Category Archives: kundalini

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Kundalini Dream: The Heart Fire Returns

Woke up from a Kundalini dream at 3:30am and couldn’t fall back to sleep. 

Kundalini Dream: The Heart Fire Returns

I was visiting my heart connection. It seemed like he was showing me his past. This part of the dream is not as clear as the rest but I recall his mom being present and somehow knew we were in California. I have seen pictures of her and she was much younger in the dream and seemed vibrant and full of energy. It felt like he was showing me this part of his life to explain his connection to his mom. What I recall the most is that he was very preoccupied with the task at hand, his energy very active and rushed. 

The dream shifted to a more rural area (deeper emotional goal). It felt like rural Georgia and there was a sense that my heart connection was nearby and I was visiting him. I was taking two dogs (loyalty to two different aspects), one large and one small (seeking balance), for a drive down an unfamiliar road. As I drove the road suddenly shifted to a white dirt road (shift to subconscious). Something about seeing the dirt road caused me to worry I would get lost so I decided to slow down and find a place to turn around. I pulled into a half circle driveway to turn around and two older ladies approached me. My car disappeared (slower pace where I am more vulnerable and grounded) and I was now walking the dogs on leashes. The women were friendly, asking if I was from around there and while we talked the larger dog started to wander away. I noticed I had lost grip of its leash and I told the women, “I can’t chase him or he’ll run.” I explained to them how to get him to return and sure enough he circled around happily, greeted them with sniffs and sat down (I’ve learned not to force connections). 

Then I was inside an unfamiliar bedroom (shift from journey stage to one of waiting) laying on a large bed. It felt like I was in my heart connection’s bedroom (view of his inner world). I was clothed in a tank top and shorts laying mostly on top of the covers (not yet fully integrated). The room itself was dark (unconscious) in color and somewhat large. I believe there was a dresser with a mirror near the foot of the bed (self-reflection, inner truth). To my left was the door. I remember mulling over memories of a dream conversation I had with my heart connection prior to this moment in time. I only recall flashes of the dream here. There is a sense of his journey and movement or progression along a planned path. There was also a sense of his mindset and feelings to include that he still had some work to do in regards to the karma he was settling with his mother. 

Though I don’t remember it now I feel like the dream was overlaying another dream in which I was actually with him having this discussion. I’ve had this happen frequently in dreamtime.

At some point I pulled down the right side of my tank top (vulnerability, self-exposure). I don’t know why I did this. I have faint memory of having exercised and feeling hot only I never got up out of the bed. From my right I felt my heart connection come out of the shadows. He leaned over me. There was an immediate burning sensation in my heart chakra as if it was burning straight through me. The sensation was like the fire of desire I usually feel in the lower chakras only it was in my heart. He leaned over me, kneeling partially on the bed, and kissed me four times (grounding of the spiritual fire into reality), each time the fire in my chest grew seeming to expand and envelope us both. 

He ended up over the top of me and I suddenly felt exposed; naked. He was too and I could feel he was aroused. Concerned for him, I pulled in my left knee to block him getting any closer. I knew he wasn’t ready. I knew I wasn’t ready. He slowly withdrew, looked directly at me and said, “Thank you.” We shared a moment of mutual understanding and then he stood up. He was no longer naked but clothed (symbolizes getting back to work). Seeing his clothes, I immediately covered my exposed breast and said to him, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I didn’t mean to…”. Unconcerned, he walked to the door and began to leave, explaining he had to go but would come right back when he was done. I got the sense that he was going to finish his karmic work. It’s like he was explaining, “I am so close, just not quite done yet. I’ll come back, I promise.”

Him leaving was heart wrenching. The fire in my heart was burning but I was in agony. I couldn’t reconcile the longing I was experiencing with the Knowing that it was not yet time. I was also struggling with memory of the previous pain, the decimation I experienced, when he left the first time. The intensity of emotion and the heart fire woke me. 

Reflection

The first thing I felt was panic. Memory flooded in along with the question I had asked all those years ago and was asking again, “Why is this happening to me?” My guides were close and reminded me I had chosen this. Knowing flooded in and I felt the same agony I felt in the dream. All I could say to them was, “I can’t [do this again]”. 

Last summer I was told I had chosen the fast-track. So, so much has happened since then. I am just now feeling somewhat settled and steady. I am getting ready to make even more changes to my life, changes that I feel are more in alignment with who I am. It won’t be easy and I get that, but I was not expecting this. If the Kundalini returns it will most definitely complicate things.

If I am suppose to finish what was started, fine, I get it. Leaving work unfinished is unwise, especially work of this nature.

The dream gave me perspective I didn’t previously have. I understand where my heart connection is coming from and how he has changed. And boy has he changed! His energy is different, more decisive and confident. I cannot recall one dream with him in it from my past where he did what he did in this dream. He was always hesitant. Not anymore. It feels like he is stepping fully into his masculinity.

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Return of 11:11

Lots going on, only so much time to write without it getting super long….

Dream: Healing Second Chakra

I was with a group of people and we seemed to be traveling. I mostly recall the end of the dream now as it was early in the night that I had it. We came to a waterpark type scene that reminded me of a local waterpark with lazy river tube shoots. Around the tube sections was greenery that reminded me of Costa Rica, so very tropical. We were not in the water but walking along it I think. I remember a woman approached me and asked me if I would consider letting her insert something into me. It looked like she either had a massive dildo or she actually had a penis on her female body. I remember agreeing and she asked if I thought it might be too big. I took a good look (lol) and said it was fine. When she inserted it, I felt a wave of energy and woke.

The area of my second chakra was achy and it stayed achy for some time after. I felt healing energy pouring in through my back also and thought about how, in the past when the K would rise in a similar way, I would have an ache there. I knew there was a blockage in my second chakra. I asked my guidance to help me get rid of it ASAP and was told it couldn’t happen fast as there were many, many layers to it and it would be unwise. 

Dream: Visit with Ray

I was in my mom’s bathroom (cleansing the inner self), the one I use to use as a child/teenager. I was on my hands and knees with a long handled scrub brush like one would use to clean a toilet but I was cleaning the bathtub (desire for greater intimacy in life). The tub was covered in a bluish (throat chakra) colored substance that had thickened and begun to dry out. In the dream I knew I had started to clean the tub but never finished and the cleaner had been left awaiting my return. As I began to scrub I felt Ray’s presence behind me. We talked about my cleaning of the tub itself and he pointed to a wire rack next to it. The rack had peeling paint on it that was starting to come off. He pulled on it and it came off in long, elastic pieces. I helped and what was left was exposed metal. I resumed cleaning the tub, scrubbing the blue cleaner off easily. 

Then we were in my mom’s kitchen (nourishment). We mainly just talked. There was no intense energy, just friendly conversation and enjoying one another’s company. I felt completely at ease and relaxed and I think he did, too. I don’t remember what all we talked about but at one point he sat on top of my mom’s dryer (laundry is in the kitchen near the back door). He seemed to be talking about something important to him, something private or intimate. So he was opening up and being vulnerable. I sensed this and inched closer to him to the point that I was standing situated between his legs. He was up high, so my upper abdomen was right between his legs and my face was just a little bit lower than his own. Our closeness felt appropriate and, again, there was no crazy, intense energy, just affection and openness to one another. 

This is when someone came by the back window and knocked. I went up to see what it was about. It was a woman with her kids all dressed to swim with towels and everything. She inquired if the pool (healing waters) was open and said she had $100 to pay for the season. I told her my mom had long ago closed the pool and, though it was in good shape, she could not swim. I did consider letting them but opted not to. The woman left and I told Ray about it and how, at one point, the neighbors would come over to swim all the time. I remember how the pool and area looked. The pool itself was aqua and clear (clear emotion) and the surroundings littered with lawn chairs but otherwise tidy. 

When I woke I was extra alert to the fact that Ray was in my dream. I also still felt the healing energy in my lower abdomen. I wondered about the dream and whether it indicated I would receive communication from him soon. 

Dream: Corndogs on the Bus

The dreams with Ray continued. He picked me up and took me to a school bus (important life journey). I had with me a box of corndogs (simple pleasures in life) and asked him if he wanted one. I told him I could cook it real fast in the microwave. He indicated he did as we walked up the steps of the bus. I asked if he thought the others would want one, saying I probably had enough. That is when I noticed how full the bus was. I mentioned that I may not have enough after all and looked at the box to see, moving the corndogs around to get an inventory. I looked at the people inside and there was a variety to include mothers with children. Trying to solve the problem of insufficient corndogs, I thought perhaps we could prioritize the children. This is where the dream ended.

Corndogs symbolize the simple pleasures in life, relaxation and satisfaction, wealth and success, companionship and loyalty. I was offering this to my friend and then to the people on the bus which means I want others to share in my experience. When I see I may not have enough then I prioritize the children. I think this dream shows how generous I am in general, especially when I feel happy. 

Messages

I’ve been seeing 1111 quite frequently and have been noting it. The pic here is one time I notice and took a screenshot of my phone. Only after did I see the song playing and how the name relates to the Kundalini – Fuel to Fire.

I had a dream the night before last that relates to the above.

Dream: Second Stage 

I was sitting at my computer writing in my blog. When I pressed “post” the wrong blog post appeared on the screen. It said it was from 2016. I panicked because I didn’t want to write everything again. I tried to recover what was lost and found it didn’t work. Instead, certain words in the post became bolded. After some nudging by my guidance I calmed down and began to pay attention to the bolded words. What I recall now is the words “second stage” and the complete sentence was that I was now in the second stage. Other than that, I can’t remember any of the other bolded words despite reading all of them. I only remember the year 2016 and “ascension”.  That was the year that I had the meeting with my heart connection (Ray) and told my now-ex that I wanted a divorce. That was also the year my heart connection disappeared from my life of his own choice to avoid becoming entangled in the karma of the situation.  

Reflection

The year 2016 and message “second stage” stand out. I looked through my blog and noticed that year was full of Kundalini activity, messages, and significance in general. The year began with a post about recognizing the walk-in situation. This is something Ray and I discussed in our most recent conversation. I told him I didn’t feel the walk-in was real and yet this post indicates otherwise. I also found a post specifically about “the next stage“, so perhaps it is relevant? There was a post called Velantium also. I looked up the word and it translates to “covering or veiling”, something I never mentioned in the post itself. Finally, there were several posts about Atlantis. 

2016 was a very exciting year! I didn’t have time to look through all the posts but man oh man was I ever accelerating! If I am in fact picking up where I left off, then I wonder what it will entail?

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Transformation

My second day at work was yesterday. So far I feel welcomed and the people seem genuine. Today I am going into a couple of classrooms to introduce myself. I get to present a slideshow using an interactive whiteboard (its like a big touchscreen computer on the wall in each classroom). I’m a bit nervous but only about using the technology. So much has changed since I was last in a classroom! I have been assigned 3rd and 4th grade to teach guidance lessons and this starts the first week in December. Eventually I will see students one-on-one as needed. 

What I love already about this job is that the admin does not ask the counselors to help with any discipline. This is unheard of! The one complaint I had about my last counseling job was that they kept interrupting my day to have me assist with out of control students and other disciplinary issues. It is not the job of the school counselor to be an admin! So not having that as a complaint at this job will make the job almost perfect in terms of school counseling. 

It is also refreshing to work somewhere no one knows me. At my other job (family business) I could feel the family members judgmental attitude towards me. I was only in the office once a week, which helped, but when I was it wasn’t fun to feel that projected onto me. They had judgments because my ex would vent to them when he was upset with me and so, over the past 18 years, the negative remarks built up and they all decided I was “suppressive”. It is hard to change someone’s mind when they have decided who you are, even harder when they are in-laws. So, at this job when I meet someone, I feel no judgement which is so refreshing. They are genuinely happy to have me as part of the group, or at least it feels that way. I think my perspective has shifted, also. I am purposefully being open minded and attempting to remain aware of my own judgements. I am also being mindful of self-doubt that comes up when I feel unsure of myself. I am asking questions and allowing myself to be vulnerable in that way – very unlike me. 

In past jobs I worked to make money. In this job I am working to help and be of service. This shift will likely lead to some interesting revelations and lessons. I am trying to approach this new stage in my life as a child would – full of wonder and curiosity – rather than as a cynic. 

As I left the school yesterday, I saw a group of small children with an after school teacher. They were lined up and smiling, attentive and eager to learn. It brought up a memory of how I tend to be when OOB. I gravitate towards children and babies and in one OBE – “The Spiritual Processing Hub” was the name if I recall correctly – I remember being drawn to the babies and children and knowing they were always my favorite. This memory along with seeing the kids there as I walked to my car made it impossible not to burst into tears. 

Honestly, I don’t know where this is all coming from – the sense of wanting to be around children. I have have only felt that way when OOB and with my own kids but rarely with other people’s kids. However, in this job I am feeling great love for them all when I see them. I can’t help but smile. 

I also realized that this job matches my environment in Human Design. I am Markets Internal, which means I invite people into my space rather than going to an office or whatever to do my “work”. At this job I have my own office which I share with the morning counselor. She has set it up marvelously and so I don’t have to do anything to make it a good counseling space. When a student needs me they will come to my space and there I will work with them one-on-one. The guidance lessons are as a group in someone else’s space but what I am doing in unique to me so it seems applicable as well. 

This morning I was thinking of all of the above after some visions I had upon waking. One of the visions was of a snake. The snake sightings have stopped because I am not at my country home but I keep seeing them in other places – visions, and a snake like object in the parking lot the other day that made me jump. lol Snakes are transformation (also the Kundalini). I have been hoping I would have K energy again but I think at this time it is merely a transformation from one version of me to another. It saddens me a bit because I miss the K. It also scares me a bit, too. 

As if to confirm, I woke to this on my wall.

It’s called “Transformation”.

When decorating my new apartment bedroom, I selected some paintings I felt drawn to. This one is literally in front of me when I wake up. And across, on the other wall are three others. I see their order like drawing oracle cards – a message of the path I am currently one. 

The names of them, in order left to right, are: Health, Kundalini, and Mission. These can be found via my Walk-In Life blog if you would like to read the card descriptions.

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Snake, Spider and Beaver Encounter

I had another snake encounter! This time I was able to touch it! I was tempted to pick it up but was too nervous. I think it was too cold to act quickly which is why it tolerated my touch. It remained in the same location all day and I went back and touched it again. I talked to it and thanked it for allowing me to touch it. I think this is the same snake I saw last week because it was in the same general area.

I also had an encounter with a tiny, tan spider. It crawled on my hand and I placed it beside me and talked with it a while. It seemed like it was listening to me. 🙂

And I saw a beaver! It was swimming across the middle of the pond. I saw it again on the same day, too, much closer but it immediately dove under the water. I have video of the beaver on my FP but did not post it to YouTube. I didn’t get a photo to share. It was too far away. There is a beaver video on my YouTube, though, that is pretty good.

I included pics of the snake. There is one where the snake is in my shadow and it reminds me very much of the Kundalini and how it flows. I felt it symbolic of my own transformation, though I am not experiencing Kundalini energy at this time.

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Animal Messages: Finch and Snake

Two weekends ago I went to my cabin and parked in my garage.  When I was getting out my boys started yelling and pointing to something. It was dead house finch laying in the middle of the driveway. They asked, “Did you kill it?” I don’t think I did. I didn’t see it when I pulled in, either. I picked it up and it was still warm. The boys buried it soon after.

Less than a week later I went to the family home, my ex’s home, to pick up some packages and take our dog on a walk (ex is in India on a business trip). I went inside and then came back out to put my packages in my car. On my way back in I saw another dead house finch. It was laying right on the stoop. I don’t know how I didn’t see it previously. This finch had been dead longer and there were a few fire ants on its beak. I picked it up and tossed it in the creek area.

So, two dead finches, less than a week apart. Both unseen initially. 

A dead or injured finch could symbolize:

  • Endings of specific life cycles
  • Need for personal transformation
  • Warning about potential obstacles
  • Invitation to release past limitations; Source: Finch Symbolism

When I consider the meaning of the dead finches, I take into account the environment at the time and what I was feeling. The first finch, found just outside the garage, could be indicating that I am no longer “parked” in life – that period in my life is over. At the time I felt really sad about the finch because I thought I had killed it, but I honestly don’t recall seeing it when I pulled into the garage. Also, I remember seeing a little bird alive above the garage the last time I was there. It was feasting on the bugs around the light. I had been thinking of how I wouldn’t be enjoying my country home as much anymore with the new apartment and all. I was still considering renting or selling.

The second finch I also missed initially (perhaps I am missing something still?). This one was near the front door. I wasn’t thinking of anything in particular this time, just taking the dog on a walk and feeling tired because I was getting over a cold. However, considering it was right on the front doorstep, perhaps it was a reminder of the end of my time in that particular space – maybe even in both spaces?

Snakes

All month I have been encountering snakes. I have lost count of how many I’ve run into, but just yesterday two snakes crossed my path and the second snake decided to bless me with its presence twice at two different times of the day!

Snakes symbolize transformation, intuition, rebirth and healing. They can also represent the Kundalini and its transformative energy.

I am hoping this means the Kundalini is still smoldering, lingering, just waiting to burst into flame once again. I don’t necessarily want a crazy K-Rising event but I don’t have control over such things. The K does what it does and there is no containing it once it decides to run its course. I am hoping, though, that I have cleared enough from previous risings that the intensity is much more tolerable. Regardless, I’ve enjoyed all my snake encounters of late. I find them fascinating and, at times, I even want to pick them up. I just don’t feel confident enough in my identification to risk it. Hahaha Even the non-venomous ones will bite.

Enjoy the pictures of my snake friends. All but the one pictured in water was seen near my pond. All of the snakes live in and around water. Perhaps water (emotion) is part of the message they bring?

plain bellied water snake
plan bellied water snake
common water snake
cotton mouth
cotton mouth

For those who would like to see the snakes in motion, check out my YouTube page and go to the Shorts section. I have lots of videos of the animals and creatures I encounter out at my cabin. Here is the video of the plain bellied water snake pictured above. Isn’t it beautiful!? This one I initially saw around noon and then again at around 4pm.

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Dream: Meeting the Devil

Some dreams to report (haven’t had good recall lately).

Dream: Meeting the Devil

I dreamed I met with the devil and we had a talk. lol I don’t really remember much of the dream but when I woke I knew I had a heart-to-heart with the devil. I vaguely recall sitting across from a shadowy male figure and feeling a sense of shame. As I woke I heard, “It’s not your fault. Forgive yourself.” With this came an understanding that there is no right or wrong, just lessons. 

I feel my talk with the devil was actually a conversation with my shadow self – the part of me I would rather not acknowledge exists.

Dream: Return of the Dark Haired Man

Initially, I was in a room with my mom in an unfamiliar setting that seemed to be from the distant past. I was wearing a blue, fitted dress from perhaps the late 1800’s to early 1900’s. My mom had decided to take my sister somewhere and didn’t invite me. I was upset and asked her how she could intentionally forget to invite me. My feelings were hurt. Note: I’ve had similar dreams of my mom and sister suggesting past lives where my drug addicted sister was the “favorite” and I was invisible. This suggests this lifetime may be a reversal of that lifetime, perhaps to gain perspective.

The scene shifted and I was on a race track (fast track – guides mentioned this in previous dreams) like one would see at a school. I could see the dotted lines separating the individual lanes on the dark asphalt. I turned to look behind me and saw a young man with dark hair sitting in the bleachers. His knees were pulled up to his chest and he seemed to be wearing a hospital gown or robe. I could see his arms wrapped around his bare legs for comfort. I felt from him that he was in pain, emotional pain, from heartbreak and other similar life events. I felt immense love for him and resisted an urge to go up to him. I remember thinking, “He’s like me.” Then, as I stared at him he looked up at me and I thought, “I wonder if he feels the same (draw)?”

I turned away from the man and continued along the track. As I “ran” (don’t remember having legs), I ended up on this one-wheeled skateboard-type thing (hoverboard?). I remember flying along the track which then morphed into a room and other places. I think I was at a school (lessons to learn). I zoomed so fast around corners and objects I felt I might fall off the thing but never did. It was exhilarating.

The scene shifts and I find myself at a dock (departure point) standing solidly on my feet next to some people. There was activity and a large ship (collective journey, emotional) behind me, but I can’t recall the details now or the people. The dark haired young man approached me and I immediately felt drawn to him. Someone behind me made a comment and laughed. The comment was something like, “Oh no, there he is…..” It felt like they were making fun of me and my relationship with the man. The dark haired man stood there for a bit and I couldn’t help but inch closer and closer to him. The people there snickered, but I ignored them. I just had to be as close to him as possible. The draw was impossible to ignore. I remember thinking, “I just want to be near him.” 

Reflection

Of course, I woke after this, recognizing the familiar magnetic feeling. Was this young man the same dark haired man/boy from my past? If so, was it a sign that I needed to contact my heart connection? I can do that because we follow each other on Instagram, but should I? Or is this dream merely a sign that the “link” is being restored like I was told in yesterday’s dream? 

Oh, I guess I should recount yesterday’s dream for context – it was the tail end of a dream. I saw a figure above me reaching up. He said, “We have to restore the link”. It felt like a spiritual link of some kind but I woke soon after and got no further information.

Something interesting from the dream is the person laughing about a possible relationship between me and the dark haired man. When I first had dreams and OBEs with the darked haired man/boy I had similar encounters with people who seemed to find my draw to him, and him to me, hilarious. It always bothered me because, for me at least, the draw is exceptionally real and difficult to resist and the love is overwhelming. However, considering my first dream with the devil brought up shame, it could be they are laughing not at me but at the situation. The heart connection, for me, caused me to feel shame and guilt because, at the time, I was married with three young children. That is not the case now, though. So, perhaps the laughing was there to remind me of my shame.

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Reviewing my HD Chiron Return Recording

Listened to the recording of my HD Chiron Return reading last night. 

The first thing that caught my attention was my voice. It was hard to listen to; grating. Is this what I sound like to people right now? Geez! I immediately felt bad for the 5/1 Mental Projector giving me the reading. I was often talking more than her. I recognized this came from a sense of desperation, from a severe lack of being invited to speak my mind while another listens and gives me space. It has been so long since my voice/perspective has been genuinely requested by another and the result was this not-self version of my voice. 

The good thing is that I noticed the grating of my voice lessened at certain times. If I was coming from a place of my not-self it was more intense and grating, hard to listen to. If I was coming from a place of genuine Knowing, or my G center (heart in regular chakra terms), then my voice was much smoother. My voice has never been something I like to hear, just because it sounds so different from how it sounds from within, but hearing this recording screamed/demanded recognition. True recognition isn’t demanded, it is gifted. 

Regardless, I listened past the tone of my voice and tried to focus on what the analyst was saying. I wish I had given her more space to do her job. I don’t like appearing super needy. I’ve actually accused (been accusing) my ex of this more times than I can count. Now I recognize that criticism of him was a hidden revelation of self. 

Thankfully the analyst recognized that I, as a SPP, needed to be asked specific questions in order to pull out the wisdom I don’t know I have. Her questions revealed exactly what lies ahead, my path and purpose clearly stated by myself more than once. She also reminded me of my purpose via her knowledge of my chart. Everything is in the chart/bodygraph. Spotting past decisions in the chart is easier than predicting future ones, though. For example, she showed me where, during my Uranus Opposition, there was fixed condition in my personality earth – Gate 1: The Creative, line 3, the energy to sustain creative work:

(Detriment) Material forces can disrupt creativity and lead to overambition. Materialism disrupts creativity.

This part of my personality impacted my decision to wait until the right time to leave my husband. In my previous marriage, I gave up material gain and later regretted it. The next four years I was hindered by the need to make money and survive. I decided I didn’t want this to happen again, so I waited until the right time and gathered resources while I waited. The resources I gathered and acquired via the divorce ensured I would not be hindered by material concerns. The analyst said that this decision set in motion events leading to the present. My Chiron chart shows evidence of this preparation as well: Gate 14. 

The gate is called Prosperity. In the traditional Chinese translation, it’s called Possession In Great Measure. It’s a gateway of harvesting. An effort is made, implemented, and the result is you reap the results of your labor. It’s very specific how this all takes place. And it says there is a knack in learning to embody genuine ease in situations involving resources of property, wealth, and affluence. 

I have line 2 which states that I recognize I need help to acquire this wealth. It also (detriment) can be that I think I can do it all on my own without anyone’s help. In my case, I recognized that I needed my ex and his business to create wealth and that I needed his agreement to accumulate some for myself. I was able to get his agreement and so succeeded. 

There were other instances of this but this was the most mind-blowing, IMO. The analyst agreed. 

Towards the end we got to my life beyond the Chiron Return and what that will look like. If I make it through this gauntlet I will be a completely new person. Somehow the question about how that might look to me came up. My response was that I believed I came here to help and so, based upon how my life has played out thus far, I believe my next “life” will involve a significant romantic relationship. My life thus far, my purpose and direction, has been via my romantic relationships. I help them and when I am done I move on. This next relationship must be just right. There will be no settling or accepting anything less than what I want. I mentioned I believe it will be a K-Connection and we will work together with that connection. I told her the connection is a necessity because I will not accept anything else. The Divine Love and Oneness I experienced has made normal, human, transactional love repellant to me. The exact “work” we will do together didn’t come up but it will be related to the Kundalini in some way.

The analyst brought up how, in HD, the solar plexus is going through a transformation and is shifting from an energy center to an awareness center. The transactional love humans experience here is “foreign” (perhaps implanted to hinder our evolution) and is on its way out. Part of this transition can already be seen. Love will be a whole new experience after 2027 but the transition will be gradual. She believes I might be here to be an example of what love is suppose to be pointing to my cross (purpose) during the Chiron, the Right Angle Cross of Contagion.

Finally, I said some things that helped bring clarity to my current situation. I had an interview on Friday and was not sure if I wanted to take the job if offered. Part of me does but another part of me doesn’t. I stated during my reading that I should “walk away” from my life, but am struggling with leaving my kids behind as it would be considered “abandoning” them. I suggested I take a long cruise or trip that kept me away 6-12 months and let the cards fall where they may while I’m gone. I even mentioned that, while I don’t know what will take me away for that length of time, I do feel that timing is key. Something will come along at the right time that will feel correct and I will leave. 

How does this relate to my current situation? Well, when listening to my own Knowing on the recording, I recognized working at a school was not what I want to do and doing so would only repeat old patterns that no longer serve me. I don’t need to work, so why not take this time to work on me and enjoy not working? When I had this realization my guide came forward and held out his hand. He asked me if I was ready and reminded me I had help and was not alone. There was a Knowing with his request that taking his hand meant making some difficult changes, not just in life decisions but in myself. Change takes time, especially change that involves breaking unhealthy habits (weak boundaries, accepting the wrong invitations regularly, being a people pleaser, giving into others requests/demands despite it not being correct for me, etc.) I took his hand and burst into tears.

I was able to get a glimpse of the future me. I recognized her. I’ve been her before. I AM her. I just have to clear the cobwebs and debris from my life so her light can shine as brightly as intended.

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Message: All it Takes is a Spark

I had a dream that was fairly long and detailed, though I can’t recall the conversations in it much. The man in it reminded me first of one person and then of another but I distinctly recall looking at his face and it was an oval, golden globe of moving light. He was also very tall, towering over me, and completely naked (I think I was, too). Funny enough, I can’t remember if his body was also made of light. lol

We were in a bedroom discussing my life and he was asking me questions, which I happily answered. I WISH I could remember the conversation! Anyway, I remember mentioning eating chicken breast and talking about how much I enjoyed keeping my body active and healthy. I was in a very good mood and super comfortable with him, laughing and talking a million miles a minute. He remained calm, listening intently, and told me how fascinated he was with me. He told me, “You’re amazing” or something close to that. I told him he was, too, and hugged him, wrapping my arms around his neck joyfully. We hugged a long time and I sensed from him sadness connected to a belief he wasn’t good enough. Recognizing myself in him, I began to kiss him on his neck to reassure him that he was and always will be enough. He put his hand on my back and stroked my shoulder lovingly. I could feel from him that he had genuine love and appreciation for all that I am.  His touch sent chills down my spine, spreading into my root and expanding outward. The energy of it woke me. 

I was immediately upset that I woke from the dream. Why must I always wake up when it starts getting good!? A male guide was close, reassuring me. He told me what I experienced in the dream was a good thing and asked me why I avoided it. I told him I felt it led to bad things and I prefer to not experience pain, hurt, and disappointment. I was recalling the two Kundalini connections I’ve had and how they both led to disappointment and immense pain, the first much more than the second. I was reminded that what I felt was the energy of creation. To feel it is to feel ALIVE. I agreed and would love to feel it again, but not if it isn’t consistent and no lasting relationship comes of it. My experiences with it have made me very wary of K connections. Yet, I wish to totally lose myself to another, to come into complete Union. I don’t understand it.

I’ve only seen a golden man like in this dream one other time and it was also tied to the Kundalini. He was teaching me. I think he said he was my “tantra teacher”. At the time, though, I just saw him in the corner of the room, standing and looking back at me. The sight of him woke me immediately because it was so unusual. This time seeing him like that didn’t cause any reaction, I just remembered it vividly when I woke. The most vivid part is how the golden energy moved, little tiny sparks of light like golden fireflies trapped in a jar.

My guide told me, “All it takes is a spark”. Then I was shown a vision of how my energy body would slowly catch fire and not long after be engulfed in flames. I didn’t reject this at all as it seems it is always some catalyst that creates this response in me. I tend to have no control over who does it or when it happens. It takes me by complete surprise. 

It felt like my guide was showing me a glimpse of my future. If so, I’m not totally against it happening but it needs to be correct for me. I’m not looking for marriage or a traditional relationship. I don’t even think a live-in situation would work for me. I can’t deal with expectation weighing me down. I don’t want to deal with another man child, or be constantly pursued for sex, as if that is my only value. Above all, though, I need to feel absolutely safe with whoever it is.

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Kundalini Dream: Self-Directed Flow

I was standing in the center of a garden courtyard of what appeared to be an ancient temple or castle. There were others around, mostly standing near the edges of my vision and out of sight. I was wearing a long, flowing, white gown or robe. The events prior to this part of the dream are extremely hazy. All I recall is there was some discussion of “fence cutting” and interaction with a few others, one being a young boy with light brown hair wearing a huge grin.

Feet solidly grounded on the earth, I held my hands up, spread my fingers wide and began to use my hands to summon energy up from my feet into my legs, hips and on upward. I remember feeling powerful and confident as I did this, as if I had done it a million times before. The sense was that I was a priestess or someone with similar spiritual training. As the energy moved upward it grew in intensity, ballooning outward as it spread. When the energy hit my root and second chakras it exploded to the point that I became super conscious in the dream. Unfortunately, the intensity mixed with sudden awareness (which surprised me) instantly transported me back to my bed and my physical body where the residual energy lingered for quite some time. 

I couldn’t return to sleep from the excitement I felt. I have never had a K dream in which I was the one who initiated the K in myself. Normally someone else is helping me or interacting with me, seeming to be the initiator of the energy. Not only that, but I was aware of being fully in control and felt powerful and confident about it. It is quite a different feeling than when I am with another or when another seems to be helping move the energy for me.

It was obvious the energy was mine, or me, or however you prefer it. It was very clear and refreshing, like the sense one gets after a Spring rain, flowing and cleansing as it progressed upward. Yet at the same time the desirous sensations that often arise with root chakra were very obviously present, but not in such a way as to make me feel the effect of them.

It is easy to think with the K that someone else is somehow sparking the K fire inside me. Especially since most of my K experiences were in conjunction with someone who I felt a connection to I couldn’t quite explain. This K experience felt empowering and freeing. Even though it did not fully rise, as it has in other instances, I am not disappointed. It felt like it may have burst through a blockage in my second chakra also, which is always welcome! 

I do hope to have more experiences like this one. 🙂

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Snakes and Skeletons

I’ve had several snake encounters lately. It could just be the time of year but I can’t help but take notice.

Snakes for me equal the Kundalini. I wish I could say I had some Kundalini experiences to report, but I don’t. Nothing for a while and if I do have any inklings of the K, they are mild in comparison to what they once were.

This snake I nearly stepped on during my evening walk around the pond. It is a diamondback water snake – harmless. He was about 3ft long.

This is a McKay’s brown snake. Tiny (less than 12 inches) but fierce! Again, I nearly stepped on him. This time when taking out the trash.

After the above snake encounters, I found a snake skeleton on the path around the pond this weekend. It seems symbolic of the death of part of myself. I’m not sure which. Perhaps my divorce or a stage in my life or even the Kundalini itself, which has basically gone dormant – or all three. Regardless, I decided to honor that death by digging a hole and burying the skeleton. I said goodbye to whatever it was that was ending. 

I’ve been feeling very done with life. When I think, “What do I want” (because my guides like to ask me that), all I think of is being free of this body and this physical reality (returning Home, ending this incarnation). The next thing I think of is sleeping because when I sleep I experience a short freedom from this place. Even if I can’t recall my dreams it is better than being awake and going through the motions of life. 

Don’t read this part if you are super attached to mankind, Earth and this physical experience…..

I’ve often wished that this physical reality would be destroyed in a major disaster – like end-of-the-world scenario. Yes, it would kill my loved ones and myself. Yes, it would be awful, but I know that whatever pain it caused would vanish immediately upon death and there would be no loss, no pain, no misery because we would all gather on the Other Side of this mess. I’ve experienced what lies beyond and find it difficult to understand how anyone could be so attached to this physical experience. If they only Knew!

Recently my guidance has been trying to get messages through to me. One was a message I’ve long heard, “Listen.” Another was something about traveling to the cosmos or something for an “intervention”. That is fine by me, if they think it will work. If I can’t get out of this body and physical incarnation, then a dose of Home is always welcomed. So far, giving me the experience of Home has kinda backfired I think because it makes me more determined to get the hell outta this place. lol 

It wouldn’t be so bad if I had something to motivate me here. Something, anything, to look forward to. Usually, I use the next stage or step in life as my motivation. The only stage left for me is old age, slow deterioration and then death. I do look forward to death, just not the long path to it. Maybe I will luck out and not have the long, deteriorating part?

I do recognize all my blessings, I do, but no amount of material things can fill this void inside. I love my land, my pond, my new space – I do! I love that I have the freedom to buy whatever I want/need. I love my children. I love my dog. I love that I am strong and healthy and still can sleep deeply through the night. I try to focus on my blessings. I am good at distracting myself with activities or projects, but that is all they are – distractions. I can’t ever get away from the emptiness inside, the continued sense of numbness, the void of nothingness and, most of all, the Knowing that Home is just on the “Other Side” of this simulation. 

I also recognize that I have been in this place before and it will eventually pass. Something will happen to ignite my curiosity and send me down another rabbit hole. Or maybe “someone”, since my path seems linked to the path of my partners in this life. But, honestly, I don’t want another partner if it means an oversized child to take care of or the expectations that go along with a relationship. And marriage? Hell no! Never again. 

This is also what Human Design says is my experience (my only defined channel is the 1-8) – not Knowing (most of the time) with occasional “ah-ha” moments of clarity and Knowing that propel me in the direction I am meant to travel. Sadly, those ah-ha moments are so few and far between and I end up waiting endlessly (Projector curse) for some sense of clarity, grasping at anything that seems like it might lead to it only to find that, once again, I am wrong and there was never any clarity to begin with.

I am still recovering from the Kundalini experiences of my past. I don’t understand why it happened, why the ET stuff happened, and why I had all the amazing OBEs and transformational experiences. Then they all just….stopped. Abruptly it seems. And now it is like they were only a dream and sometimes it is like they never happened at all. Just smoke and mirrors as the song goes. The only thing that remains is this empty void inside and a more intense longing for Home than ever before. 

Sometimes I think my experiences have left me with a kind of PTSD. I relate strongly with NDE’ers. So many of their stories are similar to my own, but I never actually had a near death, not really, just a “spiritually transformative experience” as ACISTE calls them. Sometimes I wish for an actual near death experience – maybe then I would understand??

Okay, so this is just me rambling now. If you have read this far – I apologize for the darkness of this post. I hope I didn’t bring you down in any way, especially since this is Easter, a day celebrating the resurrection of Christ.

Well, I did just bury the snake/Kundalini/old me, or whatever. Perhaps a resurrection is on the horizon.