Tag Archives: experiences

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Snapping Turtle Message

I had a weird experience last night. Not sure what to call it but it left me feeling unsettled.

What I recall now of the experience is quite muted because it happened early on in the night. There is mainly a feeling of dis-ease that goes with it. I recall feeling transplanted from one body to the other; as if this was a “normal” thing to experience. The energetics of it were unsettling and induced a low grade alarm reaction in me, but not enough to cause me to react or resist. There was a sense of shifting from one time to another. It was like I was jumping around taking a look at all the possible timelines. Along with all this was memory of all these other timelines as well as this current one. It was very difficult to process and thus left me feeling very disoriented, confused and alarmed.

When I woke up I was stunned and still trying to process what I had just experienced. Honestly, I felt completely insane and it was hard not to imagine myself having a psychotic break from it all. I thought for sure I would go into a disassociative state or that I may already in the midst of one which was why I was so confused.

Somehow, despite feeling crazy, I fell back to sleep. I recall being reminded to “surrender” and being I had just re-blogged one of my own posts on that exact topic, it made sense and I didn’t question it.

However, moments before falling asleep, I remembered all these other similar incidents that I had somehow forgotten! It was bizarre and a bit concerning that I had forgotten them, yet I knew I had chosen to do so probably in order to avoid the exact feelings I was having this time around. The previous experiences were very energetic as well, as if someone came and plucked me out of my body, put me in another body or something energetically altering, and then put me back. All the while I was conscious of the exchange but not resisting. Actually, I am not sure my resistance would do any good. It was more a sense of being frozen and unable to do anything except allow the experience. Yet all the experiences left me on high alert upon returning to this reality and thinking that I must be losing my mind.

It is not a fun feeling yet at the same time I am also not alarmed at all, as if it is all completely normal! I think perhaps I experienced it from two perspectives – the Ego (small self) and the Higher Self. Of course, the Higher Self wins out and is why the ultimate feeling that wins out is the “this happens all the time” consideration. It is such a calm, “I got this” kinda of feeling, too, and there is complete Trust and Knowing.

I know. Bizarre. What can I say? This is my life. lol

Any psychologist/psychiatrist would likely diagnose me with some kind of mental illness. Every time I have these experiences, especially the ones where I am most obviously experiencing as two aspects of one, the thought crosses my mind that I must be schizophrenic or at the least emotionally disturbed to the point of disassociation. I’ve been down that road before and found it a dead-end.

Prior to bed I had been feeling like my entire life was “wrong” again. I had a very strange feeling I cannot describe and was thinking, “I can’t go on like this for much longer.” Perhaps I was being recalibrated in my sleep to address this feeling?

Snapping Turtle

This morning I had a very unexpected in-depth discussion with my husband that ended rather abruptly. As with most of our discussions, tempers flared and voices were raised periodically.

After he left for work I went down to make breakfast for myself and my youngest son. When I went outside to toss some leftovers I noticed something in our creek.

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I called my son outside to see the turtle and we watched him for a while. In the above picture he is eating a yellow pear that had fallen into the water. We have pear trees that still have fruit falling from them, so it was likely quite fresh and perfect eating.

Eventually, the turtle sensed us and swam away. The whole while we were both fascinated. We’ve lived here over 4 years and never seen a turtle, much less a snapping turtle!

Snapping Turtle symbolism and meaning:

Some journey has come to its final end.

Speak up for yourself, take a stand but be fair about it.

Communicate honestly; do not withhold anything.

Take your time and think before making decisions that cannot be undone.

It’s time to go your own way.

Source

It is amazing to me how the Universe works, how it sends a messenger to answer the questions I had going through my mind just prior.

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As I was editing this post a song came to mind – Fleetwood Mac’s (who is playing here in Austin in February) – Go Your Own Way.

Hahaha and if you click on the link above “Austin in February” you will see that this message repeats:

Going Their Own Way in 2018!

LOL

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Two Worlds Collide

It’s been a strange day….

I woke at around 10pm feeling as if I had slept the entire night but knowing I had just fallen asleep maybe 20 minutes prior. When I woke I was talking to a guide whose energy felt very substantial and powerful. There was a wisdom with him and his voice, though I couldn’t audibly hear it, felt deep and soul-resonating.

When we spoke I felt very much to be a student to him, or at least to be the one receiving guidance. I was asking him why I had to Remember and then not be allowed to retain the experience consistently throughout the remainder of my life. Why was I allowed to feel a deep connection to others but only temporarily? How can I go on Knowing what I Know?

He asked me to Remember why I am here. When he did, I felt why again and Knew that life as a human was meant to test. I am meant to feel disconnected so that I can have that perception and experience. I remember asking to not be human anymore. He then asked me to consider something. A vision of walking into a hotel room and finding my partner with another came to me. It was just a flash of memory but with it came an entire consideration that perhaps I am feeling what I am feeling because I intended to feel the way another had been made to feel by me? Maybe in another lifetime I was the one who felt betrayed and who fought to keep my partner from another? Maybe my partner was the one who was pining for someone they could never be with? That unrequited love feeling is definitely distinct.

Throughout our conversations there I had an odd feeling in my body. My entire right leg felt weird, like it was about to fall asleep but wasn’t quite there yet. I also felt weird energetically, like not quite connected to this body or realm. I ended up moving my body to rid myself of the feeling.

This particular energy sensation is fairly new to me but I have not mentioned it because I don’t know how to describe it exactly. I have felt it in random body parts – my right eye, my head and now my right leg. When the feeling comes on it feels uncomfortable and if I focus on it I feel that I might be ill or worse if it becomes anymore apparent. It never does, though, as I have learned to not focus on it and find that helps it to dissipate. It feels very wrong, like there is a mismatch between this body and my energy. There is also a metallic taste – that’s wrong word but don’t know how else to describe it. It’s an energetic “taste”.

That brings me to another topic. I was just explaining to my husband about how I seem to be able to “taste” energy. This is a new perception for me. I have come to recognize those I meet in Spirit (and for some in body as well) by their “energy signature”. This signature has distinct features that I perceive through a sense I have no name for and that is closest to that of the sense of taste. I explained to my husband that this “signature” is why we don’t need names to identify who we are when we are not in bodies. Our experiences imprint into our energetic field and act as our signature or fingerprint – soulprint. 🙂 When I have telepathically connected with others – merged with them – their soulprint is completely open and available to me. I can distinguish distinct “flavors” – personality, emotion, tendencies, etc. I perceive the “good” and the “bad” but all of it is exquisitely beautiful – like a tapestry or artwork. I see the Whole Self and am in awe of it. There is reverence felt for the person/soul.

Anyway, on to the rest of the weirdness of today….

I have been feeling different today. More than once while talking to others I have felt energetically “ill” to the point of it hitting me in physical ways. When I listen to someone talking for extended periods I feel it the most. It is a sick kind of wanting to fall to the ground or pass out. Like I am getting tasered by their energy. While listening to my boss describe something to me today I felt like this and after she left I got a headache.

I often feel this way when I first get to work in the morning and then it levels off after I’ve been there a few hours. Perhaps I am acclimating somehow to the energies?

Nonetheless, I think I am very wide open right now and picking up on others’ junk/energy.

I’ve also just had a weird feeling over all, similar to how I felt upon waking early in the night. At one point I wanted to just cry because I felt like I was losing my mind. it was short-lived – I composed myself quickly – but I have not felt anything like it in quite a while.

There was also a memory from years ago – 2003ish. It was of how I was told in advance by my guidance about a man I would meet. I was given his name and the specific date of our meeting. Later, after meeting him on the date given and being romantically involved with him, I noticed a piece of mail with his name on it and realized he went by his middle name and his first name was the one my guides told me! I had also met him on the exact date they had given me.

The sudden memory of this hit me all at once and sorta stunned me. Why have that memory? It was what I think threw me into that “I’m going crazy” feeling which brought me close to tears. It’s kind of a feeling of being ripped apart internally. Well, maybe that is a bit dramatic but in the moment it feels very disorienting at the least.

Now, at home and after spending time walking my dog and doing some yoga I feel much better. Sometimes I just don’t know what the f^%* is going on with the energy and ascension and, well the world! I live in two different worlds – one that seems to be mostly in my mind but I know it’s not – and the other one that everyone else seems to occupy. It’s days like today, though, when my own world seems to crash into the other world, when I struggle the most.

Just realized it is 12/12 today. Hahaha Maybe I fell through a portal…..

 

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Remember, It’s an Experience

I wanted to share with you the insight I received yesterday.

An expected delivery arrived at our home and it was soon learned that there would be a significant fee, like a COD, in order to receive the shipment. This was unexpected and upset me. I began to feel the familiar upset rising from within and so extracted myself from the situation as soon as I could. Thankfully my husband was able to handle it for me.

Once inside, I was thinking about the situation and heard quite suddenly, “Remember, it’s an experience”. With this I realized the truth in this statement. An experience is just that – an experience. It does not imply preference for one outcome or another. It is simply “the contact with and observation of facts and events”.

It is I who was applying a preference for one outcome or another. With this application invariably comes either disappointment or acceptance and the varying feelings that go along with each.

Through expectation I submit myself to becoming the effect of my experience. I did not have to do that.

With this revelation, I removed myself from any expectation and felt the upset vanish immediately. There was such an emotional release that I began to laugh out loud as I prepared dinner.

I am so very grateful to my Companion for his simple reminder to me. What a difference it made!

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Dichotomy

Lots of change happening. First off, on the first day school resumed after summer break my morning started off with news that my sister-in-law had gone into labor five weeks early. I knew that meant I would likely have to leave work early and I did. Then I had to change my schedule because they kept mom and baby in the hospital for observation. I guess they do that when baby is really early. So today was my first full day back at work. Thank goodness I can change my schedule!

The day was busy, but not hectic. I had sent out a form in Google Docs, the first ever and I really like it! Anyway, I had four referrals and so had to follow up on each of them. In addition I had some other things to do and so the day filled up fast.

What is memorable about this day, though, is the last minute referral of a student who had been crying nonstop since Monday. When I went to see him I knew he was struggling and when he saw me his eyes immediately filled with tears. We went for a walk and chatted and I listened and felt such overwhelming love for him and his predicament. I understood him and I wanted to make him better yet at the same time I was somewhat detached and calm. In a way, I think this detachment helped me help him better because by the end of my time with him he was calm and I could tell a heavy burden had been lifted from him. I gave him hope and in that I think was the biggest gift I could have given him.

I didn’t realize this, of course, until I was on my way home over an hour later. It suddenly hit me then all at once and my heart overflowed for him. His mother had written me and told me thank you – that he was so much better for talking to me – but that wasn’t it. I understood him because I had been him so many, many years ago in my youth when I was nearly his same age. How horrible to have all that one believes to be solid and true in their life snatched away and smashed to bits. That is what his world is now and what mine had been so many years before. I had no one and was not nearly as receptive as he.

And I know he will be alright and I think that is the best feeling ever.

78

All this happened before I thought about the significance of a number I received in my dreams last night. I was discussing the years 1978-1979 for some reason. I remember recognizing that I had already been born and speaking the year 1978 as if I were trying to figure out what was going on. The number returned after today’s events and so I looked it up.

The number says that one has reached a balance between the spiritual and the mundane and with this comes an inner peace and joy as well as material abundance.

When I read the meaning of this number I knew that my experiences today were significant. For the first time in a very long time I felt true heart emotional connection to my work. The overflow I felt has not been felt by me since around the time of my daughter’s birth. I have been blocked to my work and my connection with those I worked with since then. Yet today I felt it again. It spilled out of me and was not sorrow but a mixture of emotions that are indescribable and beautiful. I felt a true connection and purpose that I had all but given up on.

All I can say is that sometimes I feel that a part of me never gives up on me yet at the same time another part of me wishes only to destroy my only chance at happiness. How strange to be so dichotomous. I wonder how I have made it this far at all.

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8 Months and I Give Up

My sleep has been interrupted by strange dreams and odd messages. I have been in my stubborn I-don’t-wanna-hear-it stage, so I try and push the dreams out of my mind as soon as I wake. And I wake up a lot!

Lung Dissection

The night before last I awoke from a real vivid dream where I watched myself on the operating table. My chest was opened up to reveal my lungs. Then my lungs were sliced in half and neatly laid side by side to reveal the insides.

What is the most vivid about this dream is the inspection of the inside. I was being shown these tiny, sparkling green orbs. They were all over the inside of my lungs. They looked like little circular emeralds and were no bigger than the tip of my pinky finger in size.

I woke up immediately from the dream thinking something was horribly wrong. I was immediately calmed and then fell back to sleep.

Signing the Bill

Last night I had a string of dreams that all woke me up. I tried to forget them but they are still lingering, especially this one.

I was purchasing something and asked to sign the credit card bill. The was one of the old type – you know the kind from a manual credit card processing machine that imprinted the card numbers on paper (makes me look very old).

I went to sign my name and it barely showed up. I remember squinting at the nearly invisible signature and then rewriting my name carefully over the top so that it could be seen.

I woke up immediately after thinking I had just signed a contract or finalized one.

8 Months!?

I don’t recall the dream now (trying to forget my dreams is working I guess) but I do recall what woke me up. In the dream I was talking to someone who was discussing how long it would take to do something. I remember hearing, “8 months”.

I awoke angry and protesting, yelling at my Companion asking why it was taking so long and to get it over with already. He explained that the process could not be rushed.

I Give Up

At work today I watched some webinars and got some CEUs (continuing education) in order to keep my counseling certificate. This was voluntary because my boss seems to have forgotten I exist and so I was not on the schedule to attend any of the day’s (and week’s) professional development. I wanted to focus on spiritual matters but kept feeling not to. So I didn’t.

As the day progressed I found a webinar I really liked and began to get ideas for the upcoming counseling groups I will be conducting. It was at this time I heard a very quiet question, “Why not?” This came with a memory of long ago when I first began teaching. Back then, I fell into my work with more gusto and passion than I ever have since. I enjoyed my job so much, in fact, that I got to work early every day and loved every moment of my day.

I realized what was happening. I was being prompted to “live life” and I understood that I have been resisting life for a very long time. There is a part of me that is angry at the “system” and also angry at myself for letting it get the better of me. Every time I think of something I should do I feel that anger and a little voice says, “Why bother?”

Honestly, though, I would rather try and do something about it than nothing at all.

So I decided I would do this group. I would plan it like I use to plan lessons as a teacher. I would have fun with it. I would create it and make it my own.

I came home and bought children’s books for each topic. I look forward to reading them to the students and making the silly voices for the characters. I look forward to making posters and drawing with them while we brainstorm ideas.

The reason I loved my first year of teaching is because my working theme was, “Explore yourself”. That is what I tried to get my students to do. To discover themselves, learn about themselves and grow in themselves. I can do that with the kids I work with now. If I want to.

Maybe “living life” won’t be as much of a drag after all.

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What was That?

Sleep deprived me went to work today. Perhaps that is why I had the experience I had?

What was That?

Today I had to report for the typical back to work gathering to welcome new staff and learn about the coming year. I was in a good mood and not thinking about anything in particular when my boss called on me to introduce myself. As this was sudden and unexpected, I looked at him like, “What?” He just smiled and waved me on.

The minute I stood up this energy came seemingly down from above and from the left at the same time. It was like I was shrouded in it. I felt suddenly very much like I was dreaming, as if I had been pushed back from the scene. The faces of the people looking back at me, the tables and windows, the sun shining into the room – it all seemed very shifty. It was literally like whenever this energy settled upon me that the room and its contents shifted upward and away from me, or I shifted upward and away from them.

At the same time this happened I felt very calm and composed. There was not one ounce of anxiety or nervousness. When I spoke my voice sounded hollow, like I was talking through a paper tube.

I continued to speak, saying who I was and what I did. When I finished I could feel my face flushing as I sat down. This was the only sign of nervousness I had.

I immediately felt I had messed up, yet I knew it didn’t matter. All of it felt very unreal.

Hours later I am still wondering what happened.

Was this my Higher Self descending down and somehow taking over?

Or was this the “walk-in” soul taking charge like I was told he would?

Was the original soul displaced when this walk-in came in suddenly? Is that why everything seemed so dreamlike and shifty? Did I get pushed aside? Did I become the observer rather than the performer?

Will this happen again??

Since then I have felt normal. Things feel real enough. The only thing I notice is that my head is buzzing at the back and sides again.

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Update on Me

I have come to the computer several times today intent on writing a blog post. Unfortunately, I forget every time what I am going to write about. This time is the same. I am totally blank. Yet prior to sitting down I had a long list of cool things to write about. Big sigh.

So instead I will just put down what is on my mind.

Updates

Vegetarian

I have been vegetarian for almost a week now. It has been a simple switch. I was vegetarian before I married my husband.

So far the only thing I notice is that I am eating so very little compared to what I was eating. Little in terms of calories and in terms of amount.

I’m just not as hungry.

I doubt that the lack of hunger is directly related to my change in diet. I like carbs and I like veggies.

I suspect it is linked to something spiritual but what specifically, I don’t know.

At the same time I feel bloated and fat. It is obvious my system is getting a good cleaning.

Just an FYI – my daughter decided to be vegetarian with me. She said, “I’m going to be vegetarian, too”. I asked, “Why?” She said, “Because you are”. Such a sweetie.

But since I do almost all the cooking, everyone in my household is eating what I eat, vegetarian or not. 🙂

Business Venture

After I lost everything on my computer things have slowed down substantially. The logo is still in the works but the actual product part has come to a standstill. I suspect this is timing-related and am not worrying too much about it since I started back to work yesterday and have been busy with that.

I will update when things begin moving again.

Strange Energy Fluctuations

Yesterday was an unbelievably odd day. Not only did I start back to work, but I had some strange energy shifts going on. These shifts resulted in me feeling like I was dreaming as I was driving home. Later, they continued and I kept feeling that I was about to “die”.

Since this is not the first time I have felt a sense of nearing my own death, I took it in stride and just allowed myself to feel the feeling. The dream-like atmosphere continued to follow me during this. It was as if I had shifted into the in-between while wide-awake.

Oddly, there was no communication from my guides. Zilch. Nada. None.

Walk-in Considerations Returned

Both last night and again today the term walk-in has come back into my mind. Last night I just quickly let it go. However, today when I thought about it, the memory of the time in my life when I had my spiritual awakening came back. Specifically the time when I argued with my guide that first time we spoke. We argued about my name. He insisted I was Dayna and I insisted I was not.

With the memory suddenly came the thought, “The other me (the walk-out) never completely left.”

With that thought came a swirling energy that seemed to flow in from my left. I say swirling because it felt light and ticklish and it settled down over my second chakra. The feeling was of pure love and acceptance, as if something beautiful was inside of me trying to get out.

I asked for it to stay, but it left quickly. So beautiful yet so fleeting.