Tag Archives: energy

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Energy Sick

How has 2019 been treating you?

I have been okay but it has been touch and go. On the 30th my inner thighs were extremely sore to the point that it hurt even when I was not moving – probably a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. I had knelt down to clean something and when I got up I was in pain. So I did about an hour of yoga, which helped a bit. Afterward, I experienced something akin to a mild stomach flu that lasted only 4 hours. It came with an awful headache, chills, diarrhea, slight nausea and extreme thirst.

1/31/18 went by without incident but yesterday was energetically intense. The entire day I felt this strange inner, energetic icky feeling that seemed to coincide with interaction with my husband. He was extra pushy and his energy felt similar. By evening the feeling was unavoidable and strong enough that I began to feel like my entire world would disintegrate at any minute. The feeling is a sense of imminent destruction, like something bad is about to happen. It’s kinda like two magnets repelling one another. It is the same feeling I’ve been having for weeks. It has made me want to up and run. It has made me feel like I am going to pass out. It has made me feel panicky, crazy and broken to the point of tears.

Last night, with the feeling sitting on me like a huge weight I felt like it was going to break me. I asked my guidance for help and felt to focus on my core, which I did, and the feeling lifted.

Dream: Ride Home

The dream began with me deciding not to wait for the bus (temporary setbacks) anymore. Instead, I would walk down the road to catch it on another, earlier part of the route. As I walked I checked my watch and saw I had 10 minutes which I knew was enough time.

The road was familiar, one I had walked and ran more times than I can count. It was dark but the sun was beginning to rise in the distance so there was enough light to see by. I heard a noise that was alarming and saw a huge tiger (power and one’s ability to exert power in a situation) running toward me in the far distance. As it grew closer I could hear a noise from behind me calling to the big cat and it responded in kind. I said to myself aloud, “He is after the other tiger, not me” and kept walking. The big cat ran past me and continued behind me toward its intended target. Thankful, I shuddered at how massive it was and the thought of what could have happened if he had decided he wanted me.

The light increased and I saw tall flowers (hidden potential, love, happiness) ahead of me. They towered two feet above my head and seemed to have been placed there purposefully like a living bouquet. Awed by their beauty I began to pick my favorites, collecting mostly red ones and a large sunflower. With my bouquet in hand I heard sirens (caution) and spotted emergency lights coming toward me on the road. I hid behind the large flowers trying not to be seen and dropped my bouquet as I watched the police car slowly drive by. I worried I would be seen but the police car continued on but not after altering the scene.

The road was suddenly full of people, all heading toward the bus like I was. Most had stopped to rest along the way and taken seats in what appeared to be a subway or train car. I spotted a beautiful butterfly (transformation) that looked fake it was so perfect. A little girl grabbed it gently and I yelled out to her to be careful or she might hurt it. A woman nearby said, “Don’t worry. She handles them all the time.” The girl took the butterfly, which was extra large like the flowers I had just been picking, and gently set it on a table. I took out my camera to take a picture and the butterfly transformed into a silver beetle. Upon inspection, the beetle (values and beliefs being compromised) looked to have a design on its back like a puzzle or a maze. It was flat and moved oddly, six legs would pop out of hiding when it moved and then disappear when it stopped. Fascinated, I watched it for a while until a head popped out on a long neck and stared at me with two beady eyes and a turtle-like (slow down) face.

Suddenly acutely aware of the time, I realized I was late and would miss the bus if I didn’t get moving. I headed down the road and through rows of people sitting in seats and stopped in my tracks when I realized I had forgotten my backpack. I had left it among the tall flowers. I looked ahead and knew the bus was soon to arrive. I asked people around me if they had seen my backpack (burdens, responsibilities) but they ignored me, eyes focused on a screen ahead of them playing a movie. I eventually yelled but none noticed me.

I ran back toward the flowers, spotted my backpack and grabbed it but at the same time I heard the bus arrive. I turned to look and saw it leave. I had missed it.

Disappointed, I knew I had to go back up the road to try and catch it at the normal stop in front of my home. Knowing if I walked I would never make it, I sought out someone with a car. I asked loudly as I pointed up the road, “Is anyone heading back that way?” A young girl, possibly the one who had grabbed the butterfly, said to me, “I will take you home.” Relieved I looked for her and spotted her standing near a woman. She was very small, about the size of a 5 year-old child. Her brown hair was in low pigtails that touched her shoulders and she had a hairband around her forehead.

I smiled at her and said, “Thank you so much. I don’t remember my name but people call me Dayna.” She smiled at me and looked at the woman next to her. She said, “I don’t remember my name either.” The woman smiled encouragingly and said, “His name is Anaya Seth, but everyone calls him Seth.” The realization hit me that this little “girl” was actually a boy named Seth. The name struck a chord and lucidity hit me all at once and woke me up. Note: The name Anaya means “completely free”.

Message

When I woke up I wondered about my dream for a bit and heard a voice respond to my thoughts with, “You’re living a lie.” Not sure it was true I thought a bit and then asked, “Okay. What is my truth then?” I was reminded that I had been shown my truth and I replied that no specifics about how to live it had ever been received. Within the conversation I fell into the in-between where I was speaking to a young girl who resembled me and telling her what to do. Of course, I don’t remember what I told her but instead a song was playing in the background of my mind. Right before I heard the song I was wondering again what my truth was. As if to answer my question I heard, “She’s got both feet on the ground……she’s got her head in the clouds….this girl is on fire….”

Wide awake I continued to consider the dream and message. I was reminded of a Kundalini video I recently viewed in which it was mentioned that a person who resists the urge to change that comes with the Kundalini will experience a split feeling until they make the changes needed to align with their truth.

I requested help in determining the changes I need to make. It may seem obvious what I should do, but I don’t feel it is that simple. Tearing down everything that is my life is not something I desire, nor do I think it is necessary. It seems an insurmountable task to even confront one change that is needed, much less all of the changes that are needed. But if I continue to feel this icky feeling inside, if it continues to make me feel unable to physically stay where I am with more intensity than it already has, I will either experience a mental breakdown or I will act upon it (or both).

 

 

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Holiday Ego Resurgence

Sleeping very deeply and very tired in the evenings. This holiday season has wiped me out! After two different times at the dealership to get my MIL a new car (long story), I think the energy was just sucked out of me. Prior to that, having a meeting with my BIL and SIL to handle their dept also left me feeling this way. I feel prompted to help but at the same time strangely resentful of my own actions, like I am being forced to help and my Ego child is throwing an internal tantrum. This makes me a bit grumpy and withdrawn around others. But of course it would!

I’ve been noticing some physical responses to this stress (or maybe it is more than that?). From since Christmas day I have been sensitive to certain foods – coffee, sugar, and alcohol specifically. I feel “off” if I drink more than a cup of coffee. It is more than just jittery, it is like overly “open” or sensitive to others’ energy. Christmas day we went to extended family’s house for present opening. I had two cups that morning and by the time we arrived, the group, which was rather large, was overwhelming to me. I had to go into another room by myself to avoid it. I did this for half the morning until, finally, the last hour, I was able to join in a bit.

The day before Christmas we had a meeting with my BIL and SIL and the same kind of “off” feeling plagued me. This time I think it may have been stress related because I had not had too much coffee or any sugar. Agreeing to let them put their debt onto our zero interest credit cards eventually overwhelmed me. $40,000 of debt that is not mine yet now in my/our name is a lot to swallow. I do trust them but at the same time I know that if they choose to not pay their debt that it would be mine and there would be no way out of it. It is a big risk to take for anyone, much less me who would not consider doing such a thing for my own sister or family member (other than my mom).

The same kind of feeling plagued me both times at the car dealership. The first time not as much as the second. Agreeing to buy a car for my MIL, using my credit and name to finance a car I will never drive, a car that costs $20k (the first time $30k but was returned) caused me to have a near panic attack on the way home. Again, I put my name/credit at risk because if things go south then I am the one who is responsible in the end. Both my BIL’s intend to contribute to the payments but it is still a big burden to carry.

All this for my husband’s family. The first because I woke up Knowing I needed to help my BIL and SIL. The second because my MIL’s car situation was causing financial strain on the whole family, especially my own along with too many arguments, and one day I felt urged to do something about it. So I did.

A part of me knows all will be well but another is freaking out and angry that I am not getting to have what I want. This other part feels it very unfair, feels my MIL undeserving, and feels fear at the prospect of things going wrong. Yet what am I to do when I wake up KNOWING I am to help and feeling eager to do so? And how do I resist a sudden urge to resolve my MIL’s car situation that seemed to come out of nowhere and did not align with my previous decision to not help?

All of this is likely the result of a bit of Ego resurgence. It comes with all sorts of resentment and feeling denied the things I want out of this life. Mostly there is impatience at having to continually wait (or at least that is how it feels). I’m sure to others in my family I seem a walking contradiction right now. Heck, I feel that way!

My only guess as to what is happening is that I am following my HS/purpose as intended and my Ego is upset that this takes precedence over her own wants/desires. I had no intention of helping out the way I did yet both times I did so without thinking and followed through until the end. What does that mean? HS is in charge, which is exactly how it should be. BUT the grumpiness of my lower self is not how it should be. There should be understanding, acceptance and surrender and I think it is coming but some work will be needed to return to that balance. All is not lost. What has been accomplished on a spiritual level has not been in vain. Progression is a continual process. The Ego doesn’t vanish. It just needs to be handled as a small child would, but gently and without reacting harshly or punishing severely lest there be a full-out rebellion.

Duck Dream

I had lots of vivid dreams but most were forgotten upon waking. I’ve just been too tired to care or bother to try and remember. But one dream did persist in my memory.

The dream memory begins with me walking out the back of a house, presumably my mother’s, and seeing large pond shaped like a figure eight without the inner loops. When I saw that there were ducks in the pond I said, “Oh! There are ducks! Why didn’t you tell me there were ducks! I need to get my camera!” I went back inside to fetch my camera and returned to the back porch. Then I noticed a separated small, circular, raised tub full of water. In it seemed to be large pieces of an engine of some sort, maybe a pool sweeper as I could see tubing. The whole tub was swirling around like a whirlpool, white pieces of the machine surfacing and then re-submerging. Within all of it I could see a small Mallard duck struggling to get to the surface. I could see that it was still alive and when it surfaced it would gasp for air. I yelled out that there was a duck inside and began to pull out the pieces of machinery to try and get to the duck. As I did, the tub slowly stopped swirling and I was able to pull out the near dead duck.

Once out, I gave the duck to someone and went to fetch it some food. I got something that looked like a nut porridge and the duck eagerly ate it up. I was relieved and told the person it was a good sign that she wanted to live. I kept feeding her until there was no more food. They I offered her a glass of water but she avoided it. I knew it was because she had almost drowned.

Eventually the duck was fully healed and on her feet. Then the dream shifted as did the duck. The duck changed into a beautiful black woman with long black hair that hung in ringlets at her waist. We were all on the back porch of this house and somehow the porch became a portal into another time, the time of slavery. The woman walked through the door and entered into that time and suddenly became a house servant.

The dream went on from there but I cannot remember it now.

Duck’s represent the subconscious when they are swimming. I see them on the pond indicating balance but then the one is drowning, indicating lack of balance or being overwhelmed by something in my subconscious mind. Perhaps it is swirling emotion caused by some kind of dysfunction that is being brought to the surface (broken machinery). The whirlpool indicates there is a threat of being overtaken by the emotional turmoil, but the water is clear which is good. I bring the duck back to life and she shifts into a woman.

File:Ishtar-star-symbol-simplified.svg - Wikimedia Commons

12/26/18 – Ishtar and Tears

The other night I woke from a dream where I was kneeling. I touched a metal object to my tongue and removed it. I could see it clearly – a circular shape with vertical lines on either side but the rest is a blur. I said, “Ishtar” as I looked at the symbol. It woke me. Afterward I recalled saying both “Ashtar” and “Ishtar” so I don’t know which one is correct.

Last night I woke from a dream where I was telling someone about another woman. I said, “She won’t ever see her mother again.” I burst into tears and woke up feeling devastated. That’s the second dream in recent months where I have awakened in tears after saying something about missing my/a mother.

Then had a whole dream where I broke it off with my boyfriend but he wouldn’t let me go. I met with him and told him I was leaving. He said, “No. You’re going to kill me.” He took two knives out and put them in my hands and forcibly held them there. Then he pointed them toward himself and pulled me into him so that they pierced into his stomach region. He fell to the floor dying but not dead. Frightened, I got help from a guy and we threw him out a screened in window. I spent the rest of the dream trying to cover my tracks so I wouldn’t get caught.

I’ve been doing lots of yoga these days off. Tonight my third eye area has energy that is wrapping across my cheeks and down around my ears. I continue to have energy in my head and neck region on and off. It feels very healing and lulls me into sleep most nights.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the urge to leave social media, specifically Facebook and Instagram. I may or may not follow through. It feels like this new year needs to be a clean slate in certain areas; that I need to muster the courage to do away with some heavier connections that are literally dragging me down.

 

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Shake Up

Though it has only been two days since my last post, it feels like a week has passed. Lots going on energetically! I will share the last couple of posts in my personal journal to give you an idea of what I have been experiencing.

Journal Entry – December 20, 2018

Yesterday and for a couple of days before I have been experiencing odd emotions and energy. I’m uncertain to what it is all related to. Mostly I have a feeling of “I can’t do this for much longer”. It feels like I am about to crack, or like something is going to break soon. It is like a pressure building and I sense it. Is it mine? The world’s? I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Sometimes, when I feel this emotion/energy I cry, other times I feel like I need to run but can’t. There is definitely a “pressure” with it. Yesterday, at work, is when it hit me. I thought about going to my husband and saying, “I can’t take it anymore” and just walking away from everything – out of the office and home I suppose. An internal voice reassured me and I calmed substantially and returned to “normal” but the memory remained.

I questioned the source of this feeling/energy and could not locate it. The fact that I greeted this morning with tears probably has something to do with it. 

Dream: Ice Cream for Breakfast

This dream began with me meeting with a woman whose specialty was a specific kind of Tantric massage. There was a lot of time spent adjusting my body and settling in. She explained that I needed to be receptive, to relax, and set me up with my head on something often used for babies. I recall her brushing my side with her fingers and feeling an electricity. Every time I got close to relaxing something would interrupt the process – either the wrong position or some nearby noise or person.

There was a family with a baby nearby having a picnic. Me and the woman were set up in a parking space (slow down, heal). She had put down a blanket and set up the entire area very nicely. The family’s car was beyond my feet (we were horizontal across two parking spots). As I lay down and was receiving the woman’s massage I turned my head and encountered the driver’s side mirror of a car. I looked up and behind me and saw the driver giving me an irritated look. So, I told the woman we needed to move and so we did and the driver pulled into the spot.

There was a commotion then from the driver and the family about the baby. I got upset and asked, “Why is everyone always worried about the baby?” Eventually the lady giving massage handed me keys and left. It felt abrupt, like too much was on my mind distracting me. The keys seemed to be mine and how they felt in my hand was memorable.

Then I was watching from above as I traveled along a highway (life path). I was talking to a man as if on the phone, telling him where I was going. As I drove/flew I came to an intersection and said, “I’m home. This was the faster route.” At the intersection I slowed. A familiar man was in the intersection directing traffic.Two individuals walked through, one right past my window. I drove straight through and the man smiled at me as I passed him.

I remember walking into a restaurant and seeing a young blonde man sitting at at table. I asked him if it was too early for lunch (it was around 9:30am) and he said it was. I had wanted to order a sandwich but was fine with breakfast. I sat down with him and asked for a menu. All that was on it were a few breakfast (new beginnings) selections and the rest was ice cream. As I waited for my fried egg (fertility, birth) and toast I saw the man was eating ice cream (good fortune). Three other men joined us, all eating ice cream. I mentioned it was not a healthy breakfast. The oldest of the men, whose appearance shifted from blonde to brown hair, said it had protein in it – double the amount. This man was attractive and I liked his energy. When the man left my husband took his seat and then the man had nowhere to sit.

I got up to leave through the front door. When I walked up to it, a large wooden door appeared that was locked with a latch. I unlatched it and walked in. Inside was a woman sitting at a table. The lights were dim but it felt warm inside, as if a fire were lighting it. The woman recognized me but I felt to be intruding since I unlocked the door to enter. She welcomed me and we went and sat down with another women.

The first woman (aspect of self) talked and talked about the healing she had just been through – how she was overwhelmed with all the anxiety she had taken on from the people she had been helping. I mentioned I had not gone to the healing. The woman talked and talked and even interrupted me when I tried to talk about my own experiences. She said, “I just want to be with my babies” and I saw dolls and doll clothes she would iron over and over until perfect. My advice was to focus on what made her happy. She agreed.

The woman left and the other woman and I were alone. She felt to be a friend I had not seen in a while. The other woman asked me how I was and opened her arms to hug me. I said, “I’m not doing well….” and burst into tears as I hugged her. I felt overwhelmed by life, feeling I could not pretend anymore. I woke up sobbing, pillow wet with tears.

December 21st

After the company Christmas party last night something odd happened. I was in bed attempting to sleep when I heard what sounded like a child crying hysterically. Thinking it might be one of my children or some other child who needed help, I flew out of bed and went to the window to see. I saw a blur of a person running down the sidewalk crying and screaming. Without thinking, I ran downstairs and outside, no shoes or glasses on. I yelled out to her, “Do you need help?” I asked a couple of times. The girl stopped and turned to me. She said something about her boyfriend through tears. I went up to her and she hugged me tight. She was young and well dressed with brown hair. I asked her what happened and she pointed to a car I had not seen. It was parked in the middle of the street, running, both doors open, with lights still on. She told me her boyfriend just stopped the car and jumped out and ran away. I told her it would be okay and that the first thing was to move the car. I asked if she was okay to drive and she said she was. So she got in the car and moved it out of the road and turned it off. Then she wanted to chase after him again, saying that she was worried about him being all alone and cold. I asked if he was drunk and on drugs and she said, “No he’s depressed.” I was able to get her to stay by her the car and not chase after him. She told me she was 21 and from a nearby town. She also told me her name but I forgot it.

Then we saw a man in the distance run across the road and then hide behind a tree. She yelled, “Jordan? Is that you?” I said to her, “I thought he ran that way?” She said, “I did, too. Maybe that’s not him.” I tried to get her to come into my house to calm down and she wouldn’t leave the car because he might come back. I asked her to wait by the car while and I went in to get my shoes. When I came back I saw the car driving away slowly.

It took me over two hours to go to sleep after that. I worried about her and worried I misread the situation. I kept thinking she would come back. I kept listening for her. I was upset with myself for not remembering her name. Just lots of “what if” type thoughts. But most of all, I could not understand my own actions completely. I did not for once think that I could be in harm. When I say I sprinted downstairs to help, I am not exaggerating. I ran as fast as I could and out the door and up to her. Barefoot. lol I also couldn’t see very well (no glasses on) yet I went right up to her and then hugged her back without restraint. In fact, when I think of how I felt, it felt like she was my own child even though she very obviously wasn’t. My only focus was on making sure she was okay. And when it was all over I was emotional and worried for her, as if she were my own daughter. It took me a while to shake the feeling. It felt very much like it does when I give a mediumship reading and connect with Spirit – the residual connection must be cut in order to properly recover.

I assume her boyfriend returned and she was relieved. And in the end I did exactly what I was suppose to do – console a frantic child and keep her safe. She was going to run after him, in the wrong direction, in the dark not knowing where she was. He obviously ran around the block and circled back to where he left his car. My best guess is that he was being dramatic to make a point. I was sad that she played right into his hands. I felt her innocence and naivety so completely and understood. And all the things I should have said but didn’t ran over and over through my mind. The urge to protect her and help her still is very real to me. When I go through my memory and see her and her energy, I think of how beautiful she is and how I hope she knows she is cherished.

The next morning I talked to my husband about what happened. I had awakened him when I came in to put on my shoes and asked him to help but he never came down because they drove away. My husband asked me, “Are you sure you weren’t dreaming?” And I did ask myself that because the whole thing was just so bizarre and unreal. In many ways it felt just like many of my lucid dreams and OBEs, the kind where I am working to rescue lost souls. 

Ultimately, I fell asleep by putting in earplugs to drown out the sounds from the street (I kept thinking I would hear her crying again) but I slept fitfully.

I had an experience not long after where I was laying on my side facing my night stand. I saw a man laying parallel to me and smiling, hand under his chin. He looked like he was playing around and teasing me. I still remember his face. Seeing him I questioned why he was there and how because he would have had to be floating to be where he was. I knew something was off and this peaked my lucidity. I “blinked” and he vanished. Not long after I woke up feeling energetically weird and knew I had been OOB but the experience had been so real that I was a bit shaken.

Note: When proof-reading this part of my post about the man laying there I got memory of the song from Aladdin, Friend Like Me, and memory of how in the movie the genie often was in a similar position – floating in air but laying down. Considering I got this message before, it is likely one of my guides being silly.

Dream

Then I woke up crying again from the only dream from the night that I remember. In it I was helping people but can’t recall specifically why or how. The end is the most memorable now. I was in a scene reminiscent of Star Wars standing on a white platform that stretched out as far as I could see. Two people were with me asking me to handle a man who looked similar to Luke Skywalker but he felt to be my father. I felt I had to do what they were asking or they would do it. Whatever I was doing was using something akin to “the Force” but the term wasn’t used, actually no words were. So I “pushed” him out of my dimension and into another one. I saw him vanish. I was emotional for doing it and cried. As I woke in tears I heard “One of” and then saw IX. I thought, “One of nine?”

It felt like I was saving the man somehow, that it was something that had to be done. Yet I was so sad to do it. 

Considerations – Shake Up

I have also had other energetic “things” going on in between all this and still do. My best guess is that my heart is really open right now. When I was doing yoga last night the online teacher said to listen to my body and let it tell me what areas needed special care. My heart came to mind.

Last night’s bizarre experience in THIS reality was really a shake up for me. In many ways I feel like I walked into another world, or maybe I somehow merged my two realities and so experienced something akin to walking between dimensions and maybe that is what the Star Wars dream was all about. I was fully awake and in my body. It DID happen. There is a young women out there who in that moment needed consoling and I rushed to provide it as if I had been programmed to do so. Not just as mother but for some other reason. Maybe a reason I will never know but she will, or maybe she won’t either.

Happy winter solstice.

 

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Snapping Turtle Message

I had a weird experience last night. Not sure what to call it but it left me feeling unsettled.

What I recall now of the experience is quite muted because it happened early on in the night. There is mainly a feeling of dis-ease that goes with it. I recall feeling transplanted from one body to the other; as if this was a “normal” thing to experience. The energetics of it were unsettling and induced a low grade alarm reaction in me, but not enough to cause me to react or resist. There was a sense of shifting from one time to another. It was like I was jumping around taking a look at all the possible timelines. Along with all this was memory of all these other timelines as well as this current one. It was very difficult to process and thus left me feeling very disoriented, confused and alarmed.

When I woke up I was stunned and still trying to process what I had just experienced. Honestly, I felt completely insane and it was hard not to imagine myself having a psychotic break from it all. I thought for sure I would go into a disassociative state or that I may already in the midst of one which was why I was so confused.

Somehow, despite feeling crazy, I fell back to sleep. I recall being reminded to “surrender” and being I had just re-blogged one of my own posts on that exact topic, it made sense and I didn’t question it.

However, moments before falling asleep, I remembered all these other similar incidents that I had somehow forgotten! It was bizarre and a bit concerning that I had forgotten them, yet I knew I had chosen to do so probably in order to avoid the exact feelings I was having this time around. The previous experiences were very energetic as well, as if someone came and plucked me out of my body, put me in another body or something energetically altering, and then put me back. All the while I was conscious of the exchange but not resisting. Actually, I am not sure my resistance would do any good. It was more a sense of being frozen and unable to do anything except allow the experience. Yet all the experiences left me on high alert upon returning to this reality and thinking that I must be losing my mind.

It is not a fun feeling yet at the same time I am also not alarmed at all, as if it is all completely normal! I think perhaps I experienced it from two perspectives – the Ego (small self) and the Higher Self. Of course, the Higher Self wins out and is why the ultimate feeling that wins out is the “this happens all the time” consideration. It is such a calm, “I got this” kinda of feeling, too, and there is complete Trust and Knowing.

I know. Bizarre. What can I say? This is my life. lol

Any psychologist/psychiatrist would likely diagnose me with some kind of mental illness. Every time I have these experiences, especially the ones where I am most obviously experiencing as two aspects of one, the thought crosses my mind that I must be schizophrenic or at the least emotionally disturbed to the point of disassociation. I’ve been down that road before and found it a dead-end.

Prior to bed I had been feeling like my entire life was “wrong” again. I had a very strange feeling I cannot describe and was thinking, “I can’t go on like this for much longer.” Perhaps I was being recalibrated in my sleep to address this feeling?

Snapping Turtle

This morning I had a very unexpected in-depth discussion with my husband that ended rather abruptly. As with most of our discussions, tempers flared and voices were raised periodically.

After he left for work I went down to make breakfast for myself and my youngest son. When I went outside to toss some leftovers I noticed something in our creek.

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I called my son outside to see the turtle and we watched him for a while. In the above picture he is eating a yellow pear that had fallen into the water. We have pear trees that still have fruit falling from them, so it was likely quite fresh and perfect eating.

Eventually, the turtle sensed us and swam away. The whole while we were both fascinated. We’ve lived here over 4 years and never seen a turtle, much less a snapping turtle!

Snapping Turtle symbolism and meaning:

Some journey has come to its final end.

Speak up for yourself, take a stand but be fair about it.

Communicate honestly; do not withhold anything.

Take your time and think before making decisions that cannot be undone.

It’s time to go your own way.

Source

It is amazing to me how the Universe works, how it sends a messenger to answer the questions I had going through my mind just prior.

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As I was editing this post a song came to mind – Fleetwood Mac’s (who is playing here in Austin in February) – Go Your Own Way.

Hahaha and if you click on the link above “Austin in February” you will see that this message repeats:

Going Their Own Way in 2018!

LOL

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Kundalini Dream: Time Traveling

I’m on alert this morning. Something is up energy-wise. I had a very Kundalini-filled night’s sleep and have been awake since 4:30am. Similarly, I have heard various others had limited or no sleep last night. For example, my SIL called my husband really early this morning because she couldn’t sleep last night. Also, my son was up at 2am from a dream about the center of the Earth being made out of white bread called the “bread stone” that men ate in order to create the other planets (no kidding!). 😀

While at work I saw news that Alaska experienced a 7.0 earthquake. This especially interested me since I use to live in Alaska. I instantly knew it was somehow connected to last night’s sleeplessness.

I thought maybe I had somehow missed that it was a full moon, but nope, it’s at the last quarter, so that can’t be it. Whatever is going on, I am on full alert. The Kundalini is especially active in my heart center today. Hello heart bliss!

Kundalini Dream: Time Traveling

This dream began with me watching a version of myself going to the dentist (feeling anxious) and receiving her new retainers. I saw the retainers in a clear case and recall the dentist giving instruction on their use.

Then I was with a man who I had never met in person but had known online. We were at his house/apartment and he was instructing me on how to fit in with his time. It was obvious that I was some 20+ years in the future as so much was different! We talked for a long time about various things, mostly how things were different from my time. He had dark hair and seemed a bit older than me with pale skin and kind eyes. He showed me these special contacts (new awareness needed) that people wore in his time. They allowed people to see things that were not there otherwise. They were like computers that were worn in the eyes. There were five sets and I was focused on the one called “C+” though it looked more like a @ with a C in the middle instead of an A. He told me to buy all five of the different contacts because I would not be able to function in his time without them.

I attempted to use my credit card to buy them. Though my card showed as valid I had to scan a bar-code for the transaction to be approved. I didn’t have one. The man told me if I had been of his time I would have a bar-code on my left hand located between the thumb and the pointer finger. The bar-code made it impossible for anyone to steal another person’s identity or information for their use.

He seemed upset by this news and was concerned about how I would live in his time. I would not be able to see what he saw and would not be able to go out and about and do normal things others could do. I said to him, “Why don’t you come live in my time?” When I said this I had a flash of everything that would happen between my time and his. I knew that for him to come to my time would expose him to a major world war and difficult times he would otherwise not have to endure. It was a lot to ask of him.

He turned to me and asked me,”Why do you stay with me?” I did not hesitate to answer. I immediately hugged him close and said, “I feel good when I’m with you.” There was this lovely feeling that enveloped me when we hugged. My heart exploded in bliss and love. Being with him washed me in this amazing feeling of security but it was intermixed with vulnerability; full-exposure of me – nothing hidden.

Heart Bliss

I awoke, my heart washed in bliss, feeling an amazing love and connection for the man in my dream. Now fully awake, I sought him out and found him/his energy/HS close by. I saw a visual of him standing in front of me. He placed his hand on my heart and I placed mine on his. I was instantly hit with Divine bliss and an overwhelming vulnerability.

The more I allowed our connection the more I felt all the different reactions I had to it. There was fear of the vulnerability and exposure evident. There was also a reaction of fear toward the feeling of loss of control. The connection makes me feel 100% open and exposed and with it I completely surrender. This surrender of self and control of self is what is scary. I want to completely submit to him. This goes against the way I was raised and how I tend to respond to others, especially men. Yet when with the merging of my energy with this masculine energy, this is what I do. Why? Is that how it is suppose to be?

While talking with this energy I saw a vision of a group of people standing in a line facing me. They were all over 40 years old and it felt like they were waiting on me for something. I then had a mini-dream about getting married. Then I saw a vision of a city materialize in front of me. It was like a portal to the city in the future from the dream. I knew it was not on Earth, at least not this Earth.

OBEs

I struggled to fall asleep because of the heart bliss. It kept surging and I would become lost in it. There is nothing like it. It’s so beautiful it nearly always brings me to tears.

Somehow I ended up OOB and in my room. I exited more than four times. Each time I ended up back in my body when I tried to leave the room. One time I surrendered and seemed to fall backwards into a void. When I did this my vision turned on and a ray of light was shining down onto the space in front of the closet. As I floated over to the light, I asked why it was that I was not given any type of evidence that my work here is having an impact. I remember looking down at a piece of paper I held in my hand as I read my mission as if to remind myself why I was here on Earth. I asked for some kind of encouragement – some kind of proof I was doing what I came here to do – explaining that I needed it because it was hard to keep motivated otherwise.

Another time, I exited my body and was able to leave the room by surrendering to the energy – letting go of all control of the situation and experience. Then, I found myself outside of the room floating over the stairs. I floated down the dark stairs, singing to help stabilize my energy. When I headed to the front door I was pulled swiftly back into my body. It felt like I was being told not to roam. Even singing didn’t help, which it usually does.

When I came into my body I was fully relaxed, my body buzzing with soothing vibrations, my heart still firing up with waves of bliss. A song – Kansas City – was in my head:


And I love you dear, but just how long
Can I keep singing the same old song
I’m going back to Kansas City

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Dream: You are HER

This week I have been more tired than usual. Additionally, my third-eye and crown chakras – well my entire head and at times all the way down my neck and into my ears – has been buzzing with energy. Even as I type this my third-eye is buzzing. It is non-stop. I’ve only experienced my third-eye buzzing continuously like this one other time, I think in 2015 (not sure) and at that time it went on for at least a month straight.

Odd Dreams

I have been tired, sleeping deeply and having very vivid dreams. Here are a few snippets of dreams from the week:

I was in Montana (spiritual awareness) at a resort (pun on last resort). It was winter and snowing (frozen progress). Outside were two rectangular, shallow pools or fountains (joy, new relationship), parallel to one another. The water was clear and calm (clarity). I saw two small, tropical fish (insight) in the water, one was orange and the other purple. They seemed to be seeking each other out and I was fascinated by them, especially the orange fish.

I recall preparing oatmeal for one of my kids. I was cooking it and went to make more. I scooped out the last from the container and saw worms in it. They were like mealworms but flat. Oatmeal = sameness, comfort, groundedness. The worms indicate I am ready for new experiences.

In another dream I was being given sheet music to sing. My mom sang with me and I swear it was the song “Shake it Out”. I remember being told something about “three feet above” and seeing a man holding his hand way up over his head.

Dreams – No Legs

I had two dreams involving cutting off of legs. The first was of Trooper (my deceased Australian Shepherd). I only remember now that I was in a restaurant that also looked like my grandmother’s house. Trooper needed surgery on his leg. I told the vet to just remove all of his legs. Then I went about the dream, doing things I can’t remember now. What woke me was that I remembered I had said to remove all the legs and thought, “He will die!” I woke up a bit panicked because of it and then thought it really odd symbolism. Dogs are protection or a “best friend”. Without legs they can’t move. Maybe I am trying to “immobilize” my protection?

Then I had a whole dream about a friend and in the dream who either had no leg or was losing a leg. It is hard to recall now. In this dream, no leg means a failing relationship.

Dream: You are HER

This morning’s dream was in the UK. I was with a young boy and we were guests of the Queen, only she was very young. The boy was asked what he wanted to do. He said he wanted to meet Harry Potter (magic perhaps?) so the Queen got us tickets to a live show. On our way to the city we were prepped, given gloves (how I handle things) to wear because we were traveling with the Queen. I was given a pair of tanned leather gloves and put them on.

When we arrived in the city I recall it being familiar. Then I was shown a long, hand-written letter from the Queen. I don’t remember what it said now but it was signed, “HER”. When I read it I read “her” but I saw “HRM” and knew it meant, “Her Royal Majesty”. In my mind I saw flashes of Princess Diana and it confused me because I knew she never became Queen.

As I woke, I heard, “You are HER.” My crown and root chakra were buzzing intensely and in unison. My thoughts upon waking were that “Queen” represents the Divine Feminine.

Dream: Stolen Bag

This dream was mostly in the dark (low awareness). I arrived at work, which was Wal-Mart. I was glad it was dark because I was tired. My shift started at 6:30am. I sat at a table and drifted to sleep, aware of people walking past that could not see me. At one point the lights began to turn on ahead of me. I saw a crowd of customers and a cashier with a long line. I got up to report for work. Another cashier was trying to get a new eraser (clearing up mistakes). I suggested she use paper towels (temporary setback).

Then I went back to my table to get my stuff. I had left my bag (life responsibilities) and phone (communication) there. The tables were completely full and I couldn’t find my stuff. I searched but found nothing and hoped someone had grabbed it and put it in a locker for me. I criticized myself for not locking it up and worried someone was going to deplete my account using my debit card.

I went outside and saw a man working on a truck (work), siphoning gas (energy, spirituality) out of it. I backed off as a stream of gas went high into the air.

Then back inside it was dark again and I heard someone singing. I complimented the girl, telling her she sounded like Nora Jones. She was singing, Don’t Know Why. I heard the part, “My heart is drenched in wine” but instead of “wine” I heard “white”. The girl thanked me but as she walked by I realized she was a he.

 

 

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Managing the Shifts

If you haven’t noticed, there is a lot going on right now energetically and it is trickling down into the physical in numerous ways. My personal experience with this shifting energy initially threw me into a mini-tail-spin but I am back on course now with a little nudging from my guidance. You can read about it here – Reminder: Mission Comes First.

The summer solstice is just around the corner. Personally, I don’t find the solstice to be a big deal and often forget about it altogether. It is the same for the equinoxes for me. Just another day in the year. However, there are some major astrological events shaking things up right now that have been coming to my attention (syncs) quite appropriately. You can read my friend Linda’s recent post to get an idea of some of the astrological events. This is also a great astrological post to reference if you’re interested –  “At present, the Sun is at 27 Gemini, making its annual opposition to the Galactic Center (27 Sagittarius). This year, Ixion (The Tyrant) conjuncts the Galactic Center, making this energy more challenging to navigate.”

A major change I noticed in myself were that I tend to not handle life’s BS as well as usual. One irritation is manageable but add anymore to that and it tends to push me over the edge. With the kids on summer break I have very little time to myself and am having to adjust to all the motion – and commotion – of three little Beings around me all.the.time. Plus, my husband was gone a full week for business the start of summer break and then again the next week for a couple of days. He also fills up his free time with projects, so it finally got to be too much for me this past weekend and I blew up in frustration over having absolutely no time to myself and feeling taken advantage of (again). With my Sagittarius moon most of the blow-up comes out of my mouth in extreme bluntness that tends to cut like a knife. After these blunt blow-ups I feel tons better and have no regrets because it needed to be said and heard.

Thankfully the intensity backed off a bit and by the end of the day yesterday I had a nice long talk with my husband that kept me up until near midnight (a rarity). It is not often that I go to bed after a talk with my husband thinking, “That was a nice”.

Despite all the energetic chaos of the past week/week-end today is calm and I even got a bit teary this morning after a chat with a fellow yogi on FB. The emotion was unexpected and connected to my current purpose/goal to get my body/mind/spirit in balance, the body being the most bent out of shape (literally). In the conversation it became clear to me that the entire left side of my body is lower (yep) than my right. Not only is it lower but it is tighter and more dysfunctional overall. Considering the left side of the body coincides with the feminine and the right to the masculine, it says a lot about me. Have I have been suppressing – holding back, beating down, tensing up in defense – the feminine and letting the masculine dominate? Probably.

Interestingly (another sync), the FB conversation came after I was once again second-guessing my intention to register for the Clubbell Yoga seminar in September. Last night during meditation and again upon waking I thought, “I keep avoiding registering for the seminar. I need to just do it.” Both times I opted to put it off until later. lol I keep back-pedaling because 1. the location puts me close to past events and people, 2. I don’t know if I can confront the energy of that particular location, 3. I am still feeling unprepared for the seminar and questioning my ability, 4. It’s scares the crap out of me all around. I keep telling myself, ” I can always do the seminar next year.” True but then should I?

I continue to be amazed at how yoga is expanding my awareness – awareness of my body but also of the connection between mind/body/spirit. Not only that but my body is responding, albeit slowly, as I re-train the muscle and joints out of dysfunctional patterns of movement into functional ones. There are moments, though, when I get frustrated because certain areas just don’t know how to relax and release never comes. I can’t even remember what it feels like to be relaxed in those areas either – that’s how long they have been tense!

But back on topic – the energy, its effects and how to manage them. There is a tendency for the Ego to rear it’s ugly head right now. For those who have gone through one or more Ego deaths this is a time to observe and manage the Ego. Keep it in check and if it gets out, pull it back in. Ask your guidance to help. All kinds of triggers will be available so just breathe through them to the best of your ability. Remember YOU (HS) are in charge.

Take time to yourself. As much as you need. Rest. Exhaustion is inevitable. I know I have been feeling it. I go from night’s of intense dreamwork to nights of exhaustion, sleeping so deeply that in the morning my dreams quickly fade from my memory.

Tune into your guidance as often as you can. They are there even though it may seem they have “abandoned” you (the Ego likes to play the victim). Ground. Be outside in nature or connect to the Earth in some way.

Breathe. When an event or a person triggers you, breathe before you react. A few breaths gives you a chance to calm yourself and let the thoughts go before they explode out of your mouth (my problem lol). If you still feel triggered then take a walk. Give yourself some space from the situation if you can. I know circumstances don’t always allow this so if you make a mistake be kind to yourself. Don’t judge yourself for being human. It happens. Ha!

Whenever possible tune into your body and your energy. How does it feel? Take note of it. Write it down even. Do this often. You will see changes and patterns. For example, when I am upset my shoulders tense, I hold my breath, I want to escape (thus the energy of my body does, too). Just learning to be aware of your body and your energy will lead to healing. Give it time. Give yourself time.

Finally, pay attention to the syncs/messages in life. Like the ones I mentioned above. Feelings and thoughts lead to interactions with others or coincidental happenings, little reminders to keep us on our path. The mind is full of booby traps. The heart isn’t.

You CAN do this!

Namaste,

Dayna

 

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Message: You Are Being Reborn

The vivid dreams continue but last night I had visits from Spirit while awake and during sleep. It reminded me of my wide-open mediumship days. Out of the blue I would hear a voice, most often a feminine one, speaking to me directly. Sometimes, when on the edges of sleep, I would be conversing with this female Spirit. There was also a male Spirit that came through, but it was the female who was loudest and most persistent.

When I inquired about who they were I heard back from the female, “I was there when you first experienced the Kundalini.” Then I heard the male voice say, “I’m from Hades.” He sounded serious but I sensed he was trying to get a reaction from me. I thought back to him, “Cool.” LOL In hindsight I now think Hades may have been a message but I’m getting ahead of myself….

Their presence or maybe just the energy last night was very intense – high, like someone had opened the floodgates between worlds. It crossed my mind that some kind of portal must be open, but I quickly moved on from that. I just wanted to be alone and them to go away. I thought to surround myself in protection at one point but then knew these Spirits were harmless. I opted to announce to them, “Only my guides and angels around me at this time” but in the middle of mentally saying this I felt there was no need – these individuals were part of my Team and as such the announcement would do nothing. My partner let me know they would back off, and they did – thankfully.

Dreams

OMG my dreams were weird last night! And I could not get away from them despite wanting the peace of dream amnesia. I am SO tired lately. I sleep 10 hours a night and feel exhausted when I wake up. I miss not remembering my dreams. Truly.

Dream – Space Craft Pool

This dream occurred on a space craft in space somewhere. I was on board with others in a spacious cabin I shared with a pretty, black woman. She had decorated the room with white and lavender and it smelled like lavender (spiritual cleansing, peace), too.

As I lay in my bed (private self) curled up on my left side, a man came in and warned me that I might get wet. I ignored him and tried to continue to sleep. Then a huge wave of water came in from outside the doors to the cabin. It soaked me in my bed and I jumped up and out of bed to see where it came from. My roommate was already up and had gone through the double glass doors toward the water source which was a vast pool of aqua clear water. People were lounging around everywhere. It was very obviously a party.

I was completely naked (exposure, vulnerability) and walked amidst the people observing the scene. The pool was enormous with little side pools and large, glass windows that towered hundreds of feet high separating us from space. I got into the pool for a while and people watched. Two young boys came to the water’s edge, one had a toy he wanted to play with. I warned him not to get it wet if it was battery operated. He opted not to take it in the water.

I got out of the water and walked around, following the man who soaked my bed. No one seemed to care that I was naked. The man was talking to a scantily clad woman. I wanted him to notice me but he ignored me completely. I remember thinking it odd he preferred someone wearing some clothing to someone without clothing. There were thoughts that maybe I looked old and then I remember pushing away that thought when I saw my reflection in the glass windows. I was proud that despite my age I looked better than many of the other women there who were still in their 20s and I didn’t need some man to validate me.

I walked past him back into my cabin and picked up the soaked blankets from the floor. My roommate was leaving, moving out. No more lavender and white decorations, I thought. I remember feeling “assigned” to the space craft and being part of a team on a mission. My new roommate was male and I prepared myself to welcome him.

It got awkward after meeting my roommate. I can’t recall his appearance now but I knew the only bathroom on the craft was in our cabin. I kept trying to use the bathroom without being seen (need for privacy), which was difficult. At one point I was upset by the fact that the other crew members kept putting things in the toilet to flush that would clog it.

When I woke from this dream I needed to use to restroom. 😉 The dream felt very real even after I woke. It seemed like I had actually gone somewhere; like I had been OOB. I wondered about it and felt the man and woman from before around me.

Dream: Trying to Get Home

This dream was long and had many shifts. It began in a cafeteria (issues) line but that part is hazy. I believe I was suppose to have provided lunch for the group and forgot so I ordered sub (subconscious) sandwiches (pressure) for everyone.

The part I remember most is walking through a dark area of town on my way home. Everyone was gathered around a commotion. It reminded me of a movie scene where there were men fighting with one another. I was wearing backpack (decisions weighing me down) and a purse (self-identity). I took out my phone and took video and then the crowd dispersed. It seemed like I needed to leave in a hurry so I started to drive/fly away but had no idea where I was. I was lost.

I began to drive along unfamiliar roads. I think I was in some kind of motorbike as the vehicle had no top and there was little space to move around. I kept fiddling with my two bags. At one point the crowd shifted toward a large gate. I was warned not to enter. It was a mental hospital. I asked where the road was and someone pointed ahead.

I ran into a girl and followed her and her friends to a large high school that sat in the center of the city. The city was enormous and sparkling white. Every structure towered over me and the roads were wide and seemed made of granite. I remember asking for directions to I-35 and the girl tried to tell me and then I said, “I will just use my phone GPS” but then I couldn’t get it to work. The girl said she was going to work and I could follow her to I-30. I said it was not the highway I needed to get to and went off on my own.

The road I took turned into a vast slide and I slid (loss of control) down it, gaining momentum. At the bottom I shifted to inside a hotel room (shift in identity) with the girls. It was a very nice hotel and I commented that I was grateful for their help.

When I woke my hips and abdomen were very sore and buzzing with energy. My crown, forehead and neck were also buzzing. I got out of bed because it was uncomfortable and stretched a bit. My entire body was stiff and rigid.

White Caterpillar - Pseudosiobla excavata - BugGuide.Net

Dream: Playground

In this dream my daughter and I were awarded a trip to an amusement park like Disney World. When we arrived at our hotel we spent most of our time at a wooden playground (desire to es. As I walked through the playground structure a dark haired boy approached me to talk. We walked to the edge of the structure along a bridge.

I saw a black object that looked like a missile (helplessness) and pointed it out to the boy. It went below the side of the bridge so we looked down. Below was the ocean. The water was crystal clear and sparkling blue like the sky. In the water were all kinds of sea creatures but mostly I was focused on the whales (intuition/awareness). They were black and looked like the missile at first and I realized I had been wrong and there was no threat.

Whenever we looked over the edge and focused on the the scene below I began to float up, like gravity disappeared. I would lose my sense of direction and get uncomfortable but eventually laugh. Thankfully, I never floated away because the bridge seemed to have an invisible shield over it that curved up and over us.

There were people walking under water along side the fish and whales. Then I saw two baby black whales. I notice white around their eyes and determined they were Killer Whales (guidance).

Back on the playground the young man shifted into a pure white caterpillar (first stage toward transformation). A woman who was my partner was then with me tending to another caterpillar, this one female. I ended up with both caterpillars and as I walked off the playground. The male one flew up and into my hair. I pulled him out and the other caterpillar was taken and cradled like a baby and put in a safe location to sleep.

At the end of the dream I was sitting with the woman talking about how we were going to reveal our relationship to my daughter. I wanted to kiss her but resisted, worried our secret would be revealed.

Messages

When I woke from this dream I was disoriented. Messages were coming through all at once. The man and woman in Spirit were there but so were others. It felt like a gathering or celebration. I heard from my partner, “You are being reborn.” After that I began to hum music and when I recognized it I woke up. It was Pomp and Circumstance. I knew the song, played it in high school for every graduation. I said to my partner, “Didn’t I graduate last June?” Knowing came all at once and everything felt surreal. Not long after I saw a slip of white paper. On it I saw letters appear: S – L – O- W. I knew it meant I needed to take my time; take it slow.

When I finally decided to check the time it was 8:14. Again I heard the message, “You are being reborn.” Then I remembered – for the past three or more mornings I’d looked at the clock upon waking and it was 8:14am. The time reminded me of my birth time. I was born at 8:14pm. I understood then the message I had missed.

Wide awake I began to think of current events, of the message I had received about June 15th and the discussion I had with my husband along with all the other signs and symbols. It was like a flood of info and I needed to process it all.

Yesterday there were some events indicating a need for cash, but none actually resulted in cash being spent. My husband wants our family to go to South Padre again and so most of the day he was looking for hotels to book against my advice that we skip it this year. It is not a good idea with our finances as they are. Then, later in the day, my daughter accidentally dropped my husband’s phone in the sink when I was washing dishes. I grabbed it but it went under water. It looked like it would need to be replaced but thankfully it survived.

I am feeling strange this morning but cannot put my finger on it.

 

 

 

 

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Kundalini Dream – On to the Fourth Clearing

Had trouble falling asleep last night. I was wide awake and had activity in my heart and crown chakras. I opted to meditate as a solution but it didn’t help. Instead I got more intense energy swirling and my mind was really active.

My guidance came through at one point and informed me that I had a surprise coming soon. I replied, “Okay. I would love to meet God in an OBE….or have another blissgasm.” I heard in response, “Soon.” I thought back to them, “Soon? Your soon? That could be a year or more from now.” They replied, “No, yours.” I thought, “If it’s my soon then it would be tonight.” I felt a time period of three days from that point and accepted it.

Soon after I drifted off to sleep.

Kundalini Dream: History Class

The dream began inside a typical high school or college classroom environment. The color of everything had a golden hue to it. I was sitting in a desk in the first row probably three or four seats from the front. A male teacher with brown hair was up in front of the class. He looked to be in his mid-twenties to early thirties and was quite “normal” in appearance. My dream memory of him reminds me of a Ken doll – very clean cut and nicely dressed.

The teacher instructed the class to get out our textbooks and go to page 240. A female student sitting to my right looked over at me and gave me a look that said, “What are you doing? Do what the teacher says.” I ignored her and made no move to get my textbook which was sitting on the left side of my deck. It seemed like I was the “bad” student, which is the opposite of how I was in school growing up.

When he noticed I was not following instructions he called me out, asking me if I understood his instructions. I said, “Yes, I did.” He said, “If you don’t complete the assignment you will receive a zero.” I said, “I don’t care. I’ve already taken this class.”

There was again a look from the student to my right. She had dark hair and mocha colored skin and seemed very concerned for me. Something about her changed my mind and I exhaled as if saying, “Oh alright. Fine. I’ll comply just for my own amusement.”

The teacher began to talk about the chapter we were in. It felt like the first chapter of the textbook despite being on page 240. I don’t remember looking at the textbook but listening to the teacher. His words slowly shifted into visuals in my mind as he spoke. His questions to me eventually morphing into my own voice as if I was talking to myself.

I could see a giant landmass and was asked to identify it. I responded, “Pangaea.” We discussed the biological organisms that occupied Pangaea. He asked me, “What did they consume?” I gave him the name of some algae but I don’t recall it now. I only remember seeing them as if under a microscope.

There is just memory of being fascinated with the subject, the ecosystem and organisms. It seemed like I was learning a history unknown to man and so my full attention was on every detail. Sadly, my memory of these details is gone now.

Then I was talking to the girl next to me about lunch. I asked her what the lunch was like. Did they have enough food or would I be hungry when lunch was over? I specifically asked if the cafeteria served food on trays or if we could go from station to station and fill up our trays as many times as we liked. She confirmed that it was the latter and this satisfied me. I felt like the school wasn’t so bad.

We must have been released for lunch because I was in the cafeteria walking alongside the girl student. I don’t remember eating, though. Instead I ran into a guy I knew and followed him to a find a private place to talk. He and I were long-time friends and lovers and our intention was to sneak off someplace and fool around. lol

I can’t recall what he looked like now but I remember that when we met up we immediately embraced and kissed. The weird thing is that when we kissed he seemed to put his finger in my anus. lol When he did this the energy in my root chakra began to build up and my throat chakra lit up as well.

Surprised I pulled back and asked him, “Why did you do that?” He said, “I like it.” It felt like he wanted my permission to continue to do it. I said, “Oh okay. If you want.” lol

Then we were in my house (my Soul/Self) and I was undressing in the bathroom (purification and self-renewal). The door was open and I could see into the bedroom (intimate part of Self). The house felt to be mine specifically, not my parent’s like one would assume considering I was just in a school environment. Again everything had a golden hue to it.

As I stripped off my clothing I remember my friend calling out to me from the bedroom. I yelled back that I needed to pee. I used the toilet quickly and looked down at my feet preparing to take off my socks (warmth and comfort). My socks went all the way up to my knees and were a mottled brown and made of a thick material, like wool, so very warm. I decided to keep my socks on and knew my friend would do the same. In fact, I had a “memory” of us together both wearing socks and nothing else. lol

When I went into the bedroom my memory of the dream goes dark. All I recall is the effects of our lovemaking – energy swirling and intensifying in different areas of my body. I felt something inserted where my anus would be on my physical body. At the same time it felt like something was inserted from the opposite side but not in the vagina as one would assume, but higher up where my pubic bone is. When the two met a very pleasant energy resulted and felt to roll and rumble in a big, swirling spherical mass of energy.

At the exact same moment something felt to be inserted in my throat region only it was not down through my mouth as it was the last time I had this kind of “work” done. The trigger seemed to come from within. If I had to say where it originated from I would say my spine, up near where my neck meets my head.

These two areas swirled so intensely that it began to wake me up but not before I noticed other chakras activating, specifically the heart, crown and solar plexus.

I shifted in and out of the in-between, the energy continuing to swirl and expand. I was too aware, however, and ultimately had to shift position. Usually shifting position stops the energy, but this time it continued on for a bit after.

kundalini (2)

Music Message 

My “friend” from the dream was with me when I awoke meaning this particular guide was also my dream “lover”. I connected the message prior to sleep to the activity of the Kundalini and thought, “This must be my surprise.” I suspect that the “three days” is also relevant but may only be related to the full moon and eclipse on the 31st.

It was 5am and I was still tired and so rolled over to attempt sleep. But my mind was on the dream and on something I had considered last night. I’ve been waking early quite a bit, usually between 4:30-5:30am. Afterward I cannot return to sleep but linger in the in-between until I finally wake. I thought it may be a good idea to take advantage of that time by inserting a spiritual practice of some sort like meditation. So, that is what I did only my left nostril was completely clogged and really irritating me. Have you ever tried to meditate with some physical ailment like half your nose clogged? Nearly impossible!

So the meditation part went out the window. My left nostril has been clogged from the beginning of this cold but lately it is only when I am laying down. So irritating!!!

I lingered in bed and somehow drifted into the in-between long enough to recall a conversation.

My guide and I were discussing the Kundalini process, specifically the clearing of the heart chakra. I was told the 4th clearing was on its way. There are 5 total I think, so this is good news (I hope). The history of this clearing was also discussed. I remember saying to my guide, “2013-2015” and knowing it was a preparation period leading up to the first heart opening. I don’t recall specifically when my heart first “opened” but I recall that after the birth of my youngest in 2014 that the Kundalini began to rev up. It seems the trigger for my heart opening was getting pregnant in 2013. Prior to that I had a trigger in 2002-2003 – divorce. Then the heart connection was the trigger at the end of 2015. So that’s three “triggers” and three heart openings. I wonder if I will need a trigger for this one?

In recognizing just how very long the Kundalini process had been going on, I became a bit discouraged. I said, “It’s taking forever.” My guidance replied, “You will complete in this lifetime.” My response to this was, “Then I will die, right?” lol I saw myself as being a very old woman so death would be the logical next step. My guidance remained silent. So I said, “What is the point then?” – meaning why do all this work and then just die when it concludes?!

It seemed like things could move faster, in fact I knew they could. All I needed was a catalyst. I wondered about it, then. Previously I was told two are better than one, meaning that two working together toward similar goals allow for acceleration of the process. Working as a team the two propel one another forward. Working alone takes longer.

Not longer after these thoughts a song came to mind – “I walk alone…..”:

So guessing that I am out of luck. No physical connection with another human walking a similar path is coming along to propel me forward this time. Sigh. That trigger was so much more fun/interesting/exciting than divorce or pregnancy.

by

Intensity Overload, Metallic Energy and $200 for the Blonde Who Breaks Rules

CrAzY energy right now! Whew! I’m actually flying high now compared to before. Feeling almost 100% now and grateful for it.

I didn’t wake up feeling too grand, though. Had some doubt creeping in because of something that happened last night.

Tuesday I was invited to a FB group called “Be Your Own Twin Flame” by a member of the walk-in group I’m a part of. I didn’t know her but agreed because the title seemed like a group I might be interested in. I browsed it and noticed there wasn’t too much interaction. Pretty much all the posts were by the woman who invited me to the group. She later sent me an email encouraging me to post a little about myself. So I thought, “Why not?” I posted a link to my blog and introduced myself and let it be.

Then last night she sent me a message. I am not going to cut and paste it because I do not want to subject you to the energy behind it. To summarize, she told me that she deleted my post from her group because she felt I was still in 3D, full of Ego, and in separation from All. She said she wants her group to have only 5D communication and any communication that is not of 5D and part of the One would be removed. Then she invited me to post again but only from my heart and Oneness.

When I received the email the energy felt really weird, so much so that it felt to blast me with a strange metallic surge that left me with a metallic taste in my mouth. My first inclination was to stop reading it immediately but I kept on and stupidly subjected myself to the energy.

I felt myself react defensively at first. Mostly, I wanted to completely withdraw from the online world and go into hiding again, which is odd. Thankfully there was a softness from within that soothed me and asked me to “stand down”. It did not take me long to realize I had been triggered, but why?

Later, after contemplating the feelings I was having, it occurred to me that the reasoning of the message was all wrong. 5D is not about rejecting 3D altogether. It is not about separation from other humans or humanity. This woman was using 5D as a justification to set herself apart from others. To perpetuate the “Us” versus “Them” syndrome humans so frequently fall victim to. She insinuated that Ego was not allowed. It was to be eliminated altogether and any indication of its existence in a post meant the person was still in 3D and not yet elevated to the 5D level.

But then there was the metallic feeling and taste in the energy that hit me when I first read her message. What was that all about? I remember thinking right after the experience, “If this is what 5D is all about, I want no part of it.” lol

I felt so disturbed I actually blocked her. I have never blocked anyone in my life but I felt so dirtied, so contaminated by her energy that I wanted to ensure she never messaged me again.

I am also concerned for all the others who are following this woman.

When I went to sleep I asked for clarity on the situation. Was I just reacting to her email because she made me feel wrong? Was it all an Ego reaction? Or is there something I am missing?

When I awoke I felt no clearer than when I went to bed. My dreams didn’t seem to point to an answer and again I was doubtful and questioning everything. Maybe I should withdraw from the online social media world? I felt rejected. I hate that feeling and my tendency is to withdraw from the source of the rejection.

My guidance asked me, “Remember to focus on that which makes you feel good, not on what doesn’t.” I remembered and immediately shifted to doing just that. I enjoy connecting with others. I love the spiritual. Writing in my blog is one of the highlights of my day. I enjoy all of it, so why stop just because of one rotten apple?

My day just got better after that.

Random Luck or Message?

Around lunchtime I decided to go for a short run-walk. I am still recovering from my illnesses so a full run is not a good idea. Even a run-walk is challenging lately.

Around a half mile into my run I began to notice my thought patterns. What I was thinking about use to cause me upset in the past but now I have gotten so use to it that I hardly even notice despite these thoughts occurring daily, multiple times a day. Yet I noticed this time. With this noticing I realized I was in full acceptance, no longer rejecting or resisting this new reality. Smiling I looked up and saw something laying on the road:

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They were laying in the road just like in this picture. When I saw them I stopped and thought, “That can’t be what I think it is.” When I got closer and I realized it was two $100 bills I picked them up and stashed them in my leggings and continued on my way. I did check to see if anyone was around but there was no one. Not even a parked car around.

I was in shock for about another half mile. A strange surreal feeling fell over me. Was I dreaming? Did it even happen? Reality check time!

Eventually I convinced myself it hadn’t happened and the money had to be fake. Never would I be so lucky. The most money I’ve ever found was $10 that flew into my car on a windy day.

So I stopped and checked my leggings. Yep. Two $100 bills. Security strip and everything. No doubt about it. lol I kept the money in my hand from that moment on, though, because my leggings didn’t have pockets and I didn’t want it falling out through my pant leg. lol I also think I did this so that it stayed real to me. The whole thing really shifted my reality. BIG TIME.

Then I felt guilty. Maybe someone is looking for their lost money? I should turn back and check. So I ran around the block and went back to where I thought I had found the money. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember exactly where I was when I found it and since there were no new cars parked or people around looking I kept running. What was I going to do? Knock on all the houses asking if they lost money? I found it in the road, so not by a particular house and there weren’t any cars around either.

Not long after opting to just keep the money I noticed something on the ground. I swear it said, “Blondes break rules.” I thought to myself, “That did NOT say what I think it said.” I laughed aloud to myself and turned around to check. This is what it was:

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I picked it up and took it with me just because and laughed for another half mile.

I kept run-walking for another mile and then ended off. My heart rate was higher than normal and I was feeling anxious for no reason. Not anxious because I did something wrong, though. Anxious because I felt different somehow.

I knew I needed to eat and settle down. I also could not help but think that the money and the Starbucks trash was more than just a message that I was breaking some unwritten rule by keeping the money. In fact, I knew that wasn’t the message. What was the message then?

As I cooled down I mulled over the events of my run specifically focusing on my thoughts prior to finding the money. I recalled that I had felt an urge to look up and pay attention, but what was I thinking about immediately before that? When I realized I was thinking about everything that transpired from December, 2015 to present – this entire crazy personal spiritual transformation I have been going through – I understood the real message.

The $100 bills were both on the road but separated by about a foot. I kept thinking, “OMG I found $200”, but really I found 2, $100 bills. In numerology you add the digits of a number to get it down to one number. So you can get the number 2 two ways, one of them is by adding 1+1. I could see the $100 bills then as representing the two 1’s of an 11. 11’s have been following me around since 2015 and continue to do so. However, what I feel the message was this time was that the two 1’s here are indicating two separate, whole individuals.

The “Blonde breaks rules” message on the trash was about me but not about keeping the money. The “rules” here represent beliefs and belief systems. I have been and am breaking through them and the end result will be – maybe already is? – Wholeness.

When I realized the message I began to feel stranger than I already was. My anxiety was increasing and I had to get a grip on it before I ended up in a panic attack. Then my right ear began to ring. I’ve been experiencing ear ringing a lot, though.

It took a while for the strange anxiety to subside. Then I went and laid in the warm sun on a blanket spread out on the grass for a while.

Considerations

There is more to this message, much, much more but I haven’t received it all yet. The energies during and after my run hit me hard, too. It was as if I was stuck by lightening again except this time it wasn’t via the Kundalini like I am so use to.

I know I have recently gone through a major download, so major that it knocked me on my butt for two weeks straight. Illness was the main symptom – my throat and root chakras the main focus, but I have also been experiencing some crazy ear ringing and on and off exhaustion. Then there are the dreams, messages, super empathy, and clarity. All of it points to a download/upgrade, or whatever you want to call it.

There was an incident a couple of days ago where I noticed a deep humming coming from my right. It seemed off in the distance and as I focused on it, it grew louder and louder until it turned into a distinct, high pitched ringing in my right ear. I kept expecting Spirit to audibly speak to me which is unusual because I have never associated ear ringing with Spirit audibly speaking to me. But this was different. I fully expected to hear a message. Huh?

All of this and then the woman at Pet’s Mart stalking me for not watching my son (weird) and then the metallic taste from reading a message on FB, I can’t help but wonder what is going on. Is it me? Is it the world? Both?

My intuition tells me to stay on my toes – to keep looking, keep noticing, because there is more being conveyed to me via this experience than I realize.

P.S. The featured image for this post is a quote that popped up this morning when I was uploading an image from Canva. I noticed it and wrote it down because it felt important.