Tag Archives: Messages

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Waiting for the Call

Since my Kundalini dream last week, not much else has happened. The K has been quiet and dreams have been strange if recalled but mostly forgotten. I have had some interesting messages from the Universe that have come in various ways all seeming to add up to one complete message that I am not completely open to hearing. 

First, I have been less resistant the last couple of days. In general the energy seemed to be lighter and I was more go-with-the-flow than I have been in a while. Sleep was generally very good and solid and the normal day-to-day problems I tend to focus on or mull over were just not worth my time.

Then, yesterday, on my morning walk, I was thinking of our ski trip to Montana the week after Christmas and going through a mental list of things we still need. One thing I realized was a must have was Chapstick. Lips tend to get very chapped when temperatures are below freezing all the time. I remember thinking, “I need to get some Chapstick.” With that thought I put my attention on the parking lot ahead of me and my dog, Monty. That is when I saw very clearly a tube of Chapstick laying directly in my path. When I inspected it I saw it was brand new, unopened and still sealed. It was even the kind I usually get for the kids – cherry flavored! I laughed and thanked the Universe for the gift.

The rest of the day was good. We put up our Christmas tree and then me, my husband and the boys went to a nearby hiking trail for an evening hike with the dog. The Fall colors were beautiful in the light of the setting sun! The air was brisk but not too cold and there weren’t too many people out and about. I took some great photos. I somehow caught a perfect image of my own shadow in one picture, which felt significant to me. It is as if my HS is saying, “Here I AM. Pay attention. Listen.” 

Toward the end, as I walked ahead of everyone, I heard two owls (wisdom, inner guidance) hooting to each other. I couldn’t find them in the trees but they were very chatty. 

As we drove home we came across a small group of deer (guidance, resilience, change) running through a parking lot (lack of movement in life). 

My husband and boys decided to go to a movie after we got home. I snuggled up in bed with my cup of tea and zoned out watching two episodes of The 100 before doing my nightly meditation. This is when all the messages I pushed away purposefully from the day came back in spurts. It felt like my guidance was tapping on my shoulder very gently asking me to please pay attention. Some of the messages that came through included: 

A thought that the things I nitpick and get irritated about in my day-to-day life are not important and that, someday, I will look back and regret how I behaved because it was not from a place of love. Memories of other times this has happened came into my mind and I remember knowing I should listen but my Not-Self came back with the thought –  it is pointless to change because I always fail when I try.

A sense that change is coming. There was a presence all around me that felt to be pressing upon me with a feeling of “get ready”. 

My mind went back to an email I received earlier that day. The title was, “Comfort zones are where dreams and goals go to die.” My thought to this was, “I like being wrapped up in my comfort zone, safe to the point of boredom. It is better than the alternative, the uncertainty and the unknown.” After this thought I thought, “I don’t even know what my dreams and goals are anymore.” Then, feeling and Knowing excuses were pointless in the face of my guidance/HS, I asked, “Fine. What should I change?” I knew it was almost everything. 

Then the song returned that had come to me before as a message – “It’s time to be a big girl now, and big girls don’t cry.” 

The messages were received but I purposefully pushed them out of my mind. In doing this I was asked why I might not want to hear. I knew there was more than one reason. First, I struggle to grab onto any hope that there might be something ahead to look forward to. If I hope and things don’t turn out how I hope they will, I feel sorely disappointed. Then there was the fear of stepping into the unknown. Always fear of the unknown.

Dreams

I had several interesting dreams. Sadly, only fragments remain. 

In one more vivid dream, I was flying over a vast, crystal clear lake. Alongside me was a drone. I could hear the buzzing of its little motor. The drone spoke to me, asking me to follow it. Below, a small boat came into view and I knew the operator of the drone was on that boat. I could see a man fishing from the boat. I was told to go to a large rock so I did. I landed on top and looked around. The lake seemed to stretch for miles all around, its water a vivid, aqua blue. I could see everything that was under the clear water. There were fish of all kinds. Many looked tropical while still others looked like fish from a coral reef. The water was very deep yet I could see the rocks of the bottom as if they were just a couple of feet below. Then I heard someone call to me. I turned to look and saw three young men on the mainland. They wanted to come to my tiny rock island. I told them to be careful because the distance between my island and the mainland was far. I saw one young man jump and feared he would fall but he landed with ease next to me. I am pretty sure he floated across. When he landed I saw he was a good two feet taller than me. He asked me about the fishing and I told him about how the fish seemed like those from an aquarium and a coral reef. I didn’t think they would be good to catch and eat.

In another dream I was in a house with a small group. One was a medium and there was discussion about my gifts as a medium. I remember telling those in the group that I was not very good at what I did, at least not good enough to make a living doing it. I gave many reasons why I could not and would not try again. Throughout this I watched this man who was a trance medium. He had with him an older woman with red hair. There was much talk about this man was at what he did. I watched him do his work and saw how good he was. I felt completely unable to be anything like him. I was told my way was not his way, my gifts were not his. I remember receiving encouragement and support but I would not believe. My self-doubt was strong. At some point I remember a male voice very clearly say to me, “Don’t be afraid.” As I heard this a very strong energy came in and filled my entire head and began to migrate down. I could feel and hear the vibration of this energy. It was very familiar and though I was not afraid, I did startle awake instantly. 

Considerations

I am not sure why I didn’t realize I was OOB in the first dream. It was obvious to me when I awoke, though. The dream imagery was very vivid as was the feeling of my astral body and the clarity of my perception. It felt to me like I had entered an astral landscape. It was a place where flying was normal yet I did not realize this fully. The clear lake is symbolic of my inner world being cleared to make ready for making change in my waking reality. The fish represent choice and fishing represents making that choice. I “fish” for the next opportunity but am hesitant to make that choice. I am on an island which symbolizes feeling isolated, alone and trapped. The fact that the distance between the mainland and island appears far but really isn’t symbolizes that things are not as they seem. 

My sense of the second dream is that it represents a conversation between myself and my Team of guides. Recently I was asked if I would consider returning to previous “work”, work of a spiritual nature. The idea of trance mediumship came up as an option and I told my guidance I was not opposed to it because I feel I am capable, especially after experiencing several unintended instances of it. So the second dream appears to be a continuation of this conversation and the energy I felt toward the end was likely a practice attempt but I awoke and interrupted it. 

When combined, the messages and dreams indicate preparation for something up and coming, a change of some kind. The way I responded indicates my preparedness. While a part of me is ready, another is unwilling to take risks, afraid of and pessimistic about the future. As I contemplate all of this, I feel I am ready for change but don’t want to go it alone. The lack of support and direction is what holds me back. I just don’t have a solid Knowing or Call in any one direction. I am just waiting for the Call.

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Dream Message: The Stages Can be Found in Leviticus

Had a dream this morning that was unusual. In it was mentioned the book of Leviticus. Specifically, it was said to me, “The stages can be found in Leviticus.”

Dream: Leviticus

I was in a home (soul journey). There were many people gathered. I recognized some of them. One was a FB online friend, one was my sister and the other was Bonnie Greenwell (Kundalini author).

I stood talking to the FB friend for some time. He was telling me about his progress in the program and what stage he was on. While we talked I prepared one of my protein smoothies (seeking nourishment). I spent a long time listening to this friend and did not say much. He seemed engrossed in what he was saying and I did not want to interrupt him.

Then Bonnie came and stood next to me. We stood there together watching the group. I recognized then that I was at an AA meeting. I offered Bonnie some of my drink and she accepted. I remember pouring her some while discussing the group. Though I don’t recall most of what was said in the dream, I do remember what she said to me. I had just told her about my FB friend and was also talking about my sister and her struggles. That is when Bonnie said, “The stages can be found in Leviticus.”

Bonnie then thanked me for the drink saying, “That was good! Thank you. Was there much peanut butter (self-indulgence) in it? I can’t normally take much peanut butter but this was perfect.” I told her, “Only 1 tablespoon. I don’t add more than that or else I would make the whole thing peanut butter.” We laughed.

I spotted my sister in the room and went to her. She was uncomfortable and I knew it was her first meeting. At this point I realized we were in a parking lot (lack or movement, “parked” in life) and not in the room. I introduced my sister to my FB friend but little was said. I even suggested she date him but she was not interested. That is when a car pulled up and my sister excused herself. She told me she had to go take a dose of something. I knew it was Methadone.

When my sister came back she was concerned others had seen her. I told her not to worry, that everyone understood and she was not alone. She relaxed some but then wanted to leave. I knew the Methadone kept her from experiencing the effects of any drugs. I was happy to know she could not get high anymore but she seemed depressed about it.

She then drove me home. I commented on how surprised I was that she could drive so soon after her surgery. She had on each hand a dinner plate with designs. One was Cardinals (good omen, message from loved one, rebuilt relationship) on a Tree of Life and the other was also a Tree of Life. I said, “Where did you find that?” as I pointed to the Cardinal one. She said it was our mother’s.

When we got home our mom coddled my sister, taking her to the bathroom and tending to her every need. I went to my old bedroom because I was going to stay the night. It was full of chairs placed in a circle (life cycles). My mom came in and I commented on the change. I knew I would have to sleep on a cot in the middle of the circle (being the observer).

Then my dog Monty jumped up on me and was super excited to see me. I petted him and hugged him. My sister said, “Look at his eyes! They look like he is smiling.” I looked close and indeed his eyes were smiling.

Message

When I woke I was thinking, “What stages?” I thought maybe the stages had to do with AA and the 12 Steps, since I was attending an AA Meeting in the dream. So I did a search but couldn’t find much about stages or even steps.

When I was about to give up, I found this and knew it was the answer I was seeking. I don’t know much about the book of Leviticus but this sermon, written in 1964, really spoke to me, specifically that “holiness” equates to “wholeness”. In the end, I understood the message in my dream was that the stages were about how to become Whole again, something we all strive for.

This word [holy] is derived from the same root from which a very attractive English word comes. This word is wholeness. So holiness means wholeness, being complete. And if you read wholeness in place of holiness everywhere you find it in the Bible, you will be much closer to what the writers meant. We all know what wholeness is. It is to have together all the parts which were intended to be there, and to have them functioning as they were intended to function.

Leviticus: The Way To Wholeness

The dream itself seemed to indicate that there is still hope for my sister. That is what I felt upon waking, at least. There is also a deeper meaning, I am sure, which is indicated by the sermon I found online. And there is a message for me – and you – as well.

What I got most out of the sermon is how God is patient with us, so we should also be patient with ourselves. God does not force us to change. He gives us a choice. We always have a choice.

The stages were indeed mentioned in this sermon.

The first is giving up the old for the new. We cannot hang onto the old life anymore.

The second is practicing love; living from the heart.

The third is knowing God. I interpret this as knowing The One, or that part of our self that Remembers that we are all One – our Higher Self. And in knowing God/Self, we better know ourselves.

The fourth is that we need to make a choice. We can choose to keep things the same – to live in our misery – or we can choose to change. As the article says, “a decision is expected of us.”

God never says, “I’m going to make you leave your misery.” Rather, he says, “If you prefer being broken and don’t want to be healed, you can stay right where you are. But if you want life, then this is what is ahead.” God never forces his will upon us. But he sets the choice before us, makes it very clear, and then expects a response on the basis that he has given.

Update

I think the main reason for the above dream and message came as a result of a phone call. I finally called my mom to check in. Turns out she was in the car with my sister and nephew and the entire call was on speaker phone.

I had been avoiding calling my mom. I didn’t want to hear anything negative. I didn’t want to confirm what I knew – that my sister went home to her rundown RV to recover rather than stay with my mom. And that is exactly what happened, too, except that the RV roof sprung a leak so my sister and nephew had been staying with my mom all week while it was being fixed.

I knew my sister likely shared her pain meds with her husband and that they may have even sold some. I didn’t mentioned this of course and I don’t plan to. It is what it is. My sister has to decide if she wants to recover or relapse. It is her choice and her choice alone.

Then there is my own struggles with life that I believe the message was related to. Without going into detail, I will say that like my sister, I also have a choice. Though it isn’t related to drug relapse, it isn’t that far off.

Life is composed of habits, some good and some bad, some outright destructive. We tolerate so much that we should not. We tolerate the undesirable out of fear of change and the unknown, out of complacency, and out of the belief that we must place others’ happiness above our own.

The part of the above sermon that really hit home for me was this: “If you prefer being broken and don’t want to be healed, you can stay right where you are. But if you want life, then this is what is ahead.”

I want healing. I want life. Don’t you? Yet I have chosen to remain broken.

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Crayfish Totem

Had an encounter with a crayfish yesterday. It prompted me to return to this post from 2015, which was the last time I saw a crawdad/crayfish.

Dayna's avatarLiving Life in Between

I was reminded yesterday morning of a recent outing with my children. I had taught them how to catch minnows in the creek with a net. In the process of doing this, I saw a crawdad and caught it quickly. I showed them. We touched it and marveled at it. And I had fun. I felt like a kid again.

I use to spend hours as a kid catching crawdads. I told my children stories of how I waded through knee high mud, invading crawdad homes and catching all sizes. I told them the story of the mammoth crawdad I caught that was the size of a lobster. And I told them stories of how I collected their claws, explaining that they grew back and how I never once got pinched.

I was reminded by seeing in my mind the picture of the crawdad I caught that day (pictured above)…

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Message: Morning Star

I am experiencing a slight uptick in dream recall and guide visits lately. Messages are more frequent and last night I experienced Kundalini energy in my dream.

Message: Strength, Change, Communication

A week ago now I received a message via FB. That morning I had been somewhat down and in need of reassurance. The first post I came across was one of those word finds where you write down the first three words you see. The words I found were “strength, change, communication”. At the time I thought nothing of it but later in the day the words seemed to be whispered to me over and over. I finally wrote them down. When I did, the word “bravery” came to mind also.

Dream and Message: Bliss….Bravery

In the dream, I was with an Indian man who was showing me how to market his successful product as my own but I don’t know why. His product looked like dynamite or fireworks – tubes of red paper rolled very tightly. I was told they were not fireworks or dynamite but rather fire starters. I watched as he put one in a fire, lit it and it slowly ignited, orange flames taking over. Understanding, I looked at a box of six, which was how they were sold, still thinking they looked like dynamite or fireworks.

When I woke I saw a vision of a food package, I think for a drink but am unsure. At the top was writing. It said, “Bliss”. Then at the bottom I read, “Bravery”. It felt like I was being asked to drink it but I woke up because the message was so unique and obvious.

Message: You Will be Called

I have been watching a show called Manifest. It is about a plane that goes missing for five years only to suddenly reappear. The people on board do not experience time passing as 5 years but only hours. Many experience psychic abilities where they receive visions of the future. They refer to the visions as “the callings”.

It occurred to me that “the callings” were similar to what I have felt in my lifetime. I haven’t had them often, though. I receive strong Knowing that sometimes bring me to tears but always feel “big” and include a sense of being compelled toward a certain action. I refer to these experiences as “being Called”.

I realized the show, like others I have watched, contained a message that I will be Called again. Not only that but I have been told by my guidance to expect it.

The show’s name also feels significant. Manifest. Yep.

Message: Morning Star

This morning I had a very long Kundalini dream. The energy was muted but memorable. In the dream I was with a dark haired, dark eyed and very familiar man. His eyes are what is most memorable but I spent a portion of the dream tying to memorize his features (unsuccessfully). He reminded me of the man I use to see off and on in Kundalini dreams from 2014-2016.

Only broken pieces of the story line remain. Mostly I remember the man asking me questions and me answering them. When I answered him we were transported to scenes which appeared to be representations of what I was telling him.

In one scene I was outside a house with a man. At first he stood beside me and then he seemed to lose his footing and fall. I held the man in my arms as he grew old, turned to bones and then dust, crumbling in my hands. The dark haired man had asked me about the man, something like, “What about….?. My answer was ,”I was told to [be with him]”.

Another question he asked me was, “Where did you come from?” Hearing his question, I was transported to outer space where I floated past planets and stars. Then I burst through a “crack” in space and found myself on the other side of it staring at a long, golden cluster of stars that sparkled and had bursts of purple and white colors throughout. I said to him, “I Remember now….I’m from the stars.”

The next thing I remember is holding this man’s hand and getting into a large bed with him. I lay close to him and felt immensely happy and content. It was pure bliss. My entire body was warm with energy, especially my heart. I remember wanting it to last forever. I am surprised I didn’t start crying.

Then we heard the man being called (felt like we were in his home and his bed and his family was calling him) and he got out of bed to leave. I reminded him that he had no pants on and he turned back toward the bed to retrieve his shorts. I watched him, trying still to memorize him, wanting to remember as much of him as possible. He was wearing a plaid, button down shirt. The shirt came down just enough to cover his rear.

I woke, my entire body still warm with energy, especially my heart. Asking to go back, I fell into the in-between where I stood facing a starry night sky. It was early dawn. I looked up at the moon and saw a small star above it. I heard, “Morning star”. I remember asking, “Isn’t that Venus?” and received confirmation.

Meaning of Morning Star

The morning star is the planet Venus (Aphrodite, Goddess of love). It can also be Sirius and less likely to be the planet Mercury. It is also a symbol of hope and is another name for Jesus, who “shows the way” (I think Wayshower).

  • Morning star, most commonly used as a name for the planet Venus when it appears in the east before sunrise
  • Morning star, a name for the star Sirius, which appears in the sky just before sunrise during the Dog Days
  • Morning star, a (less common) name for the planet Mercury when it appears in the east before sunrise
    Source Wikipedia

“The Morning Star’s appearance indicates the dawn of light that ends a dark night. As such, Jesus Christ as a savior, source of hope and happiness is identified as The Morning Star.” Source

Music Message

I woke up hearing this song:

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Dreams Indicate a Lesson Will Repeat Itself

Meant to post this over the weekend but was too busy. The following dreams were from Saturday morning, July 11th.

Dream: World History A

I was in a college setting. The color brown was prominent as if I was in an older building similar to very old universities. I was discussing my upcoming school schedule with a man. I remember being asked about returning after such a long break and reminded how I failed a class – World History A (first half of the full course). He indicated that in the end I had just failed to come to the class and did not even bother to withdraw. So he had to assign me a grade in the end.

I remember feeling a dislike for the course and not being excited to have to repeat it but I also had a hopeful, determined feeling about returning to school and finishing the last semester to obtain my second bachelors degree once and for all.

Looking at my schedule I had five classes but the only ones I recalled were World History B and Algebra. Algebra was the last class and World History B was the third one. The fourth class was an elective the school had assigned me because I had not selected one. I asked if I could retake World History A during 4th period and was told I needed to speak to the professor about it. I asked if he was “black” and described the professor I remembered. The man told me, “I don’t know.”

My memory of the World History A course indicated I did not like the professor’s teaching style. The class was asked to read The Hobbit  chapter-by-chapter together, analyzing the characters and then taking very long tests about the story. I recall my grades being poor and my final grade was 34%. There was anxiety about how my new grade would be determined. Would they average my first grade with my new grade? If so that would mean I would have to make a very good grade this time around.

The World History B class was with a new professor who had a teaching style much easier for me to adjust to. It focused on the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The World History A teacher had a style I struggled with. I could never figure it out which is why I did so poorly. I made a decision to study harder this time around and pass the course once and for all so I could graduate and move on.

I was taken to meet the World History A professor. He was in a room surrounded by many students and did not appear as I thought he would. Yes, he had darker toned skin but he was not “black”. He was also very laid back. He had many of students surrounding him and they were all very friendly, almost too much so, like they were intoxicated or high. Many of them touched me as they passed and looked at me like they were looking into my soul.

I asked if he would allow me to add his class. He reminded me the first day of school had just passed and I would miss out on that first day. I reassured him I could handle the missed work. He agreed to let me join the class.

My dream memory fades out here and I remember having a conversation with a guide. He shows me three uncooked hot dog wieners and points to the first one. I knew they represented men in my life (wiener = penis = masculine) and that he was saying the World History A class was representative of this first masculine energy somehow. I had failed the lesson pertaining to this masculine energy and so now was returning to give it another try.

Dream: Bosu Fruit

I left the school to meet up with my Mom and step-dad. I was walking outside near a large garden with my mom waiting for her husband. He pulled up in a van and asked if I could get him the hose. I walked to the garden and saw a large watering set-up with various size hoses. I selected one that was tossed to the side and offered it to him. He said it was too flimsy and pointed to a larger one. I recall looking closely at the system and marveling at how it worked. The garden was lush and tall flowers peaked over the fence nearby. I believe they were sunflowers.

Then we drove to a house and went inside. My mom and I went on the back patio. I noticed her hair was very curly and she commented that she over did it and had not intended it to be that way. I told it it looked nice and remembered how she use to get perms to make her hair that way in the 80’s.

Then I saw a short tree full of ripe fruits. There were some fruits on the ground, too. I began to select them, sorting through those that had imperfections from birds and small animals taking bites out of their ripe flesh. The fruits were small and fuzzy like peaches and quite red. I asked my Mom what they were called and she said, “Bosu fruit”. The name didn’t make sense to me and I kept asking her again and she would repeat “Bosu” but I would think Kumquat or peach.

Then we were eating a dish made from the fruit I had picked The dish had a red sauce that tasted like spaghetti sauce. I remember this confused me. It was a fruit, right? Why did it taste like tomatoes? When I looked in the sauce I could see the red fruit, some in whole pieces. I kept eating the dish. The taste is still very strong in my memory.

Bosu

When I woke I lingered in bed and songs and conversations floated through my mind as I drifted in and out of the in-between.

I remember wondering what “bosu” meant. I got a full sentence that I can’t remember now (of course) but it was something like, “It’s time to awaken and expand your consciousness, not contract into yourself.”

The name Bosu reminds me of the BOSU ball used in exercise. It is mostly used for increasing one’s proprioception – the body’s ability to sense location, movement and action without thinking about it. Proprioception is sometimes described as the “sixth sense”.

BOSU ball

It feels as if the fruit symbolism and name is meant to remind me to trust myself and use my intuition or sixth sense to guide me. 🙂

Considerations

I’m not sure what the history class dream signifies except that I am returning to a lesson I failed to learn. Being it is a history class that focuses on The Hobbit it could be about my journey to Self. The Hobbit is about a hermit who has to step outside of his comfort zone and venture into the unknown. So perhaps that is the lesson I need to learn still? The Lord of the Rings trilogy of the second class is also a symbol. Here it is indicative of the second half of this lesson. My guess is it is more about the world being disrupted by a great evil and the part I have to play in it alongside others who have similar missions. I am to learn both lessons in the same “semester”. The Algebra class is also part of this semester indicating that logic and reason are also a lesson somehow.

My take on the dream is that I am back-tracking. This makes me feel a bit disappointed. It seems I am always going back to lessons and it is tiring. No wonder I was so determined in the dream to “study hard” to pass the classes and graduate!

The bosu message is also interesting. It just felt that I was being asked to return to a more expanded consciousness; to expand rather than contract inward. The fruit itself initially looked like and felt like a Peach. Peaches symbolize love and relationships. The fruit itself was a deep shade of red, though, and ultimately tasted like a tomato, which is also a fruit. Tomatoes represent approaching good fortune, passionate and often concealed love, and fertility. Red in and of itself is the color of love and passion

Combined, the two dreams seem to indicate a return to a lesson involving the masculine energy (or a male individual). The fruit part indicates a concealed, passionate love connection as well. This lesson would be one that was not fully learned. As the teacher reminds me in the dream, I stopped attending class but never officially withdrew. Therefore, I avoided the lesson in the end, maybe because I felt I could not successfully complete it after failing so many tests. I may not have withdrawn completely because a part of me was still interested or believed I could pass the class. 

Much of the first dream involved my consideration about the teacher of World History A. I saw his skin as black and disliked his teaching style. The color black can symbolize the unknown but it can also represent a dark side or aspect of something. When I finally met him he was not black after all and his students were all intoxicated. To me this is symbolic of the Kundalini energy and points to my withdrawal from my previous lessons with the energy.

The Hobbit symbolism gives some insight into the lessons I was learning at least. Knowing me, the lesson asked me to expand beyond my comfort zone and I was not ready to. Instead I chose to stay in my “Hobbit hole”. lol This I can completely relate to. When given a choice to take a risk or stay safe, I tend to choose safety.

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Dream: Subaru U2

I continue to be thankful for the quality, restful sleep I’ve been getting. I do hope it lasts! My dreams are odd, but I don’t mind. 🙂

Dream: Fixed Fish Aquarium

This dream is from two nights ago. It stuck with me for some reason so I am finally writing it down.

Most of the dream is about a large, 50+ gallon (Higher Self), rectangular fish aquarium (my emotions related to my physical reality experience). I recall checking water levels, inspecting the health of the fish inside, and arranging the plants and rocks inside (maintaining my physical reality, keeping it healthy). There was a circulation (emotional) issue I resolved as well. I happily bragged to a person who was with me about setting up the pump and bubblers so that the water traveled in a counter clockwise (improvement) direction. I showed the person from above the water line where we could see the water moving smoothing around the perimeter of the tank.

Then I saw a smaller tank, about 1 gallon in size (smaller self), sitting just to the left of the larger one. It had many smaller fish inside – guppies (cowardice) mostly – and I opted to transfer those fish into the larger tank where they would do much better. I remember there being an algae eater fish (cleaning, healing) in the small tank and knowing it was needed in the bigger one. There were also many tiny, newborn baby fish (potential) which pleased me.

The entire dream scene shifted and I was standing outside on a sidewalk on a university campus (life lessons) looking at the various halls. We seemed to be standing in an area where the sidewalks met and formed a kind of circular courtyard with benches and tall trees. A woman was with me. She pointed out a large waterfall (dramatic change in life perception) pouring down the side of the dorm (personal and private self) hall. I thought it odd that a waterfall would be cascading down the side of my dorm room but it was quite beautiful regardless. Her explanation was it was part of the renovation (healing, adjustment).

Dream: Subaru U2

The dream began as a trip to show a group of friends the land my father had told me he was going to give to me. I mostly recall one young man who was with me. He was romantically interested in me and we had been emailing and communicating back and forth for some time. We had decided to date with the hopes of it becoming more serious. He had with him two male friends. I’m not sure why I was taking them to my land but I was eager to show it to them.

When we got to the property I took them to a large garage where my father stored all his old cars. The cars were well cared for but most were quite old, some models from the 80’s and 90’s and some even older than that. My focus was on a particular car that my father was storing for me until I was ready to drive it. It was a black sports car parked in the back corner of the garage. I picked up a large key chain full of keys, found the key to the car, opened it and let them explore inside it.

The car was interesting in that it had a removable hard top that was sloped. The paint was original so it was not perfect, graying in some areas, but it was still in good condition. The men looked inside and were impressed, even asking to take it for a drive. I didn’t allow this but I’m not sure why. I remember saying the car was waiting until I was ready to drive it, implying it was not for them.

At one point I was trying to determine the make, model and year of the car. I said aloud, “I can’t remember what kind it is…” Then I looked closely at the emblem and though I can’t remember what it looked like I said, “It’s a Subaru….a Subaru U2.” For some reason I thought the make and model was rare and very expensive. The year shifted as I recalled the date. I saw 2011 and also 2016 but the numbers blurred together so it is hard to know for certain.

The men then looked at some other cars parked nearby. One was similar to the Subaru but not as well maintained. I remember insisting they not mess with the other cars and said it was time to leave.

As we exited the garage and walked through a garden full of workers tending to it, the sun was just rising in the sky. The young man who was interested in me walked ahead acting a bit strange. He later stopped writing and communicating with me and I remember thinking, “He must not like the real me.” I was disappointed and sad about this. My thought was, “People like me until they get to know me.” Memories came to me, all of times when my blunt, opinionated and bossy side came out and friends and boyfriends left because they interpreted these characteristics as negative or selfish. In that moment I hated the personality I selected for this lifetime and saw it as a means to separate me further from others.

Music Message

I woke from this dream hearing words from a familiar song – “Why’d you have to be so rude? Don’t you know I’m human, too? Why’d you have to be so rude? I’m gonna marry her anyway…”

Memories of all the relationships I’ve had – friends and boyfriends – in this lifetime came to me. They all had in common one thing – they start out great with good connection but over time seem to wear and fray at the edges. I see myself as the cause of this. Many of my past friends and boyfriends have told me straight up that they can’t handle my intense side, and that is the nice way of putting it. When I get upset, emotional, tired, or am just not in a good place (depressed or unhappy) I tend to be more prone to blowing up and saying exactly what I am thinking without filtering it. So, in other words, I stick my foot in my mouth. This is difficult for most to handle. Most retreat or go silent. Some come back at me with just as much intensity. Regardless of how they handle it, most eventually get tired of my often unpredictable and emotional blow ups and disappear from my life.

I am better at controlling my outbursts now but even so I struggle to articulate my feelings or upset in a way that won’t hurt the other person. Sometimes I vow to just not speak but when I don’t speak up for a long period of time the outbursts seem to take on a life of their own and I do more damage. It doesn’t help that I perceive the other person’s feelings and if they are judgmental or critical of me I get angry and frustrated, feeling they aren’t really listening to me. 😦

Thankfully, not everyone disappears from my life. Those that stay can fight my fire with their fire (so they are usually fire or air signs) and when it all blows over we can move on holding no grudges and often feeling relieved to have expressed our feelings. Honestly, I prefer those who are like this. Those who remain quiet or act submissive lose my respect in the end, as I am sure I lose theirs. And honestly, I don’t blame them because I am real good at steamrolling over those types.

I interpret the song message I woke with to be about how the men I end up marrying are able to accept and even overlook this side of me and have what it takes to be with me long-term. The same goes with my friends. It just so happens my best and most long-lasting relationships (including those with family) are all fire and air (or a mixture) signs. Ha! My younger sister, who is an Aries with Cancer moon, cut me off, however, but I can’t say I blame her or that even miss her moody, grudge-holding, poor-me behavior (yes, that is my blunt side coming out, so be it!). If she comes back into my life and attempts to mend our relationship I will take her back, arms wide open, even though she will likely not respond the same.

Subaru Message

Then there is the Subaru message in the dream. I had to look it up because it stood out so vividly.

The name Subaru is Japanese, meaning ‘unite’. It’s also a term for a cluster of [seven] stars in the Taurus constellation, named ‘Pleiades’ by the ancient Greeks. According to Greek mythology, these stars were once Atlas’ daughters. The [seven]-star cluster featured in the Subaru badge design is known in Japan as mutsuraboshi, meaning ‘[seven] stars’.

Subaru was the first automobile brand to use a Japanese word as its name. Source

The message via the car make and model in my dream was, “Subaru U2”. I take this to mean that I am part of this cluster of stars. I am a Starseed from the Pleiades. Based upon my memories, OBEs, and spiritual experiences, I am originally from Lyra, which is located in the Pleiades.

The sports car symbol is one I have seen in previous dreams. Cars symbolize one’s life path, the characteristics of the car symbolizing the characteristics of the path. A sports car, which is made for speed, symbolizes a path that one is on that goes quite fast from one point to another. A black car is not negative but actually represents the unknown, or something unseen and can also symbolize the intuition or Higher Self. In this particular dream the car is being kept for me in a garage. Garages indicate a “parked” path, so progress is stopped or temporarily delayed. The other cars in the garage are likely other paths I’ve taken at various points in time. Thankfully, I hold all the keys to these many paths. 🙂

The dream suggests that the path that is connected to the Pleiades is on hold for now, parked in a garage and maintained until I decide to once again take it for a spin. In the dream I show it – and mySelf – to others and am rejected because of it. This saddens me and causes me to judge myself harshly, blaming my human expression of my Pleiadian self as the source of much upset in my life. Yet when I think back on when I am rejected in the dream I am not concerned but instead proud of who I am. I recognize that sometimes others just don’t understand and that is OK.

 

 

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Dream Message: The Killer in Me is the Killer in You

Another good night’s sleep after many weeks of struggling to sleep. Funny how grateful you can be for something you once took for granted when you have been denied it so long.

Dream: The Killer in Me is the Killer in You

The dream began on a highway (life path). I was with someone, a friend, and we were navigating the path together, giving each other advice and direction.

What I mostly recall of this part of the dream is seeing two dead (suffering, loss) geese on the side of the road. One was white and black, the other brown and black. A motorcycle (forward movement and balance in life) without a driver had caused their deaths and I pointed it out as if to suggest the irresponsible driver caused the carnage.

I arrived at a small town and met up with my friend there. We went into a shopping area. A building stood in front of us which we both knew. It stood apart from the rest and was a line of a three or four shops that inside were all connected. The outside was brown and somewhat rustic or old looking, but modern at the same time. She asked me if I had been to visit the vendors there, I said I had. We agreed to go inside and take a look.

Inside we stopped at a healer where my friend had previously been. She motioned to the two men standing there. One was bald and robed like a monk, the other was taller and older with graying hair. They stood behind a small table that had a tapestry hung over it and a singing bowl and other healing tools sat on top. When I turned to look the men welcomed me, opening their arms and motioning me to come over. I turned and looked at the other vendors and said, “I don’t think I need healing right now….”

My friend accepted this but something changed my mind and I turned back and walked up to the men. The cost of the healing was discussed. As usual, a donation was the only price. I said, “I only have $4 (cautious advancement).” I reached into my purse and got out my wallet, pulling out my money. When I looked at it I was surprised to see more than I thought and upon inspection I had two $50 (personal freedom) bills. I said, “Wow! I didn’t know I had this much!” When I inspected the money it appeared to have nothing printed on it and was a bit transparent and iridescent. When the money changed position, however, the printed ink could be seen. I opted to keep the two $50 bills and donated the rest.

I was asked to stand on the table, left foot resting on something a bit higher than the right – a bowl maybe? Whatever I stood on rotated and was covered in fabric. The man instructed me to let myself spin with the rotation of the disc I stood on. I could feel myself off balance and was afraid I would fall so I stiffened up. He instructed me to relax but when I heard his voice it sounded like a woman’s. I suddenly felt to be lower, ground level, and hands were lightly touching both shoulders. The energy felt feminine and I relaxed into it, closing my eyes and spinning gently. I could hear a woman’s voice encouraging me and telling me, “That’s it…”

When it was over the two men were there again and the woman gone. The spinning sensation had balanced out and I received a vision of an old man with white hair and a beard. He was familiar. The taller of the two men asked me what I had seen and I told him. He was astonished and pulled out a picture of a man. I confirmed it was him and said, “He died here….he had trouble breathing…his chest hurt.” I somehow knew the man’s name was Yogananda.

At this point I asked to be excused to use the bathroom (release, healing). I went into a room from which several woman emerged. Inside I found many women in various positions and several tall clay pots for urinating in. I saw one woman on the floor as if seizing as she pushed a large, white ball around. There were other women on the floor as well all seeming to be convulsing as if overcome by something. They were not in danger, however, and I knew it. They were “possessed” by the Divine.

I entered yet another room, hoping to find a more private place to urinate and encountered more women. Along the side of the room were smaller rooms with doors – small saunas. Women were inside the saunas sweating, conversing and very relaxed.

The dream fades in and out here. I recall mostly trying to urinate and not being able to and seeing various strange toilets made of clay pots that were too high to sit on and so forced a woman to stand. In one I remember feeling I must be getting a UTI because my bladder hurt.

Lastly, I am standing again at the table with the two men and my friend. A song is playing in the background. It is familiar.

Messages

When I woke the words, “The killer in me is the killer in you….” are whispered to me by a voiceless voice as the music in my dream fades away. I know immediately the song, one I have not heard in years.

This is when the name of the man I saw in my vision repeated in my mind – Yogananda. I knew little to nothing about this guru so had to look him up. Turns out he died of heart failure. Source 

I am sure his teachings are relevant, also, but I will wait to be shown what, if any of his teachings, are relevant.

PARAMAHANSA YOGANANDA QUOTES image quotes at relatably.comAs I lingered in bed, still heavy with sleep, a calming energy swept up and down my spine – an energy hug as I call them. With this energy came a reminder that all lessons are cyclic and will repeat over time until learned and absorbed. If there is anything we can be sure of in physical experience it is that life repeats and so what we feel we have lost or been denied in one experience will be offered up to us again in another. My response was, “But what if it is not until another lifetime?” The reply to that was, “It will be so if you desire it.”

Yet a part of me feels afraid and resists the offering of certain lessons again. I can feel her clinging to her safety net; beliefs birthed out of fear and suppressed memories of when pain and destruction came from following the heart.

As I pondered this, it was revealed to me, as if a memory, that no specific path is the “right” one. It is just a path chosen to explore and many new paths can arise from it. The way of the heart is not linear, nor logical, nor can the destination always be seen/perceived for that is the Soul’s journey unto itself.

And with that I am brought back to the song and the words in it. It speaks to me of Oneness and how we are all aspects of one another. There is also the part about how the years “burn”. This is very real to me. Sometimes it feels as if time hurts….burns.

And I am reminded of a vision I had this morning that I nearly forgot. A plant grows, vines moving upward and then bursting into brilliant flames as if flowering Light. The image of it pleases me, I’m not sure why.

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Theme: Cockleburs

I continue to have difficulty falling asleep and getting a good sleep overall. This has been on-going since before Covid-19 hit mid-March. Some days I will get sleep that is good and solid, but mostly not.

Last night I felt a distinct shift in the energy. When for weeks I have had little to no communication from my guidance, last night I did. It came in the form of energy hugs and messages without words and I knew I would get a good sleep.

Dreams

I had many dreams and woke once in tears.

The first dream I recall was set outside on a rocky slope. I was with my daughter and we were walking along a dirt path to a bus stop (temporary setback in life). I was wearing sandals (life path) and felt like I use to as a child – hopeful and looking forward. Recognizing I may need better shoes, I went back to get my tennis shoes and then carried them a bit before placing them on the side of the path. As we walked we talked and I was in high spirits. As the time for the bus to arrive grew near I remembered I needed my tennis shoes and realized I would not be able to get them in time. So, we walked a ways to the bus stop, down the hill and a bit further, past where the bus normally stopped. When we got to a certain point it was like we triggered a switch and a small hill covered in shrubs to our right burst into flame (passion, intensity). There was a distinct pause here as I recognized the “switch” being triggered (perhaps a fire will be triggered). Each plant became a burning bush. One began to char. I was unconcerned and let them burn.

In another dream I was in a stadium full of people looking for a place to sit. I soon realized no one had on shoes and for some reason I was very put off by the bare feet (others’ path, following another path) all around me. I shifted and tried to avoid contact with people and even asked some to move over. Someone asked me why I was so bothered by bare feet. I mentioned they were gross, smelly and just dirty. As I talked about my upset I began to cry and burst into tears over the prospect of so many bare feet.

Then I was in another time period and place. It was like a scene from a wild west movie. I was with a young boy (masculine aspect) who desperately needed new clothes (ones outward appearance). At this time there was something about arranging four cocklebur plants (annoyances) in an area and planting them. This caused me to become emotional but did not wake me. Eventually I helped the young man, taking him to a shop to get fitted for new clothing which consisted of knickers, a shirt and a leather satchel. I remember thinking it was quite expensive and hoping he did not want me to buy him a whole wardrobe.

The scene shifted and I was in a strange house sitting on the floor beneath a dresser or cabinet. It felt like something was crawling on me so I looked up and saw the biggest millipede (unwilling to confront something) I had ever seen. I withdrew in fear until I realized it was dead and mummified. I then noticed the front door to my house was open and went in to investigate. I yelled to the intruder to get out but then realized the house was being cleaned (healing). I was asked to help pull a sock (major life disappointments) out of a vacuum and the lady took it to clean.

Messages

When I woke a song was in my head:

The song quickly turned into another song and with it came a memory of the movie it went with – Into the Wild. I thought of the story line and what happened in the end, how the poor man must have felt as he lay dying all alone. I didn’t know why memory of this movie came to me but now see it fits in with a bigger message.

Then I saw this memory on my FB feed. Something I posted in 2013:

First I was dying to finish high school and start college.
And then I was dying to finish college and start working.
And then I was dying to marry and have children.
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough
so I could get back to my career.
And then I was dying to retire.
And now I am dying…
and suddenly realize that I forgot to live.”
– Author unknown

See the message now?

Cockleburs

It may seem odd, but cockleburs have been a message for a while now. I had a dream a while ago, maybe a week or more now – you can read the post here. Almost daily since posting that dream I have seen memes and other references to cockleburs online. If you don’t know what a cocklebur is, it is a very annoying, large sticker that gets easily embedded in things. They are almost impossible to get out.

In one of the above dreams, seeing the cocklebur plants causes me to burst into tears. The feeling I had when I woke from this dream was of hopelessness and overwhelm. The message this symbol brings is that I am dealing with issues that are annoying and they are not easily resolved. Nothing I do seems to make them go away so I tend to just live with the issues/annoyances. The fact that this symbol continues to reappear indicates just how upset I am by these issues in my life.

In this time frame I have been having quite a bit of stress related to life foundations and my stability. This has mostly passed but the physical side-effects have been eczema, which I tend to get when I have high stress. Similarly, loss of sleep tends to accompany stressful periods in my life.

I will leave you with a flash of a vision I had of myself just now: I saw myself walking on a path wearing tan colored clothing that was full of cockleburs. Ha!

 

 

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Dream: Mermaid Warriors

This whole week I have gone through all kinds of emotions – anger, frustration, anxiety, concerns, guilt, appreciation, gratitude, love, compassion, guilt, etc. My emotions kept me up at night three nights in a row, mainly because I went to bed upset, usually angry or frustrated. Getting unwanted news right before bed is never conducive of a good night’s sleep for me. lol One night I was told all employees at my place of work had to wear masks to work. Another night a “friend” on FB left a rant on one of my posts where she basically called me a narcissist. Another night my husband told me something that now I can’t even recall. LOL Shows how very, very important it was, right?

I started to dread going to sleep because I knew once I closed my eyes that all kinds of thoughts and emotions would surface. I also knew I needed to meditate, calm my mind and body and allow those thoughts and feelings to surface and dissipate. The anger and frustration I experienced was the worst and I didn’t want to feel it because it made certain sleep would not come. Yet if I didn’t at least acknowledge it, it would seep out of me like icky, black sludge throughout the day – which it did. When this happens I usually piss someone off or step on someone’s toes or, worst of all, hurt someone’s feelings.

All the while I kinda knew, deep down, that my reactions to the world situation right now was purposeful. If I triggered someone, it was not a mistake. If I was triggered it was not a mistake.

In one instance, the one involving FB, I had actually considered deleting a post I posted because I knew would trigger someone. I intentionally left it. I don’t remember knowing why but that was later revealed when someone who I know online blew their fuse completely. This person had been acting this way in the online group she hosted, too, so it was not really a surprise that she lost her cool. I had been witnessing her attack people who did not share her beliefs for some time now, remaining quiet and just observing without judgement. When she attacked me online I actually didn’t even finish reading her post because of the pure contempt oozing out of the first couple of lines. I deleted it without a thought when she began using the term narcissist.

Sadly, the term narcissist bothered me. I ended up convinced I must be one all because of this woman and her judgement of me. My concern – guilt even – didn’t last long, though, because I realized that a narcissist would not feel guilt or concern over being labeled a narcissist! lol Also, my research indicated that I did not fit the bill. I may sometimes have some characteristics of a narcissist (as we all do) but I am most definitely NOT one. Yet all it took was this woman labeling me as one to make me temporarily convinced I must be horribly selfish, unfeeling and manipulative. 😦 In the end, though, it was a good thing because it caused me to take a step back and really look at myself, which was needed, especially now.

You may wonder what it was that triggered this woman. Well, I also had to inspect that about myself. My upset has been over the virus and the resulting fear has infected the population. I had finally had enough of the fear posts on FB, the constant fear mongering on the news and the people in my neighborhood brutally shaming anyone who was not in fear like them. When I blew up on FB I had not yet really figured out the true source of my upset.

Since then I have recognized my upset stems not from any of the above but from this – the current and long-term economic impact and its effects on those who were/are already struggling. Children. The poor. The addicted. The abused. The neglected. The suicidal or depressed. The hungry. The longer the shutdown goes on, the more these statistics rise.

But I needed to look even deeper than that.

I discovered at the root, of course, is my sister and her subsequent return home where she was already very likely to resume her meth habit. But now, with the shelter-in-place orders in effect, her enabling and drug-using husband at her side, and the stimulus check coming her way, well she is doomed. It’s not the virus that will kill her – nope – it’s herself.

I often struggle with letting the people I love make choices I know will ultimately lead them to more suffering or even death. Who doesn’t? It has been a hard lesson for me. I want desperately to take control of their situation, make decisions for them, but can’t. I feel helpless – much like everyone around me is feeling with this virus situation, though not all for the same reasons.

Thus, what my guides have been saying to me lately, “We are all in this together.” Everyone is feeling helpless and everyone is being triggered in their own way.

For me, the solution is to stop looking out at the world as the source of my upset and subsequent “problem”. Rather, I need to accept, once again, that my sister has to make her own decisions regardless of whether I think they are “right” or “wrong”. It is her life. I have to let go and allow her to fall – or rise – as in the end it is her path, not mine. Just as it is for every person on Earth.

Thus, it follows, that my upset with the mask order suddenly vanished. I went into work without a mask but by the time I got home I had decided I was going to make some masks. lol I had been dead set against wearing one and then did a complete 180. The release I felt was extraordinary and…..what fun I had!!!

Looky, looky at what I made!

Image may contain: 1 person

They aren’t perfect but they aren’t bad considering I haven’t touched my sewing machine in almost a decade. And what was I thinking about when I went to bed last night? Was I angry? Were my emotions and thoughts all over the place? Nope. Instead I was thinking about how I could tweak the masks I make next. I was creating. I would much rather be kept awake by creative thoughts than by frustration, wouldn’t you? 🙂

Dream: Mermaid Warriors

Shifting gears to dream-land….

My dreams have been few and far between these days but the ones I recall lately seem to involve ships and water. To give you an idea, previously I was on a sinking ship and rescued by three nuns in a submarine. lol

So last night’s dream was quite bizarre. I was on a dock with others standing next to what reminded me of a Stargate (Stargate movie lovers will know what this looks like). A woman was calibrating it and a blue light was emanating from the center. I was very close and the lady put her hand up and said to me, “No. You can’t use it whenever you want anymore. You have to wait.” My feeling and response was something like, “Oh come on!” I really, really wanted to go through it and it felt like I did it all the time. What is odd here is that the woman called the Stargate a “corral”. I’m not sure of the meaning here except to “confine or bring together”. My feeling is the next event or journey, what I was so eager to go into in the dream, is a “corral”.

Then I was being shown a “crew” that was being gathered together. I was told they were a mermaid crew yet what I saw was a group of women with legs standing together in clothing that reminded me of a warrior, like Amazon warriors. They had in their hands spears and their faces were without expression. There were at least 30 of them.

By this time I realized I was with a man who seemed to be directing me. Probably a guide or mentor. The man was tall, broad shouldered and light haired. He was talking about going to a very upscale restaurant that served foods that were not usual. I can’t remember what the foods were but they were things a sea creature would eat, not a human.

Considerations

Funny enough, when I woke I was having a conversation with someone asking to be allowed to go right now. It felt that I was about to be taken away in a “ship”. So, my thoughts were, of course, on a space ship type vessel. I highly doubt that I am going to be taken up in a space craft.

The symbolism here seems to be indicating a journey is ahead, one that will gather together a group of like individuals. How we are alike is unknown but based upon my past experiences I would say we have in common this: We are Light Workers/Warriors of the Light.

The mermaids indicate the ability to shift form from creatures of the water to creatures of land. The sea here is intuition and the ability to tap into it as needed. The land here is being human, or better yet Hu-man. Mermaids are symbolic of higher consciousness and being attuned to one’s authentic self. They also represent knowing and following one’s life purpose. The fact that their human form appears warrior-like feels to be a message or a calling to “arms” though not in the way one might think. It is more of a presence or a duty.

The man says of the food served at the restaurant that there is no use eating it if the restaurant doesn’t prepare certain foods a certain way. My feeling on this is that I am being asked to “eat the right food”, meaning to nourish myself with things that will strengthen me rather than weaken me. I am being asked to be mindful of what “foods” I eat. My first thought here is that I need to pay attention to what media content I am looking at – not just news media but any information being brought to me right now.

I feel blessed to have had this dream. It is promising but also cautionary, advising that while we wait, we be careful of what we consume.

 

 

 

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Putting the Past to Rest, Kundalini Dreams and Messages

Two weeks of struggling to fall asleep. I’m only getting about 5-6 hours a night and it is taking its toll. I suspect it has to do with the Corona virus scare and all the hoopla surrounding it. It is me picking up on the Collective more than anything I think, though I have my own issues surfacing independent of the virus and the Collective. All are One, though, so it is all the same to me.

Previous to news about the virus, I have had thoughts about past relationships coming up. This began way back in January, so I know it is not the cause of my sleepless nights because I had no issues with sleep back then. Some thoughts/memories are from past boyfriends, others from past connections in high school. Nothing major – no major emotions or reactions to the memories, really. Mostly I am coming to unuderstand the other person more and more and I think that is the point. This indicates that I have shifted from being the effect of my emotions and karmic lessons to being more at cause and seeking understanding in order to put it all at rest.

For example, a specific ex-boyfriend of mine continues to come up in my thoughts and I even had a long conversation with my husband about him. At that time in my life I had just awakened spiritually and was fascinated with my newfound gifts. My connection with him was a catalyst for my awakening, though a subtle one. He introduced me to the book that had the meditation in it that served to ignite all the swift changes in my life at that time. I realized that was his only purpose and am grateful to him for that. However, I also see how I was so immersed in my awakening that I neglected him, didn’t see the “signs” that indicated he felt ignored, under appreciated and fearful of a great many things. There was recognition that for him, I was more than just a fling, I was a potential long-term relationship and maybe more.

The signs were there but I didn’t see them back then. He took me to meet his father for one despite putting down his father and indicating he cared nothing at all about what his father thought of him and his life choices. He also altered his home environment to suit me. When I met him he had nothing permanent in his home. His furniture was all plastic or dorm style. His bed was an air mattress. He had no dresser in his bedroom. Yet after we started dating he bought a new bed and furniture. When I started drifting away from him, caught up in doing readings and exploring my gifts, he admitted to cheating on me (he kissed an ex-gf). I believe he did this because he wanted to test my reaction. I dumped him immediately and had no emotional reaction other than that. Afterward (we worked together) he was very resentful and demonstrated his hurt via critical comments. Then years later he contacted me in hopes of a second chance, but I was already married. He put down my choice to marry and have children saying, “Oh, you’re one of those.”

I was also able to recognize that he was a very conflicted person. He wanted to marry and have children but resented his brother who was doing just that. His brother was praised and commended for his choices by his father. So two reasons to not be like his brother. I think he began to have feelings for me that scared him. His response was to self-sabotage. Cheat on me and make it easier to escape a situation where he was at odds with himself. Yet despite this, years after he sought to reunite with me because deep down he longed for more.

After all this reflection I find I genuinely love him, not in a romantic way but in a family way. I wish only the best for him in his life and hope that he has faced his inner demons and made peace with his father. Maybe he has settled down with a partner and has found some semblance of peace?

I went through the same process with the other relationships that came to mind – another ex-bf and a girl I went to high school with. Seeing their side of things helps me to let go of any leftover negative emotion, freeing me – and them – from the trap of repeating the lesson in future lives.

Unusual Kundalini Dreams

One benefit of the delay in falling to sleep is I used that time to meditate and go within.

Last night, once again frustrated at not falling asleep, I asked my guidance for help. Since I had done this before with little response I asked to be given something interesting in my dreams – an OBE, a lucid dream with Kundalini, a gift perhaps – yes a “gift” would be nice I said.

My request was granted immediately.

Somehow I drifted off to sleep and entered into a lucid dream within a dream within a dream. The dream specifics are confusing because I was in two places (three really). I was in my bed aware that I was dreaming but I was in two different beds – one in the past and one in the present. The past bedroom was at my Mom’s home. The present bed my own bed in my house now. The dream took place in the past bedroom but I shifted between past and present, aware of each shift.

As I lay curled up on my side (in both beds) I had a dream of an invisible man coming to me. I shifted OOB where I could feel him and hear him, but couldn’t see him. He had stubble on his face which kept scratching me as we kissed. His hands were large but gentle. I recall shifting back to check on my sleeping body in the past bed while observing from the present bed and then shifting back to be with him. I remember becoming passionate with him and pulling back when his stubble scratched my cheek. I commented to him about it even but did not complain. The energy started to build and for some reason I withdrew from him. I don’t remember why. Perhaps I had a consideration of being found out? When I withdrew he did not want me to go. His persistence created more intense energy and my second chakra began to ache in response. It was both painful and pleasurable. This woke me.

When I woke I was surprised and pleased. My lower chakras were active and swirling with energy. I told my guidance, “More please.” lol

I fell asleep for a while and was awakened at 3:30am by my arm which was very, very itchy. I was bitten twice a few nights ago by what I think was a mosquito but the bites did not heal like normal. Instead they have remained very itchy and red. The itchy feeling comes and goes and this is the first time it has wakened me.

I got up and put some cortisone cream on them and then covered them with band-aids to prevent me from scratching them in my sleep. Then returned to sleep.

This time I entered into a dream that was very different from any other Kundalini dream I’ve had.

I remember being at a mobile home and interacting with a woman and her husband. I believe I was having an affair with the woman and trying to stay hidden from the husband. I am not sure if I was male or female but I think I switched between genders because at the end I remember recognizing I was male but feeling female.

The woman is hard to recall and I am not even sure it was a woman. I suspect it was a guide or teacher and the dream camouflaged them to fit with my comfort zone. This guide was touching me and igniting a very pleasurable feeling – and this is an understatement. I recall kissing and the electricity that resulted was beyond my comprehension. It took my breath away and created a chain reaction in my body like a match lights a bonfire. The pleasure wasn’t just energetic but physical, too. Every point on my body that was touched responded the same and every time it happened I was in awe and super curious. I remember commenting about it but can’t recall my exact words. I felt like a teenager exploring and touching for the first time. The places I was touched – hands, arms, leg – all felt to connect and exhibited the same explosive, erotic and pleasurable sensation. The pleasure I experienced is beyond description. I have not experienced the K like that before.

This went on for some time until the woman (guide/teacher) hid me as her husband returned. I remember hiding outside the back door and then crawling around the side of the house. When I saw the woman standing there I froze, hiding from her, too, but knowing she would see me. This is when I felt to be male but female, also. When she looked at me, I woke up.

Messages

When I woke my crown chakra was swirling with energy and wide open. It felt like a stream of consciousness was entering via my crown, a feeling I haven’t felt in quite some time. When this happens it feels as if I am connected to my guidance/HS in an expansive way – a 360 degree feeling.

The memory of what had happened lingered and I was still in awe, asking what had happened and why. The first response was, “You have an itch you need to scratch”. The symbolism was not lost to me since I had awakened prior to this K experience from a very, very itchy arm. My response back was, “Shouldn’t I not scratch? Scratching leads to infection…” I got no reply, probably because I was over-thinking it. lol

Then my guidance reminded me of something I was told years ago in an OBE encounter with a guide who spoke with an accent. At that time the guide started a sentence and I finished it. He said, “Quite a fine sense you have. The more and more (I finished his sentence) you see, the more and more you will believe. Trust them to know what they see”. But this time it was the opposite – “The more and more you believe, the more and more you will see.”

I knew the explanation to be one I had heard many times before. When I first awakened I asked, “Why me? Why is this happening? How is it that I can do what I can do?” and was told, “Because you didn’t believe you couldn’t.”

We are limited by our beliefs. When we do not believe we can’t experience something that opens us up to all that we can. I was being told that I experienced this different K energy because I had no consideration that I couldn’t experience it. I was asked, “Imagine what you could Know if you tossed all limiting belief?”

This conversation left me feeling very optimistic as my imagination went wild with all the things I could experience and Know.

Other messages I received:

“It’s your turn”. This came after what seemed like a memory of my soul group and us “taking turns” in some way related to ascension and the planet. It felt like we went through cycles of “rest”. It’s like we are all holding a rope in tug-o-war and sometimes we have to let go to get a breather and the rest of our group holds on and takes up the slack while we rest. When we return to hold the reigns then others take breaks and so on and so forth.

Vision: I saw a flood of water and knew it was a message that I would witness others around me suffer through troubled times. I was reminded that I would be spared. I saw myself standing as the water flooded on either side but missed me entirely.

Heard a voice say my step-father chose to move on (died). This, I believe, is future related and so the timing of it unknown.