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Question Answered and a Return to the Clarion Call

Lots of high, chaotic energy, strange dreams and syncs lately.

On my drive into work yesterday I got a strange feeling in my crown/head area. I worried I would pass out because my vision shifted a bit and I saw blotches of dark spots. As it was clearing, a thought occurred to me that it was spiritual and not something to worry about. What I was experiencing likely went along with other incidents, incidents which lined up in my memory, flashing in sequence. The minute I understood this I was stopped at a light. In front of me a license plate read, “111X19”.

Maybe 10 minutes later my husband told me something and included the current time, “1:11”. 

The memories that came to me in that short, odd experience while driving, were recent. It was a day, maybe two days, before the election. I was researching Human Design (HD) while feeling very upset and overwhelmed with my life, current troubles and problems and just in general. Though I didn’t save the article I was reading, I recall that while reading it certain words and sentences would trigger emotion and realizations. I also ended up being inundated with flashes of memories in my head, while knowing these memories were showing me the answers, providing what I somehow missed. But in the moment the memories and emotion and realizations were so much that I grabbed my head, bent over, closed my eyes and began to sob as I yelled out loud to my guides, “Stop it! Get out of my head!” 

What I experienced is unprecedented for me. I often get memories as answers. I often get huge Knowings accompanied by strong emotion. These are not unusual. BUT the way they came all at once into my head, invasive/intrusive, without me being able to control it all, was just too much. I knew it wasn’t an attack. I knew it was to help me, but at the time it made me feel crazy, it made me question my comfortable little illusory reality. A reality I was instructed to return to while I waited. Funny how easily I reintegrated into that illusion. How easily I forgot. 

In the days since then I have been able to slowly process what happened that day but it has not been without interruption. The election and the crazy energy still present has made it difficult to consciously digest it all. Thankfully consciously doing this work is not a requirement. If anything, it can be a hinderance.

I realized on that day and still now that the whole re-introduction to HD that I have found myself in was in answer to a question I have been asking: “Who am I?” I have been asking this question because it became clear to me how chameleon-like I can be. I have noticed a destructive pattern in my life – I tend to become what others want me to be. My HD profile warns against this specifically. 

I have only two closed/defined centers – the G-center and Throat. The rest of me is wide open. I take in others deeply using my open centers. So it is not unusual really that I would sorta become the Other in the process of this. It is also hard for me to know what emotion is mine and what emotion is from Others. Add to that the fact that I connect to Spirit in much the same way and it can make for a mess of identity confusion!

Thankfully my guidance spent several years teaching me how to differentiate between Me and Other. I can see why they did that now. It was a pre-requisite. 

The answer to my question, “Who am I?” was, “A Projector”. 

One of the things I read in that article (here it is, I found it!) is that I am here to BE a Projector! That is who I am. And there is SO much in that answer, so much in BEing a Projector. The memories, Knowing and emotion flowing through me were showing me all at once what BEing a Projector means. And it is HUGE. So much so that I couldn’t bear Knowing it because so much of who I think I am is not Me. So much of my life is inauthentic. It feels like I need to completely start over. And of all the Knowing I had, that consideration was the most unbearable. 

Here are the key phrases and words from the article that created the inflow I spoke about above:

In Human Design, it is important for you to recognize the “signposts” or clues that you are either on or off your path to fulfillment.

Are you consistently feeling bitterness or success?

When I read to word “signposts” I remembered many dreams from years ago that indicated I needed to be paying attention to signposts. Then I read the word, “bitterness”, which is how I feel when I am my Not-Self. I have been bitter most, if not all, my life. Edit: I discovered this post from my other blog which is entitled Signposts. Another sync to add to the bucket.

The trouble with most adult Projectors is, we have been deeply homogenized and conditioned from birth. Highly susceptible to the pressures to act like the Manifestors or Generators that our parents wanted us to be, we don’t know how to let go of all that and allow ourselves to just be Projectors.

So how do you “be” a Projector? Many of us are deeply enmeshed in a life we are not well suited for, on the edge of exhaustion and burnout, bitter about the jobs, mortgages and commitments that drain us. How do we live our designs?

The above two paragraphs were when the inflow became so much I yelled for it to stop. 

It’s the most difficult thing about being a projector because you are so deeply conditioned, that’s its just so difficult to just let go and start from scratch.

The rest of the article discusses how the Projector finds success when they help Others find success. This was very real to me! I have always known I am here to help. I have always known that for me to be successful then I must help Others be successful. My focus should always be on Others, not on myself.

After I had calmed down a bit, I returned to my HD search and found this article: Projectors – A Clarion’s Alert.

What drew me to it was the word, “Clarion”. I remembered receiving messages about a, “Clarion’s Call”. It struck a chord with me and more emotion resulted. 

The post I wrote with Clarion Call in it was called – Messages: Ezekiel and Echelon. Here is a link to that post if you want to read it.

The entire first echelon is called the “Clarion Call” – the call to the heart. It bears witness to the large number of souls awakening at this time to bring forth the fruit of man’s potential.

My search also took me to this post, also from 2017, where I met a woman in dreamtime who said her middle name was, “Clarion”. I knew when I woke it was referring to a call I would received at some point. 

Eventually I just stopped following the impulse to research HD. I remember thinking, “I need to process.” Boy did I ever!

Ultimately, I realize now how time is on my side at this point. Time is needed to get from point A to B. The Knowing I had says lots of change is needed. OMG! SO much change that to think about it is overwhelming and I just want to curl up in a ball. 

I have been attempting to move toward change but it is slow-going. I am encountering resistance. With everything I am experiencing now, all the Knowing and inner PUSH, the most obvious change needed is in my relationship. I have lost myself in trying to be what my husband wants/needs. I need to find myself again. As long as he is around me, his energy becomes my energy.

Dream Message

Sleep has been difficult, as you might guess. Syncs are coming at me, energy is high and erratic, and “stuff” keeps happening. I’m surprised I haven’t lost it, but I am holding it together. 

I don’t remember my dreams much but one memory is vivid.

In the dream I am visiting a classroom (life lessons), my classroom. There are student desks and everything. It is well lit. Golden. Near the white board sits a stand full of my weights, just like in my home gym. I go up to it. The video projector (maybe symbolic of my HD profile?) screen is down and a woman is instructing the watchers to do an overhead triceps extension using 10lb weights. I attempt it but then realize I am not holding any weight. I go to get the 10lb dumbbells but they are not in the right place. I grab what I think are the right ones only to discover they are mismatched – 10 and 12lbs. So I go back and see that all my weights are moved around. Someone has been messing with them and stole some! 

I go in the hall and talk to the janitor, asking her who cleans my room. We go in and I tell her no one is ever in the room, no students, just me, so it must be the person who cleans it. I show her the evidence and see a pair of gym shorts – not mine. The woman doesn’t have any answers, so I just leave.

Sitting in my car I contemplate whether I should just bring my weights back home. I remember thinking how heavy it would be and time consuming and then I think, “Wait. This is just a dream so it doesn’t matter anyway.” lol I can’t believe I didn’t wake up in my dream, but I didn’t. I just knew I was dreaming.

I then began to drive but I knew it was in the wrong direction (pressure to follow status quo). I attempted to turn around and found myself at a military entrance. So I faced my car back toward traffic. That is when the car was gone and I found myself running across more lanes of traffic than I could count. All the lanes were heading left. I needed to go right. But the opposite lanes never materialized and I just kept crossing traffic!

Eventually I made it to the other side (the lanes still going left, no right lane). I ran into a young man and I began to walk along the side of the highway against the flow of traffic with him. There was a guardrail and I saw several backpacks dumped in the ditch. I said, “Someone’s stuff was stolen!” The young man grabbed a backpack and handed it to me. While I looked through it he handed me an ID on a lanyard. Inside of the backpack was the folded clothing of a girl. The ID read, “Michele Garcia”. I remember thinking how sad it was that she didn’t have her things. I took note of the name, noticing she spelled her first name with juts one “l”.

For some reason I exited the dream and shifted into the in-between. In this space I was talking to someone. Myself it seemed. I said, as if repeating something I heard, “start something meaningful…..” Then I heard and said, “sustainable”, as if correcting myself. This woke me up and I thought, “Meaningful or sustainable? Maybe both??” 

I will add that I seemed to be talking to someone all night long – well more than one someone. It caused me to have very poor sleep quality and I can’t remember even one thing discussed except the dream and message above. Ugh! 

So I came away with two answers – BE the Projector that I am. Follow my strategy and authority. Listen to my HS, which just so happens to also be my authority (self-projected). Listen to the words I speak because they will be my Truth. Wait to be invited. Wait to be acknowledged (seen).

The second answer is – “Start something meaningful and sustaining”. I’m not quite sure what that even means for me, but I can ask the Universe to show me.

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OBE: What Did I Do Wrong?

Got almost no sleep last night. I made the mistake of checking the election progress and then was hit with an energy I can only describe as anticipatory. Who can sleep when they are feeling like that? It was like the energy of the entire US was filling up my chest area. My heart was literally buzzing and warm, my body full of energy. Ugh!

I have NEVER had trouble sleeping on election night.

At around 3am I just gave up. I sat propped up in my bed and started deep breathing. 4 count inhale, 4 count exhale. I tried to tell my body to relax, to sleep. I kept my mind on the counting. I asked my guidance to help me sleep.

The next thing I know I am in that space where I can exit my body.

OBE: What Did I DO Wrong?

The instant I knew I could exit, I did. Out of my body, clear and free, I flew downstairs. I mentally announced to the Universe my intent. I said, “What did I do wrong?” I’m not sure why I asked this question. It was not planned. The part of the question not stated was that I wanted to know where I messed up in life. It implies that I feel I have somehow gone off-track.

I saw my husband asleep in front of the TV. I went up to him and touched him to see if he would feel me. He moved a bit but didn’t wake.

I went out the back door, still intent on my question.

When I went through the door I was transported to another place. In front of me were two houses standing side-by-side. They resembled houses from a Dr. Seuss book. I flew inside one of the house’s windows. There were no rooms really. The space just opened up into stairs and ramps going up. I followed them through a very narrow passage for many floors and then exited out another window. Looking back the house looked to be balanced on a very tiny foundation. It was like the house was made of blocks from the game Jenga. Remove one and the whole thing would fall. Yet at the same time it was extremely stable.

For some reason I became very, very lucid all at once. It pulled me back toward my physical body where I lingered for a while. My heart was doing odd things and felt weird. I worried a little about it and knew I had to get fully back into my body to stabilize my heartrate. Once I did, I stayed in my body a bit but soon shifted OOB again. This time I exited straight out of my chest.

Once OOB I felt/Knew I should return to my body. Something wasn’t quite right. My heart wasn’t handling my exit well. I tried to get further away, knowing the closer I was the more my body would pull me back and the more I would notice the irregular heart rhythm, but felt it was ill advised. All I wanted was to be free of my body, but the answer was, “NO”. So, back I went.

Fear or Courage?

I had some odd dreams after that but woke frequently and didn’t get much sleep overall. The first thing I Knew upon waking was that part of the reason I am feeling so anticipatory about this election is because the results will be a big indicator of the future. Will the future path we choose as a nation be paved with fear or courage/strength? I, personally, am not afraid. I prefer to confront uncertainty and the unknown head-on. Unfortunately, many, many Americans are living, mostly unconsciously, in a perpetual fear-state. Decisions made out of fear lead to uncomfortable and often painful lessons. The very least of which results in a deep-seated feeling of dis-ease.

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Halloween Lucid to OBE: Numb

Happy Halloween and full moon! Seems that lately the only way I go OOB is when there is a full moon.

Lucid to OBE: Numb

I woke at 5:30am wide awake. I didn’t want to get up so I attempted to return to sleep, but found it difficult.

The next thing I remember is talking to someone in the in-between. I assume is was a male guide. I can’t recall what we were talking about. I believe we were discussing issues I am having in life.

I became lucid when I felt arms wrap around me from behind. I replied, “That’s wonderful. You did it.” With this I am acutely aware of where I am and all my perceptions turn on. As I talk to this man who has now appeared behind me I survey the scene. I am laying on a sofa in a very nice home with vaulted ceilings and mahogany trim. To my left is a modern kitchen and to my right is a staircase leading to the upper floor.

The man is snuggling up behind me on the sofa talking. He is mostly excited that he was able to be there with me saying things like, “I can’t believe it. I did it!” When I turned to look at him I didn’t recognize him. He was quite nerdy looking but not ugly, just unique. The thoughts I had about his appearance were ignored because he felt so very familiar to me his. His energy said I could trust him and that he was a close, beloved friend.

I remember attempting to kiss and cuddle him but he would freak out, worried he would ruin the experience (go back to his body). I understood his concerns as they were valid. He encouraged me to give him a sensual massage. I traced my hand down the back of his thigh down to his calf. When I was done I tried to hugged him close and he again resisted, fear in his eyes. The whole thing was so very real that for a moment I forgot I was dreaming.

We talked quite a bit but what I remember most is thinking of the time and how it was almost 11am. I felt guilty for sleeping in so long and wasting the day. It felt like I needed to get up and get my day going but I don’t recall having anything in particular to do.

Then, I could sense that our time together was coming to an end. I looked at him, studying his face as I explained I could feel he would be leaving soon. His appearance was still very strange to me. He had light hair and a very pronounced mouth area with deep smile lines, almost like his face was carved. Again I dismissed my judgements and just enjoyed the time I had with him.

Not long after he was just gone and I felt myself shifting back to my body. I pulled myself back to the scene, got up from the sofa and walked into the kitchen.

What I first noticed was that someone had left food out from breakfast – 3 open jars of jam (feeling stuck in a situation) with lids scattered about. I grabbed the lids to put them back on the jars but I thought I heard someone talking. I listened hard and heard it again. I said, “Is someone there?” I noticed a tiny radio (awareness needed) on the counter but it was not turned on.

Rather than clean up, I just left the mess there.

My thought at the time was that I needed to write down what I had just experienced. So I headed upstairs to find my laptop.

As I climbed the stairs I got a strange feeling. It was like I was dying or like all my energy was being sucked out of me. I couldn’t feel my body, my legs, nothing.

I barely made it to the top and when I did I looked toward the bedroom on the left which I knew I shared with my husband, but I didn’t want to be in a shared space. So I headed toward my bedroom at the end of the hallway. I stopped, though, when I saw a visual in my mind of the bed in that room covered in books, papers and other materials. I knew my husband had taken over my space.

In that moment I fell to my knees, all my energy gone. The feeling is hard to describe but it was as if I were about to pass out and die. I began to try and crawl toward the bedroom but my thoughts took over and I collapsed. I looked around at the amazing house I was in. So grand! It was familiar. I knew it. Yet something was very wrong. I was thinking how the house must be haunted, either that or I must be going insane. I am losing my mind I thought. At the time the memory of where I was seemed overlaid with memory of my current lifetime. I felt to be torn between the two. Who was I? Where was I? Why did I feel so confused?

Then I felt to be dematerializing back to my sleeping body. When I woke a song was going through my head:

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Considerations

My best guess is that I somehow shifted into another reality, one where I had a different life and remembered that life to some degree. The problem was that my current life seeped into my memory of the other one and so created disruptions that I perceived and knew were wrong in some way.

Or it could have been that my problems in my current life seeped into my OBE in order to show themselves. My husband had completely taken over my bedroom – my private space, the space where I could be myself without hiding or pretending. The feeling that I had no space of my own was prominent as was the feeling of being completely exhausted and near energetic death. Mentally I was unable to make sense of anything because of my depleted state.

As I write this, I am reminded of something. I drew one of my Light Code Oracle cards last week. It was the Grief card, reversed. This is the card’s message:

Failure and loss bring strength that can move mountains. Reversed – New hope. An end to a period of grief is approaching or has already begun. Your tears are drying or have long dried up. Your view of the world is becoming lighter with every passing day. Possibility abounds. Complementary cards – Rebirth, Remembering, Death.

I knew today would mark the beginning of a period of understanding. The fog is lifting.

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I KNOW NOTHING

It has been a strange couple of weeks. Unusual. Challenging. Emotional.

First off, I got some upsetting news from my husband (private – sorry). Then a friend I hadn’t heard from in over a year contacted me. Surprise! Not long after (like literally days!) another friend from the past contacted me. This one was from years and years ago. WTF?

Was there something in my chart that indicated “the past will come for a visit” and “someone close to you will betray you?” Hmmmm.

Mercury retrograde perhaps? lol

A week passes, and the emotions hit, as if to say, “Okay, now PROCESS THIS SHIT”. I am sick, BTW, the whole time. No, not Corona, allergies or a maybe a cold, hard to tell which. The emotions are weird. They come up when I speak of a past incident. Suddenly the past feels to be suffocating me. The emotions get stuck in my throat. I feel unable to breathe or speak. I get super hot and uncomfortable. The tears erupt and I feel stiff, as if I will explode from the pressure building up. Then it is goes almost as soon as it comes. Huh?

The message I got was, “Hey, guess what? That pain you thought you resolved? Not resolved.”

Then, as soon as the sickness ends the emails return when I had thought no further communication would be coming. Prior to one message came energy. It came from my left, wrapped its “arms” around me and I melted into my chair. When it left I knew a message was coming. It came that night.

Again, huh?

And now, nothing. No communication but it doesn’t feel like there needs to be any. No emotion either.

I Know NOTHING

The other day, I was having some high emotion over certain life events. I had just finished a good workout and opted to take a bath in the middle of the day because I knew the workout would result in sore muscles the next day. As I prepared my bath I began to have high emotions regarding life and my design this lifetime. I questioned something I had read online about my Human Design (HD) profile – my variable. I only read about it briefly but it stuck with me.

My variable is PRR DRL. This is the description of a video I later purchased that explains my variable in more detail:

You are part of an evolutionary movement, the bridge to what is coming. You are carrying one part old Left and three parts new variation of Right. What does this mean for your life’s story?

Ra explains how you are designed to have a new receptive brain system, perspective and mind in an active body from the past. Learn how you can understand and deal with the dilemmas of living in a Left world through your correct dietary regimen and Design Nodal environment. In this lecture, you will see how important your relationships are, because they are ultimately going to define your process. Source

What is interesting to me about the description, and why I ultimately purchased the video, is the word “bridge”. It feels correct to me, like it is my purpose to be this bridge. Yet while I was thinking about it later I was angry at the word “bridge”. I thought, “Great. I’m a bridge, so people just walk all over me.” I remember thinking how the only control I have over this is to make myself unstable so that the people walking all over me fall off.

During this time I was speaking with a guide out loud. No one was home but me and I’m not sure when I started or when I realized what I was doing, but I did. The guide was so real to me, so audible in my mind, that it was just natural for me to speak to him. Then I was just laughing because I had gotten to that frustrated, insane sorta emotional tipping point when life is just making you feel batshit crazy. And then a realization hit me. I said aloud to my guide, “I know NOTHING! NOTHING!” And that was the funniest thing ever. Oh the paradox of it! To feel at once that you Know so much but also that you Know nothing at all.

When I was done laughing I no longer felt the need to be upset. There was only calm and my guide said, “Do you feel better now?” And I said, “Yes.” I knew then that all I needed to do was surrender. To be calm and go with the flow. I remember being that way in the past and I know I can be that way again. I have to get out of my monkey mind, or as HD calls it, the Not-Self. I must listen to my inner voice, which for me is my ultimate guide because I am self-projected. I need to listen to what I say when I speak because through my words my path is revealed. This has always been true for me, too, and so the whole idea of it resonates fully with me. I need to recognize and accept that right now my job is to witness, to observe what is happening around me. Action is not necessary. What I observe and witness will help me understand better my life and purpose so that when I am ready I can step into that last stage in my life, when I become the role model I am here to be (I’m a 6/2 Self-Projected Projector). BUT that last stage usually doesn’t start until around the age of 50. That is 6 more years and feels like an eternity away and I think, “What can I possibly get done at such an age?”

Drink from my Well

So, this morning I went back to the video I had reviewed the day before but never purchased. Turns out it was on sale, half-off. Wow. So I bought it.

After listening to the video on my variable type I now understand what “bridge” means. In the video, Ra Uru Hu explained that I am a bridge to the new nine centered Being which is arriving in 2027. I am 3 Right to 1 Left. Left is the past, Right is the future. Left is strategic/active. Right is receptive/passive. The new nine centered human will be all Right. I am almost there but not quite. Therefore, I act as a bridge between the old Left and the new Right. 

I have a Right brain and Right mind. Because of this I am a “well of awareness” from which others come to drink. My job is to just BE awareness. I am to be active in things that I enjoy. Through this action others will be drawn to me to drink from my well. When they come to me, I give them what they need. If I do the correct activity, or that which feels good to me, then the correct people will come to me. I need to be selective when it comes to who I allow to drink from my well. Those who drink from my well may want to possess me. If I surrender to this, meaning I am not aware of it and seek to please them, I can end up forced to be strategic (Left) because I have to figure out how to get rid of them (lol I SO resonate with this!).

I see things in a very, very deep way. The video repeats over and over how I am a WELL of awareness that others drink from. That is my only purpose. I take in, take it all in, and then wait for someone to drink from my well. Those who drink from my well IS what I am aware of. If they drink murky, stagnant water, so do I. People come to me as a resource. What kind of resource will I be? I need to be selective. If I share openly what I am aware of, what I perceive, then I can easily be perceived as “crazy”. I SEE others. Others have to come to me to also see and only then should I share, not before.

In school I shouldn’t study. I wouldn’t have to. I just show up and pay attention and then when that info is needed I will have it. This is very true for me. In school I didn’t need to study. It all came naturally. Answers I didn’t know would come to me if I allowed them. I could pass tests just by using my intuition! If you asked me later why I answered a question the way I did, I wouldn’t be able to tell you except to say, “it felt right”. 
Because I am 1 Left it is easy for me to convince others that I am like them but I am NOT. I should not change for others. I need to be ME.

The video says, “Don’t get stuck. You are here for the ride.” It says, “Your partner needs to bring out of you that which feels good.” The Left will be drawn to me. The Left socializes through sexuality. The Right socializes through awareness. I am NOT like the Left (this is repeated, too).

Something interesting that was said: If someone comes into my environment and I want to yawn, I need to get rid of them. I find this fascinating because that is most everyone in my environment now (except my kids).

The advice is to stay busy, busy doing things I choose and enjoy. It can be ANYTHING – gardening, reading, blogging, exercising, etc. If I remain busy doing things I enjoy, that I am drawn to, then I am PROTECTED.  

I will feel the best when others drink from my well. This is why when I gave readings I felt so good. This is why when I was a teacher it felt good. Anytime another drinks from my well I will feel this way. When another comes to me, I will always give them something sweet to drink. I will often not know why I say what I say. It will just come to me and I will say it. Then later I won’t remember I said it and I won’t care because I gave them what they needed and that is why I am here. Period. 

I am here to make awareness available to others. 

The video left me with questions. He (Ra Uru Hu) said that the environment I live in is important. It needs to be nourishing. The wrong environment will not nourish but make me sick. He also said I need to nourish my brain the right way. If I just eat and eat without discretion then I will feed everything, even that which is not good for me. So now I want to get a HD reading for this purpose, to find out what environment is best for me and what diet I should follow. 

If I think of places where I felt the most supported when I lived there, they have been inland, in the plains area or in places with lots of space. My guess is this would be my best environment, the one that nourishes me. I love the mountains and the coasts but when I lived in the mountains I did not flourish. When I visit the coasts I feel okay but I do not feel like staying. Being in the trees and forests often causes me to feel penned in. I seek open spaces. 

Diet makes me curious. Should I be eating much less? Should I be eating like I am? 

The good news is that if I am following my strategy and authority then I will already be in the environment that nourishes me.

Finally, I really liked Ra Uru Hu. What an amazing energy! He is a Manifestor. I wonder if I have ever met a Manifestor? I wonder what it would be like to be around someone who didn’t end up exhausting me? Instead, I have surrounded myself with Generators (my two sons) and Manifesting Generators (my daughter and husband).

Today I received a copy of the book, Human Design: The Science of Differentiation. I can’t wait to read it!

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The Shift vs Ascension

Woke up this morning thinking of this post from 2015. I feel it is a good reminder, especially right now. Remember, we are all progressing at our own pace. Try not to get bogged down in terminology in an effort to describe your own individual process or make sense of your experiences. Misinformation is in abundance right now (in all subjects!). Trust your own inner Knowing above all else. No one knows your path like you do. Surrender and acceptance is KEY.

Dayna's avatarLiving Life in Between

I am beginning to back off once again from the “Ascension” hype on the internet. And yes, I am calling it a hype because it is mostly being presented as this new and life-changing event that just recently came to planet Earth to uplift us all. It is not recent. It has been part of the spiritual path all along. Always.

The more proper term for what is currently going on is Shift. The Shift itself is not ascension, though very much affecting and often times (most of the time) directly causing many of the intense symptoms and frequency accelerations we are experiencing right now.

What is the Shift? It is the shifting of the Earth’s poles and magnetic field. It is directly linked to astrological events to include the sun, the planets and this and other universes.

I wanted to clarify this as I, in turn, am being…

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POLARIZED

Below is a post I wrote in my private journal back in mid-August. At the time I was noticing more and more often the fear and negativity brewing on social media, the news and even around me in the day-to-day world in which I personally reside (Central Texas).

The below journal entry came to mind as I once again came across posts demonizing a specific political party. I see posts about both sides frequently and even though I snooze the person who posts them, another friend inevitably posts another and I am snoozing them, too. Similarly, when I try to update myself on the daily news, no matter which news site I visit, the bias is ridiculously obvious. I think, “When did the news become so biased?” as I think of my days in journalism class being told by my teacher the utter importance of unbiased reporting.

Then there was the post that really disturbed me. The person was basically outlining a world without suffering in all ways, indicating that in that world all humans should be provided the “basic needs”, nobody should be allowed to have more than that, and if this happened then all our problems would be solved. My first thought was, “That is Communism and we all know that doesn’t work.” I asked for more info from this person and discovered they were not condoning Communism but instead a Utopia. Rather than explain that would go against the whole point of planet Earth (as a spiritual playground where we learn and grow by experiencing what we are NOT) I just let it be.

A Utopia would be awesome indeed but unrealistic and unlikely to ever exist in this dualistic reality. The whole point here is to SURVIVE, to learn how to be human and function within a limited, dualistic, unfair and purposefully difficult environment that is everything we are NOT. Of course, part of that lesson, part of being human, is to always strive for something better. To always have problems to overcome. To confront all the challenges of this experience and SURVIVE. Take away all those challenges, make everybody “equal” and every situation “equal” and then what?

There has to be a game. Duality requires it. And sadly, when one game is removed another, equally challenging one will replace it. Otherwise, what is the point of coming to the most challenging planet/reality of them all?

Anyway, on to my post from August 19th:

The Earth is severely polarized right now. I believe this is part of the “pole shift” my guides warned me about years ago. Yes, the Earth’s poles are shifting but this is just part of the message. My guide also said MY poles were shifting. Thus, all of mankind’s poles are shifting, too. 

The “put on your blinders” message seems relevant right now, also. Though I had assumed the message was meant to help me through my anxiety attacks and other energetic adjustments at the time, I think it was also a message about how to handle the future. Since the message came pre-Covid this makes perfect sense. Often, I go through what the world will go through before the world goes through it. It is like I perceive the shift ahead of time, go through the shift and then when the rest of the world is going through it I am already halfway or fully shifted and moving onto the next shift.

I am noticing that more and more people online in both my FB feed, news feed and other places, exhibiting sign/symptoms of this major polarization. Some are obsessed with politics – hating on one political party, demonizing that party, etc. Others obsessed with conspiracy theories. Some are still on the Covid-train of fear and/or resistance and disbelief. And then there are those caught up in all of the above plus more.

If one wore blinders in this situation then what would it look like? Well, if you can only “look forward” and cannot see behind you or to either side, then you would be in the moment, unconcerned with what this or that person is saying, disregarding the media (which is NEVER in present time) and focusing on your next step. Additionally, blinders are there to keep the horse “calm” and “focused” and keep the horse from reacting out of fear. 

Think of the media, politics and Covid as “distractions” which could result in fear, panic, confusion, upset and other negative and distracting emotions. Think of blinders as that which keeps you focused, calm, steady and objective. 

My review of my 2013 post Tossing Pebbles reminded me of some other visions I had, most dating to 2002-2003. There was a period when I was having intense, realistic, visions where I felt transported to scenes and Knew information all at once. These experiences were unwanted and often scary to me as I had no control over them and felt I could do nothing about what I was being shown. They made me feel helpless. 

Vision 1: I saw the White House on fire. Not just a small fire, either. It was engulfed in flames and I knew it had been bombed. 

Vision 2: I was walking in a rubble field. I knew I was at the school campus where I worked at the time, which is located across the highway from an entrance to Fort Hood. As I walked through the debris – school desks, textbooks, articles of clothing, all burned and smoldering – I knew that Fort Hood had been bombed. I heard, “Prepare yourself” and understood that there would come a time when military bases would be targeted and bombed. Was it a war? Yes, but not a typical one. I asked to not be shown, questioned why I was being shown. I only got, “You need to know.” 

Later, worried for my family, I was told that as long as I stayed where I was (meaning Central Texas) me and my family would be safe. 

Whether these visions will come to pass is as of yet unknown. I feel very strongly that the time of these events is not too far in the future. Likely escalating after my children are all grown. My youngest is 6, so that means at least 12 years from now. My oldest is only 6 years from age 18, though. 

The polarization will continue. Though some are convinced here in the US that the path of the future all rests on who is President or what political party is in power, this is an illusion. A distraction from what is really important. It doesn’t matter who is President. One candidate might delay the inevitable a bit but change IS coming and it is necessary. If we are indeed moving toward the world I was shown my children will one day live in, then major change has to happen. 

Governments cannot go on the way they are. We can’t continue to rape the Earth. We can’t continue to think we are above nature and the rules of natural selection. We can’t continue to live out of balance with nature. Overpopulation is the result of thinking we are somehow better and smarter than the other inhabitants of this planet and so can somehow cheat the game. Ha!

Earth is a tough place to live. There is pain and suffering. Disease and death. It is a world where predators eat prey, where energy comes from the consumption of living things (other energy). To think we humans can play God and eliminate pain and suffering is idiocy. Control is an illusion. If we don’t die from disease, we will die from something else. The Earth seeks balance and WILL put back into balance that which is not in balance. 

Just observe nature – in all it’s glory – without judgment, without labeling something “good” or “bad”.

Notice the hawk swooping down to catch a rabbit, tearing it apart while it is still alive to feed itself and it’s babies.

Observe the Hyenas attacking the Wilder beast, tearing its midsection to the point that its intestines hang out and eating it alive as it tries to defend itself.

Are we humans any different? No. But we think we are. We think, “We are smarter. We have communication, writing, intellect, science, technology…..We can change the game, change the rules.”

Nature doesn’t stop and mull over how it doesn’t want to die. Nature lives in the moment. When death comes, it comes. Then life begins again and the cycle continues. Sure the Wilder Beast tried to live, and so should we, but altering the Earth without concern for anyone but ourselves? Kill all the predators to feel safe. Kill all the virus’ to feel safe. Modify the genetics of our food, find cure for all disease, find ways to keep alive those who otherwise would have died, modify our own genetics….

What won’t we do to avoid death? And at what expense? The Earth’s. If the Earth dies, WE die (or our bodies do anyway).  

The tar pit from my vision the other day comes to mind. Earth is the tar pit of the Universe. Why? Because 1. We forget who we are and 2. We resist the rules of the physical Universe and fight to the end to hold onto life out of fear of the nothingness beyond. When we don’t Remember who we are, we continue to think we are bodies and as long as we think we are bodies, we are trapped in the tar, slowly suffocating and becoming frozen by our Forgetfulness. 

For every person in this world right now who is being distracted by everything going on, overwhelmed by fear of death, caught up in the political Us vs. Them, fixating on conspiracy theories – you are being POLARIZED.

Every time you post how your political party is better and demonize the other party, you are being POLARIZED.

Every time you attack or insult a person for wearing a mask, you are being POLARIZED.

Put on your blinders. Step back and observe. See behind the illusion. Accept that you are not in control. Say the Serenity prayer. Do whatever you can to center yourself.

Or you can go ahead and get caught up in it all if you like to feel that way – unbalanced, chaotic, negative, etc. 

I prefer to feel centered and at peace. 

by

OBE: You Are Fire of the Sun

I’ve been having some trouble getting a solid night’s sleep lately, waking frequently throughout the night and then way too early in the morning. Thankfully, I got a solid night’s sleep last night, but I woke at 5:30am.

I had awakened sobbing from a dream. All I recall now of the dream was warning two people, one was my cousin, not to go walking in a certain place. It was flooded and there were snakes. Their response was to get angry and yell, “We told you to stop telling us that!”. Hurt by their anger, I said, “I was just trying to help.” My heart hurt as I burst into tears.

I tried to clear my thoughts and meditate because my guidance recently told me to take advantage of Dusk and Dawn to set an intention for the day. Unfortunately, my mind was very awake, so it took some time to clear them.

Dream: Asleep on the Job

I was at a gathering at work. We were outside but it looked like inside, so my guess is it was at one of the shops. I was extremely tired. All I wanted to do was sleep. So I found my husband to see if we could go home. He was super talkative and extroverted (like normal) and eventually left me and went off to do something. He left a wad of money in his seat. I grabbed it to keep it safe. I only recall the $100 bill but there was more.

The dream continues with me finding places to sleep, drifting off and then waking myself up with thoughts of things I needed to do. I would even prepare chairs with blankets and pillows to get comfy. lol

In one instance I was “sleeping” and thinking of my “other” job where I worked at a school either as a teacher or counselor or both. I kept thinking I needed to go check-in or I would lose my job. There were memories of the building, the parking lot, even the inside. That time, I woke up and hurried back to the main building to prepare to go to my other job before it got too late.

Inside I passed a line of employees. My husband was there and offered me a plastic square with various pills attached. He said, “Take it.” I said, “I already took my vitamins this morning.” Each employee took their pills and went into a room. I asked what they were doing. He said, “Playing a new game.” In my mind I saw a video game reminiscent of Space Armada.

I bypassed the line and went upstairs, passed an “exit” that also felt like a bathroom and entered the only room there – a bedroom. There was a large bed under a window. I climbed in, happy to get some sleep. I remember thinking, “I feel safe here.” When I looked around the room I saw a bedroom but knew it was also my “office”.

Again, I drifted in and out of sleep. Again I was thinking of my other job. I kept thinking to myself, “Just a little longer. I’m sooooo tired.” My thoughts would be answered with a visual of a clock showing it was nearly 3pm.

OBE: You Are Fire of the Sun

At some point I recognized my intense tiredness was a clue as was my “other” job. I thought, “I don’t have another job. I must be dreaming.” In that instance I felt the bed I was in was in many places at the same time – in my house in my current reality and also in other places and times. It was also as if the bed, with me in it, spun around as my perspective shifted.

Fully lucid now, I decided to try and get up and out of the bed but was uncertain because it all felt so real. Ultimately, I opted to rock back and forth for a bit in hopes of rolling out of my body. I did this a while and then shifted to a back and forth motion. The entire time I was mentally communicating with someone and I vaguely recall them advising me.

When I left my body it was quick and seamless. I stood there for a moment and then rushed out of the room and down the stairs. Trying to fly wasn’t working so I walked.

At the bottom of the stairs I saw my MIL and another woman sitting with paper in hand. They were focused on some task. Behind them were rows upon rows of bicycles. Hundreds! I remember being disinterested in running into the same things I always did when OOB, so I jumped up, floating over the tops of the bikes intent on exiting the scene.

As I flew the sense of freedom was wonderful. I began to rise higher and higher into the sky. Faster and faster. What is interesting is that I held onto one of the bicycles (to journey alone, independently) as I flew. Below me I could see the city lights and above me the stars.

Eventually the speed at which I was rising was phenomenal and I closed my eyes saying to my guide, “Slower. Slower please.” I did slow down but kept moving up into space. I remember not knowing what I wanted to do with this OBE. So I said to my guide, “Show me what I need to know.” I paused reconsidering, and said, “Take me into space. Take me to another planet.”

For a moment I felt to be nowhere. All movement ceased and I experienced the typical shift that takes me to a new place. My vision came on clearly and I was floating through outer space towards a light.

The next thing I remember is falling very far and dropping into water. I did not go under the water but bobbed to the top. It was all dark up until that point when suddenly the lights turned on. I was in the most blue water I’ve ever seen. It was crystal clear. Ahead of me was a beach and above me a brilliant blue, cloudless sky.

Someone told me to put my feet down because it was shallow. Sure enough I could stand and walked up toward the beach.

The sand was pure white and all along the beach were parked oversized construction vehicles of all sorts. They looked to be abandoned, though. I went to investigate, flying up and around them. Wherever I am must be home to giants, I thought.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement so flew toward it. Just beyond the beach was a small town. The dwellings were all brown and reminded me of a cardboard material. People were walking through the narrow streets. They looked human.

Someone saw me and I flew up as I said, “Hello.” Many stopped and gasped, mouths open, frozen where they stood. I heard someone say, “What is she wearing?” I have no idea if I was wearing anything, nor did I care.

I flew around for a bit, explaining to them I was not from their planet. I began to tell them about the things I ate. One man was holding large, green leaves that curled around the edges. I pointed at them and said, “I could eat that.” But then the man looked as if he were counting them. I said, “Oh. It looks like you use them for money here.”

There was a commotion behind me and I knew they were intent on catching me to study me. I was flying, though, and knew they wouldn’t not be able to.

Then I shifted suddenly back to where my physical body was. My vision went black and then turned back on. I was aware of being very tired and once again laying in the bed. I wanted to go back to the planet and was talking to someone. This time I heard the voice of this other person. It was a male voice and appeared to be coming from a large, blue floating capsule of some sort. In my memory it reminds me a blue pill (could mean blissful ignorance). It even had two white stripes on each end.

I can’t recall what the voice said but it was a distinct voice, very gruff. I realized that I could go back to the planet just by willing it, so I did despite the voice reminding me that the people there wanted to capture me.

Then I was floating over the sandy beach area. The blue of the sky was so vibrant! Below was what looked like woven, straw baskets. A man was standing on top of one of the basket lids. Again it was as if giants made the baskets. They were enormous!

I flew down and landed on the lid near the man. I found it was bouncy and began to jump on it like a trampoline. It was super fun! The man was asking me to stop jumping. I knew his intention was to capture me so I made it a game, getting close to him and then jumping out of his reach.

He pleaded with me to stop so I did and landed next to him. We sat down and I looked at him curious about this human-looking alien. I said to him, “You look like me.” He nodded. Looking at him I noted the differences. For one, his head was oversized, as were his ears and eyes. In my memory he is almost like a caricature drawing and the Mad Libs kid comes to mind, too.

I said, “You have five fingers like me but three toes.” I touched his large toe and noted how the other two toes bent toward the big one. The small toes seemed to have no function at all.

The man reached over and touched my toes. He paused as he touched one of my smaller ones. He said, “You have the mark like me.” I said, “Do I?” He pointed at a tiny white streak across my toenail. He said, “See that? You are fire of the sun. No one can look directly at you.” In my mind I saw a streak of a blue flame. I confirmed, “Sounds like me.” Then he said, “You are a beacon.”

I got the feeling from his words and the images in my mind that I am never truly seen by others.

Without warning I was pulled back to my physical body. The sensation of it was fluid and smooth.

Considerations – Human Design

It has been a while since I’ve had an OBE. I’m glad I asked to be shown what I needed to see. I find that those OBEs where I direct what happens tend to do very little for me these days.

This one appears to be a reminder. In the past I was shown/told that I am a beacon, as are others like me. I thought of a lighthouse back then. Now, though, it seems the message is that, as a beacon, I will never truly be seen. This feels accurate to me. I don’t feel seen in this body. I feel invisible to most others. How odd that my “fire” goes unseen? If I am so bright, if I am indeed a “beacon”, one would think others couldn’t help but see me? But the message was clear, they are drawn to me but never really see me, for to look directly at me would “blind” them, much like when one looks directly at the sun.

A while ago now, a friend of mine introduced me to Human Design. When I think of the message in this OBE and the other messages I’ve been receiving, my Human Design result came to mind. I am a Projector.

Not only are Projectors gifted with the ability to recognize, we are given attributes that are designed to be recognized. We are magnetic beings, designed to attract attention. It is the frequency of our Aura that draws someone who sees and recognizes us for the particular qualities we carry and thereby invite our guidance into their lives. In fulfilling that recognition, we find our signature of success.

The Art of Being a Projector

I believe the dream I had prior to my OBE was a reminder that I am not doing my true work but instead choosing to “sleep” on the job. My true work is as a teacher/counselor (even Projector says this). Yet at this time in my life I do not feel drawn to teach or counsel. The motivation is gone.

I also recently had an astrological chart done. For some reason the nodes come to mind. My South Node is in Taurus and the 3rd House. When I look up what I was told about it, I see that it involves feeling safe and being in my “safe place”. You can see that in my dream. My safe place is my bed. If you were to ask me my favorite place to be, it would be in bed, surrounded by fluffy pillows, sleeping. When I am asleep I feel closest to Home. I feel safe.

My North Node is where I shine – my astrological destiny. I believe (if my notes are correct) it is Scorpio and the 9th House – spirituality, foreign travel/people, transcending the material, diving deep and the transpersonal. And I do feel most alive when these things are a part of my life. Right now they most definitely are NOT.

I stopped writing here because I suddenly felt no reason to continue. So I went on my morning walk. For some reason writing this post left me unsettled and depressed. To never be seen is an awful fate. How lonely.

A song came to my mind and I kept singing it as I walked.

When I returned home I was reminded of a message I received not long ago – You will be seen. So perhaps I can be seen, but it is rare. This gives me some hope I guess.

by

Kundalini Dream: The Universal

Ladies and Gentleman we have lift off.

Not sure why that came to mind but I will go with it. 🙂

I wrote an entire post and was ready to publish when WP froze on me. When I attempted to recover the post all that remained were the first two lines (above). 😦 So here I go again.

After yesterday’s message to “speak my truth”, I had a memory come to me out of the blue while I was preparing my breakfast. I recalled an incident from August, 2014. Without going into detail, the result of the experience left me recognizing that a part of my life was not in line with my Truth. Though I took no major action at the time, a decision was made on a subconscious level. That decision was to rid my life of those things which were not in line with my Truth and replace them with things that did.

Prior to bed last night I was thinking of all the experiences I’ve had in the past six years and asking my guidance once again, “Why? Why did all these things happen?” It felt like it had all been for nothing.

Today, after this morning’s experience, I see that my question was answered. Everything that transpired after August, 2014, has been in line with that subconscious decision to rid myself of that which did not resonate with who I am. 

Kundalini Dream: The Universal

I with two others inside a small home that was very welcoming. Inside were two small rooms, one in the front and one in the back. Between the two was a small ramp. I knew the house was located in Alaska (the last frontier).

Within this dream occurred another dream. In it I was speaking to a man. He was very muscular, tall and completely bald. It seemed like we were getting to know one another. All I remember of our conversation is that he referred to me as “the Mother” and also as, “The Universal”. Note: Upon waking I recalled the man and thought of Mr. Clean, thus the featured image.

Then I was back in the tiny house observing myself as a young girl running into the back room via the ramp. 

When I arrived in the back room I was again my older self. I sat down at a picnic table (solidarity and harmony). The man sat next to me on my right. In front of us was a woman, though I can’t recall what she looked like. The back room felt like a screened in porch (feeling carefree) and there was a sense of a garden around us, though I never saw it.

The woman spoke to us about our connection but mostly I recall visuals at this time. I saw a large, 2D, circular image of the Earth. At the top was a spot or circle. At the bottom was another one. There was a line running from the top circle to the bottom. From the two sides were lines of energy coming toward the center.

I recognized the top circle as The Father and the bottom as The Mother. Together they were known as The Universal. When I saw the image I recalled the conversation I had with the man. I turned to him and said, “You called me The Mother and also The Universal!” 

The woman began to explain some other things but again, all I recall is a visual. I saw pillars falling in upon one another. The feeling was chaos and destruction. There was also a sense that the two – The Father and The Mother – were causing this chaos and destruction. For a moment it all seemed surreal, like watching a superhero movie play out. Our job was to save the world from utter destruction. If we did not work together we would destroy each other. 

Understanding the woman was indicating that the man and me were to come together, I said, “We have nothing in common, though!” I turned to the man as if asking for his opinion. He said, “We both like to work out….” A visual of a gym came to mind and I realized he was correct. I smiled and said, “And we both like to sing.” Something about knowing this made me hopeful.

And then I began to feel the man’s energy. It was magnetic and intoxicating, a very familiar feeling. 

At this moment in the dream the man scooted closer to me, putting his left arm around me and pulling me towards him. In that instant the visuals of the pillars falling came on vividly. They were all I could see. Complete devastation. Yet at the same time it was perfection. Organized destruction.

Alongside the visuals I felt the man’s energy coming in from my right, merging with my own. My entire midsection from my throat to my root came alive with energy. The energy in my heart was amazing. Oh how I’ve missed it! It was complete ecstasy.  

I started to cry and woke up. I immediately asked to return, but could not.

Messages

I went in and out of the in-between for a little while after. During this time I received two messages.

The first was, “6 months”. The feeling was this message related to an ending. I recalled a previous Knowing that in February/March something would change. 

The other message was, “You can start a new life, but not yet.”  

by

Message: Down in a Blaze of Glory

So my daughter tells me her dreams every once in a while. She says that for a while now they have been upsetting, even violent. I told her I have heard others say the same thing. Most recently she says her dreams are about our family being in danger – our home was on fire, someone broke in, hostage situations, etc.

She has also told me she thinks she died in 9/11 when the World Trade Centers were bombed. She told me this several years ago but then again after the anniversary this year. I asked her why she thought this and she described a dream she has in which she was running for her life in the streets of a large city. The buildings towered over her, the sky was dark and debris was falling from it. There were hundreds of others running with her. I asked how she died. She said, “I was hit in the head by something that fell from the sky.” I asked her why she thought she died in 9/11 and she said, “The dreams are just so real. It feels like it really happened to me.”

My daughter has also described numerous experiences where she feels she cannot move but is wide awake (sleep paralysis) as well as obviously lucid dream states that she wakes herself up from.

When my daughter was young (2-4 years old) she would tell me about Spirit she saw. She pointed to someone once, describing what she saw. It was my recently deceased grandfather. She also saw our recently deceased neighbor outside her bedroom window, calling him “a one-armed man”. He had lost his arm in an accident when he was young but she had never seen him in real life to know that.

I find it interesting that my daughter is experiencing this now when for years she experienced nothing. I’ve been feeling strongly that this year is more than an upsetting, eye-opening year because of the events taking place around the world. I keep hearing/Knowing that this year is a pivotal one for those who are Spiritual Warriors. It is time to step into that role fully.

Up until now I can’t say I’ve had any violent or upsetting dreams. However, I tend to not be upset by dreams in general. After my daughter told me about her dreams I, of course, had a dream in which our home was being broken into and items stolen. I woke, hearing a loud “bang!” and went downstairs to check. I felt shaky but otherwise unconcerned.

Then, last night, I had another strange dream. It felt like I was witnessing an actual event. The event may have been in this timeline’s past or on another timeline altogether, or could be a future event. Then again it may not be an actual event at all. Yet it reminded me of when I was a child and how I would receive vivid images of events when they were told to me. Later in life I discovered these vivid images were me witnessing the event through the eyes/mind of the experiencer.

Below is the dream I had this morning. Prior to this I had woken briefly and before I fell back to sleep I heard a voice say, “Do not be afraid.”

Dream: Dawson Mass Murder

I was floating down a country road in an unfamiliar area. Someone was with me, giving me a tour of the area and describing the events that occurred there.

What I saw was a vast field of tall, dead grass. To the left of the field was a grove of deciduous trees. The road near the field was small and might have been made of dirt, but I am uncertain. The area felt to be located somewhere in the Northeastern US, but I was not informed of the “where”.

Then I was observing a scene unfold. A group of people were standing in the field. Someone was barking orders at them, but I can’t remember what they were being told to do. Whatever it was, the people were not doing it. I could hear one woman’s thoughts. She was adamant that no matter what she would stand her ground. She was responding to the threat of death by fire and repeating to herself, “I like fire. It feels good.” It was as if she was trying to convince herself that death by fire was pleasant and as a result she believed it.

Then there was a commotion and a rise in fear among the people gathered there. Out of nowhere a gush of fire was shot at each of them as if someone was using a blow torch. They each caught on fire and began to burn alive. The entire time the woman was smiling, enjoying the feeling until she collapsed on the ground next to her companions.

The scene shifted. I was still at the field but there was now a fence to the left and the area seemed groomed and less wild. In the exact location where the group had died stood a circle of tall, thin trees. I knew there was a tree for each of the victims. I noticed a person could walk into the circle and inside were places to sit. It felt like it was placed there to honor the fallen.

As I woke, I wondered what I had just witnessed. I heard, “Dawson” and felt like I had been witness to either a mass murder or suicide event.

Strange Sync

Upon waking I went downstairs to get my morning coffee. My husband is prone to play music loudly in the mornings (he is a morning person) and for some reason he had awakened with a particular song in his head. He asked me, “Have you ever seen the movie, Young Guns? My brother said it was his favorite when he was growing up.” I said, “Yes. I think that movie was lots of peoples’ favorite. It was very popular at the time.”

Before he was able to play a song I knew what song he was going to play. The lyrics, “down in a blaze of glory” came to mind along with a memory of my dream, the people all on fire standing together, dying together. Then the song was playing and I said to him, “It’s very interesting that you are playing that song this morning. I just had a dream….” I described the dream but my husband was upstairs in the shower, so never heard me.

After hearing the song, I can’t help but think that it is part of a bigger message – to “go down in a blaze of glory”, to stand firm in my truth no matter the threat to my own survival – or to be more specific, the Ego’s survival. And going “down” does not mean the end. It is transformation by fire, something I am already very familiar with; The Phoenix. Rebirth.

Considerations

A friend of mine recently relayed to me that she felt a breakthrough was on the horizon. I responded with, “I think we are all anticipating something right now. It is ‘in the air'”.

Though I am not having great spiritual breakthrough experiences like I’ve had in the past, there are still messages coming through. These messages indicate, like I said above, that the time we have been preparing for is here – NOW. The preparation has been thorough. We have now the tools needed to step into our role, whatever that role may be.

My question has been, “What is my role? Who am I?” The answer is coming in bits and pieces but I have now received the same message enough times to know that that role is well known by me (my HS) and the timing of it is crucial and pre-planned.

Yesterday I wrote of an opportunity to go to Costa Rica where I can effectively unburden myself, opening up a space within that can then be filled with the New. Upon further research I discovered that though Costa Rica is open to visitors from the US, the state of Texas is not permitted entry. Our Covid numbers are just too high.

I wasn’t really disappointed to discover this fact. I had an inkling that the opportunity was more symbolic of what it is I need to do right now.

As if to affirm my suspicions, I came across a blog post and video that basically reiterated my Knowing. The video stated that the time is Now, that the present and future are coming together and that “we have to completely redefine who we are” (@23:45).

The video title is, Set the Mother Free and the Soul comes Home. Now if that isn’t a sync, I don’t know what is! To state the obvious – I am being guided to unburden myself. The burden I feel is as a mother in this time on Earth.

Now the question is, “How do I do that?” I have no doubt that the answer will be provided to me. If not to go to Costa Rica for three months, then something else.

At 30:51 she asks, “What do I have to do to set you free?” The answer: “Speak the truth always. Shatter the spell, this pretending that she doesn’t exist and the soul isn’t important. Each and every one of you has the Mother imprisoned within you and that is your spark, that is your Divine spark that Spirit is asking you to discover, to rediscover again and to bring forth.”

So it starts with speaking the truth, even if it is painful, and then to allow that truth to guide you forward. I know, though, that this is not easy.

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Dream Message: Invictus

Slept a little better last night. This morning after I woke early I was disappointed to once again have no memory of dreamtime. It is difficult enough to have nothing going on during the day that is spiritual or interesting but then to have dreamtime snuffed out, too? Frustrating! 

Dreams

A mixture of dreams came after my request. I recall being inside a home that had a very cluttered back yard (subconscious). I was attempting to clean it up. A large, odd looking fence (barrier) had partially fallen down. The fence reminded me upon waking of a yellow (solar plexus) snake (kundalini) because it curved and was rounded and fat. Anyway, I went to prop it back up and the entire fence collapsed. Some people came to help but I decided to just leave the fence down because of the hassle of it. The people brought up potted plants and set them on various tables. The yard was more presentable after that.

Then I got news that my MIL had sent hundreds of bags of salt (rubbing salt into a wound) to her son, my husband. They were trying to put them outside and I would not allow it. I took them inside and found a room that looked to be unfinished but there were metal shelves in it. I pointed and said, “Put them there.” When I looked around the area I saw it was a large room with smaller rooms around the perimeter, all of them under construction (something in-process, unfinished). 

Then I was in another house that was spiritually themed. There were tapestries, paintings, pictures, rugs, etc. Some of the picture frames (adjustments to a situation) had no pictures in them (situations unknown), though, which was odd. The home belonged to my friend, Angela. She was having a party or gathering of some kind. I recall seeing her husband there, too.

The dream specifics are blurry now, though. What I remember was that I was being encouraged to stay and Angela was helping me in some way to deal with some issues. I remember walking around half-aware of my surroundings while people milled about. The energy was high and positive and it felt like part of Angela’s work. 

Then I remember Angela informing me that her husband was not “part” of her work. She was focused on the feminine and all the people there were women. I realized that without the masculine my healing work would be more difficult and I suddenly was not interested in being there. 

This is when another woman entered and invited me to come receive healing. The woman had long, dark hair and her energy was very wise. At first she was telling me how Angela’s issues were in her heart and I knew this and said “heart” at the same time she did. However, then she was talking to me directly and it was as if Angela and I were the same person, or at least very similar. She again mentioned my heart and I can’t recall what she did after (healing maybe?), but I remember feeling emotional. It seemed like the woman was giving me a reading, explaining why I was struggling so much. After there is memory of a time frame being mentioned – thousands of years – as if the issues with my heart spanned many, many lifetimes.

At the end the woman handed me a piece of paper. I glanced at it and there were about a dozen men’s names all at the bottom of the sheet of paper. I think the names were of men who could help me. I thanked her and asked her who she was. I saw in my mind a word that started with an “I” and had an oversized “V” in the middle. Though I can’t recall the rest of the word when I woke I thought of “Invictus” which means “unconquered”. 

Odd Vision

When I woke again I tried to remember the details of the dream but fell into the in-between where I saw a peculiar visual. I was peeling off my own skin. It was in huge, thick, layers and felt really good. It felt like picking off a scab that was ready to fall off. The layer of “skin” was about two inches thick, though! The area I was peeling if off of was the front of my calf, just above the ankle. I started at the knee and peeled it all the way down to the ankle. Weird!!

I think the skin peeling may be representative of me relieving myself of something I have “worn” for a long time like pretense, or perhaps my past mistakes and how they molded me into who I am or appear to be to others. The peeling off of the skin is likely healing and the process of removing the old to reveal the new. 

Costa Rica – Clear It to Fill It?

Perhaps the dreams and vision are result of my considerations about staying in Costa Rica for a while? 

After my SIL invited me to live in a two bedroom house near the one she is renting I have been contemplating the idea of a retreat for a while. Though I am not thrilled about the idea of not having a particular goal in mind, the thought of leaving behind the burdens and responsibilities of my life for a short time is appealing. I would essentially unburden myself for a while and the time may give me the opportunity to decide what I want to fill the resulting “space” with. 

I can stay up to 3 months for $400/mo which would pay for a furnished home and all utilities. I would only have to pay transportation and food/supplies. My husband already told me I can work remotely while there, too, and my pay would be more than enough to cover any expenses I have. My SIL does equine therapy for kids in the area, following her soul purpose (following her heart). She is easy to get along with and I like her (more than any of my husband’s family members). If I don’t want to be around my SIL, the two houses are far enough apart that I could easily avoid any unwanted interaction. 

The cons to going are that neither of us speaks much Spanish and there are few English speakers in the area. The nearest town requires a cab ride to get there and they require masks be worn in any shops/stores. The country requires anyone coming in to get insurance while they stay there. I wouldn’t know anyone but my SIL. I have no idea what I would do in my free time, no plans, no drive to do anything specific. My usual workout regime would have to end, replaced with cardio and bodyweight exercises if I wanted to continue to stay in shape. I wouldn’t see my children and phone service is limited (have to Facetime mostly). 

I have considered perhaps doing an Ayahuasca ceremony while there, but am not sure it is needed or a good idea. My SIL says there are many spiritual seekers who frequent the area, so a ceremony would be easy to find. 

In considering what is holding me back my main concerns are what I would do with my time while there. It would definitely be an unburdening of myself – of the burdens I carry here at home – which would result in a space within that I would need to fill. So my main worry is that I would not know who I am when all the burdens – distractions – are removed.

I have been sitting on the idea, trying to let my heart give me a thumbs up or down, but have yet to get an answer or feeling in response. At the moment my husband is preparing to leave and will likely be gone a month, so I have some time to decide.