Category Archives: Dreams

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Emotional Dream: Rebuild

Had healing dreams last night and woke up in tears from one. I’m not really surprised because I asked for healing prior to sleep and also asked what I needed to do.

Dream: Rebuild

I don’t remember many details now except that I was walking down a hallway with someone who was holding my hand. The hallway was brightly lit with a main wall to my right that was so high I could not see the top. The wall had a massive screen upon it that seemed not to have an end to it.

My companion and I were in deep conversation about my experiences with my heart connection. The words we spoke translated into songs in the dream and I could hear the music and the lyrics, though both are lost to memory now. To my right the screen played images and shed a golden light upon us.

The song spoke of how broken I felt inside, of the utter destruction of my heart. The visual of a forest that had been destroyed from above is prominent, the trees nothing but burned stumps of various heights, the ground scorched, the sky grey. Tears streamed down my face as the song and imagery played through my entire Beingness. The desolation within re-experienced yet again, as if to remind me there is no way to hide. 

The song spoke of letters being written. I remember hearing the word “letters” distinctly. The communication between parts, both within and without, was my understanding. I was reminded of the past and all the communication between us. I had saved all the emails only to one day find them all deleted and irretrievable. 

The love I felt returned to me. I remember saying, “I’ve never loved someone like that.” It was so clear, so obvious, so completely correct. At the time it felt like my entire purpose in this human body and lifetime was to experience that love. So when it became clear I was wrong, that everything I felt to be true was false, it decimated my heart.

The song continued and blended into another. The song, “Angel” came to mind in the dream, though the melodies and lyrics did not match. 

I asked a question about what could be done. It was clear from the visual of the destruction that there was no way to recover what had been lost. The answer I had upon waking was “rebuild” or “rebirth”, the two seemed as one word. In other words, I would have to start from scratch.

Considerations

Upon waking I had to wipe the tears from my eyes repeatedly. I couldn’t stop crying and even when I returned to sleep I would awaken from a wet pillow. 

There were other dreams in the night but none so emotional as this one. Since it was at the beginning of the night, by morning the emotion and desolated feeling are now undetectable. 

I vaguely recall talking about the path to rebuilding my shattered heart. It was only through love that it could be healed. Divine Love. The very love that I desire but also fear and dread. 

“Angel“

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh, beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh, and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

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Healing Heart Bliss

Wonderful sleep last night and heart healing dreams.

Dream: Missing High Heart 

I was in a reclined position. My friend Angela and someone else were hovering over me. Angela was closest and had her hands positioned over my chest. I could see her face distinctly. She was smiling. She gently touched high up on my chest. Where her hands touched my skin it felt almost like two distinct bumps with a deep channel between them. My breasts? I don’t think so. I winced because it was tender. It felt like sore muscles after a workout. She said to me, “You’re missing your High Heart.” Both she and the other individual worked on my heart space. I could feel the energy of the healing. I remember knowing the importance of what they were doing.

Dream: Heart Bliss

Another dream scene came before this one but I will only touch upon it. I was a child in an elementary classroom setting with other children. I remember a man coming to pick me up.

The man drove. I remember looking over at him and knowing him. He had light hair of a dark blonde color. His facial features are lost to me now, but he was familiar and if I saw him again I would recognize him. A deep connection existed between us. It was not a father connection, for I was not a child any longer. It was familial, though. 

We drove along a paved road through a hilly residential area. The area was familiar to me. I had been there before and even now I can recall a past dream of the place. The man spoke to me about land for sale in the area. I saw in my mind a map of all the parcels up for sale. The lots were distinguishable by large, green rectangles outlined in white. Their price tags were high, each in the millions of dollars. 

The man said, “Do you remember when they were $14,000 dollars?” I turned to look at him and nodded yes, I did. In considering his question, I realized then the history between myself and the man. We had known each other for countless human lifetimes but in that moment it felt like I had last seen him just yesterday. My heart began to overflow with love for him. He asked me, “Do you think this (heart bliss, divine love) is less valuable then that (millions of dollars/material gain)?” 

His question seemed to float around in my consciousness as if teasing me to fixate on it. I ignored it momentarily, caught up in the heart bliss. I thought, “THIS is what I want.” Unfortunately, the thought woke me but the heart bliss remained, swirling subtly in my chest. I heard a male voice say, “I love you.” I smiled and lingered in the bliss as long as I could. I didn’t move my physical body because, if I moved, it would “break the spell” and the bliss would evaporate.

I said to the man, whose energy I could still distinctly sense, “I want to feel this way (the bliss) all the time.” He said, “It is yours. It’s always there.” I wondered who the man was. He felt like a guide but then also something else. I didn’t linger on the question, though, and enjoyed the bliss as long as I could.

Considerations

I tried to return to sleep so that I could recaptured the bliss, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I fell into other odd dreams related to current life issues. Not what I had hoped for at all.

I woke up early so I lay in bed thinking of the healing dreams. I think the absence of my High Heart is significant. High Heart = living your personal truth. This is a good article about the High Heart. 

In contemplating the message from that dream, it resonates. I have been wondering about my purpose. I feel pointless with no direction (again). I was also recently sick with Covid when I am usually a very healthy person who rarely, if ever, gets sick. My life has seemed full of discord lately, also. Things are just not lining up like they should; disconnected.

The last dream was wonderful! The heart bliss is beyond beautiful to experience and I miss it very much. There is nothing I want more in this world to feel consistently. Sadly, it is a rare experience.

Then there is the question the man asked me. Basically he is asking me what is worth more to me – money or love? Honestly, in this lifetime, I have chosen money over love but only because the love I have experienced most has not been real love but love of the human kind (distorted). If offered love of the divine kind the choice would be a no brainer. I’d choose love. It felt as if the man were warning me that there will come a time when I will have to choose. Will I choose love and turn my back on “millions”? What would you do? 

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Dream: Pelican Island

The energy lately has been of the healing sort, at least for me. I am having dreams about my heart connection quite frequently. I’ve also been having dreams with my older sister, though those have declined substantially in the past few weeks. I don’t recall many of the specifics of the dreams after they happen. I just wake up with a Knowing of what was being discussed.

The following dream is an exception to this. It is reminiscent of dream meetings I’ve had in the past.

Dream: Pelican Island

I met with a man at a restaurant. For some reason I thought of him as the husband of my best friend from high school but he looked nothing like him. It was clear he was romantically interested in me and we were on a “date”. He was very charming, handsome and familiar. 

Our conversation is a blur to me. I only recall that we chatted a while and I liked him very much. Throughout our time together I was a bit confused and also concerned about him being the husband of my friend. I never mentioned my concerns to him, though my guilt was obvious, and just enjoyed our date. 

Wherever we were was spacious with high ceilings, huge windows and plants of all kinds both indoors and out. I don’t recall a waiter/waitress taking our order or any food or appetizers being served. In fact, there was no food anywhere in the “restaurant”. All we did was talk and eventually we snuggled close and even kissed, though it wasn’t with passion but more the familiar kiss and interactions of a couple that had been together a long time. The intimacy between us was obvious.

I knew he had two children with “my friend” and that they were about the same ages as my two oldest, maybe a little older. We discussed my age for some reason. He was complimenting me about how beautiful I was and commented on how I couldn’t be very old. I told him, “Not true. I’m 43…..oh no, I’m 46.” He laughed and said, “You ARE young. I’m…” I don’t recall his exact age but he was in his 50’s. Again, I felt a bit confused about what was happening. I didn’t quite realize I was dreaming but I knew something was up. I didn’t care, though, because I really liked the man.

His looks are hard to recall but I think he had brown hair, maybe graying or light brown, almost blonde. He reminded me somewhat of my mom’s ex-husband but in all the positive ways. Though I don’t remember our discussion I was able to remember what he told me about himself. He was a successful businessman. I don’t know what business but money was not a problem for him. His personality felt similar to that of a good salesman, there was nothing he felt he couldn’t do or achieve. I knew that he would happily provide me with anything and everything I could ever want and need plus more. He would always put me first. It actually seemed like he was selling himself to me, which in itself is flattering.

As we were preparing to leave he asked me if I wanted to go to Pelican Island with him. He motioned across the room to a counter where they were selling ferry tickets. He said, “We can make the last boat if we hurry. Like, we have 1 minute!” I recall seeing him looking at his watch and I saw what he saw in my mind. The analog clock face showed it was nearing 4:30. I, of course, wanted to go. Everything about him felt exciting and appealing to me and I said yes before I even had time to think about it. 

We ran up to the counter and stopped short of it. We then stood facing away from it and I noticed two children with us. He also mentioned that his wife would be joining us, but she never appeared. Again, I felt extremely guilty and uncomfortable but pushed it from my mind. 

The tickets were purchased but I don’t remember the boat ride to the island. I just remember what the island was like and saw all the pelicans. There were so many that almost all the ground on the island was covered with them!

Considerations

I woke up thinking of how real the dream seemed. It felt like it was a dream visit. But who was this man? Was a he a guide or was he someone who is visiting me ahead of actually meeting me in the physical? Either could be true. There was very muted Kundalini and it was of the kind that was very calming and loving. No intensely passionate or magnetic sensations, which is nice. Whoever he was I very comfortable with and it felt like he was presenting me with an invitation, like a Call. It was such that I couldn’t resist. Everything in me was saying “Yes!”

The Pelican Island destination is odd. Is this symbolic or an actual place, or both?

Symbolism:

“When the Pelican Spirit Animal calls itself to your attention, it’s time to sit up and take notice. A fortuitous opening presents itself. The counsel from Pelican is remaining patient. Don’t dive too quickly or wait too long. You may feel a little insecure about the situation, but you have the chance to apply skills and talents, honing them even further.

The Pelican Spirit Animal is an active team player. It will not allow you to sit on life’s sideline, unmotivated. You need to get out there, among like-minded people and build new friendships. Accept support; give support. The groups you form during your work with Pelican will become some of the most important in your life.

Pelican asks: are you the half-full or half-empty person? What is in your beak, and when do you need to empty it? By letting go, you fill your cup far above the halfway mark with better things. Let nothing weigh you down when you’re reaching for the stars.

Your Pelican Spirit Animal knows you are compassionate. You see needs in people’s lives and respond. But do you respond to your own needs? Have you forgiven yourself from past misdeeds and mistakes? Tackling these two questions is part of Pelican Medicine, and only you have the answers”. Source

There are multiple places with the name Pelican Island. One is close to me, near Galveston, Texas. Another is in Florida and still another on the Missouri River. There is even one in the British Virgin Islands. 

Based upon my dream, the Pelican Island I saw most resembled the wildlife sanctuary in Florida. 

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Full Moon Healing Dreams

Full Night of Tearful Dreams

Last night I had unexpected dreams of my heart connection that resulted in waking multiple times in tears. When I would return to sleep, the dream topic would continue and more tears would result. When I woke I would hear my guidance remind me, “It’s okay to love him.” I’m still uncertain as to why they would choose these words specifically. Do I not feel like it’s okay? Do I feel guilty about it? 

The first dream is the most hazy. In the dream I was living with him in an apartment. It was actually really nice. I was enjoying being there with him, as he was with me. I remember recognizing that I felt no extreme Kundalini energy fluctuations or heart bliss blasts. I felt very level headed and normal with the exception of feeling full of love for him. The love manifested as pure joy/happiness. I remember thinking of him as my best friend and not being distracted by sexual feelings whatsoever. It was a wonderful feeling.

Then we were going our separate ways. I dropped him off at the station (railroad I think but I never saw it). He promised to contact me after he made it to his destination and I remember noting the time difference between where I was and he would be. After four days of nothing, I began to despair. I remember talking to someone, telling them, “I should’ve known better”. There was a Knowing that when we connected in life that it always left me in a similar state of grief and loneliness. The despair I felt every time we parted ways was beyond description and difficult to manage. I remember asking, “Why?” and breaking down in tears. This is when I woke. My heart was aching and when I heard, “It’s okay to love him”, the only thought I had was about the pain I was feeling and how unbearable it was.

There were a few other dreams but the dream of most significance was similar to the above. I had clear memory of spending quite a bit of time with him. The love was there in abundance. The happiness I felt at just being with him was profound. I’ve never felt so happy in this lifetime. I felt complete when with him. There was no sense of lack whatsoever. 

The time we spent together we traveled extensively and loved one another dearly. Again, it was more a sense of us being best friends than anything else. When we met initially we were like long lost friends reunited, sharing our life stories and catching up. I don’t remember much else of this story except returning home and going to bed with wonderful memories of our time together. When I woke I searched for our emails and couldn’t find them. I began to search for other proof of my memories and found nothing. I began to despair, thinking I must be going crazy. No one I knew had any knowledge of him or our time together. I remember wondering, “Was it just a dream? No! It was too real! It wasn’t a dream.” 

The last thing I recall is going through my bags looking for souvenirs I had brought home from our travels together. Unfortunately, there were none. My hopes dashed, I broke down in tears and woke up with a lingering aching in my heart. My biggest upset was that everything I experienced with him wasn’t real after all. It was all just a dream and never happened.

When I awoke for the final time this morning the stark contrast between the joy and happiness I felt in my dreams and the way I feel in currently in life was hard to ignore.

Music Messages

There were songs following me through the night also. The first one was a song I’ve heard many times before as a message about my heart connection – Charlie Puth’s When I See You Again.

Another song that was coming up is called Cola. The part I heard over and over was, “She can’t tell the difference yet.” This seemed to be in line with the dream of not being able to find proof of what I had experienced and feeling crazy and upset about the loss of that reality.

The last song message I received was after the last dream. Beauty and the Beast – “Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme…” I have no idea why that one came to mind but I do think I’ve received it as a song message in the past. It was odd and seemed out of place because of the movie and “the beast” part. Maybe it is a reminder that he and I are old, old friends, meeting “by chance” over and over with similar outcomes from life to life?

There was another dream where I had given up my oldest son for adoption and was upset at seeing him being raised by another. I have no idea why it was stuffed in between the other dreams but it created a similar upset feeling. I remember seeing him as a baby and the love I had for him. To think of losing him created an ache in my chest similar to the ache I feel for the loss of my heart connection.

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Dream: You’ll Get Use to It

Had a dream that lasted most of the night and woke me around 4:30am. 

Normally I would categorize the dream as a Kundalini dream, but the K was extremely muted. I think it was purposefully muted in order to keep me from gaining lucidity.

Unfortunately, I’ve lost memory of most of the specifics now. I was too lazy to get up and jot down the dream at 4:30am, so it is what it is.

Dream: You’ll Get Use to It

The dream felt to be a counseling session of some kind. Every once in a while I was aware of a female guide and counselor asking me questions that would then lead into answers that became the dream scene. Occasionally there was a male guide, who resembled my heart connection. I’ve previously referred to him as the “dark haired man”.

I was asked to remember what occurred during my heart connection – how it felt, the sequence of events, etc. So I told the story and shifted into a dream scene where I was with a dark haired man who very much resembled my heart connection. Throughout telling the story I re-experienced the bliss and connection thoroughly.

Sometimes during my story-telling I would feel to shift back to the scene where I was being counseled. I would see my guide, the one who looked like my heart connection. I Knew I had seen him recently in dreamtime. I told him, “I just saw you not long ago.” Memory of the dream fluttered into my consciousness and then departed. The moment felt important somehow.

One very memorable part of the dream was when the dark haired man and I were standing face-to-face, so close that I could feel his breath on my face. Our bodies didn’t touch. We were just standing very close, as if testing how close we could stand without touching. The heart bliss was overpowering to the point that I lost my breath. I remember thinking how beautiful it was, how much I missed it and how I wished I could feel it forever. In contrast, I was also afraid of it because I wanted only one thing: to completely surrender to it. I said to him, “I don’t think I can handle this.” He said, “You’ll get use to it.”

I distinctly remember one moment when I was telling the dark haired man about a part of the story that doesn’t line up with what I personally know to have happened. I said, “This is the difficult part of the story, the part where they have to be apart.” When telling this part, I saw and experienced the heartache and depression of the separation and instead of seeing myself, saw another woman from a distance, as if mixing up the current lifetime with another. I was also able to connect to the emotions and experiences of my heart connection, experiencing them from his perspective. 

During this time apart I was acutely aware of the absence of the heart bliss. I mourned it and said to the male guide, “I can’t feel it anymore. It is gone forever.” The answer I got was that, no, it was not gone, it was overshadowed by fear. This information rang true to me. I recognized that fear was love’s nemesis and momentarily was relieved to know the solution was to abandon my fear and embrace love. 

The story continued and the two reunited, their time apart over and a new chapter begun. The dream is hazy here, I think because the rest of the story has yet to be told. 

No longer with my two guides, I lingered near a wooden picnic table looking out onto a meadow. There were others with me I didn’t know. I remember distinctly the man sitting on top of the table (not on the bench). He was amused by me and had a hint of playfulness in his eyes. I sat down next to him and he leaned close to me and whispered, “You are still young.” He looked me up and down, causing me to also look at myself. I saw my body, still youthful and beautiful. He said, “You should use what time you have to enjoy your body.”

I didn’t react to his words at all but stood up and looked out at the meadow. Another man approached, my male guide I think. In the dream my consciousness felt far away in the distance so I don’t know what led to what came next. I can’t remember who said this but I also saw it in my mind. The words were, “Dance like a chicken (unexpected change) and lay an egg (creation)” and then I saw someone doing the chicken dance but no egg. I told my guide what the other man said and told him, “I can’t do that [lay an egg]”. 

I woke up filled with memory of the heart bliss. 

Considerations

IDK if my heart connection was actually present in the dream. What it seemed like is that I was being warned of future heart bliss in order to be prepared. In fact, when I awoke, I Knew there would be more heart bliss. My stomach did a little flip flop at the thought of it.

The years 2014-2015 come to mind. How, in 2014, the K dreams first began to shake up my world. I knew the dreams meant major change was coming but was unwilling to really confront that change. I feared it would mean the end of my marriage. Another was both attracted to and terrified by the power of the Kundalini, especially the part that seemed to compel me to surrender to it, but slowly I began to surrender little by little and the K progressed, leading me to my heart connection experience in December, 2015.

It think something similar is occurring now. A warning of an upcoming decision.

The magnificence of the heart bliss is impossible to resist. It feels like coming Home. The bliss of the lower chakras, in contrast, is highly erotic and sexual. Sure, it is spectacular and hard to resist, but it doesn’t compare to the heart bliss. Nothing does.

I still have no idea how anyone could “get use to” the heart bliss. 

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Kundalini Dream: Who Are You?

I hope you have all been well. 🙂 It’s been a while since I last posted so I figured it was time for a little check-in and update.

Daily Yoga

I’m proud to say that I’ve kept up my daily yoga practice. It will be six weeks come Monday. Yay! I’ve honestly never kept up a yoga practice this long, daily or otherwise. It has been a nice change with positive results. In general, I feel so much better physically – less stiff in the mornings, more relaxed, and less preoccupied and anxious. Setting a daily intention, which is always part of my yoga practice, has worked wonders for me emotionally and mentally. They are simple intentions like, “I AM ____” or “I want to create _____”. Usually I insert “love” into the blank. I try to keep it simple but every once in a while I’ll surprise myself. 😉

Previously, I wrote about some weird heart rate fluctuations and dizzy spells where my heart rate was going as low as 40bpm. I’ve not had anymore since then but my heart rate has remained consistently lower than average, especially when I sleep. Just to ease my mind, I bought myself a blood pressure cuff to rule out excessively low or high blood pressure because I’ve had experience with high BP in the past (pre-eclampsia). I’ve yet to have a reading that is considered high, BUT I’ve had some pretty low readings. So far nothing to be concerned about, though. Usually my BP averages about 117/73 but I frequently have readings of 100/60 with the top number sometimes dipping below 100.

I can’t say for sure the yoga is the cause of these blood pressure changes since I didn’t check my BP beforehand, but I suspect it is contributing to it. I am much more aware of my breath, taking breaks just to breathe and BE when I feel stressed or anxious. Since I have an Apple watch I see immediately the impact focused breathing has on my pulse. For example, my pulse will rise into the 90’s when driving sometimes but if I focus on my breath I can keep it in the 60’s-low 80’s.

So, I am going to maintain my daily yoga practice, intention setting, deep breathing and breathing breaks. It could be that I am just now tuning into and experiencing the true rhythm of my body.

Dreams and Experiences

Sadly, my dream explorations and recall have been almost zero. I am sleeping deeper and more soundly, though, which is good. No complaints there!

There are some dream themes that seep through, however. I’ve had two distinct dream experiences since May where I was being instructed on how to activate my energy centers, specifically my root and second chakras. There is no specific memory of the instructions, just an overall sense of being instructed. In both instances I awoke both pleased at my success and shocked by the nature of the dream. I can remember being outside of my physical body manipulating it but also feeling the results of that manipulation. It was as if I was in both places at once with a third party observing and giving pointers. After the last “lesson” I woke up and realized I was being shown the capabilities of the physical body and was in awe at just how little I knew about it.

Another dream theme is of being counseled; talking through life issues with a confidant. Often I don’t recognize the other person but feel very connected to them in the dream. In one instance I was with a coworker who I’ve had many dreams with in the past (I refer to him as “K”). There are always messages that come through in the dreams, which is probably why I remember them when I wake. Some recent messages have been: “Make space” and “Talk it out”.

Messages about “space” have been repeating since last summer when I went to Costa Rica (back then it was “I need space”). After receiving the message “make space” on June 27th, I remembered my Human Design incarnation cross is all about space.

The Left Angle Cross of Refinement (33/19 | 2/1)

You bring the energy of having your own living space and nice things within it. Part of the driving force is about privacy and having your own space, not just for you but for the belief that it is everyone’s right to have such a thing. In addition to the shelter a home provides, you desire some beauty within it to add to your life. You are here to ensure all of us have the right to our own private and inspiring space. ~from the Definitive Book of Human Design.

One thing about incarnation crosses is that there is no one way of interpreting them. “Space” is the key word here. It is assumed initially that it means a physical space because it says “living space”, and “shelter”. And that could very well be but the idea of ensuring everyone has their own living space makes me think of interior designer. Ha! However, I am reminded of my environment in HD – Markets Internal. I invite people into my space. So my space is very important, both physical space and energetic. 

But then perhaps I am an “interior designer” but in so much more than the accepted definition. Interior= my inner world and self. My favorite place to go is within. The worlds that await me there are so much more fulfilling than any physical place could ever be. And my outer world will reflect my inner world. So all I need to do is create my inner world and the outer one will fall into place.

Kundalini Dream: Who Are You?

I saved the best for last but I won’t be telling it in full (sorry). I’m only putting it here since it was one of those “OMG” Kundalini dreams.

The day before the dream was an odd one with some hints I should’ve noticed, and some I did. One I noticed was the yin/yang symbol drawn on my Hyundai’s back window. Seeing it actually made me cry! I later learned my husband put it there. Huh? Not like him at all! Another was a post about the “Hermaphrodite” that caught my eye that morning. It was just so…unusual, so I had to post a reply, something I rarely do these days. Lastly, right before bed, I saw 1111 flash in my mind’s eye, bright white letters on a black background. I never see 1111 anymore so it was a surprise. Just FYI, I saw it again last night, so two night’s in a row now. All three signs point to the merging of the masculine and feminine.

The beginning of the dream is pretty much a blur in my memory. I was not lucid and the dream was nothing extraordinary.

I become lucid when a man takes my hand. Immediately I am struck by a familiar feeling. It is magnetic and irresistible. I don’t recognize the man but I don’t care. I go with him. He pulls me close, all the while the energy is rising like warm water from my root upward. The way it spreads is like liquid, tendrils moving upward through energetic channels I didn’t know were there. I can feel every one of them. They are like the roots of a tree….inside me! When the liquid ecstasy hits my heart I am blown away. I AM love. It feels like my heart is gone, replaced by a funnel that is pulling in the love of the Universe. It goes through me and up and around and back through (like the infinity symbol), a never-ending loop of love. I tell him, this stranger, “I love you!”

I lean in and kiss him right above his collar bone. I can hear his thoughts and feel what he feels. He is blown away by what is happening. He begins to lay me down and the energy intensifies. The warm, liquid bliss is flushing upward with ferocity but it is also extremely gentle. I’ve never felt anything like it. And though I want nothing more than to let it take me away, to drown in the bliss, I awaken.

I sit upright in bed immediately, shocked. My heart is still open, a fountain of love. I can hear the man’s thoughts in my mind. He is asking, “Who are you?” My own thoughts echo his. I wonder briefly, “Who’s thoughts are these? Mine? His?” I let that pass, realizing it makes no difference. My tears concern him. “Why are you crying?” I answer him with, “I never thought I would feel this again.” He asks, “You’ve felt this before?” I can sense his amazement. I answer, “Yes, but not quite like this”. I am still overcome with bliss and love but it is faltering now. My heart is racing in my chest. My tears continue to seep out of me as if I am leaking. I can’t seem to stop them. It is just so beautiful! 

My heart doesn’t stop pounding and I eventually have to get out of bed. It feels like a mini panic attack so I go outside, hoping the night air will settle me. It takes a while and some deep, focused breathing, but my heart finally settles and, amazingly, I return to sleep.

I am both elated and anxious from the experience. Mostly, I don’t understand why I heard another’s thoughts, felt another’s feelings, experienced a merge such as this with a total stranger. Completely caught off-guard, I went into fight or flight but had nowhere to run. This isn’t something you can run from. It’s the Kundalini and she gets what she wants. Every time.

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Dream: Time to Refuel

Life continues to keep me busier than usual. Spring typically brings lots of “new” and it is in full swing here in Texas. My daughter just had her 14th birthday yesterday (yay!) – the same day as the full moon eclipse! This week is full of preparations for the end of the school year which is just eight school days away and hopefully very soon I will be in the office training a new AP Manager (yippie!) to take over the majority of my duties. Next week my husband is leaving for a nine day motorcycle road trip with his brother which coincides with the last week of school – class parties, 5th and 8th grade graduation (I have both this year) and a choir concert to boot. No rest for the weary, I guess!

In all my busyness I don’t get much time to just be. It is obvious that I need stop and b.r.e.a.t.h.e. Even my dreams say so!

Dream: Time to Refuel

I was at mom’s house. My brother was there but he looked young, around 12yrs. We were going out to eat, to breakfast I think since that was the kind of food I saw in my mind. We headed to my car, climbed in and left for town.

On the way my mom pointed to the car’s gauges and said, “Looks like you’ll need to stop and get gas”. I looked at the fuel gauge and at first thought it showed full but upon closer inspection saw it was indeed at empty. For some reason “empty” was interpreted as “completely full” in my mind. I told her that it shouldn’t need gas based upon when I last filled it. I also said, “I haven’t driven it much. Someone must’ve siphoned gas from it”. I was confused, looking back in my memory for trips I’ve taken to try and make sense of the information. The only thing that made sense was that someone stole the gas, especially since stealing gas has been common lately with the high gas prices.

I recall the road I drove on was curvy and it was dark outside. The sense was that it was not close to dawn but closer to midnight.

Then we were in a hotel room in a large bed. My mom and brother were on my right. I was laying on my back feeling very relaxed and easily drifting off.

This is when the dream became more lucid. I could feel my body, how heavy and relaxed it was. I could feel how I was positioned – on my back, arms by my side, legs straight. I was so relaxed I could feel my jaw release and my mouth open. As I lay there, an energy swept over me that was familiar. It came with a slight sensation of falling. The energy moved through me in waves from feet to head and then head to feet. It was a wonderful, relaxed feeling and one I was keen to continue to fall deeper into.

This is when I felt someone lightly touching my legs. The sensation of touch went slowly up from my ankle towards my hips; sensual message. It felt wonderful and I relaxed into it. When I tried to sense who it was, there was no one there.

As I began to recognize I was likely in that in-between state where I could shift OOB, I heard voices to my right. My brother had woken way too early and was climbing around, talking and full of energy. I ignored it and focused back on the wonderfully heavy feeling. Again, I could feel the sensual massage, this time originating near my hip and moving down my thigh. I felt a bit embarrassed as I felt the sensation go over my thigh but pushed the thought away. It didn’t matter. I sent mental encouragement to whomever was helping me, urging them to continue.

Then I was hit on the top of my head by something. Turning, I saw my brother climbing around, unable to stay still in his eagerness to embrace the new day. I sighed and heard my mom tell him to get out of the bed. “Go get ready”, she said. I remember complaining. “It’s too early to wake up. It’s 5am.”

I focused my attention back on the heavy energy, encouraging it to return. It did but every time I focused on relaxing, the dream would interrupt – a voice, a bump, a distraction of some sort. In fact, noises from my own home began to intrude – our dog barked, my boys talking, the sound of footsteps.

When I finally woke up, I was laying in my own bed just as I had been laying in the dream. My mouth was extremely dry from being wide open for so long. I rarely sleep like that!

Considerations

I lingered in bed as long as I could. I didn’t want to get up and leave the warm, heaviness of slumber. I heard my guidance and said, “I want to sleep forever.” In our conversation I mentioned not wanting to deal with the events of the coming day. I had no interest. Sleep was so much better. My guidance reminded me of how fleeting my time here is and that “sleep”, which I so loved, would also end with this life. I saw he had a point and acknowledged it.

The dream symbolism seems to indicate that I am feeling “empty” but not really acknowledging the fact. Instead, I interpret the fuel tank as completely full. My mom (my wiser, maternal self) has to remind me I need to fill up.

Hotels are symbolic of shifts in personal identity; a new state of mind. It’s an indicator that I need to move away from old habits and ways of thinking. It may also indicate that I am seeking a reprieve from my normal, daily life. The interruption by my brother is representative of the interruptions of life. My children and responsibilities towards them come to mind.

The sensual massage was likely my desire to relax and enjoy being touched. One of my favorite ways to relax is through touch. Regular massage is good for easing aches and pains, but sensual massage is much more relaxing IMO. When I was a small girl my grandmother would often help me relax by lightly stroking my spine up and down. I would immediately settle.

The overall message seems to be that I need to pay attention and move away from the old into “the new”. At the very least it could indicate that I should go on another vacation. 🙂

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Healing and Dealing

I’ve not been posting much lately. There are a few reasons for this. The first is I’ve had no desire to do so. The next is that I’ve been super busy with life. The last is the consideration that some things I post are too personal and it may be time to keep them to myself.

Since around mid-March I’ve been going through a healing phase. Mostly the healing occurs during dreamtime and, though I’m aware that it is going on because I often wake in tears or with a guide close by, I have been paying little attention. I mentioned this when I posted about my recent trip to Mexico and the pattern continues. I keep thinking, “I’ll post about it when this phase is complete” because, usually, the way I perceive things shifts dramatically after some time has passed and I’ve had time to recover from all the intense purging. I thought for sure the healing would stop but it hasn’t. The only change is that I am more aware of what the healing involves and why it is happening.

The dreams I’m having continue to incite emotion ranging from tears with an unknown cause to intense sobbing with a full understanding of why. The more aware I’ve become of the healing occurring in dreamtime, the more I seem to remember upon waking. Many of the most intensely emotional dreams are the result of dream encounters with two people from the not-so-distant past (since 2014). Mixed in with these encounters are dreams where I am teaching and working with children. These dreams appear to be counseling sessions exploring my future options in regards to career path.

And the healing isn’t limited to dreamtime. When I wake my days are also emotional, just in a different way. I’ve only just realized my waking life is a continuation of what is occurring in my dreams. I cry more often, especially when I speak my Truth. I’m noticing signs despite not really looking for them.

For example, on a morning walk not long ago, a neighbor was having a moving sale. My husband happened to be walking with me that morning and wanted to buy some tools. He had to leave in a hurry, so I went back to pay only to be invited into the house to see what else was for sale. Turns out, the woman moving was selling a ton of metaphysical and spiritual items. She had an entire room devoted to this which I was immediately drawn to. It wasn’t long before the two of us were chatting about all the things we had in common. I discovered she is a Reiki Master Teacher and gave healing in her home. The room was full of crystals and I told her, “I could stay in this room forever,” as I choked back tears. We talked for about two hours and I ended up buying as many of her things as I could. Since this encounter I’ve turned an entire room of my house into a reading/art/music/mediation room in an attempt to re-create the energy I felt in her healing room.

Other signs are all around me, all pointing to the same thing, “Change”. I often feel panicked when I notice the signs because of how numerous they can be. In one day I might have four or five while other days there are none (that I notice). Add these messages in with the dreamwork I’ve been doing and you can image how I’ve been feeling!

During times like these (healing, greater Knowing), I can be spontaneous. This is what happened when I went to the moving sale. I had no clue what I would do with all the items I purchased, I just Knew I needed them. I ended up with a massage table, a new deck of tarot cards, crystals, pillows, chimes…the list goes on. Then I just Knew I needed to transform a space in my house to create a space for these items to live and I got right to it.

The new space in progress – after furniture was moved out and spiritual items were moved in.
The new healing space. Plenty of room to set up the massage table or do yoga.

I’ve had another feeling (Knowing) and that is to quit my job and do something else. The thing is that the situation is a complicated mess in so many ways. One, I have no idea what the something else IS that I will do. Two, my accounts payable duties and responsibilities are known only by me and to just up and leave would put the company at risk. I would need to train someone to take over. That is the responsible thing to do, anyway.

I also have my husband pushing back. He doesn’t want me to leave the company. So while I am trying to exit stage right he is attempting to put me into a position of higher responsibility. I’ve been telling him I’m overwhelmed, not enjoying my job, and feeling the weight of all the added responsibility. I even requested an assistant. I got approval on my request for an assistant but it has been on hold for weeks now because he hasn’t pushed the paperwork through to HR. Instead, I’m being asked to come into the office every day to receive training on my new duties.

It can feel like I’m getting nowhere. Some days it is very difficult to resist the urge to quit. Really difficult.

It was only recently that I recognized some of my impulsive urges may be a return to the past and how I was feeling then. The feelings may have nothing at all to do with present time. Nothing. Since then the urges have lessened, replaced with a sense that all is happening as it should and to let things unfold.

And finally, I am just really, really busy lately! It seems like I don’t have enough time in the day to do what I want to do – what I enjoy. This is partially due to putting in more office hours (versus working from home), but also life just happens. It seems like every weekend there is some event we have to go or some plan made that I forgot about. Then there are the irritating life hiccups that come along like discovering fraud on our checking account necessitating closing the account, opening a new one and directing all ACH bill payments to the new account. OMG it’s been a PITA. When I found out I took it well but not before taking a break to just scream at the top of my lungs in frustration. Surprisingly, it made me feel a ton better. lol

Featured photo: Card draw I did for myself with my new deck – The Crystal Ally Cards.

Message for Card #1. Question: What should I do in regards to my current situation?
Message of card #2. Question: How do I speak my truth?
Message of card #3. Question (request): I need more guidance.
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OBE: Horseman

Woke at 4:30am thinking of all the things I need to get done before my trip to Cancun next Wednesday. It was mostly work stuff because I have to get a lot done before I leave. No one can do my job except me, really, which makes it hard for me to go on vacation without having to take my laptop and work on-the-go (which I refuse to do).

It took me a while to settle my mind and body, but I guess I did because I entered a lucid dream.

OBE: Horseman

My mind was still going over all the things I need to do in the dream but I was aware I was dreaming. I found myself in a dark landscape. I couldn’t make out much except two dirt roads that intersected at one point. 

As I wandered around this area I was talking to myself and a masculine energy. In my mind I could see images, some of the landscape others of a computer screen. I remember receiving/seeing email messages. The subject lines were familiar. I realized they were things I had written and someone was sending them back to me. I was alarmed because it appeared I was being warned about the future via my own written words. Other emails were long love poems which I read aloud and enjoyed. I don’t remember any of what I read now, though. All of the emails were from a familiar person whose image I could recall in my mind. But, again, my memory of this is limited. All I remember is dark hair and knowing this person had been in contact with me in the past and so seemed to be “stalking” me (but not in a negative way).

Then my focus went to the gray landscape. I soon realized I could traverse it by feel and that the email communications were located there. I would “touch” upon a spot and see or feel things. While one spot brought forth a major sexual feeling, another would reveal an email or would only illicit curiosity.

As I floated/walked towards the center of where the two dirt roads intersected, I told the masculine energy, “This is where my house will be”. I turned and looked across the darkness, the road intersection glowed, and I realized I was standing on the covers of my bed, the bed in which my physical body was sleeping.

For some reason this didn’t surprise me one bit. I shifted into the body in the bed and thought to myself, “I wonder…?” The thought turned to immediate action as I rolled over and off the bed. I recall thinking I might hit the floor so redirected my thoughts so that I floated instead.

As soon as I rolled off the bed I found myself in a bedroom. It was still very dark but all my perceptions were available and I thought to myself, “I will see when I want to.” 

I floated towards the door slowly, enjoying the sensations of being OOB and thinking to myself that I need to pay attention and enjoy what little time I had OOB. 

When I reached the door, I grabbed onto the doorknob and opened the door. I held onto the knob for a while, recognizing it was not really there but amazed at how real it felt. As I looked up I turned on my vision and was blown away by what was in front of me.

The first thing I focused on was the sky. Fluffy clouds and azure blue backlit by the rays of the sun greeted me along with an entire chorus of voices singing in harmony. There were no words to the song, just “Ahh, ahh, ahh….” The chorus was unlike anything I’d heard in this body, but I have heard before it while OOB. Not only was there sound, but the music had color and feeling. Every note permeated the scene and painted it with colors. I could feel my energy body vibrating; my soul felt in tune with everything. The end result was pure joy and the thought, “It is SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!”

I had let go of the doorknob and floated up to the rooftop, holding onto the edge so that I wouldn’t be sucked up into the beautiful chorus of clouds. Branches of trees were at eye level and appeared to sway with the music. I began to sing along with the chorus of voices as I gazed in awe at my surroundings.

I glanced over the top of the roof and saw a brilliant, glowing orb – the sun. It was just peaking over the horizon, its rays casting a brilliance over the landscape. For a moment it looked like there were two identical suns. I blinked, and the lower one vanished before my eyes and the top one continued to slowly rise upward until it was sitting an inch or so above the horizon.

That’s when I saw a man on a horse galloping at top speed in my direction. He seemed to appear from the sun itself! A small, brilliant white light glowed where his hands were holding the reigns. Was he holding a lantern? IDK but the light illuminated him enough that I could tell his horse was brown and he was not a “dark horseman” or sinister in any way.

Before I knew it, the man had galloped across my line of sight and disappeared to my right, just out of my peripheral. I somehow knew he would circle around to meet me. This concerned me and I whispered, “Don’t come over here. Don’t come over here.” The chorus of voices was still singing as I returned to my body.

Considerations

As body awareness returned, I didn’t move, hoping I would return to the scene and confront whoever this horseman was. Why didn’t I want to me him? Unfortunately, my mind was wide awake and thinking too much again. Sleep wasn’t going to return.

As I went through the OBE experience in my mind, the memory of it brought tears to my eyes. I could still hear the chorus of voices, see the magnificent scene and feel the overwhelming joy. I thanked my guidance for giving me such a gift. I was pleased that I recognized the gift that it was and took the opportunity to take in every beautiful part of it. 

I wondered about the horseman. When I first saw him I thought of him as a knight or someone coming to assist me. Later, I worried because he was so dark and my thoughts went to the apocalypse. I almost forgot about the light he carried but when I remembered, I knew whoever he was, he was good. 

The symbolism is promising. The sun is rising – hope, new beginnings, new life, the promise of a new day. That the horseman came galloping out of the sun is also promising and points to something new and positive. 

I don’t know if the email and communication at the beginning of the experience is linked to the OBE – probably. The crossroad are vivid in my memory; a choice is coming. That I was talking about building a new house indicates yet another positive. 

I love, love, love that I found myself wandering on top of the covers of the bed I was sleeping in. How cool is that!? Fantastic! 

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Kundalini Dream: Blue Triangle

I’ve been sleeping deeply and having lots of dreams the last few days. Most haven’t been too interesting but last night the Kundalini was present. It wasn’t typical but the energy was present none-the-less.

K Dream – Blue Triangle

I was with a group of others. We were all youngish (20’s maybe) and seemed to either be in water or floating in a bluish colored space. I remember some other info but it is random faces and conversations that don’t make much sense. 

What I recall most vividly is lining myself up horizontally with my feet pointed towards the front of the space where a man was standing and facing to my left with both his arms outstretched. As I floated there, the man initiated an electrical current that looked blue as it shot out of his arms and hands. Like lightning, it moved towards another person (a man I think) who was horizontal and facing me. Within a few seconds the current went through the second man and hit me, entering via the head and moving through to my feet. The energy exited my toes and completed the circuit into the man who initiated it. 

I distinctly recall the way the energy felt when it hit me and traveled through me. The initial sensation was like I had been mildly shocked and my whole body arched upward slightly. As it moved through me I could feel a distinct difference between the left and right sides of my body. The left side was a solid, uninterrupted flow of energy that felt comfortable and somewhat rejuvenating. There was no disturbances in the flow to the point that it seemed like my head, body and feet were indistinguishable as separate parts. On the right side of my body, on the other hand, there was an interruption of the flow in my legs which felt uncomfortable but not painful. The energy was intermittent and pulsed and with each pulse it was like the initial shock and caused my right leg to flinch.

When the current was cut off, everyone in the room was excited and applauded. I felt extremely accomplished and talked to a woman who had been with me the entire time. She asked me about my experience and I told her about the energy differences I sensed. I was proud that my body cooperated and told her had it not been for the left side of my body being a perfect conduit, the consistent flow would’ve stopped with me. 

The triangle of energy that we formed together was beautiful – a magnificent, electrical blue. The feeling I had was satisfaction. 

As the group mingled, there was an air of anticipation and excitement. It felt like, as a group, we had been working hard and had made great progress. We were all looking forward to what came next. I had a brown bag in my hands that was filled with fresh baked breads like bagels and mini-loaves. The woman asked, “Is that a homemade bagel?” I said, “Yes it is.” She asked, “Can I have one?” I handed it to her and she accepted it and took a big bite.

When we were leaving I was talking to the woman about the next time we would connect and said, “I want to be the one who initiates”. In my mind I remembered how the man initiated the flow of energy. I really desired doing what he did.

Considerations

The dream ended and I woke up briefly. No energy remained but the visuals of the energy flow were fresh on my mind as was the memory of how the energy felt when it flowed through me. I don’t know why it didn’t wake me because it was quite strong. 

Overall, the dream feels positive. I can relate to my right side being a bit less “conductive” and it is promising that the energy made it all the way to my legs before being interrupted. So, I am feeling reassured. Whatever the K has cleared, it is much more than I thought.

The bagel at the end is symbolic of various things. To just have a bagel symbolizes good times ahead after a period of struggle. To give a bagel to someone indicates a friend may need my help or to offer assistance to another. Seeing someone else eat a bagel symbolizes loneliness.