Category Archives: energy

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Kundalini Dream: The Heart Fire Returns

Woke up from a Kundalini dream at 3:30am and couldn’t fall back to sleep. 

Kundalini Dream: The Heart Fire Returns

I was visiting my heart connection. It seemed like he was showing me his past. This part of the dream is not as clear as the rest but I recall his mom being present and somehow knew we were in California. I have seen pictures of her and she was much younger in the dream and seemed vibrant and full of energy. It felt like he was showing me this part of his life to explain his connection to his mom. What I recall the most is that he was very preoccupied with the task at hand, his energy very active and rushed. 

The dream shifted to a more rural area (deeper emotional goal). It felt like rural Georgia and there was a sense that my heart connection was nearby and I was visiting him. I was taking two dogs (loyalty to two different aspects), one large and one small (seeking balance), for a drive down an unfamiliar road. As I drove the road suddenly shifted to a white dirt road (shift to subconscious). Something about seeing the dirt road caused me to worry I would get lost so I decided to slow down and find a place to turn around. I pulled into a half circle driveway to turn around and two older ladies approached me. My car disappeared (slower pace where I am more vulnerable and grounded) and I was now walking the dogs on leashes. The women were friendly, asking if I was from around there and while we talked the larger dog started to wander away. I noticed I had lost grip of its leash and I told the women, “I can’t chase him or he’ll run.” I explained to them how to get him to return and sure enough he circled around happily, greeted them with sniffs and sat down (I’ve learned not to force connections). 

Then I was inside an unfamiliar bedroom (shift from journey stage to one of waiting) laying on a large bed. It felt like I was in my heart connection’s bedroom (view of his inner world). I was clothed in a tank top and shorts laying mostly on top of the covers (not yet fully integrated). The room itself was dark (unconscious) in color and somewhat large. I believe there was a dresser with a mirror near the foot of the bed (self-reflection, inner truth). To my left was the door. I remember mulling over memories of a dream conversation I had with my heart connection prior to this moment in time. I only recall flashes of the dream here. There is a sense of his journey and movement or progression along a planned path. There was also a sense of his mindset and feelings to include that he still had some work to do in regards to the karma he was settling with his mother. 

Though I don’t remember it now I feel like the dream was overlaying another dream in which I was actually with him having this discussion. I’ve had this happen frequently in dreamtime.

At some point I pulled down the right side of my tank top (vulnerability, self-exposure). I don’t know why I did this. I have faint memory of having exercised and feeling hot only I never got up out of the bed. From my right I felt my heart connection come out of the shadows. He leaned over me. There was an immediate burning sensation in my heart chakra as if it was burning straight through me. The sensation was like the fire of desire I usually feel in the lower chakras only it was in my heart. He leaned over me, kneeling partially on the bed, and kissed me four times (grounding of the spiritual fire into reality), each time the fire in my chest grew seeming to expand and envelope us both. 

He ended up over the top of me and I suddenly felt exposed; naked. He was too and I could feel he was aroused. Concerned for him, I pulled in my left knee to block him getting any closer. I knew he wasn’t ready. I knew I wasn’t ready. He slowly withdrew, looked directly at me and said, “Thank you.” We shared a moment of mutual understanding and then he stood up. He was no longer naked but clothed (symbolizes getting back to work). Seeing his clothes, I immediately covered my exposed breast and said to him, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I didn’t mean to…”. Unconcerned, he walked to the door and began to leave, explaining he had to go but would come right back when he was done. I got the sense that he was going to finish his karmic work. It’s like he was explaining, “I am so close, just not quite done yet. I’ll come back, I promise.”

Him leaving was heart wrenching. The fire in my heart was burning but I was in agony. I couldn’t reconcile the longing I was experiencing with the Knowing that it was not yet time. I was also struggling with memory of the previous pain, the decimation I experienced, when he left the first time. The intensity of emotion and the heart fire woke me. 

Reflection

The first thing I felt was panic. Memory flooded in along with the question I had asked all those years ago and was asking again, “Why is this happening to me?” My guides were close and reminded me I had chosen this. Knowing flooded in and I felt the same agony I felt in the dream. All I could say to them was, “I can’t [do this again]”. 

Last summer I was told I had chosen the fast-track. So, so much has happened since then. I am just now feeling somewhat settled and steady. I am getting ready to make even more changes to my life, changes that I feel are more in alignment with who I am. It won’t be easy and I get that, but I was not expecting this. If the Kundalini returns it will most definitely complicate things.

If I am suppose to finish what was started, fine, I get it. Leaving work unfinished is unwise, especially work of this nature.

The dream gave me perspective I didn’t previously have. I understand where my heart connection is coming from and how he has changed. And boy has he changed! His energy is different, more decisive and confident. I cannot recall one dream with him in it from my past where he did what he did in this dream. He was always hesitant. Not anymore. It feels like he is stepping fully into his masculinity.

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Long OBE This Morning

I asked and received. 🙂 

Woke around 5:30am and asked to go out of body. I couldn’t sleep, though, because I was thinking of an issue I discovered with my service record from a school I worked at in 2014-2015. They sent only part of it and I sent them an email requesting they look for the rest. My pay is determined by my service record and the years I worked. I worried the school may have recorded it wrong and I would have to prove I worked there and so I was considering looking for my W-2’s from that year. However, they are in a filing cabinet at my ex’s and he has said I can’t go inside the house when he isn’t there. So I was thinking of ways to bypass that to get to the filing cabinet when this OBE began.

I must have fallen into a dream without knowing it. My sons and I were going to my ex’s house. I don’t remember traveling there, though. Instead, I remember laying in my bed and seeing this as if imagining it. I noticed my vision was not turned on at this time and remembered something I told my son yesterday about how I use to look at pictures or paintings in OBE and then go into them and transport into a new world. With this thought a bubble of light with an image inside formed in front of my eyes. Through it I could see clear as day while around the bubble where I was currently at was like I was in my mind (no color, 2D). I peered into the bubble scene and the scene expanded quickly as if stretchy. My mind could push at the edges and feel the elasticity of it and push it outward. I watched through the bubble rather than going into it but the bubble expanded to the point that I was inside of it just on the edge.

The scene inside was of a beautiful, cloudless, sunny day at a pool. A young teen girl was walking by and glanced in my direction. I felt as if I was in the pool on an innertube and could feel the water gently lapping at the edges. I asked the girl, “Who are you? Do I know you?” She looked my way and her face was quizzical as if my question made no sense to her. I asked again but got no answer. I recall being fascinated at the clarity of the scene. I could see the boards of the deck, the pool items like towels and snorkels, masks, the trees in the background brilliantly green, and the blue sky seeming to stretch forever. I stayed there watching in wonder until I heard my son call to me about the files he had gotten for me out of the filing cabinet. I could see the files in my mind and they were not the correct ones.

My attention went to the grayish, 2D area of my mind were I found myself suddenly falling into water. I saw my phone fly up into the air and fall into the water. I had no body or form yet I panicked as if I did, flailing about for my phone which, unusually, was floating in the water. I grabbed it and let my son know we needed to get inside to dry it off. 

With that thought I was transported inside my ex’s bedroom but the layout was backwards. I recall the ceiling fan above the most vividly. I still had no form and with my mind I flew around the house. As I did, I observed how I felt and how the space felt. I had no emotional attachment whatsoever and did not feel comfortable because I was in someone else’s space, a space I knew I shouldn’t be in. I went to the filing cabinet but didn’t stay there. I settled somewhere downstairs and ended up on a bed. I don’t recall all my thoughts but I think I was sorting through the past – places, events, people. 

Suddenly, I hear a woman’s voice. She is looking for her son and she pops her head into the bedroom. I try to hide because I am not suppose to be in the house, but she doesn’t seem to care. My vision is no longer 2D but vivid 3D again and I recognize I am in my old bedroom at my mom’s house. Not caring how I got there, I listen to the woman say thank you to my mom for watching her son. The woman has blonde hair and is about my age and I hear her go into the other room and retrieve her son. I know now that I was witnessing a memory of a very long time ago when my mom must have watched a young boy who use to come and play with us. His mom was in school to be a nurse and having a difficult time so my grandmother let her live there for free and provided free childcare. My siblings and I use to play with him.

I left the bedroom and walked into the kitchen. I felt solid but I don’t think I had a form. A man came in. He was tall and dressed in a coat and was wearing work boots. I greeted him by name, “Hi (insert name)!” He looked at me and asked, “Why did you bring me here?” I saw a man I knew was his son behind him, though he was out of focus. I don’t remember answering him but I felt super excited that he was there with me. I looked behind me through the double glass doors at a man walking up to the door. I said, “Look, the neighbor (insert name I don’t recall) is here, too! But oh there is a big bear following him!” I saw a large, black bear walking behind the man but instead of causing any harm, the bear was gentle and joined the man alongside some dogs when the man turned around to pet the bear. 

When I turned back around everyone was gone and the kitchen lights had gone low and my vision returned to grayish 2D.

I decided to fly out the door after a bit because it was no fun inside a grayish, uninhabited box of a house. 

Outside my vision stayed grayish and limited. I was flying (still no body) and feeling the ground as I flew along, noting the bumps and valleys and not really knowing what they were. Then I was was pulled upward at lightening speed and as I was, I was telling myself, “I’m not afraid” or something like that and purposefully focused on regaining my sight, which came on with full vibrance instantly. It distinctly felt as if brilliant light was burning a hole through my eyelids. It didn’t hurt and was familiar. I had felt it recently during a healing OBE in my bedroom when I was still living at the family home. It feels like a jolt of energy to my eye area that seems to force “open” my eyes but with the distinct sensation of my eyes remaining closed. Imagine light so bright it shoots out of the eyes like laser beams.

The scene I saw was dreary. The sky was gray and the wind was howling and blowing as if there was a storm but there was no rain. I could see bare limbed treetops that appeared dead. My vision was 360 degrees all around and it felt as if my energy body, which I distinctly felt was still a sphere, was spinning wildly. I didn’t like what I was seeing and said aloud, “I want to see something else” while envisioning the opposite of the dreary oppressed scene I was seeing. Instantly the scene was filled with light, the “wind” died down and I could see a space inundated with light and a kind of fog that didn’t have shape or form. I only call it fog because I don’t know what else to call it. It was like I had on glasses that were fogged and so lessened the brilliance of the light. I felt myself transported once again and tried with all my might to maintain my vision but slowly lost it.

I felt myself come to rest on a solid surface. Before I had a chance to get my bearings I heard my son and also saw him from above as he approached me. I could see myself laying on the concrete by the side of the pool. I had on a coat but wore nothing from the waist down and my bare butt was showing. My son said, “We need to go now….” He paused after seeing my state and said, “Never mind. Keep doing whatever your doing…”. While this happened I was also experiencing myself in a body by the pool. I could feel the cold concrete below me and I felt my energy beginning to destabilize. I began to cry. I experienced many emotions but it was the realization that I had to go back that upset me the most. I didn’t want to. 

I slowly came back to my body. I could’ve returned to astral but opted not to. 

When I woke I thought/heard, “It doesn’t matter”. This was regarding my concern about the service record but also most of the things that go through my mind in waking reality. I asked, “Why am I here then?” I heard back, “To observe.” There was more with the answer, like a flood of Knowing that cannot be put into words.

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Mugwort Tea and 2 OBEs

I’ve been drinking mugwort tea before tea for about four days. I haven’t noticed a difference in my dream recall but I did have a couple of OBEs in one night, which is unusual. Unfortunately, it has not helped me sleep through the night. I am still waking around 1-3am and then struggling to return to sleep.

The third night of tea I had a dream where I was having flashbacks to what appeared to be another person’s life. I don’t remember them now but I remember I began to sob. I then turned to another person near me and told them it was grief. I woke up and couldn’t return to sleep for an hour.

When I woke up it was around 3am. I immediately began to think of the future and found it difficult to see anything positive in it. I got up to take something to help me sleep and saw it was nearly 4am. So I opted to try to sleep without anything. My mind was still keeping me awake and eventually I got to a point where I said to my guidance, “I just want out”. When I said this, I felt myself giving up or maybe letting go of this life, all the issues in it, etc. When I did this, my mind instantly went blank, my body relaxed and I felt as if I was sinking into the bed.

OBE #1

Before I knew it I was aware of being in the in-between, right at the point where I could exit my body. Though not fully sure I was correct in this, I rolled out of my body and stood up but the sensation of my body indicated an incomplete circuit, meaning the energy was not fully present to hold that state. I returned to my body and lingered for a while. I remember the other space felt so real because of how solid it felt. 

I tried again and stood up. This time my energy was stable and my vision and all senses turned on with full clarity. I was in my mom’s living room. It was so solid I wondered if I was correct in being OOB but I didn’t have time to contemplate it further. My dog came up to me excitedly asking to go outside. I took him to the door and my mom’s other dog (deceased) joined us. There was no doubt I was dreaming then. I opened the door and walked outside. My mom’s dog shot by me and I slowly followed. It was early morning. The sun was bright and reflecting off the morning dew. I stopped, realizing my dog was not with me. I turned around and saw him attempting to poop right by the front door. I recognized I was being called back to observe, so I did for a moment. He was straining but no poop came so he eventually ran past me to joint the other dog. 

I walked down the porch steps and stood outside looking all around. The ground was moist as if it had rained in the night. I decided to try to fly, so I launched myself up, jumping high, and came back down quickly. Instead of landing I went down into the ground. The ground wasn’t solid! I was below ground level momentarily and then shot up, laughing aloud at the unexpectedness of it. 

I lingered for a moment unsure of what to do. I began to fly, hovering around 8 feet off the ground. I felt a tinge of worry about being sucked up into the sky and had the idea to fly up to test my courage. I was immediately pulled up at lightening speed. I usually lose vision, and I did for a short time, but intentionally opened my eyes to find myself in a fog of clouds and stars. I was surprised I didn’t lose awareness. Unfortunately, my surprise pulled me back into my body.

I woke but did not open my eyes. I switched positions because my hands were numb and tingly, then relaxed. I felt as if I was sinking into the bed again. I welcomed the feeling.

OBE #2

I was in my mom’s house again, laying on the sofa. I wanted to sleep but the noises around me were keeping me awake. My kids were running about as if they were little again. I could hear a child crying. I remember thinking I was glad my children weren’t that age anymore. Then my daughter grabbed me by the shoulders (it was very physically real), shook me hard and tried to force me to sit up. I resisted and told her to stop because I wanted to sleep. She did but urged me to get up and I relaxed back into the sofa wanting only to sleep, but I realized I was OOB, so I got up and explored the space.

There was a little girl about 2 years old running around. She had brown hair, chubby cheeks and bright eyes. I lifted up into the air, aware that I was a ball of light, and hovered over her as she ran. She squealed in delight. I lost interest and went through the front door into the yard. It was dark outside and people in cars driving down the driveway. Others were walking towards me. It looked like they were parking to go to a nearby event. They did not have permission to be there. So, I went about and began telling them to leave, that it was private property, etc. One man was belligerent and I told him I would “shoot his head off” if he didn’t leave (I didn’t have a gun). He laughed it off and asked me why I didn’t just come to the event with them. I said I was happy where I was but I remember questioning my answer as if I knew my answer was revelatory. I watched as they left and followed them, curious to see where this party was. When I got to the end of the driveway I began to lose energy. It felt like my energy was being slowly sucked downward. Eventually I was sucked down with it. 

When I came back into my body my heart was beating fast and I felt off. I have had this upon reentry before. It is uncomfortable. I rolled over, knowing I could return, but I decided not to. 

I had a conversation with my ex in the in-between. I was giving him advice about his mother telling him he will have to make important decisions for her soon and that he should ask her what she wants beforehand. I also told him he needs to let her make as many of the decisions as possible. I ended with, “I don’t want her to suffer” and came out of my reverie in tears. 

Reflection

I am surprised at how easy it was to go OOB when it has not been so for a very long time. Was it is the mugwort tea? Or was it just my request in saying, “I just want out” and my guidance assisting me during a difficult moment? Prior to bed I had asked for healing because I had a terrible headache that wouldn’t go away. I felt an instant soothing energy on my head. I also did self-healing and felt two assistants over me during that time. And earlier that day I had been feeling down on my walk and right as I had a thought about giving up I spotted a large, silver cross pendant on the sidewalk in front of me.

The OBEs themselves don’t really feel significant. The first one seems to have been a show of courage on my part. The second, especially the part where I was asked to join the party, seems to have been asking me to consider that maybe I am choosing to stay in one place rather than approach life with curiosity.

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Return of 11:11

Lots going on, only so much time to write without it getting super long….

Dream: Healing Second Chakra

I was with a group of people and we seemed to be traveling. I mostly recall the end of the dream now as it was early in the night that I had it. We came to a waterpark type scene that reminded me of a local waterpark with lazy river tube shoots. Around the tube sections was greenery that reminded me of Costa Rica, so very tropical. We were not in the water but walking along it I think. I remember a woman approached me and asked me if I would consider letting her insert something into me. It looked like she either had a massive dildo or she actually had a penis on her female body. I remember agreeing and she asked if I thought it might be too big. I took a good look (lol) and said it was fine. When she inserted it, I felt a wave of energy and woke.

The area of my second chakra was achy and it stayed achy for some time after. I felt healing energy pouring in through my back also and thought about how, in the past when the K would rise in a similar way, I would have an ache there. I knew there was a blockage in my second chakra. I asked my guidance to help me get rid of it ASAP and was told it couldn’t happen fast as there were many, many layers to it and it would be unwise. 

Dream: Visit with Ray

I was in my mom’s bathroom (cleansing the inner self), the one I use to use as a child/teenager. I was on my hands and knees with a long handled scrub brush like one would use to clean a toilet but I was cleaning the bathtub (desire for greater intimacy in life). The tub was covered in a bluish (throat chakra) colored substance that had thickened and begun to dry out. In the dream I knew I had started to clean the tub but never finished and the cleaner had been left awaiting my return. As I began to scrub I felt Ray’s presence behind me. We talked about my cleaning of the tub itself and he pointed to a wire rack next to it. The rack had peeling paint on it that was starting to come off. He pulled on it and it came off in long, elastic pieces. I helped and what was left was exposed metal. I resumed cleaning the tub, scrubbing the blue cleaner off easily. 

Then we were in my mom’s kitchen (nourishment). We mainly just talked. There was no intense energy, just friendly conversation and enjoying one another’s company. I felt completely at ease and relaxed and I think he did, too. I don’t remember what all we talked about but at one point he sat on top of my mom’s dryer (laundry is in the kitchen near the back door). He seemed to be talking about something important to him, something private or intimate. So he was opening up and being vulnerable. I sensed this and inched closer to him to the point that I was standing situated between his legs. He was up high, so my upper abdomen was right between his legs and my face was just a little bit lower than his own. Our closeness felt appropriate and, again, there was no crazy, intense energy, just affection and openness to one another. 

This is when someone came by the back window and knocked. I went up to see what it was about. It was a woman with her kids all dressed to swim with towels and everything. She inquired if the pool (healing waters) was open and said she had $100 to pay for the season. I told her my mom had long ago closed the pool and, though it was in good shape, she could not swim. I did consider letting them but opted not to. The woman left and I told Ray about it and how, at one point, the neighbors would come over to swim all the time. I remember how the pool and area looked. The pool itself was aqua and clear (clear emotion) and the surroundings littered with lawn chairs but otherwise tidy. 

When I woke I was extra alert to the fact that Ray was in my dream. I also still felt the healing energy in my lower abdomen. I wondered about the dream and whether it indicated I would receive communication from him soon. 

Dream: Corndogs on the Bus

The dreams with Ray continued. He picked me up and took me to a school bus (important life journey). I had with me a box of corndogs (simple pleasures in life) and asked him if he wanted one. I told him I could cook it real fast in the microwave. He indicated he did as we walked up the steps of the bus. I asked if he thought the others would want one, saying I probably had enough. That is when I noticed how full the bus was. I mentioned that I may not have enough after all and looked at the box to see, moving the corndogs around to get an inventory. I looked at the people inside and there was a variety to include mothers with children. Trying to solve the problem of insufficient corndogs, I thought perhaps we could prioritize the children. This is where the dream ended.

Corndogs symbolize the simple pleasures in life, relaxation and satisfaction, wealth and success, companionship and loyalty. I was offering this to my friend and then to the people on the bus which means I want others to share in my experience. When I see I may not have enough then I prioritize the children. I think this dream shows how generous I am in general, especially when I feel happy. 

Messages

I’ve been seeing 1111 quite frequently and have been noting it. The pic here is one time I notice and took a screenshot of my phone. Only after did I see the song playing and how the name relates to the Kundalini – Fuel to Fire.

I had a dream the night before last that relates to the above.

Dream: Second Stage 

I was sitting at my computer writing in my blog. When I pressed “post” the wrong blog post appeared on the screen. It said it was from 2016. I panicked because I didn’t want to write everything again. I tried to recover what was lost and found it didn’t work. Instead, certain words in the post became bolded. After some nudging by my guidance I calmed down and began to pay attention to the bolded words. What I recall now is the words “second stage” and the complete sentence was that I was now in the second stage. Other than that, I can’t remember any of the other bolded words despite reading all of them. I only remember the year 2016 and “ascension”.  That was the year that I had the meeting with my heart connection (Ray) and told my now-ex that I wanted a divorce. That was also the year my heart connection disappeared from my life of his own choice to avoid becoming entangled in the karma of the situation.  

Reflection

The year 2016 and message “second stage” stand out. I looked through my blog and noticed that year was full of Kundalini activity, messages, and significance in general. The year began with a post about recognizing the walk-in situation. This is something Ray and I discussed in our most recent conversation. I told him I didn’t feel the walk-in was real and yet this post indicates otherwise. I also found a post specifically about “the next stage“, so perhaps it is relevant? There was a post called Velantium also. I looked up the word and it translates to “covering or veiling”, something I never mentioned in the post itself. Finally, there were several posts about Atlantis. 

2016 was a very exciting year! I didn’t have time to look through all the posts but man oh man was I ever accelerating! If I am in fact picking up where I left off, then I wonder what it will entail?

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Message: All it Takes is a Spark

I had a dream that was fairly long and detailed, though I can’t recall the conversations in it much. The man in it reminded me first of one person and then of another but I distinctly recall looking at his face and it was an oval, golden globe of moving light. He was also very tall, towering over me, and completely naked (I think I was, too). Funny enough, I can’t remember if his body was also made of light. lol

We were in a bedroom discussing my life and he was asking me questions, which I happily answered. I WISH I could remember the conversation! Anyway, I remember mentioning eating chicken breast and talking about how much I enjoyed keeping my body active and healthy. I was in a very good mood and super comfortable with him, laughing and talking a million miles a minute. He remained calm, listening intently, and told me how fascinated he was with me. He told me, “You’re amazing” or something close to that. I told him he was, too, and hugged him, wrapping my arms around his neck joyfully. We hugged a long time and I sensed from him sadness connected to a belief he wasn’t good enough. Recognizing myself in him, I began to kiss him on his neck to reassure him that he was and always will be enough. He put his hand on my back and stroked my shoulder lovingly. I could feel from him that he had genuine love and appreciation for all that I am.  His touch sent chills down my spine, spreading into my root and expanding outward. The energy of it woke me. 

I was immediately upset that I woke from the dream. Why must I always wake up when it starts getting good!? A male guide was close, reassuring me. He told me what I experienced in the dream was a good thing and asked me why I avoided it. I told him I felt it led to bad things and I prefer to not experience pain, hurt, and disappointment. I was recalling the two Kundalini connections I’ve had and how they both led to disappointment and immense pain, the first much more than the second. I was reminded that what I felt was the energy of creation. To feel it is to feel ALIVE. I agreed and would love to feel it again, but not if it isn’t consistent and no lasting relationship comes of it. My experiences with it have made me very wary of K connections. Yet, I wish to totally lose myself to another, to come into complete Union. I don’t understand it.

I’ve only seen a golden man like in this dream one other time and it was also tied to the Kundalini. He was teaching me. I think he said he was my “tantra teacher”. At the time, though, I just saw him in the corner of the room, standing and looking back at me. The sight of him woke me immediately because it was so unusual. This time seeing him like that didn’t cause any reaction, I just remembered it vividly when I woke. The most vivid part is how the golden energy moved, little tiny sparks of light like golden fireflies trapped in a jar.

My guide told me, “All it takes is a spark”. Then I was shown a vision of how my energy body would slowly catch fire and not long after be engulfed in flames. I didn’t reject this at all as it seems it is always some catalyst that creates this response in me. I tend to have no control over who does it or when it happens. It takes me by complete surprise. 

It felt like my guide was showing me a glimpse of my future. If so, I’m not totally against it happening but it needs to be correct for me. I’m not looking for marriage or a traditional relationship. I don’t even think a live-in situation would work for me. I can’t deal with expectation weighing me down. I don’t want to deal with another man child, or be constantly pursued for sex, as if that is my only value. Above all, though, I need to feel absolutely safe with whoever it is.

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Hummingbird

I spent several days out a my new abode – alone. The solitude was much needed. I’ve been experiencing sleep difficulties again and high blood pressure (yikes!). My BP is averaging 140/90+, the bottom number being the most volatile, sometimes going up to 107! My Dr. isn’t concerned because it comes down when I am calm, but I am not calm very often these days. Stress is the culprit, thus my retreat away from everyone and everything for a few days.

Ample sleep was gotten as was plenty of slow, stress-free time alone. I have a sleep number bed that tells me how well I sleep with a range from 1-100, 100 being the best sleep ever. My numbers are usually in the low 70s and high 60s. For three nights my numbers were in the 80s! Yay!

I took a ton of walks and did some breathing meditations. I’ve been exploring Buddhist practices, starting with short, mindfulness meditations. I haven’t gone past 5 minutes yet, but am working on it. I think my guidance approves because I got a message yesterday morning upon waking, “Purpose is in the moment.” It is indeed.

Hummingbird

Two days into my retreat I was in the kitchen cleaning up some dishes when I noticed a hummingbird flying around with something in her mouth. I had never seen a hummingbird do that so I paid closer attention. It wasn’t long before I saw her going back to the same place on a tree. A tiny crook at the end of a twig. I went outside to look closer and saw what looked like a bunch of moss stuck on the twig. The hummingbird buzzed my head as I thought, “She’s making a nest!”

As the day progressed, I checked on her progress periodically. By the end of the day she had a thimble sized nest and I took the opportunity during a passing thunderstorm to sit outside with my camera to take pictures and video (you can hear the thunder on the video). She was not very afraid of me so I was able to get pretty close, about 10ft away, which allowed me to zoom in really close.

Honestly, I was fascinated and appreciative that she would choose to share with me such a private part of her tiny life. Just writing about it makes me emotional for some reason. The pictures and video don’t come close to how beautiful she and her tiny nest are.

I plan to keep a watch over the nest in the coming weeks. I can’t wait to see tiny eggs and, hopefully, babies. I may even take a feeder out just so she has some nourishment close by during the hellishly hot summer days.

Below are some pictures of mama hummingbird. Here is a link to a video from my YouTube channel. Please forgive the shiftiness of the video. My camera is designed to prioritize photos, not video. I need to get a tripod and set it up on my back porch with my camera aimed at the nest. 🙂

While in the midst of taking videos of mama hummingbird I noticed a magnificent rainbow arching across the sky. It remained for nearly the entire time I was outside observing her. Such a blessing!

Hummingbird Totem

“Hummingbird as a spirit animal represents flexibility (our ability to accept and implement change), lightheartedness, and joy. Other associations shared by these Lightworkers include remaining present, freedom, awakening happiness and hope, a lightness of spirit, quick responses, reversing melancholy, tirelessness, and fortitude”. Source

It seems to me hummingbird is a further reminder to me that it is of utmost importance for me to continue taking time to myself, enjoying the solitude of my new home and all the blessings of nature and life. Mindfulness meditation and staying present in the moment go hand-in-hand with her message as well.

Thank you hummingbird, I hear you!

Some photos of my weekend. Hopefully they lift your spirit like they did mine. The colors of the sunset after the rain – breathtaking!

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Kundalini Dream: Self-Directed Flow

I was standing in the center of a garden courtyard of what appeared to be an ancient temple or castle. There were others around, mostly standing near the edges of my vision and out of sight. I was wearing a long, flowing, white gown or robe. The events prior to this part of the dream are extremely hazy. All I recall is there was some discussion of “fence cutting” and interaction with a few others, one being a young boy with light brown hair wearing a huge grin.

Feet solidly grounded on the earth, I held my hands up, spread my fingers wide and began to use my hands to summon energy up from my feet into my legs, hips and on upward. I remember feeling powerful and confident as I did this, as if I had done it a million times before. The sense was that I was a priestess or someone with similar spiritual training. As the energy moved upward it grew in intensity, ballooning outward as it spread. When the energy hit my root and second chakras it exploded to the point that I became super conscious in the dream. Unfortunately, the intensity mixed with sudden awareness (which surprised me) instantly transported me back to my bed and my physical body where the residual energy lingered for quite some time. 

I couldn’t return to sleep from the excitement I felt. I have never had a K dream in which I was the one who initiated the K in myself. Normally someone else is helping me or interacting with me, seeming to be the initiator of the energy. Not only that, but I was aware of being fully in control and felt powerful and confident about it. It is quite a different feeling than when I am with another or when another seems to be helping move the energy for me.

It was obvious the energy was mine, or me, or however you prefer it. It was very clear and refreshing, like the sense one gets after a Spring rain, flowing and cleansing as it progressed upward. Yet at the same time the desirous sensations that often arise with root chakra were very obviously present, but not in such a way as to make me feel the effect of them.

It is easy to think with the K that someone else is somehow sparking the K fire inside me. Especially since most of my K experiences were in conjunction with someone who I felt a connection to I couldn’t quite explain. This K experience felt empowering and freeing. Even though it did not fully rise, as it has in other instances, I am not disappointed. It felt like it may have burst through a blockage in my second chakra also, which is always welcome! 

I do hope to have more experiences like this one. 🙂

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New OBE Exit Technique Experience

Had two accidental WBTB (wake back to bed) induced OBEs. Woke up just before 5am wide awake. Got up, had a drink, visited the bathroom and then went back to bed but didn’t fall asleep for a while.

OBE: Floating Out

I was having a dream about my daughter’s friend needing a tire. I remember wondering why she would need a tire when she didn’t have a car, much less a drivers license yet. This may have been what caused me to come to body awareness, but I don’t remember.

The next thing I recall is being in bed laying on my back. I feel subtle energy vibrations but am not sure I can exit. I attempt to sit up and it feels too heavy like being pulled back into body.  I get the idea to try to float out. I tell myself, “Float”. My legs start to float up and there is a distinct awareness that I have two bodies. I have never tried this technique before and am thrilled that it works. As soon as my torso starts to rise, I float all the way out.

I fly towards the bedroom door but don’t recall the journey there. I seem to shift into another scene immediately. I am in a house where there seems to be a house party in progress. I am face to face with two men talking, both are holding glasses and look directly at me. I say. “Well hi there” (not like me at all). The blonde man on the right puts down his glass and pulls me towards him. He open mouth kisses me sloppily. It was not pleasant so I pull away and start to leave. For some reason I pause and turn around. I tell him I’ll show him my boob (LOL no idea why). I turn and start taking of my shirt but it won’t come off. The men try to help. It won’t budge. I notice my physical heart pounding erratically. I come back into my body.

OBE: I Want to Feel It All

I’m in a dream with my boys but they are both much younger. I recognize I’m dreaming and attempt to leave my body but again am not certain I can without waking. This time I am laying in my stomach but in the dream I am laying on my side. I end up standing up and walking right through my son’s leg. I fly up to a second floor where there is a party. I can hear a familiar voice above the crowd. I ignore the voice and continue outside going through double glass doors. 

Outside it is a clear night. The stars are bright and there are lights from other houses. I say aloud, “Show me what I need to see”. I fly higher as I say this, looking down at the scene below. Then I feel a force pulling me backwards very swiftly. As I am being pulled I sense that if I go with it, I will be pulled through what looks like iron bars. This doesn’t phase me. Considering what to do, I remember that singing helps raise my vibration. So, I start singing and the force stops immediately. I fly up and soar as I sing. I end up flying through a city. The city had a lot of cobblestone and old buildings. I remember the words to my song were questions and answers. Questions like, “Why am I here?” The answer I sang, “I want to feel it all!” 

At one point I saw some people dining outside. A young blonde woman was dining alone. I flew up to her and gently touched her face. I told her she was beautiful in my song. Until I touched her she seemed not to see me. Once I touched her, she looked right into my eyes and acknowledged me. Then I went and flew to a guy sitting at another table. I sat in his lap and kissed him on the cheek. I recall both of their faces vividly.

I kept singing but had thoughts that my boys from the dream would notice I wasn’t there. Then I remembered the boys were in a dream and my body was asleep in bed. I felt for my body to check in on it. All was well. So I kept on flying and singing.

I turned to see the blonde woman from before. She walked up to me, smiled and said, “I want you to close your eyes”. I said, “If I do that, I’ll wake up”. She seemed to accept my answer. She asked me. “What brings you here?” We started walking together. I said, “I’m out of my body and just visiting”. I remember noticing my answer and thinking it unexpected. I’ve never said that while OOB. As we were walking I felt myself slowly being pulled back to my physical body. The last thing I saw was the woman’s head as she was about to walk into a low hanging wall. Her head went right through it.

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Spirit Manifested

I’m staying at my new house so there shouldn’t be any spirit activity. Yet last night I was awakened around 11:30pm. I don’t recall why I woke – if there was a dream or some communication that I received, IDK. I opened my eyes and saw above me a swirl of smoke that moved and had color and brightness. It was elongated almost reminding me of a horses head. There was an illuminated sort of backlit bluish-green color as well. The room wasn’t completely dark making it very obvious to me what I was seeing. I said aloud, “What the…” and with that, I blinked, and when I re-opened my eyes, it was gone.

I struggled to return to sleep for some time after. I had to use the bathroom so I got up, which was difficult in itself because I worried I would encounter something on the way to the bathroom. Nothing happened. The whole time I was putting protection around myself, my bedroom and the entire house. 

As I began to drift back to sleep, I got visuals, likely communication from this entity who was female. I was shown the work I had done that day. I was clearing debris from the old mobile home site – pieces of vinyl skirting, old concrete blocks and various pipes. The amount of vinyl siding was ridiculous. Some had been there so long that grass had set roots in the grooves. As I worked, I imagined how the place got into such disrepair, thinking of the excuses made to avoid doing the work needed to keep the place nice. The man who lived there was very obese, so I imagined he thought of how tired it made him and opted to eat a snack or take a nap rather than take action to clean up his messes. I also thought of his wife, an alcoholic, and how bored she must have been. I thought of her choosing to drink rather than clean (there were numerous bottles of cleaners strewn about) and her thinking how she was the only one cleaning and if no one else cared, why should she? Ultimately, I felt that both had gone into complete apathy about their living situation, among other things. I got very angry at first and then ultimately felt sorry for them. To live in such filth and feel you can do nothing about it has to be an awful feeling.

Another communication I received was memory of when I was clearing out the addition. This was early on, just after we had just purchased the property. I found boxes full of documents, photos and other family keepsakes. There were old photo albums, similar to the ones I use to see at my grandparents house. I wondered why anyone would just leave personal items like that. The spirit focused me in on a name I read in that paperwork. I only remember now that it began with a M. 

Realizing I was receiving communication, I again put up protection around me. I received a direct message that I had nothing to worry about, she didn’t have the energy to do it again (manifest). 

I didn’t sleep well the rest of the night and decided to smudge the place as soon as I can get my sage here. That will be tonight because my husband is bringing it to me.

After some thought, I realized I might have stirred up the energy by clearing the old mobile home site debris. I plan to do more clearing today, this time with a rake to grab all the smaller stuff. I will say a prayer and smudge the area as soon as the sage is available. I have no idea if it will work as it seems the spirit is attempting to communicate with me and does not seem to be Earthbound. She may be lingering here with unfinished business but aware that she no longer has a body. This is not uncommon and I prefer communicating with this kind of “ghost” than with the ones who do not know the are dead.

In the past, spirit has been attracted to my “light”. This may simply be that. If so, typically just me asking them to go away is enough.  

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Kundalini Dream: Distracting Myself

I had my first Kundalini dream in ages last night. I awakened within the dream and stayed lucid for some time before the intensity of the energy finally woke me. It was the wonderful heart bliss! 

I was in my Mom’s kitchen kneeling down by the cabinets near the sink when I became semi-lucid. I was talking to a man who looked very much like Pedro Pascal (The Mandalorian). He was in the living room talking to me and my back was to him most of the time. I could feel the heart bliss only slightly as I was focused on shuffling through some things under the sink. I don’t remember all that he said but the more he spoke to me, the more the heart bliss intensified. When I saw him I thought how similar he looked to the actor but that thought was interrupted by him asking me something about a “mirror”. I got up and went into my old bedroom. 

The dream shifted to my bedroom where I sat focused yet again on a box or something (I can’t remember what). I was sitting or kneeling in the corner when I heard the man asked me, “Why are you in here?” I said to him, “I’m distracting myself [from the feeling]”. Just turning and replying to his question shot a surge of bliss to my heart. I began to lose my breath which is my typical response. I also started to cry because of how amazingly beautiful it was. I could see his face distinctly now and the bliss just intensified. There was more conversation, mostly how I was afraid of the bliss and other things. I do recall the word “mirror” came up again, also. It was like he was counseling me, trying to get me to recognize there is nothing to fear, that this bliss IS me.

As we were talking, I awoke and the bliss remained. I could feel it expanding upward and downward but it never did so fully. Instead I could feel my root light up ever so slightly and again lost my breath. Memory of other times this has happened but to the full extent came to me. It is spectacular, like I am exploding in love. The love shooting simultaneously out of my crown and root. Again, I was reminded that everything I am feeling is me and to not be afraid. The energy continued for some time only finally subsiding when I rolled over and returned to sleep.