Tag Archives: Totems

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Totem Visit and Dream

My primary totem animal made a surprise visit last night. My totem is the owl, specifically the Great Horned Owl, but any owl can bring me a message. Last night, after a particularly upsetting conversation with my husband, I was trying to settle into my heart but struggling because the doubt-monger-monster (lol) came to visit me and he was particularly difficult to conquer.

Anyway, my guidance was close and reminding me to focus on what I wanted and to Remember who I am and why I am here. As I began to calm down and reestablish connection with my heart, I heard a very loud hooting outside my window. It was incredibly loud, as if the owl was sitting on a branch right outside my window. I listened for about 5 minutes as two owls had a conversation, or maybe a “hoot-off” would be a better description (lol). They almost seemed to be arguing with one another and I got quite a kick out of it. After a while the hooting stopped as suddenly as it started.

I was surprised to have heard an owl so close. We live in the suburbs of Austin so wildlife is not very close by, though we do get visits by red tailed hawks, opossums and other critters. I think think this is only the second time in almost 3 years that I have had an encounter with an owl. I wish now I had taken a peek outside my window, but likely I wouldn’t have seen him since it was so dark.

These owls came to confirm the message just received by my guidance. They are telling me it is very important to Trust right now and to stay heart centered.

This encounter reminds me of yet another encounter I had completely forgotten about. On Saturday, while visiting my mom and after seeing the moth and butterfly, I witnessed two red tailed hawks in the sky. They appeared almost to be dancing with one another. I watched them for a good 10 minutes diving down very low and then soaring way up high in the sky. They called to each other as they did this. I felt blessed to have witnessed such an extraordinary event.

Dream: Mermaid Queen

I had a very curious dream this morning in which I was with a group of friends on a different planet. I believe it was a lesson/class in which we were discussing the history of this place. I recall seeing quite a bit of gold, gold in the atmosphere and gold in the buildings. We stood next to statues of the great rulers of this place and specifically focused on a Mermaid Queen as we stood beneath a towering, gold statue of a woman holding a staff in her hand. She did indeed have the tail of a fish. I remember mentioning my disbelief that such a woman ever existed. “This is all a myth. It can’t be real” I remember saying. The other rulers were also unbelievable to me. I recall now only that they reminded me of Greek and Roman mythology in their grandness and appearance.

As I shifted scenes in the dream I would seem to enter or become a sparkle of golden lights. It was as if we all dematerialized and then materialized into another scene. Each time I was acutely aware of the light we entered and understood that it was me.

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Dream: Lock Down

I was being led to a room where I was to stay. It resembled a complete apartment, yet it was specifically referred to in the dream as “hotel“.

When inside I immediately began to lock all the windows and doors. It was as if I was trying to protect myself from something, like I was going into lock down. The entire apartment was very clean and white with a yellowish hue in certain areas. I felt safe there.

I prepared to take a shower, gathering up my supplies to include a very large, white towel. As I went to close the door to the bathroom I heard someone talking. I went to investigate and there, sitting on a recliner and dressed from head to toe in white, was a very obese man talking on his cell phone. He was so large that he was too big for the chair, his body seeming to flood over the sides.

I was angry that he was in my space and yelled at him to get off the phone and get out. He looked at me, waved me away, and kept talking on the phone. The feeling from him was of amusement and I felt he was mocking me. I got angry, yelled again for him to “get out!” but he just turned, put his hand over the phone, and said, “I will only be a minute. This is important.” lol

Eventually I gave up and decided that I would just shut him in the room he was in and take my shower. I remember being a bit uncomfortable with being naked and exposed in his presence, even if he was locked in the other room. He was still in MY space and that was uncomfortable for me, yet I was allowing of it. At the same time I was thinking about how lazy and generally sloth-like the man was. I was extremely critical of him and his “faults” and this is why I wanted him OUT of my space.

Reflection

It seems to me that I was dealing with doubt in the first dream, doubts about my own femininity or just doubts in general. There may have been an actual visit to another time/place as well but so much of the dream seemed to vanish upon waking that it is hard to know.

The second dream is quite funny to me. This is the second time I have seen an obese man seemingly mocking me in my dreams. I always get furious, too. Thankfully, seeing an overweight or obese person symbolizes prosperity. Perhaps I am afraid of prosperity; of being happy? This makes sense and explains why I would try and lock the man up in one room and felt exposed in his presence. It does appear that I am getting past this frame of mind and recognizing my tendency to be critical and hard on myself. Perhaps I am ready to accept that I can be happy?

Messages

My guidance had shrunk down to 6 which is the lowest it has been as in some time. What is going on? I was told, “Transition.” It was made known to me that anything is possible and to not limit myself with my beliefs or preconceived notions about what can or cannot be.

I was also reminded to Remember who I am, my purpose/mission, and to not get tangled up in the energies of the situation I find myself in. They said to me, “We have always been, and always will be.” With this there was a sense of greater purpose felt, but specifics were not identifiable.

 

 

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Visitations of the Insect Kind

Yesterday I got visited by another swallowtail. This time a Giant Swallowtail. Prior to and during my trip to Tennessee I had several visits by butterflies. I guess then it shouldn’t be a surprise that they are still visiting me. 🙂

Not long after I encountered a very large moth. Here is a picture of him:

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Then today, while outside with my children enjoying the brisk, Fall weather here in Texas, I got visited by a dragonfly. He actually landed on me multiple times and was content to just sit on my arm despite me moving around and getting very close to him. He was a brilliant blue. I didn’t have my phone so no picture, but he looked something like this:

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The messages of these three visitors are not dissimilar. The moth was seen during the day resting on the side of the house. I nearly didn’t see him at all since he blended in so perfectly with his surroundings. Therefore, I suspect his particular message to me was to blend in. The moth reminds us to”use our environment to our advantage, blend in when necessary, adjust and adapt when the situation requires it.”

The dragonfly has visited me before. His message is to pay attention to what we think, especially those thoughts which arise via meditation and the dreamstate. He reminds us to be mindful of our thoughts for they produce our reality. This has been a near constant message from my guidance since my return from Tennessee. Keep the mind chatter to a minimum. Don’t think about “what-if’s” but instead focus on what is in your heart and your Knowingness.

The butterfly is, as always, all about transformation. Whenever I see the butterfly, I am reminded of something my guidance told me recently:

Like with all transformation, the transformed often do not notice how they have changed until they are well outside the parameters of the completed metamorphosis. Does the caterpillar know it is changing into a butterfly whilst it is inside the cocoon? When does it know that it has transcended the limits of its cumbersome body? Is it when it opens its wings for the first time? Is it when it takes its first flight? Or is it when it is up above its Earthly home looking down on what once seemed to be the insurmountable obstacle of its existence? 

 

 

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Heart Surges, Boredom and a Great Blue Heron

The energy is a bit stagnant again this morning, but I can feel it is revving up for another surge around the full moon and eclipse on Wednesday. It will continue to cycle through the end of the month. Ebb and flow, surge and fall. The stagnant periods will replace the low, depressed, chaotic flow of the last cycle of upgrades and transmissions. I am grateful for that.

Heart Surges

I experienced several heart surges throughout the day yesterday. They were high heart surges and shifted into my throat chakra several times. My third eye was also triggered when my heart was blazing. With these surges of energy I felt hopeful, excited and a bit nervous. Something BIG is coming.

Unmotivated and Bored

Today’s stagnant energy has amplified my lack of motivation and boredom. I lingered in bed this morning feeling out of the energies and being warned of my tendency to over analyze everything. Even though I don’t like the feelings I am experiencing I have to learn to allow them to flow. They will pass. Nothing stays the same. Change is a constant.

There is a tendency in me to do, do, do. I have trouble staying still. There needs to be a project or something mentally stimulating for me to fill my time with. Right now is not a time for DOing. It is a time for BEing. There are timelines shifting and constant re-alignment. To DO anything at this time would result in NOthing for the alignment is not complete.

Charts, Graphs and Grids

A repeating pattern as I wake in the morning is a recollection of seeing shapes, patterns, charts, graphs and grids. They are random and flash through my memory as if they are being stored somewhere deep in my subconscious in order to protect my waking mind from too much information too soon. Mathematical computations are among these images.

This morning, the most prominent images were of seeing various grids superimposed one upon the other. They were spread across the universe, the Earth, and every living thing on the Earth. Some of the grids were square, others were octagonal, still others pentagons. So many different shapes! The colors also varied. Some were blue, others green, some red and still others purplish and their overlapping colors created a massive, multidimensional mandala of color. The grid pattern I saw from our galaxy had vortexes and circular patterns that swirled and seemed to breathe as they expanded and contracted.

Then there are the charts. The Venn Diagram is familiar. My guide showed me this back in 2004 to explain my spiritual transformation. The separate ares of consciousness – conscious, subconscious, superconscious, were merging, becoming less separated. There was another chart that was less familiar and dotted with mathematical formulas – positives and negatives, proportions, symbols, and geometric formulas that I cannot specifically place at this time. They are familiar – meaning I have come across them in this lifetime, but they all blend in my mind making them hard to separate. The graph itself showed an upward trend in red. Below, in a contrasting color, was a more even flow that remained lower in elevation than its counterpart. My sense from this chart is it was of human evolutionary patterns in relation to Earth changes and electromagnetic pole distribution. But I suspect there is much, much more being discussed and anticipated.

I searched the internet for something that looked familiar to me. This article, which upon reading makes my head spin, is very similar to the formulas and corresponding symbols I remember. The image below gives you an idea of what I am seeing. Mind boggling!

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Preparation – Expansion Pending

The BIG something I mentioned earlier is an expansion of Self which ultimately leads to Wholeness. Yesterday I spent most of the day receiving downloads via my heart – thus the heart blasts. The downloads have not made their way into my conscious mind as of yet, but the feeling from them is already being felt. I perceive the magnitude of what is to come more than anything.

My mentor was very, very close all day and is today as well. If I focus on him, my heart blows wide open, so I try to keep my distance. lol

The previous night’s Kundalini rising from my root to my heart must have cleared some blockages because my stomach has been extra sensitive, making my eating habits an area of particular focus lately. I ate a ton of french fries from Wendy’s on Sunday and spent yesterday paying for it. Stomach knots and lower back pain – it could have been worse. I know better than to eat that crap! Since then I have been focused on eating more clean foods – fresh veggies, fish, organic meats, whole grains. And I am extremely thirsty! Since this pattern is familiar, I know it is a preparation stage and this time I plan to avoid a stomach flu forced cleanse. 🙂

great_blue_heronSigns of Change

My husband is also feeling the stagnant energy and has been quite restless. Yesterday he came home and wasn’t even in the front door when he began to talk about selling our home and moving to Florida. lol He proceeded then to tell me that he wants to take his aunt and uncle up on their offer to fund his new business. He wants to move to Clearwater and if not there then he brought up Colorado and of all places Iowa! Iowa? No way! lol I immediately went into panic mode because if he quits and focuses on a new business then I need to work to make sure we can pay our bills, etc in the meantime. I have absolutely NO motivation to get back out there into the 3D world. Just thinking of going back to work makes me feel sick inside. Ugh! I had to tell my husband to stop talking about it and even told him he may have to do it on his own. This shut him up temporarily and I retreated to the back yard porch swing to calm down.

While out there thinking how I couldn’t possibly confront going back to work, I spotted a huge blue bird walking along the creek below me. Stunned, he looked directly at me and I recognized him to be a great blue heron. What was a bird like that doing in our creek!? His eyes met mine and he flew across the open area to the safety of the trees and then just stared at me.

When I looked up the message a blue heron brings I discovered a message to remain calm and remember my ability to adapt to changing situations. It is funny that the heron came at the time he did because it was like he was addressing the thoughts I was having at that time by saying, “Be patient. Answers and opportunity will come. Be prepared to take action when they do.”

 

 

 

 

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Clovers and Ladybugs

The energy yesterday was fantabulous! Did you take advantage of it? I did. 🙂

There were moments when the vibration got so high, though, that I got that familiar anxiety/panic feeling in my chest. I hate that feeling. How did I handle it? I went to the gym and grounded the hell out of it. lol It worked, too. Bye-bye panic feeling hello happy feeling.

When I came home, my mother-in-law took my two oldest to a birthday party. This gave me time alone with my youngest. We both love our time alone. We spent it outside enjoying the lovely Spring weather and exploring the back yard. There was a cloudless sky and a slight breeze – a perfect day.

I decided to sit in the grass. When I looked up at the sky, the crescent moon was right overhead. For some reason this made me smile and gave me great joy. I felt as if the moon was put there just for me.

Then I noticed I was sitting next to a clump of clover (which is actually Wood Sorrel). I love clover! It brought back memories from my childhood. I use to look for four leaf clovers all the time. I would eat the clover, too. They are yummy!

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The symbolism was not lost to me, either. Each clover has three, perfect heart shaped leaves. Since I had just received the message 333 by my guides the previous day I smiled because here it was again in abundance all around me. Each perfectly formed heart reminding me that I am loved and worthy of love. Thank you universe!

Here are a few pics of my son in the clover. The last one is of him tasting it. He didn’t like it too much. It’s an acquired taste. lol

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Do you see his mullet? I couldn’t cut his curls so I kept it long. We get comments on it all the time. People love it. lol

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Tasting the clover.

There were also an abundance of ladybugs about. There would be three or more on one plant!

Ladybugs symbolize happiness, good fortune, child-like innocence, and complete transformation.

Ladybug spirit animal shows that the last, big step of your transformation will result in a quantum leap from one way of being to a brand new one. You will have a gap or quiet, inactive time when this shift is happening in you, but others will be able to see it taking place. Source.

I had not seen so many ladybugs in one place before so I took some pictures and showed them to my son. He was as fascinated as I was.

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All pictures were taken with a cell phone.

There were also aphids all over the place. I pulled up some weeds and my hands were covered in the little green guys. I didn’t take any pictures of them. They kinda creeped me out so I stopped investigating the bugs of our back yard after that. lol

I learned later that ladybugs eat aphids. I didn’t know that! No wonder there were so many hanging around.

After that we took a trip down to the creek. It is actually an overflow ditch but water runs there year-round and there is an entire ecosystem available to explore. The creek marks the border of our property. We don’t even own one acre but we have way more to explore than our previous 4 acres provided. Such a blessing!

 

As you can see, Spring has sprung in Texas. It has been greening up since mid-February. Last week it rained every day and the creek overflowed its banks. Our house is very close (you can see it in the pic), but we are not located in a flood plane/zone. The water has, however, come up uncomfortably close to the house.

It is another gorgeous day today and the first day of Spring Break, too. Wishing you all a joy-filled, beautiful day!

 

 

 

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Opossum Visit

Last night was one of those nights where I fell asleep and did not move until I awoke at 3am. I have no memory of any dreams prior to that point. I just slept really, really hard.

When I awoke I was very sad and I don’t know why. I felt completely done with life and requested a convening of my Council to discuss my options. For some reason I knew I could do this if I stated it properly. So I mentally requested a meeting of my Council to discuss my Exit options. I then requested that I be allowed to remember the adjournment and what was decided.

I was not going to share this with you all because I didn’t want it to appear negative. Yet, this is a very real part of the journey, of my journey. I have requested to Exit this life many, many times – too many to count. I believe we have Exit points planned into our lives. These are points where we can choose to leave the physical body. They are set points but the timing and circumstances surrounding them can be revised. I did not know how to request it until this morning. I just awoke knowing. Prior to that I have just wished for them, never directly asking to meet with my Council.

The feeling I awoke with is of absolute purposelessness. I feel to be going nowhere in my life. Treading water and getting more and more exhausted as I do so. The options I have reviewed, the only ones I can currently “see”, do not offer me any hope of positive change. I feel no matter what I do that this feeling will not abate. I have asked to understand, to be shown the reason, but so far I am getting nothing – or at least that is what it seems.

Opossum Visit

I was reminded this morning that I was visited by an opossum last night. This was no dream but an actual visit. At my old home, which was located out in the country, opossums, raccoons and other critters were constantly showing up. Here in the suburbs, however, they are rare. So last night, when a huge opossum came walking up to me while I was outside, it was a surprise indeed.

A visit from an opossum is a message to lay low and blend into your surroundings – to “play opossum”. Their message is “take no action”; do not say or do anything. This time of no action will allow you to see things for what they really are. Patience, trust and passivity are required.

Seeing this message just makes me laugh. No wonder I am wanting to Exit. This is the worst part of life (in my opinion) – the waiting! I absolutely hate it.

This message reminds me of a knowingness I had prior to bed last night and upon waking this morning. That at this time in my life I am focusing primarily on two things: being a mother and progressing spiritually. That’s it. The former requires action on my part, the latter does not. Of course, I want to act on the spiritual more than anything but am not being allowed. It is something that occurs in its own time and much of it is behind the scenes.

 

A big challenge for me is accepting the feelings I am having; allowing myself to feel them without judgement. There are so many “negative” ones that it is hard to not judge myself harshly for feeling them. Trusting that they have a purpose is very difficult as well. In some cases they are the elephant in the room and eventually something must be done about them.

I really, really want to just go into a coma until it is time to act. The waiting is unbearable.

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Crayfish Totem

I was reminded yesterday morning of a recent outing with my children. I had taught them how to catch minnows in the creek with a net. In the process of doing this, I saw a crawdad and caught it quickly. I showed them. We touched it and marveled at it. And I had fun. I felt like a kid again.

I use to spend hours as a kid catching crawdads. I told my children stories of how I waded through knee high mud, invading crawdad homes and catching all sizes. I told them the story of the mammoth crawdad I caught that was the size of a lobster. And I told them stories of how I collected their claws, explaining that they grew back and how I never once got pinched.

I was reminded by seeing in my mind the picture of the crawdad I caught that day (pictured above). I almost forgot about it. With the memory I felt there was a message I had missed. What was crawdad’s message?

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Crayfish Totem

Crayfish teaches us to move forward in life, to overcome our fears by shedding our old “skin”. This skin shedding is part of the crayfish’s nature cycle of growth and maturity. Similarly, spiritual growth is a forward moving process and involves shedding old limiting beliefs, issues and habits. The crayfish reminds us to not be afraid to let go of those things that hold us back. However, it also represents appropriate reversal, especially when threatened, but reminds us to not overuse this protective mechanism.

Crayfish is also symbol of regeneration. It often loses its legs, or claws, and can regrow them easily. So, also, can you regenerate as needed.

As a water creature, the crayfish represents the psyche, dreams and subconscious. It reminds us to pay attention to our intuition, listen to our dreams, and look for symbols in both our waking and dream world.

All images copywrite daynaspirit.com

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Visit from Dragonfly

I felt drawn to go outside and just sit even though it was nearing 90 degrees and there was little shade. My daughter joined me and we sat, looking out on the trees and stream below us. It was peaceful and we both instantly noticed small shadows zipping around haphazardly on the ground. Looking up, we saw the source of these shadows: dragonflies.

There were more than I could count. I would guess about 100. The highest fliers were also the biggest. Those closest to the ground were small, probably only about two inches long. One landed on my daughter, then on me, then on her and back and forth. We watched his blue body and shimmering wings in awe. He was so perfectly tiny! I tried to take his picture several times but couldn’t get a good shot. This is the only good picture I got but he is mostly in the shadow of the porch swing.

dragonfly1Later, I went outside alone and stood right underneath the magnificent swarm of dragonflies. As I was leaving, I saw two huge, bright red ones. I thought they were hummingbirds at first. They were so large! I watched them fly past several times. So vividly red! I have never seen a red dragonfly like that!

Dragonfly Symbolism

The dragonfly brings many messages. He symbolizes happiness, speed, purity, joy and light. He also represents prosperity and good luck. Additionally, he can symbolize self-realization and one’s true, inner beauty. He reminds us to live in the moment and to the fullest.

Some of the most important messages from dragonfly are that he encourages us to look beyond self-created illusions to find our inner truth and beauty. Many say that when dragonfly comes into your life that you are ready to shift into a higher gear, move forward, fulfill your true potential and vibrate at much a higher frequency than before. His presence acts as an invitation to do all of the above with trust in your inner guidance.

I find the timing of dragonfly’s entrance into my life today as a synchronicity. He came just after I had taken yet another step toward the goal of starting my own business. I had been worried, thinking I should do more, but had chosen to let it be and relax for the time being. His presence validated my decision while also giving me something beautiful to watch.

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Blue Jay

Today as I was going about my day, I noticed a huge blue jay sitting on my back fence. He just happened to be in the same spot where I saw the leaves of a tree formed into the perfect seven not long ago. I stopped what I was doing and watched him. He was beautiful and so magnificently marked. Blue jays are not around much here where I live so to see one is rare. I immediately took note that he may be bringing me a message.

Blue Jay Symbolism

From Animal Speak by Ted Andrews.

The blue jay has long been thought of as a bully and a robber, and although it can have those tendencies, it has other qualities that make it stand out positively. For those to whom the jay comes as a totem, it can reflect lessons in using your own power properly. It can also reflect lessons in not allowing yourself to be placed in a position in which power is misused against you.

The word ‘jay’ comes from the Latin ‘gaia’ or ‘gaea’ which has associations to Mother Earth. In Greek mythology, the union of Mother Earth (Gaea) and Father Heaven (Uranus) resulted in the first creatures who had the appearance of life. This reflects much about the intrinsic power associated with the jay. It has the ability to link the heavens and earth, to access each for greater power.

The black and white markings found on its blue wings also reflect this same ability. The sky (blue) separates the Heavens (white) and the earth (black). This is a totem that can move between both and tap the primal energies at either level. The jay is aware of this innate ability, and this is reflected in its blue crest–higher knowledge that can be used.

The main problem will be in dabbling in both worlds, rather than becoming a true master of both. Those with a jay as a totem usually have a tremendous amount of ability, but it can be scattered or it is often not developed any more than is necessary to get by. it is not unusual to find individuals with blue jays as totems to be dabblers–especially in the psychic and metaphysical field. They know a little bit about a a lot of things, and they use that knowledge sometimes to give the impression they know more, or that they are true masters.

The bright blue crest of the jay should always be a reminder that to wear the crown of true mastership requires dedication, responsibility, and committed development in all things in the physical and spiritual. The blue jay is a reminder to follow through on all things–to not start something and then leave it dangling.

The blue jay reflects that a time of greater resourcefulness and adaptability is about to unfold. You are going to have ample opportunities to develop and use your abilities. The jay does not usually migrate, staying around all winter, so look for there to be ample time to develop and use your energies to access new levels. It will stay around and work with you as long as you need it.

The blue jay is actually a member of the crow family, and most crows have no fear. Crows and jays alike will gang up to harass and drive off owls and hawks. The jay is fearless, and it is because of this that it can help you to connect with the deepest mysteries of the earth and the greatest of the heavens.

The blue jay is an excellent mimic, with a sharp eye and voice. It especially has a wonderful knack for imitating red-shouldered hawks. Old-time naturalists were convinced the blue jay derived pleasure from this activity. As with all members of its family, this sense of seeking pleasure–often at the expense of others–can reflect an imbalance. Sometimes jays show up when this is occurring in your own life.

Blue jays have a tremendous ability for survival with the least amount of effort. They reflect great talent, but that talent must be developed and utilized properly. If the jay has flown into your life, it indicates that you are moving into a time where you can begin to develop the innate royalty that is within you, or imply be pretender to the throne. It all depends on you. The jay has no qualms. It will teach you either direction.

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Deer Patrol

I have been feeling very down and out for the last couple of days for no apparent reason. It is odd to me how my feelings quickly change seemingly for no reason. I am use to it as it has happened like this my entire life, but never this frequently. I know the world is undergoing a great energy shift and that it has been escalating in intensity, especially this year, but I am tiring of it. I wish that I could shut out all the outside energy that impacts me, but I seem unable to completely keep it out. The more I isolate myself to try and protect myself, the more irritated I seem to get. Yet when I open up more, I get overwhelmed and overly emotional and unbalanced. I don’t know which is worse – to shut down my emotions or to be overwhelmed by them. It seems a lose-lose situation.

Deer Patrol

It was dark. I was in a familiar house. It was cozy and nice. It felt like grandmother’s house – a place of safety and love. I was not alone. There was an old man and a couple of younger, twenty-somethings, one male the other female. I felt older than them but much younger than the old man.

I spoke with the two younger people, the male one first. He was getting ready to head back to college. He told me he had to study for an exam and I was surprised by this. “When I went to college, we took all our finals before break. When did they start giving finals after Christmas vacation?” The young man paused and then said, “I don’t know. That is just how it is”. I replied, “That isn’t very fair. You are suppose to study and prepare for the exams. If you have them after vacation, then you will have to study for them during vacation! That kinda defeats the whole point of vacation!” My voice got a bit louder as I was talking because I was feeling frustrated for this young man, yet he didn’t seem to care one way or the other. “I’ve been studying for a couple of days. I don’t have to do much more than that”. He then said his goodbyes to us and left the room.

The young woman had dark hair and appeared older than the young man. She was much more serious and guarded and did not say much. She did question if I was going to return to school. I told her, “I am done with school. I don’t want to go back”.

She stayed for a while and I began to pay more attention to what the old man was doing. He was sitting near the large, picture window, waiting for something. I could see images of a garden and other plants outside the window, but it was still very dark. A woman called out to him from somewhere in the house, “Don’t forget to take those pots outside when you go on watch”. I think it must have been his wife. He called back, “Yeah, okay”.

He stayed where he was for a while, resting up against the window and watching me. I could not see his face clearly but he was old, probably in his 60’s. He had leathery skin like someone who spent a lot of time outdoors and his hair was white and bushy. He picked up something and hoisted it up on his shoulder. I looked harder and saw that it was an old shotgun.

I asked him what it was for.

“I patrol the garden at night to keep them away from it”.

“Keep who away?” I asked. At that time a tiny bell tone pinged a few times. It sounded like an alarm of some sort.

“The deer”, he replied and got up and went outside.

I followed him outside and saw a clear black sky dotted with stars. I could not see the moon but I could tell it must have been out because it was not so dark you couldn’t see. The man went into a tiny section of the yard and stood looking around. A large tree stood on the right and there was a tall, wooden fence in front of him approximately 10 feet away. I stood next to him, looking around I heard a noise in the bushes but couldn’t see anything but shadows.

There was noise from the direction of the tree. The man took aim at something shiny and fired. I heard a ping and look up. He had shot a silver ornament of some kind that was hanging in the tree. I noticed then that the tree was full of them. The man kept shooting at them, though, and the ones he shos fell, one by one, to the ground. I wondered if the man was practicing.

After he finished, I looked around some more. We were standing amidst plants of all types. Some were as high as our waists. They were vegetable plants mostly but some were potted. I turned and saw the pots the man’s wife asked him to take outside. They were full of black dirt with shrubbery of some kind poking out, but mostly I saw just the dirt. I vaguely recall that his job was to water them.

When I saw the wood fence I remembered my own frustration with deer and how we had erected a fence around our garden. I told the man, “Why don’t you just build a fence?” He said something about not wanting to. I pointed to the wood fence and said, “But you already have part of one. It would be very easy”. He did not respond. I assumed he must have been happy with his job of patrolling for deer at night.

The alarm sounded again and I got a flash in my mind of a tiny fawn with spots. When I saw the vision I warned the old man but he was already pointing his gun at something. I looked in the direction of his gun and saw a tiny, spotted fawn stumbling through the bushes. The man said, “It’s a fawn. It’s brother is over there” and he pointed to another identical fawn. I held my breath at how beautiful, tiny and frail they were. The man said, “Their mom is around here somewhere”.

Just then the mother deer came bounding into the garden. Her eyes were big and she stopped and froze when she saw us. I The man let her go, though and she soon walked on past, nibbling at his garden as she did. He said, “Get out of here!” and she finally left.

older-fawnsSymbolism

When I awoke from this and other dreams I was not feeling very positive. In fact, I was sort of angry. Part of the dream was still with me when I awoke, the part where I was discussing how it was not fair to have exams after vacation. I then stated very clearly that I was “done” with school. It seems to me now that this part of the dream was symbolic of a conversation I had with my guide. I believe he told me that I had to wait until after Christmas vacation. I am not sure what I am waiting for, but the news did not make me happy and that feeling continues to unsettle me.

The deer in the dream are also very vivid to me, especially the fawns. A deer symbolizes grace, compassion, gentleness, natural beauty and meekness. Deer represent femininity and being alert to such qualities within yourself. A deer can freeze and be very still, blending into its surroundings in order to avoid detection. The fact that the old man allowed the deer to live suggests there is a message that I should blend in with my surroundings, let my femininity shine through and have compassion for others and myself.

The fawn is symbolic of friendship that is true and reminds us to have faith in love. In my dream the fawn is what I spend the most time admiring. They are so tiny and frail and I have an urge to protect them. Perhaps I am being reminded of my own children as well as my loved ones in life?

The shotgun is a message that I need to better focus my energies upon my intended goal(s). What is interesting is that I am struggling to remember what my goals are. I cannot see anything for my future except more of the same. I feel suppressed by a life on hold so much that I have forgotten what I once dreamed of creating. All I seem to be able to see is constant waiting and what is even more bothersome is I don’t even know what I am waiting for.

by

The Trickster – August, 2011

I started back to work this week and my sleep issues disappeared as suddenly as they appeared. I am sleeping wonderfully. I am also having very vivid dreams.

All week I have had these vivid dreams. They have a common theme: change and handling change. Last night’s dream had a lot of water in it. Whenever I have dreams with a lot of water in them I know emotion is involved.

In my dream last night there was a large pond in my back yard. I remember that the water was receding and then it would surge forward and then recede again. I watched it and even threw a baby toy into it and watched it disappear under the surface. Then the water receded again and I went out to retrieve the toy only to be overcome by the water which forced me to retreat. Strangely enough I was walking on this wooden grid rather than the bottom of a pond and I remember commenting that it was my “bed”. It felt at times that I was becoming lucid in the dream because I would go from a dream-like state into a more awake state, very aware that I was dreaming and laying in bed. Thus, the feeling that I was in my bed rather than in the pond.

Eventually I shifted my attention from the pond in the dream to around me. I remember looking in the distance at the hills and I could see very clearly a cow walking along the hillside. It was as if I were using binoculars or something because I could see the image within a circular frame. The cow symbolizes tranquility and having a passive nature. It can also symbolize maternal instincts. This makes a lot of sense to me since my main focus has been on my children for almost four years. It just so happens that my disconnect from my spiritual gifts also came about at the same time.

Then I noticed to my right what appeared to be a a dog running. But no! It was a coyote with a collar on it!

That was where the dream ended and I woke feeling very distraught about my life, as if I needed to do something but I didn’t know what. The coyote in my dream did not surprise me as I saw one cross the road in front of me a couple of days ago and it did appear to be a domestic dog at first glance. The coyote is the trickster – things aren’t always as they appear to be. I am hoping this is a good thing, though, that I am dreading something that I need not dread. Because the coyote had a collar on it, perhaps he is trying to tell me that the feeling of being domesticated or controlled is deceptive.

I feel like I am going through the past a lot in my dreams; remembering how things use to be and what I did before to make it through. I know I am in a much  better place than I use to be and I am grateful for that. Life is full of abundance for me lately and I am fortunate to have the people in my life to support me that I do. I still feel a strange feeling about the end of this year, though. I am starting to look forward to Christmas.