Tag Archives: kundalini

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Kundalini, The Shadow Self and Almandine

Happy Spring Equinox! It has been one hell of a week! The energy put me into a pretty sour mood, especially in the mornings. My sleep was awful and I had a tendency to focus on the negatives, especially relating to planet Earth. I am thankful for the energies that came in with the Equinox.

After about a week of sleep issues, I finally slept well last night. Turns out there was a solar flare most of yesterday and through the night. Along with good sleep I had Kundalini dreams all night long. Where one left off, another began. All the dreams involved a man I am familiar with as well as a guide.

Dream: Profess[or] Love[r]

The start of this dream is hazy but as lucidity increased, so does my memory.

What I recall most is that I was in correspondence with a man I recognized and know from this lifetime. Some time had passed between our last email/letter and this was my main concern as I had not intended it. I remember feeling as if I was on a college campus and knowing this man was a professor. I don’t know if he was my teacher or if it was just his job, or both. 

We talked a bit but there was distance between us that was too far to actually have a conversation. My feeling of this communication was that it was meant to represent communication over time and space – communication between our higher aspects. 

Then we were together in a room that felt, again, like it was located at a college or university. The space was dimly lit and colored with various brown tones. It felt like a study or an office but also similar to a small dorm room.

When we finally met up the feeling I had was of relief and reunion. I don’t remember if he spoke to me. I do recall that I had apologized for letting so much time pass and the delay it caused. When we got close our combined energy was intoxicating, rising and falling in waves of ecstasy, climbing higher and higher. The closer we got, the more intense our combined energy. My immediate reaction was to surrender completely to it.

Eventually my friend disengaged saying he had to be somewhere. We went our separate ways. He went one way and I went in the opposite direction. Eventually, though, we ended up back together, both of us unable to find our rooms. We stood in front of a room. The number near the entrance was #3 but the room was not the right room. As the dream began to fade out the last thing I remember was that he said to me that we must be in a different time (I think I remember the term “time warp”) so the room was not the one we remembered. 

As I woke the Kundalini energy was very strong. I am not sure how the intensity of it didn’t wake me during the dream! I lay in bed relishing it. It was intensely strong in my root and heart chakras but prior to it settling there it had circulated completely from root to crown. Sadly, I only barely recall the full cycling of the energy. I believe it was purposefully muted and for that I am grateful because when I have been fully conscious of it in the past the intensity of it has been scary.

A guide was close by. He asked me, “How do you feel?” I said, “I want to go back.” There was some discussion here. He reminded me to take it slowly and said, “We are helping you.” 

Dream: Little Fires Everywhere

Somehow I returned to sleep and entered into another dream. I was sitting on a sofa in my grandparent’s underground home. The TV was in front of me but I was not watching it because the man from my previous dream was sitting on my left about four feet away from me on the opposite end of the sofa. It felt like we just hanging out and watching TV. I was almost fully lucid but not enough to take control of the dream. I don’t think I would have taken control if I could have, though. 

I could see him quite clearly and knew who he was. We were talking, but sadly I have no clue about what. All I remember was that his energy was very difficult to resist. It was calling to me in a very seductive way. My guide was close by and I was talking to him in my mind about the energy and how difficult it was for me to endure as I sat there. 

What I recall here is the Kundalini rushing through me. It erupted violently from my root and shot all the way up to my crown. Then it would settled some only to repeat with even more intensity. With each wave I gripped the sofa so hard that had it been a real sofa I surely would have destroyed the arm rest. Interestingly, I never felt like I was going to die from the energy. I surrendered completely to it. I couldn’t help but surrender. It was compulsory and there was nothing – nothing at all – I could do but allow it. 

While the energy was taking me over I could hear and communicate with my friend telepathically. All I remember saying to him was, “I love you.” But something about this profession of love felt as compulsory as the energy itself. So, I questioned it. Do I love him? Is it my love I am feeling? Or is it memory of some other time and love? 

My friend just sat next to me seemingly completely at ease with our combined energy. I tried to stay there with him. I wanted to stay there, but I couldn’t, not without embracing him fully. For some reason I resisted the urge to go to him, though. My resistance resulted in much discomfort. 

Eventually I told him, “I can’t take it anymore. It’s just too much.” Not long after I said this my friend disappeared completely. 

I decided I would walk to my mom’s house. I went outside and walked up the road. I noticed there were small piles of burning brush dotting the land. I concluded that someone must be clearing the land, something we often have to do in the country. Part way up the road I encountered a mulching machine that was turned on. A large branch was stuck in it and the mulcher was making a horrid noise. Worried it would explode, I turned the machine off. The “off” switch was very vivid in my mind.

As I continued to walk up the road I was suddenly not alone. A man was walking with me on my right. I knew he was my guide. He was tall and had blonde hair. His energy was familiar. I remember we were discussing what was happening to me – the Kundalini, the man, the process. He was asking me what I thought of the man, of our energy and our path. I only remember saying that I wanted to experience more of the energy. It was all I wanted, actually. The internal Call I felt was strong. There was/is no doubt in my mind I am suppose to follow it.

The last thing I remember saying to my guide is, “There are little fires everywhere.” It was just an observation and had no emotion attached to it. My guide acknowledged my statement as if to say, “Yes, there are.”

The Shadow Self

I came out of the dream and entered the in-between where I could still feel the residual energy. My guide was close and I remember him reminding me that the process cannot be rushed. Through our conversation I was asked to inspect my fear response to the intense energy I experienced in the dream and also at other times. The resulting understanding was that it represented my Shadow, or a hidden aspect often associated with something not very good, or “bad”. When my energy combines with my friend’s it brings attention to the Shadow somehow and so my response is fear and I withdraw. More than likely the reality is that this Shadow aspect is not as imposing as it seems. It is just deeply hidden.

Then, very distinctly, I heard the word, “Almandine”. 

Then I was reminded that destruction was coming. Destruction of what? I am not sure but I have been warned of this before, last October. 

I woke repeating the word “Almandine” and not knowing what it meant. I thought at first it was a sauce for cooking but soon learned it is a crystal. Usually when I am given the name of a crystal it is a way to suggest I add it to my collection.

Considerations

My fear reaction to the intense energy of the Kundalini is familiar to me. Early on in my experiences with the Kundalini I responded with great fear. It presented itself slowly during dreamtime, always pursuing me, and each time I completely freaked out. When it would present itself I felt a compulsion to go to it, to surrender to it. I felt completely unable to control myself. This feeling of lack of control and the unknown it represented was what sent me running the other way. It felt horribly “evil” while at the same time the energy was intoxicatingly beautiful and pure. The contradiction was confusing. How can something be so beautiful yet so ugly at the same time? It was a paradox. 

Eventually, I surrendered in dreamtime. I gave up after being pursued for what seemed like forever. I realized I could not outrun the Kundalini and so let it devour me. It was magnificent in the end. The most amazing experience I have ever had in this body. 

Now, when I feel the Kundalini, my response is the same. After years of surrender it makes no sense. Why, after all this time, am I again afraid of the Kundalini? And why is this particular person the instigator? Is it karmic? Or is it something else? I feel fear, but it is irrational. It is the fear of death, of becoming nothing. Ah, yes, “destruction”, now that word makes sense. To be born anew, the old must die. 

Yet, didn’t I already experienced death from this process? How many times does one have to “die”, I wonder? lol

Dream Symbolism

In the first dream I am at a college/university which represents a life lesson or lessons. My friend is seen as a teacher or guide, so it could be that I see him this way or it could be that he is merely helping me with this life lesson. The search for the room is interesting and I am not sure what the “time warp” part means. Whatever the meaning, we end up parting ways only to come full circle to the same place. The feeling in the dream is that no matter what our individual paths, the destination is the same for us both.

The symbolism of the last dream is fitting. The underground house represents the subconscious or what is hidden. My grandparents actually do have a house that is under the ground and I spent much of you youth visiting there. It is also attached to my family’s land and my mother’s home. So, for me, being in the space indicates a sense of home, so also Home. It is comfortable and safe. Watching the TV is likely an indicator of becoming the observer.

The clearing of the land is the work of the Kundalini. It clears blockages; a cleansing fire. The little fires everywhere are areas that are being cleansed or have already been cleansed. They are contained and small, but they are burning. Fire = the Kundalini. 

The mulch machine is an interesting symbol. My best guess is that it is my attempt to turn off the process out of fear that I will explode or be destroyed. Still, though, the fires burn. 

Note: Prior to bed I had two syncs that forewarned me of what was to come during the night. First, I had done a voice search of a certain item for my food journal. I had said “Burger” but the word that appeared was nothing at all close to it. It was, instead, my dream friend’s name, clear as day. I paused, took a screen shot in case I was seeing things, and then edited my search to the correct word.

About an hour later I was watching a video and there was the name again. So clear. And next to it another name that was related. WTF? I took another screen shot, told my guides to knock it off and went to bed. LOL

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Dream Message: You’re Afraid to Eat

Sleep has been delayed these last couple of nights but when I do finally sleep I sleep well. I believe the energetic shifts I’ve been experiencing lately are related to geomagnetic activity. Solar activity has been high and my sleep cycle and “symptoms” coincide with these events. I was actually warned in advance of these solar flares, I just did not mention them until now.

Yesterday’s activity:

That’s a HUGE flare! Another storm is anticipated today.

This morning I had a very telling dream that has left me feeling contemplative.

Dream: You’re Afraid to Eat

This dream began in my bedroom at my mom’s house. I was sleeping with the bed facing toward the wall. There was a ton of noise to my left and the door burst open. Tiny, pink pieces of fluff were floating around and falling on me. I recognized them as insulation (insulating myself) from the attic. I told the person opening the door to go away. I said, “I want to sleep!” I was grumpy from being awakened. The man told me they were doing work on the a/c and that I would just have to deal with it. 

Somehow I knew that my mom was the cause of all the ruckus. She had remarried a Mexican man who now was fixing up her house. He had his guys there helping. An entire backstory came into my memory and I knew my new step-dad was related to someone I once dated. I said aloud to someone, “This is crazy! My mom is married to my ex-boyfriend’s older brother!” The idea of it was preposterous. Sure, my ex was older than me but I don’t recall him even having an older brother and if he did he would be much to young for my mom!

Then I was sitting on my bed sorting through a pile of typed pages. There were three piles each well over 200 pages. Someone was talking to me about the book I’d written, asking if it was complete. I remember saying, “The book writes itself so I won’t know when it’s done until it tells me.” 

Suddenly curious about my book, I put the book in order, taking the three individual stacks (three lives within a life) and piling them up on top of each other so that the first chapter was on top. Each section was bound up as if a separate book and I knew somehow that the entire book was composed of other books, like “Parts”, because the book itself was extremely long. I counted three parts. This seemed significant but I was mostly focused on putting them in order. Note: Up until this point in my life I feel I have lived two lives, each distinct and unique. This goes along with HD in that I’m a 6 line and 6’s have three distinct phases of life – the first is the testing phase, the second is the observing phase (on the roof) and the third is the action phase (becoming the Role Model).

I read the first sentence and immediately discovered grammatical errors. I knew a thorough edit was in store. The first sentence began with four names – two boys and two girls – and indicated an action. Other than that I can’t recall what it said. I do remember the names were wrong – misspelled and one written twice – and I was thinking of changing them when the edit just wrote itself on the paper. I didn’t have a pencil or pen so was shocked to see my thoughts created the changes. In awe, I exclaimed, “Look! Did you see that! I changed it”, to someone with me that I never saw or heard reply.

The dream shifted here and I was suddenly in my mom’s back yard standing on the steps leading down from the house. It was unfamiliar and looked nothing like real time. First, the porch was missing. Second, the back yard was in a subdivision and quite small with a large privacy fence. 

The entire yard was flooded with waist high water (emotion). I walked out in it, looking around and a bit in shock.  I did not get wet. To my right was where the large inground pool should’ve been, but all I saw was pond water. To my left was where I focused. The grass was visible under the water’s surface as were small, fat, bug-eyed, black goldfish (vulnerability, dream fulfillment). As I watched the fish, they took shape and moved about happily. It was strange and I remember talking to my mom who was standing behind me and asking her about the fish and water. 

I said to her, “You have a pond in your yard. It’s only waist high and there are fish in it.” Her response was something about how she knew and was okay with it, even happy to have it the way it was. She explained that her septic wasn’t working properly and her husband was in the process of fixing it.

I remember her asking me, “Didn’t you always want a pond by your house?” I said, “Yeah, but mine was not part of the pool like this. Isn’t it causing problems with the pool system?” My mom said, “No. It’s actually helping the pool.” This didn’t make sense but I accepted her answer. I then described how my pond would look, indicating a small peninsula of land would separate the two bodies of water and that the pond would be right over the septic drainage area. 

As I described this to her, my mom walked out next to me and we were both standing on that peninsula. This is when I noticed my mom’s hair was replaced with very tall, green clover (transition stage of life) with purple flowers (prosperity). I said, “What happened to your hair!?” She looked like a chia pet! I don’t recall what her answer was, just the visual of her having nothing but clover as hair. She was also much younger than she is in real life, approximately mid-forties instead of 70’s (seeing myself in my mom). 

I continued to look at the pond with the black fish. There were some fish in it that had sharp, knife-like nosed. These fish were trying, unsuccessfully, to eat the other ones (worry). I mentioned this to my mom and she said, “Yeah, there’s only two of them and they don’t harm the others, they’re too small.” I remember the fish resembled small ducks at this point but my attention waivered as if I went deep into thought.

The dream shifted and the pond was mostly dried up. I wandered over by the steps of the house. The grass was extremely green and there were items lined up on the sidewalk. A man called to me from the road, surprising me. He said, “Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you. I just need the skimmer.” I didn’t know what he was talking about but then realized he was there to repair the pool pump. I grabbed the skimmer and handed it to him. He was standing behind some tall bushes so I didn’t get a good look at him.

This is when I noticed a limo (power in life, wealth, abundance) parked on the road by the house. The middle section was opened up revealing the inside. I could see a man lounging inside all by himself. He was familiar. I knew him. He stared out of the vehicle at me. 

My mom was suddenly next to me and we were talking about the man. I told her his name and said he was famous. His fame came from writing a book. She didn’t recognize him so I showed her a newspaper or magazine cover with his picture on it. He was a bit younger sporting a mustache. I said, “Here’s a picture. I think he was 53 when it was taken.” For some reason this age felt very young to me. 

There is a gap here in my memory. It is again as if I went into thought. I remember seeing a small, black object vacuuming up the area where the pond had been and walking up to it to inspect it. I also recall a man approaching me. He was bald. He told me the man in the limo was waiting for me. I could see the image of the limo in my mind. The entire side of the limo was open as if the doors were removed. The man sat lounging casually on the bench-like seating staring at me. His gaze spoke volumes. 

I believe I woke briefly here but can’t remember. 

The next thing I recall is meeting with the bald man. We were going to dinner. He was very nice but I was confused and wondering what was going on. I had no memory of this man or how I got to be with him. It was like I had no history. I was completely blank. 

The man told me, “It’s okay. I won’t hurt you”, and escorted me to dinner. We entered into a large stadium and sat down at a large, round, dinner table. It was illuminated while the rest of the stadium was in the shadows. The set-up was very nice as if we were in a high-end restaurant. 

The man seemed very at ease as the food arrived. He began to eat but how he ate was very disturbing. He took entire pieces of food, uncut and some very large, and rather than put them into his mouth, he placed them into his throat. His throat opened up so large that his entire fist could fit inside. I watched him swallow an entire dinner roll this way. 

When he saw my reaction he said, “You’ll get use to it.” Then he ate something else. As I watched, I thought, “He must have a tracheotomy.” But that explanation made no sense.

The man smiled. I studied his features for a bit. He was completely bald with barely any wrinkles. He reminded me of Mr. Clean. I felt very odd sitting across from him – stunned and very confused.

The man said to me, “You’re afraid to eat.” When he said this I saw that a huge plate of food was next to me on a silver platter. 

I woke up. The last thing on my mind was, “Was that a question or….?”

A song was going through my head when I woke: “When you’re ready come and get it….” 

Considerations

When I woke I knew what the dream was about, at least some of it anyway. The symbolism is quite bizarre, though. 

A guide was present and felt to be all around me and very close. My mind went to the man in the dream who was waiting in the limo. I knew the man and knew that he remained close but just out of sight, waiting and observing. Touching on his energy even briefly caused a reaction in me. I wanted to immerse myself completely in it. 

The message about the food was an explanation about the way I felt and reacted to the man in the limo. The man represents the next step on my journey and I am afraid to take it. 

As I was thinking through the dream and messages it contained I heard another message. I don’t recall the exact words but an image remains along with a summary. One word that was very distinct was, “Twin”. The vision was of the word “twin” between two large masses. I think the masses represented the energy of two people. The message was that once one is engaged in the twin energy, the process must be followed through to completion. 

The message brought me fully out of my reverie and I said, “But that can’t be true. What if one person withdraws?” I didn’t receive an answer. 

Mr. Clean

The bald man in my dream was familiar but only when I wrote out my dream did I recognize him: Mr. Clean. He appeared in this dream – a Kundalini dream.

I had to re-read that dream account before I understood why he was appearing in my dreams again. The six month mark is here. It is March. And I’ve been getting 25 days for a while now. When I first got that message I counted 25 days and got the date of March 11. That date is fast approaching but I can’t be certain that it is even significant. All I know is that I’ve been warned of something happening in March for quite a while now.

The entire dream is quite significant I think. It describes the merging of masculine and feminine. It also describes a familiar feeling. The feeling is one of both utter destruction and Divine perfection.

In the Universal dream I saw pillars crashing in one upon other. Total destruction. The image brought about a deep-seated fear intermixed with a longing I cannot describe except to say that it feels to be all-encompassing. A desire beyond desires. Every cell of my Being calls out for it. But my current dream indicates I am afraid of it. This is true for the destruction is terrifying. At my core I know but continue to deny that this destruction is necessary. So I stall. And he waits. And he wants me to know, “I won’t harm you.” He says it twice in this dream.

What can I say? I’m a coward. And it is really starting to piss me off.

I suspect, in the end, I will succumb to the Call despite my fear. I’m getting too annoyed not to.

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Kundalini Dream: White Wolf

Intense dreams last night that had me waking frequently.

For the last few nights I have had dream amnesia where I feel an intense heart connection-type energy but it wakes me up and I can’t remember any details. It feels like I am being “visited”, though. These “visits” usually happen early on, like within the first hour or so of sleep. The memory of what I feel is so fleeting that I can barely contact it only minutes later and am left only with a Knowing that it was there.

I vaguely recall a dream meeting with a white wolf. The visual is of it’s face, very close to my own, staring me down. I feel to be pursued but come out of my reverie and the feeling fades.

Prior to sleep last night I felt the heart-connection feeling, that intense pull, briefly before bed. I remember thinking about a recent past situation and wondering what would have happened had a certain person pursued me rather than doing what I asked and withdrawing. I wondered if I had any control over it at all? I shuddered at the thought and felt I needed to be extra careful of Kundalini connections in the future. This consideration may have led to the below dream.

Kundalini Dream: White Wolf

I become aware of dreaming but was not quite lucid. I am in my bed laying down. All around me my family is searching – no hunting – for something. I think, “White Wolf” and remember the wolf was in my dream before, stalking me.

Suddenly, I am lucid. A man is at the foot of my bed kneeling. In front of him are many tarot cards spread out. I can see at least 10, four of which are on top. He is looking down at first but then looks up and stares directly at me. I seem to Know, or maybe am told, he is “a white wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

I am aware of my family in the distance. They are still in my room but my room seems to expand greatly in all directions so that each family member feels to be far away but still within earshot. The sense I have is that they are conducting a “search party”, as if trying to locate a missing person. Yet, I also have this feeling that they are hunting a white wolf and that he has been stalking me.

When I see the man, everything in the dream feels to freeze as we lock eyes. When our eyes lock I am stuck with this feeling that is hard to describe. It originates in my chest and feels warm. With it comes a compulsive feeling I cannot deny. I have felt it before and I just Know. I yell at the top of my lungs to my family in the distance, “Everyone OUT! NOW!!!!”

I am still frozen, eyes locked with this man’s. The tarot cards in front of him come into my mind’s eyes. Two cards specifically are placed in front. One has the image of a single sword on it. The sword is on fire but not consumed by it. The other card has the image of a spiral on it. I remember interpreting the cards aloud. I correctly identify the sword but I call the spiral, “Water”. The man corrects me and says, “No. It’s a wheel. The Wheel of Time.” I look at the card and the spiral on it comes out of the card and begins to spin. I say, “Oh yeah. It’s a wheel, the Wheel of Time.”

The familiar feeling lingers. I feel an attraction to this man but at the same time I am terrified. There is nothing I can do about the feeling and the compulsion to go to this man, to surrender completely, is extremely strong and growing in intensity. Part of this surrender says I will have to do things, things I would normally never do, and I Know this. I remember pushing away my fear and accepting my fate. However, I look away from the man’s gaze and then turn away in hopes the feeling will go away. It doesn’t.

As I stand there in shock, I sense the man moving around. I become aware of standing in my kitchen. The man is on the other side of the sink. I am struggling with the feeling. Part of me is fighting it but the pull is too intense, too compelling. It says, “Surrender”. All I want is to go to this man. Every cell in my Being is screaming at me to go to him, be with him. My analytical mind is not functioning at all. It is completely blank. Even if I wanted to consider the pro’s and con’s of following the feeling, I couldn’t.

Ultimately, I can’t resist the Call to go to this man. So, I walk up to the kitchen sink but avert my eyes, making sure not to make eye contact with him. I begin to clean dishes, occasionally glancing up at him. Every time I look at him his piercing stare causes my heart to pull and my entire Being lights up.

The man talks to me, warning me of a woman, his girlfriend or wife. I know what he is going to say before he finishes. This woman will talk to me. I need to listen to what is behind her words, feel her energy, and not pay attention to what she says. Her words will be hollow.

As I listen to him speak I realize he has an accent. English accent maybe? That is what it sounds like.

The dream ends with us locking eyes again. The Knowing is strong. I Know what I have to do.

As I wake up I am panicking and asking, “What do I do?” I hear back, “Listen.” I repeat my question and receive the same response. I Know that to “listen” means to follow that feeling of surrender, to not resist.

The feeling in my chest begins to subside and somehow I fall back to sleep.

Considerations and Analysis

I briefly recall seeing a vision of the snow melting. I saw this more than once and recognized it as a message of the timing of a future event. It will occur after “the snow has melted”. I believe the event to be what the dream was forewarning.

The feeing I had upon waking was trepidation. My mind was just blank and the feeling, the compulsion to surrender, was ever-present.

Once the feeling passed and my mind was functional again, I wondered, “Who was that man? What does the dream mean? What does a white wolf symbolize and why would he be in sheep’s clothing?”

White wolves are generally good symbols to have in a dream. They symbolize wisdom and independence, freedom and loyalty. When a lone wolf appears it can be a warning to be on the lookout for pretense. It asks one to be cautious and not give trust until it is earned. Wolf symbolism is quite diverse and so the meaning is often up to the individual’s specific situation.

Based upon the beginning of the dream, my entire family seems to be on the hunt for this “wolf”. I also know the wolf is white and is stalking me. Yet when I see the wolf I call off my family and listen to what he has to say. There is wisdom in his words and I feel drawn to him in ways I have rarely experienced in this lifetime.

The symbolism in the two tarot cards is most intriguing. The flaming sword is a familiar symbol from the Bible. Simply put, the flaming sword was placed in front of the Tree of Life to prevent Adam and Eve from partaking of its fruit. The sword is also symbolic of the cleansing fire of God; the Kundalini.

So He drove out the man; and He placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

Genesis 3:24, King James Version

A dream vision I had yesterday referred to the fruit eaten by Eve in the Garden of Eden – the “bitten apple”. This dream seemed to point back to that story in Genesis and the Knowledge gained by eating of that fruit. So, today’s dream and yesterday’s appear to be linked. I have no doubt the flaming sword refers to the cleansing power of God – the Kundalini.

The spiral on the second tarot card is a symbol I have seen often in dreams. I am not sure why I think it represents “water” but I am corrected and told it is “The Wheel of Time”. What is interesting is that the spiral symbol is also a Wiccan symbol, and so then also connects to yesterday’s post but to the dream in which I see a man learning about Wicca and entering a cave as a right of passage.

A Spiral is one of the ancient Goddess symbols, as a sign of Life. As such, it is also one of the primary Wicca symbols…..As the Wheel turns, you come around again, but not to the same point as before. You arrive at same place, but on a new level. Just as May 1900 and May 2000 are both spring, yet a different experience.

https://www.wicca-spirituality.com/goddess-symbols.html

At the end of the dream I am warned of a conversation I will have with a woman. I am asked to feel the woman’s energy rather than trust the words she speaks. I believe she is “the wolf in sheep’s clothing”.

There is so much more to this dream than I have time to delve into. The biblical references are many. I read several articles about Genesis this morning alone and still feel there is much more to what I was shown in my dream. Ultimately, the references point to passing through the gates of heaven, being allowed entry but only after experiencing the cleansing fire of God. Afterward, I will no longer be separate but One with God and be granted entrance to the Kingdom of Heaven.

It is hard to know whether an actual physical encounter will occur. Most definitely I am being prepared. Not only am I finding actual physical clues and messages, but my dreams are building one upon the other. At the very least I can assume a Kundalini event is on the horizon, but even then, nothing feels certain. I am left with that feeling coming from my heart. It is a physical, spiritual and emotional PULL. It is that familiar Call that only comes with the Kundalini.

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Kundalini Dream: Refrigerated Lockbox

Prior to bed last night, a familiar guide energy came to me. The same energy that has been front and center since around the 20th of January. He asked me, “Can I come in?” At first I was like, “No”, but I already felt the warm, tingly energy building in the center of my back and spreading outward as if hugging me from behind. Recognizing the energy was not threatening, I surrendered to it and said, “Okay.” The energy spread all over and I sank into the bliss of it. So wonderful!

Kundalini Dream: Refrigerated Lockbox

I only remember parts of this dream. There was a house located in the country, quite a distance away from other houses and people, down a long, dirt road. I remember talking to a man who reminded me of someone I knew from high school – my best friend’s older brother. He use to have a massive crush on me but he was quite strange and just not really my type. 

What I recall most is that the man went to this house, knocking on the door. I let him in. 

The house resembled something out of a scary movie. To look at it you would think it must be haunted. It was made of whitewashed wood, had a covered porch, and shutters on the windows. The moonlight illuminated it in such a way that all you would need is some spooky music and you would be worried to go inside. It wasn’t my house or his. It felt like a friend’s house maybe? Hard to say but it was okay for us to be there. I also recall feeling like children frequented the house. 

Inside the house looked normal. Nothing scary but it was still quite dark. The scene mostly centered around what would be for dinner that night. The man opened up the freezer, which looked like a plain, white, square box around the size of a mini-fridge. Inside was a locked, wire box that contained various sweets, mostly ice cream. The man wanted me to let him in to get out some ice cream. Apparently, only I could open the box. I was hesitant. I remember suggesting he make some green beans instead and went looking for a can and a pot to cook them in. I do recall opening the lockbox, though, and sifting through the ice cream bars with him. 

The next thing I remember is seeing the man sitting on a school bus. There were no others on the bus, just him staring at me from near the back of the bus. He looked so young and bright, as if a light were illuminating him from within. His brown hair fell around his face in ringlets, falling just below his jawline, his face was very pale making his dark eyes and eyebrows that much more distinct. I remember saying, “You look so young but I know you are very, very old.” 

For some reason, I remember seeing a vivid image of jar with a lid. The green beans maybe? IDK. I never saw what was inside. In fact, it looked like an empty, glass jar with a metal lid. The lid began to turn slowly, opening.

Then the scene shifted. I have no idea how I got from the house to the bus and from the bus to this new scene. It is like there is a black void in my memory, like I “flash” from one scene to the next.

I was in my bedroom. A man was standing in my doorway. I thought of him as my husband, but he did not look like my husband, but then I never saw his face. He was massive and very tall, towering above me so that when I looked at him my eyes were at his collarbone. I asked him about the situation that led him to me. I don’t remember my exact words but I knew he had been in bed with “my mom” and that it had become too difficult for him to stay in bed with her. She had gotten “too fat” and there wasn’t enough room for him. I remember seeing a visual of a twin-sized bed in a dark room, This man was on the very edge of the bed because “my mom” was sprawled out to the point that he had mere inches of bed space.

The man comes toward me, intent on getting into bed with me. I focus on his feet. He has on large, steel-toed, work boots. I still think of him as my “husband” and am happy that he has come to my bed. 

As he gets closer I begin to anticipate what is coming next. I say, “Sssh! We don’t want to wake her up!” 

The man is naked. What is odd, though, is that his genitals are on his backside, facing away from me and located just above his butt crack. They are upside down, his testicles facing up. He also has no pubic hair and so his “package” resembled an oversized dildo. 

I begin to pull down my pants and underwear but do not take them off. Instead, I pull them down to my shoes. I am also wearing boots. As he climbs into bed I feel a pulling deep within and realize I have not felt that sensation in ages.

The next thing I remember is feeling a pressure up against my pubic bone. In the dream I see a foot pressed up against it. At the same time I feel a long, narrow object pushed into my mouth and down my throat. I, of course, think it is the man’s penis and though it is awkward, I don’t resist it. It goes down my throat to the point that it would normally gag me, but it didn’t. I can feel an energy expanding in my root chakra. At the same time, an energy is forming in my throat.

The energy in my root chakras grows very large and I begin to anticipate the rising of the Kundalini. Sadly, this causes my lucidity to peak and I wake up. 

Conversation

I lay in bed feeling the expansive energy of my root chakra. It just sits there and is wide enough that I feel the edges of it to the middle of my thighs and my entire pubic region to include my spine is engulfed in energy. 

I try to relax and let the energy move up, but it doesn’t get very far. The guide’s energy is with me. I feel him in front of me and I know he is working on my energy body. 

The dream comes to mind and I realize that the symbolism of it is hiding the truth. I Know I gave this guide permission – invited him in. The house seems to be a hidden aspect, something shared by others. The lockbox in the dream that contained the ice cream is representative of that which I have locked others out of. I open it for him in the dream and afterward I see this guide on the bus (important life journey) and know he is much older than he appears. Then again, I see an opening, but this time it is a glass jar (feeling sealed up in life or stuck). The green beans symbolize good relations with others; friendship.

After that we are both in my private space and he has left the bed of my “mom”, who has become so “fat” that it forces him out. The feeling I get is that “mom” is a kind of authority figure and she has “rules” and sets boundaries. My guess is that her being “fat” indicates a kind of complacency in this aspect of me. She is set in her ways and has grown fat and lazy. She doesn’t want to do the “work” needed. The boots we are both wearing indicates that we are doing that “work”, though, and attempting not to “wake” my other aspect. 

The man’s genitals are on his backside and they look unrealistic. My guess is I am seeing some kind of tool being used and they are not genitalia at all. The pressure I feel subsequently is a result of the healing work being done on me by him and maybe Others. It is familiar. I have had many similar dreams in the past where I feel something going down my throat as something is pushed up into my root. Nothing went “up” into my root this time, though. There was just pressure.

I ask this guide who he is. I say, “Are you one of Them?” He replies, “Yes. We are The Many.” I accept this answer because I have been in communication with The Many in the past. They also go by many other names – The Protectors, Elohim, Anunnaki, The Watchers – to name a few. 

There is a conversation here but mostly without words. I have Knowing, mostly. It is just there, instantly. 

I recognize his energy. It has been with me, mostly observing, for a couple of years at least. I remember wondering if he is connected to someone I know, who I recently disconnected from. He replies, “No.” Then he says about that connection, “You know better.” I realize then that he was the guide who met me in an OBE a while ago (2018) and cautioned me about protecting my energy. I told him, “I didn’t know” in response to what happened. It felt like I was extremely vulnerable at the time I met this man and that my interactions with him interrupted something, a process, I was going through. I knew I was picking up where I left off, only maybe a step backward because previous work had to be repeated. 

This guide explains that the reason for his direct approach is because “the only way out is through.” No point in going around the issue/block. He was referring to my past connection who attempted to bypass the block, something this guide said arises from “inexperience.” Straight through with consistent “pressure” was how this guide described the correct approach. I was shown a visual of my energy body and I understood why there was a “probe” of energy inserted via my throat. It creates a kind of current, or suction, that encourages stagnant energy to move. 

As I lingered in the in-between, I could feel warm energy swirling in my root and second chakras. It created a physical ache right below my belly button that subsided after about an hour.

Later, I ask this guide for his name. Before I finish my question, I hear, “Peter.” I accept this and then laugh because I realize it is a joke as memory of the way I see him in the dream comes to mind (penis = Peter). He doesn’t laugh, but I see the connection and humor in it.

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Kundalini Dream: Have Dinner with Me

The vivid dreams continue……

Dream: Have Dinner with Me

The dream began outside in a stadium(firmness of purpose to finish what was started and achieve goals). I was walking along bleachers and saw this very small man. I went up to him and commented on his appearance, taking his hand into my own and saying, “You hands are proportional to your body.” He said, “I’m a dwarf (stunted growth, holding back emotion). I look young but I am 32.” I smiled and responded with, “Really? Wow. I’m 36.” My memory of the little man is vivid. He looked just like a miniature man. He had tanned skin, muscles and a few wrinkles. His face was etched with fine lines and he had fair hair. He was like a realistic doll, maybe about three feet tall.

There was a man with him who spoke to me at that time. Somehow he and I ended up in a different scene. The bleachers disappeared and we were walking into an event hall (likely indicative of “Kundalini events”, of which I’ve had many). The room was decorated in dark colors and we were dressed in formal attire. I remember saying to the man, “I come here all the time”. It felt like he and I met at this event hall, as if I had gone to these events many times but this was the first time he had attended.

The next thing I know I am in my mom’s bedroom (private self). The man is with me and we are laying on the bed together (my happy, relaxed place). Across from us is a walk-in closet (space to store or keep things hidden). Though I can’t recall what exactly was said, I remember talking to the man and him being very forward with me. What his energy said is more memorable to me than his words anyway. An amazingly erotic energy was coming from him and sparking in me a desire that was hard to ignore. I remember laughing quite a bit. I felt playful around him and began to try and get away from him. It felt like a game of tag almost with me moving away from him and him grabbing me and pulling me back to him. Each time his energy would envelope me and I would feel overcome with desire and longing.

Still laughing, I crawled into the walk-in closet (“closeting” myself or my emotions). The light was on and my face was at the level of the shoe rack. The man was behind me. I continued to laugh playfully as I inched my way into the closet, moving shoes (various approaches to life) out of my way. I grabbed a pair of dress boots (strength, victory) and put them on top of other shoes on the rack to my left (the feminine). I commented, “I have way too many shoes!” I could feel the man’s energy as he inched his way closer, still hovering over me. He grabbed onto my waistband and I laughed playfully as I stared at rows of shoes in the golden hued closet. The energy intensified and I began to lose my breath.

Suddenly the man stood up in the doorway of the closet. I turned around and looked at him. I don’t remember what he looked like, though, which is unfortunate. He said, “Have dinner with me.” I laughed and said, “Why don’t we just have sex and get it over with.” 

Dream: Hidden Apartment

I was in an apartment (emotional state) hallway (transition period). I was tending to the children who suddenly burst out a hallway exit and onto the streets. I went out to gather them up and complained to my husband for not keeping a better eye on them. 

When I came back inside I walked down the hallway. At the end was a door (barrier to growth, closed off). To the right was another door, a closet. An older man with a beer gut opened a door on the left and took me into the door at the end of the hallway. Inside was a very neglected space with an old sofa, a window and a dresser. I remember being surprised it was there and that it was only one very tiny room. I walked back out into the hall and turned back to look through the still open door. The man’s friends were inside the room and for a moment it reminded me of a scene from The Godfather. The air in the room was hazy with clouds of smoke.  I could see a group of men sitting on the yellow plaid sofa inside. They were smoking and drinking. One looked at me. It made me feel very uncomfortable. 

Still in the hallway, I looked where the closet on my right had been. Instead of a door I saw a shelf with various first aid supplies on it. 

The scene shifted and I was looking again at the room at the end of the hallway. I felt like a child and there were other children with me. Curious about the room, we went inside to explore. Again the room was in disarray but this time there was a door in the back. The old man who had previously shown me the room was there but he was grossly overweight. He was wearing white underwear with a white undershirt. The room was very dirty, like it hadn’t been cleaned in years. Items were strewn all over. The floors, furniture and walls had splatter marks all over them. 

One child with me needed to use the bathroom so I ventured through the door at the back of the room hoping to find a bathroom. There was a bathroom but it was nasty. Two toilets were on the back wall on either side of a sink. There was also a urinal. Everything with a drain was clogged, stuffed with toilet paper and filled to the rim with nasty water. I told the child, who looked like my youngest, to use the sink to pee because it was the least clogged and the toilets were unusable. When he peed in the sink it also overflowed and I had to pull my son away from the nasty water.  

The obese man then showed me another room even farther back. It was a bedroom that had been closed off for quite some time. It was not as nasty as the other parts of the apartment. I did not go in but could see a bed with white linens inside. 

Considerations

The first dream appears to be an invitation to continue with my clearing work via the Kundalini. As has been my tendency for the past year or so, I avoided the opportunity, choosing to instead “hide in a closet”. I knew immediately the closet was about closeting my emotion. I am trying to hide from something. What? I’m not sure but it likely involves high emotion. 

The shoes in the dream are all on the left side of the closet. The left represents the feminine. The shoes represent all the past roles I’ve played. The boots indicate success in regards to the feminine aspect.

The dwarf in the dream seems significant. I believe he is there to bring attention to my masculine aspect which is stunted and not able to grow into his full potential.

The second dream may be a sneak peak at what is holding me back. The hidden apartment indicates a part of myself that has been neglected. This wound is full of negative emotion that has become stuck and is clogging up my energy body. It may be a partial memory of aspects of a past life or lives, lives where the masculine is seen in a negative light. The connection to The Godfather could be indicative I view some part of my past as “bad” or “corrupt”. The morbidly obese man could represent the masculine energy; gluttony, over indulgence, lack of self-care. 

While the second dream may be pointing to my past lives, it could also just be there to remind me of the many negative beliefs I have about men from this lifetime. From this life experience I have become wary of men in general. I do not trust them. Their number one motivation is sex. They attend to their own needs first. They generally view females as a their servants. We are there to cook their meals, tend to their children, clean their house, wash their clothes, and provide them with sex on demand. So, to put it simply, men are scum.

Yeah, sad, but I can’t help how I feel. The older I get, the more convinced I am that my observations are accurate. Find me one man whose primary motivation is not sex. Just one. And I bet if I do find one he long ago lost the ability to get an erection.

So it’s no wonder that my response in my dream to the man’s invitation to dinner was what it was. Let’s just have sex and get it over with. In the end, isn’t that why he invited me to dinner in the first place? Why tiptoe around the obvious?

Featured image source – http://www.istockphoto.com

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Dream: Erupting Volcano and Lightning Tower

As the “great conjunction” approaches my need for sleep has increased but my ability to fall asleep has decreased. I suspect all the holiday activities are to blame. My company held its annual Christmas party yesterday and so I spent several hours around a large group. While there I could sense them all – their gratitude, their struggles, their worries, their hope – and felt a comradery I’ve not felt before. Most of our employees I know only in name and feelings their individual energies was revealing in more than one way. But the more people I am around, the more wired I tend to be afterward. Sometimes it can take hours for me wind down.

Despite my lack of sleep I am having higher instances of Kundalini activity and my dream recall is also increasing.

I can’t help but wonder if the great conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter is contributing to all this new activity. Years ago, after several OBEs, I woke with memory of the movie The Dark Crystal. Here is the post if you want to read about it.

The theme song of the movie was in my head along with memories of the prophecy the entire movie was based upon. I loved the movie as a child so the memories immediately took me back to that time in my life. Surprising, I recalled the prophecy word-for-word:

When single shines the triple sun,
What was sundered and undone
Shall be whole, the two made one,
By Gelfling hand, or else by none.

When I heard about the up and coming “great conjunction” I recalled the part of the movie where Aughra said, “The great conjunction is at hand!” In another part of the movies she describes what the conjunction means:

“The Great Conjunction is the end of the world…or the beginning. End, begin. All the same! Big change! Sometimes good, sometimes bad!“

I had the below dream two nights ago. You will see how this dream relates to the above conjunction message if you focus on the symbolism of the dream.

Dream: Erupting Volcano and Lightning Tower

I was in a field behind my Mom’s house with my MIL (aspect of self, the old crone, wisdom). She was asking me to follow her. I had with me a bowl of food (spiritual sustenance) and my phone (communication). I saw that sky was overcast. Huge, dark clouds were rolling in but the sun’s rays were breaking through in areas. It was beautiful so I took out my phone to take photos but the food I carried was making it difficult. I couldn’t take a picture with just one hand and stood there fumbling a while before I put down the food bowl.

My MIL was waving for me to follow so I left the beautiful sky and ran after her. She was way ahead and I had to catch up.

The terrain changed. Trees disappeared and a rugged, dessert-like landscape took its place. I found myself standing near boulders (obstacles) at the base of a steep mountain (difficult path). Above and in the distance I saw a wide, solid red column of fire in the sky. In awe, I stood looking at it, again fumbling with my phone to take a picture. I remember exclaiming, “It’s a volcano (Kundalini)!” What is odd is that the eruption was not in spurts, shooting upward. Instead the column of fire seemed to flow like a river into the sky without any interruption in flow.

I went closer to inspect the odd volcano only to discover a tower rising high into the sky. It was like the tower connected to the sky and if you climbed it you could reach God. As I looked up at the tower I could see bolts of lightning striking it (the Tower card in traditional tarot). The entire tower would light up. I saw then it was made of metal in a grid fashion like a phone tower. The metal conducted the energy and the entire tower glowed bluish-white.

I remember climbing still further. Eventually we reached our destination which resembled an abandoned resort (transition is over) in a tropical area. I could see above me the empty rooms.  Rain (strong emotion) was falling in sheets but it didn’t get me wet. I walked toward the edge of the resort. There was a road that ended in a vast ocean. I could see a small fawn (true friends, faithfulness) struggling in the water. I wanted to save it and began to reach for it, telling my MIL, “Look! It’s a baby deer!” I could see it clearly as it approached the shore but then it morphed into a baby (new beginnings) when it reached the shore. I think I held it but can’t remember. 

Interpretation

This dream feels like both a warning and a Kundalini dream. The volcano is unlike what I’ve seen in other dreams. While volcanic eruptions are common Kundalini symbols in my dreams, the volcanoes tend to send fire into the sky in spurts. Sometimes there is lightning accompanying the eruption. I have described some of my experiences with the K energy as “lightning bolts of energy”, so that is likely what the lightning symbolizes in this dream as well. I find it interesting that in this dream the volcanic eruption is sustained, flowing continuously from root (Earth) to crown (Heaven).

Image from the Osho Zen Tarot deck

The tower is symbolic of the Tower card in tarot. When this card comes up it is a warning of major changes, usually unexpected. The change destroys the old to make way for the new. It typically shakes up the world of the person and there is no avoiding it. This is where the quote from Aughra comes in. The Tower card represents big change – sometimes good, sometimes bad but always destruction of the old to make way for the new.

The abandoned resort indicates a period of transition is over. The road, or my path, ends in an ocean of emotion and there is even more emotion with the rain, but I never get wet, meaning the emotion doesn’t overwhelm me. I try to rescue the fawn from drowning, meaning I want to avoid losing what the fawn represents – true friendship and/or faithfulness in a relationship. When it morphs into a baby it indicates new beginnings.

To add to the above dream and symbolism, I woke with the song Paradise by Coldplay in my head. The specific part I heard was:

And so lying underneath those stormy skies
She’d say, “Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, I know the sun must set to rise.”

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The Kundalini: Questions

More crazy dreams. I have no clue why, for most of 2020, my dreams and recall have been so funky, but this year has been odd all around. It is like a wave of strange and mysterious poured into the Collective Consciousness and has been slowly replicating, like a virus (ha!). As each “cell” of the Collective Be-ing is overtaken by this force, the “new” replicates” and overtakes more “cells”. We are now infected with the “new” and, as each “cell” is changed, the entire system is “shocked”. Electric shock therapy comes to mind for some reason. Perhaps it has the same result as ECT, perhaps not. I think it has to do with the the individual and how ready they are to accept this change. If not ready, then what? I shudder to consider the possibilities of this.

But I digress…..my main reason for this post was to ponder my dreams and what was on my mind as I awoke.

Dream: Leaving the Movie Theater

I went to a movie (experience one is focused on) with my mom and early on decided to leave the theater. I went to a restaurant (seeking spiritual nourishment) and sat at a table with two men and a woman. What was odd is that I sat there telling them what to look for in a bad relationship. I specifically targeted one of the men who would say and do things to try and control his girlfriend. They were to be married and I was trying to help them avoid a difficult path. It was very obvious that the relationship was not a good one but no one there seemed to see that.

I left to return to the movie. I found my ticket stub and approached the ticket counter but my foot hit the low counter. I saw the ticket person was in a wheelchair (dependency on others). I apologized for kicking the counter, blaming my high heels (sexual expression). The woman took my ticket and I asked if the movie was still playing. She told me the movie playing was “Halloween” and not the one I had been watching with my mom. She motioned to the theater to her right so I went in that direction but found no entrance. So I stood and waited for my Mom to emerge, checking the time and being confused. It was during this time that my root chakra activated, buzzing extremely strongly and woke me up.

I fell back into the in-between where I had a conversation with my guidance. I remember specifically trying to manifest someone in the bed with me, imagining how it might feel to have a partner who was like me and who I could merge the physical and spiritual with. I wondered if it was possible? And if so, would I survive it? Was I even capable? I did get an answer – Yes. I fell asleep not long after.

Dream: To the Bank…um Grocery Store

Most of this dream occurred in the dark (the unknown, unseen). The first part I recall is discussing purchasing food. I was with a younger woman sitting at a computer (communication, information). She kept suggesting we visit this particular website I had never heard of, some kind of social media site. I finally asked her what age group generally visited the website. She said, “Twenty-somethings.” I said, “Well I’m 44 so that website isn’t for me.” Ultimately I ordered four items. I think it was fish or chicken, or both, but I can’t remember except that I saw a visual of meat.

Then I was talking to my son who was upset because no one noticed his new haircut (loss, defeat, lack of progress). I told him I would fix it and upon looking saw that he had a buzzcut but had long, shoulder-length hair hanging around the edges. I took scissors and trimmed it but he ended up looking like he had a bowl cut in the front. lol

Next, I was with my husband traveling in a car (life path) in the dark. I had four checks in my hands that were written to pay for the food I purchased. We arrived at the bank (resources) when it was still closed. They let us in and we waited in the lobby as the employees prepared to open. I remember browsing through essential oils and picked up one called “Pleasure”, put some on and decided to buy it. I remember sending my husband to buy the oil blend but then he left the bottle behind. I didn’t go get it since I has already put some oil on me.

When we finally paid for the food I remember noticing that three of the meats were white colored but the last was red like salmon. I was told the red meat was in fact Flamingo (maturity, security) meat. lol It was specifically for my husband.

As I was leaving the bank I came to the double glass doors where I saw a gentleman assisting an elderly woman with her grocery cart. I held the door for him as he was coming in and he looked me in the eyes and said, “Thank you.” The man walked back outside with me, though, and I said, “Oh, I didn’t know you were going out.” He smiled at me and said, “It is great to see you again.” I said, “Oh? I hardly ever come here.” He said, “Well, you come here more than she does (the woman he was helping).” The man was walking backwards as he said this so he could look me in the eyes. He was quite handsome with black hair and pale skin. His eyes were also dark and when he smiled I swear his Light chased away the darkness of the night.

Then our paths diverged but as I walked out in the parking lot looking for the car I kept running into him. I mentioned this and he would just laugh and remind me that he saw me often.

Eventually, I came to some parked cars but I couldn’t see anything. It was pitch black outside. I scooted between the front bumpers of two cars and ran into a dog (protection, guidance) on a leash (restraint). The dog jumped up on me and startled me. I looked down and saw a beautiful Golden Retriever (retrieve, gain control). It licked me and whined and I remember petting it.

At this moment a message was sent to me. It materialized in my mind. I heard a woman’s voice as I read the letter. It said that her four horses (wild, free nature, sexuality) had gotten out and she was worried because her two dogs were not with them. She said, “I know they could find their way home if the dogs were with them, but without the dogs I fear they will be lost.” I saw two beautiful Irish Setters and remember thinking, “Those are not herding dogs…” and thought they would likely kill the horses.

When I woke up a song verse was repeating in my head, but only part of it, “I hope you know, I hope you know….”

The Kundalini: Questions

After I woke, I remember talking with my guidance, asking them questions. I was thinking of all the times the K has risen. It seems that it is either while I am sleeping (this is most frequent) or it is initiated by another K-active person, masculine specifically. When I am asleep I encounter other worldly Beings – non-human entities as some call them – OR one of my guides initiates the K. Sometimes my guides and the non-human entities are one and the same.

I wanted to know, “Can I initiate the K on my own? Or do I need someone/something else to initiate it for me? Why was I told to ‘let him initiate’ when specifically in contact with K-active masculines (has only happened two times)? Is this because, as a woman, I am suppose to be passive? Will it always be that someone/something else has to initiate the K in me? Or can I do it myself?”

I was very much missing the K energy and attempted to get it to rise without success. I can get the energy to swirl and expand, but not from the root upward. When I focus, breathe and relax/surrender, the K will originate in my middle back and then expand in a circular fashion outward until it is bigger than my physical body. Then I can sit in this bliss for a while but it doesn’t go any further than that.

My experiences of being “initiated” are much different. The energy will move either from root to crown or from other areas down and up at the same time (usually my head/neck or heart). The energy is very electric and orgasmic, extremely intense and pleasurable, and when it reaches my crown I feel transported elsewhere where I become One with everything. When in this state of Oneness I sometimes sense another in my body with me, or at least that is what it feels like. It seems that there is another energy occupying the same space as me. The other energy has looked through my eyes but often it just sits there with me. I am not uncomfortable with it. Instead it feels natural, as if this other energy is part of me and always has been.

As I conversed with my guidance, the song kept going through my head, especially when I asked “Why?”

“I hope you know, I hope you know….this has nothing to do with you. It’s personal, I hope you know….”

So, maybe, my experiences with the K are unique; my own? Maybe I experience it as I do because it is what I need and how the K works for me? It is hard to know for sure without others’ experiences to compare it to.

What is interesting is that when I went online one of the first things I read was a post on FB by a K-active female friend. She described a K experience she had that was very similar to one of my own. It seemed not only to be a sync but also a response to my questioning – I am not alone nor are my experiences unlike other women’s, at least this friend’s experiences are similar.

I would like to hear from other females who are K-active. Do you find you have to be “initiated” for the K to rise? Or can you initiate it yourself while not in a dream or with a male energy around you?

The bliss episodes I experience are pleasant but the rising experiences are few and far between. I long to experience that Oneness more frequently. If I could be there all the time, I would. The erotic, pleasurable experiences are great, too, but I long to be One with All, to feel that expansiveness and everything that goes with it.

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Waiting for the Call

Since my Kundalini dream last week, not much else has happened. The K has been quiet and dreams have been strange if recalled but mostly forgotten. I have had some interesting messages from the Universe that have come in various ways all seeming to add up to one complete message that I am not completely open to hearing. 

First, I have been less resistant the last couple of days. In general the energy seemed to be lighter and I was more go-with-the-flow than I have been in a while. Sleep was generally very good and solid and the normal day-to-day problems I tend to focus on or mull over were just not worth my time.

Then, yesterday, on my morning walk, I was thinking of our ski trip to Montana the week after Christmas and going through a mental list of things we still need. One thing I realized was a must have was Chapstick. Lips tend to get very chapped when temperatures are below freezing all the time. I remember thinking, “I need to get some Chapstick.” With that thought I put my attention on the parking lot ahead of me and my dog, Monty. That is when I saw very clearly a tube of Chapstick laying directly in my path. When I inspected it I saw it was brand new, unopened and still sealed. It was even the kind I usually get for the kids – cherry flavored! I laughed and thanked the Universe for the gift.

The rest of the day was good. We put up our Christmas tree and then me, my husband and the boys went to a nearby hiking trail for an evening hike with the dog. The Fall colors were beautiful in the light of the setting sun! The air was brisk but not too cold and there weren’t too many people out and about. I took some great photos. I somehow caught a perfect image of my own shadow in one picture, which felt significant to me. It is as if my HS is saying, “Here I AM. Pay attention. Listen.” 

Toward the end, as I walked ahead of everyone, I heard two owls (wisdom, inner guidance) hooting to each other. I couldn’t find them in the trees but they were very chatty. 

As we drove home we came across a small group of deer (guidance, resilience, change) running through a parking lot (lack of movement in life). 

My husband and boys decided to go to a movie after we got home. I snuggled up in bed with my cup of tea and zoned out watching two episodes of The 100 before doing my nightly meditation. This is when all the messages I pushed away purposefully from the day came back in spurts. It felt like my guidance was tapping on my shoulder very gently asking me to please pay attention. Some of the messages that came through included: 

A thought that the things I nitpick and get irritated about in my day-to-day life are not important and that, someday, I will look back and regret how I behaved because it was not from a place of love. Memories of other times this has happened came into my mind and I remember knowing I should listen but my Not-Self came back with the thought –  it is pointless to change because I always fail when I try.

A sense that change is coming. There was a presence all around me that felt to be pressing upon me with a feeling of “get ready”. 

My mind went back to an email I received earlier that day. The title was, “Comfort zones are where dreams and goals go to die.” My thought to this was, “I like being wrapped up in my comfort zone, safe to the point of boredom. It is better than the alternative, the uncertainty and the unknown.” After this thought I thought, “I don’t even know what my dreams and goals are anymore.” Then, feeling and Knowing excuses were pointless in the face of my guidance/HS, I asked, “Fine. What should I change?” I knew it was almost everything. 

Then the song returned that had come to me before as a message – “It’s time to be a big girl now, and big girls don’t cry.” 

The messages were received but I purposefully pushed them out of my mind. In doing this I was asked why I might not want to hear. I knew there was more than one reason. First, I struggle to grab onto any hope that there might be something ahead to look forward to. If I hope and things don’t turn out how I hope they will, I feel sorely disappointed. Then there was the fear of stepping into the unknown. Always fear of the unknown.

Dreams

I had several interesting dreams. Sadly, only fragments remain. 

In one more vivid dream, I was flying over a vast, crystal clear lake. Alongside me was a drone. I could hear the buzzing of its little motor. The drone spoke to me, asking me to follow it. Below, a small boat came into view and I knew the operator of the drone was on that boat. I could see a man fishing from the boat. I was told to go to a large rock so I did. I landed on top and looked around. The lake seemed to stretch for miles all around, its water a vivid, aqua blue. I could see everything that was under the clear water. There were fish of all kinds. Many looked tropical while still others looked like fish from a coral reef. The water was very deep yet I could see the rocks of the bottom as if they were just a couple of feet below. Then I heard someone call to me. I turned to look and saw three young men on the mainland. They wanted to come to my tiny rock island. I told them to be careful because the distance between my island and the mainland was far. I saw one young man jump and feared he would fall but he landed with ease next to me. I am pretty sure he floated across. When he landed I saw he was a good two feet taller than me. He asked me about the fishing and I told him about how the fish seemed like those from an aquarium and a coral reef. I didn’t think they would be good to catch and eat.

In another dream I was in a house with a small group. One was a medium and there was discussion about my gifts as a medium. I remember telling those in the group that I was not very good at what I did, at least not good enough to make a living doing it. I gave many reasons why I could not and would not try again. Throughout this I watched this man who was a trance medium. He had with him an older woman with red hair. There was much talk about this man was at what he did. I watched him do his work and saw how good he was. I felt completely unable to be anything like him. I was told my way was not his way, my gifts were not his. I remember receiving encouragement and support but I would not believe. My self-doubt was strong. At some point I remember a male voice very clearly say to me, “Don’t be afraid.” As I heard this a very strong energy came in and filled my entire head and began to migrate down. I could feel and hear the vibration of this energy. It was very familiar and though I was not afraid, I did startle awake instantly. 

Considerations

I am not sure why I didn’t realize I was OOB in the first dream. It was obvious to me when I awoke, though. The dream imagery was very vivid as was the feeling of my astral body and the clarity of my perception. It felt to me like I had entered an astral landscape. It was a place where flying was normal yet I did not realize this fully. The clear lake is symbolic of my inner world being cleared to make ready for making change in my waking reality. The fish represent choice and fishing represents making that choice. I “fish” for the next opportunity but am hesitant to make that choice. I am on an island which symbolizes feeling isolated, alone and trapped. The fact that the distance between the mainland and island appears far but really isn’t symbolizes that things are not as they seem. 

My sense of the second dream is that it represents a conversation between myself and my Team of guides. Recently I was asked if I would consider returning to previous “work”, work of a spiritual nature. The idea of trance mediumship came up as an option and I told my guidance I was not opposed to it because I feel I am capable, especially after experiencing several unintended instances of it. So the second dream appears to be a continuation of this conversation and the energy I felt toward the end was likely a practice attempt but I awoke and interrupted it. 

When combined, the messages and dreams indicate preparation for something up and coming, a change of some kind. The way I responded indicates my preparedness. While a part of me is ready, another is unwilling to take risks, afraid of and pessimistic about the future. As I contemplate all of this, I feel I am ready for change but don’t want to go it alone. The lack of support and direction is what holds me back. I just don’t have a solid Knowing or Call in any one direction. I am just waiting for the Call.

by

Irruption Imminent

Strange title for my post, but it will make sense soon enough. When I wrote the title I was thinking, “Eruption”, like a volcano, but an altogether different word resulted. A word I had to look up because I needed to know WHY I wrote it.

Definition – a breaking or bursting in; a violent incursion or invasion.

Well, isn’t that significant in and of itself? Think about it.

High Emotion

For me, personally, it is an emotionally intense time right now. I have been experiencing high emotion for a while (all of 2020 actually) but now the emotion appears to be pointing me toward taking action in my life. At first it was saying, “Here. Look at this.” It didn’t ask me to do anything. It just asked me to observe. Now it appears to be saying, “Now that you have observed, what are you going to do about it?”

I have already written a bit about the emotion I am experiencing. My family life has been the main source ALL YEAR. It is no joke now, though, as the issues are on my front door step and knocking. There is no ignoring that! It is one thing to have a sister near death because of a hidden Meth addiction and another to discover your own husband has revealed a secret just as destructive!

BTW my sister is healed and well except that there is evidence that she is using again. But we all kinda knew that would happen.

Then there is this damned election. I have my views and have shared some of my frustration. As a 6/2, Self-Projected Projector, I see and Know so much of the bigger picture, but if I don’t wait to be invited to share my wisdom then what I say either goes unheard or is met with much worse. I become an easy target when I share without being invited and after a lifetime of being shunned, attacked, and made invisible because I did not follow my authority and wait, I am not going to even attempt to say anymore about where this is all headed. I think the premonitions and insight I have already revealed tell the story well enough – well to those who wanted to hear anyway.

Then there are incidents like this:

Dream: Paralyzed Girl

I am in a house with two very strong-willed woman. There is a knock on the door. When the door is opened there is a small child laying on a cot at the door. She is tied to the cot and uses her tiny arms to wheel herself around. She has sores on her body and is very thin and malnourished. Her legs are shriveled and deformed. The girl asked the women if they would take a moment to talk with her about God. The women laugh hysterically at the girl, mock her and slam the door in her face. 

I feel for the girl and so open the door. I lean down and talk with her, asking her if she needs help getting home. The girl, who is struggling with her wheeled cot, is grateful and lets me assist her over some difficult terrain. 

When I get her over the rocky soil I see she has a much more difficult road ahead. The path goes through a canyon that is riddled with more jagged rocks, a stream and more treacherous terrain. I pick the girl and her cot up and carry her home.

When we get to the end of the canyon there is a large door. I know it is the place she calls home but that it is a convent full of nuns who do not treat her well. Yet it is the only place she knows to be home and it is her safe place. I trigger a latch that swings open a small gate to access the door. The girl then points back to the path and says, “My cot!” Realizing we dropped it along the way I go back to retrieve it but I walk along the ridge. Looking down I see the girl swimming through the stream like a fish. She finds her cot and then cannot move using the cot as the wheels catch on the rocks.

I go down to help and she is grateful. She seems to have more strength and is a bit older. Yet she is still pale and malnourished. When I see her I ask her, “Can I?….” My intent is to give her healing. Maybe if I give her some of my energy it will help her? When I hug her close to me, she is so tiny in my arms. I feel her energy and take it into my own, willing my energy to fill her with strength. When I do this I am overwhelmed with grief at the unfairness of it all. My heart aches. The energy of the girl feels to become the energy of all who have ever been in her shoes. It is too much for me to bear. I begin to sob and wake up. 

When I wake up the tears continue and my heart aches, literally. There is an energetic heat in my chest. It is familiar. I have felt to take on all of humanity’s past hurt before. I think it was the Fall of 2016 when I has incidences similar to this. One was with Native Americans and the other with Autistic children. This time it seemed to be unwanted, neglected children.

I had to sit up and walk around a bit because the grief was so intense. Thankfully, it subsided quickly. These incidents always leave me feeling so small and insignificant. I want to help but feel unable to. There is nothing worse than having a purpose “to help” but not being able to help in the capacity that is needed.

After a short while the emotion returned and I grieved some more. The grief felt to have no specific origin. It just poured out of me. I sat up in bed and allowed the purge to run its course. 

And then like this:

Dream: Lacing Sandals 

I somehow drifted back to sleep. I was in my mom’s garage. She was asking me to go to the store for her and pick up some groceries (spiritual nourishment). She handed me a list. As I got into her car a man was there. He was very tall. He got into the back seat, his legs taking up the entire space. I said, “Are you going?” He just looked at me. Taking this as a “yes”, I left. I said something about driving in the dark and how it would be okay.

When we arrived at the store I went about my shopping and the man went off on his own. I encountered some people while shopping. Most were men who would watch me and sometimes follow me and touch me. I remember one man grabbed my wrist suddenly as if to pull me toward him in a sexual way. I said something to him warning him to not touch me and he let go. It felt like all the men in the store were after me for sex and I began to feel uneasy.

Then I am with an older gentleman sitting in seats as if watching a show but there is no screen or TV. He is asking me questions and I am holding the soles of two sandals (my foundations). I pick up tubing and begin to lace the left sandal. I have extra tubing that I cut off and then tie a knot to finish the sandal. I hold it up and admire my work. Then I pick up the right shoe and begin to lace it as well.

The man is asking me what I think of a dating a man who plays football. I remember replying to him, “I don’t know. I have never dated a man who liked football. I guess it wouldn’t matter, though.” I notice that the tubing I am using to lace the left sandal is becoming very thin, almost to the point where it could break. I continue to lace it, though, and tie it in a knot like the other shoe. As I am lacing and talking an energy is moving through me and my second chakra becomes highly active. I remember thinking in the moment the energy began to rise that I wouldn’t mind a male partner to have sex with. lol 

The tubing of the right shoe I am holding begins to interest me as the energy circulates. I recognize that the dream is covering a deeper, subconscious interaction. I am receiving an energetic adjustment of some kind. The adjustment is to the right portion of the pranic flow (Pingala). 

Question: Should I Burn the Bridge?

And finally, there is the feeling of just being FED UP! I am in that space where everything that I have ever disagreed with or felt to be bullied into needs to GO! All the things my husband bullied me into, guilted me into, manipulated me into, etc., I am questioning now. I wake up with it on my mind. This morning I woke thinking about what I told myself in a dream the other night, “Start something meaningful and sustainable.” I keep thinking, “What does that look like for me? What is it?” I have no idea. 

I’m not angry. No. It is a different feeling. Shocked is a better word I think. I was shocked to learn my sister was a Meth addict, but this shock is at myself and something I have allowed into my life that is directly opposed to my core Being! WTF!? And now I am so enmeshed in it that to untangle myself could in itself be traumatic.

The feeling has me wanting to make decisions that could lead to the burning of one or more bridges. My main struggle is that making a decision to burn a bridge is so final. I need to make sure I am doing it for the right reasons. I need to make sure I understand the consequences.

My spontaneity might win out, though.

A good example of how I feel……

I have a pattern in my life I fought for a long while, until I stopped. I use to job hop. I would stay in a job until I got bored, usually 6 months to a year – and then quit. I would quit because I would get this feeling like an itch almost. It said, “Get out. Get out. Get out.” If I ignored it, I would end up feeling penned in, trapped, and resentful.

This pattern of job hopping was fine when I was single but when I got married and had children it became stressful because of all the responsibilities I had as a provider. So I decided to stick out a job that I wanted to leave. I did it for 10 years! I was elated that I could do it at first. But then it became very, very obvious why I felt the way I did. Slowly it revealed itself. The job was toxic. The people were toxic. I couldn’t sleep. I was depressed. Miserable. Every cell of my Being was screaming to get out.

So, I finally did, and then, lol, the next job I was at only 5 months and the next only 1 year. But guess what? Neither ever became toxic.

I know now that job-hopping was a result of following my authority. The only reason I stayed at that toxic place is because all the people I knew (Generators) were staying in jobs for years and years. Happy. Satisfied. My husband encouraged me to stay. So did my Mom (both Manifesting Generators). I thought, “Something must be wrong with me.”

No, nothing was or is wrong with me.

So that itch is back but it feels to be everywhere now. My job feels itchy. My marriage feels itchy. Some of my family feels itchy (not my children).

The show Stranger Things comes to mind and that big, black, monster – Mind Flayer/Shadow Monster – with tendrils likes snakes eating up the Light in its attempt to turn everything Upside Down.

Upside Down. That is what my life feels like. Question is, do I act on this itch or do I wait until I can act without creating a scene of mass destruction….or is mass destruction even avoidable?

by

Kundalini Dream: The Universal

Ladies and Gentleman we have lift off.

Not sure why that came to mind but I will go with it. 🙂

I wrote an entire post and was ready to publish when WP froze on me. When I attempted to recover the post all that remained were the first two lines (above). 😦 So here I go again.

After yesterday’s message to “speak my truth”, I had a memory come to me out of the blue while I was preparing my breakfast. I recalled an incident from August, 2014. Without going into detail, the result of the experience left me recognizing that a part of my life was not in line with my Truth. Though I took no major action at the time, a decision was made on a subconscious level. That decision was to rid my life of those things which were not in line with my Truth and replace them with things that did.

Prior to bed last night I was thinking of all the experiences I’ve had in the past six years and asking my guidance once again, “Why? Why did all these things happen?” It felt like it had all been for nothing.

Today, after this morning’s experience, I see that my question was answered. Everything that transpired after August, 2014, has been in line with that subconscious decision to rid myself of that which did not resonate with who I am. 

Kundalini Dream: The Universal

I with two others inside a small home that was very welcoming. Inside were two small rooms, one in the front and one in the back. Between the two was a small ramp. I knew the house was located in Alaska (the last frontier).

Within this dream occurred another dream. In it I was speaking to a man. He was very muscular, tall and completely bald. It seemed like we were getting to know one another. All I remember of our conversation is that he referred to me as “the Mother” and also as, “The Universal”. Note: Upon waking I recalled the man and thought of Mr. Clean, thus the featured image.

Then I was back in the tiny house observing myself as a young girl running into the back room via the ramp. 

When I arrived in the back room I was again my older self. I sat down at a picnic table (solidarity and harmony). The man sat next to me on my right. In front of us was a woman, though I can’t recall what she looked like. The back room felt like a screened in porch (feeling carefree) and there was a sense of a garden around us, though I never saw it.

The woman spoke to us about our connection but mostly I recall visuals at this time. I saw a large, 2D, circular image of the Earth. At the top was a spot or circle. At the bottom was another one. There was a line running from the top circle to the bottom. From the two sides were lines of energy coming toward the center.

I recognized the top circle as The Father and the bottom as The Mother. Together they were known as The Universal. When I saw the image I recalled the conversation I had with the man. I turned to him and said, “You called me The Mother and also The Universal!” 

The woman began to explain some other things but again, all I recall is a visual. I saw pillars falling in upon one another. The feeling was chaos and destruction. There was also a sense that the two – The Father and The Mother – were causing this chaos and destruction. For a moment it all seemed surreal, like watching a superhero movie play out. Our job was to save the world from utter destruction. If we did not work together we would destroy each other. 

Understanding the woman was indicating that the man and me were to come together, I said, “We have nothing in common, though!” I turned to the man as if asking for his opinion. He said, “We both like to work out….” A visual of a gym came to mind and I realized he was correct. I smiled and said, “And we both like to sing.” Something about knowing this made me hopeful.

And then I began to feel the man’s energy. It was magnetic and intoxicating, a very familiar feeling. 

At this moment in the dream the man scooted closer to me, putting his left arm around me and pulling me towards him. In that instant the visuals of the pillars falling came on vividly. They were all I could see. Complete devastation. Yet at the same time it was perfection. Organized destruction.

Alongside the visuals I felt the man’s energy coming in from my right, merging with my own. My entire midsection from my throat to my root came alive with energy. The energy in my heart was amazing. Oh how I’ve missed it! It was complete ecstasy.  

I started to cry and woke up. I immediately asked to return, but could not.

Messages

I went in and out of the in-between for a little while after. During this time I received two messages.

The first was, “6 months”. The feeling was this message related to an ending. I recalled a previous Knowing that in February/March something would change. 

The other message was, “You can start a new life, but not yet.”