doesn’t mean we won’t be later on.

It reminds me a dream/OBE experience I had not long ago where I was traveling along on the highway and I saw a soul family member off the road driving an ATV and doing his own thing. I knew his destination was the same as mine but he was taking the “long way”, paving his own path through the mountains, rocks and mud.

This current shift has me feeling quite good, clear and optimistic. I continue to experience healing Kundalini. Last night and this morning it was quite intense in my second chakra but I also felt it in my root, throat, third-eye and crown. The root energy was quite pleasurable. The rest of the energy just felt similar to a really strong Reiki treatment.

Dreams: Water Park and Archaeological Dig 

My dreams were strange and I can’t recall much of them now. There was one very vivid memory of being in a water park where the water had been turned off. I heard the water suddenly released into the park and I was trying to get to the bottom of the slide before it swept me away. I ended up walking along the side and avoiding the turbulent water which was quite muddy. There were moments I waded through standing water that was about knee high as I made my way to the bottom.

In another dream I was with a group observing this tower that looked like a circular space craft atop a pillar (like a space needle). A discussion was taking place about how the access had been blocked to the tower. A team would be sent on a kind of archaeological “dig” to determine what happened so long ago.

I remember visiting the inside of this space needle via my consciousness. It had been a research facility and all the old equipment sat unused and covered in dust. Someone told me that the scientists had discovered a rare species and were in the process of doing tests. The creature looked like a large segmented insect similar to a centipede or millipede. I watched the past play out in front of me. Two scientists, one male and the other female, were interacting with the creature. The woman was on the bottom and the man over the top seemingly floating. The creature crawled over the woman and connected to her at her throat. From there it grew this large pouch and laid it’s eggs there. The pouch was large and brown and grew in size over time.

While I observed this, my lower chakras were igniting with energy. My root became the most intense but I also felt pressure building in my second chakra.

Ultimately, the energy woke me and continued for a while after. The song, Black by Pearl Jam was in my mind. The part, “Tied [tattooed] to all I see, all that I am, tied [tattooed] to everything…” going over and over.

Considerations

The above song has come to me before but not with the words changed like that. It says to me that whatever I was “digging” up in that dream is tied to everything. It is directly influencing this life, my personality, my perspective.

The water park is a common dream of mine. I think it has to do with emotions and how I “ride them out”. In this case I try to outrun them and then end up walking beside them and observing them. I suppose this is not a bad thing. It is better to observe them than to be carried away by them.

The archaeological dig dream was likely about me digging into my second chakra issues and other blockages that are preventing progress. I have been doing self-healing, looking specifically at the second chakra and trying to untangle the energy there. I asked for more insight and I think the dream was showing me the depth of the blockage and what it is linked to. The space needle could be indicative of time and space, like an incident that is very old and not of this time and space. The centipede/millipede is about hidden dangers in digging up the past. The fact that it creates an egg sac on the throat of the woman is kind of creepy especially since I woke up with a sore throat. The danger is “multiplying” and creating issues at the throat chakra somehow.

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Message: Slow Down, Don’t Fall Off the Edge

Sunday I went to the funeral of the man who set himself on fire in our old house. I didn’t really want to go but felt I should.

The funeral was nice and, as most funerals do, it focused on only the positive about the deceased. There was quite a bit of crying and sharing of stories. I managed okay by keeping a tight reign on my energy field so as to not over empathize. At one point, though, my guidance suggested I open up a bit. When I did, I felt the presence of Spirit to my left, felt the grief wash over me and heard a quiet, “Thank you.” I knew it was from the deceased and rather than become emotional like everyone else, I pulled my energy back but not before my eyes got teary.

At the end we went outside for the military honors portion which was a first for me. My mom and step-father were there so we all went out to eat dinner afterward. It was a very enjoyable dinner with lots of laughing and good conversation.

Since the funeral I have not felt the deceased around. I think he may have moved on, or at least away from me, but then I have been quite distracted so it could just be I am not noticing him because of that. It appears that there was a warning in the “fire” of the man’s passing, a warning of the Kundalini’s return. I have been having waves of the energy rushing through me, lighting up my third-eye, heart, solar plexus, throat, and root (almost all of my chakras). It got so intense that I gratefully immersed myself in my normal exercise routine to ground the energy.

When I woke this morning the energy was present again, only this time in my second chakra and crown.

All throughout I have been sensing a message of, “Slow down” and “Take it slow” from my guidance. Funny enough, as if to push the point, I had a wonderful encounter with a very large turtle in my back yard last night. We have a creek that runs along the border of our property. Just recently it flooded quite severely but the water receded as soon as the rain stopped. The turtle was likely seeking a reprieve from too much water, sunning himself near the water’s edge. Despite myself and my entire family getting very close, he refused to move. He looked like a large, moss covered rock, ancient and strong.

Along with the message of “slow down”, I have also been receiving warnings. Specifically I have heard, “Passion is a double edge sword.” With it comes a visual of walking on a tightrope. Don’t fall off the edge….

Another message came in the song, Borderline, by Madonna. Specifically, “You keep pushing my love over the borderline.”

Dreams

I’ve been sleeping deeply without too many dream memories upon waking. I recall one dream from last night where I was de-cluttering my daughter’s room. What is most memorable is her closet. She had been using it as a shower and so the clothing and furniture that was near it was becoming soaked. I went directly to it and began to move the items away. I found a huge bundle of belts (feeling conflict between what I think and what I feel). More than any person could ever wear. I was saying, “Why do you have so many belts? You don’t even wear belts.” I took them and separated out the majority for donation.

Inside her closet there were clothes on the floor. I picked up two coats (protection) and put them on hangers. They were her brother’s coats, not hers. Near the closet was a small nightstand with drawers. I had to move it across the room but there was not any space left. So I set it on top of her dresser. When I did this, the table morphed into a white tank or aquarium (emotions yet to be confronted, feeling of going in circles). Inside was a set up for a turtle or similar. The tank filled partially with water when I set it on the dresser.

Considerations

When I woke I was full of thoughts over how to reconcile the human and spiritual sides of myself. The two must be in balance and if they aren’t then problems or conflict will occur. What the spiritual desires the physical side may not yet be ready to embrace. The dream seemed to echo my thoughts, especially in the cluttered room and the multitude of belts.

 

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What If?

Yesterday had a particular quality of energy to it that followed me throughout the day. Maybe it was the awful news from the day before reminding me that death comes to us all, but I could not shake the feeling that time was ticking away.

A memory of something I was told close to a decade ago came back to me. I was sitting on the porch of our old house. My guidance asked me, “If you only had 10 years left to live, what would you do differently?” After a brief consideration I answered, “Nothing.”

With this was a nagging memory of the dream from the night before indicating a 6 month time frame. It made the feeling of time ticking away that much stronger. I tried to think what year it was that the question above was asked. How old was my daughter? What events do I remember around that time? I can’t recall and my journals do not mention the question. That means it must have been between 2009-2010. That means the 10 years is fast approaching or maybe even already here.

I pushed the consideration that my “time is up” out of my head. Surely that question so many years ago was not literal? Then I thought to myself, “What if it is up?” And I thought, “I would be okay with that.” Then I wondered, “Would I change anything?” I laughed and told my guidance, “I would smoke every night…no wait, I would smoke pot. I miss smoking pot.” lol I recall my guidance asking, “What about living life? What about your family?” I was reminded that pot blurs things, pushes me into the trance state and leaves me foggy. Probably not a good way to spend my life, not really being here and enjoying my family.

Then I was sad because if I had that little time left then I likely was not going to connect with a person at the physical and spiritual level; experience and share that glorious Divine state with another. I heard my guidance say, “You never know what can happen in six months.”

My own mortality doesn’t bother me really. Death doesn’t scare me. I am more than ready to explore what lies beyond the physical. I do it already in my sleep and sometimes during the day. And I know these kinds of messages are often misinterpreted. Yet when I fully embrace the possibility that I have so little time left I do not want it to end. Weird, huh? It is probably exactly what my guidance intended me to realize. They often say to me, “You don’t want to die. You want to live.”

Dream: What If?

I met my physical counterpart only we were much younger – late teens, early twenties. We began a relationship but he was not at all as expected. When we made love he was very distant and I felt used during and discarded after. The connection between us that I knew was there was never present during those times. It was very physical and not at all spiritual or magical.

I kept making excuses for him – he must be tired, maybe he’s just feeling frustrated, next time will be better, etc. There was no way I was going to bring up my concerns to him because he might decide to break up with me or get angry.

Then there were the people he hung around with. They were shady and doing things that felt to be illegal. He took me with him to do something and dropped me at one of his friend’s houses to stay there until he was finished. The friend was a blonde lady who was older, a bit overweight and very rough around the edges. The house was nice with nice things and the woman was dressed well and wore lots of fine jewelry. She was not wanting for anything.

I remember sitting in my bedroom there thinking to myself and having a conversation with someone, a guide likely, about the situation I found myself in. The disconnected sex, the feeling of being used, the disappointment, the fear, etc. The woman came in at one point and told me that she had left some dishes – glasses specifically – out for me to put away. She told me, “If you are going to stay here then you are going to pitch in.” The request felt more like a threat and I told her I was sorry and would get around to it, but lingered talking to my guide a bit longer.

I recall considering that I may had projected the love and connection I desired onto my boyfriend. It was an expectation he could not meet and so the disconnect grew between us. The feelings I experienced at this point were disappointment at myself and a kind of resignation or surrender.

I went into the kitchen to put away the glasses (transcendence). They were set out on the counter. I noticed how nice the kitchen was. It had a section just for making coffee (awareness), espresso and cappuccino – every kind of coffee imaginable. I opened the cabinet to put away the glasses and noticed there were small circular raised spots the perfectly fit them. I knew to place a glass on each circle.

Dream: Silver Dollar

Then I was walking into a room full of people who were sitting at a massive oval table. There were more than I could count and they recognized me as I entered. The gathering was of people with spiritual abilities of all kinds. They were just like me.

A woman pulled out a seat for me and greeted me, asking me where I had been. The dream I had just left felt so real to me and I was confused for a bit. She asked about my physical counterpart and a memory came to me of being with him at the pool. I recalled it had been August and we had been dating since mid-summer. That was the first time we ever got intimate and the memory of the experience was so raw and devoid of connection that I withdrew from it. I immediately made an excuse for him in my mind.

At this point in the dream I was feeling really guilty for my behavior and avoidance of the truth. The woman began to distract me with coins. She laid them out before me. I remember she had some rare ones, silver dollars (strong spiritual abilities) that were larger than a dinner dish. I pointed out how rare they were and she said she had more. She took me to her room and opened a chest. Inside were more. I remember she was excited that they might be worth something. She said she had access to as many as she wanted from the church.

Dream: Ukraine

The next thing I recall is visiting a farm in the middle of nowhere. It was beautiful country and the house was small and quaint. It had a very foreign feel to it yet at the same time I felt at home there.

I was still young, probably around 18 years old, and visiting the family for an unknown reason. The couple who lived there showed me various aspects of farm life. I mostly remember seeing several large dogs (protection, fidelity) who were about to have their hair shaved and petting one.

The couple had several children of various ages. At one point were were all gathered together peeling various fruits and vegetables. I sat on the floor. There were two young men sitting above me at the table.

I sat peeling a Kiwi (period of growth and good fortune) and talking to a younger sibling about eating a banana. I recall seeing the mashed (suppressed) banana (playfulness) on the floor and looking at the Kiwi fruit in my hand. A conversation started between me and the boys. I asked their ages and the older one said his brother was 15 and he was 18. The brother at this point felt like my physical counterpart but it was like a passing thought I did not pay attention to.

As we talked another dream took form within the dream. Me and the older boy and his siblings were walking through a channel filled with water (emotion). The water was about waist high. There was tall grass on either side and overall I felt curious like a child. As we walked we encountered a group of gypsies (time to awaken spiritual abilities). The boy indicated to keep going so we did, only one gypsy intercepted us and the dream faded out.

I was back talking to the older boy. His appearance was clearer and I grew more lucid. He had black hair and brown eyes and was very attractive and I could feel an intensity of interest from him. I thought to myself, “He is interested in me.” He said something to me and I saw the entire dream sequence above again, only this time in reverse. Then it played over again only this time the gypsies did not intercept us and we continued on our way.

My awareness went back to the house and I was staring at the boy. He looked at me very seriously and asked me, “Why did you really come here? Was it just to pick out a dog? Or did you intend to choose a (husband maybe – I can’t recall the word he used now)”.

When he said this my lucidity peaked even more and it was as if he and I were face to face. I suddenly knew I was in the Ukraine, which made no sense. As we stared into each other’s eyes a beautiful energy enveloped me and I could feel the connection between us. I remember thinking, “I know you” but before I could continue the energy woke me.

I lay in bed for a while with the bliss, snuggling into it as much as I could before it inevitably passed. I did not want to wake up.

A song was going through my mind – “I will remember you. Will you remember me. Don’t let your life, pass you by. Weep not for the memories.”

Considerations

It is rare that I have dreams where I feel like I just lived an entire life. That was what the first one felt like. It felt real. It felt like I lived it. Had I not entered into the second dream and talked about the first one, I likely would have continued to think it was not a dream.

At first it feels like the dream is about my physical counterpart, but after a while it seems more similar to how I am with men in relationships, at least the emotions are. If I am unhappy early on I do not voice it. I make excuses for them and think their faults will magically disappear down the road. I want it to work out so bad that I ignore the bad and put up with things I otherwise would not just to make the relationship work.

The table with the circle seems to be me connecting with others like me, those who are working to help humanity, using their spiritual abilities and awareness, etc. The message seems to be that I need to tap into my abilities.

The last dream is the most odd. I do not understand it really but the feeling of connection was there and the bliss was beautiful. Again, it was very vivid, like I had actually visited the country of Ukraine.

The song seems to say, “Don’t linger on the past. Enjoy the present. You are alive!” It feels like I am being reminded that life is a gift, so I need to live it.

Interestingly, I had this thought on my own on Saturday when I decided to let my son pick his birthday activities. I decided to stop worrying over future what if’s – money, retirement, health – and focus on the present. How can I make the present better for me and my family? Do things that we all enjoy regardless of the present cost (money-wise) or potential for it to drain our savings (future consideration). Live life for today.

We will be going on a family vacation to South Padre again in May. In between I hope to just be less restrictive overall. There is no point in holding back today when there may not be a tomorrow. This is what I think my guides mean when they say, “You are ALIVE.”

Also, another sync – when I checked my gmail this morning there was a question on Quora listed – What makes a person remember you?” I still had the song above on my mind. Ha!

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Unexpected Shake Up

Yesterday was my son’s 5th birthday. Though we already celebrated last weekend, I asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday. He said he wanted to eat cupcakes and after I provided him with ideas said he wanted to go to the “jump-o-line” place. So, that is what we did.

We had a great time but afterwards my children got hungry so we stopped to get some food. In the car my husband noticed my mom had left him a voicemail so he put it on speaker phone and played the message.

We thought it would be a “happy birthday” message. It wasn’t.

She told us that the husband of the couple who had purchased our old house had locked himself in the master bedroom closet and set himself on fire.

He had PTSD. My mom said he had “episodes” in the past, but I am not sure what the others entailed. His wife was a counselor so managed the best she could. Unfortunately, she could not handle him.

My daughter immediately burst into tears. She was inconsolable for about 15 minutes.

My heart sank. I could not believe what I heard.

The rest of the evening was colored by the news. My husband drove out to our place to take a look. The wife of the couple was in a hotel with their dogs. In shock. So, he was able to look at the damage. The entire upstairs (an add-on we completed in early 2011) that included the master bedroom, closet, master bath and a second bedroom, was destroyed. The roof above the closet where he had set himself on fire had a gaping hole in it. The severest damage was located there.

The downstairs was completely untouched.

I was at first upset about the house but that quickly shifted to being upset about the whole situation, especially the fact that he had felt so much pain that dousing himself with gasoline and setting himself on fire was preferable. I imagined the experience from his point of view and his wife’s.

His wife was present when he did it and likely had to listen to his screams until they stopped and then had to wait for the fire department listening to the silence, an ever-present reminder that her husband was dead, while watching her house burn in front of her.

I can’t even imagine the husband’s point of view. However, I contacted him in Spirit to check on him. His guides came forward first but then he did. He was beside himself with upset over what he had done. He is worried about his wife and the devastation he caused. He kept saying, “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

He is lingering at the house where he died. He will likely stay there a while, watching his wife and going through the healing he was never able to complete while in his body.

I don’t know whether she will rebuild. It she does I can’t imagine she will still live there, sleeping in the master bedroom next to the closet where her husband killed himself. Could you do that? I couldn’t.

If she decides to rebuild and sell she has to disclose that someone died there. I don’t know how successful she will be at selling the place.

It’s all very sad and I can’t shake the feeling that I knew it was going to happen because…I did, just not like it did.

When I use to live there I had visions of the house catching on fire, specifically the upstairs. I could never figure out why.

I had a dream last summer about a fire. I called my mom to check on her because in the dream it was her house on fire. I told her about my dream but then nothing happened so I let it go. I am thinking now it was a warning, just came out in the dream as my childhood home.

When the couple bought our house I told my husband, “They will only last about four years.” I thought they would divorce and sell the house. They almost did – last summer (around the time of my dream!) but then reconciled. Turns out the split happened anyway. 4.5 years after they bought our home.

It is almost like it was fated that they be apart one way or the other.

It is unsettling. I feel unsettled.

In the last month I have lost three people I knew in this life. None I was very close to but they were close enough to have an effect. The first was my coworker. Cancer. The second was someone I knew for many years. Cancer. And now this.

Three people in a month. WTF?

It took me a while to fall asleep last night as you can image. My guidance warned me, “Don’t over empathize.” I tried not to. At first I did and it was causing me to experience quite a bit of upset. So, I focused on the good parts of the day, my son and my family. It worked.

Dream: Six Month Stay

The dream begins in a house (Self). The coloring I recall the most is of gold, yellow and white (spiritual). Everything feels new and unfamiliar. I am a bit nervous because I have just moved in (could be indicating new chapter in life).

The members of the group I am living with vary in age. In the kitchen I recall a woman who reminds me of someone at work. There are others but she is the only one I recall specifically.

My best friend (aspect of self) from high school happens to live in the home, too. I remember discussing how I came to be there. Our benefactor/boss/father/teacher (not sure which for he felt like them all) was brought up frequently. It felt like he placed me and the others in the house. We had to sign a six month lease. I recall seeing my contract and signature and knowing the way it worked.

He (the benefactor) provided room and board, so food was rationed out. In the kitchen there were large bags of provisions that were to be split among the residents. I was told that I would get my share every month. I noticed one bag was full of rice but it shifted and looked more like hashbrowns (longing for Home). I told the lady I did not eat hashbrowns and would donate my portion. I told her I like potatoes whole (difficulties over short period of time) as well as lots of vegetables. I saw someone was preparing veggies and wondered if they had to buy their own. It felt like they did.

I was shown my room, which was located on the right after entering the hallway. My room was neat and nice but I remember sitting inside feeling homesick. I could not imagine living there for so long and began to get desperate to leave. I talked to my friend about it, saying I would prefer to go live at home. She reminded me of the six month lease I signed and I said, “I will pay the lease but live at home. I don’t want to stay here.” In my mind I was imagining the feel of home – safe, secure, warm and curled up in my bed.

Ultimately, I could not leave and had to go about my “work” which included going to class. Class consisted of sitting in a darkened room and staring up at screens. Questions would appear on the screen to be answered. There was another person in the room on my right, also in a chair. The other person was my friend. As the questions came up we had to answer almost like a quiz show, as if we were in competition, but we weren’t. Our answers would be scored and a score would show on the screen. One of my answers was incorrect and a voice from nowhere corrected me. Then the score showed and my grade was 76% while my friend’s was 90%.

My friend was stressing over being behind in her work. She had not been doing her assignments and I knew it was because she was dyslexic and had not told anymore. I asked if she wanted my help and she agreed.

Afterward we went back to our rooms but I could not remember where mine was. I went into a room I thought was mine but it was very different – messy, cramped and masculine. I left quickly trying not to be noticed and went to my friend’s room to help her with her assignment. I would read it aloud so she could get it done faster.

Then I went to another class with mostly male classmates. We sat in a circle in a library (wisdom, knowledge). I felt very out of place and my classmates were unfamiliar. I don’t recall a teacher. I listened as they spoke of spirits and I interrupted asking if they wanted to talk to them. Curious they listened and I told them of two who were there.

Considerations

When I woke the song that was on my mind yesterday was there again, only this time I heard, “Let’em say we’re crazy, what do they know?”

My guess is that part of the song is referring to the man who set himself on fire and how “crazy” it was. Or it could be something else…But the song is back.

My dream was very vivid, especially the longing for Home and the sense that I had to endure another six months in an unfamiliar place, learning lessons and doing my “work”. I don’t know if the time frame is significant or not yet. We’ll see I guess.

Overall, I can’t kick the feeling that something is “up”. The saying, “Change is in the air” feels applicable. I am still very bothered by what happened in my old house and can’t get it out of my mind. It is difficult not to think of this reality as harsh and unforgiving when things like that happen. But mostly I am sad because he could have been helped and now all that is left is the pain of his sudden passing and the devastation it is causing to his family and loved ones. His poor mother. His poor wife. 😦