Category Archives: Healing

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Trapped Energy

I couldn’t sleep last night. My mind was quite active and my body was as well. I could not keep still!

Somehow I managed to drift off to sleep and had an odd, semi-lucid dream about energy work. I awoke from this dream feeling very off and fidgety. It is hard to describe really what I was feeling as I have not ever really felt it before. Yet, I somehow knew what was wrong without knowing how I knew.

Trapped Energy

When I woke up from the semi-lucid dream state I was in, I was overly warm. I won’t say hot but I felt an intensity of energy that was pulsating in different areas on my body. This weird sensation seemed to generate a heat from within that made me very uncomfortable. The heat was not so much physical as it was spiritual, but I did feel warmer than normal.

The odd sensation made me feel the need to move and squirm. I guess I thought it would help but it didn’t. The more I moved, the more uncomfortable I got.

I was suddenly hit with the idea that I needed to focus on the energy and see where it was in my body. When I did this, I felt energy in spots all over my body. I felt it mostly in my lower body and abdomen. What is odd is that the energy would be in a certain spot and then jump to another spot. It was like I had polka dots of energy all over my body and they were lighting up and then going out only to transfer to another spot.

Recognizing that I needed to do something with this strange, haphazard energy, I got up out of bed and sat in a chair. I planted my feet firmly on the ground and focused on sending energy from my crown down into my feet. I did this for quite some time, visualizing a flow of energy down my spine and into the ground. As I did this, the fidgety feeling got less and less. After about five minutes, my eyes began to droop and I felt very relaxed. It had worked!

When I got back into bed I felt the energy was still not settled like it should be. I asked for assistance and felt the need to do Reiki on myself. I placed my hands on my midsection, where most of the energy still lingered, and focused on pulling energy out with one hand and pushing on the energy with the other. I eventually felt I should place one hand, my right one, palm up. When I did this, I felt the energy subside even more.

As this was happening, I felt energy settle over the top of my head around my third eye and up to my crown. I felt like I was wearing an energy helmet. I knew this meant I was receiving healing from my guides. Thank you!

Then the energy in my midsection intensified over my root and second chakras. It was a bit painful in my lower back. I just continued to focus on moving the energy out.

I felt all at once that I needed to focus on bringing energy in from my crown, so I moved my hands to my head. I did this for a little while and then felt I needed to use my hands to push the energy down. So I went over my entire body with my hands in a sweeping motion, pushing the energy down past my knees. I did this about six times.

Finally, I felt the need to move the energy out from both sides of my body. So I started in the center and with the same sweeping motion moved the energy to the side and then down. I did this about three times.

Feeling balanced and calm, I was able to easily fall asleep. I now understand why some people who experience this weird energy feeling find they need to sleep on the floor. I wonder if what I felt was what some people call “vibrations”? I could feel a buzzing within the dots of energy but it was not like the vibrations I get when about to go OOB.

Symptom Update

  • Ringing in ears
  • Popping in ears
  • Skin irritation/dryness
  • Vivid dreams
  • Energy fluctuations
  • Trapped energy
  • Restlessness
  • Moodiness

I have either a ringing or popping in my ears daily now. It is like I am changing altitude when I get the popping and the ringing is very slight, almost unnoticeable. The restlessness has been more intense. Yesterday I went on three walks and I have been feeling more inclined to exercise, feeling it is needed now more than ever. After last night’s weird energy issue, I can see why I was drawn to be outside so much that day.

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Fishing Cats

My second chakra is once again blocked and this time it seems much more severe. I had hoped that with my success at unblocking it not long ago that it would remain that way, but I guess not.

What Does a Second Chakra Blockage Look Like?

Emotional Disconnection or Lack of Emotion. If the second chakra is blocked then there will be difficulty feeling and expressing emotion. The source of this could be some kind of trauma from our past, childhood conditioning or just from the  fear of worrying what others will think of us if we show emotion.

Difficulty with or Resistance to Change. The second chakra is also linked with the ability to adapt to change or new situations. The second chakra is the root of emotional and mental flow. When we are feeling forced into a corner by life, we may shut down mentally or try to control the situation by trying to push people and events into a more comfortable mold.

Difficulty Enjoying Sex or Sensual Experience. The second chakra is also connected to enjoyment of the senses and of sex. When it is blocked we may find it difficult to enjoy sex, withdraw from intimate situations or find any sensual experience uncomfortable or less enjoyable. This may or may not result is lack of enjoyment of the physical act of sex (inability to achieve orgasm, less fulfilling orgasm, pain during sex, fertility problems, etc.).

Trouble with Problem Solving using Creativity. The second chakra is also linked to our creative ability which is an inherent part of problem solving. This chakra allows us to think outside to box and see possibilities in life. It is the heart of inspiration in the individual.

Why is This Important?

The second chakra is our sensual link to the physical. It allows us to experience life via the senses – the pure joy and wonder of the physical world. The second chakra also allows us to create from emotion rather than thought and gives us spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy. This allows us to establish a deeper connection with others. In other words, the second chakra is our passion.

Passion, which often is immediately connected to all things related to sex, is also how we open up to Source and that deeper sense of Self. This kind of passion is not connected to the Ego Self but to the Higher Self and is about being a conduit for something much larger than ourselves. It is only with passion that we can create something new and wonderful in the world. It is passion that allows us to bring change to the world. When we have this kind of passion it is a sign that we have gotten out of our own way.

My Experience

For a while I have experienced a gradual shutting down of my second chakra. This is often most obvious to me anytime my husband and I are intimate. I just have no interest at all and often I actually push him away. When I do allow intimacy, I flinch at his touch and find myself mentally blocked to any pleasure sensation. I am tense and refuse to relax. I find certain smells repulsive. It is like I am being touched by a rapist or something! I do not get this way with my children, thankfully.

I am also very ridged toward new experiences in life. Anything not in my normal routine is questioned and sometimes vehemently protested (this especially when my husband suggests something). I have been doing better at this and allowing myself to do things out of the norm. I notice almost immediate relief when I do this.

Emotionally I am on and off depending on the situation. I don’t feel devoid of emotion like I use to. The numbness is gone. I am grateful that I at least have some emotional fluidity still. This indicates that my second chakra is not completely blocked but it sure feels like it!

Beside the physical symptoms of blockage, I also am aware of the energy itself. Whenever I have a surge of feeling or pleasure it stops abruptly at my second chakra. Sometimes I even experience a twinge of pain in my second chakra. The blockage is so very obvious that I cannot help but notice it. Unfortunately, I do not know what to do about it.

Dream: Fishing Cats

I went to bed very disturbed by my lack of ability to experience any kind of pleasure in life. I asked what I could do about it and my guide told me I was already doing it. I sighed because I honestly don’t know what I am doing other than asking that it be fixed. Perhaps that is enough?

I had several very vivid dreams last night but will only recount the one that is directly related to the second chakra.

In the dream I was walking along a creek in the woods talking to man about the creek and how it should have a pond dug into it so fish could live there. Not long after I said this, I saw a small pond and upon closer inspection saw a fish swimming in it. I was able to look under water at the fish in more detail and it had large, flowing fins and was gray in color. I was delighted!

I then saw from below the water several cats of various colors pacing along the rim of the pond. One jumped in and tried to catch the fish I was watching. He missed. I moved my vision to above the water and saw all of the cats were doing the same. They were fishing!

At first I was worried about the cats as some seemed mean but eventually I began to like them and watched them with interest as they tried, and failed, to catch fish.

Somehow the dream ended with a sexual encounter but there was absolutely no enjoyment in the encounter.

This dream is very interesting because it again has cats in it but this time I am pretty confident that these cats represent femininity and sexual fulfillment and enjoyment. Fish are ideas and since the cats were fishing, it was representative of my concerns about my second chakra (the cats) and looking for solutions (fishing). The sexual encounter in the end sums up the dream’s point: exploration of my concerns about my second chakra.

angeldevilFeelings

After weeks of waking up in a pretty good mood I awoke this morning in a very sour one. I was immediately angry at my husband and I have already had to take a walk to help ease the upset I have been feeling. It is a swirl of negative emotion that seemed to come out of nowhere but I have linked it directly to my dreams and frustrations.

I feel like something is very wrong with me and that it is somehow all my husband’s fault. This is totally untrue and i recognize this, but I still FEEL it! All of the resentment I have ever had towards him seems to be seething out of me, oozing through my pores and making me a general grumpy person today. Thankfully the walk I went on helped dissipate these feelings somewhat, or at least I was able to make more sense out of them.

A memory came to me from out of nowhere while I was on the walk. It was from about two years ago, prior to when I became pregnant with my youngest.

At the time I had stopped by Walgreens on my way home from work to pick something up. As I was leaving the store I felt eyes on me (you know the feeling that someone is watching you?). I turned and there was a man in his car to my right. He had just pulled into the store. He was staring directly at me with these intense brown eyes. When I turned to look at him our eyes locked. It was only briefly but that was all it took. I was hit with complete recognition of him yet I had no idea who he was!

Ashamed but not sure why, I turned and pretended to look down at something in my car. I was completely frozen, though, and so did nothing pretty convincingly. My heart was pounding and I didn’t know why and all I kept saying to myself, “Don’t look at him. Don’t look up.” I became unfrozen so turned on my car and put it into gear. All the while I could feel his eyes still on me. Why was he doing that!? Why wouldn’t he stop!? I peeked out of the corner of my eye and saw him still there. I saw enough to remember what he looks like even now. He appeared to be about my age, maybe a few years younger. He had brown hair that was long and wavy and came to just above his shoulders. He had one section tucked behind his ear.

I left the parking lot wondering who the man was and considered several times that I should go back and talk to him to find out. I was terrified to do that, though. I still am not sure why. Perhaps I was scared that we had a connection that I would not be able to resist? Yes, I think that was it. I know it was. In fact, I remember thinking that I had just passed up an opportunity; a fling or an affair or whatever you want to call it. Part of me desperately wanted to turn back around but another part of me, the stronger part, did not allow this.

This memory came to me with emotional intensity. I quickly pushed the emotion down. Swallowed it hard. When I did that I walked passed two men in the front of a house. One turned and looked at me a long, long time. I said hello and he responded in kind and turned back around. I kept walking and then he turned around and stared at me again. I felt uncomfortable. DejaVu. And I silently wondered to myself, “What the hell is he looking at?!” LOL I laugh about it now but at the time I really was wondering if I have some kind of sign on my forehead that says, “Stare at her until she screams”.

I wonder now if the recollection of that memory is the key to my second chakra blockages. It likely is I just don’t know how yet. I dread, and I mead D.R.E.A.D. something like that happening again. It terrifies me. I know it shouldn’t, but it does. I think it scares me because I know that I will not allow anything to come of it. The classic Devil and Angel on the shoulder scenario but I honestly don’t know which is which in this case.

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GAPS – Day 3

Just a quick look at yesterday. I will likely not post much more on the diet from now on since my family is settling into it pretty well now.

My daughter had her first tantrum over what she could eat. She came home from school and wanted Raisin Bran as a snack. My mother-in-law told her no and she commenced to her yelling, kicking, and “dying” routine. So mother-in-law called my husband who gave her permission to eat it (boo on him!). I came home just after, oblivious to the drama and saw her sitting with her new bowl of cereal. I immediately told her no and then I got the tantrum. I stuck firm and we went for a walk. Cereal forgotten and replaced with mother-daughter time. Score!

My son is doing much better. He still hates his probiotic and the cod liver oil (who could blame him?) but he is eating better and much happier. My mother-in-law watched him yesterday and all I got from her is, “I hate this diet. There are no snacks for the children”. When I explained there were snacks just not the kind they were use to and that they would get over it, she said, “Well get rid of all of it then so they can’t see it”. I explained that not all of it would be forever excluded from our diet. Why waste good food? We didn’t eat bad before. Mainly I just need to toss the Goldfish, sweets and cereal bars. I told her I would.

I made Fish Soup last night – a first ever for me. I thought “Nasty” when I heard the name but all the websites online said it is a big winner for families with kids. So I made it. This was the recipe I used:

Fish Soup – total time to prepare and cook was approximately 40 minutes

  • 6 cups chicken stock (homemade)
  • Several baby carrots cut up
  • Two stalks of celery, chopped
  • Three sprigs of fresh parsley, chopped
  • 1 white onion
  • 2 cloves of garlic, chopped
  • 1 small bok choy, chopped
  • 1 cluster of broccoli florets
  • 2 Swai filets, thawed
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  • Lemon if desired

Put all ingredients except the broccoli and Swai in a large pot. Bring to a boil and then turn down the heat and allow to simmer until carrots are tender. Add broccoli. Allow broccoli to cook until bright green (maybe 2 minutes). Add Swai whole to the pot. When the fish turns opaque and flakes then it is done (approximate 2-3 minutes).

Serve with lemon and more parsley if this suits your tastes.

This recipe was a huge hit. My husband said it was his favorite meal of the week (wow). My daughter didn’t like it much but she had a tummy ache during dinner.

Positive Change

As a family we have eaten a much greater variety of meats and veggies than is normal for the week and the week isn’t even done! In four days we have eaten – chicken, ground beef, ground lamb, bone broth, and fish. The fruits and veggies we have eaten is triple what we normally eat. We have eaten a dozen apples, 8 bananas, 4 pears, blue berries, bok choy, broccoli, kale, onion, garlic, parsley, carrots, celery, spinach, cucumber, beets, lemon, and ginger. I still have brussel sprouts and peppers I have not used yet.

If you are thinking of trying this diet, I will say that you will need to grocery shop more than is your norm. I have already taken two trips to the grocery store and am considering a third (fruit is low again). Also, if you think you are making enough for your family, double it. I made an entire crockpot of chicken soup and it lasted two days. I made an entire crockpot of meatball soup and it lasted ONE day. The night I made boiled meat patties there was one patty out of 10 that survived for leftovers. The fish soup was gone after one meal with only a tiny portion left which my husband took for lunch today. I never thought I would have to cook so much! Ha!

It can be done, though, and is not too bad since most of the meals are pretty easy to prepare. I have three small kids and was able to do it and I work part-time. I know I could do this if I worked full-time, though the grocery shopping would have been harder.

Overall I think this diet is a great way to get your eating habits in order. It has been a great learning experience for my entire family and my children did not die from lack of carbohydrates and sugar.

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GAPS – Day 2

Day three of the GAPS diet. Day two was interesting.

Yesterday morning I spent almost two hours at the park with my kids. I took a large pear with me to snack on and plenty of lemon water. While at the park I usually do body weight exercises or use my baby as my weight in order to get my workout in. I do lunges, squats, push-ups, etc. I decided I had enough energy to do my workout and so did it slowly just in case I got weak during it and made sure to eat the pear midway through. Unfortunately, I ended up feeling very faint and was hit with low blood sugar on the walk home. I think my son was as well because he kept complaining of being tired. My headache was also full force by this time and I gulp down an early lunch as soon as I got home. I then caved and took an Ibuprofen.

So it looks like the reasons for my feeling “off” and having the headache was very low blood sugar caused by the sudden decrease in carbohydrates from doing the diet. I recalled that when I did the Atkins diet years ago (2001 I think) that I got very sickly feeling and had really low energy. This lasted beyond the normal period it takes the body to adjust so I stopped eating so few carbs and instantly felt better. Remembering the lesson I learned then, I decided to eat more small meals and doubled my intake of honey. By the evening I decided to make more coconut pancakes to make sure I had an available supply the next day at work.

As a result I feel hugely better and my husband remarked that he did as well. I also noticed that this morning the dryness on my face is remarkably less. There is still some flaking in some places but no more redness or tight feeling. I slept amazingly last night, too. I only woke up once as did my son and husband (baby duty you know).

GAPS Day 2 Menu

Breakfast (with snack):

  • Me: 1/2 Coconut waffle with honey, 3/4 cup Greek yogurt with blueberries, chicken broth, coffee, pear, peanut butter with honey
  • Son: 1/2 coconut waffle with honey, pear, peanut butter with honey
  • Husband and daughter ate before I woke up.

Lunch (with snack):

  • Me: Chicken soup, chicken broth, peanut butter with honey, gluten free crackers
  • Son: Large carrot, peanut butter with honey, 3-4 pieces of chicken from my soup (he wouldn’t eat the broth or veggies)

Dinner:

  • Everyone: Cauliflower and meatball soup (yum!) with gluten free toast and chicken broth. Son slept through dinner (sick still) and did not eat anything except some juice.

Dessert:

  • Coconut pancakes with honey
  • Freshly juiced juice made of kale, spinach, parsley, oranges and apples

As you can see, I did not eat nearly enough and neither did my poor son who was likely starving because he refused to eat so much. I added some gluten-free store bought bread and rice crackers to get through the day because I really do not feel well without the carbs and instantly felt better once I ate them. Honey just does not cut it!

My son finally pooped – three times in fact! lol I am hoping today while he is with my mother-in-law that he will eat more now that he has the option to eat gluten free bread and crackers. He hates the new peanut butter we got and was refusing that yesterday and he loves peanut butter! But since we are eating eggs now I have a feeling he will eat more. He loves eggs.

My daughter is doing really well on the diet. She is excited every day about what she will get to take to school in her lunch. Today she begged for the meatball soup in her lunch, so she got it with half a gluten free sandwich, applesauce and peanut butter. For breakfast she ate all her scrambled eggs (this is not usual!) and was in good spirits, all bubbly and even saying, “I love you mommy!” on her way out the door to the bus. The only time she has been grumpy was when had after school snack and could not eat her goldfish. She opted for pistachios instead.

My husband must have been feeling good yesterday because after he came home and ate lunch he decided to run the 6 miles back to work! I warned him of the exhaustion that might hit him because of the lack of carbs and he thought he would be fine. Later, he told me he did feel wiped out when he got back to work. He is tough! I would have fainted. lol

Overall, I am happy that things are better now and do not feel as overwhelmed by the diet with the few additions that I made. I intend to still limit the gluten free things I added in except for when I feel the low blood sugar symptoms threatening. I do not miss sugar! 🙂

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GAPS

Day two of the GAPS diet. My husband came down with a chest cold yesterday, day 1, and my two sons both have it, too. The first day I took the probiotic (I am on day 3 of that) I got horrible stomach cramps which passed after about ten minutes. Thankfully I have not gotten the chest cold as it sounds horrible.

Physically I felt very achy the second half of the day yesterday. Even though I had not done much physical activity, I felt as if I had been walking all day. My lower back ached as did my left leg and leg joints. I got a headache around 8pm and it haunted me all night. Every time I would wake up, which I did about five times total, the headache would be intense, especially at the base of my skull and the top of my forehead. Even as I type this my headache still remains.

My daughter has been really into the diet, which is surprising. She is very good about taking her supplements and probiotics and drinking her broth with her meals. She was so excited that one of the first things she said when she got home was that she had to go poop as soon as she got to school yesterday. Gotta laugh at that one. lol

My middle son is not so excited. The first morning he took his supplements without incident but all day he was very picky about what he ate. My mother-in-law said he did not go poop all day. Sigh. This morning he has been an irritable mess, refusing to take his supplements and throwing a fit about drinking the broth. He did eat some breakfast, but only because I went ahead and made some coconut flour waffles to entice him. We really were not suppose to eat that until later but my whole family love eggs and since the eggs are added in the next stage I just went ahead and moved us to that stage rather than fight my children (and my stomach).

My baby is teething like crazy and also has the chest cold so he has been irritable as well. I have not really done anything with his diet, he is really so young that nothing much has changed. He does like the broth quite a bit, though.

GAPS Day 1 Menu

To give you an idea of what we are eating, here is what we ate yesterday:

Breakfast:

Everyone has 1 8oz glass of room temperature water or mineral water with 1tsp apple cider vinegar in it before eating anything. We take our multivitamin, cod liver oil, and probiotic with this water.

  • Me: coffee with honey no cream, chicken broth, chicken soup, one drink kefir (yuck!)
  • Husband: tea, pear, kefir, chicken broth
  • Kids: apple sauce, kefir, pear, chicken broth (middle son refused his)

Lunch (including snacks):

  • Me: chicken soup, chicken broth, celery with organic peanut butter, pistachios, lemon water, kefir (yuck!)
  • Husband: chicken soup, chicken broth, apple, peanut butter
  • Kids: chicken soup, chicken broth, apple, yogurt with honey, apple sauce, almond butter and honey

Dinner:

  • Boiled lamb/beef patties (these are yummy!) with zucchini squash, sour cream, beef broth

None of the kids resisted this meal and we all had seconds except for my son. The patties had fresh spinach, onion and garlic in them and tasted like mini-meatloaves. I let the kids have ketchup on them (bad mommy) but my husband and I had lactose-free sour cream on ours.

Dessert:

  • Coconut flour waffles with honey
  • Freshly juiced carrot/apple/ginger juice

What Do I Think of GAPS?

Honestly, I am not liking the diet. Even though we already ate very well, we were not a gluten-free family and do not intend to be after this is over. Also, Kefir is my nemesis. I think it tastes like eating rotten socks. Thankfully, yogurt is not out of the picture and I love yogurt. Store bought milk is a no-no so we bought raw goat milk, which I also hate but the rest of my family likes.  I do not like breakfast right now and cannot wait to include more normal breakfast foods. I also do not like boiling everything I eat. It just isn’t as good to me as pan frying or roasting. Thankfully that will not last long either.

In order to have what is on the list of acceptable foods I am going to have to cook in advance quite a bit. Today I am going to spend most of my day making muffins, pancakes, fritters and cauliflower meatball soup so that we have food for the rest of the week. I will have to go to the grocery store because I underestimated how much meat my family would eat. We ate 2lbs of ground lamb and beef last night alone! We also have eaten 8 apples and four bananas in two days. Ahhh!

I also don’t know if the diet is helping me or not. I know I need to give it more time, it has only been a couple of days, but I thought I would feel at least some change. Honestly, though, I mostly want my children to get use to not having refined sugars and I know this diet will do the trick.

Spiritually

Kinda off topic for this post but I wanted to update what is going on with me spiritually. Nothing! Well, not really, as there is always something going on it is just not always noticeable. I am sleeping lighter than I was but still very deeply. I wake frequently and my dreams are a little more memorable but nothing interesting enough to talk about. Yesterday I was in high spirits on the way to work despite the tummy troubles I had from the mineral water and probiotic I took. I had Reiki and healing on my mind all day and thought that I should visit a nursing home and give healing to the elderly people there. So I researched the possibility and found complications that made me second-guess my initial idea. I think the idea came from me wondering what to do during this spiritual lull and so that popped into my head.

In my research I found that certification was key to working at any health institution. Reiki was rarely the only healing modality one was certified in. Usually the individual was also a certified massage therapist or naturopath or something else. So I looked up some of the certifications these people had. Holistic Healer Certification (HHC) was the most common behind massage therapist and naturopath. What I realized from my internet search is that there are many schools out there offering certification in this or that spiritual healing modality but very few are accredited and I did not find any recognized by the federal government. Some charge hundreds of dollars for degrees and/or certifications while others charge thousands. Some have in-depth study while others do not. How is anyone to be taken seriously in holistic health without a common curriculum and nation-wide accreditation?

It is clear to me that in order for holistic healthcare to be taken seriously these issues must be resolved.

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What to Do?

Another night without an OBE or lucid dream. Another day feeling lacking because of it. I really miss my OBEs. I don’t understand completely why they are being denied to me right now. I sleep so deeply at night that even if I were to get OOB I likely would pop back into it very quickly for lack of energy. It is such a bummer!

I am told that I should not go OOB for two reasons:

1. I was told, “You will leave”. I later asked for further explanation of this and got the feeling that I would somehow find a way not to return to my body. This seems absurd to me because in all my OBEs I have always desired to stay out and never return, yet my body always seems to suck me back in whether I want to return to it or not. Therefore it seems very unlikely that I would successfully “leave”. Yet that is what I am being told. It is possible that I am misunderstanding and that “leave” may mean something else. But what?

2. I was also told now is the time for me to “focus on life” in order to maintain “balance between the physical and spiritual”. I understand this as well but I am so not interested in my life. l would rather seek out all that remains unexplored of the astral and the spiritual. It seems that I just recently returned to the spiritual path only to find a huge “Dead End” sign posted in front of me.

On a side note: This reminds me of a dream I had not long ago after I asked about a certain path. I saw the dead end sign in it and assumed it meant that path was a dead end. Now I am wondering – perhaps the sign was telling me that the spiritual path was the dead end?

What to Do?

Without my spiritual excursions and experiences I spend my days feeling without purpose. I don’t have much going on in my mind except typical mundane activities – what to eat for dinner, what chores need doing, etc. My mind is totally and utterly bored. In the past I fixed this by returning to school, but even then I found that my mind was not satisfied or challenged. I need that mental stimulation and challenge! The spiritual has always provided me with the never-ending questions that arise with each new experience and breakthrough. It never gets boring! I am not a fun person to be around when I am bored.

So what do I do? Typically, I seek out something to fill my time and my thoughts. I have already contemplated returning to school to complete my LPC but my heart just isn’t in it. I have thought of returning to the gym to continue my weight lifting and health kick, but I get a firm “No” from within. I have considered promoting my DoTERRA business, but feel this is not the right time for that either. The only thing that seems to come with a “yes” is doing the GAPS diet, but I am not excited about it.

The first stage of the GAPS diet limits the foods one can eat to only boiled or stewed meats and veggies, fruits and nuts, homemade yogurt and kefir, and coffee and/or tea. There are no grains of any kind allowed and absolutely no starchy foods or vegetables. The first stage only lasts a week but I am already second guessing it because my children will likely strongly resist and my husband, though he says he will do it, is so easily enticed by carbohydrates and cheeses.

Every day one is suppose to drink a glass of lukewarm water with a pro-biotic in the morning before eating. Then, they are suppose to eat every meal with a glass of beef, chicken or fish broth (homemade). This stage is the most important because it replaces the bad gut flora with good gut flora and heals the lining of the stomach. It also was developed so that those with food allergies or other major issues (autism, digestive problems, IBS, ulcerate colitis, etc) can heal gradually and with the least upset to their fragile system. The author warns that some may end up with stomach-flu-like symptoms after a day or two on the diet but that this is a byproduct of the toxins being released.

As a short-term solution, I have very few concerns about the diet. However, I cannot see myself on this diet for the long-term because of the amount of work that goes into it and the resistance my family will give me. We love our carbs and dairy! None of the stages of the diet allows simple carbs, wheat or gluten and the author makes it very clear that all dairy should be “raw” and if not then fermented. My beloved oatmeal would be completely out of the question as would all store bought dairy products. I am all for eliminating processed foods but I do not feel I need to eliminate dairy, wheat, gluten or other grains from my diet.

I have decided not to make my own yogurt, kefir or fermented veggies such as sour kraut. Not only do I not have the time but I gag just thinking about leaving milk or veggies to sour on the counter. Ick! And I despise cottage cheese for that reason. Ha! I do not feel this will “ruin” the diet for me, thankfully. I bought some kefir yesterday and do not look forward to drinking it. It is an acquired taste for sure!

What Else to Do?

Following the diet will keep me somewhat busy, but then again it is not very mentally challenging. I do not know what I will do with myself otherwise. I am very irritated at this “ascension” process, or whatever it is, as it seems like I am being asked to “do nothing” with myself and like it! Actually, it is more like I am being given the option to do whatever I choose, but the only thing I want to do is focus on the spiritual and going OOB, but I can’t do that now, can I? I am still doing yoga almost daily and I meditate at night but I am falling asleep when I do it! I really have no desire to do much else. Really lame, I know.

For my own sanity I need to find something to keep me mentally challenged and “winning” or I will fall into hopelessness and despair. I wish it were easy for me to “just be”.

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Symptom Update

Although I have already written today I wanted to update you all on the physical issues I mentioned in a post last week.

Vision Concerns

Early last week I noticed that the vision in my left eye suddenly had gotten blurrier. I suspected my contacts no longer fit and so figured I needed to go to the eye doctor since it had been nearly two years since my last visit. I went in on Saturday and got all the normal vision tests and this new picture of my retina that is now offered in place of dilation. I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss anything as I was sure that my vision had gotten horribly worse and that I may have some kind of macular degeneration or something bad like that.

The doctor was very nice and somewhat chatty, which was okay. He told me what the computer said my prescription would be and it nearly matched my current prescription. When he tested it out using his machine (not sure what that huge thing is called) he told me that it appeared that my left eye vision had improved and that I needed a prescription .25 less than I had. He said that the headaches, dryness and blurry vision was likely caused by over-correction of my vision. Ha! And here I was thinking my eyes had gotten horribly worse. They got better!

I was sent home in a new pair of contact lenses that had the exact same prescription as my others because they did not have the new prescription I needed in stock. When your vision is over-corrected it is like squinting into the sun – just too bright, thus the headaches and eye fatigue. So in a week when my contacts come in I hope that my headaches get better.

Oh and it is no miracle that my eyes improved. The doctor said it is normal as one approaches their 40s for their near-sightedness to get better (sigh I’m getting old!). He says he sees many of his patient’s prescriptions completely change from near-sighted to wearing reading glasses! Since I got lasik back in 2000 there is a chance this could happen to me sooner rather than later. Perhaps it already is?

Circulation Concerns

Another issue I was worrying about was overly cold hands and feet along with aches in my legs and what appeared to be an increase in spider veins. Rather than go to a vein specialist and get tons of tests, I started taking niacinic acid (niacin) because my research said it helps with circulation. Niacinic acid is the kind of niacin that causes a flushing of the skin. This often comes with a prickling hot sensation. It actually looks like you have a sunburn and even feels similar. I had the flushing for the first couple of times but now I don’t get it anymore. I am taking 500mg in the morning and then again before bed. My feet are much warmer as a result! Yay!

Dry Skin

Something that has been a major issue since moving to the city in July has been overly dry and irritated skin. I first had major acne issues on my face. I got those under control with antibiotics twice only to have it come back with a vengeance afterward. I suspected the antibiotics were actually messing up my stomach, disrupting the normal balance in my system and so when I stopped taking it everything went out of whack making my issues worse. I swore not to go back on the antibiotics and I haven’t, but I have been struggling with dry skin everywhere ever since.

The last straw for me was getting eczema on my wrist. I don’t get eczema so I saw this as my body crying out for me to do something different. I researched eczema and came across Aalgo.com and their organic seaweed powder. I ordered some and used it on my face three days in a row and saw significant results. My eczema disappeared after two treatments! I still have not had time to take the bath yet but that will be next. If you are struggling with eczema, psoriasis or any other dry skin condition, I recommended Aalgo.

Diet Sensitivities

With all my physical concerns I finally followed a thought of mine that asked me to consider changing what I was putting into my body. Water was the first on the list. When I moved I left behind well water. Untreated and naturally mineralized, I have been drinking well water since my birth with rarely a time in my life when I was not. I suspected early on that the water I was drinking and using here in my new home was the cause of my skin issues. I began drinking 8.8 alkaline and mineralized water last week. So far I think it is helping. I intend to keep drinking filtered and alkaline water. I really think the treated stuff is damaging to me.

Besides water, I have begun to lose my appetite for certain foods and my intuition has been telling me to change what I eat for some time now. Lately I have been skipping eating when I am hungry because nothing looks good in my fridge or pantry. I stumbled across the GAPS diet online and ordered the book, Gut and Psychology Syndrome by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride. I am still waiting for it to be delivered and I don’t know how much of the diet I will follow but I was drawn to the GAPS diet because of its focus on balancing gut flora. Something about the information I read on the page said to me, “Get the book and do this”.

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Root Canal

After the message I received yesterday morning about being “reset” and to listen to my body, I spent most of my day wondering what was going on but not really understanding. I was very tired and grumpy all day and had a headache that just would not go away. The tiredness got the better of me and I was able to lay down for a brief rest. I didn’t really sleep but I rested. This is not normal for me as I usually am not near tired enough to even lay down and get anywhere near relaxed for very long – too much to do! The headache was a dull ache at the front of my head that would spike into more pain and then dull out. It did this in cycles throughout the day and at its worst I even took some Ibuprofen but it did nothing. The pain remained.

Vivid Dreams

I was so tired last night that I went to bed at 8:30pm. I had two distinct dreams that I recall.

28,000 Years Ago

I don’t remember the first dream so well now, but I remember enough details to have an idea of what it was about. The main things I recall was being in this small house that had been converted into a meeting area. I was inside with a bunch of other people, all men. I remember the walls were stark and reminded me of an old house from the 1800s – white-washed plank walls, wooden floors, and rectangular in shape. There was an old fireplace also that no longer worked and was only about a foot deep and bricked up.

I was the only woman there and was dressed in 1800s style with a long dress and corset. I was talking to a man but he was doing most of the talking. There was talk of war and I recall seeing a map and discussing the time period. Oddly, we were discussing all of Earth history as I was telling him about Alexander the Great, Egypt and some of the wars that occurred over time. I was looking at a map of the U.S. with him and all of these great nations were written over the top of the map. The US was mostly uninhabited as I recall yet we discussed how people had migrated there way before historians theorized.

It was at the end of the dream that I remember discussing 28,000 years ago and what was happening in the Americas. Most of the conversation is lost to me now, but upon waking I realized we were discussing the role of women in history and how it changed over time. I researched 28,000A.D. and found that this was the time when man began using stone tools and developing culture. Much of what I have found shows that women during this time were held in high esteem and honored, holding status equal to or above that of men.

Training as a Lesbian

The next dream I had is very memorable.

In this dream I was with mostly women and I recall being with a friend of mine I use to know many years ago. She was very sexually promiscuous at the time and very fiery and spirited. In the dream she had come onto me and I had at first struggled with her interest in me and then figured I would just see what happened. We hugged and that was it because she stopped and said, “Not yet”. I then was led by her to a bus to go on a journey to a friend of hers who had taught her how to be a lesbian. I remember being conflicted during this time because I am not interested in women at all and the thought of performing oral sex on a woman is gross to me. I remember thinking about it for quite some time along with the worry that my husband would be upset. I later decided he would not care because it would be with a woman and not a man.

On the bus my friend was driving and we went through a gate and traveled a long, dirt road that was very winding and hilly. It went through mountains and valleys dotted with old farm houses and villages. The first house we went by was occupied by a small family and the hut they lived in had a large lake behind it. I wanted to stop but felt I needed to go on.

We then stopped in a small town. It appeared miniature upon closer inspection and in retrospect I realize I was flying during this part of the dream and peaking into all the windows. The village was made up of tents and a one-room schoolhouse. When I looked inside the school it was empty except for a stamp or something similar in the color purple. All of the tents and other houses also had this inside them. I remember talking to one of the woman from the bus during this time but do not remember our conversation.

I got back into the bus and my friend set it on cruise control. However, as it approached a large hill it began to speed up. My friend asked me to help her by pressing the brake, so I did, but I felt nervous. She steered it around a sharp curve and all was okay.

I then found myself at our destination. I never saw the outside but inside it appeared to be an old castle with dark gray stone walls. We were given books and the friend of my friend was preparing to teach me the art of being a lesbian. After a while I found another book laid upon my bed. It was an old book with a red leather cover and I remember being told I was to read it as well. At one point I was reviewing the table of contents and saw how many chapters were there. I did not recognize the words of the chapters and so skipped down to the end to writing I did recognized. The last chapter was entitled, “Knowing”. I asked the teacher, “Why do we need to go through all these chapters before we get to “Knowing”?” Then I asked, “Why can’t I just learn by doing?”

I remember looking over at my friend and she was tending to her nose – she had a nosebleed. She went over to a pool of water and began scooping buckets of water out. I saw that the stone pool had birds perched on the edge which flew away when she drew the water. They looked like small cactus plants – little round, green cactus birds with thorns all over them!

I looked into the pool and saw it was almost dry and the water was dark like the castle walls. In fact, everything was dark and dank. Yuck.

yinyangMessage: Root Canal

When I awoke I felt my root and third-eye chakras buzzing and it felt as if the energy was pulling – the root chakra energy was flowing down and the crown chakra energy was pulling up. My lower back was aching and my headache was back.

My guide, who revealed himself to me as my Healer whose name is “George”, then showed me what appeared to be a long, white and fuzzy tube stretching along my spine through each of my chakras. It’s diamater was approximately 8 inches. I then heard, “root canal” and remembered the visual I had gotten the day before of the teeth. “So my chakras are getting a root canal?”, I asked. I got a nod and feeling of, “Yes” as the answer.

He told me that for the next couple of days this would be occurring and that I would likely feel discomfort, maybe even sick. He showed me that my third-eye was open during this time – very open – which explains the headaches I have been having.

I then wondered why this was happening. It was then that the dreams I had began to make sense to me.

To dream that you are a lesbian, or in this case training to be one, symbolizes a union with aspects of yourself, self-love, self-acceptance and passion. Ultimately being lesbian represents being comfortable with ones sexuality. So it appears I am being led, or taught, how to reunite with the feminine aspects of myself.

I began to understand why I needed a chakra ” root canal”. The purpose of a root canal is to clear out infection and then bring the tooth back to normal functioning. The same would hold true with chakras. Each chakra and the pathways between them is being cleaned out and then will be brought back to full function. I was shown that I have much past “decay” from past lives where I was victimize or brutalized as a woman. As a result, I associate such treatment and the resulting feelings with everything that has to do with being a woman and femininity.

I thought about this for a time and recognized those things I associated with being a woman: passiveness, degradation, fear, timidity, weakness, powerlessness, pain. My guide reminded me that there are good aspects related to the feminine: compassion, sensitivity, nurturing, sympathy, love, support, patience. All of these things I also deny in/to myself when I deny the feminine aspect of myself.

I admit, I am not very excited about this chakra ” root canal”. I was told there is nothing I can do to stop it. It has already begun. I asked what would happen after and I was shown that I would undergo more kundalini energy fluctuations. The image I got was that new energy, or white light, would pour through the newly cleaned channels and fill each chakra. I was told this would not be pleasant and I got a sense that I may be experiencing my own spiritual trauma as a result. Not exactly something to look forward to.

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This House is Haunted

After yesterday’s morning upset and some talk with friend online, I was reassured that this stage in my spiritual transformation is not uncommon and will pass as all stages and transitions do. Right now I need to focus on my life, the people I love and the purpose I came here to fulfill. The spiritual me and the physical me must stay in balance.

A friend of mine who is a veteran of the kundalini and the ascension process reminded me that we are both student and teacher in life, as we are also both spiritual and physical. She said to me:

The same must happen with Spiritual and physical– the two must become one, IN you. There is not two. There is, as the Vedantins say “One without a second”. As you ALREADY know, the Spiritual is being everything we perceive as physical. The idea, for me, and I suspect for us all is to let go the divide. To let what is happening with you (/me/us) in the dimensions happen right here in *this* dimension. To be the avenue, as it were, for the Spiritual to reach the ground level Earth-life.

It is becoming more and more clear to me that this physical experience I am choosing to participate in has so very much to do with the spiritual; that the two are one in the same. I don’t know exactly when this happened – maybe yesterday or last night or perhaps it has been on-going – but I am seeing things a little different every day. It is mostly occurring at night I believe, as last night I had yet again more interesting revelations.

They Don’t See Me

I had a very intense dream last night. In it, I was a waitress working at a restaurant and feeling very out of my element. I did a lot of cleaning and typical duties of a waitress. While cleaning I recalled seeing the door hinges were messed up. Whenever one would close the door the hinges would come loose. When I inspected them I found there were no hinges at all, just small nails. I had to reposition the nails every time but did it as that was my job. I remember also feeling unappreciated in my work and considered quitting, knowing I deserved better, but I stayed on anyway.

I became aware that the restaurant changed owners and was listening as the owner discussed physical layout changes with another waitress. I offered the help of my husband who I explained could do renovations, thinking he could fix the faulty doors. The owner nodded to me in recognition of what I said but then continued to talk to the other waitress about the changes as if he had not heard me. I again interjected saying that my husband could do it for much less than a contractor. This time the owner completely ignored me. I began to feel overwhelmed with emotion at this second rebuttal. I began thinking, “They don’t even see me. They don’t see me”. Then I started sobbing uncontrollably.

This House is Haunted

I awoke to real tears and my heart chakra pulling but not too badly. I soothed myself instantly without the aid of my guides. It was then that I heard a familiar song in my head: Dearly Departed by Shakey Graves. Being this was the third morning I awoke to this song, I took notice and instantly recognized the message.

The specific part of the song that I hear is, “You and I both know that the house is haunted. You and I both know that the ghost is of me”. Symbolically, a haunted house represents unfinished emotional business usually related to childhood, family members present and passed, or repressed memories and/or emotions. The fact that the house is haunted specifically relates to running from these things rather than confronting them resulting in a personal “haunting”. If these things are not dealt with then they can harass you much like a ghost harasses the residents of the house they haunt.

Doctor

I managed to fall back asleep quickly and fell into another dream. In this one I was at a university but I was a teacher with my own room. I don’t recall all of the details of the dream but I was helping some doctoral students with something and allowed two of them along with their professor to use my room to complete some business that needed tending to after hours. I remember watching as the professor wrote out checks and kept track of them on a ledger. I noticed that as each check was written it showed up as a debit in my personal checking account. This alarmed me and I told the professor about it as he left. Part of me did not want to pay for another person’s debts but another part did not care and was willing to let it slide.

The professor had gone and I had resigned myself to a loss in money when he returned and told me he would repay me. I then left with a young woman. We got into a push cart. It looked like something from out of the middle ages. As we lay in the cart I began to slip off and the woman got upset with me. I remember feeling like I had insulted her in some way. It was then that the professor, who I knew as “Doctor”, stopped the cart. That is when I awoke.

This is the second time that a doctor has been in my dreams. The first time was an OBE where a man I met actually told me he was a doctor. I do not need to be told anymore directly that there is a message here.

To see or go to a doctor in a dream suggests that spiritual and emotional healing is needed. It could also indicate physical issues and the need to go to a real life doctor.

Physical Issues

Aside from the myriad of emotional issues I carry with me, which I will not go into now, I have been having some minor physical issues lately. I have also been led to research some things regarding these issues and have my theories about what might be happening.

I will not/cannot assume these are all ascension symptoms, especially now that I am taking a break from the spiritual changes I was going through. Here are the issues I have at present:

  1. Vision changes, especially my left eye. I wear contacts and this week my vision has suffered. I believe it is a change in the shape of my eye rather than an increase in my prescription because I see fine out of my glasses. I plan to make an appointment with an eye doctor to remedy this but delay because I still have five pairs of contact lenses left from my old prescription.
  2. Severely dry skin. This has been slowly getting worse and worse. Recently I got a patch of eczema on my arm and that was when I began to research it. I bought some organic seaweed bath called Aalgo that I found while doing a Google search. Thankfully it has been working like a charm and within two treatments eradicated the small spot of eczema I had. I used it on my face, which has also been extremely dry, flaky, and acne prone. I have noticed marked improvement there as well. I highly recommend Aalgo to anyone suffering from skin issues.
  3. Achy legs and increase in spider veins. I have long dealt with bad circulation and gross spider veins. They have never been an issue other than making me hate to show my legs and really they are not that noticeable. But lately my legs have been aching in the morning and my right leg is looking much worse. I am considering going to a vein specialist to have them treated but upon comparing my legs to those who have gotten treatment I recognized I am overreacting. I did start taking niacin because it was recommended to help with circulation. It has been helping.
  4. Cold hands and feet. I have always had cold hands and feet. My lips will even turn purple sometimes! This has been throughout my entire life but has been much more prominent lately. A coworker years ago suggested I may have Raynaud’s but I am not sure about that and if I do then there is not much I can do about it. My mom has the same symptoms and so I assume it is hereditary. The cold feet are the worst and keep me from sleeping.
  5. Numbness in legs and hands. This only happens when I sleep. It wakes me up and I have to move my hand and/or leg to fix it so I can go back to sleep. I am not sleeping oddly or anything, they are just numb and tingly. I am usually sleeping on my back when my hands are tingly and it is normally my left hand. I am sleeping on my side when I have tingling/numbness in my legs. Usually it is only one leg and the one I am sleeping on. I would not think it a big deal except that is has been on-going for several months now.

I know I should just schedule a physical and get checked out. I was suppose to have my thyroid checked when I was pregnant because I was sweating profusely for no reason. I never had it done. I suspect it may be the problem now but then again none of the symptoms really match up to hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism. It was mentioned to me that this break to focus upon the physical could be to get me to focus more on a healthy lifestyle. Now with this doctor theme in my dreams I am beginning to think it very well could be.

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Self-Healing

Yesterday was a day of healing for me. I started by using my pendulum to double check my intuition that said that more than just the second chakra was blocked. I discovered that my second and crown chakras were completely blocked and my root, third and fourth chakras partially blocked. My third chakra was blocked initially but within seconds the crystal of the pendulum encouraged it to open. The same occurred with the root. My heart chakra was open right off but was sluggish, suggesting the energy there was in the process of clearing. I was not surprised that my throat and third eye were open but it did surprise me just how wide open my third eye was. The pendulum flew in a clockwise direction so wide that it could not go any wider. This told me that my third eye was too open.

I was able to open my crown chakra very quickly. I rubbed some Frankincense into the top of my head, sat cross legged and chanted Nng while visualizing it opening. After doing this for just a few minutes I stopped and focused on my second chakra. I put Citrus Bliss oil on my sacral plexus, chanted Vam and visualized it opening. While I was doing this, I felt an intense energy in my crown and knew it had opened and my efforts were successful. Unfortunately, my second chakra was not budging no matter how much I visualized and chanted.

I spent most of the afternoon working on my blocked second chakra – doing yoga, chanting the mantra and meditating to encourage it to open. I never was able to feel the energy move despite my best efforts. However my efforts were not totally wasted. Around 7pm CST, when my husband left with all three of my children in tow, I finally had the house to myself. I felt restless and kept walking around in a circle in the kitchen thinking again about the mantras I had been chanting and feeling there was something I was missing. I tried putting a tone with each mantra, singing up the scale like I use to do when I was a music student in college. Something about feeling the sound vibrate in my throat made me think I should sing so I began to sing an old hymnal I use to sing growing up in church. It is called, As the Deer and I always loved singing that song.

Almost as soon as I started singing emotion began to well up from within me and I got so choked up that I could not get the words to come out. My mind was flooded with memories, images of me singing in church with my family and hearing the harmony flood my ears and heart as I sang. The same feeling filled my heart and it seemed as if my family in Spirit surrounded me with love. You can imagine how overwhelmed I felt at this and many times had to stop walking and hold onto something.

I continued to sing because I knew, the only way out was through. It was obvious to me that my blocked chakras were opening and that this was a necessary part of the clearing process.

One by one, memories came to me. Times in my life when I did things I enjoyed. Singing was first, followed by fishing, gardening, sewing, painting, etc. And one by one I remembered how each of those things I stopped doing for one reason or another. Always there was an excuse that kept me from doing them. I stopped singing because I couldn’t be the best at it and if I wasn’t going to be the best, what was the point? Fishing because I had grown up and moved away and it was always inconvenient to do. Gardening because I now had three children and no garden and it would be too hard so why bother? Sewing again because I had three children and painting as well. With each lost pleasure I listened to the excuses and ignored my heart.

I realized that I had taken from myself everything that I enjoyed in life. No wonder I was not enjoying life.

I did it. I did it all to myself and trapped myself, backed myself into this corner of misery.

This realization stopped me in my tracks and I knew that this was just the tip of the iceberg. The second chakra is about pleasure; enjoyment of life. There were/are so many things in life that brought/bring me pleasure. It is so simple really the solution – start doing them again. Stop listening to the excuses and just do them. Once the decision is made the uncomfortableness at pushing past what has always been done will break apart and what will be left simple enjoyment of life.

After over an hour of memories followed by emotional outpouring followed by more memories and emotion, I was finally spent. And I felt better.

Last Night’s Work

After a thorough session of self-healing and more chakra balancing, I fell asleep quite quickly still propped upright in the midst of meditating. I awoke from a dream of traveling across the ocean to an island.

AirShip

The vehicle in which I traveled across the ocean was immense. It was more than an airplane, it was an airship. Inside were hundreds, maybe thousands of people and I was very aware of twin girls who carried with them their blood in vials connected by plastic. I was aware also that this blood carried their DNA. There was a conflict here and I avoided the twins for some reason but cannot remember why. One kept staring at me holding her blood in her hands.

The main memory I have of this dream is that my ex brought back food from a farmer’s market. He put in front of me a bunch of bananas and a strange orange fruit that was long like a sweet potato. He asked me if I wanted some of the banana (but he didn’t call it that). He opened it up to reveal the flesh and it was unlike any banana flesh I had ever seen. Inside it was splashed with orange and my ex told me it was a powerful hallucinogenic. He ate it and said it tasted like dirt (lol) and then offered me some. I refused because I researched it and it said it made one’s heart rate speed up to 150 and I didn’t want that. I chose instead to eat the other fruit which tasted good and sweet.

The symbolism here is not lost to me. I keep dreaming of twins and the meaning of them is usually that they are my conscious and sub-conscious. Since there is conflict here, I am likely struggling with accepting the subconscious aspect. The blood is representative of life, love and passion. The fruit I ate is symbolic of my work on the second chakra and since I ate it I am open to the work that needs to be done to open it.

Healing

I awoke from this dream feeling huge amounts of energy coming in through my crown chakra and seeming to exit my root chakra. My head felt wide open, too, my third eye buzzing and filling my eyes, nose and cheeks. I lay there unable to return to sleep and finally lay on my back. I then began to notice my second chakra was also activated and I had a slight discomfort there but nothing major.

I fell back to sleep despite the energy and dreamed of working with other spiritually talented individuals in a type of commune or something. I walked to a high fence where four women were seeking entrance. I looked for the gate to let them in and discovered that I was mistaken about the gate as it had been removed and not been there for some time. I invited the women in and asked them who they had an appointment with. One girl pointed at me and another mentioned a man’s name. I walked them inside and then woke, knowing what the message was: my spiritual gifts had never left me, the “fence” was built by me and the gate had never been there – it had always been open.