Category Archives: Ascension

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A Rough Weekend

The weekend brought a shift in energy for me and along with it a departure from the more calm and balanced state I had been in for the preceding weeks. Saturday, July 20th, was a struggle specifically. I’m not sure what was going on energetically that day, but it manifested in both emotional and physical symptoms for me.

This is what I wrote in my personal blog on the 20th:

I’ve been noticing some under the surface feelings. It is like another me is there and I am picking up on her thoughts and feelings. She is constantly worrying and she is miserable. I try to block her out because listening to her brings the thoughts and feelings to the surface and I begin to take them on. I feel like I need to acknowledge them without becoming them but it is hard to do. The person feeling and thinking these things is completely done with life. Is she me? Am I suppressing her to the point that it is creating this overflow? Or is this something else?

The other day I felt like I was overstimulated by my environment. Everything was too much. It only lasted about 10 minutes but the feeling was that I needed to be somewhere without any electronics or cars or busy-ness. The overwhelm from this resulted in physical symptoms that are hard to describe. It is like I want to get out of my own skin. Like my own body and senses are all wrong.

At work I was feeling the overwhelm the other day. I tried to distract myself from the feeling. I ate my lunch and felt at any moment I would leave my body/pass out. I felt ill inside a little. There was a feeling that was all wrong. I don’t know if it was physical or spiritual or both. It passed but it worried me.

The panic inside is ridiculous. I have thoughts that I will die at any time. I have thoughts that bad things will happen. I feel unsafe. I feel completely vulnerable, exposed and alone.

The specific experiences on the 20th were tough to ride out because my daughter had a friend over and I had agreed to drive 30 minutes to pick her up. Despite scheduling the trip early enough to miss rush hour traffic I still encountered heavy traffic. It took all I could muster to stay calm and focused on the drive. Thoughts kept coming up that seemed to be from another me and I had to work very hard to avoid becoming the effect of them. The thoughts varied and I can’t recall the specifics of them now but they were riddled with anxiety and apathy.

Throughout the day and into the night the thoughts and feelings continued to surface. Tears were unavoidable but I was able to silently suffer through it for the sake of my daughter and her friend. I was more quiet that day than usual, very subdued compared to how I normally am.

Looking back I am surprised I held it together so well because on the inside I was really struggling. There were brief periods of time when I would be hit with this intense desire to die that kept me on alert because of how strong the desire was to immediately find a way, any way, to end my life. The feeling was just shy of impulsive and internally I held on with both hands to avoid losing myself to it. The feeling was so real. My stomach sank to my knees and I began to wonder if I needed immediate psychological assistance. I remember thinking, “This must be what people with Major Depressive Disorder go through, only for much longer periods. I hope that isn’t me. If this continues I will have to get help.” This thought came with fear and a certainty that a part of me had a serious death wish.

Then there was the disassociation with my life that would come and go. I saw this life I am living as not my own and the life I should be living was just within reach only I could not get there. At the time I rationalized it as a my response to memory – memory that far exceeds this lifetime. I remember thinking, “This must be why we forget our past lives when we enter a new one.” If I identify very strongly with a past life (or lifetimes) and remember it in my current life then the very feelings I was having would result, especially if it happens to be with someone I have strong soul ties to.

It seemed that I was struggling with two very real versions of myself the entire day. The emotions were raw and hard to experience, but I somehow made it though. It left me wishing that I could turn back time and undo all that this spiritual path has brought me. The Knowing, the Remembering, the soul connections, the Kundalini – all of it has obviously taken its toll.

That night I somehow managed to sleep, but it took a while because my daughter and her friend were up well past midnight. I had a dream which I wrote in my personal journal:

Dream: Picking Cherries

The dream began with me driving my children to a house in the country. It was still dark outside and I could see the road by the light of the moon. Everything where we were going had gone through a freeze (some emotion has been frozen) so there was frost on the grass and everything.

We arrived at a house and the kids went wild running about. They went in the back yard and found a bush or tree and picked what looked like two strawberries and a handful of cherries without stems. They called the fruit something else and I immediately realized we had come way too early to the house and would likely wake the woman who lived there and took care of the kids. I began to try and quietly get them all together to leave but as I was walking toward the back door, which was wide open (door to subconscious is open), the lady of the house woke.

She told me it was okay if we stayed but to only stay the amount of time we usually do and that I would pay as usual, too.

There was discussion about the fruit. She told me they were cherries (pleasure or challenges that give me mixed feelings) and they ripened early. There was another tree nearby covered in fruit and she came with some branches to try and hide it from the kids. She did not want all of it eaten.

The dream got odd then because I recall a man arriving that I was to marry. I think I was also a man so we were two men but then I felt like a woman so it is confusing. As we went to the front of the house near a window I remember saying that I needed to delay saying “yes” and he agreed. So, we didn’t marry then but were engaged. Then he began acting odd, jumping around and being overly excited. In the dream it was like he was doing gymnastics (trying to deal with conflicting problem). I remember saying to the old woman, “Typical man” or something like that.

There is a fuzzy memory of seeing a handprint (union) outlined on the frost on a window. It was the man’s print and I placed my smaller hand inside. It felt significant.

Message

When I woke I was feeling sad and thinking of how I felt before bed. I asked if I was going to go through another Ego death or if there would be another walk-in. It felt likely but it didn’t make me feel any better about the death wish that seemed to arise out a certain soul connection. A guide said to me, “Maybe it (the emotion/memory) is yours and it needs to be felt” or similar wording. The considerations of jumping back into the decimated feeling is not an idea I enjoy.

The song Hello was going through my mind – “I wonder where you are, and I wonder what you do. Are you somewhere feeling lonely? Or is someone loving you?”

The last thing I remember is seeing a large meatball which represents recognition, straightforwardness and solace.

The next day (Sunday) I felt a bit better despite feeling a strong sense of conclusion or endings as I woke. There are times when things get really confusing on this journey and I want desperately to just erase everything that occurred before and start anew. This was one of those times. I had even decided to write a blog post called, “The End” because of how I felt when I woke, but as the day progressed the feeling subsided.

Toward the evening hour I finally felt the reassuring energy of my guidance. It came through as if being hugged and reassured. My entire body relaxes and I feel immediate relief. There is so much tension – mental, emotional and physical – I hold and to feel it release, even if just for a moment, is wonderful. The message that came through as always was that I do not have to be that way (tense and always on alert).

At night I couldn’t sleep because both my ears were ringing especially loudly and the sound was keeping me awake. I normally wear earplugs and so I removed them but the sound did not go away. It was as if I had just attended a live concert and exposed my ears to very high decibels resulting in a persistent ringing as my ears adjusted. As the hour grew later and later without the sound letting up I began to worry that sound would never stop. I fell asleep somehow and when I woke the sound was gone but now both my ears feel weird. They don’t hurt but feel odd.

The ear ringing continues to bother me and I researched it this morning to try and make sense of it. I was led to a condition called Meniere’s Disease. It turns out that many of the symptoms are similar to what I have been experiencing for some time – fluctuations in hearing, ear ringing (on and off), anxiety, nausea and heart speed-up’s among a few.  I have an uncle on my dad’s side of the family who has hearing loss in one ear. I have not asked him yet what the cause was/is. If I continue to have long episodes of ear ringing I may ask him but it could just be some freak ascension symptom for all I know.

Today I am feeling okay despite the crazy weekend. I don’t necessarily fear the return of the “death wish” thoughts and feelings but they are worrisome for the intensity of the impulse to do something irrational that accompanies them. I don’t like feeling on the verge of breaking – mentally or otherwise. A pill to make it all go away sounds really nice but then I know those solutions are only temporary. With my husband out of state once again, I am pretty much on my own right now so hopefully there will not be more incidences anytime soon.

 

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Disappointment

Happy Father’s Day to all you father’s out there! Hope you have a great day.

My husband has gone off to ride motorcycles with his brothers today. He recently got his motorcycle license and is really into it. So his Father’s Day is going to be a good one.

I’ve been quite low mood lately. Just grumpy, pessimistic and disappointed. The messages I received about June 13th and “three weeks” seemed to have no purpose. Nothing significant has happened to indicate why I received these messages.

Some minor things have come up that may or may not be significant. I realized I have a sensitivity to wine last week when I had a couple of glasses of Pinot Noir. My nose became stuffy after around the third sip. This is normal for me so I disregarded. By the second glass, however, I had congestion and noticeable restriction when I breathed. I looked up my symptoms because as far back as I can remember I have always become congested when I drank wine. I finally thought maybe it was not normal. And there it was – alcohol sensitivity. In my case specifically sensitivity to wine. So no more wine for me I guess. BUT I do fine with Tequila!  🙂

Another thing that happened was a hair change. About two weeks ago I got my hair cut and then I dyed it darker to cover up the overly blonde ends I disliked. After washing my hair it curled quite a bit and even after brushing it straight it would curl up again. I let it dry naturally and had a significant amount of wavy curls. This surprised me but I figured it would go away. Well, it hasn’t. What was once straight hair with lots of body is now wavy/curly hair.

I had naturally curly hair as a baby and toddler. My best guess is that this change has to do with aging somehow.

Not much in dream recall these days. I sleep very deeply and struggle to remember details from my dreams for the most part. Some dreams survived in my memory from last night, though.

Dream: Vic’s

This dream was odd. The first thing I recall is being outside by a house in a suburb talking to a woman. She motioned to a truck (hard work) parked (delay) by the curb in front of the house. I walked over and saw a dark haired man lying under the truck face up. He was awake and looking up at me. For some reason this seemed completely normal. Then a light rain began to fall and he just lay there in it seemingly lost in thought. I said to him, “I sometimes like the rain, too, especially when it is like this.” I walked back to the house.

Then, I was in a grocery store (searching for alternative paths/choices) but it looked like the inside of a house to me. I volunteered to make a type of brownie(pleasure, indulgence) that was half blonde and half chocolate (maybe good/bad, yin/yang). I went to get the ingredients and found myself in a section of a house. All the lights were off. When I went in I said aloud, “Oh, I forgot this was Vic’s.” The women there was not very nice and scoffed at me asking me not to call it that. I noticed she was very uptight and grumpy about it. I turned to her and told her how grateful I was that she bought the store and was tending to it. I hugged her tight and burst into tears. It woke me.

Flash dream memory – I had hairy armpits (nonconforming to society). The hair was dark and almost as long as a man’s would be. I hid it and looked around to see if anyone noticed. Then decided it didn’t matter anyway.

Dream: Oklahoma to New York

In this dream I was traveling by plane with my husband to New York. He told me we could stop off in Oklahoma (hard work brings reward) on the way. I saw a map of Texas and Oklahoma along with some specific destinations. Remembering it now, I know I had dreamed of this map before.

He dropped me at a school and told me he would be meeting a friend at a bar in NY (new path) and would come get me when he was done. There is brief memory of traveling in a boat (emotion) at this time.

I walked into a school gymnasium and sat on the bleachers with the others. They were all very young, like 13 or so, and I felt way too old to be there. None of the students seemed to notice, though, so I might have looked their age for all know.

The teachers was up in front teaching about a subject I do not remember now. We were being instructed on how to do something but all I recall now is taking this large, blue ball, and rolling it around under my hip area. The ball was one of those plastic, bouncy balls about one foot in diameter.

For some reason I decided to take off my skirt and underwear (private self) when I used this ball. There was a male student sitting to my right so I made sure he didn’t see. I had on a long enough shirt to cover myself.

As class was being dismissed the young man asked me a question about the next class. I quickly put my skirt and underwear back on as I answered him. My answer indicated the next class was about female anatomy and I told him, “We’ll talk about breasts. You probably won’t be interested…well maybe you will.” I said this smiling.

Outside I waited for my husband to return. I sat on a bench in the hallway and had in my lap a laptop (communication). I closed it and it began to play what sounded like a movie in Spanish. The other students around me looked and started to giggle. I opened it and turned it off saying, “I thought I turned it off.”

My husband arrived and said his friend cancelled and we could continue our trip. From there I ended up inside a house waiting for him yet again. There was this bar in the kitchen (spiritual nourishment) and a large, German Shepherd dog (protection). I had a sandwich (wholeness) and put it on the bar. The dog began to sniff it and I three soda at him to get him to leave it alone. It soaked half my sandwich and the floor. I cleaned it up and ate the meat out of the sandwich.

The woman who owned the house came home and I told her about the spill. She asked if I cleaned it up and I said I had.

Then I was outside watching my husband sitting on a pier with a fishing pole (seeking answers) in his hand. I watched him catch a tiny catfish (hidden truths, deception, disappointment). I was talking to another man as I watched. A boat was in the distance and it felt like I had traveled on it. I remembered the earlier part of the dream before going to the class. I had been on the boat! Then I saw my husband catch another small catfish and commented on it saying, “He keeps catching catfish!”

Dream: Man Boobs

I was at a construction site (transitional phase in life). Someone mentioned they were building a hotel (seeking better life). I saw a great hole (seeking self-understanding) in the earth and went up to one of the workers to ask if it was for a swimming pool (cleansing). The man I approached apologized as he tried to cover himself. He had very large breasts (nourishment, love, nurturing) that looked like those of a woman. I said, “Don’t worry. I’ve seen it all before.”

I turned to the hole in the ground. It was a narrow rectangle. I asked the man with the boobs if it was for a pool and he said it was. I spoke to a worker on the other side of the hole, asking, “Will it be fiberglass or concrete?” He said, “Fiberglass.” I noted the pieces on the sides of the hole and said, “Oh, that’s them then?” He nodded his head. I said, “Fiberglass won’t last as long. Maybe half as long.” He said, “Actually only 30%.” Note: I suspect this part of the dream indicates that whatever reprieve I am seeking will not be permanent.

Music

When I woke this morning and other mornings this week, a particular song was going through my head:

“I’ll never be the same if we ever meet again” were the lyrics that kept going through my head. I haven’t heard this song since 2016 after I returned from Tennessee.

Another song followed this one and came later in the morning. The lyrics that I kept hearing, “If ever you’re in my arms again, this time I’ll hold you forever.”

Funny how both songs indicate what could happen, but only “if”.

The songs didn’t make me feel better. If anything I felt worse. I was wishing that I could go back to 2014 and erase every spiritual experience I had after that. All of it. Wipe it from my memory. I feel more dead now than I ever did before it all happened.

In fact, I went all the way back to 2003 when I made the decision to quit teaching and follow the spiritual path. What if I hadn’t done that? How would my life be different? Would it better? Would I be happier? If I had stayed at my teaching job, built my house  and lived for myself, maybe I could have avoided all of this. What if I had never awakened?

It seems to me that ignorance is bliss. Right now I long to be ignorant. I keep questioning my path and wondering about my “mission”. If I am here to shine my Light, I sure don’t feel like I am succeeding. In fact, this morning it sure felt like I am one of those who came to gather information and take it back with me when I die. This means all I am here to do is experience whatever I can. But I feel done with experiencing. Experience has sucked me dry. I don’t want any more please. I’ve had my fill, thank you.

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Some Kundalini Ground Rules and a Decision

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Lots of processing going on over here since around the 17th of January. Even posting today feels premature, but I need to because one of the decisions I have come to is to set this and all my other blogs to “Private” for an indeterminate amount of time. Access will be granted to those who request it via a password.

The Why

You may be wondering why this sudden shift into private mode. I am happy to explain.

I had a Kundalini dream encounter that made me very uncomfortable. It was not unpleasant – not at all – but the encounter was with a very young and inexperienced male. This is not a big deal normally. I have had many Kundalini dream encounters with very young women and men – even little girls – but never did it feel as if I were interacting with anyone who also had a body elsewhere. If they did, I was unaware of it. In this particular case I was able to see into this person’s life in a very intimate way. I was not looking to do this but it had enough of an impact on me to cause me to shift gears immediately.

What bothered me first and foremost was that this young man was very young – probably still in his teens and very likely still living at home with his parents (or mom in this case). You may say, “Ah, but age doesn’t matter in Spirit.” Maybe not, but my ability to see into this person’s mind – to know them intimately to the point of knowing where they have been in this life, their experiences, emotions and considerations – made it very clear to me that I have a responsibility to remain as neutral as I can so as to not unduly influence him or anyone else who is so new to the Kundalini.

Kundalini is not a game. Is is the real deal. One Kundalini-awakened person – conscious or not – WILL awaken others with their energy. It is inevitable. Actually, it is meant to be that way for it is crucial to the ascension of humanity. A chain reaction of consciousness. One spark can and will ignite a fire.

Knowing my responsibilities as a Kundalini-awakened individual, it is clear to me that I need to be very cognizant of what I share online. With my most recent experiences with Kundalini “heart connections” and telepathy and now this experience it is undeniable that some ground rules need to be followed.

If you are Kundalini-active you are being received by other Kundalini-active and awakened individuals. What you think about, what you fantasize about, it is being relayed to others whether you are aware of it or not. If you think about, fantasize or obsess over a specific individual they will receive your communication. It may be muted or not received in full. It may be received in dreamtime and hidden behind heavy symbolism. Or, if both individuals are able, the communication will be direct consisting of spoken word, visuals, energy, emotion, thoughts – the whole shebang.

I’ve experienced all of the above and no telling how much I have sent out. 😦

Therefore…..

Rule #1: Protect yourself and your energy. Reel it in, be selective. Don’t worry, your Light will be just as bright but it won’t draw in the wrong people without your permission. Just like they say, “Your body is a temple”, so is your energy body! When you are connected to another, when you open your energy and Self to another, their energy mixes with your own. Afterward, you carry some of their energy within your own and vice versa.

Rule #2: Watch your thoughts. Be certain of your intentions. You will attract what you put out. You’re manifestation abilities are proportional to your awareness level in this human body. The more one advances along the ascension track, the higher their manifestation ability.

Rule #3: Do no harm. Energetic connections can be painful for the inexperienced and naive (trust me I know!). Do not energetically connect with another if you perceive they are not ready, inexperienced or ill prepared. The Kundalini and the connections that result can be addictive and intoxicating. Attachment is common. Where there is attachment there is pain/suffering. If you can remain detached but sense the tendency toward attachment in a potential partner then withdraw completely – Don’t go there.

Even when these rules are followed, others will be activated in your presence whether you meet them in person or via the internet. You are not responsible for what that individual does once they are activated. What you are responsible for is how you respond and react to them, and whether or not you interact with them beyond the initial connection.

So to clarify – It is not, nor has it ever been, my intention to get intimately involved with another person outside of my marriage. My focus has and continues to be my family. I have come to realize that some of my posts, specifically those related to the Kundalini, have insinuated that I am seeking out a new partner. And perhaps at times I was, unconsciously doing this, for which I apologize profusely. I do think of myself as a Seeker, so it would follow that I would seek out others like me. For this I do not apologize but at the same time I cannot go forward from here, considering all that has transpired in the last four years, in good conscience, without setting healthy boundaries both for myself and my family as well as those reading my blog who may be newly awakened and vulnerable.

The last thing I want to do is hook up spiritually with a 16 year-old kid! Nope. I don’t care if “age doesn’t matter to Spirit”. Age – specifically maturity – DOES matter to me – a mature adult, spiritually and physically. This Fire ain’t a toy. It BURNS. Trust me, I know.

And yes, I could still continue to blog while adhering to the above rules. Maybe I am being a bit too hard on myself but then one can’t be too careful in these times. Our children are waking up. They are so very young. They need mentors, guides. But I am not ready to step into that role just yet. One can’t be too careful when tending to the young ones. They are so very fragile.

I will be setting all my blogs to private sometime early next week. Please email me in advance if you would like access and I will send you the password.

 

 

 

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What is Union?

This morning I answered a question on Quora that I feel I should share on here.

Question: What is union in twin flames?

Answer:

Reading all the answers to this question, there seems to be many definitions of Union. So I will give you mine and you can decide for yourself what resonates.

Union is the complete merging of two into one. At it’s simplest, here on the physical plane of reality, Union is sexual intercourse because two physical bodies cannot physically become one any other way.

Union on the spiritual planes is also when two become one only it is via the energy body. This process is much more complex because it happens in stages for those in physical bodies. The stages are necessary and happen as the individual clears away the programming from this and other incarnations, heals the trauma they carry from these lifetimes and becomes whole and balanced within themselves.

At the very highest levels (some call these dimensions) the two are already One. But as the individual in the body grows in awareness they can tap into this connection little by little until from 3D up to 4D to 5D etc, etc. Eventually, the highest level is reached (some call this Enlightenment).

Both individuals do not have to do this at the same time, for in the highest levels of consciousness we are all One (meaning beyond twin flames – ALL of humanity). Once someone surpasses 3D and 4D they have the potential to achieve spiritual Union with anyone else who has also reached beyond these levels.

Union in Spirit is a continuous process as one advances (ascends if you choose to call it that). Some say that when we die we reach the end but my feeling/belief is that we continue even after death on the trajectory we were on in life. Ascension, therefore, builds upon itself from lifetime to lifetime (and in between) until we reach the final “level”, Oneness with the Creator/God/Source/I AM/ALL.

What is Spiritual Union like? I have experienced it many times (like I said it happens in stages). It feels like you are no longer you as you were but an expanded version of yourself. Not only do you feel your partner’s experiences, emotions, thoughts, etc. but you also experience humanity’s experiences as a whole (in small doses) and the Collective’s. In the moment of Union time does not exist. The present moment is all there is. The two individuals coming into Union are forever energetically connected after the event in a way that is beyond comprehensibility in human form.

After a Union event a person is changed and it can takes months to recover. It feels, at first, like you are destroyed/decimated, and in a sense you are because it tears away all falsehoods and you are left to piece together what is left. It forces you into Truth.

So, for those who feel they have met their “twin flame” and are fully enamored with the belief and experience of it, this explanation may be hard to swallow. If you stay in 3D and 4D, though, then your twin flame journey will remain as you now experience it with only the one – for “good or bad”.

But it should bring hope to those who are struggling with the twin flame idea and experience because, if they so choose to work on themselves, then Union with another (many others in fact) is on the horizon.

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And I Feel Fine

Today I feel really, really good. For no reason at all! 🙂 I love days like today. All my perceptions are elevated. Music sounds more amazing and lights me up inside. Color is more vibrant. Food tastes and smells better than usual. My body feels awesome. I feel young and alive. I keep dancing and swaying to the energy of life!

I feel like I someone who is in the midst of falling in love – high on life, giddy happy, optimistic, making plans, seeing possibility in everything.

Today, at the grocery store with my youngest, I felt really high, singing and chatting away with him. I noticed his eyes again. They are marvelous! I wish my eyes looked like his. They look like blue crystals. The picture doesn’t show the crystal-like quality of his eyes, but trust me, it’s there.

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One would think I had some kind of experience to put me in such a mood, but I didn’t, at least not that I can recall. When I woke this morning I did Know something I didn’t know prior to bed, but it wasn’t something positive exactly, so I doubt it would shoot me into a better mood. I only recall bits and pieces now of what I was dreaming about because once I woke it faded quickly. So I doubt my dreams created this feeling, but maybe.

Dream Snippets

I remember interacting with a woman and some others. I kissed her. Can’t recall what she looked like. Brown hair I think.

I remember talking to someone about my purpose. There were two options being shown to me. The one on the right was simple, easy. It looked dismal and gray. The one on the right was brighter and felt challenging. I remember hearing someone remind me of my purpose and bringing up my previous paths of counselor and teacher. My reaction was disinterest. The word “physical” came up regarding work as well. My overall feeling from this interaction was that I was being asked to consider combining all of my past career experiences with my personal trainer certification.

There was a whole sequence of discussions/dreams about a future event. I saw two choices. Again, one on the right and one on the left. The one on the right was the “good girl” path. The one on the left was the more risky one. The risky path had to do with a strong connection with another person. This particular conversation woke me up briefly. I was saying, “I should’ve left.” I could see it all play out and it was my fault.

A portion of a song played in my mind as if to warn me: “It’s the start of us waking up, come on. Are you ready? I”ll be ready.” The “Are you ready?” kept repeating over and over.

In another dream snippet I was talking to a man as I saw a fire on my left in what looked like my back yard. It was getting bigger and bigger. I was saying, “People can die and get hurt really bad in fires. Someone’s going to get hurt.” When I said this the flames literally exploded.

Answer to Question

Maybe my mood has to do with a question I answered on Quora yesterday?

Original question:

If the twin flames journey is to experience being whole within yourself, why do twin flames reunite at all? How come that union is the purpose of the journey if as a soul you are whole and complete anyway?

My answer:

This is a very condensed version of an answer about the part of your question about “being whole within yourself”.

Although we are all Whole and complete as souls, as a soul in a human body most of have become “fractured” because of the trauma, programming and difficulties we’ve endured while occupying a human body. So we forget we are Whole and with that forgetfulness we lose the ability to connect with and merge the masculine and feminine within ourselves. So, when in a body, we are under the illusion that we are incomplete, broken, or otherwise “lacking” in some way and so seek out another/others to fulfilled and bring wholeness to ourselves.

As for the “twin flame” part of your answer, I don’t believe in the phenomena in the way that others do so my answer totally tosses out the part about how “Union” is the purpose of a twin flame journey. Union (within the Self) is everyone’s mission ultimately. Some of us will get there in this lifetime, others won’t. Usually it takes lifetimes to come into Union with(in) ones self but with the ascension this is rapidly accelerating. The twin flame portion of this acts as a catalyst for coming in Union with(in) ones self. Union with another (any other, “twin” or otherwise) is also possible, but only when one is whole within the self.

Once someone has achieved Union within, there is no longer a need or desire to seek outside of themselves that which was previously lacking within – with a twin or anyone else.

She asked me a follow-up question:

Thank you for your answers. I get totally what you are saying. It’s just that not everything is entirely clear to me. Say, if you make it in this lifetime to be truly whole and happy within yourself, what do you need the union for then? If you are entirely happy within yourself, that would mean that you don’t need the other counterpart to fulfill your life, wouldn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, I miss my twin and have the desire to be with him on a physical level. No matter how much I love myself unconditionally and how much I have already grown spiritually, not much seems to change on a physical level lately.. but if I should ever reach this state of being totally happy and complete within myself without the need of being together with my twin, what would be the purpose of the union then? It’s also quite irritating that buddhists for example don’t believe in soulmates or twin flames as they believe that the soul is always one. That would mean that twin flames were never one soul as every soul is one already. I get the idea that in the 3d world you learn to become complete within yourself. But how does that everything fit with the twin flame and the union? I hope I didn’t confuse you too much but it’s something I desire to understand.

My response:

I for one agree with the Buddhists, but I am not a Buddhist myself. This is because my experience suggests that the “twin flame” idea is very skewed. The “twin flame” phenomena is very real to the Experiencer, for sure, and I do not intend to invalidate the experiences of those who have them – because I have also experienced what would qualify as such a twin connection! Only I have had more than one experience as have the men who have connected with me. And I miss both of the men who I connected with – they are always in my thoughts and my heart. I continue to have telepathic connections with them and it has become a regular part of my life. BUT I no longer pine for them or obsess or feel I have to have either of them in my life.

I have learned also that there are two types of Union (from the perspective of being in the body anyway) – spiritual and physical. I have yet to experience the latter. Do I want to? Hell yeah! But I am still learning how to function within the former, meaning, yes, I have experienced spiritual Union within myself. Union is not something that just happens once and then it’s done, either – well maybe the physical one is but not the spiritual. On the spiritual side, Union is a process that continues throughout ones time in the body and, as with me, for many lifetimes/incarnations.

So where does the “twin” concept come in? What is its purpose? The purpose is simply to allow both to see, if they choose, aspects hidden or suppressed from view, so that both move closer toward Spiritual Union within.

This may not make sense but it has to do with the idea that we are all ONE. So the progress made by one is also then made for everyone and vice versa. Once the current ‘twin’ has done what is needed to elevate their own and their partners consciousness/energy, then another “twin” experience will occur, and another and another. It’s like a chain reaction until eventually we are all connected by this “chain” of consciousness.

This process is Ascension – the elevation of human consciousness on a worldwide scale. So, what people say about “twins” having a huge mission here is true because it is these connections that are the foundation for what will be a changed, more peaceful and connected world.

I only started answering questions on Quora very recently. Not even sure why, but I sometimes feel drawn to answer certain questions. This was one of them. I answered the initial question several days ago but the follow-up question was sent in an email notification today, so I answered. I had not expected the last two paragraphs of my reply to the follow-up question. It sat with me throughout the morning and it felt – still feels – very accurate, especially the part about continual “twin”-like connections creating a “chain” that eventually will connect the entire world. THAT really resonates.

In fact, I think it sums up my mission here really well. Help with the Ascension – Yep. What better way to help than to be one of the first links on that ever-expanding chain of connection?

And if you take my Quora response and add it to my dream snippets, it seems to indicate that, whether I like it or not, more heart connections (twin-like connections) are on the horizon for me. Yet I am not at all discouraged by this fact. I embrace the idea. In fact, it fills me with joy. There is nothing more that I would want for the world than to experience that connection and Oneness. When that happens the Earth will be forever changed for the better.

I keep getting a vision of a person jumping into the air and clicking their heels together. LOL Then a song comes to mind:

Heel Click photo credits. 

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Holiday Ego Resurgence

Sleeping very deeply and very tired in the evenings. This holiday season has wiped me out! After two different times at the dealership to get my MIL a new car (long story), I think the energy was just sucked out of me. Prior to that, having a meeting with my BIL and SIL to handle their dept also left me feeling this way. I feel prompted to help but at the same time strangely resentful of my own actions, like I am being forced to help and my Ego child is throwing an internal tantrum. This makes me a bit grumpy and withdrawn around others. But of course it would!

I’ve been noticing some physical responses to this stress (or maybe it is more than that?). From since Christmas day I have been sensitive to certain foods – coffee, sugar, and alcohol specifically. I feel “off” if I drink more than a cup of coffee. It is more than just jittery, it is like overly “open” or sensitive to others’ energy. Christmas day we went to extended family’s house for present opening. I had two cups that morning and by the time we arrived, the group, which was rather large, was overwhelming to me. I had to go into another room by myself to avoid it. I did this for half the morning until, finally, the last hour, I was able to join in a bit.

The day before Christmas we had a meeting with my BIL and SIL and the same kind of “off” feeling plagued me. This time I think it may have been stress related because I had not had too much coffee or any sugar. Agreeing to let them put their debt onto our zero interest credit cards eventually overwhelmed me. $40,000 of debt that is not mine yet now in my/our name is a lot to swallow. I do trust them but at the same time I know that if they choose to not pay their debt that it would be mine and there would be no way out of it. It is a big risk to take for anyone, much less me who would not consider doing such a thing for my own sister or family member (other than my mom).

The same kind of feeling plagued me both times at the car dealership. The first time not as much as the second. Agreeing to buy a car for my MIL, using my credit and name to finance a car I will never drive, a car that costs $20k (the first time $30k but was returned) caused me to have a near panic attack on the way home. Again, I put my name/credit at risk because if things go south then I am the one who is responsible in the end. Both my BIL’s intend to contribute to the payments but it is still a big burden to carry.

All this for my husband’s family. The first because I woke up Knowing I needed to help my BIL and SIL. The second because my MIL’s car situation was causing financial strain on the whole family, especially my own along with too many arguments, and one day I felt urged to do something about it. So I did.

A part of me knows all will be well but another is freaking out and angry that I am not getting to have what I want. This other part feels it very unfair, feels my MIL undeserving, and feels fear at the prospect of things going wrong. Yet what am I to do when I wake up KNOWING I am to help and feeling eager to do so? And how do I resist a sudden urge to resolve my MIL’s car situation that seemed to come out of nowhere and did not align with my previous decision to not help?

All of this is likely the result of a bit of Ego resurgence. It comes with all sorts of resentment and feeling denied the things I want out of this life. Mostly there is impatience at having to continually wait (or at least that is how it feels). I’m sure to others in my family I seem a walking contradiction right now. Heck, I feel that way!

My only guess as to what is happening is that I am following my HS/purpose as intended and my Ego is upset that this takes precedence over her own wants/desires. I had no intention of helping out the way I did yet both times I did so without thinking and followed through until the end. What does that mean? HS is in charge, which is exactly how it should be. BUT the grumpiness of my lower self is not how it should be. There should be understanding, acceptance and surrender and I think it is coming but some work will be needed to return to that balance. All is not lost. What has been accomplished on a spiritual level has not been in vain. Progression is a continual process. The Ego doesn’t vanish. It just needs to be handled as a small child would, but gently and without reacting harshly or punishing severely lest there be a full-out rebellion.

Duck Dream

I had lots of vivid dreams but most were forgotten upon waking. I’ve just been too tired to care or bother to try and remember. But one dream did persist in my memory.

The dream memory begins with me walking out the back of a house, presumably my mother’s, and seeing large pond shaped like a figure eight without the inner loops. When I saw that there were ducks in the pond I said, “Oh! There are ducks! Why didn’t you tell me there were ducks! I need to get my camera!” I went back inside to fetch my camera and returned to the back porch. Then I noticed a separated small, circular, raised tub full of water. In it seemed to be large pieces of an engine of some sort, maybe a pool sweeper as I could see tubing. The whole tub was swirling around like a whirlpool, white pieces of the machine surfacing and then re-submerging. Within all of it I could see a small Mallard duck struggling to get to the surface. I could see that it was still alive and when it surfaced it would gasp for air. I yelled out that there was a duck inside and began to pull out the pieces of machinery to try and get to the duck. As I did, the tub slowly stopped swirling and I was able to pull out the near dead duck.

Once out, I gave the duck to someone and went to fetch it some food. I got something that looked like a nut porridge and the duck eagerly ate it up. I was relieved and told the person it was a good sign that she wanted to live. I kept feeding her until there was no more food. They I offered her a glass of water but she avoided it. I knew it was because she had almost drowned.

Eventually the duck was fully healed and on her feet. Then the dream shifted as did the duck. The duck changed into a beautiful black woman with long black hair that hung in ringlets at her waist. We were all on the back porch of this house and somehow the porch became a portal into another time, the time of slavery. The woman walked through the door and entered into that time and suddenly became a house servant.

The dream went on from there but I cannot remember it now.

Duck’s represent the subconscious when they are swimming. I see them on the pond indicating balance but then the one is drowning, indicating lack of balance or being overwhelmed by something in my subconscious mind. Perhaps it is swirling emotion caused by some kind of dysfunction that is being brought to the surface (broken machinery). The whirlpool indicates there is a threat of being overtaken by the emotional turmoil, but the water is clear which is good. I bring the duck back to life and she shifts into a woman.

File:Ishtar-star-symbol-simplified.svg - Wikimedia Commons

12/26/18 – Ishtar and Tears

The other night I woke from a dream where I was kneeling. I touched a metal object to my tongue and removed it. I could see it clearly – a circular shape with vertical lines on either side but the rest is a blur. I said, “Ishtar” as I looked at the symbol. It woke me. Afterward I recalled saying both “Ashtar” and “Ishtar” so I don’t know which one is correct.

Last night I woke from a dream where I was telling someone about another woman. I said, “She won’t ever see her mother again.” I burst into tears and woke up feeling devastated. That’s the second dream in recent months where I have awakened in tears after saying something about missing my/a mother.

Then had a whole dream where I broke it off with my boyfriend but he wouldn’t let me go. I met with him and told him I was leaving. He said, “No. You’re going to kill me.” He took two knives out and put them in my hands and forcibly held them there. Then he pointed them toward himself and pulled me into him so that they pierced into his stomach region. He fell to the floor dying but not dead. Frightened, I got help from a guy and we threw him out a screened in window. I spent the rest of the dream trying to cover my tracks so I wouldn’t get caught.

I’ve been doing lots of yoga these days off. Tonight my third eye area has energy that is wrapping across my cheeks and down around my ears. I continue to have energy in my head and neck region on and off. It feels very healing and lulls me into sleep most nights.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the urge to leave social media, specifically Facebook and Instagram. I may or may not follow through. It feels like this new year needs to be a clean slate in certain areas; that I need to muster the courage to do away with some heavier connections that are literally dragging me down.

 

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Merging Unveiled

I stumbled across this old post of mine from 2014. In it I relay how my guidance told me that 4 years from June, 2014 I would experience a “death”. Turns out, in June, 2018, I experienced a massive heart opening that came only after a significant personal transformative “event” earlier in the year (February I believe). By the end of the summer (August) I had so many profound experiences that even now I am still trying to digest them all.

I find it so amazing how my guidance warns me of these “guideposts” and I hit each and every one of them right on time. And just like my guide mentioned above, there was no way to understand until the experience taught me what I needed to know.

I must say that 2018 has been a VERY product year spiritually. 🙂

Merry Christmas to everyone!

Dayna's avatarLiving Life in Between

A while ago now, my guide told me that he and I were in the process of “merging”. I never quite understood everything about merging, but I did recognize that it meant that he would no longer be viewed by me as separate from me. For some reason, the idea of merging was scary to me, especially the thought of losing my companion traveler who has always been by my side in this life.

Recently the subject of merging was brought up in my astral projectors FB group by a friend, Jurgen Ziewe, who is a well-known author of books on astral projection and higher consciousness. He is in the process of writing a book about his personal experience of merging with his Higher Self who he calls his “silent companion”. The discussion question that was asked was about spirit guides. Several individuals wanted more information on spirit guides. I…

View original post 1,425 more words

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Debugging

Thank goodness for sleep! Wow, was I tired! Even with my son having a sleepover with his cousin I was able to sleep (and that is a major accomplishment I tell ya!).

In the middle of the night I heard banging from the bathroom. I got up to find my youngest at the bathroom sink holding his toothbrush. I asked him, “What are you doing? It’s 3am, you need to go back to bed.” He pouted his lips and said, “Noooo! I forgot to brush my teeth!” Rather than fight him on it I took the toothbrush and told him, “Okay then, go to the bathroom first.” He didn’t argue and used the toilet as I put toothpaste on his brush. When he finished he walked right past me and back to bed. LOL He must have been sleepwalking. All my kids sleepwalk like their mother. 😉

My other son and his cousin fell asleep on the floor in front of the TV. I think they stayed up until midnight at least. This morning they are full of energy and making a mess of the house. Reminds me of my own sleepovers as a child. 🙂

Anyway, when I woke up this morning I was thinking of the masculine and how, in general, the masculine energy in human form is really struggling right now. It was/is very clear to me that it might take a long while still before the masculine is able to step into and own their power in the way it is intended. So much guilt, anger, resentment and inner conflict swirling around inside. Since I have had the honor and pleasure of experiencing a Divine connection with a man who owns and wields his power the way it is meant to be, the contrast between what is (for most men on this planet) and what will be is obvious – palpable even. And I am sad for the men who are struggling because, to me at least, the solution to their inner struggle is so obvious: stop fighting yourself, stop denying yourself, stop resisting yourself. The thing is, the very power the masculine holds has been twisted and misused for so long that many have come to fear their own power because of how destructive it can and has been. This fear causes them to push it down, to deny and in some cases to misuse it even more because that which we refuse to see – which we refuse to confront and take responsibility for – in actuality controls us even more. It’s a cycle that must stop and is perpetuated by fear. Avoidance and denial is not the way to redemption. Avoiding deep and meaningful relationships or suppressing desire (sexual or otherwise) is far too common as is continued misuse and abuse of power.

There is hope, though. There are men out there who are well on the path to successfully owning and stepping into their power.

Anyway, I don’t mean to focus on the masculine over the feminine and imply that somehow the feminine is more advanced (though I am a bit biased since I am a woman). It’s always so much easier to see with clarity the solution to a problem when it is someone else’s problem!

The feminine also must step into and own their power. An obstacle we face is healing deep wounds from lifetimes of abuse. This is my reality and process now but only this morning was I made aware of it.

Dreams

Only snippets of last night’s dreams remain with me this morning.

In one dream I was comparing bare feet (foundation, understanding, stability) with my daughter. I noticed her feet were as big as mine and asked her to put her foot up next to mine for comparison. It was identical and I marveled at how quickly she had grown.

In another dream I went into a bedroom (private self) that I felt was my own. Inside it was dark and the color blue dominate. The covers of the bed were on the floor revealing only wrinkled blue sheets. I thought to myself, “Someone had sex in my bed.” For a moment it grossed me out to think of it. I went to make the bed and noticed something stuck between the bed and headboard. I pulled out a yellow baseball hat (covering up something)stuffed with a yellow shirt. I tossed it to the floor. I saw another similar hat but in another color also stuffed with clothing. After finding several of these hats, all of different colors (like the chakras) and tossing them on the floor I said allowed to someone, “Who put that there?”

I walked around the side of the bed because I saw something moving. It was a small cockroach (filth, dirty, something unwanted). I had a remote in my hand and attempted to squash it but the roach kept escaping. It ran toward the bed and hid inside a red folder lodged underneath. I made sure the squish the folder as much as I could and then opened it to find I had not killed the roach and it had gotten away. Thinking of it under my bed and likely to crawl on me at night creeped me out. I hate roaches!

Debugging

When I woke this morning a guide was to my left very obvious and audible. He was smiling and sending a lighthearted amusement my way. His closeness, however, meant he wanted to talk.

My communication was that I was tired of pretending, tired of being exhausted by the pretense and wanting it all to stop. It is hard for me to understand why I would be allowed to experience all that I have yet not be given the go ahead to step into perpetuating that experience within this lifetime. The message continues to be, “Not yet” and my patience is growing thin.

His response was understanding and reminding me that We are One. He said it more than once in fact, as if I were missing something, which I probably was. I asked him what was going on, why was I having these odd feelings and experiences. His answer was, “We are debugging.” A flash of the cockroach came to mind and for a moment I smiled and laughed at the ingenuity in my guidance’s messages to me.

I felt more than heard instructions to settle into my core/center, which I did immediately and without hesitation. A warmth spread over me and suddenly all my concerns and impatience vanished and understanding returned. My process of healing is accelerating. A blockage in my second chakra has partially cleared and another layer/level is being accessed for clearing/healing. Similarly, the heart is unusually open/active as a counterbalance to the clearing process.

The word “diksha” or “deeksha” was also provided as an explanation of what is occurring.

Edit: I had to pause on writing this post to do something downstairs where I encountered a wounded roach (featured picture). Supports the debugging message and gives me hope that perhaps the “bugs” in my system/energy are well on their way to being worked out.

 

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Shake Up

Though it has only been two days since my last post, it feels like a week has passed. Lots going on energetically! I will share the last couple of posts in my personal journal to give you an idea of what I have been experiencing.

Journal Entry – December 20, 2018

Yesterday and for a couple of days before I have been experiencing odd emotions and energy. I’m uncertain to what it is all related to. Mostly I have a feeling of “I can’t do this for much longer”. It feels like I am about to crack, or like something is going to break soon. It is like a pressure building and I sense it. Is it mine? The world’s? I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Sometimes, when I feel this emotion/energy I cry, other times I feel like I need to run but can’t. There is definitely a “pressure” with it. Yesterday, at work, is when it hit me. I thought about going to my husband and saying, “I can’t take it anymore” and just walking away from everything – out of the office and home I suppose. An internal voice reassured me and I calmed substantially and returned to “normal” but the memory remained.

I questioned the source of this feeling/energy and could not locate it. The fact that I greeted this morning with tears probably has something to do with it. 

Dream: Ice Cream for Breakfast

This dream began with me meeting with a woman whose specialty was a specific kind of Tantric massage. There was a lot of time spent adjusting my body and settling in. She explained that I needed to be receptive, to relax, and set me up with my head on something often used for babies. I recall her brushing my side with her fingers and feeling an electricity. Every time I got close to relaxing something would interrupt the process – either the wrong position or some nearby noise or person.

There was a family with a baby nearby having a picnic. Me and the woman were set up in a parking space (slow down, heal). She had put down a blanket and set up the entire area very nicely. The family’s car was beyond my feet (we were horizontal across two parking spots). As I lay down and was receiving the woman’s massage I turned my head and encountered the driver’s side mirror of a car. I looked up and behind me and saw the driver giving me an irritated look. So, I told the woman we needed to move and so we did and the driver pulled into the spot.

There was a commotion then from the driver and the family about the baby. I got upset and asked, “Why is everyone always worried about the baby?” Eventually the lady giving massage handed me keys and left. It felt abrupt, like too much was on my mind distracting me. The keys seemed to be mine and how they felt in my hand was memorable.

Then I was watching from above as I traveled along a highway (life path). I was talking to a man as if on the phone, telling him where I was going. As I drove/flew I came to an intersection and said, “I’m home. This was the faster route.” At the intersection I slowed. A familiar man was in the intersection directing traffic.Two individuals walked through, one right past my window. I drove straight through and the man smiled at me as I passed him.

I remember walking into a restaurant and seeing a young blonde man sitting at at table. I asked him if it was too early for lunch (it was around 9:30am) and he said it was. I had wanted to order a sandwich but was fine with breakfast. I sat down with him and asked for a menu. All that was on it were a few breakfast (new beginnings) selections and the rest was ice cream. As I waited for my fried egg (fertility, birth) and toast I saw the man was eating ice cream (good fortune). Three other men joined us, all eating ice cream. I mentioned it was not a healthy breakfast. The oldest of the men, whose appearance shifted from blonde to brown hair, said it had protein in it – double the amount. This man was attractive and I liked his energy. When the man left my husband took his seat and then the man had nowhere to sit.

I got up to leave through the front door. When I walked up to it, a large wooden door appeared that was locked with a latch. I unlatched it and walked in. Inside was a woman sitting at a table. The lights were dim but it felt warm inside, as if a fire were lighting it. The woman recognized me but I felt to be intruding since I unlocked the door to enter. She welcomed me and we went and sat down with another women.

The first woman (aspect of self) talked and talked about the healing she had just been through – how she was overwhelmed with all the anxiety she had taken on from the people she had been helping. I mentioned I had not gone to the healing. The woman talked and talked and even interrupted me when I tried to talk about my own experiences. She said, “I just want to be with my babies” and I saw dolls and doll clothes she would iron over and over until perfect. My advice was to focus on what made her happy. She agreed.

The woman left and the other woman and I were alone. She felt to be a friend I had not seen in a while. The other woman asked me how I was and opened her arms to hug me. I said, “I’m not doing well….” and burst into tears as I hugged her. I felt overwhelmed by life, feeling I could not pretend anymore. I woke up sobbing, pillow wet with tears.

December 21st

After the company Christmas party last night something odd happened. I was in bed attempting to sleep when I heard what sounded like a child crying hysterically. Thinking it might be one of my children or some other child who needed help, I flew out of bed and went to the window to see. I saw a blur of a person running down the sidewalk crying and screaming. Without thinking, I ran downstairs and outside, no shoes or glasses on. I yelled out to her, “Do you need help?” I asked a couple of times. The girl stopped and turned to me. She said something about her boyfriend through tears. I went up to her and she hugged me tight. She was young and well dressed with brown hair. I asked her what happened and she pointed to a car I had not seen. It was parked in the middle of the street, running, both doors open, with lights still on. She told me her boyfriend just stopped the car and jumped out and ran away. I told her it would be okay and that the first thing was to move the car. I asked if she was okay to drive and she said she was. So she got in the car and moved it out of the road and turned it off. Then she wanted to chase after him again, saying that she was worried about him being all alone and cold. I asked if he was drunk and on drugs and she said, “No he’s depressed.” I was able to get her to stay by her the car and not chase after him. She told me she was 21 and from a nearby town. She also told me her name but I forgot it.

Then we saw a man in the distance run across the road and then hide behind a tree. She yelled, “Jordan? Is that you?” I said to her, “I thought he ran that way?” She said, “I did, too. Maybe that’s not him.” I tried to get her to come into my house to calm down and she wouldn’t leave the car because he might come back. I asked her to wait by the car while and I went in to get my shoes. When I came back I saw the car driving away slowly.

It took me over two hours to go to sleep after that. I worried about her and worried I misread the situation. I kept thinking she would come back. I kept listening for her. I was upset with myself for not remembering her name. Just lots of “what if” type thoughts. But most of all, I could not understand my own actions completely. I did not for once think that I could be in harm. When I say I sprinted downstairs to help, I am not exaggerating. I ran as fast as I could and out the door and up to her. Barefoot. lol I also couldn’t see very well (no glasses on) yet I went right up to her and then hugged her back without restraint. In fact, when I think of how I felt, it felt like she was my own child even though she very obviously wasn’t. My only focus was on making sure she was okay. And when it was all over I was emotional and worried for her, as if she were my own daughter. It took me a while to shake the feeling. It felt very much like it does when I give a mediumship reading and connect with Spirit – the residual connection must be cut in order to properly recover.

I assume her boyfriend returned and she was relieved. And in the end I did exactly what I was suppose to do – console a frantic child and keep her safe. She was going to run after him, in the wrong direction, in the dark not knowing where she was. He obviously ran around the block and circled back to where he left his car. My best guess is that he was being dramatic to make a point. I was sad that she played right into his hands. I felt her innocence and naivety so completely and understood. And all the things I should have said but didn’t ran over and over through my mind. The urge to protect her and help her still is very real to me. When I go through my memory and see her and her energy, I think of how beautiful she is and how I hope she knows she is cherished.

The next morning I talked to my husband about what happened. I had awakened him when I came in to put on my shoes and asked him to help but he never came down because they drove away. My husband asked me, “Are you sure you weren’t dreaming?” And I did ask myself that because the whole thing was just so bizarre and unreal. In many ways it felt just like many of my lucid dreams and OBEs, the kind where I am working to rescue lost souls. 

Ultimately, I fell asleep by putting in earplugs to drown out the sounds from the street (I kept thinking I would hear her crying again) but I slept fitfully.

I had an experience not long after where I was laying on my side facing my night stand. I saw a man laying parallel to me and smiling, hand under his chin. He looked like he was playing around and teasing me. I still remember his face. Seeing him I questioned why he was there and how because he would have had to be floating to be where he was. I knew something was off and this peaked my lucidity. I “blinked” and he vanished. Not long after I woke up feeling energetically weird and knew I had been OOB but the experience had been so real that I was a bit shaken.

Note: When proof-reading this part of my post about the man laying there I got memory of the song from Aladdin, Friend Like Me, and memory of how in the movie the genie often was in a similar position – floating in air but laying down. Considering I got this message before, it is likely one of my guides being silly.

Dream

Then I woke up crying again from the only dream from the night that I remember. In it I was helping people but can’t recall specifically why or how. The end is the most memorable now. I was in a scene reminiscent of Star Wars standing on a white platform that stretched out as far as I could see. Two people were with me asking me to handle a man who looked similar to Luke Skywalker but he felt to be my father. I felt I had to do what they were asking or they would do it. Whatever I was doing was using something akin to “the Force” but the term wasn’t used, actually no words were. So I “pushed” him out of my dimension and into another one. I saw him vanish. I was emotional for doing it and cried. As I woke in tears I heard “One of” and then saw IX. I thought, “One of nine?”

It felt like I was saving the man somehow, that it was something that had to be done. Yet I was so sad to do it. 

Considerations – Shake Up

I have also had other energetic “things” going on in between all this and still do. My best guess is that my heart is really open right now. When I was doing yoga last night the online teacher said to listen to my body and let it tell me what areas needed special care. My heart came to mind.

Last night’s bizarre experience in THIS reality was really a shake up for me. In many ways I feel like I walked into another world, or maybe I somehow merged my two realities and so experienced something akin to walking between dimensions and maybe that is what the Star Wars dream was all about. I was fully awake and in my body. It DID happen. There is a young women out there who in that moment needed consoling and I rushed to provide it as if I had been programmed to do so. Not just as mother but for some other reason. Maybe a reason I will never know but she will, or maybe she won’t either.

Happy winter solstice.

 

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Snapping Turtle Message

I had a weird experience last night. Not sure what to call it but it left me feeling unsettled.

What I recall now of the experience is quite muted because it happened early on in the night. There is mainly a feeling of dis-ease that goes with it. I recall feeling transplanted from one body to the other; as if this was a “normal” thing to experience. The energetics of it were unsettling and induced a low grade alarm reaction in me, but not enough to cause me to react or resist. There was a sense of shifting from one time to another. It was like I was jumping around taking a look at all the possible timelines. Along with all this was memory of all these other timelines as well as this current one. It was very difficult to process and thus left me feeling very disoriented, confused and alarmed.

When I woke up I was stunned and still trying to process what I had just experienced. Honestly, I felt completely insane and it was hard not to imagine myself having a psychotic break from it all. I thought for sure I would go into a disassociative state or that I may already in the midst of one which was why I was so confused.

Somehow, despite feeling crazy, I fell back to sleep. I recall being reminded to “surrender” and being I had just re-blogged one of my own posts on that exact topic, it made sense and I didn’t question it.

However, moments before falling asleep, I remembered all these other similar incidents that I had somehow forgotten! It was bizarre and a bit concerning that I had forgotten them, yet I knew I had chosen to do so probably in order to avoid the exact feelings I was having this time around. The previous experiences were very energetic as well, as if someone came and plucked me out of my body, put me in another body or something energetically altering, and then put me back. All the while I was conscious of the exchange but not resisting. Actually, I am not sure my resistance would do any good. It was more a sense of being frozen and unable to do anything except allow the experience. Yet all the experiences left me on high alert upon returning to this reality and thinking that I must be losing my mind.

It is not a fun feeling yet at the same time I am also not alarmed at all, as if it is all completely normal! I think perhaps I experienced it from two perspectives – the Ego (small self) and the Higher Self. Of course, the Higher Self wins out and is why the ultimate feeling that wins out is the “this happens all the time” consideration. It is such a calm, “I got this” kinda of feeling, too, and there is complete Trust and Knowing.

I know. Bizarre. What can I say? This is my life. lol

Any psychologist/psychiatrist would likely diagnose me with some kind of mental illness. Every time I have these experiences, especially the ones where I am most obviously experiencing as two aspects of one, the thought crosses my mind that I must be schizophrenic or at the least emotionally disturbed to the point of disassociation. I’ve been down that road before and found it a dead-end.

Prior to bed I had been feeling like my entire life was “wrong” again. I had a very strange feeling I cannot describe and was thinking, “I can’t go on like this for much longer.” Perhaps I was being recalibrated in my sleep to address this feeling?

Snapping Turtle

This morning I had a very unexpected in-depth discussion with my husband that ended rather abruptly. As with most of our discussions, tempers flared and voices were raised periodically.

After he left for work I went down to make breakfast for myself and my youngest son. When I went outside to toss some leftovers I noticed something in our creek.

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I called my son outside to see the turtle and we watched him for a while. In the above picture he is eating a yellow pear that had fallen into the water. We have pear trees that still have fruit falling from them, so it was likely quite fresh and perfect eating.

Eventually, the turtle sensed us and swam away. The whole while we were both fascinated. We’ve lived here over 4 years and never seen a turtle, much less a snapping turtle!

Snapping Turtle symbolism and meaning:

Some journey has come to its final end.

Speak up for yourself, take a stand but be fair about it.

Communicate honestly; do not withhold anything.

Take your time and think before making decisions that cannot be undone.

It’s time to go your own way.

Source

It is amazing to me how the Universe works, how it sends a messenger to answer the questions I had going through my mind just prior.

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As I was editing this post a song came to mind – Fleetwood Mac’s (who is playing here in Austin in February) – Go Your Own Way.

Hahaha and if you click on the link above “Austin in February” you will see that this message repeats:

Going Their Own Way in 2018!

LOL