I stumbled across this old post of mine from 2014. In it I relay how my guidance told me that 4 years from June, 2014 I would experience a “death”. Turns out, in June, 2018, I experienced a massive heart opening that came only after a significant personal transformative “event” earlier in the year (February I believe). By the end of the summer (August) I had so many profound experiences that even now I am still trying to digest them all.
I find it so amazing how my guidance warns me of these “guideposts” and I hit each and every one of them right on time. And just like my guide mentioned above, there was no way to understand until the experience taught me what I needed to know.
I must say that 2018 has been a VERY product year spiritually. 🙂
A while ago now, my guide told me that he and I were in the process of “merging”. I never quite understood everything about merging, but I did recognize that it meant that he would no longer be viewed by me as separate from me. For some reason, the idea of merging was scary to me, especially the thought of losing my companion traveler who has always been by my side in this life.
Recently the subject of merging was brought up in my astral projectors FB group by a friend, Jurgen Ziewe, who is a well-known author of books on astral projection and higher consciousness. He is in the process of writing a book about his personal experience of merging with his Higher Self who he calls his “silent companion”. The discussion question that was asked was about spirit guides. Several individuals wanted more information on spirit guides. I…
Again I apologize for the long lag in posts. I just don’t feel motivated in this regard much these days. Since February my blog has become a non-priority. There are no considerations like I use to have such as – No one would notice if I don’t write. No one cares anyway.…etc. All those “poor me” thoughts desperate for some kind of acknowledgment and validation. Instead my mind is just blank and there is no desire to share like there use to be.
This shift includes a loss of desire and interest in dream interpretation for the most part as well. I do occasionally document a dream here and there but analysis is limited. I recognize that analysis of my dreams often leads me to speculation about future events. This in and of itself is not healthy for me. So, I can see the purpose behind it.
Of the dreams I do recall and take time to write down, there are themes indicating a “growing up” or maturation process is occurring. In fact, I had a string of dreams over the course of a couple of weeks where I observed the growth of my “daughter” from infancy to adulthood.
The only reason I recall the dreams about my daughter’s maturation process is that my partner in Spirit made appearances, sometimes within the dream of upon waking. Here is one example. This was from a dream in which my daughter, previously a toddler, had grown to the point of experiencing her first menses. I was washing her soiled garments when my partner approached me in the dream:
……..an older man who resembled Robert Redford came up and put his hand on my left hip. I felt our connection but ignored it all the while nervous he would instigate something more intimate and I would not be able to resist him. He was very gentle with me and kind……..Toward the end of the dream he came up behind me again and touched me gently on the shoulder. He pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me from behind, and offered me a plate full of doughnuts and danishes – all sweet foods. I did not take one. I could feel the beautiful connection we shared intensify and it woke me up.
I have not spent much time analyzing what these dreams mean overall, but I suspect that a new aspect was born from my February embodiment and is in the process of maturing. Eventually she (me) will be ready for what lies ahead. I can only speculate as to what that is.
Life is to be Lived
In the meanwhile, I have been focused primarily on living life. A Zen proverb applies here – Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood carry water. I’m not saying I am “enlightened” by any means, but I did experience or get a taste of it in February. There is no way a person comes away from such an experience unchanged; however, life goes on.
For me life consists of family obligations and the usual day-to-day tasks that go with it. The main difference now is that I perform the tasks of living with an awareness that was not present before. This new awareness reminds me daily, hourly, sometimes by the minute, to apply what I have learned in each new moment – surrender and acceptance is the lesson.
During my embodiment experience surrender and acceptance came easy. I lived and breathed it in every moment. Life was so much easier, much more beautiful and flowing, during that time. I got to experience the reality of a life of acceptance and ease. It was my reality for three solid weeks.
Since then that reality has broken down somewhat. This was/is purposeful, for the human experience is not meant to be easy but to challenge us to step up and into our full potential. Life and all the illusions that goes with this reality acts as barriers to the ease and acceptance that is our true nature as Spirit. The lesson now, for me and many others like me, is to learn to bring forward into this reality our Light; to embrace the “chop wood, carry water” routine without expectation, fully surrendering to the experience and the moment, and carrying with us the Memory of who We Are so that our Light can penetrate the density of this physical reality.
Additionally, I am learning how to recognize and prevent the Ego from taking over and resuming it’s dictatorial rule over this life, body and physical experience. Just because I experienced an “Ego death” does not mean the Ego was eliminated nor does it mean that it cannot return from the dead. This requires diligence and a conscious effort on my part. The Ego has the advantage. It has been ruler for this entire life and has established itself via habits and beliefs based upon the illusion of this physical reality. Tearing it down was just the beginning. Keeping it down is the real challenge.
My method is to not use force to keep it down but to instead use love and understanding. I listen to it without becoming the effect of it. Then I talk to it and help it to understand, to Remember, and show it my perspective. So far this is working, but there have been occasional upsets along the way. It is to be expected.
Plans
Currently, the plan is to “stay the course” in regards to my life situation. This means no major changes are to be made to my life path or circumstances at present. You can imagine how difficult these instruction are for the Ego to digest. It wants to know “how long?” and “then what?” It’s reaction is very similar to that of a two-year-old child and as such loving reminders need to be provided at consistent intervals in order to stave off tantrums.
At present the main objective on a personal level is, as I mentioned previously, live life with acceptance and ease. Personally, the focus has been on healing and balance of the physical body. Many lessons involved here, but the main ones are how to listen to the body and how to maintain it and avoid break downs. Similar to a car, we humans tend to use up our bodies until they break down and force us to listen and perform necessary maintenance. When young, it is easy to ignore the body’s cues to us because the signals it sends are rarely intensely painful or alarming. They are there, but overlooked as “growing pains” or some lesser condition.
If you are like me, then you just push past those minor body complaints. Most young people do this and, as there are no major complications to follow, continue to do so until such complications present themselves. This, I am learning, is a big no-no.
How am I learning this? Well, mostly I seem to have become hyper-aware of all sorts of body complaints that I was not aware of before. They were always present but I ignored them. I had become so use to ignoring my body that I didn’t even notice them. But now I am so much more in-tune with my body that I am noticing all kinds of things that are in need of repair. Nothing major, thankfully, but they could easily turn into much more complicated issues without proper rest and healing.
The main method of repairing my body for me continues to be yoga. The Ego and I have lots of arguments about it, though. “Yoga is boring” is the primary complaint. lol This is very true in comparison with all the high intensity exercise routines (running, weight lifting, HIIT, boot camp) that are my normal go-to stress relief. Yet I know deep down these high-intensity workouts are taking a toll on my body and are not conducive to a pain-free, healthy and functional body in the future. The message I received in February and continue to receive (Remember) is that less is more in regards to high-intensity exercise. My tendency is the opposite and my goal is to slowly work my way toward a more balanced fitness routine incorporating more yoga and mobility training while slowly eliminating high-intensity exercises.
What yoga does is force you to feel and listen to your body. It is very mentally and physically challenging in it’s own right. I attribute my new hyper-sensitivity to my body to all the yoga I have been doing. My HS and inner Knowing is saying, “More yoga please.” It is leading me toward certification but my Ego has a lot of fear regarding this path despite knowing it will lead to a much more balanced, healthy and happy life.
In February, I was excited about yoga and accepted the path toward certification without hesitation. Since then the Ego has worked hard to diverge from that path. Yet the messages still get through. For example, this week alone I had several messages all pointing to the certification path. There is a certification workshop in Atlanta, GA in September I figured I could go to and then visit my friends in TN. But it kept being put off and was all but forgotten until this week. Out of the blue a reminder came to mind. “Don’t forget,” it said. All kinds of reasons and excuses came to mind. So no decision was made.
A week passed.
Then, when running a 5K race, I met a guy who just kept talking to me and being friendly. He looked like a young Ewan McGregor. Really. lol Anyway, he talked to me before the race and then again at the end of the race. Turns out he won the 5K. 1st place. After some talking I discovered he was visiting Austin from Nashville. I thought it odd but ignored the “coincidence”.
Later in the day I went for a walk and parked right across the street from my house was a car with Georgia plates. It is still parked there. lol
All the while my SIL and BIL were visiting family in Dalton and Atlanta, GA and sending us photos of their road trip.
Eventually I was like, “Okay, what gives?” lol
Since then my guidance continues to nudge me toward attending the workshop, but I keep contacting an (illogical) fear of this path. So, we compromised by purchasing a yoga video package that will prep me for the workshop should I opt to go. I have until July to decide.
In the meanwhile, I opted to do the first video in the package I bought. It was a grounding flow that lasted over an hour. When I finished I felt….different. It is hard to say how really but my body felt lighter and more limber. My energy was light but grounded. It felt really good.
Finally, I want to share a vision that continues to visit me in regards to this whole yoga path. It is really more of a feeling and sense than a visual, but I do get visual flashes here and there. The feeling is flowing and calm, without stress or anxiety. I feel centered and solid in this body and life. Purpose is present as well. Work isn’t “work” anymore. It is enjoyable and part of my daily, healthy regime that balances mind, body and Spirit. The visuals are mostly colors – muted blue, indigo and pink like stained glass. There is also a sense of belonging and a group of friends who are like family.
Of course, the Ego can’t accept any of this vision as a possibility. Stress and worry are her reality. Take that away and replace it with ease and acceptance and it scares her. She is left grappling for anything familiar to hold onto. So we ease into change, show her that it isn’t scary and IS possible.
This morning I transitioned from the dreamstate into the in-between. A tunnel appeared before me and within it a vision of a beautiful mountain lake. Everything had a purple/pink cast to it. The lake itself was indigo with purple and pink highlights. The sky mirrored this. The mountains were not towering high like the Rockies but subtler with varying shades of greenery. It was a peaceful, beautiful scene. I felt myself pulled into this window but my awareness peaked and so I did not go OOB.
Before I was pulled into full, waking consciousness, I found myself standing on the shore of this lake with a humanoid Being who felt very masculine to me. He towered above me, though, a good two or more feet. His form was very human-like, with broad shoulders, two arms, two legs, hands, feet and a head, but his arms were much longer than a human’s would be in proportion to his body and his head had no hair and appeared more rounded.
We stood and talked for a while. I took his hand and told him I wanted to go Home, that I disliked this human disconnect and empty feeling. I longed for the connection of Home – the love and deep friendship and peace that came with it. He acknowledged me and explained that I was here to learn, which I know already, but his explanation was more accepted than previous ones I have gotten. I understand now why I am here with more depth than ever before. It is a feeling I feel in my core and it always arises when my purpose is explored or questioned.
This masculine presence explained to me that the human experience was unique and valuable, far beyond experiences in other realities and in other bodies. This came after I requested to change bodies, to get out of this human one. I seemed to remember the freedom innate in other forms and it contrasted greatly with the human form.
Timestreams were then discussed. It was explained that though we exist in multiple dimensions simultaneously, the human Timestream is separate from the other Timestreams (his wording not mine). I saw the Timestreams. They looked like colored waves of water or streamers floating or vibrating to their own rhythm and time. Most of the colors I saw resembled the lake vision in color – purple, blue, pink. This separateness is only present in our awareness here. When we extract ourselves from the human awareness we then can travel amidst all Timestreams and select ones we wish to experience at will.
Infinity was explored as well, or Remembered is a better word. As was perfection and the paradox of being perfect Beings attempting to perfect our reaction (experiences in) to the finite, which is impossible but achievable at the same time. It seemed as though our task/purpose as infinite Beings is to attempt to create perfection out of the imperfect. The feat seems insurmountable but within I found complete understanding and acceptance. It is not the end result that is important but the path we travel to get to an end that will never come. We are Builders and Creators but destruction is inherent in the process and all results are honored for their exquisiteness as if a dessert whose every bite is savored and relished.
I was then reminded of the vision I had yesterday. I saw the Earth going dark six times, one after the other. At the time I assumed the darkness was created by a great event like an eclipse. This morning, though, I realized it was likely much simpler than that. The darkness comes every night. What I was seeing was the passage of day into night six times. So the passing of six days. The lesson was that I need to take what I am shown at face value rather than looking for some deeper meaning.
The Experiencer and the Observer
A realization I’ve been having of late has been that I am experiencing this life now in two ways simultaneously. Life is viewed/experienced both as the Experiencer and the Observer. The Experiencer is familiar because that has been the viewpoint I have taken for the majority of this lifetime. Now, however, I am aware of the Observer as a constant. I am both Experiencer and Observer and recognize the purpose of both within this human experience.
The Observer viewpoint wants only to sit back and let the Experiencer experience life. She does not wish to interfere in the daily on-goings, actions and words, routines and challenges. Her job is similar to that of a scientist who is observing a closed experiment. She jots down observations, draws conclusions and makes hypotheses. Her viewpoint is objective.
The Experiencer is human and very reactive. She is suppose to react. Her job is to play her role and provide data to the Observer for improvement in the greater game. Her viewpoint is subjective.
Being able to view my life as both, simultaneously, is strange in a sense but perfectly normal at the same time. I have been doing this the entire time but was not aware of the Objective side except occasionally through glimpses here and there.
The Objective me has been with this body the whole time. I am aware of myself as this aspect. Fully. She is patient, focused, results-oriented and detailed. She makes adjustments to the experiement that then trickle down to the Experiencer as alterations in the path. Some are major, most are minor.
Currently, as the Experiencer, I am now able to identify the feelings and intuitions I have long had in this life as my “instructions” from the Observer. Before, the identification of these intuitions were lost on me resulting in mostly confusion and tantrums/resistance/impatience. For example, currently I feel as if in a void, and though I wish to take action I feel unmotivated toward any considered changes. There are often feelings of upset, irritation and impatience surfacing as a result. The Objective me understands the void feeling as an instruction to “take no new action” and “continue on course”. This Objective side learns a great deal from these periods and makes adjustments accordingly when learning plateaus.
As a result of this perception shift there is an increase of acceptance and balance within. I always thought the goal was to be the Observer but am learning this is only partially true. The Observer has its part to play as does the Experiencer. We are partners.
Lots to share so I hope you’re all ready for a long post…. 🙂
First off, this full moon has me in hyper-drive. I have gone from uninterrupted, deep sleep, to struggling to fall asleep, waking really early (3am!) and then being unable to return to sleep.
To top it all off, my joints are achy and stiff, specifically my knees and elbows. My stomach feels like it has a log in it and I have poison ivy and now more acne issues. But hey, the perpetual crick in my neck is gone so I’m not complaining. lol
Frustrated, I asked last night for some intel – Hey, what’s going on and why am I not in on it?
Ask and you shall receive….
Dream
The dream began with me in the car (life path) with my husband. He was driving (masculine/logic in control) and in the middle lane stopped at a light. He realized that he needed to turn right (feminine/intuitive perspective) so moved the car sideways toward the right lane to turn only he couldn’t move because we were stopped at the light. When the traffic began to move he got stuck because everyone drove around him. I told him, “Just keep going straight, we can turn right up the road.” He stalled and I said, “If you don’t want to drive, I can…” So he shifted gears and went straight. I said, “Look for a large jail, the turn is right after.” We did see a large building on the right but it was not a jail. Confused I said, “Just turn up there.” So he turned right at the intersection.
The dream shifted and I was getting out of the car and heading into a building where a gathering was to take place. I remember being self-conscious because I had a large scab (healing process) on my left (masculine) cheek (intimacy or commitment) that I kept picking at (interfering with healing). It was about the size of a peanut. I picked thinking the scab was ready to come off but it bled a ton and I had to put tissue on it to get it to stop.
I went inside knowing I had no makeup to cover it up. Thankfully it was low light inside, like a bar setting. Several others were seated at the bar (feeling barred from something) when I sat down and a “bartender” was behind the bar (I’m creating the barrier). My friend Aryn came and sat down on my left and began to chatter away happily, wanting to catch up. I said to her, “Not now. I look like crap.” She stopped talking and I moved my hair over the scab on my face to hide it. I looked around at the others – there were only four – and the lady behind the bar mentioned it was almost time to start. I said, “Then no one else is coming? Good! I prefer it that way.” One of the other ladies said, “I’m sure the others will be here shortly.”
I walked over to the side where the meeting would be held and a man with orange-red hair came out of a door. Seeing him stopped me in my tracks. For some reason he stood out like a beacon in the darkness. He said to all of us, “Everyone grab a card and have a seat in the circle.” I looked over and saw oversized tarot cards with gold embellishments flash like a movie in my mind. The cards seemed to have images of people on them, people from ancient times.
I turned back to the man and said, “Ian. I know you. We have met before, haven’t we?” He smiled and I saw how odd his red hair was. It was like someone had cut his hair in a mullet but the top, shorter portion, was bowl-shaped and the bottom portion fanned out underneath touching his shoulders. He smiled a friendly smile and said, “Yes. We’ve met before. About two years ago now.” I said, “It’s been a long time, then.” He nodded and I felt somewhat uncomfortable, like I should have seen more of him but hadn’t.
I looked in my purse and noticed I had left my phone (communication/connection) in the car so went back to fetch it while the group waited for the others to arrive. I also hoped to look in the car mirror to reassure myself that I didn’t look as bad as I thought.
Inside the car as I was retrieving my phone a woman with brown hair popped in and said hi, calling me by the wrong name. I said, “My name is Dayna.” She said hi again and as I was about to ask her name she left. I remember recognizing her but was not sure how I knew her and this confused my dream self.
As I walked back inside I saw the sky was painted in purple (devotion, love, kindness, compassion). The clouds were also purple and dotted the skyline. My breath was taken away by the beauty of it. Another person mentioned it was not a good sign, like a storm was coming. I said, “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
The visuals woke me up and I was still face down, my neck feeling a bit stiff from the position I was laying in. I felt the familiar buzzing vibrations and warmth of my guidance/partner and smiled, rolled over and attempted to return to sleep.
Visions
I was greeted with several visions or mini-dreams. In one I was walking along and looked down at a tiny, toy car – a red sports car. It brought me out of my reverie very quickly and I noted the vision. Seeing the car as so tiny and toy-like was a message about perspective.
In another vision I was inside what looked like an oversized birdcage (loss of freedom). My legs were scrunched up against my stomach and my arms wrapped around them. The bars were distinct and the meaning obvious. The message was that I was like a caged bird and I needed to free myself.
Mini-OBEs
Somehow I managed to return to sleep. In this particular ‘episode’ I was in a room with a couple who had a son. They looked Indian and were wearing Indian clothing, the woman especially beautiful in her flowing gown. I was inside a giant, clawfoot bathtub (self-renewal) and their son was standing outside of it talking to me. He wanted a cup of tea (life satisfaction/contentment). I had a kettle and poured him a cup of Chamomile (patience) tea but he wouldn’t take it. I set it down and said, “It’s Chamomile so it will make you sleepy…..You don’t want it? That’s okay. You don’t have to drink it. ” I set the cup down and realized the bathtub I was in was filled to the top with tea and I was bathing in it.
I smiled and the boy playfully began to push the bathtub to make it rock. It almost fell over but then stabilized. His parents had concerned looks but I reassured them we were just playing.
I watched the couple for a while. They looked so beautiful and connected in each other’s arms. I was a tad bit jealous, wanting what they had. That’s when I noticed I was completely naked inside the tub filled with tea. I stood up as I spoke to them and let them see my nakedness (accepting of myself, lack of shame).
The scene shifted and I was inside a home in the kitchen (transformation is about to take place) talking to someone. I don’t recall much of our conversation now but I remember him. He looked familiar but I’m not sure how or from where I knew him. He was tall, broad shouldered and had sandy blonde, thick hair. His face was a bit rugged looking like he had acne in his younger years. His voice was deep and familiar and reminded me of that of a good ol’ boy – typical Texas accent. Our interaction was friendly, like we knew each other well.
I went up to him to try and get his attention and he ignored me, busy doing something. I can’t recall what I was trying to talk to him about but his rebuttal was not mean and I playfully remarked that he was purposefully ignoring me. His eyes stayed focused on what he was doing. My memory only shows something mechanical but what, I cannot say.
At some point I recognized I was OOB and could explore, so I shifted out of my dream body and attempted to fly away. The free feeling was exhilarating! The response back was immediate and without words. It said, “You know better than that.” I was sucked right back into my body but bypassed the typical blackout and went directly back into the kitchen scene. I remember not caring and understanding that I needed to stay where I was, but that didn’t keep me from trying again.
This time, however, I did not attempt to take control of the “dream”/experience I was having. Instead I let myself stabilize in the scene and played along with it. The feeling here was that I “controlled” the playful side, pulling her “into” me and thus becoming both her and me at the same time.
I once again went up to my male friend. This time he was standing in the middle of the room looking away from me. I grabbed his arm and pulled him toward me into a hug. He seemed to be playing hard to get. It felt like we knew each other well and we were being playful. He continued to look away from me, pretending to ignore me. I was pressed up against him and said something indicating I wanted to dance (freedom, balance, harmony). He responded by stepping on my foot. I said, “So you’re going to step on my foot?” He said, “You know it.” We both laughed and then danced awkwardly for a bit, playing around, his foot continuing to get in the way of mine (my masculine side is slowing me down, getting in my way).
For some reason we stopped and stood there holding each other, face to face. I wasted no time. grabbed his mouth and kissed him. I could feel the sensation of his lips on mine as well as his arms wrapped around me and his body next to mine. It was so real and solid. Our kiss was like a half-French kiss, not full tongue but a little here and there. It was nice and familiar, like we had kissed a million times.
Sadly, the second kiss and the very physical sensations that went with it brought me out of the experience. Not long after I woke, I noticed a pain in my tailbone radiating through to my perineum. It was uncomfortable enough to keep me from returning to sleep.
Messages
As I lingered in bed the pain subsided. I suspect my root chakra had activated and some major blockage was clearing.
My partner/guide was close and I knew he was the man in my dream. I asked him why he looked different every time. I have asked this many times before. He said, “I have many faces, as do you.” I have gotten this answer every time but this time I understood what he meant because I have experienced it. We are One but the concept of Oneness is difficult for humans to understand. Human conceptualization of Oneness is a futile attempt at understanding something that cannot be understood from a position of separation. It takes Being it to understand it.
With this I told my partner how I would explain it to others. He complimented me on my ability to put into words something so few can. Of course, I can’t recall what I said now. lol I remember the visuals in my mind, though. I saw humans and how we try to put everything on a timeline, thus we see before and after; past, present and future. Events are all separate and occuring in an orderly fashion. In Spirit, none of this exists. Before/after – past, present, future – they are all NOW. The experience of NOW via human perception would seem very chaotic and jumbled; senseless.
Similarly, people we encounter after we drop these human bodies and corresponding identities are all NOW, too. Thus, your father who passed before you would be familiar as your father in your most recent incarnation but you would also know him as all his past, present and future personalities as well, which are endless. His face may look as it did initially but the more you leave behind Time, the more your perception would change until all you see in him is You. The difference in perception comes with attachment (emotional/karmic). As you release the human tendency toward attachment you embrace your Infinite Self, thus recognizing your Oneness with All that Is.
I laughed as I considered my personality in this lifetime as a “child” of mine, one that I dote upon. For the first time in this lifetime, after years of being referred to my “partner” in Spirit as a “child”, I understood what it meant.
As I write this I recall part of my conversation with the man in my OBE. He said to me, “Be good”, which I have heard from him countless times and never quite understood. In the experience with him I recognized what he meant was in reference to an aspect or part of my personality I consider “good”. It’s the part of me that seeks to please others and is compliant and pleasant. She is happy-go-lucky, go-with-the-flow, innocent but not naive. I recognized her response within me to his request and then she “partitioned off” and become a separate identity. Yet I was still her and felt to be her. So there I was standing and watching this part of me come out of me, standing in front of us smiling. She was me and I her but she also had her own identity, separate and independent but cooperative and understanding of our connection and Oneness.
Imagine that, just multiplied by infinity. Then meet one of yourself and say hi. That was the person on the street you greeted with a smile. That was the man who accidentally cut you off in traffic and who you rudely honked your horn at and cussed out. That is your mom who you love with all your heart but wish would leave you alone. That is your son. Your daughter. Your worst enemy. Your best friend.
Yep. All you.
I am reminded now of the vision of the tiny car. Cars = life path. They represent us as individuals. It being super tiny indicates that I am being asked to take a larger view of my path and life, to see just how tiny I am in comparison to it all. This perspective is needed now.
Critical Intersection Ahead
There was a message I forgot to mention. I remember hearing that a critical intersection was approaching and I was being prepared for it. Not everyone has reached this intersection. It was made clear that I am not to make those not yet at this juncture “wrong” for seemingly being “behind” because they are not behind but exactly where they should be. I understood but wanted to mention it nonetheless in case those of you reading who are also at this juncture, or perhaps way beyond it, find yourself falling victim to the “us vs. them” mentality. We are all equal in this race. There are no winners or losers. We all cross the finish line at different times but we are only victorious when the last runner crosses the finish line and not a moment before that.
Embodiment and Higher Self Confusion
It was also reiterated to me that I need to do my part and I said, “Of course. Anything. What do I do?” Though not directly stated, I was reminded of a visual representation I received not long ago about the Embodiment (soul transfer/soul exchange/walk-in) process. Then I heard the term, “Higher-Self Confusion”. I was shown how this is part of the process and that just because you have embodied your HS does not mean you somehow become flawless, perfect and without human Ego. It only means you are integrating aspects which have long been denied you in human form. Now, though, memory is returning. The HS Confusion comes in when you have recently undergone embodiment, experienced the transformative process and must integrate the experience. Your human consciousness is left confused.
HS Confusion occurs as we take the pieces of HS we embodied and mix it with our human self. I know I wonder each time, “Why am I seeming to ‘return’ to who/what I once was? Why can I not remain as I was during embodiment?” It feels like a let-down, like it was all a dream or fantasy as reality once again sets in. For me, I have experienced two MAJOR embodiment periods, the first lasted two weeks and the second three weeks (more actually).
This is where the “demonstration” comes in. I was shown how to show the embodiment process and told that if I do a video of this demonstration it will not only give you all an idea of what embodiment IS but also why it results in HS Confusion. What you will see is that as the HS comes into the human consciousness at first it is distinctly separate. You can see the individual stream against the backdrop of the human energy/consciousness. As time passes, however, the HS stream blends into the human consciousness stream and what is left is a brand new blended consciousness.
I have not even watched the video so I hope it is decent. lol Just no time to go back and refilm to make it “perfect”. I figure it says what it needs to say without lots of fluff.
I know I didn’t talk too much about my experience of embodiment so I will a little now. Like I say in the video, my embodiment experiences have lasted weeks. My first experience was two weeks and the most recent three weeks.
Each time I experience embodiment I have specific “symptoms”, the most prominent being that my crown is wide open. There is also a sense of being more than me; of being BIGGER than myself and Remembering SO SO MUCH. There is nothing but the present moment. Anything past or future is muddy, my mind seeming to forget the existence of both. I simply exist and enjoy my existence. It is magical and unforgettable. I am HOME.
Not everyone will experience embodiment like me. Some may have only hints of it lasting mere minutes while others may walk around like I did for much longer than I did. Some even say they exist in the embodied state all the time. I believe we will all be like that eventually, when we are “full up” and completely merged.
Anyway, if you got this far, hope you enjoyed the read and video. Please like and share both this post and the video if you have time/desire.
It is seldom that I feel like blogging these days. At first, it felt wrong, like I was letting all of you down by not posting my thoughts, insights and experiences. I have since realized that it is merely that I no longer feel I need external acceptance and validation. Where my morning routine once consisted of sometimes more than one hour of dedicating a part of myself – my energy – to blogging, now that time and energy is entirely dedicated to stabilizing and grounding my energy through a dedicated yoga practice.
I wanted to share with you all what nearly 8 weeks of daily yoga practice has taught me. Firstly, yoga forces you to feel your body and energy. It brings to the surface thoughts and mind chatter – similar to meditation. The main difference, however, is that yoga, through its various asanas, assists you in feeling the energy pathways of your body.
Previously I thought I was good at sensing my own energy and blockages. Well now I know that my awareness of my physical and energetic bodies was – is still – juvenile compared to the mature sense that it could – SHOULD – be.
I have just recently begun to notice during my daily practice the areas where energy is stuck or not moving. It reveals itself via a feeling of resistance. For example, I wrote in my yoga journal just today:
When I do JM (Joint Mobility) drills I notice certain energy flows that are resistant. It makes me feel tense and then with acknowledgment it releases. Sometimes I have several of these resistant flows throughout JM drills. Most of the resistance is around my hips.
Joint mobility drills are a precursor to my yoga practice, preparing my body for movement. They are simplistic but extremely important. The resistance reveals itself in many forms, the most common being a physical tenseness with a holding in of breath, but a short second would be that my thoughts muddle up or become clouded.
Inevitably, by the end of my 30 minute practice I feel grounded, clear, and exceptionally happy compared to before my practice. If I wake feeling anxious or grumpy, yoga completely shifts me out of that state and into present time. Thankfully, I have been waking up feeling optimistic and excited for the day for weeks now. It is rare that I wake up feeling negative these days.
I wanted to share with you a video that was shared on FB by one of my online friends this morning. It explains why I am experiencing the changes that I am and I hope it sways those of you who do not participate in a regular yoga practice to do so.
The Best Path is Your Own
Now I want to shift gears and share with you a lesson I am learning within my own family. Before I do so, however, I want to share how I was led to awareness of this lesson.
When I experienced my soul exchange I came into contact and then merged with my Higher Self, a part of me that has always been with me but has been unable to fully join me within this vessel/body for various reasons I will not go into now. This “Higher Self” is a compilation of all aspects of me – it is not one Being or Being-ness but a conglomeration of all Being-nesses from various vibrations and frequencies spanning all of Me that has been, will be and currently IS within this Time space. So with merging with ALL of Me I was shown my present life circumstance (relationships, locations, connections, lessons, etc) and its purpose within the bigger and much broader picture that is my existence and spans all of ME.
To grasp finally why I am where I am and experiencing what I am was in and of itself an awakening for various reasons. With this understanding came total acceptance and willingness to experience anything. “Good” and “Bad” mattered not. Where previously I was resistant because of my own wants/desires (Ego) I now am willing and open to completing what I started.
The main component of this acceptance came in understanding the purpose behind my marriage. Previously I had resisted my relationship to my husband, seeing only our differences and concluding that our paths had diverged. Since the exchange, however, I am resolute in my promise to fulfill the contract I have with my husband not only for my own growth and advancement but his. In fact now, his growth comes before my own, where previously my own would have superseded his.
When I read the article I was first reminded of something my “partner” (this is my Companion, my guidance, my HS) has been telling me ever since the exchange. When I inquire as to why I feel unable to share some things I hear, “DO NO HARM.” And this message comes through loud and clear in Ram Dass’ article.
But also this, “Another way of saying this is that those people that you are with, because of your karma, because of the nature of things, you start to work with their presence. They become your curriculum.”
I understood when reading this that I am being asked to participate in the lesson that is my life, my marriage and all that it entails. By rejecting it, by resisting it and making excuses as to why I need to disconnect from my life, I have been delaying not only my own progress, but his and my children’s.
This morning this message was further expounded upon via a text conversation with my husband. He has his own spiritual path, one that I have also traveled but I mostly dabble in, using aspects that I agree with and ignoring the rest. Our differences have long been a source of our disagreements and thus have been, unfortunately, the focus when they should not have been.
My husband recently had a setback on his path. This is a part of our text conversation this morning:
“The biggest win from this trip is knowing I have you in my corner when push comes to shove. It certainly gives me a New Perspective. I guess I kind of got knocked off my “high horse” a little bit! Sometimes one realizes maybe they aren’t the smartest one after all. Perhaps your alternative path is even better than my own.”
I replied, “The best path is your own.”
Our conversation triggered huge understanding on my part and all of what I wrote above came together, bringing Clarity.
One final thing I want to communicate. For those of you struggling right now (the energies have been off the charts intense), please know that all your work is not in vain. You are progressing. You will get there. The answers really do lie within. Look within for all you are seeking. Everything is within you. The process is not active. It is not a DO-ing. It is a BE-ing. Embrace everything you are – the Dark, the Light, the scary, the intoxicating. Fall into it. Surrender to it. The feeling will fool you into thinking it will destroy you. It won’t. It burns away the lies and deception and leaves only the Truth.
I couldn’t sleep last night for a sore throat and severely watery eyes. Even sucking on a cough drop didn’t help. It was 2am before I fell asleep and I woke at 6am. 😦
Dream: Double Dragon
In this dream I recall being outside in the country walking along and then looking up in the sky to see two dragons (fiery personality, highly spiritual, good fortune). They seemed to be one but then not one, like flying so close they were one. I kept myself hidden under bushes, trees and such as I made my way through the country. I recall seeing the dragons several times. I wanted to stay hidden from them just in case they might eat me.
I encountered a crystal clear stream (profound understanding, emotion) running very swiftly downhill. It didn’t run through rocks or earth, though, but through a culvert or canal that shimmered with gold (spiritual reward) and crystal (unity with Higher Self) leafing. It went underground and I stepped into the shallow water and walked against the current up toward a small waterfall (letting go) that flowed out of an unknown source. Though it was underground it was very light and open inside with windows looking up and out onto the road the stream ran under.
Feet wet I crawled up a wall. Still on the lookout for the dragon I saw them in the distance to my left. So I grabbed onto little outcroppings in the wall of a building and crawled through a window. The building now reminds me of a castle (recognition for accomplishments).
Inside it was pristine, like a very fancy hotel (shift in personality). The windows opened up onto a veranda upon which I found myself. I walked through the glass doors and into the suite. I knew I had stayed there before. It was for couples and I remembered being with a partner though who that was specifically I do not recall.
I realized right away that the place had been locked up for the season. Everything was set up for the future guests – little welcome chocolates with note cards, flowers and fluffed pillows. It was very beautiful and a place I would love to stay at.
For some reason I became suspicious about the place being closed. It was too early in the season and so I investigated and soon found a young man laying on a sofa. I was with a woman and we discussed how it could have come to be that the place was closed down. She suggested the heir mismanaged the money and we went through photos of people from long ago.
The man on the sofa stirred. We suspected he was the heir and when he woke we confronted him about a murder (putting an end to something), though at the time there was no evidence of one. As we mentioned “murder” though there was a knife (aggression, need to be decisive) in his hand and it was found that he had stabbed (sexual domination) himself in an attempt to make it look like he was attacked. I remember there was blood (disappointment) all over his chest and we discussed how he could have stabbed himself in the heart and not died.
Changes of Note
When I woke this morning the dragons in the dream were vivid in my memory and made me think of Chinese astrology. I am a Dragon, specifically a Fire Dragon. My husband is also a Dragon. Whether that is significant or not, I don’t know, but it was on my mind upon waking.
It was curious to me that the dragons in my dream appeared as one. To me that seems to indicate a union of two aspects, likely masculine and feminine. The hotel I visited was one I had been to before, in my astral memories, and I had been with my partner. It seems to fit with the two dragons and the other dream symbols suggest my dream is about success in regards to some aspect of union.
In a conversation with my husband last night he brought to my attention positive changes he has seen in me. At first I didn’t know what he was talking about but later agreed with him. Mostly, the changes in me are that I am lighter, less prone to fixating on the negative, and less resistant. I have lost interest in fighting with my husband over any subject. It is just not worth my time or energy. I choose to focus on the things that lift me up and make me feel positive. This is a conscious decision I make over and over, day after day. If I find myself angry, upset, or fixating on something, then I make a conscious choice to let it go however I need to so that I feel relief.
I have completely let go of certain things that were weighing me down. As a result my mind is quieter and I am much more at peace with my life. That which use to bring me grief and heartache (heartsickness) no longer evokes those feelings but instead leaves me feeling calm and accepting. I recognize that the source of the connection, the Divine love and friendship that once caused me to feel like an insane drug addict (lol), is ME. I am the calm, the peace, the love, the friendship, the joy that I am seeking. It just isn’t as I assumed it would be. I kept thinking it was something I had to rise to, to obtain somehow through hard work and struggle. Slowly I am finding that access is granted via allowing, acceptance, patience, and nurturing of Self. It comes with ease and grace…..and I am slowly beginning to understand how to unlock mySelf from within…if that even makes sense. lol
Ultimately it all comes down to choosing in every moment what I want to experience; making a conscious CHOICE to flow with my life rather than against it. It isn’t as hard as it looks. The only time I really struggle (somewhat) is when I come up against something that triggers me in a negative way. It can be absolutely excruciating to let that go and allow things to flow as they are meant to. Giving others….ALLOWING others to have something at what my Ego thinks is my expense is not only difficult but sometimes scary as hell! It’s the giving up of my control….but no it isn’t. That’s a lie. It is better said that I trust that all will work out for everyone involved no matter how much my Ego interprets the present situation as being a threat to it. This trust involves knowing that no matter the outcome I CAN handle it and will never be given anything I cannot bear.
Someone once tried to explain the above to me and I just didn’t get it. I do now I think. Words just don’t explain it, though. You can say, “Live from the heart” but really it doesn’t mean anything until you have taken your own personal route to the heart and find yourself in it and finally understanding.
After yesterday’s sudden memory of dreamtime work, I found myself struggling with massive heart chakra fluctuations. I would go from feeling normal to suddenly being very emotional. I busied myself baking Christmas cookies for most of the day to avoid it, but there was always a feeling that my attention was needed elsewhere. There came with it an urge to sit at the computer and write, but I was afraid of what would come out.
Night Brings Memory
I desperately wanted to sleep and wake to a new day, but it seems that was not meant to be. I tossed and turned for a good three hours before I finally slept. In that time I would often slip into the in-between; on the edge of sleep and wakefulness. It was like when I crossed that “line” there was a floodgate opened and all that transpired previously – my “other” work – would return.
The memories would wake me up with a start and I would ask they be removed and they would. Yet some remained, enough for me to feel the urgency behind them and the prompting from my Team to allow these memories to remain.
Thankfully, I fell asleep and do not recall much of my dreams. I do remember once again being a teacher of children, this time high school aged. I felt very calm and composed despite their misbehavior. It is like I transformed into a much wiser, more patient guide to them compared to my actual time teaching in the physical.
I awoke much too early for my liking – 5:30. I felt immediately the presence of my Team. One was close and persistent. I would fall into the in-between and it seemed like he would slip into my consciousness symbols and memories. One such symbols I saw looked like a large pecan. I thought, “pecan” and was corrected by him – “chromosome”. I recognized the similarity and almost laughed but then got upset because I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to get me to remember something and I was set against it.
Another memory came to me in a very detailed image of blueprints. They appeared to be blueprints for the building of some kind of machine. It was curious and I knew it belonged to a type of aircraft and that part of the blueprints included the platform on which it would land. I was curious but then again pushed it away as if yelling, “No!” Yet the memory remains solid in my mind even now.
As I tried to settle into my heart center I felt this assistant nearby. I received communication from him on behalf of my Team. “We want you to Remember. It is of the utmost importance”.
I do want to, but then I don’t. I am conflicted.
I received communication that I would Remember. I was told I would be “visited”. I am not sure what that means nor do I really care. I can request it be saved in my subconscious to be remembered later.
Prompting
Though I do not open the doors to the full communication, I can feel what it is They want me to do. They want me to fully accept what I Know and am Remembering. This includes sharing it with others. The reason I feel urged to write is to share what I am experiencing and Remembering. This is part of my mission here. It is meant to be more involved than I am allowing it to be.
I have a strong draw to connect with others like myself. At first I was just reading other blogs and websites and perusing Facebook. Now, though, I am feeling a strong urge to connect with certain groups and people – meaning send them emails or telephone them. I resist, though, because to connect with these group and people means I am accepting my experiences and knowingness fully. I am not sure I am there yet. Some of these groups and people are very “out there” in their beliefs and experiences. There are contactees, abductees, Starseeds, channelers, and others. I am drawn to them very strongly. I feel like I have to talk to them, but about what I have no idea.
Shifting into Alternate Dimensions
I wanted to add one more thing before I forget again. The reason I am struggling to fall asleep is that as I slip into the in-between I feel a strangeness come over me. It is an odd feeling that I cannot describe and it unsettles me. It reminds me of previous experiences I have had where I feel that pieces of me are leaving or returning. It scares me but really I should not be scared. When I feel this fear my Ego driven consciousness awakens and the feeling subsides. But it returns as soon as I near sleep.
I am told I am shifting into alternate dimensions. I cross over the veil or whatever it is that divides this world from the next. The feeling is my energy body moving out of my physical body but not in the way that is usual with an OBE. There are no vibrations like with OBE. It is subtler and hard for me to understand. It has to do with a new ability I have not fully awakened to (I am doing it but it has not fully integrated with this consciousness yet) and the crystalline body is involved.
When I shift is when the memories come flooding in. I feel different when this happens. Like I am me but I am not me. I suspect this feeling is my Companion taking the pilot seat and me stepping back. Except that I don’t step back. I freak out when the Knowingness and the strange feeling takes over.
I will say that the urges I am feeling to connect with others like myself and to speak up about what I am going through are getting stronger and stronger. I almost blurted out to my husband, “I am talking to aliens” but held back this morning because I was not ready to get into a long dialogue about it. But I suspect I will eventually blurt out something soon enough if this urgency, this prompting of such intensity, continues.
I know why I am so resistant. The urgency and the intensity of it scares me. I feel unable to control it and the things I Remember and experience. This creates fear and resistance from the Ego and is in the way. I am told I will “relinquish”. Probably. They are always right.
I have had a strange feeling this entire week. I do not know how to describe it other than to say I feel like something is coming, like on the verge.
I wanted to update you all on what I have been experiencing energetically and physically.
Almost constant third-eye activity, sometime intense
Heart chakra activity brought on at will with just a thought or intention
Second chakra activity – warm, buzzing, pleasant feeling
Strong connection with guide/HS, constant
HS connection accompanied by intense third-eye/heart/second chakra buzzing and warm energy that spreads from heart outward (wonderful)
Communication from HS integrating with everyday thoughts, as if streaming in continually and bringing a strong knowing unlike before
Energetic healing on all levels occurring day and night
Alignment between heart and mind on-going
Faint/dizzy feeling coming on without notice; tends to accompany a semi-trance state that I go into without recognizing I am
Tendency to hold my breath when receiving communication from Team (could be bringing on dizzy spells).
Overall I feel like my day and nights are merging; as if I am now living in a state that once I only experienced at night. In other words, I feel to be in the in-between, or very close, all the time. This sometimes leaves me feeling unreal or dream-like, but even this feeling is diminishing.
The constancy of the energy in my third-eye and heart is becoming a new norm for me. I have never experienced such strong sensations in either chakra all day every day like this ever. It comes with a feeling that this is how it is suppose to be, how we humans are meant to feel – energetically connected all.the.time.
I won’t say it is a blissful feeling, but it a comforting one. A constant reminder that I am not this body but a spiritual being and that I am not alone. I am never alone but joined with a larger part of myself at all times. In this I feel more whole and accepting of things. I experience being both the Experiencer and the observer at the same time.
My schedule is filling up. I am working part-time, launching a new business and taking care of my kids on my days off. I am also back to the gym four days a week for an hour at a time. Additionally, my oldest has started back to school and all you parents well know that’s as much work for me as it is her. Finally, my husband and I are remodeling our master bath, the final room of the remodeling process.
This increase in “things to do” is generally not welcomed. I don’t like having to wake up early and it is hard for me to keep my thoughts on the present as I am always thinking ahead to what I need to do next. My stress levels typically rise as does my anxiety. In turn, my sleep patterns change and so I often lose the connection to my guides via my dreams that I so thoroughly enjoy. Yet, I am finding that I am responding differently to all the change.
Despite all the things I have to do and places I need to be, I am quite calm in comparison to how I have been in the past. It has come to my attention in the last couple of days that the reason for this is that I am receiving inner guidance throughout the day. This, actually, is not out of the norm, we all receive such guidance. Rarely do we notice it as it comes via quiet suggestive thoughts and mental image pictures that are easily ignored. Typically I would also not notice it and mostly ignore the messages I receive; however, for some reason I am listening and heeding these messages. Mostly I have been doing this habitually without really noticing but just yesterday I suddenly became aware of it.
If This Were a Dream….
Yesterday, as I was winding down in one of my brief periods of time to myself, I recognized all at once that my vision was peculiar. After noticing my vision change I then thought how similar it was to be OOB. In fact, I got a very strange OOB feeling right then and there that had me thinking I was dreaming. In this brief time of noticing the messages seemed to flow in all at once; the floodgates opened as they have been doing for some time now.
In this particular period of time the message was a simple question: “If this were a dream, what wold you do?”
But of course, it IS a dream, but that was not the point. The point was to get me to remember that this life is a dream and to think of myself as the orchestrator of the dream.
At the time my thoughts had been on all the things I had to do in the future. I had been slowly redirecting myself back to present time but it was becoming a tiring and repetitive process since my thoughts were all over the place. I had to make a decision about my new business, one that I had been holding off on because of the amount of money involved and the potential for failure. With the question posed by my guide, this decision became very unimportant.
In a dream I would not worry about what was coming next. Instead, I would eagerly anticipate the new. There was not consideration about the past or the future, there was just the experience. I was reminded right then and there that it was the present experience that was the most important. What was I creating in that moment? If it was not what I wanted, then I needed to stop creating and create what I want.
And that is when my thoughts shifted to what I wanted and how this new business would get it for me. Instead of worrying, “What if?”, I focused on all I will have. The picture was clear in my mind and my mood elevated substantially. Then I was done and back in the moment, all worry about the upcoming decision gone. I knew the next move because I know what I want.
My Focus is Shifting
The biggest change of all is that my focus has shifted. I do not focus so much on when my next OBE will be, or when my next K surge or Team communication will be. My thoughts more and more are centered on my daily life and creation of what I want in it.
A significant shift has occurred at work. Last year I spent quite a bit of time distracted by spiritual topics and research. I had no interest in my job and even resented it. This year when my mind wanders to the spiritual it is like a curtain comes down and blocks those thoughts, immediately directing me to my work. This is good, I know that, but it is especially good because with this shift in focus comes a surge in creativity. For example, I spent most of my free time at work researching lessons and planning out a 14 week social skills group. The best part is, I enjoyed every minute of it.
Clean it Up
A final note and I will end this post. I have been given a vision many times now of seeing a room strewn with toys or other clutter. With it comes a strong urge to clean it up along with an irritation of having to do so. At first I thought this was just me irritated about having to constantly clean up after my children. But this morning, the vision came as an answer to why I have been having so many breaks in the spiritual process I am going through.
The message was clear that I am cleaning up the messes, tidying house, sweeping away the debris. All this is necessary and repetitive, similar to real life. Healing is a continual process of renewal. Entropy is the word for it and it follows everything that exists in the physical, even us.
Do not get caught in complacency for it breeds decline and you won’t notice it until you have sunk well into chaos.
I am having some physical manifestations of the integration process. I was about to call them “symptoms” but that word didn’t feel right. These are not symptoms as much as they are the results of the shifting of the cellular structure of the physical vessel.
In the last week I have had a resurgence of manifestation phenomena. This is what I have noted thus far:
Major skin changes to include: eczema, rashes/allergic reactions, and acne issues
Sleep disturbances
Odd dreams
Disconnect from guides/Team
Hot flashes
Emotional roller coaster
Lack of motivation
Lower back ache
Upper back tension
Extremely clear vision
Loss of appetite
Craving raw vegetables
Avoidance of social situations
Irritability
Feeling I have not slept despite 9+ hours of sleep
Congestion (have had this going on 3 weeks as have other family members)
Decrease in buzzing sensations in third eye and crown, though third eye will occasionally buzz
The most annoying of these is the sleep disturbances and skin issues. I do not feel rested in the morning and am now considering taking Benadryl again to try and correct this. The skin changes have come on suddenly and out of the blue. The eczema came first, followed by a nasty acne breakout. I visited the dermatologist who once again blamed it on stress. Then yesterday I got hives on my upper thighs and rear from an allergic reaction of some sort. It is still bothering me today and feels hot and stingy. Makes it difficult to sit! lol
The Connection is Not Lost
Despite feeling disconnected from my guides/Team, I was able to establish communication with my Companion briefly last night. It was only via my heart chakra that I was able to do this and the communication was more feeling than mental.
I recognized that I needed to do my part and had been slipping up. I was told I am being observed, which kind of made me feel like I am in the midst of a “test”. However, I felt the observations were crucial to the process to make sure that I was properly prepared for what was to come next. I kept thinking of the idiom, “Slow and steady wins the race”.
Be patient. Have persistence. Tune into the heart. Tune out the mind. Listen.
I once again tuned into my heart space this morning upon waking. I did this because I am so tired of waking up in a bad mood and I was reminded that I choose how I feel. I saw the mind chatter of the Ego instantly. It said, “I don’t want to wake up. I hate my life. Take me Home.” These thoughts set up my entire day and I was not having it! Tuning into my heart shut them down quickly and I felt instantly a shift in perspective. It was like I pulled out the hidden me and shifted her to the forefront.
I have been calm and pleasant ever since. I see clearly that I have been duped by the Ego once again.
I so easily forget the destruction the Ego can bring with her selfish demands, instant gratification and avoidance techniques. She makes me Forget and that is perhaps her worst trait.
Living Life in Between 