Tag Archives: heart chakra

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Heart Healing Bliss

I’ve been focusing on clearing and opening my heart after recognizing a block there is limiting my access to the Bliss.

The first time, I was laying in bed doing a breathing meditation. I decided to focus on my heart and as I did, I saw a large Band-Aid. So, I peeled if off slowly and set the intention of healing the remainder of the wound from when my heart connection disconnected (end of 2016). When I peeled it off, I could see a raw spot, indicating a wound nearly healed, which was reassuring.

Afterward, I kept meditating and focused on my heart. It was not long after pulling off the Band-Aid that my chest began to feel warm. Then, I felt a pulling sensation in my chest that intensified until it began to feel uncomfortable. As soon as I noticed the discomfort, the feeling vanished.

When I stopped meditating, I rolled over onto my side and talked with my guidance for a while. I don’t recall what we talked about now but the overall feeling was that they would help me and I would be successful at opening my heart. Then, two very distinct bolts of “lightning” hit my chest area followed by a deep aching in my chest area that caused me to get slightly concerned because it lingered for so long.

More Emotional

Not long after I had a dream that indicated I should call my mom. In the dream I was awakened by an insistent knocking on my door. When I answered, my mom was standing there with my aunt who was sitting in a wheelchair. I rarely see my aunt in my dreams and since I know she is battling breast cancer, it felt like a warning.

When I called my mom she was in good spirits but when I asked her about my aunt, she began to open up to me about some past issues that were coming up for inspection for her. She got very emotional, crying and choking up, and causing me to get a bit choked up as well. 

The things she brought up had to do with her parents and some traumatic memories she had of them from her childhood. In one instance, she described a memory of how her mom bought her a new pair of glasses without telling her dad. When he came home and found out, he threw her mom across the room. In another memory, her mom was about to slice a piece of pie and said something passive aggressive about having to slice it just right, when her dad, furious at her mom, stuck his entire hand in the pie and put some on his plate. It destroyed the pie and traumatized both my mom and my aunt.

My mom explained how she was angry at her mother for much of her life and decided she would never let a man treat her like that. She told me she believes that’s why her marriages failed and why she struggled with relationships with men. She said she saw how she became like her father even though she was trying not to and hated herself for it.

We went on to talk about my sisters and her upset regarding them. I listened and gave her my viewpoint, telling her I understood and do not blame her for anything. I told her about how I handle and heal my own past trauma, advising her to not avoid the pain but move through it. Each of us has to focus on healing ourselves and, in doing so, we assist in helping others to heal.

As I wrote the above, it is clear to me that I missed a very clear message to myself. “The only way out, is through”, and this applies very much to me right now. 

That evening, when winding down for bed, I had some strong emotion arise out of thinking of what my mom told me about my grandfather. I didn’t know he was abusing like that! Of all the father figures in my life, I was the most connected to him. I saw his mean side but it never really bothered me too much. Yes, he did some things that could have caused me trauma, but, thankfully, they did not. My love for him always won out in the end. I could see his true self underneath. I really miss him!

I also thought of the trauma my mom and her sister are still trying to heal. It makes me sad and in that moment I could feel their pain. I remember thinking, “Their pain is my pain, their love is my love.” 

Pranayama Meditation

That night I decided to do a pranayama breathing meditation. It consisted of breathing in for five counts, holding the breath for five counts, and breathing out for five counts. I did this for seven minutes and it was quite challenging!

While meditating I could feel a wonderful heaviness spreading through my body. Even though the mediation was a breathing meditation, I felt guided to my heart center. This time, rather then seeing a Band-Aid, I saw a string hanging down. I grabbed onto it and looked up and saw a bright red balloon. With the joy of a small child, I let the balloon go and watched it disappear into the sky. I knew that it was symbolic of letting go, something I very much long to do in regards to the past hurt I have been carrying around with me.

I fell asleep without issue, feeling warm and comforted.

During the night I had dreams of a spiritual gathering. The group was very large! There were at least 50 of us. We encircled a large swimming pool, hands clasped, as we began our meeting. We discussed our unique spiritual gifts. A woman said to me, “You can hear people’s thoughts, correct?” I thought for a moment and then said, “Yes, I guess I can. Sometimes I hear them very distinctly, but most of the time it is muddled. And sometimes I don’t want to hear them! I could probably better control this gift if I practiced more.” 

There isn’t much more I recall from the dream but when I awoke I was very aware of a warmth in my heart chakra and energy moving through my body. It was mostly “energy hug” energy, which is when the energy originates in the center of my spine and spreads outward, washing me in a calm, soothing bliss. There were times the energy would linger in certain places, and when it did it felt very healing and pleasant. This was most obvious in my second chakra. I swear I could feel my entire uterus!

When the energy began to fade I said to my guidance, “I want to feel that (the energy) all the time.” The energy instantly returned and I sunk into it, feeling the love and reassurance of Spirit. I recalled being told recently, “What you want is there, you need only to reach for it” and from this point on a long conversation ensued with my guidance. Unfortunately, and as is typical, the exact messages I received are lost to me now. What I remember is that I was advised to wait for “the proposition”. This caught my attention because, as a Projector, I am suppose to “wait for the invitation”. So their use of the word “proposition” brought me out of my reverie momentarily. 

The entire time I communicated with my guidance, the blissful energy lingered. I was covered in it, waves upon waves of it spreading out from my core. The bliss has a way of pulling me deep into Knowing. I go so deep that the Knowing I received does not come as words but as feeling. This is why I so rarely remember any words. At the time of Remembering, there are “words”, at least it seems so, but they don’t remain, dissolving into only feelings by the time I come out of my reverie. 

When I began my day it was with appreciation instead of hesitation. I want to feel this every day. I want to be this every day. 

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Kundalini Dream Message: That’s Not the Problem

Unexpected Kundalini surprise in a dream this morning. It’s the first time in a long while that I’ve felt good upon waking. 

But first another short dream, one where I see my grandmother.

Dream: Wrinkled

This dream is fuzzy now but when I had it, it was quite vivid.

I am outside near my grandparent’s chicken coup and rabbit hutches. It is dark and the scene seems to shift between being outside to a dark room. My grandmother is with me and when I realize it is her I apologize to her for having her run so much. In my mind I am seeing my grandmother sprinting across the yard. It feels like I am training her to help her lose weight and get in shape. I mention to her that she was 82 at the time and probably too old to be running. She reassures me that I did not cause her death. I feel somewhat better. 

The conversation shifts to old age and wrinkles. My grandmother mentions how old and wrinkled her face got as she aged. I see her face clearly, remembering fondly how beautiful she was. I tell her that I think her wrinkles are beautiful. They come from smiling and singing. I trace the smile lines around her cheeks and say the singing wrinkles are the most beautiful to me.

Message

I woke up remembering my grandmother and considering the messages in the dream. A whisper of a question came to me, “How long has it been since you last sang?” I knew the answer was, “Too long.”

The messages, hidden in symbolism in the first part, seem to point to out how I am fighting a losing battle. Trying to outrun old age doesn’t work. It finds us all. Getting older can be a beautiful thing. It feels like she was suggesting that I will “run” myself to death if I continue in the direction I am going. She, herself, did similar. The suggestion is to focus on “smiling” and “singing”, which to me means doing the things that bring me joy. Singing is one of them. I don’t smile or sing very much these days. 

The dream comes after I told my personal trainer I need to take a break. For two weeks I am going to take it easy. After that I will start back on training, hopefully with a new mindset. I struggle with the idea of stopping altogether because I know that I need to keep my body healthy and exercise is the way to go. However, too much and with the wrong goal in mind, will not make me happy. Love for one’s body doesn’t mean forcing it to look a particular way, it means listening to it, down to a cellular level even, in order to better gauge what it needs. 

Kundalini Dream: That’s Not the Problem

The dream begins with my return from a vacation with my family. We arrive at a classroom (life lesson). It resembles an elementary classroom. My memory of where I was is not accessible. All I recall is a plane followed by being at the classroom door. There is also memory of parting ways with someone, a man who accompanies me. 

The man, who I can’t see but is standing behind me, asks me a question before I enter the classroom. He asks, “Are you sure you don’t want to come to the library (to seek wisdom) with me?” When he asks me, I recognize the time is 4pm and that he is suggesting I skip school and go with him. I tell him I need to go but don’t speak any words. He sends me a feeling of, “Okay, your loss” and leaves. His general energy is positive and somewhat amused, like he is saying, “I told you so”, in advance.

When I walk into the classroom it is very full. All the desks have young students in them and a female teacher is at the front. I ask the teacher what is going on, why is my desk occupied? She tells me they are playing a game and points to the back of the classroom. She says, “You can sit there.” I see what looks like an upside down bucket (self-restraint). I think, “She wants me to sit on that?” I feel insulted but don’t argue. I look at the floor as I walk to the back of the room and sit in the makeshift “desk”. 

I observe the “game” for a while from the back of the classroom. It appears the students are enjoying themselves but I can’t remember any specifics about the game except that students would walk down the isles of desks one at a time. 

Looking around me, I see clothes hanging from hooks above my head. It reminds me of a souvenir shop. I see t-shirts and tank tops with various messages written on them. I decide I want one, because, why not? But I can’t see any I like. 

Meanwhile, the students are all very immersed in their game. I am invited to take part but decline the invitation. I am just not interested in playing. The sense I get here is that I don’t belong and is similar to how I often feel in life. I watch people “playing the game” all around me but rarely, if ever, participate. 

Then I get a text message on my phone. When I look at who sent it, I realize it is the man who dropped me at the classroom door. I think, “Why is he texting me?” The sense is that this man is just an acquaintance and not someone who would communicate with me outside of work hours. 

When I read the text I instantly realize this man is much more than he seems to be. The text itself is lost to me (which is disappointing!) but the feeling I get as I read it is very vivid. He tells me that what I am doing is not working and gives me a synopsis of my current life issues. The issues involve my current relationship specifically. I do, however, remember the last thing he said, which was, “But that’s not the problem.”  

As I read his text, my heart chakra exploded with bliss, feeling to open up to the point that it extended all the way to my feet. I instantly knew the man’s intentions. It was a complete surprise, totally unexpected. I had no resistance whatsoever. If there was any, it melted away. All I wanted to do was respond to his invitation with a “YES”.  

Let It Happen

Before I could ask him to elaborate on what he said, I woke up, heart still expanded and bliss pouring through my body. I was thinking, “Tell me what the problem is” as I woke and I was a bit miffed at myself for waking up before I could get an answer. I knew there wouldn’t be one. I would be left hanging, but I didn’t care. I was too caught up in the heart bliss. Oh how I’ve missed it!!

I remember thinking to myself, this (the heart bliss) is what I’ve been missing. I can have all the orgasmic, erotic, tantalizing Kundalini one can imagine, but without the heart bliss, it will always be lacking. Without the heart, the merging of Heaven and Earth cannot – WILL NOT – happen. 

To my surprise, the heart bliss remained for a long while after (at least an hour) and I dipped into the in-between where I communicated with the man in my dream who sent the text message. Whether he is a guide, a person, or both, I can’t say. We talked. My mind was going all over the place, questioning what this experience meant and wondering if there would be more. What I heard in response was, “Just let it happen”. Ha! Just like the song I wrote about here. 

A chorus of a song was going through my mind while I lay there floating in bliss. This is the part I recall:

Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind

The more you say, the less I know
wherever you stray, I follow
I’m begging for you to take my hand
Wreck my plans, that’s my man

When I finally got out of bed for the day, I had a slight pulling in the left side of my chest. It wasn’t painful but it was enough that I knew a block had been released, or was releasing. This isn’t really much of a surprise because I have been so emotional lately. I’m pretty sure I’ve been doing some heavy duty clearing work in my sleep. 
Another song was going through my head as I got out of bed. It repeated:

And I want you to unravel me (but I heard “Remember me”)
Come closer, come closer……

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Dream: Halfway There

I’m sleeping really well right now, or at least for the last two nights anyway. 🙂 The average is 10 hours, all of which were much needed.

Prior to bed last night, as I was watching my current show of interest, I kept feeling a communication coming through from my right. At first I didn’t identify it as such, thinking I was just having random thoughts and feelings, but ultimately I stopped focusing on my show and shifted my attention to the source.

My heart was struck with a beautiful energy. It was so palpable that in my mind I saw it, like a etheric, golden light, twirling and spinning out from the darkness straight into my heart center. Along with the energy came visuals mixed with incomplete thoughts. I settled into my core and let the transfer take place, knowing that too much focus would interrupt it. Allow. Allow. 

The origin of this energetic connection was Earthly; it was someone on the Earth plane I know. Soul family of the Divine kind. I suspect the telepathic connection was unintentional on their part. But it doesn’t matter, I received it.

Unfortunately, my motherly duties interrupted the flow and when I tried to reconnect I was unable.

Dream: Halfway There

This dream was early in the morning hours, so I was partially lucid. I find that these days when my lucidity peaks I prefer to go with the dream rather than take control of it. Not sure why I am doing this except that maybe I have recognized doing so allows me to receive messages that otherwise I would not notice.

I found myself on the side of a road in Montana. It was really dark out and I could barely see my surroundings. I crawled up an embankment and up to the side of the road. My location had been beneath a bridge near a small stream I think. I could feel the tall grass as I crawl-walked and hear the crunching of leaves and twigs with each step I took.

As I crawled I encountered objects: trash. It was scattered here and there and familiar. I picked up a very large, empty container of oatmeal without a lid and took it with me to use as a bucket to pick up the litter. I picked up two empty apple juice boxes and tossed them inside and then stumbled upon the lid to the oatmeal container. I closed the boxes inside and tossed the container into the brush.

As I settled myself on the side of the road I encountered another empty oatmeal container and put more boxes inside. There was a conversation going on in my mind with someone about this but it is lost to me now. What is left is the consideration that this trash represented things I feel “done with”, and as such it is being “trashed”.

I remember thinking of the journey ahead. I told this person in my mind how I did not look forward to the long journey ahead in this darkness. The feeling I had was of despair and extreme exhaustion. My bones felt heavy and my prognosis not good.

Every once in a while a car or truck would pass by. All kept their headlights off. I found this very disturbing. I knew the traffic was so sparse that I would be lucky if I saw one vehicle an hour. But I walked on, being careful to hide in the shadows when a car passed me by. It felt dangerous to be out so late at night in the middle of nowhere all alone.

Every once in a while a car would approach with headlights on only to turn them off when close. One time, a truck passed me by, headlights off, and another car passed them going the other direction. The truck stopped and turned to pursue the other car but saw me because they had turned on a spotlight. Caught and unable to run, I stood there and four men got out of the vehicle and approached me. I was close enough to see a woman in the front seat, strapped in a seat belt. I sensed from her distress and used my medical intuition to scan her body. I said to the men, “She is not well. She needs to go to a hospital.” They laughed and said, “Yeah, she has a broken leg.”

The dream shifts and I am inside the truck with the men. We stop at a church and I open the door and escape, screaming at the people, “I’ve been kidnapped. Help!” only the words didn’t come out right at first. I scramble inside with help from the people there and run down a hallway to check the back door. I knew the men would find me and had hoped to escape out the back door. Unfortunately, I ran into one of the men, machine gun in hand, standing at the back door. I said to him, “You know you don’t want to do this. Give me your gun.” The man considered and his shoulders drooped as he handed over the gun. I asked, “Is there ammo?” He nodded and we both went inside.

The dream shifts forward in time and I am inside the church with a large group of people. My daughter is with me. They offer us new clothes. I am given a white, long-sleeved shirt with their logo on the front. It looks like three flowers connected in a triangle shape. I feel displaced as I put on the shirt, as if I am homeless.

I feel extremely tired at this time and seek out a bed to lay down on. There is no space where I am, so I go into the other room and check the bed there. I note that people have left their things on the nightstand indicating that the bed is taken. So, I turn to the computer, take a seat and begin to type my story – the dream as I recall it up to that point along with my feelings/emotions and secrets I would otherwise tell no one.

As I type, the screen goes blank and I am unable to get the computer to respond. I panic, worrying the people of the church will discover I am not who I say I am. I press the “Esc” key to try and regain control of the screen. It works and I cannot find what I typed anywhere. Instead a video screen pops up and the icon on the top indicates that the person who is logged in, some man, has liked one of my posts. I go into his profile and unlike my post to try and erase any proof that I had been there.

I return to the other room and search for earplugs but none of them fits. I want to sleep but cannot. There are so many people that the space feels crowded. I do not like the feeling. A man I know in real life begins to talk to me, to counsel me, and I find out he has divorced his wife. He makes it clear that he is interested in me but the thought of being with him that way is unappealing to me. His energy feels sick and weak, completely incompatible with my own.

Somehow I end up walking on the dark road again. I am on the other side this time, the left side rather than the right as before. There is a glimmer of light in the distance, as if the sun is about to rise. I feel so tired, my legs like dead weights as I walk. A familiar song comes into my mind as I walk, sung by a male voice. I sing along with him:

Woah, we’re half way there
Woah-oh, livin’ on a prayer,
Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear,
Woah-oh livin’ on a prayer….

The chorus repeats a second time and I sing it louder and with more purpose. When I hit the part, “Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear”, I burst into tears. The feeling I have is similar to how one feels when they have fallen but can’t find the strength to stand and keep going. It feels like death is the only option. Then someone offers them their hand.

Interpretation

I wasn’t crying when I woke up. Instead I felt somewhat awed by the whole dream experience. Maybe it was because it was partially lucid? Or maybe it was the message via song that was the final uplifting component, saying, “We can do this!”? I did indeed feel hopeful and I can’t help but think of the analogy of running a marathon as perfect for how life plays out.

I believe the dark road in Montana is symbolic of where I feel to be at currently in my life. The darkness is the unseen/unknown and also represents how I feel – dark, gloomy, hopeless. Montana is the journey toward spiritual freedom, enlightenment, purpose, whatever you want to call it. Montana = mountains. It is the “ascent”.

The trash I find are things I no longer want or that I feel have served their purpose. The oatmeal is a continuing symbol of mine, it symbolizes comfort and sameness. The juice boxes could be domesticity as they are reminders of my children and my motherly duties. The oatmeal container is huge in the dream and very empty; all used up. I have had my fill.

The vehicles without headlights indicate that I do not feel illuminated by those that I meet right now. If anything they perpetuate the dark, gloominess that I carry with me. The men in the truck who abduct me seem to be a perceived danger, the woman is likely an aspect of myself who is broken and unable to walk; stuck.

The church likely represents some kind of perceived haven of help, but looks are deceiving. The guns indicate potential aggression under the surface but I am able to suppress it. I feel homeless with the group and suffocated. This is representation of a real-life situation I won’t go into detail about. Let’s just say a similar group I am associated with gives me the feelings I encountered in the dream. I want to ignore it, block out the messages I received (earplugs) and avoid what I know the be true (sleep), but am unable to do either. The man represents the feelings I often get with people in the group.

This is further expounded upon by what I write on the computer. I want desperately to communicate – be – who I am, but know the group will not accept this. In the dream what I write is very personal and revealing. I hit “Esc” to try and escape the consequences of them knowing my true identity and am successful at erasing all traces of myself.

The last scene of walking the road on the left side could indicate change of perspective. The light in the distance = hope. The song, of course, is relaying the message that I am not alone.

Dream Snippet

There is a short dream memory that I have limited recall on now. What I do recall is being in a room with a man. We are sitting comfortably on cushioned lounges. All the colors in my memory are golden hues, as if we are in the 1960’s but I know we are in a place where time doesn’t exit. The scene feels like a bar or speak easy. Rather than tables and chairs there are sofas and side tables.

The man I am with is familiar and I am very comfortable with him. He is singing and I am amazed at how nicely he sings. I comment on how lovely his voice is. What I remember most is feeling pulled in by his voice. It is smooth, deep and quiet, sometimes only a whisper. His brown eyes become a focal point in the dream that also seem to pull me in. The depth of them is familiar. I see myself in his eyes. I am in love with his voice, with his eyes, with him.

There is conversation here but I only recall a summary of it now. The man is telling me about his life, how he use to sing with a band among other things. I feel mostly to be listening to him. It feels like he needs me to listen; like he has much to say but doesn’t say it. I am happy to listen.

I don’t know when this dream snippet occurred – before or after the above dream. In fact, most of the night’s experiences feel jumbled as if they all happened at the same time. Maybe they did? It is of no consequence anyway. What is most important is that I woke up feeling calm and accepting when normally I awaken in resistance.

 

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Heart Surges, Boredom and a Great Blue Heron

The energy is a bit stagnant again this morning, but I can feel it is revving up for another surge around the full moon and eclipse on Wednesday. It will continue to cycle through the end of the month. Ebb and flow, surge and fall. The stagnant periods will replace the low, depressed, chaotic flow of the last cycle of upgrades and transmissions. I am grateful for that.

Heart Surges

I experienced several heart surges throughout the day yesterday. They were high heart surges and shifted into my throat chakra several times. My third eye was also triggered when my heart was blazing. With these surges of energy I felt hopeful, excited and a bit nervous. Something BIG is coming.

Unmotivated and Bored

Today’s stagnant energy has amplified my lack of motivation and boredom. I lingered in bed this morning feeling out of the energies and being warned of my tendency to over analyze everything. Even though I don’t like the feelings I am experiencing I have to learn to allow them to flow. They will pass. Nothing stays the same. Change is a constant.

There is a tendency in me to do, do, do. I have trouble staying still. There needs to be a project or something mentally stimulating for me to fill my time with. Right now is not a time for DOing. It is a time for BEing. There are timelines shifting and constant re-alignment. To DO anything at this time would result in NOthing for the alignment is not complete.

Charts, Graphs and Grids

A repeating pattern as I wake in the morning is a recollection of seeing shapes, patterns, charts, graphs and grids. They are random and flash through my memory as if they are being stored somewhere deep in my subconscious in order to protect my waking mind from too much information too soon. Mathematical computations are among these images.

This morning, the most prominent images were of seeing various grids superimposed one upon the other. They were spread across the universe, the Earth, and every living thing on the Earth. Some of the grids were square, others were octagonal, still others pentagons. So many different shapes! The colors also varied. Some were blue, others green, some red and still others purplish and their overlapping colors created a massive, multidimensional mandala of color. The grid pattern I saw from our galaxy had vortexes and circular patterns that swirled and seemed to breathe as they expanded and contracted.

Then there are the charts. The Venn Diagram is familiar. My guide showed me this back in 2004 to explain my spiritual transformation. The separate ares of consciousness – conscious, subconscious, superconscious, were merging, becoming less separated. There was another chart that was less familiar and dotted with mathematical formulas – positives and negatives, proportions, symbols, and geometric formulas that I cannot specifically place at this time. They are familiar – meaning I have come across them in this lifetime, but they all blend in my mind making them hard to separate. The graph itself showed an upward trend in red. Below, in a contrasting color, was a more even flow that remained lower in elevation than its counterpart. My sense from this chart is it was of human evolutionary patterns in relation to Earth changes and electromagnetic pole distribution. But I suspect there is much, much more being discussed and anticipated.

I searched the internet for something that looked familiar to me. This article, which upon reading makes my head spin, is very similar to the formulas and corresponding symbols I remember. The image below gives you an idea of what I am seeing. Mind boggling!

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Preparation – Expansion Pending

The BIG something I mentioned earlier is an expansion of Self which ultimately leads to Wholeness. Yesterday I spent most of the day receiving downloads via my heart – thus the heart blasts. The downloads have not made their way into my conscious mind as of yet, but the feeling from them is already being felt. I perceive the magnitude of what is to come more than anything.

My mentor was very, very close all day and is today as well. If I focus on him, my heart blows wide open, so I try to keep my distance. lol

The previous night’s Kundalini rising from my root to my heart must have cleared some blockages because my stomach has been extra sensitive, making my eating habits an area of particular focus lately. I ate a ton of french fries from Wendy’s on Sunday and spent yesterday paying for it. Stomach knots and lower back pain – it could have been worse. I know better than to eat that crap! Since then I have been focused on eating more clean foods – fresh veggies, fish, organic meats, whole grains. And I am extremely thirsty! Since this pattern is familiar, I know it is a preparation stage and this time I plan to avoid a stomach flu forced cleanse. 🙂

great_blue_heronSigns of Change

My husband is also feeling the stagnant energy and has been quite restless. Yesterday he came home and wasn’t even in the front door when he began to talk about selling our home and moving to Florida. lol He proceeded then to tell me that he wants to take his aunt and uncle up on their offer to fund his new business. He wants to move to Clearwater and if not there then he brought up Colorado and of all places Iowa! Iowa? No way! lol I immediately went into panic mode because if he quits and focuses on a new business then I need to work to make sure we can pay our bills, etc in the meantime. I have absolutely NO motivation to get back out there into the 3D world. Just thinking of going back to work makes me feel sick inside. Ugh! I had to tell my husband to stop talking about it and even told him he may have to do it on his own. This shut him up temporarily and I retreated to the back yard porch swing to calm down.

While out there thinking how I couldn’t possibly confront going back to work, I spotted a huge blue bird walking along the creek below me. Stunned, he looked directly at me and I recognized him to be a great blue heron. What was a bird like that doing in our creek!? His eyes met mine and he flew across the open area to the safety of the trees and then just stared at me.

When I looked up the message a blue heron brings I discovered a message to remain calm and remember my ability to adapt to changing situations. It is funny that the heron came at the time he did because it was like he was addressing the thoughts I was having at that time by saying, “Be patient. Answers and opportunity will come. Be prepared to take action when they do.”

 

 

 

 

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667 Days to Home

Today is my last day of work. I took a half of it off because I have days to burn. I was also hoping to get more sleep. I did, but not as much as I would have liked.

I have mixed feelings about leaving work despite knowing it is the right choice for now. I will miss some of my students and those coworkers whom I developed good working relationships with. One coworker sent me an email thanking me for helping her son and asking for me to let her know if I ever go into private practice. It is her son that I am saddest to leave. He is sad, too. He cried when I told him I was leaving. 😦

It’s wonderful to feel I have made an impact in someone’s life, even if only a small one.

Gaping Hole

I don’t know if it is just me leaving work that is causing this, but I feel a gaping hole in my life. I think it has always been there but now it seems bigger. There is nothing there. It is just empty and the emptiness of it is what bothers me the most. The bigger it gets, the more empty I feel inside.

I have tried to fill it with things – activities, movement, mental tasks – but when all is done it is still there. I go within and find it there and it is not scary but I don’t know what to do with it. Do I fill it? Do I leave it alone? What is it anyway?

My guide told me this morning, “Why don’t you just rest? It is okay to take a break”. Perhaps, but I am such a busy-body, so use to keeping myself and my mind occupied, that taking a break is not all that easy for me.

For example, I awoke at 5am this morning and immediately my mind began to fill with thoughts of things I needed to do. I even got confused on what day it was, thinking it was Friday and then Wednesday and finally getting to the fact that it is Monday. There are so many lists of things I have to do – exit paperwork for work, promoting my new business, resolving a return of a large product I ordered, a parent-teacher conference, and so on and so forth. All these things flooded my mind and I panicked when I accidentally thought it was Friday.

It’s actually kinda funny. 🙂

667 Days

Out of control thoughts, even if they appear productive, can bring a person down really fast. I reacted by begging my guides to help me return to sleep and asking when I would return Home.

Surprisingly, I got an answer the to second question immediately: 667 days. Really?

Of course, I immediately thought there is now way that could be accurate. Why would my guides reveal something like that? Maybe because they know I will forget it. I forget so easily.

667 days is just under 2 years from now. “Home” I believe is not me leaving this physical body via death. I believe it is reestablishing a connection with the part of me that is Home, is always Home. It is a feeling not a destination.

Mind-Heart Connection

It is clear to me that I have established a link between my mind and my heart. It is undeniable to me now. Every night I feel it as I relax and prepare for sleep. My third eye lights up like a beacon and my heart follows. It is like clockwork.

I feel it throughout the day, too, but mostly it is my third-eye that is blazing throughout the day. It is doing so now and any time I check for it, it is there as a reminder that I am always connected. Sometimes it blazes so intensely while I am doing mundane things that I cannot help but stop what I am doing and notice. It is like I am being asked to take notice of the moment. To not get lost in all the “things” I have to do throughout the day.

My crown chakra is also buzzing, but it is less in comparison to the huge pulling sensation in my third-eye. The energy helmet is becoming so familiar to me that it goes unnoticed until the energy in my crown reaches similar proportions to that of my third-eye.

Honestly it feels like my head is a beacon of light.

20%

In one of my intense, third-eye energy moments I got a vision along with a message. It was a timeline, or at least that is how it appeared to me. I could see that most of the line was colored in in green. It reminded me of the download screens one gets when downloading something from the internet. Towards the end of the green line there was written “20%”.

As soon as I saw it I got the message that I only have 20% left to go. I did not feel encouraged. Who knows how long it will take to download that 20%. My connection often gets interrupted. 6 minutes can take an hour.

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De-Compartmentalize

It all started a few days ago. The clouds here in Texas were extraordinary, making the sky seem so vast and beautiful. I kept finding myself gazing up into as I was driving, willing myself to be in it instead of here on the ground. It was like this for four days straight and each time I could not take my eyes off the sky.

Then there came another phenomena along with this fixation of mine on the sky. I began to get ideas of being above the Earth and then placing a miniature version of myself into the globe. It was like I was a giant and shrunk a part of myself down and placed her in this environment. With this idea came the thought, “I put myself here to experience this” and I felt so tiny yet so big all at the same time.

That evening, I awoke knowing I had been working through the night. With this knowing came odd little tidbits of information that disappeared as soon as I tried to focus upon them. Later that day, I suddenly recalled with great knowingness what had been discussed. I knew without doubt that I had separated from myself, disconnecting from all memory of Who I Am, to be placed on Earth and have this experience. This was more than just a normal knowing, it was a sensation of Being. I recalled the feeling of the moment of this disconnect and had the knowing that I could undo it anytime I chose.

Yet again, yesterday, I found myself fixated on the clouds and recalled the idea of being shrunken and placed into Earth. As I rounded the corner and prepared to enter the highway to head home, I began suddenly aware of my thoughts, thoughts that had been going on without much notice by me. I had been thinking of my night’s work and discussions and knew that I was entering into a new phase as I merged onto the highway.

Almost as soon as I was on the highway I felt my right arm tingle as if a hand were placed upon it. Then, looking up at the clouds, I began to notice a dream-like quality to my experience and my vision shifted. I was unconcerned as I drove, though, having full faith in my Team of guides.

It was then that an energy began to form on the left side of my head. It expanded and remained as I drove. Then my heart center began to buzz with energy. This is when the song, “Come Home” was playing and I began to get tears in my eyes. I felt suddenly very sad as if my time here was drawing to an end.

When I got into the garage I lingered in my car in the dark as the song played. I took off my sunglasses but kept reaching to remove them time and time again because my vision was dark and tunnel-like and I swear I felt the pressure of the glasses over my ears and against my temples. Things seemed very dream-like and I kept thinking of the visual I had of seeing myself put down into a tiny Earth. How surreal!

Compartmentalize and De-compartmentalize

Last night was yet another night of restless sleep. I awoke often and then struggled to return to sleep.

One of my early wakings was accompanied by one word in my mind: Compartmentalize. I wondered about it and knew it was related to the rewiring that was currently underway. I acknowledged it and then went back to sleep.

At one point when I awoke, my Companion was close and said, “We are in this together”. Imagine waking, not remembering your dreams and suddenly hearing this. What would you think? I got a bit concerned. Why would he say that to me unless things were about to get difficult?

I then thought of the word compartmentalize again and knew without knowing how that my Companion was referring to this process, but why? He said to me, “You are different. Do you feel it?”

I answered, “Yes, I do, but I am not sure how”.

Then he said to me, “We are in this together. Remember that. This is why we are here.”

I wondered what he meant and he replied, “Your thoughts will change. Your focus will shift. This process will be different”.

There came with these words a memory of the random thoughts that had been entering my mind lately. They come and I struggle to shut them down, when in that past it was easy. I knew this was an example of what he meant by this new “process”. I wondered if I would go crazy, but felt this was extreme and unlikely.

Considering all of it, I asked if it was like what occurred in May and he said, “No. We are integrating”.

I finally got out of bed after tossing and turning for another hour. As I woke up, I thought again of the word compartmentalize but knew I had it wrong. It was the opposite. I was de-compartmentalizing. We were taking down walls.

Here is more information on what compartmentalization is if you are interested.

What This Means

Honestly, I am unsure what exactly all this means but I feel I was being prepared for it over the last few nights. The energy has been intense and shifty – one minute calm and the next minute very turbulent. Thankfully my reactions have been bearable thus far. The panic that comes from the sudden onset of dizziness is controllable and does not last long. I have a fear of leaving my body at inopportune times and the dizzy spells trigger this fear. It really does feel like I am shifting OOB when I have these sudden shifts in perspective and am overwhelmed with dizziness. My vision threatens to blackout and I can feel myself leaving my body. Not fun when you are driving!! Who wouldn’t have a panic attack?

I suspect this is why my Companion told me, “We are in this together”. He wants me to remember this is the plan and to trust in the process. As I type this, though, I feel my heart rate increasing and my heart center is buzzing. I do not like the idea of not being in control of when I leave my body!

I am likely freaking out a bit and overreacting. Honestly, it is likely just simply that my thought processes will slowly be altered from their norm. This is much more acceptable. However, one must conclude that any change in brain activity has a direct effect on consciousness.

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Download via the Heart

Once again I sense an energy shift. It is subtle. I would not have noticed had I not focused on my heart center.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude and my universe feels so large and expansive. There were messages streaming in and I felt so connected to the past, present and future all at once. It was – IS – all at once.

A friend had posted on FB a Bashar video. I am not sure why, but I listened to it. The minute Bashar began to speak, my third eye lit up and I had memories hit me all at once and suddenly yet at the same time it was as if they had always been and I had never forgotten. Here is the video in case you are curious (thanks Karin!).

The memories included recent events that I had never consciously acknowledged. Some came from dream conversations lost after a night of deep, wonderfully healing sleep. Others came from a deep, inner knowingness that I have always had but my conscious mind does not wish to confront for fear that they might be true.

I believe the Bashar video was there to confirm that my memories and my understanding of other me’s (inter-dimensionally) whom I have met and interacted with are in fact what I have considered them to be but would not allow myself to accept.

The me who came into my consciousness in May, the one who revealed my Starseed origins and introduce a level of bliss that I did not think existed, is in stasis somewhere and learning via incarnations, preparing via this incarnation and communication and connecting with the Earth me, now in this time. The explanation Bashar gave of how he communicated through the channel Darryl was so similar that I could not dismiss it.

Also, his description of himself – gray, bald, short – brought instantly a memory of an OBE in which I stared in the mirror and saw looking back at me an image of a similar being.

While all this information was registering and clicking into place, I felt the familiar downloading sensation that indicates a channel is opening. Yet the sensation was not in my head but…in my heart. And the more I let it flow, the more it surged up into my throat creating a feeling of a need to swallow and an emotional surge upward that caused me to want to cry with joy.

And although I have been sad these last few days, weeks even, for the loss of connection with this Higher aspect of me and the amazing bliss that it brings, I realize now that I have entered completely into a new stage of expansion. The resistance I had been feeling originating, of course, in the Ego, and preventing me from feeling the new experience and integrating it wholly.

The “I am done” knowingness scared me and made it seem that there was no more adventure to be had. But I see now that the adventure is here and that the connection is here in the living. It is not living like I was before. This is a new kind of living.

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Savasana Meditation

While my baby took his afternoon nap, I felt I needed to lay in savasana and meditate for a while. I situated myself on the floor in my bedroom, head facing north and palms up to receive.

Almost immediately I began to feel hovered over by several guides. My Companion, or main guide, was to my left instructing me and explaining what was happening. There was more of a feeling of his guidance than words, though I did hear sentences every now and again.

My head had been buzzing prior to meditating but now it was becoming the massive energy helmet I have become use to. The only difference in the helmet was that it did not extend around the back of my head as usual but just covered the top, sides and forehead.

As the energy increased I heard, “Focus up” and so I rolled my eyes up and back into their sockets, focusing as best I could on my third eye. I then heard, “Tell me if you feel pain”.

I tried to stay focused on my third-eye the best I could but my second chakra was lighting up. The energy formed a kind of upside down crescent moon shape with my belly button in the middle. The energy did not hurt but I could tell there was something different happening in this area.

Around the time my second chakra began to buzz, my heart chakra also began to activate and there was a memory of a dream I had when much healing work was being done on this area. I felt something similar was happening, though not for the same purpose. This was an alignment.

My Companion was now near my crown and I felt the presence of three others all down near my second chakra. I could not see them but the feeling of their energy was large and they seemed to fill up all the space right above me. I felt cocooned.

I again received instructions to focus upward, so I did, but I kept being distracted by my second chakra and the strange occasional surges in my heart chakra.

As I lay there accepting the healing I began to have thoughts that are not common for me anymore. They were barely there but the presence of them incited a comment from my Companion, “That is good”. The particular thoughts were of wanting that wonderful desirous feeling that comes with new love.

The thoughts faded as quickly as they came but there was an energy that lingered and I could feel movement in my root chakra. The energy there did not rise but seemed to spread out and settle. My second chakra continued to buzz strangely.

Then my right leg began to feel funny and the muscles in my thighs around my knees began to twitch. I knew there was tension in my legs from the energy, especially my right leg. This also reminded me of the heart healing dream I had. My right leg had been involuntarily kicking during the dream healing. I wonder what causes it?

Eventually the energy blanket that comes with entering light trance brought me out of a reverie I did not know I was in. Interestingly at this same moment my baby awoke from his nap and my husband arrived home with our other two children. It seems the healing session was over.

I feel blessed to have received such wonderful healing. Thank you.

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House Swap

Another extended dream from two nights ago. I awoke several times between scenes but it continued.

House Swap

I was standing with my husband next to a newly purchased five gallon container of paint. A man walks by and stops. He asks if he can exchange something for our paint. My husband heartily agrees. He hands over the paint and the man gives us a huge pile of things from a wagon.

The next thing I know we are swapping entire households. I go inside the house of the man to look for things I want and pick out two boxes of wood floor cleaner. I completely ignore the tackle box of fishing supplies and other outdoor gear piled next to it. I go outside and our car is packed full of things and our family is ready to leave.

We get to our new home and it is in a different state, I believe the state of Virginia. We look around and find the house acceptable and nice. I remember my husband leaves and I am left home alone quite a bit and have time to think. I remember thinking, “I don’t even remember our old house now”. I also remember that I was alone with our baby.

My husband comes in and says he is starting a moving company. He shows me a packet of papers with my private information on them. I think it is my credit report. He says he is starting the company using my name and credit. I am shocked but do not tell him no.

I go into the back room and see that it is empty but nicely decorated. There is a shower in the middle of the room, which is odd, and large windows take up the entire back wall. There is a glass door that leads outside but I look at the window on the other side and see that it has a wooden shade drawn over it. I can see people outside and green from the trees and grass. I think about ways to rearrange the room so the shower is not in the middle.

I turn my focus to the outside and end up standing outside with my three children. It is a beautiful back yard! There is a large swimming pool in the middle and rock landscaping and waterfalls. There are neighbors wandering around with their children as if it is there place. I run around telling them to leave and decide that I want to put up a fence.

We continue to enjoy the pool and my husband joins us. My children are running about and I am exploring. I can see the green hills in the background and a teak wood fence in the back. There are also four small hot tubs at each of the four corners of the yard. I remember thinking the central pool represented the “heart” and the hot tubs represent each of the four elements. The large pool is in the center and there is a patch of grass near it where my family is sitting enjoying the day.

My youngest son wanders too close to the edge of the pool and falls in. I immediately jump in, clothes and all, and retrieve him. He is safe.

I then walk to the back of the yard taking pictures to share with family because this new place is amazing to me. I click a few photos of the back yard and fence. In one photo I see a black smoky looking form. Its face is evil looking with large, empty eyes and mouth wide open as if to bite someone. I am not afraid of it and just say aloud to myself, “Wow, I wonder where that came from”.

moor2I am then looking out the back windows at the hills and the sunrise as my oldest daughter prepares to go to school. We watch as the bus travels a mountain road toward us and I feel peaceful and happy. It is a place I want to stay and although I do not have a job I am fine with that. I decide I want to explore the town at some point and decide to do so the next day.

When I wake up I am confused by the dream because it felt so real and I have trouble determining if it was real or not. I wonder what it means and suspect I am being asked to move forward with something. Healing perhaps?

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Working on the Heart

Yesterday was a good day overall but by the time I went to bed I was not feeling very positive about it. I had started to convince myself that everything that had occurred the night before and morning of had been untrue or ego-created. It left me with a deflated feeling and I could not fall asleep.

My guide interrupted my self-pity and said, “None of it has changed”. I told him I thought that the idea of me training to become a guide was ego-influenced. But the feeling I got from him was to stop thinking about it and meditate. So that is what I did for some time. I focused upon my body, starting at my feet and moving up to the top of my head. As I did this, I focused on how my body felt to see if there was something I was missing that my body was trying to tell me. Besides a few stiff joints and tense muscles in my chest and neck, there wasn’t much I got from this exercise. After I finished I rolled over and attempted to fall asleep but this time it was not immediate. I was caught up in thoughts about my work and solutions to a situation I have encountered (not a big one).

My guide once again interrupted my thoughts when I became a bit irritated by my wandering mind and lack of sleep. He said, “Focus upon your blessings”. So I did that and my mood immediately increased. I fell asleep not long after.

I’d Leave it All

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night from a dream I no longer recall. In my head was one phrase from a song called Budapest. The phrase I was singing in my head was “For you, I’d leave it all”.

I lay there singing the phrase over and over in my head for a while until it dawned on me that it was a message from my guide. I immediately knew it was about being a guide and commented to him on it. The phrase was very representative of a guide’s job. They are selfless in their work, compassionate in their nature and patient and loving with their charge. In effect, they “leave it all”, “all” being themselves, behind to do their job.

I again told him I thought that there was no way I was training to be guide. I had none of the characteristics that one would need to be a guide. I was impatient, selfish and quick to frustration and anger. My guide quickly reminded me, “You are not the same when you are here”. The impression was that when we are not in a body that all the flaws we had while in it are expressed to a lesser degree. Some of them are nonexistent when one takes into account the pure love and acceptance that exist on the Other Side. Impatience is tempered with understanding. Selfishness is nonexistent as there is no Ego to contend with. And frustration and anger are felt only as a memory of our human selves.

I have always been told that all guides must keep more of a connection to their human experiences than those who are not. I never asked how this was done. Since hearing that my guide has two other lives in the physical while also being a guide in the spiritual, I am guessing that the way guides maintain connection with their human experiences is because they are currently in a human experience!

I fell back to sleep after recognizing there was more to being a guide than I first thought.

krising1Walking-In

I found myself in an odd dream state. I was in school and I knew I was a student. What grade I was in, I was not sure but it was definitely elementary. I felt very out of sort; not myself at all. I was in a classroom sitting at a desk and looked around at the unfamiliar setting. I remember a boy who sat near me and other odd things that happened in between the recollections of being in the school. Is was like I was popping in and out of a scene and a body.

Every time I found myself in this classroom and in another beingness I was confused. Where was I? Who was I? What am I doing here?

At one point I was eating lunch. I stayed in the classroom because I did not want to be around the other kids. The boy stayed with me. Who was he? Why was he here with me?

I only recall a bit of this lunch experience. I had two drinks, one was a red colored juice. The boy questioned me about it. I told him, “I like having two drinks”.

I then found myself walking through the halls, stopping at the bathroom. I took a good look at myself in the mirror. The image was very vividly clear and unfamiliar. The girl was not me! She had long, wavy, dark blonde hair that went to her waist. Her face was round and she had large, sad eyes. She was quite stunningly pretty. Then, I looked at her body and saw she was wearing a sleeveless, light colored dress. Her arms were much too big, though and the rest of her was well. I remember being taken aback by how fat she/I was.

I looked again at the girl’s face to take my mind off of her fat. I was hit so suddenly with a repulsion of the way her body looked and felt ashamed for thinking it. I thought instead about how pretty her face was but could not help but think what a shame it was that her face was not pretty enough to distract from her obesity.

The dream continued on for some time after that. There was an encounter with a couple of dark skinned kids. The girl was very interested in getting this me to be her friend but there was something sinister about her that repelled me. She asked a lot of questions and requested that I be her partner for a class assignment. I sought out the boy instead, distrusting the girl. She seemed to want to do bad things and wanted me to help her do them. I was the quiet, shy, smart girl. Why would she want to be my friend? The whole situation felt very off.

I awoke from the dream not sure what to make of it. As I went over the image I saw in the mirror I realized this girl was me. Maybe a past me or a current me that I am unaware of. The rejection and sadness that hit me from focusing upon her memory was surprising to me. The fear of rejection strong and the disgust at her fatness even more so.

Working on the Heart

Later in the morning I recalled something my guide had said to me that I had forgotten. He reminded me that our work was not done and I instantly knew that I would be focusing on clearing my heart. This was prior to me going to bed and so now I am certain this dream, this “walk-in” as it would seem, was to help me recognize where certain aspects of my current personality come from. The most intense emotion came with the thought of being rejected. There was also intense fear of being fat. Interestingly, I have worked hard in this life to maintain a healthy, thin physique, sometimes to extremes. There was a feeling of unease around the girl and an overall distrust of her. In this life, I distrust people when I first meet them and it takes a very long time for me to fully trust a person. I actually don’t know if I really have ever fully trusted anyone. I always seem to be waiting for them to hurt me.

At first the dream had me thinking I must have regressed from “teacher” back to “student” but the feeling of the dream says this is not so. I was completely confused each time I found myself in the body of the girl as if I had been suddenly taken out of somewhere else. The whole experience/dream was very weird. The only thing I know for sure is that this dream initiated a strong emotional response from me. I felt the emotion build up in my chest as I recalled the image of the young girl, her sad eyes and overweight body. She was so beautiful! Yet life for her was misery because she was trapped in a fat body. So unfair!