Author Archives

by

RoshaiYelle

I’m not sleeping much these days. I don’t fall asleep until midnight and then I wake up around 5:30am and cannot return to sleep. I continue to hear that I no longer need as much sleep. Perhaps, but I feel like I need sleep and I like sleep, so it makes a bit grumpy to have it taken from me.

This morning when I awoke I felt calm and well rested. Despite this, I still wanted to go back to sleep. I was feeling energy sensations around my head and knew the “work” was on-going. I decided to meditate since I felt my Council close once again.

Almost as soon as I began to meditate, information came flooding in. When it came in, it sparked a memory of something that had occurred in previous nights that I had long forgotten. What I experienced was a “light code transmission”, at least that is what I recognized it to be when I saw it.

To describe it is limiting the experience of it; however, I am told my job at this current time is to report my experiences in order to help others “feel less alone in their transformation”. As I rarely hear from others experiencing what I am, I trust that there are in fact many others or there will be others that will need to know this so that they do not “fall off the deep end”.

Light Code Transmission

What I saw/experienced was a beam of golden light that seemed to shine down from above with seemingly no source whatsoever. In it, I could see strange symbols. The glimmered and were somewhat transparent yet they also had a golden hue about them. The symbols were none like I have ever seen on Earth. I saw many circles and loops along with some strange squiggly looking lines that appeared to move as they descended. I also saw many lines and zigzag patterns.

When I saw this in my memory I heard these were transmission codes, which confirmed what I originally called them. I asked if they were a language and was told, “No, they are thoughts” yet I knew the word “thought” was incorrect in its description yet it was the most precise our language could offer.

I was told I had been receiving these codes for sometime and was reminded of the symbols that had come to me back in May/June. I asked if this was what the “call” was and was told it was not, that I was called in 2003 (the year of my awakening) and that this was the month that another such call was to be put out. These “calls” are in fact transmission to the Starseeds. It is a sort of activation in that it awakens them to their true purpose, one that many are not aware of and some may outright reject.

Enter the Shadowlands

I must have drifted into the in-between because I heard very clearly the title of a book or similar. All I can recall now was the last part of the title: Enter the Shadowlands. This is because I chose not to get up and write it down. I am kicking myself for that now.

I questioned why I was receiving this information and felt I should research it further. The “shadowlands” to me feels like a dark place, one that I would not want to go. Yet I am told my “work” involves this. I have not had any luck in finding information about the shadowlands as of yet. I suspect this place to be the lower astral realms as I was reminded of my awakening in 2003 and the vision I was shown of standing between two worlds, one that was dark and one that was light. Perhaps the Earth is the shadowland?

RoshaiYelle

Falling back into my reverie I saw standing in front of me a very small being. She was pretty in her own way but very obviously not human. Her skin was a very light gray color and had a sheen about it, especially the top of her head which seemed smooth and soft. I very much wanted to touch it and see how it felt. She had very large, blue eyes but not so large as to make her look out of proportion. She almost resembled those Japanese anime cartoon characters with big eyes. She had a tiny nose and very small mouth with thin lips. She smiled at me and I felt a calmness from her, as if she were sending the message to not be afraid.

I somehow knew she was female and as if to show me this, I was drawn to look at what appeared to be earrings on her nonexistent ears. They were an emerald green color and sparkled.

As I became more aware, her image disappeared and my questions were answered as the thoughts appeared. I heard a child’s voice say to me, “Her name is RoshaiYelle (Roe – Shy – El). She is one of your guides. Yes, she is small. She stands only 4 feet 2 inches of your height”.

The image of her was so intensely ingrained in my mind that I had to draw what I saw. I am not much of an artist but I think I captured her pretty well. I wish I could add color for that would give you a better impression of how beautiful she is. There is nothing but kindness, love and understanding coming from her.

 

by

The Guardians

I struggled to fall asleep last night. A song kept going through my head and it wouldn’t go away.

We all are living in a dream,
But life ain’t what it seems
Oh everything’s a mess
And all these sorrows I have seen
They lead me to believe
That everything’s a mess

The bold words were the one’s that repeated over and over.

Odd Sensations Return

I must have fallen asleep, though I don’t recall it. What I do remember is awakening very rapidly to a situation similar to the night of the 7th of October. This time, though, I was aware of a conversation taking place between another version of myself (my Higher Self?) and another individual. I don’t recall what was being said, because my focus was on the strange sensations coursing through my physical body.

The sensations were intense and focused mostly on my head, which felt to be exploding with energy from my third eye. The typically circular area of energy that is normally my third chakra was a gaping hole almost the size of the entire front of my face! In addition to this strange, gaping hole of energy was a strange sensation on the back top of my head. The energy felt to be pulling and going out instead of into my head. It was not painful, but close and I could feel a slight headache beginning.

My heart was doing something odd. It was a feeling I have never experienced and my heart was flip-flopping around in my  chest in an irregular pattern. There was also a feeling of energy escaping, or maybe it was being sucked out of me. I remember thinking I was going to die.

This concern, of course, panicked me and brought me to full awareness but not before I recognized what was happening. The conversation, which had been going on while I was become more and more aware of what was happening, had given me enough information and I remembered it.

Understanding

As soon as I awoke the sensations in my body diminished substantially (thank goodness!). Energy was still coursing through my head. It was similar to the “wide open”, receptive feeling I use to get with a “download” except that the intensity was much more and the energy seemed to be both coming in and going out. It was the outflow of energy that was the most uncomfortable, though.

There was instant understanding of what had just been discussed. I remember distinctly hearing the other Me talking with a guide. This other Me is the Me who came through in May, the Me who Remembers her Starseed origins along with so much more knowledge. I heard her talking about me, using the pronoun “she” instead of “I”. I felt like a child whose parents were discussing her.

With this realization came also the understanding of what all this strange new, scary energy was. I knew it was the exchange taking place. The Old me was leaving and the New me was taking her place. It was/is the dissolution of the Ego and I was/am being witness to it.

It scared/scares the shit out of me!

I sent out a plea for help to my Higher Self and the group of guides with her. Again I said, “Help me”.

I wondered aloud, “Am I going to die? Am I going to remember any of this?” along with several other questions I don’t remember now.

I heard in response that this was a death but not one in which I would be “gone” or “lost”. I was told, “You have asked to be witness to this. You will Remember”.

I didn’t/don’t know whether to feel violated or relieved. A part of me felt very violated, and I withdrew from it and did not want to witness it. I asked to go to sleep. “Please. I just want to sleep. I would rather not remember this”.

The Guardians

The sensations in my head were so intense that it caused me to want to retreat from whatever was happening even more. But no matter how I tried, the sensations would not cease and I felt very much like a scared little girl hiding in the corner of her room waiting for the storm to pass.

I was asked to lay on my back. I knew why. It aids the process. I told them, “No. It makes it worse. I don’t want to feel it”. I continued to lay on my side but eventually conceded and rolled onto my back. The sensations decreased significantly.

I was reminded to focus on my heart center and I did. It calmed me down.

I was reminded of the other me, the New me, and the knowledge she gave me back in May. I understood. This was/is not a bad thing. This was/is a good thing. I wondered why she had not presented herself like last time. I heard, “We are merged now” and understood this to mean that the experience was now a joint one.

But the fearful part of me did not want to let go. She was terrified. Thankfully, I was/am able to control her. I remember hearing, “Fear is interfering. You must use what you have learned. Be the observer”. I settled into my heart space.

It was then that I was able to ask the group of 13 (there were 12 plus one guide), “Who are you?”

I heard in response, “We are the Guardians”. There was complete understanding that this process I was going through was necessary. That I was being prepared. I understood who these Guardians were/are. They have been watching over Earth for millions, maybe even billions of years. I asked what their job was, and I saw they were Protectors, keeping watch over the Earth and its inhabitants, inhabitants that have come and gone many times. They only interfere when absolutely necessary. It was time for such interference.

I lost touch with my heart at this time as I began to reject the information I was receiving. The Knowingness was intense and very scary. I did not want to hear it.

I once again said, “I just want to go to sleep”. I looked at the clock. It was 11:30pm.

Domed Lights

I must have fallen asleep or gone in-between because I was then aware of visions of very odd things. I saw what I think is another Earth-like planet. I saw very distinct domes of light settle down over the ground. They were yellowish-white in color and pulsated. I was aware that there was another dome of light and it came towards the one on the ground. The touched and merged, exchanging energy, becoming one.

I awakened from this with an acknowledgment that these two “lights” were somehow linked to the two parts of “me”, though there was also a link to the two parts of “mankind”, as if another piece of mankind was to be reunited with him and once merged they could be whole again. I could be whole again.

I felt back into the in-between and both saw and heard the number 529.

Losing Dreams

The last thing I remember is thinking I should write all this down. The next thing I know I was waking up at 5:30 and could not return to sleep. I heard the Imagine Dragons song again. I tried to recall my dreams, but my mind was a blank. I recall only that I was discussing something in a space filled with golden light. I recall seeing beings that were taller than I and wearing white. I also recall seeing one being that was outlined in a dark shadow and seeing him made me fearful. In this I was reminded of just how powerful fear can be and to be wary of it.

I am not even sure this part was a dream as I was very tired. I wanted to return to sleep but could not. I keep being reminded, “You don’t need sleep”. So frustrating!

by

Self-Created Experience?

The earth-shattering experience I had on October 7th continues to shake me to the core. I am still processing it, trying hard to fill in the huge gaps in my memory and seeking answers from my Team of assistants.

Self-Created Experience

There came a moment yesterday when it occurred to me that perhaps what I experienced was self-created; influenced by my current reading material – The Convoluted Universe by Dolores Cannon.

This conclusion is a normal one in my specific circumstances. What I experienced on the 7th was so unreal to me, so beyond bizarre and so out of my perception’s reach that it is no surprise that it has now receded into the depths of my subconscious to the point that it appears nothing more than a very wildly vivid dream. It is so easy now to just shrug my shoulders and say, “It was just a dream. It was not real”, and move on.

And yet there is a part of me that says, “Well all experience is ‘self-created'”.

On the One Hand…

There is a part of me that believes this is what is happening to me:

The group of Beings who surrounded me the night of the 7th, whom I recall very vividly but only as silhouettes in the dark, is a group of E.T.s (for lack of a better word) who have come to “get me” and move me into whatever my next level is. This is a heightening of consciousness, a Remembering, an “Unfolding” as my Companion calls it.

I am emerging from the chrysalis.

When questioning this group, who appeared to me as 12 and whom I acknowledge as being my Council, I asked where they came from. The response I received was, “Sirius”. When I asked how far away they were, I heard 10 au’s (light years).

These beings appear to me in human form when I see them. They are not “alien” in appearance, at least not so alien that I notice. They often appear very bright and so it is difficult to discern what they look like in detail. If I am allowed to see them close up, they often show me their eyes or just aspects of their face. Usually their eyes are very bright blue.

Prior to the consideration that my Council were in fact Beings from another planet, I just thought of them as “guides” or “Spirit”. Really, even with this new E.T. consideration, it has not changed the way they appear to me or how I react to them when I see/sense them. If anything, I am calmer upon their contact with me than I have ever been.

In considering all the information that has come to me in recent weeks, I have partially come to the conclusion that the human race is heading toward the “End of Days” where a great cataclysm will rocket Earth into a New Age, one in which humanity lives in harmony with her. During the time of the great changes there will some kind of E.T. contact experienced. I do not know if this will be wide-spread, meaning that I don’t know if all will be aware of the “contact” being made. I have personally received many messages now that I will be “called”, that I will see “signs” and that I will be taken Home. The signs have been shown to me ever since my awakening in 2003. They are consistent and the warnings, visions, I receive are increasing in frequency.

How I and others like me will be taken Home is unclear at this time. I recently had a dream in which individual pods were lined up and humans walked into them. From inside these pods a great golden light emerged and the body was broken up into millions upon millions of tiny particles of light which ultimately dispersed. To me, this represents a dissolution of the physical form or perhaps a raising of vibration. It may also be some kind of transport system.

On the Other Hand….

And then I think how preposterous all of this sounds. Aliens and the “End of Days” – all of it sounds like something a crazy person would say. I think of the bearded man walking around holding a sign that says, “The end is near”.

I think of how my whole life I have rejected being here and thus rejected fully immersing myself in this life. I want to escape. I would rather be in my own fantasy world which is much more exciting. There I get to go OOB, I get to talk to “other worldly beings”, I get to see into the future, I get to talk to the deceased, I get to see people’s auras, I get to “know” things other people don’t, I get to have Kundalini experiences… The list goes on.

And I think maybe all of this is happening to me because of this desire to escape. I am creating all of it. Making it up so that I can avoid “reality”.

I just really need to suck it up and deal with life.

Which is it?

Right now I am in the stage of thinking that I need to “suck it up” and stop hiding in my fantasy world. Life is passing me by and I need to live it.

Yet there is and always has been a part of me totally and utterly bored with life, with reality. And I have been down this path before. I have rejected my “fantasy” world and gone back to “the real world” to live life like I was suppose to. I was miserable despite trying very hard to be “normal”. Yes, I had some great experiences and great times, but there was always something missing. I always felt lacking.

Maybe that is just the way it is meant to be for me in the life.

by

It’s Final

It’s official. My last day of work is October 19th.

While I am relieved to be leaving behind me the parts of my job that were less than ideal, I will miss the parts that I loved. Yet I know that my timing is perfect and I am avoiding more scrutiny, upsets and general angst by leaving now.

Yet my husband appears to be less than accepting of my decision now that I have made it. He announced to me this morning, “I will be leaving my job soon, so you will have to carry the weight until I can get my new business up and running”.

I looked at him like he was crazy and said, “Um, I just put in my resignation. Don’t you think you could have made this announcement when we were talking about me resigning?”

“You can just get another job”, he said.

Then he made a comment completely out of left field, “I don’t want a free-loader in my house. You’ve got to pull your weight”.

What? I was unsure if he was serious but then he came and hugged me warmly, suggesting he was joking, but the statement was enough to bother me just a little bit.

He did say later, “I’m sure you will be pulling your weight”.

Sigh. Men!

What Now?

My husband’s joking is likely concerning to me because I am not sure what is next for me. I made the decision knowing it was the right one, but I wonder, “What now?”

I can’t shake this feeling that there is nothing more to come. My future feels empty when I look into it; a void of nothingness. I don’t have a plan of what I will be doing other than getting my business off the ground. I know that this business will bring in income but other than that I am clueless about what comes next for me.

Interestingly enough, I am okay with this “not knowing” and the feelings that accompany it. Again, I’m not sure why.

Business Update

I am in the final stages of launching my business. The product is in the garage waiting to be sent to the warehouse. All that is left for me to do is get good product images taken and set up the site for selling.

Yes, I am doing online sales, which is way out of my comfort zone and something I would not normally even venture. Yet it was one of those opportunities that came out of the blue after I put out to the universe what I wanted for myself and my family. Though my motivation in this endeavor has waxed and waned frequently, there remains one constant: I know it will be successful.

I suspect the delay of my business launch was due in part to timing. I can only guess why the delay was needed. I suspect Mercury retrograde was part of it. Mercury goes direct today, allowing for movement forward when before movement was retarded or even regressed. It just so happens that the photography for my product is scheduled for tomorrow. Movement is already occurring.

by

Time to Elaborate

After last night’s episode, I could not return to sleep. I kept trying to recapture what I had lost, for I knew it was at the tip of my tongue.

I fell into the in-between finally and became aware within the midst of a familiar experience. It was a great “Ah-ha!” moment because it had been something I meant to remember but kept forgetting.

Multiple False Awakenings: Surrounded by Beings

I found myself aware of laying in my bed in the dark. Yet it was not my room and I think the bed was created by me to help me feel comfortable. Looking up, I both felt and saw very tall shadows of people, or beings, standing over me at a slight distance. As I saw them, they converged upon me, hovering very closely over me. In awe and fear I lay there immobilized while a sensation unlike any I have ever felt overwhelmed my “body”.

I knew nothing of what was happening other than having the thought, “They’ve come to get me”. In this sense “get” does not imply anything sinister – no boogeyman or anything. In fact, it felt like it had been planned, that I knew of this plan.

In this case, I began to gain lucidity and the fear of the strange sensations enveloping me began to take over. The sensations are difficult to describe except to say that every cell of my being, every particle of energy, every chakra began to pulsate and expand. At least I think this is what was happening. The feeling was so very alien that my conscious mind took it as some kind of attack, yet the majority of me was very accepting of it and able to control the fear without incident.

As I awoke from this “dream” or whatever it was, I remember suddenly that this exact scenario has been playing out in my sleep for many nights now. On this particular night, from 9-10pm, it happened at least three times and each time I thought I had awakened from it, only to find myself once again in the same situation, struggling to gain awareness and then thinking I had awakened only to end up back with these beings hovering over me.

Sirens

As I awakened from this memory, I heard a song in my head – Iris by U2. I knew the title of the song, yet I kept hearing that it was titled, “Sirens”. Upon questioning this, I heard/saw dates of this month. 7, 12, 20. I knew that this was not to be the only occurrence of whatever it was that happened to me. There would be two more.

Sensing my Team was there and remembering now that before I had gone to sleep they had been there and told me, “Your heart is wide open. Are you ready?” I began to become fearful of the unknown. A calm came over me, entering through the back of my heart chakra and radiating outward, igniting my second chakra in a pleasant warmth. I asked, “Why can’t I sleep. I just want to sleep. I’m so tired”. I was told, “It is part of the unfolding”.

The song continued, specifically this part:

I’ve got your light inside of me
Iris… Iris…

Memories Returning

I got little sleep last night and when I awoke I had memories of my reaction to the “incident”, specifically the moment in which I felt this vast knowledge pouring through me but was unable to process it.

I kept begging my Team, “Help me.  Help me. Help me.” I felt unable to cope with what was happening; unable to function in this body; unable to process everything I suddenly Knew.

All I could think of in my desperation to make sense of what was happening was to go down stairs and hug my husband. That is all I wanted to do.

I gripped the covers in my bed, somehow hoping it would help, but knowing it wouldn’t. I continued to ask for help because my body was filled with such a strange energy and my chakras seemed to be exploding. It wasn’t pleasant but it wasn’t painful. I honestly don’t know how to describe it. The best description I have is that all that is Me was exploding from within and if one saw it they would see rays of golden light coming out of me in all directions.

I climbed out of bed, my whole body shaking, feeling as if it would fall apart. I stumbled down the stairs and my husband saw me. I told him, “Something is happening. I don’t know how to describe it”. I am sure I was white as a ghost. He hugged me and I gripped him hard. He asked if what happened was from the past. I said, “I don’t know. I don’t know what is going on. I feel like I was sucked back into my body, like I went from something very expansive to this tiny space and it is difficult to readjust”.

Thankfully my husband is very understanding. He just hugged me. I sat down but could not feel settled and was still shaking inside, though on the outside I was not.

I am better now, though I am still somewhat shaken and perplexed. I know now that the reason I can’t remember is that the knowledge cannot be processed when in this dense state. It is unfortunately inaccessible and incomprehensible when in this physical form. Yet there is a way. If the vibration of this form is heightened then this knowledge can be accessed. This, I believe, is what is happening to me.

by

We are Not Alone

I just awoke very suddenly in a state I am struggling to describe and from which it is still taking me quite a bit of work to break free of. There are absolutely no words to accurately describe what I just experienced.

I was somewhere else, I know that. It was somewhere far away, beyond any place I have memory of traveling to. I felt to be traveling very, very quickly back to this physical body, this Earth. I was not alone, but in the end, as I re-converged in this form, I was.

The last I remember is feeling pulled or maybe sucked yet at the same time intending to return to this form. There was massive amounts of energy required in this along with vast amounts of knowledge. I remembered so much all at once.

I was most certainly OOB and then suddenly, very intensely and all at once back IN the body. It felt as if I had to squeeze vast amounts of myself into a very tiny space. There seemed to be a fracturing of the consciousness in this contraction into the physical form, as if there is no room for all the immensity that is me.

The sensation of it was/ is (as it is still on-going) like none I have experienced. It is Earth-shattering. Within it is contained such knowing that it terrifies me. I mentally have been yelling both “Don’t let me forget” and “I want to forget” simultaneously. I began mentally projecting this message as soon as I gained consciousness in the body. And as soon as the message was sent, it was as if knowledge began to be siphoned off, bit by bit, far beyond my reach. I could feel it dissipating, being suck back from whence it came. It is absolutely terrifying! I know with such certainty that I am so much more than this, we are so much more. And we are NOT alone – literally!

Such a strange physical sensation is with me. It feels as if my third chakra has been stretched, pulled and expanded beyond its natural location. It does not pull, it vibrates, it is ALIVE. My heart chakra is so wide open right now but I am not sure if that is the right description. I don’t feel solid. I feel to be breaking apart or maybe it is that I am being put back together?

Physically I feel this strangeness, as if I will break if I focus on the feeling too long. My insides are shaking but my body is not. It is very unsettling. It scares me.

Whatever happened, is happening, I am changed because of it.

by

Dream: Full Moon Man

I had a particularly odd dream this morning in which I was being given information about some things to come.

Dream: Gym

The dream started out inside a truck. I was sitting next to my husband who was pulling milk crate from the floor. It contained his gym clothes. I told him, “Good idea!” and he pulled out a crate for me containing my gym clothes.

We walked across a field. In front of me I could see a large lake and a few buildings to my right. We headed to one of the buildings. It was the gym, but it was very small.

I went inside and found the gym completely packed with people. There were so many people that I could not get to the dressing room. I stood against the wall watching and feeling a bit claustrophobic. A gym employee was there and I commented about how crowded it was for a Sunday. I thought perhaps I had come during a class. The gym employee just stood there but I received the thought that people just had to take turns.

I left the building, telling the employee that I would go to the larger gym where there was more space. I ran into my husband who was wearing swimming goggles and told him my decision. He agreed. The employee asked which gym we would go to. I said, “The one in Copperas Cove”. In the dream I wondered to myself, “Is there a gym there?” I convinced myself there was, recalling a dream in which I went to the Wal-Mart there. I thought, “It’s right next to the Wal-Mart”. This, is not true. There is no gym there!

Dream: Full Moon Man

As we turned to go, the scene shifted and I was standing beside a crystal clear creek. A man was talking with me about a dam. I looked at the stream and saw a small dam was built over it. The dam had some kind of system in it that reversed the flow of the stream. The man told me, “Man has dammed up all the streams. He should not do this”. I looked upstream at the lake it was coming out of and leaned down and put my hands into the stream, taking a drink of the cold water. It was so wonderful!

I was instructed to pay attention and the man continued to discuss with me how mankind had altered the environment and if he does not reverse this damage, Mother Earth will do so herself. He told me that Earth is much like a living organism and needs to be preserved. He directed my attention back at the dam and he said, “All this to make this” and held up what looked like a kitchen scrubber. I didn’t know how to react to this, I just listened.

My attention was then drawn to a woman who was walking in the stream. She was eating orange ice cream and serving it to children. They acted like they were at an event, like the 4th of July. She looked up and so did I. There was a long cable stretched across the lake and coming down on a zip line was a man in a moon costume.

The moon was very large and full and it looked to be covered in white fur. The man was smiling and yelling as he zipped down the line toward the opposite bank. I saw him and wondered why he was in the costume.

Messages

I was awakened by my son yelling for his daddy but the man from my dream, the one who was teaching me, was nearby. It was the old man with the beard.

He explained that there was to be a great cataclysm. I told him, “I don’t want to hear about doom and gloom”. Yet, he continued. I drifted into the in-between and heard about the Bahamas and the recent damage and life lost. I acknowledged this as I came to full awareness.

He said, “You will be called” I had heard this already and somewhat ignored him.

But I saw a vision of people stepping into what looked like individual shower stalls without doors. They were rectangular, white boxes with one side open to allow for a human to step inside. When the human got inside, a yellowish light appeared. It did not come from above but from the center of the person inside. It intensified and the person seemed to break into a million-trillion particles of light. I did not see the person but only the light.

I had slipped into the in-between without knowing it and this vision caused me to say, “The men will be most affected” or something of the sort. This brought me to full awareness but I somehow knew why I had said that. I knew the light show I had just seem would be an spiritually orgasmic-type of experience and that men would be overcome by it faster than woman. I am not sure why I thought this, though.

I also heard that incidents of testicular cancer would increase.

Then I heard him say, “Your body is a living hologram” With it came an understanding that this reality is a physical hologram and like a hologram it is merely energy and can be transformed. Is this what I saw in the vision?

I do not know how to take what I was shown. It is literal or was this just a symbolic showing of what would happen? Is this the rapture? And why am I being shown this? What good will it do?

I then remembered my full moon dream and recalled that I was told a while back to expect another activation in October that coincided with the full moon. I felt a confirmation with this and then a wave of pleasant energy entered through my heart space from my back and reverberated through my body, filling especially my root and second chakras will a warm, pleasant feeling.

by

Notice Given

I don’t know if it is because Mercury is retrograde or if things are just shifting in my life (maybe both?) but since last week, my work situation has been tense. The same micromanaging person continued to get on my case, sending email after email. In the meantime, I was attempting to get a meeting with my boss to discuss my options at work, specifically my resignation. I was unable to get a meeting all last week, but on Friday I finally did. Unfortunately, it was with the micromanaging coworker in attendance! Ugh!

The meeting was set for yesterday. I prepared by writing up my letter of resignation. When I got there, the meeting with my coworker was fine – no issues, just information and agreement that I needed more training to do my job. I did not bring up my resignation in front of her, but waited until after (I had preferred it be before).

When I spoke with my boss, I explained the reason I wanted to leave was because of financial changes in our home, mainly that my husband got a substantial raise (which he did). I left out the specifics of the job I do not like. I was/am sympathetic to my boss and do not want to burn bridges, so I told him that two weeks was when I preferred to leave. He needed longer, I could tell, but told me he would call HR and see what he could do. When I tried to give him my letter of resignation, he would not take it because he wants me to agree to continue on as a contract employee until they can find a suitable replacement. I agreed to take this into consideration because I feel bad for leaving them without proper notice (they want a month notice).

Later, my husband called to find out how the meeting went. When I told him what had happened, he began to question whether I should leave the job. This bothered me because he had always said, “Do what you want” or “If that is what you want, then do it”. He never seemed concerned. Now, though, he acts like I will be bored and that I will be unhappy and grumpy. I suspect his personal view of the matter is tinged with the fact that if I stay home, then his mother, who watches our kids, will be out of her part-time income. I also suspect he likes the extra income from my job – which I do as well but not at my expense!

What is bothering me is that I do not want to continue on with my job as a contract employee because that means doing the part of my job which is my least favorite. I would be paid more for the little time, but the paperwork would be gruesome and I hate paperwork. On top of that, I really, really wish I had made my boss take my letter of resignation! Now it is not on file.

Yet there has been and continues to be a strange, calm feeling that accompanies this situation. When I first decided to leave my job it came on with such a wave of love that I felt reassured it was the right thing to do. And every time I thought about the situation, second-guessing and worrying, the calm would reappear. It just sweeps over me and I have thoughts that surmount to: All is well. Trust in your decision. There is also a knowing that to think of all the possibilities leads to those possibilities becoming more likely as the outcome. I must keep focusing on what it is that I want and not let doubt in.

So, each time I worry, I direct my thoughts to something else, or try to. And if my thoughts wander, I get a sudden nudge or even sometimes a thought, directing me to shift my focus on the positive. There was also a knowing that I would know what to do when in the situation.

by

Breathing in Light

After asking to lucid dream, I drifted off into semi-lucid states where I would be in a dream state and then shift into full lucidity. This happened more times that I can count so I will relate what little I can remember.

I recall hearing music and talking with someone in the in-between. As I listened, a dream took form and I took part in it knowing I was dreaming but not attempting to take control of it.

In one instance I was shifting in and out of my physical body. It was as if I were being shown how to easily move from one state into another. I have had this happen previously but in the past it was more like I was being pushed into these other states rather than doing it on my own. This time, however, I was aware of my ability to do this and was quite comfortable with it.

I shifted into a scene where I was inside a dark hallway with a staircase. I hid behind the staircase as I observed an individual who was to take me somewhere. I was not fully lucid here and felt a strange apprehension about where this man was going to take me.

I shifted back into my body and felt the familiar vibrations that indicated I was superimposed over my body. I felt I should focus on how my body felt and so I did. I scanned it for energy inconsistencies but found none other than a few slight pools of energy in a few areas.

I shifted back into a dream scene. This time I was in a car heading toward a church. I decided to go into the parking lot and heard someone honk at me. Looking to see who it was, I saw a man shaking his fist at me. I thought, “How angry these church people are”.

A person ushered me into the parking lot and I waited. While inside the vehicle and became very lucid and began to sing a song by Pink. I heard myself singing and felt my vibration raise. I asked aloud about the car I was in, “Why am I seeing the inside of this car all the time?” The dashboard was completely black with all kinds of unfamiliar buttons and knobs on it. It resembled the inside of a plane more than a vehicle and it was very familiar to me.

I then became apprehensive again, but I’m not sure why. I returned consciousness to my body and felt again that I should shift my focus. I shifted it back and forth between states and felt an odd energy in my body that was strangely familiar.

For some reason I began to take huge breaths of air and then I would hold them in and exhale slowly. When I did this I felt I was breathing in energy. The sensation of it was so amazing! My astral lungs filled with large amounts of pleasant, alive energy. It was as if I were breathing in Light!

I took several of these breaths of energy, relishing in the feeling. Each breath built on the last. I felt to be glowing and expanding. The energy was alive!

I knew that if I continued to breathe in this energy that I would go somewhere else, somewhere not of this world, somewhere higher in vibration. Home.

I took another deep breath and the energy came pouring in with greater intensity. I began to get excited as I felt my energy body pulsate and shake. I knew my astral body would break apart. I knew it was dissolving. I knew I was approaching a momentous breakthrough!

And I was ready, oh so ready! I let go entirely, accepting in all the Light with open arms.

Then I slipped back down into my physical body, the energy dissipating instantly.

I was not disappointed. I was comfortable and satisfied.

by

Keeper of the Violet Flame

I had many visions this morning and also experienced a lucid transmission of healing and expansion. The memory of it is failing me at the moment for it seems that I am to forget most of it until it is appropriate to share it fully.

Keeper of the Violet Flame

I was awakened from a deep slumber at 12:30am. A bit disoriented, I had to tend to my youngest and then I was wide awake and full of thoughts about my work situation, one which I have covered in a previous post.

As I attempted to return to sleep, my attention was drawn toward a man in the left of my visual field. He was sitting on a bench as if waiting for me. I went to sit down next to him, and gave him a hug. I noticed I could see him quite clearly. He was wearing a long robe and held a wooden staff in his right hand. He also had a very long, gray beard that reached his waist. However, he did not appear to have any hair on the top of his head.

I looked at him and asked, “Who are you? Do I know you?” In response a memory came back to me from years ago. “Amoradon?” I asked. I felt confirmation. He said to me, “I go by many names”.

Then he said, “I am the Keeper of the Violet Flame“. I did not question him on this, but wondered why he would say it. I got no response.

He told me, “We will be working together”.

The conversation seemed to pause a while and my thoughts wandered. I was concerned about my work situation and I appealed to him for help in calming my thoughts. It was immediately that I felt to focus on my heart center and I was drawn to recall my dreams.

As I focused upon my dream, I realized I had been somewhere foreign – another planet in fact. I saw in front of me a vast, golden plain that spread so far that one could see the circular shape of the planet it occupied. In the center of this plain was a large, cream colored or gold building that resembled a flatter version of the Mayan pyramids.

I could not remember what was going on with me, but I knew that we had been discussing a great war and I was shown a map of this planet. An entire section was highlighted in red and it felt as if the people in this section had been infected with something, but it was not a disease. It was something that was akin to anger or aggression.

I recall laying down in a healing tank of some sort. Inside of it was water and it covered me completely except for my face. I recall there being lights but I don’t remember now what color they were.

In remembering this, my thoughts were interrupted by Amoradon. He said to me, “You will not have to leave them [my family] behind”. I was relieved to hear this.

He continued.

“We will Call you. You will go Home”.

And I asked, “And my family will come, too?”

He answered: “Yes”.

“How?” I asked.

“Mass consciousness [upload]”. The word “upload” was not the right word but there seemed not to be an appropriate substitution in our language. I saw in my mind a visual of consciousness rising upward, as if shifting into a higher vibration.

“Will everyone experience this?” I asked.

“No”, was his response.

As I thought about what had just been told to me, he interrupted my thoughts, “It is not what you think”.

I had been wondering if it meant I would leave my physical body and it would die. I felt this was not the case.

“You will always have access”, was his response to my thoughts. I knew this meant that whatever this mass consciousness “upload” was, it would allow me and others permanent access.

I felt I should relax and return to sleep. I asked to lucid dream since i knew astral projection was out of the question.