Tag Archives: kundalini

by

Message: Morning Star

I am experiencing a slight uptick in dream recall and guide visits lately. Messages are more frequent and last night I experienced Kundalini energy in my dream.

Message: Strength, Change, Communication

A week ago now I received a message via FB. That morning I had been somewhat down and in need of reassurance. The first post I came across was one of those word finds where you write down the first three words you see. The words I found were “strength, change, communication”. At the time I thought nothing of it but later in the day the words seemed to be whispered to me over and over. I finally wrote them down. When I did, the word “bravery” came to mind also.

Dream and Message: Bliss….Bravery

In the dream, I was with an Indian man who was showing me how to market his successful product as my own but I don’t know why. His product looked like dynamite or fireworks – tubes of red paper rolled very tightly. I was told they were not fireworks or dynamite but rather fire starters. I watched as he put one in a fire, lit it and it slowly ignited, orange flames taking over. Understanding, I looked at a box of six, which was how they were sold, still thinking they looked like dynamite or fireworks.

When I woke I saw a vision of a food package, I think for a drink but am unsure. At the top was writing. It said, “Bliss”. Then at the bottom I read, “Bravery”. It felt like I was being asked to drink it but I woke up because the message was so unique and obvious.

Message: You Will be Called

I have been watching a show called Manifest. It is about a plane that goes missing for five years only to suddenly reappear. The people on board do not experience time passing as 5 years but only hours. Many experience psychic abilities where they receive visions of the future. They refer to the visions as “the callings”.

It occurred to me that “the callings” were similar to what I have felt in my lifetime. I haven’t had them often, though. I receive strong Knowing that sometimes bring me to tears but always feel “big” and include a sense of being compelled toward a certain action. I refer to these experiences as “being Called”.

I realized the show, like others I have watched, contained a message that I will be Called again. Not only that but I have been told by my guidance to expect it.

The show’s name also feels significant. Manifest. Yep.

Message: Morning Star

This morning I had a very long Kundalini dream. The energy was muted but memorable. In the dream I was with a dark haired, dark eyed and very familiar man. His eyes are what is most memorable but I spent a portion of the dream tying to memorize his features (unsuccessfully). He reminded me of the man I use to see off and on in Kundalini dreams from 2014-2016.

Only broken pieces of the story line remain. Mostly I remember the man asking me questions and me answering them. When I answered him we were transported to scenes which appeared to be representations of what I was telling him.

In one scene I was outside a house with a man. At first he stood beside me and then he seemed to lose his footing and fall. I held the man in my arms as he grew old, turned to bones and then dust, crumbling in my hands. The dark haired man had asked me about the man, something like, “What about….?. My answer was ,”I was told to [be with him]”.

Another question he asked me was, “Where did you come from?” Hearing his question, I was transported to outer space where I floated past planets and stars. Then I burst through a “crack” in space and found myself on the other side of it staring at a long, golden cluster of stars that sparkled and had bursts of purple and white colors throughout. I said to him, “I Remember now….I’m from the stars.”

The next thing I remember is holding this man’s hand and getting into a large bed with him. I lay close to him and felt immensely happy and content. It was pure bliss. My entire body was warm with energy, especially my heart. I remember wanting it to last forever. I am surprised I didn’t start crying.

Then we heard the man being called (felt like we were in his home and his bed and his family was calling him) and he got out of bed to leave. I reminded him that he had no pants on and he turned back toward the bed to retrieve his shorts. I watched him, trying still to memorize him, wanting to remember as much of him as possible. He was wearing a plaid, button down shirt. The shirt came down just enough to cover his rear.

I woke, my entire body still warm with energy, especially my heart. Asking to go back, I fell into the in-between where I stood facing a starry night sky. It was early dawn. I looked up at the moon and saw a small star above it. I heard, “Morning star”. I remember asking, “Isn’t that Venus?” and received confirmation.

Meaning of Morning Star

The morning star is the planet Venus (Aphrodite, Goddess of love). It can also be Sirius and less likely to be the planet Mercury. It is also a symbol of hope and is another name for Jesus, who “shows the way” (I think Wayshower).

  • Morning star, most commonly used as a name for the planet Venus when it appears in the east before sunrise
  • Morning star, a name for the star Sirius, which appears in the sky just before sunrise during the Dog Days
  • Morning star, a (less common) name for the planet Mercury when it appears in the east before sunrise
    Source Wikipedia

“The Morning Star’s appearance indicates the dawn of light that ends a dark night. As such, Jesus Christ as a savior, source of hope and happiness is identified as The Morning Star.” Source

Music Message

I woke up hearing this song:

by

Kundalini Dreams, Symbols and Music Message: I Know I’d Go Back to You

Before I get into this post, I wanted to update on my sister. The last I heard she was signed out of the hospital to go home and wait for her upcoming surgery. She has to inject herself with antibiotics daily using a port they put in her arm. The last time I chatted with her online she told me she had been feeling ill again, with a fever and had called for an ambulance. She did not end up going to the hospital that day but she said she thinks it will happen. However, there has been no news that she is back in the hospital.

The insurance change was approved and surgery is set for August 7th.

Kundalini Dreams

I don’t get many of these lately.

Woke around 4am from a dream. In the dream I was going out my front door headed out on my daily walk. A man approached me, startling me. He had on a helmet and was sitting on a bike. He smiled and asked me if me and my kids wanted to join him and his kids on a bike ride. When I saw him I recognized him. I believe I had seen him in a previous dream. My first thought was that if I let myself I would be drawn into his energy and it could culminate in a K connection. I experienced brief panic. Why was he at my front door? Why was he at my house? I woke up concerned and a bit panicked.

I don’t recall what the man looked like now except that he was middle aged and seemed somewhat fit, though not muscular. He was most definitely not overweight. In the dream the fact that he was at my house bothered me. I suspect this is symbolic of my spiritual openness to this man, whoever he is – guide or otherwise. I am allowing him near my Home (Soul).

When I woke from the dream a male guide was close by asking me questions and encouraging a discussion. He was asking me about the male physique and my considerations that it is not beautiful like the female body. I replied that some men are attractive to me, specifically those who take care of their bodies and keep in shape. I think the male form looks best with some muscle, though not big and bulky. I do not like male bodies that have fat in the stomach and thighs like a woman. The “man bod” is very unattractive to me and the pot belly/beer belly body actually grosses me out. A thin male body with little muscle is acceptable but not a turn on. 

Similarly, women who let their bodies go are also not attractive to me, though women who gain fat in the right places (hourglass) can maintain their good looks even at 30% or more body fat at times.

I’m not sure why we were discussing the attractiveness of bodies to me except that my guide was trying to get me to look past physical appearance. I recall him pointing out how much I work on my body – weight training and cardio to achieve a certain look. He suggested I stop for a while and see what happens. I said I feel better when I am active. He suggested yoga. I said it is boring. lol I do know if I stop working out as often that I will maintain my appearance because I’ve done it before many times. If I had to stop for whatever reason it would not upset me and I could easily stay in shape with less time spent on such endeavors. I prefer, however, to continue to reach for my goal which is to sculpt my body so that I have more muscle and less fat. I’m looking to maintain a youthful, strong and healthy body. I want to feel proud of how I look and I do.

K Dream: Decorating Cupcakes

After this brief discussion with my guide (lasted maybe ten minutes), I fell back to sleep. 

Then I am standing in a kitchen next to a man. The man is decorating cupcakes (to satisfy simple desires, love) and I am watching, fascinated with how good he is at it. The frosting on some cupcakes looked like cascading water. I commented on his artwork, complimenting him. He turned and asked me about my own cupcakes. Why didn’t I add more differing types of ingredients like chocolate or peanut butter cups? I replied that I preferred simple decorations and ingredients. Then I watched as he added a newly finished cupcake to a tall tower of cupcakes that were balanced one on top of the other. I told him to be careful because it was so tall and could topple. He wasn’t concerned and I heard a chuckle escape his lips. Overall, I seemed to amuse him.

I recall feeling a connection to this man. It was as if he was inviting me in to share in his energy. Briefly I connected with his energy and could feel my chakras tingle with the K energy. It moved through me reminding me of previous encounters and I could not help but fall into the feeling.

I turned away, looking down at my hands. In each hand I held a cupcake only they were blueberry muffins (change or situation that is beneficial), not cupcakes. They had no frosting but I knew they were no different than cupcakes, just intended for breakfast. It seemed the man was encouraging me to decorate my cupcakes/muffins, to create a masterpiece like the ones he created. 

The K energy continued to circulate and it woke me. Thankfully it was mild in comparison with other incidences but there was a strong magnetic pull from within me. Being the energy was quite calm I was able to feel into what my core was telling me and recognized once again that my entire purpose for being in this body, in this life, in this time period on Earth, was that feeling – or the result of the movement of that energy, Divine Union. All of my Being desires nothing more than to achieve that Union with Self and even more to have that while in this physical body and experience. It is embodiment, it is ascension, it is power and that power is Me. 

Music Message

As the energy moved through me a song was going through my head. Specifically the lyrics – “I know I’d go back to you.” 

The song seemed to mirror my feeling of longing, as if to say, “You know you want to”. At first I denied this and grew resistant but that didn’t last long. How can I ignore that Knowing? How can I deny what I feel? Do I really want a plain old muffin? Or do I want a full blown cupcake with lots of decadent frosting? lol

Astral Sight

I fell into the in-between while enjoying the K-bliss. My body felt so relaxed. I floated there in bliss. 

The next thing I recall is a sense of remote viewing of the bedroom and spaces beyond. I saw my room and some of the things in it in great detail. It was as if I had on special binoculars that allowed me to see through my closed eyelids and zoom in on objects. 

One would think I would become more lucid with such an experience but I seemed to just want to float in it rather than take over the experience. I could have flown off to explore, but I didn’t. I just allowed and looked around. Sometimes I would come back to my body but it was easy to send my vision out and away, as if accessing a portal or some window into the astral. 

Signs and Symbols

I’ve been trying to take notice of what the Universe is showing me. Focusing on my feelings and intuition whenever possible. This can be difficult with all that is going on right now in the world and with my family, but I persevere.

Broken Eggshells

I’ve seen bird eggshells here and there. Most of them are dove eggs but the other day I saw a turquoise one with brown spots. I even picked it up and inspected it, finding it pretty. Overall, I noticed the eggshells but didn’t think much. It is that time of year. The birds in Texas have babies all summer long.

Then a few days ago, while on a walk, I heard a noise just behind me, so close to my head that it made a significant amount of noise. What was that? I turned and there, mid-fall, was – yep, an eggshell. lol Mama bird decided to discard it right over my head.

So what does an eggshell mean? Well, eggs represent new life, rebirth and transformation. Being the egg is broken and I am only seeing the shell, perhaps it is a message that something has been born – something that has yet to be recognized. Since once almost dropped right on my head, well, I can’t help but think I am being asked to “pay attention”. lol

Dead Blue Jay

On a walk this week I came across a beautiful male Blue Jay, only he was dead. It looked as if he had just lay down on the side of the road and died. I tried to look closer but I had my dog Monty with me so I couldn’t get as close as I wanted. Monty wanted to eat him.

Blue Jay’s symbolize faithfulness, longevity and strength. If one encounters a dead one it symbolizes coming problems. The problem(s) most likely will come through someone you know and love, perhaps even a partner or a family member you are close to. In general, though, dead birds can be good omens symbolizing rebirth and new beginnings. So perhaps the Blue Jay is saying, “Hey, there are some issues coming up, but don’t worry, they are helping to pave the way to something new”?

Feathers Everywhere

I am also seeing feathers pretty much every day, sometimes more than once a day. They are in perfect shape and usually something about them draws my eye and attention. I typically have the urge to pick them up, but I never do. Why? They are just songbird feathers, nothing unique for this time of year. None has hit me in the head yet, either. lol

Feathers symbolize a strong celestial connection to the Heavenly realms, as well as love, truth, protection, new beginnings and rebirth. 

1111

Yes, I am seeing this number again as well. Not much to be said about this except that I am use to seeing it and it’s counterpart 111.

by

Dreams Indicate a Lesson Will Repeat Itself

Meant to post this over the weekend but was too busy. The following dreams were from Saturday morning, July 11th.

Dream: World History A

I was in a college setting. The color brown was prominent as if I was in an older building similar to very old universities. I was discussing my upcoming school schedule with a man. I remember being asked about returning after such a long break and reminded how I failed a class – World History A (first half of the full course). He indicated that in the end I had just failed to come to the class and did not even bother to withdraw. So he had to assign me a grade in the end.

I remember feeling a dislike for the course and not being excited to have to repeat it but I also had a hopeful, determined feeling about returning to school and finishing the last semester to obtain my second bachelors degree once and for all.

Looking at my schedule I had five classes but the only ones I recalled were World History B and Algebra. Algebra was the last class and World History B was the third one. The fourth class was an elective the school had assigned me because I had not selected one. I asked if I could retake World History A during 4th period and was told I needed to speak to the professor about it. I asked if he was “black” and described the professor I remembered. The man told me, “I don’t know.”

My memory of the World History A course indicated I did not like the professor’s teaching style. The class was asked to read The Hobbit  chapter-by-chapter together, analyzing the characters and then taking very long tests about the story. I recall my grades being poor and my final grade was 34%. There was anxiety about how my new grade would be determined. Would they average my first grade with my new grade? If so that would mean I would have to make a very good grade this time around.

The World History B class was with a new professor who had a teaching style much easier for me to adjust to. It focused on the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The World History A teacher had a style I struggled with. I could never figure it out which is why I did so poorly. I made a decision to study harder this time around and pass the course once and for all so I could graduate and move on.

I was taken to meet the World History A professor. He was in a room surrounded by many students and did not appear as I thought he would. Yes, he had darker toned skin but he was not “black”. He was also very laid back. He had many of students surrounding him and they were all very friendly, almost too much so, like they were intoxicated or high. Many of them touched me as they passed and looked at me like they were looking into my soul.

I asked if he would allow me to add his class. He reminded me the first day of school had just passed and I would miss out on that first day. I reassured him I could handle the missed work. He agreed to let me join the class.

My dream memory fades out here and I remember having a conversation with a guide. He shows me three uncooked hot dog wieners and points to the first one. I knew they represented men in my life (wiener = penis = masculine) and that he was saying the World History A class was representative of this first masculine energy somehow. I had failed the lesson pertaining to this masculine energy and so now was returning to give it another try.

Dream: Bosu Fruit

I left the school to meet up with my Mom and step-dad. I was walking outside near a large garden with my mom waiting for her husband. He pulled up in a van and asked if I could get him the hose. I walked to the garden and saw a large watering set-up with various size hoses. I selected one that was tossed to the side and offered it to him. He said it was too flimsy and pointed to a larger one. I recall looking closely at the system and marveling at how it worked. The garden was lush and tall flowers peaked over the fence nearby. I believe they were sunflowers.

Then we drove to a house and went inside. My mom and I went on the back patio. I noticed her hair was very curly and she commented that she over did it and had not intended it to be that way. I told it it looked nice and remembered how she use to get perms to make her hair that way in the 80’s.

Then I saw a short tree full of ripe fruits. There were some fruits on the ground, too. I began to select them, sorting through those that had imperfections from birds and small animals taking bites out of their ripe flesh. The fruits were small and fuzzy like peaches and quite red. I asked my Mom what they were called and she said, “Bosu fruit”. The name didn’t make sense to me and I kept asking her again and she would repeat “Bosu” but I would think Kumquat or peach.

Then we were eating a dish made from the fruit I had picked The dish had a red sauce that tasted like spaghetti sauce. I remember this confused me. It was a fruit, right? Why did it taste like tomatoes? When I looked in the sauce I could see the red fruit, some in whole pieces. I kept eating the dish. The taste is still very strong in my memory.

Bosu

When I woke I lingered in bed and songs and conversations floated through my mind as I drifted in and out of the in-between.

I remember wondering what “bosu” meant. I got a full sentence that I can’t remember now (of course) but it was something like, “It’s time to awaken and expand your consciousness, not contract into yourself.”

The name Bosu reminds me of the BOSU ball used in exercise. It is mostly used for increasing one’s proprioception – the body’s ability to sense location, movement and action without thinking about it. Proprioception is sometimes described as the “sixth sense”.

BOSU ball

It feels as if the fruit symbolism and name is meant to remind me to trust myself and use my intuition or sixth sense to guide me. 🙂

Considerations

I’m not sure what the history class dream signifies except that I am returning to a lesson I failed to learn. Being it is a history class that focuses on The Hobbit it could be about my journey to Self. The Hobbit is about a hermit who has to step outside of his comfort zone and venture into the unknown. So perhaps that is the lesson I need to learn still? The Lord of the Rings trilogy of the second class is also a symbol. Here it is indicative of the second half of this lesson. My guess is it is more about the world being disrupted by a great evil and the part I have to play in it alongside others who have similar missions. I am to learn both lessons in the same “semester”. The Algebra class is also part of this semester indicating that logic and reason are also a lesson somehow.

My take on the dream is that I am back-tracking. This makes me feel a bit disappointed. It seems I am always going back to lessons and it is tiring. No wonder I was so determined in the dream to “study hard” to pass the classes and graduate!

The bosu message is also interesting. It just felt that I was being asked to return to a more expanded consciousness; to expand rather than contract inward. The fruit itself initially looked like and felt like a Peach. Peaches symbolize love and relationships. The fruit itself was a deep shade of red, though, and ultimately tasted like a tomato, which is also a fruit. Tomatoes represent approaching good fortune, passionate and often concealed love, and fertility. Red in and of itself is the color of love and passion

Combined, the two dreams seem to indicate a return to a lesson involving the masculine energy (or a male individual). The fruit part indicates a concealed, passionate love connection as well. This lesson would be one that was not fully learned. As the teacher reminds me in the dream, I stopped attending class but never officially withdrew. Therefore, I avoided the lesson in the end, maybe because I felt I could not successfully complete it after failing so many tests. I may not have withdrawn completely because a part of me was still interested or believed I could pass the class. 

Much of the first dream involved my consideration about the teacher of World History A. I saw his skin as black and disliked his teaching style. The color black can symbolize the unknown but it can also represent a dark side or aspect of something. When I finally met him he was not black after all and his students were all intoxicated. To me this is symbolic of the Kundalini energy and points to my withdrawal from my previous lessons with the energy.

The Hobbit symbolism gives some insight into the lessons I was learning at least. Knowing me, the lesson asked me to expand beyond my comfort zone and I was not ready to. Instead I chose to stay in my “Hobbit hole”. lol This I can completely relate to. When given a choice to take a risk or stay safe, I tend to choose safety.

by

Kundalini Dream: Admit it, You Miss Me

Lots of intense shifting going on, at least in my world. My sister is still in the hospital and the doctor’s still refuse to perform surgery. They call it a “futility surgery”. The good news is the bacteria causing her sepsis is under control.

My BIL came by the house and had a long talk with my husband earlier in the week. He confessed to him that he had been a Meth user for 15 years and introduced it to my sister. He feels awful but at the same time he is in denial about many things. He referred to himself a “functional addict”. Ha!

Along with all the above stress and not-knowing, there have been family issues flaring up here and there that have long been in flux. I won’t go into detail about it but last night I couldn’t sleep because of the stress. 😦 My third-eye chakra kept activating as did other chakras. Their activation seemed to be related to the emotions that were coming up, which was interesting. I did my best to observe and allow the emotions to rise but there were so many that it seemed never-ending.

I think I fell asleep around 4am.

Dream: All B’s

I was walking across a college campus (learning lessons) early in the morning talking to someone. I told them I hadn’t gotten much sleep and couldn’t even recall what my new classes were because I forgot my schedule at home. I saw my previous grades in a visual – B B B B.

Then I saw someone was soaking wet (high emotion) and asked what happened. They pointed and I looked over just in time to see a person spraying people with water from a hose. They sprayed some on me and I got furious, turning around and calling them names. I got so angry I woke up.

Kundalini Dream: Admit it, You Miss Me

I was in a house. The light was low. I remember seeing a man who I recognized walking around the room. He seemed almost to be pacing in a circle. He was looking over at me and saying things like, “I know you miss me….Admit it…..You miss me.” 

My focus was in front of me. There was a refrigerator (emotional indifference, inhibited desire). The door was open and it was completely empty except for a box of vitamins (seeking to meet ones needs). I leaned down and picked it up and said, “Looks like she’s been taking these since 2003.” I was impressed for some reason. The box was green (healing) and seemed to glow.

The man responded to me by slowing his pace and staring at me. He said, “Admit it, you miss me.” (Odd I wrote You miss you). 

I finally answered him and said, “Okay. Fine. Yes, I miss you.” He smiled and turned toward me. I repeated myself, “I do miss you.” 

Then I remember literally crawling toward him on my hands and knees. My thought was, “I’m sorry”, so my crawling was likely a result of my regret. 

When I got to him he kissed me gently and I returned his kiss. We continued to kiss and I was thinking, “I missed you..I’m sorry.” The emotions that came up here were joy and relief at being back in touch with him.

I felt immense love and admiration for this man. I believe he was naked but can’t be sure. I also remember how his kiss felt. It was nice. Not too eager or hungry but gentle and loving. 

We ended up laying on the floor, him on top of me, making out. The more I allowed myself to enjoy it, the more the K energy began to ignite and grow. I felt a shot of bliss and pleasure hit my root chakra and begin to rise upward. I surrender to it, to him, but the intensity was so much that it woke me up.

Shocked, I woke up.

The energy did not dissipate immediately so I lay in bed relishing it for a bit. I struggled to return to sleep after. I probably got a total of 2 hours sleep. 😦 

Considerations

The first dream reminds me of an OBE I had long ago. In the dream I was upset because a young man was setting fire to all the trees. I frantically ran after him with a hose trying to put out the flames but was unable to.

The hose in the dream seems to indicate that I have been successful at putting out the fire caused by the Kundalini. My reaction to getting wet is anger, though, so maybe I am changing my mind?

The second dream seems to indicate that I am looking to meet my needs in life. The resulting Kundalini indicates that those needs may be met via the K-energy.

by

Dream Message: Stimulation to Awareness

Things are starting to get a little more interesting. I am guessing the upcoming partial eclipse on the 21st, the summer solstice and some astrological placements are part of this. Or it could just be that I am ready for a change since I’ve been asking for assistance. Whatever the reason, the energy is vamping up.

In a recent review of the last six months of journal entries and blog posts, I saw very clearly that I made a decision to take a break, not only from spiritual experiences but from the Kundalini and the awareness it brings (among other things). The reason for this decision was fear-based. I am a firm believer that we alone are the cause of what we experience in this physical reality – good or bad. So I went looking for the “why?” for my “suffering” knowing I alone was the cause, no one else. Sure enough I saw plain as day my retreat and subsequent shutdown which in turn left me with nothing more than physical reality as my teacher. And oh the lessons have been hard….and annoying. lol

As soon as I realized what I had done I attempted to undo it. I have been asking my guidance to help me return to the path I abandoned out of fear. I have been asking for the Kundalini to return as my teacher. I have been asking for my heart to open; for acceptance, forgiveness and surrender.

Slowly but surely my requests are being answered.

Dream: Stimulation to Awareness

The dream begins inside an old farmhouse. There is a knock at the door and I am rushing about to get a package for the person at my door. I open the door and hand them the package and they inquire about another item – a t-shirt (relax). I know where it is and retrieve it, handing a white t-shirt to the young girl it is meant for. She takes it and the scene shifts.

I am inside a classroom in the uppermost floor of the farmhouse with a group of people who feel like teachers. I see a white board and a man is standing by it pointing to what looks like a math problem but is a game that reminds me of hangman. The math part looks like long division but the answer is written in letters. The others there are guessing those letters. The first letter is an M. I knew immediately that the other letter was T and that they were trying to determine the “state” and that state was Montana (spiritual journey).

Someone asks me to ensure that people who are coming to the party can find us because we are all on the third floor. I see how many doors have to be opened and how many turns they will need to make. Without someone to guide them they will need signs. My job is to post the signs so I head down and begin to put up signs on the walls. I recall that one floor, the lowest floor, was very cluttered and there was a young girl’s bike stored there. It was my daughter’s old bike (solo journey) and I mentioned that. I was told it was being kept for another girl who very much wanted it.

I returned to the third floor. It is soon apparent to me that it is a retirement (end of something is approaching) party. An older man is talking about his wife’s retirement but it also feels like a birthday. She is turning 51. He asks me about my mom and I tell him she is 65, but in reality she is 71.

Then I overhear a group of women talking about moving to Montana. One lady is excited to go, talking about her three month stay there and how she longed to live there. I interrupted and told her the winters were extreme and didn’t she know how difficult they were? I told them how I lived there for 3 years and suffered through the winter. They replied but instead of hearing words I saw a visual of a woman standing next to a four wheel drive pick-up. There was snow everywhere and she was wearing winter attire – an all black, heavy coat, gloves, boots and hat. The message I received was, “Yes, the winters are harsh but if you are prepared they will be tolerable and even pleasant.”

I remember saying I would never live in Montana again and the dream becomes hazy.

The last thing I remember is writing something on the white board. As I wrote it I read it aloud to myself. I read it over and over until I became lucid enough to recognize what I was reading. I read, “Stimulation to Awareness”.

As I woke I took notes of what it was I was saying and writing knowing it was a message. But what did it mean? This question led me to a conversation with my guide that became more and more lucid until I finally awoke.

A song came to mind, part of a verse repeating – “This could be the end of everything, so why don’t we go, somewhere only we know….”

The discussion I was having was about continuing where I had left off. I was asking how to move forward. How do I surrender? How do I get past the fear? I told my guides I was ready to try again. They told me to be patient, take my time and I would be shown the way. All I can do is trust that.

Dream: Zane

I am at an outdoor venue. There is a large, open-topped bar in front of me. An older man with deeply etched smile lines and a very thin, wiry body is standing behind the bar. We begin to talk and I think I recognize him from high school. I ask him if he attended my school. He replies that he did. I ask him if he knew the Brezindines. He said he did.

Suddenly, I see an older woman wearing clothing that is much too young for her age. She has two parallel scars (wounds from the past) above her breasts (related to feminine) and just below her collarbone. She is wearing lots of jewelry and her face is tired looking with too much makeup. I remember thinking she must have had a very hard life.

The woman is purchasing a bunch of toddler shoes. I go up to her and ask her if she is one of the Brezindines. She replied that she was. Then I ask if she has many grandchildren and motion to the shoes. She says she does. Her tone is pleasant and friendly. I hope she doesn’t perceive my judgement of her but she seems not to notice.

I am back at the bar talking with the older man. Our conversation is lost to me but the images that pass between us are not. He shows me that he is part of a band. I see him singing but he is younger. It is like a time reel in my mind. I watch him age. I watch him fall in love, have a child, struggle through a failed relationships, etc. It feels like he is part of a heavy metal band like AC/DC. I see the name of the band. It starts with an S and is familiar.

The most memorable part of the dream is the man and how he looks. His face shifts as if the real him is shining through – as if I am seeing how he sees himself as well as how others see him.

What we say seems to be about how life can take you places you never intended but that it always takes you where you are meant to be.

I ask him about his son who is still quite young. Is he still married? He replies he is not.

For some reason my lucidity begins to peak very quickly and I am very acutely aware of the man, his energy, my energy, the setting and everything around me. There is a warm, pleasant energy building in my chakras starting with the root and moving slowly upward. It is very subtle but growing in intensity, swirling and building pressure especially around my solar plexus. The more aware I become, the more the energy intensifies.

For some reason I feel the man is creating this effect. I receive a message from him that suggests this but I can’t recall what it is. A part of me withdraws and I wake up. The energy persists, prominent in my head and mid-section.

I wonder who the man is. I hear back, “Zane.” He requests that I allow myself to return to the in-between. I do but shift in and out, unable to remain there for very long. A conversation with Zane is on-going but most of it is lost to me now.

Though our discussion is lost to memory I realize my reaction to Zane’s energy in the dream is a result of the fear that has pushed away similar experiences for the last six months or so. It is clear to me that I have work to do. I have to stop waking myself up the minute the K-energy arises.

The last thing I hear Zane say to me is, “I can’t do it for you. You have to do the work.”

Considerations

The phrase, “Stimulation to awareness” has stayed with me. It feels like it is referring to the Kundalini energy and how the stimulation of it leads to more awareness.

The reference to Montana is also not lost on me. I have dreams about Montana quite a bit. Montana is always about my spiritual journey. I say I will never return because of the harsh winters there but am shown I can prepare for such times. It feels like I am being advised to reconsider my decision.

The hangman type game being played feels like a message also. Perhaps it can be better understood by looking at the tarot card meaning of the Hanged Man? If so, then it suggests that I am indecisive and need to surrender.

The hanged man tarot card meaning

The second dream feels more like a guide encounter with Zane and a test to see how I will handle the Kundalini energy. My response to the energy is to wake myself up. The older woman represents some aspect of myself. I am critical of her.

The message that I have to do the work makes sense. Perhaps I am hoping someone will come in and save me? Or this could just be a reminder that I am avoiding something.

Source of Hanged Man image

 

 

 

 

by

Kundalini Dream: Abandoned Kittens

A third night of wonderfully deep and rejuvenating sleep! I believe it is due to the full moon and after this morning’s experience I have no doubt.

First, though, I want to share a dream from the night before last because I think it provides a glimpse of what was to come – and then happened this morning.

Dream: Leaf Monster

What most stands out from this dream is a scene at a swimming pool. A young black girl, one of my “students” in the dream, takes me to her pool. She shows me a small step fountain of about four block steps leading to a tiny hot tub. She then goes down the steps of the fountain on a tube. She explains how a friend did it and wiped out but she did it without issue.

As I walked around and surveyed the scene I saw that the pool area was pretty neglected. Fallen leaves had gathered around the pool and in it, piling up and covering the surface of the areas surrounding the pool. The leaves were mostly thick and brown with some of various Fall colors. I told my student the leaves tend to pile up where I lived, too, especially the oak leaves. I described the process of raking and bagging leaves every year and my disdain for it. We have to do it twice a year in Texas because the Live Oaks lose their leaves in March while the other trees lose their leaves in the Fall.

The girl showed me how they cleared the leaves. She took me aboard a ship-like contraption that had a large hole in the bottom that acted to lure in a creature – or monster – that lived in the water. The monster ate leaves apparently and when I saw it it looked like an eel or snake. It was enormous and could easily eat a person but I was not afraid of it as I floated over the clear, blue pool watching this creature swim around eating leaves.

Then I recall talking to my student about my grandmother. I tell her how my grandmother is ill and doesn’t have much time left because her liver and heart are failing her. I say she is around 96 years old. Then my grandmother is there and I am talking to her. This grandmother is no one I recognize yet I assume she is my Nanny who died in 2014 when my son was newborn (making her around 96 this year if she had lived). We talk about her late husband and I tell her I miss Granddaddy, too.

Interpretation

Pools are often in my dreams indicating a need for refreshment, healing and rejuvenation. The clear, blue water is clear emotion and calm. Leaves are often indicators of sadness, hard times, regret and other negative emotion. These are piled up high and I am trying to get rid of them. The neglect of the pool indicates a neglect of myself in some way – likely emotionally. I have left the debris to settle and pile up and need to clean it up. I reflect on how difficult this task is and how frequent by reflecting on the leaf duties I have to complete twice a year. I believe the monster that is snake-like is the Kundalini. I am not afraid of it  and it “eats” the leaves, clearing the “debris” easily and hungrily.

I am not so sure about the grandmother symbol here. Since grandparents usually symbolize wisdom and learning from ones mistakes in order to make better informed decisions, it could be that this part of me is somehow dying or ill and has not long to live. Perhaps I am not learning from my mistakes? Or there is a desire in me to kill off a part of me that is ill, specifically in the “heart” and “liver”. There was a third area, maybe the kidneys, but I can’t recall it now. This older version of me, which means a past version, is clinging to her love of a husband who has long been dead. The latter of the two feels more likely. Who wants to kill off the part of them that is wise and learns from their mistakes? I certainly don’t! But the death of a part of me who is clinging to the past feels much more freeing.

Kundalini Dream: Abandoned Kittens

This morning I woke around 6am and struggled to return to sleep because I had slept so well. The phrase from the song Disarm was going over and over in my head and really beginning to annoy me – The killer in me is the killer in you.

I read the meaning of the song lyrics yesterday and know the song is about how the songwriter had wanted to kill his abusive parents as a child but instead opted to write a song. He explained that he recognized the only way to end the cycle of abuse was to approach it with love, thus him sending love and a smile instead of violence and anger. So, I know now that the meaning of the message was similar – end the cycle with love. Yet the song was not going away. What was I missing?

Somehow I fell asleep. I entered a dream house. It was light and airy feeling inside. I had found a litter of kittens (feminine sexual energy), about nine, that had been abandoned. Someone was with me and we were talking about the kittens. I remember looking at them and commenting on how they had no tail (sexual pleasure) – they looked like little bobcats.

After observing the kittens for a while, I discovered they were only being fed once a day at 7pm. I told the person this was unacceptable because kittens need to eat frequently.

I went into the space where the kittens were being kept and got a flat dish out. I held it up and the kittens knew it was time to eat. They came out of their hiding places meowing. I called to those that were still hiding and saw them coming out of the garage (delay, lack of movement). I remember saying aloud, “They shouldn’t leave the door open like that.” One kitten jumped up near me and tried to climb into the dish.

I found the kitten food stashed in a corner. It had been left with the kittens when they were abandoned. As I poured the food, large sprouting plants (new life, new potential) with clumps of roots came out with the food. It was like the food had “sprouted” like a seed rather than going bad from disuse. I was fascinated by this and plucked the small, tree-like plants out so the kittens could get to the food.

I sat down with all the kittens petting and cuddling with them. One lay on me purring as I stroked it. The whole of the experience was relaxing and pleasant.

For some reason I thought to let a kitten suckled on my breast (weird!). I lay on my side and held the kitten close as if it were a baby human. The sensation of it it suckling reminded me of when my own children breastfed.

This is when the dream shifts and I become quite lucid. Whoever I had been talking to in the dream is much more present in my awareness. I don’t recall what he says but my root chakra suddenly explodes with energy and the energy quickly intensifies, shooting energy upward in spurts that cause me to squirm. I feel as if I wake up but I don’t think I do because the conversation continues as the energy subsides.

Then I have a short lucid dream of being in a store. A man is standing behind the counter. He hands me an ancient, leather bound book and shows me a page. On it is written a song. I don’t recall the words but I saw them, nor do I remember a melody but I sang it. He cautions me, telling me, “It is a spell.” I somehow knew the spell was linked to the root chakra activity I was having.

I recognized this man was giving me a choice – sing the song and reignite the Kundalini bliss but also release layers of suppressed emotion  – or not sing the song and keep things as they have been. As I stared at the song and the man my root was swirling creating a pressure that I could feel throughout my Being. It was as if it was calling to me asking me to “release” and “surrender” to it. All I wanted in that moment was to do just that.

Much happened here as if in a millisecond. The man explained to me that if I agreed to “sing the song” that the feeling I was experiencing in the root chakra would return. He said, “You will not be in control” and asked me if I could accept that. My response was, “I’m not in control anyway.” I also remember the time period of “six days” being mentioned as if this experience I cannot control would last that long.

The entire time this discussion is occurring the K energy is rushing upward over and over, each time stopping at the point where I feel it will most definitely kill me. With each ebb and flow I feel this power. It is hard to describe. I feel powerful but also without power.

The last thing I recall is asking the man why it has been so long. His response was that I had requested it (it being the K energy experiences to stop). I do recall doing this some time ago.

Conclusion

Taking the two above dreams into account, along with the others prior to these dreams, it seems I have been invited to continue my work. This work is spiritual and involves the Kundalini. The K energy needs to be allowed to do its job – clearing out the debris and blocks that remain.

During the past few days I have been having emotion and memories from 2015-2016 surface in spurts. It is easy to push it down and pretend it isn’t there, but the feelings don’t go away. I had asked last night prior to bed for help in coming to terms with these feelings/emotions/experiences. I recognized that what I have been doing isn’t working. Pretending the feelings are not there doesn’t make them go away; it doesn’t heal them. In fact, I’m not even sure “healing” them is the correct course of action. These feelings seem to be part of me; like a spark that needs to be allowed to ignite and grow larger and larger. I believe that in asking for help, asking to be shown what to do to finally come to terms with what happened and is still happening, opened a door that I had closed. I closed it because I felt the process to would surely kill me and I am afraid of the unknown.

I received a message not long ago, maybe two weeks ago now. I was told, “You will be seen.” It has stayed with me regardless of my trying to ignore it. As memories of 2015-2016 were coming up along with the emotion and connection of it, my guidance stated, “He sees you.” And I understood then what the message meant. To be “seen” by another, truly seen, is what I experienced and what I miss so much.

by

Dream and Violent Kundalini Vibrations

I woke early around 5am feeling very pessimistic. My thoughts were on how my life was not going to change for some time. The feelings I had were numerous – boredom, overwhelm, depression, hopelessness, futility.  I knew the messages from previous dreams indicate that I will be financially very well off and comfortable, wanting for nothing. Yet I also knew the money could not – would not – provide happiness. All the money in the world cannot fill the void I feel inside me.

Dream Letter from a Friend

I returned to sleep. My friend approached me in my dream. Rather than talk she handed me a hand written letter. The entire first page was blank – on purpose. It felt like what she was saying was very private. As I read it I felt her emotion and cried along with her. I tried to hug her but she pushed me away. I knew it was because she was feeling overwhelmed and could not handle feeling my emotion on top of her own.

I remember sitting by her at a kitchen table as I read. She described feeling like all her energy was being sucked away and was asking why others didn’t just leave her alone and give you space. She also mentioned moving to a town with only 10 residents called Oak Grove or Oak Knoll or something similar. What I remember here is how it was written – 0-10. This made her feel better as it involved returning to school to take an additional 30 credits and living in this small town while she went to school and “It wouldn’t be for very long.” The town felt Native and ancient and part of her excitement was in bringing others to move there, too. I remember thinking that it was an odd idea to try and repopulate a town. Why do that?

Afterward I prepared her some pancakes and gave her an option of syrup. She selected the type of syrup I would usually have. I then made myself something out of Crispix cereal – rectangular prisms but ultimately I crushed them, put them in a bowl with milk and gave them to my daughter because I did not want to eat it. I apologized to my friend for not giving her the cereal.

Then we were walking in a neighborhood. I had my dog and we began to head in a certain direction but an angry, black dog was up ahead and not on a leash. I turned around to protect my dog but the angry dog came in our direction so I picked up my dog to protect him.

The dog morphed into a crazy woman with black hair who was raving mad. Others in the neighborhood came to assist to try and get her to a nearby school to be picked up by the authorities. As we walked toward the school the woman was trying to eat the head off a small dog. A woman I once worked with who I will call “Nix” (probably symbolic) came and ushered the woman to the school. I remember saying to her and the crazy woman, “Us Leos….” but can’t recall what I said. Ahead I saw the school doors and the children playing and knew all would be okay.

Kundalini Vibrations

I came out of the dream but did not awaken. Instead my head was vibrating so intensely that I was in a bit of shock. Not only did it vibrate but it made a loud, “Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh” sound as if my heart was beating inside my head but it was not my heart at all. The sound was internal and all around me at the same time. The sound was thunderously loud and not at all like what I have experienced when exiting my body to explore the astral realms.

I could feel a distinct channel of energy in the center of my head, like a cylinder of it. It felt as if the cylinder of energy was inserted via my crown and was headed down toward my throat. The sensation of it continued to grow for a period of time. So long that I thought for sure my mind’s eye was about to be filled with inner vision, an experience I am not unfamiliar with.

My head felt as if it was being pounded but without pain. The vibrations no longer felt normal but were so violent that my astral head felt to be shifting left and right and up and down, shaken like one would shake a mixed drink. I knew that soon I would be filled with clear vision and my astral eyes would be forced open. This I have experienced before but for some reason in this particular moment I had a fleeting thought – “What will I see?” With this thought came anxiety. I was afraid of what I would be shown.

The fearful thought forced an instant stop to it all. It was as if it never happened. When I opened my eyes, tears were streaming out, but I was not crying.

Reflection 

It seems that I am afraid of “seeing”. Others have often called me a “seer” and though I agree that I can and often do see things others do not, I often curse this ability because I feel powerless to do anything to change the future revealed to me.

I am able to see my own future, which I am told is a rarity also. Many times what I see about my own life path brings about intense emotion – a sense of “here it comes” and “be ready”. I know it is meant as a heads up, to warn me and prepare me, but there is often little I  can do to prepare because the specifics of what will be are caught up in symbolism and often difficult to interpret. Sometimes I am shown and/or told specifics. It has happened enough now that I dread receiving these messages because they pretty much always lead to difficult times.

Despite asking to not be shown things about my own future, it still happens. I get messages upon waking, in dreams and sometimes even during the day. The more I ignore and try to block them, the more loud and in my face they become.

The Kundalini experience this morning is one of those obvious messages. The dream message I received yesterday was not fully acknowledged so my guidance found another method to get the message across. One that was more forceful.

I am refusing to see. Blocking my intuition and inner vision.

The dream I had this morning indicates that I am also refusing to “eat cereal”. Cereal has often come through as a message of change, going in a new direction or on an adventure. In one OBE a while ago now, I chose cereal over oatmeal (sameness, comfort). I asked a guide who was present in that OBE what it meant. He said, “Sometimes you want cereal.” So for me to reject the cereal in my dream indicates I am afraid of taking the risks that come with such change.

The Kundalini activity in my head is typical of a clearing of a blockage. In my experience with such openings more are likely to follow. If I am resistant, the opening will be more difficult, painful even to the point of potentially creating physical issues.

Note: I find it interesting that I recently had a dream about doing time in a sleep chamber, approximately one month. Now I am having crown chakra activity and the crown chakra is about being AWAKE and AWARE, the opposite of being ASLEEP. It seems I am progressing toward waking up from a period of slumber.

 

by

A Kundalini Dream and Message: Hey Soul Sister!

Unexpected Kundalini dream early this morning along with some messages.

Kundalini Dream

I was with someone who resembled an ex from early on after my divorce. He was the third person I had connected with since my divorce – within that first year actually. In the dream he had taken me to a party where we met with some of his friends. I recall him introducing me to this nice woman who seemed to be the one throwing the party. When she gave her name it was my name, first and last, only my maiden name instead of my married one. She spelled her name with an “e” where mine was with an “a”. What is funny is that when she said her name I saw it in my mind as I heard it which is why I knew it was spelled differently. I laughed and told her, “You have the same exact name I do – my name is also __________”. She laughed and said, “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with my exact name. What is your middle name?” I told her and she told me hers was a different name. Still, it was quite amazing to me and I was a bit in awe of it.

Something about my interaction with this “other me” made my boyfriend upset. So, he left me there – “abandoned” was the word I used. I remember thinking, “I can’t believe he abandoned me.” It felt like this man mistreated me quite a bit but what was unusual is that I didn’t seem to mind it. I spoke with the other me for a while after that. She knew I was married and asked how I ended up with a boyfriend instead of my husband. I seemed concerned about it at first and then tossed that worry for acceptance.  I don’t recall my explanation in words but in pictures.

I wandered about the party wondering what I was going to do and thinking I needed to just wait for him to return, I saw people mingling and felt a bit confused and without purpose. I don’t have much memory of this time. I believe I was contemplating why I would even wait for my boyfriend to return when he mistreated me so. It didn’t really make sense that I would want to be with him yet I still did. It was odd and illogical. There was also a sense that I shifted between being male and female and that my boyfriend shifted with me, mirroring me to become the polar opposite of me each time (me – male, him – female and vice versa).

Then, out of nowhere, my boyfriend returned. I went with him willingly despite him being annoyed with me and seeming to not like me much. There was much disdain from him and at times I could feel anger from him even. I remember him demanding that I help him translate messages from God. It was like I was Moses receiving the Ten Commandments. My boyfriend roughly pushed me to the ground and pointed toward a large stone demanding I relay what I saw. I saw messages instantly etched into stone. The letters burned gold as the words appeared. I read them aloud to my boyfriend and I knew they were commandments but they were quite lengthy.

The scene shifted and we ended up in my kitchen near the stove preparing food together. As I prepared the meal he held up a crumb of something and made a snide comment indicating that I was unable to do even the simplest of things right. He had me pressed into a corner facing him and I felt angry in response to his words. At this moment the man, who had previously seemed like an ex-boyfriend, reminded me of my current husband.

While intent on yelling at him in anger I felt this amazing magnetic connection I could not ignore. So I reached my arms around him and pulled him to me. The anger we both felt transformed into this amazing, passionate feeling that burned through my insides, rapidly moving upward with such ferocity that I could do nothing but surrender to it. I remember breathlessly saying, “I love you so much….” as my chakras ignited one by one in the familiar K-fire.

Unfortunately, the intensity woke me up and I lay in bed breathless and wishing I had not awakened. I remember a male voice speaking with me but his words are mostly lost to me now. What I do recall is shifting in and out of the in-between. As I did this the K continued to rise all the way to my crown, lingering briefly in my heart but long enough for me to relish in it. I worried briefly that it would surely kill me if it got any more intense. Yet at the same time I was blissfully intoxicated. All other similar K experiences flooded my mind and body in recognition of my Divine nature.

Strangely, the K energy lulled me to sleep and I entered into another dream.

Dream: Sleep Chamber

In this dream I was sitting in a room watching my sister give a tarot reading to another woman. The room at times looked to be two places – one a large, open space and the other my old bedroom growing up. My sister was having trouble finding the card meaning in the book and I flipped through it to show her. The cards she was using were a deck of my design and ultimately the message was written on the face of the card which I showed to the woman receiving the reading. She was concerned, however, because the card indicated some upheaval. I told her it was just a part of the entire reading, which was a very large spread of many cards and motioned to the entire layout saying, “This is all of you” then pointing to the other card, “..and that is just a small portion of you.” I can’t recall the message now but it was not positive. The feeling I get now is that it represented some kind of major struggle. The card had a massive lion on the front. The card next to it also had a lion but it was just the head of the lion and it was in the right hand corner. I told the woman this was a good sign.

I attempted to stay and mingle with them but their reaction to me was that they were just tolerating my presence and really didn’t want me there. I left, feeling unsettled and repulsed by their behavior. I remember thinking how I preferred to be on my own to just being “tolerated” by others. For some reason it felt like the women were instructed to do this so I wouldn’t feel left out but they wanted nothing to do with me nor did they care to hear what I had to say.

As I lingered alone in my space a black man approached me and came onto me. I remember not minding but thinking how men always did this and noting the contrast between my interactions with the women, who were in pretense, and the overt honesty of the man.

There was another man who came in who was very obviously not right in the mind. He was very friendly with me and eager to share his experiences. He left not long after and went to a large van opening all of the doors. When I approached it he showed me how the front of his van had been shot up with bullets and repaired, indicating he had been through many challenging times.

The dream gets fuzzy but I recall being selected and taken to do my time in a sleep chamber along with others on what I can only describe as a craft of some sort. I was put into a large, double sized bed that was on the bottom row alongside many others. The beds were hanging horizontally from the ceiling like pods only they were not contained but had floral bedspreads and fluffy pillows on them. When I asked how long I had to stay I got no answer but remember thinking it would be a month.

Message: Hey Soul Sister

When I woke I received messages. One was a reminder about human conditioning limiting romantic love to only one person. Another was encouragement to keep exercising like I have been as it is assisting with the K somehow. The final message was in the form of a song – “Hey soul sister”. It seemed like a greeting almost but the song itself is about love which leads me to believe that it is a message from someone who loves me, though who is unknown.

Dream Interpretations

The first dream seems to indicate a review of the past. At one point I encountered another version of me and became friendly with her. Something like this did happen in my past. I met my HS and then merged with her. This resulted in profound change which my “boyfriend” (husband, masculine energies) could not handle so he “abandoned” me only to return much later. He treated me badly, forcing me to help him interpret the “Ten Commandments”. I suspect this part of the dream is relaying how I learned a difficult lesson, one in which I realized I must follow the “rules” of being a human if I want to fit in on Earth. Interestingly, the anger we felt for one another somehow ignited the Kundalini bliss in the end. That in itself seems to be a message that even anger can be transformed into love.

The next dream appears to be a message from my HS to my lower self, indicating that there is much more to me than I am able to see. I experience something I have experienced many times in this life – women pretending to like me but not really liking me or wanting to be around me. I have always rejected pretense and preferred my own company to that of most women I encounter. Yet with men I do not have this problem. Instead they seem to be overly honest and accepting and as a result I get along with them well.

The final portion of the dream could be an indication of how much time I have left “asleep”. To me, to be asleep is to be unaware or unconscious – on autopilot. When I am “awake” I have more spiritual awareness and spiritual experiences tend to increase.

by

Putting the Past to Rest, Kundalini Dreams and Messages

Two weeks of struggling to fall asleep. I’m only getting about 5-6 hours a night and it is taking its toll. I suspect it has to do with the Corona virus scare and all the hoopla surrounding it. It is me picking up on the Collective more than anything I think, though I have my own issues surfacing independent of the virus and the Collective. All are One, though, so it is all the same to me.

Previous to news about the virus, I have had thoughts about past relationships coming up. This began way back in January, so I know it is not the cause of my sleepless nights because I had no issues with sleep back then. Some thoughts/memories are from past boyfriends, others from past connections in high school. Nothing major – no major emotions or reactions to the memories, really. Mostly I am coming to unuderstand the other person more and more and I think that is the point. This indicates that I have shifted from being the effect of my emotions and karmic lessons to being more at cause and seeking understanding in order to put it all at rest.

For example, a specific ex-boyfriend of mine continues to come up in my thoughts and I even had a long conversation with my husband about him. At that time in my life I had just awakened spiritually and was fascinated with my newfound gifts. My connection with him was a catalyst for my awakening, though a subtle one. He introduced me to the book that had the meditation in it that served to ignite all the swift changes in my life at that time. I realized that was his only purpose and am grateful to him for that. However, I also see how I was so immersed in my awakening that I neglected him, didn’t see the “signs” that indicated he felt ignored, under appreciated and fearful of a great many things. There was recognition that for him, I was more than just a fling, I was a potential long-term relationship and maybe more.

The signs were there but I didn’t see them back then. He took me to meet his father for one despite putting down his father and indicating he cared nothing at all about what his father thought of him and his life choices. He also altered his home environment to suit me. When I met him he had nothing permanent in his home. His furniture was all plastic or dorm style. His bed was an air mattress. He had no dresser in his bedroom. Yet after we started dating he bought a new bed and furniture. When I started drifting away from him, caught up in doing readings and exploring my gifts, he admitted to cheating on me (he kissed an ex-gf). I believe he did this because he wanted to test my reaction. I dumped him immediately and had no emotional reaction other than that. Afterward (we worked together) he was very resentful and demonstrated his hurt via critical comments. Then years later he contacted me in hopes of a second chance, but I was already married. He put down my choice to marry and have children saying, “Oh, you’re one of those.”

I was also able to recognize that he was a very conflicted person. He wanted to marry and have children but resented his brother who was doing just that. His brother was praised and commended for his choices by his father. So two reasons to not be like his brother. I think he began to have feelings for me that scared him. His response was to self-sabotage. Cheat on me and make it easier to escape a situation where he was at odds with himself. Yet despite this, years after he sought to reunite with me because deep down he longed for more.

After all this reflection I find I genuinely love him, not in a romantic way but in a family way. I wish only the best for him in his life and hope that he has faced his inner demons and made peace with his father. Maybe he has settled down with a partner and has found some semblance of peace?

I went through the same process with the other relationships that came to mind – another ex-bf and a girl I went to high school with. Seeing their side of things helps me to let go of any leftover negative emotion, freeing me – and them – from the trap of repeating the lesson in future lives.

Unusual Kundalini Dreams

One benefit of the delay in falling to sleep is I used that time to meditate and go within.

Last night, once again frustrated at not falling asleep, I asked my guidance for help. Since I had done this before with little response I asked to be given something interesting in my dreams – an OBE, a lucid dream with Kundalini, a gift perhaps – yes a “gift” would be nice I said.

My request was granted immediately.

Somehow I drifted off to sleep and entered into a lucid dream within a dream within a dream. The dream specifics are confusing because I was in two places (three really). I was in my bed aware that I was dreaming but I was in two different beds – one in the past and one in the present. The past bedroom was at my Mom’s home. The present bed my own bed in my house now. The dream took place in the past bedroom but I shifted between past and present, aware of each shift.

As I lay curled up on my side (in both beds) I had a dream of an invisible man coming to me. I shifted OOB where I could feel him and hear him, but couldn’t see him. He had stubble on his face which kept scratching me as we kissed. His hands were large but gentle. I recall shifting back to check on my sleeping body in the past bed while observing from the present bed and then shifting back to be with him. I remember becoming passionate with him and pulling back when his stubble scratched my cheek. I commented to him about it even but did not complain. The energy started to build and for some reason I withdrew from him. I don’t remember why. Perhaps I had a consideration of being found out? When I withdrew he did not want me to go. His persistence created more intense energy and my second chakra began to ache in response. It was both painful and pleasurable. This woke me.

When I woke I was surprised and pleased. My lower chakras were active and swirling with energy. I told my guidance, “More please.” lol

I fell asleep for a while and was awakened at 3:30am by my arm which was very, very itchy. I was bitten twice a few nights ago by what I think was a mosquito but the bites did not heal like normal. Instead they have remained very itchy and red. The itchy feeling comes and goes and this is the first time it has wakened me.

I got up and put some cortisone cream on them and then covered them with band-aids to prevent me from scratching them in my sleep. Then returned to sleep.

This time I entered into a dream that was very different from any other Kundalini dream I’ve had.

I remember being at a mobile home and interacting with a woman and her husband. I believe I was having an affair with the woman and trying to stay hidden from the husband. I am not sure if I was male or female but I think I switched between genders because at the end I remember recognizing I was male but feeling female.

The woman is hard to recall and I am not even sure it was a woman. I suspect it was a guide or teacher and the dream camouflaged them to fit with my comfort zone. This guide was touching me and igniting a very pleasurable feeling – and this is an understatement. I recall kissing and the electricity that resulted was beyond my comprehension. It took my breath away and created a chain reaction in my body like a match lights a bonfire. The pleasure wasn’t just energetic but physical, too. Every point on my body that was touched responded the same and every time it happened I was in awe and super curious. I remember commenting about it but can’t recall my exact words. I felt like a teenager exploring and touching for the first time. The places I was touched – hands, arms, leg – all felt to connect and exhibited the same explosive, erotic and pleasurable sensation. The pleasure I experienced is beyond description. I have not experienced the K like that before.

This went on for some time until the woman (guide/teacher) hid me as her husband returned. I remember hiding outside the back door and then crawling around the side of the house. When I saw the woman standing there I froze, hiding from her, too, but knowing she would see me. This is when I felt to be male but female, also. When she looked at me, I woke up.

Messages

When I woke my crown chakra was swirling with energy and wide open. It felt like a stream of consciousness was entering via my crown, a feeling I haven’t felt in quite some time. When this happens it feels as if I am connected to my guidance/HS in an expansive way – a 360 degree feeling.

The memory of what had happened lingered and I was still in awe, asking what had happened and why. The first response was, “You have an itch you need to scratch”. The symbolism was not lost to me since I had awakened prior to this K experience from a very, very itchy arm. My response back was, “Shouldn’t I not scratch? Scratching leads to infection…” I got no reply, probably because I was over-thinking it. lol

Then my guidance reminded me of something I was told years ago in an OBE encounter with a guide who spoke with an accent. At that time the guide started a sentence and I finished it. He said, “Quite a fine sense you have. The more and more (I finished his sentence) you see, the more and more you will believe. Trust them to know what they see”. But this time it was the opposite – “The more and more you believe, the more and more you will see.”

I knew the explanation to be one I had heard many times before. When I first awakened I asked, “Why me? Why is this happening? How is it that I can do what I can do?” and was told, “Because you didn’t believe you couldn’t.”

We are limited by our beliefs. When we do not believe we can’t experience something that opens us up to all that we can. I was being told that I experienced this different K energy because I had no consideration that I couldn’t experience it. I was asked, “Imagine what you could Know if you tossed all limiting belief?”

This conversation left me feeling very optimistic as my imagination went wild with all the things I could experience and Know.

Other messages I received:

“It’s your turn”. This came after what seemed like a memory of my soul group and us “taking turns” in some way related to ascension and the planet. It felt like we went through cycles of “rest”. It’s like we are all holding a rope in tug-o-war and sometimes we have to let go to get a breather and the rest of our group holds on and takes up the slack while we rest. When we return to hold the reigns then others take breaks and so on and so forth.

Vision: I saw a flood of water and knew it was a message that I would witness others around me suffer through troubled times. I was reminded that I would be spared. I saw myself standing as the water flooded on either side but missed me entirely.

Heard a voice say my step-father chose to move on (died). This, I believe, is future related and so the timing of it unknown.

by

Dream: My Heaven – No Entry

Interesting night of dreams.

Lucid Dream: Chest on Fire

I suddenly became lucid. I was standing in a suburban neighborhood in a cul-de-sac. There was a car on my left as I approached some people standing on the side of the road outside a house. Everyone of the people in the group were African American and I recognized that I was different from them but didn’t care. My main focus was finding my “daughter”. I remember thinking, “Do I even remember what she looks like?”

Not long after that thought I saw her and rushed up to her, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her tightly. I told her how much I loved her and called her my daughter. I asked her how she was doing as I pulled away and saw her looking to her left and behind her. I turned and saw another young woman, probably about 14 years old approaching. When I saw her I knew she was my daughter, too, and that she was very sad. I opened my arms to her, inviting her into a hug. She fell into my arms and I told her how much I loved her, how beautiful she was and not to be sad.

When I pulled away I looked at this young woman and marveled at her beauty. Her hair had been relaxed and straightened and was pulled up tight at the top of her head, cascading down around her in a neat little shoulder-length bob. Her skin was flawless and glowing but her eyes told another story.

I motioned to the woman sitting in the car to my left and told the young lady, “Never forget how much you are love. She loves you.” It felt like the woman in the car was the mother. I touched the mother figure and was surprised to find her very, very pregnant.

I hugged the young woman again and told her, “It won’t last forever. Just feel the love. Just feel it right here (putting my hand on her chest). You are always loved.” I believe she was crying but can’t remember seeing any tears. What I do recall is that I could feel all her sadness and pain. I took it on as my own and began to cry with her.

My hand was still on her chest but I could also feel the pressure of it on my own chest, right between my breasts. The pressure was focused and distinct to the point that it almost hurt. I began to physically feel an intense heat there. It got hotter and hotter to the point that I felt I would not be able to bear the heat much longer.

The heat and pressure spread over my entire body and eventually woke me up. I could still feel it lingering as I rubbed the tears from my eyes. I have never felt heat like that before. It was so real, so physically hot, that I was certain my bed had caught on fire.

Dream: Surgery

This dream was very long. It took place mostly in a hospital. I was to get cosmetic surgery on my stomach area and had checked in. I was awaiting surgery, first in my room, and then in an operating room.

There were several “interns” tending to my needs and talking to me about my up-coming procedure. One was familiar, a tall, blonde male of slender build. There was discussion about what to expect from my surgery. They gave the surgery a name but I don’t recall the name now. Instead I remember seeing in my mind what would happen. They would take a flap of skin from my abdomen, double it over on top of itself to make my entire mid-section more firm and tight.

While I was waiting, my sister stopped by. She was an intern at the hospital, too, and was surprised to see me there. She gave me more information on the surgery and then left, wishing me luck. I remember knowing my sister in this life was nowhere near being as smart as this sister and marveled at how different she was in the dream.

I ended up staying the night and being taken back to wait for surgery the next day. The same group surrounded me and I asked if I could make a change to my surgery and get breast implants. They said it shouldn’t be an issue but I still seemed to wait for a long time. I remember wandering to an area with a very old computer and rotary phone. I realized it had long been abandoned by the staff and looked through the files, curious at the time capsule I had found.

When the doctor arrived I was placed on the operating table and left awake as the surgery took place. It took no time at all and I remember being left naked on the table for a long while, my new body looking like Barbie it was so perfect.

Eventually the blonde male came and took me from the operating room. I knew he wasn’t meant to because he sneaked me out. He seemed romantically interested in me but I didn’t mind.

He took me to the cafeteria to get some food and ordered us cookies. We were each given two cookies and then there was a third cookie also. I remember asking him, “Two cookies?” He nodded “yes”. I took mine and began to eat them. So did he.

Then we were in the shower together, both of us naked. I recall seeing his nakedness and noticing his arousal but not caring because I felt safe with him and knew he was a gentleman. This is where the dream ended.

As I woke I was hearing someone (the man from the dream perhaps?) asking me, “Do you know how beautiful you are?” There was a conversation that followed but I was too tired to remember it. Mostly I remember that he was trying to tell me that no matter how old my physical body gets, I will always be beautiful. I also think he told me that he was there to help me.

Prior to falling asleep I had asked again to be shown my Heaven, or where I would go when I died. This time I think my question was answered.

Dream: My Heaven – No Entry

I found myself in a beautiful garden, beautiful beyond any place I have seen on Earth. There was a crystal blue, shimmering stream running down the center. It shined like it had diamonds or crystals in it. On either side of the stream was vivid green grass dotted with flowers of all kinds. People dressed in white and with glowing skin were walking about, mostly in pairs, some holding hands, others arm in arm. Groups of people were sitting among the flowers and others under the massive oak trees that had shimmering fruits hanging from their branches. Beyond the trees were rolling hills that went as far as the eye could see.

In the center, crossing over the crystal stream, was a golden bridge. In the middle of the bridge stood a man who, to me, felt like “God”, but I knew this concept is incorrect but the closest approximation my mind could come up with. I watched as he met those who had arrived into the garden in the middle of the bridge. He spoke with them, telling them what their path would be while they were there, and then granting them access.

I saw a young blonde woman dressed in white walk up to the man on the bridge. The gatekeeper, as I will call him, barred her way into the garden. In that moment I shifted perspectives and became that woman.

The tall, gorgeous blonde man was fantastic in appearance. His skin shimmered as if covered in diamonds. His eyes were a vivid blue and his hair, straight and blonde, flowed down to his mid-back. He wore all white and was a good two feet taller than me, making him at least 7 feet tall. When he spoke to me my inclination was not to question anything he said but accept it fully and comply.

I wish I could recall word-for-word what he said but I became extremely lucid at his words. They echoed in my mind as I tried to capture them and their meaning. I do remember he said that my purpose was back on Earth, assisting my “family”.

When I heard him tell me, “Your purpose is not here” (meaning I could not come into the garden), I initially accepted it without question and turned to leave. Then I began to wonder to myself, “What did he say?”  So I turned and with my mind asked him, “Say that again?” He repeated himself and his words were odd inside my mind, like musical but also booming and not of this Earth.

In this short period of time as I pondered what was happening the scene began to de-materialize and the garden slowly faded from view. The man, however, did not leave my mind/thoughts. Upset, I remember hearing that I was not meant to walk the path I once thought I was here to walk. Instead, my main purpose was to my family, which I interpreted to mean my husband, children, mother and siblings.

Interpretation

I believe the first dream was me visiting my daughters from another life or parallel lifetime. It felt like I crossed over, into this other dimension, with the purpose to check on them. The empathic connection I had was amazing as was the heat I felt in my chest that spread to my entire body. I’m not sure exactly what to make of the whole experience, though.

The second dream about a surgery is probably a result of my recent considerations about getting some cosmetic procedures done to correct some physical imperfections that are the result of growing older. Mostly these ideas are coming out of sheer boredom and wanting something interesting to do with my time but they also arise from a sense that my youth is slowly fading away. The message in the end was that I am beautiful no matter what. The dream could also be symbolic of healing, specifically to my mid-section where my second and third chakras are located.

The final dream seems to be a direct message to me that I am not yet meant to go to my Heaven. My firm belief is that Heaven is whatever we want it to be, so on some level I see Heaven as a magical garden. I must also think that there is someone acting as a kind of gatekeeper. This probably stems from my Christian background where people are said to stand at “the gates of Heaven” and from there are either granted entry or not based upon their good deeds on Earth. The appearance of the gatekeeper in my dream reminds me of my many dream encounters with Andromedans. They are usually very fair skinned and appear similarly to the gatekeeper man. It seems that my dream Heaven is not based upon “good deeds”, though. Instead, entry is granted when a person’s mission on Earth is complete. I am told in no uncertain terms that my mission is not yet complete.

As for my purpose being to assist my family, my guess is that it not just my biological family members I am assisting.