Category Archives: kundalini

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Progressing on a Gradient

I’ve been tired the last few days. My sleep has not been very restful because of frequent wakings. It seems to coincide with a tremendous geomagnetic storm that was hitting the Earth around the 5th of August. Thankfully, last night I slept so well that I barely have any memories of dreamtime and woke feeling much more rested.

My birthday was on the 4th. As usual I was not very celebratory. For almost a decade now, when my birthday comes around I try and just let it be a normal day. The last thing I want to do it focus on getting another year older especially now that it feels like each year passes so quickly without much being accomplished. This year was no different and brought quite a bit of sluggish apathy as I recognized that once again I had let another year pass without doing much of significance.

Since then I decided that I would try and do more with my life this year. My husband gifted me a boudoir session toward the end of the month. I ask for it for my birthday because I want to document how I look before the last remnants of my youth and vitality fade away. I’ve been working very hard on my physical body for the last year to improve muscle imbalance and “sculpt” it back into shape. My work is paying off and I am very proud of what I have accomplished. To me, my success demonstrates that the aging process can be slowed and even reversed if the person has the right mindset and isn’t afraid of a little hard work. I find it interesting how frequently people go into apathy over their physical body – appearance and function – allowing it to fall into disrepair. I do not intend to be like everyone else.

Another idea that came to me was that I wanted to start doing things that I have put aside for one reason or the other. One of those things is to visit Greece. I have long been drawn to that part of the world and when asked where I would travel if I could, Greece has always been my answer. So I started looking into taking the whole family there. We will see what comes of it.

Spiritual Movement

Earlier in the week, during one of my many wakings in the night, I recalled with great clarity being told, “I will come for you.” The memory was completely audible. I could hear the masculine voice as if I was experiencing hearing it in the present moment only I knew it was a memory. Yet I have no clue when the memory was made. With the memory came this odd feeling as if I was being triggered or awakened to some part of myself that lay dormant until this message was passed on. The whole experience left me feeling a tad freaked out because of how real it was. It was as if I had somehow removed myself from Time but since my physical body exists within Time the only way to process it was as a “memory” of some previous event.

My way of handling it was to forget about it and write it off as yet another weird experience in the life of Dayna.

Then, couple of nights ago my guidance began to make themselves known. Through dreams, messages and conversations in the in-between, they have been discussing with me my current spiritual dilemma and how to move through it. The final decision has been that I prefer to take the next step on a gradient so that the intense fear that arises from certain emotions can be confronted and handled.

The same night I agreed to continue at a slower pace, the Kundalini visited.

I woke up in K-bliss that seemed to happen on its own. It was uncontrollable and without warning, rising quickly and intensely. Then, afterwards, the energy in my lower chakras swirled and churned for a while after. The solar plexus was strongest but I could feel the distinct ache I often feel in my 2nd chakra as well. I lay there enjoying the feeling as it was not super intense as it has been in the past. The energy moved all the way up to my crown more than once, but slowly, like a trickle, and felt cool and liquid like water.

As I lingered in the energy, I shifted in and out of the in-between. Out of the blue I began to audibly hear a voice to my left whispering to me. It was a man’s voice and though I cannot remember the first sentence he said, I do remember the last two.

He said, “You need to educate yourself.” Long pause.

Then he said, “My name is Chris [by the way].” The brackets are for the part I heard as I recognized I was being spoken to.

This brought me out of reverie somewhat and I asked him, “Why are you whispering?” A thought came to me from him that said, “You heard me didn’t you?” I knew he whispered because a whisper causes one to focus more on listening.

I asked, “What do I need to educate myself about??” When I didn’t hear an answer I said, “Show me, then.”

Dream – Bone Cancer

It took me a while to sleep afterwards, which is not unusual considering what just occurred. I recall meeting up with two women – a mother and daughter (aspects of Self). We were in a hospital (healing) but the room seemed like a conference room (meeting to discuss current state). The mother and daughter felt like good friends as well as relatives. There was a very strong bond and dedication between them.

The younger of the two took care of the older even though she was also ill. Turns out their illness was bone cancer (doubts and negativity delaying spiritual progress). The mother was losing use of her arm, the bones cracking (major doubt/delay) on their own and causing her awful pain. The daughter was not in pain yet but had the same future of pain ahead of her. There was no cure.

I recall talking to them about exercise helping to cure. I said something about 30 minutes a day curing a young man I knew. They did not believe it would help them, though they listened as if they were considering the option for themselves.

I watched the younger of the two come up to the older one with a sling (providing support). The older one went to the wall and held her broken arm up against it, wincing in pain. The younger one was to put the sling over both arms to hold them steady. I remember trying to help but the younger lady wanted to do it.

There was an overflow of emotion coming from me at this point. The situation was very sad and I was crying for them both.

There was an energetic shift in the dream and it was as if time had passed, enough that the mother had died and the daughter, much older and resembling the mother, was still alive. I went to talk to the daughter and she filled me in on what had happened. As she told me about her mother’s death I broke down sobbing.

The crying woke me up and I was left wondering what the dream meant. Was this what my guide was showing me about his message?

When I shifted into the in-between I saw a scenario playing out between myself and a man who seemed familiar to me. We were together and had successfully come into Union, practicing tantra and teaching others about it as well. This flash of a vision woke me fully and I thought to my guidance, “Do you mean I need to educate myself on the Kundalini and Tantra?” It felt right but then I felt instantly pessimistic about it because or how ridiculously “out there” the whole idea was.

I was reminded of a message I saw on FB about the stages of sexual awakening written by a Tantrica:

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Part of the vision I saw seemed to feel like it was showing me that I could be a teacher to others. I wondered about that but I know that often I am just shown potential futures and even more often I am just dreaming.

Not long after this I recall being told by my guidance, “You don’t have much time.”

As far as what these messages relate to, I can’t be certain. It could just be that I came here to learn – educate myself – and that I am not taking the best advantage of it as I could be.

Bone cancer suggest that some negatives ideas are brewing in my spiritual setting, I have trouble getting rid of doubt and negative thoughts. A broken bone symbolizes serious doubts about my path.

This morning, though I don’t remember my dreams, I remember the Kundalini rose while I was sleeping. All that is left is an echo of what was but it is still there, like I can taste it, if that makes any sense. Whatever happened it was a major event but surprisingly I do not regret the memory being faint. It feels like it needs to be right now.

Considerations

Rather than jump to conclusions about what the above could mean, I have just been allowing and continuing to live my life. There is no point in trying to analyze what it all means because I have been having doubts about my path and feeling quite negative about my future and what it holds. I simply do not have any desire to live life as I have been but I do not know how else to live it. The thought of continuing to do what I was taught I should do – have a family, work a job to pay bills to acquire more “stuff”, etc. – feels so empty to me. I’ve done all that and it has not brought me fulfillment or happiness. If anything I feel trapped. Since I don’t know how to move beyond this the only option I feel that is left is to continue as is until I am allowed an exit point.

 

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Weekend of Clarity and Well-Being

This weekend has brought with it clarity and a feeling of well-being. 🙂

Friday night I went to Beck’s Night Running Tour at the Austin 360 Amphitheater. The main reason I went was because Cage the Elephant was going to be playing. Spoon was also there but I saw only the last portion of their concert.

Overall, my favorite was, of course, Cage the Elephant, despite Beck’s performance and sound being so much better. I just don’t vibe with Beck very much. He’s – unique. lol But so is Cage the Elephant. The lead singer, Matt Shultz, was wearing bright pink/purple parachute pants and a black bee keeper’s mask at the beginning of the show. Then he put on a black hockey mask. Then he started stripping on stage (lol). At the end he climbed on top of a tower close to where I was sitting while Queen’s “We Are the Champions” was playing. By this time he looked completely naked but he was wearing a skin toned body suit. lolol Definitely a memorable performance!

 

Spoon just finishing up.
Cage the Elephant portion of concert.
Matt Shultz wearing parachute pants at beginning of performance.

I didn’t get home until past midnight and I was so wired that I didn’t get to sleep until after 2am. Oh well. It was worth it.

The best part of the whole experience was that I did not experience even one panic episode. As you can see from the pics, there were hundreds of people there and we were packed pretty tightly. So, no anxiety was refreshing.

This song was the one playing during the pic of the purple colored stage. I woke up this morning with the part, “Time, flies by, they all sang along…” going through my head.

Signs and Syncs

The next day – yesterday – I woke up after only 4 hours of sleep. I had a busy day but thankfully the lack of sleep didn’t bother me. I took the kids to my Mom’s house for a visit and we had a wonderful time swimming, eating and enjoying each others company.

I took my mom fresh veggies from our garden to include baby sweet peppers, cherry tomatoes and a massive watermelon. When we cut open the watermelon we were surprised to find it had yellow flesh. I didn’t know I bought that kind of seedling!

During the visit some interesting things happened. First, my mom told me they had killed a massive snake. She showed it to me. It looks to be a huge King snake. I told her she should have let it live. 😦

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Then there were hummingbirds everywhere and it seemed they came to visit at really coincidental times.

Finally, on the way home we encountered tons of deer and it was still quite early for them to be out. They would not move so I took a video and caught the lone buck, antlers still covered in velvet, on camera. Sorry, I can’t post the video but he was an eight point (four point for you northerners). Very beautiful and majestic.

Then, as I drove home, I was very relaxed and calm. Usually – well lately anyway – I get nervous when I am driving because of all the panic episodes I’ve had while in the car. This time I felt very similar to how I use to feel when I would have spiritual experiences in the car. It was very nice!

This morning I knew the signs from the trip to my Mom’s house are reflections of my state of being. The dead snake is the most significant because I decided that I am done with following the Kundalini like I have been. It is clear to me now more than ever how the K comes to reveal the hidden in unexpected ways. I had thought I was meant to follow it and the feelings it brings but I realize now that “follow” is all wrong. Observe is better. Under no circumstances should I (or you) assume anything about what is being observed. Do not seek out the positive feelings, but allow them to pass without attaching to them. Avoid connecting those feelings to a specific person for they (the person) is not the cause but a reflection.

Hummingbirds are courage, determination and flexibility. Deer are spiritual authority, regeneration, and watchfulness.

Dream: Louisiana Cats

I was learning about a native people’s in Louisiana who were cooperating with colonists to save an endangered big cat (the feminine) species from extinction by offering it a safe place to live. The cat was often misunderstood as vicious and dangerous to people, when in reality it was passive and no threat at all. The cat looked fierce enough but it had no claws and did not hunt for food like most big cats. Instead, its actions were very similar to a deer – quiet, reclusive, and sensitive to its environment.

The majority of the dream was me listening to the story about the long ago past, during Colonial times and well before many of the states of the U.S. existed. I watched as two peoples came together for a common cause – protecting the endangered big cats. The Natives had tattooed bodies and faces but were gentle peoples. The colonists cared about the land and animals, striving for peace and community.

I recall seeing the land that is now the state of Texas. Part of it was covered by the color red (anger, aggression, passion) – the southern, central, and eastern parts. I was told a tropical storm (swift change, warning) or hurricane by the name of “Heather” was coming. I saw the red zones extend into the southern part of Louisiana. Then I saw the faces of the big cats which resembled female lions (timing, power). These quickly shifted into visions of spotted fawns (silence, mediation, solace) being licked by their mothers and an entire herd of does and newborn fawns. The visual was focused on the fawns and the mothers were use their heads to encourage them to stand.

Dream: Cat and Mouse

I was walking along a country road with my mom and three children. It was hot. The sun was high in the sky. Tall, browning grasses covered the sides of the road. A country house and farm was off to the right, the gravel road and roofs of the structure there the only thing visible.

As we walked a tiny, dark brown mouse (timing, observation) ran ahead of us. He felt like a pet and I kept watch over him as he scurried along. At times I feared he would be eaten by a bird of prey flying over head, especially when he ran out into the open. Overall, he felt important. I definitely cared about the little mouse.

Then I noticed an old tree, bare of leaves, its branches covering half of the road and casting shade over all of us. I heard a scratching sound. It was really loud. I looked up toward the noise and saw a huge Mountain Lion (feminine, the Kundalini) sharpening its claws on the tree. I grabbed my phone and began to take a video. The big cat saw me and I got nervous, backing away and getting farther and farther from my mom and kids who were still standing below the tree.

I kept videoing and the mouse, which was ahead of me now, was lost from view. I remember thinking, “He will be okay” but worrying about him nonetheless and hoping he was safe. My focus was now on my children and their safety. I yelled at them to hurry and they did but my youngest lagged behind. I knew at any moment the big cat could pounce. I wondered if I should make noise to try and scare him away but something told me this cat was different. He was hungry.

Interpretation

The feeling when I woke from these dreams was that I was reviewing the decision I made about the Kundalini energy. The first dream seems to be about the Divine Feminine and Kundalini energy itself – the misunderstanding, history and protection of it. Storms are always warnings. In this case it has a name and I wonder what exactly the symbolism of that name is. The shift from cat to deer has me wondering if I am seeking to emulate the characteristics of the doe and her fawn (mom and baby).

The second dream is very obviously about the threat I feel from the Kundalini energy. I am in protective mode, specifically of my children. The little mouse is interesting to me. I seem to love it and want to protect it. My best guess, based on the below info, is that it symbolizes my fear of something bad happening to my family because of the Kundalini.

Mouse as a totem – Mouse people know the greatest value in life is having the family together in one place. They don’t find happiness in material things. They are adaptable and goal-oriented.

Mouse dream symbol – can be a message to be careful and be on the lookout for something up and coming that could tempt you or be harmful to you (or your family).

The cat is hungry in the dream. This means the Kundalini is not finished. It is still lurking, ravenous.

 

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Dream: You Have to Stoke Your Fire

Though I feel a bit better after the weekend’s concerning emotional stir-up and I’ve settled some, the residuals of what happened are still there and coming occasionally to mind as I go through my day. The distraction of it has been interfering with my work. Yesterday I almost wired $45K by accident because I didn’t recognized a fraudulent email address. Thankfully, I caught it but not after a nice stomach drop of dread. Scattered does not go well with my job and I quickly got myself in line after that.

For the most part I find myself in a sort of split state again. There are two distinct versions of myself and both have different feelings, ideas, and thoughts. I am not sure if this is just me working through a past version of myself or what. Maybe this is a fractured aspect that needs to be integrated? The problem is that identifying that aspect can be difficult and I often get confused as to which desires are mine or hers….or maybe they are both of ours?

My guidance is not much help these days so I often rely on my dreams to bring insight (I wanted to write “incite” for some reason). Last night’s dreams are interesting.

Dream: Flooded Back Yard

In this dream the back of our house was filling with water. It started as a stream flowing off to the left that I was trying to divert because I knew a flood was coming. I had a shovel and was taking dirt and moving it to help the stream shift direction. I piled a bunch of dirt into a section to slow the flow.

When I turned to my right the water was rising quickly and my husband had thrown a net across a large pond that had formed. I could see various objects floating in the water – boxes, furniture and random things that should have been inside a house. He and my children were happily riding on top of the objects as if at a swimming pool but the water was swirling and moving, little eddies and whirlpools forming. It was also dark, almost black.

I remember feeling unable to do anything to stop the rising water. My family ignored my pleas for help and seemed to think it was all fun and games.

Dream: You Have to Stoke Your Fire

This dream began inside a Chinese restaurant. My mom was with me and I was ordering food for her. I could not decide what to get her because she was not cooperating and telling me what she wanted. So I opted to get her a chicken dish. When I turned to the table where she was sitting I saw she wasn’t eating it. I asked her why and she said, “I am never eating this again.” There was discussion about her getting a job as well. She was suppose to work at the restaurant but refusing, saying she would not be coming back.

Then I was inside a house that was abandoned. I knew it had been my sister and husband’s house. I stood inside a dimly lit room. It had white walls and no furnishings. The shadows made it look pretty eerie. In the corner I saw a 20 gallon fish aquarium sitting in front of a large window. It was completely empty. For some reason I decided to add water to it. When I did, the pump turned on suddenly and I thought, “They left the pump on all this time, even without water?”

I looked down at my feet and saw a small bowl full of water swimming with all kinds of fish. I thought it weird that my sister would just leave them there with no oxygen or food. I took the bowl and dumped it into the 20 gallon aquarium. The fish began to swim about happily. There were all colors and shapes.

Suddenly a large creature flew in through the window, landed in the tank and began devouring all the fish. It was as large as the opening of the tank! I realized it was a massive house fly and frantically tried to find a way to get it out of there. I picked up a container of some kind of spray and began to spray it. I could see its back and wings – iridescent green. The spray annoyed it and it flew away. I remember freaking out a bit because of how massive it was and relieved that it did not fly toward me.

There was a mini-dream inserted here where all the fish transformed into poultry that had escaped from a pen. I gathered up three small, feathered chicks and moved them to safety.

Back in the house I began to walk the perimeter of the house and lock all the doors. I knew I would be staying the night and felt uneasy there. The house was large with a screened in porch around the entire perimeter. So I had to lock the doors on the porch and the house.

I remember coming to a set of double doors leading to the porch. I shut them and flipped the lock but the doors would not stay closed and flew open. Out of nowhere a man approached and said, “Let me help you with that.” He had me close the doors and inserted a finger in between the doors and latched them from the inside. They stayed closed and locked and I was grateful.

I continued walking and checking all the doors. The entire time I was thinking of how I was going to spend the night there all alone. The feeling was similar to how I use to feel when left home alone during the evening hours – unsafe.

I happened to look up and saw a woman standing beside a large, black kiln (for lack of a better description). She looked at me very seriously and said, “You have to stoke your fire or it is going to go out.” She was taking a long stick or pole and pushing it through the coals as the flames burst up, orange and yellow, making her face appear ashen and a bit evil. I did not recognize the woman and my dream memory is obscured. Her hair was long and black and she was wearing a dress that appeared gray and from another time. She resembled a witch standing over her cauldron only she was standing over a large fire. She was on a second level in the house, like an attic only it had no stairs, no walls, just a floor higher than the main level.

Messages

I woke suddenly from my dream and kept shifting in and out of the in-between. I kept catching myself talking to someone. Odd thoughts kept surfacing that made no sense. There was a warmth in my chest that eventually kept me awake. It was comforting but my reaction was conflicted – yes, fall into it or no, resist it. All the conflict within seemed present in my chest. I remember hearing, “All you have to do is follow your heart.” But I panicked because my heart was telling me to follow the feeling. It said, “Stoke your fire” which brought about fear of a return of the decimated feeling, a fear of everything that I am being destroyed. So I would retract and then be pulled back toward the feeling over and over, my heart very obviously saying one thing and my mind another.

A verse from a song was going through my mind, “Wait, if I’m on fire, how am I so deep in love? When I dream of dying, I never feel so loved.”

Interpretation

The first dream about the flood is most likely a fear dream. Water is emotion. Floods are overwhelm of emotion – emotional turmoil. I try to stop it but am unsuccessful. My family seems oblivious and the objects floating in the water are from the house indicating a disruption there which could be family or at the soul level.

The second dream is odd. My mom – aspect of me – is not being cooperative. She refuses to eat her chicken, which symbolizes fear. She also refuses to go to work.

The abandoned house is symbolic of a soul aspect that has been abandoned or ignored for too long. Fish aquariums represents desire of emotional freedom or for a spontaneous, unplanned and natural way of life. I add water and it comes to life meaning I allow myself to feel this feeling and recognize what it means. The fish are ideas, hopes, dreams – all very positive. The giant fly represents a threat or danger that is present. So something is threatening my hopes and dreams.

The chicks appear here. They can represent good things coming or could be a spin again on fear and cowardice.

The locking doors is my attempt to feel safe. The door that doesn’t lock indicates a difficult lesson. I received help from a man so assistance is provided.

The final part of the dream is what stood out the most. The woman stoking a fire and the message she gives indicate that I need to tend to my inner fire. This could be Kundalini or desire – probably both. The witch woman is probably an aspect of me, one I feel is “bad” in some way. The song that came when I awoke also speaks of fire and of death. The feeling I get from the song is that death is not a bad thing, especially if its death by love. 🙂

 

 

 

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Reassuring Dream

Busy night in dreamtime. Thankfully, the dreams made me feel more positive and calm. Not sure exactly what occurred that produced this response in me but I am thankful.

Dream: Visitor

This dream began in my grandparent’s underground (subconscious) house (self). I was inside the kitchen (spiritual nourishment) and noticed a roach (uncleanliness) on the ceiling. I got out a broom and began to try and hit it so it would fall to the ground. After a few tries I succeeded and it scampered toward the edge of the room to hide. I pursued it and slammed it with the broom, cutting it in half and killing it.

Then I went outside and looked around. It did not look like it does in real life. There was a large field of grass (happiness) that had been baled into hay (happiness/success). Another field next to it was set to be baled later in the summer. How I knew this I’m not sure but I think I was talking to someone.

I flew over the field looking at it and thinking it beautiful. Everything was so green and alive!

Then I was walking with a beloved friend through the field with my dog. He had come to visit and we were talking about random things – personal, every day life things. I remember discussing movies from the 1990’s. At some point he showed me a figurine that looked ancient, carved from wood or bone. It was of a warrior or man and it reminded me of the ancient Maya carvings. FYI: The carving reminds me of a past life I recalled with this person. 

I looked at it and suggested we visit a mound of earth in the distance. Carved into the rock was the same figure. My friend and I walked over it, marveling at how large and detailed it was.

My friend commented about my dog’s personality. I laughed and grabbed his hand. We walked into a structure made of adobe (unity, love) and sat down on a molded earth bench in front of an open window looking out over the fields and hills below. I sat on his left and snuggled into the crook of his arm, laying my head on his shoulder.

I said, “Thank you for coming to see me this week.” He squeezed me closer to him.

There was an unspoken knowing here about his feelings toward me. It was as if everything was explained in an instant. As if we had an entire conversation without words. A conversation where I asked him about some things that were bothering me and he gave me an honest answer. What I had assumed he felt and thought was not correct and it was a relief to know the truth.

He told me that he would be going on a trip with his mother soon. He either said, “in 10 days” or on “July 10th”. With this came an explanation about all that he still had to do and why he saw me so infrequently. I accepted it.

He kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer and said, “I love you.” I smiled and said, “I love you more than you will ever know.” With this I began to feel energy stirring all over my body. It was beautiful and subtle but enough to wake me up. My heart and throat were still tingling with energy when I opened my eyes.

When I woke I knew who it was I was with in the dream. But still I told myself, “I just created him for my dream.” Regardless, I felt really, really calm, reassured and happy.

Dream: Tattooed Man 

This dream began inside an apartment (state of life, emotion, relationship). I had just moved in and noticed repairs had been made to the door. When I asked about it the manager told me that they had to break in to deal with a situation. Turns out the former tenants had left two dogs and several cats inside for a long while. One of the dogs killed and mutilated all but one of the cats. I could see in my mind the destruction – dead and torn apart cats strewn all over the place.

Then I was talking to a man and a woman inside the apartment. They wanted me to participate in a ceremony with them. It was spiritual but also sexual. I remember the man was shirtless and covered in tattoos that made him look eerily like a snake. The woman was short and tiny with brown hair. We discussed the ceremony for a while. I remember him asking me if I saw a squirrel (holding onto things) when I went outside. I said I had seen it in the water nearly drowned (emotion, overwhelmed).

There was a portion of the dream here where I went shopping with the couple. They had a baby (innocence, newness) with them that they had put up on a shelf while they shopped. I was worried it would fall but saw it had been secured and was safe.

We went back to the couple’s apartment for the ceremony. I remember being completely in agreement with it at first. I sat down and had two shots of tequila and then got closer to the tattooed man. As I focused on him my heart lit up with bliss indicating there was a connection between us and I began to see tattoos on my own skin.

I moved away from him, beginning to doubt that the ceremony would be a good idea and started looking at the clock. I wanted to get back to my apartment before my kids realized I was gone. It was 10:30pm.

In my concern about things I asked the man’s address so that if I had to call 911 (fear, concern/worry) I would know what to tell the operator. He said 3033. I looked out the window and saw the parking lot. I knew that people could see inside very easily and would see that I was naked (vulnerability).

Something woke me up at this time. My body was covered in energy, specifically my solar plexus and heart.

The tattooed man reminded me of someone I had seen a long time ago in an OBE. He had the comedy/tragedy tattoo on him and was a doctor. This song was also on my mind, specifically “tattooed all I am, all I see”:

Considerations

The first dream was really nice. I don’t remember many details now but the feeling from it is still with me. As a result I’ve had a good, positive day. It is always nice to wake up from a dream feeling reassured and positive!

The second dream seems to be about my emotional state, my life and relationships, and the Kundalini, at least that is how it feels to me. The apartment incident with the cats and dogs suggests an inner struggle, or maybe even an outer one as well. The struggle caused destruction and the death of the cats. Cats are symbolic of the feminine, independence, and feminine sexuality. The tattooed man and the feelings between us likely represents the Kundalini especially since I remember being hot and cold regarding the “ceremony”. At first I was very interested and then I pulled away. So I tried to take the edge off with alcohol but got scared off again. lol

The Kundalini was definitely active through both dreams but I only remember the tail end of it as I woke. It was nice and soothing, not crazy, intense or sexual.

 

 

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Energy Reveals Trauma

The past week I have been sleeping very deeply and waking up in the mornings feeling as if I took a sleeping pill prior to bed. It has been very hard to get out of bed and my dreams have been difficult to remember. This morning, however, I did not feel overly tired upon waking and had some very memorable dream experiences.

Dream: School is Out

This dream is hard to recall now. I remember being inside a school. I was going to a classroom to help with the party. There were gifts for all the children lined up along the walls of the classroom. It felt like a mixture of the last day of school and the day before Christmas break.

The next thing I remember is standing outside with a couple of other people. I was with my partner who I think might have been in uniform, maybe a police (protection) uniform because it was blue. There was a woman and her partner with us. We were all smoking cigarettes (change needed). It felt like the woman and her partner were to be on our “team”, like part of a group. I was giving the woman advice. She had horrid anxiety attacks and I was telling her to use the tools in her toolbox like deep breathing and visualization. In my mind I could see how the tools, when used consistently, would lead to a lessening of the anxiety attacks. The woman eagerly listened to me and my advice, smiling and relaxing. In the end I put out my cigarette. The visual of putting it out and seeing the butt (end of a process) is very vivid.

Dream: Car Junkyard Spring

I was walking through a junkyard (repressed fear, anxiety) with my husband and one of our children. I could see old cars scattered here and there. The soil was light, like sand, and there was a deep pool of water (cleansing) that was springing forth from the ground. We got into the water. It was deep and cool. I believe it might have been muddy but that also could have been the color of the sand as seen through clear water.

While in the water I was looking at something my husband was working on that was sitting on the side of the pool of water. There was white paint (fresh outlook) that I took and painted the thing with. It might have been a boat but I don’t know now. It was about the size of a house cat. My husband came over and grabbed it, getting white paint all over himself. He was not happy about it and I told him I had painted it like he asked.

Then I was walking around looking at the place. There had been a lot of rain and the pools of water were quite high. I saw an older couple walking toward a section. They got in and disappeared from view. I noticed a large, hotel (period of transition) was built in the middle of the junkyard. It was yellow and tall and very few people were there. I wondered why they were not clearing out the junk and utilizing the spring.

I walked inside the hotel and it was practically empty. I walked past a laundry room (cleansing) and then an office. Inside was a lady at a desk. I asked her if she owned the place and had ever thought of buying up the land around her to make use of the spring. She seemed annoyed but explained that she used her part of the land and her family owned the rest. I told her about how the springs (unconscious mind, soul experiences) made me feel. I said they were “magnetic”, and “energetic” and “healing”. I told her, “If you ever are interested in allowing people to gather here to make use of this place, I would love to come.” Again, I emphasized just how wonderfully spiritual and healing the waters were. Something in my words triggered tears and I woke up sobbing.

I continued to cry after waking and had to get up to blow my nose. Somehow I was able to fall back to sleep.

Dream: Advice

I was standing in a shifty gray space. There was a car and some people. I overheard an argument. Someone was trying to keep a woman from doing something. I remember yelling, “STOP!” They did.

Still at the car scene and still not able to see well in the shifty environment, the man by the car began to converse with me. He was someone I knew and resembled the blonde guy on the show Supernatural. The discussion is hard to recall now but from what I recall we were discussing how he needed to get back to this woman he knew. He said that he had never felt such a strong connection with anyone, not even me. When I realized he said he had not felt a strong connection for me I said, “You did with me. You said you did.” He went on to describe this three-way love triangle type situation that involved himself, a woman and another man. They all felt the magnetic connection and bliss for and with each other. I remember seeing a photograph of them together, sitting on a sofa, entwined in each other’s embrace, faces revealing the bliss they were experiencing. I missed that feeling.

At some point I began to hear static, like a radio station, and music began playing very loudly in my ears. I felt as if I was wearing earbud and tried to adjust the volume. The scene shifted as I did this and I was walking into a brightly lit bedroom (private self). There was a large, queen sized bed in the center that was unmade (indecision). Toys littered the floor. The room was a mess.

I continued to talk to the man from before through the noise of the radio station blasting in my ears. I was asking him what his plans were. Was he going to go to NY?

As I waited for his response, a radio DJ’s voice was very loud in my ears and I remember being annoyed because it was keeping me from hearing the blonde man. I quickly made the bed (conclusion to issue) in the room, propped up a pillow and sat down, legs stretched out in front of me.

The blonde man answered me by telling me that I needed to go back to the introduction or beginning. He described it as the “easy” part, saying that one must get really good at the “easy” part before moving on to the next parts. In my mind I saw this large section of life. It was like a bubble, but thicker and bluish. I could see into it but there was nothing inside. Completely clear. This section was the “easy” part, the part that one must go through and get very good at before moving onto the next part. When I saw this and heard his words I understood completely and responded with, “Yeah, that makes sense.” At the time I was thinking how to be good at anything you must master it and that this introduction period, or easy period, is an opportunity to do that.

As I mulled over what I was told the radio station again got very loud. I turned it down and relaxed into the bed which began to moved back and forth ever so slightly as if I was laying on a raft in the water. I fell into the feeling and as I did a rush of ecstasy shot up from my root chakra into my lower chakras. It came in waves that were very intense and fast. As it rose I was hit with a mixture of pain and pleasure that ultimately woke me.

Energy Reveals Trauma

When the feelings subsided an energy lingered in my root and second chakras as well as in other places like along my spine between my shoulder blades and my third-eye and crown. A slight pain lingered in my second chakra area, it was achy like I was raw from having way too much sex. A song was going through my head – Why don’t you just meet me in the middle…

I decided to feel into the sensations of my body to see if they would tell me anything. The achy feeling stayed despite my feeling into it. I felt very tight and restricted on the inside, like the energy had forced its way into my second chakra and left it stretched and inflamed. The feeling seemed to be telling me that this sensation was the result of a physical assault, rape and trauma. Though the initial painful pleasure of the rising energy didn’t make me feel violated in any way, the after effects brought on a memory of being violated. My body’s response was to try and keep it from happening again. Energetically this would result in a restriction in flow in the second chakra.

The dream with the man and the strange love triangle may be a hint to the past trauma. The man I was talking to seems to have been someone I felt a magnetic attraction to. The feelings that I am able to contact from the dream were that he rejected me in some way and then denied our connection. There were hints of anger and betrayal but also upset over the fact that he was more interested in another and seemed to not even remember or even acknowledge what we had together. Finally, there was a sense of being invisible to him.

As I lingered in the in-between another song came to mind. I heard distinctly, “listen to your heart.”

 

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Opening to the Flow

Almost two weeks ago I started an online subscription to Kundalini Yoga. The main reason I was drawn to it was because I felt guided to it in order to help resolve the sluggish energy of my lower chakras.

The site I go to is for Guru Rattana called yogatech.com. Overall I like her energy and the classes, though long, are topic driven which allows me to choose areas to focus on. I have been focusing on the heart, the lower charkas and the feminine as well as the elements of water and earth.

If you want to try out some of Guru Rattana’s classes, you can sign up for a subscription that gives you 48 hours to preview the content. If you decide to do this, I suggest these classes:

Air element – Set Yourself Free.

Earth element – Awakening our Heart Center.

Water element – The Urge to Merge (Sa Ta Na Ma meditation at the end), Connecting to our Feminine Polarity, and The Flowing Force.

Meeting Life’s Challenges – Heart Opening 1 & 2, and From Fear to Love

Looking above at all the classes I think, “I’ve been busy.” LOL Yes, I have. Notice I didn’t include any fire element. I haven’t done any of those classes. I figure I have plenty of fire already. Probably better to hang out in the water element section. 😉

My least favorite part of the class are the kriyas and my favorite part is the meditation. My favorite mediation thus far is called Sa Ta Na Ma. I noticed significant energetic shifts when I did this meditation. My favorite kriya thus far was for the lower chakras but I cannot recall the name now. It is mainly sitting upright in easy pose, breathing in as you bend your spine forward slightly and then breathing out forcefully as you sit up straight again. Breathe of fire continues to be my favorite breathing/pranayama exercise, though the cooling breath is another I found helpful.

After over a week of Kundalini yoga I have noticed a significant decrease in anxiety levels and less intestinal issues (IBS specifically). My mind is clearer and quieter overall and my sleep is deeper and more restful.

yinyang

A Tool for Anxiety

An anxiety incident occurred about two days into my practice. I was driving to work and began to have an anxiety attack as I waited at a stop light. At the time I noticed a billboard that said, “Relax” and so relaxed and took deep breaths. I also began to move my lower body as if dancing as I sat in my car. The movement helps to release stuck energy. As I moved the symptoms noticeably diminished to the point of a very low level nervousness.

I have driven many times since and have found that if I feel into my body, listen to it and breath deeply that I can stave off the beginnings of the anxiety and keep an attack from happening.

Feminine Flow

I have been focusing on learning how to tune into my feminine side more. This means focusing on feeling the body, the energy of the body, and just flowing with the feeling rather than trying to figure out what a feeling means. I have to shut off the mind and just be fluid.

A week into my practice and I wasn’t sure if I had really accomplished much in the way of feeling and flowing. However, it was soon proven that I had.

A few nights ago I had a breakthrough in this area. As I was doing my nightly tuning-in I felt drawn to visualize the masculine form. I saw a beautiful, swirling aura of blue, purple and pink and was invited to feel into it like I feel into my own flow. When I did this I experienced a merging with this male energy and my heart exploded in a warm, deep energy that then shot into my lower chakras. I was able to feel the masculine’s desire for me as if my own. Also, it was as if this male energy’s awareness became my own and was all around me and within me. The feeling of the connection was deeper and more solid than I have ever felt. I kept feeling into it and the more I did this the more I felt as if I would cease to exist and become this energy. Therefore I eventually shifted into my mind and lost the connection. I could return to it and did so several times but the depth was just too much and not something I have ever experienced before.

I was so excited after this experience that I couldn’t return to sleep for over 3 hours afterward. It was amazing to me just how easy it was to turn the switch from the masculine, mental space to the feminine, flowing space. I liken it to shifting OOB. The sensation is similar in many ways. It is almost like I “blink” and then enter the new space.

Since this experience I have been paying more attention to my physical body and emotions, shifting into my feminine flow whenever I feel “off” in any way. When I feel energy stronger in one area than another, I feel into it, go deeper and allow the energy to show me why it is there. Usually it is enough to simply acknowledging the energy/emotion/physical sensation that is present.

The issue with my anxiety attacks is that my mind runs rampant and creates stuck energy by fixating on the areas that feel off. Mental focus sticks the energy there, almost like a taser beam holding it in place. Stuck energy intensifies, creating more discomfort or symptoms until it can be released. Feeling into the energy, however, allows it to move as it is meant to so that it can be fully expressed.

I have been practicing going into the flow around my family as well. It has allowed me to be more in tune with what my body wants in regards to intimacy, acceptance, compassion, love and freedom. Instead of judging what I feel, I go deeper into it. This reveals truth where perhaps before there was suppression, judgement and self-criticism brought about by patterns, beliefs and resistances perpetuated by the mind in response to a disconnect with the emotional body.

If you decide to try this, please share your experiences. If you have already done Kundalini Yoga or practice it regularly, I would love to hear about your experiences, realization, wins, etc.

 

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Dream: Topaz Engagement Ring

I have been sick with a cold since Sunday. It began as a sore throat that lasted almost two days and is now in the congestion phase. My nose can’t decide if it wants to be running, stopped up or clear. As a result of my sickness, sleep has not been very restful but somehow I continue to have very vivid dreams.

The Kundalini is making itself known again. When the K rose it felt very restricted and tight as it moved through each chakra. Unfortunately, it didn’t rise all the way to the crown but got stuck right at my rib cage, just below my heart. The feeling of it was cold, like someone placed an ice pack where the bottom of my bra would be. Not a typical K sensation for me.

Not long after falling to sleep I was awakened to yet another strange experience where I saw next to me individuals who seemed to be interacting with my energy and body. This time I saw very clearly four – two couples. One couple was on my left and the other on my right. The ones on my left were the most vivid. He had dark hair and was smiling from ear to ear. The woman I can’t recall very well now. Somehow they were familiar and I was not worried by whatever it was they were doing. They seemed to be hanging out and doing something with my energy body but I was most definitely an observer of it all. Yet there was still the very strange sensation of someone(s) taking over, as if shifting into and out of me. Hard to describe.

Dream: Topaz Engagement Ring

My cousin was getting married. I was to attend along with other members of my family. While we were waiting, I ordered fried chicken (overcoming fear and anxiety) for everyone. I knew most of my family liked it, so I wanted to make them happy. I didn’t eat any.

Then we were at the rehearsal. I was told that at a certain part of the ceremony I would be asked to come up and say a prayer (personal power). My mom would go up before me to say a prayer, too. I did not want to say a prayer. It made me feel uncomfortable. I asked my cousin if she could maybe take me out of the ceremony. She was disappointed and urged me to stay in it. It felt like she wanted me there in some way, especially since she had not chosen me to be a bride’s maid.

The day of the actual ceremony, I sat in the church (seeking spiritual guidance) pew listening to the minister talk about sacred union. We were all given a small cup of coffee (awareness) as part of the ceremony.  My mind was on my cousin and how she ended up marrying the groom. She had discovered she was pregnant (potential, growth) in June and so the wedding was planned for July. I remember thinking she was similar to me.

As the ceremony progressed the moment when I was to say the prayer came and went. The minister instead did a moment of silence, saving me from having to go up to the front. I was relieved because I had spent a good amount of time unsuccessfully trying to figure out what to say in the prayer.

After the wedding was over, I went into a side room and ran into my cousin’s son. He was butt naked (vulnerability, openness) and didn’t care. I remember telling him, “Sometimes I like to walk around naked, too.”

I walked down the hall and ran into someone I knew. We walked into a kitchen (spiritual nourishment) together but it was as if we were walking through a maze. My memory here is sketchy at best. I mostly recall seeing the metallic silver (spirituality) of the walls of the kitchen.

Then I was outside in a parking lot (period of delay) standing by a parked pick-up truck (hard work). Inside the truck sat the man I had been with in the kitchen. His appearance is hard to recall but he was plain looking with dark hair. I also knew he was the ex of someone from my family, like my sister.

We spoke briefly about how his relationship had ended. Then he turned to me holding something in his hand. It was a small, silver ring set with a single, large blue stone – topaz (fortune, good companionship). He said, “Will you marry me?” and handed me the ring. This caught me off guard but I was unable to respond because he got up and quickly walked – almost ran – away and around the truck. I followed him and found him back sitting in the truck. I smiled, climbed onto his lap and said, “Yes.”

From there we began to kiss passionately and the K energy began to manifest mostly in the lower chakras which ultimately woke me up.

 

 

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Dreams: Water Park and Archaeological Dig 

The energy lately has been interesting. I see posts and blogs all over the internet mentioning the energy shifting and the alignments in astrology being prime for making important decisions regarding “who we are”. Interestingly, I feel as if I experienced these shifts beforehand; anticipated them and so already did the work necessary to ride them out without issue. So when I read everyone talking about this or that right now – the energy is “moving” or “shifting”, they are tired, they are struggling with the intensity of the energy in various physical and emotional ways, I think, “Hmmm”.

Over a year ago I would have been there right along with them, reporting on the energy shifts, discussing my symptoms and how I’m managing, etc. Now I just don’t feel on the same wavelength. It is like I jumped up a notch to a different frequency. I’m not bragging or claiming I am more advanced or anything, just that perhaps at some point we move away from the majority and into our own “zone”. And really it does feel like soul families are doing this in groups, shifting into their own family “frequencies”. Sadly, some of my “family” members have not shifted with me. Many, actually. But then we are all on our own paths and just because we are not moving along together on the same wavelength now, doesn’t mean we won’t be later on.

It reminds me a dream/OBE experience I had not long ago where I was traveling along on the highway and I saw a soul family member off the road driving an ATV and doing his own thing. I knew his destination was the same as mine but he was taking the “long way”, paving his own path through the mountains, rocks and mud.

This current shift has me feeling quite good, clear and optimistic. I continue to experience healing Kundalini. Last night and this morning it was quite intense in my second chakra but I also felt it in my root, throat, third-eye and crown. The root energy was quite pleasurable. The rest of the energy just felt similar to a really strong Reiki treatment.

Dreams: Water Park and Archaeological Dig 

My dreams were strange and I can’t recall much of them now. There was one very vivid memory of being in a water park where the water had been turned off. I heard the water suddenly released into the park and I was trying to get to the bottom of the slide before it swept me away. I ended up walking along the side and avoiding the turbulent water which was quite muddy. There were moments I waded through standing water that was about knee high as I made my way to the bottom.

In another dream I was with a group observing this tower that looked like a circular space craft atop a pillar (like a space needle). A discussion was taking place about how the access had been blocked to the tower. A team would be sent on a kind of archaeological “dig” to determine what happened so long ago.

I remember visiting the inside of this space needle via my consciousness. It had been a research facility and all the old equipment sat unused and covered in dust. Someone told me that the scientists had discovered a rare species and were in the process of doing tests. The creature looked like a large segmented insect similar to a centipede or millipede. I watched the past play out in front of me. Two scientists, one male and the other female, were interacting with the creature. The woman was on the bottom and the man over the top seemingly floating. The creature crawled over the woman and connected to her at her throat. From there it grew this large pouch and laid it’s eggs there. The pouch was large and brown and grew in size over time.

While I observed this, my lower chakras were igniting with energy. My root became the most intense but I also felt pressure building in my second chakra.

Ultimately, the energy woke me and continued for a while after. The song, Black by Pearl Jam was in my mind. The part, “Tied [tattooed] to all I see, all that I am, tied [tattooed] to everything…” going over and over.

Considerations

The above song has come to me before but not with the words changed like that. It says to me that whatever I was “digging” up in that dream is tied to everything. It is directly influencing this life, my personality, my perspective.

The water park is a common dream of mine. I think it has to do with emotions and how I “ride them out”. In this case I try to outrun them and then end up walking beside them and observing them. I suppose this is not a bad thing. It is better to observe them than to be carried away by them.

The archaeological dig dream was likely about me digging into my second chakra issues and other blockages that are preventing progress. I have been doing self-healing, looking specifically at the second chakra and trying to untangle the energy there. I asked for more insight and I think the dream was showing me the depth of the blockage and what it is linked to. The space needle could be indicative of time and space, like an incident that is very old and not of this time and space. The centipede/millipede is about hidden dangers in digging up the past. The fact that it creates an egg sac on the throat of the woman is kind of creepy especially since I woke up with a sore throat. The danger is “multiplying” and creating issues at the throat chakra somehow.

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Balancing the Spiritual with the Physical

Lots of lessons lately. Thankfully, I am clear enough that I am taking it all in stride. I believe the shadow work of the last few months has led me here. And I’m not the only one who has arrived. As my guidance said to me not long ago, I say to you now: Welcome back!

Firstly, I will start by saying, “Damn! I’ve changed! I’m so proud of myself. Well done, you!”

I mentioned in my last post that the Kundalini was visiting again. Well, this K visit was catalyzed by a person I had an online but highly energetic encounter with last summer, right around my birthday. Call it a soul family encounter of the 5D kind, I guess, because I have no Earthly idea what to call it or the specific reasons for it. Neither does he!

Last August our connection was preceded by a dream of my Mom’s house catching fire. When I woke I heard, “Fire. Two weeks.” As you can imagine it worried me seeing my childhood home in flames so I contacted my mom and warned her. Exactly two weeks later an online acquaintance emails me and tells me he has been waiting in the wings for about two years to propose to me that we connect at the energetic level. I didn’t know what I was getting into when I agreed it would be okay. The almost three weeks following ignited the K so intensely that ultimately he retreated, for personal reasons. However, it left me a bit in shock and it took me a few months to really process the entire experience.

At the time I was really proud of myself for not attaching to him or the energy between us. It was amazing to me how easy it was to be this way! As I have written many, many times before, the K is intoxicating and alluring, like a highly addictive drug. It is almost impossible to not become obsessed over your next “fix”. But somehow I didn’t have that reaction. I was able to fully separate during the “down times” between encounters, return to “normal” with a clear mind and heart. Considering just how different my experience was with this man, how magnetic even, my response was quite a feat!

Yes, I did enter into a dark period afterward, and maybe it was because of the after-effects of this encounter. I can’t say it didn’t influence what came next because eventually I did miss what we had, but only because when we connected it was telepathic and for the first time ever I was able to fully share myself with another. Meaning, what he felt, I felt, and vice versa.

Then there was the awful incident in my old house just last month. The man burning himself alive in the closet, dying and destroying the second floor we added in 2011. Within two days (I kid you not) the man from last summer emails me after no communication since last September. I can’t help but see a repeat of symbolism – fire. First from my dream and warning last summer and then this time to an actual event that resulted in death of both a man and the house of my past. By the day of the funeral, communication was well under way between myself and my old friend.

At this time there has not been any communication between us for over a day. I am okay with it because, like before, I have not attached to him or the connection we have, nor do I expect anything specific to result. I have just enjoyed the reunion and the company of someone who gets me. This time around the fire between us was never totally reignited, though the K was very active in me in a healing sort of way more than anything. My friend confessed his difficulty with resisting my energy, opened up more about what he experienced last summer and apologized for his abrupt disconnect.

For me his confessions gave me better understanding of what was and is going on. I had thought him much more advanced than myself in terms of the K. Turns out that I was wrong, or at least my assumption of some of it was inaccurate. He struggles with attachment and expectation. He is searching for something specific and is focused on that desire and the path to it. There are many lessons he has yet to learn about the nature of these connections, lessons I hadn’t really recognized until now.

Firstly, you can’t truly appreciate the Kundalini when you attach to it or have expectations about where it will lead you. Like my guidance warned, “Passion is a double edged sword” and other similar messages like “Follow the 8 Winds [of Buddhism].” I think it is inevitable that when one feels the K that they attach to it, desire more of it to the point of chasing that feeling, always wanting more. Eventually the path leads to non-attachment, surrender and the release of expectation. This is a natural process. It can’t be forced. The rising of the K itself results in these lessons being learned.

Next, once you’re Kundalini awakens, you will ignite others either consciously or unconsciously. There is no avoiding it. We are catalysts for each other. That means encounters like the ones I’ve had will continue. These encounters are often painful and lead to delving into the depths of the self that otherwise would never have been seen or experienced. However, if you release attachment and expectation and surrender to the experience you are able to recognize this process and better prepare for it.

Finally, the primary purpose of the K energy is as an ever-present guide and teacher. Once awakened it will never truly be gone. It may appear to go dormant but it is just in waiting. It is guaranteed to return one way or the other. Therefore, longing for it or worrying it is gone “forever” is pointless. The ego wants to control the experience, to know and to possess. If allowed to do this, destruction is inevitable.

I’ve developed a sort of weird appreciation for these encounters now. I see the potential for growth despite the very certain upset involved. Though this man is now retreating from the magnificent connection we have, I know he will be back at some point because there is unfinished business to attend to. No, I don’t know the specifics of all the work involved but I sense the growth that awaits the both of us once he commits to the task. What he wants at a spiritual level will win out over what he wants in the physical. I can provide what he needs spiritually as he can also for me.

Something I am learning throughout this process is what is means for the spiritual and physical to be in balance. The physical really is just a reflection of what is happening within each of us. Unfortunately, the physical is delayed because it follows the rules of Time. One of the messages I received from my guidance during this reunion was to slow down….and wait for the physical to “catch up” to the spiritual. I am able now to experience the two worlds (spiritual and physical) as if side by side and can easily see the discrepancies. Movement forward cannot happen until the two are in balance. It feels a certain way and is not something that will be easy to identify from the physical perspective. Trying to force the physical into submission definitely doesn’t work! When we try to do this we end up in a crisis that expresses itself through uncomfortable physical symptoms.

Right now I am back in acceptance and am not at odds with my life as I was just a few short weeks ago. My impatience is my downfall, though.

Edit: Have to add that I woke with song in my mind this morning. It reminds me of the OBE I had when I finally fully surrendered to the K. I was in the middle of the ocean and finally stopped struggling. To my surprise I floated. Safe. There was this beautiful calm and acceptance. I will never forget it.

 

 

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Message: Slow Down, Don’t Fall Off the Edge

Sunday I went to the funeral of the man who set himself on fire in our old house. I didn’t really want to go but felt I should.

The funeral was nice and, as most funerals do, it focused on only the positive about the deceased. There was quite a bit of crying and sharing of stories. I managed okay by keeping a tight reign on my energy field so as to not over empathize. At one point, though, my guidance suggested I open up a bit. When I did, I felt the presence of Spirit to my left, felt the grief wash over me and heard a quiet, “Thank you.” I knew it was from the deceased and rather than become emotional like everyone else, I pulled my energy back but not before my eyes got teary.

At the end we went outside for the military honors portion which was a first for me. My mom and step-father were there so we all went out to eat dinner afterward. It was a very enjoyable dinner with lots of laughing and good conversation.

Since the funeral I have not felt the deceased around. I think he may have moved on, or at least away from me, but then I have been quite distracted so it could just be I am not noticing him because of that. It appears that there was a warning in the “fire” of the man’s passing, a warning of the Kundalini’s return. I have been having waves of the energy rushing through me, lighting up my third-eye, heart, solar plexus, throat, and root (almost all of my chakras). It got so intense that I gratefully immersed myself in my normal exercise routine to ground the energy.

When I woke this morning the energy was present again, only this time in my second chakra and crown.

All throughout I have been sensing a message of, “Slow down” and “Take it slow” from my guidance. Funny enough, as if to push the point, I had a wonderful encounter with a very large turtle in my back yard last night. We have a creek that runs along the border of our property. Just recently it flooded quite severely but the water receded as soon as the rain stopped. The turtle was likely seeking a reprieve from too much water, sunning himself near the water’s edge. Despite myself and my entire family getting very close, he refused to move. He looked like a large, moss covered rock, ancient and strong.

Along with the message of “slow down”, I have also been receiving warnings. Specifically I have heard, “Passion is a double edge sword.” With it comes a visual of walking on a tightrope. Don’t fall off the edge….

Another message came in the song, Borderline, by Madonna. Specifically, “You keep pushing my love over the borderline.”

Dreams

I’ve been sleeping deeply without too many dream memories upon waking. I recall one dream from last night where I was de-cluttering my daughter’s room. What is most memorable is her closet. She had been using it as a shower and so the clothing and furniture that was near it was becoming soaked. I went directly to it and began to move the items away. I found a huge bundle of belts (feeling conflict between what I think and what I feel). More than any person could ever wear. I was saying, “Why do you have so many belts? You don’t even wear belts.” I took them and separated out the majority for donation.

Inside her closet there were clothes on the floor. I picked up two coats (protection) and put them on hangers. They were her brother’s coats, not hers. Near the closet was a small nightstand with drawers. I had to move it across the room but there was not any space left. So I set it on top of her dresser. When I did this, the table morphed into a white tank or aquarium (emotions yet to be confronted, feeling of going in circles). Inside was a set up for a turtle or similar. The tank filled partially with water when I set it on the dresser.

Considerations

When I woke I was full of thoughts over how to reconcile the human and spiritual sides of myself. The two must be in balance and if they aren’t then problems or conflict will occur. What the spiritual desires the physical side may not yet be ready to embrace. The dream seemed to echo my thoughts, especially in the cluttered room and the multitude of belts.