Tag Archives: dreamwork

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Message: The Gambler

I slept long and deep last night. The celebrations and time with family over the holiday have left me tired I guess.

Dream: Tequila and Choice

In this dream I couldn’t sleep and was still awake around 3am or later in the morning. I decided to walk down to a bar and get some tequila. My husband was with me, bought the tequila shot and sat with me as I drank it. I was surprised the place sold me the alcohol. I recall having with me a bottle of tequila, too, and taking liberal swigs of it.

I went home, quite drunk and stumbling. The feeling was very real.

After a while I met up with a young, blonde man and a couple. We drove to a convenience store because it was morning and I wanted to go home with some sweet rolls for the kids. We ended up in the back of the store and the blonde man attempted to put his hands down my pants. I saw the video cameras and told him no even when the other couple destroyed the cameras. The man sulked and so I hugged him and was overcome with desire that I quickly shut off and suppressed. As we left I picked up some sweet rolls and a cup of coffee to take home.

Then I was with my husband, only he looked like my ex, and his brother and SIL. The plan was to go out to bars, mingle and find sexual partners – like swinging. We ended up in this large restaurant-bar that had rows and rows of tables full of people drinking and eating. I remember talking with them about the plan and how it would play out. I was uncomfortable with it because what I was told was that my husband (who still looked like my ex) would find a woman to have on the side but he would stay with me. I told him I wanted no part in it because I saw how he would keep me for the convenience of having sex when he was not with the other woman.

So I walked around the place and watched the other people. I saw a group celebrating. A woman sat next to her son and ordered him something off the menu he didn’t like despite knowing what he did want. He threw a meatball and pouted. I laughed. Next to me sat Jerry Seinfeld. I talked to him, thinking, “Wow!” and even asked if that was his name and he nodded.

As the dream continued I kept watching people as they got more intoxicated. I sat down next to a guy with dark hair who was familiar, a famous actor. I remembered his name and laughed and said, “I’m sitting next to Ray.”

Dream: Circle

In this dream I was at a spiritual circle made up of women, all of them much older than me. The circle was built upon the experiences and channelings of one main woman who then wrote books about each of the ceremonies she conducted to connect with the spirits or aliens who gave her the information. I watched as she explained how there had to be at least three women who acted as moderators for when someone asked a question. These women wore strange, domed hats made out of aluminum that was gold on the top and silver on the bottom. The dome had a small point right over the center of the wearers head.

I watched as the leader began the ceremony. She had in her hand a book that was the 13th in a series of books she had written. I can’t recall the name now but the book was blue and the number very noticeable.

A black woman who had a question waited for the moderators to approve or disapprove it. They said it was approved and she was relieved. She held in her hand a large, flat, black rock and said, “I wanted to know why it has water on it?” I could see that the rock held a small pool of water in its center.

Then I was holding a round object, like a basket only it was domed without an opening. It was made of wool and fibers. The leader lady said it was part of the ceremony. At the center was something important, like a capsule or something. I began to peel away the layers carefully. Some were beaded, some thick like wool. It was as if I was peeling a large, exotic fruit. When I got to the center another scene opened up in the dream and I shifted into it (dream within a dream).

I don’t remember much of this dream now but it was set on my mom’s back porch. It looked brand new, the wood all yellowish and smelling of pine. A man I know was there, much younger than he is today. He was smiling and full of excitement about life. I could feel from him his love of adventure and he was getting ready to set off on a trip. The main memory is of his face and how it glowed. I also remember that he departed on his adventure and left me behind holding two, ten pound dumbbells, one in each hand.

I came back to the scene with the basket/capsule. From the center appeared a small, white lamb, perfect and pure.

Then I was watching the circle again only it was online in a forum. It allowed people to join and ask questions. I asked my question. The answer was provided in images so it is hard to interpret. In the dream it felt like I was told I would be waiting a long time – years. I despaired in the dream because the thought of the wait was like torture to me. I remember choosing to be in a relationship with someone so as to not be alone and to have a companion throughout it. Part of this vision and message reminds me of how I married my ex so that I would not have to wait for “the one” alone (my current husband).

I was back looking at the women in the circle. It was set outside, green fields and tall oaks trees in the background. It made me feel good to be there and I thought that I could pass the time by joining them. But then I noticed how old all the women were – all over 60 at least. I remember thinking, “I’m too young.”

Back looking at the forum I went to my question, clicked on it and deleted it. I remember not liking my answer and feeling hopeless as I left.

Music Message: The Gambler

When I woke the song – The Gambler – was going through my head. Specifically – “You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run.”

Considerations

The sense upon waking was that reunion in this lifetime was unlikely and I told myself to move on and accept it. It is something I have concluded many times before. The song seems to indicate that my choice is similar to gambling. I have to choose wisely after weighing all the facts I have before me. But the song doesn’t tell me what to do really.

The first dream sequence seems to indicate I am looking for respite and I do it through drinking. I want to relieve myself of my current life’s problems. A solution is presented and rejected by me. I find humor in the situation via Seinfeld and a joke I make in the dream about sitting next to a famous person.

The circle seems to be me asking for guidance. I did ask for help before bed. Specifically I asked to get a glimpse of my future. It seems like the dream is warning of lots of waiting and passing time. The number 13 could be bad news, overcoming obstacles, or bad luck.  The lamb could be me wishing to return to the beginning, to innocence and purity. The weights I carry are the burdens of my life. I am left behind because of the path I’ve chosen and ultimately that path is the reason for the wait and delay.

The message I received from the circle seems to be that I will find a way to pass the time. This is likely my current husband, though I did not see who the person was. The age of the women in the circle could be symbolic of how much time will pass. Maybe I will be about 60 before anything shifts. If so, that is a long wait plus I never imagine myself living past 65.

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Lucid Dream: Present Time

Happy 4th of July! I hope you have a great one.

I had an unexpected lucid dream last night/this morning. 🙂

Lucid Dream: Present Time

The dream was not lucid to begin with. The beginning involved a gathering with children, specifically a tiny, black toddler. Mostly I remember sweeping the floor which was covered in sand and watching the baby girl play with a pile of toys.

Then I was talking with someone as I flew over a river that was moving very rapidly to the point of whitewater. I don’t remember what we were talking about but it seemed very serious. I watched as a large, dining table came down the river. The legs were in the air as it smashed up against the rocks and was swept around a bend. Then the same thing seemed to be happening to a black SUV. I watched it come down the river and head toward the same rocks. I flew over to try and stop it but it rolled up onto the rocky shore and then was propelled back into the water. I watched it seem to drive through the rough water, dents in the bumper, and head toward a cliff on the other side. As I focused on the cliff a massive set of double doors appeared and opened up. The SUV floated inside.

This is about the time I became lucid. I flew over to the doors and inside. What I encountered was unexpected. Inside was a vast structure of wooden landings at different levels held up by wooden beams. The doors took me into the very uppermost level. As I floated there I saw the beams and landing levels below me extending farther than the eye could see. Across from me a man sat at a table on one of the landings drinking a beer (or some kind of drink). I asked him, “What is this place?” He replied, “You’re in present time.” I asked again because I didn’t quite understand and he smiled and repeated, “You’re in present time.”

Something about his answer triggered in me a child-like joy and desire to explore. I dove straight down into the beams and levels below.

The next thing I recall is standing on the main floor amidst people going about their business. The space was mostly white and brightly lit. In my memory it feels like an indoor water park or bath house only there were no water slides.

The people walking around were dressed in bright colors and their skin was just as bright as the place. I recognized one lady who was standing along a wall. She had short, pixie cut blonde hair and was very petite. We said hello and as she turned to leave I put my hand on her shoulder and said, “Wait! I know you!” She turned toward me and smiled. I grabbed her hand and kissed her right on the lips. I could feel the kiss very distinctly. As I kissed her I slipped a ring off her finger and put it on my own. After the kiss we parted ways but she stopped me and said, “Aren’t you forgetting something?” She was looking at my hand. I looked down and saw a solitaire diamond ring on my ring finger. I laughed and said, “Oh, I forgot!,” Then slid it off and placed it back on her hand but not before recognizing it was my wedding ring from my current marriage.

I continued to explore the place after that. The whole time I was talking to someone but can’t recall the conversation. I headed toward some double glass doors that led outside. As I walked through them into the sunlight I was greeted by a light rain. There was also a very large swimming pool but I never visited it. Instead I stood in the rain, feeling the coolness of it as it hit my bare skin.

I believe I was asked about myself, or that I at least questioned who I was and my role in life. There was also a question about what I missed or enjoyed most. With that thought/question I felt my son in my arms. Looking down at him I saw him when he was a baby. He was as real as if he was a baby today. The familiar weight of him in my arms, the baby smell and him clinging to me was wonderful. I began to dance with him, holding him out from me and then pulling him close. As I danced I sang a song that in the dream felt like a song I had sung to him a million times, only I have never heard it or sang it to him my knowledge. The only part of it I remember now is this – “I’m gonna love, love, love ya to me….”

I danced with him for a while, singing the song and relishing the time I had with him. It was so very real, as if I had gone back in time and returned to a particular moment or memory.

At some point the memories brought tears. Tears of joy but also tears of sadness at the thought that I would never hold my babies in my arms like that again. They were all grown up. Recognizing how much I missed that caused me to shift back into my body briefly but I returned to the scene quickly.

I was back inside the brightly lit and clean room. Again I was considering the question, “Who am I?” I wandered the place for a while, caught up in my own thoughts and seeing members of my family around me. There is memory of having no clothing and also of heading back toward the pool area. As I went through the glass doors and this time there was no rain, only sunshine. As I stood there I felt as if I was being told, “No”. With this I came back into my body.

When I woke up my eyes were still wet from crying. A song from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood was going through my head:

The most vivid memory from the dream was that of my son. At first I thought it was my youngest but the face I recall was that of my middle child. This photo shows the age he appeared in my dream:

Orrenbaby

My son is 8 years old now and my youngest is 5 years old. So, it’s been a long time since I’ve held my babies in my arms like this. The dream reminded me of what it was like. I didn’t realize how much I missed it.

Interpretation

The river symbolizes uncertainty, upset and troubling times. The state of the water indicates turbulence. The table symbolizes family and togetherness. It is smashed up against the rocks indicating the turbulence and uncertainty has to do with my family. The SUV symbolizes movement and one’s life path as well as the ability to take action or control of a situation.

The lucid portion of the dream seems to be a self-created reality focused upon my questioning of self – specifically “who am I?” The levels are levels of awareness and I go deep, to the bottom, which would be areas that are in my subconscious or past. The pool or bath environment represents healing/cleansing. Then, I encounter a woman with whom I exchange a wedding ring with, a ring that looks identical to my wedding ring in life. I forget about the ring in the dream which could be me reminding myself of my marriage vows. The rain represents emotional purification and natural regeneration. This is followed by memories of holding my son and what it was like. I feel sadness and loss and a desire to go back and relive certain moments.

The song I woke up hearing seems to be sending me a positive message. The main part that repeated was, “I’ll be back, when the day is new, and I’ll have more ideas for you…” It felt like the message was that we are offered a new start with each new day. Change is as simple as that.

Overall, it feels like the dream was helping me to see that I feel a loss of purpose now that my children are older. In the past my time was mostly made up of tending to their needs. Now, not so much and it will only get less as time goes by. It has left a hole in my life that needs to be filled with something new. Yet I feel a loss of self with this transition. I don’t know who I am and don’t know what to do with the added free time. All I’ve known for the past 12 years has been the role of mother. There wasn’t room for much else. Though I am still a mother, always will be, it no longer requires as much of my time and effort. This is a blessing, a nudge to move forward and explore myself.

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Dream: Hitchhiking

Positive dream this morning which came after I asked for assistance. Specifically I asked, “What do I need to do?”

Dream: Hitchhiking 

The dream began with me on the side of a highway in Texas. I had with me all of my clothes in a pile and was trying to put on as much as I could in order to avoid carrying it all. I also had a leather bag or purse.

Someone was with me and I was talking to them as I put on a white, circular skirt. I remember looking at it and thinking it was suited for a much younger person and then shrugged it off and tied it around my waist. It fit perfectly and looked good.

Several times I caught myself with considerations about what people would think of me there on the side of the road with my clothing. I knew what I would think, and it was mostly not good; judgmental.

A woman stopped by and offered me a ride. I agreed and began to grab my things to include a cell phone. I looked for a place to put it and opted to slip it into a pocket in my shirt. I knew it was very fragile and I worried it might fall out and be lost, but let that worry go.

Then I was with the woman riding down the highway only it seemed as if we were on the outside of the vehicle, like in a side car of a motorcycle. I could feel the wind in my hair and the bumps of the road. Yet I knew we had hitched a ride on a big rig.

The woman had with her a little, blonde, crippled boy. I was very curious about him and watched him the remainder of the dream. Somehow I knew he was very special and needed lots of love and attention. At the same time he proved to be quite demanding and spoiled but I didn’t judge him for it.

As we traveled it seemed there were others that came and went. At one point a man’s phone rang and he answered it. It was information about Lamar Blvd and all roads merging into one. I commented that it didn’t surprise me.

Discussion turned to where we were heading. The older lady said she had planned on dropping me off in eastern Tennessee. Pleasantly surprised, I turned to my friend and said, “See! I had no expectation about where I would end up and it turns out I hitch a ride to Tennessee!” I was completely blown away and in awe of the “coincidence” because I had wanted to go there but had long given up on it ever happening. Then I said, “It is so beautiful there….not that the other states aren’t beautiful, too – like Kentucky and Alabama…” For some reason I felt I had accidentally insulted the other “states” by what I said.

Then we stopped at a store. Everyone went inside to use the bathroom and get a bite to eat. I had opted to stay in the truck but at the last minute decided to stretch my legs. I remember asking where the bathroom was and looking into the store from a distance to try and find it. I noticed the women’s and men’s rooms were on opposite sides of the store. I said, “I hope it isn’t very far to walk. I don’t want to accidentally get left behind.”

Inside the store I began to walk toward the bathroom. I could see the sign posted. It was above a brightly lit, yellow hallway. A woman with a tray of cookies stopped me and asked if I would like to try one. I eagerly said, “Yes!”, grabbed a cookie and ate it as if I was starving. Then I turned and saw the handicapped boy was inside the store with a woman. He had a circular, pink cake in his arms and was trying to leave the store without falling down. The only problem was that both his legs were amputated below the knee and he lost his balance and fell. The cake was safe, though, and the woman helped him up and back to the truck.

The last thing I recall about the dream was talking about what I would do when I got to Tennessee. All I had were literally the clothes on my back. I remember saying I could find work and that the people there were all friendly so I knew I would get the help I needed. As I said this I had a visual in my mind of being dropped off by the road, holding all my possessions in my arms and walking into the unknown. The feeling I had was like that of a small child – wide-eyed with no fear.

Interpretation

Overall this dream seems to be a positive one and the feeling I had upon waking was optimistic.

Hitchhiking indicates a message that my success is dependent on the help of others. I can’t make it to my destination without assistance. Throughout the dream I rely on the help of others and end up at the destination I desire. In this case it is a “state” which I suspect is not a physical location but a state of being, though it could be both.

Clothing symbolizes one’s individuality, personality and how others perceive them. In this case I am putting clothes over the top of other clothing. Specifically, a white, circular skirt that seems inappropriate for my age. I recognize my considerations about this – how others might perceive me – and shrug it off. The white skirt is a symbol of femininity and sexuality and can represent taking a trip and following a “call”. White is purity and good intentions. The circular aspect is continuity and the cycle of life/death. All together this indicates to me an acceptance of my feminine side, hope and following that which is calling to me.

The cell phone is communication. I worried I would lose it so I kept it safe and close to me. This could be reassurance from my HS that I will maintain a connection I fear will be lost.

The message about all roads merging into one speaks for itself. In the end we all have the same destination.

The boy in the dream is likely an aspect of myself. He could represent the masculine being disabled in some way or needing special attention.

The semi-truck symbolizes one’s responsibilities in life. The fact that I perceive myself to be outside of it in a side car could indicate that I am able to step back and view my responsibilities and burdens in a new way, perhaps finding my independence.

As the dream progresses I indicate a fear of being “left behind”. I also gobble up a cookie as if I am starving. Cookies symbolize desire.

The boy has with him a bright, pink, circular cake. Cakes symbolize celebration and the sweet things in life. The color pink is symbolic of love. Despite him stumbling he doesn’t drop the cake. His lack of legs indicates lack of knowledge and setbacks that will be overcome.

In the end I see the unknown through new eyes. I have no fear and have faith that all will be provided.

 

 

 

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The Grass is Always Greener

Got lots of extra, much needed sleep this morning. Slept until almost 9am! I was awakened at 6:30am by my kids but managed to fall back to sleep. It was better than average sleep with a vivid dream.

Dream: Trip to China

I suspect the location of this dream came from a movie I watched which was set in China.

The first part of the dream that I remember is seeing a map of Europe and talking about visiting China. I said, “As long as it is warm.” Someone mentioned the southern part as our destination.

Then I was in China with a group of people in a building that I suppose was a school. There was a party going on for my daughter’s class. I went inside and saw all the desks lined up and each had a cupcake on it. Some cupcakes were vanilla and others were chocolate. I remember sitting at one of the front desks watching the end of the party and then turning and seeing a chocolate cupcake on a desk. It was a leftover and I wondered to myself if I should take it. It was like I was asking my daughter a question, like she was me. I answered back to myself, “No. I already have one.” I knew the one I had was vanilla, and I preferred it over the chocolate.

Then I was heading to the hotel. My daughter was no longer with me (not sure she ever was but thinking she was me). I went and checked into my room and there was an encounter with another class of college aged students. I was in front of the class lecturing about math, trigonometry. I remember feeling really excited about the math, like I missed solving equations.

There were only three students, all female, in the class. I knew I was not their regular teacher. He was a black man who had left his cell phone in the room. I picked it up and took it into a room and left it there for him knowing he had forgotten it.

I went outside and walked through the empty streets for a while. It seemed like I had no particular destination, like I was just walking to walk. I was also talking to myself or someone as I walked but I can’t remember what I was talking about now. The streets were unfamiliar but had tall buildings and narrow allies and roads. I recall seeing bricks for the road base.

Eventually I turned around and headed back. I knew there was a party and looked up and saw a line forming up above me a on a ledge. For some reason I had a baby in my hands and lifted him up and set him on the ledge. A person in line grabbed him and held onto him to keep him from falling.

I watched the line for a while. It rarely moved but when it did it was by a large amount of people.

A black man walked up to me and asked me for his phone. I told him I left it in the room and then remembered it was in his pants. I had locked my key in the room so had to go to the desk and ask for another. The man at the desk spoke English and opted to take me up to the room. I remember thinking he must have immigrated to China because he had no accent.

I found the man’s phone in his pants and brought it back down and asked people in line if they had seen him. When I found him I gave him his phone and told him where it had been.

Eventually the line moved and me and the baby, now a young child, went through the check point. We had chips embedded in our ankles that were scanned to let us through. The dream ended there.

Considerations

This is the second dream I’ve had with these symbols in it: traveling, standing in line, baby.

To travel in a dream represents the life path and the goals of life. In one dream I was going to CA and in this one to China. California symbolizes the spiritual, adventure and new prospects. It is more positive than China which represents a period where one lacks enthusiasm and passion for life.

Standing in line represents impatience or that one is waiting for something.

Babies represent innocence and new beginnings as well as new ideas and potential.

The first part of the dream appears to be conversing with myself, like HS with lower self. I have a vanilla cupcake and do not want the chocolate one. Vanilla is warmth and family – which I already have. Chocolate is enjoyment, relaxation and romantic love – which I do not have. This I can relate to because lately I have felt resigned to only the one and feeling that having both is not possible at this time or may never be possible. The dream indicates it is a choice. It is hard to see it that way, though.

The China part of the dream might be further inspection of my state of being at this time. The environment is bleak and dark. The streets are empty. I enjoy solving problems (the math) but communication is problematic (lost cell phone). The black man could represent something unknown about myself in regards to the masculine, or an actual man who is hiding something or mysterious to me. Either way I feel unable to communicate with that aspect. The line represents waiting for something. In this case entry to a party. Parties represent ones ability to enjoy themselves and be social.

The Grass is Always Greener

Overall the dream makes sense to me. I have been asking for assistance from my guidance and the answers I got were:

“The grass is always greener on the other side”. Realization that I need to be happy with what I have right here. Visual of standing on packed dirt and seeing a green field in front of me along with thoughts that the dirt can be nice, too, all I have to do is sweep it smooth. I saw myself sweeping the packed dirt and considering the good aspects of it. Though packed dirt is not comfortable it is soil and can be tilled. Seeds can be planted and tended and new growth can be achieved. I can create my own grass or garden or anything I choose. Or I can continue to sweep packed dirt and do nothing different.

Continued feelings that I am going in a new spiritual direction. Where the last five years have been about ascension and expansion, the coming year(s) are about solidifying my earth experiences, becoming more grounded and changing/Being the change. I continue to get a feeling that it is time to look toward physical life experience and away from spiritual experiences. I am not accepting it well because I do not like the physical experience.

My main concern is that I have no idea what to strive for in the physical. I have no drive or motivation toward anything here; nothing that sparks my interest, brings me excitement or anticipation. To focus on the physical gives me a feeling of loss in general. Plus, I am extremely bored. So, I have asked to be shown what to do next. Maybe an answer will be given, like in the summer of 2018 when I asked for a new career path and it was given. Only this time I don’t even have a specific topic or direction in mind, just that I want to find a spark of interest in life again.

 

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Reassuring Dream

Busy night in dreamtime. Thankfully, the dreams made me feel more positive and calm. Not sure exactly what occurred that produced this response in me but I am thankful.

Dream: Visitor

This dream began in my grandparent’s underground (subconscious) house (self). I was inside the kitchen (spiritual nourishment) and noticed a roach (uncleanliness) on the ceiling. I got out a broom and began to try and hit it so it would fall to the ground. After a few tries I succeeded and it scampered toward the edge of the room to hide. I pursued it and slammed it with the broom, cutting it in half and killing it.

Then I went outside and looked around. It did not look like it does in real life. There was a large field of grass (happiness) that had been baled into hay (happiness/success). Another field next to it was set to be baled later in the summer. How I knew this I’m not sure but I think I was talking to someone.

I flew over the field looking at it and thinking it beautiful. Everything was so green and alive!

Then I was walking with a beloved friend through the field with my dog. He had come to visit and we were talking about random things – personal, every day life things. I remember discussing movies from the 1990’s. At some point he showed me a figurine that looked ancient, carved from wood or bone. It was of a warrior or man and it reminded me of the ancient Maya carvings. FYI: The carving reminds me of a past life I recalled with this person. 

I looked at it and suggested we visit a mound of earth in the distance. Carved into the rock was the same figure. My friend and I walked over it, marveling at how large and detailed it was.

My friend commented about my dog’s personality. I laughed and grabbed his hand. We walked into a structure made of adobe (unity, love) and sat down on a molded earth bench in front of an open window looking out over the fields and hills below. I sat on his left and snuggled into the crook of his arm, laying my head on his shoulder.

I said, “Thank you for coming to see me this week.” He squeezed me closer to him.

There was an unspoken knowing here about his feelings toward me. It was as if everything was explained in an instant. As if we had an entire conversation without words. A conversation where I asked him about some things that were bothering me and he gave me an honest answer. What I had assumed he felt and thought was not correct and it was a relief to know the truth.

He told me that he would be going on a trip with his mother soon. He either said, “in 10 days” or on “July 10th”. With this came an explanation about all that he still had to do and why he saw me so infrequently. I accepted it.

He kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer and said, “I love you.” I smiled and said, “I love you more than you will ever know.” With this I began to feel energy stirring all over my body. It was beautiful and subtle but enough to wake me up. My heart and throat were still tingling with energy when I opened my eyes.

When I woke I knew who it was I was with in the dream. But still I told myself, “I just created him for my dream.” Regardless, I felt really, really calm, reassured and happy.

Dream: Tattooed Man 

This dream began inside an apartment (state of life, emotion, relationship). I had just moved in and noticed repairs had been made to the door. When I asked about it the manager told me that they had to break in to deal with a situation. Turns out the former tenants had left two dogs and several cats inside for a long while. One of the dogs killed and mutilated all but one of the cats. I could see in my mind the destruction – dead and torn apart cats strewn all over the place.

Then I was talking to a man and a woman inside the apartment. They wanted me to participate in a ceremony with them. It was spiritual but also sexual. I remember the man was shirtless and covered in tattoos that made him look eerily like a snake. The woman was short and tiny with brown hair. We discussed the ceremony for a while. I remember him asking me if I saw a squirrel (holding onto things) when I went outside. I said I had seen it in the water nearly drowned (emotion, overwhelmed).

There was a portion of the dream here where I went shopping with the couple. They had a baby (innocence, newness) with them that they had put up on a shelf while they shopped. I was worried it would fall but saw it had been secured and was safe.

We went back to the couple’s apartment for the ceremony. I remember being completely in agreement with it at first. I sat down and had two shots of tequila and then got closer to the tattooed man. As I focused on him my heart lit up with bliss indicating there was a connection between us and I began to see tattoos on my own skin.

I moved away from him, beginning to doubt that the ceremony would be a good idea and started looking at the clock. I wanted to get back to my apartment before my kids realized I was gone. It was 10:30pm.

In my concern about things I asked the man’s address so that if I had to call 911 (fear, concern/worry) I would know what to tell the operator. He said 3033. I looked out the window and saw the parking lot. I knew that people could see inside very easily and would see that I was naked (vulnerability).

Something woke me up at this time. My body was covered in energy, specifically my solar plexus and heart.

The tattooed man reminded me of someone I had seen a long time ago in an OBE. He had the comedy/tragedy tattoo on him and was a doctor. This song was also on my mind, specifically “tattooed all I am, all I see”:

Considerations

The first dream was really nice. I don’t remember many details now but the feeling from it is still with me. As a result I’ve had a good, positive day. It is always nice to wake up from a dream feeling reassured and positive!

The second dream seems to be about my emotional state, my life and relationships, and the Kundalini, at least that is how it feels to me. The apartment incident with the cats and dogs suggests an inner struggle, or maybe even an outer one as well. The struggle caused destruction and the death of the cats. Cats are symbolic of the feminine, independence, and feminine sexuality. The tattooed man and the feelings between us likely represents the Kundalini especially since I remember being hot and cold regarding the “ceremony”. At first I was very interested and then I pulled away. So I tried to take the edge off with alcohol but got scared off again. lol

The Kundalini was definitely active through both dreams but I only remember the tail end of it as I woke. It was nice and soothing, not crazy, intense or sexual.

 

 

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Disappointment

Happy Father’s Day to all you father’s out there! Hope you have a great day.

My husband has gone off to ride motorcycles with his brothers today. He recently got his motorcycle license and is really into it. So his Father’s Day is going to be a good one.

I’ve been quite low mood lately. Just grumpy, pessimistic and disappointed. The messages I received about June 13th and “three weeks” seemed to have no purpose. Nothing significant has happened to indicate why I received these messages.

Some minor things have come up that may or may not be significant. I realized I have a sensitivity to wine last week when I had a couple of glasses of Pinot Noir. My nose became stuffy after around the third sip. This is normal for me so I disregarded. By the second glass, however, I had congestion and noticeable restriction when I breathed. I looked up my symptoms because as far back as I can remember I have always become congested when I drank wine. I finally thought maybe it was not normal. And there it was – alcohol sensitivity. In my case specifically sensitivity to wine. So no more wine for me I guess. BUT I do fine with Tequila!  🙂

Another thing that happened was a hair change. About two weeks ago I got my hair cut and then I dyed it darker to cover up the overly blonde ends I disliked. After washing my hair it curled quite a bit and even after brushing it straight it would curl up again. I let it dry naturally and had a significant amount of wavy curls. This surprised me but I figured it would go away. Well, it hasn’t. What was once straight hair with lots of body is now wavy/curly hair.

I had naturally curly hair as a baby and toddler. My best guess is that this change has to do with aging somehow.

Not much in dream recall these days. I sleep very deeply and struggle to remember details from my dreams for the most part. Some dreams survived in my memory from last night, though.

Dream: Vic’s

This dream was odd. The first thing I recall is being outside by a house in a suburb talking to a woman. She motioned to a truck (hard work) parked (delay) by the curb in front of the house. I walked over and saw a dark haired man lying under the truck face up. He was awake and looking up at me. For some reason this seemed completely normal. Then a light rain began to fall and he just lay there in it seemingly lost in thought. I said to him, “I sometimes like the rain, too, especially when it is like this.” I walked back to the house.

Then, I was in a grocery store (searching for alternative paths/choices) but it looked like the inside of a house to me. I volunteered to make a type of brownie(pleasure, indulgence) that was half blonde and half chocolate (maybe good/bad, yin/yang). I went to get the ingredients and found myself in a section of a house. All the lights were off. When I went in I said aloud, “Oh, I forgot this was Vic’s.” The women there was not very nice and scoffed at me asking me not to call it that. I noticed she was very uptight and grumpy about it. I turned to her and told her how grateful I was that she bought the store and was tending to it. I hugged her tight and burst into tears. It woke me.

Flash dream memory – I had hairy armpits (nonconforming to society). The hair was dark and almost as long as a man’s would be. I hid it and looked around to see if anyone noticed. Then decided it didn’t matter anyway.

Dream: Oklahoma to New York

In this dream I was traveling by plane with my husband to New York. He told me we could stop off in Oklahoma (hard work brings reward) on the way. I saw a map of Texas and Oklahoma along with some specific destinations. Remembering it now, I know I had dreamed of this map before.

He dropped me at a school and told me he would be meeting a friend at a bar in NY (new path) and would come get me when he was done. There is brief memory of traveling in a boat (emotion) at this time.

I walked into a school gymnasium and sat on the bleachers with the others. They were all very young, like 13 or so, and I felt way too old to be there. None of the students seemed to notice, though, so I might have looked their age for all know.

The teachers was up in front teaching about a subject I do not remember now. We were being instructed on how to do something but all I recall now is taking this large, blue ball, and rolling it around under my hip area. The ball was one of those plastic, bouncy balls about one foot in diameter.

For some reason I decided to take off my skirt and underwear (private self) when I used this ball. There was a male student sitting to my right so I made sure he didn’t see. I had on a long enough shirt to cover myself.

As class was being dismissed the young man asked me a question about the next class. I quickly put my skirt and underwear back on as I answered him. My answer indicated the next class was about female anatomy and I told him, “We’ll talk about breasts. You probably won’t be interested…well maybe you will.” I said this smiling.

Outside I waited for my husband to return. I sat on a bench in the hallway and had in my lap a laptop (communication). I closed it and it began to play what sounded like a movie in Spanish. The other students around me looked and started to giggle. I opened it and turned it off saying, “I thought I turned it off.”

My husband arrived and said his friend cancelled and we could continue our trip. From there I ended up inside a house waiting for him yet again. There was this bar in the kitchen (spiritual nourishment) and a large, German Shepherd dog (protection). I had a sandwich (wholeness) and put it on the bar. The dog began to sniff it and I three soda at him to get him to leave it alone. It soaked half my sandwich and the floor. I cleaned it up and ate the meat out of the sandwich.

The woman who owned the house came home and I told her about the spill. She asked if I cleaned it up and I said I had.

Then I was outside watching my husband sitting on a pier with a fishing pole (seeking answers) in his hand. I watched him catch a tiny catfish (hidden truths, deception, disappointment). I was talking to another man as I watched. A boat was in the distance and it felt like I had traveled on it. I remembered the earlier part of the dream before going to the class. I had been on the boat! Then I saw my husband catch another small catfish and commented on it saying, “He keeps catching catfish!”

Dream: Man Boobs

I was at a construction site (transitional phase in life). Someone mentioned they were building a hotel (seeking better life). I saw a great hole (seeking self-understanding) in the earth and went up to one of the workers to ask if it was for a swimming pool (cleansing). The man I approached apologized as he tried to cover himself. He had very large breasts (nourishment, love, nurturing) that looked like those of a woman. I said, “Don’t worry. I’ve seen it all before.”

I turned to the hole in the ground. It was a narrow rectangle. I asked the man with the boobs if it was for a pool and he said it was. I spoke to a worker on the other side of the hole, asking, “Will it be fiberglass or concrete?” He said, “Fiberglass.” I noted the pieces on the sides of the hole and said, “Oh, that’s them then?” He nodded his head. I said, “Fiberglass won’t last as long. Maybe half as long.” He said, “Actually only 30%.” Note: I suspect this part of the dream indicates that whatever reprieve I am seeking will not be permanent.

Music

When I woke this morning and other mornings this week, a particular song was going through my head:

“I’ll never be the same if we ever meet again” were the lyrics that kept going through my head. I haven’t heard this song since 2016 after I returned from Tennessee.

Another song followed this one and came later in the morning. The lyrics that I kept hearing, “If ever you’re in my arms again, this time I’ll hold you forever.”

Funny how both songs indicate what could happen, but only “if”.

The songs didn’t make me feel better. If anything I felt worse. I was wishing that I could go back to 2014 and erase every spiritual experience I had after that. All of it. Wipe it from my memory. I feel more dead now than I ever did before it all happened.

In fact, I went all the way back to 2003 when I made the decision to quit teaching and follow the spiritual path. What if I hadn’t done that? How would my life be different? Would it better? Would I be happier? If I had stayed at my teaching job, built my house  and lived for myself, maybe I could have avoided all of this. What if I had never awakened?

It seems to me that ignorance is bliss. Right now I long to be ignorant. I keep questioning my path and wondering about my “mission”. If I am here to shine my Light, I sure don’t feel like I am succeeding. In fact, this morning it sure felt like I am one of those who came to gather information and take it back with me when I die. This means all I am here to do is experience whatever I can. But I feel done with experiencing. Experience has sucked me dry. I don’t want any more please. I’ve had my fill, thank you.

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Cleansing Dreams and June 13th Message

Experiencing the drowsiness upon waking again. I must need the sleep.

Dream: Penguins

The dream began with me standing on a beach. The water was clear like a swimming pool. The waves came in slowly and rhythmically.

Suddenly, a flock are very large, gray birds swooped in and landed in the water. They had with them their young and as I watched the birds all began to resemble penguins. I yelled to my son who was with me, “Look! They must prefer this water because it is so calm and clear!” I watched them for a while, fascinated.

Then my daughter came running from around the side of the water. She was yelling and waving her arms to tell me she was there. I immediately motioned for her to stop. I didn’t want her to scare away the penguins. She didn’t stop and the water began to foam and the waves crashed into the beach, all previous rhythm lost. The penguins remained but I could not longer see them clearly through the foamy water. Eventually they retreated too deep to see.

I entered the water to get a better look and ran into a young man who was wading through the water. He saw me and said, “I know you!” Then he lovingly grabbed me around the waist and tossed me very high into the air as if I was a tiny child. I could feel the sensation of falling back down.

Dream: It’s Okay to Cry

Then the scene shifted and I was walking into a bathroom (cleansing and renewal). An older man was with me. His hair almost completely gray but his face indicating he was much younger. He was smiling and I knew he was the man from the water. He said, “Have you met my family? This is…..” and he went on to introduce different members as he walked past me into the bathroom.

Then I was inside the bathroom heading toward a stall. It was locked and I asked loudly if they were always locked. Someone called out, “Just open one.” I approached a stall and as I reached to open it, it opened and a woman came out grumbling about not being able to poop because of some medicine she was taking.

As the woman walked past me I looked more closely. She was covered from head to toe in white towels (protection). Where her skin was exposed it was red and raw as if it had peeled off. For some reason I knew she had cancer. I stopped her to ask her if she needed a hug. She turned and looked at me and said she didn’t, that she was okay. I said, “Come on. Hugs are good.” She came close and was talking, making excuses for this or that and making little sense. I wrapped my arms around her and gently pulled her toward me, hugging her close. She kept talking about things I can’t recall now. I could feel the thick towels and worried I would hurt her raw skin but I kept hugging her saying, “It’s okay to cry.”

Eventually the woman began to relax and emotion was evident in her voice. I only recall that I kept encouraging her to cry and continued to hug her close to me. The more emotion I felt from her, the more emotion I exhibited. Eventually I was sobbing as I was saying, “It’s okay to cry.”

Another woman walked into the bathroom and interrupted us. The women wrapped in the towels thanked me and left. I turned back to the stall she had been in and entered it. Inside there was no toilet, just a small hole in the ground. Used toilet paper surrounded the hole and it was quite dirty.

The women who interrupted us was waiting for me as I exited the stall. She resembled someone I went to high school with who was very tall – 6ft. The woman spoke to me about the women wearing the towel. I can’t recall what we talked about but whatever it was sent me back to the moment I was hugging the women and I began to sob. The emotion and tears woke me up.

It took me a while to get myself together. The emotion felt cleansing so I allowed it. The whole dream sequence felt cleansing.

A song kept coming into my head. The lyrics, “Wait if I’m on fire, how am I so deep in love? When I dream of dying I never feel so loved.”

Considerations

I slept for about 10 hours and when I woke I wanted to sleep 10 more. My body felt so relaxed and free from pain and I kept shifting in and out of the in-between.

I remember thinking about the part of the lyrics, “When I dream of dying…”, and thinking, “Funny, but I rarely dream of dying.” For some reason I kept thinking I might die soon but I was not concerned about it. It was just a passing thought that really didn’t feel to be mine.

There was a brief consideration about what would happen when I did. It seemed that my dreams would become my reality and there would be no more physical reality to interrupt them. I liked the idea and remember listing out all the things I hate about being in physical reality. I said, “It’s so heavy here. I hate feeling heavy all the time. I won’t miss that one bit. I hate having a body. I hate having to eat, to drink, to use the restroom.” Then I thought some more and said, “It’s not the body I hate really. I like this body. I just don’t like the survival part. I really hate surviving.”

I had a distinct feeling of what surviving feels like. It is a constant fear of the alternative – death – that is always there. Even when I am well-off, when I have all I could ever need, the feeling is still there, looming in the distance, reminding me that at any moment I could lose it all and be back in a position of scrambling to avoid death. And all the feelings that accompany the downward spiral toward death are feared – pain, despair, hopelessness, abandonment, hunger, starvation, cravings, and feelings I don’t even have words for – all the ways the body degrades as it heads toward inevitable death.

As I mull over all of this now, I wonder if I was being shown why I often ask for death when I am feeling tired and worn down by life. Death is an end to survival and to be free of survival and all that comes with it would be glorious.

June 13th

Though I haven’t written about this yet, I have had several dreams and incidents relating to this date. The first dream was on May 24th. In it I was with a man who I was dating in secret. We ended up at a ceremony inside a chapel where a huge bonfire was set. The dream ended with us playing a board game and saying our goodbyes. He left saying, “See you in three weeks.”

A week later or so I had another dream where I was having a conversation with my SIL. In it she said I had told her June 13th would be when something would happen. I can’t recall exactly what I told her. All I woke remembering was the date.

At work the next day I was thinking about the date. It felt familiar but I couldn’t figure out when I had heard it or why. As I sat at my desk I saw a flier I had been given a week prior. The date on it was June 13th. It is the date of a pool party being held for all the employees.

Still, it was odd and I couldn’t help but think of the message, “See you in three weeks.” The time frame matched up almost perfectly.

Then on Friday the same flier was sitting on my desk. I scanned over the date on it while in a bored state and read it silently to myself but rather than read what was actually there – “Thurs June 13” – I heard myself read, “Thumbs up.” At the time I was not fully aware of it happening until the “thumbs up” message seemed to repeat. Then I shocked back into present time and thought, “What?” and re-read the flier to make sure I was not seeing things.

So I guess I will see what happens on that day. Maybe nothing at all.

Penguins

The above dream is the second dream I’ve had in a week about penguins and clear, relaxing water.

On the same day I had the dream about June 13th (the one with my SIL) I had a dream about miniature penguins.

I had a dream of going on a trip to an island full of tiny, black and white birds that reminded me of miniature penguins (problems are not as big as they seem, keep you cool). I was on a boat (emotion) looking down in the clear, aqua-blue water (clarity) as they swam in the wake. I put my hand in and touched one. I was fascinated. They were about six inches long.

On the island I took pictures of them. They were everywhere and I had one of those Kodak disposable cameras.

The penguin dream I had last night was of much larger penguins and their babies. Again, I was fascinated by them and my memory of the dream was as if everything slowed as I focused in on them.

Penguins are not creatures I normally see in my dreams. I can’t remember ever seeing them before. They symbolize change, adapting to change, expecting the unexpected and solving problems in unconventional ways. For more information about penguin symbolism check out this website.

 

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Energy Reveals Trauma

The past week I have been sleeping very deeply and waking up in the mornings feeling as if I took a sleeping pill prior to bed. It has been very hard to get out of bed and my dreams have been difficult to remember. This morning, however, I did not feel overly tired upon waking and had some very memorable dream experiences.

Dream: School is Out

This dream is hard to recall now. I remember being inside a school. I was going to a classroom to help with the party. There were gifts for all the children lined up along the walls of the classroom. It felt like a mixture of the last day of school and the day before Christmas break.

The next thing I remember is standing outside with a couple of other people. I was with my partner who I think might have been in uniform, maybe a police (protection) uniform because it was blue. There was a woman and her partner with us. We were all smoking cigarettes (change needed). It felt like the woman and her partner were to be on our “team”, like part of a group. I was giving the woman advice. She had horrid anxiety attacks and I was telling her to use the tools in her toolbox like deep breathing and visualization. In my mind I could see how the tools, when used consistently, would lead to a lessening of the anxiety attacks. The woman eagerly listened to me and my advice, smiling and relaxing. In the end I put out my cigarette. The visual of putting it out and seeing the butt (end of a process) is very vivid.

Dream: Car Junkyard Spring

I was walking through a junkyard (repressed fear, anxiety) with my husband and one of our children. I could see old cars scattered here and there. The soil was light, like sand, and there was a deep pool of water (cleansing) that was springing forth from the ground. We got into the water. It was deep and cool. I believe it might have been muddy but that also could have been the color of the sand as seen through clear water.

While in the water I was looking at something my husband was working on that was sitting on the side of the pool of water. There was white paint (fresh outlook) that I took and painted the thing with. It might have been a boat but I don’t know now. It was about the size of a house cat. My husband came over and grabbed it, getting white paint all over himself. He was not happy about it and I told him I had painted it like he asked.

Then I was walking around looking at the place. There had been a lot of rain and the pools of water were quite high. I saw an older couple walking toward a section. They got in and disappeared from view. I noticed a large, hotel (period of transition) was built in the middle of the junkyard. It was yellow and tall and very few people were there. I wondered why they were not clearing out the junk and utilizing the spring.

I walked inside the hotel and it was practically empty. I walked past a laundry room (cleansing) and then an office. Inside was a lady at a desk. I asked her if she owned the place and had ever thought of buying up the land around her to make use of the spring. She seemed annoyed but explained that she used her part of the land and her family owned the rest. I told her about how the springs (unconscious mind, soul experiences) made me feel. I said they were “magnetic”, and “energetic” and “healing”. I told her, “If you ever are interested in allowing people to gather here to make use of this place, I would love to come.” Again, I emphasized just how wonderfully spiritual and healing the waters were. Something in my words triggered tears and I woke up sobbing.

I continued to cry after waking and had to get up to blow my nose. Somehow I was able to fall back to sleep.

Dream: Advice

I was standing in a shifty gray space. There was a car and some people. I overheard an argument. Someone was trying to keep a woman from doing something. I remember yelling, “STOP!” They did.

Still at the car scene and still not able to see well in the shifty environment, the man by the car began to converse with me. He was someone I knew and resembled the blonde guy on the show Supernatural. The discussion is hard to recall now but from what I recall we were discussing how he needed to get back to this woman he knew. He said that he had never felt such a strong connection with anyone, not even me. When I realized he said he had not felt a strong connection for me I said, “You did with me. You said you did.” He went on to describe this three-way love triangle type situation that involved himself, a woman and another man. They all felt the magnetic connection and bliss for and with each other. I remember seeing a photograph of them together, sitting on a sofa, entwined in each other’s embrace, faces revealing the bliss they were experiencing. I missed that feeling.

At some point I began to hear static, like a radio station, and music began playing very loudly in my ears. I felt as if I was wearing earbud and tried to adjust the volume. The scene shifted as I did this and I was walking into a brightly lit bedroom (private self). There was a large, queen sized bed in the center that was unmade (indecision). Toys littered the floor. The room was a mess.

I continued to talk to the man from before through the noise of the radio station blasting in my ears. I was asking him what his plans were. Was he going to go to NY?

As I waited for his response, a radio DJ’s voice was very loud in my ears and I remember being annoyed because it was keeping me from hearing the blonde man. I quickly made the bed (conclusion to issue) in the room, propped up a pillow and sat down, legs stretched out in front of me.

The blonde man answered me by telling me that I needed to go back to the introduction or beginning. He described it as the “easy” part, saying that one must get really good at the “easy” part before moving on to the next parts. In my mind I saw this large section of life. It was like a bubble, but thicker and bluish. I could see into it but there was nothing inside. Completely clear. This section was the “easy” part, the part that one must go through and get very good at before moving onto the next part. When I saw this and heard his words I understood completely and responded with, “Yeah, that makes sense.” At the time I was thinking how to be good at anything you must master it and that this introduction period, or easy period, is an opportunity to do that.

As I mulled over what I was told the radio station again got very loud. I turned it down and relaxed into the bed which began to moved back and forth ever so slightly as if I was laying on a raft in the water. I fell into the feeling and as I did a rush of ecstasy shot up from my root chakra into my lower chakras. It came in waves that were very intense and fast. As it rose I was hit with a mixture of pain and pleasure that ultimately woke me.

Energy Reveals Trauma

When the feelings subsided an energy lingered in my root and second chakras as well as in other places like along my spine between my shoulder blades and my third-eye and crown. A slight pain lingered in my second chakra area, it was achy like I was raw from having way too much sex. A song was going through my head – Why don’t you just meet me in the middle…

I decided to feel into the sensations of my body to see if they would tell me anything. The achy feeling stayed despite my feeling into it. I felt very tight and restricted on the inside, like the energy had forced its way into my second chakra and left it stretched and inflamed. The feeling seemed to be telling me that this sensation was the result of a physical assault, rape and trauma. Though the initial painful pleasure of the rising energy didn’t make me feel violated in any way, the after effects brought on a memory of being violated. My body’s response was to try and keep it from happening again. Energetically this would result in a restriction in flow in the second chakra.

The dream with the man and the strange love triangle may be a hint to the past trauma. The man I was talking to seems to have been someone I felt a magnetic attraction to. The feelings that I am able to contact from the dream were that he rejected me in some way and then denied our connection. There were hints of anger and betrayal but also upset over the fact that he was more interested in another and seemed to not even remember or even acknowledge what we had together. Finally, there was a sense of being invisible to him.

As I lingered in the in-between another song came to mind. I heard distinctly, “listen to your heart.”

 

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Dream: Candy & OBE: Cereal

I didn’t sleep much last night. My husband is out of town on business (NY this time) and that always causes interruptions in my sleep. I woke up at 4am from the below dream and couldn’t go back to sleep for over an hour from the thoughts it evoked.

Dream: Candy 

My mom (other version of self) and step-father asked me to go to Wal-Mart to return something for them. My mom handed me her ID and a bag of unopened, individually wrapped hard candies (pleasure, indulgence). I looked at the bag noticing most of the candies were green (healing, heart, emotion). My mom said something about two of the three being wrong or tasting wrong and then said,”We never opened the bag.” I told her I would return them.

Then I was driving in a car through a parking lot (delay) looking for a place to park. I noticed very few cars were up front so drove very fast through the isle toward the front. I kept an eye out for reverse lights so as to not get hit. I found a spot of close but had to wait on someone to back out, so I decided to go for a spot on the other side, the left, but noticed they were handicapped and so took the original spot once it opened.

Inside the store resembled a clothing store like JCPenney and not Wal-Mart. I remember walking down the isles toward an intersection. I stood in the middle of two intersecting isles and kind of zoned out. I do recall feeling energy rising up from my root and feeling the orgasmic bliss as I stood there where anyone and everyone could see me. At the time I think there was someone watching from the right. It felt like a male but I can’t recall much more than that.

When I came “back” from the bliss trip I had been on, I went up to a lady and asked for a return. I gave her my mom’s ID and told her I wanted to return the candy. She was nice and took the candy and processed the return without issue. We chatted a bit and I recall worrying there would be an issue because it was my mom’s return, not mine, and I did not have her credit card. I didn’t need it, though, and the lady sent me on my way asking me if I wanted to take the bag of candy with me. Another lady that worked there questioned her and told he that wasn’t the policy on returns. I remember turning toward the lady and reaching toward the bag as I told her I would take it. I don’t remember if I took it, though.

When I woke up my mind would not stop mulling over certain things and I ended up having to sleep on my stomach in order to calm myself down. Stomach sleeping tends to ease physical hunger, anxiety and over-active mind for me for some reason.

OBE: Cereal

I was not surprised to end up OOB.

I was downstairs in our kitchen. An older woman was talking to another woman about her problems. I heard her and began to talk to her about my dream and the problem I had been thinking of previously. The woman gave me a look of, “Did I ask? I was talking.” So I stopped talking and turned around toward the counter. An older man was standing by the sink. I said to him, “Does Adrian know about her birthday cake?” I saw a cake very clearly through the cabinets on a lower shelf. The old man said, “Shhh!” and came up behind me, put his hand over my left breast and pinched hard. He did this while pressing his entire body up against mine as if spooning me while standing. I said, “Ow! Sorry! If I see it there, wouldn’t she?” I was holding in my hand two plastic baggies. One was of ground coffee (awareness) and the other of cereal (trying something new). I remember feeling the man’s body very acutely and wondering why he was still standing up against me like that. I sensed he was aroused yet he did not have an erection.

My lucidity peaked suddenly. I shifted momentarily back to my body and then returned to the scene.

When I returned I was in the kitchen again and the old man was sitting next to a woman who looked a lot like my mom. I thought he must be my step-father and recall thinking about his erection problems and wanting to help him. I went up to him and felt from him a nervousness about my being close to him. He felt uncomfortable with his attraction to me and though I wanted to help I knew better than to push it on him. So, I decided to go toward the back door to go outside and explore and fly. I sensed if I did I would not be allowed, as if there was a lesson meant to be learned from the immediate scene alone. The minute I put my hand on the knob I shifted back into my body.

When I woke up I wondered if old men who could not maintain an erection had sexual dreams, if they experienced sexual arousal in dreams, and how the Kundalini would effect them physically. Would the K energy give them an erection they could maintain?

I’m not entirely sure what the “lesson” of the OBE was except that maybe I was being shown the cereal as a reminder of an OBE from long ago. In the OBE I was told,  when all you have is oatmeal, “sometimes you want cereal”. Now, when I see cereal in dreams and OBEs I know it has to do with a desire to change, a desire to shift things from the same ol’ same ol’ to something new and more interesting.

 

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Lucid Dream: The Garden

My family just returned from a five day trip to South Padre Island, Texas. It was nice though the drive is always a challenge. We took our dog, Monty, which made things even more interesting and fun. Extended family was also there at the same time. I’m not sure I liked that part, though. Too much pressure to do what the group wants tends to put a kink in my relaxation. I like to plan as I go.

This trip was mostly a lazy beach trip. We did very little besides the beach and pool. It was nice and relaxing. The kids had fun and the weather was perfect!

 

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May 20th

We left on the 20th, which if you have forgotten, was a date given to me by my guidance as a “heads up”. Turns out that morning I woke up crying from a dream in which I was asked a simple question, “Would you describe your life as warm or cold?” I answered, “Definitely cold.”

The dream went on from there with a discussion about why I thought as I did and me thinking of one particular time that I considered warm. This led to much grief and upset and I ended up waking in tears.

I also had a precognitive dream that suggests an issue at me and my husband’s place of employment. The past owner, who died many years ago now, was the one to give the message. He said point blank, “We are going down.” This was in reference to something happening on a particular construction job that was a missed and dominoes into a much bigger headache, one that could lead to the end of the company.

Lucid Dream – The Garden

Then this morning I woke from a strange dream I can’t recall now. When I returned to sleep I ended up lucid inside a space that was very calming and familiar to me. I was surrounded by people. Some were with me, others were standing around tables conversing. The tables were spread out around a garden with crushed stone paths, flowering vines, trickling waterfalls and pools, trees, shrubs, bushes, flowers, etc. There seemed to be a mountain of some sort near as well. I could perceive it as a sort of boundary to the garden and the rest of the garden seemed rectangular shape, almost like it was within a room.

Throughout the dream I was aware that the people in this garden were there to help me. Call them guides, my Team, or whatever, but I knew they were there FOR me. There were way more than I could count and all exuded a calm, peace-filled love and acceptance. I felt completely at ease with each of them.

Sometimes I would see someone that I recognized over the others, like a “friend” or at least someone I had memory of beyond that space. For example, I saw a very familiar dark haired woman with a bright smile. When I saw her I focused on her longer than the other and called her by name. We embraced and immediately passionately kissed and touched. I think I called her “Michelle” but can’t recall now. It is like names and conversations turn to gobbledygook in my mind once I wake. They swirl together like tie dye in my head. Literally. But only if I am not meant to remember them it seems.

I recall walking along with a guide or two talking and looking at the tables with people at them. It was almost like these were subject-specific “booths” to work through certain things. Like advice booths maybe.

Some things I recall being told were – “You are not use to looking like this.” This statement came along with reassurance and the sense that it was in reference to this life and this body. I remember feeling unsettled when I received this communication, as if the women telling me was trying to get me to understand why I felt like I did in this body and lifetime. When I heard her words I relaxed and accepted what was said as fact. It felt like truth.

I also remember being told, “This place is composed of people from your past, not your present and future.” It was not those exact words but the sense was that what I was experiencing was a kind of mingling with people I knew “before” (this life perhaps), which explained why I recognized them.

Every once in a while my lucidity would become so much that I would blink back into my physical body but every time I would relax and come back to this place. There was no doubt in my mind that the place was created for me, maybe even by me. It was Home, at least one of them, and I could feel it through and through. I encountered so many friends there and remember talking to them and recognizing their roles in my experience(s). They felt very much like guides but more than that. It is hard to explain.

In one particularly lucid moment I looked around at the garden and everyone vanished for a moment. I held my arms out in a T and began to spin in circles like a child would. I spun faster and faster until I entered a different scene from the perspective of what I think was a small child or infant. I could see a wooden nightstand next to a bed. The wall was covered in light colored wallpaper with tiny flowers on it. Near the floor I spotted a rip in the wallpaper and saw a dark almost black colored paint underneath. For some reason it felt like that rip was symbolic of the circumstances I found myself in.

Then I was watching from a different perspective, up in the corner of the room. I was looking at a woman dressed in very obviously 1960’s era clothing. Her hair was dark blonde and long with waves. She was talking to someone about making a choice, asking for advice on what to do. She was told that she had potential and did not need the added burden of a child. It felt like she was going to give up her child. Was that child me? I don’t know. I did not feel any attachment whatsoever to the scene I was witnessing. It was as if a scene from a movie or story. That is all.

I shifted back to my body momentarily and then back into the garden. I was standing in the very spot I had just been in before I spun into the other scene. Standing by a table were some “friends”. In front of me was the woman I had been with the entire time, though I can’t recall her features or anything now. I stared in front of me, the woman I was with seeming to be all around me but behind me specifically at this point. It was like I shifted into the middle of a conversation about my future and how to handle it. I remember being advised to “save” and I said, “Oh, you mean I will need to spend money and so have to save it.” In my mind flashes of buying necessities and such were coming to mind and I was thinking that the changes coming would mean I needed to be very smart in how I spent my money. I was told, “Not exactly.” I was advised again, “Save it.” I responded with, “Okay. I will save money.” At the time I was thinking to myself that I need to keep doing what I have already been doing with my paychecks.

There was more discussion then about what I would need to put my focus and attention on. It felt like we were talking about what I should eat but I am not so sure now. I was told to drink milk and heard the brand of milk. First I heard, “Science diet” and then “Hades”. I remember thinking, “What milk is called Hades?” I believe the conversation went with me asking, “Should I drink science diet?” And I heard back, “Milk.” That is when they gave me the name “Hades.”

My lucidity peaked again about this time. I remember seeing a man standing behind one of the tables. He was tall with blonde hair and blue eyes. His features were very angular and I think he wore white. When I saw him I recognized him and immediately leaned in and kissed him. I could feel a tiny bit of his tongue in our kiss and I laughed and said, “I felt that! You always try and sneak in a bit of tongue.” It felt like he and I had history, what that history was I have no idea.

Near the front of the garden I heard lots of noise and a woman was complaining about the angels being allowed in too frequently. The woman was holding what looked like muddied white clothing. In the dream I remember wondering what the angels looked like and why they would be called in.

There is much of the experience that is lost to me now. I kept shifting back into my body and the longer I was in this garden place, the more lucid I became until eventually I did not shift back into it. When I woke I could feel energy in places of my body. The energy felt colored, the lighter the color, the more intense the energy. Like gold energy was the warmest and most active and blue the least. There was a massive golden energy around my left side that extended from my ribs to my pelvis.

I lingered in the in-between for a long while after and continued to converse with the female from my dream (who I never saw). I remember hearing the word “Vega” and also “Eniuanniki”. I saw it spelled as it was spoken and though it sounded familiar the way it was spelled did not match what I thought. There were lots of “i’s” and it reminded me of the word “Annunaki”. Honestly I don’t know if I was receiving the communication correctly. Maybe I was hearing more than one word? Hard to say now.

Considerations

After an experience like this it can be hard to put it all together into something that makes complete sense. The memories seem to have no order when I awake despite seeming to take place in order when they occur. It is like they are all happening at the same time to my mind and so it struggles to put it into Time order. So I am left only with a feeling and sense of this gift I was given.

First it feels that I was being shown a glimpse of Home and that it was given so that I recognized I was not alone. Yesterday as I was walking back from the beach to the hotel one last time, the gospel hymn, Softly and Tenderly was going through my head. Specifically, “Come home. Come home. Yea who are weary come home.” I actually sang the song as I walked to the hotel and recorded it on my Instagram feed.

Then I was being advised on something up and coming. I do not know for certain exactly what but during the dream I was thinking of being on my own again and concerns about money were on my mind. The advice to save and the strange Hades milk was given. Not sure what to think of the Hades milk! Milk = nourishment, abundance. Hades = underworld, wealth. Perhaps I am to drink abundance? Sounds like something my guides would tell me.