Tag Archives: life

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Lucid Dream: Trapped Under a House

Eventful morning.

Lucid Dream: Yard Work

I woke up around 3:30am and couldn’t fall back to sleep because of thoughts about current life events. I asked for help from my guidance who told me, “Everything will be okay. You are loved.” I somehow fell asleep right after.

I found myself standing in the front yard of a house in a subdivision. A man was walking towards me wearing gardening attire. He had a shovel in his hands and was wearing work gloves and a hat (maintenance happening). He held up his hand calling to me. I waited as he drew closer. He asked me about my yard and I told him I didn’t care about it, it was no longer my problem. He was all smiles and motioned to a blower vent (need to vent?) on the roof saying it hadn’t been working. I went up to it. There were two large, aluminum vents hanging over the edge. I flipped a switch on it and it began to blow. I told him, “Looks like it’s working to me.” 

I went inside the house. It had familiar components to it but was not any home I’ve ever lived in. Everything had a golden hue to it. When I walked in I was in a living area. Directly in front of me was the kitchen and dining area with a large table. The man followed me in. He was talking about some plants in the yard, specifically mentioning large burs (life’s annoyances) that would grow on them. I told him he must have meant the plants that flowered and the burs were their seeds.

He asked me about my plans for the day. I walked towards the kitchen island as I mentioned something about being at the island. This is where I began to get lucid. I knew I was dreaming but did not interrupt the dream with a thought or consideration, just noted it and let the dream continue.

The man sat down and began talking, rambling really, about things I no longer recall. He sat at the table and I recognized him. He was my ex. His face was clear and bright. One by one my children came into the room and sat at the table. Somehow they always migrated towards us when we were together in the kitchen. He mentioned how he was planning on doing a painting that day and went on about it for some time. 

I stared at him as his words went in one ear and out the other. I recognized what was playing out. It was the same thing, time and time again throughout our marriage. He would wake early, excited for the day, and immediately ask me what I had planned. Before I could respond he would go into his own plans, usually something that did not involve me or the children. Some kind of project or work that he alone took pleasure in. He never once considered how his plans might impact mine, if I had any, which I rarely did. He never once considered how, when he filled up his weekend with plans that didn’t involve us, I had no other option but to be the caregiver, housemaid, cook, etc. If I had any plans, they had to involve the children. He left me no other choice. If I objected to his plans, citing how I needed a day off to do nothing, he would immediately dismiss it, saying his plans trumped my “no plan” because he had a plan. 

In the dream I decided I was not going to stand there and listen. I invited my youngest child to come with me outside. His hand in mine, we walked out the front door. It was bright outside. The lawn’s vivid green and the sky’s bright blue making the scene somewhat surreal. I asked him, “Do you want to fly with me?” He looked up at me and nodded he did. I noticed he was completely naked and approximately 2 years old. I leaped up into the air with him and hit a wall. Pushed back to the ground I laughed and he laughed with me. That is when I noticed a man walking towards us. He was dark haired and unfamiliar. He had a straight face but for some reason it felt like he came to take my son. I reach down and picked him up, never losing eye contact with the man. As I turned to leave, I was pulled into my sleeping body. 

I woke up and lingered in bed a while still heavy with sleep. I asked for another lucid dream. I fell into a dream almost immediately.

Lucid Dream: Trapped Under the House

This one was short because of how odd the scene was that I came into. I was back in the house. The golden color persisted. In front of me, laying naked (vulnerability) and wet (emotion) on the floor, was my ex. He was face down but had twisted his neck and torso so that he was looking at me. It looked like the house (life situation, self, family) had fallen on him (lost control). The wall was sitting on his back at chest level and he was flailing about with his arms trying to scoot himself out from under it. I asked him, “What are you doing? Why are you wet and…are you naked?” I thought about helping him and imagined going outside to pull him out by the legs. When I imagined this I thought of him being naked. As soon as I rejected the idea of confronting him naked I came back to my body.

A song was going through my head, these words specifically:

“All that we want, all that we need, they’re different things…”. This is from Non-Believer by London Grammar. The song explores the disconnect between desires and necessities in relationships. Highlighting confusion and disillusionment when what seems good isn’t actually what’s truly good for us.

I don’t know the meaning of the song for me. Was it about what my ex is experiencing since he was trapped under a house? Maybe. 

Short Dream/Vision

I fell asleep briefly and saw a person with my purse (self-worth, identity) standing at a windowed opening like what you would find at a front desk check-in. The person had my purse open and was picking out tiny colored pieces and sticking them together to make something. It reminded me of Legos. As I prepared to ask them what they were doing with my purse I woke up. 

Reflection

I believe the dreams provided insight as to work I’m doing in dreamtime. I believe the first ended prematurely because I was unwilling to go through something I had experienced time and time again in my relationship. Perhaps there was something I needed to realize but I never did because I left?

The second dream reminds me of the Wizard of Oz. It’s significant that the house had fallen on my ex and trapped him under it. Perhaps he feels trapped by his current situation in life? Or maybe the house is a reflection of me and I have him trapped somehow? Him being wet and naked indicates his current state. He is in an emotional situation both with his new girlfriend and in ending his relationship with me. I don’t think he has actually taken time to grieve it. He may feel vulnerable as a result. I opt not to help him, which is indicative of how I feel currently in regards to him. I wouldn’t help him if he asked because I know if I did he would try to manipulate me and pull me back into the mess I worked so hard to extricate myself from.

The last mini-dream is significant to me because it symbolizes the process of putting myself back together. I think the check-in window is also significant indicating a willingness to move forward.

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Lucid Dream: Releasing Burdens

The week has been mostly uneventful. I had some reminders from the Universe, specifically the number 222 and 444. I took a picture of the 222 as a reminder. The 444 came on a day when I was feeling a bit down in general. Turns out 444 is about protection, guidance and alignment on one’s path. 222 is about balance, collaboration, love, partnerships and harmony. 222 carries significance regarding twin flames.

On Friday, while attending my son’s choir concert, I accidentally dropped my phone. When I picked it up there was a picture that looked like a fire full of Spirits. Pretty wild!

Dream: Child Spy

I was in a dark theater type space. A big screen was in front with nothing on it. A man was speaking to the group. I only remember myself and a woman with a small child and a man. I don’t recall what the man was talking to the group about, only that I had my computer and linked it to the screen so that my screen was projecting to the group. I remember seeing my home page on the big screen.

As the man finished up and the group began to leave, the woman got up holding the child in her arms. I think she mentioned to the man that the child had a condition. She said he was a spy. I spoke up, saying that being a spy wasn’t a condition I’d ever heard of. I then mentioned that the man had been talking about cardiovascular conditions but I lost interest and started to fall asleep during the lecture. 

I disconnected my computer, put it in its case and got up to leave. I exited the dark theater via double glass doors. Outside it was also dark. I began to walk and soon found myself walking along an unfamiliar street. Very few cars were out and I saw the man and woman in front of me (no child). The man had a police badge on his belt and was wearing a uniform that was navy with a large, black stripe down one side. He also had a hat and a whistle. I thought he looked foreign and watched as the woman crossed the street. The man followed. Since I had no idea where I was or where I was going, I followed the man. 

When I got to the other side of the road I walked randomly towards a large intersection. I remember thinking to myself that I needed to get home but I had no idea where I was or how to get there. The intersection was confusing. There were arrows painted on the asphalt. Those closest to me went to the right but I saw several other lanes going random directions beyond it. I tried to open navigator in my phone but couldn’t get a good signal and I was already in motion, my body lifting up as if carried by an unseen wind.

I flew/drove quite quickly over the road and tried to follow the arrows on the road. The road went straight and cars were coming towards me. I worried I was going the wrong way but as soon as I thought that, cars passed by me going the same direction as me. The headlights were bright but I was able to see enough to not get discombobulated. A map popped up in my mind more than once, showing a route marked in red heading to my destination. I couldn’t see the destination but the route was going to take a long time and kept rerouting so it was hard to tell what was going on. I finally thought to myself, “I don’t care anymore. I know I will get there.” When I had this thought the road and the scene vanished.

Lucid Dream: Releasing Burdens

I found myself walking along a dirt road in the country. Again, I had no idea where I was. With me was the man and woman from the previous dream. I had in my hand my computer case and a small lunch bag. It felt heavy and burdensome so I asked the woman, “Can you carry this for me?” I held up my computer and lunch box and she took them, one in each hand. Relieved, I continued to follow them up the road. The road had grass growing up in the middle with two distinct lanes for the tires. Along the sides were tall trees that towered overhead.

The man and woman were walking too fast for me to keep up with them. I was weary and no matter how fast I walked, the man and woman kept getting farther away. At one point I lost sight of them. I had the thought that I could catch up and not to worry.

The road stopped at an old building. It was run down and multiple stories high. I don’t know what it was, maybe a silo or grain station of some kind. I walked/flew inside and came to an opening. Some rusty bars were positioned like railing. I put my hands on the railing and thought, “I’m dreaming. This is a dream.” The railing felt cool under my hands. I put my head through the opening between the rails and looked down. I was very high up and below was water. It was aqua in color and clear, swirling like a hot tub. I considered what to do and knew I wanted to follow the dream. I had a small bit of elation at knowing I had lucidity but opted to ignore it so as to not lose the dream scene.

With a tiny bit of trepidation, I jumped. I plunged feet first into the swirling water. I kept my vision as I went under and could see the rocky shore clearly through the water. I didn’t linger long and flew up and out of the water quickly. I landed on the shore which was covered in a soft, green foliage. Across from me I could see a raging river. There, on a small island in the river, I saw the man and woman. They were surrounded by men in black pointing guns at them. 

I considered my options. Should I fly over? I felt that it was not wise for some reason. I decided I would just walk across the water. I set the intention and began to move but was pulled immediately into wakefulness. Slowly I became aware of my sleeping body. Awareness came as energy sensations in my arms, legs and chest.

Interpretation

The first dream seems to have been a reflection of my thoughts prior to falling asleep. The man and woman with the child, were they symbolic of my considerations of a possible child being born? The child being a spy could be that I am seeking information as that is what spies do. The computer is also data or knowledge. I have it projected on the screen and a man is lecturing, so I am seeking info but cannot recall what is received other than something about cardiovascular conditions, which likely symbolizes the heart needing healing. Then I am disoriented and don’t know where I am or how to get home. This is similar to how I feel in life. I feel aimless most of the time and am just taking a path because it opens up to me not because I have a sense of the path I should take. The thought at the end about knowing I will get home reflects my current waking reality, too. I am just trusting I will get where I am meant to be.

The lucid dream is interesting because I give up my data seeking (computer) and also my considerations about my future needs (lunch box). Then I lose sight of the man and woman but I don’t fret about it, again reflecting my decision in waking life to just go with the flow knowing I will be provided with what I need along the way. The dirt road is a path not traveled often, maybe even a new path in this life. 

When I become lucid I recognize that I am meant to remain in the dream and let it show me what it is meant to show me. I try to go with the dream, jumping into the water (swirling but clear emotion). The man and woman at gunpoint indicates feelings of coercion and loss of control. This is also a feeling I have in waking life. I take pause and make a decision but it must not be how the dream was meant to go because I am pulled back to my body. 

I fall back to sleep after and do not become lucid in the dream. I only remember one part which was of me creating a calendar with an image on it of mountains and a path over them. The colors were red and green, so likely December. I then glued it to a pane of glass so that the image could be seen through it. 

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Vision: Firefighter Holding a Baby

Woke around 4am and had a vision of a firefighter holding a baby. I recalled in that instant that I’d seen this vision before, only forgot it. When I saw the vision I felt to be the baby. The sense was I was safe and loved. I wondered what the vision might mean and returned to sleep.

Dream: Take it Slow 

I was with a group of people traveling together. I looked at them all and saw a visual of all of us connecting at a spiritual level. This kinda looked like a huge orgy except there was no sex happening, just connection as each one would move from one to another, touch for a moment and move on. It felt right to me – like things should be. I was moving a load of what I think was bottled water when I told the group about my vision and suggested we try it. I got some brief glances from a few but it seemed no one heard me so I let it go.

The scene shifts and I am walking alone in a mall. The coloring of the scene in golden in contrast to the previous scene which was various shades of gray. My feeling is a bit sad and dejected. I feel lonely and long to express what I saw in the vision. I think I vaguely recall an older, female “teacher” there. She had short, 80’s styled blonde hair (think Jane Fonda) and she gave off mother vibes. I don’t remember direct communication from her but understood that she was there to keep me company and listen.

I noticed ahead of me a super, extra long, twin-sized bed display (think double the normal length). The top cover was disturbed and the bed needed to be made. I went up to it and pulled the comforter straight, adjusting it and making it just right. I looked it over and noticed the cover had characters on it and was brightly colored, like something a very young child might have on their bed. I laid down in the center, proud of my accomplishment. 

Out of nowhere a man approached. I recognized him (both in the dream and from other dreams). He said, “What you said before…I know you don’t think anyone heard you, but I did.” Then he sat down and held out his hand and said, “I will [connect with you]”. He gently reached over and held my hand and I looked up at him, relieved. I vaguely recall what he looked like here – light hair, long, angled features, wide eyes that were aged with laugh lines. He was plain but pleasant looking. We kissed. Awkwardly at first and then a couple more times.

The dream seems to split into two scenes at this time. In the first, we get tangled up in the newly made bed as we make out. In the other, the older female “teacher” brings us a meal to share. As we make out in the one scene, touching one another similarly to how young, inexperienced couples might, we are presented with the meal and start enjoying the meal together. I don’t remember what we ate, only that as I ate it, I could feel our mutual touching and kissing very physically. As we kissed and touched I heard a voice from within say, “Take it slow.” I understood all at once what this meant and withdrew when the electric touches (when I touched him I felt them, too!) started getting more intense, intense to the point that I knew I may not want to stop. 

When we stopped we got up and returned to the group. He reached for my hand and I took it as we joined them. The other members paused, some staring, but all smiling. One girl whispered to another, “Look”. The overall sense from the group was they were pleased. 

It honestly felt very much like I was in middle school in that moment. There was such a newness to it, like I had never kissed or touched like that before. The group’s approval was very important to me. There was fear and excitement and anticipation and nervousness and more all at once.

The scene shifts and me and the man are sitting at a table. The teacher woman is preparing to bring us another meal. For some reason the man is at another table. As the food is brought out I am shocked at how much there is. It looked like a huge plate of Chinese food, like sesame chicken. I remember thinking to myself, “That is a lot of food” and knowing the implications of it. 

The man asks the woman to help him determine how much of a white substance should be put into a drink. I recognize the white liquid to be alcoholic. The woman tells him to put it away because it was not appropriate. He listens and sets down the jug.

The woman approaches me. I have a soda in my hand and she starts to pour a black liquid into it. A bit too much falls in and she apologizes and says she will get me another drink. I take a sip. Licorice. I tell her it is just fine. I like licorice. 

The food is ready and the man and I are set to eat. I begin to feel trepidation at the sight of such a large quantity of food. I know if I start to eat it, I won’t be able to stop. 

I wake and a guide is close. We discuss the dream and its meaning. 

Interpretation

The firefighter holding the baby is symbolic of protection of innocence. A firefighter symbolizes the need for external help in dealing with overwhelming emotional situations. A baby is innocence, newness, inexperience and naivety. 

The beginning of the dreams is reminiscent of something I recall from my past, after the Kundalini and experiencing Union, albeit briefly, with another. I remember thinking, “I want to do this with everyone!” I felt that Union should be experienced by everyone and I wanted to experience it with as many people as I could. In an OBE around that time I was cautioned on being this way by having a white cloth thrown over my naked body. 

The mall scene seems to be my internal space where I feel safe. The unmade bed is indecision and lack of progress. That I make the bed indicates a willingness to move forward. The bed covering having childish images is reflection of my inexperience. Similarly, my experiences with the man reflect the newness of the experience for me and the caution I received is to warn me not to go too fast. In the past, when it went fast I got overwhelmed. The Chinese food symbolizes the desire for new experiences and adventure. Alcohol is lowering inhibitions. Licorice symbolizes the joy and the enjoying of simple pleasures in life.  

Messages

Yesterday, I had been feeling a bit down. I felt a deadness about life and wished I could once again feel alive. At that time, I passed a sign that said, “Walk-Ins Welcome”. The song playing was Alter Ego. Time slowed and I took note.

When I went to bed I asked to have the message clarified. The above dream and vision was the result. I discussed this with my guide upon waking. He was very close initially and the message I received was that I did not have to live life feeling “dead”. The dream was to show me I can still feel alive, that my desire/fire has not been extinguished. I felt I was being assisted in the regaining of what I felt I lost so many years ago. 

I addressed the fears I felt. Fear that when it (connection) happens, I will come on too intensely and scare the other person away. Or, that I might mess things up and lose the connection again like I did in the past when I had the opportunity to experience Union. Fear that it will be so overwhelming I will die (not a logical but a fear I have had since the beginning). Fear the fire will consume me to the point I will lose control and be devoured by it. But above all else, fear of the unknown – not knowing what will happen and that, in the end, I will fail.

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Dream Message: Walk-In

Went to bed asking for clarity regarding the feeling I’ve been having. 

Dreamed I was back in a school (learning) gym (discipline, strength, health) from my elementary years and my high school gradation ceremony was on the stage located in that gym. It was renovated at some point when I was in high school and the gym in the dream had not been renovated. I was walking around inside the gym with an ex-coworker of mine who I’ve had K dreams with in the past. We were talking and walking, noticing the condition of the space. I told him I recently discovered I owned the gym and relayed how I didn’t remember buying it.

The gym looked a lot like it did when I was in elementary school except more in decay (neglecting learning, health). The ceilings were super high and I remember looking up at them and then looking down at the floor which had been a nice, bright pine wood and now was graying. My friend and I walked to the back where it looked like an old cafe use to be. I actually remembered the cafe in the dream and asked about it. A woman who seemed to appear out of nowhere said it had been closed down years ago. I thought of using the bathroom (cleansing) and she told me, “Do go in the bathroom or you might fall through the floor”. She said an older gentleman had destroyed some of the tile allowing water to get into the subfloor. I mentioned to my friend how I would like to start up the cafe again. He said I could do anything I wanted and the woman said I would need a permit. The idea felt like a good one until I began to think of all the work it might take.

My friend and I sat on the floor at a round (continuum, connection) sofa table as I told him about the unsettled feeling I had been having. In the dream it felt like a demonic presence was following me. I had a bag full of tarot cards with me. I opened it and let them fall on the table. It was clear there were several decks mixed up inside. I asked my friend to help me sort them and apologized in advance for taking up his time because he seemed not to want to help. He did help, though, and began to go through the cards. Several piles began to form and I recognized some of the decks. At one point he pulled one card out and paused. I thought he was pulling the card for the other lady with us (couldn’t make her out but she seemed older) but he asked me to “read” the card. I misunderstood and read the word on the card aloud but the language it was in was unfamiliar and foreign. He said, “What does the picture tell you?” I focused in on the picture and saw it was of a person laying down and overtop of them, almost exactly superimposed except for a few inches, was another spirit-like person. I said, “It looks like the card is saying Spirit is leaving the body….or maybe it is coming into the body. [long pause] It’s a walk-in.” I Knew in the dream that the card was indicating a walk-in situation. 

My friend left the card alone in the middle of the table and I said, “It doesn’t belong to a deck.” 

The rest of the dream was me seeming to fly through the gym and then up and out of it but I could see through the walls.  I could see the entire layout. I began to image the changes I would make to it. I remember considering putting the kitchen in the front of the gym space and then told my friend I would wall off the high ceiling at around ceiling height and just leave the space at the top as is and might later put on a second floor. I also considered making it into a movie theater. 

Then my friend had to leave and I felt sad. I didn’t want him to go and asked him to stay. I got very close, so close our cheeks touched but he turned away. I told him I understood if he needed more time and he got up and began to leave.

The dream scene shifts and I am in a desert-like environment high up on some cliffs. I am walking with others. We are all dressed in long, light gray robes. I remember I had on a long, golden necklace with a cross pendant. I saw this because I was seeing myself from outside myself (memory perhaps of other times). I grabbed it and touched the cross. My friend was also there but he was ahead of the group. The sense I had was we were gathering and it had to do with something holy or divine. 

Then I was walking barefoot (seeking authenticity) through batting cages (protection). I recall how the concrete felt on my bare feet. I passed along the fence towards the exit. Others were there staring at me like I was out of place. I walked out and down a path to a parking lot. I was searching for my car (life path) but couldn’t remember what car I drove (uncertainty of life path) nor could I recall driving and parking it there. I eventually turned back around, realizing I wasn’t leaving and would have to stay the night.

I went back to the gym and many people were there including my friend. I sat down next to him with a salad (balance and nourishment) to eat. He had macaroni and cheese (need to finish tasks). I remember looking over at him and our eyes locking. The feeling was neutral. 

Eventually I walked over to a very high shelving system. It was full of produce. Some was so high I couldn’t figure out how anyone could get to it. The space felt to have partially been transformed into a grocery store (choices and needs for growth). 

Reflection

The dream seems to indicate I am returning to unfinished business. I am told more than once I can do whatever I want with the space which means I have freewill/choice. I spend some time imagining what I want and enjoy this part of the dream the most. The tarot card for me was a direct answer to a question. It was reminding me I am a Walk-in. This was accepted in the dream and I didn’t linger on it. The part where I was wearing a robe seems to have been a memory of some other time. I don’t know what to make of it. The part where I am barefoot was very memorable because of feeing the concrete cold beneath my feet and the odd environment of the batting cages. The lost car isn’t surprising. I feel a bit lost and uncertain of my path. 

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Another Shift?

Feeling a shift but not sure what it means. The 1111 sign continues to show up. For example, I’ve been watching True Detective , season 4 with Jodie Foster (definitely recommend) and in one of the scenes on the ice rink I heard a whisper of a voice in my mind say “1111” and just as I heard it, there appeared on the scene, in the background, four distinct blue neon bars that were super obvious to me. It was like time paused briefly when this happened, something I have not experienced in a long while. 

Last night I felt this heaviness and a distinct sense of something coming. I sensed it might be considered “bad” and other messages from the previous days via music and other avenues started pouring into my mind. For example, a song I listen to says “I can see the signs, I’m running out of time”. With this song I’ve also had the paused time feeling, especially regarding the “running out of time” part. When this happened, I was driving home from work and life appeared to be like a moving movie and I thought, “All of this could disappear in an instant” and I felt oddly disconnected from this plane of existence. Totally a Matrix moment. 

Yesterday I was driving and something caught my eye. It was a blue blur at first and it was rising up into the sky. I recognized it was a balloon but it was in the shape of a number 3. I took a pic but it isn’t a very good one. It felt significant. Later, in the evening, I ran into a post on reels about Mercury Retrograde just concluding and someone was saying if no ex’s came into your life then you don’t have anymore work to do with them. I looked it up and turns out my ex found his new GF at the tail end of the second to the last Mercury Retro and my heart connection returned during the most recent one. Hmmm. Unfinished business? The number three can represent the combination of two opposites into one (Union), the divine triad (Christianity, Hinduism), and creativity, communication and expression.

Lyrics from the song Afterlife:

I′m trapped, in the darkness of my mind
I want it back, but I’m lost along the way
Under attack, I can feel it pull me in
I push it back, do I sink or do I swim
Now all I want is for you to drag me down, watch me drown
In what I lost, can you hear me calling out
A voice from underground

chorus

I can see the signs, I′m running out of time
I can feel it calling, from the afterlife
If I lose my mind, let the darkness cry
If I feed the demon, will it bring me back to life
Will it bring me back to life
Will it bring me back to life
Will it bring me back to life
Will it bring me back to life

verse

I’m wrapped in a vision of myself I never had
Now I’m losing my own faith
And if I stop, giving in to what they say
Could I save myself, from my own fate
′Cause all I want is for you to drag me down, watch me drown
In what I lost, I can you hear it calling out
A voice from underground

chorus

I can see the signs, I′m running out of time
I can feel it calling, from the afterlife
If I lose my mind, let the darkness cry
If I feed the demon, will it bring me back to life
Will it bring me back to life, bring me back to life

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Return of 11:11

Lots going on, only so much time to write without it getting super long….

Dream: Healing Second Chakra

I was with a group of people and we seemed to be traveling. I mostly recall the end of the dream now as it was early in the night that I had it. We came to a waterpark type scene that reminded me of a local waterpark with lazy river tube shoots. Around the tube sections was greenery that reminded me of Costa Rica, so very tropical. We were not in the water but walking along it I think. I remember a woman approached me and asked me if I would consider letting her insert something into me. It looked like she either had a massive dildo or she actually had a penis on her female body. I remember agreeing and she asked if I thought it might be too big. I took a good look (lol) and said it was fine. When she inserted it, I felt a wave of energy and woke.

The area of my second chakra was achy and it stayed achy for some time after. I felt healing energy pouring in through my back also and thought about how, in the past when the K would rise in a similar way, I would have an ache there. I knew there was a blockage in my second chakra. I asked my guidance to help me get rid of it ASAP and was told it couldn’t happen fast as there were many, many layers to it and it would be unwise. 

Dream: Visit with Ray

I was in my mom’s bathroom (cleansing the inner self), the one I use to use as a child/teenager. I was on my hands and knees with a long handled scrub brush like one would use to clean a toilet but I was cleaning the bathtub (desire for greater intimacy in life). The tub was covered in a bluish (throat chakra) colored substance that had thickened and begun to dry out. In the dream I knew I had started to clean the tub but never finished and the cleaner had been left awaiting my return. As I began to scrub I felt Ray’s presence behind me. We talked about my cleaning of the tub itself and he pointed to a wire rack next to it. The rack had peeling paint on it that was starting to come off. He pulled on it and it came off in long, elastic pieces. I helped and what was left was exposed metal. I resumed cleaning the tub, scrubbing the blue cleaner off easily. 

Then we were in my mom’s kitchen (nourishment). We mainly just talked. There was no intense energy, just friendly conversation and enjoying one another’s company. I felt completely at ease and relaxed and I think he did, too. I don’t remember what all we talked about but at one point he sat on top of my mom’s dryer (laundry is in the kitchen near the back door). He seemed to be talking about something important to him, something private or intimate. So he was opening up and being vulnerable. I sensed this and inched closer to him to the point that I was standing situated between his legs. He was up high, so my upper abdomen was right between his legs and my face was just a little bit lower than his own. Our closeness felt appropriate and, again, there was no crazy, intense energy, just affection and openness to one another. 

This is when someone came by the back window and knocked. I went up to see what it was about. It was a woman with her kids all dressed to swim with towels and everything. She inquired if the pool (healing waters) was open and said she had $100 to pay for the season. I told her my mom had long ago closed the pool and, though it was in good shape, she could not swim. I did consider letting them but opted not to. The woman left and I told Ray about it and how, at one point, the neighbors would come over to swim all the time. I remember how the pool and area looked. The pool itself was aqua and clear (clear emotion) and the surroundings littered with lawn chairs but otherwise tidy. 

When I woke I was extra alert to the fact that Ray was in my dream. I also still felt the healing energy in my lower abdomen. I wondered about the dream and whether it indicated I would receive communication from him soon. 

Dream: Corndogs on the Bus

The dreams with Ray continued. He picked me up and took me to a school bus (important life journey). I had with me a box of corndogs (simple pleasures in life) and asked him if he wanted one. I told him I could cook it real fast in the microwave. He indicated he did as we walked up the steps of the bus. I asked if he thought the others would want one, saying I probably had enough. That is when I noticed how full the bus was. I mentioned that I may not have enough after all and looked at the box to see, moving the corndogs around to get an inventory. I looked at the people inside and there was a variety to include mothers with children. Trying to solve the problem of insufficient corndogs, I thought perhaps we could prioritize the children. This is where the dream ended.

Corndogs symbolize the simple pleasures in life, relaxation and satisfaction, wealth and success, companionship and loyalty. I was offering this to my friend and then to the people on the bus which means I want others to share in my experience. When I see I may not have enough then I prioritize the children. I think this dream shows how generous I am in general, especially when I feel happy. 

Messages

I’ve been seeing 1111 quite frequently and have been noting it. The pic here is one time I notice and took a screenshot of my phone. Only after did I see the song playing and how the name relates to the Kundalini – Fuel to Fire.

I had a dream the night before last that relates to the above.

Dream: Second Stage 

I was sitting at my computer writing in my blog. When I pressed “post” the wrong blog post appeared on the screen. It said it was from 2016. I panicked because I didn’t want to write everything again. I tried to recover what was lost and found it didn’t work. Instead, certain words in the post became bolded. After some nudging by my guidance I calmed down and began to pay attention to the bolded words. What I recall now is the words “second stage” and the complete sentence was that I was now in the second stage. Other than that, I can’t remember any of the other bolded words despite reading all of them. I only remember the year 2016 and “ascension”.  That was the year that I had the meeting with my heart connection (Ray) and told my now-ex that I wanted a divorce. That was also the year my heart connection disappeared from my life of his own choice to avoid becoming entangled in the karma of the situation.  

Reflection

The year 2016 and message “second stage” stand out. I looked through my blog and noticed that year was full of Kundalini activity, messages, and significance in general. The year began with a post about recognizing the walk-in situation. This is something Ray and I discussed in our most recent conversation. I told him I didn’t feel the walk-in was real and yet this post indicates otherwise. I also found a post specifically about “the next stage“, so perhaps it is relevant? There was a post called Velantium also. I looked up the word and it translates to “covering or veiling”, something I never mentioned in the post itself. Finally, there were several posts about Atlantis. 

2016 was a very exciting year! I didn’t have time to look through all the posts but man oh man was I ever accelerating! If I am in fact picking up where I left off, then I wonder what it will entail?

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Completion and Moving Forward

Just realized I haven’t updated on my cabin and land in a long while. So this is a quick update on that as well as an update on other more mundane things going on with me.

All construction and updating is complete. Yay!

The garage with additional room/bathroom was finished a few weeks ago, right around my last day of work. The first image below is the shower of the 3/4 bath (fixtures are there now but this is the only pic I have). I don’t have a pic of the whole bathroom yet but it is of a similar style to the shower. It has a composting toilet because the location required another septic tank. The gray water is eliminated through a main pipe down the hill towards the pond (perfectly legal for the area).The second image is the front of the garage. You can see the entrance to the addition to the right. The final image is of the cabin, garage and shed from the road.

Below are two pics of the shed after the roof was replaced. There was rotting siding and the floor was uneven. The pictures following are of the completed shed. I turned it into my gym but it has plumbing and a hot water heater. It is close enough to the septic to have a toilet installed but I didn’t bother since I am not there enough to justify the expense.

These last two pics are a before and after of the pond shed. I didn’t get the interior done because it is just for fishing poles and supplies. I had the siding replaced and had them seal it so critters couldn’t get in. Racoons and rats had been leaving messes in it.

I really want to fix the wooden bridge at some point but it is functional for now.

Update on Me

I moved into an apartment on Oct 17. I decided to get an apartment across from the subdivision where the family home is located because my ex was making it very difficult for me to see the kids. The decision was not typical of me. I tend to make safe decisions in life. I would have preferred to have a job first! However, it worked out perfectly. I was offered the school counseling position just two weeks later. I just signed my contract and am set to start work next Tuesday.

Health-wise I am struggling with elevated blood pressure and insomnia. The stress this year has begun to impact me physically. 😦 I think I may have gotten my sleep handled (HRT), but am still working on the high BP. I got prescribed a medication but it isn’t really doing anything. I hate being on meds! I am hoping the BP comes down as my stress levels decrease only I don’t know when that might be. Being in communication with my ex, who seems intent on threats and harassment, doesn’t make for a low stress environment. I also just learned that my testosterone level is elevated, so now I have to get it checked again to rule out underlying issues.

The good news about my new job is I get healthcare at no cost to me. I would normally decline health insurance but I think it would be wise considering my above mentioned health concerns. I also think it is about time I found a therapist.

Finally, I am fed up with my dry eyes and inability to wear contacts. I don’t want to wear glasses anymore. They make me look old, they’re a PITA when I workout and I have to clean them all the time. So, I am looking into getting refractive lens replacement. This should almost entirely eliminate my need for glasses and also prevent me from developing cataracts in the future. 🙂

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Dreams: Recognition and Heart

More dreams to document. It is so nice to have good dream recall again! 🙂

Dream: Recognition

I was at my mom’s with the kids and my ex came to pick up the youngest without telling me. I arrived and noticed my son’s things were gone. In the dream it was felt like an empty space left behind not only in the physical place but in my heart. I went outside and saw my SUV (protection, security, stability, power) parked with my sweater (protection) stuck in the back door half hanging out. I yelled at my ex asking why he left my sweater like that. 

Then I was with my ex but he looked like my heart connection a bit, too. I think in the dream the two people shifted back and forth but most of the time it felt like I was talking to my heart connection. He was open to talking at first but as soon as I started to talk on a deeper level he began to distance himself, walking away from me. I followed, telling him what I needed to say, and noticed he would not look me in the eye, instead looking at the floor and sometimes turning his back on me. I just kept on talking, shifting my position so that I remained in front of him.

The things I said were revelatory. I recognized the parallel between present time and the past. How the situation between myself and my ex and myself and my heart connection were interconnected, even more than I realized back then. My recent divorce and the return of my heart connection into my life is giving me the opportunity to reflect, heal and fully release any residual connection. I remember saying to him that I felt maybe a 10% draw to him compared to the past and didn’t understand fully why. I thought perhaps it was because some hope still lingered that the heart connection could be rekindled. Or maybe there is just a remnant remaining that needs dissolution. In the dream it was crystal clear that the situation was presenting itself so that I could learn. 

I became so thoroughly enthralled in what I was saying that it brought on some emotion and I woke. 

Reflection

I continued to think of the parallels I noticed in the dream. 

In 2016, early 2017, I had tried to divorce my ex and start a life on my own but wanted the support of my heart connection. Unfortunately, my heart connection insisted he have no contact, citing karma, his past similar experiences, and my own good. As a result I struggled to continue on the path of divorce and ultimately withdrew to the security of the known. At that time I had gotten a temporary job as an elementary school counselor which I enjoyed thoroughly, especially the children. 

Now, almost ten years later, I have divorced, recently had contact from my heart connection, and find myself employed as an elementary school counselor again. It does not go unnoticed that it life has aligned similarly as if to say, “Okay, now finish what you started.” 

I find that my response to my heart connection reaching out has been mostly curiosity. There is a small part that want to be friends and meet up to have a long chat. This is likely the part I felt in the dream. Mostly, his energy feels completely neutral, at least in comparison to how it once did. How odd it is! 

Then I thought of my ex and how part of me is annoyed by certain things he does still. I recognize a part of me is still struggling with the end of that part of my life. I think a part of me is still holding on, still grieving for what was and what could have been. 

I also recognized my ex is struggling much more than I am. The reason he is still behaving the way he has been is because he feels he needs to prove something, to get revenge or perhaps to just be right. I think he hurts much more than I do because I am the one who initiated the divorce and withdrew from him so many years ago. Even after nearly 10 years he is struggling to accept that I don’t want to be with him, that I don’t need him and am completely okay without him. He wants me to need him still, even now, even though he has a new girlfriend. In fact, he could only attempt to move on because he got a new girlfriend. It is likely had she not “taken the bait” of his invitation that he would still be harassing me, frustrated by my lack of interest, trying to force a relationship that is long dead. 

Dream: Heart

The dream started at a school that was out in the country. I was taken into the main building where a small group of faculty sat together awaiting my introduction. I remember telling them all, “Thank you so much for this opportunity.” I was extremely grateful to be back and told them so. In the dream the place I was returning to was the detention center I taught at so many years ago. It felt like I would be working in a “jail” (jail = earth to me).

I was then taken outside. I could see another building, a small cottage, down below in a green valley with a few tall oak trees. There were steps leading down to the valley and I stood at the top for a bit. A huge white dog (protection) came pounding towards me joyfully. It was a Great Pyrenees. I opened my arms and let him hit me full on with his body and then we melted together and rolled around. I remember at one point the big dog was laying on my head and there was a split second worry thought about my safety that quickly passed. Another dog joined the big dog and they romped around, running up and down the green valley. A young woman came up from behind me and commented on the bigger dog saying he destroyed her house when she left him inside. I said, “Oh, he’s only a puppy!” 

When I looked up where the woman was I saw an older woman talking quietly with a woman and two other women also talking. I didn’t want to interrupt but I wanted to ask about teaching a class in the cabin below. It looked like a great place to hold class. When there was an opening, I mentioned this but the answer I got had nothing to do with the cabin. One lady motioned to the older one indicating the woman had achieved something. There were no words here, just a recognition from me that this older woman’s heart was wide open and she was comfortable living with it that way. To me, this was indeed quite the accomplishment and I became emotional. I asked her how she managed. The woman approached me, her eyes kind. She opened her arms and I fell into them. She was short, her head only coming to my chin. I could feel her kiss me on the nape of my neck and she said, “You are okay.” By this time I was sobbing uncontrollably. The message I received was that I already have everything I need, it is all within me. This wasn’t the only communication I received but it is hard to relay since it came all at once, telepathically. I remember trying to will the heart bliss to come to me from her, but when I did this I only cried harder.

I woke in tears.

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Pandora Sphinx Moth

Yesterday, after another particularly rough day, I took a walk and cried as I walked. This is becoming my new norm. Walk, walk, cry sometimes, cry some more, walk. Often my thoughts are chaotic and this time was no different. 

One part of me was thinking of retreating not just away from people but into myself. This is my go-to when I feel overwhelmed. I don’t reach out, I don’t seek help or communicate with others. I’ve been judged, belittled and rejected too many times. All I want to do is return to my cabin in nature and never come out. The problem is that, without something to do, without some purpose or plan, retreat feels poisonous.  

The other part of me sees my situation as an opportunity to return to myself – the me who wants to help, who sees the good in others and is capable of pouring herself into meaningful work. 

The me who retreats is terrified of the unknown and taking that leap that could potentially lead me back to myself. The fear is debilitating and is keeping me stuck. IDK how to push past it.

When I returned home from my walk I noticed a large moth clinging to the brick facade. I immediately recognized it to be a sphinx moth. When I looked it up it turned out to be a Pandora Sphinx Moth. 

Pandora – 

The meaning of the Pandora myth is roughly this: human beings are endowed (Pandora = pan-dora = ‘all-gifted’) with a mind and soul that is like a treasure house of riches and fine jewels. However when we stray from the path of humility and holiness, and instead allow our thinking to be dominated by ruminations about the future or past, we unleash myriad woes in the form of intrusive thoughts and negative emotions. 

Pandora’s box released the world’s evils but also released the antidote to that evil: Hope.

Sphinx moth – 

Symbolizes transformation, profound change, and navigating the darkness with grace and wisdom. Its life cycle embodies personal growth and spiritual awakening, while its appearance can signify a time for letting go of old ways to embrace new knowledge. The moth’s nocturnal nature also connects it to the spiritual world, representing a yearning for truth, clarity, and purpose as it seeks light in the dark.

I held the moth for a time and then let it go in the backyard near the grapevine it most likely lived on as a caterpillar. When I checked later in the evening it had flown away. It’s visit not lost on me, I was immediately calmed and my upset lessened.

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In the Middle

The Second Request

Yesterday, during a self-healing session, I asked my guidance to assist me with healing core issues. I did not expect it to happen straight away, though.

Early this morning, around 3am, I awoke from a dream in which I was kissing my soon-to-be ex and had a surge of desire hit me. It woke me. Surprised, I went back to sleep. Again, I found myself kissing him with the same results. I woke up and returned to sleep a third time. The final time the dream continued and he told the kids that we were going to share a bed again. Eek!

It took me a while to return to sleep but I did.

I remember a dream where I saw two birds’ nests one on top of the other. The top nest had large, healthy babies opening their mouths for food. They were sitting among unhatched eggs. The lower nest had newly born, weak babies. I worried all the babies would freeze, saying, “Why are they having babies in the winter?” 

Then I was inside a house. It was my former best friend’s house. She and her husband were having a party. In the center of the living room I saw my friend and made a couple of dry humored jokes. She got mad and stomped away. I went to look for her, saying aloud I was joking, and found her crying. She walked past me and I saw a man pouring vodka all over the chairs in her living room. I went after her to tell her but couldn’t find her. Instead I arrived at a wave pool. Many young people were sitting around the top which seemed very high up. Below was a concrete slope empty of water with water even further out. Suddenly, a wave came up and knocked them all off the top and into the water. I could see ice in the water as it pulled them away.

Then, I overheard my SIL telling someone that my husband was going to give her money to pay for something but that she can’t let me know because we are in the midst of a divorce. I walked up to her and said, “It doesn’t matter. I heard everything.” 

The dream takes a turn here and me and my SIL have an in-depth conversation. She asked me, “Do you want help.” I thought of a certain type of counseling I could get and told her I would try it again except for the people. I said, “When you speak to them and it is a good talk they think you are now their friends but I don’t want to be their friend!” I was asked why and received many images all at once from this lifetime of times when I had been hurt by others. I realized very quickly that I purposefully didn’t have friends. I often say, “Friends are too much work” but I think the real reason is, friends are too much hurt. 

I remember her telling me, “I can help you.” I asked, “How?” She said, “Assist” and “Stat crash.” This confused me and caused me to gain lucidity.

Before I could wake fully, I realized it was a female guide, not my SIL, I was talking to.

I remember telling the female guide that I didn’t want to change my coping mechanism to protect myself from being hurt because “it is working.” I avoid close relationships with people beyond my husband and immediate family. My family hurts me enough as it is! So, it is a relief to not get hurt by a friend, but then it is sad to not have someone outside my family to talk to. In the past couple of years I have felt very, very alone because of my lack of friends.

Ah-ha moment: I realized my request for assistance had been granted. I was shown a core wound and how to repair it. Feeling overwhelmed at what I felt I was being asked to do, I said, “I can’t.” 

A male guide said, “It just takes some time….” and a song I have had on my mind for two days took over. I looked up the lyrics and when I read them I started to cry. The parts in bold emphasize where I feel the main message is.

The Middle, by Jimmy Eat World

Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves when you’re away

It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright

Hey, you know they’re all the same
You know you’re doing better on your own, so don’t buy in
Live right now, yeah, just be yourself
It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else

It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright

Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can
And don’t you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say

It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright

As I cried I had images bombarding me along with what seemed like instructions on how to change, how to fix the “stat crash” I have been experiencing for the last…..two years maybe more. In that time, I’ve not felt connected spiritually. I’ve felt “punished” but I didn’t know what for. I had chosen to do nothing rather than do what I knew needed to be done. Now that I am taking action things are quickly shifting. My guides are back (they were never gone but had stepped back). The syncs are returning. My dream recall is more vivid and my dreams are more lucid. 

Messages have returned. For me, this has been what I’ve missed the most. 

Examples:

The Mug

I was shopping for mugs. I found one that said, “You’re doing great”. When I read it, I started to cry. I put it back and began to walk off but then turned around thinking, “No. I need to remember that.” I bought the mug. 

Fast forward a week or so. I am in the same store. I have been upset over some things in life and feeling quite down. My daughter is with me. She knows about the mug. A woman about my age walks towards the entrance towards us. Her sweatshirt is too small for her. It has written on it, “Don’t worry. You’re doing great.” I laughed aloud and pointed it out to my daughter. I tell her it is no coincidence. The message is clear.

The First Request

I’m at home feeling angry. My mind is full of scenarios of vengeance. I don’t like it. I don’t like feeling angry. I go to the pantry to get something to eat and the thoughts are swirling. I get frustrated. I say aloud to my guidance, “I don’t want to be angry anymore. I’m tired of being angry.” 

Later that day, my daughter is anxious and so am I. I tell her we need to get out of the house. I suggest a movie. She wants to see Wicked. So we see it. I have no idea what the movie is or that it is a musical. Halfway through the movie I begin to identify with the “witch”. There is a scene where she is finally seen by the group. It makes me cry. I can’t turn it off but manage to by the end. Then there is another part, a song, that causes me to cry, too – Defying Gravity. The movie ends. I go to the bathroom and cry in a stall.

On the drive home I start to talk to my daughter, trying to say something really simple about why I identified with the witch. I start crying and then sobbing uncontrollably. I have to park the car. I cry in front of her. I feel bad but she is so very good at giving me space. 

We get home and I get a phone call from my husband. I start to tell him about the day and begin to sob all over again. My eyes are swollen I’ve cried so much by this time. I just can’t keep it in. A quiet message I hear from within says, “It’s okay. Maybe you should do this more often?”

The second request is at the beginning of this post. 

I have a feeling the floodgates haven’t even opened all the way yet (picture the wave hitting from the dream). 

Oh, and I might have forgotten to mention I’m getting a divorce. It was suppose to be final on the 6th but judgement was postponed. We have yet to get a date for the hearing. Hoping it is before the end of the year.